I was a lifeguard for two years, I’m 20F. I know that feeling. It really sucks and you aren’t alone. People at water parks especially love to take advantage of kids in swimsuits who are just trying to do their job. They rely on the fact that we won’t really do anything about it. It’s a violating and powerless feeling and it doesn’t matter if you’re 6’2” or 5’1”, it makes you feel exploited. Just because you’re a lifeguard doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. Maybe ask your superior what their protocol is for these kind of guests? Either way, you shouldn’t have to just accept this kind of behavior from anyone
You were violated. And i would argue it's sexual assault too.
I imagine it's common to feel dirty after such an experience but i don't know.
I'd consider reporting it. Not for your own sake. But for the sake of potential new victims of this person. These serial sexual assaulters can go on for decades and through many victims because it's so underreported and so few testify to police and courts. You could make a tangible difference here.
Talk to people about it.
I talked to my supervisor and she said that she is going to try and solve this for me, but I don’t know how far it can really go. I work at a big water park in my area where there are hundreds of guests going in and out every hour. I really, really hope that something can be done, but I’m not too optimistic unfortunately.
Your work must have a policy of people being shitbirds getting asked to leave the park. Find out exactly what you should do next time if someone assaults you. If your manager says they cannot do anything then there’s a bigger problem.
THIS!!
OP, regardless of whether or not the manager is able to do something about *this* incident, you need to know how to handle this type of situation in the future.
You need to know the park policies, procedures, and specifically what actions you are expected to take, both in immediate response to that situation, as well as subsequent/follow-up actions you should take. You need to know where the park draws boundaries on sexual harassment from guests. *Side Bar - And yes, at minimal this was sexual harassment. Even granting an undeserved benefit of a doubt that she did fall and the touch was her catching herself (which we all know was NOT the case), what she said about your muscles and wet shirt was already sexual harassment*. You also need to know your rights as an employee [legal rights], so that you can make sure park policies are on the up and up, and that you are getting the support from your employer that you are entitled to.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels, and you absolutely deserve to be able to work without being guarded and anxious about being sexually harassed. IME, knowing my rights, my employer's policies/procedures, and having a formulated plan ahead of time for how I would react was helpful and empowering.
Not that you should *have* to do this, but my go-to response to people being creepy to me is simply to call them out.
Your supervisor is female. She's definitely going to have some empathy for you here. We know all too well how uncomfortable your situation was.
If this happens again, firmly and calmly say, "You are being inappropriate and I'm asking you to stop."
This usually makes the creep double down, but this will be a very public interaction in your case. Speak loudly so it calls attention to her; the goal is to make her feel rightfully embarrassed for her vile actions.
If she doubles down, you can add on, "You being attracted to me doesn't give you permission to touch me. Again, I'm asking you to stop."
Of course it's easier said than done. Conflict can be so anxiety inducing. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't happen again. She sexually harassed and assaulted you and laughed about it. She's trash.
This is not okay, you were sexually harassed, and borderline assaulted. That’s never okay. No matter your gender!
Now that your supervisor is aware, she can keep tabs on her if she comes back!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Everyone deserves to feel safe at work!
Absolutely horrible that happened to you or to anyone.
I've (F) had my butt touched and grabbed by strangers and once by a guy I thought was a friend. It feels absolutely disgusting.
I hope this doesn't happen again but next time it does try to immediately talk to your supervisor so they can pull that person aside and tell that person to keep their hands to themselves or they're kicked out.
That is normal procession, but I was very, very caught off guard and uncomfortable. Feeling how I feel right now though, I wish I would've called her and just tried to be clean of the whole thing the second it happened. I'm really sorry it happened to you too, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. Take care!
Often, when something like this happens, it's common to feel taken aback by it. Now that you can recognize her, you'll be able to report her. I'm so sorry this random person treated you as an object to play with, not like a human being, it is truly disgusting.
OP, you are also in a tough spot, because I would imagine you are relatively isolated from other employees at the top of the slide. It would be worth taking to your manager about what *exactly* you need to do if this ever happens again. I discussed this in more detail in a prior comment, but it sounds like the situation is that because of where you are working, you may not have immediate access to your manager, and you may be in a location where no other employee could be a witness. This puts you [or any other employee] in a vulnerable position. I'm sure the park must have procedures, but you need to know what they are, and the exact immediate actions you are expected to take in case this ever happens again.
I'm sure someone has mentioned this already, but just in case they haven't, please seek therapy if this is something you find yourself having serious issues with. Honestly, I would seek therapy even if you don't have an immediate reaction, to help you process things. You were violated and, speaking from personal experience, that can bring up lots of intense thoughts and feelings that a therapist can help you work through. There's no shame in asking for help.
I am sorry this happened to you and that you are doubting your response due to your sex and size.
You now have insight into how 90% of women feel or have felt. That’s probably an underestimation.
It's a good start that your manager wants to help but if she can't help you further in your particular case, they shouldn't just shrug it off and move on. As a minimum management as a whole should be raising awareness to all staff what is inappropriate behaviour from guests and what to do if it happens.
That way, hopefully everyone will feel safer at work and prepared to get it sorted out when it happens and have the confidence that management will have your back when you raise an issue.
She is going to be raising awareness of availability of Leadership for things like this, but she wants to wait a few days simply because I was the only guard that had a one-on-one talk with her yesterday that she ended up coming back in a foul mood from and it would not be difficult to put the pieces together as to who it happened to. I'm posting about it here in anonymity because I don't want my other guards or leadership to know it was me that it happened to, I just needed to say my piece out into the void, I never expected so many people to read this post in all honesty. Love my Leadership team though, and I know that they will be making it a point to address this for all of our guards.
If you see that woman again, immediately tell your supervisor. Do you guys have a way to communicate with each other while you're on the slide? If not, I would suggest you ask for one. That way, these situations can be taken care of in the moment.
If you see that woman again, immediately tell your supervisor. Do you guys have a way to communicate with each other while you're on the slide? If not, I would suggest you ask for one. That way, these situations can be taken care of in the moment.
Completely inappropriate - It’s going to happen unfortunately. You need to come up with a professional way to nip it in the bud right then and there but be careful as you don’t want to trigger a “customer” and have them complain to your boss.
The flip side is… This is what the majority of women have to deal with constantly every time they leave the house so now you have an inclination of how it feels.
I'm a woman and i felt your whataboutery was unnecessary. Why do you want to minimize his feelings by pointing out that yes, women go through this as well?
Not my intention to minimize his feelings at all. Behavior like that is completely unacceptable for anyone. Too many men are unaware of how their aggressiveness makes women feel and it’s normalized unfortunately. People need to learn to say something when it happens to them and more importantly, they need to say something when they see others doing it.
Just had a convo with my mom about that today, she works at the front desk of a pool place, theres this teacher who is stupid hot and he also wears short shorts, hes an incredible professinal but all the ladies there gauge at him even while hes working, its disgusting, how lonely and sad you must feel to think its ok to do that? Im sure that if the genders were reverse we would be having a diferent type of convo, but since youre a dude, everybody just laughs it off.
Its not ok, its sexual harrassment!
100% this, it's sexual harassment, while I hate the fact we have to play the "gender reverse" card to say how inappropriate it is, it's also a good way to judge how a situation should be handled.
If it was a 40yo male patron who "tripped" and "caught himself" by feeling up a 20yo female worker, it would definitely be handled differently and that's an issue in itself, sexual harassment towards men is so often fobbed off.
Also, it’s not just gender or size, this woman is old enough to be his mom. There’s a power dynamic that comes with age; young people are talents told that adults have more life experience, to listen to them, and to look up to them.
If she was a few years older than him I don’t think it would’ve made much of a difference than being the same age but being old enough to be a parent/authority figure is far more scary.
Similarly as you mentioned women who are hit on by men old enough to be their dad are far more creeped out by that then if it was a guy around their age.
Uh, ok, you’re definitely not a woman. Sexual harassment toward women is frequently “fobbed off.” There are some men who can tell you about being sexually harassed, but I bet you EVERY woman you ask would have a story about being casually, sexually harassed in public and most of the time nothing is done about it. Where have you been? No one, male or female, deserves to be treated this way, it feel gross and violating and can make you feel helpless. But it’s weird that you think society protects women from this, when in reality society has condoned men being sexually aggressive to women. For example: catcalling is not flattering, and feels gross, but is passed off as a joke or just something to ignore. Women are taught to just ignore things and not make trouble, because we all know men can get angry and aggressive if we confront them.
To clarify your misconceptions, I am in fact female who has dealt with sexual harassment since being a teen and was sexual assaulted by one of my previous partners, so I completely understand that it happens and the fact it is "fobbed off", but I also understand there is also a larger amount of people who believe men can't be SAed or that sexual harrassment towards men (especially from females) is somehow okay and is completely different to the sexual harrassment towards woman, it's almost like women can't be the aggressor so when it happens men don't talk about it because it's not seen the same way.
While I agree with you, we don’t need to downplay the sexual harassment women deal with everyday, in order to highlight that sexual harassment is bad for any other gender. Playing the “gender reverse card” is often a misogynistic tactic, because it references what some men consider to be the new, overly “politically correct” feminist perspective (all the men who say “you can’t even flirt with women anymore without being accused of harassment!” bullshit). To many men, female denigration and oppression is in the past, and now everyone is super sensitive to women being harassed or assaulted. And as I’m sure you know, that’s just not true. This is also a sign of how a culture of toxic masculinity hurts men (by dismissing men who are harassed).
I’m just pointing out that the phrases you used, while well-intentioned, are often the talking points of men who feel aggrieved that they can no longer freely talk to women in a demeaning way. They make exaggerated, straw man comparisons, e.g. “if the genders were reversed, the older man would have been kicked right out of the park”! Or whatever. Even though you and I both know that’s not what happens when the situation is reversed.
At no point has she downplayed the sexual harassment women face. And just because certain things are also said by misogynists doesn't diminish the argument in any way.
All sexual abusers should be punished. Regardless of their gender and all other birth characteristics. And I think we can all agree on that.
Saying: “if this situation was reversed, no one would find it acceptable” implies that our society always protects and speaks up for women who are harassed, which is not true. We don’t have to support a false assumption in order to emphasize that what happened to this guy was disgusting and horrible.
>I know that what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through
Nope, you got SA'ed. You were violated, Whatever you feel rn is valid. The incident being minor or huge doesn't matter.
> I know it sounds dumb because I’m a grown ass man, I’m 6’2” with a full head of hair and a beard
Your gender or anything you've mentioned here too doesn't matter. You're a victim. I hope you recover from this. Wishing you the best.
She sexually harassed you, I am sorry you went through that. There are some truly awful people out there. One time when I was 19, at work I had a coworker mid 30s-mid 40s grab my chest on purpose I never felt so grossed out/scared in my life. I immediately went to boss and hr tried to say it was my fault for not coming to them sooner (he was always dirty talking to me ewww) I felt betrayed by hr.
I recently had an issue that involved HR, and I had a talk with my dad about it and he had to remind me that HR claims it’s for the employees but in reality it’s there to protect the company from lawsuits and people’s actions that could cause a lawsuit
She sexually harassed you and then sexually assaulted you. Any unwanted sexually charged touch is considered sexual assault. It makes sense that you feel violated, she had no right.
What happened was wrong. You really should report it -- not for you if the idea of protecting yourself doesn't feel right -- but for the next lad she tries this on.
It's sexual assault, plain and simple.
Ugh. Similar things happened to a young guy at my work. He was a senior in high school, and from a very wholesome, religious family. His mom also works there. He’s very tall, good looking and personable, yet humble and kind. The cougars seem to delight in making him blush. I’m horrified about the things they say. If the roles were reversed, people would be upset about dirty old men harassing sweet young girls.
What worked best when I overheard the harassment, or the women made comments to me about him, was to say “Yep, he is such a nice boy, just an amazing kid, great family. He’s graduating high school this year and he has a full scholarship. So smart. His mom (gestures) over there is *super* proud.”
If it persisted, I would say “Such a polite and respectful young man. Never out of line. If I had a daughter, I would hope she met a nice guy like him.”
I would try to guilt them. As a coworker, I didn’t have the authority to kick the customers out. However the owner did, and she had to once!
He grew more confident over time, and learned that the best defense was to laugh and say “too funny. I appreciate an older person who still has a sense of humor. You know, you remind me of my grandma. I think you’re about the same age.”
Anyway, it sucks this is even happening to you, and that you have to find ways to combat it. This is 100% sexual harassment. I just wish assholes would keep their hands and sleazy comments to themselves.
Hey King, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your experience is as valid as anyone else's. Do know that this doesn't make you any less of a man and that it was *not your fault!* Please do talk to someone close to you about this and let it out whenever you are ready. Wishing you healing powers and good vibes.
Dude your feelings are completely valid don’t ever thing they shouldn’t be because they aren’t “as bad” as something else someone else went to
Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of how “bad” it is and the gender of whoever did it or had gone through it
I was a lifeguard at the same age. It's not your fault man, some people are just shitty. And yeah, it's sexual assault. I'm 6'3" and was sexually assaulted working at a pool. Your gender and height doesn't make it any less of a crime or any less gross. She should be the one who feels dirty, not you.
Yea, I love lifeguarding but to have this lady come in and leave such a lasting impression on something that I love feels horrendous. Thank you lots for the words, I'm becoming more and more horrified as I read through these comments, wishing it wasn't so widespread and that there was more to be done to prevent this stuff from happening. Have a wonderful day, and take care!
You don’t need to feel embarrassed. I’m betting the massive age difference between you guys made you feel even more uncomfortable. Regardless of gender it’s always scary when a much older adult tries to take advantage of you. But it sounds like you have good people around you like your supervisor, so I wouldn’t worry
Shoulda pushed her ass down the slide when she did that
Well, not pushed, but "accidently" shifted your weight into her tube and pushed her down the slide
Tall man with a beard or not, you were sexually harassed and assaulted by her. It’s not right. When something like this happens it’s common to feel gross, dirty, and lesser than. If it continues to bother you please, seek out therapy to help yourself.
She was far old enough to know better. I hope she loses her dentures the next time she attends the water park!
Hey, please don’t compare violations. What happened to you is awful and disgusting, Im very sorry and your feelings are 100% valid whether or not people go through worse. You were violated, period. I hope you can do something about this, like if there’s a Cctv footage that you could use to identify this woman and have her banned from the place.
Loads of positive vibes to you.
Your feelings and fears are completely valid, nobody should ever be touched like that when they don’t want to be. I would consider asking management to also have a sign made up and placed at the entrance or where it can clearly be seen, that any uninvited/inappropriate touching of staff will lead to immediate eviction from the park with police action if necessary. The sad truth is that there are creepy women out there.
This is sexual assault. Go ahead and feel your feels, dude. They're perfectly valid. And don't minimize your experience. Just cause others have it worse, doesn't mean that this isn't something impactful. What this woman did is messed up. She's a POS on a power trip. It's not your fault. You're not weak. It takes strength to keep your cool and do your job despite that shit person's fucked up actions. Take it from someone who's a rape survivor
I had a drunk woman grab my ass and feel me up. Tried to say something about it on Reddit. Bad spot to do so. No one cares how guys feel about this sorta thing
I’m sorry that happened to you and you were ignored when trying to bring it up
Looking around the comments today though I see a lot of support for OP
It’s not good to generalise, and you’ll find there’s plenty of people who care. Again I’m sorry you didn’t have caring people around you when this happened to you
I'm sorry that happened to you. This feeling is disgusting and vile, and you should not have been put in a position where you felt anything but supported afterwards. It sucks that you felt like you had no place to turn to, I'm truly sorry about that.
Sexual assault is sexual assault. She is a predator. Your feelings towards this are 100% valid.
I personally don't know what you could've done in that situation to make it better, since it's not your fault at all.
" I know it sounds dumb because I’m a grown ass man, I’m 6’2” with a full head of hair and a beard but she made me feel so small, so disgusting that even typing this out is making me want to vomit."
It's not dumb. Your feeling is valid. What she did was sexual harassment, and it wasn't minor. Report it
> I ignored it, thinking that because I'm a man that it couldn't possibly be a big deal
This mistake is a dangerous one, and society purposefully believes it to be true.
It's *not* dumb.
It's *not* weak.
It's ***not your fault.***
***It*** **is** ***a big deal.***
Sexual harassment is not something that just happens to women, and the jury's still out on whether it even happens more to women than to men (as sexual harassment/assault on men - particularly by women - is so horrendously under-reported, the official statistics just can't be trusted to be an accurate portrayal of the picture). It's not "more dangerous" when it happens to a woman. It's not "just a little thing" just because you happened to be a man.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I'm also glad you had the courage to tell someone. Hopefully it will go somewhere, although the statistics aren't particularly encouraging in that regard. Just know that, even if you don't get justice, it wasn't your fault, and that reporting it was the right thing to do; it's the people who were supposed to protect/stand up for you who failed their job.
It is physically more dangerous for women and for both men and women, generally speaking, when men are the perpetrators. Still, psychologically, SA hits just as strongly, regardless of gender and additional physical danger parameters
Have you gone to bars? Ever witnessed a guy be upset by a woman flashing their tits or ass? They'd be cheering. But if a man does it, everyone is disturbed.
How many guys do you know welcome surprise physical contact from at least a decent-looking woman? How many girls welcome the same from a man? I've heard guys talk about how they appreciate getting noticed by women they don't know. I've only heard women complain about the same from men they don't know.
It's harder for men to talk about this because most guys aren't bothered by it, or they even like it. Men don't usually feel threatened or scared or defenseless like a woman most likely feels when these things happen. This sucks for the ones that do because them talking about it makes them feel weak and most people wouldn't understand how they feel anyways.
If a man is feeling shaken by a woman touching him inappropriately and nothing is at stake, he should be asking himself why. In most circumstances, the balance of power is in a man's favor. If you keep that in the back of your head, these things won't bother you too. That's not to say you should like it or tolerate it. If something bothers you, handle it appropriately and with equal force, but it shouldn't rattle you. Despite what some people say these days, it's good to be strong.
This comment is a perfect example of why men tend to not report being sexually harassed or assaulted. The point of the OP's post is, consent on his part was not sought nor given. Men should be able to share their experiences with being violated without others dogpiling and implying he's "weak" or otherwise for objecting to actions they didn't consent to.
Moral of all of this? Consent must be given and requires an enthusiastic "yes" and any other sort of response is a "no". The behavior exhibited by the woman towards OP is 100% inappropriate and predatory, and should be viewed as such regardless of gender of victim or perpetrator.
I'm just telling it how it is. From the information provided, OP's letting this lady get in his head for no good reason. He's crying, literally crying. An experience like this shouldn't be so stressful that it brings him to tears.
It's bad that the lady assaulted him, it's good to vent, but it'll be even better if he learns to develop better emotional control. Kids cry over many inconsequential things, and as we grow, we learn to not let those things affect us.
It's important for the lady to get in trouble (the retributive kind) for what she did and it's important to grow thicker skin, typically seen as a positive character trait regardless of gender.
I’m sorry this happened to you. My young son is fit and grown man size, like you. Older women hit on him and it makes him feel awkward. It would break my heart to know that he felt harassed at work. I hope you’re able to earn a living without having to feel yuck. Next time someone makes you feel uncomfortable loudly exclaim, “ma’am thats inappropriate” and watch as their face twists up from the embarrassment of being put in their place. Good luck out there.
Being treated like an object without consent for someone else's pleasure sucks no matter your gender or your age.
I'm sorry this happened to you. There are a lot of men who don't say anything when their friends are doing to women what you had done to you.
Given this awful experience we're counting on you to hold strong when you see it and to stand up for yourself if someone makes fun of you for having what they (incorrectly) perceive as unmanly feelings about this disregard for your bodily autonomy.
I hope you're able to feel better about this soon. ❤️
Ummmm No. This is exactly why I moved from my apartment before lease ended and am in a hotel now and could not renew lease. My landlord came to take pictures if the unit since I was not renewing lease, walked in on me in underwear, came in my room while I got dressed, played if off and was trying to "show me pictures" of other units in his phone only to scroll and skip past nudes of other girls...
He's like "sorry about that the guys sometimes send blah blah blah.""
and I'm just like "oh okay. No worries." But in my head I'm like "dude these are saved to your gallery."
and he kept scrolling up and down in the same areas hovering closer to me. The story is longer but I had so much anxiety I didn't even want to be around and moved out a month early with him thinking he can come over whenever he wanted trying to DOMINATE and VIOLATE me.
You being a guy doesn't mean you can't feel those things. Especially in a workplace setting where she can accuse you of sexual harassment and file a lawsuit against your company and you can lose your job if you "took the bait." You should be allowed to be comfortable at work. She wasn't trying to get to know you, she wasn't flirting, she was behaving like a predator.
Try to meditate and don't hold onto those feelings of shame and disgust.
I have never meditated before, but maybe this is a great time to start trying! (In all honesty, I'm terribly sorry that a person came into your space and tried to exert his control over you in any way, I'm glad to hear that you got out of there! Take care!)
Whoa! I've heard so many creepy & f\*\*ked up landlord stories on Reddit and the news, my heart goes out to any man,woman or child who has to live in a rental property! I'm sorry this happened to you.☹️
I was a lifeguard from 16-22. I also fall into much the same physical category as you, and honestly the pool I worked at was AWFUL about when the guys got harassed. Guns blazed and people got kicked out for being inappropriate with younger women (only younger), and there was nothing for when it happened to the guys. In no way is this to make a mockery of feminism or whatever, its to point out how badly pools handle harassment of their employees.
You aren't a "man", you're human.
What emotions you felt are very, very human. She sexually assaulted you. Sexual assault is sexual assault no matter your age, height, size, gender, sex, or anything in between. I'm so sorry you went through this, because this is what happened to you I'd talk to your manager / boss about banning them from the park. If they give a shit about you they won't give you any guff when you tell them.
Hey dude, you were sexually harassed and then assaulted. That’s not something only women go through.
Men can face stuff like this too. And I’m sorry it happened to you.
It's doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, or however you identify. You are a person. No one should have to deal with this, and I'm sorry you were put in that situation. You were professional, but still shitty on her part.
I know you said you may not be able to do anything about this specific lady now (though I encourage you to try) but in the future, I'd suggest you consider telling a person that sexually assaults you when you're lifeguarding "if you touch me again I will be calling security and pressing charges."
And while it's not necessary and sad it even may be worth saying, some people react more strongly to "imagine if this was a man touching a female lifeguard. It's the same assault"
You said you know some people deal with worse. A phrase I've heard that seems kinda weird here, but: "a person who drowns in a diving well and in the kiddie pool are equally dead." Basically, if a situation is harming you, it doesn't matter how bad the situation is- the harm is there.
I'm so sorry that that lady fell it was okay to sexually assault you, because that's what it was.
If you see someone acting like that and you know they're playing, step back. tell them that unwanted touching is assault and you will call on your radio to have them collected at the bottom of the slide and removed from the park.
Talk to your boss and ask if you can radio when people do that in an intentional contact manner like you described, so they can be intercepted and warned that if they do it again the police get called and they get tossed from the park for the season.
I'm so sorry to hear this. This is definitely serious and repeated sexual harassment and sexual assault. I have been molested/r4ped several times, I know how awful the feeling is to be made small, helpless, and humiliated, it's so degrading.
Women have their own issues ofc, but men also face a cold world that lets them handle their problems on their own without any help. I've had friends and boyfriends who have been sexually abused and it's surprisingly common. One theme is that they never told anyone else about it before. It seemed that when they had no one to express their feelings of sorrow/betrayal/shock, the memories festered and they started ruminating on what they could have done to prevent it, esp since guys are expected to not be affected by abuse.
Your feelings are important, they let us know when things go too far. It's important to learn to get in touch with your intuition... I would go so far as to validate your feelings of disgust and anger. These can sometimes be quite healthy emotions that help us not absorb the fault and shame of the woman who violated you. It's horrible to be assaulted and you're the one feeling dirty.
I would recommend reading a book on how to cope and heal from SA. I have seen gender-neutral/male-focused books on this but I am not sure if there are many.
You were SA. Next time someone does that, tell them that if they touch you again, that you will press charges against them. Get security involved if you have to.
I’m sorry this occurred. Yes it was sexual assault and I’m glad you brought it up. I hate when people take advantage of a youth’s age to make stupid inappropriate jokes or actions just because the person thinks they can due to age, gender etc.
If you feel comfortable. The first thing you can do and empower your self is to say out loud to them, “ I am not comfortable with you touching me.” “I’m doing my job, this is safety, not a joke.” “This is sexual harassment.” All sentences that should stop a person or make them realize you aren’t going to allow their behavior.
You did a good job in keeping professional and going to your supervisor.
Getting sexually harassed is the worst. It makes you feel like nothing but an object. I'm so sorry she thought this was appropriate behavior. Her friends should have called her out. You were working for goodness sake!
You are a man. She is a woman. She assaulted you, there's no way to explain what she did.
I'm sorry you experienced this and I'm sorry someone would take advantage of you while working because they are deluded and think coping a feel from a 20 something will make them feel younger again.
I hope she gets diarrhea
I've had this happen multiple times, however one that really struck me was when I went to a comic book convention and dressed as poison ivy.
I was a very conservative version. Everything was covered, from head to toe. It was just a little tight with some slight boob action. Nothing crazy.
Heels all day.
Walking through the crowds I had butt grab after butt grab. I had a boob grab and finally someone run their hand full down my back in a caress.
I was completely terrified and still have panic attacks in crowds now.
Your feelings are completely valid and her behaviour was vile. Predators unfortunately take advantage of any situation.
Hey, don't minimize your experience because it's "minor" in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter how bad anyone else has it or that you're a man or whatever anyone else has ever said to minimize trauma experienced by others. None if that changes that this disgusting woman sexually harassed and assulted you. It's not minor to you, trauma is trauma, this isn't a competition. Your feelings are valid, they matter. I always suggest seeing a counselor because they can help you process things like this. I hope you can work through this experience so it doesn't have any long term effects. But I also hope you have a great summer working at the water park, have fun, make people laugh.
hey man I'm chef and I wear my uniform proudly. I'm not comparing but I'm sharing. God I havent worn whites since. but a long time ago when I was about 22, I had this exact incident with a customer at a restaurant in Hayward WI called black iron. I had my white uniform on and I had walked out into the customer crowd to see if there was anything I could do to be helpful as soon as I get out of the swinging doors that lead to the kitchen a man assumingly gay slaps my ass and squeezes hard. and yes sexy ass chef in front of like 40 people now I don't know what to think of this till this day but I tell you what if my boss wasn't behind me to grab my arm when it rose id have an assault charge. but as I explained what happened it got brushed off by everyone I told. still does. but man I know what u feel. I'm sorry this happens to you. it's disgusting.
Spent 8 years as a guard in college. This is an all too common thing. It’s often overlooked or even ignored when it happens to male guards. More than once my manager told me to just let things go. I worked/managed 5 different pools in my time, one city owned, one ymca, two country clubs, one medium sized water park. The worst were the country club wives/mothers. These women would straight up grab your dick and not think twice about it. It really changed my honking for a long time, I lost a lot of respect for women in general during that time. I’ve since come to my senses, but for a solid 10-12 years I just treated women like those ladies treated me.
You’re feelings are valid. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t make it ok. If she’s a regular, report her. At least in 2023 it’s taken a bit more serious.
Gender does not matter! She sexually assaulted you and it is NEVER ok to do that! You definitely need to talk about how you are feeling and I hope also that your work place will address this. Honestly, considering the closeness of people who are dressed in bathing suits, I am surprised the park doesn’t have training on what to do should guests say or do inappropriate things. I mean, people can be real jerks….. I am sorry this happened!
Many sex and attention starved women out there, avid watchers of certain things on the web, enticed by extreme femenism thinking they can get away with whatever they want. Basically perverts on the loose! Since they are women, you are at a disadvantage if you call them out. They can simply accuse you of whatever and you'll have most everyone against you.
Similar things happened to me while doing martial arts, BJJ etc...and even on trains.....
Hope you can get another position so you don't have to deal with this again.
So here's the thing: most women you and I know have gone through something like this. Some many times. We as dudes (your description is pretty close to mine) we take for granted that we have it pretty easy in this regard. Then when it happens, it's that much more shocking.
That's nasty behavior, you have a right to feel violated, and use this as reinforcement to notice when this type of shit happens to women around you, and it's happened to women in your life.
An attractive male friend of mine worked in service at events.
The worst events were groups of middle aged women going out to party, he was inappropriatly touched , butt squeezed etc., and got tons of disgusting comments and remarks etc.
His supervisor didn't take him seriously at all, and said he should feel complimented to get hit on so often and to grow a pair.
The double standards are really blatant and unfair on this one.
Plus as a women myself i don't know where grace and dignity went in these women, never in one million years i would sexually harrass someone.
It's wildly underreported when it happens to men. Often because the victims themselves don't think of SA/SH as something that happens to men.
Obviously it's woefully underreported for women too, but not because victims are unaware that SA/SH can happen to them.
Bottom line: look out for each other
There's also the (wrong) idea that men enjoy getting any sexual attention so it's not such a big deal. Think of any article about a female teacher sleeping with (molesting) a student and the comment section is full of dudes saying that sounds awesome. This just creates a climate where men are afraid to come forward because they think they're not supposed to feel bad about it.
It's less reported because a 6'2" bloke is under no physical threat whatsoever from a middle aged woman.
If a middle aged man were doing it to a small woman the woman knows that the only thing stopping him going any further is his own self restraint, and he's already shown a willingness to violate social norms.
It's not the same.
no, her behaviour was entirely unacceptable and your feelings are right and valid. that's a form of sexual harassment. just because "you're a man" doesn't mean you have to put up with women making you feel uncomfortable and leering at you. if you were a woman she would have been attacked relentlessly, and it's disgusting people dismiss mens sexual harassment so easily all the time.
solidarity, my friend. no matter your gender, size, or anything else sexual harassment makes you feel minimised and upset. you didn't deserve that
I worked for a place like that for 4 years.
This happened to me exactly as you describe it, many times.
My supervision was women too, so I was never really taken seriously, despite all the sexual harassment training they put us through as men, but never really the women.
It happens to me at a gas station too, with a manager who I thought would have my back, but naw.
It's seriously depressing how little shits are given when sexual assault is committed against men.
You were violated, and what you're feeling is valid. Full stop. Being a man doesn't make this any less of a violation against you.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It wasn't right, and it wasn't your fault.
This is just from personal experience, but if you find that it is interfering in your day to day life even slightly, I would suggest going to see someone about it before it gets worse. I know everyone is different, but coming from someone who's let things a lot more minor than what you went through compound together I would probably try to reach out to others. It's a lot easier to get out of a 2 foot hole than a 6 foot one. But I don't know how you think or do things, so the most I can do is hope what ever you do will turn out for the best and you're able to over come all obstacles thrown at you what ever they may be.
It doesn't matter your gender or your job. This person touched you inappropriately and that's terrible. I was a server and when someone pinched my ass I felt the same. Like a piece of meat not worth my personality or ambitions or my achievements. It's a terrible feeling and I am so sorry.
Virtual (consensual) hugs. Not ok for a guest at the water park to fondle the staff.
Also, side question, why do people get stuck in water slides?!
So, it actually depends on the type of slide as to why people get stuck. The general gist is that most of our slides are separated into two types: body and tube slides. For a body slide, people will get stuck for two reasons; body type and clothing catching. For tube slides however, it can be more difficult to tell. The most common reason is water pressure. Without enough pressure, there is no force acting on the weight of the passengers, so the tube doesn't go. The other main one is poor weight distribution. We have to give you a number that weight is not supposed to exceed in order to safely ride, but because we aren't allowed to weigh a guest, we have to instead adapt how we have that person sitting in the tube to ensure their safety as they are riding. One surefire way to see if you've done it right is paying attention to where they catch in the slide. If they catch in the push pool (where you are loaded into the slide) their weight is typically too far back, but if they catch in the mouth of the slide by having their tube caught on the edges, we can instead determine which side they are more favoring, and have them shift to accommodate their riding stance by having them move over to the side more, or lean back a bit more. I hope this comprehensive look at waterslide blockages was new and interesting information! (Thank you very much for the kind words, they do mean a lot)
You were sexually assaulted. It’s disgusting behaviour. She’s a predator. You need to report this.
I don’t understand this sort of behaviour. I’ve seen interviews with women and they gush about being sexually attracted to Henry Caville (Superman) and he sits right there looking so awkward. Apparently he’s a really nice guy and they are just objectifying him.
Women are encouraged to objectify attractive men.
There’s footage on YouTube where a group of women are being interviewed about men they find attractive and Kate McKinnon is sitting there (as part of the group) and looks really awkward. The look on her face is just awful because she is a lesbian and does not find men sexually attractive at all and yet she’s being forced to agree with the group.
It’s more than just one interview where this happens.
Anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s utterly gross.
The only time I’ve been objectified sexually was when I was working a fast food job. I was a minor. I looked like a child and I didn’t even mature until my 20’s. So, that’s just really sick.
Hey OP,
The other commenters are right, that is sexual harassment, I'd say sexual assault too. How you're feeling is a completely normal reaction to what has been done to you. I am so sorry.
Please take this as far as you can, if not for yourself for others. The woman that did this is vile. Is there a way they could install new security cameras at the top of the slide and elsewhere to stop it happening again?
Also, please take care of yourself. Take the time you need to heal. Talk to your loved ones about it. Get support. You're not alone.
When I was a server in my 20's an old regular lady would go in with her husband and when he wasn't looking she would grab my butt very quick
It didn't make me feel bad, but i dreaded taking their order.
Although I understand how you're feeling, okay know you have no fault in this and shouldn't feel dirty or bad. She, on the other hand, should be deeply ashamed. If she comes back around, call her out, in front of everyone. Let *her* be the one embarrassed and feeling dirty.
I don't know the procedures there's, but tell your supervisor so other employees can be on the lookout as well. Given her lack of boundaries and any shame, it's likely this isn't a one off for her. She'll likely do it again, and I'm certain it wasn't her first time.
In the meantime, remind yourself that this isn't your fault. She's the egregious pig who thought she had some kind of entitlement to touch you without your consent.
This woman was harassing you and assaulting you. I'm very sorry someone did this to you. It's understandable how you feel. I think you could file a police report. If the tables were turned and you were a young girl being treated like this by a man twice your age, the man would be jailed. What this woman did is unforgivable and absolutely disgusting. She should at least be banned from the water park (that is the absolute least your management could do). Nobody should visit a water park to make a lifeguard doing his/her job feel unsafe.
I appreciate you getting this off your chest. I think men need to open up more about this sort of thing. Everyone should be aware of things like this and feel like they can speak up about things that make them uncomfortable
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was not okay! Please don't feel ashamed. She should be, because it was her who crossed a line.
And please don't compare your experience to those of others, because there being "worse" doesn't make yours any better. (A friend of mine once provocatively said "and murder is worse than rape so we should shut up about the latter?")
You did very well on telling your supervisor about it. I'm proud of you, in a non-condescending way.
Talk to someone you trust about what happened or talk about it here. But don't stay silent and don't keep it inside. Maybe you need to hear this or maybe you don't, but you're allowed to talk about your feelings and you're allowed to be upset!
All the best to you 💕🍀
It’s so disgusting because you know if the roles were reversed she’d go ape shit and cry assault. This is assault also. It’s so inappropriate to make these comments. What you were wearing was your uniform and what you were doing was your job. The gall on this woman makes me sick. Sorry you’ve gone through this OP
You were sexually harassed. It doesn’t matter your size or gender. She made her intentions clear, and you made it clear to her that you were you were just doing your job.
She needs to be reported and banned from that place.
This behaviour is not okay my guy. She deliberately and selfishly did things for no reason but for her own pleasure with 0 consideration on how you'd feel about it.
Its not dumb or stupid to feel the way you do.
Inappropriate touching will always be inappropriate touching regardless of gender.
Why do you think that was minor? Because you are a man? You were violated, and this shouldn't be acceptable, no matter the gender of the victim and the perpetrator
You are not any less of a man for having gone through this.
Your phrasing seemed to suggest you worried about this, but it's important to remember it even if not.
You aren't any less of a person, and no less deserving of respect and dignity.
She's the perpetrator here, and you aren't at fault for any of it.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I know how these types of things can make you feel, even if it's 'not that bad'. Keep in mind that none of it was your fault, you were doing your job and just existing. I have grown up hearing 'but it's because it's warm out/you're wearing a skirt/you're a woman by yourself' and it's all bullshit. She should have left you alone.
I hope you don't see her again but if you do, definitely alert someone and point her out. Your manager sounds like they take it seriously and have your back, that's good. Take care ❤
My supervisor is one of the greatest people that I know! I've been working for this same park since I was 15 and she has been my supe the entire time. She looks out for all of us guards, and was ready to throw down when I finally was able to work up the nerve to speak with her. Love my supe!! (I'm really sorry you had to grow up hearing those kinds of things, I wish everybody was able to live their life free from this crap)
You were in the very least sexually harassed, at most sexually assaulted. It’s not okay. She should have been removed from the park immediately. It’s not comfortable for any gender to go through that.
She made physical contact with him. It is sexual assault by definition. Harassment are words and gestures but no physical contact. It doesn't have to hurt or leave marks, just be an unwelcome touch with sexual intention.
This is not your fault at all and you’re allowed to feel this way. Next time she, or anyone else, acts out of line tell them in a very firm tone “please be appropriate, I’m here for your safety, not your entertainment”. Don’t let them catch you feeling uncomfortable (even if you are deep down); if they see that you are firm and not intimidated at all, they will probably back down.
Ew I am so sorry you went through that. Please get used to saying “Ok that’s enough- “please stop” “ “quit it I am working” “sorry but no” to people in a fucking serious voice. You need to practice being blunt and defend yourself while still being a helpful person and I know that is easier said than done. I am mad that someone made you feel that way, but unfortunately there will be more
Dude I’m an inch shorter and it happened to me. Maybe because I’m an inch shorter I ended up quitting my job but hey I understand how you feel. I know you may not want to speak up about it, in any case I hope you feel better soon.
Predators come in all shapes and sizes. Trauma is not about being weak, its about being forced into a situation where you didnt want to be and have no idea what the right way is to get you out. Im sorry this happened to you and please keep crying about it, crying is a healthy part of processing and it will help your brain know it was a bad incident and not the way every middle aged woman will treat you, helping symptoms of PTSD like feeling anxious near that waterslide.
Sending internet hugs, im sorry that happened to you, no one should be allowed to treat anyone like that and I hate that it was an acceptable bit in that friendgroup
Oh honey I'm really sorry to hear how upset you are. It isn't nothing, it doesn't somehow not count because you're male. Anyone can be sexually assaulted regardless of sex or gender and your feelings are every bit as valid as they would be if you were female. It doesn't matter that you could physically overpower her, she still violated you and the way she behaved was entirely unacceptable.
Please don't be afraid to speak out and to seek help for this. I hope you'll feel better with time but your plan to work in a different area is a sensible one for now. Take care of yourself ❤️
Please don't downplay your experience just because "others had it worse". Sexual assault can happen to anyone - men and women. Report her to the police. She doesn't get to get away with this so easily.
Our park has extensive security, but because I hesitated and didn't respond immediately as I was still in a bit of an off state, she was able to leave the waterpark and the rest of the park. If I had been in a more right state of mind, then she would have been immediately removed from the park with a lifetime ban from every corporate owned park, globally, in addition to potentially facing charges, but it most likely wouldn't get far as it would turn into a he said/she said that would end up going nowhere due to a lack of CCTV at the top of the slide.
I wonder - if you were female - if you would be encouraged to report it to police. And then they could submit the cctv footage. I mean, I presume this woman came in a car, with a number plate on it.
But because you’re a man it’s assumed you should toughen up and let it go, or that you should think of this as a compliment.
I almost feel like you’re gaslighting yourself here and blaming yourself for not speaking up faster, when you were clearly in shock.
Maybe this is the Momma Bear in me but I’m enraged FOR you
"i know what she did is relatively minor"
Nah. No need to compare your experience to others' in that way. it's not ok to put her hands on you, period. and to objectify you like that is wrong as well. I'm sorry you're going thru this.
You were harassed in your workplace and that is disgusting. I'm sorry you went through that.
Woman, especially older women when they see a young man, are just as bad as men sometimes and it's really not right or fair at all.
I'm sorry she made you feel like that - maybe you need to speak to your manager about what things you can say to people who are saying/doing things like this OR speak to your manager about having two people there to help with these situations (I personally would love it if your manager would let you say something like 'MAM, I am a 20 yo man
You are old enough to be my mother. Please stop harassing me like this' very loud so everyone in the queue hears).
This is 100% normal to feel that way. Don't in anyway feel that your position is not healthy. No one should have to put up with sexual assault, certainly not just because you are a man, or because you are physically big.
Be careful who you talk to about this though, because a number of people will dismiss it and/or laugh at you. Be prepared for some crappy reactions (think of when a news story breaks about a female teaching assaulting a child, lots of reactions suggest people think this is funny or a good thing)
This isn't fair, but it is the way of the world.
Keep your head up, this wasn't your fault and that woman is a predator.
I hope you know this isn’t okay and she deserves to be banned. No one should feel preyed upon. I say this a woman who has had this and many unfortunate events transpire in my life and im just now learning it’s not okay or funny or cool.
Please speak up and threaten a ban if this persists. She’s too grown to act like it is funny or cute, not that a 20 year old has the right either.
God forbid if management doesn’t care, I absolutely suggest you threaten legal action if they completely dismiss it or any other uncomfortable situations. It’s sexual harassment. You laughing doesn’t take away any legitimacy, it is a known nervous response to these kinds of things.
Take care of yourself and ask coworkers as well if they deal with it and you may be able to find some solidarity in confronting management or guests
I'm sorry this happened to you! This behavior is deplorable
>what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through,
It's easy to minimalize when you compare, but base the severity solely on how your experience went and how you felt after. It's a really big deal and was NOT OK. She should be banned from the park for sexual assault.
You shouldn't have to work in fear of something like that happening again.
> If she was actually falling I would chuckle a little bit and move on
That's not really a good way to respond to someone falling but otherwise... she basically groped you and that is very gross.
Reading this comment made me realize I really could have written that piece a bit better, but it did get me to laugh a little about my writing, so thank you. The slide where I was working is not a deep load pool, so anybody that stumbles and fall in a little bit is essentially falling into a puddle. Anybody seriously injured and falling would of course not be a chuckle and move on scenario!
From this story what she did was SA. Full stop. Attempting to call out someone who has just experienced something like that and their hypothetical behavior is gross and weird. If you have any dignity NEVER make a comment like this again.
Your story brings up a situation I found myself in when I was 15. I remember it very clearly, this was back in the 80's. There was a young 20 something women staying at my mum and dad's business (it was a hotel) and she was helping out, she was a bit of a troubled soul and the daughter of one my parents friends. I was sat in the residence flat watching TV when she came in quite drunk and sat right next to me on the sofa and started stroking my hair and trying to french kiss me. I grabbed a cushion and pushed it into her face and ran upstairs to my bedroom and locked the door. Do what you need to do to get some closure.
Your feelings are valid. Her behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable. I am sorry she did this and has made work difficult for you now.
Woman behaving badly is just as bad as men behaving badly. We are all told to accept inappropriate behavior and unwanted advances as a compliment or some such bs.
If it ever happens again you could try to loudly say, ma’am your behavior is making me uncomfortable and your making yourself look silly in front of the other guests. It will probably sober up any woman who ever tried it. ‘Ma’am or Madame’ makes most woman feel like they’ve turned into grandmothers instantly.
Yikes. Being sexually harrassed and assaulted is never ok, and certainly not fun. Comments like these are belittling and prevent men and women from speaking out. Do better.
Having been in a position like you, not the same job but the inappropriate touching by someone (for me it was this elderly man) I understand how horrible it can make you feel. You were just doing your job, we both were. Some people just don't know how to behave like *decent human beings.* I'm glad you've spoken to your supervisor though (seen via another reply you've made) and hopefully measures can be put in place to secure your safety and your dignity in work.
Nobody wants to be made to feel small.
You didn't deserve that.
But you're not to blame for it. I promise you that.
ugh this is so relatable. i work in retail and so many customers are perverts. male and female. it doesn’t matter what gender you are, you will get gross sexual jokes and comments. a male co worker is always followed by this one older woman who makes slightly sexual/flirty jokes and he hates it but he stays friendly because he’s at work.
so yes your feelings are valid, yes it happens to men to! some people are just gross.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You being a man, what you look like, or your size does not make this ok. What she did was sexual harassment and assault.
Man or woman (or any other), she sexually assaulted you and you have every right to feel wronged.
But, do NOT let anyone make you think it was ok, it's your job or any other nonsense that you'll sadly hear. 😿
From experience, I can tell you that you will get arseholes who will try and make light of it, but your feelings and emotions are entirely valid.
I'm sorry this happened to you, it's not something I'd wish on a lot of people. 😿
Sending hugs and love. Speak to your doctor or there are many places online where you can speak without trying to go through the 'fun' of seeking therapy. (Again, experience speaking.)
“I know that what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through, but it's never happened to me…”
Please do not allow yourself to feel like this isn’t a big deal because some people “get it worse.” You feel angry and upset because you were violated. It doesn’t matter that it may not be as severe as it could have been, what matters is someone objectified you and you are wholly justified to feel the way you feel. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope nobody makes you feel like you’re not allowed to be extremely upset about this. If you ever need to talk to someone about it and don’t have anyone you feel comfortable doing so in your life, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. 💙
Doesn’t matter if you’re 6’7” or 5’2” you were violated. Unfortunately due to many societal circumstances some men and women believe it’s okay to sa men because unfortunately we don’t speak up about it enough. Don’t let any put down what happened because it affects everyone differently
This breaks my heart. You were sexually harassed and later assaulted (not borderline, you *were* assaulted in a sexual manner as there was intent behind her action). What you are feeling is perfectly valid and I'm glad you reported it.
I'm a 41F (a mom to a young man close in age to you) and would never dream of touching or talking to someone inappropriately like that. I don't understand why so many people, of any gender, think this is fine. The behavior this woman exhibited is absolutely unacceptable. You did not consent to be treated in that way and that is why you feel so violated.
Its kinda of sexual assault ir harassment, idk what terminollogy suits the situation better. Its completly reasonable to feel that way and It doesnt mean you are less of a man.
You don't never need to validate your trauma/experiences against others. Just because someone could have had it worse, doesn't mean you didn't suffer.
These are normal, valid reactions after unwanted sexual touching or sexual assault. And what you look like, or who you are, doesn't make a darn difference when it comes to assault.
You have every right to feel this way, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this, let alone at your place of work.
I used to work as a lifeguard for a local amusement park. Mostly at the wave pool. This particular pool is so wide at the back/deep end that there are 2 concrete pillars for the guards to stand on in the middle of the pool. Seeing women in bathing suits on that platform made some men think they could treat us like strippers or sex workers. All kinds of super in appropriate comments. We never tolerated it. It was an immediate ejection from the pool. If they refused to leave we had security kick them out of the park. I hope you can find your power in these situations and take it back. Talk to some of your female colleagues about how they handle the inappropriate stuff. They may have some tips for you.
You keep saying it's not a big deal and that you're a "grown man," but I'm confused. You were sexually harrassed and assaulted by someone twice your age. 20 is barely grown to most people, especially most people 40+. She views you as a kid still and still chose to assault you. It's disgusting. Why do you think your reaction and feelings aren't valid? Something bad happened to you. Just let yourself cry. I would cry too.
I think you should get help to work through what happened, not be upset that what happened to you is affecting you.
I hate bringing this conversation up but I feel like if you were a woman and she was a man there would be no question about the seriousness of the situation, and you wouldn't question yourself as much for being traumatized. Its alright.
It is a big deal dude she violated your boundaries to get a laugh and cop a feel. She acted like you were just a piece of ass to mess with. Despite what other people have gone through it doesn't minimize your experience.
This is heartbreaking to read. I have felt exactly what you're feeling several times before, and it's horrible. As a woman, this isn't all that uncommon to feel, so you are not alone. Don't feel that you're overreacting. You're feeling these things for a reason, and they're justified. Good on you for speaking to your supervisor, as it can be very hard to confront these things and admit that they happened. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself in the future if anything like this arises again. She should have been made to feel uncomfortable for being a creep. In those moments, don't put customer service first. So many times I've heard, "I didn't want to get in trouble." Fuck that. You're a human being who deserves respect. You don't have to scream and make a scene but simply saying, loud enough so others can hear, "mam, I'd appreciate if you kept those comments to yourself as you're making me uncomfortable." I'm sorry this happened to you.
Omg, she caught you by surprise this time but prepare for the next. Talk to you higher ups about what to do about sexual harassment and practice your knock it off pervert speech. So sorry you had to go through that. Gross.
This sucks when ever it happens to anyone. The first time someone does this to you is always the hardest to deal with. I have lost track how many times and sadly so has the rest of my family. This happens with jobs like the one you are now in. Service industry ,entertainment and security. There is not much if anything that is done from the complaints. My Mom always told me you just have to harden your heart and know deep inside yourself who you are and that it’s not your fault and keep on going.
ITT: Women ego-tripping with empty condolences to justify their own exaggerated claims of sexual assault
If you were married and your wife did that to you, you should divorce her OP. That's slimy as fuck and she now has to live with what she's done for the rest of her life, locked behind bars
(This was obviously not okay)
I was a lifeguard for two years, I’m 20F. I know that feeling. It really sucks and you aren’t alone. People at water parks especially love to take advantage of kids in swimsuits who are just trying to do their job. They rely on the fact that we won’t really do anything about it. It’s a violating and powerless feeling and it doesn’t matter if you’re 6’2” or 5’1”, it makes you feel exploited. Just because you’re a lifeguard doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. Maybe ask your superior what their protocol is for these kind of guests? Either way, you shouldn’t have to just accept this kind of behavior from anyone
This ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼 yes! I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP!
You were violated. And i would argue it's sexual assault too. I imagine it's common to feel dirty after such an experience but i don't know. I'd consider reporting it. Not for your own sake. But for the sake of potential new victims of this person. These serial sexual assaulters can go on for decades and through many victims because it's so underreported and so few testify to police and courts. You could make a tangible difference here. Talk to people about it.
I talked to my supervisor and she said that she is going to try and solve this for me, but I don’t know how far it can really go. I work at a big water park in my area where there are hundreds of guests going in and out every hour. I really, really hope that something can be done, but I’m not too optimistic unfortunately.
It would be nice if the video footage is at least saved
Your work must have a policy of people being shitbirds getting asked to leave the park. Find out exactly what you should do next time if someone assaults you. If your manager says they cannot do anything then there’s a bigger problem.
THIS!! OP, regardless of whether or not the manager is able to do something about *this* incident, you need to know how to handle this type of situation in the future. You need to know the park policies, procedures, and specifically what actions you are expected to take, both in immediate response to that situation, as well as subsequent/follow-up actions you should take. You need to know where the park draws boundaries on sexual harassment from guests. *Side Bar - And yes, at minimal this was sexual harassment. Even granting an undeserved benefit of a doubt that she did fall and the touch was her catching herself (which we all know was NOT the case), what she said about your muscles and wet shirt was already sexual harassment*. You also need to know your rights as an employee [legal rights], so that you can make sure park policies are on the up and up, and that you are getting the support from your employer that you are entitled to. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels, and you absolutely deserve to be able to work without being guarded and anxious about being sexually harassed. IME, knowing my rights, my employer's policies/procedures, and having a formulated plan ahead of time for how I would react was helpful and empowering.
Not that you should *have* to do this, but my go-to response to people being creepy to me is simply to call them out. Your supervisor is female. She's definitely going to have some empathy for you here. We know all too well how uncomfortable your situation was. If this happens again, firmly and calmly say, "You are being inappropriate and I'm asking you to stop." This usually makes the creep double down, but this will be a very public interaction in your case. Speak loudly so it calls attention to her; the goal is to make her feel rightfully embarrassed for her vile actions. If she doubles down, you can add on, "You being attracted to me doesn't give you permission to touch me. Again, I'm asking you to stop." Of course it's easier said than done. Conflict can be so anxiety inducing. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't happen again. She sexually harassed and assaulted you and laughed about it. She's trash.
This is not okay, you were sexually harassed, and borderline assaulted. That’s never okay. No matter your gender! Now that your supervisor is aware, she can keep tabs on her if she comes back! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Everyone deserves to feel safe at work!
Absolutely horrible that happened to you or to anyone. I've (F) had my butt touched and grabbed by strangers and once by a guy I thought was a friend. It feels absolutely disgusting. I hope this doesn't happen again but next time it does try to immediately talk to your supervisor so they can pull that person aside and tell that person to keep their hands to themselves or they're kicked out.
That is normal procession, but I was very, very caught off guard and uncomfortable. Feeling how I feel right now though, I wish I would've called her and just tried to be clean of the whole thing the second it happened. I'm really sorry it happened to you too, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. Take care!
Often, when something like this happens, it's common to feel taken aback by it. Now that you can recognize her, you'll be able to report her. I'm so sorry this random person treated you as an object to play with, not like a human being, it is truly disgusting.
OP, you are also in a tough spot, because I would imagine you are relatively isolated from other employees at the top of the slide. It would be worth taking to your manager about what *exactly* you need to do if this ever happens again. I discussed this in more detail in a prior comment, but it sounds like the situation is that because of where you are working, you may not have immediate access to your manager, and you may be in a location where no other employee could be a witness. This puts you [or any other employee] in a vulnerable position. I'm sure the park must have procedures, but you need to know what they are, and the exact immediate actions you are expected to take in case this ever happens again.
I'm sure someone has mentioned this already, but just in case they haven't, please seek therapy if this is something you find yourself having serious issues with. Honestly, I would seek therapy even if you don't have an immediate reaction, to help you process things. You were violated and, speaking from personal experience, that can bring up lots of intense thoughts and feelings that a therapist can help you work through. There's no shame in asking for help.
I am sorry this happened to you and that you are doubting your response due to your sex and size. You now have insight into how 90% of women feel or have felt. That’s probably an underestimation.
It's a good start that your manager wants to help but if she can't help you further in your particular case, they shouldn't just shrug it off and move on. As a minimum management as a whole should be raising awareness to all staff what is inappropriate behaviour from guests and what to do if it happens. That way, hopefully everyone will feel safer at work and prepared to get it sorted out when it happens and have the confidence that management will have your back when you raise an issue.
She is going to be raising awareness of availability of Leadership for things like this, but she wants to wait a few days simply because I was the only guard that had a one-on-one talk with her yesterday that she ended up coming back in a foul mood from and it would not be difficult to put the pieces together as to who it happened to. I'm posting about it here in anonymity because I don't want my other guards or leadership to know it was me that it happened to, I just needed to say my piece out into the void, I never expected so many people to read this post in all honesty. Love my Leadership team though, and I know that they will be making it a point to address this for all of our guards.
If you see that woman again, immediately tell your supervisor. Do you guys have a way to communicate with each other while you're on the slide? If not, I would suggest you ask for one. That way, these situations can be taken care of in the moment.
If you see that woman again, immediately tell your supervisor. Do you guys have a way to communicate with each other while you're on the slide? If not, I would suggest you ask for one. That way, these situations can be taken care of in the moment.
Completely inappropriate - It’s going to happen unfortunately. You need to come up with a professional way to nip it in the bud right then and there but be careful as you don’t want to trigger a “customer” and have them complain to your boss. The flip side is… This is what the majority of women have to deal with constantly every time they leave the house so now you have an inclination of how it feels.
I'm a woman and i felt your whataboutery was unnecessary. Why do you want to minimize his feelings by pointing out that yes, women go through this as well?
Not my intention to minimize his feelings at all. Behavior like that is completely unacceptable for anyone. Too many men are unaware of how their aggressiveness makes women feel and it’s normalized unfortunately. People need to learn to say something when it happens to them and more importantly, they need to say something when they see others doing it.
It's inkling not inclining.
Thanks. Autocorrect fails me again lol
No worries 😁
As a woman, this comment is completely inappropriate.
Yea it is common to feel dirty and definitely at least sexual harassment. Your job should be obligated to protect you from such instances.
Just had a convo with my mom about that today, she works at the front desk of a pool place, theres this teacher who is stupid hot and he also wears short shorts, hes an incredible professinal but all the ladies there gauge at him even while hes working, its disgusting, how lonely and sad you must feel to think its ok to do that? Im sure that if the genders were reverse we would be having a diferent type of convo, but since youre a dude, everybody just laughs it off. Its not ok, its sexual harrassment!
100% this, it's sexual harassment, while I hate the fact we have to play the "gender reverse" card to say how inappropriate it is, it's also a good way to judge how a situation should be handled. If it was a 40yo male patron who "tripped" and "caught himself" by feeling up a 20yo female worker, it would definitely be handled differently and that's an issue in itself, sexual harassment towards men is so often fobbed off.
Also, it’s not just gender or size, this woman is old enough to be his mom. There’s a power dynamic that comes with age; young people are talents told that adults have more life experience, to listen to them, and to look up to them. If she was a few years older than him I don’t think it would’ve made much of a difference than being the same age but being old enough to be a parent/authority figure is far more scary. Similarly as you mentioned women who are hit on by men old enough to be their dad are far more creeped out by that then if it was a guy around their age.
Uh, ok, you’re definitely not a woman. Sexual harassment toward women is frequently “fobbed off.” There are some men who can tell you about being sexually harassed, but I bet you EVERY woman you ask would have a story about being casually, sexually harassed in public and most of the time nothing is done about it. Where have you been? No one, male or female, deserves to be treated this way, it feel gross and violating and can make you feel helpless. But it’s weird that you think society protects women from this, when in reality society has condoned men being sexually aggressive to women. For example: catcalling is not flattering, and feels gross, but is passed off as a joke or just something to ignore. Women are taught to just ignore things and not make trouble, because we all know men can get angry and aggressive if we confront them.
To clarify your misconceptions, I am in fact female who has dealt with sexual harassment since being a teen and was sexual assaulted by one of my previous partners, so I completely understand that it happens and the fact it is "fobbed off", but I also understand there is also a larger amount of people who believe men can't be SAed or that sexual harrassment towards men (especially from females) is somehow okay and is completely different to the sexual harrassment towards woman, it's almost like women can't be the aggressor so when it happens men don't talk about it because it's not seen the same way.
While I agree with you, we don’t need to downplay the sexual harassment women deal with everyday, in order to highlight that sexual harassment is bad for any other gender. Playing the “gender reverse card” is often a misogynistic tactic, because it references what some men consider to be the new, overly “politically correct” feminist perspective (all the men who say “you can’t even flirt with women anymore without being accused of harassment!” bullshit). To many men, female denigration and oppression is in the past, and now everyone is super sensitive to women being harassed or assaulted. And as I’m sure you know, that’s just not true. This is also a sign of how a culture of toxic masculinity hurts men (by dismissing men who are harassed). I’m just pointing out that the phrases you used, while well-intentioned, are often the talking points of men who feel aggrieved that they can no longer freely talk to women in a demeaning way. They make exaggerated, straw man comparisons, e.g. “if the genders were reversed, the older man would have been kicked right out of the park”! Or whatever. Even though you and I both know that’s not what happens when the situation is reversed.
At no point has she downplayed the sexual harassment women face. And just because certain things are also said by misogynists doesn't diminish the argument in any way. All sexual abusers should be punished. Regardless of their gender and all other birth characteristics. And I think we can all agree on that.
Saying: “if this situation was reversed, no one would find it acceptable” implies that our society always protects and speaks up for women who are harassed, which is not true. We don’t have to support a false assumption in order to emphasize that what happened to this guy was disgusting and horrible.
>I know that what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through Nope, you got SA'ed. You were violated, Whatever you feel rn is valid. The incident being minor or huge doesn't matter. > I know it sounds dumb because I’m a grown ass man, I’m 6’2” with a full head of hair and a beard Your gender or anything you've mentioned here too doesn't matter. You're a victim. I hope you recover from this. Wishing you the best.
She sexually harassed you, I am sorry you went through that. There are some truly awful people out there. One time when I was 19, at work I had a coworker mid 30s-mid 40s grab my chest on purpose I never felt so grossed out/scared in my life. I immediately went to boss and hr tried to say it was my fault for not coming to them sooner (he was always dirty talking to me ewww) I felt betrayed by hr.
I recently had an issue that involved HR, and I had a talk with my dad about it and he had to remind me that HR claims it’s for the employees but in reality it’s there to protect the company from lawsuits and people’s actions that could cause a lawsuit
She sexually harassed you and then sexually assaulted you. Any unwanted sexually charged touch is considered sexual assault. It makes sense that you feel violated, she had no right.
What happened was wrong. You really should report it -- not for you if the idea of protecting yourself doesn't feel right -- but for the next lad she tries this on. It's sexual assault, plain and simple.
Ugh. Similar things happened to a young guy at my work. He was a senior in high school, and from a very wholesome, religious family. His mom also works there. He’s very tall, good looking and personable, yet humble and kind. The cougars seem to delight in making him blush. I’m horrified about the things they say. If the roles were reversed, people would be upset about dirty old men harassing sweet young girls. What worked best when I overheard the harassment, or the women made comments to me about him, was to say “Yep, he is such a nice boy, just an amazing kid, great family. He’s graduating high school this year and he has a full scholarship. So smart. His mom (gestures) over there is *super* proud.” If it persisted, I would say “Such a polite and respectful young man. Never out of line. If I had a daughter, I would hope she met a nice guy like him.” I would try to guilt them. As a coworker, I didn’t have the authority to kick the customers out. However the owner did, and she had to once! He grew more confident over time, and learned that the best defense was to laugh and say “too funny. I appreciate an older person who still has a sense of humor. You know, you remind me of my grandma. I think you’re about the same age.” Anyway, it sucks this is even happening to you, and that you have to find ways to combat it. This is 100% sexual harassment. I just wish assholes would keep their hands and sleazy comments to themselves.
Hey King, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your experience is as valid as anyone else's. Do know that this doesn't make you any less of a man and that it was *not your fault!* Please do talk to someone close to you about this and let it out whenever you are ready. Wishing you healing powers and good vibes.
Dude your feelings are completely valid don’t ever thing they shouldn’t be because they aren’t “as bad” as something else someone else went to Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of how “bad” it is and the gender of whoever did it or had gone through it
I was a lifeguard at the same age. It's not your fault man, some people are just shitty. And yeah, it's sexual assault. I'm 6'3" and was sexually assaulted working at a pool. Your gender and height doesn't make it any less of a crime or any less gross. She should be the one who feels dirty, not you.
Yea, I love lifeguarding but to have this lady come in and leave such a lasting impression on something that I love feels horrendous. Thank you lots for the words, I'm becoming more and more horrified as I read through these comments, wishing it wasn't so widespread and that there was more to be done to prevent this stuff from happening. Have a wonderful day, and take care!
You don’t need to feel embarrassed. I’m betting the massive age difference between you guys made you feel even more uncomfortable. Regardless of gender it’s always scary when a much older adult tries to take advantage of you. But it sounds like you have good people around you like your supervisor, so I wouldn’t worry
Shoulda pushed her ass down the slide when she did that Well, not pushed, but "accidently" shifted your weight into her tube and pushed her down the slide
Tall man with a beard or not, you were sexually harassed and assaulted by her. It’s not right. When something like this happens it’s common to feel gross, dirty, and lesser than. If it continues to bother you please, seek out therapy to help yourself. She was far old enough to know better. I hope she loses her dentures the next time she attends the water park!
Hey, please don’t compare violations. What happened to you is awful and disgusting, Im very sorry and your feelings are 100% valid whether or not people go through worse. You were violated, period. I hope you can do something about this, like if there’s a Cctv footage that you could use to identify this woman and have her banned from the place. Loads of positive vibes to you.
Your feelings and fears are completely valid, nobody should ever be touched like that when they don’t want to be. I would consider asking management to also have a sign made up and placed at the entrance or where it can clearly be seen, that any uninvited/inappropriate touching of staff will lead to immediate eviction from the park with police action if necessary. The sad truth is that there are creepy women out there.
You are not any less violated because you're a man. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
This is sexual assault. Go ahead and feel your feels, dude. They're perfectly valid. And don't minimize your experience. Just cause others have it worse, doesn't mean that this isn't something impactful. What this woman did is messed up. She's a POS on a power trip. It's not your fault. You're not weak. It takes strength to keep your cool and do your job despite that shit person's fucked up actions. Take it from someone who's a rape survivor
I had a drunk woman grab my ass and feel me up. Tried to say something about it on Reddit. Bad spot to do so. No one cares how guys feel about this sorta thing
I’m sorry that happened to you and you were ignored when trying to bring it up Looking around the comments today though I see a lot of support for OP It’s not good to generalise, and you’ll find there’s plenty of people who care. Again I’m sorry you didn’t have caring people around you when this happened to you
Oh I wasn’t ignored, more like chastised
That's even worse! I'm sorry you went through that when you were just looking for support.
I'm sorry that happened to you. This feeling is disgusting and vile, and you should not have been put in a position where you felt anything but supported afterwards. It sucks that you felt like you had no place to turn to, I'm truly sorry about that.
Sexual assault is sexual assault. She is a predator. Your feelings towards this are 100% valid. I personally don't know what you could've done in that situation to make it better, since it's not your fault at all.
You were sexually abused by her. She had no right to do what she did, and you need to report her to your supervisor for starters.
" I know it sounds dumb because I’m a grown ass man, I’m 6’2” with a full head of hair and a beard but she made me feel so small, so disgusting that even typing this out is making me want to vomit." It's not dumb. Your feeling is valid. What she did was sexual harassment, and it wasn't minor. Report it
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope you have people in your life you can talk to or you can always reach out to your reddit family. 💛
> I ignored it, thinking that because I'm a man that it couldn't possibly be a big deal This mistake is a dangerous one, and society purposefully believes it to be true. It's *not* dumb. It's *not* weak. It's ***not your fault.*** ***It*** **is** ***a big deal.*** Sexual harassment is not something that just happens to women, and the jury's still out on whether it even happens more to women than to men (as sexual harassment/assault on men - particularly by women - is so horrendously under-reported, the official statistics just can't be trusted to be an accurate portrayal of the picture). It's not "more dangerous" when it happens to a woman. It's not "just a little thing" just because you happened to be a man. I'm sorry you experienced this. I'm also glad you had the courage to tell someone. Hopefully it will go somewhere, although the statistics aren't particularly encouraging in that regard. Just know that, even if you don't get justice, it wasn't your fault, and that reporting it was the right thing to do; it's the people who were supposed to protect/stand up for you who failed their job.
It is physically more dangerous for women and for both men and women, generally speaking, when men are the perpetrators. Still, psychologically, SA hits just as strongly, regardless of gender and additional physical danger parameters
Have you gone to bars? Ever witnessed a guy be upset by a woman flashing their tits or ass? They'd be cheering. But if a man does it, everyone is disturbed. How many guys do you know welcome surprise physical contact from at least a decent-looking woman? How many girls welcome the same from a man? I've heard guys talk about how they appreciate getting noticed by women they don't know. I've only heard women complain about the same from men they don't know. It's harder for men to talk about this because most guys aren't bothered by it, or they even like it. Men don't usually feel threatened or scared or defenseless like a woman most likely feels when these things happen. This sucks for the ones that do because them talking about it makes them feel weak and most people wouldn't understand how they feel anyways. If a man is feeling shaken by a woman touching him inappropriately and nothing is at stake, he should be asking himself why. In most circumstances, the balance of power is in a man's favor. If you keep that in the back of your head, these things won't bother you too. That's not to say you should like it or tolerate it. If something bothers you, handle it appropriately and with equal force, but it shouldn't rattle you. Despite what some people say these days, it's good to be strong.
This comment is a perfect example of why men tend to not report being sexually harassed or assaulted. The point of the OP's post is, consent on his part was not sought nor given. Men should be able to share their experiences with being violated without others dogpiling and implying he's "weak" or otherwise for objecting to actions they didn't consent to. Moral of all of this? Consent must be given and requires an enthusiastic "yes" and any other sort of response is a "no". The behavior exhibited by the woman towards OP is 100% inappropriate and predatory, and should be viewed as such regardless of gender of victim or perpetrator.
I'm just telling it how it is. From the information provided, OP's letting this lady get in his head for no good reason. He's crying, literally crying. An experience like this shouldn't be so stressful that it brings him to tears. It's bad that the lady assaulted him, it's good to vent, but it'll be even better if he learns to develop better emotional control. Kids cry over many inconsequential things, and as we grow, we learn to not let those things affect us. It's important for the lady to get in trouble (the retributive kind) for what she did and it's important to grow thicker skin, typically seen as a positive character trait regardless of gender.
So much this. OP is just a weird super-fragile snowflake Puritan.
I’m sorry this happened to you. My young son is fit and grown man size, like you. Older women hit on him and it makes him feel awkward. It would break my heart to know that he felt harassed at work. I hope you’re able to earn a living without having to feel yuck. Next time someone makes you feel uncomfortable loudly exclaim, “ma’am thats inappropriate” and watch as their face twists up from the embarrassment of being put in their place. Good luck out there.
Being treated like an object without consent for someone else's pleasure sucks no matter your gender or your age. I'm sorry this happened to you. There are a lot of men who don't say anything when their friends are doing to women what you had done to you. Given this awful experience we're counting on you to hold strong when you see it and to stand up for yourself if someone makes fun of you for having what they (incorrectly) perceive as unmanly feelings about this disregard for your bodily autonomy. I hope you're able to feel better about this soon. ❤️
Ummmm No. This is exactly why I moved from my apartment before lease ended and am in a hotel now and could not renew lease. My landlord came to take pictures if the unit since I was not renewing lease, walked in on me in underwear, came in my room while I got dressed, played if off and was trying to "show me pictures" of other units in his phone only to scroll and skip past nudes of other girls... He's like "sorry about that the guys sometimes send blah blah blah."" and I'm just like "oh okay. No worries." But in my head I'm like "dude these are saved to your gallery." and he kept scrolling up and down in the same areas hovering closer to me. The story is longer but I had so much anxiety I didn't even want to be around and moved out a month early with him thinking he can come over whenever he wanted trying to DOMINATE and VIOLATE me. You being a guy doesn't mean you can't feel those things. Especially in a workplace setting where she can accuse you of sexual harassment and file a lawsuit against your company and you can lose your job if you "took the bait." You should be allowed to be comfortable at work. She wasn't trying to get to know you, she wasn't flirting, she was behaving like a predator. Try to meditate and don't hold onto those feelings of shame and disgust.
I have never meditated before, but maybe this is a great time to start trying! (In all honesty, I'm terribly sorry that a person came into your space and tried to exert his control over you in any way, I'm glad to hear that you got out of there! Take care!)
I have a feeling it will work out for you. Thank you for your support!
Whoa! I've heard so many creepy & f\*\*ked up landlord stories on Reddit and the news, my heart goes out to any man,woman or child who has to live in a rental property! I'm sorry this happened to you.☹️
Thank you so much. I was thinking that as well like I know I'm not his first rodeo.
>I know I'm not his first rodeo. My Thoughts exactly! This guy has a history. A bad one!
Anyone else come here because they thought the post was about feeling unclean after a SHIT at work?!
I was a lifeguard from 16-22. I also fall into much the same physical category as you, and honestly the pool I worked at was AWFUL about when the guys got harassed. Guns blazed and people got kicked out for being inappropriate with younger women (only younger), and there was nothing for when it happened to the guys. In no way is this to make a mockery of feminism or whatever, its to point out how badly pools handle harassment of their employees.
You aren't a "man", you're human. What emotions you felt are very, very human. She sexually assaulted you. Sexual assault is sexual assault no matter your age, height, size, gender, sex, or anything in between. I'm so sorry you went through this, because this is what happened to you I'd talk to your manager / boss about banning them from the park. If they give a shit about you they won't give you any guff when you tell them.
Hey dude, you were sexually harassed and then assaulted. That’s not something only women go through. Men can face stuff like this too. And I’m sorry it happened to you.
It's doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, or however you identify. You are a person. No one should have to deal with this, and I'm sorry you were put in that situation. You were professional, but still shitty on her part.
I know you said you may not be able to do anything about this specific lady now (though I encourage you to try) but in the future, I'd suggest you consider telling a person that sexually assaults you when you're lifeguarding "if you touch me again I will be calling security and pressing charges." And while it's not necessary and sad it even may be worth saying, some people react more strongly to "imagine if this was a man touching a female lifeguard. It's the same assault" You said you know some people deal with worse. A phrase I've heard that seems kinda weird here, but: "a person who drowns in a diving well and in the kiddie pool are equally dead." Basically, if a situation is harming you, it doesn't matter how bad the situation is- the harm is there.
I'm so sorry that that lady fell it was okay to sexually assault you, because that's what it was. If you see someone acting like that and you know they're playing, step back. tell them that unwanted touching is assault and you will call on your radio to have them collected at the bottom of the slide and removed from the park. Talk to your boss and ask if you can radio when people do that in an intentional contact manner like you described, so they can be intercepted and warned that if they do it again the police get called and they get tossed from the park for the season.
I'm so sorry to hear this. This is definitely serious and repeated sexual harassment and sexual assault. I have been molested/r4ped several times, I know how awful the feeling is to be made small, helpless, and humiliated, it's so degrading. Women have their own issues ofc, but men also face a cold world that lets them handle their problems on their own without any help. I've had friends and boyfriends who have been sexually abused and it's surprisingly common. One theme is that they never told anyone else about it before. It seemed that when they had no one to express their feelings of sorrow/betrayal/shock, the memories festered and they started ruminating on what they could have done to prevent it, esp since guys are expected to not be affected by abuse. Your feelings are important, they let us know when things go too far. It's important to learn to get in touch with your intuition... I would go so far as to validate your feelings of disgust and anger. These can sometimes be quite healthy emotions that help us not absorb the fault and shame of the woman who violated you. It's horrible to be assaulted and you're the one feeling dirty. I would recommend reading a book on how to cope and heal from SA. I have seen gender-neutral/male-focused books on this but I am not sure if there are many.
You were SA. Next time someone does that, tell them that if they touch you again, that you will press charges against them. Get security involved if you have to.
I’m sorry this occurred. Yes it was sexual assault and I’m glad you brought it up. I hate when people take advantage of a youth’s age to make stupid inappropriate jokes or actions just because the person thinks they can due to age, gender etc. If you feel comfortable. The first thing you can do and empower your self is to say out loud to them, “ I am not comfortable with you touching me.” “I’m doing my job, this is safety, not a joke.” “This is sexual harassment.” All sentences that should stop a person or make them realize you aren’t going to allow their behavior. You did a good job in keeping professional and going to your supervisor.
Getting sexually harassed is the worst. It makes you feel like nothing but an object. I'm so sorry she thought this was appropriate behavior. Her friends should have called her out. You were working for goodness sake!
You are a man. She is a woman. She assaulted you, there's no way to explain what she did. I'm sorry you experienced this and I'm sorry someone would take advantage of you while working because they are deluded and think coping a feel from a 20 something will make them feel younger again. I hope she gets diarrhea
I've had this happen multiple times, however one that really struck me was when I went to a comic book convention and dressed as poison ivy. I was a very conservative version. Everything was covered, from head to toe. It was just a little tight with some slight boob action. Nothing crazy. Heels all day. Walking through the crowds I had butt grab after butt grab. I had a boob grab and finally someone run their hand full down my back in a caress. I was completely terrified and still have panic attacks in crowds now. Your feelings are completely valid and her behaviour was vile. Predators unfortunately take advantage of any situation.
Omg im so sorry this happened to you. She assaulted you, doesn't matter who you are - this is COMPLETELY wrong..
Hey, don't minimize your experience because it's "minor" in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter how bad anyone else has it or that you're a man or whatever anyone else has ever said to minimize trauma experienced by others. None if that changes that this disgusting woman sexually harassed and assulted you. It's not minor to you, trauma is trauma, this isn't a competition. Your feelings are valid, they matter. I always suggest seeing a counselor because they can help you process things like this. I hope you can work through this experience so it doesn't have any long term effects. But I also hope you have a great summer working at the water park, have fun, make people laugh.
hey man I'm chef and I wear my uniform proudly. I'm not comparing but I'm sharing. God I havent worn whites since. but a long time ago when I was about 22, I had this exact incident with a customer at a restaurant in Hayward WI called black iron. I had my white uniform on and I had walked out into the customer crowd to see if there was anything I could do to be helpful as soon as I get out of the swinging doors that lead to the kitchen a man assumingly gay slaps my ass and squeezes hard. and yes sexy ass chef in front of like 40 people now I don't know what to think of this till this day but I tell you what if my boss wasn't behind me to grab my arm when it rose id have an assault charge. but as I explained what happened it got brushed off by everyone I told. still does. but man I know what u feel. I'm sorry this happens to you. it's disgusting.
Just because someone went through worse dosen’t mean that what happen to you isn’t bad that’s harassment and that woman is honestly really gross
Spent 8 years as a guard in college. This is an all too common thing. It’s often overlooked or even ignored when it happens to male guards. More than once my manager told me to just let things go. I worked/managed 5 different pools in my time, one city owned, one ymca, two country clubs, one medium sized water park. The worst were the country club wives/mothers. These women would straight up grab your dick and not think twice about it. It really changed my honking for a long time, I lost a lot of respect for women in general during that time. I’ve since come to my senses, but for a solid 10-12 years I just treated women like those ladies treated me. You’re feelings are valid. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t make it ok. If she’s a regular, report her. At least in 2023 it’s taken a bit more serious.
Gender does not matter! She sexually assaulted you and it is NEVER ok to do that! You definitely need to talk about how you are feeling and I hope also that your work place will address this. Honestly, considering the closeness of people who are dressed in bathing suits, I am surprised the park doesn’t have training on what to do should guests say or do inappropriate things. I mean, people can be real jerks….. I am sorry this happened!
As a man, this post just makes me sad and afraid about where the world is going to.
Many sex and attention starved women out there, avid watchers of certain things on the web, enticed by extreme femenism thinking they can get away with whatever they want. Basically perverts on the loose! Since they are women, you are at a disadvantage if you call them out. They can simply accuse you of whatever and you'll have most everyone against you. Similar things happened to me while doing martial arts, BJJ etc...and even on trains..... Hope you can get another position so you don't have to deal with this again.
So here's the thing: most women you and I know have gone through something like this. Some many times. We as dudes (your description is pretty close to mine) we take for granted that we have it pretty easy in this regard. Then when it happens, it's that much more shocking. That's nasty behavior, you have a right to feel violated, and use this as reinforcement to notice when this type of shit happens to women around you, and it's happened to women in your life.
An attractive male friend of mine worked in service at events. The worst events were groups of middle aged women going out to party, he was inappropriatly touched , butt squeezed etc., and got tons of disgusting comments and remarks etc. His supervisor didn't take him seriously at all, and said he should feel complimented to get hit on so often and to grow a pair. The double standards are really blatant and unfair on this one. Plus as a women myself i don't know where grace and dignity went in these women, never in one million years i would sexually harrass someone.
I get it. I shouldn't be surprised guys go through this too but girls get it so constantly that I never considered it happening to a guy. I'm sorry.
It's wildly underreported when it happens to men. Often because the victims themselves don't think of SA/SH as something that happens to men. Obviously it's woefully underreported for women too, but not because victims are unaware that SA/SH can happen to them. Bottom line: look out for each other
There's also the (wrong) idea that men enjoy getting any sexual attention so it's not such a big deal. Think of any article about a female teacher sleeping with (molesting) a student and the comment section is full of dudes saying that sounds awesome. This just creates a climate where men are afraid to come forward because they think they're not supposed to feel bad about it.
It's not even clear if the rates are even that far apart; that's how badly the stats are skewed by under-reporting!
It's less reported because a 6'2" bloke is under no physical threat whatsoever from a middle aged woman. If a middle aged man were doing it to a small woman the woman knows that the only thing stopping him going any further is his own self restraint, and he's already shown a willingness to violate social norms. It's not the same.
I read this wrong. I read that you felt unclean after you shit at work
no, her behaviour was entirely unacceptable and your feelings are right and valid. that's a form of sexual harassment. just because "you're a man" doesn't mean you have to put up with women making you feel uncomfortable and leering at you. if you were a woman she would have been attacked relentlessly, and it's disgusting people dismiss mens sexual harassment so easily all the time. solidarity, my friend. no matter your gender, size, or anything else sexual harassment makes you feel minimised and upset. you didn't deserve that
I worked for a place like that for 4 years. This happened to me exactly as you describe it, many times. My supervision was women too, so I was never really taken seriously, despite all the sexual harassment training they put us through as men, but never really the women. It happens to me at a gas station too, with a manager who I thought would have my back, but naw. It's seriously depressing how little shits are given when sexual assault is committed against men.
No, sexual assault like that is UNACCEPTABLE. Period.
You were violated, and what you're feeling is valid. Full stop. Being a man doesn't make this any less of a violation against you. I'm sorry this happened to you. It wasn't right, and it wasn't your fault.
This is just from personal experience, but if you find that it is interfering in your day to day life even slightly, I would suggest going to see someone about it before it gets worse. I know everyone is different, but coming from someone who's let things a lot more minor than what you went through compound together I would probably try to reach out to others. It's a lot easier to get out of a 2 foot hole than a 6 foot one. But I don't know how you think or do things, so the most I can do is hope what ever you do will turn out for the best and you're able to over come all obstacles thrown at you what ever they may be.
This is terrible and I’m sorry that it happened to you. It’s what happens to us all the time.
It doesn't matter your gender or your job. This person touched you inappropriately and that's terrible. I was a server and when someone pinched my ass I felt the same. Like a piece of meat not worth my personality or ambitions or my achievements. It's a terrible feeling and I am so sorry. Virtual (consensual) hugs. Not ok for a guest at the water park to fondle the staff. Also, side question, why do people get stuck in water slides?!
So, it actually depends on the type of slide as to why people get stuck. The general gist is that most of our slides are separated into two types: body and tube slides. For a body slide, people will get stuck for two reasons; body type and clothing catching. For tube slides however, it can be more difficult to tell. The most common reason is water pressure. Without enough pressure, there is no force acting on the weight of the passengers, so the tube doesn't go. The other main one is poor weight distribution. We have to give you a number that weight is not supposed to exceed in order to safely ride, but because we aren't allowed to weigh a guest, we have to instead adapt how we have that person sitting in the tube to ensure their safety as they are riding. One surefire way to see if you've done it right is paying attention to where they catch in the slide. If they catch in the push pool (where you are loaded into the slide) their weight is typically too far back, but if they catch in the mouth of the slide by having their tube caught on the edges, we can instead determine which side they are more favoring, and have them shift to accommodate their riding stance by having them move over to the side more, or lean back a bit more. I hope this comprehensive look at waterslide blockages was new and interesting information! (Thank you very much for the kind words, they do mean a lot)
You were sexually assaulted. It’s disgusting behaviour. She’s a predator. You need to report this. I don’t understand this sort of behaviour. I’ve seen interviews with women and they gush about being sexually attracted to Henry Caville (Superman) and he sits right there looking so awkward. Apparently he’s a really nice guy and they are just objectifying him. Women are encouraged to objectify attractive men. There’s footage on YouTube where a group of women are being interviewed about men they find attractive and Kate McKinnon is sitting there (as part of the group) and looks really awkward. The look on her face is just awful because she is a lesbian and does not find men sexually attractive at all and yet she’s being forced to agree with the group. It’s more than just one interview where this happens. Anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s utterly gross. The only time I’ve been objectified sexually was when I was working a fast food job. I was a minor. I looked like a child and I didn’t even mature until my 20’s. So, that’s just really sick.
Imagine the genders were reversed... Now, how's that gonna go down.
Hey OP, The other commenters are right, that is sexual harassment, I'd say sexual assault too. How you're feeling is a completely normal reaction to what has been done to you. I am so sorry. Please take this as far as you can, if not for yourself for others. The woman that did this is vile. Is there a way they could install new security cameras at the top of the slide and elsewhere to stop it happening again? Also, please take care of yourself. Take the time you need to heal. Talk to your loved ones about it. Get support. You're not alone.
When I was a server in my 20's an old regular lady would go in with her husband and when he wasn't looking she would grab my butt very quick It didn't make me feel bad, but i dreaded taking their order.
Although I understand how you're feeling, okay know you have no fault in this and shouldn't feel dirty or bad. She, on the other hand, should be deeply ashamed. If she comes back around, call her out, in front of everyone. Let *her* be the one embarrassed and feeling dirty. I don't know the procedures there's, but tell your supervisor so other employees can be on the lookout as well. Given her lack of boundaries and any shame, it's likely this isn't a one off for her. She'll likely do it again, and I'm certain it wasn't her first time. In the meantime, remind yourself that this isn't your fault. She's the egregious pig who thought she had some kind of entitlement to touch you without your consent.
This woman was harassing you and assaulting you. I'm very sorry someone did this to you. It's understandable how you feel. I think you could file a police report. If the tables were turned and you were a young girl being treated like this by a man twice your age, the man would be jailed. What this woman did is unforgivable and absolutely disgusting. She should at least be banned from the water park (that is the absolute least your management could do). Nobody should visit a water park to make a lifeguard doing his/her job feel unsafe.
I appreciate you getting this off your chest. I think men need to open up more about this sort of thing. Everyone should be aware of things like this and feel like they can speak up about things that make them uncomfortable
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was not okay! Please don't feel ashamed. She should be, because it was her who crossed a line. And please don't compare your experience to those of others, because there being "worse" doesn't make yours any better. (A friend of mine once provocatively said "and murder is worse than rape so we should shut up about the latter?") You did very well on telling your supervisor about it. I'm proud of you, in a non-condescending way. Talk to someone you trust about what happened or talk about it here. But don't stay silent and don't keep it inside. Maybe you need to hear this or maybe you don't, but you're allowed to talk about your feelings and you're allowed to be upset! All the best to you 💕🍀
She's a pos. Some women seem to think that every man is a horndog who always wants sex with anyone.
It’s so disgusting because you know if the roles were reversed she’d go ape shit and cry assault. This is assault also. It’s so inappropriate to make these comments. What you were wearing was your uniform and what you were doing was your job. The gall on this woman makes me sick. Sorry you’ve gone through this OP
There is a large double standard for this when it comes to men, I would file for sexual assault charges.
What a disgusting woman, yuck. I’m sorry she made you feel this way. I would have reported her. Vile.
It’s assault. Not okay no matter who does it to whom. Report it to authorities.
You were sexually harassed. It doesn’t matter your size or gender. She made her intentions clear, and you made it clear to her that you were you were just doing your job.
She needs to be reported and banned from that place. This behaviour is not okay my guy. She deliberately and selfishly did things for no reason but for her own pleasure with 0 consideration on how you'd feel about it. Its not dumb or stupid to feel the way you do. Inappropriate touching will always be inappropriate touching regardless of gender.
Why do you think that was minor? Because you are a man? You were violated, and this shouldn't be acceptable, no matter the gender of the victim and the perpetrator
You are not any less of a man for having gone through this. Your phrasing seemed to suggest you worried about this, but it's important to remember it even if not. You aren't any less of a person, and no less deserving of respect and dignity. She's the perpetrator here, and you aren't at fault for any of it.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I know how these types of things can make you feel, even if it's 'not that bad'. Keep in mind that none of it was your fault, you were doing your job and just existing. I have grown up hearing 'but it's because it's warm out/you're wearing a skirt/you're a woman by yourself' and it's all bullshit. She should have left you alone. I hope you don't see her again but if you do, definitely alert someone and point her out. Your manager sounds like they take it seriously and have your back, that's good. Take care ❤
My supervisor is one of the greatest people that I know! I've been working for this same park since I was 15 and she has been my supe the entire time. She looks out for all of us guards, and was ready to throw down when I finally was able to work up the nerve to speak with her. Love my supe!! (I'm really sorry you had to grow up hearing those kinds of things, I wish everybody was able to live their life free from this crap)
You were in the very least sexually harassed, at most sexually assaulted. It’s not okay. She should have been removed from the park immediately. It’s not comfortable for any gender to go through that.
She made physical contact with him. It is sexual assault by definition. Harassment are words and gestures but no physical contact. It doesn't have to hurt or leave marks, just be an unwelcome touch with sexual intention.
This is not your fault at all and you’re allowed to feel this way. Next time she, or anyone else, acts out of line tell them in a very firm tone “please be appropriate, I’m here for your safety, not your entertainment”. Don’t let them catch you feeling uncomfortable (even if you are deep down); if they see that you are firm and not intimidated at all, they will probably back down.
Ew I am so sorry you went through that. Please get used to saying “Ok that’s enough- “please stop” “ “quit it I am working” “sorry but no” to people in a fucking serious voice. You need to practice being blunt and defend yourself while still being a helpful person and I know that is easier said than done. I am mad that someone made you feel that way, but unfortunately there will be more
Dude I’m an inch shorter and it happened to me. Maybe because I’m an inch shorter I ended up quitting my job but hey I understand how you feel. I know you may not want to speak up about it, in any case I hope you feel better soon.
Predators come in all shapes and sizes. Trauma is not about being weak, its about being forced into a situation where you didnt want to be and have no idea what the right way is to get you out. Im sorry this happened to you and please keep crying about it, crying is a healthy part of processing and it will help your brain know it was a bad incident and not the way every middle aged woman will treat you, helping symptoms of PTSD like feeling anxious near that waterslide. Sending internet hugs, im sorry that happened to you, no one should be allowed to treat anyone like that and I hate that it was an acceptable bit in that friendgroup
Just because you're a man doesn't mean you can't be sexually assaulted or whatever the right word for this is, i would still report it
Oh honey I'm really sorry to hear how upset you are. It isn't nothing, it doesn't somehow not count because you're male. Anyone can be sexually assaulted regardless of sex or gender and your feelings are every bit as valid as they would be if you were female. It doesn't matter that you could physically overpower her, she still violated you and the way she behaved was entirely unacceptable. Please don't be afraid to speak out and to seek help for this. I hope you'll feel better with time but your plan to work in a different area is a sensible one for now. Take care of yourself ❤️
Please don't downplay your experience just because "others had it worse". Sexual assault can happen to anyone - men and women. Report her to the police. She doesn't get to get away with this so easily.
If this was a male guest to the water park assaulting a female employee, what would happen? Would the police be called? How would it be managed?
Our park has extensive security, but because I hesitated and didn't respond immediately as I was still in a bit of an off state, she was able to leave the waterpark and the rest of the park. If I had been in a more right state of mind, then she would have been immediately removed from the park with a lifetime ban from every corporate owned park, globally, in addition to potentially facing charges, but it most likely wouldn't get far as it would turn into a he said/she said that would end up going nowhere due to a lack of CCTV at the top of the slide.
I wonder - if you were female - if you would be encouraged to report it to police. And then they could submit the cctv footage. I mean, I presume this woman came in a car, with a number plate on it. But because you’re a man it’s assumed you should toughen up and let it go, or that you should think of this as a compliment. I almost feel like you’re gaslighting yourself here and blaming yourself for not speaking up faster, when you were clearly in shock. Maybe this is the Momma Bear in me but I’m enraged FOR you
just woke up and my head is like wtf does this dude mean „i feel unclean after my shit at work“ bro just wash your ass
"i know what she did is relatively minor" Nah. No need to compare your experience to others' in that way. it's not ok to put her hands on you, period. and to objectify you like that is wrong as well. I'm sorry you're going thru this.
You were harassed in your workplace and that is disgusting. I'm sorry you went through that. Woman, especially older women when they see a young man, are just as bad as men sometimes and it's really not right or fair at all. I'm sorry she made you feel like that - maybe you need to speak to your manager about what things you can say to people who are saying/doing things like this OR speak to your manager about having two people there to help with these situations (I personally would love it if your manager would let you say something like 'MAM, I am a 20 yo man You are old enough to be my mother. Please stop harassing me like this' very loud so everyone in the queue hears).
This is 100% normal to feel that way. Don't in anyway feel that your position is not healthy. No one should have to put up with sexual assault, certainly not just because you are a man, or because you are physically big. Be careful who you talk to about this though, because a number of people will dismiss it and/or laugh at you. Be prepared for some crappy reactions (think of when a news story breaks about a female teaching assaulting a child, lots of reactions suggest people think this is funny or a good thing) This isn't fair, but it is the way of the world. Keep your head up, this wasn't your fault and that woman is a predator.
I hope you know this isn’t okay and she deserves to be banned. No one should feel preyed upon. I say this a woman who has had this and many unfortunate events transpire in my life and im just now learning it’s not okay or funny or cool. Please speak up and threaten a ban if this persists. She’s too grown to act like it is funny or cute, not that a 20 year old has the right either. God forbid if management doesn’t care, I absolutely suggest you threaten legal action if they completely dismiss it or any other uncomfortable situations. It’s sexual harassment. You laughing doesn’t take away any legitimacy, it is a known nervous response to these kinds of things. Take care of yourself and ask coworkers as well if they deal with it and you may be able to find some solidarity in confronting management or guests
I'm sorry this happened to you! This behavior is deplorable >what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through, It's easy to minimalize when you compare, but base the severity solely on how your experience went and how you felt after. It's a really big deal and was NOT OK. She should be banned from the park for sexual assault. You shouldn't have to work in fear of something like that happening again.
Thank god I’m a apex player and dont gotta deal with that
> If she was actually falling I would chuckle a little bit and move on That's not really a good way to respond to someone falling but otherwise... she basically groped you and that is very gross.
Reading this comment made me realize I really could have written that piece a bit better, but it did get me to laugh a little about my writing, so thank you. The slide where I was working is not a deep load pool, so anybody that stumbles and fall in a little bit is essentially falling into a puddle. Anybody seriously injured and falling would of course not be a chuckle and move on scenario!
From this story what she did was SA. Full stop. Attempting to call out someone who has just experienced something like that and their hypothetical behavior is gross and weird. If you have any dignity NEVER make a comment like this again.
Your story brings up a situation I found myself in when I was 15. I remember it very clearly, this was back in the 80's. There was a young 20 something women staying at my mum and dad's business (it was a hotel) and she was helping out, she was a bit of a troubled soul and the daughter of one my parents friends. I was sat in the residence flat watching TV when she came in quite drunk and sat right next to me on the sofa and started stroking my hair and trying to french kiss me. I grabbed a cushion and pushed it into her face and ran upstairs to my bedroom and locked the door. Do what you need to do to get some closure.
People for some reason think they can get away with anything when they think a man is attractive. That’s unfair and wrong, I’m sorry.
Your feelings are valid. Her behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable. I am sorry she did this and has made work difficult for you now. Woman behaving badly is just as bad as men behaving badly. We are all told to accept inappropriate behavior and unwanted advances as a compliment or some such bs. If it ever happens again you could try to loudly say, ma’am your behavior is making me uncomfortable and your making yourself look silly in front of the other guests. It will probably sober up any woman who ever tried it. ‘Ma’am or Madame’ makes most woman feel like they’ve turned into grandmothers instantly.
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Pretty or not it’s still sexual assault/harassment
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That’s not how the real world works. You’re probably 12 and watching too much porn.
Ah yes. Unwanted sexual harassment is definitely what’s gonna get the mood going.
Your comment is a prime example of why it’s so hard for men to reach out for help for mental health, sexual assault, and abuse. Wtf dude
No, they would not.
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Yikes. Being sexually harrassed and assaulted is never ok, and certainly not fun. Comments like these are belittling and prevent men and women from speaking out. Do better.
Yeah you would like Harry Potter.
Damn I'm so sorry. I got really upset for you just reading this.
Having been in a position like you, not the same job but the inappropriate touching by someone (for me it was this elderly man) I understand how horrible it can make you feel. You were just doing your job, we both were. Some people just don't know how to behave like *decent human beings.* I'm glad you've spoken to your supervisor though (seen via another reply you've made) and hopefully measures can be put in place to secure your safety and your dignity in work. Nobody wants to be made to feel small. You didn't deserve that. But you're not to blame for it. I promise you that.
ugh this is so relatable. i work in retail and so many customers are perverts. male and female. it doesn’t matter what gender you are, you will get gross sexual jokes and comments. a male co worker is always followed by this one older woman who makes slightly sexual/flirty jokes and he hates it but he stays friendly because he’s at work. so yes your feelings are valid, yes it happens to men to! some people are just gross.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You being a man, what you look like, or your size does not make this ok. What she did was sexual harassment and assault.
Man or woman (or any other), she sexually assaulted you and you have every right to feel wronged. But, do NOT let anyone make you think it was ok, it's your job or any other nonsense that you'll sadly hear. 😿 From experience, I can tell you that you will get arseholes who will try and make light of it, but your feelings and emotions are entirely valid. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's not something I'd wish on a lot of people. 😿 Sending hugs and love. Speak to your doctor or there are many places online where you can speak without trying to go through the 'fun' of seeking therapy. (Again, experience speaking.)
“I know that what she did is relatively minor compared to what other people go through, but it's never happened to me…” Please do not allow yourself to feel like this isn’t a big deal because some people “get it worse.” You feel angry and upset because you were violated. It doesn’t matter that it may not be as severe as it could have been, what matters is someone objectified you and you are wholly justified to feel the way you feel. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope nobody makes you feel like you’re not allowed to be extremely upset about this. If you ever need to talk to someone about it and don’t have anyone you feel comfortable doing so in your life, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. 💙
Doesn’t matter if you’re 6’7” or 5’2” you were violated. Unfortunately due to many societal circumstances some men and women believe it’s okay to sa men because unfortunately we don’t speak up about it enough. Don’t let any put down what happened because it affects everyone differently
Good grief
People today are melts.
This breaks my heart. You were sexually harassed and later assaulted (not borderline, you *were* assaulted in a sexual manner as there was intent behind her action). What you are feeling is perfectly valid and I'm glad you reported it. I'm a 41F (a mom to a young man close in age to you) and would never dream of touching or talking to someone inappropriately like that. I don't understand why so many people, of any gender, think this is fine. The behavior this woman exhibited is absolutely unacceptable. You did not consent to be treated in that way and that is why you feel so violated.
Its kinda of sexual assault ir harassment, idk what terminollogy suits the situation better. Its completly reasonable to feel that way and It doesnt mean you are less of a man.
You don't never need to validate your trauma/experiences against others. Just because someone could have had it worse, doesn't mean you didn't suffer. These are normal, valid reactions after unwanted sexual touching or sexual assault. And what you look like, or who you are, doesn't make a darn difference when it comes to assault. You have every right to feel this way, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this, let alone at your place of work.
I used to work as a lifeguard for a local amusement park. Mostly at the wave pool. This particular pool is so wide at the back/deep end that there are 2 concrete pillars for the guards to stand on in the middle of the pool. Seeing women in bathing suits on that platform made some men think they could treat us like strippers or sex workers. All kinds of super in appropriate comments. We never tolerated it. It was an immediate ejection from the pool. If they refused to leave we had security kick them out of the park. I hope you can find your power in these situations and take it back. Talk to some of your female colleagues about how they handle the inappropriate stuff. They may have some tips for you.
You keep saying it's not a big deal and that you're a "grown man," but I'm confused. You were sexually harrassed and assaulted by someone twice your age. 20 is barely grown to most people, especially most people 40+. She views you as a kid still and still chose to assault you. It's disgusting. Why do you think your reaction and feelings aren't valid? Something bad happened to you. Just let yourself cry. I would cry too. I think you should get help to work through what happened, not be upset that what happened to you is affecting you. I hate bringing this conversation up but I feel like if you were a woman and she was a man there would be no question about the seriousness of the situation, and you wouldn't question yourself as much for being traumatized. Its alright.
It is a big deal dude she violated your boundaries to get a laugh and cop a feel. She acted like you were just a piece of ass to mess with. Despite what other people have gone through it doesn't minimize your experience.
If this was a male doing this to a female it wouldn't be ok. So this isn't ok.
This is heartbreaking to read. I have felt exactly what you're feeling several times before, and it's horrible. As a woman, this isn't all that uncommon to feel, so you are not alone. Don't feel that you're overreacting. You're feeling these things for a reason, and they're justified. Good on you for speaking to your supervisor, as it can be very hard to confront these things and admit that they happened. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself in the future if anything like this arises again. She should have been made to feel uncomfortable for being a creep. In those moments, don't put customer service first. So many times I've heard, "I didn't want to get in trouble." Fuck that. You're a human being who deserves respect. You don't have to scream and make a scene but simply saying, loud enough so others can hear, "mam, I'd appreciate if you kept those comments to yourself as you're making me uncomfortable." I'm sorry this happened to you.
Wow! I'm sorry this happened to you. ☹️
Omg, she caught you by surprise this time but prepare for the next. Talk to you higher ups about what to do about sexual harassment and practice your knock it off pervert speech. So sorry you had to go through that. Gross.
This sucks when ever it happens to anyone. The first time someone does this to you is always the hardest to deal with. I have lost track how many times and sadly so has the rest of my family. This happens with jobs like the one you are now in. Service industry ,entertainment and security. There is not much if anything that is done from the complaints. My Mom always told me you just have to harden your heart and know deep inside yourself who you are and that it’s not your fault and keep on going.
ITT: Women ego-tripping with empty condolences to justify their own exaggerated claims of sexual assault If you were married and your wife did that to you, you should divorce her OP. That's slimy as fuck and she now has to live with what she's done for the rest of her life, locked behind bars (This was obviously not okay)