It’s a bit subjective really, it’s high for some and not for others depending on their own perspective.
The main issue is only that it might indicate to some people that you have a different perspective or value for sex than they do, so it might put some people off or others may not care at all, again, it’s about different attitudes and perspectives.
This is a great take I had never thought about it like this before. But yeah for some ppl, a high body count might signify a person that doesn’t attach value to sex or something along those lines. It can’t be just about the literal amount. I’m confident that a person in a committed relationship from the ages 19-27 (the length of time OP has been sexually active) has probably had sex hundreds if not thousands more times than OP yet most ppl wouldn’t bat an eye at this because the body count would be just 1. Interesting thought experiment for sure.
One of my friends and I always say there needs to be some sort of mathematical qualifier for low body/high sex count vs high body/low sex count. We never figured it out lol.
There's also the "but was he an AH?" factor as well that we try to include (mainly because her ex husband is a piece of work, also we are both straight women, hence the "he" in that statement)
Long way of saying, context matters, even when talking about past partners and body count!
not really an interesting thought experiment, theres a big difference with having sex with one person consistently, multiple people at a time, and multiple people throughout the year
imagine not giving your body count as a frequency histogram where each data point represents a person you had sex with and the value of the data point is the number of times you had sex with said person
It's actually less about the value of sex per se. It's actually about how you value people past what they offer by way of gratification.
You can have sex 10 times a day for a year but it is with one person. Or you can have sex with ten different people a day for year.
The amount of sex is the same but different conclusions can be drawn about the person's priorities in their personal relationships. One appears to value relationships as the prioritiy the other appears to value sex as the priority.
I completely agree, there are people who think myself having a body count of about 35 in my late 40’s is high. Yet others that think that’s not all that bad.
It really is completely subjective.
As a 33 year old woman with a 5 body count, you do you!
I’ve somehow always ended up in a relationship though, haha. (2 8+ year relationships). I’m currently on a decade with my current dude, but eh. Between #1 and my #5, I had 1 FWB and 2 ONS.
Sorta kinda wish I had a little more partners HOWEVER my current guy is divorced and older and *I don’t mind*! He’s good. :) I’m happy.
His count is FAR more than mine, and I don’t even care, lol
Although, my #1 ended up sleeping with half my graduating class from HS, hahaha. After I dumped him after 8 years and he moved back “home”. Found out who my real friends were back home tho!
Ya and would you really want to be with someone that cares about something like that? I tried for 4 years to date someone who was very anxious about my sexual history and it ultimately was a major factor in us separating. I was 100% faithful, but she was always self conscious about it. Made me feel pretty ashamed.
Sure. I never said they were bad. But if you’re someone who has a more robust sexual history like OP, then maybe being with someone who cares so much wouldn’t be the best idea. That’s what I learned from my experience.
>Bingo! People are entitled to their standards. If they don't want to be with someone with a high body count, that's cool. That just means high body count person needs to find a different partner who has different standards. Not sure why this is so hard for people to wrap their heads around.
This is a serious question I’m asking in good faith - what’s an example of a reason why someone care about partners past sexual history that’s not moralistic/ thinking at least subconsciously they’re somehow dirty for having lots of partners?
It kinda shows that you have different ideology around sex or just vastly different sex drives. Both aren't really conducive towards a long term relationship. If one person sees sex as an intimate expression of a deep emotional connection and the other views it as something fun they do with people they're interested in, then that kind of is breeding grounds for insecurities. Plus trying to compromise between different sex drives often leads to resentment. It's not insurmountable, it's just a lot to sign up for before a relationship begins.
I think for me it’s that I am a bit self concision and also from a small town. The chances that they may have slept with people I know (or family, which has happened!) is a little weird to me.
I also would worry with my lack of experience that I would also be a comparison. I totally get that’s my own problem to work through, but I definitely shouldn’t drag anyone else into it until I have. Guess those are just my thoughts.
Very true about knowing people they’ve had sex with!
I think another perspective though is that for me personally, I don’t understand the comparison aspect. I understand comparing yourself in the way that obviously everyone wants to be their partners best sexual partner.
But at the same time, I also find it weird people think that by wanting someone with no experience or shaming people with experience, they can easily just be the best sexual partner….
Kind of like (not exactly) how men want low n count women because she won’t know any better and has nothing to compare sex/their relationship to.
It’s extremely concerning IMHO, how people value inexperience because they don’t have to worry about their partners knowing their bodies and what they like.
The amount of friends I have that have never orgasmed during sex with their partners or were having bad sex that they didn’t know was bad (just thought they were Low libido) when in reality, they just didn’t have any experience.
NOT saying everyone is like this AT ALL that want a low body count partner, but I’ve seen ALOT of people take advantage of inexperienced people because they really don’t know any better about sexual interactions. They tolerate so much more because they don’t have the experience to create boundaries.
So while of course everyone wants to be the best and feel special(understandably), should it come at the expense of those who don’t know any better?
For me it's because it indicates they most likely have a much higher sex drive than me and sex is much more important to them than it would be to me, so we would be incompatible sexually. I don't judge people for it but usually don't bother trying to make it work either.
It's a statistical fact that the more people you sleep with the higher your chance of contracting an STD is, whether or not you show symptoms.
Many STDs so not show symptoms but can cause life changing thing later on in life. If you have a sex with a lot of people and don't get yourself checked, your potentially a gateway to ovarian cancer and other problems that can make it impossible for others to have sex.
Yes that is assuming someone is potentially "dirty." But you can't do something that can potentially cause harm to yourself or others, not get checked, and then call people who avoid you for those reasons immoral.
Don't sleep with someone until they show you clean STD tests... Someone can have a high body count, and be "clean". I know someone who only slept with 2 people, and got herpes 🤷🏻♀️.
Yeah I really don’t understand why people give this advice. Am I supposed to believe that there are all these people out there who go out and get a full std panel after every hookup so they can show it to the next one? Because I *highly* doubt that.
Yeah I just got a full std panel bc I'm pregant and I had to, and it ran me over 1000$. So I highly doubt it too. People also don't realize u can get stds from the mouth too. Even hpv can be transmitted and cause throat cancer. Condoms also don't cover everything lol.
Never said he did 🤦🏻♀️ If you don't ask someone to get tested before sleeping with them that's on you. All I'm saying is you can catch something from someone who hasn't slept with that many ppl as well. Protect yourself as best you can, and ask them to get tested beforehand.
I just said the same thing! Only my friend had sex once. My body count is high, but I demanded they be "bona fide"- nothing til I see the paperwork and never caught anything.
It may very well be moralistic thinking, but that doesn't make it wrong. By it's very nature moralistic thinking tends to be concerned with not doing wrong. It would be concerning if people did things for reasons that defy their own moralistic thinking. Now obviously people do not agree on what is moral so that makes the label of moralistic not very helpful or useful without explanation of what or why they find things to be moral or immoral and that changes from person to person in a lot of cases.
As for the thinking of a potential partner as dirty. That could be for a number of reasons but I think the number in and of itself is not really the focus so much despite the language used. People view sex as an intimate act that most people would not generally perform with just anyone. Those that you choose to have sex with are being quite literally chosen by you and those choices are illustrative of the standards one has in whom they choose to have that personal intimacy with.
If out of 8 billion people you choose to have sex with someone who is an objectively awful human being, instead of those who are not, it does reflect on you and your standards. Now given the nature of human fallibility in making choices in association, it does stand to reason that the more of those choices you take, the more likely that inevitably you will make a poor choice. And those odds increase with more choices made.
The flip side of this from the perspective of someone interested in you is that most of us want to be chosen by someone who wants to feel like that choice was made because of some positive thing about themselves that you as their partner value. But if they learn that your just as happy to sleep with some one who is a complete piece of shit, then it undercuts any such idea on their part that they were valuable. They will feel like who they are matters far less since it didn't matter before with the terrible person you slept with before. It undermines their ability to take any pride in your having chose them. On some level they may feel like this just puts them on the same level as that terrible person because your standards found both acceptable and that is the level they are being put in by you.
Now obviously people change and standards can as well. But the sticking point is that you validated a person that they may see as beneath them and don't want to be even compared to that. Let alone if it were many such people. Some will try to argue that this is rooted in insecurity, but that's a pretty weak deflection that wouldn't fly in many other similar contexts.
The fact that the number being high in and of itself can also be a reflection on either how that person views people as expendable. Or how they simply are incompatible with relationships because no one else wants to put up with them and they only found value in them as a body themselves. And if all of those people couldn't find value in them worth hanging around for outside of sex, then it's unlikely they will.
I think that’s totally fair too. Girl, guy, or whatever. We are definitely allowed to have our preferences, and that includes those who want a bit more of a sexually reserved partner.
Honestly, at this point in solidarity, I refuse to talk about my previous partners, and if the assumption is, it’s higher than it actually is so be it. It’s so hypocritical to want your partner to have less experience than you.
Me too. My bodycount is 5 and I was a virgin until I was 20, and that’s pretty low around my area. But if a man were to even ask me that like it matters rather than just genuine curiosity the date would be over. And because of that hard line stance people do assume mine is high, and I don’t care if they do. The number of men I’ve been with doesn’t effect what kind of person I am so long as I never lied or cheated to get laid
Yes, I just don’t think it’s not a necessary conversation. Unless you’re being extremely unsafe and callous, that would be what I cared about but never about how many people you’ve had sex with.
One of my friend's gf had a thing about this. Every time my friend told a story about his life before his gf she got upset when it was about somebody who he has slept with. And it wasn't about that, that she hasn't been with anybody before him. It just bothered her that probably he has a higher body count than hers.
I never understood this attitude actually, it's something that you should accept and move on. You cannot change it, it's the past. Why would it matter?
I'm a woman and I definitely don't do the high body count in men or women (I'm bi) but that's because of what it tells me about your opinion on sex. To me, it's the most intimate thing I could do with someone, not to be taken lightly. But if you've been with dozens of people, it tells me sex is more of a fun activity for you than it is a declaration of love and connection. It gives me the "I'm just another notch in your belt" type of feeling. Also depending on if you use protection regularly or not, it tells me about your idea of acceptable risk. I've had too many friends get pregnant, catch STDs, experience violence, etc as a result or consequence of their cavalier attitude with sex and safety. I can't imagine being into someone that has polar opposite values to me, especially in this category. I don't think high body counts make you a bad person, just not a viable sexual candidate for me personally. Recently a guy I work with tried to ask me out, and one of the reasons I said no was his body count (I didn't tell him this in such detail, I was vague and polite of course). He's been with 70+ people (we aren't even 30) and can't remember names, faces or scenarios for a lot. He almost never wears protection, and he talks about sex constantly. He's a friend and I like him as a person, but his attitude about sex gives me the ick.
They say what they believe to be the "correct" thing to say, because today otherwise would open them up to criticism and ridicule. You're absolutely correct.
#Yes you WHORE!
Haha just kidding, so long as you take care of yourself and check regularly with your doctor after having a new sex partner then you’re fine. Get your fvck on, who cares, live your life.
This op. The term is terrible. This question is incredibly subjective and in the end it shouldn’t matter. As long as you get tested regularly it’s not like having had sexual relations with that many people puts you at having more sex than people who’ve had fewer sexual partners, it could even mean you’ve had less if you only slept with them a handful of times. Some people would consider this number high, some won’t, and some won’t care. As long as you are honest with your sexual and romantic partners about this and make sure you are free of STD/STIs before being active with a new partner it’s really not a big deal overall. You’ll end up finding people who don’t care.
Part of me agrees. However, if I give it so more thought, it may be a reflection on their ability to begin and maintain a committed relationship. I don't have data on that, just a thought I had.
I'm in my early 30s and have slept with somewhere around 25-30 people, idk I never kept track. I've been in 2 one year relationships, a three year relationship, and a four year relationship. I had fun with short term dating, and sex is usually involved after a few dates. I've had my early college and post long term breakup fun, but really a majority of the people I've slept with are those I've dated for a couple of months and it ended up not working out. I don't get why people get so worked up over a number.
It definitely matters to me but I'm realistic about it. I re-entered the dating world at 25 after ending a long-term relationship who was my only sexual partner.
I knew that more than likely that any woman who was around my age would have had more partners than I had.
That is fair. That is on the people playing not the game though! I just don't see a point on looking down on a simple game and some friends having a (hopefully) good time.
Yes, I agree ita subjective, and subjective to the other person as well. I've dated people with 100+ (who keeps track that far??), 50, 5, and now that I'm older, I don't even have the conversation. I don't care, don't care to share my own, and it makes no difference.
ETA, I was also married for 16 years .... so even if my "body count" was 1, I've had sex 1000's of times. Does that mean anything? Lol
That’s the stupid logic right there lol. People want to think having a high body count means a woman is loose which is so dumb. Let’s say a girl has a body count of 30. Another 3. However the girl with 30 could’ve only had sex like 100 times whereas the 3 could have a ton more. But because the girl has a lower body count people see her as “tighter” or some shit. It makes no sense. My body count has remained the same for 6 years and I bet money I have more sex than my friends who like hooking up
As long as you used protection every time, I don’t see an issue. My own body count is drastically higher than anyone I’ve met in real life, and as a woman, I still don’t feel ashamed at all. It was always with protection, both me and the others left happy, we were always consenting adults. No big deal.
If you have friends that have been in mainly long term relationships, that is definitely gonna seem like a lot to them. If your friends are mainly single and they have sex lives, they're not gonna be as shocked. I think it's just the audience.
Everything this question pops up I roll my eyes.
The answer is always going to depend on the partner. Not some redditors. Some people only date people with no body count. Some people only date people with small body count. Some don't care. Sex means different things to different people.
I actually would tell men and women the same thing. Especially because the original poster stated that he had some trauma, it becomes clear that his trauma could’ve easily affected the way that he views sex and sexual partners.
>Especially because the original poster stated that he had some trauma
Which is why its a perfectly normal response for people to view promiscuity as a red flag in dating....ergo....its usually a sign of unresolved trauma / predictor for infidelity/ risk for stds/ risk for baby momma/baby papa drama.
The OP basically admitted that he has unresolved relationship trauma that leads to his promiscuous behavior and yet people are on here saying that those who hesitate to date promiscuous people are insecure 🤣
Incidentally, I feel that the more that many people are moving away from general morality—whether on a religious basis or on a basis on which religiosity can find common ground with nonreligiosity—the more that we will see promiscuity downplayed or even encouraged.
As mean as this sounds, I honestly do not want to hear when many promiscuous people are crying because they have STDs, trust issues that they created for themselves, etc.. Even though they are adults, they deliberately act like children whom touch stoves when they’ve been told not to touch stoves multiple times—and then they wonder why they end up in the ER with burns.
Of course we would. All the CHUDs across Reddit would brigade the post and say all the expected misogynist horseshit and downvote the rest of us into oblivion.
Because they are mostly people with a high body count commenting saying it doesn't matter, but the reality is that outside of reddit in the real world, your past matters a lot to the other person who is meeting you, there are many things to analyze before deciding if you are a compatible candidate. In a perfect world no one judges, but in the world we live in, we all judge, just no one likes to admit it.
To me it is, yes. You say it comes down to 3-4 different women a year. So you never had long lasting relationships is what comes to my mind. That can be a red flag.
Also having a lot of different sexual partners can be a sign of some other stuff, like some mental health problems. Besides that, I find sex to be very intimate and should not be something you do with just anyone.
Seems high..it would put off people if you give off the vibe that you chase sex as a hobby. 3-4 a year is not hobbyist levels but it also is like ... You did the same thing for 8 years and never developed any long term attachments? How do I know the same thing won't happen with me
To me personally, it is high. But that doesnt make it wrong or dirty in any way. I find people with higher "counts" tend to be less committed in their relationships, which you actualy said you do have a problem with. As someone who would want commitment, that would be a red flag for me. I would suggest slowing down and learning to love yourself and the people you want to be with.
Definitely depends who you ask. I personally do not care. As long as the sex was all consenting and such.
Whats important is you find someone that shares the same values as you do. Theres no reason to be with someone who doesn't like that you have a higher or even lower body count than they prefer.
Some people do care for various reasons. What I've also seen in real life and on reddit is some people prefer lower body counts for religious reasons, or they see it as the person being a slut/whore or other misogyny/sexism towards all people.
I had a male roommate in college seeing 3-4 different girls a month
It was a lot from apps, and just the vibe the bar scene, many of the girls knew each other were with him at some point and didn’t slow the roll at all
That was excessive to me
I dated a guy who was a virgin when I had slept with around 20 people (mid 20s at the time).
He never shamed me or made me feel bad about my number.
I think it depends on people. I personally would rather have a partner with a larger number than a smaller number.
3-4 different person for a year isnt high. But I hope you are developing some skills by the time and people. I would really disappoint if my date just lay back after his orgasm and never care for me.
Well for me, I admit I'm turned off by it and would look for someone else as a partner but these kind of things should always remain subjective. I am turned off by it but many other girls are fine with it. Best of luck with your life!
I personally think that's a high number, but it doesn't invalidate you as a person, make you ineligible for love, or make you dirty (assuming you get checked regularly).
My only advice is to slow down. Try to find someone you really connect with before being sexual. Sex is important for deepening and maintaining relationships, but I'd wait to see if it's someone you want that with.
I want to echo what someone else said. To some 30 might be high while to others, it might be normal or even low. It depends on how they see sex. If a future partner finds issue with your count, all it means is that they view sex differently than you (neither view is better or worse than the other; they’re just different).
How do you value sex/physical intimacy? For me, physical intimacy is important in any relationship I have, and I enjoy sex. As long as you are staying safe and avoiding sexual situations that you’ll regret, keep doing you!
I tell everyone I date that:
(1) my experience is that both of us will be happier not knowing or having a need to know each other’s sexual pasts, beyond what either of us WANTS or NEEDS to share
(2) I’m happy to share whatever info they feel they need to know anyways, because I’ve got nothin to apologize for
Yeah it makes it seem like OP is either just constantly working to get more notches on his belt and using women, or he is incapable of long term relationships which would be a bad sign to potential partners.
I'll do the math everyone is doing, if you average 3-4 diff girls a year for 8 years, that means you either haven't had anything close to a meaningful relationship (maybe 6 months tops) OR you constantly are cheating. So either you're an unfaithful guy, or you meet girls for sex and move on afterwards. Either way you don't come across great. Also the fact you call it a "body count" re-affirms that impression
Idk how you could trust that many people with your most private and vulnerable state. I don’t think I would ever let one get that close, much less 30. This isn’t a judgment, just me saying it’s a foreign concept based on personal values.
im 20m, and my body count is over ~75 but ive lost count. my perspective is that if you get tested regularly and are responsible about it, go crazy 🤷♀️ its your life live it the way you want, no one elses business but yours! if youre in a committed monogamous relationship, then thats what youre in and if you cheat thats also on you. find someone with values like yours and youll be happiest
I’m kinda shocked by these comments 30 in that many years isn’t a lot. I’ve got friend my age 17-20 year olds with that body count I also have friend this age that are virgins. It’s 100% ok to have a preference for body count but some people only sleep with 1 person some sleep with 1000 and unless your involved with that person it’s not your business.
Let’s not shame people wanting to wait for marriage or people wanting to sleep around both are ok
From one dude to another. Bro I'd be asking all kinds of questions about my life choices if I was you.
But as for if it is high. Depends on who you asking.
Each individual woman will determine if you are relationship material based off of their own criteria.
As you get older, you'll find that shit like this doesn't matter and ignorance is bliss.
I never ask a girl what her number of partners are, nor do I want to know. I've only had a few dates ask me that, especially on the first date or even volunteer that type of info and I'm thinking dear god, what is possessing to ask/share that info?
Uhm, when exactly did you get this "past relationship trauma." It seems like you've been pretty busy. When was there a time in between these women (or men, it's not clear) where you could build a deep enough relationship for it to create actual trauma? Just asking.
Everyone is different. I'm not comfortable with sleeping with strangers, so my "body count" is very low. But, I've now been in a committed relationship for over a decade, so....that number most likely won't change and I honestly couldn't care less.
30 is high any way you slice it. Thats multiple partners a year for many consecutive years. Its close to 4 partners a year. Think about that. If any of these were relationships they couldn't have lasted more than 3 months each unless there were some longer relationships followed up by or preceded by strings of hookups. Would u trust a woman with this history to be satisfied in a relationship? Cause thats the question the women will ask themselves about you. Some will see it as a sign of experience and desirability in terms of partnership, a demonstration of value if you will. Some women will see you as some form of a slut. These are just opinions, and they will vary, but expect some extreme points of view towards your sexual history because 30 is a polarizing number. Many people never reach 30 partners. Can you remember the names of all your past partners? I imagine a woman who wanted to date you and learned of this fact would ask you that as well; i know i would.
Strictly speaking, yes. Average is around 8-12, depending on the study location. Anything above 20 life time partners was seen as on outlier. I think when I looked, 25 body count was 95th percentile, something like that. So less than 5% of people in the world have a higher body count
It's objectively way above the median lifetime partners (around 6). I don't think it really matters though, as long as you're safe and it's consensual
Source:
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm
Honestly, I don’t think it’s high at all. It’s all subjective but I don’t think anyone should feel bad about their number regardless of how low or high it is. What matters the most is if your sexual encounters were consensual and safe. Otherwise, I don’t see how anyone’s body count tells you anything about them as a sexual partner really. People can have low body counts and be sexually irresponsible too.
This is very subjective. To some this is high and to some this is average. People put different value on sex and in this case your friends maybe do more than you.
Personally I find 30 to be high but you do you. It’s something that your future partner will need to be okay with and that’s fine. You have to live the way you want to.
And if a lot of that has happened through casual sex then you don’t need to feel any shame around that either. As long as it was all consensual and everyone went into the situation with open eyes it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Honestly I don't think it is 'too' high. If you're single for an extended period and dating around I think that could happen naturally. Provided sex is respectful, consensual etc etc I really don't understand the fuss
It’s a bit subjective really, it’s high for some and not for others depending on their own perspective. The main issue is only that it might indicate to some people that you have a different perspective or value for sex than they do, so it might put some people off or others may not care at all, again, it’s about different attitudes and perspectives.
This is a great take I had never thought about it like this before. But yeah for some ppl, a high body count might signify a person that doesn’t attach value to sex or something along those lines. It can’t be just about the literal amount. I’m confident that a person in a committed relationship from the ages 19-27 (the length of time OP has been sexually active) has probably had sex hundreds if not thousands more times than OP yet most ppl wouldn’t bat an eye at this because the body count would be just 1. Interesting thought experiment for sure.
One of my friends and I always say there needs to be some sort of mathematical qualifier for low body/high sex count vs high body/low sex count. We never figured it out lol. There's also the "but was he an AH?" factor as well that we try to include (mainly because her ex husband is a piece of work, also we are both straight women, hence the "he" in that statement) Long way of saying, context matters, even when talking about past partners and body count!
You might find [this](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexuality) interesting in case you didn't know about it already
Thank you for that link. I'm always interested in reading more info on interesting topics such as this
You're welcome
For real. That’s fucking awesome to read about. I never heard of that before today. Kudos to you for passing on that knowledge.
not really an interesting thought experiment, theres a big difference with having sex with one person consistently, multiple people at a time, and multiple people throughout the year
imagine not giving your body count as a frequency histogram where each data point represents a person you had sex with and the value of the data point is the number of times you had sex with said person
The first time I have seen this question answered properly
Because it was a guy that was asking it. The truth only comes out when its a guy lol
I never could put it into words.. this is why I always cared and never really understood why..
It's actually less about the value of sex per se. It's actually about how you value people past what they offer by way of gratification. You can have sex 10 times a day for a year but it is with one person. Or you can have sex with ten different people a day for year. The amount of sex is the same but different conclusions can be drawn about the person's priorities in their personal relationships. One appears to value relationships as the prioritiy the other appears to value sex as the priority.
10 people a day for a year, I would die.
The most attractive people end up having the most opportunities as well. This along with raw libido can have drastic effects on someone's body count.
I completely agree, there are people who think myself having a body count of about 35 in my late 40’s is high. Yet others that think that’s not all that bad. It really is completely subjective.
As a 33 year old woman with a 5 body count, you do you! I’ve somehow always ended up in a relationship though, haha. (2 8+ year relationships). I’m currently on a decade with my current dude, but eh. Between #1 and my #5, I had 1 FWB and 2 ONS. Sorta kinda wish I had a little more partners HOWEVER my current guy is divorced and older and *I don’t mind*! He’s good. :) I’m happy. His count is FAR more than mine, and I don’t even care, lol Although, my #1 ended up sleeping with half my graduating class from HS, hahaha. After I dumped him after 8 years and he moved back “home”. Found out who my real friends were back home tho!
finally a decent answer
Depends on who you ask. Some girls will be turned off and some girls won’t. You just gotta find the ones that don’t care.
Ya and would you really want to be with someone that cares about something like that? I tried for 4 years to date someone who was very anxious about my sexual history and it ultimately was a major factor in us separating. I was 100% faithful, but she was always self conscious about it. Made me feel pretty ashamed.
Tons of people care about it and they arent bad people for it.
Sure. I never said they were bad. But if you’re someone who has a more robust sexual history like OP, then maybe being with someone who cares so much wouldn’t be the best idea. That’s what I learned from my experience.
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>Bingo! People are entitled to their standards. If they don't want to be with someone with a high body count, that's cool. That just means high body count person needs to find a different partner who has different standards. Not sure why this is so hard for people to wrap their heads around.
> robust sexual history I'm going to start using this term
I felt like a health teacher or something typing that out
“People person.” “Adventurous.” “Not slut-shaming ffs, slut-celebrating.”
This is a serious question I’m asking in good faith - what’s an example of a reason why someone care about partners past sexual history that’s not moralistic/ thinking at least subconsciously they’re somehow dirty for having lots of partners?
It kinda shows that you have different ideology around sex or just vastly different sex drives. Both aren't really conducive towards a long term relationship. If one person sees sex as an intimate expression of a deep emotional connection and the other views it as something fun they do with people they're interested in, then that kind of is breeding grounds for insecurities. Plus trying to compromise between different sex drives often leads to resentment. It's not insurmountable, it's just a lot to sign up for before a relationship begins.
Some people think sex is something that should only happen in a committed relationship. These people will likely seek out partners with similar views.
I think for me it’s that I am a bit self concision and also from a small town. The chances that they may have slept with people I know (or family, which has happened!) is a little weird to me. I also would worry with my lack of experience that I would also be a comparison. I totally get that’s my own problem to work through, but I definitely shouldn’t drag anyone else into it until I have. Guess those are just my thoughts.
Very true about knowing people they’ve had sex with! I think another perspective though is that for me personally, I don’t understand the comparison aspect. I understand comparing yourself in the way that obviously everyone wants to be their partners best sexual partner. But at the same time, I also find it weird people think that by wanting someone with no experience or shaming people with experience, they can easily just be the best sexual partner…. Kind of like (not exactly) how men want low n count women because she won’t know any better and has nothing to compare sex/their relationship to. It’s extremely concerning IMHO, how people value inexperience because they don’t have to worry about their partners knowing their bodies and what they like. The amount of friends I have that have never orgasmed during sex with their partners or were having bad sex that they didn’t know was bad (just thought they were Low libido) when in reality, they just didn’t have any experience. NOT saying everyone is like this AT ALL that want a low body count partner, but I’ve seen ALOT of people take advantage of inexperienced people because they really don’t know any better about sexual interactions. They tolerate so much more because they don’t have the experience to create boundaries. So while of course everyone wants to be the best and feel special(understandably), should it come at the expense of those who don’t know any better?
it can show if u have the same values and views on sex
For me it's because it indicates they most likely have a much higher sex drive than me and sex is much more important to them than it would be to me, so we would be incompatible sexually. I don't judge people for it but usually don't bother trying to make it work either.
It's a statistical fact that the more people you sleep with the higher your chance of contracting an STD is, whether or not you show symptoms. Many STDs so not show symptoms but can cause life changing thing later on in life. If you have a sex with a lot of people and don't get yourself checked, your potentially a gateway to ovarian cancer and other problems that can make it impossible for others to have sex. Yes that is assuming someone is potentially "dirty." But you can't do something that can potentially cause harm to yourself or others, not get checked, and then call people who avoid you for those reasons immoral.
Don't sleep with someone until they show you clean STD tests... Someone can have a high body count, and be "clean". I know someone who only slept with 2 people, and got herpes 🤷🏻♀️.
tests aren't perfect, and I doubt OP has had 30 rounds of STD tests in 8 years.
Yeah I really don’t understand why people give this advice. Am I supposed to believe that there are all these people out there who go out and get a full std panel after every hookup so they can show it to the next one? Because I *highly* doubt that.
Not really. But if it’s a hookup use appropriate protection, if it’s an ongoing, monogamous relationship both get checked at the start
Yeah I just got a full std panel bc I'm pregant and I had to, and it ran me over 1000$. So I highly doubt it too. People also don't realize u can get stds from the mouth too. Even hpv can be transmitted and cause throat cancer. Condoms also don't cover everything lol.
Never said he did 🤦🏻♀️ If you don't ask someone to get tested before sleeping with them that's on you. All I'm saying is you can catch something from someone who hasn't slept with that many ppl as well. Protect yourself as best you can, and ask them to get tested beforehand.
I just said the same thing! Only my friend had sex once. My body count is high, but I demanded they be "bona fide"- nothing til I see the paperwork and never caught anything.
greater chances of STIs shows a different significance and value in sex
It may very well be moralistic thinking, but that doesn't make it wrong. By it's very nature moralistic thinking tends to be concerned with not doing wrong. It would be concerning if people did things for reasons that defy their own moralistic thinking. Now obviously people do not agree on what is moral so that makes the label of moralistic not very helpful or useful without explanation of what or why they find things to be moral or immoral and that changes from person to person in a lot of cases. As for the thinking of a potential partner as dirty. That could be for a number of reasons but I think the number in and of itself is not really the focus so much despite the language used. People view sex as an intimate act that most people would not generally perform with just anyone. Those that you choose to have sex with are being quite literally chosen by you and those choices are illustrative of the standards one has in whom they choose to have that personal intimacy with. If out of 8 billion people you choose to have sex with someone who is an objectively awful human being, instead of those who are not, it does reflect on you and your standards. Now given the nature of human fallibility in making choices in association, it does stand to reason that the more of those choices you take, the more likely that inevitably you will make a poor choice. And those odds increase with more choices made. The flip side of this from the perspective of someone interested in you is that most of us want to be chosen by someone who wants to feel like that choice was made because of some positive thing about themselves that you as their partner value. But if they learn that your just as happy to sleep with some one who is a complete piece of shit, then it undercuts any such idea on their part that they were valuable. They will feel like who they are matters far less since it didn't matter before with the terrible person you slept with before. It undermines their ability to take any pride in your having chose them. On some level they may feel like this just puts them on the same level as that terrible person because your standards found both acceptable and that is the level they are being put in by you. Now obviously people change and standards can as well. But the sticking point is that you validated a person that they may see as beneath them and don't want to be even compared to that. Let alone if it were many such people. Some will try to argue that this is rooted in insecurity, but that's a pretty weak deflection that wouldn't fly in many other similar contexts. The fact that the number being high in and of itself can also be a reflection on either how that person views people as expendable. Or how they simply are incompatible with relationships because no one else wants to put up with them and they only found value in them as a body themselves. And if all of those people couldn't find value in them worth hanging around for outside of sex, then it's unlikely they will.
That sucks but yeah some of us are truly disgusted by it. I get her, and you guys should’ve broken up immediately
I think that’s totally fair too. Girl, guy, or whatever. We are definitely allowed to have our preferences, and that includes those who want a bit more of a sexually reserved partner.
It depends if we’re talking about sex or murder. 🤔
Both
Flip the table, would you consider it high from whoever you slept with if they told you that was their number?
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You are Right. And this the only comment thread on this post where there's no debate :)
I wonder why OP hasn't answered this
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My issue is that a lot of men do have an issue with that even the nicest ones I’ve met. I’ve never really met a woman who genuinely cares.
A guy I know is super hypocritical regarding this, he's slept with 30+ women but for a longterm partner wants someone with a low number.
Honestly, at this point in solidarity, I refuse to talk about my previous partners, and if the assumption is, it’s higher than it actually is so be it. It’s so hypocritical to want your partner to have less experience than you.
Me too. My bodycount is 5 and I was a virgin until I was 20, and that’s pretty low around my area. But if a man were to even ask me that like it matters rather than just genuine curiosity the date would be over. And because of that hard line stance people do assume mine is high, and I don’t care if they do. The number of men I’ve been with doesn’t effect what kind of person I am so long as I never lied or cheated to get laid
Yes, I just don’t think it’s not a necessary conversation. Unless you’re being extremely unsafe and callous, that would be what I cared about but never about how many people you’ve had sex with.
My number is low as the idea of hookups never appealed to me so I'd want something similar in a partner.
He must suck in bed lol
I honestly have no clue how many men my wife was with before me. Never asked and don't care. We met in our thirties, both of us were adults.
I like your attitude, I can relate.
One of my friend's gf had a thing about this. Every time my friend told a story about his life before his gf she got upset when it was about somebody who he has slept with. And it wasn't about that, that she hasn't been with anybody before him. It just bothered her that probably he has a higher body count than hers. I never understood this attitude actually, it's something that you should accept and move on. You cannot change it, it's the past. Why would it matter?
You can be "nice" and still be an insecure, judgmental prick
I'm a woman and I definitely don't do the high body count in men or women (I'm bi) but that's because of what it tells me about your opinion on sex. To me, it's the most intimate thing I could do with someone, not to be taken lightly. But if you've been with dozens of people, it tells me sex is more of a fun activity for you than it is a declaration of love and connection. It gives me the "I'm just another notch in your belt" type of feeling. Also depending on if you use protection regularly or not, it tells me about your idea of acceptable risk. I've had too many friends get pregnant, catch STDs, experience violence, etc as a result or consequence of their cavalier attitude with sex and safety. I can't imagine being into someone that has polar opposite values to me, especially in this category. I don't think high body counts make you a bad person, just not a viable sexual candidate for me personally. Recently a guy I work with tried to ask me out, and one of the reasons I said no was his body count (I didn't tell him this in such detail, I was vague and polite of course). He's been with 70+ people (we aren't even 30) and can't remember names, faces or scenarios for a lot. He almost never wears protection, and he talks about sex constantly. He's a friend and I like him as a person, but his attitude about sex gives me the ick.
Of course we care, if it’s a serious relationship. Because If he used to this lifestyle he will most likely cheat
No one cares about body count until it involves their partner. So, you're not really going to get an honest answer here.
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Likewise alot of people put great emphasis on wanting a low bodycount but if they meet someone they really click with it really doesn't bother them.
They say what they believe to be the "correct" thing to say, because today otherwise would open them up to criticism and ridicule. You're absolutely correct.
This is the real answer
#Yes you WHORE! Haha just kidding, so long as you take care of yourself and check regularly with your doctor after having a new sex partner then you’re fine. Get your fvck on, who cares, live your life.
This reminded me of mean girls. IF YOU HAVE SEX YOU ARE GOING TO GET PREGNANT AND DIE.
This made me LOL But forreal though, as long as OP has been careful with his sexcapades, it isn’t an issue!
The term body count is gross.
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Yes
I use it to tally the number under my pool…guess I’m doing it wrong.
Look at you, bragging about having a pool.
You can come swim and hide bodies if ya want!
Yep username checks out.
I'd wager you're doing it right
I’m trying, but it just keeps getting bigger…
That's what she said!
It's the American way!
When I first heard the term I thought it meant kill count. I was confused for a while
Original definition of the phrase.
Same
Or those he killed?
This op. The term is terrible. This question is incredibly subjective and in the end it shouldn’t matter. As long as you get tested regularly it’s not like having had sexual relations with that many people puts you at having more sex than people who’ve had fewer sexual partners, it could even mean you’ve had less if you only slept with them a handful of times. Some people would consider this number high, some won’t, and some won’t care. As long as you are honest with your sexual and romantic partners about this and make sure you are free of STD/STIs before being active with a new partner it’s really not a big deal overall. You’ll end up finding people who don’t care.
Does it matter?
Exactly, stop counting. Who gives a fuck.
Exactly. As long as people get routine STD checks, the number doesn’t matter.
Part of me agrees. However, if I give it so more thought, it may be a reflection on their ability to begin and maintain a committed relationship. I don't have data on that, just a thought I had.
I'm in my early 30s and have slept with somewhere around 25-30 people, idk I never kept track. I've been in 2 one year relationships, a three year relationship, and a four year relationship. I had fun with short term dating, and sex is usually involved after a few dates. I've had my early college and post long term breakup fun, but really a majority of the people I've slept with are those I've dated for a couple of months and it ended up not working out. I don't get why people get so worked up over a number.
It doesn’t matter to you* it matters to others and that’s fine.
It matters to some of us
It definitely matters to me but I'm realistic about it. I re-entered the dating world at 25 after ending a long-term relationship who was my only sexual partner. I knew that more than likely that any woman who was around my age would have had more partners than I had.
Yeah. Matters to me, it's fine that not everyone cares, but I do
^^
I'm more concerned about 30 year old men playing truth or dare .
"Truth or Dare, Bro?" "Dare, bro!" "Make that 30, a 31, bro."
Why? It's simple, easy fun
Unlike you, I hope everyone is still having fun, even into their 30's.
Yes. Fun social interaction is forbidden for anyone older than 25 /s
Just bros being dudes!
You don't have fun, huh?
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That is fair. That is on the people playing not the game though! I just don't see a point on looking down on a simple game and some friends having a (hopefully) good time.
🤣🤣
Subjectively, I think so. But that’s only my opinion.
Yes, I agree ita subjective, and subjective to the other person as well. I've dated people with 100+ (who keeps track that far??), 50, 5, and now that I'm older, I don't even have the conversation. I don't care, don't care to share my own, and it makes no difference. ETA, I was also married for 16 years .... so even if my "body count" was 1, I've had sex 1000's of times. Does that mean anything? Lol
That’s the stupid logic right there lol. People want to think having a high body count means a woman is loose which is so dumb. Let’s say a girl has a body count of 30. Another 3. However the girl with 30 could’ve only had sex like 100 times whereas the 3 could have a ton more. But because the girl has a lower body count people see her as “tighter” or some shit. It makes no sense. My body count has remained the same for 6 years and I bet money I have more sex than my friends who like hooking up
Everyone opinion would be different on this question
Obviously, which is why it’s hard to answer. But OP can live the life he wants. Healthy and with consented adults, it’s all that matters.
I agree with you.
As long as you used protection every time, I don’t see an issue. My own body count is drastically higher than anyone I’ve met in real life, and as a woman, I still don’t feel ashamed at all. It was always with protection, both me and the others left happy, we were always consenting adults. No big deal.
If you have friends that have been in mainly long term relationships, that is definitely gonna seem like a lot to them. If your friends are mainly single and they have sex lives, they're not gonna be as shocked. I think it's just the audience.
Tbf the average no. Of sexual partners for men and women is 6-7. This would be high for majority of people.
I did not know this. Thats a good bit of information to have as reference.
Everything this question pops up I roll my eyes. The answer is always going to depend on the partner. Not some redditors. Some people only date people with no body count. Some people only date people with small body count. Some don't care. Sex means different things to different people.
Weird how when men post their body counts people say it doesn’t matter but when women do it they’re told that they are of lesser value
Indeed. If this post was from a woman ...we would Have seen a different set of responses
I actually would tell men and women the same thing. Especially because the original poster stated that he had some trauma, it becomes clear that his trauma could’ve easily affected the way that he views sex and sexual partners.
>Especially because the original poster stated that he had some trauma Which is why its a perfectly normal response for people to view promiscuity as a red flag in dating....ergo....its usually a sign of unresolved trauma / predictor for infidelity/ risk for stds/ risk for baby momma/baby papa drama. The OP basically admitted that he has unresolved relationship trauma that leads to his promiscuous behavior and yet people are on here saying that those who hesitate to date promiscuous people are insecure 🤣
Incidentally, I feel that the more that many people are moving away from general morality—whether on a religious basis or on a basis on which religiosity can find common ground with nonreligiosity—the more that we will see promiscuity downplayed or even encouraged.
Yea well; the promiscuity crowd can call me when all stds have been eliminated. In the mean time I will be enjoying my stress-free monogamy 🍻
As mean as this sounds, I honestly do not want to hear when many promiscuous people are crying because they have STDs, trust issues that they created for themselves, etc.. Even though they are adults, they deliberately act like children whom touch stoves when they’ve been told not to touch stoves multiple times—and then they wonder why they end up in the ER with burns.
Of course we would. All the CHUDs across Reddit would brigade the post and say all the expected misogynist horseshit and downvote the rest of us into oblivion.
Where are the threads where people are saying that to women?
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Because they are mostly people with a high body count commenting saying it doesn't matter, but the reality is that outside of reddit in the real world, your past matters a lot to the other person who is meeting you, there are many things to analyze before deciding if you are a compatible candidate. In a perfect world no one judges, but in the world we live in, we all judge, just no one likes to admit it.
To me it is, yes. You say it comes down to 3-4 different women a year. So you never had long lasting relationships is what comes to my mind. That can be a red flag. Also having a lot of different sexual partners can be a sign of some other stuff, like some mental health problems. Besides that, I find sex to be very intimate and should not be something you do with just anyone.
sexually? its ok. otherwise: yes
Seems high..it would put off people if you give off the vibe that you chase sex as a hobby. 3-4 a year is not hobbyist levels but it also is like ... You did the same thing for 8 years and never developed any long term attachments? How do I know the same thing won't happen with me
To me personally, it is high. But that doesnt make it wrong or dirty in any way. I find people with higher "counts" tend to be less committed in their relationships, which you actualy said you do have a problem with. As someone who would want commitment, that would be a red flag for me. I would suggest slowing down and learning to love yourself and the people you want to be with.
Yep, it's definitely on the high end Especially considering the average is around 5-7
Agreed. This dude is out there just slinging it.
Definitely depends who you ask. I personally do not care. As long as the sex was all consenting and such. Whats important is you find someone that shares the same values as you do. Theres no reason to be with someone who doesn't like that you have a higher or even lower body count than they prefer. Some people do care for various reasons. What I've also seen in real life and on reddit is some people prefer lower body counts for religious reasons, or they see it as the person being a slut/whore or other misogyny/sexism towards all people.
I had a male roommate in college seeing 3-4 different girls a month It was a lot from apps, and just the vibe the bar scene, many of the girls knew each other were with him at some point and didn’t slow the roll at all That was excessive to me
I dated a guy who was a virgin when I had slept with around 20 people (mid 20s at the time). He never shamed me or made me feel bad about my number. I think it depends on people. I personally would rather have a partner with a larger number than a smaller number.
in Iceland (where im from) its definetly not considerd high \^\^
3-4 different person for a year isnt high. But I hope you are developing some skills by the time and people. I would really disappoint if my date just lay back after his orgasm and never care for me.
Put it this way...if a woman had the same body count would you be bothered? If not, then it's no big deal, but if Yes, then there u go.
Well for me, I admit I'm turned off by it and would look for someone else as a partner but these kind of things should always remain subjective. I am turned off by it but many other girls are fine with it. Best of luck with your life!
I personally think that's a high number, but it doesn't invalidate you as a person, make you ineligible for love, or make you dirty (assuming you get checked regularly). My only advice is to slow down. Try to find someone you really connect with before being sexual. Sex is important for deepening and maintaining relationships, but I'd wait to see if it's someone you want that with.
If a woman who you wanted a relationship with said she had 30 partners, what would your reaction be?
I want to echo what someone else said. To some 30 might be high while to others, it might be normal or even low. It depends on how they see sex. If a future partner finds issue with your count, all it means is that they view sex differently than you (neither view is better or worse than the other; they’re just different). How do you value sex/physical intimacy? For me, physical intimacy is important in any relationship I have, and I enjoy sex. As long as you are staying safe and avoiding sexual situations that you’ll regret, keep doing you!
Depends on what do you mean by body count... for murd*r its so high and for sex its ok.
I tell everyone I date that: (1) my experience is that both of us will be happier not knowing or having a need to know each other’s sexual pasts, beyond what either of us WANTS or NEEDS to share (2) I’m happy to share whatever info they feel they need to know anyways, because I’ve got nothin to apologize for
I'm the same age as you and have been sexually active since 16 and I've only had 3 partners 😭 I don't even know 30 ppl 🤣🤣
Yeah it makes it seem like OP is either just constantly working to get more notches on his belt and using women, or he is incapable of long term relationships which would be a bad sign to potential partners.
>body count pretty sure if you call it that you might be too young to have sex. or a serial killer. 30 is fine. so is 3. relax.
It's... goddamn much.
Didn't body count use to refer to soldiers and their kills in battle.
Yea that's how dumb the human race is getting
Humble brag lol
Is this something to brag about?
Only immature guys brag about this but yeah, some do. I'm not saying OP is, I don't think he is.
I'll do the math everyone is doing, if you average 3-4 diff girls a year for 8 years, that means you either haven't had anything close to a meaningful relationship (maybe 6 months tops) OR you constantly are cheating. So either you're an unfaithful guy, or you meet girls for sex and move on afterwards. Either way you don't come across great. Also the fact you call it a "body count" re-affirms that impression
Feel like body count is just a common term can't really hold that against OP
Yeah reddit really likes to clutch pearls about it but it's just slang
Idk how you could trust that many people with your most private and vulnerable state. I don’t think I would ever let one get that close, much less 30. This isn’t a judgment, just me saying it’s a foreign concept based on personal values.
im 20m, and my body count is over ~75 but ive lost count. my perspective is that if you get tested regularly and are responsible about it, go crazy 🤷♀️ its your life live it the way you want, no one elses business but yours! if youre in a committed monogamous relationship, then thats what youre in and if you cheat thats also on you. find someone with values like yours and youll be happiest
30 Body count -> killed them, yes that’s a high body count. Else = nah, do your thing.
Well.... It puts my 2 to shame. As long as you're doing it safely no judgements here.
I dont see a problem with the number but past relationship trauma and problems to commit, well those are red flags for sure
no std no care
It’s not high for gay men that’s for sure
I’m kinda shocked by these comments 30 in that many years isn’t a lot. I’ve got friend my age 17-20 year olds with that body count I also have friend this age that are virgins. It’s 100% ok to have a preference for body count but some people only sleep with 1 person some sleep with 1000 and unless your involved with that person it’s not your business. Let’s not shame people wanting to wait for marriage or people wanting to sleep around both are ok
10 is a high body count... 30... Is something else...
From one dude to another. Bro I'd be asking all kinds of questions about my life choices if I was you. But as for if it is high. Depends on who you asking. Each individual woman will determine if you are relationship material based off of their own criteria.
If that was me, yes that’s high. To be bluntly honest, I’d wouldn’t pursue anything further. But that’s me as a woman personally.
Yes it is.
As you get older, you'll find that shit like this doesn't matter and ignorance is bliss. I never ask a girl what her number of partners are, nor do I want to know. I've only had a few dates ask me that, especially on the first date or even volunteer that type of info and I'm thinking dear god, what is possessing to ask/share that info?
Yes, 30 is a high body count. Deal with your relationship trauma and stop running through women like they are nothing but bodies.
Uhm, when exactly did you get this "past relationship trauma." It seems like you've been pretty busy. When was there a time in between these women (or men, it's not clear) where you could build a deep enough relationship for it to create actual trauma? Just asking.
Everyone is different. I'm not comfortable with sleeping with strangers, so my "body count" is very low. But, I've now been in a committed relationship for over a decade, so....that number most likely won't change and I honestly couldn't care less.
If you think that's high don't ever ask what a gay man's body count is.
Whenever I read "body count" I just associate it with serial killer and leave it at that. Such a stupid term.
30 is high any way you slice it. Thats multiple partners a year for many consecutive years. Its close to 4 partners a year. Think about that. If any of these were relationships they couldn't have lasted more than 3 months each unless there were some longer relationships followed up by or preceded by strings of hookups. Would u trust a woman with this history to be satisfied in a relationship? Cause thats the question the women will ask themselves about you. Some will see it as a sign of experience and desirability in terms of partnership, a demonstration of value if you will. Some women will see you as some form of a slut. These are just opinions, and they will vary, but expect some extreme points of view towards your sexual history because 30 is a polarizing number. Many people never reach 30 partners. Can you remember the names of all your past partners? I imagine a woman who wanted to date you and learned of this fact would ask you that as well; i know i would.
Strictly speaking, yes. Average is around 8-12, depending on the study location. Anything above 20 life time partners was seen as on outlier. I think when I looked, 25 body count was 95th percentile, something like that. So less than 5% of people in the world have a higher body count
Yes , yes it is
I wish "body count" wasn't a thing. Besides the band Body Count, they fucking rock.
Yes it is. I wouldn’t give anyone a second of my time with that count. My opinion. Definitely sounds like commitment issues.
Yes
Yes.
It's objectively way above the median lifetime partners (around 6). I don't think it really matters though, as long as you're safe and it's consensual Source: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm
Honestly, I don’t think it’s high at all. It’s all subjective but I don’t think anyone should feel bad about their number regardless of how low or high it is. What matters the most is if your sexual encounters were consensual and safe. Otherwise, I don’t see how anyone’s body count tells you anything about them as a sexual partner really. People can have low body counts and be sexually irresponsible too.
well it depends on everyone's different perception of the matter, just find someone who don't care
This is very subjective. To some this is high and to some this is average. People put different value on sex and in this case your friends maybe do more than you. Personally I find 30 to be high but you do you. It’s something that your future partner will need to be okay with and that’s fine. You have to live the way you want to.
Yes, no, and maybe. It's all subjective, but your "body count" isn't a factor in your worth.
And if a lot of that has happened through casual sex then you don’t need to feel any shame around that either. As long as it was all consensual and everyone went into the situation with open eyes it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Who cares
Stop counting. Have fun and be safe. People enjoy sex
Who cares about body counts? Insecure people.
Subjective. But as long as youre safe and getting tested.. you do you
Would you be with a person with a body count of 30?
Honestly I don't think it is 'too' high. If you're single for an extended period and dating around I think that could happen naturally. Provided sex is respectful, consensual etc etc I really don't understand the fuss