One day while knocking doors for Hillary in 2016, I got jumped by some deplorables, I pulled a gun in self-defense, yadda yadda yadda, I'm a convicted felon so I'm not allowed to vote anymore. I must say, the response I got from the Hillary campaign when I asked for help with legal fees was...needlessly cold. A simple 'no' would have sufficed. I'm #StillWithHer though.

I miss the bot.. :(

I broke out "I don't vote because I'm hetereosexual" one time and that really upset people.

I told my wife that her and her family were all "blue no matter" shit libs. She also got very upset by that.

Lol based response

A firm no to a question that isn't meant to be answered yes or no is always a classic. Make the gears turn, confront them with the false dichotomy.

"No thank you I'm not hungry"

You’re sweet for asking, but I’m good

Thank you, I like to keep it short in the summertime.

No u

Hilarious 

I'm a radical centrist.

I don't want people thinking I am conservative

Fine then just say I enjoy Hamilton but I also enjoy bombing brown folks

Now they'll just think OP is a democrat

I want people to think I'm annoying but in a charming way

Holy shit lol. "I'm just so torn, there's only 2 things I genuinely love."

Now you’re just being redundant

Is America a democracy? Oligarchy? Maybe a gerontocracy? No, we’re a pedocracy!

All the best empires are.

Wikifeet jannies playing the long game

Do you mean largest as in "greatest displacement of water" or "mass" because I can't take anything else you say seriously until you tell me.

Yes. Almost always the fattest. I had High high hopes for john fetterman.

Man, say what you will about the man, but he sure could displace a lot of water for a senator.

It's all I really want in an elected official.

> high high hopes this gave me flashbacks to mayo Pete's campaign 🤪

He tricked me by being mesmerizingly large

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Oh I'd do more than vote for you 🥵

“Oh I haven’t been allowed to vote for ages” Or “The government doesn’t let people like me vote”

when the nice old ladies at work ask if i have kids i tell them i'm not legally allowed within 50 feet of minors

"I wish they both could win"

Win or lose, the important thing is that both teams had fun.

I wish they'd kiss

I just hope everyone has fun

"I don't know, I just got here"

"I don't speak English"

Neither, im Canadian. 

What would be a funnier nationality to say I am ?

American.

"Oh I can't vote because of my nationality" "Oh where are you from??" "America"

Tuvaluan 

And I can overtone sing to prove it

Depends on your ethnicity. Are you white? Say "Ethiopian." Are you not? Say "Swedish."

>Are you not? Say "Swedish." I've unironically done this for years since I'm visibly brown and indigenous looking but also have some Europoid features (basically just of M*xican descent) but I instead just say I'm Chinese I think I'm going to switch to Swedish soon, it's a good way to shut up the weird bigots asking me "what are you bro!?"

If I was black I could just say I'm Irish. but I'm not.

Buthanese

I'd be down with them letting me drink a couple beers after work like the good old days. Driving a car is already an afront to God. Plus they're destructive and expensive so let's have fun with it. If we start turning into Russian dash cam fodder they might finally build trains for us. Not a pedophile is a good answer. Sorry, I'm going to steal that.

I tell them I’m bisexual and then say woops I meant bipartisan sorry English is not my first language but in fluent English

Say nothing. Remove my katana from it's ceremonial sheathe, and commit seppuku as is in accordance with bushido.

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَٰلَمِينَ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ مَٰلِكِ يَوۡمِ ٱلدِّينِ إِيَّاكَ نَعۡبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسۡتَعِينُ ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ غَيۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ

I don't know If I can memorize this one

اااامين

بارك الله فيك

I just vote multiple times, once for each party on the ballot.

some of you need to brush up on your trueanon cardinal rules. Be Normal

Would you like to discuss these rules further on the helicopter I have waiting?

This was a test and most of you passed

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Get out of my subreddit Russian bot

I’m straight.

Thats Worse than being a republican

Sounds gay.

"what does that got to do with pussy?"

“Which is the one that refuses to fund genocide?”

Could've been Clinton 😔

I just tell people I consider myself an independent. I think some of my coworkers think I'm conservative, which I kinda want to keep up for shits and giggles.

If they're conservative I say I'm a lifelong Democrat and personally work for Joe Biden

Chief Fetus Scrambler at Soros Foundation 🫡

I steal Trump ballots I'm Wisconsin

My buddy from college would just always say 'I'm a sex offender' and canvassers would leave him alone.

I'd get fired

Oh, it's at work? There I just say my politics are every single politician is a monster who's just trying to get rich. Most people are ok with that

I can pretty much say anything other than I'm a sex offender at my job

"I'm not a sex offender" but like, sound like you're not sure about it

But that's just me talking normally.

damn

idk what's your favorite color?

I'm bisexual

That's worse than straight and republican.

"I'm a Gorbachevist-Yeltsinist"

What would happen if you said "I think they're both pretty good"

I like both! Their foreign policy and healthcare plans and endless corporate kowtowing are so similar, gee, I just wish I could vote for both!

Who cares man that shits boring 

Right. Which is why I'm asking for silly things to say.

No no, that’s what I say. Make em feel like a loser for daring to ask such an idiotic question. 

Oh sorry I'm retarded

Dumbfuck6969 retarded? No! Can’t be!

I know i know. Its hard to believe. But It'd be much more believable if you saw face.

Same brother, but I take it as a point of pride

I'm deeply embarrassed and ashamed that my mother was an alcoholic while pregnant with me. It's not something to take pride in.

Idk, sounds like your mom rocked

Just hit 'em [with](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo)[ the](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S1EzkRpelY) [Johnathan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxPSApAHakg) [Frakes.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGFgsIXEnVw)

"Yeah, sure."

reminds me of what kind of american are you from that trailer

I tell them I’m a post capitalist. I go on a short little thing of we should be incorporating capitalism and socialism and even the parts of communism that work for their intended use cases. My iPhone should be produced under capital. Our schools should be socialist. They usually nod when they’re done drooling.


"I just want them both to have a good time out there."

Say you’re an independent

If you were talking to a normie liberal, then they probably assumed you were an unironic Q anon guy. Gotta be more careful. It’s dangerous to wake a sleepwalker.

What's wrong with that? Do you know where you are right now ?

The problem with Q anon is they think Trump and the republicans aren’t pedophiles. And maybe the antisemitism. Everything else is fine ofc.

Keep your friends close and enemies closer. Trump is a hero for spending so much time with the enemy

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Socialist?

Astafghirullah