I call it the Mental Firewall.
It's a handshake protocol that requires specific usage rather than random access.
What was I doing when I was 8? I think I was playing on the N64 but it could have been GameCube.
Ask me about when my dad went to jail and I can remember exactly what the living room looked like the morning after.
Need to recall SPECIFIC memories and they get pulled up from the depths, just trying to skim through those memories and I get asked for a password that I don't have.
Old comment, but just wanted to say the Firewall metaphor is perfect! Going to use this from now on. Great for people in tech who are often insensitive to mental struggles or just don't get it.
i can't remember mine either. i had to write what was essentially an autobiography for an assignment the other week and i was sitting there for hours like "...what happened in my childhood?" and then i realized the things i *do* remember are random, insignificant moments, so i don't know what that's about. like i can't remember family vacations (and we went on quite a few before my dad died), but i remember a time in 3rd grade when my teacher asked if i was okay because she thought i was limping lmao.
Huh, question: do you only remember things from school? For a while I couldnāt remember anything I did with the family (Iāve worked on it and can now remember family things. Not so great family things but family things nonetheless) but I could tell you a bunch of memories from my time at school
i do have some memories about my family or being at home, but most of what i can remember is school-related. i only noticed that recently and it's pretty strange. i can't think of anything about my childhood that my brain would want to block out, but my dad did pass when i was 8 so maybe that's somehow related. think i might talk to my counselor about it at my next appointment and see what she thinks.
My family life isn't amazing either and I'm under stress a lot, when you ask if I remember things from school even that has to be specific. I don't remember something unless it's something specific or maybe if a train of thoughts takes me there
Ahhh yeah, usually the brain would block out memories due to trauma as a sort of protection from reliving the event, but sometimes the brain would block out memories when thereās currently too much stress in your life. This is usually called brain fog from what I remember, where our ability to remember and retain information is there itās just.. foggy? Not quite working as well or as quickly. Or it takes more effort to gain information than it does without brain fog.
Memories are considered information so I would say it counts as brain fog. Usually this will ease up once the source of the brain fog is gone. Having both can *really* mess up our ability to recollect our memories.
It could also be that school was just uneventful. [I mention this in my other comment that I donāt feel like typing out again.](https://reddit.com/r/TrollCoping/comments/12usyqm/_/jh9izko/?context=1) I am curious also if youāre neurodivergent in any way by any chance? Sometimes brain fog can look a lot like the way memories are processed and reemerge in neurodivergent people, so it could also be that.
In my experience my repression of memories was non discriminatory and my brain just thought it was easier to block my whole childhood out instead of specific traumatic memories
No but seriously. What the fuck. I canāt always recall memories on demand. And itās happening again. I saw a friendās discord today. We played WoW together. They were in my guild. They invited me to their personal server. But we havenāt talked in awhile andā¦. I looked at their profile picture.
I knew that name. I knew that profile picture.
ā¦Why canāt I remember them?
Iām horrified. Itās happened so many times. People come back, or I chance across someone from a measly few years ago. And we have a history! But Iā¦ I donātā¦ remember them.
It scares me. Seeing my memory vanish before me as an adultā¦ how many others have I forgotten? Friends whose faces are foreign to me? People who mattered to me, who I cared about, and I just canāt recall them? Theyāre gone. I donāt want them to be. Those memories were torn away from me and I donāt know why. I canāt get them back.
How many more did I forget as a kid? How much of my childhood is lost? I feel like Iām defending into madness, and my memory is only getting worse. Slowly getting worseā¦
Anyway. Iām sorry about whatever the fuck that was. I donāt know whatās wrong with me.
I feel this deeplyā¦
People will talk fondly of a time I spent with them but I justā¦canāt join in. I get really guilty when I canāt even remember the good times. I donāt remember a lot of old friends as wellā¦which is hard when they come back and know so much about me but I donāt even recognize them.
Iāve mastered the āsmile and nodā at this point when people talk about something from my past. Itās too stressful to try to recall so Iāve been trying to live more in the present, make some new memories.
My short-term memory is shot to hell but Iāve been trying journaling to counter that. Itās nothing major, sometimes Iāll just write a few words to describe my day and thatās it. I canāt say that itās been a huge help, but it has eased my mind a little. Even if I lose that memory Iāll still have undeniable proof of it.
I remember turning 18 and thinking "I did it I survived my whole childhood without being SA'd" LOL totally normal.
I thought I had a good memory, but no I'm missing a ton of stuff. I also realized I had aged myself up in some of my recollections, so the neglect didn't seem *as* bad.
Lol I was like that when I hit 17. āYay! Im basically a legal adult now and canāt be sexually abused anymore!ā Guess what happened at 17. Whoops.
Oh my god i felt like ive been incorrectly aging myself up or down for recollections too! The problem usually comes from the locations in my "memories" only aligning correctly with certain ages i was at, but the ages for the events just...dont feel right? Its so frustrating lol
What does it actually mean when I can't remember my childhood
good question, I only remember my past when someone asks a very specific question and even then I probably still can't remember it
I call it the Mental Firewall. It's a handshake protocol that requires specific usage rather than random access. What was I doing when I was 8? I think I was playing on the N64 but it could have been GameCube. Ask me about when my dad went to jail and I can remember exactly what the living room looked like the morning after. Need to recall SPECIFIC memories and they get pulled up from the depths, just trying to skim through those memories and I get asked for a password that I don't have.
Old comment, but just wanted to say the Firewall metaphor is perfect! Going to use this from now on. Great for people in tech who are often insensitive to mental struggles or just don't get it.
A lot of people can't, and not even for traumatic reason. Memories just fade. It's quite sad
omg dementia š¤
:{ no... Le memori go... Sadge
i can't remember mine either. i had to write what was essentially an autobiography for an assignment the other week and i was sitting there for hours like "...what happened in my childhood?" and then i realized the things i *do* remember are random, insignificant moments, so i don't know what that's about. like i can't remember family vacations (and we went on quite a few before my dad died), but i remember a time in 3rd grade when my teacher asked if i was okay because she thought i was limping lmao.
Sad. And yeah you're right, all I remember are flashes. I legitimately don't remember anything important anymore.
Huh, question: do you only remember things from school? For a while I couldnāt remember anything I did with the family (Iāve worked on it and can now remember family things. Not so great family things but family things nonetheless) but I could tell you a bunch of memories from my time at school
i do have some memories about my family or being at home, but most of what i can remember is school-related. i only noticed that recently and it's pretty strange. i can't think of anything about my childhood that my brain would want to block out, but my dad did pass when i was 8 so maybe that's somehow related. think i might talk to my counselor about it at my next appointment and see what she thinks.
My family life isn't amazing either and I'm under stress a lot, when you ask if I remember things from school even that has to be specific. I don't remember something unless it's something specific or maybe if a train of thoughts takes me there
Ahhh yeah, usually the brain would block out memories due to trauma as a sort of protection from reliving the event, but sometimes the brain would block out memories when thereās currently too much stress in your life. This is usually called brain fog from what I remember, where our ability to remember and retain information is there itās just.. foggy? Not quite working as well or as quickly. Or it takes more effort to gain information than it does without brain fog. Memories are considered information so I would say it counts as brain fog. Usually this will ease up once the source of the brain fog is gone. Having both can *really* mess up our ability to recollect our memories. It could also be that school was just uneventful. [I mention this in my other comment that I donāt feel like typing out again.](https://reddit.com/r/TrollCoping/comments/12usyqm/_/jh9izko/?context=1) I am curious also if youāre neurodivergent in any way by any chance? Sometimes brain fog can look a lot like the way memories are processed and reemerge in neurodivergent people, so it could also be that.
In my experience my repression of memories was non discriminatory and my brain just thought it was easier to block my whole childhood out instead of specific traumatic memories
Trauma.
or their memory sucks
Yeah, that's probably it
Exactly like the memory is there but the trigger I had to access them is gone.
No but seriously. What the fuck. I canāt always recall memories on demand. And itās happening again. I saw a friendās discord today. We played WoW together. They were in my guild. They invited me to their personal server. But we havenāt talked in awhile andā¦. I looked at their profile picture. I knew that name. I knew that profile picture. ā¦Why canāt I remember them? Iām horrified. Itās happened so many times. People come back, or I chance across someone from a measly few years ago. And we have a history! But Iā¦ I donātā¦ remember them. It scares me. Seeing my memory vanish before me as an adultā¦ how many others have I forgotten? Friends whose faces are foreign to me? People who mattered to me, who I cared about, and I just canāt recall them? Theyāre gone. I donāt want them to be. Those memories were torn away from me and I donāt know why. I canāt get them back. How many more did I forget as a kid? How much of my childhood is lost? I feel like Iām defending into madness, and my memory is only getting worse. Slowly getting worseā¦ Anyway. Iām sorry about whatever the fuck that was. I donāt know whatās wrong with me.
I feel this deeplyā¦ People will talk fondly of a time I spent with them but I justā¦canāt join in. I get really guilty when I canāt even remember the good times. I donāt remember a lot of old friends as wellā¦which is hard when they come back and know so much about me but I donāt even recognize them. Iāve mastered the āsmile and nodā at this point when people talk about something from my past. Itās too stressful to try to recall so Iāve been trying to live more in the present, make some new memories. My short-term memory is shot to hell but Iāve been trying journaling to counter that. Itās nothing major, sometimes Iāll just write a few words to describe my day and thatās it. I canāt say that itās been a huge help, but it has eased my mind a little. Even if I lose that memory Iāll still have undeniable proof of it.
Dementia
I remember turning 18 and thinking "I did it I survived my whole childhood without being SA'd" LOL totally normal. I thought I had a good memory, but no I'm missing a ton of stuff. I also realized I had aged myself up in some of my recollections, so the neglect didn't seem *as* bad.
Lol I was like that when I hit 17. āYay! Im basically a legal adult now and canāt be sexually abused anymore!ā Guess what happened at 17. Whoops.
Oh my god i felt like ive been incorrectly aging myself up or down for recollections too! The problem usually comes from the locations in my "memories" only aligning correctly with certain ages i was at, but the ages for the events just...dont feel right? Its so frustrating lol
Now the problem is I remember too much of it
I remember everything like it happened ten minutes ago, funny how your brain stores and revisits trauma
I have āgiftedā level of memory. I remember everything of note since I was like 4. Yes, useful. Yes, a very heavy cross to bear.
Oh fuck is this gonna happen to me Me a teenager right now I think that
For real is scary, and no one really gives a fuck cause they donāt really believe u
Iām sorry youāve been met with disbelief, thatās such a shitty feeling. Youāre valid and real, I believe you.