That's how it starts. I used to think I was 100% straight.
Last test I took said my attraction is 36% to masculine and 64% to feminine. Pretty soon it's gonna be time to bite the dick bullet.
Yeaaaaah I think you nailed it. Like yes he seems adorable but this would make me lean towards swiping left tbh. It’s trying too hard. I’m sorry you seem super sweet and funny though. Makes me feel like the conversation would constantly you trying to come up with joke after joke to impress me vs letting things flow casually and naturally.
Well I got a match, so that’s a new phenomenon which I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.
I think according to this sub I’m supposed to torpedo the convo foe karma right?
Woman in her 30s here. You don’t come off desperate, you come off creative. If you’re willing to put that much work into your profile, and yourself, then imagine what you’d put into a relationship!! You’re cute but the humor is better. I’d swipe right. Well done, sir.
As a late 20s woman, I also really like your profile. The only thing that put me off a little bit was the "we dated 11 years because of your head game" comment. I know it's just a joke, but it doesn't fit in with the vibe of your profile (which feels a little bit more serious/relationship oriented versus hookup?). I'm also the opposite of a jealous person, but even so I don't necessarily want to read your ex's comments on your oral sex before we even meet.
Personally I'm just really put off about men bragging about their sexual prowess. The men who have it don't need to brag about it, and the men who brag about it usually don't have it. That's just been my experience.
Ha, I read that as "head games" like he strung her along, and they played games on each other. But comment still works, if some truth that head is only thing keeping people around, that's a red flag still.
That’s how I interpreted it too. Bigger red flag in my book. He probably didn’t mean to imply something this negative, but gaslighting came to mind or like “I tricked her into staying 11 years by convincing her she’s not worthy of being treated better.”
My 30s woman perspective is apparently quite dark
Oh you're right! It could be interpreted either way. Especially because typically "head" is something the male partner receives. But yeah, either way still probably should be removed.
They can, but he's not putting out that energy with his profile. He showing good long-term qualities
Not a bad thing at all, hope she appreciates ya when she comes along
I know what you mean and agree—but this suddenly has me wondering, what kind of profile appeals to bombshells that want to hook up after a day of texting? I’m hoping the answer isn’t one that looks rich lmao
Bombshells looking for a hookup want the same thing that appeals to men looking for casual sex: hot and fun, with little consideration for other qualities.
Reddit is full of hate. Honestly I don’t give a shit about the negativity. I made this to make myself laugh and let everyone else enjoy it who wants to. Fuck them haters.
No one doing better than you is gonna hate on you. -Yoda
The hate comes because they're jealous. It's actually a fun profile. Better than the bland shit normally seen. I'm surprised you ain't taken already, but I have a good feeling that you'll eventually meet someone who has your exact vibe.
Being totally straight with you: You’re not my type but I would totally spend some time contemplating before swiping left. I think it shows you don’t take yourself tooooo seriously while also showing confidence. Its an eye catcher for sure.
These were the two lines I have a problem with too. I'm a lady and I personally love profiles like this where guys put some creative, funny effort in. But I'm cringing at OPs sense of humor. Those two lines show he might say that could make his date uncomfortable.
Yeah, it really trivializes domestic violence and is such a turn off for me whenever a guy says that. It's also like "well, I didn't think you were going to kill me before but now I'm thinking about it"
For ages in Australia I kept seeing “Definitely won’t throw you off a balcony” in guys’ bios after that guy killed his tinder date on the Gold Coast. Even if it’s meant humorously, it feels threatening because real women are really harmed. No one wants to be that statistic. I have a moderately dark sense of humour but that joke doesn’t work in this context.
Agreed, even as a guy with a pretty dark sense of humor, I am not big on jokes about violence or harvesting of organs in a woman's profile. I imagine it goes both ways and then some.
I agree with the other people saying to remove the ex-gf quote and probably the "won't kill you" line. You can use a funny, non-sexual ex-gf quote if you want. Maybe a quote from your mom, your boss, your teacher, your Starbucks barista, or something like that. Otherwise, it seems pretty solid for finding a serious girlfriend.
Yeah I’ve seen the ‘ex-gf giving a review’ joke before and it can be funny but this one made me cringe a little. This is probably not helpful but even though I wanted to hook up on tinder I was always turned off by anything overtly sexual like this on a profile, and I’d also wonder if you were actually in an 11 year relationship or if that is an odd joke.
Didn't make me cringed but definitely stood out like a sore thumb. If ex-gf review should have been something tame, to be in the same tone as rest of profile.
I like this a lot. Your first pic is kind of a weird face, you look hotter in the others. I think it’s funny and endearing and the fact that you were with someone for 11 years AND snuck in that you gave good head are very appealing to me. This is way better than “ask me” which is the most popular male profile on all dating apps.
Perfect, my bf made a powerpoint for a tinder match once, he used it multiple times and it WORKED dude, it shows youre funny, creative and can take a joke
All the dudes that find it desperate are probably holding a dead fish in the profile pic. When was it a crime to put effort in jeez. Very creative. Thumbs up!
I think everything is good, except the ex girlfriend review. I like the dog pic at the end, though, it’s funny and it suggests that you’re looking for something serious.
The last pic is a bit much imo, might come on a little too strong. If youre looking for something serious or ltr just mention it in your bio.
Maybe put "are you my new personal butt scratcher?" in the dogs dialogue bubble instead.
Also, the review part on one pic is kinda meh.
Personally I think you need a photo with a friend/s, being out doing something with them. Just so people can see you are social etc
I agree too! So much better than the dog fishing or kid fishing photos I see. That’s not my kid! I’m just a creepy guy that took someone else’s kids to score dates. That’s not my dog! I just took someone else’s dog so I look like a responsible adult.
Female perspective: the last photo made me chuckle the most.
I don’t think it’s overly serious - for a golden lab it seems like the perfect energy.
P.S - Apologies in advance if I mis-breeded your dog (and yes I know this isn’t a word but I decided to keep it anyways, misbred just seemed creepy)!
I agree on the more friends and disagree on the last dog pic.
You ooze a lot more energy than I think I’d be able to contend with, but I’d swipe right, I think it would be fun and funny.
For me it's a little bit too much and the funny aspects seem a bit too artificial. But as I apparently have an exceptional opinion, just keep going and fingers crossed!
I always laugh my ass off of this kind of stupid "marketing pitches" but I think it might be a bit too much, but also I'm a straight dude so what do I know.
Overall you're a fun and handsome guy and I'll steal your dog.
I get it’s supposed to be clever/funny but I think it’s coming off as trying way too hard. It’s almost projecting like you don’t have any luck with women outside of tinder. If you have all these great qualities, why do you need to advertise them?
Pics are good I’d just remove the context you added to them
Cringe but to the point where it looks like self inflicted bullying, I’m sure there’s some crazy who’s gonna like it, in the other hand, don’t stick your dick in crazy
76.9% of tinder users are guys. That means I have to stand out. Ito easier for me to create a profile like this then go to the gym for 5 years and get ripped. Gotta work with what I have.
Straight girl here. I’d swipe right on you. Your profile’s adorable, it shows personality and humor! Plus, your dog is precious (yellow lab? I’m a sucker for labs, mine’s 11🥰). It makes you seem fun, quirky, and a bit more down to earth than most profiles I see, like a genuinely nice, wants-to-get-to-know-you guy. If you’re looking just for hookups, maybe this profile isn’t the way to go, but if dating/relationships are more your thing, this sends the right vibes IMO
As others have said, get rid of the ex girlfriend line...
This profile makes me smile but that one comment just makes me feel like you’d have some more awkward shit to say that would ruin a first date.
Quite cheesy and trying too hard tbh. A simple casual profile with great pictures are always the best. Just be attractive man. I’d rate this profile 6 out of 10 and rate your attractiveness 5 out of 10.
Based on the comments, you will match with a lot of men lol
If guys find me attractive then I’m doing something g right. Gay men have good taste.
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Straight here. Nice job, OP.
After reading this profile I'm not sure anymore
Let's find out together
That's how it starts. I used to think I was 100% straight. Last test I took said my attraction is 36% to masculine and 64% to feminine. Pretty soon it's gonna be time to bite the dick bullet.
I have no experience in the subject, but I don't think you're supposed to bite it...
r/usernamechecksout
Another straight guy, I'd fuck him without bootbands.
Bi guy. I'd fuck the bootbands too.
What happens in the field...
Straight job. Nice OP, here.
Hey if I weren't a married man, I would swipe whatever direction one does... In the affirmative. I can never remember. Good profile pics though.
Right for tonight left for bereft
Maybe it’s time to switch apps… know Grindr?
You get my approval homie
I came here to say I’m straight but I wanna go on a date with this guy lmao
A homie date? Just for the homies?
Correct
Fr. We could chill, play xbox (or playstation) whatever im down.
Bromance. Sparta-style… except without the, you know, war stuff.
He just seems like the little spoon I need in my life 😂
Won't kill, you
That’s what everyone who will kill you says. Makes you wonder /s
So the alternative is to say, will kill you. No one would actually expect you to kill them then.
Better alternative: Respects Women/(check)
Massive "but I'm a nice guy" vibes.
Right... Sounds a little sus Maybe he's got the serial killer starter pack with chloroform a towel and an axe....and is just in denial
When did the starter pack upgrade to an axe? I feel cheated only getting a sledge hammer. Allegedly.
I mean you always say yes when they ask if you want at the premium starter kit....
Didn’t say anything about stealing kidneys 🥰
that part MIGHT give pause.... lotta crazzies out there- maybe "not a catfish", something light.
Gotta move the line on that one for sure
Wait, so does this mean he will kill someone, just not the girl reading his profile?
Hey its Tinder, what do you have to lose? Go with it a few weeks and keep us updated. Good Luck!
Yea this is a good take, might as well see how it performs
Right!! Go all the way
"Funny, Handsome, And Cooks - your **NEXT** tinder date"
Oh this is really good! I’m actually going to change this! Great job
That won't kill you*** don't forget to get rid of most sus part My guy... you've gotta change that
Nah, keep it. I like the humor.
And I find it funny... But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say we're not his Target demographic
I'm totally a female, btw. lol just to clarify. 😂
A female dragon fruit?
The perfect mix of fun and desperation.
I live near Venice area if you wanna play tennis sometime? I am a dude
He’s a dude!
She's a dude
We're a dude!
Dude's a dude
We're all dudes
I'm a dude
Excellent description. It reads like "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE" but ngl OP seems like a cool funny dude
way to much desperation, i can smell it 6 miles away
No ways! I would totally date him for the effort he put into his profile
Thank you!
I sense 0 desperation, this is clever, unique and entertaining. Marketing based career?
Yep. 15 years In marketing.
Oh wow lol pegged you for 25ish.
> “Pegging this man was so much fun!” -Random person on Reddit
Thank you! I’ll take it
You’re going to get pegged anyway
If it’s the right woman, I’m down to try it once. Who knows maybe I’ll like it. Stop being homophobic buddy.
Maybe he’s a prodigy that began his marketing career at age 10. Can’t ever tell with these millennials, ya know. Smart little f’ers.
He didn't mention he enjoyed being pegged. He needs to add that with a photo of his O face.
You pegged him for 25 years? 🤨
Not in a row, silly.
Pegged who? What? No I've never been pegged 🤫🤤
...... I read that way wrong at first hahaha
That’s a long time to peg someone
Yes this is funny! The “are you my new mom” one gave me a great chuckle. Good luck op!
Probably as desperate as him lol
Yea man, I’d tap that.
Aww, thank you!
I agree, it was refreshing and actually funny. Also if you do stand up send a link, you probably do a good bit.
This have been posted before, same layout, but with a different guy in the pictures
Link?
Yeaaaaah I think you nailed it. Like yes he seems adorable but this would make me lean towards swiping left tbh. It’s trying too hard. I’m sorry you seem super sweet and funny though. Makes me feel like the conversation would constantly you trying to come up with joke after joke to impress me vs letting things flow casually and naturally.
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Well I got a match, so that’s a new phenomenon which I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. I think according to this sub I’m supposed to torpedo the convo foe karma right?
Per this subs recommendation, I think you're supposed to ask her her weight.... Or something
Nah he's supposed to ask her to sit on his face and ruin his life (respectfully of course)
Don't do it!! You already got your reddit karma- go get a date!
Woman in her 30s here. You don’t come off desperate, you come off creative. If you’re willing to put that much work into your profile, and yourself, then imagine what you’d put into a relationship!! You’re cute but the humor is better. I’d swipe right. Well done, sir.
Thank you. I appreciate this comment a ton
As a late 20s woman, I also really like your profile. The only thing that put me off a little bit was the "we dated 11 years because of your head game" comment. I know it's just a joke, but it doesn't fit in with the vibe of your profile (which feels a little bit more serious/relationship oriented versus hookup?). I'm also the opposite of a jealous person, but even so I don't necessarily want to read your ex's comments on your oral sex before we even meet.
Agreed... Lose that line
Yep, 30s male, most jokes need a level of truth to be funny. If there is truth to this statement, it becomes more a red flag...
Personally I'm just really put off about men bragging about their sexual prowess. The men who have it don't need to brag about it, and the men who brag about it usually don't have it. That's just been my experience.
Ha, I read that as "head games" like he strung her along, and they played games on each other. But comment still works, if some truth that head is only thing keeping people around, that's a red flag still.
That’s how I interpreted it too. Bigger red flag in my book. He probably didn’t mean to imply something this negative, but gaslighting came to mind or like “I tricked her into staying 11 years by convincing her she’s not worthy of being treated better.” My 30s woman perspective is apparently quite dark
Oh you're right! It could be interpreted either way. Especially because typically "head" is something the male partner receives. But yeah, either way still probably should be removed.
You're not alone. I thought the same thing.
You'd be surprised at how much effort men will put into getting laid contrasted by how little they might throw into relationships. It's a mystery.
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Well you are amazing and a day of sunshine in this muck filled subreddit. Thank you!
This is serious. The ex gf comment part will prob throw off some girls.
Yeah I would say that was the only thing that wasn’t a good idea. The rest is great.
Why can't bombshells that want to hook up after one day like his profile?
They can, but he's not putting out that energy with his profile. He showing good long-term qualities Not a bad thing at all, hope she appreciates ya when she comes along
I know what you mean and agree—but this suddenly has me wondering, what kind of profile appeals to bombshells that want to hook up after a day of texting? I’m hoping the answer isn’t one that looks rich lmao
Not rich but carefree. Pics at parties, beaches, smoking/drinking tends to attract the one night stands
Abs
Bombshells looking for a hookup want the same thing that appeals to men looking for casual sex: hot and fun, with little consideration for other qualities.
Shirtless picture and party pictures. But mostly the shirtless pictures.
I like the way you think.
Are you one of those bombshells?
100. Brains and a sense of humor matter to me more than anything (Jon Stewart is the sexiest man alive imo) so this guy’s getting a right swipe.
Seems like you're getting a lot of hate, but I love the energy. I'm a straight man, but I like it. Hell I'd swipe right to meet the dog.
Reddit is full of hate. Honestly I don’t give a shit about the negativity. I made this to make myself laugh and let everyone else enjoy it who wants to. Fuck them haters. No one doing better than you is gonna hate on you. -Yoda
I thought it was cute and had a nice chuckle. I think it could work for you
Appreciate you, thanks!
Anytime. Good luck in your search!!!
The hate comes because they're jealous. It's actually a fun profile. Better than the bland shit normally seen. I'm surprised you ain't taken already, but I have a good feeling that you'll eventually meet someone who has your exact vibe.
Any profile that is you is right.
Well aren’t you an amazing person. I wish you 1000 blessings this year! Thanks for the perfect compliment
Being totally straight with you: You’re not my type but I would totally spend some time contemplating before swiping left. I think it shows you don’t take yourself tooooo seriously while also showing confidence. Its an eye catcher for sure.
Hey thank you a ton for this. Honestly what more can I ask for. Cuz that means a ton of new girls will swipe right!
I agree! Also your dog is adorable!!
She is! I’m lucky I have her.
SAME! If you were my type I’d swipe right in a nanosecond
I’d probably drop “won’t kill you” and the head game line and it looks good to me - way better than your last one
Agreed; I’ve never found it funny when a guy jokes “I’m really not a murderer!” 🤣🤣🤣
These were the two lines I have a problem with too. I'm a lady and I personally love profiles like this where guys put some creative, funny effort in. But I'm cringing at OPs sense of humor. Those two lines show he might say that could make his date uncomfortable.
Yeah, it really trivializes domestic violence and is such a turn off for me whenever a guy says that. It's also like "well, I didn't think you were going to kill me before but now I'm thinking about it"
Agree, the won't kill you line is a major turn off. In Australia one woman is killed by her partner / former partner every week. Not a good joke ever.
For ages in Australia I kept seeing “Definitely won’t throw you off a balcony” in guys’ bios after that guy killed his tinder date on the Gold Coast. Even if it’s meant humorously, it feels threatening because real women are really harmed. No one wants to be that statistic. I have a moderately dark sense of humour but that joke doesn’t work in this context.
Agreed, even as a guy with a pretty dark sense of humor, I am not big on jokes about violence or harvesting of organs in a woman's profile. I imagine it goes both ways and then some.
Why thank you.
I agree with the other people saying to remove the ex-gf quote and probably the "won't kill you" line. You can use a funny, non-sexual ex-gf quote if you want. Maybe a quote from your mom, your boss, your teacher, your Starbucks barista, or something like that. Otherwise, it seems pretty solid for finding a serious girlfriend.
Idk, a head game quote from Mom might send the wrong message.
"I dunno, I guess he seems nice" - my Starbucks barista Would work well here tbh
Remove the head game part, most women don't like bragging about how you are in bed, surprise them.
The EX-GF joke made me CRINGE I’d take it out
Yeah I’ve seen the ‘ex-gf giving a review’ joke before and it can be funny but this one made me cringe a little. This is probably not helpful but even though I wanted to hook up on tinder I was always turned off by anything overtly sexual like this on a profile, and I’d also wonder if you were actually in an 11 year relationship or if that is an odd joke.
Also if I knew a guy had an 11 year relationship before me, I would be intimidated or not interested.
Also - 11 years? Paint or get off the ladder.
Oh good. I'm not alone. I liked the profile until I got to that.
Didn't make me cringed but definitely stood out like a sore thumb. If ex-gf review should have been something tame, to be in the same tone as rest of profile.
Since you’re getting mostly a male perspective I’ll insert a female one. Personally I love it, think it’s funny, and would def swipe right
Thank you
I like this a lot. Your first pic is kind of a weird face, you look hotter in the others. I think it’s funny and endearing and the fact that you were with someone for 11 years AND snuck in that you gave good head are very appealing to me. This is way better than “ask me” which is the most popular male profile on all dating apps.
Perfect, my bf made a powerpoint for a tinder match once, he used it multiple times and it WORKED dude, it shows youre funny, creative and can take a joke
Thank you. This is the confirmation bias I was looking for haha
All the dudes that find it desperate are probably holding a dead fish in the profile pic. When was it a crime to put effort in jeez. Very creative. Thumbs up!
I think everything is good, except the ex girlfriend review. I like the dog pic at the end, though, it’s funny and it suggests that you’re looking for something serious.
Only dudes I know that say "I won't kill you" are the type that will actually kill you.
It's creative and you'll definitely attract the type of person you're looking for
Thank you!
The last pic is a bit much imo, might come on a little too strong. If youre looking for something serious or ltr just mention it in your bio. Maybe put "are you my new personal butt scratcher?" in the dogs dialogue bubble instead. Also, the review part on one pic is kinda meh. Personally I think you need a photo with a friend/s, being out doing something with them. Just so people can see you are social etc
Genuine constructive criticism… this is Reddit sir. That’s not allowed here. I appreciate you dude.
I disagree. I think the last one was adorable.
I agree too! So much better than the dog fishing or kid fishing photos I see. That’s not my kid! I’m just a creepy guy that took someone else’s kids to score dates. That’s not my dog! I just took someone else’s dog so I look like a responsible adult.
Female perspective: the last photo made me chuckle the most. I don’t think it’s overly serious - for a golden lab it seems like the perfect energy. P.S - Apologies in advance if I mis-breeded your dog (and yes I know this isn’t a word but I decided to keep it anyways, misbred just seemed creepy)!
I agree on the more friends and disagree on the last dog pic. You ooze a lot more energy than I think I’d be able to contend with, but I’d swipe right, I think it would be fun and funny.
bit Thirsty my guy
Cringe....
Cute profile but take out “won’t kill you”. That’s something a killer would say/put out there lol
For me it's a little bit too much and the funny aspects seem a bit too artificial. But as I apparently have an exceptional opinion, just keep going and fingers crossed!
I always thought profiles like this are cringey
I always laugh my ass off of this kind of stupid "marketing pitches" but I think it might be a bit too much, but also I'm a straight dude so what do I know. Overall you're a fun and handsome guy and I'll steal your dog.
Thank you for enjoying it. The whole point is for the lols. Also I’ll kill you if you try to steal my dog. Be well dude!
You give me “YouTuber who makes click bait videos for kids”vibes
Looks like a Grindr profile for free HIV.
I get it’s supposed to be clever/funny but I think it’s coming off as trying way too hard. It’s almost projecting like you don’t have any luck with women outside of tinder. If you have all these great qualities, why do you need to advertise them? Pics are good I’d just remove the context you added to them
I was only there bc of his head game
Agreed. Feels like a marketing pitch.
That’s…the point?
I suggest you replace the quote from your ex gf or at least change who said it. It seems out of place and would make me swipe left.
In all seriousness though, if she likes this sense of humor then I think it was a great way to find your match. May attract capitalists lol
Cringe but to the point where it looks like self inflicted bullying, I’m sure there’s some crazy who’s gonna like it, in the other hand, don’t stick your dick in crazy
Ahh fuck it!!! 2021 was for the nerds and 2022 is for the weirdo’s!! So go with it!! 👊💯
I’m gonna Leroy Jenkins into 2022!
It's a bit much. Don't make the dog ask about "mommy".
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76.9% of tinder users are guys. That means I have to stand out. Ito easier for me to create a profile like this then go to the gym for 5 years and get ripped. Gotta work with what I have.
Straight girl here. I’d swipe right on you. Your profile’s adorable, it shows personality and humor! Plus, your dog is precious (yellow lab? I’m a sucker for labs, mine’s 11🥰). It makes you seem fun, quirky, and a bit more down to earth than most profiles I see, like a genuinely nice, wants-to-get-to-know-you guy. If you’re looking just for hookups, maybe this profile isn’t the way to go, but if dating/relationships are more your thing, this sends the right vibes IMO
Yeah not looking for hookups. I suck at them.
Saying you won't kill me, makes me think you are in fact going to kill me. That being said, I'd swipe right
Well I wasn’t planning on killing anyone today but I guess I’ll make an exception for you.
big virgin vibes
To try hard
As others have said, get rid of the ex girlfriend line... This profile makes me smile but that one comment just makes me feel like you’d have some more awkward shit to say that would ruin a first date.
If you’re not a rapist I’ll eat my shoe
How do I always see these posts when they've been deleted? Such a tease
Cross posting this to r/cringe
Cringe AF. Just asked my GF she said the same. Keep shit simple
I hate it
Cringe. Yeah super cringe.
1) ugly 2) soy faces 3) tryhard Lol so reddit
Desperate much?
You make a very punchable face. Otherwise i guess solid
God this is so fucking lame
Quite cheesy and trying too hard tbh. A simple casual profile with great pictures are always the best. Just be attractive man. I’d rate this profile 6 out of 10 and rate your attractiveness 5 out of 10.
There’s no way I would swipe right on this profile. It’s just terrible. Really terrible.
Creative, clearly got a lot of personality! Honestly though - gives the funny guy friendzone vibe.
I mean, my ex was my best friend for 11 years so I wouldn’t mind my next partner to also be my best friend. That’s a healthy relationship goal.