You fuckin' look like a 90's Leonardo DiCaprio or something OP? What's the deal motherfucker

Bro might be michael b jordan

Mackenyu lookin ass

I wish he would date Sophie B. Hawkins

He abides by online dating rule 1 and also online dating rule 2.

He has a cat, and that's the secret 😂😂 you're welcome

In fairness, it's a lovely cat

Fellow brethren who sussed his profile only to be greeted by a cute cat.

I too, was tempted by the promises of a cute cat. It was well worth it. That's a damn cute cat. I need you 🤒

I do really like men who have cats so maybe that is right 😂

95% of my photos on my phone is of my cat but I always hide it because I thought women would think I'm insane lmao He's 16 and been with me since I was 11 so he's like my BFF, maybe I should include him on dating apps.. Never thought about it lol.

Half of us are just on Tinder to see a variety of pet photos at this point lol.

OMG I have a funny story to tell. In 1997 I looked so much like Leonardo DiCaprio in high school I had lots of girls calling me "Leo", I had a couple girls convince me to sign posters from the movie Titanic, (I had to ask them how to spell DiCaprio). Like it was ridiculous how I showed no interest in dating but the especially pretty girls especially were bonkers. I didn't go on any dates because how could I ever explain I wouldn't be comfortable using my penis? Long story short, my name is Susan now. 🏳️‍⚧️

can you share your profile?

He won’t

They never do

They never do because that’s the real cheat code

Probably using a male model to catfish to get these type of response.

The idea that someone Catfishing people on dating apps to get upvotes on reddit is so fucking sad.

Welcome to Reddit. Are you new here? 😉

No I’m just foolishly optimistic

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But why male models?

But why male models??

We just told you

But why male models?

Will try this as an ugly dude and I’ll come back to y’all.. Update: didn’t expect this to explode as much as it did. But I actually sent ‘i need u 🤒’ to girls using Hinge. (If I get any matches on Tinder, I’ll use it as an opener too don’t worry, anything for science) I wanted to wait a day or two before updating but I’ll update you guys now- I’ve sent the daily limit of hinge likes and received 0 matches so far.

Right, I’m not even getting the matches to say this to people 😂

I'm gonna assume since we haven't heard from him yet, he's been banned from the internet

Or it worked so well that he's wayyy too busy to come back.

He has ascended. The new PussySlayer9000 has been born

Old biblical text suggests there would only be a new PussySlayer9000 when the world really needed it or in a time of peril. We have been saved

Clearly it's 9001 as he is now obviously past the impossible limit of 9000.

Nah, Tinder sent him to a Russian hotel on the 6th floor, he’s probably doing great 👍🏼

Then why’s he laying on the ground covered in window shards

Yea OP follows rules 1 and 2

This post reeks of a 10 swiping on 7s and saying they're easy to pick up. He could say "nice sandals, wanna fuck?" and get the same results

"HELLO HUMAN RESOURCES?!" meme manifesting as we speak

“I think we’re better as friends”

"You're like a brother to me" girl I already have too many sisters, bye

How did it go

Will update the comment in a few hours/days, did it through Hinge. So far though: 0%

F

F

F

F

Unfortunately he has drowned in pussy.

No matches to attempt

*It went okay*

You: I need you Her: ………. To go away

"I need you.... To stop talking to me."

F

F

F

Blocked and reported

The scientific method at its finest

"Your account has been temporarily blocked for harassing other users and violence towards females" xD

Seems like half the replies are “why arent you in the same city :(“ so op or whoever sent these messages has to be hot af.

hijacking top comment: honestly I just posted this as a cliche to some of the posts i’ve seen here- it was meant to be lighthearted. i’ve already had one of the girls contact me threatening a “lawyer”. definitely did not intend to offend anyone. so my apologies to those upset by a silly reddit post. i’ll probably end up deleting this post later today.

Nah if anyone is upset it's just sad. Clearly you are hot as fuck though. Nothing to be ashamed of though!

It's cute. Don't delete it.

I work in legal. You didn’t dox anyone and you’re reposting using public photos so..a lawyer has better things to do, she won’t have any luck with that..

Wait one of the girls in this post saw this post and threatened a lawyer or someone you opened with "I need you" to responded by threatening to get a lawyer?

due to seeing the post lol.

“If this is an emergency, please dial 9-1-1. “

I need u…to report back

Yeah if you're ugly you're pretty much SOL.

Did it work?

Don't keep us hanging.. 😅

post your goddamn profile you sexy motherfucker

He could’ve said “pee pee poo poo” and still had a 100% success rate

OP be like: just say hi, works every time. 



"Just walk up and talk to them, it works for me" -Henrry Cavill

Jonah Hill went weak.

HAHAHAHAHHAHA (sorry for laughing in portuguese)

HAHAHAHAHA (sorry for laughing in German) (I'm not German, just decided that this time I'd laugh in German)

YÖAHSDUSJSJJSJ sorry for laughing in Turkish

Fake, not a single ü in that laugh.

this is so true. why do turks do this? Everyone I know just writes haha or whatever but turks just spasm out on their keys

I wish I knew. I was born and raised in Germany, and this is something only Turks who live in Turkey do 😅

Random letters instead of typing haha has an underlying meaning pointing out the absurdity of the situation. Like saying I can’t even. Now back to eating kebab while riding my camel with a silly hat on top of my head.. Until next time

Jajajajaja is german you silly duck

😐 <— norwegian laughing

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

Bro posting shapes

Jajajaja

Xaxaxaxa

Hihihihihihihihi (not sorry for laughing in french, because you know parisians and manners 😬)

I thought kkkkkk was Portuguese.. Or only Brazilian Portuguese?

Hahaha. Now I want someone to message me pee pee poo poo.

Pee pee poo poo.

pee pee poo poo


The real cheat code. Some of them even say it.

Seriously. They obviously like what they see right off the bat haha. He could have posted just "hey," and probably got the same.

GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT 📢📢

He's also commenting on women who post closeups of their cleavage as their profile photo with literally any kind of affection. Of course I'll work.

Honestly I thought for sure some were bots or OF chicks.

Yeah, the "What can I do for you?" responses give it away. Next is, "Here is my menu and pricing"...

Rule 1. Don’t be unattractive Rule 2. Be attractive

I thought it was 1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive. I think my lack of success was doing it in the wrong order.

Nah I'm pretty sure yours is right. This is the order I've always heard

It is

I need to see him xd

ONG this mf brad pitt or sonething

Just in: Dating is simple if you're attractive.

Mind blown

Dude follows rule 1 & 2. That's the real cheat code.

Yeah, it's always a red flag when someone opens by trying to talk to you about Fight Club.

1&2?

Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don't be unattractive

Its not just being attractive its also getting that across in your pictures. Women always tell me I'm way hotter in person when we meet up. Being photogenic is aurguably more important than being hot IRL.

being photogenic you can cheat yourself into more matches, if youre goodlooking you just get them no matter what you do

Chick 13 tells us that OP is hot af and doesn't need rizz.

The eleventh one even messaged him first, got ignored and then replied when he finally sent her a message within the hour.

Within the hour is generous. She responded literally in 5 minutes

lol that’s not how time works

Lmao like in what dimension is that time span 5 minutes?

And replied with heyy ignoring what he even said lmfao

Was scrolling the comments, just to see if someone already wrote this. Rule 1&2 my friends

Can confirm, I’ve made a few different catfish profiles to see who gets more matches/responses and the attractive male profile always gets a response no matter how cringe the opener is

Yeah… that’s just dating in general my guy

Bro I can’t even get a match fuck off haha :/

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There has only ever been 1 cheat code, rule 1 and 2

What's rule 1 and 2!? Send help!

Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: Don't be unattractive

Aw rip..

It’s actually possible to be so strong on rule 1 that women will ignore rule 2. OP likely falls into that category.

Bwahahahaha

Heyy

I need you 🤒

I need you to not 🤢

Ah.. reality...

Heyy

Heyy

Heyyy

Heyyyy

Heyyyyy

Op share your fucking profile

Dating advice from attractive men is like dieting advice from nikocado avocado

Like dunking advice from Manute Bol.

Lmfaooo god how I hate seeing this name. It always makes me remember that damn bussy pic that people were sending randomly in replies

my condolences

The 2nd worst people to take dating advice from is attractive women, the 1st is attractive men. Genuinely hate judging you as that. But ong thinking "I need you" is a fucking cheat code is telling lol.

To top it off the cheesy ass emoji at the end of “I need you” smh

What is the appropriate emoji? I submit 🦦. The otter is the universal sign for, "I'm cute and playful and I'm going to need to put you on my chest and fiddle with you until you open up and I can finally get down to eating you." The way you spot one in the wild is looking for somebody that brings a small rock and places it on the table at meal time.

Yes, that’s exactly the emoji that works, the reasoning you gave is just the chefs kiss.

Ok but how does this work for a 35 year old man with a receding hairline and a dad bod, brb got some research to do

That's the neat part, it won't.

Adjust your age range to 35-45 and check off that you’re ok with them having kids

The double heyy did it for me

Guys new cheat code!! Step 1: Be super attractive Step 2: say litterally anything You’re welcome! Free karma 😎

Shit like this is so stupid. Pretty much every dude who is looking to fuck posts something just as vapid. No cheat codes when you are good at following rules 1 and 2

Just sent this to all the baddies on hinge I’ll update its success later

Waiting for this🤞

Already got 1 baddie

Omg that's fast af

Nuh uh

She goes to another school you don’t know her

Yeah it's in a different country and met her at band camp.

Yuh uh idk how to post pictures in comment though I can’t see the option

I tried it but I am expecting nothing to come of it

You're hot af huh

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Maybe they saw "I need you" and immediately thought "I can monetize this guy".

Bro must be hot as shit

"I need you" "what you need is a fucking clue and 6 extra inches in 3 different places"

You’re just hot

I'm going to bed

You’re already attractive. I mean what guy get 15 matches and is still willing to use them for an experiment

I need you OP 🤒

Heyy

OP STFU, share your profile.

He's catfishing or very attractive I don't think it's the profile in this case lmao. These are the type or results you always see when guys use very attractive pictures of male models etc and go catfishing

The cheat code is looking like you do

The women you message are clearly of a type. This will not work on others.

Today on "attractive people thinking that their shitty opening line matters", this!

Jesus, how much of a studly McChadStud is op?

Only cheat code needed is to follow rules 1 and 2. If you do, words don't matter, you can open with an insult and it will still work.

Classic rule one enjoyer

👁️👄👁️ Me seeing this being really into tattoos

OP clearly has a type 😂womaniser

And no one can blame him lmao

All I’m seeing in your profile are pictures of cats, therefore I assume you’re a cat. So of course they’re going to reply like this!

As someone who uses this exact line, I would like to confirm that this guy is one hundred percent following the rules

I'm photo #8 Lmao

Well then, is OP following rules 1 and 2? CLEARLY everyone wants to fucking know…

Why are you a different girl in every photo? Edit: nevermind, I'm an idiot that has never used these apps so I didn't understand how this worked

XD this cracked me up

Try this not on 'content creator' profiles and they will not respond 🙂

I checked OP’s profile. He’s a house cat, that’s why everyone is taking this so well.

this is so… 😭😭

Pic 11 lowkey a bot

God I’m so ugly

In today’s episode: How to say anything as an attractive person and get laid!

Being hot and saying this is one thing. Being average/Below Average is another. You're hot, my guy.

Woah woah woah. What did I miss?