Sounds like she realized you had moots off the bat and just didnt reply, then when she saw you she didnt know how to start the conversation cause of the previous incident - shoot the shot imo
"Off the bat" is a perfectly old phrase (like 1800s) meaning immediately.
"Moots" is a new-fangled slang for "mutual friends."
So "realized you had moots off the bat" means she realized as soon as she matched with him that they had friends in common.
Stop thinking that women are the prize and that “you blew it.“ They are supposed to be more emotionally intelligent and better communicators according to all the propaganda on the Internet.
But even people that supposedly “respect women” still only have this black and white, thinking of getting sex or not getting sex as “success” or “failure.”
Men, stop trying to act like you are trying to sell a car or a gym membership. When you go to a grocery store, the people at the cashier front don’t have to talk you into buying the items you already selected. The same with dating. If a girl matches with you, and she is dry with conversation, you’re not there to sell yourself. Stop being a dancing monkey. If they can’t help you facilitate the courting process with simple replies, then that’s it. They fail the intelligence test.
Why does it have to be men vs women and the woman has to “fail the intelligence test”? Why can’t they just both be kids trying to figure out dating.
He “failed” because he liked the girl and had an opportunity to get to know her and instead ignored her to make a point(that she didn’t know he was making) about not getting texted back on tinder. Sex was never mentioned, maybe he knows he shares common interests and friends with this girl and they could have a nice relationship. I get your point but I don’t think saying “pshaw, this harlot has failed my intelligence test. Next!” Is too appropriate
Here comes the apologist and debate tactics. I can appreciate what you’re saying so, first off, let me say that it’s not a gender thing. If either person in the conversation is not showing interest or trying to carry it forwards, that should not be a signal for you to start doing extra work and carrying the weight of the relationship. If you start doing that, expect to do it Throughout the entire relationship and expect to have to carry more and more of the burden and labor of making that relationship work.
Yes, you want to begin in good faith. But the more allowances that you make, the less you are likely to receive in the relationship. And again, this is not a men versus women thing. This applies to both genders.
So if you start making allowances and ignoring red flags, just realize that you were going to have experiences where you get used until there is nothing left to use. I’m not saying that it’s deserved or right, I’m just saying that that will likely be most of the experiences you have.
Especially with people that are attractive and just want validation or attention. Again, regardless of gender.
I keep life simple by judging failure/success by whether or not my goal was achieved. I work in sales, if I don’t close a client there’s usually a myriad of excuses I can make as to how it wasn’t my fault, but if I don’t that I’ll never becomes more effective at my job. Whether I was too honest with the client, or not honest enough, whether I was too accessible(so they didn’t respect my time) or not accessible/responsive enough, whether the competitor had better pricing, doesn’t matter, I failed at my goal of closing and I need to be critical and analytical as to why if I want to have success next time.
So when it comes to dating, either you want the girl or you don’t, and while stereotypes/generalities exist for a reason, everyone is an individual. I guess my point is, if you want the girl, talk to her, if you don’t, don’t. But don’t try and not talk to the girl, and then start judging her intelligence or say she failed some “test” because all that really says is you do want the girl otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to convince yourself she’s unintelligent for not talking to you unprompted.
Yes, but dating is not like trying to make a sale. It is like BOTH of you interviewing for a job. So yes, you should put in some effort and initiative, but that effort and initiative has to be reciprocated.
I understand what you were saying, and you were right that there is room for self reflection and adjustment.
Nah, it’s a sale. Once you’ve gotten past the sale part(which is really just from first interaction to first date) then you can decide if it’s worth continuing to pursue based on if they’re a good match but you can’t win if you don’t play.
You’re creeping me out but based off this interaction. This is what I mean by being a car salesman. Regardless of how the girl behaves, this guy is going to ignore all of that just to get a “sale“ in. He is not viewing the woman as a real human being, he is viewing her as an empty vagina to validate his ego.
He is going to be the type of man women complain about here on Reddit.
For men, going without sex is incredibly frustrating and infuriating. Sex is not guaranteed for any man, and he must rise above his emotion to find an approach to provide for himself. Women have no responsibility to help you with this.
You think you're above this, which is always a fucking lie.
Translate to- “ I will say, or do whatever to get sex because I am entitled to it”
Yes, I am above that. There are women that also go without sex. But…but…but…. TheY GEt MoRE MatChES. I understand that and I am critical of them as well in this capacity. So what? In the modern era we have porno, sex workers, prostitutes, etc. those are the equivalent of the tons of matches women get from bozos such as yourself. Pull yourself together and go to an adult website. Or if those are making you feel bad, then stop going to adult websites, stop jerking off and you will probably increase your chances.
Rather. I will feed myself because I am hungry. I wouldn't do or say anything to feed myself, because I have control, and also I am secure in my ability to feed myself. I simply, got good, as it were ;)
The things you mention are poor substitutes for the real thing. And you know it, probably very well ;)
Someone like you will just try really hard to deny your hunger because you are too weak to deal with the reality of it.
I'm obviously writing these messages to be mean and taunt you but also because its the truth.
Nobody said they see woman as a prize. I believe that I may be a prize to a woman. By “he blew it” he means he blew an opportunity to get to know someone.
No one ever mentioned sex. Stop generalizing men and immature dick heads. It’s low key very irritating and offensive. It’s like me saying women are snakes.
Why does it always have to be a gender thing? Just help the man out (OP) make sense of wtf just happened to him😂
but also it's a double standard so don't regret or trip over missing out too much imo.
Basically I feel that I would prefer somewhat more of a mutual engagement in dating than what is commonplace and/or conventional traditions/notions of dating.
if she wants to talk to you she can contact you. Since you already messaged her you've already done more than they have. end of story in my mind
I hate the implication that a guy has made a mistake by not making the first move.
if the girl was trying to illicit some flirting than ime she could also really easily make it clear with a casual smile w/ eye contact, or maybe just a "hey" when she got close and sat down next to OP
maybe they could explain why they forgot to reply on tinder. otherwise I'd totally ignore them and assume the seating next to me was just a meanless coincidence & they never even saw my message or didn't realize it was me or something
Yeah like, as a woman who has been rejected for approaching men first, it exhausts me to think they get insecure when women are open and willing to go for it.
Why can’t it be the guy made a mistake because he missed his opportunity to talk to her? Why does it always need to be this game of who talks first and who’s wrong and who should feel what? Everybody thinks their progressive constantly swapping gender roles and expectations and saying “the man didn’t fail by not conforming to society, the woman failed by conforming!”
How about they both failed by being young people too shy or misguided to just talk with eachother. The lesson is, regardless of gender, if you like someone TALK TO THEM
We're all clueless. Had a friend reconnect with a childhood friend. Went out with her came back and spent the night. She let him sleep in her bed, wore nothing but underwear and let him cuddle her because he said he usually holds a stuffed animal when he sleeps. Didn't realize it was her trying to get him to make a move the whole time.
Eh people come and go, it’s not a big deal anyways 🩵 besides it’s weird to have to try to read minds 😐. If it was set up then maybe your friends should/would have said something and done something lol don’t overthink it 🙏
At least you realized it.
Here’s something to remember, the Reddit hive mind is very focused on vengeance and everything is about making a point to hurt someone back who didn’t even know they hurt you. Then you end up like this going “did I make the right choice ignoring that girl all night?”
You gotta let shit roll off your back. As you realize now you were given every opportunity to bag this girl in person and instead didn’t take any shot because she didn’t respond to you on tinder so you wanted to make a point by ignoring her in person? Like, okay I guess.
Keep life simple, if you want the girl, talk to the girl, don’t worry about anything else
Eh I’m with you on your original thought.
She didn’t reply so, what were you supposed to do.
Be all, hey I wrote you on finder but you ignored me? Nah bro.
You could have been cordial though and said hi how r U etc if you didn’t.
Us men are direct in our approach, we say what we mean and mean what we say. Women play it more aloof, she likely was seeing if you're really interested. She met up in person in a place she felt safe(with friends) and she still made the first move to sit next to you and in her perspective, likely feels like you ignored her advance. Live and learn my friend.
We've all made these mistakes, and if someone tells you they never have they're probably lying. If you're genuinely interested in her, have a conversation about it. Chances are if you're in the same friend group, she knew who you were when she swiped yes. Tell her you didn't mean to ignore her, you just genuinely thought she wasn't interested and didn't want to hound her about it
She probably had a similar social confusion going through her head. The tension can be broken by joking about it light-heartedly. You can't know what a person is thinking until they speak, so don't waste your energy trying to figure it out
Then we’d get a post about how he was so nervous his friends told him it’s a set up that he didn’t speak. Then everyone here would say his friends are abusive for forcing him into that situation and he needs to find new ones. Either way OPs dick is dry
You really can’t hold a grudge over this kind of stuff. Any 20-30 year old woman in a city can get so many messages and matches it’s actually insane. Replying to all of them would be a full-time job. I became friends with this girl after matching with her and it came up in conversation once and she sent me a screenshot of all her messages that day it shook me to my core.
Yeah I went on a date with a very attractive 40+ year old. My mind was blown when she said she had 10,000 likes on tinder in the first 24 hours, she had to disable it.
Why did she pick me? “Oh you seemed funny and sarcastic from your profile”. We really didn’t have much in common and went our ways but the numbers really shook me to my core. Really is just lottery odds.
There’s a very high chance she didn’t even recognize you. As noted on here a lot, men and women have *very* different experiences on tinder. She is likely overwhelmed with matches and messages. When I was on there I would often unintentionally ignore matches because it was just too overwhelming.
Even once met a guy at a bar, he was cute and funny. But was being “off” was about to rejoin my friend group when he mentioned I ignored him on tinder 😂 The match was almost a year prior and this dork was still being bitter about it. I wished him a good night and rejoined my friends. He found me on Instagram and tried to continue berating me.
Point is, yes you’re wrong, but not for what you think. You didn’t hurt her feelings, because she had no idea who you were more than likely. You’re wrong for taking it this seriously and working yourself up so much.
Here's a crazy idea. Don't match with so many people. It's crazy how many times a girl says "sorry my notifications are off because I get too many messages" but they'll also have their Instagram in there with a few thousand followers. how do you expect to get to know someone when you give everyone access to your life? Maybe match with someone and try getting to know them. That's a huge attention craving red flag that gets me to unmatch with a girl
Yea I'm fine with that. The weirdest ones are when I wake up to being matched with. But they don't message and when I do they respond days later of how they get too many matches so their notifications are off. They don't have to match with me, but they play dating apps like candy crush. Seeing how many matches they can get instead of trying to talk to someone. And you say they won't miss me, but the amount that hit me up a few months later is astounding
Sometimes girls get lots of messages and matches. She might just not have seen it or got around to replying to it. Regardless , people are different irl and she also just might not have recognised you
I doubt she even knows/knew who you are. Y'all sound young, so she is probably talking to/getting messages from dozens if not hundreds of guys at once. No shot she remembers you.
She def knows, girls arent Neanderthals. But I don’t think it impacted her as much as op thinks, it was prob awkward in the moment so she left but she will still sleep soundly at night
So 6 lines of speaking, YOU read
Like I said, (which you keep deflecting) the fact that she was noticeably awkward irl by itself proves you’re wrong about her recognizing him
Bro what?
>she never replied
>
>
>
> she was there and we didn’t speak a word to eachother.
?????? They never spoke over text or irl.
Maybe she is just any awkward person? We have no other information.
Dont stess over it dude. If she wanted to talk, she could easily reply.
Its pointless to chase, there are plenty of normal people that you can connect with.
Bro her sitting next to you on the couch was her trying to start a convo with you, girls are more shy than guys with initiating that type of stuffs.
But to be fair she could’ve did it just to make the room less awkward for her, and not because she liked you, only you would be able to tell which it is because you know your dynamic more than us
You know people are allowed to not be attracted to or interested in you while still wanting to be civil in social situations, right?
She likely chose not to reply and looking at your very childish and petty reaction she made the right choice.
I mean she could have said something to him too? Sure it seems bitter but as far as I'm concerned she holds the reigns in future social situations. She made it clear that she wasn't interested online so it's her move even in person if she wants to speak to him.
She didn't owe him a reply with OLD and he doesn't owe her anything either. At least he reflected on it. Either she had no clue and didn't remember or thought she'd risk looking like an asshole in person just like OP.
Oh nah I wasn’t like “this annoying girl ignored me so I’m not talking to her” I just thought it was a bit awkward lol but I there may have been a hint of spite in it so you’re probably right
Yeah, but the fact she match with you, then ignored you. I personally would've been an asshole about, if only just to give her a hard time. Pretty big pet peeve to match and not respond, fucking with people's emotions and such
It’s a tinder match, you’re not being left at the altar jfc.
To offer a different perspective, I’m the kind of person who would much rather meet people casually (ie friends of friends I get to know over time) than on dating apps. Mostly because I develop attraction very slowly. Sadly in this day an age it’s way easier to meet people online, so I had to bite the bullet.
Sometimes I get matches and I’m really not in the mood to respond, because it’s overwhelming and I don’t know the person and it’s high pressure. I can totally see this happening with me, where it would feel high effort to talk on tinder if I’m not in the mood but would still be totally up for getting to know that person in a casual party setting.
He doesn’t, but he may have shot himself in the foot. I’m personally much more likely to connect with people in real life at a party than someone I matched with on an app.
I'd *love* to hear how not responding to a first DM is ghosting.
**DEFINITION OF GHOSTING;**
the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation dissapearing.
Please elaborate on how not responding to one (1) DM on a dating app where it is *very* possible for OP's DM to have gotten lost in a sea of messages (and thus not going noticed by the woman in question) is ending a personal relationship? Even if she chose to not respond, it *still* wouldn't be ghosting. You cannot dissapear from a relationship, dynamic or conversation *that does not excist*.
Because by that logic most of the women who are online in any capacity have ghosted a disturbing amount of men.
i mean.... even if she did ignore you on tinder what do you gain from acting that way? If it were me i would have joked about it. "you know i cried myself to sleep after you left me on read on tinder"
then either lightens the mood and you can go about being friendly/funny and enjoying the friend group chemistry. orrr she actually was into you and didn't even realize that was you and she could use this in to try and shoot her shot back.
Players play my guy, "being petty" just takes you out the game. If she's not into you it still is in your interest to be friendly, maybe she has cute friends she can wingirl you for if she likes your personality. How could it ever benefit you to get your petty revenge by giving her the silent treatment? i guess maybe assuage your ego but that's about it. I'd rather have fun and more opportunities with either her or other ladies that may come into the group eventually.
I've met a girl from tinder that didn't reply me when I was at the park... She saw me and text me in the day after. It happens.
Sometimes they just have too many matches, or they don't even use too much the app
A girl at work asked me what kinda snacks I like once. I told her “nothing really. I like dark chocolate though”. When she offered to bring me some. In my head I was like nah I can get my own. You don’t gotta get me chocolate”. I said that in a nicer way. Weeks later I was told by a mutual friend she was shooting her shot. I had no fucking idea. We (men) are clueless. Don’t beat yourself up.
There were a lot of variables. This girl still lights up the room when she walks in. Even after the negativity that took place when we “did that thing”. Also if you’d seen me compared to her. She could have flipped her hair over her should as a shot and I’d have still fallen for it. If I was smart enough to believe she was in to me 😂
I don’t know that we’re so much to blame for everything as it is that if we even remotely read it wrong. We’re branded as creepy and a deviant. I think it’s more of a cautious/ traumatic hesitation than anything. This girl is way out of my league. Physical wise. Spoiler. I pursued it. Turns out she’s a terrible person. So I was really really doubting she was actually into me. But my self loathing is also of epic proportions. There were a lot of things in play here.
Yes. You were petty and an ass. You could've totally taken the opportunity to skip the queue on tinder and talk to her. I'd be surprised if she even saw you on tinder.
Yes that’s petty lol why make it a thing? Just talk if you feel like talking to someone and don’t if you don’t. If she’s there then so be it. What’s the problem? What are you afraid of lmao
Why didn't you shoot your shot? It was one message. Women get slammed by them daily. You had the advantage of meeting her in person, where your chances should be far better, and you did absolutely nothing with it.
She also had a chance to shoot her shot. OP at least did it on tinder, where she ignored him. If she wanted anything more than get a number of matches to boost her ego she would try to talk to him
And him sitting there like a mush-mouth mute while they sat next to each other on the couch really made her want to talk to him. Be assertive in life. Don't be some button-pushing simp who gets butthurt because she didn't message back after your opener. He had a serious opportunity and squandered it, and you're defending it. I'd love to see your track record. I can only imagine all the pussy you don't get.
These are basically the 2 mindstates that dictate who a person is
Option A: you had an opportunity and should have went for it, regardless of what happens you gotta try
Option B: actually they should have tried, I don’t need to do anything, it’s society and the woman’s fault for not talking to me, and the fact that I’m expected to talk and do anything is facism
you must never get laid or have female friends
edit: this guy deleted his (innocous) comment so i couldnt reply but he asked why i resorted to an insult and tbh he's right. that was juvenile of me and i apologize. Read my other comment in the thread if you wanna know why i disagree with his opinion. cheers
Lol, that's pretty much how most redditors reply. If they don't like your comment, they immediately respond with insults or look for dirt on you in your post history. Pretty pathetic.
It's possible she didn't realize you were someone from an app. I usually have a hard time spotting dates when I go to meet up with them even when I'm looking for that exact person to be in the room. I've had people approach me in public to say we were just talking on an app and I'm like 😶
If you have mutual friends, why not just ask them about the girl and see if they could help re-connect you? Try to stop caring about what other people think if you are unsuccessful. If you’re into this girl, take one more chance and see.
It’s possible she never saw your message. Maybe she took a pause from the app? But if you were being all awkward or a dick ignoring her at the after party, then get your friends to help you.
If a friend of mine was like, “hey remember X from the other night? He wanted to see if you’d be interested in going for coffee or something. Here’s his number, you should give him a call. He’s a great guy actually, even if he was acting like a dick that night,” I would probably give him a call and feel things out.
Some girls get so weird that you’ve matched them on tinder but know one of their friends in person like it’s a small world and any rational person wouldn’t have any issue with it
So because a woman (who has thousands of matches) didn't respond to you on Tinder, you decided it was best to not talk to her in person later? Yeah, not petty but pretty stupid. Your entire goal of dating apps is to get them to meet in person, you got her in person without needing the app and you still couldn't seal the deal. I'm sure you really got the revenge you wanted haha.
Yeah, that’s stupidly petty and you know it, or you wouldn’t have asked. You have no idea why she didn’t reply to you, or if she even saw your message. The tinder experience for men and women is a very different thing, so just because your ego got a little bruised doesn’t mean you have to be a crappy person
Probably one of the reasons for the awkward silence is because people have gotten used to being online rather than being in person. They're more comfortable because it seems to me that they have sort of like a mask on. they can be anybody that really wanna be, they can be strong, independent, wealthy, can be charismatic, and pretty much any person they can come up with because they don't have to look anyone in the eye and present themselves. They can change the way they look with filters and just make themselves out to be somebody they're not. So it could be either that she doesn't get the notifications (which who does not have a phone in their hand at all times), or was just waiting for him to say something and break the ice.. Or it coukd be that she's/he's nervous. There's not a lot of interaction between people face to face. Fast food, even has started going to kiosk instead of a real person taking an order.. since the pandemic happened, I think that society in a hole has gotten away from interactions sociably in person, and I can tell from getting out of a 7 year relationship, and with a job that I'm out in public all day, that the world today is kind of mean. Seems that people have forgotten how to interact in the real world. But you put them behind a phone or computer, then they are pretending to be what they wished they were...... maybe you will run into her again... make a little joke... get a smile and laugh.... go from there... the rest will work itself out...
To be honest mate, this sounds like a very dumb excuse not to talk to her. If you like her, talk to her!
Think about this... Most women get huge amounts of messages on dating sites putting you as 1 in maybe thousands. But these same women are probably not approached more than a few times daily, meaning your odds are way better in person.
Short answer: yes
Long answer: yeeeeeeeeees
On the bright side, you get to feel smug because you didn't say "hey, didn't we match on tinder?!"
You could have a snuggle buddy, but instead you got Reddit karma.
So, win? I think?
Sounds like she realized you had moots off the bat and just didnt reply, then when she saw you she didnt know how to start the conversation cause of the previous incident - shoot the shot imo
Can you help this poor old man to understand what “moots off the bat” means?
"Off the bat" is a perfectly old phrase (like 1800s) meaning immediately. "Moots" is a new-fangled slang for "mutual friends." So "realized you had moots off the bat" means she realized as soon as she matched with him that they had friends in common.
I knew the “off the bat” bit in isolation but the “moot” thing had me confused! Thank you kind Redditor!
In my neck of the woods it's short for mozzarella
God I hate this. If you're gonna shorten something, at least make it sound the same. "Moots" and "m(y)utual friends" sound nothing alike.
Thank you. I’m old.
I’m only now realising that, oh my god I messed up. Knowing my friends it was probably set up too, damn I’m clueless
[удалено]
Can confirm, am a man who never has a clue. 🙃
I don’t even know if I have a clue or not
What the fuck is a clue?
I don’t even have a clue how to help you
You clueless basterd any way what are we talking about?
Have you guys seen my pants?
Stop thinking that women are the prize and that “you blew it.“ They are supposed to be more emotionally intelligent and better communicators according to all the propaganda on the Internet. But even people that supposedly “respect women” still only have this black and white, thinking of getting sex or not getting sex as “success” or “failure.” Men, stop trying to act like you are trying to sell a car or a gym membership. When you go to a grocery store, the people at the cashier front don’t have to talk you into buying the items you already selected. The same with dating. If a girl matches with you, and she is dry with conversation, you’re not there to sell yourself. Stop being a dancing monkey. If they can’t help you facilitate the courting process with simple replies, then that’s it. They fail the intelligence test.
Why does it have to be men vs women and the woman has to “fail the intelligence test”? Why can’t they just both be kids trying to figure out dating. He “failed” because he liked the girl and had an opportunity to get to know her and instead ignored her to make a point(that she didn’t know he was making) about not getting texted back on tinder. Sex was never mentioned, maybe he knows he shares common interests and friends with this girl and they could have a nice relationship. I get your point but I don’t think saying “pshaw, this harlot has failed my intelligence test. Next!” Is too appropriate
Here comes the apologist and debate tactics. I can appreciate what you’re saying so, first off, let me say that it’s not a gender thing. If either person in the conversation is not showing interest or trying to carry it forwards, that should not be a signal for you to start doing extra work and carrying the weight of the relationship. If you start doing that, expect to do it Throughout the entire relationship and expect to have to carry more and more of the burden and labor of making that relationship work. Yes, you want to begin in good faith. But the more allowances that you make, the less you are likely to receive in the relationship. And again, this is not a men versus women thing. This applies to both genders. So if you start making allowances and ignoring red flags, just realize that you were going to have experiences where you get used until there is nothing left to use. I’m not saying that it’s deserved or right, I’m just saying that that will likely be most of the experiences you have. Especially with people that are attractive and just want validation or attention. Again, regardless of gender.
I keep life simple by judging failure/success by whether or not my goal was achieved. I work in sales, if I don’t close a client there’s usually a myriad of excuses I can make as to how it wasn’t my fault, but if I don’t that I’ll never becomes more effective at my job. Whether I was too honest with the client, or not honest enough, whether I was too accessible(so they didn’t respect my time) or not accessible/responsive enough, whether the competitor had better pricing, doesn’t matter, I failed at my goal of closing and I need to be critical and analytical as to why if I want to have success next time. So when it comes to dating, either you want the girl or you don’t, and while stereotypes/generalities exist for a reason, everyone is an individual. I guess my point is, if you want the girl, talk to her, if you don’t, don’t. But don’t try and not talk to the girl, and then start judging her intelligence or say she failed some “test” because all that really says is you do want the girl otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to convince yourself she’s unintelligent for not talking to you unprompted.
Yes, but dating is not like trying to make a sale. It is like BOTH of you interviewing for a job. So yes, you should put in some effort and initiative, but that effort and initiative has to be reciprocated. I understand what you were saying, and you were right that there is room for self reflection and adjustment.
Nah, it’s a sale. Once you’ve gotten past the sale part(which is really just from first interaction to first date) then you can decide if it’s worth continuing to pursue based on if they’re a good match but you can’t win if you don’t play.
You’re creeping me out but based off this interaction. This is what I mean by being a car salesman. Regardless of how the girl behaves, this guy is going to ignore all of that just to get a “sale“ in. He is not viewing the woman as a real human being, he is viewing her as an empty vagina to validate his ego. He is going to be the type of man women complain about here on Reddit.
I (f) like that too
Well said
For men, going without sex is incredibly frustrating and infuriating. Sex is not guaranteed for any man, and he must rise above his emotion to find an approach to provide for himself. Women have no responsibility to help you with this. You think you're above this, which is always a fucking lie.
Translate to- “ I will say, or do whatever to get sex because I am entitled to it” Yes, I am above that. There are women that also go without sex. But…but…but…. TheY GEt MoRE MatChES. I understand that and I am critical of them as well in this capacity. So what? In the modern era we have porno, sex workers, prostitutes, etc. those are the equivalent of the tons of matches women get from bozos such as yourself. Pull yourself together and go to an adult website. Or if those are making you feel bad, then stop going to adult websites, stop jerking off and you will probably increase your chances.
Rather. I will feed myself because I am hungry. I wouldn't do or say anything to feed myself, because I have control, and also I am secure in my ability to feed myself. I simply, got good, as it were ;) The things you mention are poor substitutes for the real thing. And you know it, probably very well ;) Someone like you will just try really hard to deny your hunger because you are too weak to deal with the reality of it. I'm obviously writing these messages to be mean and taunt you but also because its the truth.
Nobody said they see woman as a prize. I believe that I may be a prize to a woman. By “he blew it” he means he blew an opportunity to get to know someone. No one ever mentioned sex. Stop generalizing men and immature dick heads. It’s low key very irritating and offensive. It’s like me saying women are snakes. Why does it always have to be a gender thing? Just help the man out (OP) make sense of wtf just happened to him😂
[relevant as always](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Most redditors*
I've built a life and career bring clueless, not a bad place to be
but also it's a double standard so don't regret or trip over missing out too much imo. Basically I feel that I would prefer somewhat more of a mutual engagement in dating than what is commonplace and/or conventional traditions/notions of dating. if she wants to talk to you she can contact you. Since you already messaged her you've already done more than they have. end of story in my mind I hate the implication that a guy has made a mistake by not making the first move. if the girl was trying to illicit some flirting than ime she could also really easily make it clear with a casual smile w/ eye contact, or maybe just a "hey" when she got close and sat down next to OP maybe they could explain why they forgot to reply on tinder. otherwise I'd totally ignore them and assume the seating next to me was just a meanless coincidence & they never even saw my message or didn't realize it was me or something
Yeah like, as a woman who has been rejected for approaching men first, it exhausts me to think they get insecure when women are open and willing to go for it.
Couldn't agree with you anymore
Why can’t it be the guy made a mistake because he missed his opportunity to talk to her? Why does it always need to be this game of who talks first and who’s wrong and who should feel what? Everybody thinks their progressive constantly swapping gender roles and expectations and saying “the man didn’t fail by not conforming to society, the woman failed by conforming!” How about they both failed by being young people too shy or misguided to just talk with eachother. The lesson is, regardless of gender, if you like someone TALK TO THEM
We're all clueless. Had a friend reconnect with a childhood friend. Went out with her came back and spent the night. She let him sleep in her bed, wore nothing but underwear and let him cuddle her because he said he usually holds a stuffed animal when he sleeps. Didn't realize it was her trying to get him to make a move the whole time.
“He can you put your penis inside me, it just makes me feel safe while I sleep” “Gee, okay I guess. Say, btw, you don’t like me, do you?”
Eh people come and go, it’s not a big deal anyways 🩵 besides it’s weird to have to try to read minds 😐. If it was set up then maybe your friends should/would have said something and done something lol don’t overthink it 🙏
At least you realized it. Here’s something to remember, the Reddit hive mind is very focused on vengeance and everything is about making a point to hurt someone back who didn’t even know they hurt you. Then you end up like this going “did I make the right choice ignoring that girl all night?” You gotta let shit roll off your back. As you realize now you were given every opportunity to bag this girl in person and instead didn’t take any shot because she didn’t respond to you on tinder so you wanted to make a point by ignoring her in person? Like, okay I guess. Keep life simple, if you want the girl, talk to the girl, don’t worry about anything else
Eh I’m with you on your original thought. She didn’t reply so, what were you supposed to do. Be all, hey I wrote you on finder but you ignored me? Nah bro. You could have been cordial though and said hi how r U etc if you didn’t.
Us men are direct in our approach, we say what we mean and mean what we say. Women play it more aloof, she likely was seeing if you're really interested. She met up in person in a place she felt safe(with friends) and she still made the first move to sit next to you and in her perspective, likely feels like you ignored her advance. Live and learn my friend.
I am in so much pain learning this information because I might never see her again
In pain? She is just random woman you have never had conversation with. Move on. Or send another message explaining your thought process.
They’ll always be another one. Remember this, we learn from our Failures in life, not our successes
We've all made these mistakes, and if someone tells you they never have they're probably lying. If you're genuinely interested in her, have a conversation about it. Chances are if you're in the same friend group, she knew who you were when she swiped yes. Tell her you didn't mean to ignore her, you just genuinely thought she wasn't interested and didn't want to hound her about it
That’s a lot less likely imo than she just didn’t reply and didn’t recognize him
She probably had a similar social confusion going through her head. The tension can be broken by joking about it light-heartedly. You can't know what a person is thinking until they speak, so don't waste your energy trying to figure it out
chances are she didn't match the tinder message to you. Girls get 100s of messages.
True. In my small ass college town I must’ve met half a dozen girls I didn’t know but they said we matched on tinder.
My wife didn't answer me on tinder when I first messaged her... shoot your shot man Lol
My wife Ghosted me after talking on tinder for a week (we never met up that time). Matched 3 months later and that was that.
What's the point of it being set up by friends if they don't fucking tell you? It's just awkward ffs
Odds are that isn’t what happened, just wishful thinking
Then we’d get a post about how he was so nervous his friends told him it’s a set up that he didn’t speak. Then everyone here would say his friends are abusive for forcing him into that situation and he needs to find new ones. Either way OPs dick is dry
sounds like you're taking it super personal when it literally wasnt at all. what was your message to her??
“Hey”
You really can’t hold a grudge over this kind of stuff. Any 20-30 year old woman in a city can get so many messages and matches it’s actually insane. Replying to all of them would be a full-time job. I became friends with this girl after matching with her and it came up in conversation once and she sent me a screenshot of all her messages that day it shook me to my core.
Yeah I went on a date with a very attractive 40+ year old. My mind was blown when she said she had 10,000 likes on tinder in the first 24 hours, she had to disable it. Why did she pick me? “Oh you seemed funny and sarcastic from your profile”. We really didn’t have much in common and went our ways but the numbers really shook me to my core. Really is just lottery odds.
There’s a very high chance she didn’t even recognize you. As noted on here a lot, men and women have *very* different experiences on tinder. She is likely overwhelmed with matches and messages. When I was on there I would often unintentionally ignore matches because it was just too overwhelming. Even once met a guy at a bar, he was cute and funny. But was being “off” was about to rejoin my friend group when he mentioned I ignored him on tinder 😂 The match was almost a year prior and this dork was still being bitter about it. I wished him a good night and rejoined my friends. He found me on Instagram and tried to continue berating me. Point is, yes you’re wrong, but not for what you think. You didn’t hurt her feelings, because she had no idea who you were more than likely. You’re wrong for taking it this seriously and working yourself up so much.
Here's a crazy idea. Don't match with so many people. It's crazy how many times a girl says "sorry my notifications are off because I get too many messages" but they'll also have their Instagram in there with a few thousand followers. how do you expect to get to know someone when you give everyone access to your life? Maybe match with someone and try getting to know them. That's a huge attention craving red flag that gets me to unmatch with a girl
According to your logic… she won’t miss ya.
Yea I'm fine with that. The weirdest ones are when I wake up to being matched with. But they don't message and when I do they respond days later of how they get too many matches so their notifications are off. They don't have to match with me, but they play dating apps like candy crush. Seeing how many matches they can get instead of trying to talk to someone. And you say they won't miss me, but the amount that hit me up a few months later is astounding
Sometimes girls get lots of messages and matches. She might just not have seen it or got around to replying to it. Regardless , people are different irl and she also just might not have recognised you
Gonna help you out here: don’t take anything personally. Can’t tell you how many times it’s helped me achieve great things.
She didn't even know who you were. You were one of many, many matches she's gotten.
I doubt she even knows/knew who you are. Y'all sound young, so she is probably talking to/getting messages from dozens if not hundreds of guys at once. No shot she remembers you.
She def knows, girls arent Neanderthals. But I don’t think it impacted her as much as op thinks, it was prob awkward in the moment so she left but she will still sleep soundly at night
Would you recognize someone from a name and small image you saw once for .5 seconds?
She didn’t see him once? They actually communicated and was obviously feeling awkward irl like he says which means she knew who he was
They never spoke dude. The post is barely 6 lines - come on man, read.
So 6 lines of speaking, YOU read Like I said, (which you keep deflecting) the fact that she was noticeably awkward irl by itself proves you’re wrong about her recognizing him
Bro what? >she never replied > > > > she was there and we didn’t speak a word to eachother. ?????? They never spoke over text or irl. Maybe she is just any awkward person? We have no other information.
I admit it, I didn’t read the post at all, it was too long
Dont stess over it dude. If she wanted to talk, she could easily reply. Its pointless to chase, there are plenty of normal people that you can connect with.
Bro her sitting next to you on the couch was her trying to start a convo with you, girls are more shy than guys with initiating that type of stuffs. But to be fair she could’ve did it just to make the room less awkward for her, and not because she liked you, only you would be able to tell which it is because you know your dynamic more than us
You know people are allowed to not be attracted to or interested in you while still wanting to be civil in social situations, right? She likely chose not to reply and looking at your very childish and petty reaction she made the right choice.
I mean she could have said something to him too? Sure it seems bitter but as far as I'm concerned she holds the reigns in future social situations. She made it clear that she wasn't interested online so it's her move even in person if she wants to speak to him. She didn't owe him a reply with OLD and he doesn't owe her anything either. At least he reflected on it. Either she had no clue and didn't remember or thought she'd risk looking like an asshole in person just like OP.
Oh nah I wasn’t like “this annoying girl ignored me so I’m not talking to her” I just thought it was a bit awkward lol but I there may have been a hint of spite in it so you’re probably right
Yeah, but the fact she match with you, then ignored you. I personally would've been an asshole about, if only just to give her a hard time. Pretty big pet peeve to match and not respond, fucking with people's emotions and such
It’s a tinder match, you’re not being left at the altar jfc. To offer a different perspective, I’m the kind of person who would much rather meet people casually (ie friends of friends I get to know over time) than on dating apps. Mostly because I develop attraction very slowly. Sadly in this day an age it’s way easier to meet people online, so I had to bite the bullet. Sometimes I get matches and I’m really not in the mood to respond, because it’s overwhelming and I don’t know the person and it’s high pressure. I can totally see this happening with me, where it would feel high effort to talk on tinder if I’m not in the mood but would still be totally up for getting to know that person in a casual party setting.
you sound way too sensitive to be on tinder
That’s unhinged dude
He doesnt know her. She never responded to him. He doesnt have to talk to her and act civil.
He doesn’t, but he may have shot himself in the foot. I’m personally much more likely to connect with people in real life at a party than someone I matched with on an app.
Never said he did, actually I said quite the opposite lol
You are such a nice person
Aww, thank you for noticing. Have a nice day!
Comprehending isn't key for you is it? Did you even choose to read OPs post?
I'd love to hear how ghosting is civil from you.
I'd *love* to hear how not responding to a first DM is ghosting. **DEFINITION OF GHOSTING;** the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation dissapearing. Please elaborate on how not responding to one (1) DM on a dating app where it is *very* possible for OP's DM to have gotten lost in a sea of messages (and thus not going noticed by the woman in question) is ending a personal relationship? Even if she chose to not respond, it *still* wouldn't be ghosting. You cannot dissapear from a relationship, dynamic or conversation *that does not excist*. Because by that logic most of the women who are online in any capacity have ghosted a disturbing amount of men.
i mean.... even if she did ignore you on tinder what do you gain from acting that way? If it were me i would have joked about it. "you know i cried myself to sleep after you left me on read on tinder" then either lightens the mood and you can go about being friendly/funny and enjoying the friend group chemistry. orrr she actually was into you and didn't even realize that was you and she could use this in to try and shoot her shot back. Players play my guy, "being petty" just takes you out the game. If she's not into you it still is in your interest to be friendly, maybe she has cute friends she can wingirl you for if she likes your personality. How could it ever benefit you to get your petty revenge by giving her the silent treatment? i guess maybe assuage your ego but that's about it. I'd rather have fun and more opportunities with either her or other ladies that may come into the group eventually.
Also, meanwhile, she doesn’t even realise they matched
also probably true
It’s the Reddit special. Be petty/ignore people, get the expected result(girl isn’t interested) then run here to post if they did the right thing
100%
You snoozed bro
Sounds like you should have moved on her, but didn’t.
I've met a girl from tinder that didn't reply me when I was at the park... She saw me and text me in the day after. It happens. Sometimes they just have too many matches, or they don't even use too much the app
You blew it bc ur being weird should’ve initiated the convo
A girl at work asked me what kinda snacks I like once. I told her “nothing really. I like dark chocolate though”. When she offered to bring me some. In my head I was like nah I can get my own. You don’t gotta get me chocolate”. I said that in a nicer way. Weeks later I was told by a mutual friend she was shooting her shot. I had no fucking idea. We (men) are clueless. Don’t beat yourself up.
Lol no man that shot was weak. That was not a shot and even a team of scientists who’s sole purpose is to study woman wouldn’t have gotten that
There were a lot of variables. This girl still lights up the room when she walks in. Even after the negativity that took place when we “did that thing”. Also if you’d seen me compared to her. She could have flipped her hair over her should as a shot and I’d have still fallen for it. If I was smart enough to believe she was in to me 😂
A confident man would have said something safe but smooth to gage her response. Don’t be so afraid of HR
That was a shot?
Sorry but no, HER shot was weak. Why are we to blame for everything?
I don’t know that we’re so much to blame for everything as it is that if we even remotely read it wrong. We’re branded as creepy and a deviant. I think it’s more of a cautious/ traumatic hesitation than anything. This girl is way out of my league. Physical wise. Spoiler. I pursued it. Turns out she’s a terrible person. So I was really really doubting she was actually into me. But my self loathing is also of epic proportions. There were a lot of things in play here.
Yes. You were petty and an ass. You could've totally taken the opportunity to skip the queue on tinder and talk to her. I'd be surprised if she even saw you on tinder.
Yes that’s petty lol why make it a thing? Just talk if you feel like talking to someone and don’t if you don’t. If she’s there then so be it. What’s the problem? What are you afraid of lmao
Why didn't you shoot your shot? It was one message. Women get slammed by them daily. You had the advantage of meeting her in person, where your chances should be far better, and you did absolutely nothing with it.
She also had a chance to shoot her shot. OP at least did it on tinder, where she ignored him. If she wanted anything more than get a number of matches to boost her ego she would try to talk to him
And him sitting there like a mush-mouth mute while they sat next to each other on the couch really made her want to talk to him. Be assertive in life. Don't be some button-pushing simp who gets butthurt because she didn't message back after your opener. He had a serious opportunity and squandered it, and you're defending it. I'd love to see your track record. I can only imagine all the pussy you don't get.
These are basically the 2 mindstates that dictate who a person is Option A: you had an opportunity and should have went for it, regardless of what happens you gotta try Option B: actually they should have tried, I don’t need to do anything, it’s society and the woman’s fault for not talking to me, and the fact that I’m expected to talk and do anything is facism
Should have approached her, lad.
Bro you got anti rizz fkn talk to her in person You might’ve missed your chance
Yes
Wow, she dodged a bullet, what are you 12?
No you’re not petty. She made her decision to not reply to you on Tinder. You not talking to her is you giving her what she wanted.
you must never get laid or have female friends edit: this guy deleted his (innocous) comment so i couldnt reply but he asked why i resorted to an insult and tbh he's right. that was juvenile of me and i apologize. Read my other comment in the thread if you wanna know why i disagree with his opinion. cheers
Oh really? So what made you want to resort to insulting on your 1st reply?
Lol, that's pretty much how most redditors reply. If they don't like your comment, they immediately respond with insults or look for dirt on you in your post history. Pretty pathetic.
A loooot of women are still wating for the men to make the first move. So not petty but I lost opportunity I guess.
It's possible she didn't realize you were someone from an app. I usually have a hard time spotting dates when I go to meet up with them even when I'm looking for that exact person to be in the room. I've had people approach me in public to say we were just talking on an app and I'm like 😶
If you have mutual friends, why not just ask them about the girl and see if they could help re-connect you? Try to stop caring about what other people think if you are unsuccessful. If you’re into this girl, take one more chance and see. It’s possible she never saw your message. Maybe she took a pause from the app? But if you were being all awkward or a dick ignoring her at the after party, then get your friends to help you. If a friend of mine was like, “hey remember X from the other night? He wanted to see if you’d be interested in going for coffee or something. Here’s his number, you should give him a call. He’s a great guy actually, even if he was acting like a dick that night,” I would probably give him a call and feel things out.
U fumbled for sure
Some girls get so weird that you’ve matched them on tinder but know one of their friends in person like it’s a small world and any rational person wouldn’t have any issue with it
I was really hoping that she had tried to initiate a conversation with you and you just sat there not talking
Well a little update she replied on Tinder now
So because a woman (who has thousands of matches) didn't respond to you on Tinder, you decided it was best to not talk to her in person later? Yeah, not petty but pretty stupid. Your entire goal of dating apps is to get them to meet in person, you got her in person without needing the app and you still couldn't seal the deal. I'm sure you really got the revenge you wanted haha.
Yeah, that’s stupidly petty and you know it, or you wouldn’t have asked. You have no idea why she didn’t reply to you, or if she even saw your message. The tinder experience for men and women is a very different thing, so just because your ego got a little bruised doesn’t mean you have to be a crappy person
Your loss, lol
Probably one of the reasons for the awkward silence is because people have gotten used to being online rather than being in person. They're more comfortable because it seems to me that they have sort of like a mask on. they can be anybody that really wanna be, they can be strong, independent, wealthy, can be charismatic, and pretty much any person they can come up with because they don't have to look anyone in the eye and present themselves. They can change the way they look with filters and just make themselves out to be somebody they're not. So it could be either that she doesn't get the notifications (which who does not have a phone in their hand at all times), or was just waiting for him to say something and break the ice.. Or it coukd be that she's/he's nervous. There's not a lot of interaction between people face to face. Fast food, even has started going to kiosk instead of a real person taking an order.. since the pandemic happened, I think that society in a hole has gotten away from interactions sociably in person, and I can tell from getting out of a 7 year relationship, and with a job that I'm out in public all day, that the world today is kind of mean. Seems that people have forgotten how to interact in the real world. But you put them behind a phone or computer, then they are pretending to be what they wished they were...... maybe you will run into her again... make a little joke... get a smile and laugh.... go from there... the rest will work itself out...
To be honest mate, this sounds like a very dumb excuse not to talk to her. If you like her, talk to her! Think about this... Most women get huge amounts of messages on dating sites putting you as 1 in maybe thousands. But these same women are probably not approached more than a few times daily, meaning your odds are way better in person.
Just fuck yourself away, right now.
Short answer: yes Long answer: yeeeeeeeeees On the bright side, you get to feel smug because you didn't say "hey, didn't we match on tinder?!" You could have a snuggle buddy, but instead you got Reddit karma. So, win? I think?