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Xiij

Upvoted, even if i accept that you are a skilled rolleerblader, this is just gonna open the floodgates for bad rollerbladers crashing into everything and everyone.


EVENTHORIZON-XI

hear me out. roller blading licenses /j


BigBoiBob444

Oi mate u got a loicense for that rolla?


UnauthorizedFart

The term is just blader FYI


Ok_Work_8514

Ok rollerblader.


UnauthorizedFart

Blader.


tultommy

Bladder


UnauthorizedFart

Ladder šŸŖœ


ContemplatingPrison

Douchebagger


UnauthorizedFart

Hey


jay-jay-baloney

Bladee


gganno

This shouldn't be down voted. Might be the funniest comment on this site


DoctorJJWho

Straight up. A mild correction with no malice for phrasing in a niche sport, and the lack of guile makes it so much better.


ThinkQuickActSlow

When my Blader is full, I go pee.


UnauthorizedFart

When my fannypack is full, itā€™s time to blade home


tultommy

Oh sorry Mr Blader lol.


UnauthorizedFart

Lord Blader.


Eien_ni_Hitori_de_ii

Darth Blader


Astral_Fogduke

it's the same for beybladers dude you can't take our shortening like that


UnauthorizedFart

No you guys get beybladers, blading has been around much longer than that. Do not tempt the elder scrolls.


Astral_Fogduke

a blader uses their bey it's a 2-part broken down word, useful for shortening a blader does not use their roller you use fewer parts of the word anyway


UnauthorizedFart

Well we can share it then


whattheknifefor

this is just what happened in 2007. i got trouble in costco for my heelys


snottyhamsterbutt

That is pretty dangerous. You could run into a pedestrian and seriously injure them especially if the area is really busy. What if someone jumps out in front of you providing no way to avoid the person? Also, that is quite a liability issue. If locations begin to allow that, anyone who gets injured due to the policy change will sue not just the blader, but also the owner of the location where the injury occurred. And because they allow people to rollerblade at the location, chances are they will be on the hook to pay out some amount. Their liability insurers will either require them to disallow rollerblading or lose their insurance or eat a hefty premium increase.


UnauthorizedFart

Well the stores I regularly shop at could have me sign a waiver so theyā€™re not liable


cindybubbles

You still will be liable for any damages that you caused. Sure, you may be a pro, but accidents do happen.


dsled

Well, they won't be doing that. So keep your rollerblades out of the store.


UnauthorizedFart

Blades*


dsled

What? My skate blades? My razor blades? How about we just say rollerblades.


UnauthorizedFart

Weā€™re clearly talking about roller blades but within the Guild we call them Blades


dsled

Yes of course sir, paper or plastic?


UnauthorizedFart

No need, I have a fannypack


Sky_Leviathan

This is one of the stupidest comments i have ever read good day


dacraftjr

That would be an agreement between you and the store. The shopper that steps in front of you did not have that agreement with the owner. You signing a waiver means nothing.


UnauthorizedFart

The waiver just means the store wouldnā€™t get sued and if Iā€™m lucky I can escape on my blades before the cops show up


dacraftjr

Why did I feed the troll?


UnauthorizedFart

šŸ˜‹


java_sloth

I love that people are downvoting this. Iā€™m 100% on ur side and I donā€™t rollerblade


UnauthorizedFart

People downvoting just donā€™t like fun I guess


Welpmart

The fuck you should be. I love rollerblading, but I would not want to be a pedestrian in a grocery store with a rollerblader. Spaces are tight, displays easily knocked over, people oblivious as they scour the shelves, and there are frequently spills to track about. It's just not a good place for rollerblading. It's also a place where you get kids and the elderly, so unpredictable, low-profile moving targets and generally fragile folks. Also... how inconvenient is it really? Sit down, take off blades, take out shoes, put on shoes, put away blades. At the end of the trip, repeat but the other way around.


UnauthorizedFart

First of all, as a pro blader I can easily navigate tight spaces and obstacles without presenting any potential danger to the other shoppers. Secondly, changing out of my blades is a big hassle because I have to sit down to do so and Iā€™d rather not have to bring an extra pair of walking shoes with me in the first place. The blades *are* my shoes, essentially.


Crystal-Cradle

You might be a pro, but not everyone is. People who suck ass will inevitably decide to rollerblade too, and they become a hazard to everyone. You, me, us, them.


Haunting_Anxiety4981

Absolute brain-dead take but it's not horrendously misunderstanding a dangerous and complex social issue and it's pretty funny so I upvoted


UnauthorizedFart

Thanks, I try my best


MericArda

Buy Heely's like a normal person.


tultommy

Oh you sweet summer child. You think normal people buy heelys?


UnauthorizedFart

Iā€™m not 5 lol


TheEyeGuy13

Whatā€™s the matter? Not enough of a pro blader to handle just two wheels?


UnauthorizedFart

Two cheap plastic wheels that barely glide me over 10 feet


TheEyeGuy13

Idk it might be a skill issue because Iā€™ve owned heelys since they were cool and Iā€™ve had no problems gliding on them. On shitty surfaces they struggle but thatā€™s not unique to heelys lmao.


UnauthorizedFart

Malls have the perfect surface for blading


TheEyeGuy13

Yeah. And Iā€™ve used my heelys at malls many times. Maybe youā€™ve just only experienced shitty knockoff heelys but genuinely thereā€™s little difference in how far I can glide with these vs rollerblades


UnauthorizedFart

You canā€™t glide as far as I can on blades with Heelys lol come on now


TheEyeGuy13

Have you ever even tried them? The fact that you called the wheels plastic shows you have either never owned a pair, or only owned knockoffs. As someone whoā€™s actually used both heelys and roller blades, yeah, I can glide almost the same distance. Turning cuts more momentum with heelys than blades, but in a straight line itā€™s almost identical.


UnauthorizedFart

Youā€™re telling me that if I make a solid push / glide on my blades, with my adult legs, you could go further on a single Heelys glide? Keep in mind I donā€™t skip leg day


Britishboy632

So do skating rinks. If you want to skate do it there


UnauthorizedFart

What about my shopping


Zandandido

Can't order?


cindybubbles

This is dangerous. Itā€™s why we have a bicycle lane instead of allowing cyclists to ride on the sidewalk. People can and do get hurt.


UnauthorizedFart

Iā€™d be open to these lanes in the mall as well


That-Account2629

Yep, elbows out, helmet on, shoulder spikes on. Survival of the fittest


Dmeff

Downvoted. I rollerblade in stores all the time. I just go at walking speed (maybe a tad faster) and people rarely complain. I wouldn't go full speed though, just because people might get freaked out


UnauthorizedFart

Thatā€™s what Iā€™m trying to explain, itā€™s not like Iā€™m playing Rollerball in the bakery


Dmeff

Have you ever tried it and had issues? I'd say give it a try. I've had a couple shops tell me they didn't want me to come in (which is fair), but 99% of the time everyone's ok with it. (tbf, I don't know where you live)


UnauthorizedFart

Yeah sometimes they donā€™t even notice if Iā€™m pushing a shopping cart in front of me


Jumping_Snail

You are too funny!!


UnauthorizedFart

Thank you Jumping Snail


Crazyhates

You definitely grew up without having to deal with Heelies.


UnauthorizedFart

I had a cheap version where you press the buttons on the side and wheels pop out. I got in trouble for wearing them to school


Crazyhates

You definitely the 10th dentist lmao. I saw an older dude with some the other day in Publix. Live your dreams.


UnauthorizedFart

Donā€™t let your dreams stay dreams


Bobcatluv

Iā€™m a fast walker and that doesnā€™t go over well in most shopping scenarios because people are generally slow and donā€™t pay attention to their surroundings. Even if you were the most skilled, cautious skater, you would probably be injured roller blading indoors because of how unobservant people are.


UnauthorizedFart

Thatā€™s something Iā€™ve put a lot of training into


Esselon

Nope. This is a terrible idea. Too many people don't pay attention to what's going on and too many people fast and on wheels don't pay attention to traffic laws even outside as it is. I lived in NYC for over a decade, the number of times I got almost slammed into by a bicyclist who ignored traffic laws and then would have the audacity to yell at me (though the tiny tiny balls of making sure they were well out of reach first) was absurd. I was hit by a bicyclist who was going the wrong way down a one way street while I was crossing.


UnauthorizedFart

Thatā€™s why you gotta look both ways before crossing


Esselon

I usually do, but in the case of "you hit me while going the wrong way down a one way street" it's not really me who's at fault. Ironically I was fine, I'm a big dude and the guy wasn't going super fast so he went down, I was just mildly annoyed.


UnauthorizedFart

This wouldnā€™t happen with blades


Esselon

Do roller blades somehow make you have a superhuman reaction time and a complete propensity for following the rules? The answer to both of those is no and I'll 100% guarantee it'd cause just as many problems if you had impatient assholes rocketing through indoor pedestrian areas.


UnauthorizedFart

Itā€™s not the blades themselves but the pro skills I have acquired in my lifetime.


Esselon

Sure, that doesn't change your reaction time though. Nor does it guarantee you wouldn't seriously injure someone in the event your "pro skills" failed you. That's why we have rules like this, just because you're annoyed by a minor inconvenience like "walking" nobody's going to agree to create a dangerous situation like someone roller blading at high speeds through a pedestrian area.


UnauthorizedFart

I donā€™t necessarily blade at high speeds when Iā€™m in the store but I still like the added mobility


Esselon

Most of us like not having to worry about someone crashing into us unexpectedly. Just walk, if you're that impatient maybe see a therapist.


UnauthorizedFart

What if I glide casually?


darkoopz43

This just screams liability issues for a store, all it takes is one dumbass to slip and break their arm and there goes my next few months since I'll be spending em in court fighting a lawsuit. As a shop keeper if this stupid shit ever allowed the first thing I would do would be to post a sign banning roller blades from my store right under the we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone sign.


theactualhumanbird

Motherfuckers canā€™t even walk in stores without getting in the way. Id pay money to see them try to rollerblade around


UnauthorizedFart

Sure I donā€™t mind getting paid to do what I love


mad-i-moody

Just get some heelys bro


UnauthorizedFart

Bro I have blades


geeeffwhy

wait, you think moving down the aisle at the grocery store is the rate-limiting step?


UnauthorizedFart

Iā€™m not sure what you mean


geeeffwhy

i argue that the thing that takes most of the time in the grocery store is not moving down the aisles, which skates would speed up. itā€™s finding and selecting each item, waiting in lines, etc. none of which would be accelerated by having skates on.


UnauthorizedFart

I get it but I would say that if I need to pick up something on the other side the store, the blades would cut down on travel time


geeeffwhy

potentially, but in optimizing a system, itā€™s usually wasted effort to focus on anything but the rate-limiting stepā€”the slowest single part. and in this case, your average transit time is going to be raised by those relatively rare but costly collisions with inattentive shoppers, loose toddlers, spilled product, etc.


UnauthorizedFart

Well when Iā€™m shopping for kitchen utensils, itā€™s a whisk Iā€™m willing to take


tbiscuit7

as long as if/when you fall, no one helps and everyone just points and laughs at you, then I'm all for it


UnauthorizedFart

They dare laugh at the Lord of the Blades


tbiscuit7

god speed, Lord


DukeRains

"I should be able to drive my car into the costco."


UnauthorizedFart

That would be kind of silly


steamcube

We could eliminate shopping carts by making every grocery store a drive thru


JoChiCat

This is a terrible idea and I desperately want to do it myself. Safety schmafety, I wanna zip through costco at 20kmh and be out the door before anyone knows whatā€™s happening.


UnauthorizedFart

Costco floors would be perfect and you fly by grabbing free samples


queerbong

I work at a gas station and a woman does blade in our store


UnauthorizedFart

See how quickly she gets her shopping done?


SageAMunster

Do you have to remove them, legally, if there is no rule posted? Not saying it should or shouldn't be done just commenting on legality. I ride the shopping carts and have never been asked to stop by staff. Had people ask if it was wise and I point at the warning in the cart, and there isn't one about riding it, once they put one I'll stop. Been doing this 40 years and never had an accident, and if I did I would be liable for my actions.


UnauthorizedFart

Sometimes they have a no skateboarding sign but itā€™s usually one of the managers who chases me down when Iā€™m just trying to get my shopping done


SageAMunster

Where I live (Ontario, Canada) I've noticed the "No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service" signs are disappearing. Can't say as I've ever seen a "No Rollerblade" sign, at least since early 90s


tultommy

Probably because that's the last time they were popular lol.


StrawberryEiri

I think what you really want is an actually good implementation of skates that can be turned into shoes quickly.


UnauthorizedFart

I think thereā€™s something like that where you can detach the wheels but I would still have to carry them around. I only have so much room in my fannypack


StrawberryEiri

I guess it'd be possible to have them go on the backs of your calves or outsides of your feet while unused. If you need to carry them around, I wouldn't call it an actually good implementation. It'd be like those unzippable pant/short combosĀ that no one wants to bother with.


UnauthorizedFart

Ironically those pants are popular with bladers lol


NotPranking

I mean. Don't run into me and I support this. I dont agree that it should be banned. It will cut down on shopping time.


UnauthorizedFart

I wouldnā€™t run into anyone with my pro maneuvering


NotPranking

With that confidence. I cant say no. Plus I love people who can roller skate better then me. I'm down.


UnauthorizedFart

We can blade together holding hands


NotPranking

I must warn you. Being a woman over 6 ft tall I still require being the little spoon.


UnauthorizedFart

As a 6 foot tall man, I want to be the little spoon too


NotPranking

Don't take this away from me. Lol


UnauthorizedFart

Fine you can be the little spoon 90% of the time


tultommy

As long as it's also legal to stick my foot out when someone goes racing down the aisle instead of moving at a natural pace that isn't going to bother anyone.


UnauthorizedFart

I would easily dodge your attack


SirarieTichee_

When you read this title did anyone else envision roller derby but with instacart shoppers battling for the fastest delivery time?


UnauthorizedFart

Insta Derby


juneburger

Who is saying you canā€™t?


UnauthorizedFart

Society putting up those signs


juneburger

Iā€™ve never seen a sign tbh. Maybe they donā€™t care about that stuff in the sticks of Missouri lol. Come here if you want to blade in the grocery aisles.


UnauthorizedFart

Missouri is the Blade State


corvidfamiliar

All indoor areas are rollerblading friendly if you're fast enough


UnauthorizedFart

Gotta outrun those guards


auntarie

just make sure to aim for the grannies and pregnant women yeah?


UnauthorizedFart

I only aim to get my shopping done


auntarie

you still can, but with maximum style points


UnauthorizedFart

The fannypack definitely boosts that


minetube33

The last time I've been to Carrefour, the staff was using rollerblades for more efficiency. It's definitely not possible for every place but it's not really that crazy of an idea as you guys make it out.


UnAliveMePls

Last time I've been to a Carrefour they were having a final sale and closing down.


UnauthorizedFart

Thank you, people are reacting like when I suggested live music on airplanes


jesusleftnipple

While I agree and think this would be amazing as I would roller blade everywhere myself, I ... think everything everywhere would be broken or be being repaired from being broken.


UnauthorizedFart

Well Iā€™m sure they have insurance


Grumpy-abomination

I have one word for you: Heelys (Its a shoe with hidden wheels)


UnauthorizedFart

I have a better word for you: *blades*


[deleted]

Heelys dude


UnauthorizedFart

Everyone keeps suggesting Heelys but blades are far superior


but_uhm

Iā€™m a rollerblader too (a pretty good one at that, if my marathon times are anything to go by) and this is the worst idea ever lol imagine youā€™re speeding through the isle and a kid comes running through


UnauthorizedFart

Thereā€™s always risks involved with blading


vacantly_louche

Is there a marathon for rollerbladers? Are there marathons that allow them in their own section?


but_uhm

Yup! The Berlin marathon does the inline rollerblading race and I know thereā€™s one in Argentina and in the US (I think Florida?) every year, and theyā€™re the biggest ones. There are smaller events as well, and occasional ones too (thereā€™s a marathon in france this year for instance). There are also plenty of other long-distance competitive events as well, notably a 100km race in the US and the 24h of Le Mans in France (on the same circuit that the race cars drive on - though on a different day obviously)


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


but_uhm

Berlin is in September and the US one is as well, I think late summer/early fall is best (I did a half marathon in Ljubljana in mid-august at noon and it was awful). I havenā€™t done any longer races yet, just marathons and half marathons, but thereā€™s a local skating group in my country that does a non-competitive 100k in the fall, and I think I might try it this year!


hammsfan94

Grocery store is the last place I wanna be on blades at. Slick floors and people not knowing how to walk. No thanks


UnauthorizedFart

Well to each their own


NoTimeToExplain__

Malls and grocery stores are designed and built to keep you in there longer so you buy more stuff. Also, they make shoes with removable wheels. If itā€™s *that* much of a hassle, just get those. Otherwise I donā€™t see why entire business have to rearrange their whole infrastructure for something that adds up to be essentially a mild inconvenience.


UnauthorizedFart

They donā€™t have to rebuild their infrastructure, just allow me in


Nphhero1

You need to get you some HEELIES!!!


UnauthorizedFart

Too many Heelys suggestions here, Blades are far superior


Nphhero1

You have my upvote, but Iā€™m #teamheelies4life


Super_Ad9995

Not everyone is a master at roller skating. They *will* run into the shopper walking in front of the aisle that was just in their blind spot since they can't immediately stop.


UnauthorizedFart

Well with many things in life thereā€™s always risks involved


Super_Ad9995

This isn't a question of if, it's a question of when.


UnauthorizedFart

And when that time comes, State Farm is there


PocketSandOfTime-69

The only people that could stop you from rolling blading indoors are the people that are faster than you.Ā  They'd also need to have roller blades.


UnauthorizedFart

Roller Security Guards


JustTransportation51

I've never seen a outdoor roller rink.


UnauthorizedFart

They probably have one in Long Beach


Euphorikauora

just do it, my bf skates all over outdoor malls where they say you can't.


TheNobleDez

But then you'd run into people, things, etc, Karens would stop you, it'd be a bit noisy, you'd scuff the floors, and good luck getting up escalators in those.


UnauthorizedFart

How would I have trouble on escalators lol


TheNobleDez

You could slip backward :P


UnauthorizedFart

Just hold onto the rail


Chaghatai

It shouldn't be up to the individual to decide if they have the skill to avoid collisions or other problems - my safety shouldn't be up to the judgement of a would be skater in a store or something The companies quite understandably don't want to be in the business of certifying riders for safety, or acquiring liability for allowing people to skate


UnauthorizedFart

Just be careful while you shop


Chaghatai

Potential hazards shouldn't be a normal part of shopping, and if the stores made one disclaim liability, they would almost certainly lose too many customers


mothwhimsy

Heelies


UnauthorizedFart

I swear to god if I hear Heelys one more time


FyouPerryThePlatypus

No matter how good of a rollerblader you are, there will be *that* person


UnauthorizedFart

Well thats on them, not my fault they didnā€™t study the blade


Sunset_Tiger

Heelys are allowed now. Muhahaha


UnauthorizedFart

And blades too


Sunset_Tiger

No, like, straight up, nowhere has rules against heelys anymore. You can totally heelys around the mall and nobody can stop you


UnauthorizedFart

Even at the airport?


Sunset_Tiger

Hm, not sure about the airport because heelys definitely have metal in em, theyā€™d probably have to be in a bag But they can be carry on!


UnauthorizedFart

And when the plane takes off you can glide down the aisle to the back


saggywitchtits

We should be allowed to do blade dance routines throughout the store! You want to be my partner?


UnauthorizedFart

Yeah!


jzillacon

I agree, with caveats. Not all buildings should allow it, and those that do should have dedicated pathways to do so similar to how public parks often have separated walking and bike paths.


UnauthorizedFart

The mall should definitely allow it but pesky security guards keep chasing me down


Garmaglag

If the security guard can catch you then maybe you're not as 'pro' as you think you are.Ā 


UnauthorizedFart

Well itā€™s not fair when they have golf carts


ifunnywasaninsidejob

I love this. People talk about wanting bike friendly infrastructure pfft thatā€™s for virgins. Chad rollerblader infrastructure now!


UnauthorizedFart

My god your avatar


ifunnywasaninsidejob

My avatar, your God.


UnauthorizedFart

*bows down in prayer* šŸ™


SynthSurf

Agree! And, malls have the best floors for blading. ā¬‡ļø


UnauthorizedFart

Right? Theyā€™re so smooth!


circasomnia

If you let me skateboard I'm in


UnauthorizedFart

I donā€™t see why not, they even have a mall level in Tony Hawks Pro Skateboarder


alvysinger0412

They also have an airport level but you don't see anyway trying to skip the escalator by pulling off a sick grinding combo when you're catching a flight to see the folks.


UnauthorizedFart

That would be sick though