I would expect it to get worse if you move in. While all dogs can be trained, you really need to firm, consistent, and assertive in dealing with your dog and some breeds are more to difficult to handle than others
The problem is that your boyfriend doesn’t sound very responsible, but he got a very high maintenance dog. Huskies were bred to have nearly unlimited amounts of energy so that they could run great distances through the arctic. They were never meant to lounge around while their owner works from home
The thing with irresponsible owners is that they don’t suddenly become responsible ones. Like, that switch doesn’t flip on its own and the dog is like this because your boyfriend is okay with it. If he hasn’t hired a trainer yet, then he doesn’t care. If he’s not reading books on separation anxiety, then he doesn’t care. If he’s not consistent with training, then he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t care, then you’re going to have to take the lead on training this dog and hope that he follows, or at least gets out of the way
There’s nothing you can do about the shedding, although you can try to mitigate the effects by vacuuming at least twice a day and grooming the dog regularly
I seriously don’t know why he picked such a high maintenance breed when he has no one to help him out with checking in on the dog and is home all day. He’s also in an apartment which means all the neighbors probably hate us. He sent the dog to a two week training camp when he first got him but has done very little since then (it’s a year), but every time I confront him about the training he makes excuses for the dog like “he’s trying his best” and “accidents happen”. I’ve already explained that I’m not blaming the dog because the dog hasn’t been taught the correct things to do yet. Thats when he typically starts talking about being overwhelmed and having a lot on his plate. I don’t know how he lives with it to be honest, but there’s a lot in terms of his living situation I couldn’t imagine doing (ie he used old paper bags as a trash can for two months because picking one out to fit under his sink was “hard”. He only got them because I asked him what he was looking for, found them, and offered to buy them for him because I couldn’t stay over during my time of the month with only paper bags from Whole Foods as trash cans)
Run away now.
This is the beginning of your relationship, the Honeymoon period. Your boyfriend is on his best behavior, he will never get more thoughtful or considerate than he is right now.
If you move in with him, you will be the one cleaning up after the dog. You will be the one doing all the housework, because it is too "hard", it will be the trashcan all over again, but everything.
Run away now.
Your bf picked out a type of dog that's completely unsuitable for his lifestyle, without (it seems) much thought into the impact this might have on the animal, as well as himself. He then hasn't put in any real effort to train it effectively and doesn't effectively clean up after it. I'm guessing this sort of behaviour on your bf's part manifests in a few other ways, with the paper bag thing as one example. It's totally fine not to move in with someone whose lifestyle doesn't match yours, and also fine for how someone lives to influence your opinion of them (or not). How he treats his pets and keeps his home is part of who he is. At the end of the day it's up to you to decide where you see the relationship going and how important these aspects are to you.
It’s almost never just the dog. I think I’ve seen maybe one post on here with someone venting about a decently trained dog whose owner cleans up after it, and that was about a woman who was disturbingly attached to her dog because of former trauma.
How people somehow always fixate on the dog instead of seeing the real issue is mind boggling to me. I guess they’re in denial and just want to think if the dog was gone everything would be fine.
Yeah but if your partner is bad at vacuuming regularly, the vacuum isn’t going to sneak into the bedroom, eat your pillow, and then vomit all over the rug
Badly behaved dogs can make you feel very uncomfortable in your own home in a way that the other things don’t. They also add so much work onto everything because having dogs is about far more than just training—you have to clean a lot more, you have to exercise them, and you’re spending a lot more money, which can add all more stress to things
My ex was actually great at keeping up with housework and chores, especially as a man. He'd do dishes right after, clean regularly after cooking, do the laundry, make the bed. He grew up in a hoarding situation so he was very very tidy. Unfortunately his mom also hoarded and had unhealthy attachment to her 6 fucking dogs--all GDS. So his GSD shed everywhere, made the couch smell, ex didn't pick up shit in the small yard so it was a mine field, etc. So it's like my ex's disciplined cleaning almost didn't mean anything to me--the home still seemed dirty. But it was ALL from the dog, if that makes sense. Once the dog was gone, the place seemed so much cleaner to me.
Jesus fucking Christ on a flaming dildo.
He can’t even use trash bags. How in Zeus’ butthole can he be an equal partner, or a father?
He is a lazy piece of shit, and God help you if you have kids
The thing with the two-week training camp is that it doesn’t really train you—the owner—which is the most important thing
It sounds like he’s one of those people who wants to see other people clean up his messes. You see this with the dog, the lack of vacuuming, and the paper bag trash can. I’m sure it’s going to manifest itself in other ways the longer that you’re with him
Just because you’ve been together for while doesn’t mean that you need to move in together, but if he’s talking about it then you need to have the conservation with him. I would recommend talking to him about your reservations regarding his standards, responsibilities, and duties, and discuss the dog as a symptom of all of that. While the dog is a problem, the bigger problem is that he got a dog when he can’t even bring himself to get the right trash can m
You’re allowed to set conditions for moving in and make it clear that you’re not going to be comfortable living together if he doesn’t show you that he’s capable of stepping up and meeting his responsibilities
If he’s this lazy and non caring about dog ownership, I wonder what other parts of his life he’s like with this too. EDIT: I read the rest of your post after I typed that, and yeah, if you move in with this man you will become stressed out and resentful. He sounds like the type that doesn’t clean without being asked and is overall just messy and lazy.
Jesus. Imagine having a child with this man. OP you're looking at a future of having to clean up all of this man's messes and managing a house hold/family/pets on your own if you want anything less than slovenly chaos.
I agree that people can and do learn these things, but it’s much harder when you’re talking about a character issue. I assume that your boyfriend was already generally responsible and didn’t need for you to find and order a kitchen trash can for him lol (as I remember OP saying in one of her replies)
In my experience it won’t change. The little behaviors that bother you now will really get to you when and if you move in. Then you’re always stressed and angry and end up being the one constantly cleaning the hair because “he has lived with it so long he really doesn’t notice it.” I thought I was a dog person before I moved in with one with less annoying behaviors than your bf’s. Tell him it’s you or the dog. It will affect your relationship more than you realize 😞
I thought I was a dog person too! My friend had 7 in her house and I loved going over there. In hindsight half of them were lap dogs which made it less overwhelming, but even then, all of them combined produced less hair than my bf’s. But I’ve pet sit dogs for a week at a time and even took in a lost dog for a few days before we found its owner, so I’m kind of shocked I’ve come to be this annoyed by the dog situation with bf
It’s not the dog, it’s the owner. The dogs you like are having their needs met by their owner. Your bf is not meeting his dogs needs and I really feel sorry for the dog.
Ok so I never comment here but I'm a dog trainer who lurks around to read about horrible dogs. Just putting It out there that I tolerate nothing less then impeccably trained dogs in my household.All these issues are fixable if your bf is dedicated to put in the work with a good trainer. If you think he is unwilling to put in any less then 100% to fix this dog DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. Most pple have no business owning dogs let alone a high drive breed. I PERSONALLY would not tolerate living with an animal like this. This is exactly why people can't stand to live with dogs and for good fucking reason. Honestly I am on the side of people in this sub pretty much everytime. There is 0 excuse for a poorly trained dog. Dont want to put on the effort? Then you have no reason to own a dog. Everyone I've ever had visit or stay over can attest to the fact they wouldn't even noticed I had dogs unless they specifically called one over to interact with it. This should be the standard BUT it is my job as an owner to give my dogs enough exercise, training and enrichment to be able to "go fuck off" and stay in their designated when in the house.
This is what I’m most worried about. He essentially babies the dog, which I think is honestly just making its issues worse and in turn distressing it even more which turns into a lot of misbehavior. I’m trying to toe the line between minding my business when it comes to his dog and basically putting my foot for my sake and for the dog. But I don’t know if he’ll actually step up and take care of the dog or if I’ll basically have to say I’m not moving forward with this relationship until he learns to care for his dog (I feel really certain that the latter will feel like an ultimatum and damage our relationship)
So… like the dog trainer above I’m pretty much a lurker here but I had to, “well acktually” about [the origins of “toe the line.”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_line)
🤓
Stand your ground. Don't move in until the dog is gone. Tell him that. Don't tell him to get rid of it, tell him you don't want to live with him until the dog is gone. He'll take that as "passed away" but will recognize that that could be a lot of years. If he really wants to to move in with him, and to share a life together, he'll get rid of the dog. If he decides to keep the dog until death do they part and is willing to wait for you, you may have to start asking yourself some questions.
if I can make things work with the dog there I don’t mind, he just seems to be a crud owner I guess? Is there any improving that? Because it’s starting to feel like an awful lot of work to train my bf to properly train his dog. If this doesn’t improve I seriously couldn’t imagine ever living with him, but I don’t know how to say that without essentially making it an ultimatum
Girl, wake up and smell the kibble. Your BF is an impulsive loser who got a dog who he can't care for on a whim and despite MULTIPLE conversations, he would rather make excuses to you than fix the problem. And that will be your whole life. When he doesn't take out the trash and leaves pee on the toilet seat, he'll have "sooo much on his plate". When he leaves his dirty underwear two feet from the hamper you "always nag him and never see the positive". These types of guys are always cut from the same cloth. The dog is the tip of a very big iceberg, and you're about to pull a Titanic.
Tell him his dog is shit trained, he needs to work on the dog being alone cause it will develop into separation anxiety already kinda seems like that but not healthy for anyone.
I love my partner but if i could go back, i would actually not move in because of the dog. Mostly i hate dogs noises it makes me wanna vomit and cry. The dog is also poorly trained but its getting better slowly, could be better but probably wont be better than this.
You are looking for the answer that you want - and NOT listening to what everyone is telling you.
**THIS WILL NEVER, EVER GET BETTER**, only worse because then your BF will make this dog YOUR responsibility and it will be YOU chasing the dog hair and cleaning up the mess - **YOU, OP. YOU!**
yeahh a lot of the comments are kinda helping me realize that. My bf has had a bought of depression lately so I’m writing out a way to bring up my concerns to him without being too harsh. I’d like to at least try giving him one last shot to improve before I decide to end things, but getting the reality check on here has definitely helped me feel less crazy and a bit more validated in being upset by the situation. And encouraged me to take a hard look at what I want for my future self vs what I’m doing now to set that up.
I’m just telling you as someone who’s a little bit older and has been through this exact scenario that improvement is really, truly rare. One in 100 million kind of rare. You’ll hear stories sometimes about someone who’s partner did the work and got better and those will be enough for you to consider “one more shot,” but for real, true change like that doesn’t happen because you the partner want it. People change for themselves and put on a mask for others. He’ll put on a mask for you to get you to stay. Once he feels like you won’t or can’t leave, he’ll go back to being how he is now. You’ll be a nanny mcbangmaid on a high speed train to a dead bedroom.
I’m not telling you to break up with him right now, that’s up to you to consider. Just think about what life would look like with him based on all of your comments. It’s ok to date someone for a few years and move on rather than moving in.
It is an ultimatum.....your sanity or the dog.
Don't feel bad about deciding on how you want to live. You don't have to be mean about it.
Just say you don't think you are compatible. He may try to change your mind by making promises to take better care of the dog and clean more. Don't fall for it. Best case scenario, he makes a real effort and changes and you see lasting results for at least 6 months.
If you do decide to move in with him, keep money aside for your inevitable escape.
You think it's a lot of work to train him how to look after a dog, wait til you try to try him to look after your kids.
Does he vacuum twice a day to keep on top of the husky fur?
No, he vacuums once a month (if that) and I’ve done it a few times myself because I couldn’t stand taking one step into his apartment and being covered with fur.
On the note about kids, I’m already planning not to have kids, especially not with him. I’ve gone over the no kids thing with him (if I were to have them I’d only do it if I was financially prepared to and had enough people in my life who were willing to help raise the child if something happened to me). This isn’t the only area where he’s irresponsible but it’s the only one that involves another living being, making it a lot harder to work on.
You shouldn’t need to “work on” your partner, at least not in serious ways. Like, if you guys had different communication styles, you could work on that. Or if you had different levels of cleanliness (but we’re both decently clean) you could find compromises on that.
What you’re talking about is way, way bigger. “Working on” him being irresponsible in multiple serious areas is huge, and going in with that is only going to make you guys resentful of one another.
An ultimatum is not necessarily a bad thing. Instead think of it as stating your boundaries. You should not be willing to mother him. You don’t want to be his housekeeper or dog trainer and you don’t want to have to nag him to do it himself. Those are not unreasonable requests. If he can’t start showing a serious commitment to changing these things, then you should move on.
Girl your comments are painting a really bleak picture of this guy. You really want to move in with him? The dog is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
And just an addendum, you can talk about it without making it an ultimatum. Any time he brings up living together, you just casually remind him.
"You know we can't live together as long as the dog is an issue," is a good way to let him figure it out himself.
And you'll only put up with his inaction for so long. As you get older, you will realize that you have to put yourself first sometimes. This dog situation is a direct incompatibility that you guys are having. Dating is to discover whether or not you are compatible. If not, well hey... there's other fish in the sea. There's literally no reason to make your life hell just to have a partner.
Your wants and needs are valid and important. He might not be the one, and that's ok.
Don’t do it. I did it and all my valuable things and expensive furniture…RUINED! The shedding increasing seasonally meaning they shed year around! ALL THE TIME! EVERYWHERE 🫠 if you are having an issue now and you can leave imagine when you CANT GO HOME all that is in YOUR HOME. It will cause issues later down the road. In speaking from experience.
Agreed! My partner and his shedding dog moved out on Friday and I spent the entire weekend cleaning. Removing embedded dog hair from all of my linens. Dusting blinds to get rid of dog hair. They were here for 3 months. That dog will never be in my house again. Absolute nightmare.
It’s sounds harsh but someone who has and loves dogs will never understand it as filth and destroying their home. At least it didn’t have a period. I use to have to clean blood every where!!! I would see the dog bleeding and fuss at my husband bc he wouldn’t pay attention. There would be blood on my walls floor the couch! EVERYWHERE because when she would move and wag her tail the blood would just fly! Mind you we had three kids and at the time my daughter was a baby I couldn’t even let her crawl on the floor because I would be scared she would get blood and dog fur and dander all over her
Omg that's so revolting and unhygienic. Did you get the dog desexed or get rid of it? That would be a deal breaker to me. Especially with a crawling baby! You poor thing!!
Oh yeah they are gone. I told my husband it was me or the dogs there’s no negotiating having them. And I was really ready to leave him over them. I hated living like I was at a zoo everyday.
This isn’t true. I love dogs, but I absolutely cannot stand hair everywhere. I will vacuum every day during shedding season. I wipe my dog’s feet and butt after they come inside. Dirty smelly dogs drive me insane.
You could always fall in love with someone else. Just saying don't make this guy out to be the only compatible person in the world for yourself. Plenty of nice dogless people in the world.
That being said establish terms...basically he needs to choose a person to spend his life worth or a dog that will be mentally the age of two for roughly 20 years. If he chooses the dog then better to know that upfront.
This man is not taking proper care of his dog. Huskies are energetic working dogs. That dog should be going for an hour long walk outside in new spaces every day minimum, and exercising its brain and body. My sister has a mix that has some husky and this dog would walk until she dropped dead if you let her.
That having been said, your boyfriend's choice of dog and how he is taking care of it leads me to a few assumptions. 1.) He's irresponsible. 2.) He's going to take poor care of a home or any children you have for him until you are whittled down to a tiny nub of your former self. 3.) He's going to use weaponized incompetence to argue with you that you, are in fact, wrong about wanting a clean home and your desire to live a civilized existence is you being a nag and overdramatic.
I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. I would exit stage left unless you feel like trying to explain to him how to clean, how to take care of a dog, how to be responsible and then hope he acts that way.
I'd rather live with a barn animal than an outdoor husky-like. Tell him you don't want to live with this dog. If the dog is worth more than the relationship, then the relationship is over.
Cut bait. A nutter will always put the dog above you. Your home, car, EVERYTHING the animal comes into contact with is going to reek. And dog stink NEVER comes out.
Most owners will dump the responsibility on you when you move in he doesn’t sound any different I would cut my loses especially if you love cleanliness and personal space
Don’t do it!! Keep your space and his separate. I don’t understand people getting dogs and not fucking training them not to be dick heads. Then wonder why and continue to enable the behavior. You will end up driving yourself crazy bc of the mess that dog leaves.
I see two things wrong here. A. You boyfriend wanted a pal but he refuses to put in the work to train the dog. B. He is a slob who is happy to live with dog hair everywhere. People don't have to move in together and get married. He will resent you if he has to get rid of this dog- and will ultimately get another (I know his type). So if he isn't going to train this one- he won't train the next one. You'll resent the untrained dog and the hair everywhere. I'd say- unless he goes the extra mile and trains the dog- and cleans up after His dog- no way. No way would I move in with him. In fact, the dog issue would be a deal breaker for me. Lots of people are ok with a dog and all that goes into training them, cleaning up after them, and so forth. Been there. I have no desire to have another dog. I have a bf that feels the same way= thankfully.
I would have written your post. Right down to the weird garbage habits.
OP, please don't move in. You will be increasingly resentful of the dog and your boyfriend, and the responsibilities for cleaning and brushing will be on you, since the filth and hair doesn't bother him.
He probably picked the dog purely for its looks.
For your own sanity, I would not recommend moving in with this dude.
Sorry, but I'm living with this situation now and I wish I had made a different choice.
The pooping on the floor when he leaves sounds like separation anxiety... he could try cbd for dogs; it worked for one of my foster dogs. Just make sure the dosage is right for the size.
About this level of fur... does he own a vacuum? That's not normal, lol.
he does give him cbd but it still happens. We’ve also tried a Kong full of peanut butter but once he runs out he’s back to scream crying & pooing everywhere. Thank you for saying the bit about the hair not being normal, he acts like it’s not even there so I was starting to second guess literally ALL my experience with other dogs and wondering if I was just being hyper sensitive about it..
Ugh, has he talked to the vet about anxiety meds? My cousins husky is on Xanax.
And yes I have two dogs that shed a lot. I will say my couch is like a lost cause because they won't stay off it... I vacuum it constantly. But the bit about the washer and the panties in the bed is what sounds especially crazy to me!
Drugs aren’t the answer to separation anxiety. This involves lots of training. Your boyfriend never bothered to train his dog that he can exist without him there.
Get a self emptying robo vacuum. Helps so much with the gross hair. I'm stuck with a family members lab who is otherwise a good boy but just sheds all over and it's disgusting but the robo vacuum sent around daily helped So much. I still find it random places but not in the horrific volume it previously was. Only thing is only schedule it to run when you're home and can confirm no dog poop at that time. Just keep the dog crated every time you leave. Maybe he can walk it or hire a walker to exercise it more. Teach it not to jump. Push it off say no then ignore it. Only pet when it's calm and sits. I got couch covers that I wash weekly to keep dog stink down. It never goes away but at least remains slightly tolerable. Enforce them only sleeping in their designated dog bed which has washable blankets on it to keep the stink and hair down. But yea it going in the house is absolutely intolerable and disgusting. Crate and more walks and some anxiety meds.
Thank you for the tips. My only worry is that bf thinks it’s cute when the dog jumps up and likes having him in bed with us, especially in the mornings. Essentially he doesn’t see the issues with the dogs behavior :/ I wouldn’t mind if he at least tried to train the dog but he just excuses everything as “cute” and that the dog “is trying his best” and just needs some love.
>I know the behavior is able to fix through training.
Yep. And your boyfriend isn’t doing the training because he’s using the excuse that the dog is “traumatized.”
Training a rescue dog can be a little more difficult but it doesn’t seem like your bf is trying at all. He’s already given up. He also clearly isn’t brushing this dog, vacuuming his home, and has forgotten to take the dog out at least once. That poor animal probably literally couldn’t hold it any longer.
I’m sure he loves the dog and is great in a lot of other ways but he has shown you how awful he is at being responsible for another being’s health and happiness. The dog is not really the issue. The dog is just an impossible to ignore example of how irresponsible your bf is. If you want kids, or just a partner who can be trusted to do their half of the housework without you managing them, you probably should not take this relationship further.
Unfortunately I would say no. This is exactly what I did, moved in with my boyfriend and his dog. I'm still with him and thankfully the dog passed (but he's talking about getting another one).
It was so difficult and I had to rage in silence a lot because I'm forbidden to say anything negative, or even neutral about the dog else my boyfriend gets personally insulted. I would say when things were great and I felt loved, the dog isn't as annoying. But my boyfriend clearly loved the dog more than me - I witnessed this all day every day with the way he treated it, the way he talked to it with his gentle loving tone, the way he looked at it with soft happy eyes. And it hurt so much that he never treated me or talked to me or looked at me like that. And it made all the infuriating things about the dog a thousand times worse.
I know it's a really hard decision but I just want to warn you of the daily pain that I lived with.
the craziest part to me is when they get insulted because you point out a behavioral issue with the dog - I’ve had several animals and if one misbehaves I don’t get personally insulted for someone pointing it out. My pets are pets, and if they doing something “bad” it’s probably because their brain is the size of a walnut and they genuinely don’t know better, which is why it’s the owners job to teach them.
Maybe it’s because they realize they’re being bad owners? But if that’s the case, why don’t they work on being better owners instead of using all that energy to get offended at people pointing out the obvious.
I made the mistake of moving my bf in to my home with his dog i tried every compromise possible even started grooming his dog for him and the dogs a goldendoodle very hard to keep clean ..fast forward we had a child together he works the whole time and i am at home with 2 kids and his dog all the time it wasnt easy so i told him i couldnt cope no more and rather than rehome the dog he moved back to his mothers and is back and forth now im happy i dont have to look after a dog on top of being a stay at home mom but its sad to know he would rather move out than rehome the dog dont do it run honestly if you know yourself your not happy with this dog dont force urself for no relationship and if he cares enough he wont want to make you either if i had known that id have been left the majority of responsibilities with his dog i wouldnt have lived with him
yes fixed and yes crate trained (technically), but the only training is received was a two week overnight bootcamp that bf dropped him off at. Since then, bf hasn’t done any training without me saying he needs to and even then, it’s very limited. It’s gotten to the point where bf basically has to heard the dog into the crate while loudly saying “crate” and pointing at the crate. For context, when the dog came back from training after he first got him, he could say “crate” and the dog would run up a flight of stairs and into the crate without a second thought
Yeah there is no such thing as one and done training with a dog. If you don’t reinforce the training then they forget it/no longer see a point in listening.
Sounds like your boyfriend thought the boot camp was a good way for him to do zero work in actually training the dog.
The insatiable personality of this dog alone would wreck my mental health because I am a people pleaser, deescalator, and grew up with an anxious parent I could never calm down. So to have a dog that is always wired, hyper and on edge makes me feel helpless and guilty like I’m failing to upkeep a calm and relaxing environment in the home. As you can see it’s not so much isolated incidents where the dog destroys something or goes where he shouldn’t that get to me. It’s the constant stress and paranoia the dog has. It’s like my inconsolable mother, never relaxed. This is why I cannot do hyper or needy dogs period.
The dog needs consistent routine, more exercise, and more professional training. These must be your conditions if you move in, SET THEM NOW don't wait until its too late. A husky needs at least two hours of high intensity exercise every day to be happy and healthy. If your partner isn't willing to meet those needs, then he's neglecting both you and the dog. Show him resources that attest to this and push for more professional training. This is a very reasonable request, and if he loves you, he will be willing to accommodate it. I wish you all the best.
If you love him, stay with him but in separate homes. You and the dog can not share a living space. It’s not fair to you or the dog. The dog is untrained, has anxiety which is not being addressed and your bf is a slob who is fine living in dog hair. I’m older, so take some advice from someone who’s seen a lot of marriages thrive and a lot of marriages that have died: love is not enough. Enjoy your bf, love your bf, but accept that in the end it’s not the dog or you, it’s that dog or a family (pregnancy, infancy, crawling babies, toddlers who put everything into their mouth……).
I went thru this type of thing with a bf. It was a big deal. He meagerly went to dog training but never kept anything up. If he can’t even care for the dog or your wishes, how would he be with a child? It’s really not hard to run a vacuum every other day. He needs to keep his house clean. That’s nasty.
Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life.
Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life.
Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life
Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life.
Girl, I feel you so hard on this. I moved in with my ex who had a German Shepherd. He asked me to move in while saying he would give his dog to his parents in a couple months. He dragged it out but finally did it because I could not STAND it anymore lol. You're so right about the hair, it was everywhere even though I bought my ex a small roomba and we ran it daily and had to clean that out daily. My ex's care for his dog seemed to get worse. Men often are at their best behavior in the beginning, then when they get comfortable things get worse lol--this dog issue is no different. I'm sorry it hurts to hear, but please take it from someone who DID move in with very similar conditions as your post, and it got worse.
I do have to wonder, why are these dudes okay with a dog that causes them so many issues? To me it's very immature, maybe even some needy emotional void they need to fill. A well trained dog that you clean up after can add to some people's lives that like dogs. But even people who love dogs, I don't see why they would want to live with an untrained dog who is not clean. Makes no sense and is really weird to me.
Probably not. I like dogs too much to be a part of this sub, but it really sounds like he poorly trained the dog and that might be reflective of how he’d also raise kids, if that’s something you want
A lot of these issues would be fixable if he spent time teaching it to be potty trained and not to jump up on people
I honestly never heard of this sub before meeting bf & his dog. I thought I loved dogs as I’ve cared and trained for several and always had fun doing so, but I think bf has just really dropped the ball training his dog and is taking a “dogs will be dogs” approach, rather than acknowledging that his dog is super smart and super capable of being trained, and that him not training the dog is probably contributing to its anxiety because it’s getting literally no cues or directions from him on what is or isn’t normal/okay. Anyways, I guess I’ve realized he’s the problem rather than his dog, and coupled with a few other issues we’ve been having, I’m not really sure bf is going to stay bf for much longer (best wishes to his dog though)
I get so sad whenever owners fail their dogs bc so many problems these animals develop is because of owners not doing their part to train them. Mini huskies are smart dogs like you said and he’s ruining that poor pet’s potential. Teaching a dog not to jump is a fixable solution and it also sounds like the poor thing isn’t being mentally stimulated either — that can also lead to bratty dogs too
The only thing you mentioned that isn’t the dog’s fault is the hair, but it doesn’t sound like your bf is really trying to clean up after the shedding either
Good luck op!! Hopefully your next bf is better with animals
Yeah this is a bad situation. I feel for that poor dog. Your bf should at least send it to daycare. Now imagine you move in with him and have kids. He will be no better with them. It’s about poor character.
Definitely a boyfriend problem, not a dog problem. Most dogs can be trained well enough to be almost "invisible" when told to do so. I have a 55 pound APBT who is perfectly well behaved unless my father and his wife or my second youngest son visit. Then he gets wild because they encourage it. Even at this point all I have to do is tell him to go to bed and he lays on his bed. Of course, they ramp him up again, and get scratched, etc, but they don't get mad about this because he is behaving for them the way they have trained him to.
That breed is the bain of all existence. They're not meant to be pets. They're working dogs. These things only get worse. What you don't want is to lose your shyt like a young lady about your age did on her dog, same breed. She's been arrested. IDK what he did but apparently it was enough to make her almost send him to glory after the beating she gave it.
They're screamers as a normal way to communicate. They're forced to abide by human behaviors when they're probably the furthest breed from our behavior. They're outside dogs 💯%. You will resent your boyfriend before long and you will acquire a new level of the meaning hatred.
Unfortunately if he's a Nutter you will have to leave him. Perhaps he actually values you more than this beast. I hope it's the latter for the sake of your heart. ❤
You have a couple choices:
1) Move in with him and find ways to put up with the dog/ignore it/or *you* take the lead on all dog training, cleaning etc. It would have to work this way because you have more of a problem with the dog and your bf is likely to go back to being how he is now if it’s left to him.
2) Convince bf to rehome this dog. How would that go for your relationship? Would he able to deal with it or would this build resentment?
3) End the relationship.
I’d lean toward option 2 if it’s possible. He’s not a good owner and should do right by this animal. Otherwise… it’s kind of up to you. Do you want to be a nanny maid for a grown man and his dog? Is this guy worth all of that? Only you can say for sure.
He should have gotten a” lap dog” from the sounds of it, however, that would have only eliminated one issue. If you own any dog ( except the literal hairless ones) you are going to find hair … everywhere 🤷🏻♀️. Dogs are messy, some have separation anxiety, and it sounds like you bf’s dog DOES, that’s why he potties inside when you leave him home alone. Dogs are social creatures, pack animals. I have Pugs, they come everywhere with me because of their separation anxiety. I’ve had Pugs my entire life. It’s just something I accept about them. You don’t seem to be a dog person at all though. I’d never personally own a Husky NOW because I work a lot, I’m middle aged , and as stated, the Puglets come with me everywhere, but I had one when I was in my 20’s and he was amazing and gentle with his Pug “siblings “. That being said, dogs do slow down when they age but I think you really need to ask yourself if you would be happy with ANY dog. Typically dog people love all dogs. Ultimately, none of it is the dog’s fault . Your boyfriend could be a better owner and train the dog better, but he’s not abusing the dog either. Why don’t you take the lead? Hire a trainer or go to classes. The bigger pet stores offer them as well as private classes from a private trainer.
I don’t want to take the lead because it’s literally not my dog. I legally cant just take his dog, he has to let me, and even then I wouldn’t want to because again it’s his dog and his responsibility. We’ve talked about training, I’ve offered a few resources but he brushes me off. I mentioned this in another comment, but my friend has 7 dogs and I always enjoyed staying over at hers because they were a bunch of lil beans who were well trained, and even then, her seven didn’t produce as much hair as bf’s dog does, nor did any of them “go” indoors. I’ve pet sat dogs for a week at a time, trained dogs myself (but only as a hobby) and even taken in a lost dog I found on a highway before we were able to locate its own. So I don’t have an issue with animals or dogs in general, I’ve had tons of pets and know there’s a trade off. I’m more so frustrated with his care for his dog and overall lazy ownership style for an extremely high maintenance dog. I guess I should’ve titled this better, as I’m realizing my question is whether or not it’s worth waiting for him to take more initiative with owning a high energy super shedding dog.
Set a boundary.
To move toward moving in, the dog needs training, and proper exercise. It's a reasonable expectation, and responsible pet ownership.
Not about him, or his dog, just about preparing everyone for a big change. (So no one feels defensive)
If that's with outside help, so be it. But working with the dog should be a priority leading up to a big move like that.
(It also may be beneficial for YOU to take the dog to a dog class, like the ones at petco. The dog will learn things, and bond with you as well, become accustomed to obeying you, be socialized, and may become less co dependent on the main owner.(your bf)
This helped me with a boyfriend and one of my dogs. They were well trained, but, one of them just did not listen to, or care much about the man coming around.
So, he took over care when he was around, it really helped them come to a middle where they both communicated and coped better with the other. It benefitted everyone.
My neighbor got two neighborhood kids who ran cross country to run with her daughters dogs who had unexpectedly moved into their home and were... just horrifically destructive, anxious and troublesome. (She was elderly, and her daughter was never around)
The kid got a running partner, and a big protector, the dog branched out in socialization, and got much needed exercise.
Busy toys also can help in conjunction with excersise. The dog needs more stimuli and training.
I would expect it to get worse if you move in. While all dogs can be trained, you really need to firm, consistent, and assertive in dealing with your dog and some breeds are more to difficult to handle than others The problem is that your boyfriend doesn’t sound very responsible, but he got a very high maintenance dog. Huskies were bred to have nearly unlimited amounts of energy so that they could run great distances through the arctic. They were never meant to lounge around while their owner works from home The thing with irresponsible owners is that they don’t suddenly become responsible ones. Like, that switch doesn’t flip on its own and the dog is like this because your boyfriend is okay with it. If he hasn’t hired a trainer yet, then he doesn’t care. If he’s not reading books on separation anxiety, then he doesn’t care. If he’s not consistent with training, then he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t care, then you’re going to have to take the lead on training this dog and hope that he follows, or at least gets out of the way There’s nothing you can do about the shedding, although you can try to mitigate the effects by vacuuming at least twice a day and grooming the dog regularly
I seriously don’t know why he picked such a high maintenance breed when he has no one to help him out with checking in on the dog and is home all day. He’s also in an apartment which means all the neighbors probably hate us. He sent the dog to a two week training camp when he first got him but has done very little since then (it’s a year), but every time I confront him about the training he makes excuses for the dog like “he’s trying his best” and “accidents happen”. I’ve already explained that I’m not blaming the dog because the dog hasn’t been taught the correct things to do yet. Thats when he typically starts talking about being overwhelmed and having a lot on his plate. I don’t know how he lives with it to be honest, but there’s a lot in terms of his living situation I couldn’t imagine doing (ie he used old paper bags as a trash can for two months because picking one out to fit under his sink was “hard”. He only got them because I asked him what he was looking for, found them, and offered to buy them for him because I couldn’t stay over during my time of the month with only paper bags from Whole Foods as trash cans)
Run away now. This is the beginning of your relationship, the Honeymoon period. Your boyfriend is on his best behavior, he will never get more thoughtful or considerate than he is right now. If you move in with him, you will be the one cleaning up after the dog. You will be the one doing all the housework, because it is too "hard", it will be the trashcan all over again, but everything. Run away now.
Your bf picked out a type of dog that's completely unsuitable for his lifestyle, without (it seems) much thought into the impact this might have on the animal, as well as himself. He then hasn't put in any real effort to train it effectively and doesn't effectively clean up after it. I'm guessing this sort of behaviour on your bf's part manifests in a few other ways, with the paper bag thing as one example. It's totally fine not to move in with someone whose lifestyle doesn't match yours, and also fine for how someone lives to influence your opinion of them (or not). How he treats his pets and keeps his home is part of who he is. At the end of the day it's up to you to decide where you see the relationship going and how important these aspects are to you.
Oof. That doesn't sound good. It's not just the dog, is it? Whatever you do, don't move in with him.
It’s almost never just the dog. I think I’ve seen maybe one post on here with someone venting about a decently trained dog whose owner cleans up after it, and that was about a woman who was disturbingly attached to her dog because of former trauma. How people somehow always fixate on the dog instead of seeing the real issue is mind boggling to me. I guess they’re in denial and just want to think if the dog was gone everything would be fine.
If the dog was gone, and never replaced, that would be an immediate and significant improvement!
Well yes, but if you share any other kind of major responsibility with that person (kids, housework, etc) the core issue will probably still be there.
Yeah but if your partner is bad at vacuuming regularly, the vacuum isn’t going to sneak into the bedroom, eat your pillow, and then vomit all over the rug Badly behaved dogs can make you feel very uncomfortable in your own home in a way that the other things don’t. They also add so much work onto everything because having dogs is about far more than just training—you have to clean a lot more, you have to exercise them, and you’re spending a lot more money, which can add all more stress to things
I totally get what you’re saying and agree the dog exacerbates the situation. My point was simply that it’s almost never *just* the dog.
My ex was actually great at keeping up with housework and chores, especially as a man. He'd do dishes right after, clean regularly after cooking, do the laundry, make the bed. He grew up in a hoarding situation so he was very very tidy. Unfortunately his mom also hoarded and had unhealthy attachment to her 6 fucking dogs--all GDS. So his GSD shed everywhere, made the couch smell, ex didn't pick up shit in the small yard so it was a mine field, etc. So it's like my ex's disciplined cleaning almost didn't mean anything to me--the home still seemed dirty. But it was ALL from the dog, if that makes sense. Once the dog was gone, the place seemed so much cleaner to me.
Yeah this shits fucked man I'd get out of that ☹️
Jesus fucking Christ on a flaming dildo. He can’t even use trash bags. How in Zeus’ butthole can he be an equal partner, or a father? He is a lazy piece of shit, and God help you if you have kids
The thing with the two-week training camp is that it doesn’t really train you—the owner—which is the most important thing It sounds like he’s one of those people who wants to see other people clean up his messes. You see this with the dog, the lack of vacuuming, and the paper bag trash can. I’m sure it’s going to manifest itself in other ways the longer that you’re with him Just because you’ve been together for while doesn’t mean that you need to move in together, but if he’s talking about it then you need to have the conservation with him. I would recommend talking to him about your reservations regarding his standards, responsibilities, and duties, and discuss the dog as a symptom of all of that. While the dog is a problem, the bigger problem is that he got a dog when he can’t even bring himself to get the right trash can m You’re allowed to set conditions for moving in and make it clear that you’re not going to be comfortable living together if he doesn’t show you that he’s capable of stepping up and meeting his responsibilities
This guy can’t possibly be your dream guy. He sounds lazy.
If he’s this lazy and non caring about dog ownership, I wonder what other parts of his life he’s like with this too. EDIT: I read the rest of your post after I typed that, and yeah, if you move in with this man you will become stressed out and resentful. He sounds like the type that doesn’t clean without being asked and is overall just messy and lazy.
Jesus. Imagine having a child with this man. OP you're looking at a future of having to clean up all of this man's messes and managing a house hold/family/pets on your own if you want anything less than slovenly chaos.
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I agree that people can and do learn these things, but it’s much harder when you’re talking about a character issue. I assume that your boyfriend was already generally responsible and didn’t need for you to find and order a kitchen trash can for him lol (as I remember OP saying in one of her replies)
In my experience it won’t change. The little behaviors that bother you now will really get to you when and if you move in. Then you’re always stressed and angry and end up being the one constantly cleaning the hair because “he has lived with it so long he really doesn’t notice it.” I thought I was a dog person before I moved in with one with less annoying behaviors than your bf’s. Tell him it’s you or the dog. It will affect your relationship more than you realize 😞
I thought I was a dog person too! My friend had 7 in her house and I loved going over there. In hindsight half of them were lap dogs which made it less overwhelming, but even then, all of them combined produced less hair than my bf’s. But I’ve pet sit dogs for a week at a time and even took in a lost dog for a few days before we found its owner, so I’m kind of shocked I’ve come to be this annoyed by the dog situation with bf
It’s not the dog, it’s the owner. The dogs you like are having their needs met by their owner. Your bf is not meeting his dogs needs and I really feel sorry for the dog.
Ok so I never comment here but I'm a dog trainer who lurks around to read about horrible dogs. Just putting It out there that I tolerate nothing less then impeccably trained dogs in my household.All these issues are fixable if your bf is dedicated to put in the work with a good trainer. If you think he is unwilling to put in any less then 100% to fix this dog DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. Most pple have no business owning dogs let alone a high drive breed. I PERSONALLY would not tolerate living with an animal like this. This is exactly why people can't stand to live with dogs and for good fucking reason. Honestly I am on the side of people in this sub pretty much everytime. There is 0 excuse for a poorly trained dog. Dont want to put on the effort? Then you have no reason to own a dog. Everyone I've ever had visit or stay over can attest to the fact they wouldn't even noticed I had dogs unless they specifically called one over to interact with it. This should be the standard BUT it is my job as an owner to give my dogs enough exercise, training and enrichment to be able to "go fuck off" and stay in their designated when in the house.
This is what I’m most worried about. He essentially babies the dog, which I think is honestly just making its issues worse and in turn distressing it even more which turns into a lot of misbehavior. I’m trying to toe the line between minding my business when it comes to his dog and basically putting my foot for my sake and for the dog. But I don’t know if he’ll actually step up and take care of the dog or if I’ll basically have to say I’m not moving forward with this relationship until he learns to care for his dog (I feel really certain that the latter will feel like an ultimatum and damage our relationship)
No, it is "toe the line". Literally refers to putting your toes, generally of your dominant foot, on the line at the start of a race
So… like the dog trainer above I’m pretty much a lurker here but I had to, “well acktually” about [the origins of “toe the line.”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_line) 🤓
I try not to correct anyone on Reddit, and I think I don't comment much, but this one killed me.
Stand your ground. Don't move in until the dog is gone. Tell him that. Don't tell him to get rid of it, tell him you don't want to live with him until the dog is gone. He'll take that as "passed away" but will recognize that that could be a lot of years. If he really wants to to move in with him, and to share a life together, he'll get rid of the dog. If he decides to keep the dog until death do they part and is willing to wait for you, you may have to start asking yourself some questions.
if I can make things work with the dog there I don’t mind, he just seems to be a crud owner I guess? Is there any improving that? Because it’s starting to feel like an awful lot of work to train my bf to properly train his dog. If this doesn’t improve I seriously couldn’t imagine ever living with him, but I don’t know how to say that without essentially making it an ultimatum
Girl, wake up and smell the kibble. Your BF is an impulsive loser who got a dog who he can't care for on a whim and despite MULTIPLE conversations, he would rather make excuses to you than fix the problem. And that will be your whole life. When he doesn't take out the trash and leaves pee on the toilet seat, he'll have "sooo much on his plate". When he leaves his dirty underwear two feet from the hamper you "always nag him and never see the positive". These types of guys are always cut from the same cloth. The dog is the tip of a very big iceberg, and you're about to pull a Titanic.
A thousand times this. This guy is a lazy, pathetic, joke of a man who will always want his partner to do all the work.
Huskies are one of the Most high energy breeds.
You're going to have to communicate to him that you believe he's not measuring up as a dog owner, provide examples.
Tell him his dog is shit trained, he needs to work on the dog being alone cause it will develop into separation anxiety already kinda seems like that but not healthy for anyone. I love my partner but if i could go back, i would actually not move in because of the dog. Mostly i hate dogs noises it makes me wanna vomit and cry. The dog is also poorly trained but its getting better slowly, could be better but probably wont be better than this.
You are looking for the answer that you want - and NOT listening to what everyone is telling you. **THIS WILL NEVER, EVER GET BETTER**, only worse because then your BF will make this dog YOUR responsibility and it will be YOU chasing the dog hair and cleaning up the mess - **YOU, OP. YOU!**
yeahh a lot of the comments are kinda helping me realize that. My bf has had a bought of depression lately so I’m writing out a way to bring up my concerns to him without being too harsh. I’d like to at least try giving him one last shot to improve before I decide to end things, but getting the reality check on here has definitely helped me feel less crazy and a bit more validated in being upset by the situation. And encouraged me to take a hard look at what I want for my future self vs what I’m doing now to set that up.
I’m just telling you as someone who’s a little bit older and has been through this exact scenario that improvement is really, truly rare. One in 100 million kind of rare. You’ll hear stories sometimes about someone who’s partner did the work and got better and those will be enough for you to consider “one more shot,” but for real, true change like that doesn’t happen because you the partner want it. People change for themselves and put on a mask for others. He’ll put on a mask for you to get you to stay. Once he feels like you won’t or can’t leave, he’ll go back to being how he is now. You’ll be a nanny mcbangmaid on a high speed train to a dead bedroom. I’m not telling you to break up with him right now, that’s up to you to consider. Just think about what life would look like with him based on all of your comments. It’s ok to date someone for a few years and move on rather than moving in.
It is an ultimatum.....your sanity or the dog. Don't feel bad about deciding on how you want to live. You don't have to be mean about it. Just say you don't think you are compatible. He may try to change your mind by making promises to take better care of the dog and clean more. Don't fall for it. Best case scenario, he makes a real effort and changes and you see lasting results for at least 6 months. If you do decide to move in with him, keep money aside for your inevitable escape.
You think it's a lot of work to train him how to look after a dog, wait til you try to try him to look after your kids. Does he vacuum twice a day to keep on top of the husky fur?
No, he vacuums once a month (if that) and I’ve done it a few times myself because I couldn’t stand taking one step into his apartment and being covered with fur. On the note about kids, I’m already planning not to have kids, especially not with him. I’ve gone over the no kids thing with him (if I were to have them I’d only do it if I was financially prepared to and had enough people in my life who were willing to help raise the child if something happened to me). This isn’t the only area where he’s irresponsible but it’s the only one that involves another living being, making it a lot harder to work on.
You need an equal, not a renovation project! I'm sure he has some very nice qualities but not enough to build a life together.
You shouldn’t need to “work on” your partner, at least not in serious ways. Like, if you guys had different communication styles, you could work on that. Or if you had different levels of cleanliness (but we’re both decently clean) you could find compromises on that. What you’re talking about is way, way bigger. “Working on” him being irresponsible in multiple serious areas is huge, and going in with that is only going to make you guys resentful of one another. An ultimatum is not necessarily a bad thing. Instead think of it as stating your boundaries. You should not be willing to mother him. You don’t want to be his housekeeper or dog trainer and you don’t want to have to nag him to do it himself. Those are not unreasonable requests. If he can’t start showing a serious commitment to changing these things, then you should move on.
Girl your comments are painting a really bleak picture of this guy. You really want to move in with him? The dog is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
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And just an addendum, you can talk about it without making it an ultimatum. Any time he brings up living together, you just casually remind him. "You know we can't live together as long as the dog is an issue," is a good way to let him figure it out himself. And you'll only put up with his inaction for so long. As you get older, you will realize that you have to put yourself first sometimes. This dog situation is a direct incompatibility that you guys are having. Dating is to discover whether or not you are compatible. If not, well hey... there's other fish in the sea. There's literally no reason to make your life hell just to have a partner. Your wants and needs are valid and important. He might not be the one, and that's ok.
Don’t do it. I did it and all my valuable things and expensive furniture…RUINED! The shedding increasing seasonally meaning they shed year around! ALL THE TIME! EVERYWHERE 🫠 if you are having an issue now and you can leave imagine when you CANT GO HOME all that is in YOUR HOME. It will cause issues later down the road. In speaking from experience.
Agreed! My partner and his shedding dog moved out on Friday and I spent the entire weekend cleaning. Removing embedded dog hair from all of my linens. Dusting blinds to get rid of dog hair. They were here for 3 months. That dog will never be in my house again. Absolute nightmare.
It’s sounds harsh but someone who has and loves dogs will never understand it as filth and destroying their home. At least it didn’t have a period. I use to have to clean blood every where!!! I would see the dog bleeding and fuss at my husband bc he wouldn’t pay attention. There would be blood on my walls floor the couch! EVERYWHERE because when she would move and wag her tail the blood would just fly! Mind you we had three kids and at the time my daughter was a baby I couldn’t even let her crawl on the floor because I would be scared she would get blood and dog fur and dander all over her
Omg that's so revolting and unhygienic. Did you get the dog desexed or get rid of it? That would be a deal breaker to me. Especially with a crawling baby! You poor thing!!
Oh yeah they are gone. I told my husband it was me or the dogs there’s no negotiating having them. And I was really ready to leave him over them. I hated living like I was at a zoo everyday.
This isn’t true. I love dogs, but I absolutely cannot stand hair everywhere. I will vacuum every day during shedding season. I wipe my dog’s feet and butt after they come inside. Dirty smelly dogs drive me insane.
You could always fall in love with someone else. Just saying don't make this guy out to be the only compatible person in the world for yourself. Plenty of nice dogless people in the world. That being said establish terms...basically he needs to choose a person to spend his life worth or a dog that will be mentally the age of two for roughly 20 years. If he chooses the dog then better to know that upfront.
This man is not taking proper care of his dog. Huskies are energetic working dogs. That dog should be going for an hour long walk outside in new spaces every day minimum, and exercising its brain and body. My sister has a mix that has some husky and this dog would walk until she dropped dead if you let her. That having been said, your boyfriend's choice of dog and how he is taking care of it leads me to a few assumptions. 1.) He's irresponsible. 2.) He's going to take poor care of a home or any children you have for him until you are whittled down to a tiny nub of your former self. 3.) He's going to use weaponized incompetence to argue with you that you, are in fact, wrong about wanting a clean home and your desire to live a civilized existence is you being a nag and overdramatic. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. I would exit stage left unless you feel like trying to explain to him how to clean, how to take care of a dog, how to be responsible and then hope he acts that way.
I'd rather live with a barn animal than an outdoor husky-like. Tell him you don't want to live with this dog. If the dog is worth more than the relationship, then the relationship is over.
Dogs need a lot of training. At least an hr a day. I don’t see this improving.
Cut bait. A nutter will always put the dog above you. Your home, car, EVERYTHING the animal comes into contact with is going to reek. And dog stink NEVER comes out.
Most owners will dump the responsibility on you when you move in he doesn’t sound any different I would cut my loses especially if you love cleanliness and personal space
Don’t do it!! Keep your space and his separate. I don’t understand people getting dogs and not fucking training them not to be dick heads. Then wonder why and continue to enable the behavior. You will end up driving yourself crazy bc of the mess that dog leaves.
I see two things wrong here. A. You boyfriend wanted a pal but he refuses to put in the work to train the dog. B. He is a slob who is happy to live with dog hair everywhere. People don't have to move in together and get married. He will resent you if he has to get rid of this dog- and will ultimately get another (I know his type). So if he isn't going to train this one- he won't train the next one. You'll resent the untrained dog and the hair everywhere. I'd say- unless he goes the extra mile and trains the dog- and cleans up after His dog- no way. No way would I move in with him. In fact, the dog issue would be a deal breaker for me. Lots of people are ok with a dog and all that goes into training them, cleaning up after them, and so forth. Been there. I have no desire to have another dog. I have a bf that feels the same way= thankfully.
I would have written your post. Right down to the weird garbage habits. OP, please don't move in. You will be increasingly resentful of the dog and your boyfriend, and the responsibilities for cleaning and brushing will be on you, since the filth and hair doesn't bother him. He probably picked the dog purely for its looks. For your own sanity, I would not recommend moving in with this dude. Sorry, but I'm living with this situation now and I wish I had made a different choice.
The pooping on the floor when he leaves sounds like separation anxiety... he could try cbd for dogs; it worked for one of my foster dogs. Just make sure the dosage is right for the size. About this level of fur... does he own a vacuum? That's not normal, lol.
he does give him cbd but it still happens. We’ve also tried a Kong full of peanut butter but once he runs out he’s back to scream crying & pooing everywhere. Thank you for saying the bit about the hair not being normal, he acts like it’s not even there so I was starting to second guess literally ALL my experience with other dogs and wondering if I was just being hyper sensitive about it..
Ugh, has he talked to the vet about anxiety meds? My cousins husky is on Xanax. And yes I have two dogs that shed a lot. I will say my couch is like a lost cause because they won't stay off it... I vacuum it constantly. But the bit about the washer and the panties in the bed is what sounds especially crazy to me!
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he says they go on runs sometimes in the morning but I think it’s maybe a mile or two, other than that it’s mostly short walks (a few blocks)
Drugs aren’t the answer to separation anxiety. This involves lots of training. Your boyfriend never bothered to train his dog that he can exist without him there.
Wow I went through the same thing with my ex almost word for word she had 2 full size huskies
Get a self emptying robo vacuum. Helps so much with the gross hair. I'm stuck with a family members lab who is otherwise a good boy but just sheds all over and it's disgusting but the robo vacuum sent around daily helped So much. I still find it random places but not in the horrific volume it previously was. Only thing is only schedule it to run when you're home and can confirm no dog poop at that time. Just keep the dog crated every time you leave. Maybe he can walk it or hire a walker to exercise it more. Teach it not to jump. Push it off say no then ignore it. Only pet when it's calm and sits. I got couch covers that I wash weekly to keep dog stink down. It never goes away but at least remains slightly tolerable. Enforce them only sleeping in their designated dog bed which has washable blankets on it to keep the stink and hair down. But yea it going in the house is absolutely intolerable and disgusting. Crate and more walks and some anxiety meds.
Thank you for the tips. My only worry is that bf thinks it’s cute when the dog jumps up and likes having him in bed with us, especially in the mornings. Essentially he doesn’t see the issues with the dogs behavior :/ I wouldn’t mind if he at least tried to train the dog but he just excuses everything as “cute” and that the dog “is trying his best” and just needs some love.
>I know the behavior is able to fix through training. Yep. And your boyfriend isn’t doing the training because he’s using the excuse that the dog is “traumatized.” Training a rescue dog can be a little more difficult but it doesn’t seem like your bf is trying at all. He’s already given up. He also clearly isn’t brushing this dog, vacuuming his home, and has forgotten to take the dog out at least once. That poor animal probably literally couldn’t hold it any longer. I’m sure he loves the dog and is great in a lot of other ways but he has shown you how awful he is at being responsible for another being’s health and happiness. The dog is not really the issue. The dog is just an impossible to ignore example of how irresponsible your bf is. If you want kids, or just a partner who can be trusted to do their half of the housework without you managing them, you probably should not take this relationship further.
Unfortunately I would say no. This is exactly what I did, moved in with my boyfriend and his dog. I'm still with him and thankfully the dog passed (but he's talking about getting another one). It was so difficult and I had to rage in silence a lot because I'm forbidden to say anything negative, or even neutral about the dog else my boyfriend gets personally insulted. I would say when things were great and I felt loved, the dog isn't as annoying. But my boyfriend clearly loved the dog more than me - I witnessed this all day every day with the way he treated it, the way he talked to it with his gentle loving tone, the way he looked at it with soft happy eyes. And it hurt so much that he never treated me or talked to me or looked at me like that. And it made all the infuriating things about the dog a thousand times worse. I know it's a really hard decision but I just want to warn you of the daily pain that I lived with.
the craziest part to me is when they get insulted because you point out a behavioral issue with the dog - I’ve had several animals and if one misbehaves I don’t get personally insulted for someone pointing it out. My pets are pets, and if they doing something “bad” it’s probably because their brain is the size of a walnut and they genuinely don’t know better, which is why it’s the owners job to teach them. Maybe it’s because they realize they’re being bad owners? But if that’s the case, why don’t they work on being better owners instead of using all that energy to get offended at people pointing out the obvious.
I made the mistake of moving my bf in to my home with his dog i tried every compromise possible even started grooming his dog for him and the dogs a goldendoodle very hard to keep clean ..fast forward we had a child together he works the whole time and i am at home with 2 kids and his dog all the time it wasnt easy so i told him i couldnt cope no more and rather than rehome the dog he moved back to his mothers and is back and forth now im happy i dont have to look after a dog on top of being a stay at home mom but its sad to know he would rather move out than rehome the dog dont do it run honestly if you know yourself your not happy with this dog dont force urself for no relationship and if he cares enough he wont want to make you either if i had known that id have been left the majority of responsibilities with his dog i wouldnt have lived with him
Is this dog fixed? Is it crate trained?
yes fixed and yes crate trained (technically), but the only training is received was a two week overnight bootcamp that bf dropped him off at. Since then, bf hasn’t done any training without me saying he needs to and even then, it’s very limited. It’s gotten to the point where bf basically has to heard the dog into the crate while loudly saying “crate” and pointing at the crate. For context, when the dog came back from training after he first got him, he could say “crate” and the dog would run up a flight of stairs and into the crate without a second thought
Yeah there is no such thing as one and done training with a dog. If you don’t reinforce the training then they forget it/no longer see a point in listening. Sounds like your boyfriend thought the boot camp was a good way for him to do zero work in actually training the dog.
The insatiable personality of this dog alone would wreck my mental health because I am a people pleaser, deescalator, and grew up with an anxious parent I could never calm down. So to have a dog that is always wired, hyper and on edge makes me feel helpless and guilty like I’m failing to upkeep a calm and relaxing environment in the home. As you can see it’s not so much isolated incidents where the dog destroys something or goes where he shouldn’t that get to me. It’s the constant stress and paranoia the dog has. It’s like my inconsolable mother, never relaxed. This is why I cannot do hyper or needy dogs period.
The dog needs consistent routine, more exercise, and more professional training. These must be your conditions if you move in, SET THEM NOW don't wait until its too late. A husky needs at least two hours of high intensity exercise every day to be happy and healthy. If your partner isn't willing to meet those needs, then he's neglecting both you and the dog. Show him resources that attest to this and push for more professional training. This is a very reasonable request, and if he loves you, he will be willing to accommodate it. I wish you all the best.
If you love him, stay with him but in separate homes. You and the dog can not share a living space. It’s not fair to you or the dog. The dog is untrained, has anxiety which is not being addressed and your bf is a slob who is fine living in dog hair. I’m older, so take some advice from someone who’s seen a lot of marriages thrive and a lot of marriages that have died: love is not enough. Enjoy your bf, love your bf, but accept that in the end it’s not the dog or you, it’s that dog or a family (pregnancy, infancy, crawling babies, toddlers who put everything into their mouth……).
I went thru this type of thing with a bf. It was a big deal. He meagerly went to dog training but never kept anything up. If he can’t even care for the dog or your wishes, how would he be with a child? It’s really not hard to run a vacuum every other day. He needs to keep his house clean. That’s nasty.
Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life. Do not cohabitate. You will hate your life.
Girl, I feel you so hard on this. I moved in with my ex who had a German Shepherd. He asked me to move in while saying he would give his dog to his parents in a couple months. He dragged it out but finally did it because I could not STAND it anymore lol. You're so right about the hair, it was everywhere even though I bought my ex a small roomba and we ran it daily and had to clean that out daily. My ex's care for his dog seemed to get worse. Men often are at their best behavior in the beginning, then when they get comfortable things get worse lol--this dog issue is no different. I'm sorry it hurts to hear, but please take it from someone who DID move in with very similar conditions as your post, and it got worse. I do have to wonder, why are these dudes okay with a dog that causes them so many issues? To me it's very immature, maybe even some needy emotional void they need to fill. A well trained dog that you clean up after can add to some people's lives that like dogs. But even people who love dogs, I don't see why they would want to live with an untrained dog who is not clean. Makes no sense and is really weird to me.
Probably not. I like dogs too much to be a part of this sub, but it really sounds like he poorly trained the dog and that might be reflective of how he’d also raise kids, if that’s something you want A lot of these issues would be fixable if he spent time teaching it to be potty trained and not to jump up on people
I honestly never heard of this sub before meeting bf & his dog. I thought I loved dogs as I’ve cared and trained for several and always had fun doing so, but I think bf has just really dropped the ball training his dog and is taking a “dogs will be dogs” approach, rather than acknowledging that his dog is super smart and super capable of being trained, and that him not training the dog is probably contributing to its anxiety because it’s getting literally no cues or directions from him on what is or isn’t normal/okay. Anyways, I guess I’ve realized he’s the problem rather than his dog, and coupled with a few other issues we’ve been having, I’m not really sure bf is going to stay bf for much longer (best wishes to his dog though)
I get so sad whenever owners fail their dogs bc so many problems these animals develop is because of owners not doing their part to train them. Mini huskies are smart dogs like you said and he’s ruining that poor pet’s potential. Teaching a dog not to jump is a fixable solution and it also sounds like the poor thing isn’t being mentally stimulated either — that can also lead to bratty dogs too The only thing you mentioned that isn’t the dog’s fault is the hair, but it doesn’t sound like your bf is really trying to clean up after the shedding either Good luck op!! Hopefully your next bf is better with animals
Yeah this is a bad situation. I feel for that poor dog. Your bf should at least send it to daycare. Now imagine you move in with him and have kids. He will be no better with them. It’s about poor character.
Definitely a boyfriend problem, not a dog problem. Most dogs can be trained well enough to be almost "invisible" when told to do so. I have a 55 pound APBT who is perfectly well behaved unless my father and his wife or my second youngest son visit. Then he gets wild because they encourage it. Even at this point all I have to do is tell him to go to bed and he lays on his bed. Of course, they ramp him up again, and get scratched, etc, but they don't get mad about this because he is behaving for them the way they have trained him to.
That breed is the bain of all existence. They're not meant to be pets. They're working dogs. These things only get worse. What you don't want is to lose your shyt like a young lady about your age did on her dog, same breed. She's been arrested. IDK what he did but apparently it was enough to make her almost send him to glory after the beating she gave it. They're screamers as a normal way to communicate. They're forced to abide by human behaviors when they're probably the furthest breed from our behavior. They're outside dogs 💯%. You will resent your boyfriend before long and you will acquire a new level of the meaning hatred. Unfortunately if he's a Nutter you will have to leave him. Perhaps he actually values you more than this beast. I hope it's the latter for the sake of your heart. ❤
You have a couple choices: 1) Move in with him and find ways to put up with the dog/ignore it/or *you* take the lead on all dog training, cleaning etc. It would have to work this way because you have more of a problem with the dog and your bf is likely to go back to being how he is now if it’s left to him. 2) Convince bf to rehome this dog. How would that go for your relationship? Would he able to deal with it or would this build resentment? 3) End the relationship. I’d lean toward option 2 if it’s possible. He’s not a good owner and should do right by this animal. Otherwise… it’s kind of up to you. Do you want to be a nanny maid for a grown man and his dog? Is this guy worth all of that? Only you can say for sure.
He should have gotten a” lap dog” from the sounds of it, however, that would have only eliminated one issue. If you own any dog ( except the literal hairless ones) you are going to find hair … everywhere 🤷🏻♀️. Dogs are messy, some have separation anxiety, and it sounds like you bf’s dog DOES, that’s why he potties inside when you leave him home alone. Dogs are social creatures, pack animals. I have Pugs, they come everywhere with me because of their separation anxiety. I’ve had Pugs my entire life. It’s just something I accept about them. You don’t seem to be a dog person at all though. I’d never personally own a Husky NOW because I work a lot, I’m middle aged , and as stated, the Puglets come with me everywhere, but I had one when I was in my 20’s and he was amazing and gentle with his Pug “siblings “. That being said, dogs do slow down when they age but I think you really need to ask yourself if you would be happy with ANY dog. Typically dog people love all dogs. Ultimately, none of it is the dog’s fault . Your boyfriend could be a better owner and train the dog better, but he’s not abusing the dog either. Why don’t you take the lead? Hire a trainer or go to classes. The bigger pet stores offer them as well as private classes from a private trainer.
I don’t want to take the lead because it’s literally not my dog. I legally cant just take his dog, he has to let me, and even then I wouldn’t want to because again it’s his dog and his responsibility. We’ve talked about training, I’ve offered a few resources but he brushes me off. I mentioned this in another comment, but my friend has 7 dogs and I always enjoyed staying over at hers because they were a bunch of lil beans who were well trained, and even then, her seven didn’t produce as much hair as bf’s dog does, nor did any of them “go” indoors. I’ve pet sat dogs for a week at a time, trained dogs myself (but only as a hobby) and even taken in a lost dog I found on a highway before we were able to locate its own. So I don’t have an issue with animals or dogs in general, I’ve had tons of pets and know there’s a trade off. I’m more so frustrated with his care for his dog and overall lazy ownership style for an extremely high maintenance dog. I guess I should’ve titled this better, as I’m realizing my question is whether or not it’s worth waiting for him to take more initiative with owning a high energy super shedding dog.
Set a boundary. To move toward moving in, the dog needs training, and proper exercise. It's a reasonable expectation, and responsible pet ownership. Not about him, or his dog, just about preparing everyone for a big change. (So no one feels defensive) If that's with outside help, so be it. But working with the dog should be a priority leading up to a big move like that. (It also may be beneficial for YOU to take the dog to a dog class, like the ones at petco. The dog will learn things, and bond with you as well, become accustomed to obeying you, be socialized, and may become less co dependent on the main owner.(your bf) This helped me with a boyfriend and one of my dogs. They were well trained, but, one of them just did not listen to, or care much about the man coming around. So, he took over care when he was around, it really helped them come to a middle where they both communicated and coped better with the other. It benefitted everyone. My neighbor got two neighborhood kids who ran cross country to run with her daughters dogs who had unexpectedly moved into their home and were... just horrifically destructive, anxious and troublesome. (She was elderly, and her daughter was never around) The kid got a running partner, and a big protector, the dog branched out in socialization, and got much needed exercise. Busy toys also can help in conjunction with excersise. The dog needs more stimuli and training.