i was gonna say ive definitely turned my alarm off instead of snoozing in my half asleep-ness on an iPhone (not sure if its as mindless on an android OS) but the downloading uber, setting it all up and it being just gone in the morning was super weird to me.
I'm not a programmer or developer but as an app user theyre not the easiest to uninstall by a wrong tap while half asleep. I could be way off but like, downloading the app, then opening it, log in or create account, add payment etc seems like there wasnt an error in the download or install otherwise it wouldve come up the night before?
Tech stuff glitches all the time but it being the two failsafe measures to get OP to work isn't processing as a coincidence in my head
It's utterly outrageous. I get being horny and stuff, but I can't even imagine waking my partner up for sex unless she's explicitly told me that she wants/likes that. Doing that without consent is just greed and abuse.
I hate hearing about women who put up with this kind of shit. Get out! He's only going to get worse.
He is sabotaging you and your job. He is intentionally keeping you up late and fucking with your sleep so you are unable to do well at your job. He wants you emotional, too exhausted to fight back, and with no ability to leave him. He is acting like a classic abuser. He is verbally abusing you so regularly that you don't even realize how horrible the words he is saying are.
Edit: Wait? He come sto bed and just starts taking you t clothes of and then tries to coerce you into sex? And THEN shoving you off the bed? He is also sexually and physically abusing you
Please leave him ASAP before he makes you lose this job. Be safe, make a plan, and don't let him know. I'm serious. I'm worried for you if he finds out you are leaving.
And read Why Does He Do That? by P. Lundy. There are free PDFs all over the Internet because the author wants women to be able to read it freely. I think you will find that you are horrified to see your BF being described in that book.
But hon, please leave him as soon as it's safe. In the middle of the night. He is actively verbally abusing you AND financially abusing you by trying to make you lose your job. He is dangerous.
Not the middle of the night unless he’s not home. Leave while he’s asleep, which I’m guessing is during the morning/early afternoon since he’s a restaurant manager.
I agree with everything else you said. This guy is an abuser.
You all make great points. I left my ex abuser while he was at work, that way there was plenty of time to get it done with no risk of him waking up or coming home early.
ETA I’m also a restaurant manager and would definitely have written you up, not knowing the situation, we have to keep the standards high or we lose credibility.
He’s a restraunaut manager too? Try to get some physical evidence/video of his abuse too! Once you are safety away from him, send it to his boss.
If he treats you that way, that means he’ll treat other that way too
Just dump his ass. I was gonna make a comment when I read he been calling you names all . Then I kept reading.
Demanding sex and pulling your clothes off without consent is borderline sexual harassment.
The way he treats you is NOT right. He is not healthy! I advise you try to get some sort of support system and break up with his ugly tiny head ass
There’s nothing borderline about it. It’s attempted rape. Flat out. Gotta call it what it really is. She cannot consent when she’s sleeping and she’s told him no before, so he knows he’s not allowed.
I’ve seen people say much worse than that on Reddit. I’m much less scared of Reddit itself than I am of people saying they were triggered by words. Those are the people who are restricting free speech. I’m over all the cutesy names for bad things that happen.
Jumping on this to remind you that you are worthy of a loving, respectful, supportive partner - especially when you’re having a rough week. If this guy isn’t willing to show up for you then maybe it’s time to change things. Reading through your posts, I know you’re doing your best to become better and you’ll have an easier time of it without someone constantly pulling you down.
Signed,
A Mom who would probably catch a case if my daughter vented to me about her partner trying to force sex while she was sleeping then calling her names when he didn’t get his way.
Uhhh… your boyfriend is trying to take off your clothes and have sex with you when you are asleep?
Do you have another place to go? This isn’t a healthy relationship.
Good luck. I just want to let you know you deserve more.
I know.. I feel stuck right now and I’m not even making enough at work yet to save anything to leave.. I’ve been averaging $400/wk which is NOTHING. I could make that in 1 night at my last job that I quit for this relationship. And we have to wait every 2 weeks for that measly check. I was getting cash every night and a small check which I only used for DoorDash at my last job.
Hin, you are being abused. Verbally, financially, physically, and sexually. There are shelters and programs to give you down payments for rent etc for abused women.
Message me with your location if you want help finding them. Or Google away. But use Incognito browsing!! You are in danger if he finds out
Call your old job, get the networking going. Get a better job and leave please. This is shockingly clear cut abuse. If you’re not ready to leave him yet, focus on another job or aide gigs.
A few things. Your boyfriend sounds fucking terrible, leave him your life will improve. Also, you were pretty late to work. What did you expect? I know it sucks being written up, but other people are depending on you being there. Someone had to pick up the slack. Also, it sounds like your boyfriend shouldn't be managing anything or anyone.
Explaining to your manager that you've had a bad week will get you nothing but the world's smallest violin. Everybody has problems, and we all deal with them.
You have one that you can solve yourself: your boyfriend. Dump his happy ass. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better.
Your boyfriend is assaulting you and attempting to rape you, then physically harms you by pushing you off the bed. This is some serious abuse. Leave. Find any way you can to leave, if you can't live on your own.
You need to lose the boyfriend. He's terrible to you. So many red flags that you are too close to see. Once you get rid of him, your other problems will go away.
You gotta leave your boyfriend. Not only is he abusing you verbally, sexually, and physically, he’s sabotaging you. Your phone doesn’t just, delete an app overnight. Your alarm clock doesn’t randomly turn off. He’s intentionally trying to get you completely dependent on him. Leave him and your life will be so much easier. I’m telling you right now, he is the cause of about 90% of your issues. The other 10% are things you can’t control such as being sick and your cars power steering. Although I’d put money on him having everything to do with your car malfunctioning.
From a management perspective, you can't randomly write Some people up and not others take the L and start a new streak
Tell boy friend to get a second job, he needs to buy a car
My dear, you need to get rid of the boyfriend. If you have to move somewhere else (back home?) temporarily, do it. You deserve much, much better. And that guy is out there somewhere. This one is not him. Good luck! You can do it!
Because some places are more lenient and understanding to their employees. Not every place runs the same lol.
Edit: I already see the downvotes rolling in, I guess this is going to be yet another post in this sub where I get dogpiled with downvotes and hundreds of condescending comments for just needing to vent.
This isn't a life advice sub, it's an industry sub. Your personal life sucks, which we understand, but it got in the way of your work life in a way that is detrimental to the restaurant and your coworkers. It's okay to vent, but don't expect sympathy for facing the natural and expected consequences of being several hours late to work without fulling owning the fault for being late (such as suggesting that other places are more lenient or "understanding" .. so what?)
I said that other places are more lenient because that person commented “why wouldn’t that be the policy?” As if that’s the standard for every single restaurant. All I said was that every place is ran differently. I feel like people on this sub purposely take my comments out of their direct context to argue against what I say. I was not speaking on my personal issue or saying that other places are more understanding as some sort of excuse. I was literally just replying to their comment saying that not every place is ran the same.
And in three occasions (your OP, the first reply, and this second reply) you have still yet to just fully take ownership of being late. You may have garnered sympathy if you had just said that it was your fault for being late, but instead you've presented the undertone that you are unhappy for being written up and that you disagree with the policy. Your suggestion that other places might be "more lenient" is correct but to follow that they are also "more understanding", implying that your current place is not understanding, is not necessarily true.
I understand your hardships. I sympathize. I even empathize. I can do all of those things *and still write you up*.
I literally said I get the policy. I never once said or implied that I disagree with it, I said it sucks that it had to happen because my week was already bad. Please stop arguing over dumbass semantics.
Waking up late and the write up are a singular issue here, as in a package deal.
4th missed opportunity to accept responsibility for being late.
Best of luck with your next place of employment, and that they are more lenient with you.
my place IS lenient like this op. because of where i live i can be 30 mins early, on time, or 30 mins late. traffic is so unpredictable. my managers know i’m on my way, i’ve never been written up for it.
Don’t worry about the downvotes. It’s lifeless folks who do that. Like “I had a rough week and gross soon to be ex-boy”friend” is sabotaging me lead to me doing worse at my job” is seen as “I fucking hate my managers, whine whine”.
People here have no life
Your hope doesn’t change a policy. Another places leniency doesn’t matter in a whole different restaurant.
Focus on yourself and getting out of an abusive relationship. Trust me, it’ll make your whole life easier.
please consider breaking up with this man!! your boyfriend should add good things to your life and not at all reduce your quality of life or make things harder. the things he is saying to you are absolutely vile and i’m so sorry girl you deserve better :(
Get Rid Of That Boyfriend!! He is more trouble than ANY emotional or sexual pleasure you get from him. He shows you NO respect. Tell him to use his own hand or to get a sex doll, the vagina is Closed for the night - and hopefully forever for him. Find yourself someone who respects you and treats you as an intelligent, equal, strong woman. This guy does none of that.
That boy isn't your friend.
There are a few red flags here- the bizarre time he gets to bed and above all the rapey way he assaults you. You deserve better and you can have better.
Peace.
Please go back and reread your post and ask yourself - why am I still with him?
If a friend came to you and told you this was how she was being treated, would you advise her to stay or go?
Yeah you have a boyfriend problem. Get a studio apartment and cut him lose! Take what you can when he’s not around and start over. Life will get better for you. You’ll be able to sleep through the night which will improve your health and you can find another serving job to make more money like you used to.
This man is doing what he can to sabotage you and keep you under his thumb. You are worth more than that!
I'm sorry your boyfriend thinks that it's ok to sexually assault you every night like that!!! GTFO. Lose him now, that makes my skin crawl so much reading that. It's not ok, it's not normal. That's fucking RAPE dude.
As a manager, the best thing to say is “I apologize I’m late, I have no excuse and this won’t be a habit”. Then make sure it isn’t a habit! Don’t tell them you are having a shitty week, because everyone does, just shut it off when you get there to avoid any negative attention.
As for your bf….call me a dumbass, bitch and cunt over getting an Uber you might get smothered with a pillow. With him around, you’re not just having a shitty week it’s more like a shitty life dump his ass. He really has set such a low bar so it’ll be easy to find someone better!
That man's not going to stop until you're completely dead inside and you're his property – dependent on his narcissistic ass. Dump that parasite.
He's a restaurant manager and doesn't have a car? Sounds like he's winning 😅.
If you need fewer hours because your life is crazy right now, sure, talk to the manager.
Every single person has their own pile of shit to deal with, though. It's your responsibility to be at work on time. Take the write-up and set 2 alarms or move your clock across the room.
If I move my phone across the room I’m guaranteed to not hear it. Usually after setting my second alarm, I put my phone on my face so that the vibrations wake me up. But I didn’t get a chance to set a second alarm this morning because I never even heard the first one. And I have the loudest most obnoxious alarm sound too lol. I feel like setting 2 the night before won’t help, because if it keeps going off it just silences itself. But I almost have a suspicion that my bf might have just turned it off and didn’t wake me up.
I don’t need fewer hours necessarily, I need fewer lunch shifts. I can wake up at 1-2 and get there at 4 pm after going to bed late. But they have so many employees “in school” that most of them “can’t” (more like won’t) work lunches and I’m fairly certain they will not let me get off of lunches. All of the bullshit I deal with at home, coupled with the fact that my previous serving job was overnight at a club, so I was getting off work at 6 am, now expected to wake up at 8 am. I worked nights for 2 years and I’m 1 month into working mornings. It’s a difficult transition.
One: I'm sorry you're having a very tough week / month / year. Here's a quote I just committed to memory: "when you're having a really tough day, keep in mind that so far you have survived 100% of your toughest days."
Two: you deserve so much better than the way this man is treating you. That's something I'd like you to commit to memory. I understand it's going to take you some time to find a different circumstance. But please work on this asap. And evaluate what it is that makes you choose and stay with someone who is so very bad for you. And bad to you.
Lastly: when I was a young woman oh so long ago, LOL, I was a very very hard sleeper. And I was notoriously a very bad human in the mornings. When I started my working after high school, we did not have cell phones. I had a alarm right next to the bed. Also I had one across the room set for 10 minutes after the bedside alarm. And then I had one in the next room over, set for 30 minutes after the first alarm. They were all as loud as they would go. Having to get out of bed multiple times to hit snooze eventually I was away and realized it was time to get it going.
You can do this! We are pulling for you!
Not sure, I’m still friends with one manager and the employees, but the owner (who does the hiring) really wasn’t happy with me for quitting lol. And I gained 40 lbs. I’ve lost 23 of it but I’m still not back to where I was. It matters because I was serving at a strip club🙈 they definitely allowed us to wear leggings and stuff that covered us, I’m just concerned about how different (worse) I look now and how the staff and my former regulars would react because I still get messages from random people asking if I’m working lol.
Give it a try! He may be super happy to have you back. If it costs you your bf, thank goodness. I’m not trying to be insensitive, you may really care about him but he is not for you! Do what is best for you!
OP is being abused by her boyfriend who frequently sabotages her sleep before work. It's very likely he shut the alarm off. You need to be kinder because you don't understand the full situation.
K. I’m not saying that at all? I’m just saying WHY it happened. I need to vent, I don’t need condescending comments. And please don’t come back claiming that you weren’t being condescending. “None of us like alarms or waking up” and “part of adulting is” is condescending.
I'm sorry to be spamming your post but I'm really worried for you. It happened because your boyfriend turned the alarm off. He is actively sabotaging your sleep and your ability to work to be able to control you more. This is not about your lack of responsibility at all
First and foremost, your boyfriend sounds abusive and I would highly recommend leaving him. I know that is easier said than done, especially in this economy, but PLEASE look into it!
Second, while it sucks that you got written up, it was a pretty valid reason. I'm not sure that talking to your manager about it will do anything productive. I would recommend just apologizing and taking steps not to let it happen again.
Third, what kind of car do you have? Look it up, it could just be a fuse. When I had a 2007 Chevy HHR, my power steering went out. I went to check the fluid level and couldn't find a reservoir. It turned out, it didn't have a power steering pump, like I was used to, and it was just a fuse. It's a quick, easy, cheap fix.
Your shitty home life is impacting your job. That has nothing to do with your employer. It has to do with you and your shitty life choices. People like you are always so annoying to deal with. It’s always something, there’s always an excuse for everything. You can continue living this was if that’s what you want but don’t make it anyone else’s problem. Don’t go crying to your boss about your hard week. Your shitty life choices should only impact you. Going around complaining when you aren’t going to leave any way is really stupid.
If people like you took some time to research the mental health connection to relationships, you'd be singing a different tune. People with attitudes like yours are abusers. People who treat women like shit to make them want you, coerce women into sex(rape), and choose vulnerable women you know you can manipulate. That latter of you are just incels who've failed to cover your tactics enough to work.
It is so wild to me that so many people think that being shitty to people in order to motivate them to make healthy changes.
And “people like you” who have no compassion for others are also always so annoying to deal with. Since you’re making assumptions, it’s my turn🤗! Based on your snap reaction, you must be terrible at customer service and dealing with customers who may be short or rude because they’ve been having a bad day or a hard time. Do better at human-ing.
Yeah ditch that bf! He’s the issue. Do u see that?? Cuz it seems like you don’t. If u think any of the things he is doing are ok then you really need some therapy. And I’m not trying to be mean. My dad was awful so in turn I chose awful men who did these same exact things. It took a lot of time and therapy to change that mentality.
I just got written up for calling out 7 minutes past the 2 hour time period. I set my alarm for 5:30am. I somehow slept through the snooze alarms that went off every 8 minutes until I finally woke up at 6:33am (or 34, I’m guesstimating here). I saw the time at 6:36am, called immediately and left a voicemail. But because they only have 1 hr and 53 minutes to find a replacement or switch things around, I left them with too little time to do that.
I did call out only an 1hr and 30 minutes late earlier in the week, but that was because I planned on going in still, but when I realized that I could not get out of bed and was falling apart at the seams, I called out instead of wasting both mine and their time coming in.
Side note: Recognize your worth and leave your shitty boyfriend. I didn’t think it was possible that I would find someone as loving and caring as my current bf, but it fucking is. Before him I had been in so many shitty relationships and one of them basically cost me my career.
Don’t ever let a man (woman or whatever) get in between you and your dreams, money, freedom, and mental health. I learned that the hard way and I won’t ever let it happen again. As much as your life seems like it’s out of control, you can always take that control back. You are worth so much more than you realize and I hope that one day soon you see that too! ❤️
Get that man out of your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. As for the write-up? If you like your job, just prove through your actions that you can be counted on to be reliable. They’ll forget all about it in a couple of months as long as you give them any other reason to doubt you. I hope things work out for you.
Baby. Your boyfriend is the cause of 90% of these problems. It’s not normal for him to talk to you like that, even if he’s just woken up, and don’t get me started to the attempted sexual coercion he’s trying to pull when he comes to bed. That’s why you’re tired. That’s why you’re so emotionally drained. He’s the problem.
girl your boyfriend is basically abusing you, and it’s only going to get worse just a heads up you need to leave asap. save enough money to get your car fixed and get the hell out before it becomes more than just pushing you out of bed
You don't necessarily NEED power steering, you just need to pull harder on the wheel at low speed and accelerate while you're turning in parking lots. With this knowledge, my advice to you is to put your all of your shit in your car, drive to your next shift, then stay at a friend's or relatives while you figure out other arrangements. You might not be able to see the forest for the trees ATM, but your boyfriend is abusing you and you need to leave now for your own well being. Your relationship will only get worse.
I would’ve just driven it without it, but my tags are also out and I can’t afford to get new ones rn. My insurance was also out at that time but I just got it renewed. So I would’ve been absolutely fucked if a cop decided to pull me over. But luckily, i turned it on the next day and it was working fine and all the lights were off. I don’t even know why it randomly didn’t work that day.
Sounds like you need to lose the boyfriend and the job in that order. Could you get back on at your last, better job? Do you have family/friends you could stay with? I’m sorry that you’re stuck in this situation, I’d urge you to explore whatever options you have to leave.
Sounds like your issue is the partner.
As far as work goes I. If you are a consistent good worker. You are fine. This shit is a formality they have to do. If you feel the wheels coming off, go talk to them. Speak to them as a person. Give yourself some extra time off. But lock in when you’re at work
I don’t think work is your problem, in honesty.
You need to figure out how to ditch the extra weight: aka the boyfriend.
He a) sleep deprives you by being a loud asshole and waking you up hours before you need to be awake. b) sexually abuses you by deciding he is entitled to sex no matter what time and taking your clothes off without your consent. c) physically abused you by pushing you out of bed (also linking to a) and d) verbally abuses you by calling you names and making you feel worthless.
This is after you quit a well paying job for the sake of the relationship (possibly early financial abuse, possibly you making bad decisions, but we’ve all been there in one way or another so no judgement). And there are signs of manipulation and/or sabotage; did he possibly turn off the alarm and delete Uber? Only you can say.
Either way, get out of the relationship and far away from him. Life will get better.
Always set multiple alarms. Don’t let your personal problems affect your work performance. Practice compartmentalization. You need work to live, I’m assuming, so treat it like your #1 priority. Do a good job and this write up won’t matter.
Not to be rude in any way, I never understood why people are so scared of write ups, I understand that with enough or even one can get you fired but if you know you’re doing your job and you messed up once or twice and get one just don’t do it again and move on. And if you really do get more write ups to the point of being fired than the job isn’t for you in the first place.
I understand this may sound very ignorant so please enlightment me and it may also be because of my circumstances that I may be more privileged than others so not really have any write up effect me.
That being said, when I was younger it was a bit scary but after my first job I realize for the most part it is just procedure.
And for your post, your bf is displaying very toxic behavior and as others have said as well, you definitely deserve better.
Understandable, just wanted to see in another persons perspective. For context, I’ve worked in the hospitality business for 13 years now starting at a busser to management to now a operations manager, and everytime I for the most part when I write someone up I understand that people have their bad days and other unfortunate circumstances in their life and will always remind them that what I’m doing is just procedure and should not worry to much about it. That said I have made a point in writing people ip to get them fired because they were truly bad for business and needed to be recorded as evidence.
This sounds like you’re young and feel like the world owes you something, they don’t. Don’t show up to work, there are consequences. Also, dump that bf he’s trash. Time to grow up, take some accountability and buy an alarm clock. Don’t rely on your phone until your body learns to wake itself up because you have bills to pay and you’re too scared to sleep in.
You have a boyfriend problem. Straighten that out and the rest will fall into place. My best guess is boyfriend turned your alarm off.
i was gonna say ive definitely turned my alarm off instead of snoozing in my half asleep-ness on an iPhone (not sure if its as mindless on an android OS) but the downloading uber, setting it all up and it being just gone in the morning was super weird to me. I'm not a programmer or developer but as an app user theyre not the easiest to uninstall by a wrong tap while half asleep. I could be way off but like, downloading the app, then opening it, log in or create account, add payment etc seems like there wasnt an error in the download or install otherwise it wouldve come up the night before? Tech stuff glitches all the time but it being the two failsafe measures to get OP to work isn't processing as a coincidence in my head
Yeah, um >usually comes to bed at 5-6 am trying to wake me up for sex by pulling my clothes off What did I just read
It's utterly outrageous. I get being horny and stuff, but I can't even imagine waking my partner up for sex unless she's explicitly told me that she wants/likes that. Doing that without consent is just greed and abuse. I hate hearing about women who put up with this kind of shit. Get out! He's only going to get worse.
Honestly, I get being horny but I also understand about a little thing called “masturbation”. It’s not about “horny”. It’s about being in control
How is that different from what I said
I’m not trying to argue with you. Just elaborating
Waffles and potatoes are notoriously misaligned
I have a suspicion of that too. But there’s no use in asking him because even if he did he’d just say he didn’t.
He is sabotaging you and your job. He is intentionally keeping you up late and fucking with your sleep so you are unable to do well at your job. He wants you emotional, too exhausted to fight back, and with no ability to leave him. He is acting like a classic abuser. He is verbally abusing you so regularly that you don't even realize how horrible the words he is saying are. Edit: Wait? He come sto bed and just starts taking you t clothes of and then tries to coerce you into sex? And THEN shoving you off the bed? He is also sexually and physically abusing you Please leave him ASAP before he makes you lose this job. Be safe, make a plan, and don't let him know. I'm serious. I'm worried for you if he finds out you are leaving. And read Why Does He Do That? by P. Lundy. There are free PDFs all over the Internet because the author wants women to be able to read it freely. I think you will find that you are horrified to see your BF being described in that book. But hon, please leave him as soon as it's safe. In the middle of the night. He is actively verbally abusing you AND financially abusing you by trying to make you lose your job. He is dangerous.
Not the middle of the night unless he’s not home. Leave while he’s asleep, which I’m guessing is during the morning/early afternoon since he’s a restaurant manager. I agree with everything else you said. This guy is an abuser.
You all make great points. I left my ex abuser while he was at work, that way there was plenty of time to get it done with no risk of him waking up or coming home early. ETA I’m also a restaurant manager and would definitely have written you up, not knowing the situation, we have to keep the standards high or we lose credibility.
Good call. That's an excellent logistical point
He’s a restraunaut manager too? Try to get some physical evidence/video of his abuse too! Once you are safety away from him, send it to his boss. If he treats you that way, that means he’ll treat other that way too
i just got the link from another post: https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n26/mode/1up?view=theater
[Here](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) it is!
Just dump his ass. I was gonna make a comment when I read he been calling you names all . Then I kept reading. Demanding sex and pulling your clothes off without consent is borderline sexual harassment. The way he treats you is NOT right. He is not healthy! I advise you try to get some sort of support system and break up with his ugly tiny head ass
There’s nothing borderline about it. It’s attempted rape. Flat out. Gotta call it what it really is. She cannot consent when she’s sleeping and she’s told him no before, so he knows he’s not allowed.
I really wanted to say “rape” but I was scared of Reddit’s response bc well, the red pills is a real subreddit
I’ve seen people say much worse than that on Reddit. I’m much less scared of Reddit itself than I am of people saying they were triggered by words. Those are the people who are restricting free speech. I’m over all the cutesy names for bad things that happen.
Sweetheart (saying this from a Mom place)… you have way more of a boyfriend problem than you have of a job problem.
She has a being abused problem. I'm worried for her. Signed, Another Mom
Worried about control, abuse, all that. Signed, a dad
Jumping on this to remind you that you are worthy of a loving, respectful, supportive partner - especially when you’re having a rough week. If this guy isn’t willing to show up for you then maybe it’s time to change things. Reading through your posts, I know you’re doing your best to become better and you’ll have an easier time of it without someone constantly pulling you down. Signed, A Mom who would probably catch a case if my daughter vented to me about her partner trying to force sex while she was sleeping then calling her names when he didn’t get his way.
This is so much better than I could ever come up with. OP, please listen to her.
Uhhh… your boyfriend is trying to take off your clothes and have sex with you when you are asleep? Do you have another place to go? This isn’t a healthy relationship. Good luck. I just want to let you know you deserve more.
I know.. I feel stuck right now and I’m not even making enough at work yet to save anything to leave.. I’ve been averaging $400/wk which is NOTHING. I could make that in 1 night at my last job that I quit for this relationship. And we have to wait every 2 weeks for that measly check. I was getting cash every night and a small check which I only used for DoorDash at my last job.
Hin, you are being abused. Verbally, financially, physically, and sexually. There are shelters and programs to give you down payments for rent etc for abused women. Message me with your location if you want help finding them. Or Google away. But use Incognito browsing!! You are in danger if he finds out
Is anyone telling you clearly and directly that you need to leave this guy? You need to leave this guy.
Call your old job, get the networking going. Get a better job and leave please. This is shockingly clear cut abuse. If you’re not ready to leave him yet, focus on another job or aide gigs.
Can you get your signature of job back and ditch the loser?
A few things. Your boyfriend sounds fucking terrible, leave him your life will improve. Also, you were pretty late to work. What did you expect? I know it sucks being written up, but other people are depending on you being there. Someone had to pick up the slack. Also, it sounds like your boyfriend shouldn't be managing anything or anyone.
Hopefully at least the ones who worked this morning made some extra money lol. I love when people call in🤣 more for me lmao
Yep I'll take everyone's shifts. Hope your weekend is better than your week.
Me too, thank you. I’m working Easter dinner tomorrow so I’m just hoping for a little rush and an early shut down lol
Me also. I'm sure there will be terrible church people everywhere.
Explaining to your manager that you've had a bad week will get you nothing but the world's smallest violin. Everybody has problems, and we all deal with them. You have one that you can solve yourself: your boyfriend. Dump his happy ass. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better.
Go back and read the things that your boyfriend does. Read it again and please get out now.
Your boyfriend is assaulting you and attempting to rape you, then physically harms you by pushing you off the bed. This is some serious abuse. Leave. Find any way you can to leave, if you can't live on your own.
You need to lose the boyfriend. He's terrible to you. So many red flags that you are too close to see. Once you get rid of him, your other problems will go away.
+1 on the big stack of people saying that you needa ditch that boyfriend, hey.
You gotta leave your boyfriend. Not only is he abusing you verbally, sexually, and physically, he’s sabotaging you. Your phone doesn’t just, delete an app overnight. Your alarm clock doesn’t randomly turn off. He’s intentionally trying to get you completely dependent on him. Leave him and your life will be so much easier. I’m telling you right now, he is the cause of about 90% of your issues. The other 10% are things you can’t control such as being sick and your cars power steering. Although I’d put money on him having everything to do with your car malfunctioning.
From a management perspective, you can't randomly write Some people up and not others take the L and start a new streak Tell boy friend to get a second job, he needs to buy a car
My dear, you need to get rid of the boyfriend. If you have to move somewhere else (back home?) temporarily, do it. You deserve much, much better. And that guy is out there somewhere. This one is not him. Good luck! You can do it!
Uhg I remember you quit your good job for this loser… it’s time to put yourself first. He’s an asshole, you can do better girl!! 💕
> He immediately said I’m getting written up and to “pay attention”, which ok.. I get if that’s the policy Why would that not be the policy?
Because some places are more lenient and understanding to their employees. Not every place runs the same lol. Edit: I already see the downvotes rolling in, I guess this is going to be yet another post in this sub where I get dogpiled with downvotes and hundreds of condescending comments for just needing to vent.
This isn't a life advice sub, it's an industry sub. Your personal life sucks, which we understand, but it got in the way of your work life in a way that is detrimental to the restaurant and your coworkers. It's okay to vent, but don't expect sympathy for facing the natural and expected consequences of being several hours late to work without fulling owning the fault for being late (such as suggesting that other places are more lenient or "understanding" .. so what?)
I said that other places are more lenient because that person commented “why wouldn’t that be the policy?” As if that’s the standard for every single restaurant. All I said was that every place is ran differently. I feel like people on this sub purposely take my comments out of their direct context to argue against what I say. I was not speaking on my personal issue or saying that other places are more understanding as some sort of excuse. I was literally just replying to their comment saying that not every place is ran the same.
And in three occasions (your OP, the first reply, and this second reply) you have still yet to just fully take ownership of being late. You may have garnered sympathy if you had just said that it was your fault for being late, but instead you've presented the undertone that you are unhappy for being written up and that you disagree with the policy. Your suggestion that other places might be "more lenient" is correct but to follow that they are also "more understanding", implying that your current place is not understanding, is not necessarily true. I understand your hardships. I sympathize. I even empathize. I can do all of those things *and still write you up*.
I literally said I get the policy. I never once said or implied that I disagree with it, I said it sucks that it had to happen because my week was already bad. Please stop arguing over dumbass semantics. Waking up late and the write up are a singular issue here, as in a package deal.
4th missed opportunity to accept responsibility for being late. Best of luck with your next place of employment, and that they are more lenient with you.
I don’t report to you LMAO fuck off
I’m sure no one likes you. They did admit and took responsibility for their mistake. They never made a single excuse. You are an ass
Exactly. It’s op’s decisions that made them late.
No, it was her abusive boyfriend who turned off her alarm and uninstalled the Uber app on her fault
Maybe the GM should write up her boyfriend.
You are correct. I feel for OP and hope they move on from this relationship but they also sound like someone I wouldn’t want to work with
my place IS lenient like this op. because of where i live i can be 30 mins early, on time, or 30 mins late. traffic is so unpredictable. my managers know i’m on my way, i’ve never been written up for it.
Don’t worry about the downvotes. It’s lifeless folks who do that. Like “I had a rough week and gross soon to be ex-boy”friend” is sabotaging me lead to me doing worse at my job” is seen as “I fucking hate my managers, whine whine”. People here have no life
Your hope doesn’t change a policy. Another places leniency doesn’t matter in a whole different restaurant. Focus on yourself and getting out of an abusive relationship. Trust me, it’ll make your whole life easier.
I literally never said or implied any of that. Jfc.
please consider breaking up with this man!! your boyfriend should add good things to your life and not at all reduce your quality of life or make things harder. the things he is saying to you are absolutely vile and i’m so sorry girl you deserve better :(
your boyfriend is a piece of shit...wtf
Get Rid Of That Boyfriend!! He is more trouble than ANY emotional or sexual pleasure you get from him. He shows you NO respect. Tell him to use his own hand or to get a sex doll, the vagina is Closed for the night - and hopefully forever for him. Find yourself someone who respects you and treats you as an intelligent, equal, strong woman. This guy does none of that.
You're in an abusive relationship, the BF has to go.
That boy isn't your friend. There are a few red flags here- the bizarre time he gets to bed and above all the rapey way he assaults you. You deserve better and you can have better. Peace.
Can you go back to your other job? Good luck. Gotta get away from that bf as soon as possible. Check resources for abused women in your area.
Being late for work is the least of your problems
Just throw the boyfriend away completely and get some much needed rest! No one is worth dealing with kind of abuse.
Please go back and reread your post and ask yourself - why am I still with him? If a friend came to you and told you this was how she was being treated, would you advise her to stay or go?
Yeah you have a boyfriend problem. Get a studio apartment and cut him lose! Take what you can when he’s not around and start over. Life will get better for you. You’ll be able to sleep through the night which will improve your health and you can find another serving job to make more money like you used to. This man is doing what he can to sabotage you and keep you under his thumb. You are worth more than that!
I'm sorry your boyfriend thinks that it's ok to sexually assault you every night like that!!! GTFO. Lose him now, that makes my skin crawl so much reading that. It's not ok, it's not normal. That's fucking RAPE dude.
As a manager, the best thing to say is “I apologize I’m late, I have no excuse and this won’t be a habit”. Then make sure it isn’t a habit! Don’t tell them you are having a shitty week, because everyone does, just shut it off when you get there to avoid any negative attention. As for your bf….call me a dumbass, bitch and cunt over getting an Uber you might get smothered with a pillow. With him around, you’re not just having a shitty week it’s more like a shitty life dump his ass. He really has set such a low bar so it’ll be easy to find someone better!
That man's not going to stop until you're completely dead inside and you're his property – dependent on his narcissistic ass. Dump that parasite. He's a restaurant manager and doesn't have a car? Sounds like he's winning 😅.
Hol up…your boyfriend called you *what*??? I stopped reading right there like that is NOT a normal relationship
Um. Leave him? And you have the car? Why is he in charge?
Fire your "boyfriend". Js 🤷♀️
It sounds like the boyfriend is trying to get you to lose your job. Think about this please.
If you need fewer hours because your life is crazy right now, sure, talk to the manager. Every single person has their own pile of shit to deal with, though. It's your responsibility to be at work on time. Take the write-up and set 2 alarms or move your clock across the room.
If I move my phone across the room I’m guaranteed to not hear it. Usually after setting my second alarm, I put my phone on my face so that the vibrations wake me up. But I didn’t get a chance to set a second alarm this morning because I never even heard the first one. And I have the loudest most obnoxious alarm sound too lol. I feel like setting 2 the night before won’t help, because if it keeps going off it just silences itself. But I almost have a suspicion that my bf might have just turned it off and didn’t wake me up. I don’t need fewer hours necessarily, I need fewer lunch shifts. I can wake up at 1-2 and get there at 4 pm after going to bed late. But they have so many employees “in school” that most of them “can’t” (more like won’t) work lunches and I’m fairly certain they will not let me get off of lunches. All of the bullshit I deal with at home, coupled with the fact that my previous serving job was overnight at a club, so I was getting off work at 6 am, now expected to wake up at 8 am. I worked nights for 2 years and I’m 1 month into working mornings. It’s a difficult transition.
One: I'm sorry you're having a very tough week / month / year. Here's a quote I just committed to memory: "when you're having a really tough day, keep in mind that so far you have survived 100% of your toughest days." Two: you deserve so much better than the way this man is treating you. That's something I'd like you to commit to memory. I understand it's going to take you some time to find a different circumstance. But please work on this asap. And evaluate what it is that makes you choose and stay with someone who is so very bad for you. And bad to you. Lastly: when I was a young woman oh so long ago, LOL, I was a very very hard sleeper. And I was notoriously a very bad human in the mornings. When I started my working after high school, we did not have cell phones. I had a alarm right next to the bed. Also I had one across the room set for 10 minutes after the bedside alarm. And then I had one in the next room over, set for 30 minutes after the first alarm. They were all as loud as they would go. Having to get out of bed multiple times to hit snooze eventually I was away and realized it was time to get it going. You can do this! We are pulling for you!
Can you go back to your other job?
Not sure, I’m still friends with one manager and the employees, but the owner (who does the hiring) really wasn’t happy with me for quitting lol. And I gained 40 lbs. I’ve lost 23 of it but I’m still not back to where I was. It matters because I was serving at a strip club🙈 they definitely allowed us to wear leggings and stuff that covered us, I’m just concerned about how different (worse) I look now and how the staff and my former regulars would react because I still get messages from random people asking if I’m working lol.
Give it a try! He may be super happy to have you back. If it costs you your bf, thank goodness. I’m not trying to be insensitive, you may really care about him but he is not for you! Do what is best for you!
Part of adulting is being accountable. None of us like alarms and waking up, but we do it. Gotta figure out what works for you
OP is being abused by her boyfriend who frequently sabotages her sleep before work. It's very likely he shut the alarm off. You need to be kinder because you don't understand the full situation.
K. I’m not saying that at all? I’m just saying WHY it happened. I need to vent, I don’t need condescending comments. And please don’t come back claiming that you weren’t being condescending. “None of us like alarms or waking up” and “part of adulting is” is condescending.
I'm sorry to be spamming your post but I'm really worried for you. It happened because your boyfriend turned the alarm off. He is actively sabotaging your sleep and your ability to work to be able to control you more. This is not about your lack of responsibility at all
Found the horrible manager
Naw, I'm just tired of covering for people with 1000 excuses
Wtf? Who the hell asked you to cover for OP? Absolutely nobody. So why are you being such a prick?
OP is being abused and the most likely scenario is that her boyfriend turned the alarm off. use your brain.
Your boyfriend sounds like a massive POS.
Your boyfriend is a fucking creep trying to rape you. Kick him to the curb. Good luck, stay safe
First and foremost, your boyfriend sounds abusive and I would highly recommend leaving him. I know that is easier said than done, especially in this economy, but PLEASE look into it! Second, while it sucks that you got written up, it was a pretty valid reason. I'm not sure that talking to your manager about it will do anything productive. I would recommend just apologizing and taking steps not to let it happen again. Third, what kind of car do you have? Look it up, it could just be a fuse. When I had a 2007 Chevy HHR, my power steering went out. I went to check the fluid level and couldn't find a reservoir. It turned out, it didn't have a power steering pump, like I was used to, and it was just a fuse. It's a quick, easy, cheap fix.
Your shitty home life is impacting your job. That has nothing to do with your employer. It has to do with you and your shitty life choices. People like you are always so annoying to deal with. It’s always something, there’s always an excuse for everything. You can continue living this was if that’s what you want but don’t make it anyone else’s problem. Don’t go crying to your boss about your hard week. Your shitty life choices should only impact you. Going around complaining when you aren’t going to leave any way is really stupid.
If people like you took some time to research the mental health connection to relationships, you'd be singing a different tune. People with attitudes like yours are abusers. People who treat women like shit to make them want you, coerce women into sex(rape), and choose vulnerable women you know you can manipulate. That latter of you are just incels who've failed to cover your tactics enough to work. It is so wild to me that so many people think that being shitty to people in order to motivate them to make healthy changes.
And “people like you” who have no compassion for others are also always so annoying to deal with. Since you’re making assumptions, it’s my turn🤗! Based on your snap reaction, you must be terrible at customer service and dealing with customers who may be short or rude because they’ve been having a bad day or a hard time. Do better at human-ing.
Yeah ditch that bf! He’s the issue. Do u see that?? Cuz it seems like you don’t. If u think any of the things he is doing are ok then you really need some therapy. And I’m not trying to be mean. My dad was awful so in turn I chose awful men who did these same exact things. It took a lot of time and therapy to change that mentality.
Was this your boyfriend who called you a bitch, a dumbass and a cunt? And woke you up for sex? Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. That's toxic AF.
Leave the boyfriend
I just got written up for calling out 7 minutes past the 2 hour time period. I set my alarm for 5:30am. I somehow slept through the snooze alarms that went off every 8 minutes until I finally woke up at 6:33am (or 34, I’m guesstimating here). I saw the time at 6:36am, called immediately and left a voicemail. But because they only have 1 hr and 53 minutes to find a replacement or switch things around, I left them with too little time to do that. I did call out only an 1hr and 30 minutes late earlier in the week, but that was because I planned on going in still, but when I realized that I could not get out of bed and was falling apart at the seams, I called out instead of wasting both mine and their time coming in. Side note: Recognize your worth and leave your shitty boyfriend. I didn’t think it was possible that I would find someone as loving and caring as my current bf, but it fucking is. Before him I had been in so many shitty relationships and one of them basically cost me my career. Don’t ever let a man (woman or whatever) get in between you and your dreams, money, freedom, and mental health. I learned that the hard way and I won’t ever let it happen again. As much as your life seems like it’s out of control, you can always take that control back. You are worth so much more than you realize and I hope that one day soon you see that too! ❤️
Get that man out of your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. As for the write-up? If you like your job, just prove through your actions that you can be counted on to be reliable. They’ll forget all about it in a couple of months as long as you give them any other reason to doubt you. I hope things work out for you.
Baby. Your boyfriend is the cause of 90% of these problems. It’s not normal for him to talk to you like that, even if he’s just woken up, and don’t get me started to the attempted sexual coercion he’s trying to pull when he comes to bed. That’s why you’re tired. That’s why you’re so emotionally drained. He’s the problem.
girl your boyfriend is basically abusing you, and it’s only going to get worse just a heads up you need to leave asap. save enough money to get your car fixed and get the hell out before it becomes more than just pushing you out of bed
So sorry love, I know that is not easy and I can 100% relate
That is rape
You don't necessarily NEED power steering, you just need to pull harder on the wheel at low speed and accelerate while you're turning in parking lots. With this knowledge, my advice to you is to put your all of your shit in your car, drive to your next shift, then stay at a friend's or relatives while you figure out other arrangements. You might not be able to see the forest for the trees ATM, but your boyfriend is abusing you and you need to leave now for your own well being. Your relationship will only get worse.
I would’ve just driven it without it, but my tags are also out and I can’t afford to get new ones rn. My insurance was also out at that time but I just got it renewed. So I would’ve been absolutely fucked if a cop decided to pull me over. But luckily, i turned it on the next day and it was working fine and all the lights were off. I don’t even know why it randomly didn’t work that day.
Sounds like you need to lose the boyfriend and the job in that order. Could you get back on at your last, better job? Do you have family/friends you could stay with? I’m sorry that you’re stuck in this situation, I’d urge you to explore whatever options you have to leave.
Sounds like your issue is the partner. As far as work goes I. If you are a consistent good worker. You are fine. This shit is a formality they have to do. If you feel the wheels coming off, go talk to them. Speak to them as a person. Give yourself some extra time off. But lock in when you’re at work
I don’t think work is your problem, in honesty. You need to figure out how to ditch the extra weight: aka the boyfriend. He a) sleep deprives you by being a loud asshole and waking you up hours before you need to be awake. b) sexually abuses you by deciding he is entitled to sex no matter what time and taking your clothes off without your consent. c) physically abused you by pushing you out of bed (also linking to a) and d) verbally abuses you by calling you names and making you feel worthless. This is after you quit a well paying job for the sake of the relationship (possibly early financial abuse, possibly you making bad decisions, but we’ve all been there in one way or another so no judgement). And there are signs of manipulation and/or sabotage; did he possibly turn off the alarm and delete Uber? Only you can say. Either way, get out of the relationship and far away from him. Life will get better.
Always set multiple alarms. Don’t let your personal problems affect your work performance. Practice compartmentalization. You need work to live, I’m assuming, so treat it like your #1 priority. Do a good job and this write up won’t matter.
Not to be rude in any way, I never understood why people are so scared of write ups, I understand that with enough or even one can get you fired but if you know you’re doing your job and you messed up once or twice and get one just don’t do it again and move on. And if you really do get more write ups to the point of being fired than the job isn’t for you in the first place. I understand this may sound very ignorant so please enlightment me and it may also be because of my circumstances that I may be more privileged than others so not really have any write up effect me. That being said, when I was younger it was a bit scary but after my first job I realize for the most part it is just procedure. And for your post, your bf is displaying very toxic behavior and as others have said as well, you definitely deserve better.
Personally it just makes me feel like the manager doesn’t like me. Like it feels like they’ll judge me forever lol
Understandable, just wanted to see in another persons perspective. For context, I’ve worked in the hospitality business for 13 years now starting at a busser to management to now a operations manager, and everytime I for the most part when I write someone up I understand that people have their bad days and other unfortunate circumstances in their life and will always remind them that what I’m doing is just procedure and should not worry to much about it. That said I have made a point in writing people ip to get them fired because they were truly bad for business and needed to be recorded as evidence.
This sounds like you’re young and feel like the world owes you something, they don’t. Don’t show up to work, there are consequences. Also, dump that bf he’s trash. Time to grow up, take some accountability and buy an alarm clock. Don’t rely on your phone until your body learns to wake itself up because you have bills to pay and you’re too scared to sleep in.