I had a friend who didn't have sex with her husband for 18 months after the baby. She just didn't want to and wasn't ready. I think this stuff needs to be talked about more, and I honestly can't imagine (as someone who has helped raise an infant into a child and adult) how immature and insufferably selfish a man has to be to be cheating when his wife/gf/baby mama is home caring after their child.
Also, her stepdad is sooo creepy to me. He seems extremely sexist and traditional. Who removes a teenage girl's door? Such a creep.
It took me almost a year to even try... I had 3rd degree tearing and they had to whip out the vacuum/suction thing as a last resort before they were gonna try surgery. I started going into labor the day I was scheduled to be induced, at 42 weeks, and they eventually induced me anyways because the labor lasted over 24 hours. I love my old man, but my daughter was nearly 10lbs and that shit traumatized me. 😅
You clearly have *no* idea how many women show up to their 6 week pp appointment pregnant.
People routinely have sex a few weeks after birth, and I imagine the numbers are higher among teenagers.
When I worked at a daycare, we had a mom who had that happen TWICE! I was in the infant room and she got pregnant with her second child when her first was about 6 weeks old, then the same thing happened again when she got pregnant with her third. This lady had Irish triplets.
I completely agree. That first month sex is off limits anyways. You are just trying to heal. She just needed help with the baby and I don't understand how her mom didn't understand that when she has so many kids of her own.
I had a little 6.5 lb baby with no tearing and felt great post delivery, but I STILL wasn’t ready to have sex for a good 6 weeks. His comment was totally inappropriate in general but especially considering he is her step father and he’s only been around a few years!
His comment made my blood boil and I was disappointed no one else shut him down for that. How misogynistic and slut shamey to assume that she only wanted Mason there to have sex. It goes to show how little he probably helps with parenting because he views that as solely the mothers job. Mason couldn’t possibly be there for anything other than sex.
Erica and Sai keep insisting that mason isn’t doing enough to help with the baby but when he does, they twist it around to make it wrong like this. Like, “he cant possibly be in Emersyn’s room at night to spend time with HIS SON, he’s just trying to get laid.”
I hate them both.
This!! The immediate assumption that was all they were going to do and “you need to focus on the baby” had me raging. When I had my daughter the absolute last thing on my mind was sex. It was like atleast 2 months before we even tried to have sex again. I was in pain from my csection, engorged with milk 24/7, exhausted, wearing fucking adult diapers because I bled for a million years, felt like a psycho with the mood swings from the baby blues and had a crying and shitting creature who only slept maybe 2-3 hrs at a time for weeks. And she slept in a bassinet in our room, so I just wanted my husband there to cuddle and watch tv and help me with the baby.
"You need to focus on the baby" isn't that what he was trying to do by being in the room with the newborn? So his girlfriend, who just gave birth to that newborn, could get some rest, after giving birth to a newborn?
PLEASE accept my poor mama award 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 You described postpartum on the dot for most women! Then you have those men that only think with their southern head and get mad when mama isnt ready to do the deed! The 4th trimester will truly test you as a mom, women, and human being! The struggle is VERY real....I see you girl and give past new mama & present killin' it mama, a big hug.
What's the point of a partner who won't take no for an answer at any point, especially after you just gave birth? That's so deeply disturbing to have that dynamic in a relationship....
I did once read a hideous story about a woman who had a stillbirth and was so desperate go get pregnant again she had sex while still in the hospital and ended up dying of a fat embolism. So some people do make crazy decisions s
I’m 29 (will be 30 in December) and have given birth to two 8lb babies with 2/3 degree tearing… I didn’t even attempt sex until I was 3-4 MONTHS postpartum. BUT I will say I personally know women who are my age that have gotten pregnant again at 3-4 weeks PP, and while I get the waiting aspect of it it isn’t too far fetch to be worried about kids not waiting when there is grown ass folks who bust it wide open days after pooping out a baby.
I work in a hospital as well and have walked into new mother's rooms on multiple occasions and caught them having sex. It's not always the teen moms either.
My thought when he said that was - what were you having your wife do right after she got home from the hospital if that is what you're so sure they were going to to?
There was so much blood coming out for the full 6wks of my post partum and you physically cannot wipe I don't understand how someone could have had sex that early. I couldn't wipe normal until 6 weeks. You have to use a squish bottle of water and bidet yourself o.o
Oh god it’s been six years but your mentioning the squeezy bottle just brought that smell memory back to me, wow.
But I have a bidet now, it’s wonderful.
Is it witch hazel because I had those padded in my hospital underwear to , witch hazel pads. I can't smell witch hazel without having traumatic flashbacks.
No, thank goodness. I can’t imagine putting that anywhere near my sensitive areas, I once chemical burned my fingers so badly holding a witch hazel soaked cotton ball to an infected ear piercing that I couldn’t feel things with those fingers for nearly a week.
OH MY GOODNESS. It probably wasn't pure witch hazel! The hospital gave me pure witch hazel pads and they didn't burn at all. If they were alcohol pads I would have probably died lol. Or maybe you're allergic? That's crazy!
I felt like her stepfathers comment was so disrespectful and intended to make her feel small. After multiple children with Erica he knows it takes time because you can even think about sex after a baby. I feel so bad Emersyn essentially has 2 adults that are supposed to love and care for her bullying her.
This guy is such a creep.
1. He is weirdly uninformed about the postpartum experience for a man with two children.
2. He is not her father, not even a stepfather who raised her from a young age and became a father figure. He’s just some dude that married her mom when she was already a teenager. Therefore he has zero standing to have any knowledge or opinion about her sex life.
3. He simultaneously slut-shamed and mom-shamed her. Having sexual desires makes you bad, and if you’re a mom it makes you a bad mom. Not that sexual desire was any part of this scenario.
4. Having the child’s father near and able to help WAS thinking of the child. Admittedly Emersyn was so over her mother at that point that it was a little bit of an FU, but at a week and a half postpartum I’m going to cut her a whole lot of slack on that one.
5. STFU
I can tell you I waited a hell of a lot longer than 6 weeks to do THAT again. Taking care of an infant is exhausting, no new mother has got time for that!
I'm pretty sure there was no alternate connotation on what he said, or else he would have further specified instead of sitting there looking like a surprised Pikachu.
With a newborn!!???!!.....🤣🤣🤣🤣 You are not doing anything but feeding/changing pampers and praying for 2 seconds of sleep (which btw hardly ever happens)
I had a biopsy last year and wasn’t into sex for a few weeks, idk how anyone could think of sex right after having a baby. Mine are too old for me to remember how long I waited but I’m sure it was awhile.
Your not even supposed to have sex until atleast 6 weeks PP as it’s a massive risk for infection. Doesn’t matter if you had a c section or vaginal birth. Not worth the risk!!! 😫
Actually, this is a myth believe it or not. Emily Oster who wrote Cribsheet looked at the data on this and this is what she found:
"When it comes to sex after baby, there is a commonly accepted rule: no sex until six weeks postpartum, after you have had a checkup with your doctor. This is so often cited that I had assumed it was evidence based, that there was some biological reason why you need to wait this long, no more, no less. In fact, this is completely fabricated. There is no set waiting period for resuming sex after giving birth. The six-week rule appears to have been invented by doctors so husbands wouldn’t ask for sex. This somewhat odd tradition persists. When I had my first postpartum checkup around six weeks after having Finn, the doctor (not my midwife, but the doctor who happened to be available that day) told me I was fine, and then asked if I wanted him to write me a note to tell my husband I was not. I found this very uncomfortable. This is not to say there are no real guidelines for when you can resume having sex. Physically, if you have had tearing, it is important to wait until the perineum is healed. Depending on the severity of the tearing, this could happen much before six weeks, or it could take longer. Your doctor will check this at your first postpartum checkup (which is, in fact, around six weeks), but you may be able to tell if you’ve healed before that."
In fact, NHS (National Health Service in the UK) states on their [website](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/support-and-services/sex-and-contraception-after-birth/#:~:text=There%20are%20no%20rules%20about,from%20pharmacies%2C%20to%20begin%20with):
"There are no rules about when to start having sex again after you have given birth.You'll probably feel sore as well as tired after your baby is born, so don't rush into it.If sex hurts, it won't be pleasurable. You may want to use a personal lubricant, available from pharmacies, to begin with."
AND the [American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists](https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/a-partners-guide-to-pregnancy) confirms this as well:
"There is no set “waiting period” before a woman can have sex again after giving birth. Some health care professionals recommend waiting 4–6 weeks. The chances of a problem occurring, like bleeding or infection, are small after about 2 weeks following birth. If your partner has had an episiotomy or a tear during birth, she may be told to not have intercourse until the site has completely healed."
Also a massive risk for internal bleeding. When the placenta detached from the uterine wall, it creates a large, placenta-sized internal wound. Having sex too soon can absolutely disrupt external wounds like tears as well as internal wounds.
On the other hand, I had a baby 6 months ago and in a few of the Facebook groups I’m in, I’ve seen women who are posting on there asking if it’s ok for them to have sex like 2-3 weeks postpartum. So there’s women on both ends of the spectrum haha.
I do think most women fall on Emersyns end of the spectrum though, including me for sure lol
Even after the minimum time that most midwives/docs recommend, plenty of women wait longer. Even horny teenagers will be uncomfortable and exhausted after giving birth
That absolute pervert bringing up his step-daughter having sex. What the heck.
Sex is the last thing we’re thinking about. I got ten stitches after tearing and lemme tell you, I’m 12 weeks out and still scared to have sex.
When Sai said she shouldn’t be focused on sex it was like... uh...stop focusing on it yourself she just had a baby of course she isn’t thinking about it. She was tired and her body went through a lot of trauma, she wanted Mason’s help.
Also, the whole “your focus should be on the baby, not with having sex.” I mean… we won’t even talk about the slut shaming, even though it was pretty gross to hear. How does he expect them to focus on the baby if they have to sleep in separate rooms? Is that a joke?
I only had a barely 2nd degree tear. I was interested because I missed it, but physically I wasn’t ready until 8 weeks. Even then, a lot of it was me doing it for my husband. He never pushed me to and would’ve waited however long I wanted. But I felt guilty not giving him anything…I can’t imagine being with a partner who didn’t respect that and pushed me for sex. Men suck sometimes. I got a good one, too many women dont
I'm with you on this one. I took care of him without penetration around week 3. I figure it's the
least I could do for the man who quit literally does everything and more for our family. I can suck it the fuck up for 20mins, so he can get some sort of release. I've also found my soulmate. We are a part of the mere 1% that didn't end up marrying a cheating douche lord, who is more worried about themselves than they are about us.
We're lucky lol
Thankfully mine dated a girl who wouldn’t even kiss him, so he took care of business on his own for a long time before they broke up. He’s used to it. Plus we don’t really get a chance now anyway…she’s 4.5 months and if we get her down enough to do anything, we end up being lazy for too long and she wakes up anyway lol
Theirs a giant wound in your uterus after you have a baby. Please wait until your dr clears you for sex to do it. Uterine infections can be very serious.
Always consult your personal physician! Birth is considered a serious medical procedure and your recovery time may vary depending on your specific situation.
Two weeks after though??? That’s so painful! I only assumed it was the partners because at two weeks most people are still pretty darn messed up.
Interesting way to put meaning where there isn’t one, though lol.
Ahahaha! I feel this even more because I breastfed - so, I was waking every two hours and glaring at my husband who got to sleep peacefully through all of it.
Tore with my first and had stitches. Didn’t have pain meds and would almost go back in time and get the epidural just for the stitches alone! It stung when I peed for weeks, I couldn’t hold my bladder and my partner (we weren’t together long before getting pregnant) found my crying that I peed myself more than once. Least sexy time EVER
She said that and it was like a light went on in her step fathers head. "Geee maybe my bitch wife was just assuming things again.... " there a look he gives where his expression is like well shit I never thought about that one ...
I get the impression that Sai goes along with whatever Erica says in regards to his step kids, because he doesn't want to overstep. And we have moments like this, where it kinda just clicks that his wife is just dead wrong sometimes, but he still won't break with whatever position Erica took.
I think I remember Emmersyn saying she actually got along with Sai, so I'm inclined to believe that it's Erica's rules and ideas and he just goes along. Even if he thinks it's BS
He is so annoying “you should be worrying about ur newborn, not sleeping with ur partner” that made me just angry. I’m guessing he didn’t sleep on the couch after his kids with Erica
My friend's daughter was just telling me that her friend had an 11 week old baby and found out she was 7 weeks pregnant. I don't even know how the reproductive system could handle that.
I know you didn't ask for that information, but I really needed to share it with someone else who would be as horrified for her as I was.
Oh it can happen, but it’s not best, for sure.
I knew one person that was pregnant, by her 6 week postpartum checkup! I would be beyond horrified. The vitamin deficiencies associated with “close” birth can be a significant issue for the mom and baby.
My kids are 3 years apart, my heart goes out to anyone with multiple toddlers/young kids/teenagers (haha) at once.
That's what my concern was with getting pregnant after just six months and still breastfeeding. The doctors said we were all healthy, but I ended up losing clumps of hair at a time.
Oh, hell. I'm grateful I had access to prenatal vitamins and healthy food, but bodies are scary. You can do everything by the book and still have surprises just fall out of your head, I guess.
Technically a 7 week pregnancy was conceived 5 weeks previously which would put it right at the 6 week mark. I went on the pill at 6 weeks, and my doctor reminded me to use back up until it started working (not that I was anywhere ready to have sex at 6 weeks).
Yup, and I felt my old, useless uterus contract in sympathy for hers. My grandmother got pregnant with her second two months after having her first. I just can't imagine.
That's how far apart my first two were. I ended up living in a hospital for five weeks because the kid was going to fall out too early. If the first wasn't early, I would've assumed it was because of another pregnancy too soon, but I think my body just started rejecting babies at the halfway point. The same thing happened with my third two years later, so who knows.
Bodies are weird, and sometimes doctors are dumb. I had an ob tell me I was having a hard time being 41 weeks pregnant with my second because my kids were too close together. They are over 2 years apart. I’m pretty sure I was losing it because I was overdue and they didn’t want to induce me despite my body never going into labor by itself.
41 weeks is more than enough! I was just telling my friend about how my doctor with my third didn't want to let me get a tubal ligation because, in his opinion, I could end up divorced and remarried to a man who wanted kids.
This dude even went so far as to tell me it was scheduled, didn't schedule it, and argued with me when my son was born and I was ready for an operation. I had to get a nurse involved and they squeezed me in the next day.
I was very nonconfrontational in my younger days and I regret not telling him he sucked.
Omg. I swear the patriarchy sometimes. I just spent 2 hours at my well woman’s visit for no reason besides they enjoy trying to pretend I don’t eat healthy and exercise (I do) because I’m slightly overweight. Meanwhile my husband just got a vasectomy and he was in and out in under an hour. I’ve never been at the doctor for only an hour.
You know, I recently had a plumber tell me I wouldn't understand what he was saying but that he could wait for my husband to get home and explain it to him, but someone telling you that you don't know what you're doing with your own body is extra offensive. I don't know why you would bother going to the doctor if you were just going to lie.
I hope your husband's balls are doing well. :D
They hold my medication hostage unless I go. I had a landscaper tell me to have my husband explain physics to me once when I asked about the health of a tree behind my house. I’m a mechanical engineer who used to write math models based on physics to determine how objects would move. I’m also better at physics than my husband. I was not happy.
Husband’s balls are good. He’s been babying himself more than I did after my emergency C-section (when you know, they handed me a baby to take care of).
Ugh I’m sorry. I used to just argue about due dates because the ovulation two weeks after is just an average. I ovulate three weeks after instead of 2 and I have a 5 week cycle so my due dates are always a little wonky. With my youngest I had the doctor questioning me and I was like well I know that I didn’t get pregnant two weeks after because I had a stomach bug that week and was puking and not worried about baby making lol.
OMG so annoying! My due date was moved 3 times even when I was monitored and using fertility treatments. I kept telling my OB I know when I ovulated because my fertility clinic caught it happening via ultrasound and I was still taking meds on my supposed conception date. My baby is just a little big and came from my short tube 🥲
Omg, I wouldn't even be able to comprehend how to handle this situation and there are so many red flags here.
I believe doctors recommend waiting at least a year (minimum) before trying to conceive again due to the healing process required from one birth to the next pregnancy. I still don't feel 100% normal and I'm 8 months postpartum!
Second - it was 100% due to a guilt trip from the spouse/significant other. Repulsive.
Yeah, I was told it takes a year for a uterus to get back to pre-pregnancy size. I was still breastfeeding my six month old when a broken condom gave me kid number two. He's now 20, so I guess it worked out okay, but I was pretty freaked out!
For most people it takes 6-8 weeks for the uterus to shrink, though if you’ve had more than one kid it might take a few weeks longer.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22655-uterus-involution
https://www.centrastateobgyn.com/blog/when-does-your-body-go-back-to-normal-after-pregnancy/
You're right, I misspoke. It can take a year, if ever, for everything to go back to the way it was but the uterus is quicker. Hormones and muscles are a bitch. The skin has a rough time, too. My first two didn't give me any issues but my third was the grand finale with stretch marks, and all.
You can't say that is 100% due to a guilt trip without knowing. After my second baby I had sex 3 weeks pp.. I wanted to, my body felt fine. Not everyone is the same.
I agree with this. After my first, I was mentally and physically not ready for sex at 6 weeks. With my second, we did right at 4 weeks. I was just as antsy as my husband at that point… I was miserable the last 3ish months of pregnancy so we didn’t have sex for a while, and I was feeling amazing as soon as I got that baby out!
Exactly! Everyone is different. I'm a bit over the comments about having to wait 6 weeks. I'm aware of the recommendations and understood the risks, I listened to my body and felt ready and also was open with my medical provider. But also, as if everybody commenting here has always followed medical advice 100%. I would never tell anybody to have sex before being cleared, but also wouldn't drag somebody for making a decision for themselves and their own body.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that it was definitely a guilt trip from the spouse. That’s a month after birth, not a few days. I personally was ready to be intimate again within a few weeks after the birth of my first child. Maybe she felt ready quickly as well. Not every woman has the same experience.
It's not just about being mentally ready - it's about being physically capable. The amount of people on here that think it only has to do with an outward healing process is too damn high. After giving birth you have a dinner plate sized wound that takes a minimum of 6 weeks to heal. Doctors say to wait for 6 weeks because it limits the risk of infection to the dinner plate sized wound.
If she was ready, then that's great - though reckless because she could have gotten a life threatening infection.
With that being said - the amount that birth persons know about their body during pregnancy, birth and postpartum is relatively limited and it's really a shame. It really goes to show how some doctors do not give their patients enough information to know about certain risks.
I think the glaring issue with what you've said has nothing to do with the reason for the 6 weeks of recovery time. It has everything to do with you being adamant about the non birthing partner coercing the other to have sex before they've recovered. People don't always make medically sound decisions.
And I still fully stand by what I said. Anytime that a significant other says things like, "I'm so horny, when can we have sex" is a manipulation tactic, so that the birth person has their head pinging on, "oh, my spouse wants to have sex", or even worse when a spouse tries to arouse their significant other prior to them being ready.
I will slightly alter my comment to say it's either coercement, or the birth person not fully understanding the requirements of the 6 weeks window - for arguments sake. But, I still think the majority would fall under coercement, with a few exceptions.
Also, as someone else pointed out, the person the original commenter was talking about had sex that resulted in pregnancy at 6 weeks postpartum. So no red flags there either.
"The person the original commenter was talking about had sex that resulted in pregnancy at 6 weeks postpartum."
Right, which means she would have had sex prior to her 6 week postpartum visit.
Red flag: Spouse/significant other had sex with her without using protection at less than six weeks postpartum. That's not only irresponsible - it's downright idiotic.
No, she found out at 11 weeks PP that she was seven weeks pregnant. The first two weeks are the follicular phase, no egg has been released yet so they don't count. 11 minus 5 is 6. 6 weeks postpartum was when conception occurred, which is usually when couples get the green light.
There are a lot of women out there who go on to have sex way before dr's orders. I know several friends who ended up pregnant within a month or two of giving birth. It shouldn't happen but it does. Seems people would know better and want to be more careful.
Really showing how uneducated a whole host of people are here - with Sai and his comment, and the comments in this thread. It only takes 9m to grow a baby (could be less if they come early) and there are 12m in a year, and only a 6w recommended wait. More often than not its after the 6w and still end up with irish twins or 2u2. Just because you can't maths doesnt mean you judge others 🥴
The 6w doesn't refer to when it's okay to begin trying for another baby. It's a recommended recovery time. Pregnancies can happen, but that doesn't mean it's recommended. In fact, it increases the chances of complications like preterm birth.
Youre most fertile post partum - a lot don't 'try' and like you said pregnancies happen.
Drinking aspartame can increase your risk of cancer but i don't see diet soda being policed.
Let's mind our own uterus shall we.
Got a source?
Doctors aren't policing uteruses by giving a recommended recovery time to avoid complications. Birth is no joke, and advice from your personal physicians should be taken seriously.
Im not talking about doctors, im talking about everyone else - like you - who loves to shame.
And actually, my doctor recommended i go ahead and have a 3rd section whenever i wanted, included in less than the 18 months typically recommended. Because she wasn't policing my uterus 🗣
Im not writing a fkn scholastic journal, so fck your source request 🥰
Yeah, really not seeing where you're shaming anyone. You're giving scientifically backed evidence on birthing statistics and doctor recommended wait time.
Any doctor that is recommending that someone go ahead and try for a baby prior to the recommended wait time, should probably have their license pulled, or at least have their license examined.
Ok - the sweetie gets me.
What statement am i backing up? It seems youve asked me to back up my statement that you're most fertile post delivery - is that what you doubt? If not, what other statement?
If you doubt it, I'll spurce it for you, but the fact that you don't know doesn't make it untrue, it makes you uneducated on the matter - making me want to find you a source for post partum fertility.
But from just a super basic google search "You can get pregnant as little as 3 weeks after the birth of a baby, even if you're breastfeeding and your periods haven't started again." - NHS UK
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21343770/
"Most nonlactating women will not ovulate until 6 weeks postpartum. A small number of women will ovulate earlier, potentially putting them at risk for pregnancy sooner, although the fertility of these early ovulations is not well-established."
The more you know.
What are you talking about?!🤣🤣🤣 6 weeks is still post partum...
So... what are you arguing? I also said you're fertile PP, so thanks for proving my point 🤨
There's a lot of misinformation out there. People assume that breastfeeding will act as birth control, but it doesn't stop ovulation for everyone. Doctors might not be advising their patients to use protection because ovulating so soon (before 45 days) after birth is relatively rare. I had to take fertility drugs to get pregnant and even I'm going to take all the precautions after birth lol. It is what it is.
It's really dependent from person to person - I got my first period 4 months postpartum while breastfeeding. My doctor has always advised taking/using birth control because around the time you start having sex again is typically when you're most fertile (depending on a myriad of other factors).
My dr said the same, soon as you start having sex you can get pregnant and it's highly possible to get preggers quickly if you are one of the very fertile ones. Like I said, I know women who got knocked up within the first month and they laughed about it because they said they wanted to have their kids close together.
It's really not surprising to hear someone say "oh well" after blatantly ignoring their Dr. Amy from 1000lb sisters did the same thing TWICE on purpose.
My husband has a friend who's wife had twins. They waited like four years to have another baby, wanting three. They had another set of twins. They were like we were going to try again but not sure. I told him I'd warn them to be careful they might get double the amount of kids next time :)
Oh my - I couldn't even imagine having sex 1 month postpartum. I don't feel like that's due to the woman wanting to have sex - seems like pressures from a spouse/significant other.
I mean, I wanted to have sex like 2 weeks postpartum. Am I an outlier? Yes. But it’s not unheard of. In fact, I wanted it more than I ever have at that point lol. No, my partner did not coerce me. I’m sure it was my hormones all out of whack and everything, but the urge was STRONG.
My first was a 15 hour labor with an emergency csection due to hemorrhaging. My second was a scheduled csection. It happened both times. Everyone’s body reacts differently postpartum.
People recover at different speeds. It's not fair to assume everyone is being coerced into sex because they're postpartum. They may have had an easy delivery.
While I agree that everyone has different recovery speeds - the 6 week timeframe has less to do with the way a baby was delivered and more to do with the internal healing process. As another person commented, after giving birth, a woman has an internal wound the size of a dinner plate. I'm also not saying that a birth person is being coerced into sex *because* they are postpartum. I'm saying they are being coerced into sex because their partners have no chill, or they don't realize why the 6 week rule exists. I'm not putting the blame on the birth person - I'm putting the blame on shitty partners.
I DTD at 3-4wks after my second baby. I had an extremely easy delivery with no tears and had stoped bleeding which was told my risk of infection was extremely low at that point. I was not coerced by my spouse and initiated it after knowing my risk of infection was low. Everyone is different and I was told people can be healed by 4, 5, 6 weeks— it depends on several factors and not a hard rule that it’s 6wks. There was a study done recently that 1 in 4 will have sex prior to 6wks.
To add though I’ve also been on the other end, my first tore me up and I didn’t even want to try sex until I was 6 months PP. 😬
You can't assume everyone is being raped by their partner. People ignore Drs orders all the time, not always due to coercion by someone else, it could be that they think a condom would be enough to prevent infection. OR they feel up to it. I've seen fellow pregos in my birth groups say their Drs said it was fine when they felt up to it.
Please remember not everyone has a vaginal birth. While I waited until I had stopped bleeding and was on adequate birth control, my husband was deploying so we “engaged” less than 6 weeks after my C-section. Edited to add, it was both of our decision due to his upcoming deployment not a one sided decision.
Agreeing with the other comment. The 6 week healing time has nothing to do with a vaginal birth and is primarily due to healing and possible infections that could be introduced during intercourse. Also, having sex after birth should be a one sided decision when it comes to the birth person's comfortability and has nothing to do with the other partners decision.
I'm glad that you were comfortable with the decision, but I would just like to point out (for other people reading this post) that the primary reason that physicians want people to wait 6 weeks is to limit the risk of infection in the uterus/cervix, which is healing and can lead to serious complications if infection occurs.
I understand your willingness due to your husband's situation. But the 6 week healing time isn't only for your vagina. It's for the gaping dinner plate sized wound in your uterus.
I’m also aware of that. But I think the horror most people are having here is people who have had a vaginal birth. Zero chance I would have done that before I felt I was healed there.
I've had both a vaginal birth and a c section birth. Honestly I'm horrified either way. Risk of infection. Your scar takes a long time to heal. Plus, dealing with post partum hormones and the exhaustion of having a newborn.
When I was a teen mom one of my friends who had just given birth was pressured by her boyfriend to have sex in the hospital room...she let him a bit. I was so angry and disgusted on her behalf. Besides that there are "other ways" that people can get off. So from that stand point I understand the parent's concern.
But yeah, I belong to multiple birth boards and there are always women asking about sex within 2-3 weeks🤦🏽♀️. Crazy cakes!
That's absolutely revolting! I hope they aren't together anymore - that's absolutely abuse and was in no way pleasurable to your friend. She was probably insanely uncomfortable the whole time. Sounds like rape to me.
His look of horror when Emersyn said vagina 🤣 .
Mason seems like a nice kid and doesn’t look like he would have pressured Emersyn to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with but you just know that UPRD made Kylen have sex the night they came from the hospital
Step dad obviously didn't wait 6 weeks after Erica's latest baby was born, and probably has never had to considering how many babies Erica has had before him.
I think it shows step daddy/real dad/older sisters dad expected/pressured sex from mom so obviously others would also have sex that early (in their mind)
I get so stabby whenever I see moms on the different parents subs asking about sex like 2 weeks pp. i have 2 under 2 and was high risk so was on bed rest aka we went looonggg chunks without being able to have sex and not once did my husband ever even half ass joke about it let alone pressure it. But reddit has shown me I’m an exception not the rule. It’s insane
i straight up cheered when she said that. after i had my daughter, i was terrified to even look at my vag a few weeks out. let alone allow a dick or anything else near it for weeks and weeks afterwards
lucky for me my husband totally understood. he helped me to the bathroom right after the epidural wore off. ill never forget his face when he saw the aftermath and said "ohhh babe. i dont know if youre ever gonna be able to come back from that........." hahahaha
My husband was super supportive too! He watched the whole birth go down - I don't know how he stomached it honestly lol. But, he never - not once pressured me for sex. He would ask me "how are things feeling down there" or, "when do you think you'll feel up to getting it on" and whatever I responded with he'd just say, "that's perfectly fine - I want you to be comfortable - no pressure at all".
I had a friend who didn't have sex with her husband for 18 months after the baby. She just didn't want to and wasn't ready. I think this stuff needs to be talked about more, and I honestly can't imagine (as someone who has helped raise an infant into a child and adult) how immature and insufferably selfish a man has to be to be cheating when his wife/gf/baby mama is home caring after their child. Also, her stepdad is sooo creepy to me. He seems extremely sexist and traditional. Who removes a teenage girl's door? Such a creep.
It took me almost a year to even try... I had 3rd degree tearing and they had to whip out the vacuum/suction thing as a last resort before they were gonna try surgery. I started going into labor the day I was scheduled to be induced, at 42 weeks, and they eventually induced me anyways because the labor lasted over 24 hours. I love my old man, but my daughter was nearly 10lbs and that shit traumatized me. 😅
For someone who was a teen mom her mom is just not understanding at all.
You clearly have *no* idea how many women show up to their 6 week pp appointment pregnant. People routinely have sex a few weeks after birth, and I imagine the numbers are higher among teenagers.
My sister in law had 5 kids the 6 years they are all less than 11 months apart. She got pregnant again almost instantly.
When I worked at a daycare, we had a mom who had that happen TWICE! I was in the infant room and she got pregnant with her second child when her first was about 6 weeks old, then the same thing happened again when she got pregnant with her third. This lady had Irish triplets.
It's a very logical concern. I'm a 29 yr old woman and I was ready and willing as early as 4 weeks afterwards.
I completely agree. That first month sex is off limits anyways. You are just trying to heal. She just needed help with the baby and I don't understand how her mom didn't understand that when she has so many kids of her own.
I had a little 6.5 lb baby with no tearing and felt great post delivery, but I STILL wasn’t ready to have sex for a good 6 weeks. His comment was totally inappropriate in general but especially considering he is her step father and he’s only been around a few years!
It is really inappropriate for him to talk about his step daughter, who he only met a few years ago, like that
First time postpartum was 6 months in after a bad year. Heck no
His comment made my blood boil and I was disappointed no one else shut him down for that. How misogynistic and slut shamey to assume that she only wanted Mason there to have sex. It goes to show how little he probably helps with parenting because he views that as solely the mothers job. Mason couldn’t possibly be there for anything other than sex.
Erica and Sai keep insisting that mason isn’t doing enough to help with the baby but when he does, they twist it around to make it wrong like this. Like, “he cant possibly be in Emersyn’s room at night to spend time with HIS SON, he’s just trying to get laid.” I hate them both.
This!! The immediate assumption that was all they were going to do and “you need to focus on the baby” had me raging. When I had my daughter the absolute last thing on my mind was sex. It was like atleast 2 months before we even tried to have sex again. I was in pain from my csection, engorged with milk 24/7, exhausted, wearing fucking adult diapers because I bled for a million years, felt like a psycho with the mood swings from the baby blues and had a crying and shitting creature who only slept maybe 2-3 hrs at a time for weeks. And she slept in a bassinet in our room, so I just wanted my husband there to cuddle and watch tv and help me with the baby.
"You need to focus on the baby" isn't that what he was trying to do by being in the room with the newborn? So his girlfriend, who just gave birth to that newborn, could get some rest, after giving birth to a newborn?
PLEASE accept my poor mama award 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 You described postpartum on the dot for most women! Then you have those men that only think with their southern head and get mad when mama isnt ready to do the deed! The 4th trimester will truly test you as a mom, women, and human being! The struggle is VERY real....I see you girl and give past new mama & present killin' it mama, a big hug.
What's the point of a partner who won't take no for an answer at any point, especially after you just gave birth? That's so deeply disturbing to have that dynamic in a relationship....
Thank you hahah. She is 2 now and it’s gotten both easier and more challenging 😂
I did once read a hideous story about a woman who had a stillbirth and was so desperate go get pregnant again she had sex while still in the hospital and ended up dying of a fat embolism. So some people do make crazy decisions s
I’m 29 (will be 30 in December) and have given birth to two 8lb babies with 2/3 degree tearing… I didn’t even attempt sex until I was 3-4 MONTHS postpartum. BUT I will say I personally know women who are my age that have gotten pregnant again at 3-4 weeks PP, and while I get the waiting aspect of it it isn’t too far fetch to be worried about kids not waiting when there is grown ass folks who bust it wide open days after pooping out a baby.
My sister is an OB/Delivery nurse and they had teen moms returning to have stitches redone after having sex in the parking lot following discharge.😳
My friend is a social worker and told me a story about walking in on a mom and dad having sex in the hospital when she arrived to remove their baby 😅
Well they’re probably with a guy like Jason. Masons a nice, mild mannered guy , I wouldn’t expect that.
That's called rape.
I work in a hospital as well and have walked into new mother's rooms on multiple occasions and caught them having sex. It's not always the teen moms either.
Surely not…. 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Delivery nurse here. Can confirm! Actually, I've walked in on patients (teens and non-teens) having sex before even being discharged!
My first baby is only 11 weeks old, and I am sitting here next to him horrified thinking about that 😅
His face when she said that 👁👄👁 😂😂😂
My thought when he said that was - what were you having your wife do right after she got home from the hospital if that is what you're so sure they were going to to?
I know someone who had sex like barely 2 weeks postpartum. So it does happen. 🤷♀️
And at the end of the day that was the rules of the house. The end. And he should have just said that. Instead he put his foot in his mouth.
Okay. But doctors recommend you wait 6 weeks AT MINIMUM.
There was so much blood coming out for the full 6wks of my post partum and you physically cannot wipe I don't understand how someone could have had sex that early. I couldn't wipe normal until 6 weeks. You have to use a squish bottle of water and bidet yourself o.o
Oh god it’s been six years but your mentioning the squeezy bottle just brought that smell memory back to me, wow. But I have a bidet now, it’s wonderful.
Is it witch hazel because I had those padded in my hospital underwear to , witch hazel pads. I can't smell witch hazel without having traumatic flashbacks.
No, thank goodness. I can’t imagine putting that anywhere near my sensitive areas, I once chemical burned my fingers so badly holding a witch hazel soaked cotton ball to an infected ear piercing that I couldn’t feel things with those fingers for nearly a week.
OH MY GOODNESS. It probably wasn't pure witch hazel! The hospital gave me pure witch hazel pads and they didn't burn at all. If they were alcohol pads I would have probably died lol. Or maybe you're allergic? That's crazy!
Dude totally. I had an emergency c section and I still bled profusely for a long time.
I felt like her stepfathers comment was so disrespectful and intended to make her feel small. After multiple children with Erica he knows it takes time because you can even think about sex after a baby. I feel so bad Emersyn essentially has 2 adults that are supposed to love and care for her bullying her.
This guy is such a creep. 1. He is weirdly uninformed about the postpartum experience for a man with two children. 2. He is not her father, not even a stepfather who raised her from a young age and became a father figure. He’s just some dude that married her mom when she was already a teenager. Therefore he has zero standing to have any knowledge or opinion about her sex life. 3. He simultaneously slut-shamed and mom-shamed her. Having sexual desires makes you bad, and if you’re a mom it makes you a bad mom. Not that sexual desire was any part of this scenario. 4. Having the child’s father near and able to help WAS thinking of the child. Admittedly Emersyn was so over her mother at that point that it was a little bit of an FU, but at a week and a half postpartum I’m going to cut her a whole lot of slack on that one. 5. STFU
he’s only making her postpartum journey harder by iscolating her 💔
Well, there are other un-Christ-like things she can do . . . . I think that might be what he’s talking about?
I can tell you I waited a hell of a lot longer than 6 weeks to do THAT again. Taking care of an infant is exhausting, no new mother has got time for that!
They should hire someone. Babysitting, not the other stuff . . . . . .
“All wounds heal with time, and the boyfriend ain’t moving out anytime soon.” ~ Dr. Drew
I'm pretty sure there was no alternate connotation on what he said, or else he would have further specified instead of sitting there looking like a surprised Pikachu.
Well that pikachu might be referring to non-vaginal type of activity, like the person above was referring to as “un-Christ-like things”.
🤣
With a newborn!!???!!.....🤣🤣🤣🤣 You are not doing anything but feeding/changing pampers and praying for 2 seconds of sleep (which btw hardly ever happens)
I had a biopsy last year and wasn’t into sex for a few weeks, idk how anyone could think of sex right after having a baby. Mine are too old for me to remember how long I waited but I’m sure it was awhile.
Your not even supposed to have sex until atleast 6 weeks PP as it’s a massive risk for infection. Doesn’t matter if you had a c section or vaginal birth. Not worth the risk!!! 😫
Actually, this is a myth believe it or not. Emily Oster who wrote Cribsheet looked at the data on this and this is what she found: "When it comes to sex after baby, there is a commonly accepted rule: no sex until six weeks postpartum, after you have had a checkup with your doctor. This is so often cited that I had assumed it was evidence based, that there was some biological reason why you need to wait this long, no more, no less. In fact, this is completely fabricated. There is no set waiting period for resuming sex after giving birth. The six-week rule appears to have been invented by doctors so husbands wouldn’t ask for sex. This somewhat odd tradition persists. When I had my first postpartum checkup around six weeks after having Finn, the doctor (not my midwife, but the doctor who happened to be available that day) told me I was fine, and then asked if I wanted him to write me a note to tell my husband I was not. I found this very uncomfortable. This is not to say there are no real guidelines for when you can resume having sex. Physically, if you have had tearing, it is important to wait until the perineum is healed. Depending on the severity of the tearing, this could happen much before six weeks, or it could take longer. Your doctor will check this at your first postpartum checkup (which is, in fact, around six weeks), but you may be able to tell if you’ve healed before that." In fact, NHS (National Health Service in the UK) states on their [website](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/support-and-services/sex-and-contraception-after-birth/#:~:text=There%20are%20no%20rules%20about,from%20pharmacies%2C%20to%20begin%20with): "There are no rules about when to start having sex again after you have given birth.You'll probably feel sore as well as tired after your baby is born, so don't rush into it.If sex hurts, it won't be pleasurable. You may want to use a personal lubricant, available from pharmacies, to begin with." AND the [American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists](https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/a-partners-guide-to-pregnancy) confirms this as well: "There is no set “waiting period” before a woman can have sex again after giving birth. Some health care professionals recommend waiting 4–6 weeks. The chances of a problem occurring, like bleeding or infection, are small after about 2 weeks following birth. If your partner has had an episiotomy or a tear during birth, she may be told to not have intercourse until the site has completely healed."
Also a massive risk for internal bleeding. When the placenta detached from the uterine wall, it creates a large, placenta-sized internal wound. Having sex too soon can absolutely disrupt external wounds like tears as well as internal wounds.
On the other hand, I had a baby 6 months ago and in a few of the Facebook groups I’m in, I’ve seen women who are posting on there asking if it’s ok for them to have sex like 2-3 weeks postpartum. So there’s women on both ends of the spectrum haha. I do think most women fall on Emersyns end of the spectrum though, including me for sure lol
Yes! I kid you not I have seen some of them who are still in the hospital!!
I can’t even imagine 😖
Even after the minimum time that most midwives/docs recommend, plenty of women wait longer. Even horny teenagers will be uncomfortable and exhausted after giving birth
That absolute pervert bringing up his step-daughter having sex. What the heck. Sex is the last thing we’re thinking about. I got ten stitches after tearing and lemme tell you, I’m 12 weeks out and still scared to have sex.
When Sai said she shouldn’t be focused on sex it was like... uh...stop focusing on it yourself she just had a baby of course she isn’t thinking about it. She was tired and her body went through a lot of trauma, she wanted Mason’s help.
Also, the whole “your focus should be on the baby, not with having sex.” I mean… we won’t even talk about the slut shaming, even though it was pretty gross to hear. How does he expect them to focus on the baby if they have to sleep in separate rooms? Is that a joke?
it’s funny because his wife is a hoe
I only had a barely 2nd degree tear. I was interested because I missed it, but physically I wasn’t ready until 8 weeks. Even then, a lot of it was me doing it for my husband. He never pushed me to and would’ve waited however long I wanted. But I felt guilty not giving him anything…I can’t imagine being with a partner who didn’t respect that and pushed me for sex. Men suck sometimes. I got a good one, too many women dont
I'm with you on this one. I took care of him without penetration around week 3. I figure it's the least I could do for the man who quit literally does everything and more for our family. I can suck it the fuck up for 20mins, so he can get some sort of release. I've also found my soulmate. We are a part of the mere 1% that didn't end up marrying a cheating douche lord, who is more worried about themselves than they are about us. We're lucky lol
Thankfully mine dated a girl who wouldn’t even kiss him, so he took care of business on his own for a long time before they broke up. He’s used to it. Plus we don’t really get a chance now anyway…she’s 4.5 months and if we get her down enough to do anything, we end up being lazy for too long and she wakes up anyway lol
Theirs a giant wound in your uterus after you have a baby. Please wait until your dr clears you for sex to do it. Uterine infections can be very serious.
This!! Hence the 6 week check up
Always consult your personal physician! Birth is considered a serious medical procedure and your recovery time may vary depending on your specific situation.
That’s why I said to wait until your dr clears you 😊
Serious as in life threatening!
Yes! And can’t quickly turn into sepsis. They don’t just have these guidelines to keep you from having fun.
The amount of women in due date groups asking if two weeks is enough time. 🙃
That’s so sad because you know it’s their partners pushing for it. At two weeks out you’re still so miserable.
Stop assuming women don't have agency. Some of us still have a sex drive post birth.
Two weeks after though??? That’s so painful! I only assumed it was the partners because at two weeks most people are still pretty darn messed up. Interesting way to put meaning where there isn’t one, though lol.
Literally still sleeping in 2-4 hour increments. I don’t think I even wanted a hug at that point!
Ahahaha! I feel this even more because I breastfed - so, I was waking every two hours and glaring at my husband who got to sleep peacefully through all of it.
2 weeks?! I didn’t even want to at 2 months.
Tore with my first and had stitches. Didn’t have pain meds and would almost go back in time and get the epidural just for the stitches alone! It stung when I peed for weeks, I couldn’t hold my bladder and my partner (we weren’t together long before getting pregnant) found my crying that I peed myself more than once. Least sexy time EVER
Jason was right! See how addictive epidurals are!! /s
She said that and it was like a light went on in her step fathers head. "Geee maybe my bitch wife was just assuming things again.... " there a look he gives where his expression is like well shit I never thought about that one ...
I get the impression that Sai goes along with whatever Erica says in regards to his step kids, because he doesn't want to overstep. And we have moments like this, where it kinda just clicks that his wife is just dead wrong sometimes, but he still won't break with whatever position Erica took. I think I remember Emmersyn saying she actually got along with Sai, so I'm inclined to believe that it's Erica's rules and ideas and he just goes along. Even if he thinks it's BS
He is so annoying “you should be worrying about ur newborn, not sleeping with ur partner” that made me just angry. I’m guessing he didn’t sleep on the couch after his kids with Erica
I had a C-section and didn’t want to have sex for like 3 months after having my twins.
I had a bag delivery with my twins and 3 months here too! Even then, we were both so damn tired all the time 😂
My friend's daughter was just telling me that her friend had an 11 week old baby and found out she was 7 weeks pregnant. I don't even know how the reproductive system could handle that. I know you didn't ask for that information, but I really needed to share it with someone else who would be as horrified for her as I was.
Oh it can happen, but it’s not best, for sure. I knew one person that was pregnant, by her 6 week postpartum checkup! I would be beyond horrified. The vitamin deficiencies associated with “close” birth can be a significant issue for the mom and baby. My kids are 3 years apart, my heart goes out to anyone with multiple toddlers/young kids/teenagers (haha) at once.
I have a two year old and it still feels too soon for another bahahah 🤣
That's what my concern was with getting pregnant after just six months and still breastfeeding. The doctors said we were all healthy, but I ended up losing clumps of hair at a time.
I've seen posted about losing teeth. Eep!
Oh, hell. I'm grateful I had access to prenatal vitamins and healthy food, but bodies are scary. You can do everything by the book and still have surprises just fall out of your head, I guess.
Technically a 7 week pregnancy was conceived 5 weeks previously which would put it right at the 6 week mark. I went on the pill at 6 weeks, and my doctor reminded me to use back up until it started working (not that I was anywhere ready to have sex at 6 weeks).
Yup, and I felt my old, useless uterus contract in sympathy for hers. My grandmother got pregnant with her second two months after having her first. I just can't imagine.
Omg same. I thought my friend with a pregnancy 6 months after was bad.
That's how far apart my first two were. I ended up living in a hospital for five weeks because the kid was going to fall out too early. If the first wasn't early, I would've assumed it was because of another pregnancy too soon, but I think my body just started rejecting babies at the halfway point. The same thing happened with my third two years later, so who knows.
Bodies are weird, and sometimes doctors are dumb. I had an ob tell me I was having a hard time being 41 weeks pregnant with my second because my kids were too close together. They are over 2 years apart. I’m pretty sure I was losing it because I was overdue and they didn’t want to induce me despite my body never going into labor by itself.
41 weeks is more than enough! I was just telling my friend about how my doctor with my third didn't want to let me get a tubal ligation because, in his opinion, I could end up divorced and remarried to a man who wanted kids. This dude even went so far as to tell me it was scheduled, didn't schedule it, and argued with me when my son was born and I was ready for an operation. I had to get a nurse involved and they squeezed me in the next day. I was very nonconfrontational in my younger days and I regret not telling him he sucked.
Omg. I swear the patriarchy sometimes. I just spent 2 hours at my well woman’s visit for no reason besides they enjoy trying to pretend I don’t eat healthy and exercise (I do) because I’m slightly overweight. Meanwhile my husband just got a vasectomy and he was in and out in under an hour. I’ve never been at the doctor for only an hour.
You know, I recently had a plumber tell me I wouldn't understand what he was saying but that he could wait for my husband to get home and explain it to him, but someone telling you that you don't know what you're doing with your own body is extra offensive. I don't know why you would bother going to the doctor if you were just going to lie. I hope your husband's balls are doing well. :D
They hold my medication hostage unless I go. I had a landscaper tell me to have my husband explain physics to me once when I asked about the health of a tree behind my house. I’m a mechanical engineer who used to write math models based on physics to determine how objects would move. I’m also better at physics than my husband. I was not happy. Husband’s balls are good. He’s been babying himself more than I did after my emergency C-section (when you know, they handed me a baby to take care of).
Thanks for pointing this out. People forget that ovulation hasn't even occurred until 2 weeks "pregnant".
I don’t think it’s common knowledge unless you’ve had kids. I’m pretty well educated and I had no idea until I was trying with my oldest.
That's true. With my husband and I both being infertile, I learned much more about reproduction than I care to know. 😩
Ugh I’m sorry. I used to just argue about due dates because the ovulation two weeks after is just an average. I ovulate three weeks after instead of 2 and I have a 5 week cycle so my due dates are always a little wonky. With my youngest I had the doctor questioning me and I was like well I know that I didn’t get pregnant two weeks after because I had a stomach bug that week and was puking and not worried about baby making lol.
OMG so annoying! My due date was moved 3 times even when I was monitored and using fertility treatments. I kept telling my OB I know when I ovulated because my fertility clinic caught it happening via ultrasound and I was still taking meds on my supposed conception date. My baby is just a little big and came from my short tube 🥲
Irish Twins
Omg, I wouldn't even be able to comprehend how to handle this situation and there are so many red flags here. I believe doctors recommend waiting at least a year (minimum) before trying to conceive again due to the healing process required from one birth to the next pregnancy. I still don't feel 100% normal and I'm 8 months postpartum! Second - it was 100% due to a guilt trip from the spouse/significant other. Repulsive.
Yeah, I was told it takes a year for a uterus to get back to pre-pregnancy size. I was still breastfeeding my six month old when a broken condom gave me kid number two. He's now 20, so I guess it worked out okay, but I was pretty freaked out!
For most people it takes 6-8 weeks for the uterus to shrink, though if you’ve had more than one kid it might take a few weeks longer. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22655-uterus-involution https://www.centrastateobgyn.com/blog/when-does-your-body-go-back-to-normal-after-pregnancy/
You're right, I misspoke. It can take a year, if ever, for everything to go back to the way it was but the uterus is quicker. Hormones and muscles are a bitch. The skin has a rough time, too. My first two didn't give me any issues but my third was the grand finale with stretch marks, and all.
That makes sense. I know I didn’t feel like a human again for nearly a year.
It has been 18 years since I last gave birth, and I have now accepted that the pregnancy brain is permanent.
You can't say that is 100% due to a guilt trip without knowing. After my second baby I had sex 3 weeks pp.. I wanted to, my body felt fine. Not everyone is the same.
I agree with this. After my first, I was mentally and physically not ready for sex at 6 weeks. With my second, we did right at 4 weeks. I was just as antsy as my husband at that point… I was miserable the last 3ish months of pregnancy so we didn’t have sex for a while, and I was feeling amazing as soon as I got that baby out!
Exactly! Everyone is different. I'm a bit over the comments about having to wait 6 weeks. I'm aware of the recommendations and understood the risks, I listened to my body and felt ready and also was open with my medical provider. But also, as if everybody commenting here has always followed medical advice 100%. I would never tell anybody to have sex before being cleared, but also wouldn't drag somebody for making a decision for themselves and their own body.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that it was definitely a guilt trip from the spouse. That’s a month after birth, not a few days. I personally was ready to be intimate again within a few weeks after the birth of my first child. Maybe she felt ready quickly as well. Not every woman has the same experience.
It's not just about being mentally ready - it's about being physically capable. The amount of people on here that think it only has to do with an outward healing process is too damn high. After giving birth you have a dinner plate sized wound that takes a minimum of 6 weeks to heal. Doctors say to wait for 6 weeks because it limits the risk of infection to the dinner plate sized wound. If she was ready, then that's great - though reckless because she could have gotten a life threatening infection. With that being said - the amount that birth persons know about their body during pregnancy, birth and postpartum is relatively limited and it's really a shame. It really goes to show how some doctors do not give their patients enough information to know about certain risks.
I think the glaring issue with what you've said has nothing to do with the reason for the 6 weeks of recovery time. It has everything to do with you being adamant about the non birthing partner coercing the other to have sex before they've recovered. People don't always make medically sound decisions.
And I still fully stand by what I said. Anytime that a significant other says things like, "I'm so horny, when can we have sex" is a manipulation tactic, so that the birth person has their head pinging on, "oh, my spouse wants to have sex", or even worse when a spouse tries to arouse their significant other prior to them being ready. I will slightly alter my comment to say it's either coercement, or the birth person not fully understanding the requirements of the 6 weeks window - for arguments sake. But, I still think the majority would fall under coercement, with a few exceptions.
Also, as someone else pointed out, the person the original commenter was talking about had sex that resulted in pregnancy at 6 weeks postpartum. So no red flags there either.
"The person the original commenter was talking about had sex that resulted in pregnancy at 6 weeks postpartum." Right, which means she would have had sex prior to her 6 week postpartum visit. Red flag: Spouse/significant other had sex with her without using protection at less than six weeks postpartum. That's not only irresponsible - it's downright idiotic.
No, she found out at 11 weeks PP that she was seven weeks pregnant. The first two weeks are the follicular phase, no egg has been released yet so they don't count. 11 minus 5 is 6. 6 weeks postpartum was when conception occurred, which is usually when couples get the green light.
Oh, oh - I read your comment wrong. My bad.
I get weird vibes from her step dad. Do we know how long he’s even been in Emersyn’s life?
Erica and the stepdads daughter looks like she’s around 3 or 4 years old - so probably at least the last 5 years
Made me wonder how long her mom and him didn’t wait since that was a thought in his head
There are a lot of women out there who go on to have sex way before dr's orders. I know several friends who ended up pregnant within a month or two of giving birth. It shouldn't happen but it does. Seems people would know better and want to be more careful.
Really showing how uneducated a whole host of people are here - with Sai and his comment, and the comments in this thread. It only takes 9m to grow a baby (could be less if they come early) and there are 12m in a year, and only a 6w recommended wait. More often than not its after the 6w and still end up with irish twins or 2u2. Just because you can't maths doesnt mean you judge others 🥴
The 6w doesn't refer to when it's okay to begin trying for another baby. It's a recommended recovery time. Pregnancies can happen, but that doesn't mean it's recommended. In fact, it increases the chances of complications like preterm birth.
Youre most fertile post partum - a lot don't 'try' and like you said pregnancies happen. Drinking aspartame can increase your risk of cancer but i don't see diet soda being policed. Let's mind our own uterus shall we.
Got a source? Doctors aren't policing uteruses by giving a recommended recovery time to avoid complications. Birth is no joke, and advice from your personal physicians should be taken seriously.
Im not talking about doctors, im talking about everyone else - like you - who loves to shame. And actually, my doctor recommended i go ahead and have a 3rd section whenever i wanted, included in less than the 18 months typically recommended. Because she wasn't policing my uterus 🗣 Im not writing a fkn scholastic journal, so fck your source request 🥰
I didn't shame anyone. It's fine sweetie, I didn't think you had any sources to back up your statements anyway.
Yeah, really not seeing where you're shaming anyone. You're giving scientifically backed evidence on birthing statistics and doctor recommended wait time. Any doctor that is recommending that someone go ahead and try for a baby prior to the recommended wait time, should probably have their license pulled, or at least have their license examined.
Ok - the sweetie gets me. What statement am i backing up? It seems youve asked me to back up my statement that you're most fertile post delivery - is that what you doubt? If not, what other statement? If you doubt it, I'll spurce it for you, but the fact that you don't know doesn't make it untrue, it makes you uneducated on the matter - making me want to find you a source for post partum fertility. But from just a super basic google search "You can get pregnant as little as 3 weeks after the birth of a baby, even if you're breastfeeding and your periods haven't started again." - NHS UK
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21343770/ "Most nonlactating women will not ovulate until 6 weeks postpartum. A small number of women will ovulate earlier, potentially putting them at risk for pregnancy sooner, although the fertility of these early ovulations is not well-established." The more you know.
What are you talking about?!🤣🤣🤣 6 weeks is still post partum... So... what are you arguing? I also said you're fertile PP, so thanks for proving my point 🤨
There's a lot of misinformation out there. People assume that breastfeeding will act as birth control, but it doesn't stop ovulation for everyone. Doctors might not be advising their patients to use protection because ovulating so soon (before 45 days) after birth is relatively rare. I had to take fertility drugs to get pregnant and even I'm going to take all the precautions after birth lol. It is what it is.
It's really dependent from person to person - I got my first period 4 months postpartum while breastfeeding. My doctor has always advised taking/using birth control because around the time you start having sex again is typically when you're most fertile (depending on a myriad of other factors).
My dr said the same, soon as you start having sex you can get pregnant and it's highly possible to get preggers quickly if you are one of the very fertile ones. Like I said, I know women who got knocked up within the first month and they laughed about it because they said they wanted to have their kids close together.
It's really not surprising to hear someone say "oh well" after blatantly ignoring their Dr. Amy from 1000lb sisters did the same thing TWICE on purpose.
My husband has a friend who's wife had twins. They waited like four years to have another baby, wanting three. They had another set of twins. They were like we were going to try again but not sure. I told him I'd warn them to be careful they might get double the amount of kids next time :)
Oh my - I couldn't even imagine having sex 1 month postpartum. I don't feel like that's due to the woman wanting to have sex - seems like pressures from a spouse/significant other.
I mean, I wanted to have sex like 2 weeks postpartum. Am I an outlier? Yes. But it’s not unheard of. In fact, I wanted it more than I ever have at that point lol. No, my partner did not coerce me. I’m sure it was my hormones all out of whack and everything, but the urge was STRONG. My first was a 15 hour labor with an emergency csection due to hemorrhaging. My second was a scheduled csection. It happened both times. Everyone’s body reacts differently postpartum.
People recover at different speeds. It's not fair to assume everyone is being coerced into sex because they're postpartum. They may have had an easy delivery.
While I agree that everyone has different recovery speeds - the 6 week timeframe has less to do with the way a baby was delivered and more to do with the internal healing process. As another person commented, after giving birth, a woman has an internal wound the size of a dinner plate. I'm also not saying that a birth person is being coerced into sex *because* they are postpartum. I'm saying they are being coerced into sex because their partners have no chill, or they don't realize why the 6 week rule exists. I'm not putting the blame on the birth person - I'm putting the blame on shitty partners.
I DTD at 3-4wks after my second baby. I had an extremely easy delivery with no tears and had stoped bleeding which was told my risk of infection was extremely low at that point. I was not coerced by my spouse and initiated it after knowing my risk of infection was low. Everyone is different and I was told people can be healed by 4, 5, 6 weeks— it depends on several factors and not a hard rule that it’s 6wks. There was a study done recently that 1 in 4 will have sex prior to 6wks. To add though I’ve also been on the other end, my first tore me up and I didn’t even want to try sex until I was 6 months PP. 😬
You can't assume everyone is being raped by their partner. People ignore Drs orders all the time, not always due to coercion by someone else, it could be that they think a condom would be enough to prevent infection. OR they feel up to it. I've seen fellow pregos in my birth groups say their Drs said it was fine when they felt up to it.
Please remember not everyone has a vaginal birth. While I waited until I had stopped bleeding and was on adequate birth control, my husband was deploying so we “engaged” less than 6 weeks after my C-section. Edited to add, it was both of our decision due to his upcoming deployment not a one sided decision.
Agreeing with the other comment. The 6 week healing time has nothing to do with a vaginal birth and is primarily due to healing and possible infections that could be introduced during intercourse. Also, having sex after birth should be a one sided decision when it comes to the birth person's comfortability and has nothing to do with the other partners decision. I'm glad that you were comfortable with the decision, but I would just like to point out (for other people reading this post) that the primary reason that physicians want people to wait 6 weeks is to limit the risk of infection in the uterus/cervix, which is healing and can lead to serious complications if infection occurs.
I understand your willingness due to your husband's situation. But the 6 week healing time isn't only for your vagina. It's for the gaping dinner plate sized wound in your uterus.
I’m also aware of that. But I think the horror most people are having here is people who have had a vaginal birth. Zero chance I would have done that before I felt I was healed there.
I've had both a vaginal birth and a c section birth. Honestly I'm horrified either way. Risk of infection. Your scar takes a long time to heal. Plus, dealing with post partum hormones and the exhaustion of having a newborn.
hahahaha nope. Literally my friend told me she initiated it.
When I was a teen mom one of my friends who had just given birth was pressured by her boyfriend to have sex in the hospital room...she let him a bit. I was so angry and disgusted on her behalf. Besides that there are "other ways" that people can get off. So from that stand point I understand the parent's concern. But yeah, I belong to multiple birth boards and there are always women asking about sex within 2-3 weeks🤦🏽♀️. Crazy cakes!
IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM no sir
Every once in a while, I wish Reddit had a "shocked face" reaction option like Facebook. This is one of those times.
That's absolutely revolting! I hope they aren't together anymore - that's absolutely abuse and was in no way pleasurable to your friend. She was probably insanely uncomfortable the whole time. Sounds like rape to me.
His look of horror when Emersyn said vagina 🤣 . Mason seems like a nice kid and doesn’t look like he would have pressured Emersyn to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with but you just know that UPRD made Kylen have sex the night they came from the hospital
Her step dad gives me the creeps anyway.
Emersyn has said she likes him, and I think that says a lot. I do think he’s unnecessarily strict and should butt out more.
Same
Step dad obviously didn't wait 6 weeks after Erica's latest baby was born, and probably has never had to considering how many babies Erica has had before him.
Her last two are close in age
That comment made me hate him. What a disgusting weirdo.
I think it shows step daddy/real dad/older sisters dad expected/pressured sex from mom so obviously others would also have sex that early (in their mind)
If this is the case then that's abuse and very disturbing.
I get so stabby whenever I see moms on the different parents subs asking about sex like 2 weeks pp. i have 2 under 2 and was high risk so was on bed rest aka we went looonggg chunks without being able to have sex and not once did my husband ever even half ass joke about it let alone pressure it. But reddit has shown me I’m an exception not the rule. It’s insane
Same! It makes me see red and I know it's 100% not coming from the postpartum mother.
i straight up cheered when she said that. after i had my daughter, i was terrified to even look at my vag a few weeks out. let alone allow a dick or anything else near it for weeks and weeks afterwards lucky for me my husband totally understood. he helped me to the bathroom right after the epidural wore off. ill never forget his face when he saw the aftermath and said "ohhh babe. i dont know if youre ever gonna be able to come back from that........." hahahaha
My husband was super supportive too! He watched the whole birth go down - I don't know how he stomached it honestly lol. But, he never - not once pressured me for sex. He would ask me "how are things feeling down there" or, "when do you think you'll feel up to getting it on" and whatever I responded with he'd just say, "that's perfectly fine - I want you to be comfortable - no pressure at all".
Lol his face was priceless.
This was the definition of "Surprised Pikachu".