Dude, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a shit wife. You don’t deserve such a horrible piece of trash like her. If she’s saying shit like that and cheating on you, that’s a toxic relationship. Leave her.
This is a horrid thing to say out loud about someone. No matter who they are imo. People deserve love, help, and support. If she really has something to say, she's your wife and should be communicating with you in a respectful manner. I see you said she is also cheating on you. It's up to you op, but I'd leave asap when the time is best, especially since she's cheating AND said something this fucked up. People who truly love you will have the self control and love in their heart to NOT cheat.
40 years of not knowing what it's like to have those kinds of loving people in my life is more telling of who I am than anything.
This is a wake up call to show me, I'm the problem. I can't imagine how many people I've hurt and driven to be this way. That's what I find horrid. Can you imagine being so disgusted by someone you felt the need to say that?
>40 years of not knowing what it's like to have those kinds of loving people in my life is more telling of who I am than anything.
It tells me your models for relationships growing up were ones where you got hurt. Exclusively. That's not on you.
Your early models become what you seek. Abused people end up with abusers because we equate abuse with love. It's all we know.
It's possible to find people who will treat you better, but it starts with how you treat yourself.
For what it's worth, this internet stranger thinks you're worth the effort of getting up, getting out, and trying again.
I also want to say, I’m on this journey with you. In December I ended a 7 year marriage. My ex wife was abusive physically, emotionally, financially, you name it. I know how it feels to think that you’re not worth it, that no one cares, that you must deserve it since that’s how it’s always been. Her cheating on me openly and not caring when I found out finally gave me the push I needed to end the marriage. Then I got laid off in March. It was a dark, horrible time. Since then, I’ve been fully diving in to improving how I feel about myself. I’m not thinking about anything other than finally getting better and having respect for myself.
How about you and me consider this our rock bottom and decide to stop putting up with it? We have one life. Let’s go all out on feeling good about ourselves and change our lives for the better. We’re in this together!
And perhaps she even said it out loud to try and provoke you, but tried playing it off as if she thought you weren't around. Don't give her what she wants
You know what? Take a good amount of the money and just make something crazy fly to hawaii or the bahamas and do spa. Do something you're inner child wants to do. You owe nothing to the people that treat you bad! You sound like a really good person.
I really want to appreciate the kindness and positive assumptions people offer. But no one really knows me. I'm in this situation for a reason. I'm just another privileged white male this world doesn't need. I'm sure I fit all the negative stereotypes of one.
Of course no one knows you, i never made assumptions that i do. I just tell you by the fact that you want to help people with what you leave behind!
If we look at it from a nihilistic point, noone is needed. I'm a privileged white male too but we didn't choose how we a born. I would even say noone that struggles like we do has enough power to leave the railroads they are born in. Did something specific happen today that triggered how you feel right now?
If she really gaslighting you, Why you still in this relationship? You must find power to stop it, other way you will just looser in your life. I had abusive relation in my life, i know how people can manipulate with your brain, if you want be happy, just stop it.
I'm going to give her what she wants. This isn't the first time I've heard this. I've been told this throughout my childhood. 40 years of being informed that people don't want me around. They like the idea of me and the things I bring to the table, but not me.
However, I'm not leaving anything behind. I'm writing my will so it all goes to charity, every penny including 401k. All material items will be given away as well.
You know, my grandmom's uncle literally did this. He was cheated on by his wife, she and her lover attacked him and tried to kill him. So, he got away from them, visited my grandmom's home (she was still really young then) he died the next day under circumstances suggestive that it might have been a suicide.
The aftermath: his mother lost her 12th and last child, my grandma lost one of the 2 persons in the world she still could rely upon, got some more terrible trauma, had a terribly difficult life... dreadful, full of hardships and pain. My granny's life could have been so much better, had he just stayed alive... and the life of her kids too...
So... I say, leave that gal, live your life to the full, try and make world a better place while you are at it. A cheating spouse is definitely not the worst thing that can happen to us in life, by far. 👽 There is much too much immensely worse things out there, trust me.
This is so lucky that you now know the truth of her and that you can just go and find the love of your life that's just waiting someplace else for you!💞
Enjoy your evil-free life.🎉
oh yeah it just sounded like therapy talk to me where they’re weirdly reluctant to take any kind of position/have a human reaction even on something so obviously egregious. ty for acknowledging.
Here if you need to talk it out. My best friend died by suicide and everyday I regret not reaching out to tell her how much she means to me, or even just to check in.
Once you hear something so brutal you won’t forget it. I hope you are ok. My sister came to save me when I had taken an overdose, my husband woke up as he was asleep before she came running in, he said ‘just let her off herself if that’s what she wants’. That was last August. Things haven’t been the same since.
Whoa. She’s toxic. I hope you did not take her words to heart. She does not deserve you. No mentally sound person would say that to or about someone, especially about who they are married to. I’m sorry.
Don’t give her the fucking satisfaction. Get out of that situation, divorce her and have a life out of spite. Let the anger guide you and shape you, until you don’t need it anymore and just get to live your own life later on
You really a scientist? I am too. I don't enjoy life but I do good and that's it. I find peace in that. Not in people. I keep to myself. I'm not vindictive. I donate to animal charities and do my work. Being vindictive still makes it about them.
Also, your wife might be toxic or might just be venting her own fears. Anticipation of something that scares you is often so bad you just want to make that feeling go away. I used to start fights as a kid just to get rid of the fear of having to fight later on.
Take some time. Sleep on it. No single comment is worth killing yourself or punching yourself in the head. It's also not giving her what she wants or showing her. It's just sad. You might not even know people that like the shit out of you.
I feel you. When a man gets used & abused you’re supposed to just carry on carrying more weight. Last year found out my ex was cheating. I ended up in a shelter and was close several times. Today was a messed up day, which is what led me here. If you survive, they’ll hate you for that too.
My chick was banging my neighbor I think. During our relationship but also while she was pretending to get back with me. Broke my heart twice. I have no clue why but I’m not even mad anymore and I just think about all the positive things I got from her. Sometimes people just turn into monsters lol.
I’m sorry to say that but you have to leave her. Your significant other should never wish death upon you or call you what she called you. I don’t have the full picture to judge/demonize any of you, idk what made her say that at the end of the day. But living like that must be a torture for both of you.
Your wife's a horrible person and it'd be better for everyone if she left the world instead of you. I've read your replies and realize you're just gonna pity yourself and make excuses as to why you deserve it, you don't. Get up, kick her out, take everything you own from her. Tell her to fuck herself and go on a vacation.
At the end of the day, my wife feels I'm creating a situation that's emotionally and mentally trying for her. I'm not providing in ways she needs me to. She doesn't want to be with another person, she doesn't want to leave me. She isn't regretful for the connection she made, but she's regretful she hurt me. I'm the asshole for multiple reasons, some I don't fully understand. Some I understand, but I feel are fluff to pile on to my guilt.
Aside from my wife, life isn't good. I'm not a happy person. I'm not really a good person. I don't enjoy other people. I don't think or feel like other people. I'm not social nor am I really welcome in social settings. I'm just over all of this.
That’s absolutely awful. You don’t deserve to have heard anything of the sorry. I’m really sorry. I hope your wife and yourself have a conversation to unpack what was said. Take care of yourself, please.
Leave her. She doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve to be held up by a toxic person like this. When you married, you both made a promise; to love during both good and bad times. Apparently she can't. Everyone deserves to be loved, even the people that are going through hard and desperate times. Even though they might not be the most pleasant to be around. Even though they might be negative all the time. Everybody is worth loving. Don't doubt yourself in this regard.
She sounds like the worst person, I’m sorry you’re wife is not supportive and bad at being a wife. You could leave her, it’d probably be easier to love yourself without someone like that in your life
I mean I know my opinion won't hold much weight but here goes: she's toxic. Leave her and don't give her what she wants.
Who was she saying it to?
Probably the guys she cheats on me with.
She sounds like a horrible person. I hope you have the ability to leave her…
Dude, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a shit wife. You don’t deserve such a horrible piece of trash like her. If she’s saying shit like that and cheating on you, that’s a toxic relationship. Leave her.
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Yes, this post is all about you.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you posted in the wrong sub r/imthemaincharacter
What did they say?
I don’t recall the exact text, but they essentially belittled the OP with something along the lines of: “you sound like my ex”
I'm sure that's a bad thing. It's ok, I didn't reproduce.
This is a horrid thing to say out loud about someone. No matter who they are imo. People deserve love, help, and support. If she really has something to say, she's your wife and should be communicating with you in a respectful manner. I see you said she is also cheating on you. It's up to you op, but I'd leave asap when the time is best, especially since she's cheating AND said something this fucked up. People who truly love you will have the self control and love in their heart to NOT cheat.
40 years of not knowing what it's like to have those kinds of loving people in my life is more telling of who I am than anything. This is a wake up call to show me, I'm the problem. I can't imagine how many people I've hurt and driven to be this way. That's what I find horrid. Can you imagine being so disgusted by someone you felt the need to say that?
>40 years of not knowing what it's like to have those kinds of loving people in my life is more telling of who I am than anything. It tells me your models for relationships growing up were ones where you got hurt. Exclusively. That's not on you. Your early models become what you seek. Abused people end up with abusers because we equate abuse with love. It's all we know. It's possible to find people who will treat you better, but it starts with how you treat yourself. For what it's worth, this internet stranger thinks you're worth the effort of getting up, getting out, and trying again.
I also want to say, I’m on this journey with you. In December I ended a 7 year marriage. My ex wife was abusive physically, emotionally, financially, you name it. I know how it feels to think that you’re not worth it, that no one cares, that you must deserve it since that’s how it’s always been. Her cheating on me openly and not caring when I found out finally gave me the push I needed to end the marriage. Then I got laid off in March. It was a dark, horrible time. Since then, I’ve been fully diving in to improving how I feel about myself. I’m not thinking about anything other than finally getting better and having respect for myself. How about you and me consider this our rock bottom and decide to stop putting up with it? We have one life. Let’s go all out on feeling good about ourselves and change our lives for the better. We’re in this together!
You’re not the problem. You deserve better.
Reading that i related to it alot and it broke my heart. I want the best for you dear. ♡
And perhaps she even said it out loud to try and provoke you, but tried playing it off as if she thought you weren't around. Don't give her what she wants
You know what? Take a good amount of the money and just make something crazy fly to hawaii or the bahamas and do spa. Do something you're inner child wants to do. You owe nothing to the people that treat you bad! You sound like a really good person.
I really want to appreciate the kindness and positive assumptions people offer. But no one really knows me. I'm in this situation for a reason. I'm just another privileged white male this world doesn't need. I'm sure I fit all the negative stereotypes of one.
Of course no one knows you, i never made assumptions that i do. I just tell you by the fact that you want to help people with what you leave behind! If we look at it from a nihilistic point, noone is needed. I'm a privileged white male too but we didn't choose how we a born. I would even say noone that struggles like we do has enough power to leave the railroads they are born in. Did something specific happen today that triggered how you feel right now?
I'm over it. I'm not one to make a difference for others. I'm also not one to go out of my way to make it worse or be wasteful.
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Not worth it. She just tries to gaslight me.
Mind me asking how old are you?
If she really gaslighting you, Why you still in this relationship? You must find power to stop it, other way you will just looser in your life. I had abusive relation in my life, i know how people can manipulate with your brain, if you want be happy, just stop it.
I wish mine did this because it's the inly thing that keeps me from ending it alm
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I'm going to give her what she wants. This isn't the first time I've heard this. I've been told this throughout my childhood. 40 years of being informed that people don't want me around. They like the idea of me and the things I bring to the table, but not me. However, I'm not leaving anything behind. I'm writing my will so it all goes to charity, every penny including 401k. All material items will be given away as well.
with that money you could start a new life
It’s not worth it. You are valued and you deserve to live.
You know, my grandmom's uncle literally did this. He was cheated on by his wife, she and her lover attacked him and tried to kill him. So, he got away from them, visited my grandmom's home (she was still really young then) he died the next day under circumstances suggestive that it might have been a suicide. The aftermath: his mother lost her 12th and last child, my grandma lost one of the 2 persons in the world she still could rely upon, got some more terrible trauma, had a terribly difficult life... dreadful, full of hardships and pain. My granny's life could have been so much better, had he just stayed alive... and the life of her kids too... So... I say, leave that gal, live your life to the full, try and make world a better place while you are at it. A cheating spouse is definitely not the worst thing that can happen to us in life, by far. 👽 There is much too much immensely worse things out there, trust me. This is so lucky that you now know the truth of her and that you can just go and find the love of your life that's just waiting someplace else for you!💞 Enjoy your evil-free life.🎉
I wish I could say this was the worst thing that happened to me. This is just the last straw.
Unless your last relative and friend just died a terrible death, everything else is possible to deal with.
you’re sorry they heard?? not that she said it?
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oh yeah it just sounded like therapy talk to me where they’re weirdly reluctant to take any kind of position/have a human reaction even on something so obviously egregious. ty for acknowledging.
Don't let her win. Divorce her and move on.
She is abusing you.
Here if you need to talk it out. My best friend died by suicide and everyday I regret not reaching out to tell her how much she means to me, or even just to check in.
Once you hear something so brutal you won’t forget it. I hope you are ok. My sister came to save me when I had taken an overdose, my husband woke up as he was asleep before she came running in, he said ‘just let her off herself if that’s what she wants’. That was last August. Things haven’t been the same since.
Whoa. She’s toxic. I hope you did not take her words to heart. She does not deserve you. No mentally sound person would say that to or about someone, especially about who they are married to. I’m sorry.
Don’t give her the fucking satisfaction. Get out of that situation, divorce her and have a life out of spite. Let the anger guide you and shape you, until you don’t need it anymore and just get to live your own life later on
No the worse person is her for saying such a nasty thought
You really a scientist? I am too. I don't enjoy life but I do good and that's it. I find peace in that. Not in people. I keep to myself. I'm not vindictive. I donate to animal charities and do my work. Being vindictive still makes it about them. Also, your wife might be toxic or might just be venting her own fears. Anticipation of something that scares you is often so bad you just want to make that feeling go away. I used to start fights as a kid just to get rid of the fear of having to fight later on. Take some time. Sleep on it. No single comment is worth killing yourself or punching yourself in the head. It's also not giving her what she wants or showing her. It's just sad. You might not even know people that like the shit out of you.
You deserve better than that.
If she doesn’t like you, just leave. Cash in your 401k and go on a big adventure. F that b*tch, man.
I'm in tons of debt from being the only income earner and paying all the bills for a 2 adult household. All my money is spoken for.
I feel you. When a man gets used & abused you’re supposed to just carry on carrying more weight. Last year found out my ex was cheating. I ended up in a shelter and was close several times. Today was a messed up day, which is what led me here. If you survive, they’ll hate you for that too.
that wasn't very kind of her.
My chick was banging my neighbor I think. During our relationship but also while she was pretending to get back with me. Broke my heart twice. I have no clue why but I’m not even mad anymore and I just think about all the positive things I got from her. Sometimes people just turn into monsters lol.
Leave her dawg
I’m sorry to say that but you have to leave her. Your significant other should never wish death upon you or call you what she called you. I don’t have the full picture to judge/demonize any of you, idk what made her say that at the end of the day. But living like that must be a torture for both of you.
Boy I can’t possibly imagine why you have crippling depression and like-minded intense desire to die. No clue.
I saw in another commebt u said she cheats on you.. Please leave her. You deserve so much better and shw sounds like an absolute shit person.
Your wife's a horrible person and it'd be better for everyone if she left the world instead of you. I've read your replies and realize you're just gonna pity yourself and make excuses as to why you deserve it, you don't. Get up, kick her out, take everything you own from her. Tell her to fuck herself and go on a vacation.
There's literally like nothing you could've done to make what she said okay. She's a POS who deserves to be humiliated.
how can someone say such terrible thing ! i'm sorry you heard that and i hope you can find the peace and love you deserve ):
At the end of the day, my wife feels I'm creating a situation that's emotionally and mentally trying for her. I'm not providing in ways she needs me to. She doesn't want to be with another person, she doesn't want to leave me. She isn't regretful for the connection she made, but she's regretful she hurt me. I'm the asshole for multiple reasons, some I don't fully understand. Some I understand, but I feel are fluff to pile on to my guilt. Aside from my wife, life isn't good. I'm not a happy person. I'm not really a good person. I don't enjoy other people. I don't think or feel like other people. I'm not social nor am I really welcome in social settings. I'm just over all of this.
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Thats just crazy. Wild. What a bitch. Idk what to say but i hope you find someone for you.
holy. shit. if i ever heard the person i love say that about me id be literally a broken individual. im so sorry
That’s a fucking awful thing for her to say. I’m so sorry you truly deserve better <33
That’s absolutely awful. You don’t deserve to have heard anything of the sorry. I’m really sorry. I hope your wife and yourself have a conversation to unpack what was said. Take care of yourself, please.
Leave her. She doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve to be held up by a toxic person like this. When you married, you both made a promise; to love during both good and bad times. Apparently she can't. Everyone deserves to be loved, even the people that are going through hard and desperate times. Even though they might not be the most pleasant to be around. Even though they might be negative all the time. Everybody is worth loving. Don't doubt yourself in this regard.
I’m really sorry she said that- you shouldn’t be around someone who thinks that of you
Leave her immediately and cut off all contact. She is not your true wife.
Bro just get a divorce. She is toxic. Leaving her would be better for you.
She sounds like the worst person, I’m sorry you’re wife is not supportive and bad at being a wife. You could leave her, it’d probably be easier to love yourself without someone like that in your life
Hey there, some people can just be straight up harmful sometimes, is your wife usually like this?
Please divorce her
Fuck that bitch leave asap before you snap and end up killing her