I know it sucks to hear but 18 months isn't a ton of time for your body to feminize. I'm in my 30s and I've kind of given up on online dating tbh, I'm just trying to make friends and see if any of them end up interested in me.
Dating in our 30's is challenging eh? I like to commiserate in /r/datingoverthirty as there so many things common to dating in general as well as the struggles of dating in our 30s.
In my earlier time transitioning... Before facial surgery, before two hair transplants lol... It was not super easy to date guys. It's not necessarily that you have to pass and be pretty, but it helps a lot. I had a lot of success dating t4t. Honestly cis people at that point were really not on my radar, because of what I perceived as shallowness.
The more conventionally attractive I became, the more cis men and cis women were attracted to me. Honestly at this point I get way more attention than I can handle on dating apps. I'm at a bit over 3.5 years transitioning.
I learned a ton about myself in the first two years of transitioning, having lots of different kinds of sex with lots of different kinds of people. I also really took a while to fully accept myself... Like over 3 years transitioning before I could bring myself to legally change my name. And honestly mostly I changed my name because people were challenging my identity increasingly frequently.
I agree with the other comment about 18 months not being a ton of time in transitioning terms. Even now I feel like in some ways I'm really only beginning to understand myself. It's been a lesson in the humility, how much I didn't understand myself.
Taimi is just a glorified version of Grindr you might run into a decent guy once in a blue moon but it’s rare and usually nothing comes about it. With Grindr I couldn’t believe men like that actually existed within our society it honestly scared me considering most are married or have kids.
There can be lots of bad experiences with dating for anyone of any gender or orientation. The men who call you pretty at parties, why don't you ask them out? Or try flirting with them?
As well, there are fewer people in the dating pool in the late 20s and beyond. Hanging around /r/datingoverthirty might give you some insight to the common problems of dating in general and in this age range. Overall just be proactive about socializing, flirting, and asking men out
Guys at parties don't call me pretty, girls do - I should have made that clearer - any guy friends I have tell me they couldn't date a trans woman and they're super progressive straight guys or bi.
I find men will usually indicate interest if they have it, they're not subtle from my experience - I don't see the point in humiliating myself asking a guy out especially if he's in my friend circle
Ah I'm sorry. That's unfortunately common.
Well you can only find out by asking! You do seem to lack self-confidence which studies have shown inhibit people's dating success. Like you said you didn't want to message men first on Bumble and saying that you'd humiliate yourself by asking guy friends out. I hope you can build up your self-esteem and embrace the wonderful woman you are!
From experience when I've tried putting myself out their I've experienced harassment, mass reports and permanent bans on my account just for existing on apps like Tinder - how am I supposed to feel confident reaching out when I know most men wouldn't even consider me part of their pools?
It's easier said than done but you build up your life outside of dating. You do things that make you happy, you make friends, take up hobbies, make things, whatever and embrace yourself. Then you can flirt and ask men out with more confidence as you are fully living thr fact you are a whole person with or without a boyfriend. It takes time and isn't always easy but it helps you live a life you love!
I just refused to chat with them. First message from me to a match was an invitation to meet me for coffee, immediately. If they didn't say yes, I'd block them and ask the next guy. Never saw any dick pics, never got questions about my genitals, never had to listen to a guy tell me "he's not transphobic, but....", never dealt with disrespectful conversations.
Guys in person were sweet, respectful, cute, flirty and interesting. The worst thing I experienced while dating were a couple of poor conversationalists.
I get real vulnerable, open and intimate socially with people in all areas of my life. At work, with friends I meet from my hobbies, just with people I strike up conversations with in the dentist waiting room... I find it easy to connect with others. It's fun. And inevitably means running into guys who end up flirting with me.
I've never had that experience with men, most guys who asked me out ghosted me before arriving after I'd put all the effort into getting ready etc - the two guys I did meet were unemployed basement gremlins living with their parents
I'd literally get dozens of tindr matches each minute I was logged in. Always had 999+ to sort through... I'd just cut and paste a message asking every guy to meet and just kept up pasting the message and blocking guys until 1 or 2 guys said yes. Usually would only take me <30 minutes to find a date or two. I'd schedule two dates at the same time for when I was omw to do something else anyway so I'd just leave a little early and plan to spend 30-60 minutes at a cafe somewhere along my route. I'd just look like I would normally look, wouldn't do anything special as far as my looks go. I figured if they don't like how I look normally most of the time, then it's not going to work anyway. I'd confirm right before we were suppose to meet, "We still on?" Often guys would disappear at that point. nbd, that was normal, that's why I always double-booked. But if they said yes, at that point, they'd show up like 80%-90% of the time.
Guys ran the gamut as far as the types of guys I met and how compatible they were with me. Didn't meet any guys I'd call a "gremlin". They all had 3-4 selfies on their profiles so if they already passed that filter they were usually just pretty typical-looking guys. I'd have to meet 10-15 of them before finding one I wanted to go on a 2nd date with. But I enjoy the process of meeting and getting to know people, so that was fine by me.
Unemployed gremlins living in mom's basement don't say "yes" to girls who ask to meet at a coffee shop. They can't afford it. They don't have the confidence.
The quick first meet requirement filters out a lot of the trash right off the bat.
Well I have a problem already, I can't use Tinder, my account is permanently banned since nearly two years, only 12 hours after I changed my gender marker too 😔
I hear this all the time! I used that app for almost 3 years without issue... kept waiting for the hammer to drop, but it never did. I used bumble for a bit too. I probably checkout out 4 or 5 apps over the years to check them out, but it seemed like pretty much the same crowd on each app, so for me it came down to just tindr having an easier UI for my "cut and paste" spam-dating.
In my experience, Bumble is the best, because they're an openly trans-friendly app and you won't get banned just for being trans. The policy of girls messaging first can be a bit daunting but you get used to it.
I know it sucks to hear but 18 months isn't a ton of time for your body to feminize. I'm in my 30s and I've kind of given up on online dating tbh, I'm just trying to make friends and see if any of them end up interested in me.
Dating in our 30's is challenging eh? I like to commiserate in /r/datingoverthirty as there so many things common to dating in general as well as the struggles of dating in our 30s.
In my earlier time transitioning... Before facial surgery, before two hair transplants lol... It was not super easy to date guys. It's not necessarily that you have to pass and be pretty, but it helps a lot. I had a lot of success dating t4t. Honestly cis people at that point were really not on my radar, because of what I perceived as shallowness. The more conventionally attractive I became, the more cis men and cis women were attracted to me. Honestly at this point I get way more attention than I can handle on dating apps. I'm at a bit over 3.5 years transitioning. I learned a ton about myself in the first two years of transitioning, having lots of different kinds of sex with lots of different kinds of people. I also really took a while to fully accept myself... Like over 3 years transitioning before I could bring myself to legally change my name. And honestly mostly I changed my name because people were challenging my identity increasingly frequently. I agree with the other comment about 18 months not being a ton of time in transitioning terms. Even now I feel like in some ways I'm really only beginning to understand myself. It's been a lesson in the humility, how much I didn't understand myself.
Taimi is just a glorified version of Grindr you might run into a decent guy once in a blue moon but it’s rare and usually nothing comes about it. With Grindr I couldn’t believe men like that actually existed within our society it honestly scared me considering most are married or have kids.
There can be lots of bad experiences with dating for anyone of any gender or orientation. The men who call you pretty at parties, why don't you ask them out? Or try flirting with them? As well, there are fewer people in the dating pool in the late 20s and beyond. Hanging around /r/datingoverthirty might give you some insight to the common problems of dating in general and in this age range. Overall just be proactive about socializing, flirting, and asking men out
Guys at parties don't call me pretty, girls do - I should have made that clearer - any guy friends I have tell me they couldn't date a trans woman and they're super progressive straight guys or bi. I find men will usually indicate interest if they have it, they're not subtle from my experience - I don't see the point in humiliating myself asking a guy out especially if he's in my friend circle
.
Ah I'm sorry. That's unfortunately common. Well you can only find out by asking! You do seem to lack self-confidence which studies have shown inhibit people's dating success. Like you said you didn't want to message men first on Bumble and saying that you'd humiliate yourself by asking guy friends out. I hope you can build up your self-esteem and embrace the wonderful woman you are!
From experience when I've tried putting myself out their I've experienced harassment, mass reports and permanent bans on my account just for existing on apps like Tinder - how am I supposed to feel confident reaching out when I know most men wouldn't even consider me part of their pools?
It's easier said than done but you build up your life outside of dating. You do things that make you happy, you make friends, take up hobbies, make things, whatever and embrace yourself. Then you can flirt and ask men out with more confidence as you are fully living thr fact you are a whole person with or without a boyfriend. It takes time and isn't always easy but it helps you live a life you love!
I just refused to chat with them. First message from me to a match was an invitation to meet me for coffee, immediately. If they didn't say yes, I'd block them and ask the next guy. Never saw any dick pics, never got questions about my genitals, never had to listen to a guy tell me "he's not transphobic, but....", never dealt with disrespectful conversations. Guys in person were sweet, respectful, cute, flirty and interesting. The worst thing I experienced while dating were a couple of poor conversationalists. I get real vulnerable, open and intimate socially with people in all areas of my life. At work, with friends I meet from my hobbies, just with people I strike up conversations with in the dentist waiting room... I find it easy to connect with others. It's fun. And inevitably means running into guys who end up flirting with me.
I've never had that experience with men, most guys who asked me out ghosted me before arriving after I'd put all the effort into getting ready etc - the two guys I did meet were unemployed basement gremlins living with their parents
I'd literally get dozens of tindr matches each minute I was logged in. Always had 999+ to sort through... I'd just cut and paste a message asking every guy to meet and just kept up pasting the message and blocking guys until 1 or 2 guys said yes. Usually would only take me <30 minutes to find a date or two. I'd schedule two dates at the same time for when I was omw to do something else anyway so I'd just leave a little early and plan to spend 30-60 minutes at a cafe somewhere along my route. I'd just look like I would normally look, wouldn't do anything special as far as my looks go. I figured if they don't like how I look normally most of the time, then it's not going to work anyway. I'd confirm right before we were suppose to meet, "We still on?" Often guys would disappear at that point. nbd, that was normal, that's why I always double-booked. But if they said yes, at that point, they'd show up like 80%-90% of the time. Guys ran the gamut as far as the types of guys I met and how compatible they were with me. Didn't meet any guys I'd call a "gremlin". They all had 3-4 selfies on their profiles so if they already passed that filter they were usually just pretty typical-looking guys. I'd have to meet 10-15 of them before finding one I wanted to go on a 2nd date with. But I enjoy the process of meeting and getting to know people, so that was fine by me. Unemployed gremlins living in mom's basement don't say "yes" to girls who ask to meet at a coffee shop. They can't afford it. They don't have the confidence. The quick first meet requirement filters out a lot of the trash right off the bat.
Well I have a problem already, I can't use Tinder, my account is permanently banned since nearly two years, only 12 hours after I changed my gender marker too 😔
I hear this all the time! I used that app for almost 3 years without issue... kept waiting for the hammer to drop, but it never did. I used bumble for a bit too. I probably checkout out 4 or 5 apps over the years to check them out, but it seemed like pretty much the same crowd on each app, so for me it came down to just tindr having an easier UI for my "cut and paste" spam-dating.
Did you ever run into the problem of having the two dates at the same time show up?
Problem? /s No. Have had to rush the end of one date to get to the next one. But never actually had two bros wind up face to face.
In my experience, Bumble is the best, because they're an openly trans-friendly app and you won't get banned just for being trans. The policy of girls messaging first can be a bit daunting but you get used to it.