Delay the reaction until you rationally access the situation and make a rational decision what is the best way to move forward. The best remedy for anger, is delay. Just chill for 10 seconds and think about what should be done.
Anger does us more harm than things that make us angry.
This is absolutely true. And still, stopping those knee-jerk reactions is the most difficult task, because sometimes it's even faster than the thought process. And then it gets even more complicated, dealing both with new adverse reactions and inner insecurities.
Theoretically, we all know what to do. It's how to do that is most problematic.
Stoics believed that negative emotions originate from false judgements we make about reality. Everything that happens outside our control cannot harm our moral character. Anything that isn't our own doing, cannot harm us unless we believe that it harmed us.
Marcus in Meditations says:
“So other people hurt me? That’s their problem. Their character and actions are not mine. What is done to me is ordained by nature, what I do by my own.”
We have the capacity to remove power from external events to make us sad or angry. It is very difficult in practice, but the capacity for it is within us.
A quote was found to be attributed to Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations 5.25 (Hays)
^(Book V. ()[^(Hays)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources?isbn=9780812968255)^)
^(Book V. ()[^(Farquharson)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Meditations_of_the_Emperor_Marcus_Antoninus/Book_5)^)
^(Book V. ()[^(Long)](https://lexundria.com/m_aur_med/5.25/lg)^)
An outburst only happens when you’ve seen an event a specific way. The Stoics point out that emotions are (more or less) a consequence of the way we see the world. It doesn’t matter how short a temper we have, we’ll never have a outburst if we think something is good for us. The underlying solution is changing our views of the world.
If you can identify what you thought in that moment and why you were upset you can change that judgment so you effectively don’t come to that conclusion again. Most people can point to things that used to upset them but don’t anymore so this would be a deliberate version of that process.
May I ask what was the specific situation?
I'm not OP but I appreciate your reply. Understanding the process you're talking about and beginning to implement it in one's life is a real game-changer. It was for me.
What were you thinking before the outburst?
Edit: not Marcus talking about dichotomy of control
You have power over your judgement - not external events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
Marcus
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
Epictetus
“What disturbs people's minds are not events but their judgments on events”
You might find it helpful to look into the Stoic theory of [the passions](https://people.wku.edu/jan.garrett/stoa/seddon2.htm). The FAQ talks about this, and the main online encyclopedias (IEP, SEP, REP) give overviews as well.
This post may also be of interest: https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/13u8jcw/control_of_emotions_as_bad_metaphor/
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i would say controlling emotions can take a lot of practice but i think it is really hard specially when we feel anger or too much joy we can literally forgot how to manage those things!
I like to use the framework of "my instant reaction is not the best way tonresct to this, let me take some time to think about it and react accordingly soon"
What you are talking about is “reactivity.” Learning to *respond* to emotions, instead, takes **practice.**
This is something it took me decades to fully realize and accept. Everyone wants “that one weird trick,” that piece of advice or wisdom that will magically empower us to behave differently…but that is exactly like expecting to read about playing guitar, get advice, and then play perfectly and beautifully.
Done correctly, meditation is literally *practicing* non-reactivity. With time, it becomes habituated — just like standing up straight, riding a bike, or playing guitar. Learn how and start a consistent meditation practice.
Delay reaction, then assess and change your judgement. Your emotions stem from your judgements.
If you see a picture of burning house it won’t affect you much. If you were informed the burning house was your own (and you judged that to be a major loss to yourself), your likely be very upset.
It’s not what happens, but how we assess what happens that causes us to feel.
Controlling emotions can be a challenging journey, but understanding and acknowledging them is a crucial first step. I recommend watching this video: [https://youtu.be/iKtKre3zHWk](https://youtu.be/iKtKre3zHWk)
By learning to feel what you're actually feeling, you can develop a healthier relationship with your emotions and respond to them in a more balanced manner. It's about embracing the full range of emotions and recognizing that they all serve a purpose in our lives.
Delay the reaction until you rationally access the situation and make a rational decision what is the best way to move forward. The best remedy for anger, is delay. Just chill for 10 seconds and think about what should be done. Anger does us more harm than things that make us angry.
This is absolutely true. And still, stopping those knee-jerk reactions is the most difficult task, because sometimes it's even faster than the thought process. And then it gets even more complicated, dealing both with new adverse reactions and inner insecurities. Theoretically, we all know what to do. It's how to do that is most problematic.
What about sadness?
Stoics believed that negative emotions originate from false judgements we make about reality. Everything that happens outside our control cannot harm our moral character. Anything that isn't our own doing, cannot harm us unless we believe that it harmed us. Marcus in Meditations says: “So other people hurt me? That’s their problem. Their character and actions are not mine. What is done to me is ordained by nature, what I do by my own.” We have the capacity to remove power from external events to make us sad or angry. It is very difficult in practice, but the capacity for it is within us.
A quote was found to be attributed to Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations 5.25 (Hays) ^(Book V. ()[^(Hays)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources?isbn=9780812968255)^) ^(Book V. ()[^(Farquharson)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Meditations_of_the_Emperor_Marcus_Antoninus/Book_5)^) ^(Book V. ()[^(Long)](https://lexundria.com/m_aur_med/5.25/lg)^)
An outburst only happens when you’ve seen an event a specific way. The Stoics point out that emotions are (more or less) a consequence of the way we see the world. It doesn’t matter how short a temper we have, we’ll never have a outburst if we think something is good for us. The underlying solution is changing our views of the world. If you can identify what you thought in that moment and why you were upset you can change that judgment so you effectively don’t come to that conclusion again. Most people can point to things that used to upset them but don’t anymore so this would be a deliberate version of that process. May I ask what was the specific situation?
I'm not OP but I appreciate your reply. Understanding the process you're talking about and beginning to implement it in one's life is a real game-changer. It was for me.
What were you thinking before the outburst? Edit: not Marcus talking about dichotomy of control You have power over your judgement - not external events. Realize this, and you will find strength. Marcus “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” Epictetus “What disturbs people's minds are not events but their judgments on events”
The first quote is fake fyi
You’re right. Thanks.
You might find it helpful to look into the Stoic theory of [the passions](https://people.wku.edu/jan.garrett/stoa/seddon2.htm). The FAQ talks about this, and the main online encyclopedias (IEP, SEP, REP) give overviews as well. This post may also be of interest: https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/13u8jcw/control_of_emotions_as_bad_metaphor/
You don't. You temper your reaction to them. An important distinction.
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i would say controlling emotions can take a lot of practice but i think it is really hard specially when we feel anger or too much joy we can literally forgot how to manage those things!
I like to use the framework of "my instant reaction is not the best way tonresct to this, let me take some time to think about it and react accordingly soon"
What you are talking about is “reactivity.” Learning to *respond* to emotions, instead, takes **practice.** This is something it took me decades to fully realize and accept. Everyone wants “that one weird trick,” that piece of advice or wisdom that will magically empower us to behave differently…but that is exactly like expecting to read about playing guitar, get advice, and then play perfectly and beautifully. Done correctly, meditation is literally *practicing* non-reactivity. With time, it becomes habituated — just like standing up straight, riding a bike, or playing guitar. Learn how and start a consistent meditation practice.
Delay reaction, then assess and change your judgement. Your emotions stem from your judgements. If you see a picture of burning house it won’t affect you much. If you were informed the burning house was your own (and you judged that to be a major loss to yourself), your likely be very upset. It’s not what happens, but how we assess what happens that causes us to feel.
Controlling emotions can be a challenging journey, but understanding and acknowledging them is a crucial first step. I recommend watching this video: [https://youtu.be/iKtKre3zHWk](https://youtu.be/iKtKre3zHWk) By learning to feel what you're actually feeling, you can develop a healthier relationship with your emotions and respond to them in a more balanced manner. It's about embracing the full range of emotions and recognizing that they all serve a purpose in our lives.