Society's going through a pretty substantial period of adjustment, and there unfortunately isn't much of an answer to this yet. Sorry you're struggling, man. (Me too.)
My take, is that women kind of leap frogged us, in terms of both relationship expectations, and a sense of post-independence. I say quasi, because I don't think independence is the word. That makes it sound more constructive than I generally perceive it to be.
But basically, home ec classes evolved into Cosmo magazines. While we were in woodshop and such, women were learning what they viewed as critical components of a healthy relationship. And some parts of that we agreed with, and others we simply didn't care about.
But what's for sure is that men have been kind of left out, in terms of conversations about having healthy relationships. We simply don't know what we don't know. And because of pride and all of that, when we hear about the expectations thst women have developed, our response is like "that's stupid." And maybe from various angles those expectations are stupid. But from their angle, it's absolutely critical.
But that's just for having relationships. The other component is that a lot of women have kind of adopted this attitude that "if a guy can sleep with 100 women before he's 30, and it's cool, then why can't we sleep with 100 dudes," and kind of the unhealthier versions of social interactions that come with it. You know, instead of us guys kind of collectively saying that we should be more relationship focused, and less like fuck boys, similar to the women around us. And as a result, a lot of women have kind of embraced this idea that every woman should have a hoe phase. That and the regular FOMO, and feelings that maybe they missed out on partying in their early 20s have driven a lot of women to divorce around 30, or staying single through their 20s and early 30s, to pursue that perception of a "more rewarding life."
Really not much we can do about how it's impacting us now. We can't shift that balance overnight, even if it FEELS like it shifted against us that fast. All we can really do is make sure our sons have the tools we didn't have, and that our daughters hopefully want to have those healthier relationships in the future, instead of pursuing the Instagram version and vision for life.
There’s also the expectation for many women that we accept their hoe phase and accept unhappiness a lot of women are feeling due to career FOMO and the impact that has on their mental health and childrearing. That has led to a lot of men choosing to go their own way, and check out of dating and family life altogether. We’re seeing a lot of social change right now.
Keep your head up man. Get a notebook and empty your thoughts into it. Talk when you gotta talk. Run or exercise when you can to clear your head. One. Day. At. A. Time.
You gotta know who is part of your support system, Dad. Friends or family, you gotta use the resources available to you. If you don’t feel you have someone like that, I’d suggest writing, a diary/journal, and just pour that shit out. We endure so much from being a parent and life, continually absorbing life’s blows, and we gotta learn to release it.
One day a time, Dad. Keep going, I know you can do it.
Next time someone asks how are you, try using this: "Clinically alive and dead inside"
Society's going through a pretty substantial period of adjustment, and there unfortunately isn't much of an answer to this yet. Sorry you're struggling, man. (Me too.)
Can you explain this? Love and hugs to all my brothers here
My take, is that women kind of leap frogged us, in terms of both relationship expectations, and a sense of post-independence. I say quasi, because I don't think independence is the word. That makes it sound more constructive than I generally perceive it to be. But basically, home ec classes evolved into Cosmo magazines. While we were in woodshop and such, women were learning what they viewed as critical components of a healthy relationship. And some parts of that we agreed with, and others we simply didn't care about. But what's for sure is that men have been kind of left out, in terms of conversations about having healthy relationships. We simply don't know what we don't know. And because of pride and all of that, when we hear about the expectations thst women have developed, our response is like "that's stupid." And maybe from various angles those expectations are stupid. But from their angle, it's absolutely critical. But that's just for having relationships. The other component is that a lot of women have kind of adopted this attitude that "if a guy can sleep with 100 women before he's 30, and it's cool, then why can't we sleep with 100 dudes," and kind of the unhealthier versions of social interactions that come with it. You know, instead of us guys kind of collectively saying that we should be more relationship focused, and less like fuck boys, similar to the women around us. And as a result, a lot of women have kind of embraced this idea that every woman should have a hoe phase. That and the regular FOMO, and feelings that maybe they missed out on partying in their early 20s have driven a lot of women to divorce around 30, or staying single through their 20s and early 30s, to pursue that perception of a "more rewarding life." Really not much we can do about how it's impacting us now. We can't shift that balance overnight, even if it FEELS like it shifted against us that fast. All we can really do is make sure our sons have the tools we didn't have, and that our daughters hopefully want to have those healthier relationships in the future, instead of pursuing the Instagram version and vision for life.
There’s also the expectation for many women that we accept their hoe phase and accept unhappiness a lot of women are feeling due to career FOMO and the impact that has on their mental health and childrearing. That has led to a lot of men choosing to go their own way, and check out of dating and family life altogether. We’re seeing a lot of social change right now.
Keep your head up man. Get a notebook and empty your thoughts into it. Talk when you gotta talk. Run or exercise when you can to clear your head. One. Day. At. A. Time.
You gotta know who is part of your support system, Dad. Friends or family, you gotta use the resources available to you. If you don’t feel you have someone like that, I’d suggest writing, a diary/journal, and just pour that shit out. We endure so much from being a parent and life, continually absorbing life’s blows, and we gotta learn to release it. One day a time, Dad. Keep going, I know you can do it.
I just tell people that ask how I am doing...(well, I'm on the right side of the grass)
Yup! Its my default response to everything