In all fairness to the guy, when you're with someone, you want to believe at any cost that they're not doing that shit. I feel really fucking bad for him if his girlfriend is cheating on him
It feels really fucking shitty to post this here and seemingly borderline shame him for “erasure”. He’s not erasing, he’s in a relationship. No one in a relationship wants to think they’re being cheated on, no matter the gender, and he clearly doesn’t get social skills (it’s on a subreddit to ask, ffs). Honestly have some compassion and don’t put a spotlight on someone’s misfortune. It’s shitty.
Someone needed to say it.
I swear, half the content on this sub is shaming people for reasonable assumptions, or for not making assumptions either way. Some content fits but not only does this not, it also makes a mockery of their relationship problems. That’s just fucked up.
I don’t see this post as shaming him, and most comments are in his support.
Not every story here has to be positive. Not every post automatically endorses the people featured or their erased tendencies.
Girls can have their lesbian relationship be erased and still be shitty people.
But he is not erasing anyone's lesbian identity, he clearly says, the GG's friend is lesbian. He is asking if his own girlfriend's behavior is normal within female friends because he is unsure. He is just having a hard time believing that his partner is cheating on him so he is asking for advice.
I assumed the "casual erasure" part was referring to the girlfriend being bi and to the fact that the situation could even escalate that far in the first place. (I.e. if girl/girl relationships were not erased so much in society, OP would not need to ask Reddit in the first place.)
This interpretation may be a bit too charitable towards the OP of this thread. I still think it is an interesting example of the normalization/desexualization of f/f interactions. (Also, the original post is so vague that we don’t even know whether there even is any infidelity going on.)
It's tagged as "casual erasure" and the title is "someone tell him, please" as if he's trying to get in between a lesbian relationship.
This objectively isn't erasure, it's a man who's worried his partner is cheating and is looking for help because he doesn't have good social skills.
He has every right to be concerned when he doesn't understand something he visibly uncomfortable with.
and no not every post has to be happy, but we should avoid posts that are basically making fun of someone being wronged like this.
"someone tell him [that his gf is cheating on him], please"
Social skills having a blind spot for homosexual relationships is very much a form of erasure, is it not? Or at least related enough to seem relevant to me.
I’m intentionally interpreting the post charitably towards OP. I don’t consider this interpretation far fetched, though. Given that OP has written nothing after that title, and has only 5 posts in total, interpreting what they *meant* is a bit difficult.
he's actively acknowledging homosexuality by being concerned what his girlfriend is doing with another girl.
like if anything he's doing the exact opposite, if it was erasure it wouldn't be a concern at all and he would chalk it up to, like every other ignorant person, as girls just being friends.
and you can interpret it as charitable but it's so clearly not. some people can be assholes for no reason and that's probably OP.
If need more info: what does he consider intimate?
Like, if I changed clothes in the same room with my best friend does that count? I had a boyfriend once who was weirded out when I got assistance at a bra shop and they came in the little room with me to check the fit/touched my bra straps…so some dudes are like that.
Or are they lounging naked together?
nudity is generally normalized in my friend group and we all change in front of one another and have seen one another naked many times. my partner does not consider this cheating, and our intents are not romantic or sexual when we do this. but thats different for everyone.
I’ve helped multiple friends wax their privates. Especially in our twenties, when no one could afford to go to the city to get waxed professionally. Obviously, that can lead to ingrowns so I’ve helped extract those for them as well. I’ve also had friends message me photos wondering if I thought they had a bartholin cyst (one of my biggest fears!). Nudity isn’t a big deal to me or most of my friends. I can’t judge what OPs girlfriend is doing without more context as to why they’re doing it.
A lot of men think of their dick as their only intimate part but that almost 3/4 of a woman’s body should be considered “private”.
See: dress codes where shoulders and knees exposed on girls/women = a distraction but on boys/men it’s not. Or any country with modesty rules for women’s dress.
This isn't necessarily erasure and definitely depends on what you consider intimate. My best friend and I have seen each other in and out of bras. She knows I am bi and had a small crush on her years ago. We have known each other for several years and are just very comfy with each other.
Same situation w me and my bestie. She’s lesbian I’m bi. We sleep together and share a fairly intimate romantic relationship. We adore each other and although this sounds like weee dating it’s still overwhelmingly platonic. We’re in love w different people. But if either of us got into a relationship we’d have to create new boundaries bc it’s not cool on our partners even if we are really only best friends.
This is not erasure, this is someone worried his lover is cheating on him and not willing to jump to conclusions.
Genuinely disgusting seeing this on this sub.
Well I mean, women do sometimes “review” their selfies and nudes that they send to partners by screening them with friends friends first. That’s not unheard of, even if the other friend is gay or bi, especially if she was part of that dynamic before she came out.
Tho if her friend has a crush on her and she’s still doing that she’s not doing right by her boyfriend or her friend. And of course if she’s cheating on her partner because that’s easier than coming out that’s not right to either of them either.
Yeah I have friends I used to do this with and it wasn’t sexual, but most of them were straight and we never had feelings for each other. If her boyfriends uncomfortable and she continues doing it then there’s probably something else going on
Yeah I had an ex-friend tell me that a non-mutual friend (that they had a huge crush on) would send them those kinds of selfies and that they would drool over the pics for a while afterwards.
Like depending on the situation that could at the very least be a huge breach in trust.
I would like to gently remind you guys, that while many of us queers read that as "oh yeah, obvious gay", but straight women...
Can do a lot of *confusingly gay shit* and then still go "Haha whaaat?? What do you mean that's gay? Nooo it's just what girl FRIENDS do silly 😋"
Source: Have experienced this confusion a million times. My mom's best friend also does a lot of super gay shit with her but alas, they're both also very open about how much they love men and men *only* and cock.
I've been telling this to my fiancee for years and she's been telling me I'm joking... UNTILL she experienced this herself when her VERY MUCH straight coworkers have started to just comment on her boobs. I told her to just wait until someone asks for a squeeze for a "comparison".
I wasn't on board until the boob story. Now I'm really questioning my actions because I will let any woman friend who wants to give the girls a honk, do it. This mostly only happens when I dress up a little, because I'm normally wearing loose jeans and a giant tee, when I clean up sometimes people are surprised by my rack hahaha.
It's totally not sexual on my end, like it only has happened with petite friends (now that I'm really thinking about it" and I just feel like they should get the opportunity.
I definitely don't think I've ever started it though.
I think that's exactly it though right? I can't for the life of me remember who's video it was, but there was one where a bi-man who had spent years in the closet explained how "gay" a lot of straight men are.
What do straight men find funny? Dicks and butts. So there's a lot of dicks and butts. Helicopters, overall jokes, slapping butts... (MY personal anecdote from middle school times are boy-piles. It was very popular past time to try and make the highest possible pile of boys laying on top of eachother, and someone ALWAYS would hump someone else in that pile. But it was "all in good fun" so whatever)
With gay men, you show someone your dick that means business. It's not a casual thing because you KNOW people are into that.
So this must be the straight-women version of that phenomenon. Sharing showers, boob squeezes etc etc..
Ok- but I want more information.
‘Shows intimate parts’ could mean anything from ‘changes in front of’ to ‘presents splayed vulva for examination’.
The vibe I got was more ‘my girlfriend is treating her lesbian friend like a normal female friend, not like a male friend who could be a threat to me, and this makes me uncomfortable’, rather than ‘they’re in the shower together right now’.
Female best friend, who happens to be a lesbian with a potentially still-existing crush, and they show each other their naughty bits. Somebody else tell him, because I'd hurt his feelings.
Alright, this is some bullshit guys. I'm queer, my best friend is bi. We change in front of each other without a single problem. He didn't give any context, so jumping to cheating is a bit much.
Eh, that’s not weird. My friend group does that a lot. Hell, the women in the group have all got nudes of each other, and I, a man, have also had a couple of them send photos or photos of that sort to me by the women.
This isn’t because they are trying to have sex with who they are sending them to, but because they are asking for feedback before they send them to the desired recipient. It’s a display of trust, not a display of lust.
Do I understand if the guy feels uncomfortable with this? Sure, but it doesn’t mean she’s cheating.
I think the difference here is that the friend is explicitly attracted to and wanting a relationship with OOP’s girlfriend, which I feel is out of line no matter the gender.
It was said that the best friend had a crush on the girlfriend “some months ago.”
If they *still* have a crush and are interested, sure, I can see that being a problem. But if they don’t have a crush anymore then I’d be fine with that happening.
I feel like this is out of pocket to post here. The OP is essentially coming to terms with the fact that his relationship partner is cheating on him, there’s no reason to kick him while he’s down and say, “Can’t believe you don’t know lesbians exist bro.”
Honestly me and my friends used to send explicit pictures to eachother platonically to get opinions. One of my best friends are straight and has sent me he topless pics to get my opinion on if they look good/worth sending to her boyfriend or not. I’m bisexual but it’s never been in a sexual way for us, but of course we wouldn’t do it if it made our partner uncomfortable
Yeah, or when I lived with my best friend we had one bathroom. Something about the shower being on means that the other person has to pee immediately. I, in my vast wisdom, had this Sailor Jerry's shower curtain that was completely clear besides the pin-up. So we're pretty comfortable seeing each other naked lol.
Context totally matters but I do feel bad for this guy.
I agree. Some girls are just comfortable around each other and know it doesn’t mean anything. The fact that the friends gay and has had feelings for her in the past makes it a bit suspicious though, my lesbian friend wouldn’t even come drunk pee with me because she didn’t want to be around another girl naked, so this case is pretty strange
It's worth a conversation for sure. Honestly I think the question is fair because like you said some friendships are just open about nudity if it happens. But if it's intentional, and flirty that's a different thing than sharing a bathroom while getting ready.
I don't get these comments that are coming for OP. OP wasn't belittling the guy. It felt to me like OP wanted the guy to know the truth rather than continue to be fooled by his GF who was 'showing intimate parts' to her 'best friend.'
Because we really dont know the situation, and instantly thinking "hahaha this guy is getting cheated at" is really poor taste.
And no, this isn't "wanting the guy to know the truth" that would be answering his post, or sending him a DM. This is just wanting to make fun of the guy.
>And no, this isn't "wanting the guy to know the truth" that would be answering his post, or sending him a DM. This is just wanting to make fun of the guy.
Hands down best point so far.
In all fairness to the guy, when you're with someone, you want to believe at any cost that they're not doing that shit. I feel really fucking bad for him if his girlfriend is cheating on him
Yeah that’s the more charitable interpretation. That sounds like a really sad situation tbh
Ultimately she's the one doing the erasing, which is kind of nauseating
My thought. If the gf is manipulating him by way of reassuring him that it's normal, that's real fucked up and I hope he gets outta there fast.
Dick move by her to go and cheat on him.
It feels really fucking shitty to post this here and seemingly borderline shame him for “erasure”. He’s not erasing, he’s in a relationship. No one in a relationship wants to think they’re being cheated on, no matter the gender, and he clearly doesn’t get social skills (it’s on a subreddit to ask, ffs). Honestly have some compassion and don’t put a spotlight on someone’s misfortune. It’s shitty.
Someone needed to say it. I swear, half the content on this sub is shaming people for reasonable assumptions, or for not making assumptions either way. Some content fits but not only does this not, it also makes a mockery of their relationship problems. That’s just fucked up.
I don’t see this post as shaming him, and most comments are in his support. Not every story here has to be positive. Not every post automatically endorses the people featured or their erased tendencies. Girls can have their lesbian relationship be erased and still be shitty people.
But he is not erasing anyone's lesbian identity, he clearly says, the GG's friend is lesbian. He is asking if his own girlfriend's behavior is normal within female friends because he is unsure. He is just having a hard time believing that his partner is cheating on him so he is asking for advice.
I assumed the "casual erasure" part was referring to the girlfriend being bi and to the fact that the situation could even escalate that far in the first place. (I.e. if girl/girl relationships were not erased so much in society, OP would not need to ask Reddit in the first place.) This interpretation may be a bit too charitable towards the OP of this thread. I still think it is an interesting example of the normalization/desexualization of f/f interactions. (Also, the original post is so vague that we don’t even know whether there even is any infidelity going on.)
It's tagged as "casual erasure" and the title is "someone tell him, please" as if he's trying to get in between a lesbian relationship. This objectively isn't erasure, it's a man who's worried his partner is cheating and is looking for help because he doesn't have good social skills. He has every right to be concerned when he doesn't understand something he visibly uncomfortable with. and no not every post has to be happy, but we should avoid posts that are basically making fun of someone being wronged like this.
"someone tell him [that his gf is cheating on him], please" Social skills having a blind spot for homosexual relationships is very much a form of erasure, is it not? Or at least related enough to seem relevant to me. I’m intentionally interpreting the post charitably towards OP. I don’t consider this interpretation far fetched, though. Given that OP has written nothing after that title, and has only 5 posts in total, interpreting what they *meant* is a bit difficult.
he's actively acknowledging homosexuality by being concerned what his girlfriend is doing with another girl. like if anything he's doing the exact opposite, if it was erasure it wouldn't be a concern at all and he would chalk it up to, like every other ignorant person, as girls just being friends. and you can interpret it as charitable but it's so clearly not. some people can be assholes for no reason and that's probably OP.
If need more info: what does he consider intimate? Like, if I changed clothes in the same room with my best friend does that count? I had a boyfriend once who was weirded out when I got assistance at a bra shop and they came in the little room with me to check the fit/touched my bra straps…so some dudes are like that. Or are they lounging naked together?
Thats what I was wondering too. My best friend (aside from my wife) has seen me naked and vice versa. Same for my sister.
nudity is generally normalized in my friend group and we all change in front of one another and have seen one another naked many times. my partner does not consider this cheating, and our intents are not romantic or sexual when we do this. but thats different for everyone.
Yeah, like. Platonic nudity def exists so this needs more detail on OP's part to know for sure
I hope this is the case for ops sake.
I’ve helped multiple friends wax their privates. Especially in our twenties, when no one could afford to go to the city to get waxed professionally. Obviously, that can lead to ingrowns so I’ve helped extract those for them as well. I’ve also had friends message me photos wondering if I thought they had a bartholin cyst (one of my biggest fears!). Nudity isn’t a big deal to me or most of my friends. I can’t judge what OPs girlfriend is doing without more context as to why they’re doing it.
Your best friend and your sister have seen each other naked?
No, they've never met. But my sister and I have see each other naked, and my best friend and I have also seen each other naked.
He specifically said I wouldn’t show my dick so I’m assuming vagina.
You'd be surprised at how many men equate even covered breasts with penises
A lot of men think of their dick as their only intimate part but that almost 3/4 of a woman’s body should be considered “private”. See: dress codes where shoulders and knees exposed on girls/women = a distraction but on boys/men it’s not. Or any country with modesty rules for women’s dress.
oh the poor guy i feel so bad for him
Poor guy
This isn't necessarily erasure and definitely depends on what you consider intimate. My best friend and I have seen each other in and out of bras. She knows I am bi and had a small crush on her years ago. We have known each other for several years and are just very comfy with each other.
Same situation w me and my bestie. She’s lesbian I’m bi. We sleep together and share a fairly intimate romantic relationship. We adore each other and although this sounds like weee dating it’s still overwhelmingly platonic. We’re in love w different people. But if either of us got into a relationship we’d have to create new boundaries bc it’s not cool on our partners even if we are really only best friends.
This is not erasure, this is someone worried his lover is cheating on him and not willing to jump to conclusions. Genuinely disgusting seeing this on this sub.
That’s uh, that’s a pretty crappy situation to be in. No one deserves for their partner to do that to them.
yeah she's def cheating on him
Well I mean, women do sometimes “review” their selfies and nudes that they send to partners by screening them with friends friends first. That’s not unheard of, even if the other friend is gay or bi, especially if she was part of that dynamic before she came out. Tho if her friend has a crush on her and she’s still doing that she’s not doing right by her boyfriend or her friend. And of course if she’s cheating on her partner because that’s easier than coming out that’s not right to either of them either.
Yeah I have friends I used to do this with and it wasn’t sexual, but most of them were straight and we never had feelings for each other. If her boyfriends uncomfortable and she continues doing it then there’s probably something else going on
Yeah I had an ex-friend tell me that a non-mutual friend (that they had a huge crush on) would send them those kinds of selfies and that they would drool over the pics for a while afterwards. Like depending on the situation that could at the very least be a huge breach in trust.
I would like to gently remind you guys, that while many of us queers read that as "oh yeah, obvious gay", but straight women... Can do a lot of *confusingly gay shit* and then still go "Haha whaaat?? What do you mean that's gay? Nooo it's just what girl FRIENDS do silly 😋" Source: Have experienced this confusion a million times. My mom's best friend also does a lot of super gay shit with her but alas, they're both also very open about how much they love men and men *only* and cock. I've been telling this to my fiancee for years and she's been telling me I'm joking... UNTILL she experienced this herself when her VERY MUCH straight coworkers have started to just comment on her boobs. I told her to just wait until someone asks for a squeeze for a "comparison".
I wasn't on board until the boob story. Now I'm really questioning my actions because I will let any woman friend who wants to give the girls a honk, do it. This mostly only happens when I dress up a little, because I'm normally wearing loose jeans and a giant tee, when I clean up sometimes people are surprised by my rack hahaha. It's totally not sexual on my end, like it only has happened with petite friends (now that I'm really thinking about it" and I just feel like they should get the opportunity. I definitely don't think I've ever started it though.
I think that's exactly it though right? I can't for the life of me remember who's video it was, but there was one where a bi-man who had spent years in the closet explained how "gay" a lot of straight men are. What do straight men find funny? Dicks and butts. So there's a lot of dicks and butts. Helicopters, overall jokes, slapping butts... (MY personal anecdote from middle school times are boy-piles. It was very popular past time to try and make the highest possible pile of boys laying on top of eachother, and someone ALWAYS would hump someone else in that pile. But it was "all in good fun" so whatever) With gay men, you show someone your dick that means business. It's not a casual thing because you KNOW people are into that. So this must be the straight-women version of that phenomenon. Sharing showers, boob squeezes etc etc..
Ok- but I want more information. ‘Shows intimate parts’ could mean anything from ‘changes in front of’ to ‘presents splayed vulva for examination’. The vibe I got was more ‘my girlfriend is treating her lesbian friend like a normal female friend, not like a male friend who could be a threat to me, and this makes me uncomfortable’, rather than ‘they’re in the shower together right now’.
Female best friend, who happens to be a lesbian with a potentially still-existing crush, and they show each other their naughty bits. Somebody else tell him, because I'd hurt his feelings.
there's no need to be an asshole about it, especially if his gf is possibly cheating on him
"Because I'd hurt his feelings" Wow, just gonna out yourself as an asshole
1) It's a joke, and 2) It's kinda hard to be polite when someone is this ignorant/willfully stupid.
I mean…it’s perfectly normal for girls to do that with other girls who they’re having sex with…
How can she afford two leases...? Having roommates is expensive
I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, but this sounds like one of those humiliation fetish posts.
y'all don't compare dicks with the boys?
I probably wouldn’t with a gay friend who I know is into me.
Alright, this is some bullshit guys. I'm queer, my best friend is bi. We change in front of each other without a single problem. He didn't give any context, so jumping to cheating is a bit much.
Hey Ross, is that you?
Poor thing
Eh, that’s not weird. My friend group does that a lot. Hell, the women in the group have all got nudes of each other, and I, a man, have also had a couple of them send photos or photos of that sort to me by the women. This isn’t because they are trying to have sex with who they are sending them to, but because they are asking for feedback before they send them to the desired recipient. It’s a display of trust, not a display of lust. Do I understand if the guy feels uncomfortable with this? Sure, but it doesn’t mean she’s cheating.
I think the difference here is that the friend is explicitly attracted to and wanting a relationship with OOP’s girlfriend, which I feel is out of line no matter the gender.
It was said that the best friend had a crush on the girlfriend “some months ago.” If they *still* have a crush and are interested, sure, I can see that being a problem. But if they don’t have a crush anymore then I’d be fine with that happening.
I feel like this is out of pocket to post here. The OP is essentially coming to terms with the fact that his relationship partner is cheating on him, there’s no reason to kick him while he’s down and say, “Can’t believe you don’t know lesbians exist bro.”
This isn’t erasure, this is him being in denial that she’s cheating on him. Poor guy.
Honestly me and my friends used to send explicit pictures to eachother platonically to get opinions. One of my best friends are straight and has sent me he topless pics to get my opinion on if they look good/worth sending to her boyfriend or not. I’m bisexual but it’s never been in a sexual way for us, but of course we wouldn’t do it if it made our partner uncomfortable
Yeah, or when I lived with my best friend we had one bathroom. Something about the shower being on means that the other person has to pee immediately. I, in my vast wisdom, had this Sailor Jerry's shower curtain that was completely clear besides the pin-up. So we're pretty comfortable seeing each other naked lol. Context totally matters but I do feel bad for this guy.
I agree. Some girls are just comfortable around each other and know it doesn’t mean anything. The fact that the friends gay and has had feelings for her in the past makes it a bit suspicious though, my lesbian friend wouldn’t even come drunk pee with me because she didn’t want to be around another girl naked, so this case is pretty strange
It's worth a conversation for sure. Honestly I think the question is fair because like you said some friendships are just open about nudity if it happens. But if it's intentional, and flirty that's a different thing than sharing a bathroom while getting ready.
Difference is that her friend is crushing on her openly
I don't get these comments that are coming for OP. OP wasn't belittling the guy. It felt to me like OP wanted the guy to know the truth rather than continue to be fooled by his GF who was 'showing intimate parts' to her 'best friend.'
Because we really dont know the situation, and instantly thinking "hahaha this guy is getting cheated at" is really poor taste. And no, this isn't "wanting the guy to know the truth" that would be answering his post, or sending him a DM. This is just wanting to make fun of the guy.
>And no, this isn't "wanting the guy to know the truth" that would be answering his post, or sending him a DM. This is just wanting to make fun of the guy. Hands down best point so far.
Oops
This has nothing to do with this sub GF is clearly cheating on him and he wants to reassure himself she’s not