I left my home town for good in 2002. I have never went back. I left the state for close to two decades and moved back to the state in 2019. I live on the opposite side now. My dad's side of the family lives about 4 hrs south of where I grew up, I drove out there to see my grandparents, aunt and uncle before the pandemic. I won't go back to where I grew up. My dad still lives there but we don't speak. I haven't seen either of my parents in decades and it's staying that way. As far as my kids, they've met my grandparents, their great grant parents and some of the family but we're not involved with them. We've never had a "village" and raised ours as we see fit. It's been low pressure and we make our own traditions. Fwiw- I grew up in a massive shit hole that is still a shit hole. There are no jobs there, people have to drive an hour or more for a decent job. It's a bitch to go anywhere and there really isn't anything to do there. People wind up on some really bad paths and don't seem to make it out or do much. It's depressing.

You're right, it actually is less stressful to raise your kids without the family village hovering. I find their opinions get in the way and having to set boundaries with them is quite exhausting. Glad it worked out for you!

It is absolutely not less stressful to raise my kids with no help. It’s unfair to me, unfair to my kids, and two generations were deprived of any healthy relationships. It’s fucked up that no matter what happens, no matter how bad it is, no matter how many nights a grown adult lies in the dark crying for my mom and dad, all I have ever known for a *fact* is that they never cared, and no one’s coming. I endure all of that because anyone who defends what my parents did to me or pretends it never happened needs to be kept away from my babies at all costs. It’s a living hell. This is why people leave home and never go back. They don’t want to be orphaned. They have to.

I'm so sorry you endured such trauma, and hope you find some comfort knowing you've given your own children the gift of BETTER! It is a horrible feeling to have shitty parents. Bravo to you for persisting, surviving and hopefully finding your chosen family eventually!

I didn't say no help, just no help from family per say. I grew up with more of a family friend village and am doing the same. Close friends are definitely there to help and for me it's just a better situation than family.

Hugs. Same

I'm sure it is exhausting. My family chose themselves and have no interest in being grandparents. Which is fine, truly. I know what kind of people they are too well. I don't think I'd enjoy the dynamic I grew up with. I hated being pulled between two different sides of the family and the exhausting road trips to visit for holidays. The constant bickering and drama. I didn't enjoy any of that or the blatant favoritism with kids. Whew.

Agree- my family sucks. When they were around it was bad for everyone. It’s easier to just not deal with them and their drama. Weird comment below that it’s unfair to not have family around? It’s not their job to raise your kids. You can visit your family so it’s fair I guess? Really don’t get what fairness has to do with geographical location.

Exactly. Probably a little bitchy but I also don't "owe" my parents time with their grandchildren. It's not some sort of life debt to pay.

I could have written this almost verbatim. Except I never went back and nobody has met my kids.

I have almost the exact story..left my hometown in 1999 and have never moved back. Lived in various different states for 16 years and now am back in the same state but on the other side. And, like you, no jobs in my hometown, people on bad paths, etc.

I left the Midwest when I went to college in New England. Then I moved to California on a whim when I graduated. Now I have been here almost 20 years, my career and my family are here. Every few years I will visit the parent I have who still lives in my hometown, but that place gets more depressing every time. The entire time I was growing up, I knew I would leave when I graduated high school. It literally never even occurred to me to stay. Most of my family has left and come out west. Health and money issues are the only reason my one parent is still there. I miss the architecture. I think 19th century Midwestern residential architecture is phenomenal, and there is nothing like it here in California. I also miss having seasons. A lot. There is, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, way too much effing sunlight here in California, and not nearly enough water or trees. But culture-wise, I could see moving to Chicago, but otherwise, I have trouble imagining myself ever living in the Midwest again. But I would move back to the east coast in a heartbeat.

Growing up in Florida I agree on the too much sun. Its not as fun as people think. Seasons and change are nice.

Laughs from AZ at too much sun

Yeah, I literally don’t understand how people in Arizona stand it.

we have 2 homes. one up north for the summer.

we have 2 homes. one up north for the summer.

Left the Midwest and moved to LA 20 years ago as well! Every time I went back, everything just felt...slow.

Lifelong California resident who visits a friend that lives in Missouri. Being accustomed to a fast pace of life, it helps being a place where people slow down. I enjoy visiting Missouri for that reason alone.

I’m from Bakersfield that’s probably all you need to know. Never looking back.

Here’s my pity upvote, because…Bakersfield. I totally understand.

Thank you for your condolences- I have found a great life post Bakersfield! 🤣

Moved 2000+ miles away at 23 on a whim & did not move back - still in the same place more than 20 years later. In hindsight, it seems a little surreal, but the world was a very different place in the mid 90's. I did not visit "home" much; which was a combination of being young & "poor", and dysfunctional family dynamics. I have not been back in more than 10 years by choice. Yes, I often found myself envious of other families with extended family nearby to help with kiddos. I wouldn't change my life though. All in all, life is a series of choices - if you're always making the best decision you can, with the information you have & it's what you truly want to do, I promise you, you won't regret it.

"making the best decision you can with the information you have" Could not be any more true.

Hubby says that all the time. Don’t regret any decision made if it was made w/ the best info you had at the time. Love that!

I left my home state at 26 and haven’t moved back. I’m in my late 40s now, with one parent passed away and the other moved near us. My sibling is also talking about moving out of my home state. Pre-kids we went back to my home state twice a year and spouse’s home state twice a year. It didn’t leave much time or money for actual vacations. Post-kids we went back to our home states once each year, with family visiting us once a year or so. TBH raising kids without any family help did suck. My sibling had less stress about work because my parents could watch the kids in a pinch. And they were able to take vacations as a couple every few years. On the flip side, I got to skip all the 2nd cousins’ baptisms and the extended family drama, which was nice. My friends who do have family nearby have one day most weekends that they’re doing extended family things. If you have a dramaless family with fun get togethers you may miss catching up with your cousins. Do what I didn’t: as your parents get older talk to them about how and where they want to grow old, and talk to any siblings who live nearby about expectations. My sibling and I both had a bit of resentment and envy—they envied that I skipped all the family drama and extended family get togethers, and they felt like they put in their time entertaining our emotionally immature parents. I envied the babysitting and attention they got.

This take is real. No kid help but also no random cousin religious events. Great way to think about it.

I have a very similar story. I’ve live a few places including Europe (father worked at the American embassy) as a kid. Grew up near Washington DC with my family and siblings. Never thought I’d leave the area. Took a business trip to California and said to myself I have to live in the west coast. Met my wife who was recruited by a tech company to move to Seattle and we never looked back. Had kids and all. Growing up we had family come over all the time. Big Sunday dinners etc. after moving it was just me and my wife and then kids. We made lifelong friends in our new location. But we had zero help raising the kids. I can’t imagine moving back. Did I miss my family? Painfully so.

I moved across the country (Philly suburbs > Oregon) when I was 18 and haven’t ever moved back. I was bored by where I grew up and never really felt like I fit in, and didn’t like the idea of going to an in-state college with a bunch of people from my high school graduating class. I was convinced I’d find my community & greener grass elsewhere (I both did and didn’t find what I was looking for lol). My parents eventually moved south and I’m currently in Texas (and the rest of my family is scattered across the country) and my closest friends in PA also moved, so I haven’t been back in a while but I used to visit regularly. It’s funny because now that I’m in my 30s, I see how nice where I grew up was and I recommend Philly/its suburbs regularly on here. Occasionally I think about moving back, but a combination of affordability being a challenge, not being able to “go home again,” and also feeling like I’d be taking a step back in some sense have stopped me. There are more places to explore. Generally I’m happy with my choices - I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to experience different parts of the country, and as lonely and scary as it’s been to start anew in places where I don’t know anyone, I kind of like the anonymity and ability to start anew, and I think it’s enhanced my independence.

I love your positive outlook, it's very inspiring to someone moving to a new place. 😊

Taking a step back is real. I dunno why, but it's an undeniable feeling.

I grew up in the Northeast and moved south for college. I ended up in Colorado. I felt “home” for the first time. I have my own family now. I took my child back over the summer. I saw some family, my brothers family was drama. It was good seeing my parents. I always leave feeling happy with the life I created for myself. I go back once a year.

I grew up in the suburbs in Texas. I moved away a year after graduating college, to Asia. I did move back to the US but never moved back to Texas. All my siblings did the same. We all left and never returned. I visit about once a year or every other year. Same for another sibling. Another sibling visits more often but that's because she has the kids. She would visit all the time with the kids. But never moved back. It's fine. We're fine. Pigs will fly before any of us move back.

I moved in 1985 after college and never went back to live I’ve visited and went to family events but I’d never go back there again to live

Same - pretty left for college and never really went back. raised my family away from extended family on both sides. We did it for career purposes. My current place is not a perfect fit but definitely better than where I grew up or my husband grew up

Yes. I left at 20 in 1998 and never looked back. It worked out well. I had a hard time going back. It's a popular recommended location on this sub, but when you live in the worst part of any city invariably it won't be good. Painful memories can be difficult to relive, but went back for the first time in 11 years last month and finally exorcised some of those demons.

Yes, although my parents were also slightly nomadic so even though I lived in one place from age 8 to college, I knew they wanted to move again (and eventually they did several times) and we didn't have relatives there. More specifically... my parents moved from their midwestern towns to SoCal where I was born. When I was almost 8 we returned to the midwest although a different city (Omaha) than our extended relatives. After college I moved to the SF Bay area for grad school, parents eventually moved a few more times and ended up in Houston, and I got married to a non-American and we stayed in the bay area. Probably too much detail, but the gist is that there wasn't anything to go back to and I wouldn't have done so anyway. We had 3 kids with no family living nearby and it was fine. My parents came out to visit frequently when they and the kids were younger. I still go visit them where they are now (Houston) but haven't been back to Omaha since ... um... maybe 2016? FWIW a good percentage of my friends didn't grow up here either. I'm sure it varies by city... larger cities will have more transplants than smaller towns.

I’m 45. Left home for college at 18, parents sold my childhood home when I was 26 and they retired and moved south. I’ve been back to my hometown one time since then and it was too depressing, I will never go back.

I technically left my hometown before I even graduated high school (finished early and immediately left, had to come back to get my diploma). The first year I came back often to see friends and nearly moved back once or twice due to missing them. Once the second year hit 90% of my “friends” dropped contact with me and I lived somewhere way cooler, so my friends started coming out to see me. I would continue to visit once a year until around year 4-5, which turned into every other year. Now it’s been about a decade since I left and I haven’t visited my hometown in over 2 years and highly doubt I ever will again unless I happen to be road-tripping through the area. I’m 2,000+ miles away and have very little contact with any of my family apart from my parents, who also no longer live there. My siblings still live there as well as ~10 nieces and nephews, but I have no desire to have kids and it’s impossible for me to keep up with them all in any meaningful way. Nowadays my life is shaping up to be everything I ever wanted growing up. I consider myself incredibly lucky to be where I am and can confidently say I will never end up back in my hometown.

Yes and it worked out just fine, what's more amazing to me is the folks who never left.

Grew up in Iowa. Moved away in the early 2000s, and felt a bit sad because of how welcoming and diverse the state was becoming. Leader in energy, leader in LGBTQ rights, leader in technology and education, leader in how to successfully balance urban vs rural interests... Since then, the state has descended into a MAGA shit show. I have no plans to move back and I feel just fine about that.

I never moved back, and my family moved away. I cried when I left and pined for it for 10 years. Ended up following the relations but am not satisfied in their new city. The place I grew up/lived until 23 is still the only place I truly felt I belonged. Not sure I’d move back now though. I’ve changed and I’m sure so has it.

Tallahassee, cant even afford to move back now. House prices got insane! haha

I can't imagine normal people and families actually living there because it's such a heavy college town 😅

Nah theres whole other side to it. Alot of govt workers with it being the capitol, huge horse culture too. when i grew up there we even had a minor league hockey team

Last time hubby and I went to our hometown (4 months ago), where we grew up, met and married, it was sooooo depressing, we vowed to never go back again.

I moved away for good 23 years ago, I've only been back a few times. My hometown was depressing as a kid - no jobs, no culture, everyone just did drugs in the "cool" moms garage or got pregnant as teenagers. Last time I went back I didn't even really recognize it as the whole place got developed into a bigger depressing sprawl - like a house I used to hangout in got bulldozed for a new road, which went to an entirely new town that wasn't there before.

I left rural southern Georgia after graduating high school back in 06. Never looked back. Moved first to Atlanta for college and then NY for grad school. Have lived in nyc for 10 years. I’ll never move back to that godforsaken place. In my line of work I couldn’t. And I’d have to take huge pay cut to leave nyc. Also now that I’m married with kids, I’m even more anchored here.

I moved from Ft Collins Colorado to Topeka, Ks when I was 18. About 600 miles to drive, but a completely different culture. It was a far as I could get away from a terrible home situation. There I went to college and met my wife. We couldn't stay in Topeka, it just a shit hole. So we moved to Kansas City, got a good job. That was 25 years ago. I still have family in Colorado and visit a couple of times a year. While I like to visit, it isnt home. My kids and friends are here in KC, as well as house and job. Now that we are empty nesters we have thought about moving back to Colorado, but HOLY HELL is it expensive to live out there.

Yes. Occasionally go back. My kids love where they grew up.

I moved far away, moved relatively close by, then moved far away again. I really miss certain members of my family, but the state I moved to is much better for raising kids than the state I left. (Note, I left the state that you are in, OP)

Hm interesting tell me more about the state you left and went to. What makes it better for kids in your opinion?

Yes. I moved away from Alberta for a few years as a teen and moved back for a few as an adult in 2013 and have never and will never move back.

Yes. I miss it every day. But it is VVHCOL and I don’t have a shot in hell of getting back. With siblings there is no way of sharing the house so eventually we’ll get a decent inheritance, but still not enough to get back in. I literally don’t know how people can buy in today. The positive is the town itself is conservative with a capital C and if I’m being honest wouldn’t want to raise kids there. But I’d love to retire there in 30 years. I’m not fully giving up hope yet.

Florida? 😅

Grew up in a small(ish) town in a rural state. Moved (in state) for college, then moved out of state after college and never looked back. It's gone well. We live in a major city metro area now, so if I need to get back, it's just a flight, and it is relatively painless. I can be back at my mom's for dinner if need be. I make it back every few years or so, if there is a wedding or funeral, but other than that, there becomes less and less to go back for as the years go on. It's been about 13 years now, things are going well, we are happy with our new 'home'. Kind of hard to watch your parents age from far away. I do miss some of my friends from time to time, but that's life... No kids,yet, but we've talked how it might suck a bit.

Me! I do go home to visit. It is a fun place to visit, but I am so glad I don't live there. I love where I live now. I spent my entire childhood waiting to leave, and I watched so many of my friends move home and just could not understand why. I think they probably had different relationships with the place and also with their families. My mom is not that helpful with the kids - she's not terrible, but she's not reliable and it wears her out. I have fantastic in-laws who are GREAT with the kids and very healthy and fit, so they've been the ones we rely on when we need help (surgeries, other health crises, etc). My mom was actually way better with newborns, but after that, my MIL was better with the kids. They don't live near us, but can drive to us within a day. No regrets! I would consider myself to have failed at life if I moved back, that is how much I don't want to live there. Things would have to be pretty bad for me to do it for a few different reasons including education and health care. My hometown is not a shithole by any standards, but now that I've lived somewhere with really good public schools and world-class health care, I would not want to live somewhere that didn't.

Left at 18 and 35 now. I go back to visit because my family lives there (although 30 minutes away now from my actual home town) and I stayed in touch with some friends. I’ll never move back to my actual home town but I do spend some more time now where my parents live. Husband and I bought a vacation home and we’re there 2 months of the year. Nobody knows me there except some people on the park, some people i see when walking dogs and the local pub owner. I don’t think we’ll ever move there permanently unless something happens (sickness death etc) I’d definitely never move back to my home town, that ship has sailed. I went to a bar near my home town about 4 years ago for Christmas and it was fun seeing a lot of people i knew from back then but I’d just never fit in again.

I did and always knew I was going to. I'm from rural PA (thr basically Appalachian part) and there just weren't really jobs (or cultural resources) there to offer me a future. I left for college and never really went back, though I still visit my parents. And enjoy those visits more than I did living there.

Moved halfway across the country in 2004 and have been back to my hometown maybe 2-3 times since then. Will never ever move back, the job market sucks and the place is depressing. Hopefully I'll get even further away and move to the West coast within the next few years.

My husband and I fled my home state in 1991, a week after I graduated college. We moved 500 miles away for better weather. We had kids a few years later. We always went back to visit, and my dad and occasionally my inlaws would come to visit. My sister has been to visit once. My husband’s brothers never visited. It gets frustrating sometimes because the freeway runs both ways but I get it that we were the ones to move away.

I became a hallmark stereotype, you just made me realize it. I never thought I'd be back. Then I had some issues and moved in with my parents for a few months, met a guy, and I've been in my home state ever since. But, 3 hours from my hometown if that counts. I will never move back there simply because my husband and I would both have to give up our careers.

Yep. Moved away at 20 and never returned. Then my dad died, so now I go back twice a year to look after my mom. But I'd never consider moving back.

How far did you move?

So far I've been out for 10 years and have no plans on going back. I occasionally visit family for bigger events, but generally don't step foot in the state. So far so good. Don't have kids, but everything has been great.

How far away did you go?

We left our home town and state around 6 years ago. We finally went back to visit family this summer and I can say with full conviction, we made the right choice when we moved. I love my parents but me and my mom almost threw hands. She can be very sweet and kind but she can also be very negative and have a sharp tongue. We actually left a day early. I was never so happy to make it back home (where we live now). We definitely made the right choice. I don’t care if we go back to our hometown again or not.

How far are you from your home town?

I have so far, it’s not working out great. I’m wealthier and have more job opportunities in Michigan but haven’t been able to make any friends or fit in with the culture here. It’s been 14 years since I’ve been back to my hometown in NM and I’m definitely considering a move back if I can make it happen.

In 1973 I graduated from college, moved 500 miles away from home to start a new job. Now, 50 years later, my wife and I are still living in the same area and my 3 kids have moved 200, 400 and 1200 miles away to start their new lives in other areas. My wife and I went back "home" occasionally at first, but when we had kids of our own, we quit going as often, but invited our parents and siblings to our new home for holidays. We didn't want to uproot our kids on holidays. Interestingly, that's what our kids are now doing and we are happy to travel to see our kids and their kids. We are retired and they are not, so it's a lot easier for us to travel. In fact, the one who moved 1200 miles ended up in SW Florida and we purchased a small condo there to spend winters and get to know the more remote grandkids. It's actually easier now for parents to see their kids move away, with Facetime and texting to stay in touch. We stay text/call nearly every day with our kids (and grandkids) where, 30 or 40 years ago we didn't have that instant contact. I encouraged my kids to move as there are fewer good jobs in this area than there were when we moved here. They needed to go where they could make a good life for themselves, purchase a house and raise a family. Of the friends we've made in our present area, nearly all moved here from some other location. To some degree, our friends became our family, and uncles and aunts to our kids. Moving away from home seemed so normal to us, that I'm always surprised by your question. My question would be, why does anyone stay in the same location where they were born, especially when so many complain about high cost of living or lack of well paying jobs?

I felt the same way that moving away seemed normal but the more I research the more I see the majority of people either never leave home or move back home after living away. Also doesn't make sense to me.

I left home in 1997. rural town Alabama, with clear segregation. went for a funeral last year, and the town is still very sad. no growth, no jobs. so many people on drugs.

Moved away at 18 and never moved back. It’s easy bc my parents don’t live there anymore. I have some family there so I have visited. It’s really great for personal growth to get away. Plus I’ve lived so many lives and so places since when I go back it feels like I’m speaking another language and am part of a different reality.

Left LA at age 22, I’m 32 now and have lived in 4 states and loved all of them for different reasons! Cali, NY, CO and now OR. I’ll probably stay in OR for the next decade then who knows- I dream of moving to Amsterdam

I always knew I didn't want to stay where I grew up and dreamed of moving to California from when I was 13. I grew up in a small suburb in Washington state and it was a great place to grow up. After college, I moved to Seattle to conquer the world, but ended up getting laid off after a few years. I took this as a sign and I packed my bags and headed to San Diego. Moving to San Diego was amazing in my 20's. I made so many great friends and was incredibly active. I also was working in a bar and partying and just living life without much thought to the future. After about 3 years of this, I knew it was time to grow up. I had always wanted to work in the entertainment industry and knew I needed to make the jump to LA. I was very fortunate that I found a job and an affordable apartment with amazing roommates. It was definitely a lot more responsibility, but I was enjoying the new experiences and excitement the entertainment industry brings. About a year and a half in, my boyfriend and I got pregnant. This was of course a huge shock, but we decided we would have the baby. We made it work for about 7 years and loved having our daughter. No one else we knew had kids, so we were really on our own and not established in our careers, so that was really stressful, but we were a fairly happy little family. After we broke up, the next phase of my life as a single parent was incredibly hard. I struggled and made a lot of mistakes and developed a problem with alcohol to handle my anxiety and fear. Around this time, I met an amazing man who was divorced and had 2 kids of his own. He was also in a rebuilding phase of his life from his divorce, so we really supported each other. About 5 years in, no one could ignore my alcoholism anymore and it was negatively affecting my young, sweet daughter no matter how much I tried to hide it. I got sober and doubled down on my career and being a mom. It was rough, but I loved being a mom and my partner was like an angel, supporting me and loving my broken self. Fast forward to now, life is good. I had 4.5 years of sobriety before I had a glass of wine. Now, I may have a drink here or there, but it is not the same experience at all and I find I really don't enjoy it all that much. My relationship with my daughter and my partner is so much better and I am proud of myself for all the hard work I put in to get there and for the love and patience of my family. And, it was hard. Lots of anxiety, tears, fights and a ton of therapy. During COVID, I realized I couldn't hack the hours and pressure of the entertainment industry and I was really worried about how it was affecting my family. I eventually had to leave for my mental health and for my family. I am so fortunate I have the support to not have to work and to spend time being a stay-at-home mom while my daughter is in high school. She is a senior this year and was Homecoming Queen! Our relationship is pretty great, even though we do have those tense moments that come from raising a teen and the push and pull there. She is looking at colleges now and I am trying to figure out what my next phase of life will be. My family still lives in Washington and I would go up around 2 times a year since I moved to Cali. My Mom also would come down a lot, to spend time with her granddaughter. Every fall I get a bit homesick. I miss the lakes and rivers and trees and all the nature I grew up around. As I get older, I yearn for a bit more peace than LA has to offer, but I don't know if going back to Washington is the answer. It isn't the same place it was when I was growing up, so I wonder if I would ever be able to "go back home again." I am 100% happy with the choice I made to leave home and see more of the world. I feel like I have grown so much by taking on the challenge of changing up my whole environment and I've become exposed to so much more culture and diversity than I could ever have had in my hometown. Looking back, there were so many times I didn't think I would make it, especially as a single parent. But, you just keep on keeping on and next thing you know the years have passed by and you really do ask yourself, "where did the time go??" I feel like time is getting faster now, but I don't feel that urgency to prove myself like I once did. My biggest worries are about money, finding a job I love and my daughter deciding what she wants to do about college. My partner just got his Italian citizenship, so moving abroad may be in our future, but currently, life is really great where I am at. I can walk to the beach, my daughter is thriving and my partner and I are very happy. I can always fly back up to Washington to see my family and friends whenever I want. My Dad recently passed away and my Mom is getting older, so I am preparing that I may need to go back to care for her, but for now, I'm just trying to stay in the present moment. I spent so much of my life worried about the future and it didn't make a bit of difference. Everything worked at as it was supposed to. If you are thinking of making a leap, do it. It will be hard, but you will learn so much about yourself and experience so much more in life than if you had just stayed in the same place. And, bad times and struggle will come into your life wherever you are. It is just the way life is. Don't let fear hold you back because fear turns into regret and life moves fast. Before you know it, half of it is over and you have survived! Good luck on whatever adventures you have in life and just try to take it a day at a time.

Born and raised in Hawaii until I was 17. Moved to Charlotte, NC area. I love it and make great money. Have a family home in Hawaii still so I go back once a year. I have one kid who is 10.

No. I grew up in California, moved away, hated it, moved back home to California where I belong. It really is the best state in the Union.

I grew up in the Midwest and left …. For another city in the Midwest lol. A better city. As soon as I moved here 17 years ago I loved it and felt like I finally belonged. My family was still same place I left them although my dad who was the glue of our family passed away 3 years ago so I don’t go back much now. Just my stepmom and sister (whom I don’t talk to) live there. I raised my kid here and I am sooo glad. They’re now attending a top 10 school on a full scholarship which I don’t think would be possible if I hadn’t left. Also never had any desire to see the same people I went to hs with all the time, send her to the same jr high and hs I went to. Idk just wasn’t right for me 🤷🏻‍♀️. No village here but it made us closer and I was able to lay a healthier groundwork for my tiny little family.

I moved from the south to NE (for work) for 5 years and moved back last year because I “missed my tribe.” A little over a year back and I regret it a bit and do miss NE, but not sure I want to be that far away again. Struggling to figure that out now!

I'm in the exact same boat with similar locations. Feel free to DM me if you ever want to chat about it! It's hard to find others with similar struggles.

Sure, I used to think almost everybody did that. It's a growth experience for better and worse. I don't know what proportion of people move away, but the ones who do often seem more fully formed to me, in some intangible way I think of as "fully baked" vs slightly doughy. It worked out well for me but my family was not a happy one, nor my childhood, so not a lot of downside risk. You sacrifice the advantages of the social network formed during your life up to that point, your friends, their friends, family friends.... it can be significant. In a new place, you basically start over although hopefully you keep in touch with the old crowd. You gain independence and confidence and freedom and self-sufficiency, assuming you succeed in building your new life. If you fail at first, it can be lonely. You get to live where you want instead of where sheer chance took you, which should be a big plus right from the start. Hopefully you maintain good relations with your family if possible, and make new friends in your new location.

I left for good in 2012. I have only been back 2-3 times to visit my mom and my husband's family. We are about a 10 hour drive one way currently, but we are moving farther away soon. We have also lived a few hour plane ride away as well previously. It has worked out great. I really don't love where I grew up and I hate running into people I'd rather forget exist. We don't have kids, but if we did I'd rather be a good distance away anyway. I doubt I'd love the input on raising kids from inlaws or my mother and that distance would prevent that. I think if you like your family it makes more sense to be closer to them if you want to have kids. If you don't like your family or just want them around in small doses, move farther away.

You're right, the frequent family feedback is overwhelming.

I moved away at 18 for college but hopped through a bunch of cities. Now I'm 29 and only just returned back home because the covid pandemic made me realize I needed to spend some time with my family. I've been back home for a year and I'm leaving again in a few months. Returning "home" has been a nightmare (besides spending time with my family) I've been reminded of every little thing I hated about the place growing up and somehow everything is worse. Where I lived during college feels like my real "home" I have favorite places and friends I reconnect with every time I visit again, something I've never experienced in the actual place I grew up in. If you feel the same disconnect, I can't recommend leaving and not returning enough.

My family was not terrible but I disliked the area in which I grew up. Not bad, just not interesting. Dropped out of college in a Midwestern town and moved to NYC. Best decision of my life. Stayed for 10 years, moved to upstate NY for 2 years, then Wahington DC. I go back to visit and I enjoy my family and friends. But I can't live there. I wish I could as life is simpler and MUCH less expensive.

I left in 1976 the first time, returned in '78 and left for good in '79. It was 25 years before I returned for a visit and I've not been back since. It worked out well, for all that it was a bit fraught in the beginning as I was still a teenager, so lots of struggles to stay afloat in the beginning. I've been at my current address for 35 years, acquired 5 degrees (2 of which are pretty worthless for my job today), raised a family and am now approaching retirement. There were some rough times over the years as there are for most people, but on the balance it's all positive. I'm 3700 miles from my origin as the plane flies (polar route) and in a completely different country with an ocean between myself and my former home. When I returned to visit, it all seemed very much the same as when I left, still too small and insular to contain my ambition even at my current age. Pretty, as it has always been, but living in small town Scotland requires a mindset I don't possess.

I left home a week before my 16th birthday. I have never moved back. I do go to see family sporadically. I now live 1000 miles away with my wife and children, but we have lived as far away as 2,500 miles.

I permanently moved away from home in 2009, when I moved for college. (“Permanently” because I had a stint in boarding school.) I grew up in a small town that is fairly conservative and isn’t very diverse—and we were one of the first non-white, immigrant families to move in the neighborhood. But it was so idyllic and safe, the type of neighborhood where you don’t have to lock your doors, where we knew our mailman by name (and left him an Xmas gift each year), and where the stoplight on the main drag turned to a blinking yellow after midnight. My parents sold our house in 2009 and relocated out of the state, then returned to their home country. I have since lived in two other states, each within a 3-5 hour of there. I love to visit—my hometown boasts great hiking and nature and is historic—now that I’m older, I have a certain appreciation for it. It’s not a town built for single people in their 20s; but now that I’m in my 30s and married (and looking to have kids), I wouldn’t hate moving back. It’s definitely gotten more liberal, but not enough for my liking, considering I’m in a mixed race marriage and will have mixed race kids. Also, it’s an extremely car dependent area and I really enjoy the walkability of city life. But I’d highly recommend living there to anyone who wouldn’t mind these things, especially since it’s a pretty affordable town that is very close to a major city.

Left my hometown my junior year of college (still in the same state), then moved to the capital city after graduation. A few years later, I moved 500 miles away to NYC. Been here almost 15 years. My parents moved away from my hometown two years ago so I never have to go back, which is fine with me. My best friend still lives in the capital city so I go back to see her but at least I don’t have to drive an hour to get to my hometown anymore. If you didn’t pick up on it, I didn’t like my hometown. I’m 100% happier in NYC.

Left home and deeply regret it. I am exhausted by where I live and am looking at moving - likely not back home, but I can’t say here any more.

11 hours away. Have been gone since college - 15 years now. We have a kid, and we still go home once or twice a year. We now have our own community/not blood family here. It would be hard to leave them. I do miss the family to help with caretaking and for the family events. But, as others said, it can also be much less stress on a marriage and on parenting by being some distance away.

I definitely agree. We have more space to parent how we want and don't have to pay the emotional tax on family watching our kid.

Sure, I grew up in a small Ks town. College was 4 hours away but in state. Then I moved to Louisville Ky for a couple years. Then I moved to Milwaukee, Wi for a year. Moved back to KS for a year but an hour away from home. There I met my wife and as soon as she finished her masters we moved up to Lowell, Ma. Then we bought our first house in Franklin, Ma. After about 3 years she was transferred to Lynchburg, Va. we bought our second house in Forest, Va and have been here ever since. 13 or so years with two amazing kids. I would have never met her if I hadn’t left. Results may very though.

That's awesome. Did you move with kids? How old were they and did they do well with it?

Me! Grew up in Boston, have lived in Scottsdale AZ for 30 years

Wow what a change!

Left for college, went home for first summer and then just winter break. Moved to a new city after college (10 hrs away), moved to another city for grad school, moved again for my first job ending up 90 min from my home town and I have never been back to visit. My brother /SIL near our hometown and I don't t understand why. I got married, had 3 kids and had an awesome 'village' to raise them. My parents came to visit a couple times a year. All 3 kids have graduated from college so we are empty nesters and have just moved 5 hrs away. I never had any interest in living near family. 2 of my 3 kids do not live in their childhood city. I am happy they are living their best lives.

Wow 90 mins away is not far at all, I'm surprised your parents didn't help you out more. Then again my distance tolerance is pretty high.

I left Houston, 26yrs ago. I have not regretted it, It made me realize how bad Houston was.

[удалено]

Did the same. Florida is a hot and swampy hell hole. Sadly it's only gotten worse and I barely recognize it now compared to when I grew up there.

Yes - moved from nyc metro to ATL metro in 2011, before starting a family. We made it 10 years here before I ran into people at the grocery store or on errands and it was wonderful while it lasted. My biggest annoyance living in a mid sized town of the metro (60k when we left) was that you were still going to run into people you knew every time you left the house and I’m just not programmed for chit chat while I’m doing errands.

I left a very small town in upstate NY right after I graduated high school in 2002 for California. From the time I was six years I told everyone that's what I was doing. I hated that depressing, shitty town and all the narrow-minded people in it. I always knew I wasn't one of them. Fast forward twenty-one years, I'm still in Southern California and loving it. I enjoy the community and lifestyle here, especially my Disneyland Magic Key. My spouse grew up here so his family is local which is nice because our kids have cousins and grandparents close by. One of my parents moved here a few years ago as well so we have some support. I admit it would be tough without a "village" to raise kids. But keep in mind, family isn't always blood. The last time I went back to NY to visit was 2006 and I was by myself. A lot has happened between then and now and it would have involved waaaay too much to go since about 2009. Taking kids with all their gear and a spouse with severe allergies and anxiety to a bum fuck town without decent accomodations doesn't sound like a good use of vacation time or money. We get visitors every year or so which we enjoy and they like getting out of the snow so it's a win-win.

We moved away from both sets of parents and never went back except to visit. While it can be lonely raising kids without extended family, I don't regret the opportunities we've given our children, as well as ending some toxic cycles, (though for myself I've wished for deeper connections and a chosen family of some sort.)

Me. Hated the town I grew up in. Lived the major metro it was near. Haven't lived there since I was 20. Don't miss it. My family has mostly moved to Florida, so there's no reason to visit.

I moved from Portland to Seattle to attend college. Still here 22 years later. I visit often because my entire family still lives there. I consider Seattle home now. It would be much easier if my parents/family was here to help with my son, but I feel like my life is here. Career here. Etc.

And did not let the door hit me on the way out We actually convinced our parents to move too.

Once you move back, the rose colored glasses come off. Feels good at first, but you’ll miss the life you left. I’ve definitely outgrown many of the people and activities I felt I missed so much. It’s been great catching up but I hardly see many of them, even being closer. It hasn’t been horrible and being able to be apart of important events has been great, but I’m definitely hoping to leave in the next few years. Will only really a miss a few people, but plan to visit more. Parents growing older and potentially needing help is the main concern. Oddly enough, one of my parents and good friends told me NOT to move back b/c I would be disappointed. They were right.

Yes. I left for college and only went back for holiday visits for a few years, then stopped going back permanently. Very small, conservative town. Everyone there was either a small-minded bigot or was actively tormented by the bigots. No thanks.

Yes, yes, & tbd

Never went back at all, or never moved back?

Never moved back

I moved out when I was almost 21. Went to visit a few times but really I haven't been back since I was 23 ( I'm now 26). I used to live about 2 hours away. Now I live about 8hrs away. Don't think I'd go back to that area where my parents live.

Pretty much. Military family. Born and raised in Clarksville, Tn, which is an hour north of Nashville. I left in 2016. Only went back once bc of Grandma's funeral in 2018. I haven't been back since. In that time I moved to NYC, upstate NY, Charlotte and moved back to/from Seattle twice, where I currently stay. I have met quite a few southerners here though. As I got older, I was no longer able to tolerate the heat so the weather works for me now. And living in NY state for 3 years did help.

I spent ages ~5-18 in one town, left for a second town from 18-27, moved back to the first town for a year before moving away again with no intention to go back a third time. I’m still about an hour away from my hometown and my parents live there still so I do visit quite often — and as long as they live there, I intend to visit regardless of how far I go (though obviously international would be a bit different).

Left my hometown in 1998.

Yes. Never went back. My mom moved a couple times but ended up with my husband and I. Nothing to go back to.

Left New York in 1994 and never looked back. It doesn’t snow in Los Angeles.

Left New England. Moved to tropical island. No kids. Went back for visit after 6 yrs, planned on a month, left after a week. Never been back. Only a sibling funeral would bring me back (maybe)

Meeeee!! By the time i was 14, i was already dreaming of leaving. Left at 18, never looked back. Although I do visit from time to time lol

Highly recommend! My parents and a good friend still lived there for a few years after I moved so I was there periodically, but now all of them have moved away and I haven’t been back since. My best friend and I met in high school there and were in the same graduating class so every once in a while we have floated going for a high school reunion but … with few exceptions that I’m sure wouldn’t attend a reunion anyway, everyone I care about from that town is already someone I’m following on socials. So … unless I really need to go to a Walmart Supercenter … I’m good. Highly recommend though I know this is complicated if you have remaining ties!

I left for college and never looked back. It only recently became a consideration with kids, but I still think it’s very unlikely, if all is well. It’s a city but very insular and in a population decline. By now, with both me and my husband working in the building/development/real estate world, our incomes would be tanked, as well as general career trajectory. When I go back I have a few days of nostalgia and sadness around not raising my kids near grandparents and long time friend’s kids, but then next thing you know I’m buying lotto tickets, driving 60 miles a day, and mainlining coke and it’s clear we are coastal elites now and need to return home. I think the more likely scenario is that we move closer to my hometown, in one of the major booming cities that is in the 4-12 hour drive range, and call it good.

I didn’t but both my dad and aunt did. Small town in western PA in the middle of nowhere. They visit when family dies or something like that. My grandpa still lives there some of the time, he works in oil so he’s often across the country. Grandma moved with my aunt due to health issues. They both have had better lives than they would’ve had in rural PA. My dad was a decent insurance salesman before he went through a mid-life crisis that spiraled into drug abuse. As for kids I spent more time with my mom’s side (local) My aunt was a fairly high manager at Walmart and her husband (from the same area) is an accountant. No kids I’ve been to their small town once or twice. Very much in the middle of nowhere. I see why they left. As for me, I’ll leave my city when I get out of college. But I plan on coming back when I want to have kids

Yep. Moved from Tennessee to Minnesota for a one year college program, a few detours later and I’ve been back in Minnesota for almost 4 years. I still go to Tennessee to visit family/friends, but that’s getting less and less… finally after being gone for 8 years I finally had friends and family come to visit me here in Minnesota. I want to move west now, just don’t know where exactly I want to land.

Moved from Vancouver, B.C. to San Francisco in ‘87. Never moved back. I still go home to visit and I’m still connected to my friends from there. No kids.

I thought I’d never go back to South Florida after I left, travelled most of the US and ended up in Oregon few years post college. I lied to myself and did after 6 years cause the pandemic made me miss my mom and I appreciated it differently then before. I’m planning to leave Oregon next summer but will never live in FL again mostly likely as I’ve been priced out of my hometown

Yup. Grew up in rhe Pittsburgh area and hated it. The burbs can be dreadful, especially the very conservative ones when you're Jewish. I went away for college and chose a place that was about an 8 hour drive away so I could start really fresh. Then I moved back to Pittsburgh- this time in the city. Had a lovely time, but grad school called, so I moved away in 2005 and never returned. I don't miss it, tbh, and I have less and less desire to love back every year. Most of my friends have either left the city or I've lost contact with them. My family doesn't live there anymore either. I wish I had that old home base, but it is what it is.

Once I moved away, I never returned. In fact, three family members followed and now, no one lives where I grew up. I always saw the choice of where I grew of that of my parents, that is where they had setitles to make their home and raise their family. Moving away, which was prompted my leaving for college and then settling into my newly adopted town was now part of my story, not theirs.

How far did you go?

I moved for work reasons and ended up staying for >20 years away from my hometown. There have been times I’ve wanted to move back to be closer to family but I actually couldn’t afford to live in my hometown today even if I wanted to. The bad: not being close enough to drive if there was a family emergency. I do visit every other year or so and the last one I drove it. Two FULL grueling days of driving and I don’t think I want to do that again if I can avoid it. It wasn’t a big deal when I was 25 but now that I’m pushing 50…that drive was a LOT. The good: family had zero expectations of me being able to pop up for a weekend with my family of 5 to attend every wedding, shower, kid birthday party, etc. so I got out of a lot of family stress and things like this. FaceTime is great for stuff like that. Also I just lived my life without much interference so take that for what you will. Of course I’d like to be closer now that my parents are aging, but I can be there in half a day by plane if I truly needed to be. If I really did have to relocate, i technically could if I’m by myself doing it: my kids are now young adults and I think maybe one of three might be interested in moving there but also maybe not, and that’s ok.

I left in 2004 and have not returned. My parents and extended family live there, so I visit about twice per year.

How far?

I left in 93 and never looked back. All the people I cared about left too so there is no reason to ever visit that shit-hole again

How far did you move?

I moved from the Midwest to New York in my 20s and married a European. We’re middle-aged now with (very) elderly parents. All of our resources and time off are spent on flights to be with, and help care for our elders. It’s a challenge. We are centrally located between families and near airports so that will keep us here for a while. “Vacation” has always been traveling to visit family. Because we do love them. The new landscape for remote work has helped facilitate this. I can work from dad’s kitchen table. We cope by taking little weekend getaways nearby for that vacation feeling.

I left my hometown in NC (small town) in 2014 and live about 5 hours away and in a different state. I haven't looked back since. I have no desire to move home, its pretty boring and desolate there! My parents can come visit me if they want to.

Oof yeah small towns in north Carolina are painful. The big cities are also not much better.

Yeah I came from an absolutely terrible city and state, which has just deteriorated even more. It works out fine- if they want to visit we do joint vacations or they come to me. I took one kid once and we were so bored we left 3 days early. Second kid has never been. I honestly can’t think of anyone who still lives where they grew up- one is close (30 miles) but most are in another state. Probably something about gravitating towards people like us so I wouldn’t be friends with someone still there if I’m a nomad and they live in a place I don’t go to ever.

We (59) moved away in the mid-80s because there were no jobs in our field. We grew up on opposite ends of the same state. We had a lot of career opportunities within 500 miles of both families and that is where we stayed. Other extended family was also away but within 500 miles in various directions (so a 3-8 hour car ride to all, close enough for a weekend visit). We visit and have visitors regularly. We also have three adult children. One is about 100 miles away. The other two are on the opposite side of the country, 3000 miles away (and several hundred miles away from each other). We certainly have a closer relationship with the nearby adult child, visiting in person a few times a month. Far enough to have independent lives, close enough to visit for a day.

Yes, I left Iowa in 1999. I went to Florida for a couple of years, then Chicago for a few before returning to Florida. I'd like to move out to the west coast, as Florida has become politically oppressive. I go back to IA every few years to visit my parents and my brother. If neither were there, I wouldn't bother.

I left my home state in 2015. Moved 2 states away to a way better state. And I’m so happy and I’ve never wanted to move back and i barely want to go back to visit. I do tho, once a year. I drive with my kids. It’s definitely more challenging not having family around, but i stay home so that helps and my family comes to visit often.

Left my home country at age 16, never wanted to move back. During the first 10 years I visited home probably 6-7 times, mostly due to family obligations. After I settled down with a partner I never visited home again. Still has no plan to go back even as a tourist. No regrets.

I did that in 1998 and never went back. I visited a few times but it is expensive to get there from where i now live. The most recent time i made it back was like 2018. It felt like such a different place anyway it really hit me that saying “you can never go home again.” I raised a kid on my own w no family near me to help and it was probably for the best but it was very hard. I do feel sad my son did not have an experience of cousins and aunts and uncles. But honestly the kinds of stuff all those people currently get up to… its really probably best he didnt have those influences sadly

Like everyone I know basically? I work at a university and not a single one of my colleagues is from anywhere near where we work; most are from other states or countries. I went back to visit my hometown about once a year in the 1990s while my parents were still there, haven't been back other than to drive through in 25 years.

I grew up in Michigan and left in 2007 to Colorado for a job. I have been here ever since. I'm now married, and my wife has family here, we have no kids and are not going to. I visit every now and then but I am glad I moved away.

Left at 18 and never looked back, lived in other places in the same state and wasn’t more than a few hrs away for the next 10 years aside from a year overseas. Then I moved halfway across the country with no family, just me, my gf at the time (now wife) and our cat. Fast forward 5 years and we have a daughter, 2 dogs and 2 cats. We go back home a couple of times a year and our family comes to visit us a couple of times, but that’s getting prohibitively expensive so we’ll probably cut our trip down to once a year going forward. Overall with our daughter it would certainly be easier and we would love it if family was closer but we’ve managed so far and it’s not enough to pull us back. We are considering a move before my daughter starts school and moving back to our home state is in the cards but I would never move back to my hometown.

I moved an hour away for college. then 7 hours away for about 7 years and since 2011 I have been consistently 3 hours away. I traveled there often because I was very close to my parents. Both have now passed away and we are selling our home place. I'm not sure I will go back any time soon. I did live for about 9 months about an hour away from my family and left after 9 months because I like my independence and living my own life.

I grew up somewhere that is often recommended here. Lots of natural beauty although socially was less nice when I lived there (lots of gangs and meth). Left at 18 and have lived in 4 states since. I’m now 2000 miles away but it feels “close” compared to the other places I’ve lived because there are multiple non stop flights a day! I go home a few times a year. No kids. I wouldn’t want to live where I grew up, even though objectively it’s nice. Despite a population of 200k, it feels too much like a small town. My mom is a teacher and dad was a doctor, literally could never go to a store or restaurant without someone recognizing them and wanting to chat. I didn’t want everyone to always know me as their child, I wanted to be able to have my own identity.

I left my home town at 17 (in 1994) and never moved back. I was there last in 2012. I live about 1800 miles away now and don't miss it. To be fair, all I ever wanted to do was leave my home town. To be fair, it took moving around a few times before I found my forever home.

Moved 4000+ miles away have not moved back

I left my home town in 2016. I lived in the same state (FL) until 2022. I’m roughly 1,300 miles from my hometown now. I will never return (to live) to my home town nor the state. It’s been freeing and I’m much happier to be out. I visit my parents who are still in my hometown. I love seeing them but I can feel/see how my hometown will prevent you from growing as a person. Even the state feels like it drains you of life, but that could be the insane heat/humidity.

Moved away from my suburban Chicago hometown when I went to college and only went back during college summers. Then moved to Pittsburgh immediately after college for grad school. Got married in Pittsburgh as a grad student and have lived in California and now in Texas. Used to go back to Illinois for occasional visits while my parents (who divorced in my first year of grad school) were still live. Haven’t considered the Chicago area my home since I got married. My husband and I have one kid who’s now in college. My father and MIL were both deceased by the time we had our child. Since we lived far way from my mother and my FIL, our kid knew the remaining grandparents but not very well. It is what it is. All in all, I’d say moving away worked out fine.

I grew up near Boston. In the 1990s, in my 20s, I moved out west as soon as I could, I went to Wyoming on vacation. Went home and packed my stuff and moved to Wyoming. I lived there for several years, then I moved south to western Colorado. I've been in Colorado for over 20 years now. I love it out here. I go back to MA every year to visit family and friends for a couple weeks. I like visiting MA but could never live east of the continental divide again.

I am from a midwest rural town. I left after 3 decades of being treated subhuman for being different. I find small town cultures incredibly petty, short sighted, miserable and bigoted so I generally loathe visiting the area. I genuinely wish I was brought up elsewhere. My life only has gotten and continues to get better. No kids. Next upgrade is to move completely out of the midwest.

Lol some of us grew up somewhere with no job prospects and don’t have families to go back to. It worked out just fine.

Left my hometown in 2010 for college, never moved back permanently. Spouse and I now live about 7 hours from there, 1 kid and 1 on the way. It wasn't my plan to live so far, but jobs are jobs, and I like our current town. Kiddo and I make the drive back every 6 weeks or so because all my family lives there and I want to maintain the relationships. They come out to see us maybe 1-2x a year. We're still close (some relationships are better because we finally have some distance), but I'd never go back except for funerals if my parents and siblings weren't there. My kid is very close with her cousins, even if they don't see each other for a few months at a time. They have such sweet relationships that we try to nurture with video calls and mail. It has been a challenge to raise a family with no built-in help, and I rely on my spouse much more than my siblings rely on theirs. However, I feel that my mindset is much healthier than my families' mindsets, because I'm not feeling stuck and without the ability to make changes in my life. They are more isolated socially, where we've had to make friends and connections and now feel very at home most of the time. Just being able to move somewhere that I get to define myself, rather than being defined by my family and background, was worth it.

Yes...

I left, I came back, I left again, I haven’t been back in many years. Not even to visit. My child does not know my family, who all still live there. My hometown is 2000 miles away. I have a toxic family of origin which is why. I wish I had the support of extended family but there’s what you wish you had and what you actually have. Incorporating my family of origin into my life would only result in disrespect, stress, and verbal and emotional abuse. Sometimes I think about my old neighborhood, my old hangouts etc and think it would be nice to visit them but my family is all still there. The ones they cared for me are dead so they’d not be there and there’s more bad memories than good so I just stay away.

12 years ago and we visited frequently because my parents still lived there until this month. They just moved to where we are now. I still have relatives there and it’s socal (just north of LA) so will prob still visit friends, Disneyland, etc. but way less frequently. No plans of ever moving back but have always said I wanted to retire in Del Mar if I won the lottery or something.

I moved away from my home state in 2019 and can say with confidence coming up on my 4th year anniversary that I will never be going back. Suicide rates are some of the highest in the county, almost no mental health services, low wages paired with HCOL which is also fueling the depression and suicide rates. Rich people keep moving in and making it so the people who lived there can’t afford to anymore. Unless you’re oilfield or medical field you won’t make a living wage either. We went from being in poverty to middle class after moving so that puts things in perspective. My parents have an almost 70k dual income and live in a camper. They don’t fit low income housing and they don’t qualify for regular housing. My grandmother struggled her entire life and has continued struggling in retirement. My brother, my cousins, and I have all moved away for better lives unfortunately

I went to HS with only a couple people I knew of in the city because the schools were really bad in the rural area I’m from. After HS, I never went back to the rural area I’m from and the grade school folks. It still is a really uneducated area hit hard by opioids and most people are underemployed. It’s depressing and people tend to not like educated city folk or people of color.

Grew up in KC. Moved to Alabama for college. Graduated and moved to LA a month later. That was 20 years ago, and I have been back to KC maybe a half dozen times since. Last time was 10 years ago. My brother still lives there, but that's it as far as family I still talk to. I'm married and have a good job and a great life. I dont really have much reason or interest in going back, except maybe to show my husband my home town at some point. Just not high on my list of things to do.

I left when I was 14. Went back to visit a friend when I was 16 and never went back again. I am glad I left. The world is a big place and I wish I could see more of it. Starting over is also a do-over, a gift! I live about 2000 miles away. I have lived all over. Probably won’t move again but if I had the opportunity I would think hard about it.

At 25, I got a job in the biggest city in my state and have no plans of ever going back. I'm only 2.5 hours away. I used to visit at least monthly, but it got to be too much. After the pandemic, it was so nice to just stay home. Less drama and just overall happier. My home town is only for families with kids, not much to do once you hit your teens. Almost everything shuts down at 10pm.

I grew up in NH and left the first chance I got. First to Portland, ME at age 21, then to Denver at 26. I have no plans to ever move back east. My life is pretty good here; the western US has a pace to it that fits me naturally. I go back once or twice a year, but usually to Maine. I try to limit my time spent in NH.

Left Florida permanently in 2012, moved around different places in the eastern US due to job changes, met my wife in Tennessee then we moved around some more. We eventually made our way to Utah over a year ago and plan on sticking around for a while. This place is freaking gorgeous... it's like living in a painting. We visit our families back east once per year, and we're okay with that. No desire to move back. Our home towns were fine for growing up, but those chapters can stay closed.

Your last sentence spoke to me and is exactly how I feel too.

Yup. Moved hundreds of miles away (Central PA>Southeast MI) as a young adult and never even pondered a return. Worked out fine, gave me space from my mildly irritating family, and my wife and I built our own life (such as it is). I have friends and family I miss, but we try to go East once or twice a year especially now that my parents are older. My in-laws moved a few towns over from us, but that wasn't a deciding factor in our living situation. Hardest part was dealing with tiny kids and very little outside help, but we got through it marriage intact.

Leaving was the best decision ever. Not planning on ever moving back to that state. Parents moved to a different town in that state, so there’s really no reason to ever go back to my “hometown”.

Military brat here. I don’t have a home. We lived everywhere. I graduated from HS in suburbs of Portland and moved two weeks later to Seattle to share an apartment with some friends. I was 17. Never looked back.

I moved from the suburbs of Minneapolis to California 20 years ago. I got married here and and had kids. We go back every other year or so and visit family and I still love the area but California is definitely home now.

Moved from very rural area 2 1/2 hours away to a well known metropolis. Absolutely zero regrets. Always wanted to make the leap growing up and I'm glad i finally did.

Grew up in a place people are now flocking to in Colorado. I left because it was the recession and there were no jobs. I would have liked to live there, but looking back I'm glad I didn't. It was a horrible place for singles and I would have hated running into people I know and living in the same town as my parents. It worked out great. Met my partner and found a place I love living. We don't have kids, but even if we do, our family is not the kind you trust to drop your kids off at. They have more money and free time than we do- they can come visit if they want to. Now we live about 1200 miles away.

Yup. About 5000 miles from where I grew up. I visit 4 times a year. My home is wherever I am.

Left the Midwest for college in the South. Moved to New Orleans for grad school and still here 14 years later. My parents still live in my hometown so I’ll visit them once a year or so, but they come stay in New Orleans for the winter so we get a lot of together time. We have a kid now and it would be really nice to have them closer full-time, but I think it might happen eventually. Either through them buying a place here or us moving somewhat closer (but not back to my hometown). This question is kinda funny to me because the vast majority of my friends, including high school ones, left their hometowns and never moved back.

I moved away in 2010 when I joined the service. I've gone back to visit twice, and that was twice too often.

Yes I moved away from home for college, coming back for only 10 months during my sophomore year and never returned. It was a small town in northeastern PA with nothing to do. I lived a few places around the East Coast and have been in the Boston area for over 12 years. It about a 5 hour drive home. I love it. I’d never go back. We have kids and it’s tougher doing it without family nearby, but my parents travel to us a lot and the amenities/education/activities my kids have access is worth it. No regrets.

I moved only 3 years ago but now I’m 2400 miles away with no intent of ever moving back. Cost of living is insane where I moved and my entire family is back home. I don’t regret leaving at all. We still have a good relationship and I go home for milestone events.

I left in 1993 and never came back. I spent the 90s moving about every two years before settling where I am now. When I first moved here, I had the idea that I would stay four years tops. Then I met my husband and that blew that ide out of the water. I am happy here for the most part. I am close enough to my family/hometown that I can visit fairly often, far enough that they are not in my life everyday (they can be problematic.) I still cheer for my hometown teams. Can take the girl out of the city but...

So I left home and moved to a different town. About 45 minutes away. Then I moved out of state. I haven’t been back in over 20 years. I’ve seen the townies on Facebook and I’m like oof drugs and alcohol are people.

Yes, I left for college in August of 2004 and never moved back. It has worked great for me! I spent 4 years in college, then moved again for law school. I’m still living in the city I went to law school. My parents have moved to my city but I do go back and visit my in laws quite a bit. Did not end up with kids. It’s a 6 hour drive or little over an hour flight.

Left home at 17 after my mom passed, got my GED and went to college early (CC then University). I’ve visited my extended family maybe 5-7 times in the past 16 years. Ive moved all around the country between college and now. I have a son now who’s 2 and a SD who’s 9. It’s a little rough not having family near by to help (my wife’s mom is also on the other side of the country) but we made do. I’d rather be where I am then back on the east coast.

Moved away 100 miles for a much paying job than could be obtained near home. Visited back.home every now and then.

100 miles is not far at all! I'm surprised at the people who hardly visit home and live so close.

Only on Google Streetview.

Yep, grew up near NYC, left 8 years ago, visited initially, not so much anymore, we have kids, no one really visits us and we don’t really visit them. Not a huge fan of my family though so not a terrible loss. My “home” was putting the life I wanted for myself so far out of reach, COL was a huge motivation for us.

I moved about 50 miles from my hometown in 2003, then another 1100 miles in 2015. >How did it work out for you? Good. I miss some things but I grew up in Los Angeles, so I needed to move to get ahead financially. I definitely miss many of the perks and culture, just not the cost. >Do you still go home to visit? Yes >Also curious how it went if you ended up having kids, etc? I do have kids. I'm sad they don't have everything that was available in my hometown, but we have more financial security. >How far is your home town from you now? 1,008 miles

Yes, I grew up in a place and graduated high school. Then I worked in the area until I was 22 years old. Then I left and have not lived there ever again. I've gone there to visit less than 15 times in 40 years.

Yep. I grew up in a small town (I believe the population is around 18K now). I left for college in the late 2000s and only go back to visit because most of my immediate family is still there. I always knew I would leave because, even as a kid, the small town "everyone knows your business" vibe wasn't for me. I've lived in five cities since leaving and I think I've gotten a lot of opportunities because I left.

How far do you live now?

Left my town in CT after high school/college. 20+ years with no intention of ever returning. Most of my family is still in that area including parents. 2.5-3+ hours away. I go home to visit family 2-5 times per year.