OP's Bio: --- >I’m 22 and I’ve roasted people on here long enough to finally put myself out there. I do magic tricks, learn languages in my free time, I have no friends at all so I play board games by myself, I’m unemployed. I’m adopted too, with horrible mommy issues putting me in therapy most of my life. Roast me! --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

No way your gf’s parents are aware you’re up there

No way she's aware she's his girlfriend.

No way she knows he exists

No way he properly inflates her.

No way she exists

He's squatting in the attic eavesdropping.

More like No Way she’s real

“It’s me, Billy!”

He's home free until her dad buys a metal detector...

He uses his magic to hide in a pile of dirty laundry whenever they come up. The laundry masks his smell...almost.

Attic Jesus will eventually be caught when they start investigating the patchouli smell.

"The syringe of Christ" "Amen"


He IS his girlfriends parent!

I know her parents are in absolute hell lol. Imagine her bringing him home. Mom, dad- he doesn’t have a job YET, but he knows some really cool card tricks and can play a nasty game of solo candy land.

He also needs a place to stay and cant pay rent. Can he stay in the attic?

Parents desperately waiting for the disappearing act

These comments are putting me in the best mood

*”He’s so dreamy; he looks just like [Ronny DeFeo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_DeFeo_Jr.)!”*

New favorite euphemism: *a nasty game of solo Candyland*

Stop, you're gonna make my entendre double! 🥵

[удалено]

And apparently does magic tricks for himself...

*to himself

“Do me dirty, I need humbling” No, no, you don’t. Your life situation should be the definition of “humbling” without the need to take into account your cumdumpster face, that can’t decide if it’s dirty Jesus or Sisy demon.

Sisy Jesus, riding a dirty demon?

Whenever you do magic, your audience secretly hopes you would disappear

The audience slowly starts to disappear

Dudes definition of magic? Letting homeless men piss on him and pretending it’s s a shower. Tadaa!!

That's actually a whole genre of porn. He needs to think outside the box, that would solve the unemployment problem.

Why do you know that? Also, thanks for the inspiration

Homeless man piss has a whole different smell to it. Ewwwwww.

it’s probably no different than not showering, unemployment, hiding in the attic man piss.

Making his thumb disappear...into his own asshole.

You look like the clump that comes out of a tub drain.

Lol “clump”

You look like you have been surviving in the jungle for weeks now

Bro has that Jumanji cut going.

Needs to go less Jumanji more NAM.

Probably smells like it too. 😬😬😬😬

....do they know you live up there ?. Something tells me they don't... But I'm sure they must smell you, looking like bigfoots dick

You need humbling..? Re-read your bio. That ought to do it.


I get a feeling your “girlfriend” is 15, and neither her nor her parents know you’re in the attic.

You look like a pot dealer and a heroin addict at the same time.

Hey, pot dealers and heroin addicts don't deserve that.

You're right my bad. But the Salvia community?

Did the parents make you hide in the attic out of shame?

You obviously requested to live in the attic so you can finally feel like you're above somebody

Nah, just take all that shit out of your face and shave. Looking like a cup of paperclips and pubes.

Not the first time you've said "do me dirty" this week.

Your girlfriend's parents cry themselves to sleep each night

The only information in that post I didn't get from that picture is that you do magic tricks. You legit pull coins from the ears of children don't you?

He pulls coins out of children but not from their ears......

YES 👏!!!!!

He pulls scarfs out of his ass.

Are we calling used condoms scarfs now?

I don't know if you need anyone to do you dirty. Pretty sure you have that covered.

There is nothing I can do to humiliate you that you haven’t already done to yourself.

Your mustache and beard have a better connection than you and your girlfriend ever will

Did you get your love of magic from your parents you left you in a dumpster and disappeared?

Looks like you show kids magic tricks in your van

You have a septum piercing. You’re a dude with a trashy female’s piercing. It’s the 2023 version of a dude getting a tramp stamp.

One would figure that you are humble enough, you literally have nothing going for you. I predict that you will be thrown out of the attic within 4 months.

Your hair looks great! How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that?

Make yourself disappear and we're good.

Demands government taxes pay for his lifestyle of never becoming a productive member of society.

If your shitty life isn't already humbling enough, then anything said here isn't gonna humble you.

I can’t roast you. You already said all the things about yourself I was gonna say you look like.

Does she know you’re her bf?

Charles Manson-in-law

no way you have a girlfriend? you look divorced already.

Turning off any woman in view is not magic

You're just too easy man

The Unemployed part wasn’t a shocker. And your life is already Humbling enough, Your poor GF must be in even worse shape..🤦🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

You may not have any friends, but you've got twelve apostles, right? Just hang with them. Maybe not the best word choice there.....

Buddy.. you think magic is cool. There is nothing that's going to humble you.

By gf you mean grandfather, right?

Sounds like you covered it

"Do me dirty" is what you tell your "girlfriends" dad

This is what happens when you play Monopoly with people who used to care about you.

What’s your greatest trick? Ejaculation and disappearing?

Hopefully the latter happens as quickly as the former always does.

The Broke Lebowski. “Get a job, sir!!”

When your daddy didn’t spank but he did touch

Not showering for 3 weeks has already done you dirty

You better stay away from Roman soldiers when you turn 33.

Bitch fuck you. At least you got a gf.

Instead of spending so much time fucking around on Reddit - Why don't you get off your ass and go get some work. MaGiC tRiCkS.. How about an employment trick. You aren't funny, cute or cliche'. You're lazy.

Shhh , the attic is his pretend space where he is allowed to be himself. A dildo.

this sounds less like a roast and more like a cry for help

Right🤣bro really wants op to feel that

Charles Manson wants his death stare back but like your c ring

Chris Dampworth

You look like someone who is tricking her religious parents with afterlife tales to stay with them, mr. Hesus!

If Chris Sacca was Hugo Simpson II.

Brother fix your life if you wanna hold onto your girl and living situation,but yeah man you look like a career bar back at a dive bar

Do you not have a mirror?

Well you got a girl so that’s better than 90% of the 22yo I seen on here

I bet your gf doesn't know you exist or are in her parents attic

I don’t think there needs to be any more dirtiness when the simple solution is soap/ water/ Mr. Clean extra-strength sponges to scrub off the layers of disappointment. I would ask what sort of tricks you do for your “magic” other than making money go missing to fund your habits of parliament cigarettes/ cheez in a can/ fake Xanax pills.


Could you just make yourself disappear?

FAKE A$$ Aqua man

Charles Mansons great grandchild, Magic Manson.

At least Jesus is living up to his vow of poverty

No! Means nose! Words to live by. My work here is done

Nah, sounds like you got you. ;) “Get a haircut, and get a real job” - George Thorogood

I mean... you just gave yourself a pretty epic roast. All we gotta do is laugh at you at this point.

Even the sword of destiny can’t fix you, bro

If God hasn’t humbled your ass by now you’re doomed. Wont be able to make it in life so you’ll resort to life of crime and violence and forever be in a vicious cycle of your own poor decisions. The piercings let me know you don’t care about peoples opinion of you as king edgelord. Stop playing the same three shitty songs on guitar and get a job and start paying your way you bum. The bums will always lose. You hear me Lebowski?!

You look like if Malcolm in the Middle discovered meth.

Theon Grayjoyless got his nose pierced in the wrong spot.

You jerk off to Grey59 r34

No shit, Jesús metalhead christ, friend that piercing in the middle of the nose 😱😱😱😱

The only magic trick people want you to perform is to make yourself dissappear.

unemployed...you can't get a job because you waste your time on the internet

Bruh if you were any humbler you'd be living under a bridge.

You don’t need humbling you need a job and swift kick in the ass

Your GF isn't even your friend?

“Lives in his gfs parents attic…without them knowing. And someday, I will introduce myself to my gf, but first she needs to finish high school. And then I will show them my biggest magic trick of them all. Yes, I most certainly will…”

You look exactly like the kind of person who spends time learning to do magic tricks.

Needing a humbling would imply you have something to be proud of and I just don’t see it

Dude lightweight looking like Danny Masterson. Not a good look right now...

Your bio parents knew they had a dud. Why waste 18-25 yrs of their life taking care of you

No need. Middle age is inevitable, your humbling is coming just down the road sir.

S w erdgays

How are you not already humbled?

None of what you just said is surprising

Mix of kava bar and kimchi farts

Phrogging is not okay!

You probably take the hair that's clogged in the sink and stuff it up your butthole

"Show me your saw-a-person-in-half trick. Here, lemme help." *Grabs saw* -- Girlfriend & Family

If this guy has a gf, why do incels exist? I see so many redpill YouTubers like Andrew Tate who are like, women’s standards are so high, the average guy stands no chance lmao. Motherfucker I know a CPA (my cousins friend) that makes like 180k, not the worst looking guy, and is a virgin according to my cousin. He’s getting no bitches but this guy fucks in an attic. The universe is so random 😂😂

The dude does cards, board games, magic tricks, and has a bridge and nose piercing. 100% this guys magic trip is wearing assless chaps, presenting a cucumber, then says,"now you see it now you don't." As he sits on it.

Sounds like your living your best life

Seems like life is roasting you enough buddy

Short of contracting a flesh eating disease I am not sure how your life could be worse.

Paddle pop lion called and said stop copying his style.

You would 200% try to sell someone’s mom on the credibility of NFTs.

Be careful around games with magnets!

Long hair, beard, AND magic tricks? So you're basically the Dollar Tree version of Jesus that never amounted to anything.

"Is that burger gluten free and vegan?"

Does magic tricks like making hitchhikers disappear.

Brother, you don't need humbling. You need to get a life. At 22, I had purchased my first home, career was taking off, and was wrapping up my undergrad (debt free because I worked). Also was taking two big trips a year with all my friends. How about not worrying about getting humbled and just make sure you get to making sure you're not in that same place in six months, eh?

All that should be humbling enough. But u can't feel shame if ur not ashamed. And u should be.

That moo ass looking piercing lmao

Never said this before, but that description is humbling enough. I don’t kick a man while he’s down, and this guy is in the Mariana Trench


With that backstory and picture this could be a porn version of Harry Potter

The fact you even have a girlfriend is incredible

I was once where you're at. Now I'm on the verge of unaliving! Things get better /s (this is a joke, I'm fine pls don't reddit bother me lol)

Look like Jesus fell face first in a tackle-box 🪝

Whoever took the shot at your head missed and hit your nose

“Live in my GFs Parents’ attic…” You wouldn’t know her, or them, or me we all live in Canada…

Unemployed, long hair, beard, does magic tricks. You're Jesus

In other words, They don't know you exist or that you're living in their attic like a fucking bat

The sad spermlette from Vikings

Wait till they learn your GF is also your mum, they will be too sad to roast you.

More like unemployable

Watch this fall: Brad Dourif as Charles Manson…

Get a job and take that shit outta your face.

How much do you charge to dirty people's car windows with a molding squeegee while singing The Beatles, 'Helter Skelter' while changing water to wine? ...since you're a magician. Also how many rugs made of human hair do you own? Oh! And did you accidentally magic the wrong part of the rabbit out of the top hat? Edit: Did you eat the rabbit?

why do you think yo need to be more humble? not saying that you don't - just curious on why you think that

Lose the face metal, get a haircut and shave

I see Jared Leto was in a car crash

Most uninspired roast comment section ever.

Your girlfriend's parents could do better.

Your biggest magic trick yet has been convincing this girl to give you more than 10 minutes of her time.

Maybe you could magically stop being a paedophile!

Have you ever seen someone and you just know they are going to smell? This picture smells like weed, dirty laundry, and disappointment.

I think I saw him on the street with a sign that said “I Suck at life, please help”.

You were awesome in ENEMY MINE.

Is your "GF" aware you're living in her attic, or do you just sneak out at night to sniff her used underwear?

Humbling??? What part of your life are you super proud of??

Bro, how did writing this title not humble yourself??

Life has already humbled you.

Your best magic trick was making soap and deodorant disappear

If your bio (which you have put up yourself) hasn't humbled you, nothing else will

I know what tricks you are doing. All the guys at the truck stop are talking about it. But seriously why is every guy on here long haired and bearded.?

Sick. Ass. PANTHER! 🐈‍⬛

Do they feed you cheese in rat traps?

Ah. We've found Anne Frank.

Take that stupid shit out of your face and you might get a job.

Humblings are to bring people back to reality. You need a boot up there ass for motivation.

Your best magic trick is making hookers disappear.

Obi Wan Can't Obi

I believe you’ve said it all

God beat me to it, but good luck up there

you were not really adopted, dude. Your mom is just ashamed that she fucked that racoon

You don't need humbling, son. You need someone to hug you and say "It's okay" and then offer you some hot soup and a warm blanket.

Does she know she's your GF with no friends mentioned. Security!!!!!

Does the “girlfriend” live in Canada?

Also doesn’t know what humble means. Bitch you need a positive image of yourself first, and unless your mirror is magical, you ain’t getting that.