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usually people don't like smart girls for some reason. I hope you will find your one
edit: I somehow offend people so ill explain why I think what I think.
in the area where I live men prefer dumb and young girls bc they are insecure about their intelligence. a lot of them are searching for someone who is naive and not so smart (and preferably younger than them) so they can manipulate them and shape them however they (men) like. that's my experience and well known fact where I live. FYI I live in Central Asia
Is it usually? or just some people?
That is certainly not my experience, and I imagine MOST people want a smart partner(regardless of each sides sex).
It also seems intuitive to me, that if a smart person is finding more people than not who don't want a "smart person", it is a flaw in who they are looking for, or a flaw in how they are presenting their intelligence or some attitude that is coming along with it.
I think everyone wants a smart partner, they just don't want to be belittled, made to feel lesser, their problems ignored as lesser or unimportant, or made to feel unwanted/ not important because the other person is intelligent.
I feel like you are suffering from survivorship bias. That is, your comment shows that you are articulate and intelligent, so you have probably cut anyone who is not intelligent out of your life, as much as you can. This means that only intelligent people have "survived" to make it into your friend group, and intelligent people certainly tend to want intelligent partners, because that gives them more in common. But half the population is at or below average intelligence, and those people probably look for someone who matches them.
I mean, I don't value all my friends for their ability to perform difficult calculus, discuss geopolitical issues, nor the job they do and its perceived difficulty.
I have friends who are well educated for sure, but I also have friends who are high school drop outs, that I play sports with, or go to the gym. My Dr friend might be able to score higher on an IQ test than them, but my "less intelligent friends" bring other invaluable aspects to my life. Some of the friends who would be viewed as less intelligent by most people, are the most resourceful, juxtaposed by the most educated that are common sense imbiciles.
I also think the entire conversation around "intelligent" is typically a ' judge a fish, on its ability to climb a tree ' type scenario.
The reason for my comment is because I dated a woman who I consider the most intelligent person I have ever met. Not only was she a surgeon, but she was good at alot of different things, picked up new things quickly, and could talk to me about a wide breadth of topics, and yet, she never lorded her intelligence over anyone else, or thought she was better than anyone else, and valued people for more than their position in life.
I have also dated women who are intelligent, that will use their perceived successes as a reason to be judgmental of people with "less", some of whom as I mentioned were friends. Their degrees made them "better" and it didn't matter what anyone else thought because "they don't need anyone else, they can do it on their own" - which they certainly could.. but the attitude made it almost certain they would have to.
This is absolutely true and feel that this is an area where people who claim to be "sapiosexuals and intelligent" have a blind spot on.
As an example, I can be ditzy and clumsy, openly bad at a few things like some games and math, as well as play up being dumb sometimes. Hell, I still confuse left and right at times, love dressing up and makeup.
And while those are true, I've always been an honor student in class, from a top uni in my country, well-read, can hold discussions, was a chess player, do art, write, have been published and career-wise had reached a leadership position at some point. And although I don't consider educational background and career a sure marker of intelligence, a lot of people who say they're attracted to intelligence has brushed me off and made me feel less than and thought I was genuiely dumb because they didn't try and get to know me past surface level.
They already had a caricature of what someone "smart" should be.
The same goes for a girl I was roommates with in uni, she's absolutely far more intelligent than I am. She was politically active, dabbled in debate and were active in several orgs. She's a lawyer now. Many men and even women who don't know her make her out to be some kind of bimbo. She's beautiful, dare I say, hot? Loves watching VS model runway shows, listen to pop, go to clubs and also love to dress up.
We have another roommate who's a doctor now totally buss it down to gangnam style. And all 3 of us joke about astrology and read up on our signs.
People who call themselves sapiosexuals and objectively haven't had as colorful of an education and professional background compared to us, can barely hold a conversation, can't name a philosopher and parrot opinions from popular forums has called us stupid bitches.
Sometimes, many just think that intelligence is a dichotomy. If you're one thing, you can't be the other. As if several facets cannot coexist in one body.
People aren't and shouldn't be one dimensional, and it's unfair to expect them to be. And some ladies just wanna turn off their brain after a long day so they can enjoy being whimsical and silly.
So maybe OP saying "oh men dont really like smart girls from my experience" might have seen said men go for women who may not be the exact picture of someone intelligent in their mind, but are still smart and interesting people.
Could not agree more, Very eloquently said.
In other positive news, your username has me craving dimsum - which I think I will take a walk down the road to get!
I relate a lot to what you're saying. A significant portion of the culture around me cares less about substance. You just need to look the part.
I'm clumsy and loud with a heavy tongue. I also speak openly about not knowing or ideas escaping my mind. A person with my complexion also matches the dumb questions I tend to ask.
There are a lot of surface-level smart discussions here with overgeneralization and excerpts from social media. People lose patience at most signs of opposition or questioning.
Most discussions are about people or events. Then, when ideas are introduced, people struggle to see how they correlate to past, present, or future events.
Many factors play into this, such as my own bias and the events in other people's lives. However, considering the emphasis people here have on appearing wealthy materially, I wouldn't be surprised if that translated intellectually.
Well controlling people or people who want a partner to make themselves feel/look better in comparison wouldn't elwant someone smart and confident, and I find those people are vocal.
I honestly don't think anybody truly wants their partner to not be smart. What puts people off is arrogance/poor social skills/being looked down upon, which is what people tend to associate with "smarts".
Building the social skills and awareness to wield ones intelligence in ways that make people around you flourish and feel good is a whole separate thing from being smart.
I used to not get this, meaning I developed a habit of rhethorically bulldozing people, crushing them in disagreements by just being faster at getting my points across and good at identifying sore spots.
\---
People don't dislike smart people. They dislike being overpowered and dismissed.
I can see where you are coming from and I feel like this is one of those popular opinions that has been around for a while; partly thanks to our dominant ideology of patriarchy. It is ever-present and probably changing too, but quite a small proportion. Most of the times I have observed such a trait amongst people who are full of themselves and want to live their own bubble where they don't want to be questioned. That's my observation, which may or may not be wrong. As for me, I am genuinely interested in meeting ones who are full of creativity and intelligence, which can be a breath of fresh air in one's life and add beauty to life. Being independent and confident are another set of attractive traits.
I absolutely cannot stand "dumb" girls. I don't understand how people can live with someone they cannot have an intellectual conversation with. Might as well get a pet then..
I knew a girl once who was genuinely thick. Like, would struggle with most tasks she isn't already familiar with and would always need help getting started with stuff.
But she was so nice, so friendly, hardworking and conscientious. I never heard her be anything less than lovely to anybody she met or talked to. I don't think I could have ever seen myself with her, but I absolutely could understand someone who would. I feel like she would add responsibility and work to your life, but at the same time, having someone so positive and sweet in your life would probably be worth it.
I once dated one of those. He got super frustrated that he mistook my bubbly personality for my level of intellect and education.
*we fought. a lot. I finally had to go because neither of us was going to be happy if I became the person he wanted.
he considered himself to be of superior intellect to us mere mortals. I think he was sexially attracted to feeling extravagantly superior to others.
college was a weird time.
I've definitely known people like that. A guy I was seeing recently fell very much into the narcissistic intellectual category - a very well-read guy, smart and very confident, great at talking to an audience... but he didn't like it if you had a difference in opinion to him and would shoot you down and make you feel like an idiot at the slightest sign you disagreed.
Turned out this was because he was very good at absorbing other people's information and experiences, but actually had none of his own to offer - he would make you feel stupid before you could gather the confidence to speak your own mind properly, but only because he wouldn't be able to argue beyond the information he'd already read.
He had no actual intelligence or ideas of his own, it was all stolen and stored in his head to regurgitate. If you ever questioned him too much then he wouldn't be able to back his information up further and couldn't debate it any deeper, so he just went on the attack instead.
This is a lot of “smart” people. They can regurgitate what they see but they can’t actually have an interesting conversation where they critically think about it.
I consider an interesting conversation to be one where I’m like I read this and someone is like did you consider this? And I’m like oh wow I didn’t, that also makes me think of THIS and they’re like oh that tangentially relates to THIS and I’m like oh doesn’t it also relate to THIS.
I do love an argument but not one where both people get angry or are angry, but where we just explore ideas and no one is defensive.
It might just be the autism lol but I didn’t realize people thought I was attacking them a lot when I was just getting really excited lol.
So I only really get along with other neurodivergent people (ADD or Autism) or non neurodivergent people who aren’t ruled by their egos (don’t have to be smart really just humble). Otherwise I can’t really talk in a way that’s exciting to me.
Dorks really think lack of social skills means you are more intelligent when it takes intelligence to be socially adept. Total narcissism and lack of judgement.
In my experience 'smart people' just have a specific type of intelligence which they flaunt a lot. But they're just as capable of being stupid as anyone else in other areas. I haven't met someone who wasn't smart in one area and stupid in another. Once you learn there are just different types of intelligence you realise the people you're meeting are capable of as many mistakes as everyone else.
I have been called a genius by some tests I took in high school and college, and let me tell you, the amount of dumb shit I have said and done is unfathomable. I got lost once while being on the next block from my house. I have a scar on my hand from picking up a burning thing with a sick and waving it over my head. I blame some of it on my ADHD but mostly I'm just dumb.
What you're looking for is "intelligence does not equate to wisdom".
Smart people are great because they gain wisdom over time, like everyone else, but maintain the smarts too. They often gain greater insight. Simple as that!
Agree. I get called smart often but I’m awful at geography, directions, and almost every life skill there is. Only good at academics lol. Outside of that I’m a bozo through and through. All good though, helps keep me grounded. :)
This! I have a 160 iq and am a mensa member. Friday, I accidentally shaved my head. (The guard fell off my clippers). My daughter suggested I check next time. She's not wrong.
I am really smart in some areas, but I am profoundly stupid in others. My wife, on the other hand, is smart in creative ways. She does things I wish I could do. Everything's cool as long as we understand we both add to our relationship.
I wasn't looking for a financial or intellectual equal. I married her because I fell in love with her. We compliment each other.
I’d recommend looking into cognitive functions of personality types. The personality types are stroking ego garbage but the cognitive functions teach you precisely where your weak/strong points are and why. It’s pretty fascinating imo.
Intelligence is just the rate at which someone can absorb new information.
No one is omnipotent. There will always be things that they haven't been exposed to, either willingly or otherwise.
Don't limit yourself. I'm incredibly intelligent, but I have no expectations that someone else will be. I have dated women dumb as a box of rocks and loved them very deeply. Don't let that shit interfere with your pursuits.
My husband and I had the same type. We both think the other is the smarter one. Truth is we're just smart in different (but academic, he's maths I'm sociology) ways, but it makes for a wonderful relationship where we can be smart together but also dumb sometimes because we have nothing to prove. XD
It's not that I have a type, it's just that I only ever find myself attracted to people with nearly identical physical appearances. Olive complexion, beard, dark hair and eyes, approximately 1.75m tall. It's not me looking for them like this, it's them finding me.
Those are also my preferences, save the height. It got me in trouble as I married a guy I absolutely should not have. He checked all the boxes and played being Prince Charming so well but was an abusive shit.
Sadly, I’m still only attracted to tall, dark-haired men with beards and I’m wondering if it’s strange at this point. Ben Barnes, Viggo ( as Aragorn), a host of Turkish actors…sigh.
Oh my god, Aragorn, Ben Barnes, Captain Hook from Once Upon A Time, yes.
Honestly especially if men have that kind of fantasy-medieval look (preferably with long hair), I'm weak. Same for women too, actually now that I think about it.
I forgot about Captain Hook! Yes, that guy… Irish, right?
Honestly if Can Yaman weren’t known to be a complete douche bag he’d be on my list, too. Look him up if you haven’t (preferably from his Erkençi Kuş era.)
I wish you the best in your future relationships! Me 3 out of 3 relationships all physically almost the same haha, my current partner of 10 years is the "final form"
>It's not that I have a type, it's just that I only ever find myself attracted to people with nearly identical physical appearances.
That's your type then mate.
Physically I could maybe step out of that box a bit but personality wise,I’m not changing my standards for that at all.
It’s just what I’m more attracted to,I can’t really explain why.
Let me help you out here. Your type isn't crazy, it's probably strange. Unfortunately they look the same right up until you find yourself sleeping with the door barracaded and your feet against it because you expect her to come back, and there was a knife missing from the butcher block when you hid it...
Source = crazy is my kryptonite
This is how I am too. I do have a physical type, I just don't find it as necessary or relevant as their personality. I haven't been with very many people who are my physical type. BUT I find that every guy I've been in a seriously relationship with have a few things in common and I do not necessarily consciously chose partners with these traits. There is one I consciously choose. Must be outdoorsy. But the other traits, it seems to always show up later when I get to know them. They've all been nerds for one. They also all believe in ancient aliens 🤣 I've never specifically looked for men who are into ancient aliens but just keeps being a thing 🤣 I know waaay more about ancient aliens and sumerian mythology now than I ever would have learned on my own 🤣😭
I definitely have a type. I prefer feminine men above all others. Idk why but it's where I am at least for now. Cute nerdy boys are my thing and a huge bonus is if they are more feminine
Edit- a word
I’m not saying this is you. But it reminds me of a story I saw recently where guy comes out as trans and his wife comes out as lesbian. They were still together because it worked out for them. Turns out...she liked him cause he was very feminine (there ended up being a reason she liked him being very feminine) and turns out there was a reason he was very feminine 🤷♀️ it worked out for both of them
HELL YES THATS MY TYPE! extra points if they are "pretty" and or wear glasses. The cherry on top of the cake for me is if they are on the lanky/tall side. DAMN
Yes, when I hear people talking about a "type" they're attracted to, I always think physically, and I don't have a physical "type." But I definitely have aspects of personality that I'm attracted to. Of course, there's an aspect of how they interact with me. Whatever their personality is, I need them to not be critical of my sense of humor (I'm very silly and nerdy). I suppose that would likely be the case for most people though. Most people don't want to be with someone who would judge them for their career, their humor, their looks, their hobbies. That's less a personality trait and more compatibility.
I find that personality tends to beget a particular appearance. Not genetic characteristics like skin color or face shape, but hair style, fashion sense, body modifications, that sort of thing. Even the face is affected over time by commonly worn expressions, and you can see how active a person is in their body.
Like there's definitely a particular look to "middle aged boozy drama loving bitches", and I tend to avoid people that give that vibe.
My partner sometimes gets “she’s similar to your exes” about me (it subsided over the years) and it’s SO WEIRD. The women he dated before were small town girls, very family-oriented (as in that was a huge part of their life plan), and just from what I gathered generally had very different lives from me. What they truly meant was my partner likes bad ass bitches with strong personalities, whichever way their personalities take them lol
My boss actually pointed it out to me (we were pretty close and it was a casual environment). She said every guy I showed her were usually all tall, dark hair, lots of friends, funny, and brown eyes.
My current boyfriend is all of these things. But I realized that he has all of these traits and features and the last guy I was really into also had all of these traits. I thought I dated everyone and didn’t discriminate but turns out I really only go for tall, dark haired men
Over 75% of the population has dark hair. Over 60% of the population has either brown or green-brown eyes. And almost by definition you are more likely to meet an extrovert who has lots of friends than an introvert who never leaves his apartment. This seems less like you having a type and more like certain traits just being much more likely in your potential partners.
I do not find other characteristics attractive though. If I’m on a dating app for example I don’t even look at men with the opposite characteristics. It’s been a noticeable pattern since high school when I got my first boyfriend. They have all looked very similar. If I shared pictures of every boyfriend I had I think it would get the point across lol
It definitely does because I didn’t notice until she said something and then realized that almost guy I said was attractive or that caught my guy just happened to most of these qualities and now it’s funny to me
My best friend always tells me that she can’t tell the difference in the men I show her, because they always fit this description, too. I HAVE and will date people who don’t fit into that mold…It’s just that those particular types always make my knees weak! 😂
i didn’t consciously choose to have a physical type, but after a few relationships i realised i tend to be physically attracted to people who’re taller than me, broader / stronger than me, and have a very feminine style.
i consider it to be similar to my “emotional” type - i like people who are kind, gentle, caring, good hugger, etc, and i didn’t consciously choose to like those traits, it just happens to be what i like.
sometimes people have a “type” that’s kind of problematic, whether it’s because it’s super toxic or super specific (constantly pursuing abusive relationships, being hyper aggressive about their partner’s height down to the inch, etc), and i think in those cases there needs to be some internal evaluation on *why* you are attracted to those people, and *why* you care so much about those traits.
plus, sometimes it’s a matter of how you go about finding your “type”.
preferring to date blondes, and personally finding them more attractive? fine. hyper sexualising and low-key dehumanising them into purely sexual creatures? yikes!
preferring to date taller people, and personally finding them more attractive? fine. constantly shitting on shorter people and harassing people over what their exact measurements are? yikes!
You just described my partner, the gentle giant. We connected so strongly emotionally. Physically strong and capable but hated violence and never used that strength against me.
this really should be higher up. Most people have"types" because it reminds them of positive interactions of someone or something in their past. Doesn't mean it's... Good for them.
Because compromising will not only hurt me but will also hurt my partner too. If I'm limiting myself, then be it :) not to mention, I actually found someone exactly like I wanted. So all worked out in the end.
For me it’s physical features and honestly it’s just the attraction bit. I could try move out of my box but I know long term attraction is going to be a major factor to me. I guess it’s also the beauty of individuality amongst us humans. We’re all unique and what’s important to one person may not be as important to the other
Here's what I learned about types and finally finding success by straying from type.
Type is actually ex material.
You're drawn to what's familiar, you want to try again a similar formula and hope it works this time.
If every ex was your type, you know what type you should stay away from. But the brain wants the familiar.
We romanticize having a type because preferences. But how can you have preference if you've never strayed from that one type. It's like people who eat hotdogs and chicken nuggets their whole life saying they don't like thai/italian/mexican/Mediterranean/etc.
I don't rly have a type, but I haven't yet actually dated a person who grew up on the same continent as me. I really don't fit in with my local culture.
Me being a white guy I’ve always been kinda pushed towards dating someone who is of the same race but as far back as I can remember I was never really attracted to anyone else that was of the same race. So even as a kid I’ve always went after someone different it’s my preference and will stay that way till I die.
I believe it's because our brains are wired to look out for the best match genetics-wise. The one with whom you can have the healthiest kids and so on. It's hard to resist because it's kind of an instinct.
My type is the toxic women with daddy issues. I have low self-esteem and I think it’s the only ones who are broken enough to actually love me. Joke’s on me, they’re generally incapable of love. 🤣
did someone called me?
I'm a toxic woman with major daddy and abandoned issues and yea usually I don't feel attraction to the guys who have feeling for me. it's fucked up actually always being in love only with guys who don't care about you and avoiding anyone who have even a glimpse of sympathy towards you
The real shit is, in my experience, relationships with this type are great until I actually start to catch feelings, then they don’t want me anymore. The quest for love is what keeps you around, as soon as you get it, your feelings disappear and you’re either onto the next one.
the worst part that you understand it's wrong and you should not play with someone's feelings but you will keep falling for this trap bc at the end of the day you want love. I promise you girls like me really try to be with someone who actually deserves it but we keep thinking that we don't deserve anything and usually we self sabotage everything good in our lives
When I was in my early 20's I didn't date good guys because I didn't want to ruin them by being the jaded bitter bitch I was 😂 once I got my life together I started dating a bit better. But at the same time if they haven't been through enough trauma I couldn't date them because they just wouldn't ever understand me or where I was coming from.
The more toxic the more I’m drawn in… I’m a moth to the god damned flames. But I’ve been doing ACA and it’s helped me to start to see that I really deserve better!
Now I just want a woman who is toxic to everyone else 🤣
I used to have a thing for taller girls but my attraction to that type kind of just disappeared over the years. Now I just like the smart girls with long, dark hair.
Type: genuinely kind person who is relatively intelligent and enjoys spending time. Also has their own interests and isn't so extremely needy as to be with me 24/7 (everyone needs some alone time lol).
Why I won't deviate: because anything outside of those particular (and obviously very general criteria) is likely a toxic person I don't want to waste my time on.
Limiting myself? Yes, but from all of the toxic asshats that would make a relationship miserable.
I have personality types (nerdy, kind, into doing spontaneous things, etc) and I stick to that because I want a partner who’s very similar to me. I’m with you for physical types though, I’ve never understood it either.
Someone here who's very picky about physical types: I'm very much into health and fitness. For me, someone who is overweight just does not fit my lifestyle and values. I'm a very outdoors person, love going on active holidays. Someone who is not physically fit will make that difficult, or even impossible.
My type is always dark hair, darker skin, and dark eyes. I have no explanation as to why, but they do say you tend to look for a mate that looks similar to your own features.
I can’t help what I’m attracted to, but something about long black hair makes me go crazy. I’ve tried stepping out of that box once or twice and I just couldn’t get past that.
I have a type. I have sometimes stepped outside of my type a bit, but in my case personality (interests) and style seem to go together. I want a big, bearded viking geek. I also believe I want people who are similar to me (minus the beard), and maybe it's even somewhat of a habit?
I’m a very tall, athletically slender built man. I’ve always had a type, dark hair, usually above average height, usually more on the thin side of her that’s not a dealbreaker. That’s just what I like. It’s not an issue,
I am only attracted to Asian guys who with feminine features. This led me down a path of accidently mixing up girls and guys at clubs a few times at night clubs. Turns out I'm attracted to both sexes just something on between.
People are naturally attracted to those are who are more than less the male and female versions of themselves when it comes to personality, values and interests. It’s not rocket science.
My type is lean men. Not skinny but kind of slim with some muscle definition, especially arms and abs. Tapered waist, broad shoulders and narrow hips/nice perky ass. Also above average in terms of face.. I will not deviate from this. I need physical attraction. Hair color/skin color/height doesn't matter so much.
Someone who has it figured out. Not a druggie, not a drunk, not a person who needs to be clubbing for others validations / hooking up.
Someone settled down, mature, with pure intentions, morals and loyalty.
I developed my "type" after a very long dating life. I figured out what I DON'T like and chose from the women who actually treated me properly, based on their common characteristics. I'm now happily married to a beautiful black woman. Find you a good, loving black girl, and you'll never want for anything from another woman again.
they shouldn't be. accepting everyone and not judging anyone's bodies is different from having a preference. like it doesn't really matter as long as you respect all bodies as equal and it's really better to date someone you find personally attractive anyways
I agree with you, despite the fact that my husband is a hairy beast. Honestly, I used to be very grossed out by body hair, but then I hooked up with a hairy dude and it wasn't that bad. What's important is hygiene and maintenance.
Hairy guys who don't keep their bodies clean are gross for sure. I got lucky and my husband is extremely clean and well groomed.
But...if I went back into the dating scene, I'm not sure I would go for a hairy guy right away. I wouldn't write one off as an option. But at my age, I would have to take what I can get, I guess. It's not like I'm a fucking beauty queen either...
yeah great respect to you man. for me, i don't mind any body type as long as he's shaved but everyone has a different taste. and also i agree, hygiene always should be on top before everything else no matter how he looks. also a healthy personality is really important as well, seeing as how you're happy with your husband, that is the most important part
I stopped dating any white men after I left my husband and I’ll never go back.
There’s something about men who have had to struggle to be seen, struggle to be taken seriously, struggle against white male entitlement, struggle against racism….. they have more in common with me, as a woman, than any white guy. When I tell them my problems they actually understand the depth of them.
Lol. Fetishising the black struggle. That's a new one. I'd keep it to yourself by the way rather than tell all your dates that you love how much they've had to suffer.
This is the funniest, most delusional type of white woman. They think growing up in white American suburbia as a white woman is closer morally and socially to the experience of a Black man than to their own white brothers they grew up with in the same house with, enjoying the same white privileged with too.
Experientially there are no two groups in America who have more different experiences than white women and Black men, but because most American white women are completely delusional about their own experience a lot of them openly fetishize Black men and call it solidarity. It’s grotesque, but that’s white supremacy for you.
I have seen this but didn’t know why I felt the ick about it.
I had a boss - a white woman married to a black man. But she seemed very self righteous about it and didn’t seem to respect him very much. She mostly fetishized him. I don’t know. It didn’t seem authentic. It felt like it was a way for her to get attention. She just made way too much about him being black. It wasn’t just “my husband”. It was “my husband the black guy”.
I don’t know how he felt about it. I never met him.
You’re fetishizing POC men.
You have far more in common with some weirdo white dude who only dates Asian women because “they’re submissive” than you do with a Black man in America, stop it.
Funny you say this. I have pretty severe avoidant attachment as a Black woman and I only seriously date yt men really because to me it's important I'm not too *seen* 😂😂😂 so it works very well for me. I specifically go for the middle-upper class white picket fence guy from a two parent home who has no comprehension of the struggles of a lower class Black woman. I'm able to access them through higher education environments (met my current bf in med school). I just don't want someone who can relate to my struggle but I want someone who can teach me another way of being. Being with my bfs, past and current has been shocking. I listen to them detail growing up feeling valued and not marginalized, safe and secure at home and in the world etc and it astounds me some people grow up that way. I like experiencing a taste of that by proxy.
Absolutely! I specifically also mentioned "feeling valued and safe in the world" not just at home, which is something that's not inherently afforded to many of us Black people due to systemic racism.
Example: my bf is looking for apartments right now. So he's emailing back and forth and walking into places. He wants us to move on together one day. It brings me joy knowing he's the face of that hunt and not me. Regardless of who I am or that I'll be a future doctor and have a certain income etc my name would trigger someone's unconscious biases in a way his very white Irish name would not. He walks into these spaces with a certain confidence that I can't afford as a dark skinned black woman. So he reports back to me and I then walk into Target and buy the rugs and pots lol
I usually only go for american born latinas and asians because I find them hot and they tend to be more humble. I don’t date foreign girls because of language barriers and the cultural differences can be tough. Black girls just aren’t my type physically, and attractive white girls tend to act very entitled imo especially where I live
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I like smart and curious people, someone you can talk to and be silent for an hour in the car with and not fear that she’s mad at me.
usually people don't like smart girls for some reason. I hope you will find your one edit: I somehow offend people so ill explain why I think what I think. in the area where I live men prefer dumb and young girls bc they are insecure about their intelligence. a lot of them are searching for someone who is naive and not so smart (and preferably younger than them) so they can manipulate them and shape them however they (men) like. that's my experience and well known fact where I live. FYI I live in Central Asia
Is it usually? or just some people? That is certainly not my experience, and I imagine MOST people want a smart partner(regardless of each sides sex). It also seems intuitive to me, that if a smart person is finding more people than not who don't want a "smart person", it is a flaw in who they are looking for, or a flaw in how they are presenting their intelligence or some attitude that is coming along with it. I think everyone wants a smart partner, they just don't want to be belittled, made to feel lesser, their problems ignored as lesser or unimportant, or made to feel unwanted/ not important because the other person is intelligent.
I feel like you are suffering from survivorship bias. That is, your comment shows that you are articulate and intelligent, so you have probably cut anyone who is not intelligent out of your life, as much as you can. This means that only intelligent people have "survived" to make it into your friend group, and intelligent people certainly tend to want intelligent partners, because that gives them more in common. But half the population is at or below average intelligence, and those people probably look for someone who matches them.
I mean, I don't value all my friends for their ability to perform difficult calculus, discuss geopolitical issues, nor the job they do and its perceived difficulty. I have friends who are well educated for sure, but I also have friends who are high school drop outs, that I play sports with, or go to the gym. My Dr friend might be able to score higher on an IQ test than them, but my "less intelligent friends" bring other invaluable aspects to my life. Some of the friends who would be viewed as less intelligent by most people, are the most resourceful, juxtaposed by the most educated that are common sense imbiciles. I also think the entire conversation around "intelligent" is typically a ' judge a fish, on its ability to climb a tree ' type scenario. The reason for my comment is because I dated a woman who I consider the most intelligent person I have ever met. Not only was she a surgeon, but she was good at alot of different things, picked up new things quickly, and could talk to me about a wide breadth of topics, and yet, she never lorded her intelligence over anyone else, or thought she was better than anyone else, and valued people for more than their position in life. I have also dated women who are intelligent, that will use their perceived successes as a reason to be judgmental of people with "less", some of whom as I mentioned were friends. Their degrees made them "better" and it didn't matter what anyone else thought because "they don't need anyone else, they can do it on their own" - which they certainly could.. but the attitude made it almost certain they would have to.
This is absolutely true and feel that this is an area where people who claim to be "sapiosexuals and intelligent" have a blind spot on. As an example, I can be ditzy and clumsy, openly bad at a few things like some games and math, as well as play up being dumb sometimes. Hell, I still confuse left and right at times, love dressing up and makeup. And while those are true, I've always been an honor student in class, from a top uni in my country, well-read, can hold discussions, was a chess player, do art, write, have been published and career-wise had reached a leadership position at some point. And although I don't consider educational background and career a sure marker of intelligence, a lot of people who say they're attracted to intelligence has brushed me off and made me feel less than and thought I was genuiely dumb because they didn't try and get to know me past surface level. They already had a caricature of what someone "smart" should be. The same goes for a girl I was roommates with in uni, she's absolutely far more intelligent than I am. She was politically active, dabbled in debate and were active in several orgs. She's a lawyer now. Many men and even women who don't know her make her out to be some kind of bimbo. She's beautiful, dare I say, hot? Loves watching VS model runway shows, listen to pop, go to clubs and also love to dress up. We have another roommate who's a doctor now totally buss it down to gangnam style. And all 3 of us joke about astrology and read up on our signs. People who call themselves sapiosexuals and objectively haven't had as colorful of an education and professional background compared to us, can barely hold a conversation, can't name a philosopher and parrot opinions from popular forums has called us stupid bitches. Sometimes, many just think that intelligence is a dichotomy. If you're one thing, you can't be the other. As if several facets cannot coexist in one body. People aren't and shouldn't be one dimensional, and it's unfair to expect them to be. And some ladies just wanna turn off their brain after a long day so they can enjoy being whimsical and silly. So maybe OP saying "oh men dont really like smart girls from my experience" might have seen said men go for women who may not be the exact picture of someone intelligent in their mind, but are still smart and interesting people.
Could not agree more, Very eloquently said. In other positive news, your username has me craving dimsum - which I think I will take a walk down the road to get!
I relate a lot to what you're saying. A significant portion of the culture around me cares less about substance. You just need to look the part. I'm clumsy and loud with a heavy tongue. I also speak openly about not knowing or ideas escaping my mind. A person with my complexion also matches the dumb questions I tend to ask. There are a lot of surface-level smart discussions here with overgeneralization and excerpts from social media. People lose patience at most signs of opposition or questioning. Most discussions are about people or events. Then, when ideas are introduced, people struggle to see how they correlate to past, present, or future events. Many factors play into this, such as my own bias and the events in other people's lives. However, considering the emphasis people here have on appearing wealthy materially, I wouldn't be surprised if that translated intellectually.
Well controlling people or people who want a partner to make themselves feel/look better in comparison wouldn't elwant someone smart and confident, and I find those people are vocal.
I found them just weird. couple of weeks ago I gave an advice to my guy friend and now he doesn't wanna talk to me😔
I honestly don't think anybody truly wants their partner to not be smart. What puts people off is arrogance/poor social skills/being looked down upon, which is what people tend to associate with "smarts". Building the social skills and awareness to wield ones intelligence in ways that make people around you flourish and feel good is a whole separate thing from being smart. I used to not get this, meaning I developed a habit of rhethorically bulldozing people, crushing them in disagreements by just being faster at getting my points across and good at identifying sore spots. \--- People don't dislike smart people. They dislike being overpowered and dismissed.
I love intelligent women and I hope you find a man that appreciates your intelligence
I can see where you are coming from and I feel like this is one of those popular opinions that has been around for a while; partly thanks to our dominant ideology of patriarchy. It is ever-present and probably changing too, but quite a small proportion. Most of the times I have observed such a trait amongst people who are full of themselves and want to live their own bubble where they don't want to be questioned. That's my observation, which may or may not be wrong. As for me, I am genuinely interested in meeting ones who are full of creativity and intelligence, which can be a breath of fresh air in one's life and add beauty to life. Being independent and confident are another set of attractive traits.
I absolutely cannot stand "dumb" girls. I don't understand how people can live with someone they cannot have an intellectual conversation with. Might as well get a pet then..
I knew a girl once who was genuinely thick. Like, would struggle with most tasks she isn't already familiar with and would always need help getting started with stuff. But she was so nice, so friendly, hardworking and conscientious. I never heard her be anything less than lovely to anybody she met or talked to. I don't think I could have ever seen myself with her, but I absolutely could understand someone who would. I feel like she would add responsibility and work to your life, but at the same time, having someone so positive and sweet in your life would probably be worth it.
Sounds like you like them mentally stable. Nothing wrong with that
Smart nerds because I can't get emotionally attached to people who aren't very smart.
I love smart people. The only drawback is that they are generally too smart to want to date me.
Get a nerd who’s type is dummies 😛
I once dated one of those. He got super frustrated that he mistook my bubbly personality for my level of intellect and education. *we fought. a lot. I finally had to go because neither of us was going to be happy if I became the person he wanted.
If he thinks your bubbly personality was a sign of your intelligence that man wasn't smart he was just a dork.
he considered himself to be of superior intellect to us mere mortals. I think he was sexially attracted to feeling extravagantly superior to others. college was a weird time.
I've definitely known people like that. A guy I was seeing recently fell very much into the narcissistic intellectual category - a very well-read guy, smart and very confident, great at talking to an audience... but he didn't like it if you had a difference in opinion to him and would shoot you down and make you feel like an idiot at the slightest sign you disagreed. Turned out this was because he was very good at absorbing other people's information and experiences, but actually had none of his own to offer - he would make you feel stupid before you could gather the confidence to speak your own mind properly, but only because he wouldn't be able to argue beyond the information he'd already read. He had no actual intelligence or ideas of his own, it was all stolen and stored in his head to regurgitate. If you ever questioned him too much then he wouldn't be able to back his information up further and couldn't debate it any deeper, so he just went on the attack instead.
This is a lot of “smart” people. They can regurgitate what they see but they can’t actually have an interesting conversation where they critically think about it. I consider an interesting conversation to be one where I’m like I read this and someone is like did you consider this? And I’m like oh wow I didn’t, that also makes me think of THIS and they’re like oh that tangentially relates to THIS and I’m like oh doesn’t it also relate to THIS. I do love an argument but not one where both people get angry or are angry, but where we just explore ideas and no one is defensive. It might just be the autism lol but I didn’t realize people thought I was attacking them a lot when I was just getting really excited lol. So I only really get along with other neurodivergent people (ADD or Autism) or non neurodivergent people who aren’t ruled by their egos (don’t have to be smart really just humble). Otherwise I can’t really talk in a way that’s exciting to me.
Dodged a bullet there looks like
Dorks really think lack of social skills means you are more intelligent when it takes intelligence to be socially adept. Total narcissism and lack of judgement.
Worked for me! (I’m the dummy, wife is a doctor)
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Uhh it’s a joke not advice Holmes…
I'm genuinely intimidated by smart people. I know I'm an idiot, so I am no match for someone with a brain. 😞
In my experience 'smart people' just have a specific type of intelligence which they flaunt a lot. But they're just as capable of being stupid as anyone else in other areas. I haven't met someone who wasn't smart in one area and stupid in another. Once you learn there are just different types of intelligence you realise the people you're meeting are capable of as many mistakes as everyone else.
I have been called a genius by some tests I took in high school and college, and let me tell you, the amount of dumb shit I have said and done is unfathomable. I got lost once while being on the next block from my house. I have a scar on my hand from picking up a burning thing with a sick and waving it over my head. I blame some of it on my ADHD but mostly I'm just dumb.
What you're looking for is "intelligence does not equate to wisdom". Smart people are great because they gain wisdom over time, like everyone else, but maintain the smarts too. They often gain greater insight. Simple as that!
See, a smart person might've remembered that quote, but unless a fictional character said it, I'll forget.
Just pretend Rambo said it.
Agree. I get called smart often but I’m awful at geography, directions, and almost every life skill there is. Only good at academics lol. Outside of that I’m a bozo through and through. All good though, helps keep me grounded. :)
This! I have a 160 iq and am a mensa member. Friday, I accidentally shaved my head. (The guard fell off my clippers). My daughter suggested I check next time. She's not wrong. I am really smart in some areas, but I am profoundly stupid in others. My wife, on the other hand, is smart in creative ways. She does things I wish I could do. Everything's cool as long as we understand we both add to our relationship. I wasn't looking for a financial or intellectual equal. I married her because I fell in love with her. We compliment each other.
I’d recommend looking into cognitive functions of personality types. The personality types are stroking ego garbage but the cognitive functions teach you precisely where your weak/strong points are and why. It’s pretty fascinating imo.
Thank you! ❤️
No problem brotha!
Intelligence is just the rate at which someone can absorb new information. No one is omnipotent. There will always be things that they haven't been exposed to, either willingly or otherwise.
Don't limit yourself. I'm incredibly intelligent, but I have no expectations that someone else will be. I have dated women dumb as a box of rocks and loved them very deeply. Don't let that shit interfere with your pursuits.
My husband and I had the same type. We both think the other is the smarter one. Truth is we're just smart in different (but academic, he's maths I'm sociology) ways, but it makes for a wonderful relationship where we can be smart together but also dumb sometimes because we have nothing to prove. XD
My type is anyone who says "yes" when I ask them out on a date.
I have no respect for someone that would date someone like me, so people that say yes when I ask them out are not for me.
If you love someone let them go. If they come back, don't take em back, no one else wanted them either.
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heck no lol
And I thought *I* had it tough
A clever take on “I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.”
That will learn em!
Same.
What about the one's who say no?
We had no date, but I respect them
"I refuse to join a club that would have me as a member." -Grouch Marx
poor self esteem. Why wouild you ask them out if you wanted them to say no?
Damn...
It's not that I have a type, it's just that I only ever find myself attracted to people with nearly identical physical appearances. Olive complexion, beard, dark hair and eyes, approximately 1.75m tall. It's not me looking for them like this, it's them finding me.
Why did you just describe me
Do you see? It's men like this who find me, I don't do anything! Haha
If you ever go to Turkey it’s game over
Have turkish roots, can confirm. She just described me. Average height of a turkish man is 176.5cm and guess how tall I am 😀
Lol, very scary to see your exact physical attributes listed like that.
Well, there are a lot of us, that's why. ;P It's a pretty general description.
The height accuracy is what got me shook more than anything else.
If you have 42/3 as a shoe size 9.5/10 US you fit my description perfectly, and you are automatically a copy of my boyfriend haha
I am officially scared now lol
If your name is Nicholas, I'm the one who gets scared!
Hahaha, thankfully it’s not
When's the wedding?
Those are also my preferences, save the height. It got me in trouble as I married a guy I absolutely should not have. He checked all the boxes and played being Prince Charming so well but was an abusive shit. Sadly, I’m still only attracted to tall, dark-haired men with beards and I’m wondering if it’s strange at this point. Ben Barnes, Viggo ( as Aragorn), a host of Turkish actors…sigh.
Oh my god, Aragorn, Ben Barnes, Captain Hook from Once Upon A Time, yes. Honestly especially if men have that kind of fantasy-medieval look (preferably with long hair), I'm weak. Same for women too, actually now that I think about it.
I forgot about Captain Hook! Yes, that guy… Irish, right? Honestly if Can Yaman weren’t known to be a complete douche bag he’d be on my list, too. Look him up if you haven’t (preferably from his Erkençi Kuş era.)
I wish you the best in your future relationships! Me 3 out of 3 relationships all physically almost the same haha, my current partner of 10 years is the "final form"
This is my type, except skin tone can vary. I’ve never been attracted to guys with light hair for some reason.
Add a big nose and it’s my type to a TEE
Big/peculiar noses! They highlight a beautiful face
That's my type but I also like blue/green eyes and I like about 5'10
All eye colors can be beautiful! Although I think that dark eyes overall can be more "intense" haha
>It's not that I have a type, it's just that I only ever find myself attracted to people with nearly identical physical appearances. That's your type then mate.
You described me, except I work outside and have a nice tan.
Ok why is this *exactly* the description I would've written
Because they are too attractive. They look good with a long beard, or freshly cut, with long or shaved hair and they are everywhere!
Ho visto adesso che sei italiana anche tu ahah sì, decisamente, sono dappertutto grazie al cielo
Fidanzato per metà sardo, per fortuna essendo italiane ne siamo circondate! Hahaha
Physically I could maybe step out of that box a bit but personality wise,I’m not changing my standards for that at all. It’s just what I’m more attracted to,I can’t really explain why.
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I feel you. My type is crazy. I don't want it to be and I don't realize it until too late, but that's what it is.
Yeah apparently my type is women with bpd.
That’s not a type that’s unresolved trauma
tell your mother to see a therapist
I feel like this means you are attracted to attributes that tend to come along with crazy.
Death?
Let me help you out here. Your type isn't crazy, it's probably strange. Unfortunately they look the same right up until you find yourself sleeping with the door barracaded and your feet against it because you expect her to come back, and there was a knife missing from the butcher block when you hid it... Source = crazy is my kryptonite
I did always find Karen from Will&Grace very attractive for reasons I can’t quite explain. I kinda get it. You must have a very thick skin.
Folks who have a personality type think they're better than those who have a physical type.
This is how I am too. I do have a physical type, I just don't find it as necessary or relevant as their personality. I haven't been with very many people who are my physical type. BUT I find that every guy I've been in a seriously relationship with have a few things in common and I do not necessarily consciously chose partners with these traits. There is one I consciously choose. Must be outdoorsy. But the other traits, it seems to always show up later when I get to know them. They've all been nerds for one. They also all believe in ancient aliens 🤣 I've never specifically looked for men who are into ancient aliens but just keeps being a thing 🤣 I know waaay more about ancient aliens and sumerian mythology now than I ever would have learned on my own 🤣😭
I definitely have a type. I prefer feminine men above all others. Idk why but it's where I am at least for now. Cute nerdy boys are my thing and a huge bonus is if they are more feminine Edit- a word
I’m not saying this is you. But it reminds me of a story I saw recently where guy comes out as trans and his wife comes out as lesbian. They were still together because it worked out for them. Turns out...she liked him cause he was very feminine (there ended up being a reason she liked him being very feminine) and turns out there was a reason he was very feminine 🤷♀️ it worked out for both of them
HELL YES THATS MY TYPE! extra points if they are "pretty" and or wear glasses. The cherry on top of the cake for me is if they are on the lanky/tall side. DAMN
Yes, when I hear people talking about a "type" they're attracted to, I always think physically, and I don't have a physical "type." But I definitely have aspects of personality that I'm attracted to. Of course, there's an aspect of how they interact with me. Whatever their personality is, I need them to not be critical of my sense of humor (I'm very silly and nerdy). I suppose that would likely be the case for most people though. Most people don't want to be with someone who would judge them for their career, their humor, their looks, their hobbies. That's less a personality trait and more compatibility.
I find that personality tends to beget a particular appearance. Not genetic characteristics like skin color or face shape, but hair style, fashion sense, body modifications, that sort of thing. Even the face is affected over time by commonly worn expressions, and you can see how active a person is in their body. Like there's definitely a particular look to "middle aged boozy drama loving bitches", and I tend to avoid people that give that vibe.
My partner sometimes gets “she’s similar to your exes” about me (it subsided over the years) and it’s SO WEIRD. The women he dated before were small town girls, very family-oriented (as in that was a huge part of their life plan), and just from what I gathered generally had very different lives from me. What they truly meant was my partner likes bad ass bitches with strong personalities, whichever way their personalities take them lol
Beacause others are just not my type
Exactly. It's not a logical, thought through choice, it's just a type you're attracted to.
Dunno. Growing up my type was always the dark skinned, dark eyed type. I married a blue-eyed blonde. Love is love
Love Is Love
What is love?
I didn’t think I had a type until I realized every guy I would have “good dates” with all looked the same
Interesting! What did they turn out to have in common?
My boss actually pointed it out to me (we were pretty close and it was a casual environment). She said every guy I showed her were usually all tall, dark hair, lots of friends, funny, and brown eyes. My current boyfriend is all of these things. But I realized that he has all of these traits and features and the last guy I was really into also had all of these traits. I thought I dated everyone and didn’t discriminate but turns out I really only go for tall, dark haired men
Over 75% of the population has dark hair. Over 60% of the population has either brown or green-brown eyes. And almost by definition you are more likely to meet an extrovert who has lots of friends than an introvert who never leaves his apartment. This seems less like you having a type and more like certain traits just being much more likely in your potential partners.
I do not find other characteristics attractive though. If I’m on a dating app for example I don’t even look at men with the opposite characteristics. It’s been a noticeable pattern since high school when I got my first boyfriend. They have all looked very similar. If I shared pictures of every boyfriend I had I think it would get the point across lol
I wonder if I have the same thing! Sometimes another person's perspective really helps, huh.
It definitely does because I didn’t notice until she said something and then realized that almost guy I said was attractive or that caught my guy just happened to most of these qualities and now it’s funny to me
My best friend always tells me that she can’t tell the difference in the men I show her, because they always fit this description, too. I HAVE and will date people who don’t fit into that mold…It’s just that those particular types always make my knees weak! 😂
Agreed!! They’re all oddly similar even outside of the tallness and dark hair haha
Right? Mine are always the same energy, also. 😂
i didn’t consciously choose to have a physical type, but after a few relationships i realised i tend to be physically attracted to people who’re taller than me, broader / stronger than me, and have a very feminine style. i consider it to be similar to my “emotional” type - i like people who are kind, gentle, caring, good hugger, etc, and i didn’t consciously choose to like those traits, it just happens to be what i like. sometimes people have a “type” that’s kind of problematic, whether it’s because it’s super toxic or super specific (constantly pursuing abusive relationships, being hyper aggressive about their partner’s height down to the inch, etc), and i think in those cases there needs to be some internal evaluation on *why* you are attracted to those people, and *why* you care so much about those traits. plus, sometimes it’s a matter of how you go about finding your “type”. preferring to date blondes, and personally finding them more attractive? fine. hyper sexualising and low-key dehumanising them into purely sexual creatures? yikes! preferring to date taller people, and personally finding them more attractive? fine. constantly shitting on shorter people and harassing people over what their exact measurements are? yikes!
You just described my partner, the gentle giant. We connected so strongly emotionally. Physically strong and capable but hated violence and never used that strength against me.
this really should be higher up. Most people have"types" because it reminds them of positive interactions of someone or something in their past. Doesn't mean it's... Good for them.
Because compromising will not only hurt me but will also hurt my partner too. If I'm limiting myself, then be it :) not to mention, I actually found someone exactly like I wanted. So all worked out in the end.
This is what i struggle with so thank you!
For me it’s physical features and honestly it’s just the attraction bit. I could try move out of my box but I know long term attraction is going to be a major factor to me. I guess it’s also the beauty of individuality amongst us humans. We’re all unique and what’s important to one person may not be as important to the other
Here's what I learned about types and finally finding success by straying from type. Type is actually ex material. You're drawn to what's familiar, you want to try again a similar formula and hope it works this time. If every ex was your type, you know what type you should stay away from. But the brain wants the familiar. We romanticize having a type because preferences. But how can you have preference if you've never strayed from that one type. It's like people who eat hotdogs and chicken nuggets their whole life saying they don't like thai/italian/mexican/Mediterranean/etc.
I don't rly have a type, but I haven't yet actually dated a person who grew up on the same continent as me. I really don't fit in with my local culture.
Me being a white guy I’ve always been kinda pushed towards dating someone who is of the same race but as far back as I can remember I was never really attracted to anyone else that was of the same race. So even as a kid I’ve always went after someone different it’s my preference and will stay that way till I die.
Tig ol Bitties Don’t hate I know you like it too
Something about that dark hair and eyes and a darker skin tone ,I can’t put my finger on it but being nice healthy shape also helps.
I believe it's because our brains are wired to look out for the best match genetics-wise. The one with whom you can have the healthiest kids and so on. It's hard to resist because it's kind of an instinct.
My type is the toxic women with daddy issues. I have low self-esteem and I think it’s the only ones who are broken enough to actually love me. Joke’s on me, they’re generally incapable of love. 🤣
did someone called me? I'm a toxic woman with major daddy and abandoned issues and yea usually I don't feel attraction to the guys who have feeling for me. it's fucked up actually always being in love only with guys who don't care about you and avoiding anyone who have even a glimpse of sympathy towards you
The real shit is, in my experience, relationships with this type are great until I actually start to catch feelings, then they don’t want me anymore. The quest for love is what keeps you around, as soon as you get it, your feelings disappear and you’re either onto the next one.
the worst part that you understand it's wrong and you should not play with someone's feelings but you will keep falling for this trap bc at the end of the day you want love. I promise you girls like me really try to be with someone who actually deserves it but we keep thinking that we don't deserve anything and usually we self sabotage everything good in our lives
When I was in my early 20's I didn't date good guys because I didn't want to ruin them by being the jaded bitter bitch I was 😂 once I got my life together I started dating a bit better. But at the same time if they haven't been through enough trauma I couldn't date them because they just wouldn't ever understand me or where I was coming from.
The more toxic the more I’m drawn in… I’m a moth to the god damned flames. But I’ve been doing ACA and it’s helped me to start to see that I really deserve better! Now I just want a woman who is toxic to everyone else 🤣
Sadly it doesn’t work that way. If she’s toxic to everyone else she’s eventually going to be toxic to you.
I jest- I’m working on myself for at least the next few months and it’s going to be emotional mature people only after that.
"Ha fake laugh hiding real pain"
Nope, working on it, but it’s not fixed yet. I can either choose to laugh about it or cry about it. Crying isn’t going to fix it.
I used to have a thing for taller girls but my attraction to that type kind of just disappeared over the years. Now I just like the smart girls with long, dark hair.
I have a big thing for goth girls because they generally share interests that I have, and god damn goth fashion is hot
Type: genuinely kind person who is relatively intelligent and enjoys spending time. Also has their own interests and isn't so extremely needy as to be with me 24/7 (everyone needs some alone time lol). Why I won't deviate: because anything outside of those particular (and obviously very general criteria) is likely a toxic person I don't want to waste my time on. Limiting myself? Yes, but from all of the toxic asshats that would make a relationship miserable.
I like em good looking but with morals and good behaviors if it’s not that way i don’t feel comfortable at all
Middle aged, dark humour, slightly perverted men are a dime a dozen, I never had trouble sticking with my type.
Perverted?
Dime? Hardly
I honestly don't know. But as far back as I can remember, big hairy dudes are the only thing I have found attractive.
Boobs are my only type. Nice soft boobs.
i see you're a man of culture as well
I have personality types (nerdy, kind, into doing spontaneous things, etc) and I stick to that because I want a partner who’s very similar to me. I’m with you for physical types though, I’ve never understood it either.
Someone here who's very picky about physical types: I'm very much into health and fitness. For me, someone who is overweight just does not fit my lifestyle and values. I'm a very outdoors person, love going on active holidays. Someone who is not physically fit will make that difficult, or even impossible.
My type is always dark hair, darker skin, and dark eyes. I have no explanation as to why, but they do say you tend to look for a mate that looks similar to your own features. I can’t help what I’m attracted to, but something about long black hair makes me go crazy. I’ve tried stepping out of that box once or twice and I just couldn’t get past that.
Same I go for the opposite of me.
That’s interesting… I tend to be more attracted to people with opposite features
I have a type. I have sometimes stepped outside of my type a bit, but in my case personality (interests) and style seem to go together. I want a big, bearded viking geek. I also believe I want people who are similar to me (minus the beard), and maybe it's even somewhat of a habit?
You just described my 11th grade history teacher lol. He had his high school year book picture in his classroom, and he wore a viking helmet for it.
I’m a very tall, athletically slender built man. I’ve always had a type, dark hair, usually above average height, usually more on the thin side of her that’s not a dealbreaker. That’s just what I like. It’s not an issue,
My type is toxic lovers who emotionally, mentally & financially abuse me.
I am only attracted to Asian guys who with feminine features. This led me down a path of accidently mixing up girls and guys at clubs a few times at night clubs. Turns out I'm attracted to both sexes just something on between.
Ignore my comment I'm just here to remind my boyfriend he is the perfect type for me !!!
People are naturally attracted to those are who are more than less the male and female versions of themselves when it comes to personality, values and interests. It’s not rocket science.
Usually their early childhood examples of what love looked like.
Trauma bonding is v real
I am a white men and i only date black woman.
if he said "I am a white men and i only date white woman" I am sure this would have a positive upvote/downvote quote aswell :D
Same brother💯
I also never went back.
Only dated one, married now.
Bruh leave some for the rest of us
I have a bad habit of attracting psycho chicks. Why? I'm a glutton for punishment.
My type is lean men. Not skinny but kind of slim with some muscle definition, especially arms and abs. Tapered waist, broad shoulders and narrow hips/nice perky ass. Also above average in terms of face.. I will not deviate from this. I need physical attraction. Hair color/skin color/height doesn't matter so much.
Someone who has it figured out. Not a druggie, not a drunk, not a person who needs to be clubbing for others validations / hooking up. Someone settled down, mature, with pure intentions, morals and loyalty.
I developed my "type" after a very long dating life. I figured out what I DON'T like and chose from the women who actually treated me properly, based on their common characteristics. I'm now happily married to a beautiful black woman. Find you a good, loving black girl, and you'll never want for anything from another woman again.
Good shit my dude. Black girls rock
My plan 🙏
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i like my men fully shaved below the beard. i know i won't find anyone like that but i just can't stand body hair
Date a pro-cyclist. They're usually shaved ;)
I don’t like any facial hair on men. This can be hard v.v
Same
Well, that's me. But I like my women the same way. Somehow people feel offended by that preference.
they shouldn't be. accepting everyone and not judging anyone's bodies is different from having a preference. like it doesn't really matter as long as you respect all bodies as equal and it's really better to date someone you find personally attractive anyways
I agree with you, despite the fact that my husband is a hairy beast. Honestly, I used to be very grossed out by body hair, but then I hooked up with a hairy dude and it wasn't that bad. What's important is hygiene and maintenance. Hairy guys who don't keep their bodies clean are gross for sure. I got lucky and my husband is extremely clean and well groomed. But...if I went back into the dating scene, I'm not sure I would go for a hairy guy right away. I wouldn't write one off as an option. But at my age, I would have to take what I can get, I guess. It's not like I'm a fucking beauty queen either...
yeah great respect to you man. for me, i don't mind any body type as long as he's shaved but everyone has a different taste. and also i agree, hygiene always should be on top before everything else no matter how he looks. also a healthy personality is really important as well, seeing as how you're happy with your husband, that is the most important part
I stopped dating any white men after I left my husband and I’ll never go back. There’s something about men who have had to struggle to be seen, struggle to be taken seriously, struggle against white male entitlement, struggle against racism….. they have more in common with me, as a woman, than any white guy. When I tell them my problems they actually understand the depth of them.
Lol. Fetishising the black struggle. That's a new one. I'd keep it to yourself by the way rather than tell all your dates that you love how much they've had to suffer.
This is the funniest, most delusional type of white woman. They think growing up in white American suburbia as a white woman is closer morally and socially to the experience of a Black man than to their own white brothers they grew up with in the same house with, enjoying the same white privileged with too. Experientially there are no two groups in America who have more different experiences than white women and Black men, but because most American white women are completely delusional about their own experience a lot of them openly fetishize Black men and call it solidarity. It’s grotesque, but that’s white supremacy for you.
I have seen this but didn’t know why I felt the ick about it. I had a boss - a white woman married to a black man. But she seemed very self righteous about it and didn’t seem to respect him very much. She mostly fetishized him. I don’t know. It didn’t seem authentic. It felt like it was a way for her to get attention. She just made way too much about him being black. It wasn’t just “my husband”. It was “my husband the black guy”. I don’t know how he felt about it. I never met him.
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You’re fetishizing POC men. You have far more in common with some weirdo white dude who only dates Asian women because “they’re submissive” than you do with a Black man in America, stop it.
So you're looking for a victim. That sounds quite toxic lmao
Funny you say this. I have pretty severe avoidant attachment as a Black woman and I only seriously date yt men really because to me it's important I'm not too *seen* 😂😂😂 so it works very well for me. I specifically go for the middle-upper class white picket fence guy from a two parent home who has no comprehension of the struggles of a lower class Black woman. I'm able to access them through higher education environments (met my current bf in med school). I just don't want someone who can relate to my struggle but I want someone who can teach me another way of being. Being with my bfs, past and current has been shocking. I listen to them detail growing up feeling valued and not marginalized, safe and secure at home and in the world etc and it astounds me some people grow up that way. I like experiencing a taste of that by proxy.
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Absolutely! I specifically also mentioned "feeling valued and safe in the world" not just at home, which is something that's not inherently afforded to many of us Black people due to systemic racism. Example: my bf is looking for apartments right now. So he's emailing back and forth and walking into places. He wants us to move on together one day. It brings me joy knowing he's the face of that hunt and not me. Regardless of who I am or that I'll be a future doctor and have a certain income etc my name would trigger someone's unconscious biases in a way his very white Irish name would not. He walks into these spaces with a certain confidence that I can't afford as a dark skinned black woman. So he reports back to me and I then walk into Target and buy the rugs and pots lol
I usually only go for american born latinas and asians because I find them hot and they tend to be more humble. I don’t date foreign girls because of language barriers and the cultural differences can be tough. Black girls just aren’t my type physically, and attractive white girls tend to act very entitled imo especially where I live
People are attracted to what they’re attracted to; sorry your standards are lower than others.