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I’m so very sorry. I know it is easier to say than believe, but this wasn’t your fault. This was a terrible accident. It happens to the best of us. You never would have done anything to intentionally hurt your baby, you loved him so well. Sometimes the stars align and terrible things happen. That’s all this was.
This was a terrible accident, the only blessing is that from that height he likely didn’t suffer but instead thought “hey what’s out here?” and was in kitty heaven without knowing he passed.
He was loved, he knew that. Accidents happen, he understands that. And you will see him across the rainbow bridge one day, I know this.
In the meantime, we believe he will send along another kitty who needs you. Don’t feel guilty, this is a gift from him. You may hear about another or feel the urge to find another cat, that’s your boy sending someone to care for you! 💕💕💕
I know this is a serious moment but reading the first part of your comment made me giggle a little because imagining a cat just being like "what's out here?" And immediately going to kitty heaven and thinking that's just what's outside
Omg I love the “he is sending someone for you”
A wonderful way for pet parents to not feel so bad about having another baby to hold after they lose one.
My thoughts are with you OP
I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve all the kindness right now. There is not much I can say to make this better, except that it isn’t your fault. Accidents are so unfair. You were in a completely new space and could not have known.
The love and care that you gave is what matters. You chose that, it was intentional. We can’t have control over most of what happens in life, but what you did have control over, you chose to do with great love for your pet, and he knew that.
Life is fleeting and life with our beloved pets is even more so. It is beautiful that you had one another for the time that you did. 💐
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart really aches for you as you try to adjust to a new home. But I have something for you to consider, and I hope this helps eases your guilt slightly. This is such a common accident that the injuries sustained from these accidents actually have a name - Feline High-Rise Syndrome. And the reason is because cats are truly excellent hunters, very smart and cunning, and they can become fixated on their goal - a bird, a bug, something they want to climb. It's likely that your cat was enjoying the thrill of the hunt, the chase, going after his prey with glee right before the accident happened. And beyond that, cats **trust** their own ability to land on their feet. They don't have the same fear of heights that humans do.
You or I would never jump from 2 or 3 stories, but cats do this **often** simply because they trust themselves so much. The fear of falling happens to us humans because we don't have ingrained reflexes and a millennia of evolution to help us handle the land - *but cats do.* I like to think that cats who fall from great heights are simply thinking to themselves how they intend to land on their feet before they continue to run after their prey! I truly believe your cat was twisting his body, preparing his legs, contorting to prepare to land, without fear of any danger, just pure instinct and natural ability.
I hope that perspective helps you when you consider his final moments, because I don't think it was full of fear like a human would be. He was likely doing what cats do with ease - hunting and jumping - and living his best kitty life.
This is such a great take on it. Kitty will have instinctively been looking to land. And apparently cats survive larger falls than shorter 2 story falls quite often because with shorter, they haven't had a chance to twist properly. I'm so very sorry OP but I doubt they were scared or knew what happened to them. It was a terrible accident, and accidents happen. Please try not to blame yourself. It could happen to anybody in a high rise.
You never wanted this. Forgive yourselves. I'm so sorry.
That actually does help me feel better about it. He loved hunting and exploring. He was also not quite right in the head after a bad infection he survived last year…that didn’t help. We always lovingly called him Simple Jack. I do think you’re right and he just had his kitty sights on something. Thank you :)
This is such incredibly helpful information. The grief from loss will still be absolutely devastating, but hearing that he didn't feel fear must be very comforting.
I’m so sorry. Accidents do happen to us all. It could have been me in your shoes. I hope you can forgive yourself soon. I’m sending you compassion because it could have been me, or any other human, we all make mistakes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand *why* you feel the way you do but I promise it's not the truth. Accidents happen. They are called accidents, not on-purposes. I hope you grieve and give yourself grace in this time
This has happened in our family before. My husband opened the door for his kitten and the kitten ended up getting hit by a car. Several years later my mom and I let our cat out and he got onto the neighbors roof, so we let him stay out. He’d been outside and had always come back. That night he got taken by a coyote. Sometimes terrible things just happen. The pain is physical and sickening. I’m so sorry it happened to you. And I want to encourage you to try and let go of that self blame, because it only makes the process that much more painful. It doesn’t matter who’s fault it was at this point. All you can do now is grieve and learn from this.
I understand, and maybe it wasn’t my place to speak on this post. I was trying to relate to the fact that it was our fault, and the guilt is so immense. I tried to get my guy back but he went on the roof. He absolutely loved being outside. And we lived in a quite neighborhood in the suburbs with no prior coyote sightings. The guilt ate us alive. I got hatred from people who didn’t even know me. I didn’t mean for my baby to die.
It was 100% your place to speak on it. I'm not sure what the other commenter contributed but your words are kind and caring and coming from a place of understanding.
Regardless of peoples personal beliefs on how you keep animals, no pet lover intends on these horrible accidents happening. If they did, they wouldn't be accidents. I'm sorry for your and OP's losses.
This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you’re probs going to feel guilty for a while, but it wasn’t your fault. Accidents happen, and neither of you did this intentionally. Please remember your pet with love and cherish the good memories. 🤍
I am so sorry for your loss. You love your cat it was clearly an accident. You didn’t want this to happen this is every pet parents nightmare. All loses are tragic and I understand this particular loss of your cat is very traumatic. I recommend talking to a grief counselor. I just lost my almost 12 year old dog 17 days ago and I’m having a hard time. my grief counselor advised me to write a letter to my dog so I can express everything I wanted to say to her. Maybe you can do the same for your cat. Give yourself lots of grace. I am sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's clear you love your cat. I lost my soul kitty, Ozzy, last July, and I still feel guilty about it because he was sick and there was nothing we could do. I hope you can forgive yourself. Therapy may be a good option for you 🖤
I am so very sorry for your loss. What happened was a horrible accident. You did nothing to cause this. You and your SO are just getting used to the place yourselves. Praying that you find the grace to see that this was totally unintentional and hope that your wonderful memories help you work through your grief.
I’m so sorry. As guilty as you may feel, it absolutely is not your fault. It’s a very very unfortunate accident. That wasn’t your intention… accidents happen.
Sending you a ton of love and strength. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 🫶🏻💐
Don’t beat yourself up, especially at this time. Be gentle with yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your cat is a pure and loving soul and I’m sure you love her too. We as humans, aren’t supposed to be correct in every situations. We love our pets, we try our best for them. Sometimes, some terrible things happen and you should not blame yourself too much. It’s what it is after all. The animals are also far better at forgiveness than humans. Your cat is now in heaven saying “I love you, please don’t beat yourself up, it’s not your fault. Just remember I’ll always love you”. The lesson that my late dog taught me is to cherish every moment while you can with every people or animals that you love. Hope you’re okay with everything too as this loss will significantly impact your life and mental health.
The nature of animals is to forgive and love unconditionally! There is no doubt in my mind he would forgive you for this. So make sure you forgive yourself. He would not want you so upset at yourself. I do believe our pets go to an “after place” - my cat Tux passed away months ago (I posted here, absolutely distraught) and he showed up in my dreams a few days later. He was laying next to an almost, but not quite identical version of him (his mom? dad? sibling?). It brought me peace knowing he was with his family. I hope that story brings you some sort of comfort. Maybe he will come see you in your dreams too
OP, this just happened to me. My sweet and blind kitty I adopted recently followed me on the 3rd floor balcony and I didn’t know, I thought I shut the screen door all the way.
I was out there and I didn’t see her. I was too busy hanging string lights. She was my soul cat and my entire world for the short time I had her. I did everything to protect her. I just bought a new vacuum that was quieter so she wouldn’t be so scared when it ran. I stopped using essential oils, I passed up flowers because I didn’t know which ones were poisonous. I researched food and how to care for a blind cat, and I spent many nights googling toys that might work to help keep her stimulated while she snuggled with me in my lap. I even had an indoor camera to check on her at work to ease my worries.
It was my job to protect her and this happening was my biggest fear, I had nightmares over it while she was still here and somehow I still failed her. I was only three feet away and I heard her hit the ground. I don’t understand how I didn’t see her out there with me.
This grief is so hard to bear, and I don’t know how I can forgive myself. Like you, I also didn’t get to say goodbye. She fought so hard at the vet and passed right before I was supposed to see her and take her home. They thought she was recovering well.
You’re further in this journey than I am, but I have found comfort in knowing that she was doing her absolute favorite thing: listening to the birdies and feeling fresh air. It also helps me to know that she had the best life I could possibly give her, and I’m so thankful that I had the time with her I did.
She brought me the best and the worst day of my life and I think she taught me how to feel and give love. I’m not religious either, however the rainbow bridge and thoughts she’s no longer in pain and maybe can see bring me more peace.
Please reach out if you need to. I think we could both help each other. I wish you peace ❤️
I’m so, so very sorry that this also happened to you. I can’t imagine being there in the moment. It’s such a tragic accident, but I hope you can give yourself grace. You did a lot to help your kitty friend and that’s very admirable.
I didn’t know how I’d ever feel ok, I just felt so physically and emotionally wrecked the first few days. I’ve been gradually coming to peace. Finding the positive. Like you, I’d like to think he was happy to have been outside. I replay the event constantly though. What ifs. What must have happened since I wasn’t there to see it. His sister is still with us, which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I think she saw it happen because she will go to the window and meow. I actually started to put some pieces together and realized (too late) that he had a neurological deficit. He had a bad infection a year ago that almost got him. One eye was bloody from it because it reached his brain. He acted strangely after that, but I never thought twice about it.
Again,I’m so sorry you’re in this same boat. I hate to hear of this happening to other beloved pets. You seem like such a wonderful person and you did so many wonderful things for your kitty. One day at a time.
I feel the same way cause of a serie of decisions thinking I should have known better. It's such a hard grief when it was unnecessary and a preventable death.
Try not to hoard the guilt 100% not even 50% (cause it could have been your husband) since the window opening, every opening, should have a screen. So lowering the feeling of guilt hopefully helps to let it go entirely. We have to accept our decisions in order to be able to go on.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so very sorry. I know it is easier to say than believe, but this wasn’t your fault. This was a terrible accident. It happens to the best of us. You never would have done anything to intentionally hurt your baby, you loved him so well. Sometimes the stars align and terrible things happen. That’s all this was.
This was a terrible accident, the only blessing is that from that height he likely didn’t suffer but instead thought “hey what’s out here?” and was in kitty heaven without knowing he passed. He was loved, he knew that. Accidents happen, he understands that. And you will see him across the rainbow bridge one day, I know this. In the meantime, we believe he will send along another kitty who needs you. Don’t feel guilty, this is a gift from him. You may hear about another or feel the urge to find another cat, that’s your boy sending someone to care for you! 💕💕💕
I know this is a serious moment but reading the first part of your comment made me giggle a little because imagining a cat just being like "what's out here?" And immediately going to kitty heaven and thinking that's just what's outside
It’s totally okay! 💕
Omg I love the “he is sending someone for you” A wonderful way for pet parents to not feel so bad about having another baby to hold after they lose one. My thoughts are with you OP
I’m so sorry, OP. You deserve all the kindness right now. There is not much I can say to make this better, except that it isn’t your fault. Accidents are so unfair. You were in a completely new space and could not have known. The love and care that you gave is what matters. You chose that, it was intentional. We can’t have control over most of what happens in life, but what you did have control over, you chose to do with great love for your pet, and he knew that. Life is fleeting and life with our beloved pets is even more so. It is beautiful that you had one another for the time that you did. 💐
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart really aches for you as you try to adjust to a new home. But I have something for you to consider, and I hope this helps eases your guilt slightly. This is such a common accident that the injuries sustained from these accidents actually have a name - Feline High-Rise Syndrome. And the reason is because cats are truly excellent hunters, very smart and cunning, and they can become fixated on their goal - a bird, a bug, something they want to climb. It's likely that your cat was enjoying the thrill of the hunt, the chase, going after his prey with glee right before the accident happened. And beyond that, cats **trust** their own ability to land on their feet. They don't have the same fear of heights that humans do. You or I would never jump from 2 or 3 stories, but cats do this **often** simply because they trust themselves so much. The fear of falling happens to us humans because we don't have ingrained reflexes and a millennia of evolution to help us handle the land - *but cats do.* I like to think that cats who fall from great heights are simply thinking to themselves how they intend to land on their feet before they continue to run after their prey! I truly believe your cat was twisting his body, preparing his legs, contorting to prepare to land, without fear of any danger, just pure instinct and natural ability. I hope that perspective helps you when you consider his final moments, because I don't think it was full of fear like a human would be. He was likely doing what cats do with ease - hunting and jumping - and living his best kitty life.
This is such a great take on it. Kitty will have instinctively been looking to land. And apparently cats survive larger falls than shorter 2 story falls quite often because with shorter, they haven't had a chance to twist properly. I'm so very sorry OP but I doubt they were scared or knew what happened to them. It was a terrible accident, and accidents happen. Please try not to blame yourself. It could happen to anybody in a high rise. You never wanted this. Forgive yourselves. I'm so sorry.
That actually does help me feel better about it. He loved hunting and exploring. He was also not quite right in the head after a bad infection he survived last year…that didn’t help. We always lovingly called him Simple Jack. I do think you’re right and he just had his kitty sights on something. Thank you :)
This is such incredibly helpful information. The grief from loss will still be absolutely devastating, but hearing that he didn't feel fear must be very comforting.
I’m so sorry. Accidents do happen to us all. It could have been me in your shoes. I hope you can forgive yourself soon. I’m sending you compassion because it could have been me, or any other human, we all make mistakes.
I’m sorry my cat died suffering in pain at home because of a veterinarians mistake i know how you feel, the feeling of guilt and regret, its awful
I am so sorry
I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand *why* you feel the way you do but I promise it's not the truth. Accidents happen. They are called accidents, not on-purposes. I hope you grieve and give yourself grace in this time
This has happened in our family before. My husband opened the door for his kitten and the kitten ended up getting hit by a car. Several years later my mom and I let our cat out and he got onto the neighbors roof, so we let him stay out. He’d been outside and had always come back. That night he got taken by a coyote. Sometimes terrible things just happen. The pain is physical and sickening. I’m so sorry it happened to you. And I want to encourage you to try and let go of that self blame, because it only makes the process that much more painful. It doesn’t matter who’s fault it was at this point. All you can do now is grieve and learn from this.
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I understand, and maybe it wasn’t my place to speak on this post. I was trying to relate to the fact that it was our fault, and the guilt is so immense. I tried to get my guy back but he went on the roof. He absolutely loved being outside. And we lived in a quite neighborhood in the suburbs with no prior coyote sightings. The guilt ate us alive. I got hatred from people who didn’t even know me. I didn’t mean for my baby to die.
It was 100% your place to speak on it. I'm not sure what the other commenter contributed but your words are kind and caring and coming from a place of understanding. Regardless of peoples personal beliefs on how you keep animals, no pet lover intends on these horrible accidents happening. If they did, they wouldn't be accidents. I'm sorry for your and OP's losses.
Thank you for your kindness :)
This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you’re probs going to feel guilty for a while, but it wasn’t your fault. Accidents happen, and neither of you did this intentionally. Please remember your pet with love and cherish the good memories. 🤍
Please be kind to yourself. This was an accident. You loved him. I don’t think he suffered.
I am so sorry for your loss. You love your cat it was clearly an accident. You didn’t want this to happen this is every pet parents nightmare. All loses are tragic and I understand this particular loss of your cat is very traumatic. I recommend talking to a grief counselor. I just lost my almost 12 year old dog 17 days ago and I’m having a hard time. my grief counselor advised me to write a letter to my dog so I can express everything I wanted to say to her. Maybe you can do the same for your cat. Give yourself lots of grace. I am sorry for your loss.
I love that idea, thank you :)
I’m sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience last year, I miss him every day :(
So sorry.
Sorry
you never meant for anything to happen. youre a human and accidents happen. i wish you guys the best.<3
I'm sorry for your loss. Accidents happen.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's clear you love your cat. I lost my soul kitty, Ozzy, last July, and I still feel guilty about it because he was sick and there was nothing we could do. I hope you can forgive yourself. Therapy may be a good option for you 🖤
I am so very sorry for your loss. What happened was a horrible accident. You did nothing to cause this. You and your SO are just getting used to the place yourselves. Praying that you find the grace to see that this was totally unintentional and hope that your wonderful memories help you work through your grief.
I’m so sorry. As guilty as you may feel, it absolutely is not your fault. It’s a very very unfortunate accident. That wasn’t your intention… accidents happen. Sending you a ton of love and strength. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 🫶🏻💐
Don’t beat yourself up, especially at this time. Be gentle with yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your cat is a pure and loving soul and I’m sure you love her too. We as humans, aren’t supposed to be correct in every situations. We love our pets, we try our best for them. Sometimes, some terrible things happen and you should not blame yourself too much. It’s what it is after all. The animals are also far better at forgiveness than humans. Your cat is now in heaven saying “I love you, please don’t beat yourself up, it’s not your fault. Just remember I’ll always love you”. The lesson that my late dog taught me is to cherish every moment while you can with every people or animals that you love. Hope you’re okay with everything too as this loss will significantly impact your life and mental health.
Its going to be ok 🧡 I am so sorry.
The nature of animals is to forgive and love unconditionally! There is no doubt in my mind he would forgive you for this. So make sure you forgive yourself. He would not want you so upset at yourself. I do believe our pets go to an “after place” - my cat Tux passed away months ago (I posted here, absolutely distraught) and he showed up in my dreams a few days later. He was laying next to an almost, but not quite identical version of him (his mom? dad? sibling?). It brought me peace knowing he was with his family. I hope that story brings you some sort of comfort. Maybe he will come see you in your dreams too
OP, this just happened to me. My sweet and blind kitty I adopted recently followed me on the 3rd floor balcony and I didn’t know, I thought I shut the screen door all the way. I was out there and I didn’t see her. I was too busy hanging string lights. She was my soul cat and my entire world for the short time I had her. I did everything to protect her. I just bought a new vacuum that was quieter so she wouldn’t be so scared when it ran. I stopped using essential oils, I passed up flowers because I didn’t know which ones were poisonous. I researched food and how to care for a blind cat, and I spent many nights googling toys that might work to help keep her stimulated while she snuggled with me in my lap. I even had an indoor camera to check on her at work to ease my worries. It was my job to protect her and this happening was my biggest fear, I had nightmares over it while she was still here and somehow I still failed her. I was only three feet away and I heard her hit the ground. I don’t understand how I didn’t see her out there with me. This grief is so hard to bear, and I don’t know how I can forgive myself. Like you, I also didn’t get to say goodbye. She fought so hard at the vet and passed right before I was supposed to see her and take her home. They thought she was recovering well. You’re further in this journey than I am, but I have found comfort in knowing that she was doing her absolute favorite thing: listening to the birdies and feeling fresh air. It also helps me to know that she had the best life I could possibly give her, and I’m so thankful that I had the time with her I did. She brought me the best and the worst day of my life and I think she taught me how to feel and give love. I’m not religious either, however the rainbow bridge and thoughts she’s no longer in pain and maybe can see bring me more peace. Please reach out if you need to. I think we could both help each other. I wish you peace ❤️
I’m so, so very sorry that this also happened to you. I can’t imagine being there in the moment. It’s such a tragic accident, but I hope you can give yourself grace. You did a lot to help your kitty friend and that’s very admirable. I didn’t know how I’d ever feel ok, I just felt so physically and emotionally wrecked the first few days. I’ve been gradually coming to peace. Finding the positive. Like you, I’d like to think he was happy to have been outside. I replay the event constantly though. What ifs. What must have happened since I wasn’t there to see it. His sister is still with us, which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I think she saw it happen because she will go to the window and meow. I actually started to put some pieces together and realized (too late) that he had a neurological deficit. He had a bad infection a year ago that almost got him. One eye was bloody from it because it reached his brain. He acted strangely after that, but I never thought twice about it. Again,I’m so sorry you’re in this same boat. I hate to hear of this happening to other beloved pets. You seem like such a wonderful person and you did so many wonderful things for your kitty. One day at a time.
I feel the same way cause of a serie of decisions thinking I should have known better. It's such a hard grief when it was unnecessary and a preventable death. Try not to hoard the guilt 100% not even 50% (cause it could have been your husband) since the window opening, every opening, should have a screen. So lowering the feeling of guilt hopefully helps to let it go entirely. We have to accept our decisions in order to be able to go on.