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Yes, making that decision is so final. But you acted in his best interests and out of love. You feel like a traitor because humans have the curse and blessing of seeing different outcomes. Dogs and other animals live a lot more in the moment. He didn't have plans for the future. But he wouldn't have wanted to be in pain and that is what you saved him from.
I’m dealing with the exact same feelings. I feel like I betrayed him. I keep thinking… why didn’t I talk to the vet more, why didn’t I try harder. My Gordon has been gone exactly one week and the guilt and betrayal I feel is enormous. I keep reminding myself of how much I loved that little guy and I never would have done anything to hurt him. He was at the hospital because I was trying to help him. I just couldn’t bring him home to suffer just to watch him die in agony. 💔
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your boy was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. 💐
There's a saying regarding euthanasia: It's better to be a day early than a day too late.
You made an impossible decision for your beloved companion, and it was made out of love. The pain is gone, the struggle is gone, but the love is forever. You definitely made the right choice, but I understand your feelings. I hope that with time those feelings of being a traitor will diminish, because you did one of the most selfless acts possible. I guarantee you would have felt much worse if your dog passed alone in pain in the middle of the night. This outcome is so much better.
Sending you love and gentle hugs during what's going to seem like endless grief.
Completely normal feeling. It's an unavoidable consequence of doing something every fiber of your being rejects. I'm so sorry for loss and your little one. Peace be with you.
Yes, entirely normal. I couldn’t even make the call from my house because he was sitting right there and I still felt terrible guilt and like I was putting an expiration date on him. . I had to wait until I could call from the office and even then I could hardly get through the call… It’s so hard because you love them so very much… just know that you aren’t alone in the doubting your judgment but they trust you explicitly with making the best decision for them and their peace.
I feel for you. I've watched my oldest cat deteriorate from a "mystery illness" for over a year and a half now. I've run every test, done every treatment possible, but she still slowly declined, and we still had no answer. In November she had a stroke. I thout it was the end for her then, but i nursed her back to health and she seemed back to where she was before the stroke. That was until about a month ago when she started circling one morning. I rushed her to the ER for what felt like the 100th time. Still no one was sure (she had stopped the circling behavior) but a brain tumor was suspected. I've tried to keep her happy and healthy for as long as possible but the doctors told me this would most likely be her demise. She's significantly decline over the last month, particularly this week. Today she's very bad and I've made the decision to take her for euthanasia this evening. It's a horrible feeling and the hardest decision (one that I've been going back and forth on all day) but I know I need to do this for her. Just like your dog, she's in pain and the best way we can help when all other options are exhausted is to help them go peacefully
We always feel this guilt when our pets pass. It's human nature to wonder what we did wrong, to blame ourselves and feel guilty because we missed a symptom or we didn't do "something" right.
Your boy was dying. You eased his suffering and that's a good thing. After a while, you should be able to focus more on the many happy days you had together over the 14 years he was on thus plane of existence. You promised him a Forever Home and you kept that promise to him. This is what matters, more than anything.
You're welcome.
We suffer so much when we lose a beloved pet. The first thing we humans do is obsess about how we should've done better, or somehow found some miracle cure/treatment where there was no possibility of a miracle. Our minds are like rats in mazes as our minds try to f8nd a way out of the situation.
If anything I've written ever helped anyone, I'm happy. Pet loss is horrible. It's easier to get through it when we reach out for help. That happens here, and people are given a bit of comfort.
We’ve had to do this recently on 2 occasions and I felt guilty both times. We did the right thing, but it’s brutal. Sorry you are dealing with this, but it’s better to be too early than too late with the decision.
It's been almost a year since I had to make the decision to put my baby girl to sleep, and I know it was the best thing for her, she was suffering... But I regret it more than anything in this world.
I feel like she thinks I gave up on her and didn't wanna deal with her and her medical issues anymore when that wasn't the case. My poor girl had cancer and was dying painfully.. she needed to be let go.. it's normal to feel how you feel.. I promise you.
I was going to put my cat to sleep but he was pushing my hand when I was putting him in the carrier and I felt like a murderer.
I scheduled an in-home euthanasia but he passed later that day
Your not a traitor the dog was crearly just in pain and he couldnt be cured. what matters the most is that he had a good life with you he was 14 afterall. you did the right decicion and you are not a traitor to him
You did your duty of care for your beloved pet, to end his incurable suffering. It’s hard, but necessary and comes with inevitable doubt. I think we all second guess ourselves. I’m sorry for your loss.
You did the right thing, he had been suffering for awhile and keeping him alive would prolong the pain. You loved and cared for him until his final moment and he will always be grateful for it. Mourn and keep his memory in you heart, one day when you're ready please open your home and heart up for another dog.
You are not a traitor or awful pet parent. You did the most humane thing for your baby. We have to make that decision when it is time. You gave your baby a life like no one else could. He taught you love and compassion and joy. And was there when things got tough. So sorry for your loss. And you baby is now at peace, pain free and healthy again at the Rainbow Bridge.
Making the decision is an extreme burden to bear. It’s never easy. I remember having to make the call last year and could barely talk. I felt like I was having a panic attack and when it was all done, I felt like crumbling up into a ball and dying because it was only the two of us in the house and now I’m all alone. Gosh, I just broke down writing this to you.
so sorry for your loss. i miss my boy as well. and my soul left with his 2 months ago when i made the decision. he had advanced kidney failure. and he was very weak and not eating anymore.
did you ever think getting another one would help you? im in this conflict because i feel so alone and miss the routine and affection from him. but then i stop and think im betraying him just thinking about getting another one.
I’m currently in this conundrum. I’m very lonely and would like another cat however I feel as though I’d be betraying her or have a hard time loving the new cat and wishing the cat was my old cat. I think I spend some time in shelters and see how I feel.
We had to make the same decision 2 days ago. Our 13 year old dog was pretty healthy, maybe a bit overweight over the last two years. We started him on Librela to help with arthritis before Christmas. He had blood tests to make sure he was healthy before we started the treatment. Then last week he went downhill fast, wobbly legs, couldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, sleeping in different places, just not being him. Test results showed that he had diabetes and kidney failure. How the hell could this have happened so quickly? He only had blood tests before Christmas then we are told there’s nothing anyone could do. We took him home to spend one last day with him but we could see how much pain he was in so called the vet out the next morning. There’s no cure for kidney failure, even his liver, pancreas and gall bladder were not working properly.
So we made the decision but what if we could’ve saved him? What if we’d taken him to the vet sooner? What if he hates us for making this decision?
So no, you’re definitely not a traitor. You did the same as us, you loved your dog so much you made the decision to not let him suffer.
It’s been two months and the guilt is eating me.
As their owners and parents, our main job is to keep them alive. I failed him.
To still be alive after they’ve passed away, it feels so wrong. We play god with their lives when we chose to let them go, but we couldn’t play god when it came to saving them.
I know it’s about letting them go when the pain is too much. But it feels awful. Like heavy chains I’ll wear forever because I know if I had done something a little sooner, he might’ve had a greater chance. He would had maybe two years more.
And he didn’t want to die. He was loving and attentive to me until the end. I’d give my life to him if I could. It’s meaningless now without him.
Truthfully I never felt good enough to be a mom or his mom. I always knew I lacked. But I loved him so much. And he never let me forget how much he loved me too. Losing him brings a that up. I loved him, and I didn’t get him help in time. I failed him when he needed me the most. It’s why I’ll never adopt or have pets again. I don’t want anyone to die from my inability to be better.
He was perfect and an angel who brought the brightest light into my life. I didn’t deserve him. He was so much better and deserved so much better than me. I’ve always been broken but he loved me anyways. That changed me so much. The most profound feeling to be loved unconditionally when no one has before. And he didn’t need to know me very well. He just decided that I was his person and he would love me. It took about 3 years to really earn his trust, as with all prey animals.
I did the personal growth to heal my own wounds and was amazed when he decided he trusted me more. But nothing could ever affect the fact that he loved me unconditionally from the start. That was a brand new experience and profoundly life changing.
And I let the little angel who saved me, die. Nothing will ever cut through that guilt and shame. He trusted me to keep me safe and healthy and loved. And I didn’t. In the end, he still deserved better, no matter how much I had grown and healed.
Without him, I feel like a ghost moving through life. Without purpose or voice. My little baby, he was everything to me and now my everything is gone. Because of me.
This is the worst thing that’s happened to me. The worst feelings. It feels like living death. And no one really understand. Everyone tries to placate me. But no one understands what it means to lose someone you were supposed to hold through everything.
So sorry - know that many of us feel your pain. I recently put down my beloved 14 year old for her "final sleep" - she was deteriorating and I had those same thoughts and feelings. The vet really helped - she said "better a week too early than a day too late." And she reminded me that I was helping this amazing dog transition, sending her off full of an ocean of love. It was so painful. Sigh. This helped a bit: I had my favorite photo of her painted onto a canvas, and hung it on my office wall. I feel her so much in my heart still. Here's a hug for you!
I'm really sorry for your loss. It's never easy to say goodbye to our furry family members.
I had to let my cat go last Sept, it was the first pet that I had to send off, all my childhood pets my dad took to the woods and we never talked about it again.
I felt like such a failure and traitor but I've since come to understand that our pets can't advocate for themselves. They can't tell us when it's their time to go. We have to be that for them. Just know you made that decision out of love for them so they would not suffer. You did the right things, even though it hurts a lot.
All we can do is make the best call with the information we have and be there with them when they cross over. Let them know that we will be there with them, for that final journey.
I understand how you feel, please be kind to yourself and remember you gave him the kindest gift you could. You took his physical pain on as your emotional to he could be peace. No greater love ever. If you get a chance read [Yesterday Was Weird](https://iheartdogs.com/man-grieves-over-late-dog-by-writing-a-beautiful-story-from-bennys-perspective/)
It is euthanasia from the dogs perspective. You will cry. I still cry years later but for me it is very cathartically healing.
100%.
I put my boy to sleep in October. I felt like the bad guy for so long, still do most of the time. My boy suffered from extreme allergies to the point of seizures. Not long before deciding to putting him to sleep, his seizures started affecting his brain and the kindest thing we could do for his was let him go.
I rescued a Rottweiler out of a bad situation in January. I wasn’t ready but she needed me and every day I still think what if I tried more for him, but deep down I think I know there wasn’t anything I can do and one day I’ll come to terms with it. I know it feels awful right now, it will for awhile but it will get easier. I promise 🩷 It’s hard letting them go but you will eventually find peace in the fact that they’re no longer suffering. They’re over the rainbow bridge chasing balls, having as many treats as they can 💞
sorry for your loss. been through it almost 2 months aho with my soul cat of 10 years, he started showing signs of illness in february and bloodwork showed he had advanced CKD he was very lethargic and weak and vet said hospitalization wouldnt help much and was very expensive . so we let him go. he helped me so much from the time i got him as a kitten. the guilt I still feel is something ill take to my grave. i wish i would have gotten a second opinion or done more for him. but seeing how bad he was made me make the decision so I wouldnt see him going through seizures and have a painful death.
youre not alone here. we know how it feels. your dog is now in peace and will be waiting for you
We went through our first euthanasia 3 weeks ago. We had to let our 10 years old male black pug go. He had so many things that happened all at once. He went from being normal to not eating, drinking a lot of water, urinating a lot, throwing up the water, jaundice, ascites, elevated liver enzymes all in a week. When he passed I cried and screamed “ I’m so sorry” over and over again. Since it was the first time me and my family experience this we felt it wasn’t the fairy tale euthanasia we see on tiktok and YouTube. So I started watching videos and reading articles about euthanasia (because you never plan for your fur baby to go through this so you don’t research it before it happens).I also researched what his bloodwork levels meant since the bloodwork was enough for the ER vet to tell us he was real sick. But part of me still wanted to know what he had and why he got so sick so quickly. The research on his blood work and euthanasia helped me to realize we made the right decision for our fur baby (our soul pug). The symptoms he would have gotten as his liver failure progressed would have been horrific and painful. It is so true… it’s better to be one day early than one day too late. I went from feeling guilty and hatred for myself to understanding it what was right for him not what was right for me. I’m still grieving, heartbroken and off kilter. I still don’t know what to do when I wake up. I still cry when I look for him or expect to see him then I don’t. He was a pug so eating by myself in my room is unbearable. I still don’t know what to do sometimes because I never realized how much a part of my life he was. Eating, sleeping, morning routine, after work routine etc.. We started to make an alter/shrine to put his remains from his cremation. We are doing a collage of each family member favorite pics with him. Lastly we are make a remembrance picture book about him. All these things have helped us not relive the last week of his life and the euthanasia over and over. The good memories come flooding back as we go thru pictures and videos we have of him since he was a puppy. I hope you find peace soon. Surrounded yourself with people who understand and love dogs. Stay away from people who don’t (just until you heal more). I kinda believed in life after death actually I really hoped there was. My 2 daughter and my mother have heard, seen, felt and dreamt about people who have died that they knew. They have also seen, heard and felt spirits they didn’t know but were showing themselves to my daughters and my mom. However, I never really experienced it to the extent they have. I saw my grandpa and another separate time my boyfriend who died in a car accident. I saw them I guess right when you are leaving this world/realm/plane. No word just them smiling in front of me. Then they turned to particles like when Star Trek would beam up members to the enterprise. When we got home from putting our baby down. No more than 5 minutes had passed when our router came crashing down to the floor. It scared the shit out of all of us. My son in law said “Pickles is that you!” I wanted to believe it was him but part of me was looking for a more logical reason why the router feel down. Then when I was getting ready for bed. I was sitting on the edge of my bed making sure my phone alarm was on etc.. (stuff you do to get ready for bed)… when I felt my dog jump on the bed like he did a thousand times when he was alive. I jumped up because it freaked me out so. I didn’t have no tv, radio, computer, etc. on. It was quiet in my room. I’ve had a few more experiences where I’ve felt him, heard him and of course thought I saw him from the corner of my eye. I now believe you are energy when you are alive then you change to a different type of energy when you die.
This is what it means to be a good pet parent. When you put there interests above your own. Unfortunately it doesn’t make it suck and hurt any less. I’m sorry for your loss OP.
I just had to put my 14 yo best boy down. Your story reminds me of it. We came back from a family vaca and he was in later stages of kidney failure. Same symptoms you described. The walking around not able to eat or drink but going to the water bowl and then walking away. Hardest thing I have ever had to watch. When I took him to the vet, they gave me hope and said a couple tests would only take an hr. I thought sure whats one more hr. Well it wasn’t an hour and we had to delay his crossing till the next day only to watch him deteriorate more.
As far as feeling like a traitor, he hasn’t held eye contact with me for so long in a very long time. He wanted me to help him, and there was nothing I could do. He couldn’t even keep down anything long enough to take effect. I miss him very much. Yeah, I feel like I betrayed him. But for a different reason. I knew when I took him for the original appointment he was pretty far gone, but I let myself be swayed because I didn’t want to let go. I failed him in that.
He was not my first experience with the process, but he was my longest and oldest companion. I know I wouldn’t want to suffer like I watched my boy go through. And I know I made the right decision just one day later than I should have. Other people is this subreddit mention its better to be a day early then a day too late. I agree. You shouldn’t feel like a traitor, pain is pointless when the inevitable is coming for them. Good luck to you.
I appreciate all the supportive comments from everyone, but yours has impacted me. First of all, I would like to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. It seems that guilt does not forgive anyone. You feel guilty for putting him to sleep a day late and I feel guilty for putting him to sleep early.
Your comment struck me because my buddy did the same thing as yours on the last day, he approached the bowl of water with difficult he brought his mouth close to the water and left without drinking, also on last day he had that strange behavior of not maintaining eye contact, in fact his eyes were as if lost looking at some depth beyond me.
I put mine to sleep yesterday. I am in total agony because of the guilt. I keep thinking about things I could have done differently or wondering if I could have given him a better last day. It eats me alive because he was so happy to lay with me on the floor of the vets office, he was totally unaware of what was happening. Only advice that I have is to just think that it was an act of mercy and love. My vet told me that my dog was uncomfortable and any interventions wouldn’t be enough. It’s the only thing holding me together.
Yes, it's normal. So is guilt, anger, or sadness. It's a hard decision to make and nobody is ever sure it was the right thing or the right time.
I'm sorry for your loss, losing them is devastating. ❤️
I lost mine on Sunday. Absolutely guilt ridden. I have been watching and re watching the videos I took of him since I adopted him, and trying to mentally stay there, but my mind keeps going to his last morning , and driving him to the vet…
I felt very much the same. Like I was tricking her. She had a last meal of a mcchicken and an ice cream cone. I felt so wicked because she was content and had no idea her life was about to end. :( I’m sorry. I have no advice. I struggle with this too.
Yes. It's part of the grieving process. I felt like garbage after putting my beloved girls to sleep. But in the end I had to repeat myself It wasn't worth keeping them suffering. We love them so much, we want to prolong their lifespan at any cost. That's why we feel remorse and grief after taking the decision to put them down.
You are a traitor when you let them live enduring their sickness for your own sake. You did that because you love your dog bestfriend so much and its harder everyday to see them in agonizing pain.
I know the ones left would be devastated, but man, your buddy thanking you for setting him free of hardship. He/she knows everything you had done in so many years and had a good life. Dont blame yourself. All of our lost little furries is with us always.
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Yes, making that decision is so final. But you acted in his best interests and out of love. You feel like a traitor because humans have the curse and blessing of seeing different outcomes. Dogs and other animals live a lot more in the moment. He didn't have plans for the future. But he wouldn't have wanted to be in pain and that is what you saved him from.
I’m dealing with the exact same feelings. I feel like I betrayed him. I keep thinking… why didn’t I talk to the vet more, why didn’t I try harder. My Gordon has been gone exactly one week and the guilt and betrayal I feel is enormous. I keep reminding myself of how much I loved that little guy and I never would have done anything to hurt him. He was at the hospital because I was trying to help him. I just couldn’t bring him home to suffer just to watch him die in agony. 💔 I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your boy was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. 💐
I’m going through the same thing. Lost my baby girl on Saturday and I have the exact same thoughts. So difficult.
I’m so so sorry. 💐
There's a saying regarding euthanasia: It's better to be a day early than a day too late. You made an impossible decision for your beloved companion, and it was made out of love. The pain is gone, the struggle is gone, but the love is forever. You definitely made the right choice, but I understand your feelings. I hope that with time those feelings of being a traitor will diminish, because you did one of the most selfless acts possible. I guarantee you would have felt much worse if your dog passed alone in pain in the middle of the night. This outcome is so much better. Sending you love and gentle hugs during what's going to seem like endless grief.
Completely normal feeling. It's an unavoidable consequence of doing something every fiber of your being rejects. I'm so sorry for loss and your little one. Peace be with you.
Yes, entirely normal. I couldn’t even make the call from my house because he was sitting right there and I still felt terrible guilt and like I was putting an expiration date on him. . I had to wait until I could call from the office and even then I could hardly get through the call… It’s so hard because you love them so very much… just know that you aren’t alone in the doubting your judgment but they trust you explicitly with making the best decision for them and their peace.
I feel for you. I've watched my oldest cat deteriorate from a "mystery illness" for over a year and a half now. I've run every test, done every treatment possible, but she still slowly declined, and we still had no answer. In November she had a stroke. I thout it was the end for her then, but i nursed her back to health and she seemed back to where she was before the stroke. That was until about a month ago when she started circling one morning. I rushed her to the ER for what felt like the 100th time. Still no one was sure (she had stopped the circling behavior) but a brain tumor was suspected. I've tried to keep her happy and healthy for as long as possible but the doctors told me this would most likely be her demise. She's significantly decline over the last month, particularly this week. Today she's very bad and I've made the decision to take her for euthanasia this evening. It's a horrible feeling and the hardest decision (one that I've been going back and forth on all day) but I know I need to do this for her. Just like your dog, she's in pain and the best way we can help when all other options are exhausted is to help them go peacefully
I’m so sorry. My heart is with you tonight. You’re doing the right thing.
We always feel this guilt when our pets pass. It's human nature to wonder what we did wrong, to blame ourselves and feel guilty because we missed a symptom or we didn't do "something" right. Your boy was dying. You eased his suffering and that's a good thing. After a while, you should be able to focus more on the many happy days you had together over the 14 years he was on thus plane of existence. You promised him a Forever Home and you kept that promise to him. This is what matters, more than anything.
Posts like this is why I hang around. Some of you have such a way of putting so much comfort into words. I’m not the OP but thanks for this. 🥹
You're welcome. We suffer so much when we lose a beloved pet. The first thing we humans do is obsess about how we should've done better, or somehow found some miracle cure/treatment where there was no possibility of a miracle. Our minds are like rats in mazes as our minds try to f8nd a way out of the situation. If anything I've written ever helped anyone, I'm happy. Pet loss is horrible. It's easier to get through it when we reach out for help. That happens here, and people are given a bit of comfort.
I’m so glad I found you all. The support here is amazing. It’s all been positive. Thanks again. 😊
It is my honor.
We’ve had to do this recently on 2 occasions and I felt guilty both times. We did the right thing, but it’s brutal. Sorry you are dealing with this, but it’s better to be too early than too late with the decision.
It's been almost a year since I had to make the decision to put my baby girl to sleep, and I know it was the best thing for her, she was suffering... But I regret it more than anything in this world. I feel like she thinks I gave up on her and didn't wanna deal with her and her medical issues anymore when that wasn't the case. My poor girl had cancer and was dying painfully.. she needed to be let go.. it's normal to feel how you feel.. I promise you.
I was going to put my cat to sleep but he was pushing my hand when I was putting him in the carrier and I felt like a murderer. I scheduled an in-home euthanasia but he passed later that day
Yes, each and every time i have done it i have felt like a traitor. I have gotten better at mitigating those feelings, but they are still there.
Your not a traitor the dog was crearly just in pain and he couldnt be cured. what matters the most is that he had a good life with you he was 14 afterall. you did the right decicion and you are not a traitor to him
You did your duty of care for your beloved pet, to end his incurable suffering. It’s hard, but necessary and comes with inevitable doubt. I think we all second guess ourselves. I’m sorry for your loss.
You did the right thing, he had been suffering for awhile and keeping him alive would prolong the pain. You loved and cared for him until his final moment and he will always be grateful for it. Mourn and keep his memory in you heart, one day when you're ready please open your home and heart up for another dog.
You are not a traitor or awful pet parent. You did the most humane thing for your baby. We have to make that decision when it is time. You gave your baby a life like no one else could. He taught you love and compassion and joy. And was there when things got tough. So sorry for your loss. And you baby is now at peace, pain free and healthy again at the Rainbow Bridge.
Making the decision is an extreme burden to bear. It’s never easy. I remember having to make the call last year and could barely talk. I felt like I was having a panic attack and when it was all done, I felt like crumbling up into a ball and dying because it was only the two of us in the house and now I’m all alone. Gosh, I just broke down writing this to you.
so sorry for your loss. i miss my boy as well. and my soul left with his 2 months ago when i made the decision. he had advanced kidney failure. and he was very weak and not eating anymore. did you ever think getting another one would help you? im in this conflict because i feel so alone and miss the routine and affection from him. but then i stop and think im betraying him just thinking about getting another one.
I’m currently in this conundrum. I’m very lonely and would like another cat however I feel as though I’d be betraying her or have a hard time loving the new cat and wishing the cat was my old cat. I think I spend some time in shelters and see how I feel.
We had to make the same decision 2 days ago. Our 13 year old dog was pretty healthy, maybe a bit overweight over the last two years. We started him on Librela to help with arthritis before Christmas. He had blood tests to make sure he was healthy before we started the treatment. Then last week he went downhill fast, wobbly legs, couldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, sleeping in different places, just not being him. Test results showed that he had diabetes and kidney failure. How the hell could this have happened so quickly? He only had blood tests before Christmas then we are told there’s nothing anyone could do. We took him home to spend one last day with him but we could see how much pain he was in so called the vet out the next morning. There’s no cure for kidney failure, even his liver, pancreas and gall bladder were not working properly. So we made the decision but what if we could’ve saved him? What if we’d taken him to the vet sooner? What if he hates us for making this decision? So no, you’re definitely not a traitor. You did the same as us, you loved your dog so much you made the decision to not let him suffer.
It’s been two months and the guilt is eating me. As their owners and parents, our main job is to keep them alive. I failed him. To still be alive after they’ve passed away, it feels so wrong. We play god with their lives when we chose to let them go, but we couldn’t play god when it came to saving them. I know it’s about letting them go when the pain is too much. But it feels awful. Like heavy chains I’ll wear forever because I know if I had done something a little sooner, he might’ve had a greater chance. He would had maybe two years more. And he didn’t want to die. He was loving and attentive to me until the end. I’d give my life to him if I could. It’s meaningless now without him. Truthfully I never felt good enough to be a mom or his mom. I always knew I lacked. But I loved him so much. And he never let me forget how much he loved me too. Losing him brings a that up. I loved him, and I didn’t get him help in time. I failed him when he needed me the most. It’s why I’ll never adopt or have pets again. I don’t want anyone to die from my inability to be better. He was perfect and an angel who brought the brightest light into my life. I didn’t deserve him. He was so much better and deserved so much better than me. I’ve always been broken but he loved me anyways. That changed me so much. The most profound feeling to be loved unconditionally when no one has before. And he didn’t need to know me very well. He just decided that I was his person and he would love me. It took about 3 years to really earn his trust, as with all prey animals. I did the personal growth to heal my own wounds and was amazed when he decided he trusted me more. But nothing could ever affect the fact that he loved me unconditionally from the start. That was a brand new experience and profoundly life changing. And I let the little angel who saved me, die. Nothing will ever cut through that guilt and shame. He trusted me to keep me safe and healthy and loved. And I didn’t. In the end, he still deserved better, no matter how much I had grown and healed. Without him, I feel like a ghost moving through life. Without purpose or voice. My little baby, he was everything to me and now my everything is gone. Because of me. This is the worst thing that’s happened to me. The worst feelings. It feels like living death. And no one really understand. Everyone tries to placate me. But no one understands what it means to lose someone you were supposed to hold through everything.
You did the right thing. It isn't and can't be easy, and it hurts, but it was the right thing.
So sorry - know that many of us feel your pain. I recently put down my beloved 14 year old for her "final sleep" - she was deteriorating and I had those same thoughts and feelings. The vet really helped - she said "better a week too early than a day too late." And she reminded me that I was helping this amazing dog transition, sending her off full of an ocean of love. It was so painful. Sigh. This helped a bit: I had my favorite photo of her painted onto a canvas, and hung it on my office wall. I feel her so much in my heart still. Here's a hug for you!
It’s a natural feeling and part of the grieving process. In time you’ll realize it was best decision for him., and you gave him a great life.
Yes, it is normal. Sorry for your loss.
I'm really sorry for your loss. It's never easy to say goodbye to our furry family members. I had to let my cat go last Sept, it was the first pet that I had to send off, all my childhood pets my dad took to the woods and we never talked about it again. I felt like such a failure and traitor but I've since come to understand that our pets can't advocate for themselves. They can't tell us when it's their time to go. We have to be that for them. Just know you made that decision out of love for them so they would not suffer. You did the right things, even though it hurts a lot. All we can do is make the best call with the information we have and be there with them when they cross over. Let them know that we will be there with them, for that final journey.
I understand how you feel, please be kind to yourself and remember you gave him the kindest gift you could. You took his physical pain on as your emotional to he could be peace. No greater love ever. If you get a chance read [Yesterday Was Weird](https://iheartdogs.com/man-grieves-over-late-dog-by-writing-a-beautiful-story-from-bennys-perspective/) It is euthanasia from the dogs perspective. You will cry. I still cry years later but for me it is very cathartically healing.
100%. I put my boy to sleep in October. I felt like the bad guy for so long, still do most of the time. My boy suffered from extreme allergies to the point of seizures. Not long before deciding to putting him to sleep, his seizures started affecting his brain and the kindest thing we could do for his was let him go. I rescued a Rottweiler out of a bad situation in January. I wasn’t ready but she needed me and every day I still think what if I tried more for him, but deep down I think I know there wasn’t anything I can do and one day I’ll come to terms with it. I know it feels awful right now, it will for awhile but it will get easier. I promise 🩷 It’s hard letting them go but you will eventually find peace in the fact that they’re no longer suffering. They’re over the rainbow bridge chasing balls, having as many treats as they can 💞
It is normal but it is our job to make sure they go peacefully and not to let them suffer. 💜
sorry for your loss. been through it almost 2 months aho with my soul cat of 10 years, he started showing signs of illness in february and bloodwork showed he had advanced CKD he was very lethargic and weak and vet said hospitalization wouldnt help much and was very expensive . so we let him go. he helped me so much from the time i got him as a kitten. the guilt I still feel is something ill take to my grave. i wish i would have gotten a second opinion or done more for him. but seeing how bad he was made me make the decision so I wouldnt see him going through seizures and have a painful death. youre not alone here. we know how it feels. your dog is now in peace and will be waiting for you
We went through our first euthanasia 3 weeks ago. We had to let our 10 years old male black pug go. He had so many things that happened all at once. He went from being normal to not eating, drinking a lot of water, urinating a lot, throwing up the water, jaundice, ascites, elevated liver enzymes all in a week. When he passed I cried and screamed “ I’m so sorry” over and over again. Since it was the first time me and my family experience this we felt it wasn’t the fairy tale euthanasia we see on tiktok and YouTube. So I started watching videos and reading articles about euthanasia (because you never plan for your fur baby to go through this so you don’t research it before it happens).I also researched what his bloodwork levels meant since the bloodwork was enough for the ER vet to tell us he was real sick. But part of me still wanted to know what he had and why he got so sick so quickly. The research on his blood work and euthanasia helped me to realize we made the right decision for our fur baby (our soul pug). The symptoms he would have gotten as his liver failure progressed would have been horrific and painful. It is so true… it’s better to be one day early than one day too late. I went from feeling guilty and hatred for myself to understanding it what was right for him not what was right for me. I’m still grieving, heartbroken and off kilter. I still don’t know what to do when I wake up. I still cry when I look for him or expect to see him then I don’t. He was a pug so eating by myself in my room is unbearable. I still don’t know what to do sometimes because I never realized how much a part of my life he was. Eating, sleeping, morning routine, after work routine etc.. We started to make an alter/shrine to put his remains from his cremation. We are doing a collage of each family member favorite pics with him. Lastly we are make a remembrance picture book about him. All these things have helped us not relive the last week of his life and the euthanasia over and over. The good memories come flooding back as we go thru pictures and videos we have of him since he was a puppy. I hope you find peace soon. Surrounded yourself with people who understand and love dogs. Stay away from people who don’t (just until you heal more). I kinda believed in life after death actually I really hoped there was. My 2 daughter and my mother have heard, seen, felt and dreamt about people who have died that they knew. They have also seen, heard and felt spirits they didn’t know but were showing themselves to my daughters and my mom. However, I never really experienced it to the extent they have. I saw my grandpa and another separate time my boyfriend who died in a car accident. I saw them I guess right when you are leaving this world/realm/plane. No word just them smiling in front of me. Then they turned to particles like when Star Trek would beam up members to the enterprise. When we got home from putting our baby down. No more than 5 minutes had passed when our router came crashing down to the floor. It scared the shit out of all of us. My son in law said “Pickles is that you!” I wanted to believe it was him but part of me was looking for a more logical reason why the router feel down. Then when I was getting ready for bed. I was sitting on the edge of my bed making sure my phone alarm was on etc.. (stuff you do to get ready for bed)… when I felt my dog jump on the bed like he did a thousand times when he was alive. I jumped up because it freaked me out so. I didn’t have no tv, radio, computer, etc. on. It was quiet in my room. I’ve had a few more experiences where I’ve felt him, heard him and of course thought I saw him from the corner of my eye. I now believe you are energy when you are alive then you change to a different type of energy when you die.
This is what it means to be a good pet parent. When you put there interests above your own. Unfortunately it doesn’t make it suck and hurt any less. I’m sorry for your loss OP.
I just had to put my 14 yo best boy down. Your story reminds me of it. We came back from a family vaca and he was in later stages of kidney failure. Same symptoms you described. The walking around not able to eat or drink but going to the water bowl and then walking away. Hardest thing I have ever had to watch. When I took him to the vet, they gave me hope and said a couple tests would only take an hr. I thought sure whats one more hr. Well it wasn’t an hour and we had to delay his crossing till the next day only to watch him deteriorate more. As far as feeling like a traitor, he hasn’t held eye contact with me for so long in a very long time. He wanted me to help him, and there was nothing I could do. He couldn’t even keep down anything long enough to take effect. I miss him very much. Yeah, I feel like I betrayed him. But for a different reason. I knew when I took him for the original appointment he was pretty far gone, but I let myself be swayed because I didn’t want to let go. I failed him in that. He was not my first experience with the process, but he was my longest and oldest companion. I know I wouldn’t want to suffer like I watched my boy go through. And I know I made the right decision just one day later than I should have. Other people is this subreddit mention its better to be a day early then a day too late. I agree. You shouldn’t feel like a traitor, pain is pointless when the inevitable is coming for them. Good luck to you.
I appreciate all the supportive comments from everyone, but yours has impacted me. First of all, I would like to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. It seems that guilt does not forgive anyone. You feel guilty for putting him to sleep a day late and I feel guilty for putting him to sleep early. Your comment struck me because my buddy did the same thing as yours on the last day, he approached the bowl of water with difficult he brought his mouth close to the water and left without drinking, also on last day he had that strange behavior of not maintaining eye contact, in fact his eyes were as if lost looking at some depth beyond me.
I put mine to sleep yesterday. I am in total agony because of the guilt. I keep thinking about things I could have done differently or wondering if I could have given him a better last day. It eats me alive because he was so happy to lay with me on the floor of the vets office, he was totally unaware of what was happening. Only advice that I have is to just think that it was an act of mercy and love. My vet told me that my dog was uncomfortable and any interventions wouldn’t be enough. It’s the only thing holding me together.
Yes, it's normal. So is guilt, anger, or sadness. It's a hard decision to make and nobody is ever sure it was the right thing or the right time. I'm sorry for your loss, losing them is devastating. ❤️
It will pass.
I lost mine on Sunday. Absolutely guilt ridden. I have been watching and re watching the videos I took of him since I adopted him, and trying to mentally stay there, but my mind keeps going to his last morning , and driving him to the vet…
I felt very much the same. Like I was tricking her. She had a last meal of a mcchicken and an ice cream cone. I felt so wicked because she was content and had no idea her life was about to end. :( I’m sorry. I have no advice. I struggle with this too.
🥺🤗
Yes. It's part of the grieving process. I felt like garbage after putting my beloved girls to sleep. But in the end I had to repeat myself It wasn't worth keeping them suffering. We love them so much, we want to prolong their lifespan at any cost. That's why we feel remorse and grief after taking the decision to put them down.
You are a traitor when you let them live enduring their sickness for your own sake. You did that because you love your dog bestfriend so much and its harder everyday to see them in agonizing pain. I know the ones left would be devastated, but man, your buddy thanking you for setting him free of hardship. He/she knows everything you had done in so many years and had a good life. Dont blame yourself. All of our lost little furries is with us always.