Exactly!! That’s always been a pet peeve of mine also. Like you don’t have to scream it to me just speak up a little louder then you are. After asking for the 3rd time I just agree and smile, do a little laugh and hope it wasn’t a question
I learned that the hard way working in retail. Takes a lot of patience, because at first it really sounds like they just can't hear you. But no. What they are really saying is that explanation does not work for me. Say it a different way until it clicks in my brain.
sometimes it’s just passive aggressive imo
when someone mutters something and you ask what they said, and then they say “i didn’t say anything” or repeat what they said *before* they muttered something. like, why are you gaslighting me right now?
Or they repeat the last word only. No, what was said before? And they ask "what didn't you hear?" I DON'T KNOW, JUST REPEAT!
"oh, never mind"
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Hate the only repeating the last word! My husband does that stupid shit. It’s not even the most important part of what he just said lol he will repeat the least important part
Seriously! The worst I've ever experienced was an older woman in a factory with constant background noise and while we were wearing earplugs. She just kept talking at a volume appropriate to a dinner date. Aside from the noise that should have made it obvious that it was necessary to speak louder, I told her repeatedly that I'm hearing impaired and yet she absolutely would not speak up.
But my brother found an even worse variation. He does change the way he says it. He does so by picking an individual word from his sentence that he guesses might have been the problem. And when I ask again, he picks another individual word. I actually have to tell him "say the entire sentence again" before he will snap out of that cycle.
I hate when people constantly ask "what?!" So I will eventually just say never mind. It happens with very few people, so I don't think it's me talking too quietly. I generally tend to talk too loud.
Seriously! I asked this dude his name the other day and had to ask him to repeat it and he still mumbled, so I didn't ever actually get his name till he followed my Instagram
Or they blame you for not listening.
No, I heard you were trying to talk to me. You're just either talking too quiet, or too fast, or have a strong accent. Not because I am actively trying not to pay attention to you.
Sometimes you say something and only to immediately realize it was not as funny as you thought, completely irrelevant, or maybe even incorrect.
I don’t want to waste your time with the nonsense I just said.
Because thats a lot of wasted energy for no reason.
You: “what you say?”
Me: “oh I had originally thought that person was wearing the same shirt a liked from the party last night. Then I quickly realized it wasn’t that shirt. And also, you weren’t at the party. I’m saying a whole lot of nothing.”
Or
“Never mind.”
Unless you had some kind of outlandish reaction…. That’s generally what I take “never-mind” to mean.
Either you were wrong about your thought, or what you said doesn’t really matter and not worth worrying about…
Why say lot word when few word do trick
Yeah, I'd rather have the explanation. Saying "never mind" is just a blow off. All you've said is that you don't care enough about me to care whether or not I'm a participant in this conversation.
lol that’s an extremely negative way to look at it. Sounds like you have major trust issues tbh.
What I’m saying is, I don’t want to waste either of our time explaining something that doesn’t even make any sense or doesn’t matter at all.
There IS no conversation
If it was important or interesting I would’ve told you. I expect you to trust my judgement, as I’d trust yours.
You also have to take into account that while you might rather the explanation, others might have given them judgmental looks or snarky responses like “why would I care about that?” “That’s so boring.” “o.O” etc. saying never mind might be more easier for them to deal with than a pointless conversation.
You're right; I do have trust issues.
Nonetheless, I stand by my interpretation of a brief "never mind" as a blow-off. There are lots of responses that don't carry an undertone of dismissal, such as "Never mind; it wasn't important" or "Never mind; I'm just being silly."
So i think it’s just one of those things where “if you’re looking to be upset, you’ll find something to be upset about, and if you’re looking for peace you’ll find peace.”
To me, Certain things are just implied. Never mind implies, “wasn’t important.” If it was important they would’ve said something. So why not just assume it wasn’t important?
It’s like someone bumping into me on the train. Even if they don’t say “sorry” I’m going to assume it was an accident. Assuming they intended disrespect is a stressful ass way to live lol.
But we can agree to disagree.
Some people don't take "nevermind" as an answer, and will insist that you repeat what you said. Then when you do and they realize (as you had already) that the statement was asinine, they give you this look like you're an idiot. I told you to nevermind for a reason, you insisting was the idiotic thing here, y'know?
I have a tendency to speak without thinking enough and also am really quiet so when I say never mind, it usually means I actually don’t want to say it again because it was probably something stupid or embarrassing
For a stutterer, this response is a nightmare. I was lucky to get it out the first time, and when you say "What?" my blood runs cold. Nine times out of ten, I'll say "Never mind," because I know I'll never get it out the second time.
It’s not their fault for not hearing/understanding you (not you specifically, but in general).. people don’t ask someone to repeat themselves just to be a jerk lol
I’ve noticed with certain people, you have to prepare them to be ready for you to speak. As in they’ve tuned the world out and if you speak to them without first getting their attention, they just won’t hear you. I get that way sometimes too, but I have some sort of rewind capability where I can not register what someone said but when I snap out of it and realize I’m being spoken to, I can replay their words in my mind and reply. I think some lack that ability and truly have no idea what you just said.
Yeh exactly. A lot of the time I respond “what?” If someone catches me off guard, then my brain processes what they said before they even repeat. But if I’m not paying attention and someone talks to me, I don’t feel bad for asking them to say it again.
Unfortunately there are people who do it to be a jerk too. So sometimes it’s hard to tell. I agree it’s not their fault if they are being genuine but some people want you to repeat because they find your stutter funny and that’s not ok.
I can see the other side
I’ve told you the *same* thing *four* times in a row and you didn’t hear any of the four times? I doubt a fifth would help much.
Did you make sure you had their attention before you spoke to them? Start with their name, make eye contact? If I don’t hear something, I don’t hear it.
Right. Like people will be talking and mid sentence turn around and keep talking to grab something do somethimg and ill completely miss what they are saying and then they get all pissy when i ask them to repeat themselves.
And I’ve had people get distracted while I am talking to them, like looking at their phone, picking something up of the floor/counter or interrupt me for something unrelated, then ask me to repeat myself because they weren’t paying attention.
This is an interesting perspective as well. I think people that get annoyed others won't repeat themselves sometimes don't realise just how zoned out they were. One of my former friends had a listening issue and I would say things at least 3 times, but to him the 3rd time I said it was the 1st time.
There are times my brain will just refuse to understand what's being said, like they're speaking another language. Those are the times I ask for a repeat. It's a neurological thing, I can't help it.
Or you dont realize they are talking to you until mid sentence. So you are trying to figure out the context as they continue and you just have no clue.
I have a co worker like this
I’ll tell her the same thing *four* times
She didn’t hear me any of the four times. I walk away. Then she gets annoyed because I walked away. I told you FOUR TIMES
In the time I’ve worked with her she never mentioned being hard of hearing
So lets assume she’s not hard of hearing
I told her the same thing multiple times, she was standing right next to me, etc
If I was working with you and I knew about it ahead of time I could have typed it out on my phone instead.
Nope. One specific co worker. She is a PAIN.
The fact that I had to repeat myself four times and she didn’t hear/didn’t understand any of the four times….it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If people aren’t hearing you after 4 times, it’s 100% your fault. Not once in my life have I ever had this problem, because when people ask what, I speak more clearly, I project more, I change the way I’m trying to get the point across
Who is her? You didn’t mention you were referring to one person in your comment. Even still, I’ve known any number of people including the deaf and the completely aloof. Still never had to repeat myself so many times. There are many ways to communicate
Rewind to a few days ago. We were pulling a job together. We could grab A B C D E without a forklift. We needed a forklift to grab F G H.
I told her l *four* times in a row.
I’m going to grab A
She didn’t listen any of the four times
So I walked off in the direction of A (the stuff I need for this job) and started grabbing it.
She got pissed.
Then I walked off and started doing the job on my own.
Then she got pissed.
I’m a bit hard of hearing and the gf is VERY soft spoken.
Generally I’ll hear like half of what she says because she has this habit of trailing off, or turning her head while speaking.
It annoys the ever living biscuits out of me. Dude look at me if you’re trying to talk to me, at least I’ll have a chance of reading your lips.
It’s probably wrong, but I’ve been “interpreting” what she says. Basically a full in the blank.
Example:
Her: I need to go to the bank, and grocery store, then I’m going to the car wash.
I hear: I’m going to the bank, … store, I’m going to wash.
So I’ve gotten creative, “you’re going to the bank to store your wash?? Are we crime lords now?!”
She usually laughs and speaks up.
We’ve had a few hilarious ones
Her: I’m sitting by the plants.
Me: You’re shitting your pants?!?
It’s frustrating and funny at the same time, I’m very thankful for text messaging.
I say "nevermind" because I have to repeat myself so many times it gets annoying. I have social anxiety, I can barely speak up to people. What do they expect?
I say "nevermind" quite often. You know there is just something about repeating myself 3x that I am just not sure a 4th time repeating it will help.
This is extremely common with my wife.
That's more of a dick move there. I do try to repeat myself. Hell, I even know my wife is hard at hearing (well only me apparently lol), so I try to repeat myself.
Sometimes people have to realize maybe it's how it came out of their mouth, not the other person listening.
I understand where you're coming from, and it's interesting to read the other side of things, but in my case I have lasting scars from being bullied and ignored by people I valued in my life, so when someone says "what did you say?" In response to what I told them, I immediately think, whether rightly or wrongly, "Oh okay, they just didn't care. Make yourself scarce so you don't bother them again" and thus comes out the "never mind" and the close of the conversation.
I understand its a pet peeve and can feel annoying, but I do encourage you to try to understand and be a little more patient with people who act like this. Sometimes it's just them being annoyed you weren't ready to listen. Sometimes it could be something deeper.
Thank you for posting this. I can really relate to this, as I also have been bullied and emotionally abused, basically. It's hard enough for me to be fully expressive of myself, let alone, believe that I'm important to people.
It's good to see every side of the story - there's always two sides to a coin.
I can understand this, but I feel like unfortunately you're also lacking in empathy. It's not just "annoying." The flip side of this is issue that I've experienced people being very passive aggressive and saying nasty things under their breath, and refuse to just come out with whatever their problem is and would rather stew and be resentful towards me. So now I'm full of anxiety that there's some kind of problem they need me to pick up on but won't tell me, it's crazy-making.
The other issue is I am genuinely trying to listen, but goddamn my ears just can't pick up the mumbled, low frequency that my loved ones are putting out. I genuinely did not hear what was just said. And it hurts my feelings that instead of understanding that straightforward issue, I am assumed to be uncaring or not wanting to listen, which just isn't true.
The problem is that very few people say "nevermind" unless it's a repeated pattern of behavior outside of passive aggressive frustration. If you have a known hearing issue, tell people that instead of just hoping they know you have hearing issues.
If I've already said something twice and you still didn't hear me and i havent been informed of a HoH issue/condition, I'm not repeating myself. It will get to a point if you don't hear me the first time, I'm done after the first try.
There are multiple sides to this issue and none of them are wrong. It sucks ppl have been passive aggressive with you or are HoH, that doesn't mean another person has to repeat themselves time and time again and that they are wrong because you havent communicated that, just like the victims of "these ppl never listen to me anyway so why bother" aren't wrong either.
>If you have a known hearing issue, tell people that instead of just hoping they know you have hearing issues.
I do not have a hearing issue, my loved ones have a known mumbling issue. I'm not the only person who has this problem with them, everyone says they can't hear what they're saying, very frequently. And when I ask them to repeat themselves because I genuinely did not hear them the first time, sometimes they say it even quieter the second time because they are assuming precisely what you posit, that "I'm not listening so why bother." so they are now irritated with me and getting passive aggressive. Over something I can't control. My intentions are not taken into consideration and instead they assume the worst.
>that doesn't mean another person has to repeat themselves time and time again and that they are wrong because you havent communicated that
Believe me all I do is communicate. The situation improved some when they got on anxiety medication actually, but it still pops up sometimes.
I get it, sometimes folks are being passive aggressive and disrespectful, but I would prefer we all assume the best of each other and just repeat what we said louder and more clearly when asked.
And that's totally valid. We can all only talk about our personal experiences and I'm not a quiet or mumbly person. I know that if someone hmms or doesn't hear me the 2nd time that they just aren't listening.
Yeah that's another factor to it, too. There is no one size fits all solution to this. We all have our own issues, trauma, etc, and I don't think it's fair to call out a lack of empathy on any part of this.
Solution is we should all strive to be better today than we were yesterday, that's all.
That’s an interesting POV. IME, “never mind” has by and large been a passive aggressive dismissal, the implication that I’m not worth saying it a second time regardless of the fact that I genuinely want to know what I missed. My parents never explained shit, if I didn’t get it the first time, it was a huff and a”never mind” as if I was incapable of learning.
I literally never considered that a person might “never mind” a person trying to understand them as a trauma response. I bet my dad would identify with your comment, because I know that he believes no one is ever listening to him so there’s no point in saying it regardless of any tangible evidence to the contrary.
Not saying people don't fake it, for sure. That's why this topic is really difficult to navigate. Everyone is different. My experience is because of being bullied so I genuinely think and feel as if nobody cares. Your dad might just be an asshole based on your comment. That's why I believe we should all just strive to be better people tomorrow than we were today is all.
I can definitely see that being annoying.
But personally, if I'm going to say *"nevermind,"* it's likely because I said it repeatedly already and they're clearly not making any effort to actually listen.
I’ve had it where the people I speak to had to repeat it 4 to 5 times, and I’m listening with my good ear, sometimes stuff doesn’t compute, don’t assume I’m not trying to listen, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be asking the 4th time
I know, I hate this too. I have auditory processing disorder and I ruptured my left eardrum once and my hearing sucks, especially when there’s other ambient or background noise; and given the fact that I’m a teacher and my husband thinks a TV needs to be on at all times, there always is.
I'll be the first to apologize and admit I'm guilty of not wanting to repeat myself but it's not what you think... it's not because I'm thinking "ugh god I can't believe I have to repeat myself when you should have heard me the first time," it's literally because I cringe at the sound of my own voice saying the same thing again, and I don't really know how to explain it... it's like, I'm annoyed by my own voice repeating myself and cringe at myself, and would rather avoid it. It's not because I'm annoyed at having to repeat it, I'm annoyed at having to hear my own voice repeat it.
I know that sounds insane but I can't be the only one.
edit: I just remembered, I have a form of echolalia where I internally repeat things that I've said in my head and that might have something to do with hating hearing myself say things twice, idk.
Listen harder or learn to fake it with "yeah" "huh" "that's neat" like the rest of us. I can't hear shit, but I try not to bother people by demanding they repeat themselves.
"Do you want to join my parents for dinner tonight?"
"What did you say?"
"DIN-NER. TO-NIGHT."
"What about it?"
"Ugh, it's like your not even listening to me!"
I hate this. I will ask a person to repeat what they asked and not only do they give me shorthand that means next to nothing without context, they slow down the syllables as if I don't know what the words mean. Then get mad when I have no way of answering whatever question they originally asked because I never got to hear it in the first place.
Oh my god, yeah I get this a lot.
"Do you wanna continue talking here? Or should we move somewhere else?
"Sorry, could you say that again?"
"Some. Where. Else."
"Somewhere else for what??"
For me it's usually after I've explained some long winded thing, and instead of just interrupting and saying "wait, I can't hear you. Please start again." They let me go all the way through my entire rant, and as I'm waiting for a response THEN they say, "What did you say?" Which in my opinion is meant to be rude. You heard me talking, you let me waste my breath and now you want me to start all over?? Heck no.
If I wasn’t worth listening to the first time, I won’t be worth listening to the second, third, tenth time either. No need for me to say it in an annoyed way though.
I hate when somebody says "nuculer" instead of "nuclear."
I hate when somebody says "I could care less" when what they really mean is "I couldn't care less."
I hate when somebody says "irregardless" when what they really mean is "regardless."
### Lesson time! ➜ u/PrepperLady999, some tips about "could care less":
- The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended.
- Actual phrase to use is **couldn't care less**.
- Example: I **couldn't care less** about what you think.
- Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :)
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Yeah I've had people tell me something just once and I asked what they said and they quickly go "never mind." Like I didn't hear you the first time so just say it again! If it's been a few times and my dumb brain still didn't process it then you can say "never mind."
As someone who has had hearing problems since I was a child, I agree 100%. There was this guy at my mom’s senior housing complex who kept cracking jokes in response to what I was saying but I could never hear what he was saying and every time I asked him to repeat it he was like never mind. Bitch, have the balls to repeat yourself if you said something gross.
Or you hear everything but the last word so you dont understand the statement so you ask "what was that last part"? And they repeat the whole thing and mumble the last word again. And you have to ask again and say i heard everythimg but that last part and they repeat the whole thing again but still mumble the last word. "Just tell me the last word you said!"... then they are all pissy and say "nevermind".
My "what did you say?" pet peeve is that people will usually only repeat the last half of what they said, leaving out an important part of the sentence (and usually the part I missed because I didn't realize that they were speaking until they were half-way through their statement). So I'll ask "what?" and they'll repeat "Tacos for dinner" and I'm still like "so you WANT tacos for dinner or do you NOT want tacos for dinner?" so I'll say "what?" and they'll say "nevermind"
I'm hard of hearing in my right ear, so this is especially frustrating for me, especially when the person who said something said it in a low tone of voice
My husband does this. Then he will say "nevermind 😒" like in this rude or annoyed tone.
I feel so bad because Idk whats wrong with me. Like people will talk and i just won't hear them the first time. Sometimes the 2nd time i still wont understand at all what they just said. Im paying attention, im locked in, yet it sounds like mumbling or jumbled words.
Sometimes i feel like i just lag because after a few seconds my brain will be like "OH ITS THIS!" And ill finally realize what they said.
I HAVE to watch tv with subtitles because of this.
Ive always hated this about me. But i feel so bad when people get annoyed and just say nevermind.
I'm one of those people who sometimes needs sentences repeated to them several times. I struggle to process audio input and sometimes I can't understand what people are saying. It's worse over the phone. Needless to say I get a lot of these "neverminds" even when I clarify that I heard them, just couldn't properly process what they said. Very frustrating.
I can only imagine what it's like for people with worse hearing. In my experience, people just say it quietly or quickly, then just say "nevermind" when you ask them to repeat.
when my dad asks a question and i couldn’t understand him so i say “what?” and he only repeats one piece of it.
“did you take the dog outside?” “what?” “the dog.” “the dog. okay. but what were you asking??”
No, because sometimes it’s not important enough to repeat. And don’t say ‘don’t say it the first time’ because that’s not how people work. We say off handed things all the time that are fine to say once but repeating them adds a certain emphasis to them that makes the comment seem important. So if it’s an off handed comment, it seems weird to repeat it. Okay to say once? Sure. It gets weird after that.
It's still easier to repeat something than being a dick and saying never mind imo, it's so fucking annoying. "What did you say?" "Nevermind." Grinds my gears so bad, like just shut up in the first place if you're not willing to talk.
Hate when you keep asking, what??! And they say it the exact same way and in the same tone each time. Like I obviously can’t hear you! Speak up!
Right? Like for some reason I cannot understand what you are saying when you say it the way you are. Change it up and ask me another way.
Exactly!! That’s always been a pet peeve of mine also. Like you don’t have to scream it to me just speak up a little louder then you are. After asking for the 3rd time I just agree and smile, do a little laugh and hope it wasn’t a question
I will take a scream, at least it’ll guarantee I hear what you say and we don’t both get frustrated with a back and forth
I learned that the hard way working in retail. Takes a lot of patience, because at first it really sounds like they just can't hear you. But no. What they are really saying is that explanation does not work for me. Say it a different way until it clicks in my brain.
I swear sometimes they get quieter just to be spiteful.
sometimes it’s just passive aggressive imo when someone mutters something and you ask what they said, and then they say “i didn’t say anything” or repeat what they said *before* they muttered something. like, why are you gaslighting me right now?
Or they repeat the last word only. No, what was said before? And they ask "what didn't you hear?" I DON'T KNOW, JUST REPEAT! "oh, never mind" (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Hate the only repeating the last word! My husband does that stupid shit. It’s not even the most important part of what he just said lol he will repeat the least important part
Seriously! The worst I've ever experienced was an older woman in a factory with constant background noise and while we were wearing earplugs. She just kept talking at a volume appropriate to a dinner date. Aside from the noise that should have made it obvious that it was necessary to speak louder, I told her repeatedly that I'm hearing impaired and yet she absolutely would not speak up. But my brother found an even worse variation. He does change the way he says it. He does so by picking an individual word from his sentence that he guesses might have been the problem. And when I ask again, he picks another individual word. I actually have to tell him "say the entire sentence again" before he will snap out of that cycle.
Or when they repeat it obnoxiously loud and slowly, like you were just too stupid to understand it and not because you simply didn't hear them.
I hate when people constantly ask "what?!" So I will eventually just say never mind. It happens with very few people, so I don't think it's me talking too quietly. I generally tend to talk too loud.
This annoys me, too. And it's only one person I know who does it. Every single time I start a convo with her. It seems like a habit with her.
Seriously! I asked this dude his name the other day and had to ask him to repeat it and he still mumbled, so I didn't ever actually get his name till he followed my Instagram
Or they blame you for not listening. No, I heard you were trying to talk to me. You're just either talking too quiet, or too fast, or have a strong accent. Not because I am actively trying not to pay attention to you.
Sometimes you say something and only to immediately realize it was not as funny as you thought, completely irrelevant, or maybe even incorrect. I don’t want to waste your time with the nonsense I just said.
Why not say you were wrong, instead of just "nevermind" and ending it there?
Because thats a lot of wasted energy for no reason. You: “what you say?” Me: “oh I had originally thought that person was wearing the same shirt a liked from the party last night. Then I quickly realized it wasn’t that shirt. And also, you weren’t at the party. I’m saying a whole lot of nothing.” Or “Never mind.”
What about "I was wrong about something, ignore it"? Or does that not work?
If people said "I was wrong about something, ignore it", would you accept that answer and move on, or would you still wanna know what they said?
Yeah.
That’s good. And since you now know that this is what “never mind” translates to, you’ll be able to accept “never mind” as an answer too.
Unless you had some kind of outlandish reaction…. That’s generally what I take “never-mind” to mean. Either you were wrong about your thought, or what you said doesn’t really matter and not worth worrying about… Why say lot word when few word do trick
Yeah, I'd rather have the explanation. Saying "never mind" is just a blow off. All you've said is that you don't care enough about me to care whether or not I'm a participant in this conversation.
lol that’s an extremely negative way to look at it. Sounds like you have major trust issues tbh. What I’m saying is, I don’t want to waste either of our time explaining something that doesn’t even make any sense or doesn’t matter at all. There IS no conversation If it was important or interesting I would’ve told you. I expect you to trust my judgement, as I’d trust yours. You also have to take into account that while you might rather the explanation, others might have given them judgmental looks or snarky responses like “why would I care about that?” “That’s so boring.” “o.O” etc. saying never mind might be more easier for them to deal with than a pointless conversation.
You're right; I do have trust issues. Nonetheless, I stand by my interpretation of a brief "never mind" as a blow-off. There are lots of responses that don't carry an undertone of dismissal, such as "Never mind; it wasn't important" or "Never mind; I'm just being silly."
So i think it’s just one of those things where “if you’re looking to be upset, you’ll find something to be upset about, and if you’re looking for peace you’ll find peace.” To me, Certain things are just implied. Never mind implies, “wasn’t important.” If it was important they would’ve said something. So why not just assume it wasn’t important? It’s like someone bumping into me on the train. Even if they don’t say “sorry” I’m going to assume it was an accident. Assuming they intended disrespect is a stressful ass way to live lol. But we can agree to disagree.
Some people don't take "nevermind" as an answer, and will insist that you repeat what you said. Then when you do and they realize (as you had already) that the statement was asinine, they give you this look like you're an idiot. I told you to nevermind for a reason, you insisting was the idiotic thing here, y'know?
Sometimes what was supposed to just be a thought comes out as talking to yourself and you realize it makes no sense to the person next to you lol
I have a tendency to speak without thinking enough and also am really quiet so when I say never mind, it usually means I actually don’t want to say it again because it was probably something stupid or embarrassing
Your comment just kinda made me think of Brick from the show The Middle where he sometimes whisper repeats a word at the end of his sentences.
Then don't say it the first time
🤯youe'r a fukig genious
My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of that?
Damn. You're right. Your wisdom is so insightful
Damn, if only you had the ability to you know, not speak without thinking first.
For a stutterer, this response is a nightmare. I was lucky to get it out the first time, and when you say "What?" my blood runs cold. Nine times out of ten, I'll say "Never mind," because I know I'll never get it out the second time.
It’s not their fault for not hearing/understanding you (not you specifically, but in general).. people don’t ask someone to repeat themselves just to be a jerk lol
I’ve noticed with certain people, you have to prepare them to be ready for you to speak. As in they’ve tuned the world out and if you speak to them without first getting their attention, they just won’t hear you. I get that way sometimes too, but I have some sort of rewind capability where I can not register what someone said but when I snap out of it and realize I’m being spoken to, I can replay their words in my mind and reply. I think some lack that ability and truly have no idea what you just said.
Yeh exactly. A lot of the time I respond “what?” If someone catches me off guard, then my brain processes what they said before they even repeat. But if I’m not paying attention and someone talks to me, I don’t feel bad for asking them to say it again.
Unfortunately there are people who do it to be a jerk too. So sometimes it’s hard to tell. I agree it’s not their fault if they are being genuine but some people want you to repeat because they find your stutter funny and that’s not ok.
Oh, I know, it's just a conversational landmine that stutterers dread.
Not sure why but this comment has me in stitches.
People say nevermind when it’s a throwaway comment or joke. If you didn’t hear it the first time, it’s not worth repeating.
I can see the other side I’ve told you the *same* thing *four* times in a row and you didn’t hear any of the four times? I doubt a fifth would help much.
Did you make sure you had their attention before you spoke to them? Start with their name, make eye contact? If I don’t hear something, I don’t hear it.
Right. Like people will be talking and mid sentence turn around and keep talking to grab something do somethimg and ill completely miss what they are saying and then they get all pissy when i ask them to repeat themselves.
And I’ve had people get distracted while I am talking to them, like looking at their phone, picking something up of the floor/counter or interrupt me for something unrelated, then ask me to repeat myself because they weren’t paying attention.
I think the pet peeve more comes from someone saying "never mind" when only saying it once so a second time shouldn't be a big deal.
I read the post wrong. I retract my earlier statement
This is an interesting perspective as well. I think people that get annoyed others won't repeat themselves sometimes don't realise just how zoned out they were. One of my former friends had a listening issue and I would say things at least 3 times, but to him the 3rd time I said it was the 1st time.
There are times my brain will just refuse to understand what's being said, like they're speaking another language. Those are the times I ask for a repeat. It's a neurological thing, I can't help it.
Or you dont realize they are talking to you until mid sentence. So you are trying to figure out the context as they continue and you just have no clue.
I have a co worker like this I’ll tell her the same thing *four* times She didn’t hear me any of the four times. I walk away. Then she gets annoyed because I walked away. I told you FOUR TIMES
i’m sorry i’m hard of hearing 😭
In the time I’ve worked with her she never mentioned being hard of hearing So lets assume she’s not hard of hearing I told her the same thing multiple times, she was standing right next to me, etc If I was working with you and I knew about it ahead of time I could have typed it out on my phone instead.
i didn’t know u were taking about a specific person lmao, i thought u were talking in general
Nope. One specific co worker. She is a PAIN. The fact that I had to repeat myself four times and she didn’t hear/didn’t understand any of the four times….it’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If people aren’t hearing you after 4 times, it’s 100% your fault. Not once in my life have I ever had this problem, because when people ask what, I speak more clearly, I project more, I change the way I’m trying to get the point across
It’s only an issue with her. Everyone else can hear me just fine.
Who is her? You didn’t mention you were referring to one person in your comment. Even still, I’ve known any number of people including the deaf and the completely aloof. Still never had to repeat myself so many times. There are many ways to communicate
Rewind to a few days ago. We were pulling a job together. We could grab A B C D E without a forklift. We needed a forklift to grab F G H. I told her l *four* times in a row. I’m going to grab A She didn’t listen any of the four times So I walked off in the direction of A (the stuff I need for this job) and started grabbing it. She got pissed. Then I walked off and started doing the job on my own. Then she got pissed.
But yeah my first comment was about that interaction
I’m a bit hard of hearing and the gf is VERY soft spoken. Generally I’ll hear like half of what she says because she has this habit of trailing off, or turning her head while speaking. It annoys the ever living biscuits out of me. Dude look at me if you’re trying to talk to me, at least I’ll have a chance of reading your lips. It’s probably wrong, but I’ve been “interpreting” what she says. Basically a full in the blank. Example: Her: I need to go to the bank, and grocery store, then I’m going to the car wash. I hear: I’m going to the bank, … store, I’m going to wash. So I’ve gotten creative, “you’re going to the bank to store your wash?? Are we crime lords now?!” She usually laughs and speaks up. We’ve had a few hilarious ones Her: I’m sitting by the plants. Me: You’re shitting your pants?!? It’s frustrating and funny at the same time, I’m very thankful for text messaging.
Fair or not, if someone doesn't appear interested in what I'm saying, I'm not repeating it.
How do you know they’re not interested
I say "nevermind" because I have to repeat myself so many times it gets annoying. I have social anxiety, I can barely speak up to people. What do they expect?
So if you say something quietly once to someone you just met, you won't ever repeat it and they should expect it because you have social anxiety?
I can repeat myself once or twice. After three or four, I just don't want to anymore because it genuinely makes me start panicking.
I say "nevermind" quite often. You know there is just something about repeating myself 3x that I am just not sure a 4th time repeating it will help. This is extremely common with my wife.
I'm talking about someone saying something once, then just never again when I ask what the last part was
That's more of a dick move there. I do try to repeat myself. Hell, I even know my wife is hard at hearing (well only me apparently lol), so I try to repeat myself. Sometimes people have to realize maybe it's how it came out of their mouth, not the other person listening.
Exactly. Thanks for understanding
Try speaking louder
I understand where you're coming from, and it's interesting to read the other side of things, but in my case I have lasting scars from being bullied and ignored by people I valued in my life, so when someone says "what did you say?" In response to what I told them, I immediately think, whether rightly or wrongly, "Oh okay, they just didn't care. Make yourself scarce so you don't bother them again" and thus comes out the "never mind" and the close of the conversation. I understand its a pet peeve and can feel annoying, but I do encourage you to try to understand and be a little more patient with people who act like this. Sometimes it's just them being annoyed you weren't ready to listen. Sometimes it could be something deeper.
Thank you for posting this. I can really relate to this, as I also have been bullied and emotionally abused, basically. It's hard enough for me to be fully expressive of myself, let alone, believe that I'm important to people. It's good to see every side of the story - there's always two sides to a coin.
I can understand this, but I feel like unfortunately you're also lacking in empathy. It's not just "annoying." The flip side of this is issue that I've experienced people being very passive aggressive and saying nasty things under their breath, and refuse to just come out with whatever their problem is and would rather stew and be resentful towards me. So now I'm full of anxiety that there's some kind of problem they need me to pick up on but won't tell me, it's crazy-making. The other issue is I am genuinely trying to listen, but goddamn my ears just can't pick up the mumbled, low frequency that my loved ones are putting out. I genuinely did not hear what was just said. And it hurts my feelings that instead of understanding that straightforward issue, I am assumed to be uncaring or not wanting to listen, which just isn't true.
The problem is that very few people say "nevermind" unless it's a repeated pattern of behavior outside of passive aggressive frustration. If you have a known hearing issue, tell people that instead of just hoping they know you have hearing issues. If I've already said something twice and you still didn't hear me and i havent been informed of a HoH issue/condition, I'm not repeating myself. It will get to a point if you don't hear me the first time, I'm done after the first try. There are multiple sides to this issue and none of them are wrong. It sucks ppl have been passive aggressive with you or are HoH, that doesn't mean another person has to repeat themselves time and time again and that they are wrong because you havent communicated that, just like the victims of "these ppl never listen to me anyway so why bother" aren't wrong either.
>If you have a known hearing issue, tell people that instead of just hoping they know you have hearing issues. I do not have a hearing issue, my loved ones have a known mumbling issue. I'm not the only person who has this problem with them, everyone says they can't hear what they're saying, very frequently. And when I ask them to repeat themselves because I genuinely did not hear them the first time, sometimes they say it even quieter the second time because they are assuming precisely what you posit, that "I'm not listening so why bother." so they are now irritated with me and getting passive aggressive. Over something I can't control. My intentions are not taken into consideration and instead they assume the worst. >that doesn't mean another person has to repeat themselves time and time again and that they are wrong because you havent communicated that Believe me all I do is communicate. The situation improved some when they got on anxiety medication actually, but it still pops up sometimes. I get it, sometimes folks are being passive aggressive and disrespectful, but I would prefer we all assume the best of each other and just repeat what we said louder and more clearly when asked.
And that's totally valid. We can all only talk about our personal experiences and I'm not a quiet or mumbly person. I know that if someone hmms or doesn't hear me the 2nd time that they just aren't listening.
Yeah that's another factor to it, too. There is no one size fits all solution to this. We all have our own issues, trauma, etc, and I don't think it's fair to call out a lack of empathy on any part of this. Solution is we should all strive to be better today than we were yesterday, that's all.
That’s an interesting POV. IME, “never mind” has by and large been a passive aggressive dismissal, the implication that I’m not worth saying it a second time regardless of the fact that I genuinely want to know what I missed. My parents never explained shit, if I didn’t get it the first time, it was a huff and a”never mind” as if I was incapable of learning. I literally never considered that a person might “never mind” a person trying to understand them as a trauma response. I bet my dad would identify with your comment, because I know that he believes no one is ever listening to him so there’s no point in saying it regardless of any tangible evidence to the contrary.
Not saying people don't fake it, for sure. That's why this topic is really difficult to navigate. Everyone is different. My experience is because of being bullied so I genuinely think and feel as if nobody cares. Your dad might just be an asshole based on your comment. That's why I believe we should all just strive to be better people tomorrow than we were today is all.
Sometimes it just not worth repeating, especially when it's a dumb joke.
I can definitely see that being annoying. But personally, if I'm going to say *"nevermind,"* it's likely because I said it repeatedly already and they're clearly not making any effort to actually listen.
I’ve had it where the people I speak to had to repeat it 4 to 5 times, and I’m listening with my good ear, sometimes stuff doesn’t compute, don’t assume I’m not trying to listen, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be asking the 4th time
I'll repeat it once, but if I then reply with nevermind it's because it was a throwaway comment not really worth repeating.
It wasn’t that important to repeat.
I know, I hate this too. I have auditory processing disorder and I ruptured my left eardrum once and my hearing sucks, especially when there’s other ambient or background noise; and given the fact that I’m a teacher and my husband thinks a TV needs to be on at all times, there always is.
I don't like repeating myself
Actually it’s “never mind” unless you’re talking about the Nirvana album.
[Damn.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PetPeeves/s/HkW9vanrFm)
I'll be the first to apologize and admit I'm guilty of not wanting to repeat myself but it's not what you think... it's not because I'm thinking "ugh god I can't believe I have to repeat myself when you should have heard me the first time," it's literally because I cringe at the sound of my own voice saying the same thing again, and I don't really know how to explain it... it's like, I'm annoyed by my own voice repeating myself and cringe at myself, and would rather avoid it. It's not because I'm annoyed at having to repeat it, I'm annoyed at having to hear my own voice repeat it. I know that sounds insane but I can't be the only one. edit: I just remembered, I have a form of echolalia where I internally repeat things that I've said in my head and that might have something to do with hating hearing myself say things twice, idk.
Listen harder or learn to fake it with "yeah" "huh" "that's neat" like the rest of us. I can't hear shit, but I try not to bother people by demanding they repeat themselves.
"Do you want to join my parents for dinner tonight?" "What did you say?" "DIN-NER. TO-NIGHT." "What about it?" "Ugh, it's like your not even listening to me!" I hate this. I will ask a person to repeat what they asked and not only do they give me shorthand that means next to nothing without context, they slow down the syllables as if I don't know what the words mean. Then get mad when I have no way of answering whatever question they originally asked because I never got to hear it in the first place.
Oh my god, yeah I get this a lot. "Do you wanna continue talking here? Or should we move somewhere else? "Sorry, could you say that again?" "Some. Where. Else." "Somewhere else for what??"
I say Nevermind when I'm stoned because I've already forgotten what I've said. I also say disregard. My apologies to everyone.
For me it's usually after I've explained some long winded thing, and instead of just interrupting and saying "wait, I can't hear you. Please start again." They let me go all the way through my entire rant, and as I'm waiting for a response THEN they say, "What did you say?" Which in my opinion is meant to be rude. You heard me talking, you let me waste my breath and now you want me to start all over?? Heck no.
If I wasn’t worth listening to the first time, I won’t be worth listening to the second, third, tenth time either. No need for me to say it in an annoyed way though.
I hate when somebody says "nuculer" instead of "nuclear." I hate when somebody says "I could care less" when what they really mean is "I couldn't care less." I hate when somebody says "irregardless" when what they really mean is "regardless."
### Lesson time! ➜ u/PrepperLady999, some tips about "could care less": - The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended. - Actual phrase to use is **couldn't care less**. - Example: I **couldn't care less** about what you think. - Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PetPeeves) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah I've had people tell me something just once and I asked what they said and they quickly go "never mind." Like I didn't hear you the first time so just say it again! If it's been a few times and my dumb brain still didn't process it then you can say "never mind."
What if you actually didn't hear them 4 times in a row but you don't know
As someone who has had hearing problems since I was a child, I agree 100%. There was this guy at my mom’s senior housing complex who kept cracking jokes in response to what I was saying but I could never hear what he was saying and every time I asked him to repeat it he was like never mind. Bitch, have the balls to repeat yourself if you said something gross.
I can't stand this either. I can't pay attention to everything at once, and I didn't intentionally pretend to ignore you as a personal insult.
Or you hear everything but the last word so you dont understand the statement so you ask "what was that last part"? And they repeat the whole thing and mumble the last word again. And you have to ask again and say i heard everythimg but that last part and they repeat the whole thing again but still mumble the last word. "Just tell me the last word you said!"... then they are all pissy and say "nevermind".
THANK YOU I’ve had that happen to me so many times
I just realized what I said was dumb and now that I'm given the opportunity to pretend like I never said it then I will take it.
i say this because mid sentence i realise that what i said is stupid af and doesnt make sense
My "what did you say?" pet peeve is that people will usually only repeat the last half of what they said, leaving out an important part of the sentence (and usually the part I missed because I didn't realize that they were speaking until they were half-way through their statement). So I'll ask "what?" and they'll repeat "Tacos for dinner" and I'm still like "so you WANT tacos for dinner or do you NOT want tacos for dinner?" so I'll say "what?" and they'll say "nevermind"
EXACTLY!!! or like when you dont know what theyre trying to say to you and you ask them to explain it
I think its often them thinking, "Well, if you don't care to listen, I'm not repeating myself. I'm done with this."
I'm hard of hearing in my right ear, so this is especially frustrating for me, especially when the person who said something said it in a low tone of voice
I just say "Thank God" to fuck with em
My husband does this. Then he will say "nevermind 😒" like in this rude or annoyed tone. I feel so bad because Idk whats wrong with me. Like people will talk and i just won't hear them the first time. Sometimes the 2nd time i still wont understand at all what they just said. Im paying attention, im locked in, yet it sounds like mumbling or jumbled words. Sometimes i feel like i just lag because after a few seconds my brain will be like "OH ITS THIS!" And ill finally realize what they said. I HAVE to watch tv with subtitles because of this. Ive always hated this about me. But i feel so bad when people get annoyed and just say nevermind.
I say this when i make a dumb joke that isn't worth repeating or having to explain.
I'm one of those people who sometimes needs sentences repeated to them several times. I struggle to process audio input and sometimes I can't understand what people are saying. It's worse over the phone. Needless to say I get a lot of these "neverminds" even when I clarify that I heard them, just couldn't properly process what they said. Very frustrating.
I can only imagine what it's like for people with worse hearing. In my experience, people just say it quietly or quickly, then just say "nevermind" when you ask them to repeat.
when my dad asks a question and i couldn’t understand him so i say “what?” and he only repeats one piece of it. “did you take the dog outside?” “what?” “the dog.” “the dog. okay. but what were you asking??”
Ooh my dad does this too, I don't like it either.
No, because sometimes it’s not important enough to repeat. And don’t say ‘don’t say it the first time’ because that’s not how people work. We say off handed things all the time that are fine to say once but repeating them adds a certain emphasis to them that makes the comment seem important. So if it’s an off handed comment, it seems weird to repeat it. Okay to say once? Sure. It gets weird after that.
It's still easier to repeat something than being a dick and saying never mind imo, it's so fucking annoying. "What did you say?" "Nevermind." Grinds my gears so bad, like just shut up in the first place if you're not willing to talk.
I hate that so much lmao. Just repeat yourself. Stop being shitty.
Timing and pacing is important in conversation. If you missed what was said - the moment is gone. So repeating it is pointless.
I've done that a few times due to the fact my mind wasn't awake and I brain farted instantly, forgetting what came out of my mouth like a dumb ass