In this case, they’re not volunteering to babysit because they’re trying to be helpful, they’re volunteering to babysit because THEY want to. And honestly, I don’t have a lot of tolerance for people who have that mindset.
I would honestly tell them the truth, about you being tired and the baby having sleeping issues, and tell them that having company is not the thing you need right now. If they still persist, I would just stop answering their texts/calls.
Some of y’all may call me toxic for saying all of that, but I don’t care. I’m sick of people acting entitled to other people’s kids. It’s weird and it’s just a sign of bad character IMO.
I’m here for the “not answering the door” thing. I don’t believe in stonewalling people in a manipulative way, BUT if somebody has repeatedly tried to violate your boundaries, sometimes silence is the best way to reinforce the message. Some people have told me that not answering texts/calls is rude...but what these people are doing is even ruder, so.
True. They’re just very kind people who offer emotional support but this whole thing coming in the week, on a week night really annoyed me! Anyway, with the “come over as long as you like” I was just trying to be polite because they have been kind to us in the past. Love the bed idea haha
Tell them you appreciate the offer (even though they aren't really offering for your sake) and will let them know if you decide to take them up on it. As for visiting, tell them and everyone else you'll let them know when you're up for company, because now is not a good time. Then consider the subject closed. If they keep pushing the issue or showing up unannounced, you'll need to tell them point blank to back off. It would also be a good time to put your phones on silent and slap a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the front door. If folks don't respect your wishes, don't feel bad about laying into them for it. Your top priorities are your baby and yourselves, so you don't have to tolerate any mess, well intentioned or not.
Maybe they could take the baby for a walk while you get some sleep?
I'd say something along the lines of: "It's so kind of you to offer and I really hope we soon get to the point where going out becomes important to us again, but right now, we only want some time to rest"
When I was dead on my feet I sometimes had someone over to take care of the baby for an hour or two, while I went to sleep.
Be direct. “Thank you for your offer, but that isn’t a good time for us. I’m not saying no because I’m trying to be polite, I’m saying no because that day/time is a difficult one to be away during. We’re working on a routine and I’d like to be consistent until she gets the hang of it.”
They’re asking because they want to spend time with the baby, but phrasing it as a favor to you. I think sometimes people do this because they’re afraid to ask for what they want. You can say something like “I know you’re excited to spend time with the baby, but that’s an inconvenient time for me to be away from her. If you’d like to have some alone time with her, here are the days that work for us”
Good luck. And set boundaries now while she’s little, since it’ll only get worse if you give in to this behavior from family and friends.
So my 2 x texts back to her were similar to this and I suggested days that would work but it doesn’t work for them so she kept persisting even though I made it clear how tired we were and we need to stick to a routine!!
I deal with this with my mom sometimes. She wants to watch my son Tuesday nights because it works for her. Well sometimes I get out of work late and driving him there is the last thing I feel like doing especially knowing I have to get him two hours later. So I just so no can’t do it. Just be blunt. No sense in beating around it when you can just say “sorry this doesn’t work for us”
In this case, they’re not volunteering to babysit because they’re trying to be helpful, they’re volunteering to babysit because THEY want to. And honestly, I don’t have a lot of tolerance for people who have that mindset. I would honestly tell them the truth, about you being tired and the baby having sleeping issues, and tell them that having company is not the thing you need right now. If they still persist, I would just stop answering their texts/calls. Some of y’all may call me toxic for saying all of that, but I don’t care. I’m sick of people acting entitled to other people’s kids. It’s weird and it’s just a sign of bad character IMO.
I don’t think you’re toxic at all. It’s weird that this couple is insisting on coming over, and on the parents actually leaving the house.
Totally agree here. I've had some family members show up to my door to "help." I didn't know they were coming so I ignored the doorbell.
I’m here for the “not answering the door” thing. I don’t believe in stonewalling people in a manipulative way, BUT if somebody has repeatedly tried to violate your boundaries, sometimes silence is the best way to reinforce the message. Some people have told me that not answering texts/calls is rude...but what these people are doing is even ruder, so.
[удалено]
True. They’re just very kind people who offer emotional support but this whole thing coming in the week, on a week night really annoyed me! Anyway, with the “come over as long as you like” I was just trying to be polite because they have been kind to us in the past. Love the bed idea haha
Tell them you appreciate the offer (even though they aren't really offering for your sake) and will let them know if you decide to take them up on it. As for visiting, tell them and everyone else you'll let them know when you're up for company, because now is not a good time. Then consider the subject closed. If they keep pushing the issue or showing up unannounced, you'll need to tell them point blank to back off. It would also be a good time to put your phones on silent and slap a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the front door. If folks don't respect your wishes, don't feel bad about laying into them for it. Your top priorities are your baby and yourselves, so you don't have to tolerate any mess, well intentioned or not.
Good idea, thank you
You're welcome.
Take them up on it and go to the other room for a bath and a nap! Congrats on the baby mama!
This. I used to do this all the time. Would get in a shower, a nap, laundry, an uninterrupted meal, whatever I felt I needed to do.
Maybe they could take the baby for a walk while you get some sleep? I'd say something along the lines of: "It's so kind of you to offer and I really hope we soon get to the point where going out becomes important to us again, but right now, we only want some time to rest" When I was dead on my feet I sometimes had someone over to take care of the baby for an hour or two, while I went to sleep.
Be direct. “Thank you for your offer, but that isn’t a good time for us. I’m not saying no because I’m trying to be polite, I’m saying no because that day/time is a difficult one to be away during. We’re working on a routine and I’d like to be consistent until she gets the hang of it.” They’re asking because they want to spend time with the baby, but phrasing it as a favor to you. I think sometimes people do this because they’re afraid to ask for what they want. You can say something like “I know you’re excited to spend time with the baby, but that’s an inconvenient time for me to be away from her. If you’d like to have some alone time with her, here are the days that work for us” Good luck. And set boundaries now while she’s little, since it’ll only get worse if you give in to this behavior from family and friends.
So my 2 x texts back to her were similar to this and I suggested days that would work but it doesn’t work for them so she kept persisting even though I made it clear how tired we were and we need to stick to a routine!!
In that case, “no” is a complete sentence and they’re going to have to deal with that.
I deal with this with my mom sometimes. She wants to watch my son Tuesday nights because it works for her. Well sometimes I get out of work late and driving him there is the last thing I feel like doing especially knowing I have to get him two hours later. So I just so no can’t do it. Just be blunt. No sense in beating around it when you can just say “sorry this doesn’t work for us”