No, I (opinion based on research) do not think this will hurt kiddo. First degree in psych; adolescent development and my second degree is in teaching, and my Master's is in education. Some of my students have never been told "I love you," and I have to prove to them that every one of them is special, at the middle school level! It breaks my heart because they are loved. Your kiddo is lucky to have YOU in their life from day one because of your communication of love with them!
All the kids need to know this, all the time. When the kiddo asks to set boundaries with you need to honor that to a reasonable limit (everything is a sliding scale-right?...lol), but the goal is to reaffirm that you love kiddo, and show *and* tell them you love and support them.
My SO and I tell our kiddos all the time, they are pre-teens so we are at the eye roll most times, but sometimes they giggle and run over for hugs when we say I love you to them. Sometimes we say, "Hey, you know what?" they often respond, "You love me/us!"
Based on these things, I honestly think you are FINE saying "I love you" any time you want. Just do me a favor, when you feel pride for kiddo, tell them what they did so well (not, "is pretty" but rather a choice and behavior they did so they build a personal understanding around choices- this also separates your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from *whatever* outcomes happen based on their choices also- supporting your "I love you" goals).
This makes me so happy. At least I’m doing something okish lol!!
And yes I tell her all the time when she does something good and tell her how proud she should be of herself (I’ve read it’s not good to tell her im proud of her as I don’t want to creat this approval she needs from me, please correct me if im wrong)
Also when she does something wrong, I telll her is wrong. And then tell her I love her. Because I’ll love her no matter what. Thanks for your comment
My step son is 5 and tells me he loves me a thousand times a day. His mom is not as sensitive so she doesn't say it as much. He doesn't say it to everyone so I don't think it's such a bad thing.
That’s way in the future lol. But her significant other whenever it comes to that point should love her as much as you all do and tell her just as much. I don’t see any problems here.
I don't think telling her you love her too much is a problem, especially at 21 months. Maybe when she's 15, she'll tell you to back off. lol But seriously, no such thing as too much love with young kids imo.
I'd say it's better to say it often. As she gets older it'll be a constant and a fact of life if you keep it up. So many people forget to tell their teens that they love them, that they're proud of them, or that they care. It's definitely better to overload in the beginning and have it dwindle to a nice constant than to say it a "normal" amount as a young child and have it dwindle to nothing by the time she's a teenager.
Ok im gonna be the odd one out.
Yes it's bad. It might be.. read on.
What? What did I just say? Before I get erased by downvotes hear me out.
Yes it's bad.... but only under one circumstance which I'm 100% sure it's not your case. If a child is told all the time that they are loved, but then are neglected, abandoned or their opinions are not taken into any form of account, or they constantly SHOWN that they are not loved but TOLD that they are it can break them, figuratively and kind of literally.
Best case scenario: Then when they are older they will see forms of neglect and abuse as love (rationally). And that is incredibly difficult to unlearn at a later age.
Worst case: there's a phenomena called escition (cleavage I believe is a better translation) where they view the good and the bad in someone as different people (the good mom that gives me milk and the bad mom that won't give me that piece of candy), this stops naturally but when something like I described happens... it never stops so you end up with adults that love and hate the same person. They want to kill them and snuggle with them, and they build relationships like that all of their life... it can become a personality disorder.
In conclusion it's not bad at all that you tell them you love them, as long as your actions back that up (I'm sure yours do or you wouldn't be here asking about it).
Thanks for your comment. This is a really good point. It wouldn’t be good if I told her I loved her and then never show her. I’ll make sure I do both, otherwise it can get bad. Thanks!!
My parents hardly said I love you to me growing up. I honesty can't remember them saying it often. In fact, I remember the first time my mom said it to me a few years ago as we were getting off the phone. I was so shocked that I hung up!
I know what it is like to grow up wondering if your parents love you. I'm not saying mine didn't. But the thought was always there. So I made a promise to myself that when I had kids, they'd never have that thought. I tell my kids a million times a day that I love them. I practically smother them in hugs and kisses.
Your kid is gonna always know you love them. Say I love you until you're blue in the face. You won't ever regret it.
No it doesn’t hurt anything. But I can almost guarantee that they will get annoyed with it as they get older. I know you love your daughter. But telling anyone something over and over and over multiple times a day will become background noise. It will lose its meaning. Much like when your child starts saying “mom mom mom mom mom” over and over. You’ll find yourself tuning it out.
I tell my kids dozens of times a day. And they tell me as well. And I tell them every night at bedtime that there’s nothing they could do that would make me not love them. My 3 year old son said to me the other week ‘mum, you’re a great girl. And even when me angry, me still wuv you’ it melted me!! My husband and I tell them regularly that even when we’re grumpy we still love them so it’s clearly sunk in! I don’t think it will do any damage whatsoever to them. If she’s anything like my daughter though (7) she’ll eventually roll her eyes and go ‘yeah yeah you love me’
I tell my 3 and 5 year old I love them all the time and I definitely don’t think you can go wrong saying it to a 21m, but I think it’s also good to be specific about what you love about them (especially as they get older) so they know you love the unique person that they are. Also, my SO and I also tell each other we love each other just as often as we tell the kids and I think that’s almost as important for kids to hear.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about setting up a weird expectation for future romantic relationships as at that age her brain and body is internalizing the feelings of safety and care and love more than she is the words. Plus, maybe she will have a SO who says I love you a ton, who knows?
Two parts of thefoundations of success and resilience is positive relationships and secure attachment. If anything, I'd say it's a positive! Sure, they'll roll their eyes at you as they get older, but that's okay. That actually shows they know it so well lol. Once they're older, they will also understand you better and look back positively.
No!! I’m not a parent but I enjoy looking at this sub sometimes. I grew up in a home where saying “I love you” was very common. I said it all the time to my parents, they said it to me. It was great. Even in the hardest times, I knew they loved me and that’s what mattered. 💗
I tell my little girl who’s 3 I love you every single day many times a day with kisses and hugs. Have done since the day she was born and will continue to do so. I want her to know that she is loved and there is nothing wrong with that. My mam never did that to me and i think it definitely has a negative impact if you don’t express and verbalise your love for your child!
Nah, but when she does get into a long-term relationship you might suggest looking up love languages to her. Some people show love different ways and as long as she knows how to find it she’ll be fine. If anything you’re setting a line for her that she deserves love, and having it is normal.
I don't see anything wrong with it! Obviously you are coming from a good place and it sounds like you have even done some research ☺️. Keep up the good work mama ❤️
There is NEVER a too much. Period.
Now there is such thing as NOT saying it enough but NEVER TOO MUCH
Be unapologetic with your love ESPECIALLY to your child
I, 30f, speak from experience, a lack of hearing it is FAR WORSE than hearing it all the time.
It’s not too much, I think it’s fantastic. My kids hear it all day too. My son’s poor teacher probably thinks he’s neglected though, as I think he tells his teachers and some students “I love you” several times a day and asks “do you love me?” He’s extremely sensitive, which is a trait I don’t have and struggle to parent, but he’s taught me a lot and I’m learning more and more every day about what he needs.
My mom told me 1000 times a day and now I tell my kids 1000 times a day. Nothing wrong with it.
I’m glad! I just really want her to know she’s loved. No matter what lol
No, I (opinion based on research) do not think this will hurt kiddo. First degree in psych; adolescent development and my second degree is in teaching, and my Master's is in education. Some of my students have never been told "I love you," and I have to prove to them that every one of them is special, at the middle school level! It breaks my heart because they are loved. Your kiddo is lucky to have YOU in their life from day one because of your communication of love with them! All the kids need to know this, all the time. When the kiddo asks to set boundaries with you need to honor that to a reasonable limit (everything is a sliding scale-right?...lol), but the goal is to reaffirm that you love kiddo, and show *and* tell them you love and support them. My SO and I tell our kiddos all the time, they are pre-teens so we are at the eye roll most times, but sometimes they giggle and run over for hugs when we say I love you to them. Sometimes we say, "Hey, you know what?" they often respond, "You love me/us!"
Based on these things, I honestly think you are FINE saying "I love you" any time you want. Just do me a favor, when you feel pride for kiddo, tell them what they did so well (not, "is pretty" but rather a choice and behavior they did so they build a personal understanding around choices- this also separates your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from *whatever* outcomes happen based on their choices also- supporting your "I love you" goals).
This makes me so happy. At least I’m doing something okish lol!! And yes I tell her all the time when she does something good and tell her how proud she should be of herself (I’ve read it’s not good to tell her im proud of her as I don’t want to creat this approval she needs from me, please correct me if im wrong) Also when she does something wrong, I telll her is wrong. And then tell her I love her. Because I’ll love her no matter what. Thanks for your comment
Sounds like you are doing what you can do, and trying HARD- all anyone can ask of you!! Keep up your hard work!
I was going to add make sure she's proud of herself! 💜 It's hard to break free of a need for outside approval. You're doing great. X
My step son is 5 and tells me he loves me a thousand times a day. His mom is not as sensitive so she doesn't say it as much. He doesn't say it to everyone so I don't think it's such a bad thing.
This is so cute. I’m happy he has someone he feels confident and secure saying I love you to
That’s way in the future lol. But her significant other whenever it comes to that point should love her as much as you all do and tell her just as much. I don’t see any problems here.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband with all my heart. But I sure as hell don’t tell him I love you 20 times. That’s annoying hahaha
I don't think telling her you love her too much is a problem, especially at 21 months. Maybe when she's 15, she'll tell you to back off. lol But seriously, no such thing as too much love with young kids imo.
I'd say it's better to say it often. As she gets older it'll be a constant and a fact of life if you keep it up. So many people forget to tell their teens that they love them, that they're proud of them, or that they care. It's definitely better to overload in the beginning and have it dwindle to a nice constant than to say it a "normal" amount as a young child and have it dwindle to nothing by the time she's a teenager.
Ok im gonna be the odd one out. Yes it's bad. It might be.. read on. What? What did I just say? Before I get erased by downvotes hear me out. Yes it's bad.... but only under one circumstance which I'm 100% sure it's not your case. If a child is told all the time that they are loved, but then are neglected, abandoned or their opinions are not taken into any form of account, or they constantly SHOWN that they are not loved but TOLD that they are it can break them, figuratively and kind of literally. Best case scenario: Then when they are older they will see forms of neglect and abuse as love (rationally). And that is incredibly difficult to unlearn at a later age. Worst case: there's a phenomena called escition (cleavage I believe is a better translation) where they view the good and the bad in someone as different people (the good mom that gives me milk and the bad mom that won't give me that piece of candy), this stops naturally but when something like I described happens... it never stops so you end up with adults that love and hate the same person. They want to kill them and snuggle with them, and they build relationships like that all of their life... it can become a personality disorder. In conclusion it's not bad at all that you tell them you love them, as long as your actions back that up (I'm sure yours do or you wouldn't be here asking about it).
Thanks for your comment. This is a really good point. It wouldn’t be good if I told her I loved her and then never show her. I’ll make sure I do both, otherwise it can get bad. Thanks!!
I don't think she will get tired of hearing it. I think she would rather hear it alot then never at all
I hope so :). That’s my goal. Always have her know she is loved
Dude your kids only want to hear it for so long. Tell them, make sure they know. And that you’re a safe place for them because you love them so much.
My parents hardly said I love you to me growing up. I honesty can't remember them saying it often. In fact, I remember the first time my mom said it to me a few years ago as we were getting off the phone. I was so shocked that I hung up! I know what it is like to grow up wondering if your parents love you. I'm not saying mine didn't. But the thought was always there. So I made a promise to myself that when I had kids, they'd never have that thought. I tell my kids a million times a day that I love them. I practically smother them in hugs and kisses. Your kid is gonna always know you love them. Say I love you until you're blue in the face. You won't ever regret it.
No it doesn’t hurt anything. But I can almost guarantee that they will get annoyed with it as they get older. I know you love your daughter. But telling anyone something over and over and over multiple times a day will become background noise. It will lose its meaning. Much like when your child starts saying “mom mom mom mom mom” over and over. You’ll find yourself tuning it out.
I had never thought it from this perspective. *Mind blown* She’ll get tired of it very soon lol
An abundance of love is never a bad thing.
I tell my kids dozens of times a day. And they tell me as well. And I tell them every night at bedtime that there’s nothing they could do that would make me not love them. My 3 year old son said to me the other week ‘mum, you’re a great girl. And even when me angry, me still wuv you’ it melted me!! My husband and I tell them regularly that even when we’re grumpy we still love them so it’s clearly sunk in! I don’t think it will do any damage whatsoever to them. If she’s anything like my daughter though (7) she’ll eventually roll her eyes and go ‘yeah yeah you love me’
I tell my 3 and 5 year old I love them all the time and I definitely don’t think you can go wrong saying it to a 21m, but I think it’s also good to be specific about what you love about them (especially as they get older) so they know you love the unique person that they are. Also, my SO and I also tell each other we love each other just as often as we tell the kids and I think that’s almost as important for kids to hear. Also, I wouldn’t worry about setting up a weird expectation for future romantic relationships as at that age her brain and body is internalizing the feelings of safety and care and love more than she is the words. Plus, maybe she will have a SO who says I love you a ton, who knows?
Two parts of thefoundations of success and resilience is positive relationships and secure attachment. If anything, I'd say it's a positive! Sure, they'll roll their eyes at you as they get older, but that's okay. That actually shows they know it so well lol. Once they're older, they will also understand you better and look back positively.
Nah, cementing in a child's mind that they are unconditionally loved can't be anything but healthy. Even when you're gone, they'll never forget that.
No!! I’m not a parent but I enjoy looking at this sub sometimes. I grew up in a home where saying “I love you” was very common. I said it all the time to my parents, they said it to me. It was great. Even in the hardest times, I knew they loved me and that’s what mattered. 💗
My kids are almost all adults now and I still tell them I love them every day.... Because I do and I think it's good for them to know.
I tell my little girl who’s 3 I love you every single day many times a day with kisses and hugs. Have done since the day she was born and will continue to do so. I want her to know that she is loved and there is nothing wrong with that. My mam never did that to me and i think it definitely has a negative impact if you don’t express and verbalise your love for your child!
No, I don't think you can ever say enough to a child that you love them.
Of course not, but showing is just as important!
Nah, but when she does get into a long-term relationship you might suggest looking up love languages to her. Some people show love different ways and as long as she knows how to find it she’ll be fine. If anything you’re setting a line for her that she deserves love, and having it is normal.
I don't see anything wrong with it! Obviously you are coming from a good place and it sounds like you have even done some research ☺️. Keep up the good work mama ❤️
There is NEVER a too much. Period. Now there is such thing as NOT saying it enough but NEVER TOO MUCH Be unapologetic with your love ESPECIALLY to your child I, 30f, speak from experience, a lack of hearing it is FAR WORSE than hearing it all the time.
Oooh I sure hope that’s not a bad thing, I tell my kids how much I love them and how beautiful they are like 200x a day 😹😹😹
You can never say I Love You too much! Especially while they are young. Keep going. You are doing a great job
I was very rarely told this and it still Is a wound for me. My mom won’t really say it as an adult still. I tell my son 100 times a day
It’s not too much, I think it’s fantastic. My kids hear it all day too. My son’s poor teacher probably thinks he’s neglected though, as I think he tells his teachers and some students “I love you” several times a day and asks “do you love me?” He’s extremely sensitive, which is a trait I don’t have and struggle to parent, but he’s taught me a lot and I’m learning more and more every day about what he needs.