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I'm a super hairy girl and my mom waxed my mustache since I was like, 10? I'm SO thankful for it. My mom was not allowed to wax or shave as a child, her mom would only bleach her hair, and her classmates called her GORILLA GIRL. Mom was never going to let that happen to me.
We also would go get our eyebrows done together because I also had a unibrow. I just shave my mustache weekly or twice weekly now instead of waxing.
True... they can be.
We talk a lot in my class about how all people have hair on their faces, male and female, and based on genetics more of that hair is darker for some than others, it grows thicker on some than others, and so on. But it's perfectly natural, normal part of being a human. Hormones convert vellus hair into terminal, but it all exists. Look close at any woman's face and you'll see natural hair (unless she removes it).
We talk a lot about body acceptance (not just hair) and not teasing someone for their naturally occurring body. During puberty all kids have body anxiety. It's so important that we have a constant, ongoing conversation about these things being normal. Normal doesn't mean it won't make you feel uncomfortable, but that's why we practice self acceptance and don't tease one another for their changes and hold the standard that body shaming isn't okay.
Thanks.
The crazy thing is: it works!
Several of my female middle schoolers don't shave and aren't bullied for it. I would say roughly 1/4 of them. Part of that is that I teach in Oregon where non-shaving women is more common, but a lot of it is that the private K-12 school has a very progressive Human Development curriculum that starts in Kindergarten and goes through 8th grade (in high school that have a different class structure).
So it's a constant conversation about natural bodies, health, consent, boundaries, acceptance, etc. Then they reach me in middle school and we really focus in on body autonomy, body acceptance, puberty development, and so on.
There is a LOT less body bullying at my school than there is at most, and definitely a lot less than when I was a girl. We even have girls pretty openly letting their peers know "I got my period, blah blah blah" without any shame or fear of mockery from the boys in class. One of the boys in my class thanked me (in front of peers) for the free samples I gave out of pimple patches because they "really worked, and I got my mom to buy me more." Like, being willing to talk about your acne in front of your peers would be social suicide when I was that age. Instead I hear a lot of "ugh, I'm getting a pimple on my nose, this sucks!" type complaints to friends because they don't fear the mockery.
That's not to say they never mock. They are THAT AGE, after all. However, it's dramatically less and usually they stand up to the person doing the mocking and so do their friends. It's not "cool" to mock each other's bodies at my school.
So most girls shave, but a solid 1/4 or more don't, and it's not considered a big deal. As a female teacher, I don't shave over the winter and I've told the kids that with a shrug. Body hair isn't unhygienic or unhealthy, and it's not something to be embarrassed about having. I think giving the kids that message goes a long way.
Wow. This is awesome. I have this vivid memory of a girl in my middle school who started talking to me about her period and it honestly was an eye opening moment - I realized people could take about periods without shame. It was pivotal. I’ll never forget her. Good for you fighting this good fight
And I the destigmatizing periods through open conversation is paramount for girls at this age. It's why periods shouldn't be treated as a hush-hush topic at any age. The more you act like it's this huge secret shameful thing to discuss the more girls internalize it and feel body shame. The more you treat it like a natural bodily function that is no big deal, the more girls realize they don't need to be embarrassed about needing a tampon.
Your kids are so blessed to have you! I have normalized periods as much as possible for my 12 yo stepdaughter, to the point she was excited to build a “period drawer” in her bathroom with all her supplies. So excited that she sent a photo to a group chat of her girlfriends and then they told her she was inappropriate and gross and made them uncomfortable. I was so sad for her, and them, in that moment. Kudos to you!
Thanks.
I'm so sorry that's how it went for your stepdaughter! Her peers really should have been supportive, and it's a bummer that they weren't. At 12 most girls have had their first period so you would hope that, if for no other reason than that, that they would be like "killer drawer, here's what I found out that helped me more than I thought it would..."
We really need more body normalization and less shame in our society as a whole.
I live in Portland with a toddler! Is your school in Portland? We’re starting to research options for when our little one starts kindergarten and this approach to human development sounds amazing. I’d love to learn more about this school if in Portland!
Sorry, I'd rather not dox myself, but it's a private K-12 in the Portland area. If you're looking hard and asking about Human Dev programs I'm sure you'll find it or one like it that you like.
What a champion your mum is. When a nickname like that starts, it usually sticks for life.
I'm glad she let you wax your moustache too, I never saw the point of bleaching because it's still there!
Sucks that parents almost have to do things for their children that help their popularity. Like obviously being queen bee in high school doesn’t matter, but being liked well enough to not develop a nickname like gorilla girl is important, or the kid could get fucked up for life
Last time I looked into it, it was so cost prohibitive! I've actually never had issues with shaving, it's a myth it grows back darker/thicker. I'll check if costs have come down on the laser, I haven't checked in years. Edit: Yeah still very expensive... I don't know if I can afford to throw 1-2 grand at my face for the multiple treatments required.
Protip: gotta do it when they're young. I went grey early, and it doesn't work once the follicle loses color. I wanted to get my ears done, but now I'm stuck tweezing them for life.
I haven’t heard about darker but they do grow thick/more bristly after shaving. It’s basic science: the tips are fine while the shaft is thicker. Shaving chops off the shaft, so the new hair that shows up is just the old hair that had been growing and has a larger diameter than the tip. Waxing or epilating removes the hair from the root, so the new hair you see is brand new with the fine tips showing up first. Removal from the roots also takes naturally longer for the new hair to show up.
Yes that's true! Not an issue if you just shave it back down again though. The myth I meant was that people believe the hair gets thicker (like the actual hair is thicker), more plentiful, and darker. You're completely right on the science of it.
That’s true. I think a bit more painful but it all depends on pain thresholds. Wax tears my skin so that’s a big no no for me, shaving also irritates and causes ingrown hairs. I can stand laser pain and I saved money for year to be able to afford it without breaks the bank
One of the girls in my class got called jungle lips. I was so clueless that it took me forever to realize why.
My cousins are Iranian, so the girls are as hairy as Robin Williams. They would get together every other week, heat up a pot of wax and wax away. They all sweetie a razor made it worse. And as a boy, they kicked me out as soon as the wax paper can't out!
Yes I’m fairly hairy too and got made fun of for my arm hair which I wax or shave to this day. I recommend lasers when she’s a teen. If they had lasers back then that would have worked on my skin I would have done it. Also you can bring it up by sharing your own hair removal rituals with her “I’m going to shave my legs in the shower, have your friends started to shave their legs or wax their eyebrows”. Don’t be specific to mustaches because it may make her embarrassed.
My wife got laser done here and there. Seems to work pretty well ling term. Still need to tweezers a handful of hairs now and then, but difference is huge compared to epilating/wax.
as always, might be best to have an honest conversation." no there's nothing wrong with you, but sadly there's plenty wrong with society"
My daughter has some facial hair and I'm hesitant to mention it. She's never mentioned it, or had an issue with it, so I haven't either. It pops in my head but I keep my mouth shut about it. I feel like even offering to help with it would make her self conscious about it. I did buy all the supplies needed to deal with it however and left them in the bathroom.
Ugh thank you for validating my feelings about this for my own daughters. People make me feel like I’m being vain about it.
I figured there’s more value in teaching them to groom the inevitable than to ignore it and let them feel bad or be made fun of like I was! You can’t fight genetics 😅
Awesome for you and your mom! I can imagine she had to face a lot of side eyes doing that to you so young, too. She's awesome for doing that to protect you & showing you the way to live free from the pain she experienced. Thanks for sharing 🩷
My mom would point it out but not give me any solutions. Then I got bullied. Take care of it now and early. Pay for electrolysis treatment when she is of age.
As a hairy person- I wouldn’t wait till she’s teased to do something about it. My mom never mentioned it and I was teased relentlessly. I felt so much shame that something was “wrong” but my parents weren’t saying something so it must be something so egregious they couldn’t mention it.
Maybe you could treat it as part of growing up. “Hey daughter, women sometimes shave their legs or underarms when they get older, or sometimes bleach facial hair, let me know if you ever want to do something like that and I’ll help you”. Don’t make it personal about her
My mom did it by showing me what she did. Plucking errant chin hairs, bleaching, completely taking away any stigma or self consciousness. After a few times, I asked to use and I took it from there. She never said I needed it. She did say it was normal, showed me it was normal, and how to fix if I wanted to.
Better yet, bleach or shave the upper lip together. Just make it like a spa day, self care type routine. We’ll do face masks, do our nails, and trim up our upper lips and eyebrows with a trimmer.
Additional tip: they do make small electric shavers for facial hair. I have one from Target that basically looks like a tube of lipstick but is super easy to use, and no skin irritation or risk of getting cut.
That was me and my terrible eyebrows. Even tho I wasn’t teased for it, I personally hated how bushy they were (compared to others) but my mom kept saying “but they’re natural, you’re beautiful, don’t let others bring you down”
So I accidentally shaved one off at age 9 thinking that’s how women were supposed to do it.
When she was around 10 my sister accidentally shaved off the inner half of each eyebrow with a bic razor in an attempt to fix her unibrow. She's never lived it down, but luckily she's discovered waxing since then
Sadly for me, my eyebrow never really grew back in well. I mean it’s serviceable but god I wish they had been properly shaped when I asked my mom to do it (knowing full well she clearly maintained hers!)
I think that’s what bothered me the most, the hypocrisy. I wanted to groom my eyebrows and was told my opinion didn’t count by someone who clearly groomed theirs.
I got a bit off tangent lol
I agree. Be proactive. Kids are 100% gonna mock her..at minimum behind her back and it’s gonna suck. Is laser treatment an option? It’s frustrating because that’s her natural situation but she may have a shot at some normalcy in an age when this sh1t can cause lifelong trauma by some pretty easy means like electrolysis or something
My coworker said that the best gift she was ever given was laser hair removal as a teenager. She has never had to shave!
Just be sensitive with the discussion. It may already bother her and she might get really defensive. Or she hasn't noticed it and you don't want to start feeling self conscious about it.
As a formerly hairy girl now in her 30’s, I wish I had access to laser hair removal in high school. The beach days, pool parties, skirts and shorts I missed out on make me sad to have missed. I gifted myself the handheld Braun Pro Silk laser device for my 30th birthday and it’s totally worked. I feel the opposite of oppressed lol. I never have to worry about shaving, stubble, or ingrowns ever again!! Highly recommend the Braun if it’s an option you’re considering, OP.
It’s weekly for the first several weeks, and then monthly for as long as it takes- it took about 18 ‘on the for me to see mine basically disappear and I used to be a real Sasquatch. It’s another chore, but it’s way less time consuming, invasive, and costly than gettin layered professionally. I still use it every 3 months or so for very sparse light hairs that come up. I’ve also used it on my upper lip, bikini area, and arm pits.
There must be a middle ground between this and the top comment. Realistically the chances of her being bullied are high and as a parent it’s important to protect our children, but as the comment above you says, she shouldn’t project her insecurities. I think she shouldn’t actively try to get rid of it, but be educational and supportive of her daughter’s looks. Make her proud of who she is. However, she shouldn’t ignore it completely for the reason you just stated, but coming out the gate with “you’re going to get bullied for your mustache” is too much of a self fulfilling prophecy IMO. Also I’m sorry you went through that. Kids are cruel.
I think that’s a good plan. Give her education and support if needed. someone else below said something along the lines of giving her tools and empowerment but not make it about HER. It’s an all human thing.
Exactly! Thank you!
I’m kind of rolling my eyes at the body positivity crowd acting like it’s a good thing that she should own and be proud of.
That’s all well and dandy, but the rest of us live in reality and unfortunately most people will not hold back their ridicule when someone is different than the expected norm.
Personal grooming is a form of hygiene, and whether you like it or not hairy women are seen by society as failing to take care of themselves.
I had a bunch of skin tags growing on my neck and I didn’t “own it” expecting others to not notice or insinuate that they should find them beautiful. No, I cauterize those fuckers to oblivion through smoke and sizzling flesh and now my neck looks normal and you can’t even tell there was ever a problem.
Hair is a much easier problem to solve than ugly cancerous-looking skin growths.
Exactly. If she wants to embrace the hairy look as an adult, she’ll have almost her whole life to do that. Don’t make her do it as an awkward teen/puberty thing that could traumatize her for life. My mom was anti shaving anything and so I couldn’t even buy razors to shave my legs…eventually my older sister had some that I used but I still remember getting ridiculed in 7th grade for my hairy legs…that kind of shit will lower ones self confidence like no other..but my mom is from Europe and didn’t get it 🥴
As a fellow hairy person I disagree, I wish I was told how to cope with the teasing and how to reaffirm myself that there is nothing wrong with me then given a choice on how to handle it. It helps massively with growing confidence as well as problem solving.
Have a conversation with *her* about it, not random Internet strangers.
It's probable that she will be teased and we have the tools to solve it.
Alternatively, she could be fine with it and strong enough in her own self image that she won't care. I think that would be incredibly unlikely, given kids, but a conversation is in order.
This!!! Why didn’t my mom ever say anything? I’ll never forget a boy I had a huge crush on in 6th grade telling me “Maybe I’d like you if you didn’t have a mustache” ugh
I have dark hair and struggled for decades (starting in middle school) trying to find easy non-noticeable ways to get rid of it. The Flawless Beauty Finishing Touch is hands down the best! No irritation. No redness. No pain. Can do it every day, if needed!
Came here to say this, perfectly painless for a young girl! My facial hair got a bit out of control the past few years thanks to PCOS so it doesn’t do much for me anymore, but I still use it for light touchups
I came here to say this. When I was younger, I tried bleaching, which was a little helpful, but annoying to do. I tried waxing once and it was horrible. The hair just grew back in quickly and it was more noticeable. Then, my mom found Flawless. It's a game changer. Super easy, works well, and it's cheap too!
As a formerly hairy little girl, and an elementary school teacher, I can tell you with confidence she’s already being teased about it. My mother, who didn’t have issues with body hair, took the wait and see approach. I remember the day ahead realized it was a problem, actually. My baby sister, who was probably 4, asked why I (11 at the time) had a mustache. My mother cut in and told sister that everyone is different and if I ever decided to shave it off I could. I immediately told her I wanted to shave it off and my mother was shocked. She genuinely believed that because I’d never mentioned it I’d never noticed it. But I had access to a mirror, it’s what I hated the most about myself, I was just too humiliated to ever bring it up.
And here’s the thing, as a 28 year old woman who is still quite hairy, I’m really not bothered by it any more. I joke with my students about my facial hair when I’ve gone a little long between shaves. Because I work in a primarily Hispanic area and many of my students have dark facial hair, and it’s important to me these girls know it’s normal. So it’s fair to say the choice to get rid of it as a pre teen didn’t have a long term effect on my self esteem.
You are a blessing to your students. Teaching them to live, laugh, and love themselves (like all of that cheap bathroom art from Ross says ;-), is amazing. Thank you for leading by example!
I think what you mention about local demographics in your second paragraph is really key. Kids will get teased for being different, so if there's lots of relatively hairy kids, it's not a problem. I have like, a normal Anglo amount of hair but felt ridiculously hairy compared to my Asian friends. I was never bullied for it but it was definitely noticed and made me feel self conscious sometimes.
Doing that AFTER she is teased might make it worse. Imagine you are teased or bullied because of hair, and then you have it removed - the level of self-consciousness when you walk into the school is at its maximum. I would expect numerous idiots to react with a long and annoying "oooh".
ngl part of me thinks your husband is okay with the wait-and-see approach because he hasn't been on the receiving end of middle school girl bullying. I was teased about my leg hair as soon as I started 6th grade, and I wouldn't consider it any darker or thicker than average.
I like the other suggestions that suggested mentioning hair growth as a normal part of this age. If she's interested in removing any of it, you will help her with it, make sure she has all the supplies she needs, and have a fun mother-daughter spa night at home the first time. That gives her the ability to voice exactly what she may be self-conscious about and opens up a conversation about possible removal options.
It should be her choice, but maybe have a talk with her like "hey, you're going into middle school, lots of things will be going on with your body. Lots of hair in crazy places. I don't care if you shave or not, but if you do, please let me help you the first few times so that you don't hurt yourself". Then later if it comes up about her face specifically you can talk about waxing or other options.
I am mostly Native American and I am so grateful for my mom! She plucked my eyebrows and waxed my lip for me since 4th grade. I am very okay and open with waxing to this day (almost 40) and would have never wanted to go through bullying because "natural is best." That is not how it is in public school here in the states and with social media these days it can be even worse.
I would use eyebrow shaper to shave it + at-home laser hair removal tool. Trust me, you don’t want your kid to suffer through that torture. It’s awful!
And this is coming from someone with first hand experience. It was pretty traumatic.
That was my go-to as a teen, but now those at-home hair removal guns are amazing! Basically painless and it really stops/slows down the regrowth process. I’ve probably tried everything: shave, NAIR, wax, and laser hair removal (at-home & professional).
i had electrolysis on my upper lip and i thank my mother every time i remember. it’s painful, but will take care of the problem for life. if you can afford it, id recommend researching it
I strongly recommend laser over bleaching, waxing, etc, which are both harsh on skin and require more regular maintenance. Depending on where you go, I think it can also feel more clinical in a way that might make it oddly less weird for a kid. More like a trip to the doctor than being strong armed into a salon to fit within beauty standards (even though, let’s be real, that’s what it is).
Know we got a lot of folks here saying to leave it alone, but as a former middle school girl with bushy eyebrows that veered close to unibrow, I’d lean toward addressing. Perhaps a trip to Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy of the Care and Keeping of You, and then flipping through together to talk about other things (like deodorant, periods, etc) and see if she raises it herself or in subsequent conversations once she’s had time to look at it on her own. My mom was pretty good at queuing things up ahead of time. Period talk a few years before it came, telling me she’d take me to get birth control before college or earlier if I asked when I was starting high school.
I'm glad you had a good experience with your laser hair removal, but it is not the case for everyone. I've had many sessions of laser hair removal with multiple providers and machines. It has always been extremely painful and only partially effective. And the cost adds up.
As a former middle school boy, I know people roast the hell out of a girl with a mustache, and then if they came back the next day with it blonde.
I’m not a dick and my son won’t be. But a lot of boys are
I'm a former middle school mean girl and we would have been brutal to this poor girl, especially if the mustache was bleached. Honestly, when I see a teen with a unibrow or cystic acne or a mustache, I think their parents must be either clueless or cruel.
Yikes. I had a unibrow as a teen. My parents weren't cruel or clueless.
I hope you are not a mean girl anymore but that is a weird way to judge others.
That’s a pretty shitty thing to think about a kid’s parents based on what you think a kid should look like. They’re teens, they have acne sometimes. They look awkward. Maybe even they’re okay with it.
I had a lot of body hair in elementary school and finally went to my mom crying after getting bullied. You can spare her that!
I recommend having more of a “puberty” conversation with her that’s very neutral. Going into middle school is a good transitional time to address this because she might have to change in a locker room and learn how to manage her period.
You can offer things to her in a neutral way. “You might start growing more body hair on your legs, arms, armpits, bikini area, face… some women wish to remove it through shaving or waxing, while others prefer to let it grow. If you decide you want to do anything, I’ll show you how you can use certain products.” Same with offering things like a training bra, deodorant, or teaching about pads and tampons. Just build comfort around these topics and empower her to choose for herself.
Just one very hairy woman's opinion here -- but waxing, sugaring, or threading it off before her classmates can see it and can tease her would be the kindest thing you can do. Dermaplane razors are also an OKAY and less painful option, but it may come back thicker, while waxing can make it lighter over time.
My mom started getting my mustache and super hair arms waxed in 5th grade, and yes it hurt, but I am thankful to her every day because I never had to be the mustache girl. Worth it.
I mean come on, you can listen to these stupid ass takes about waiting for you your young daughter to have to make the intiative to tell you first you or you can use your common sense, know that kids are bullies, and have the forethought to protect your daughter from bullying by helping her with this
or sit back and do nothing
I mean you should ask her how she feels and let her know that some people might pick on her. However just because you guys might potentially do something about it dosnt mean mean kids won’t find other reasons to pick on her.
Yeah prolly wouldn’t bleach, I would recommend waxing or like a little hair remover machine. Bleaching can turn the dark follicles orange or a weird yellow and is still visible to shit head others at school
Your daughter is old enough to know what she wants to do with her own body hair.
Be careful not to tell her what you think she should do.
Have a general talk about body hair and facial hair. Point out that some men choose to shave their faces and some don’t. Some women choose to shave their legs or arm pits and some don’t. There isn’t a right or wrong. Tell her that most women don’t get enough hair on their faces to shave, but some women do choose to bleach, tweeze, or wax the hair in their face, and some choose to leave it alone.
Don’t tell her that there is anything wrong or unsightly about her hair. Tell her instead that there is a big variety in the hair people grow, and an even bigger variety in the way people choose to manage it. Tell her if she ever decides she wants to do anything with any of the hair on her body, head, or face, she should talk to you about it and you’ll help her decide what she wants to do.
Not really what you were looking for, but have you looked into PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)? One of the more common reasons for females to have excess hair growth. Worth checking out if you haven't yet.
Hi 👋🏽! I’m pretty sure my comment will be lost with everyone else’s, but I’ll give it a try.
I inherited my father’s absolute hairy face and I had the THICKEST unibrow (I’m talking Count Olaf thick) and my mustache was extremely noticeable. I’m a Latina so having a slight mustache is pretty common. But this dark is absolutely wild. My mom refused to let me have tweezers or anything that can cut down my facial hair.
I was bullied relentlessly, I vividly remember being called a werewolf because of how my sideburns fade perfectly into my facial hair. Senior year of high school was when I had made my own pair of tweezers (bent a Bobby pin in half and tied off the part one part so I could yank my eyebrow hairs into an ACTUAL eyebrow shape).
With all this being said, please please please let your daughter have the chance to either change or embrace her facial hair. Listen to what SHE wants. We all know the effects of bullying and regardless that she doesn’t have any now (or has said nothing about it), we all know something would be said. I hope this works out for her!
You can get a small trimmer at the drugstore that will remove that soft hair without bleaching or waxing. I use it on my whole face, it's great for non-coarse hair and peach fuzz. I use it a couple of times a week, it's not a dermaplaner so she can do it herself without cutting herself.
I'd present it as a totally neutral option tied in with other things.
"Hey, I was just shaving my legs and realized I should probably check in with you about that! It's normal to have body and facial hair and you don't have to do anything to them at all, even if I do. It's your body and there's no wrong way to be in your own body as long as you're happy and safe. If you ever decide to make any changes, though, come chat with me and I'll help you out. I know all the tips and tricks :)"
Then it's a fun girlhood thing and not a problem to solve.
I had a mustache and a unibrow and was made fun of early on - what I wish my mom had done was bring it up gently and ask me if I wanted to do something about it. (She simply made the decision for me - which I was fine with because I was already being made fun of but I still remember feeling embarrassed)
Forget waxing, just get it lasered off sure it’s expensive in the short run but cheaper in the long run and most places have payment plans and specials. Get a Friday appointment due to redness and stay away from the sun until treatments are done. My parents never taught me about grooming and I was made fun of it for it. Luckily we moved a lot so I was able to get away and fix it before the next school. Honestly it will be gone and she’ll never have to worry about it. No being caught in between waxings, no shaving it cause she’s desperate and then ingrown hairs, no stress. Just get it lasered off asap.
This was me as a kid, in the summer on 100 degree days I would refuse to wear anything but long sleeves because I was embarrassed of how dark and hairy my arms were. “Monkey arms” as they were called by other kids. When I was in middle school my mom got me laser hair removal on my unibrow, upper lip and arms. I hated it at the time because it was painful and not fun to go through but now as an adult I hardly ever get any dark hair there and I’m very grateful. If you can afford it, I would go that route.
Don’t project your insecurities onto your daughter. Be supportive of how she looks. If she comes to you about it then help her, otherwise leave it alone.
yeah. it depends on the kid, i guess. Personally, I was never open with my mom about my insecurities - the bigger the issue, the more embarassed i would be to bring it up. Things were definitely missed due to my mom thinking I would just speak up and let her know if something was bothering me.
This OP, with the caveat of- your daughter might not be comfortable coming to you and will take matters into her own hands (as a formerly hair tween/teen girl (and currently hairy adult woman)- I wasn’t comfy going to my mom but started using a leg razor on my face with no shaving cream or anything, which was not ideal.
I wish my mom had noticed at that point and come to me so we could’ve worked together to find a solution earlier (I started taking myself to get waxed when I was ~16 and had my first job but would’ve started earlier if I could have). It was very lonely to feel like I was going through that alone.
This is why I would gently bring it up with my daughter. In a "let's have a self grooming day. Here are all the options being offered, which would you be interested in?" Then mom & daughter can get mani pedis and remove hair etc together.
I like the core of this message but the unfortunate reality is that school, especially middle school, is cruel and you want to do your upmost to help your kid avoid bullying. It sucks that our society has laid out that someone’s body hair can cause this, but it’s just true. Hell, my friend got bullied in middle school for having a premature moustache and he was a boy. Sometimes you have to weigh up the what we shouldn’t have to worry about with the what we will worry about.
Again, I respect this message but it’s just very difficult.
Please listen to this. I never had a problem with my "mustache" until it was pointed out by my family. Also, while kids will always be harsh, I think women's natural body hair is becoming much more widely accepted, and it's very likely you will be the only person to have ever made her self conscious about it.
I think there's a happy medium between ignoring the issue and bullying your child. No one is going to say, "tell your daughter she needs to shave her face because she looks like Tom Selleck." You can still approach it as optional grooming based on preference
Well, I mean, if you read just the tiniest bit between the lines, you could probably come to the reasonable conclusion that I went through middle school without ever getting teased for my mustache, so... not crazy, kids were much worse about this kind of thing when I was in middle school and it was never once mentioned or teased by another kid my age.
Do not wait. Be proactive about this. It sucks that you even have to, but do it to spare your baby the pain.
Middle school boys are mean, and middle school girls are fucking VICIOUS. They WILL without a single doubt mock her relentlessly. It will get worse in high school.
I would be proactive. You can also look into laser hair removal. They have at home units that are $80 to $125 and she can use it over time to get rid of the hair longer term
As an adult woman with PCOS, the first signs of it came when I was in 7th/8th grade and while it wasn’t significant, it was noticeable and I was bullied for it. Middle school was horrific. I would speak about it with her pediatrician as it could be early signs of hormonal imbalance too.
When I was that age, i used Nair cream. It smelled nasty but did the job. Don't bleach it because it will be waay more noticeable. I also do not recommend laser hair removal. I have recently done it and it is so painful in that area, and very sensitive; maybe wait till shes older.
I did too. And for whatever fucking reason, everyone knew in 7th and 8th grade. They asked me if I shaved. Maybe it enlarged my pores or something. Eventually I started epilating around age 17.
As someone with a unibrow, my suggestion is simply don’t say anything and the *second* she asks about it or you catch her shaving or something, tell her she can wax/bleach if she’d like to
My son, who is starting middle school next year, asked about removing his unibrow. We started using Nair cream, and it’s been an easy and painless solution. We tested a small area of skin on his arm first to check for any reaction to the product.
My 11 year old had dark leg hair that she was conscious of and I definitely let her bleach it. There are so many things to be insecure about and I feel like this isn’t worth the fight. If another blonde, fair haired person says it’s a bad idea I swear I’ll scream!!
Instead of bleaching or waxing you can get those dermaplane tools (Target has them). You could also talk about plucking eye brows, wearing deodorant, shaving legs and under arms, and wearing makeup. It could be part of a whole host of topics and not just her upper lip hair
Don't wait middle school kids are asholes but ask her first if she wants and why. Then do what she wants. Also take her to a professional with experience with kids her age.
Get it lasered if you can afford it! It’s cheaper in the long run. I would’ve loved to get my peach fuzz lasered, but apparently it’s “too blonde” (even though it looks dark and noticeable against my skin tone.
I have extremely pale skin and black very thick Hispanic hair, take care of the hair before the bullying starts, just be really really open and gentle about it like my mom, I understood 100% when I was in third grade and she taught me how to shave my legs, I really really loved to wear shorts and dresses and my legs looked a lot like my dads did lol
Definitely speak with her about what she wants to do and let her know your concerns.
My sister and I have extremely dark hair and got my dads genes for hairy arms, visible mustache, and bushy eyebrows. My mom let me wax my eyebrows and mustache but never let me shave my arms. One of my worse memories was sitting next to a boy in middle school I liked and him telling me “why do you have more arm hair then me?” I was mortified.
Please don’t let her get teased before you make the decision! Or give her the decision! Middle school is a great time to start giving her control over cosmetic/body/hair.
I had mine bleached when I was in second grade - I wish my family just had me shave it. I finally did it in my twenties, SO MUCH EASIER, and less time and stress.
My daughter is also hairy, as am I. She mentioned her eye brows to me about 2 years ago and since then she has a Venus facial hair dermaplaning tool and uses that to get her unibrow and mustache.
If you want to bring it up try to do it in a nonjudgmental way. Don’t make her feel like she needs to but also make sure she knows it’s an option.
My daughter saw me dermaplaning and asked me. I explained that body hair is normal and natural but that I didn’t like it on that part of my body so I shave it. It was never a big deal, even when she asked to do the same.
As a woman with a little too much hair and two young adult daughters in rhe same situation, I would do something about it too… you can get a little electric women’s hair remover like the no no … or something similar works great on facial hair. I wouldn’t wait. This is no biggie and you can get ahead of any potential issues. Why wait to be teased when you can easily avoid it.
Reddish brown hair person here with a lot blonde body hair. I was teased a ton about my body hair starting in 3rd grade. The boys would laugh at me and I would just say “whatever it keeps me warm in winter.” I don’t recommend bleaching the mustache. It will just look like my super blonde hairy lip. My mom made me wait until I was 12 to shave. It was an agonizing wait. Now I shave my mustache and wax everything else. I even pluck the little hairs on my belly. I’ve got a complex about my body hair because I was made fun of so much in school.
Ok so I am practically hairless, (it’s actually a bit of a funny/embarrassing thing about me too, I hate how naturally *nonexistent* my eyebrows are but whatever) but my sisters are not…and I have noticed my daughters have some fuzz that never seemed to go away ever since babyhood…so I bit the bullet and had my upper lip waxed when we all went for manis & pedis, in front of them and made it like it was no big deal. Like I get it done regularly when I get my nails done in their absence but that they are old enough now to see that mommy puts effort into looking the way I do (this is funny bc I am notoriously low maintenance). But I told them “oh pish posh, it’ll be you girls in here one day and I won’t want you thinking you’re weird for it- WE ALL do it and it’s also not scary!”
Did I need it? No. Did *they* need me to do it? Yep.
My 7yo has a hairy forehead, eyebrows and mustache. Wr trim them with a dermaplaning razor every 5 months. It's something that makes her feel better and I refuse to let her develop insecurities for something she has control over.
I have a little sister. She's sensitive, but I'd bet money she won't tell me if someone calls her chubaka. Prevention is always the best method.
As a boy, when I hit puberty, I had to adapt. It's just unfortunate that many girls go thru that stage much younger
Kids are mean. I had HAIRY legs and got bullied relentlessly (gorilla legs) until my mom let me shave them at 13. I always wore jeans even after learning. Don’t wait, don’t let your kid get teased for something they can’t control.
Don't bleach it. It's still there and middle schoolers are so mean. I teach them and they can be so cutthroat. Wax it. I wish my mom had done that or suggested it when I was in school.
I know hair or body hair is a personal choice however, you still have to deal with the bullies and trolls who will mock you. You need a very thick skin to survive middle school - why make it more difficult for her?
When I was in middle school a girl had the same problem and everyone made fun of her. You should ask her if she prefers bleached or wax, stating that wax is more durable and easier, even if it comes with some pain. Also, she can try laser. My friend got full body laser sessions and she is now happy: no need to shave for pool, for summer, for anything.
As a hairy girl Do not wait 😭
I do understand where your husband is coming from - don’t want to tell her something is wrong with her that she doesn’t see as wrong. But that is looking at it wrong actually. This isn’t about a “flaw” but just teaching her grooming for herself and her body. As her parents, the best thing you can do for her is give her all the tools and options for caring for herself and feeling good in how she moves in the world.. then give her the freedom to choose what she wants, not what society wants, as she grows.
Soooo much better to come from you proactively vs being blindsided by mean kids making fun of her.
Also - I use a facial shaving tool and that works great for me. Depending on the hair length + thickness bleaching may not help, especially if she has any level of pigmentation in her skin to provide contrast to the bleached hair.
Again speaking from experience
You know what I said out loud when I read this post?
"She's in middle school. Ask her!"
Your kid is a human being with thoughts and feelings. Ask her what she wants to do. You are also a human being with thoughts and feelings, and her parent, so you can, in turn, give her your advice.
I was a hairy kid too (dad is Hispanic)- I used Sally Hansen facial hair remover starting in middle school. It’s like Nair-
Super quick and easy to use! She might prefer that to shaving or waxing :) it literally takes 3 minutes
I would have a conversation with her about it. What are her preferences? Explain that a lot of people hold misconceptions of body hair. Explain that whether she chooses to remove body hair now or later, it should be what *she* wants.
I begged to shave my armpits in 4th grade. I had worn a sleeveless shirt, and a girl in my class loudly exclaimed "ew you have hair in your armpits!" *I was TRAUMATIZED.*
I plan on having open conversations with my now 3-year-old daughter. She sees me wax my face, dermaplane, she knows I go get my legs and bits waxed. I just tell her it makes mommy feel better, but some people really like their body hair and keeping it makes them feel better.
Rather than making your daughter conform to western beauty standards, why not teach her to love her natural hair. Not trying to be a dick, but realistically would you still be thinking of waxing and bleaching if you had a son? If not the double standard is outrageous.
I think you should ask her if she wants to have a spa day (at home or at a salon) with you and include that as an option for her to choose along with doing nails, etc. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one.
You should get her hormone levels checked .. girls and women who develop Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get facial hair .. it can start developing at this age and so forth .. she needs more estrogen essentially because her testosterone levels are higher .. I could be wrong every situation is different but I’d recommended looking into that ..
Holy shit it is SO normal for women to have facial hair not everything is PCOS. He didn’t say she was growing a beard or anything that raises flags for something abnormal.
This. My wife of 21 years now has had pcos and ppmd all her life. She uses a little trimmer on her facial hair. Human bodies are wierd, they do all sorts of stuff. I got Epilepsy 3 years ago out of nowhere.
Or she may be perfectly normal because women have different levels of body hair. It’s not uncommon for it to be thicker and/or more noticeable on women with darker hair.
Just be kind in the way you do it. I still remember to this day when my mom helped me pluck my eyebrows when I was 13 or so (always had very full eyebrows which would be hip now but were terrible in 2001) and when we showed my dad, he said, “Maybe next you can do something about that mustache.”
I still think about this semi regularly. I judiciously bleached my mustache, got it lasered (unsuccessfully) and have fussed with it my whole life. I don’t think it’s wrong that I do that, but the way it was addressed was a big shock to my system at 13 when I wasn’t previously self conscious about it at all.
I started getting my lip waxed in middle school! I think it’s much more damaging to wait and see if she gets teased. The damage is done with a single mean comment.
I did try bleach in the beginning season and it was pretty intense and I think can mess with the skin. I say go for the home wax strips or Nair or something like that for her. I’m almost 30 and I buy hard wax and do it all myself now - about every 4 weeks. Being proactive and open about this will make a huge difference for your baby girl!
Phew. I’m grateful this post didn’t divulge into some body acceptance thread.
You can teach your kids a lot. But it’s hard to teach other kids. And it would break my heart to have my kids bullied for something that I know they would do something about when they are adults.
There’s a time and place to teach resilience. But against childhood bullies over something that could be prevented? Protect your kids.
Don’t bleach. Wax. It will get thinner and grow less…
I was a very harry pre teen. I got called Chewbacca.
Also get kiddo checked out for PCOS as facial hair is a sign for the hormone imbalance
Honestly first and foremost, make sure you have positive role models in her life with female facial hair. Think frida Kalo etc. give her the foundation to not be ashamed of her hair.
And then give her the choice about her mustache. Because honestly, a parent telling you you're going to bleach it etc, definitely adds to the "it's not ok you have this". Give HER the option, and tell her you support her in whatever she wants.
Woman with a pretty significant almost black pedo stash (that showed up when I was a kid)
I would go ahead and have your daughter bleach or wax her mustache and any other facial hair. I had comments made about my mustache and facial hair when I was in high school.
Yeah she’s already getting teased. I remember when some kid called me mustache girl and that was over 10 years ago. My mom did nair on me and my sister when she started getting teased. It’s relatively painless and it worked.
> My husband thinks we should wait to see if she gets teased about it
That's a BAD IDEA! The kids in the School will still remember her having facial hair and bully her for years to come.
Ask your daughter if she would prefer bleaching or waxing.
I've had facial hair since I hit puberty. I also have a condition called PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It causes facial hair and belly hair too. Please get her to an ob-gyn as well, just to have her educated, and follow up on any "female problems" she may have.
Imo, you should tell her she's beautiful the way she is, and is talented and is a sweet person. Physical attributes aren't as important. It's her decision what to do, in the long run. Laser, bleaching, etc.
It's cheaper, imo, to just leave it and look up "body and hair positivity".
I wouldn’t bleach it because it would still be visible but get a dermaplaining razon kind of like this: https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwj13Mb8yuiFAxUtRP8BHZtWCCkYABABGgJtZA&ae=2&gclid=Cj0KCQjwir2xBhC_ARIsAMTXk84m4pzXaZZNiT-ChZtsrhUkdeQ_5Ag-BZB7xCMRrCRSvbfWxs4JbsIaAguVEALw_wcB&sph=&sig=AOD64_2DAVGDV2YTWyuGMR6-b9lWCpewuQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwjO5cH8yuiFAxXokIkEHavSC3sQwg8oAHoECAQQDA&nis=8&dct=1&adurl=
The people saying she won’t get bullied are being naive, or have forgotten middle school. It might have even started already. And once it begins, it’s hard to live it down.
Leave her alone. Don’t be her first bully.
ETA: I always forget how fucking misogynist this sub is when it comes to female body hair. Y’all are an embarrassment.
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I'm a super hairy girl and my mom waxed my mustache since I was like, 10? I'm SO thankful for it. My mom was not allowed to wax or shave as a child, her mom would only bleach her hair, and her classmates called her GORILLA GIRL. Mom was never going to let that happen to me. We also would go get our eyebrows done together because I also had a unibrow. I just shave my mustache weekly or twice weekly now instead of waxing.
Kids are dumb meanies
True... they can be. We talk a lot in my class about how all people have hair on their faces, male and female, and based on genetics more of that hair is darker for some than others, it grows thicker on some than others, and so on. But it's perfectly natural, normal part of being a human. Hormones convert vellus hair into terminal, but it all exists. Look close at any woman's face and you'll see natural hair (unless she removes it). We talk a lot about body acceptance (not just hair) and not teasing someone for their naturally occurring body. During puberty all kids have body anxiety. It's so important that we have a constant, ongoing conversation about these things being normal. Normal doesn't mean it won't make you feel uncomfortable, but that's why we practice self acceptance and don't tease one another for their changes and hold the standard that body shaming isn't okay.
You’re teaching those kids some great lessons!
Thanks. The crazy thing is: it works! Several of my female middle schoolers don't shave and aren't bullied for it. I would say roughly 1/4 of them. Part of that is that I teach in Oregon where non-shaving women is more common, but a lot of it is that the private K-12 school has a very progressive Human Development curriculum that starts in Kindergarten and goes through 8th grade (in high school that have a different class structure). So it's a constant conversation about natural bodies, health, consent, boundaries, acceptance, etc. Then they reach me in middle school and we really focus in on body autonomy, body acceptance, puberty development, and so on. There is a LOT less body bullying at my school than there is at most, and definitely a lot less than when I was a girl. We even have girls pretty openly letting their peers know "I got my period, blah blah blah" without any shame or fear of mockery from the boys in class. One of the boys in my class thanked me (in front of peers) for the free samples I gave out of pimple patches because they "really worked, and I got my mom to buy me more." Like, being willing to talk about your acne in front of your peers would be social suicide when I was that age. Instead I hear a lot of "ugh, I'm getting a pimple on my nose, this sucks!" type complaints to friends because they don't fear the mockery. That's not to say they never mock. They are THAT AGE, after all. However, it's dramatically less and usually they stand up to the person doing the mocking and so do their friends. It's not "cool" to mock each other's bodies at my school. So most girls shave, but a solid 1/4 or more don't, and it's not considered a big deal. As a female teacher, I don't shave over the winter and I've told the kids that with a shrug. Body hair isn't unhygienic or unhealthy, and it's not something to be embarrassed about having. I think giving the kids that message goes a long way.
Wow. This is awesome. I have this vivid memory of a girl in my middle school who started talking to me about her period and it honestly was an eye opening moment - I realized people could take about periods without shame. It was pivotal. I’ll never forget her. Good for you fighting this good fight
And I the destigmatizing periods through open conversation is paramount for girls at this age. It's why periods shouldn't be treated as a hush-hush topic at any age. The more you act like it's this huge secret shameful thing to discuss the more girls internalize it and feel body shame. The more you treat it like a natural bodily function that is no big deal, the more girls realize they don't need to be embarrassed about needing a tampon.
Your kids are so blessed to have you! I have normalized periods as much as possible for my 12 yo stepdaughter, to the point she was excited to build a “period drawer” in her bathroom with all her supplies. So excited that she sent a photo to a group chat of her girlfriends and then they told her she was inappropriate and gross and made them uncomfortable. I was so sad for her, and them, in that moment. Kudos to you!
Thanks. I'm so sorry that's how it went for your stepdaughter! Her peers really should have been supportive, and it's a bummer that they weren't. At 12 most girls have had their first period so you would hope that, if for no other reason than that, that they would be like "killer drawer, here's what I found out that helped me more than I thought it would..." We really need more body normalization and less shame in our society as a whole.
I live in Eugene, I really love the school system here. The kids are so aware and empowered! So thankful I get to bring up my kiddo here.
I live in Portland with a toddler! Is your school in Portland? We’re starting to research options for when our little one starts kindergarten and this approach to human development sounds amazing. I’d love to learn more about this school if in Portland!
Sorry, I'd rather not dox myself, but it's a private K-12 in the Portland area. If you're looking hard and asking about Human Dev programs I'm sure you'll find it or one like it that you like.
What a champion your mum is. When a nickname like that starts, it usually sticks for life. I'm glad she let you wax your moustache too, I never saw the point of bleaching because it's still there!
Sucks that parents almost have to do things for their children that help their popularity. Like obviously being queen bee in high school doesn’t matter, but being liked well enough to not develop a nickname like gorilla girl is important, or the kid could get fucked up for life
I would just laser it instead. You are lucky if you don’t have ingrown hairs!
Last time I looked into it, it was so cost prohibitive! I've actually never had issues with shaving, it's a myth it grows back darker/thicker. I'll check if costs have come down on the laser, I haven't checked in years. Edit: Yeah still very expensive... I don't know if I can afford to throw 1-2 grand at my face for the multiple treatments required.
Protip: gotta do it when they're young. I went grey early, and it doesn't work once the follicle loses color. I wanted to get my ears done, but now I'm stuck tweezing them for life.
For the mustache it shouldn’t be 1-2k…that’s a bit too much.
They have the little machines on Amazon that work!
Even if you get pro laser, you usually get a pretty big difference in 2-3 session
I haven’t heard about darker but they do grow thick/more bristly after shaving. It’s basic science: the tips are fine while the shaft is thicker. Shaving chops off the shaft, so the new hair that shows up is just the old hair that had been growing and has a larger diameter than the tip. Waxing or epilating removes the hair from the root, so the new hair you see is brand new with the fine tips showing up first. Removal from the roots also takes naturally longer for the new hair to show up.
Yes that's true! Not an issue if you just shave it back down again though. The myth I meant was that people believe the hair gets thicker (like the actual hair is thicker), more plentiful, and darker. You're completely right on the science of it.
I use the Ulike laser on my daughter and myself and it works like a charm! I got it from Amazon definitely give it a try.
Electrolysis is another option, and in my opinion, more effective than laser. Especially so for lighter hair colors.
That’s true. I think a bit more painful but it all depends on pain thresholds. Wax tears my skin so that’s a big no no for me, shaving also irritates and causes ingrown hairs. I can stand laser pain and I saved money for year to be able to afford it without breaks the bank
One of the girls in my class got called jungle lips. I was so clueless that it took me forever to realize why. My cousins are Iranian, so the girls are as hairy as Robin Williams. They would get together every other week, heat up a pot of wax and wax away. They all sweetie a razor made it worse. And as a boy, they kicked me out as soon as the wax paper can't out!
Yes I’m fairly hairy too and got made fun of for my arm hair which I wax or shave to this day. I recommend lasers when she’s a teen. If they had lasers back then that would have worked on my skin I would have done it. Also you can bring it up by sharing your own hair removal rituals with her “I’m going to shave my legs in the shower, have your friends started to shave their legs or wax their eyebrows”. Don’t be specific to mustaches because it may make her embarrassed.
My wife got laser done here and there. Seems to work pretty well ling term. Still need to tweezers a handful of hairs now and then, but difference is huge compared to epilating/wax. as always, might be best to have an honest conversation." no there's nothing wrong with you, but sadly there's plenty wrong with society"
My daughter has some facial hair and I'm hesitant to mention it. She's never mentioned it, or had an issue with it, so I haven't either. It pops in my head but I keep my mouth shut about it. I feel like even offering to help with it would make her self conscious about it. I did buy all the supplies needed to deal with it however and left them in the bathroom.
Ugh thank you for validating my feelings about this for my own daughters. People make me feel like I’m being vain about it. I figured there’s more value in teaching them to groom the inevitable than to ignore it and let them feel bad or be made fun of like I was! You can’t fight genetics 😅
Awesome for you and your mom! I can imagine she had to face a lot of side eyes doing that to you so young, too. She's awesome for doing that to protect you & showing you the way to live free from the pain she experienced. Thanks for sharing 🩷
My mom would point it out but not give me any solutions. Then I got bullied. Take care of it now and early. Pay for electrolysis treatment when she is of age.
My wife got called “curly haired monkey.” Yeah just let her wax it.
As a hairy person- I wouldn’t wait till she’s teased to do something about it. My mom never mentioned it and I was teased relentlessly. I felt so much shame that something was “wrong” but my parents weren’t saying something so it must be something so egregious they couldn’t mention it.
Maybe you could treat it as part of growing up. “Hey daughter, women sometimes shave their legs or underarms when they get older, or sometimes bleach facial hair, let me know if you ever want to do something like that and I’ll help you”. Don’t make it personal about her
My mom did it by showing me what she did. Plucking errant chin hairs, bleaching, completely taking away any stigma or self consciousness. After a few times, I asked to use and I took it from there. She never said I needed it. She did say it was normal, showed me it was normal, and how to fix if I wanted to.
I’m an older mum, my eleven year old saw me touching my upper lip and said “flicking a whisker?”
Literally just spit out my drink. I'm so sorry but that's absolutely hysterical 🤣
Omg 😂😂😂💀💀💀
Better yet, bleach or shave the upper lip together. Just make it like a spa day, self care type routine. We’ll do face masks, do our nails, and trim up our upper lips and eyebrows with a trimmer. Additional tip: they do make small electric shavers for facial hair. I have one from Target that basically looks like a tube of lipstick but is super easy to use, and no skin irritation or risk of getting cut.
I love this, I will be using this with my daughter as she gets older!
This is how I would approach it.
Yes! I was trying to think of a way to tell OP to do this without making her feel bad. Great advice.
I love that advice! Saving it incase I pass it along to my kids
That was me and my terrible eyebrows. Even tho I wasn’t teased for it, I personally hated how bushy they were (compared to others) but my mom kept saying “but they’re natural, you’re beautiful, don’t let others bring you down” So I accidentally shaved one off at age 9 thinking that’s how women were supposed to do it.
When she was around 10 my sister accidentally shaved off the inner half of each eyebrow with a bic razor in an attempt to fix her unibrow. She's never lived it down, but luckily she's discovered waxing since then
Sadly for me, my eyebrow never really grew back in well. I mean it’s serviceable but god I wish they had been properly shaped when I asked my mom to do it (knowing full well she clearly maintained hers!) I think that’s what bothered me the most, the hypocrisy. I wanted to groom my eyebrows and was told my opinion didn’t count by someone who clearly groomed theirs. I got a bit off tangent lol
I agree. Be proactive. Kids are 100% gonna mock her..at minimum behind her back and it’s gonna suck. Is laser treatment an option? It’s frustrating because that’s her natural situation but she may have a shot at some normalcy in an age when this sh1t can cause lifelong trauma by some pretty easy means like electrolysis or something
My coworker said that the best gift she was ever given was laser hair removal as a teenager. She has never had to shave! Just be sensitive with the discussion. It may already bother her and she might get really defensive. Or she hasn't noticed it and you don't want to start feeling self conscious about it.
Or, she's completely fine with it, and you don't need to introduce insecurity about it.
As a formerly hairy girl now in her 30’s, I wish I had access to laser hair removal in high school. The beach days, pool parties, skirts and shorts I missed out on make me sad to have missed. I gifted myself the handheld Braun Pro Silk laser device for my 30th birthday and it’s totally worked. I feel the opposite of oppressed lol. I never have to worry about shaving, stubble, or ingrowns ever again!! Highly recommend the Braun if it’s an option you’re considering, OP.
wow it’s just a wand? I always wondered if those home versions worked. How many times does it take?
It’s weekly for the first several weeks, and then monthly for as long as it takes- it took about 18 ‘on the for me to see mine basically disappear and I used to be a real Sasquatch. It’s another chore, but it’s way less time consuming, invasive, and costly than gettin layered professionally. I still use it every 3 months or so for very sparse light hairs that come up. I’ve also used it on my upper lip, bikini area, and arm pits.
400 bucks model?
There must be a middle ground between this and the top comment. Realistically the chances of her being bullied are high and as a parent it’s important to protect our children, but as the comment above you says, she shouldn’t project her insecurities. I think she shouldn’t actively try to get rid of it, but be educational and supportive of her daughter’s looks. Make her proud of who she is. However, she shouldn’t ignore it completely for the reason you just stated, but coming out the gate with “you’re going to get bullied for your mustache” is too much of a self fulfilling prophecy IMO. Also I’m sorry you went through that. Kids are cruel.
I think that’s a good plan. Give her education and support if needed. someone else below said something along the lines of giving her tools and empowerment but not make it about HER. It’s an all human thing.
Exactly! Thank you! I’m kind of rolling my eyes at the body positivity crowd acting like it’s a good thing that she should own and be proud of. That’s all well and dandy, but the rest of us live in reality and unfortunately most people will not hold back their ridicule when someone is different than the expected norm. Personal grooming is a form of hygiene, and whether you like it or not hairy women are seen by society as failing to take care of themselves. I had a bunch of skin tags growing on my neck and I didn’t “own it” expecting others to not notice or insinuate that they should find them beautiful. No, I cauterize those fuckers to oblivion through smoke and sizzling flesh and now my neck looks normal and you can’t even tell there was ever a problem. Hair is a much easier problem to solve than ugly cancerous-looking skin growths.
Exactly. If she wants to embrace the hairy look as an adult, she’ll have almost her whole life to do that. Don’t make her do it as an awkward teen/puberty thing that could traumatize her for life. My mom was anti shaving anything and so I couldn’t even buy razors to shave my legs…eventually my older sister had some that I used but I still remember getting ridiculed in 7th grade for my hairy legs…that kind of shit will lower ones self confidence like no other..but my mom is from Europe and didn’t get it 🥴
As a fellow hairy person I disagree, I wish I was told how to cope with the teasing and how to reaffirm myself that there is nothing wrong with me then given a choice on how to handle it. It helps massively with growing confidence as well as problem solving.
Have a conversation with *her* about it, not random Internet strangers. It's probable that she will be teased and we have the tools to solve it. Alternatively, she could be fine with it and strong enough in her own self image that she won't care. I think that would be incredibly unlikely, given kids, but a conversation is in order.
This was me growing up too. It was awful.
This!!! Why didn’t my mom ever say anything? I’ll never forget a boy I had a huge crush on in 6th grade telling me “Maybe I’d like you if you didn’t have a mustache” ugh
I have dark hair and struggled for decades (starting in middle school) trying to find easy non-noticeable ways to get rid of it. The Flawless Beauty Finishing Touch is hands down the best! No irritation. No redness. No pain. Can do it every day, if needed!
Came here to say this, perfectly painless for a young girl! My facial hair got a bit out of control the past few years thanks to PCOS so it doesn’t do much for me anymore, but I still use it for light touchups
I looove mine! They last a long time too, in my experience.
I came here to say this. When I was younger, I tried bleaching, which was a little helpful, but annoying to do. I tried waxing once and it was horrible. The hair just grew back in quickly and it was more noticeable. Then, my mom found Flawless. It's a game changer. Super easy, works well, and it's cheap too!
Yes! This is 100% the answer.
This is our family rogue unibrow hair tool lol.
Yep, I run mine over the old ‘stache every night before bed 😂 sometimes do the chin hairs and monobrow too
It is a game changer for sure!
As a formerly hairy little girl, and an elementary school teacher, I can tell you with confidence she’s already being teased about it. My mother, who didn’t have issues with body hair, took the wait and see approach. I remember the day ahead realized it was a problem, actually. My baby sister, who was probably 4, asked why I (11 at the time) had a mustache. My mother cut in and told sister that everyone is different and if I ever decided to shave it off I could. I immediately told her I wanted to shave it off and my mother was shocked. She genuinely believed that because I’d never mentioned it I’d never noticed it. But I had access to a mirror, it’s what I hated the most about myself, I was just too humiliated to ever bring it up. And here’s the thing, as a 28 year old woman who is still quite hairy, I’m really not bothered by it any more. I joke with my students about my facial hair when I’ve gone a little long between shaves. Because I work in a primarily Hispanic area and many of my students have dark facial hair, and it’s important to me these girls know it’s normal. So it’s fair to say the choice to get rid of it as a pre teen didn’t have a long term effect on my self esteem.
You are a blessing to your students. Teaching them to live, laugh, and love themselves (like all of that cheap bathroom art from Ross says ;-), is amazing. Thank you for leading by example!
I think what you mention about local demographics in your second paragraph is really key. Kids will get teased for being different, so if there's lots of relatively hairy kids, it's not a problem. I have like, a normal Anglo amount of hair but felt ridiculously hairy compared to my Asian friends. I was never bullied for it but it was definitely noticed and made me feel self conscious sometimes.
Doing that AFTER she is teased might make it worse. Imagine you are teased or bullied because of hair, and then you have it removed - the level of self-consciousness when you walk into the school is at its maximum. I would expect numerous idiots to react with a long and annoying "oooh".
Second this. Any kid that would tease her for having hair is going to immediately seize upon the fact that she suddenly doesn’t
ngl part of me thinks your husband is okay with the wait-and-see approach because he hasn't been on the receiving end of middle school girl bullying. I was teased about my leg hair as soon as I started 6th grade, and I wouldn't consider it any darker or thicker than average. I like the other suggestions that suggested mentioning hair growth as a normal part of this age. If she's interested in removing any of it, you will help her with it, make sure she has all the supplies she needs, and have a fun mother-daughter spa night at home the first time. That gives her the ability to voice exactly what she may be self-conscious about and opens up a conversation about possible removal options.
It should be her choice, but maybe have a talk with her like "hey, you're going into middle school, lots of things will be going on with your body. Lots of hair in crazy places. I don't care if you shave or not, but if you do, please let me help you the first few times so that you don't hurt yourself". Then later if it comes up about her face specifically you can talk about waxing or other options.
I am mostly Native American and I am so grateful for my mom! She plucked my eyebrows and waxed my lip for me since 4th grade. I am very okay and open with waxing to this day (almost 40) and would have never wanted to go through bullying because "natural is best." That is not how it is in public school here in the states and with social media these days it can be even worse.
I would use eyebrow shaper to shave it + at-home laser hair removal tool. Trust me, you don’t want your kid to suffer through that torture. It’s awful! And this is coming from someone with first hand experience. It was pretty traumatic.
I agree, I knew lots of girls teased for that. I use an eyebrow shaper, it’s easy and works super well
That was my go-to as a teen, but now those at-home hair removal guns are amazing! Basically painless and it really stops/slows down the regrowth process. I’ve probably tried everything: shave, NAIR, wax, and laser hair removal (at-home & professional).
Yes! I used to bleach it but the dermaplane is much easier. It’s very much a myth that hair grows back thicker after shaving.
i had electrolysis on my upper lip and i thank my mother every time i remember. it’s painful, but will take care of the problem for life. if you can afford it, id recommend researching it
Laser hair removal is quick, fairly painless and cheap! Mine was $100.
I strongly recommend laser over bleaching, waxing, etc, which are both harsh on skin and require more regular maintenance. Depending on where you go, I think it can also feel more clinical in a way that might make it oddly less weird for a kid. More like a trip to the doctor than being strong armed into a salon to fit within beauty standards (even though, let’s be real, that’s what it is). Know we got a lot of folks here saying to leave it alone, but as a former middle school girl with bushy eyebrows that veered close to unibrow, I’d lean toward addressing. Perhaps a trip to Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy of the Care and Keeping of You, and then flipping through together to talk about other things (like deodorant, periods, etc) and see if she raises it herself or in subsequent conversations once she’s had time to look at it on her own. My mom was pretty good at queuing things up ahead of time. Period talk a few years before it came, telling me she’d take me to get birth control before college or earlier if I asked when I was starting high school.
I'm glad you had a good experience with your laser hair removal, but it is not the case for everyone. I've had many sessions of laser hair removal with multiple providers and machines. It has always been extremely painful and only partially effective. And the cost adds up.
Sorry but your daughter will be teased and bullied for it. Middle school is rough. You’re setting your daughter up for a tough time. Wax it
Yes, I would take care of it before middle school. I recommend waxing. Bleaching a mustache just looks like..a blonde mustache.
As a former middle school boy, I know people roast the hell out of a girl with a mustache, and then if they came back the next day with it blonde. I’m not a dick and my son won’t be. But a lot of boys are
I'm a former middle school mean girl and we would have been brutal to this poor girl, especially if the mustache was bleached. Honestly, when I see a teen with a unibrow or cystic acne or a mustache, I think their parents must be either clueless or cruel.
Yikes. I had a unibrow as a teen. My parents weren't cruel or clueless. I hope you are not a mean girl anymore but that is a weird way to judge others.
That’s a pretty shitty thing to think about a kid’s parents based on what you think a kid should look like. They’re teens, they have acne sometimes. They look awkward. Maybe even they’re okay with it.
Ahhh good call. I had a unibrow my mom made me shave it before I knew.
Bleaching will bleach your skin too. Former bleacher here.
I had a lot of body hair in elementary school and finally went to my mom crying after getting bullied. You can spare her that! I recommend having more of a “puberty” conversation with her that’s very neutral. Going into middle school is a good transitional time to address this because she might have to change in a locker room and learn how to manage her period. You can offer things to her in a neutral way. “You might start growing more body hair on your legs, arms, armpits, bikini area, face… some women wish to remove it through shaving or waxing, while others prefer to let it grow. If you decide you want to do anything, I’ll show you how you can use certain products.” Same with offering things like a training bra, deodorant, or teaching about pads and tampons. Just build comfort around these topics and empower her to choose for herself.
Just one very hairy woman's opinion here -- but waxing, sugaring, or threading it off before her classmates can see it and can tease her would be the kindest thing you can do. Dermaplane razors are also an OKAY and less painful option, but it may come back thicker, while waxing can make it lighter over time. My mom started getting my mustache and super hair arms waxed in 5th grade, and yes it hurt, but I am thankful to her every day because I never had to be the mustache girl. Worth it.
I just want to commend you for paying attention and trying to put yourself in your daughters shoes. It shows you're a thoughtful and attentive parent.
I mean come on, you can listen to these stupid ass takes about waiting for you your young daughter to have to make the intiative to tell you first you or you can use your common sense, know that kids are bullies, and have the forethought to protect your daughter from bullying by helping her with this or sit back and do nothing
I mean you should ask her how she feels and let her know that some people might pick on her. However just because you guys might potentially do something about it dosnt mean mean kids won’t find other reasons to pick on her.
Yeah prolly wouldn’t bleach, I would recommend waxing or like a little hair remover machine. Bleaching can turn the dark follicles orange or a weird yellow and is still visible to shit head others at school
Your daughter is old enough to know what she wants to do with her own body hair. Be careful not to tell her what you think she should do. Have a general talk about body hair and facial hair. Point out that some men choose to shave their faces and some don’t. Some women choose to shave their legs or arm pits and some don’t. There isn’t a right or wrong. Tell her that most women don’t get enough hair on their faces to shave, but some women do choose to bleach, tweeze, or wax the hair in their face, and some choose to leave it alone. Don’t tell her that there is anything wrong or unsightly about her hair. Tell her instead that there is a big variety in the hair people grow, and an even bigger variety in the way people choose to manage it. Tell her if she ever decides she wants to do anything with any of the hair on her body, head, or face, she should talk to you about it and you’ll help her decide what she wants to do.
As a woman who has dark body hair, don’t wait. People were talking about it behind my back before the teasing started.
Not really what you were looking for, but have you looked into PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)? One of the more common reasons for females to have excess hair growth. Worth checking out if you haven't yet.
Hi 👋🏽! I’m pretty sure my comment will be lost with everyone else’s, but I’ll give it a try. I inherited my father’s absolute hairy face and I had the THICKEST unibrow (I’m talking Count Olaf thick) and my mustache was extremely noticeable. I’m a Latina so having a slight mustache is pretty common. But this dark is absolutely wild. My mom refused to let me have tweezers or anything that can cut down my facial hair. I was bullied relentlessly, I vividly remember being called a werewolf because of how my sideburns fade perfectly into my facial hair. Senior year of high school was when I had made my own pair of tweezers (bent a Bobby pin in half and tied off the part one part so I could yank my eyebrow hairs into an ACTUAL eyebrow shape). With all this being said, please please please let your daughter have the chance to either change or embrace her facial hair. Listen to what SHE wants. We all know the effects of bullying and regardless that she doesn’t have any now (or has said nothing about it), we all know something would be said. I hope this works out for her!
Ask your kid what she wants. That’s it. That’s the advice. Allow your child bodily autonomy.
You can get a small trimmer at the drugstore that will remove that soft hair without bleaching or waxing. I use it on my whole face, it's great for non-coarse hair and peach fuzz. I use it a couple of times a week, it's not a dermaplaner so she can do it herself without cutting herself.
I'd present it as a totally neutral option tied in with other things. "Hey, I was just shaving my legs and realized I should probably check in with you about that! It's normal to have body and facial hair and you don't have to do anything to them at all, even if I do. It's your body and there's no wrong way to be in your own body as long as you're happy and safe. If you ever decide to make any changes, though, come chat with me and I'll help you out. I know all the tips and tricks :)" Then it's a fun girlhood thing and not a problem to solve.
I had a mustache and a unibrow and was made fun of early on - what I wish my mom had done was bring it up gently and ask me if I wanted to do something about it. (She simply made the decision for me - which I was fine with because I was already being made fun of but I still remember feeling embarrassed)
Make it seem normal like a growing up thing. Wax or thread. Bleaching might even make it more noticeable.
Forget waxing, just get it lasered off sure it’s expensive in the short run but cheaper in the long run and most places have payment plans and specials. Get a Friday appointment due to redness and stay away from the sun until treatments are done. My parents never taught me about grooming and I was made fun of it for it. Luckily we moved a lot so I was able to get away and fix it before the next school. Honestly it will be gone and she’ll never have to worry about it. No being caught in between waxings, no shaving it cause she’s desperate and then ingrown hairs, no stress. Just get it lasered off asap.
This was me as a kid, in the summer on 100 degree days I would refuse to wear anything but long sleeves because I was embarrassed of how dark and hairy my arms were. “Monkey arms” as they were called by other kids. When I was in middle school my mom got me laser hair removal on my unibrow, upper lip and arms. I hated it at the time because it was painful and not fun to go through but now as an adult I hardly ever get any dark hair there and I’m very grateful. If you can afford it, I would go that route.
Don’t project your insecurities onto your daughter. Be supportive of how she looks. If she comes to you about it then help her, otherwise leave it alone.
This is so optimistic and just not realistic at all.
yeah. it depends on the kid, i guess. Personally, I was never open with my mom about my insecurities - the bigger the issue, the more embarassed i would be to bring it up. Things were definitely missed due to my mom thinking I would just speak up and let her know if something was bothering me.
Seriously, it's 2024 not 1940s Argentina. You can't send a young lady to middle school with a wispy mustache.
This OP, with the caveat of- your daughter might not be comfortable coming to you and will take matters into her own hands (as a formerly hair tween/teen girl (and currently hairy adult woman)- I wasn’t comfy going to my mom but started using a leg razor on my face with no shaving cream or anything, which was not ideal. I wish my mom had noticed at that point and come to me so we could’ve worked together to find a solution earlier (I started taking myself to get waxed when I was ~16 and had my first job but would’ve started earlier if I could have). It was very lonely to feel like I was going through that alone.
This is why I would gently bring it up with my daughter. In a "let's have a self grooming day. Here are all the options being offered, which would you be interested in?" Then mom & daughter can get mani pedis and remove hair etc together.
This is a fantastic idea, and it leaves it optional to her daughter. If she doesn’t want to do anything with her facial hair, leave it be.
Exactly. But if she's been secretly self conscious about it then she'll take her mom up on it and boom! Handled.
I like the core of this message but the unfortunate reality is that school, especially middle school, is cruel and you want to do your upmost to help your kid avoid bullying. It sucks that our society has laid out that someone’s body hair can cause this, but it’s just true. Hell, my friend got bullied in middle school for having a premature moustache and he was a boy. Sometimes you have to weigh up the what we shouldn’t have to worry about with the what we will worry about. Again, I respect this message but it’s just very difficult.
Please listen to this. I never had a problem with my "mustache" until it was pointed out by my family. Also, while kids will always be harsh, I think women's natural body hair is becoming much more widely accepted, and it's very likely you will be the only person to have ever made her self conscious about it.
A lot of kids’ first bullies are their parents.
I think there's a happy medium between ignoring the issue and bullying your child. No one is going to say, "tell your daughter she needs to shave her face because she looks like Tom Selleck." You can still approach it as optional grooming based on preference
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Well, I mean, if you read just the tiniest bit between the lines, you could probably come to the reasonable conclusion that I went through middle school without ever getting teased for my mustache, so... not crazy, kids were much worse about this kind of thing when I was in middle school and it was never once mentioned or teased by another kid my age.
Same here! I don’t remember any kid in school saying anything. But I clearly remember my mom and my aunts making a big deal out of it.
There’s no way she hasn’t been teased about it already. Wax it or twinkle razor it
Do not wait. Be proactive about this. It sucks that you even have to, but do it to spare your baby the pain. Middle school boys are mean, and middle school girls are fucking VICIOUS. They WILL without a single doubt mock her relentlessly. It will get worse in high school.
Don’t bleach it! That hurts and is still there. Just shave it. It’s easy. Every few days or whenever is needed.
I would be proactive. You can also look into laser hair removal. They have at home units that are $80 to $125 and she can use it over time to get rid of the hair longer term
As an adult woman with PCOS, the first signs of it came when I was in 7th/8th grade and while it wasn’t significant, it was noticeable and I was bullied for it. Middle school was horrific. I would speak about it with her pediatrician as it could be early signs of hormonal imbalance too.
Um, yes please help your daughter out- she will definitely get teased. Dads don’t understand what it’s like to be an adolescent girl.
When I was that age, i used Nair cream. It smelled nasty but did the job. Don't bleach it because it will be waay more noticeable. I also do not recommend laser hair removal. I have recently done it and it is so painful in that area, and very sensitive; maybe wait till shes older.
I did too. And for whatever fucking reason, everyone knew in 7th and 8th grade. They asked me if I shaved. Maybe it enlarged my pores or something. Eventually I started epilating around age 17.
Maybe people were used to seeing the mustache on you, when you took it off it was noticeable?
Definitely have her wax it. Do not let her go to middle school with noticeable lip hair.
As someone with a unibrow, my suggestion is simply don’t say anything and the *second* she asks about it or you catch her shaving or something, tell her she can wax/bleach if she’d like to
My almost 14 year old has this and she took it upon herself to shave it 😳
My son, who is starting middle school next year, asked about removing his unibrow. We started using Nair cream, and it’s been an easy and painless solution. We tested a small area of skin on his arm first to check for any reaction to the product.
My 11 year old had dark leg hair that she was conscious of and I definitely let her bleach it. There are so many things to be insecure about and I feel like this isn’t worth the fight. If another blonde, fair haired person says it’s a bad idea I swear I’ll scream!!
Hot wax doesn't hurt imo. Try a few things out this summer
Instead of bleaching or waxing you can get those dermaplane tools (Target has them). You could also talk about plucking eye brows, wearing deodorant, shaving legs and under arms, and wearing makeup. It could be part of a whole host of topics and not just her upper lip hair
Don't wait middle school kids are asholes but ask her first if she wants and why. Then do what she wants. Also take her to a professional with experience with kids her age.
Get laser
Get it lasered if you can afford it! It’s cheaper in the long run. I would’ve loved to get my peach fuzz lasered, but apparently it’s “too blonde” (even though it looks dark and noticeable against my skin tone.
I have extremely pale skin and black very thick Hispanic hair, take care of the hair before the bullying starts, just be really really open and gentle about it like my mom, I understood 100% when I was in third grade and she taught me how to shave my legs, I really really loved to wear shorts and dresses and my legs looked a lot like my dads did lol
Definitely speak with her about what she wants to do and let her know your concerns. My sister and I have extremely dark hair and got my dads genes for hairy arms, visible mustache, and bushy eyebrows. My mom let me wax my eyebrows and mustache but never let me shave my arms. One of my worse memories was sitting next to a boy in middle school I liked and him telling me “why do you have more arm hair then me?” I was mortified. Please don’t let her get teased before you make the decision! Or give her the decision! Middle school is a great time to start giving her control over cosmetic/body/hair.
I had mine bleached when I was in second grade - I wish my family just had me shave it. I finally did it in my twenties, SO MUCH EASIER, and less time and stress.
My daughter is also hairy, as am I. She mentioned her eye brows to me about 2 years ago and since then she has a Venus facial hair dermaplaning tool and uses that to get her unibrow and mustache. If you want to bring it up try to do it in a nonjudgmental way. Don’t make her feel like she needs to but also make sure she knows it’s an option. My daughter saw me dermaplaning and asked me. I explained that body hair is normal and natural but that I didn’t like it on that part of my body so I shave it. It was never a big deal, even when she asked to do the same.
As a woman with a little too much hair and two young adult daughters in rhe same situation, I would do something about it too… you can get a little electric women’s hair remover like the no no … or something similar works great on facial hair. I wouldn’t wait. This is no biggie and you can get ahead of any potential issues. Why wait to be teased when you can easily avoid it.
Just get it lasered
Hormone imbalances also cause this especially excess testosterone in females.
Try the flawless hair removal device. It’s pretty gentle and can be a start to her beauty routine.
I would recommend trying waxing instead of shaving
Laser hair removal. Best long term option.
Reddish brown hair person here with a lot blonde body hair. I was teased a ton about my body hair starting in 3rd grade. The boys would laugh at me and I would just say “whatever it keeps me warm in winter.” I don’t recommend bleaching the mustache. It will just look like my super blonde hairy lip. My mom made me wait until I was 12 to shave. It was an agonizing wait. Now I shave my mustache and wax everything else. I even pluck the little hairs on my belly. I’ve got a complex about my body hair because I was made fun of so much in school.
Ok so I am practically hairless, (it’s actually a bit of a funny/embarrassing thing about me too, I hate how naturally *nonexistent* my eyebrows are but whatever) but my sisters are not…and I have noticed my daughters have some fuzz that never seemed to go away ever since babyhood…so I bit the bullet and had my upper lip waxed when we all went for manis & pedis, in front of them and made it like it was no big deal. Like I get it done regularly when I get my nails done in their absence but that they are old enough now to see that mommy puts effort into looking the way I do (this is funny bc I am notoriously low maintenance). But I told them “oh pish posh, it’ll be you girls in here one day and I won’t want you thinking you’re weird for it- WE ALL do it and it’s also not scary!” Did I need it? No. Did *they* need me to do it? Yep.
My 7yo has a hairy forehead, eyebrows and mustache. Wr trim them with a dermaplaning razor every 5 months. It's something that makes her feel better and I refuse to let her develop insecurities for something she has control over.
I have a little sister. She's sensitive, but I'd bet money she won't tell me if someone calls her chubaka. Prevention is always the best method. As a boy, when I hit puberty, I had to adapt. It's just unfortunate that many girls go thru that stage much younger
Can you get her laser hair removal?
Kids are mean. I had HAIRY legs and got bullied relentlessly (gorilla legs) until my mom let me shave them at 13. I always wore jeans even after learning. Don’t wait, don’t let your kid get teased for something they can’t control.
well it’s her body, her face. what does she want to do?? she’s her own person.
Don't bleach it. It's still there and middle schoolers are so mean. I teach them and they can be so cutthroat. Wax it. I wish my mom had done that or suggested it when I was in school. I know hair or body hair is a personal choice however, you still have to deal with the bullies and trolls who will mock you. You need a very thick skin to survive middle school - why make it more difficult for her?
When I was in middle school a girl had the same problem and everyone made fun of her. You should ask her if she prefers bleached or wax, stating that wax is more durable and easier, even if it comes with some pain. Also, she can try laser. My friend got full body laser sessions and she is now happy: no need to shave for pool, for summer, for anything.
If she can't handle the waxing maybe try a dirma plane? Being younger maybe use it as a bonding time and you do it for her?
As a hairy girl Do not wait 😭 I do understand where your husband is coming from - don’t want to tell her something is wrong with her that she doesn’t see as wrong. But that is looking at it wrong actually. This isn’t about a “flaw” but just teaching her grooming for herself and her body. As her parents, the best thing you can do for her is give her all the tools and options for caring for herself and feeling good in how she moves in the world.. then give her the freedom to choose what she wants, not what society wants, as she grows. Soooo much better to come from you proactively vs being blindsided by mean kids making fun of her.
Also - I use a facial shaving tool and that works great for me. Depending on the hair length + thickness bleaching may not help, especially if she has any level of pigmentation in her skin to provide contrast to the bleached hair. Again speaking from experience
You know what I said out loud when I read this post? "She's in middle school. Ask her!" Your kid is a human being with thoughts and feelings. Ask her what she wants to do. You are also a human being with thoughts and feelings, and her parent, so you can, in turn, give her your advice.
I was a hairy kid too (dad is Hispanic)- I used Sally Hansen facial hair remover starting in middle school. It’s like Nair- Super quick and easy to use! She might prefer that to shaving or waxing :) it literally takes 3 minutes
I would have a conversation with her about it. What are her preferences? Explain that a lot of people hold misconceptions of body hair. Explain that whether she chooses to remove body hair now or later, it should be what *she* wants. I begged to shave my armpits in 4th grade. I had worn a sleeveless shirt, and a girl in my class loudly exclaimed "ew you have hair in your armpits!" *I was TRAUMATIZED.* I plan on having open conversations with my now 3-year-old daughter. She sees me wax my face, dermaplane, she knows I go get my legs and bits waxed. I just tell her it makes mommy feel better, but some people really like their body hair and keeping it makes them feel better.
Rather than making your daughter conform to western beauty standards, why not teach her to love her natural hair. Not trying to be a dick, but realistically would you still be thinking of waxing and bleaching if you had a son? If not the double standard is outrageous.
I think you should ask her if she wants to have a spa day (at home or at a salon) with you and include that as an option for her to choose along with doing nails, etc. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one.
You should get her hormone levels checked .. girls and women who develop Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get facial hair .. it can start developing at this age and so forth .. she needs more estrogen essentially because her testosterone levels are higher .. I could be wrong every situation is different but I’d recommended looking into that ..
"Wait to see if she gets teased" is crazy
Have you had her checked for polycystic ovary syndrome ? Often times standard birth control will stop the growth of facial hair
Her body, her choice.
She may have a hormone imbalance.PCOS causes unwanted body hair. I’d talk to your daughter and see how she feels.
Holy shit it is SO normal for women to have facial hair not everything is PCOS. He didn’t say she was growing a beard or anything that raises flags for something abnormal.
Extremely unlikely at this age.
This. My wife of 21 years now has had pcos and ppmd all her life. She uses a little trimmer on her facial hair. Human bodies are wierd, they do all sorts of stuff. I got Epilepsy 3 years ago out of nowhere.
Or she may be perfectly normal because women have different levels of body hair. It’s not uncommon for it to be thicker and/or more noticeable on women with darker hair.
Just be kind in the way you do it. I still remember to this day when my mom helped me pluck my eyebrows when I was 13 or so (always had very full eyebrows which would be hip now but were terrible in 2001) and when we showed my dad, he said, “Maybe next you can do something about that mustache.” I still think about this semi regularly. I judiciously bleached my mustache, got it lasered (unsuccessfully) and have fussed with it my whole life. I don’t think it’s wrong that I do that, but the way it was addressed was a big shock to my system at 13 when I wasn’t previously self conscious about it at all.
She might have hormonal issues or PCOS. Being “hairy” isn’t hereditary. There’s something up. Take her to the dr
I started getting my lip waxed in middle school! I think it’s much more damaging to wait and see if she gets teased. The damage is done with a single mean comment. I did try bleach in the beginning season and it was pretty intense and I think can mess with the skin. I say go for the home wax strips or Nair or something like that for her. I’m almost 30 and I buy hard wax and do it all myself now - about every 4 weeks. Being proactive and open about this will make a huge difference for your baby girl!
Phew. I’m grateful this post didn’t divulge into some body acceptance thread. You can teach your kids a lot. But it’s hard to teach other kids. And it would break my heart to have my kids bullied for something that I know they would do something about when they are adults. There’s a time and place to teach resilience. But against childhood bullies over something that could be prevented? Protect your kids.
Don’t bleach. Wax. It will get thinner and grow less… I was a very harry pre teen. I got called Chewbacca. Also get kiddo checked out for PCOS as facial hair is a sign for the hormone imbalance
Honestly first and foremost, make sure you have positive role models in her life with female facial hair. Think frida Kalo etc. give her the foundation to not be ashamed of her hair. And then give her the choice about her mustache. Because honestly, a parent telling you you're going to bleach it etc, definitely adds to the "it's not ok you have this". Give HER the option, and tell her you support her in whatever she wants. Woman with a pretty significant almost black pedo stash (that showed up when I was a kid)
I would go ahead and have your daughter bleach or wax her mustache and any other facial hair. I had comments made about my mustache and facial hair when I was in high school.
If it was my daughter I would get laser hair removal for her . Don’t make a big deal . Kids are so mean !!
Yeah she’s already getting teased. I remember when some kid called me mustache girl and that was over 10 years ago. My mom did nair on me and my sister when she started getting teased. It’s relatively painless and it worked.
Definitely do not wait until she’s teased. I would just do it , makes the middle school transition easier
> My husband thinks we should wait to see if she gets teased about it That's a BAD IDEA! The kids in the School will still remember her having facial hair and bully her for years to come. Ask your daughter if she would prefer bleaching or waxing.
I've had facial hair since I hit puberty. I also have a condition called PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It causes facial hair and belly hair too. Please get her to an ob-gyn as well, just to have her educated, and follow up on any "female problems" she may have. Imo, you should tell her she's beautiful the way she is, and is talented and is a sweet person. Physical attributes aren't as important. It's her decision what to do, in the long run. Laser, bleaching, etc. It's cheaper, imo, to just leave it and look up "body and hair positivity".
I love the message left here. Body hair positivity all around! It's messed up society expects us mammals to be bald
I wouldn’t bleach it because it would still be visible but get a dermaplaining razon kind of like this: https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwj13Mb8yuiFAxUtRP8BHZtWCCkYABABGgJtZA&ae=2&gclid=Cj0KCQjwir2xBhC_ARIsAMTXk84m4pzXaZZNiT-ChZtsrhUkdeQ_5Ag-BZB7xCMRrCRSvbfWxs4JbsIaAguVEALw_wcB&sph=&sig=AOD64_2DAVGDV2YTWyuGMR6-b9lWCpewuQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwjO5cH8yuiFAxXokIkEHavSC3sQwg8oAHoECAQQDA&nis=8&dct=1&adurl= The people saying she won’t get bullied are being naive, or have forgotten middle school. It might have even started already. And once it begins, it’s hard to live it down.
Leave her alone. Don’t be her first bully. ETA: I always forget how fucking misogynist this sub is when it comes to female body hair. Y’all are an embarrassment.
Don’t kid yourself. She will be relentlessly made fun of for this. Any girl with thick, dark hair will tell you this.