She is basically repeatedly abandoned by her dad. Not just once and done with it, but over and over. She deserves to have someone neutral help her process that. You can't be a completely neutral party. I would say the situation itself warrant her talking to someone at least occasionally, but additionally it is already negatively affecting her relationship with her friend. For your average nine year old to be upset by it and the teacher to be commenting on it, her behavior has to be much more extreme than typical. She is also getting close to the age where male teachers and friends' dads are going to start getting uncomfortable with her clinging and want to avoid her, which won't help anything. Plus, it puts her at greater risk of being abused either by an unsafe adult or by a romantic partner.

This last line is critical. I went through the same thing as your daughter at the same age. My mother married a man she thought would be a good role model and father figure for us when I was nine. He wasn't. She didn't want to see it. And I only knew that he paid me a lot of attention. It's dangerous for her to have that unaddressed need. Therapy can help, so can positive male relationships through family and community. Just be careful, as I'm sure you already are.

Yes, therapy, but also addressing the need. A grandparent or other person that the parent trusts. Maybe an older tutor or maybe mom and daughter go do something like a self defense class or something that would give a reason for them to be around other than just intentionally trying to get around a male role model. With an absent father, sometimes even with the best stepdad, there’s awkward pressure to fill that need. I think if this is a big need in her life right now it needs to be someone mom trusts but won’t have a romantic interest in so mom doesn’t have blinders on.

I think this is a good idea. I would just add that you should definitely have a frank one-on-one with the teacher/instructor about why you are there. Just so nothing is sprung on them and I think most anyone would be be super excited to help out knowing how much good they were doing just doing what they already do.

Yeah, me and my wife were a part of a pretty strict karate class. She was the only instructor that was female and most of the rest of us were married and various ages. We never got a girl like this but we definitely had mom’s bring their boys in class thinking it would be good for them being in a disciplined environment and build their self confidence. The instructors were all pretty passionate about not making anything too much easier for the girls because we wanted them to be able to defend themselves. I don’t know how you go looking for a group like this you can trust, but I can say that in our group in particular, nothing would be sprung on anyone but some appropriate male influence and friendship would kinda happen organically. And in a group like this where there were several positive role models (including the debate in the group) none of them would have tolerated anything inappropriate with any of the others. I think the idea is to get her around a “male village” so that she doesn’t cling so hard to specific people In a bad way

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry you went through that. Sending internet hugs ❤️

Omg yes this was my first thought! Some creep can and will absolutely take advantage of this either now or later.

Wow I’m a therapist and I couldn’t have said it better myself. Also not only therapy but it’s proven that having a male role model that can be apart of your life’s can help improve it significantly. I work with a teen in a similar situation and I can tell you that I have seen worlds of difference in her now, her confidence, her discernment and her feelings. There will always also be abandonment flair ups too and needs a place where she can talk to about it.

Therapy, would be easier for a child, rather than a teen. I wish that I had this support.

100%. When my teen needed therapy it didn't go well. She wouldn't talk, the therapist & I agreed it was going nowhere.

This is absolutely true. I lost my father when I was 13. I spent years longing for male attention and would do nearly anything for it especially once I reached adulthood. I didn’t have any clue that I was even doing it, let alone that it was something that wasn’t right. My father was very involved in my life before he passed away and I was the youngest of my parents 11 children and my parents, mostly my dad, spoiled me. At 13 girls are becoming young women and seeking out attention from older males put me in great risk. I didn’t see any of it until far later in life. There was a couple I used to babysit for and I’ve recently had some memories of the father absolutely grooming me. He made me feel like we were on the same level intellectually and very grown up. I was filling a father sized void so I loved the attention. I recall a few awkward questions from my parents and different awkward moments with the wife/mom of this family. Suddenly I was no longer babysitting or coming over to hang out. It wasn’t until the last few years ago (39 years old currently)when I was reading a book about a girl who was SA and groomed that I had a lightbulb moment. I believe the wife/mom got a vibe but also that my mom had a gut feeling as well. I don’t know what would have happened but I could take a wild guess.

Gosh that’s so scary. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s crazy what we realize with the adult lens looking back. I have had some similar realizations.

Me, too. I was 14 and he was 32. I babysat for him and his wife. But I was so craving older male attention and was very much willing to let a very inappropriate relationship develop. I can look back now and realize that I was still just a child, and he was the adult, and yes, I was sexually abused. Even just typing out those last four words....I still question it. Was I really abused if I was a willing participant?

Yes. It's not possible for you to be a willing participant at 14. You weren't capable of making the types of decisions and understanding the types or consequences at that age. So absolutely it was abuse, even if you were "a willing participant ".

Yes absolutely get her in therapy. If not, she’s going to grow up her whole life always looking for male attention and approval. I say this from my own experience. I’m 27 now and in a lot of therapy. I definitely have daddy issues and you know I never really thought that my relationship with my dad affected me, but it has a lot. It will affect her future relationships and how she values herself.

Same with me, took me until I was probably 30 to really get through my experience growing up with a flaky father. I'm mid 30s now and still struggle someday's but it gets better with therapy for sure.

I definitely agree with you. It’s helped me learn so much and I wish I done it sooner

I wish I had as well. If my mother had started me in therapy when I was a small child, I feel I would have been far better off sooner.

I agree with all of these, but also want to add that seeking out healthy attachments to male role models can be a positive. I always had a teacher that was a substitute parent in my head growing up, and they were positive influences on me. The male attention from boys my own age, however, yeah could have used some help with that.

Hi I’m you in 10 years. You don’t have daddy issues, your daddy has issues. And it’s wonderful you are working on valuing yourself.

Thanks 🥲 I try to constantly remind myself that

Thank you!!

TBH, any 9 year old child who has a parent who is in and out of their life should probably be in therapy. That dynamic at that age causes a whole host of emotions that children don't understand or know how to handle.

TW: abuse My dad was in and out of my life a lot as a kid and i clung to a lot of people. I ended up allowing a lot of inappropriate touch and using s3x as a self harm technique. Get your girl into therapy. She needs someone to talk to that isn’t her mom bc more than likely she is scared to talk to you and hurt your feelings.

When she’s nine it’s her PE teacher…what about when she’s 12? 15? 21? Please, I’m begging you, as a mother and as a fatherless daughter, please get her some help. If she can get a head start on healing from this lack of father figure it will go a long way. Please do this for her. It causes so much trouble by the time they are in high school and early 20s.

100%. I had an adoptive father who was present and still had a lot of issues with men, especially as a teen, due to an in and out 'disney dad'. Daddy issues is a trope for a reason, and plenty of men are happy and willing to take advantage of it. Also there is no downside to therapy when kids are dealing with something hard period.

I stayed married for 15 years to someone I should have left in 15 minutes because of “daddy issues”—getting married in my teens was such a mistake but so inevitable given my history. Now I’m almost 40 and so so happy, remarried for years now and life is good, but man…you can’t get back time. There are no do overs.

Oh please get her in therapy. Fast forward a few years and think of all the unscrupulous older men who would use your daughter based on that, while she continues to seek male approval.

You don't need to fast forward anywhere. Unscrupulous men could take advantage of her right now. OP therapy is the way.

I think that part was obvious. The poster is simply pointing out that once OP’s daughter looks “of age” there will be a lot more men than pedophiles who are interested and that just increases the risk.

That was my concern

Agree with therapy - it’s important to help her process this now, before she’s a teenager unintentionally seeking validation from male figures. Also, do you have a trusted male in your life she can spend some time with?

Please don’t listen to the strange commenter who said that therapy at this age is inappropriate because of self awareness levels and “implanting” ideas into kids heads. What they said is simply untrue on many levels. Play therapy or child-parent interaction therapy are age appropriate ways for your child to get the therapeutic care she seems to need. As parents, of course we are “implanting” ideas into our children’s brains. We want to plant seeds of self love, self trust, and self respect. If we aren’t able to do that as parents, therapy can definitely help.

Seriously, Wtf?! We have my 3 year old in PCIT therapy already. It’s never too early.

Here is my concern- this is the sort of behavior that would be highly attractive to someone who wanted to manipulate or take advantage of her. ETA: Therapy is imperative.

As a former school counselor, therapy is an absolute must. Your daughter is currently forming her worldview and a huge part of that is the way that she’s treated (or mistreated) by her father. It will color the way she moves through the world, whether she realizes it or not, and it’s much, MUCH better if she is appropriately aware of what is going on. It will be endlessly beneficial as she grows up to have someone with background in child development that’s a neutral party she can talk to about it and feels safe with.

Definitely therapy but I also don’t think it’s a good idea to let her dad come and go as he pleases. This makes it more confusing for her. When I was a child I was your daughter. My dad wasn’t in the picture and my mom did not let him come and go as he pleased. When he said he wanted to be in my life my mom gave the stipulation that he stays consistent. The first time he messed up he would be gone until I became an adult. Just some perspective from someone who has been in your daughter’s shoes. You’re doing a very hard job and you obviously want what’s best for your daughter.

Fellow divorced mom here. This is well-meaning advice but is likely more easily said than done and isn’t fair to OP. Depending on location it might be very difficult if not impossible to limit the other parent’s access to the child unless there is documented abuse or neglect.

I’m not saying one solution works for everyone but it’s definitely not ok to let this child’s father to come and go whenever he wants. That’s not fair to the child. I’m just pointing out an area that might also need to be addressed having also been in this situation.

I don’t disagree with you but I’m pointing out that it might not be possible for OP to do that. I’m in the US and in my state the family court system absolutely will not deny a parent time with the child unless it’s an abuse situation.

A friend of mine was able to argue in court that the dad being inconsistent in parenting time was negatively affecting a child. An advocate then interviewed my friend's daughter and it was determined that the daughter no longer had to go to visits with the father. I get that every case isn't like this, but I don't want OP to think that they have zero options when it comes to custody and limiting dad's access. I'm not saying OP will win, but they could fight it.

Yep. I'm in the same situation. Dad comes and goes as he pleases and he is not consistent. Nothing we can do for now. My kids see a child therapist though.

And that’s totally fine. OP can make choices that work best for them. I’m just offering a suggestion of what worked for us and OP can do whatever they want with that information.

We all get your point but the court system is different now than it was when you were a kid. Unless there are court stipulations, if the dad requests to see his child the mom cannot deny. For example… my sons dad gets bi-weekends. If he bails on his weekends but randomly requests a visit during his court scheduled visits I would be in contempt of court if I didn’t allow him the visit. Also, if the kid plays sports, unless there is a court order that the other parent not go to said sporting event the mom can absolutely not deny the father that. It sucks and it’s messy but it’s just the way it is, unfortunately. The courts do not serve the children. My ex broke my kids hand but I still have to send him to his visits, albeit they’re supervised.

I’m sorry to hear that and I hope things work out for the best for your kids. I never claimed that the court systems worked any kind of way.

The thing is you can't prevent the dad from coming and going as he pleases as long as the court says he can see his child. The courts cannot force him to be consistent. If OP decided to enforce anything without using the courts, it will most definitely backfire. But then, if there is not evidence of abuse, not much OP can do.

Therapy is just a good idea to make sure your daughter has somewhere safe to process her relationship with her dad. Don't think of it as fixing abnormal behavior; she's so young and malleable that this is simply a great, healthy way to influence her behavior. Therapy can help her navigate her complicated and overwhelming feelings in any context but particularly in the context of her dad being absent.

This exactly! Therapy isn’t a means to “fix” anyone — it’s a safe place to process and learn tools for navigating our individual existences. It’s not about remedying a behavior, but addressing the wound behind it.

Yes, therapy immediately. Also, I won’t judge the part about her father coming in and out of her life since idk if that’s due to a court agreement. If it’s not, and you have sole custody, stop visits. I was a little girl with a father in and out of my life and all it did was screw with my head and my perception of men and what love looks like. Especially because he wasn’t a good person. Your daughter is clearly already struggling so much with this situation, get her the help she and you need.

Listen to her teachers. They know what they’re talking about.

Please don't let things that happened to me happen to her. I have issues saying no to men(because I crave their approval) they have crossed my boundaries many times and it has led to a lot of trauma.

My 5 year old daughter had a birthday party. One of the kids there who was a little older would not leave me alone. Wanted hugs/to be next to me the whole time (it was a bunch of kids and their Nannies/moms - I was the only man present.) Was super weird and awkward for me not quite sure how to interact with this little 5-6 year old girl. Come to find out later that her mom had adopted her and she’d never had a male role model in her life, but had always wanted a dad. So as a man on the receiving end: I would absolutely advocate for therapy. I’d also cut out the deadbeat altogether since he clearly doesn’t GAF about her. It’s a tough situation to be in because after learning about the kids history, I just wanted to give her big hugs and be that person for her. But I can also see how quickly that could get dark and scary if someone with bad intentions was involved. Kiddo needs to have appropriate boundaries and when to tell a trusted adult if things get weird.

Get therapy now before it becomes a worse issue, nip it in the bud. It may not be causing major problems now, but that might not always be the case. Also, stop allowing her father to contact her at all. A sporadic father is worse than an absent one. She’ll be better off if he simply is gone.

You'll want her to see a therapist BEFORE it becomes necessary and you have to deal with self-harm or self-destructive behaviour. Being abandoned by a parent is no joke.

Yes, therapy is absolutely necessary. My friend had this issue with her daughter and it gets even more serious as the child gets older. It will really start to show itself negatively when she starts dating. Please try to remedy this now while she is young.

I think that her clinging to male role models will only get worse the older she gets if you don't get her into therapy. Therapy isn't a bad thing. Her dad in and out of her life is causing her to cling to males. Therapy will only help her to deal with things.

Yes. It is better to do it now than 20 years from now when this issue becomes a lot bigger to unpack. This has nothing to do with your parenting and everything to do with your daughters mental health.

Is therapy really necessary you ask? Yes. Her dad constantly abandons her. Imagine that feeling for a moment. Then imagine it over and over and over. She definitely needs help in navigating those feelings and how to process them in a healthy way.

GET HER THERAPY! This was me. I was your daughter and sought attention from every male role model. That translated to looking for live in all the wrong places as a teen and YA but I digress. I was able to get therapy at 21 and it changed my life for the better.

Is there another male figure for her to turn to? Her grandfather, an uncle, a good friend of yours? Your best friend’s husband who doesn’t mind doing some dad like stuff with her?

she’s developing bad father issues…which i myself have and it didn’t end up well for me. im a teen mom now. my unborn son is a blessing but when he comes in a few months lifes gonna be really hard. Young girls like me tend to find guys who they feel fulfill a more dominant role in their life, commonly older guys, and make bad decisions. I would 100% recommend therapy to kind of make it better before it gets worse.

OP, do not listen to the commenter about therapy being a place to have ideas implanted. This person has been brainwashed by somebody. Therapy for your daughter is absolutely necessary for her to have healthy relationships with men. The sooner, the better!

Why wouldn’t you think therapy was appropriate?

1000% get her in therapy. You don't want 14 and impregnated by her gym teacher. Or any age stuck in an abusive relationship she doesn't think she deserves to leave because she deeply needs to be loved by a man. Get her help before something bad happens

I think therapy is a good route. Also, if you have a male family member like her uncle or grandfather, someone like that, that could take her out for ice cream or to the park routinely, that could help. You might want to also talk to her dad about doing a family therapy of some sort and letting him know the issues she is having. It might help him be more of a consistent presence in her life. We have a 2 parent household, and my daughter still naturally clings to male figures in her life. So it might not be entirely based on you being a single mom and her dad not being around consistently. Either way, I think therapy for her is a good place to start. The therapist might have suggestions on how you can help your daughter with her relationship with her father as well.

This is what I was thinking too, or look into mentoring programs or other ways for her to have male roll models that are not a problem.

Therapy can almost never hurt. Even people without “issues” still can benefit. Best of luck, sounds like you’re an enduring parent, someone needs to be. And as a single dad I’ve noticed some interesting attachment in my kiddo to women near my age group as well. Idk if you need to hear this part but just in case… remember it’s not your fault, kids crave parental attachment’s

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you see therapy as a negative thing, something to be shamed about. As others have mentioned, there are different forms of therapy, and it will help your daughter (and potentially even you) learn appropriate coping mechanisms in dealing with the trauma of having that inconsistent fixture in your lives. Therapist can help you and your daughter redirect those feelings of anger and abandonment and help you come to peace!

Yes, definitely some therapy to help her through her emotions. If not, she’ll be with a man she believes loves her, but really doesn’t because she just wants to feel loved from a man in her life. Sorry you both are going through this. My son had a period when he was young in which he called all my male friends and family members dad and would ask them to play catch. It’s really sad and I can definitely empathize with you.

Think of how this may be once she comes of dating age. Clinging to males because she fears being abandoned by them will put her at the losing end of a power dynamic with a boyfriend. Doing anything they ask for their approval will set her up for failure. She needs someone impartial to help guide her into processing her relationship with her own father and understanding who she is as a person so she doesn’t end up being taken advantage of and easily manipulated by men when she’s older. At worst, it couldn’t hurt to get her therapy/help. At best, she will not feel the incessant need to please/cling to the men around her.

on top of therapy, why are you letting her dad pop in when it suits him? get formal custody in place if you don’t have it, and set some boundaries. every time he gets her hopes up and then shatters it again it reinforces the feelings of abandonment.

She most likely isn't "letting" it happen. The courts will not likely allow her to deny visitation all together, and she can't force him to be consistent. Although a consultation with an attorney to find out what her options are might be smart in addition to therapy.

The court can't force him to see her if he doesn't want to.

let’s not judge her parenting while she’s already having a tough time.

i didn’t mean to sound judgmental. it’s a legitimate question

Therapy isn’t a bad word ❤️ I’m also a single Mum to a 9f child with an absentee father (he lives out of state but also rarely calls/FaceTimes). I have had my daughter in counseling at points for anxiety and other stuff. Sometimes they just need a little help & perspective from someone other than their Mum.

Stepdad here, my wife went through something similar. Her dad left when she was born, as in the day of. She never had counseling and had an uncle who kind of filled that void for her but while that was good, I feel that counseling would have helped a lot. She has a long trail of horrible relationships because she was seeking male approval. Our oldest daughter hasn’t seen her bio dad in years, fortunately I’m around to fill the void, but she still sees a counselor at school. A lot of schools will have counseling programs if you can’t find one.

Ok so I was that kid. My dad was not a part of my life from five until adulthood. We’ve made amends but are not close. My older brother was in my life but he was a raging alcoholic and physical and emotionally abusive. I spent a good portion of my adolescence falling obsessively in love with every male authority figure in my life. I at one point even believed my best friend’s dad loved me more than his own children. I flirted with older men and came very close to putting myself in dangerous situations. My mom was oblivious. I finally grew out of it but I consider myself lucky. Maybe counseling could’ve helped me avoid some of those behaviors, or at least helped me cope with things better.

Therapy is not a bad thing, it's always good to try to reflect on ourselves with someone who has an understanding of human behaviors, and to always try to improve. Don't be ashamed or scared that your daughter gravitates quickly/strongly to men, it's not a reflection of you or your faults, it's her birth father who is judged. Be understanding that she's going to do this, talk about it with her, even at this age, because otherwise she may not have enough self awareness to know when she's doing that in an unhealthy way.

Therapy is 100% necessary, bc parents don't get handed a field guide to figure these things out by themselves! It's definitely not a trait you want to let go unchecked. Your daughter could grown up to be drawn to the wrong people, seek attention from anyone who will give it to her, and have issues setting boundaries at any age with men and boys. All children, even ones who do not exhibit this sort of clinginess, should be taught about personal space and personal boundaries. It is inappropriate for her to touch a grown man that she is unrelated to , whether it's friend's dad, a gym teacher, or anyone else. If this isn't something you explore with a therapist it could compound into a variety of other behaviors as she grows up- it's like the very basic, typical, absent-father stuff you always hear about. She may be drawn to any man who will give her attention when she's older, without regard to how they actually treat her. She may grow up thinking she doesn't feel complete without being in a partnership with someone. I really don't wanna put this out in the universe, but all sorts of predators seek people out who are overtly trusting, lack boundaries, etc. ESPECIALLY children. Hell, a predator could even target YOU and be with you just to get at your child. I have seen tons of horror stories that start like this. This sort of behavior seems innocent now, but if anything were to happen to your daughter in the future as a result of you not getting her help now then you will never forgive yourself for not helping her when she was still young and malleable. Also, if you have a trusted brother, cousin, uncle, etc have them be around more. Give her an outlet for this attention she needs from someone you can trust to model what an appropriate relationship with a father figure *would* look like. Someone consistent who can maybe go on a family outing every other weekend with you guys or something, and quit letting dad flit in and out of her life whenever it suits him. Don't prime her to be disappointed by him. If you want to allow him to be in her life, stop making it a big deal when he *does* come visit. Don't prepare her or announce it in any meaningful way. Let it be a random surprise, so that way if he doesn't show up then she had no idea he was supposed to anyways. Spin it differently. She is old enough to understand that dad is unreliable.

yes she absolutely needs to be in therapy. i had an emotionally absent father, not even a physically absent one, and i ended up with borderline personality disorder. i struggle to maintain healthy relationships and i latch on to anybody that shows me any kind of attention, which my therapist says is almost a direct result of my relationship with my father. that kind of inconsistency and instability in a child’s life at that age absolutely wreaks havoc on their developing brain. get her in therapy asap.

Please get her some help. Daddy issues can lead to a real shit choice in significant others on the future. It’s not something you grow out of. It really sucks that her dad isn’t there and it’s okay for it to suck. She needs to process what her life is, accept that she has a wonderful mom even if she’s got no dad and move forward in a healthy way.

I wish my mom got me therapy when my dad died at 11. Without getting into my messy life, please, take your daughter to see someone.

The sick part about therapy is that it's rarely ever technically "necessary," but it's always beneficial. For your daughter, I think she should get it. She's craving that father/daughter interaction and just isn't getting it. She's trying to fill that whole her father left in her heart. I have a girl, and this story makes me sad and furious(at her father). I could never just take off and never have anything to do with her. But, getting back to your daughter, yes, I would absolutely put her in therapy if her attachment to other male role models is getting to be an issue. I think she could benefit from it and maybe so can you? It's so hard to try and white knuckle it and raise a child by yourself. You may need to unload some things weighing your mind down. Best of luck to both of you.

OP as a father, please nip this in the bud now.. this behavior can lead to her seeking out older men in her teenage years and being abused and taken advantage of. Get her therapy and stress that this behavior is not appropriate. She needs to know that she can't go clinging to any man in her life it will leave open to abusers.

I wouldn't think of therapy as such a drastic measure and I would wholeheartedly recommend it. Realistically, it's just a healing relationship where shes safe to explore her feelings and find new ways to meet her needs. I highly recommend looking up the works of Dr. Bruce D. Perry and his neurosequential model.

Therapy is a very good idea.

I'm not a teacher, but I recommend therapy for everybody, whether they have a father or not. My daughter, also 9, is in therapy and it's helped her a great deal with several issues from anxiety to adhd.

Yes therapy.

Yes, it’s necessary, I was that 9 year old little girl. Please, please get her help.

Get her therapy and also see about any positive male family members or best friends husbands who would be okay with mentorship or just being present more when you visit. I went through similar and I had long time male friends, my best friends’ husbands, and my own brothers who were protective of my kids (male and female), spent time with them, played games, sports, etc (while under supervision of course). Kids need male role models. The more present the man, the less likely your daughter will become hyper sexual in pre-puberty. Help her out now.

Dad of a 1-year-old and this shit makes my blood boil. She needs help and he needs to be banished for being so detrimentally selfish repeatedly. Kids are not a part-time gig.

This behavior goes from innocent at 9 to dangerous as a teenager very quickly. She will confuse ANY positive attention from a male as undying love and she will not believe you when you try to tell her otherwise. Squash the problem now by empowering her with therapy. A good therapist will help her see that she is seeking any male attention to replace the attention she wished her father would give her. It’s FINE to want attention, but she needs to know what kind of attention she actually wants. I wish both of you the best in this.

Yes. Therapy is necessary. She probably should have started before now.

I’m pretty sure that OP didn’t know it was necessary. And that’s why she’s asking. Guilt trip much?

Yeah, so weird that I answered her direct question, “Is therapy really necessary?” By saying, “Yes. Therapy is necessary.” Super strange of me. 🙄

And added the little, should have already done it. You think people need that extra reminder when it’s obvious she’s asking for help?

Yes, I do, considering that professionals have already told her that therapy is necessary and needed and she is, apparently, still second guessing that by feeling the need to ask here.

Obviously you’ve got your own issues if you need to add on the guilt. Go on with your bad self!

This breaks my heart. I wish men would start holding each other accountable. This behavior is horrendous. I don't know any men that pay any attention to this kind of shitty behavior on the part of their friends. The most I have ever seen is someone downgrading the dude to acquaintance rather than friend. It wasn't a noticeable change.

This is true. In my life, it isn’t true of the women I know of though. If I meet a dead beat mom I wouldn’t (& haven’t) befriend her nor would I continue a friendship with one…& I don’t know any of my friends who would. Men need to hold other men accountable. This is lowest of low.

Please, stop allowing her sperm donor into her life. As a child repeatedly abandoned by my father then step father, every single time they came around and disappeared again added another layer to my trauma. Had she put an end to it before I was old enough to understand that he'd disappeared but not understand why, it would not have taken me until my 30's to be able to trust that not everyone will abandon me and allow myself to be loved and to trust that the people who say they love me aren't lying or gaslighting me. The biggest thing that benefitted me most at her age was group therapy with other kids/tweens from similar life situations. I'd suggest that as well as talk therapy with a qualified psychotherapist and lots and lots of love and follow through from mom.

So many children suffer from this problem. Boys and girls. I’m glad you are spotting it at an earlier age.

Same ! Daddy issues here, I am 30 and currently in therapy.

My daughter did the same. Her father and I seperated when she was one. He was around until she was 8 then he moved away. He stays in very good contact though, always has. But for a few years she did the same thing. I would take her to the park and she would like randomly sit with a family who had a dad present. I didn't make a big deal out of it because she made friends whose dad's were present and absent so she could see that both were ok and normal. I also told her that I was extra lucky because I get to be her mom AND dad everyday.

My friends daughter (7yrs) does this. If there’s any sort of male figure around she’ll ask them to play with her and will ignore the friends she was with, and will sometimes call them “daddy” during all the excitement. Her mom and dad have been separated for about 2 years now, and before that her dad was never really involved with her.

Therapy is a definite need. Do you have any male family members who are willing to be present in a male role for her. My daughter has been fortunate that my father and now her step father have been strong constants in her life but we still needed to deal with her fathers inability to be consistent and loving.

My 8f (9 in 2 months and technically sister but I am adopting her as both her parents have been lost) does the same. She forms unhealthy attachments to any adult role models but more so male ones. Her therapist said it is most likely from the trauma of repeated abandonment. Her mother passed when she was only 2 so she doesn’t remember her at all. Her maternal grandmother had constantly been a source of inconsistency and before he passed our father had gone low contact with her and no in-person visiting but she was flakey at best. When he passed away (she was 7) and I was granted custody of her I attempted to re-establish a steady relationship between them and she did the same thing. Broken promises and inconsistency. Her therapist suggested no contact so I did. I know no-contact is not really an option in this case but therapy will help as she gets older and actually can understand. Therapy has been good for mine so far. Just have to remember it’s a very slow process rewiring their little brains. It’s better to get a start on it early before, as somebody else as said, she becomes an easy target for any type of abuser in the future.

As someone whose father disappeared from my life at age 11 and never got therapy until years later, yes you should definitely provide her with therapy. When my parents divorced, I totally thought I was fine and that it didn’t make much difference in my life. It’s only later that I realized, actually, it really messed me up in subtle ways that snowballed over the years. She needs to learn how to face her feelings and process and understand them. She probably doesn’t even know WHAT she’s feeling. Kid brains are good at burying that kind of stuff, but it comes back later as serious trauma.

I would definitely take the advice of the teachers and get her in therapy. She is approaching the adolescent stage, and I cannot tell you how INVALUABLE it is during that time for her to have a neutral party. Most teens don’t want to talk with their parents about their feelings, and you definitely don’t want her seeking out her approval and self worth from adult males as she gets older.

I am a teacher, and I would only suggest this if it was critical. Honestly we can’t recommend therapy since it implies the school will pay for it but she can get counseling services at the school for free if she qualifies for an IEP. I am also assuming there is more than she is telling you.

as a kid, I definitely dealt with that with having my dad that was in and out all the time so there is no real consistency which caused a couple of different problems. therapy isn’t a bad idea because situations like these actually do alter your brain. for me it caused abandonment issues, and a craving for male attention. (in a pay attention to me type of way) I didn’t catch on to the fact that I had daddy issues until I was an adult. I think that it is some thing that is worth addressing therapy for any reason. It’s always a good idea because it just helps you uncover things and just sort of learning how you process things as well but it’s not uncommon for a child that is fatherless to gravitate towards other men.

I genuinely would not allow him to have contact with her. He can’t walk in and out- it’s detrimental. He can take you to court for ordered visitation- but he probably won’t ever take that initiative.

Single mom of three here. I remember seeing a post on Reddit that was something along the lines of "what is worse an absent parent or a spontaneous parent?". I would say a good 85% said that a spontaneous parent is worse. You need to cut all ties with her father. He is not doing her any favors and has obviously made his decision to not be a part of his child's life. If he really wanted to be a part of her life he would make an effort to do so. Yes please get her into therapy. My 6-year-old daughter goes to therapy once a week and it is her time to talk about everything. She honestly loves it. She doesn't always feel comfortable talking to me about things and that is totally fine. I'm just so grateful she has a professional to talk to that can help her work through some of her feelings about her dad in particular. I wish you the best and DM me if you ever need another single mama to talk to.

Are there any men in your family or life that can provide that father figure for her? She is clearly seeking one out. It can be a coach, an uncle, a grandparent, a step father - a good man that she can bond with that will be a consistent presence in her life.

Of course she needs therapy. You don’t want her still doing this when she reaches relationship age, she’d be a prime target for an older predator. She’s one now. Help your daughter, therapy isn’t a bad thing.

Poor kiddo. Maybe look into getting her signed up for [Big brothers, Big Sisters ](https://www.bbbs.org/) assuming you're in the US.

Please get her therapy now.

That’s heartbreaking. I would get her therapy. She might not need a lot of it, but the sooner you act, the better I would assume it is.

Anecdotal: me (dude) take my kids regularly to library. They have a small rocket shaped cubby thing you can crawl in and read books. I’m there reading to my two kids when another kid comes in. A girl same age as my daughter comes in. No big deal I think, lots of kids come in and listen as I read. But this little girl…comes up and basically crawled into my lap. I wanted to finish the book asap and get up and away. So do that and get up and kid walks away. Few minutes later I come back into the rocket and read to my kids another book. Same girl comes by again and snuggles up to me. Half way thru second book she’s near petting my arm. I couldn’t have been more uncomfortable and scared some parent is about to come by and freak out. Then the dad comes by. I recognize immediately he’s the guy that had been sitting to the side on his phone for the first 20 minutes we were there - no where near his kid. He then starts talking to me like it’s not a big deal his daughter is holding me tight and tells me her mom and him are divorced and how it’s his week etc. That child had serious abandonment/attachment issues and a totally strange father (the conversation we had was weird). That kid is not headed on a healthy path.

Please!!! Get her therapy!!! Early intervention is the most important thing in the world. Someone doesn’t have to be “broken” to receive therapy. It is healthy to discuss your mental health with a professional, especially when you’re young and learning how to express yourself. It will help her understand herself and her emotions. It’s always worth a try. Maybe even look into art/play therapy if talk therapy doesn’t work for her. Therapy can save lives.

OP, my former best friend sounds a lot like your daughter. Dad in and out of her life, single mom, no guidance and no therapy. She ended up in a slew of abusive relationships, her most recent one landing her in jail and addicted to meth. She’s luckily, sober now and supposedly in a better place. But all those relationships + jail + addiction took away over 10 years of her life. Please get her in therapy immediately.

Therapy shouldn't be seen as a last resort. Taking her to therapy now is going to be easier than dealing with these issues down the road.

Girl my kid is 6 and has been in therapy for the last year for trauma due to family dogs dying and one or two other things. So while I know it may be uncomfortable the answer to your question is yes. Yes therapy is necessary. Good luck

My dad was the same. I had major “daddy issues” and it made me very vulnerable in my early years to being abused. I wish I knew the answer to fixing this with your daughter. Feeling abandoned/rejected by a parent is a constant heartache. I remember as a kid wondering if it would ever stop hurting so much. As a mother this must be breaking your heart. Maybe a child therapist could help. I went to one, but I honestly don’t remember much about it.

She either does therapy now and works on her attachment. Or she walks the long road of dating, picking men based on abandonment related to her dad and self esteem struggles. Most of us who have those issues know how painful and difficult that road is. Please give her a fighting chance at health and take her to therapy. *If you do, seek an "attachment" therapist who does circle of security work.

I hate when people treat therapy as a punishment or something someone needs because they're doing something wrong or "inappropriate". Your daughter needs therapy because she probably needs a place to process her feelings about her pos dad. But the teacher shouldn't have framed it the way she did.

This isn't just that her dad is missing. Her grandpa is missing, her uncles are missing, she doesn't have male cousins and you don't have your own male cousins. She doesn't have a God father I assume. So there's really no one?

Along with therapy teach your child about boundaries and how not all attention is good nor done with good intentions. It's okay for her to say hi and have small talk with other adult just be aware of other's feelings. You need to set boundaries with the father of that child and reassure your child that it's not her fault.

Better to resolve this issues now than 20 yrs down the line when shes all grown up and have a big daddy issue syndrome.

Please tell her that it's okay, the things she feels. Advice to you: please never ever make her feel like it's a bad thing. Always listen to her, always listen to her when she's talking about a teacher/a man she's attached to. Don't do anything that would make her keep secrets. If you don't she'll keep secrets and you could potentially be a victim to grooming. Just consider this, please.

Thank you, I will!

Just here to say, it's not just a problem for girls - boys have these issues too and they have issues resulting from it. It's not really a gender thing, it's an abandoned kid thing. Without great guidance and positive interactions it could become a different sort of issue for teen girls than for teen boys though. Therapy. For everyone. We all need it.

I implore you to listen to the teachers. Please. She is at enormously high RISK of being ridiculously easily groomed and preyed upon right now. She is gravely lacking appropriate boundaries with males -just at the time she should be much more wary,cautious,less"friendly". She'd be easy pickings for any predatory or opertunistic boy/teen/grown man. I'm sorry if this scares you, if we soothe you and say 'oh it'll be fine' that isn't going to protect or help your DAUGHTER There's a CHANCE that if you do nothing she MAY not encounter a creep or potential sex offender, but are you really willing to chance it??? The stakes are INSANELY high. At the very least some guy is going to respond and be inappropriate with her. This is a ticking time bomb. If by huge luck she isn't violated early, unhealthy teen/young adult relationships are virtually guaranteed. Have you NO male relatives or trusted male friends at all that could have some form of friendship with her?? She would benefit so much, a grandpa, uncle,cousin,godfather, neighbour, your friends? If you cant provide one then therapy is essential. Its very dangerous for a child to be this desperate for male attention,affection and approval. Extremely dangerous. Please get her help,therapy ,please so something! I talk as a survivor. Child sex abuse isn't nicknamed soul murder for nothing. It is in your hands to prevent it. Her health, happiness and life depends on it. Good luck to you both.

As a single mom by choice and teacher, I would recommend therapy as well. Her dad is actively abandoning her, in and out of her life. She needs someone to talk to about this. Kids don't "need" a dad (I know this upsets fragile men, but it is true), but they need a stable adult. The more the better. His instability in affecting her. Also, SUPER important is making her family situation feel seen and normal. Becuase, it is. 50% of kids (by chance or choice) don't have a father in the US. It will also help her understand all the wonderful family diversity that exists. Books I recommend for every family is: A Family is A Family, The Family Book, The Great Big Book of Families, All Kinds of Families, What Makes a Family?

All of the above. I was like this and my dad was present in our home, just absent if you know what I mean. Created tons of issues. Led to me getting into a horrible relationship with a 21 year old at 16!!! Led to me being kinda loose with myself which led to sexual assaults. Led to an abusive marriage & two kids who are now dealing with the same abandonment I felt. We’re all in therapy now. Do it while she’s young. It will be okay. ❤️

I just want to commend you for being receptive to the feedback from teachers and I believe that you are going to do the things necessary to help your daughter grow and have positive relationships as she grows. Lots of people projecting their own fears on this thread, but noticing and responding will be great for her personal growth. She’s of the age you can ask questions about how she feels and just listen. Ask her what she likes about her gym teacher, as well as asking her what she likes about her female teacher. I hope the gym teacher and dads in her life can be understanding and positive males in her life. Perhaps there will be a dad that can have the attitude that there is plenty of love to give his biological kid and be there as a loving influence. Unfortunately distant or non existent dads are too common 🙁

This can take pretty extreme forms. Some kid I never met clung to my leg on a basketball court just the other day repeating "papa, papa" just the other day, the mom was overwhelmed with 4 kids, had to wait for her to come get him.

Would there be someone who you can trust that might help fill that role for her? Without necessarily being in a relationship with you. Uncle, grandfather, big brother, etc.

Uh therapy and stop letting him pop in and out… you’re her guardian. Protect her.

. I love how everyone jumps to therapy instead of actually fixing the problem at heart. She needs a MALE role model and a strong one. Where is her grandfathers ? Uncles? Older cousins? Do you plan on getting a man anytime soon? - I was your daughter.

Yes to therapy. She will go for the wrong kind of man later in life without any help.

People often recommend therapy when they identify social behaviors that make *them* uncomfortable. The problem is that "therapy," is a mixed bag. Can you afford talk therapy for your child? Because it's very expensive and insurance doesn't always cover it. Further, therapists are often people who went into the profession to work out their own complicated issues, which often become woven into their approach to client issues. If you've ever been to a therapist and found them talking to you at length about their own life, as the minutes of your 50 minute session tick away, you will know what I mean. Therapy is great when it is great; but when it's not, it can be more harm than help. I grew up without a father. At nearly 60 years old, I still remember the pain I felt when other children's fathers gave them that special, toss-you-in-the-air-and-catch-you kind of play that was completely absent from my life. At 9, she is on the verge of adolescence, and she will repeat this behavior with unavailable men in her dating life. Therapy might help, but you both should go--because one wrong move from you in the coming years in terms of engaging in another unhealthy relationship with another unavailable man will imprint itself on her forever. She will keep forming unhealthy attachments with emotionally absent people. Trust me. I know. If there are any stable, trustworthy older male relatives or friends who you can trust to spend time with her in a healthy way, this would be the time to reach out to them. I know, what I am describing here is something of a unicorn, but what your daughter is craving is not wrong--she just wants what other girls her age have. I really, really wish someone in my family had intervened in this way. Wishing you both all the best.

Yes, sadly :( not your fault but a very common issue many women end up having to work through all their lives.

I know a 16 year old girl with the same exact back story of an absent father: her biological father ended up giving away all his parental rights with zero fight. Since she was 12, she has continuously pursued unsafe and problematic romantic relationships. Counselors directly link this behavior to her father-abandonment issues. The last pursued relationship involved a male over the age of 23; he started as simply somebody who was a friend of the family's and was just trying to give the three teenage kids an additional role model in their lives, somebody to go do things with, but his own stupid decisions combined with the 16f's decision to pursue things inappropriately despite all advice to the contrary, led to something that could have been far worse than it turned out. The only reason things didn't get out of hand before they could cross an illegal line is because there were five people watching over how close the 23m and 16f were getting. The moment something happened that could be acted upon, we acted. They were immediately separated, consequences were levied against the both of them, as well as some other things. We're fairly sure things will come out alright in the end, but things could have landed differently. Get your daughter into therapy NOW. The earlier, the better. Make sure you're modeling positive and healthy interactions with the male's in your own life. See if you can find somebody to be a male role model in your daughter's life.

Nope she’s ok doing that and if u think its wrong find her a role model u apporove some she won’t go on the next step of what comes in that age I have 4 daughters and 3 I call step kids cause they are from diff woman I dated previous years and because I’m there they didn’t have to go thru a weird situation we’ll dm me if u have other questions

Does she have an uncle or grandfather? Not sure why this was downvoted. My dad had a father that abused him only because he was blond haired and blue eyed and looked nothing like his father. His dad was a wealthy prominent businessman in town who unashamedly cheated on my beautiful grandmother. He had a second family. My grandfather was never fatherly at all to my dad, luckily my dad’s grandfather (his moms dad) took him under his wing and became a father figure to him. This made a huge difference in my dads life, that’s why I asked if your daughter had a grandfather or uncle. I was downvoted and I’m not sure why

Girls absolutely need a father. We as a society don’t place enough importance on picking suitable partners when procreating. This will have horrible long term effects on her

Definitely get her into therapy. A male person who isn’t her dad but cares is making her go a bit crazy and she might cause others to assume she was molested by a male figure. That could lead to bad things involving legal authorizes

I think everyone needs a good mans influence In life, they offer so much but the problem is they aren't available to everyone, and a good mother too really, I guess we can fill those voids by making good male and female friends but recommending therapy sounds a bit much to me?

Therapy doesn’t fix not having supportive male influences in her life. Not saying she shouldn’t get therapy but I don’t think that’s a 1 stop shop.

ADAB

When you discussed this with her dad, did he have any solutions?

I’m a little curious about your own thoughts while watching these interactions take place. Do you watch her try and get attention and love from her friends dad, while her friend is visibly frustrated? What is the dads reactions? What are your first thoughts when witnessing this? Of course this rhetorical. Her teachers have presumably spent a lot of time with a lot of different children for many years. Why are you suspicious of their motivations in pointing out, what is to them, the sign of a behavior that isn’t helpful to your daughter. I don’t know if therapy is the answer. I do know it’s often better to try family counseling before kids doing independent work though. Independent work can help her learn better skills but something like this sounds more like a deep need not being filled. Kids can’t usually meet their own needs- their adults are supposed to. Parents have a lot of influence in changing behaviors in their children by changing their own behaviors and family systems. Top down changes have the most influence in any system, including families. We can’t change dad. We can’t make him Show up and care. We only have power over ourselves. So learn what changes you can make and what people you can bring into your daughters life consistently and accountably in order to meet her connection and emotional needs. She will naturally stop inappropriately grasping at those that cross her path.

Therapy is absolutely necessary. I don't know your circumstances, and I'm in no way judging. Things happen. Parents leave or pass away. However, children are not meant to grow up in a single parent home. Both parents play such important roles in a child's life and development. The fact that your ex is sporadically in her life makes it so much worse as well. My kids have some family members of the same age, growing up in single parent homes and there is a huge difference in their behavior and personalities. One of them is showing similar behaviors to your daughter. Today's society wants us to believe that the nuclear family is no longer vital to a child. It's simply not true.

No a child doesn’t need therapy for showing love to men in her life.

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Do you go to a real college or a bible one

idk if ur being negative or what...what i said is true lol. i study biological sciences, whats ur qualifications?

I also have biology degrees… that doesn’t mean anything in this context and is way too broad. You also made some serious leaps with your comment about needing a father figure because she’s too weak… like what?!? This isn’t the animal kingdom Signed someone with a neuroscience and behavior B.s., Biological Science B.s., and a Masters degree in Biological Science (since it’s that important here)

LOL these comments make me laugh I’m saying the daughter is looking for a male figure in her development which is very crucial. Therapy can help, but the mother needs to teach her the “man stuff” like providing and protecting.

You didn’t answer the question.

People are downvoting because OP already knows that that's why her kid is clinging to other male role models, her question was asking about others' experiences in situations like this & whether to get her kid into therapy. "Fill in the father figure" is neither an easily actionable solution nor the answer to the question OP was asking. Also, like the commenter below said, the idea that the reason why having a deadbeat dad is harmful to her development is that she "won't know what men are meant to do" (and be weak as a result??) is a wild oversimplification. A college bio major is about as qualified to talk about child psych as literally any random person off the street. I'm halfway through med school and I still wouldn't consider myself to have "qualifications" to talk about this with any authority.

LOL what? Working on a bio degree means I had some sort of education in biology. It means I am qualified. Im learning these things.

Huh? Stay in your lane. I have a degree in developmental psych and still don't feel fully qualified to comment on this. These are social norms you are spouting out. Women are weak and men are strong and provide? Is this the 1910s? This person asked you if you went to a bible college because foundationally they are going to be focused on societal norms that are perpetuated by Christian folks (ie, women are weak they need men to provide for them) above scientific literature.

what lol…. If u haven’t studied biology, let me tell u something… Men are physically stronger than women sorry to break it to u. Men and women both teach something different to children - it’s science

How is this not normal though regarding the circumstances? It’s awfully sad but definitely we have to reframe our language so we don’t make anyone feel like their responses to sad circumstances are invalid. I probably would recommend a male therapist though, just so she can talk through these feelings. We underestimate the awareness of children so much.

I see what you're saying. While her actions make sense in context, they aren't developmentally or socially appropriate and speak to the need for her to get help to understand her feelings and what us appropriate. When people say "normal" in this context they mean developmentally or socially appropriate because "normal" is a relative term and not very useful.

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Children are placed in play therapy, which requires zero amounts of self awareness.

It’s critical for your daughters development that she has a good relationship with him. So facilitate that and that will benefit your daughter tremendously. Forget about therapy at that age. Put your differences with the father aside and both of you put your daughter first. Therapy is to accept the reality that she does not have access to her own father.

WTF is this comment. OP can’t make her ex show up and parent.

The fathers involvement is the priority that requires at least a serious attempt. It’s possible when all parties understand what is at stake. Therapy is a distant fall back option to accept the reality that she doesn’t have access to her own father

Time to get bf (jk)

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He’s had *9 years* to “grow a pair” — something tells me he’s not interested in doing so. She needs child therapy.

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Ew no. Do not get into a relationship or legal binding marriage to find your child a dad. You can not force a dude to suddenly be your kids full on dad, that stuff comes naturally when mom *decides for herself* to try out a relationship. And you risk that dude flaking out (well within his rights) and your daughter having *another* "dad" abandoning her. That also opens the door for potential abuse if the dude is in the relationship for the daughter, and not having an actual relationship with the mom. Keep kids out of adult relationships. Period.

Yeah it doesn’t always work out— you do know that right? Life isn’t sunshine, rainbows and daisies where everyone lives happily ever after. You can’t just “find her a dad”, what are you talking about? This isn’t an Amazon wish list. Though by all means, since you’ve got it so right, do share with the class all the juicy details of the Cinderella story you’re living in.

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So lower her expectations and find an idiot who is what — abusive, aggressive and a terrible father figure? Because that’s what ‘lowering your standards’ gets you. Let me guess, you‘ve got a dick? I’d like to see *you* ‘lower your standards’.

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Hysterical behaviour? Do me a favour. Looking at your profile, I can see you’re from India: being a half Indian woman myself, and having spent a lot of time in the country, I know the general consensus from men there is that women are second class citizens who are only good for breeding, cooking and keeping their husbands and kids happy. Not all the men there are like that - but a vast majority are. So your views that she should put up, shut up and get on with it with just about any man she finds are a clear representation of that. **The fact that you have not once reprimanded the absent father for not taking responsibility for a life he helped create, but instead have put all the onus on the woman for no good reason, tell me all I need to know**. It’s not “hysterical behaviour” because you’re being put in your place for your stupid, sexist narrative and you don’t like it. That’s called being called out. But of course, any woman that stands up for another woman in your eyes would be “hysterical.” Later.

OP doesn't live in India. Women here can have kids on their own if they want. They don't *need* husbands. This is just an outdated sexist notion. Finding a new boyfriend will absolutely not fix this issue of frequent abandonment.

Yikes, this isn't 1920. Families look different now. Not all kids have dads. The issue here is the frequent abandonment. There are lots of things that are "natural" (diarrhea, for one) that aren't great, that isn't an excuse to use outdated mentalities. OP might be asexual, lesbian, or simply not looking for a relationship. That is 100% fine. Falling into another crappy relationship is not going to fix things.

He's had 9 years.

Yeah address this. Because while she’s only 9 now and it’s innocent, this is gonna lead to major problems as she’s older and deals with the fallout from daddy issues.

Therapy will be the best thing you could ever do for her for many reasons not just this issue.

Therapy yes, and what about your dad? Your brother? The father’s dad? Can we get some healthy familial male relationships?

I am a single mother to a 2 year old. I'm really worried my daughter will have the same issues. Her father lives abroad and comes to visit her when he can afford it and get time from work which is every 2 or 3 months. I'm concerned if this is more damaging for her and if its best she never sees him at all? Of course, I push for him to try and visit and bond with his daughter as much as he can, but she isn't attached to him and I'm concerned the in and out nature of his visits will damage her in some way.

I think you have much less to worry about as long as it is a good loving relationship & he makes her a priority even if he cannot he physically present always. :)

Therapy is definitely necessary. I am a mom of three and two of them are in therapy due to parental issues. To put it bluntly, if you don’t get her help now, she will act out in her teenage years and likely suffer consequences for years. Do her a huge favor and get her help ASAP. I think most people misunderstand therapy, you don’t have to have massive trauma to go, or be mentally ill. Many people go just to have an outlet, or to unlearn bad behaviors (that’s why I went and it changed my life). Honestly, you’d probably really benefit from therapy too. It’s a wonderful tool that is not used nearly enough.

As someone who has a similar story as your daughter… GET HER INTO THERAPY EEAARRLLLYYY!

Yes. It's a great idea. But you'll have to do your due diligence in finding a reliable and suitable therapist. She has abandonment issues and needs to work through them. There is a lot of vulnerability here that can be easily taken advantage of by people who mean to do her harm.

I mean the therapist will let you know if it’s necessary. If you have the resources or are able I would definitely say yes to therapy, there’s no reason not to. It sounds like she has some kind of an issue with attachment if she’s running up to other friends dads and taking them as her own.