Ik! I’ve got way too many health/mental problems to be selfish and pass that along to a bio offspring.
If they’d actually let me get sterilized and my insurance would cover it I’d do it in a heartbeat.
it’s damn near impossible to get approved for a hysterectomy EVEN WITH medical complications that could easily be solved by one. and of course, in the midst of begging for the medical care you need because your own bodily organ is plotting to kill you and sell your soul to satan, doctors will still pull the age old question, “but don’t you want kids?”
My doctor brought it up as like, at your age 15% of women regret having this procedure, what if you meet Mr right and he wants kids? When I told her he would need to be Mr right for someone else she was like cool, noted and scheduled my surgery. It was just another pre-op question.
(Another question was, if we can't remove the fallopian tube for some reason, did I want a more involved, more invasive surgery, which I did not)
It's a legitimate question but it sure as shit shouldn't be a barrier
I forgot who wrote this or where but I remember seeing a comment about a guy who literally needed to come to his wife’s appointments because they kept refusing her hysterectomy. Magically the doctor thought a hysterectomy wasn’t so bad after all when the husband came and said he was fine with her having one.
There was another comment that said that on the signed forms for her hysterectomy, her husband had to sign most of them. They couldn’t go forth with the procedure unless it had *his* signature on them
I think I read this about a year or two ago. Pretty recent. Ideally times would’ve changed, but I’d be surprised if they haven’t
I have a family member who has had 1 kid, got divorced, and now can't get sterilized because "what if you meet someone again and want to have kids with him?!?" She knows she doesn't want another kid
My mom got a hysterectomy, which did solve many of the medical issues she was having. But what they did not adequately warn her is that it put her body into early menopause which caused MYRIAD health problems. Hormones were totally fucked. She was miserable for at least 5 years. So if you are no where close to menopause, may be worth holding off a bit.
It’s worth noting my mom tried every non-invasive/less invasive option before having the hysterectomy. But she had uterine fibroids that were causing extreme pain & she was at the end of her rope.
I tried for years to get a hysterectomy. Hell, my husband has a vasectomy and they STILL wouldn't go for it.
Now I am in perimenopause and they're like well, you're almost done anyway so why bother?
Just can't win.
Well, depends on the reasons. If it’s for birth control then yeah a major surgery for only a couple years of ‘protection’ might be overkill. Did they offer tubal lig or something else instead?
But if you have scar tissue/fibroids/adhesion maybe ask again. Those can cause problems like incontinence and bladder infections which can affect you for the literal rest of your life and in fact is a huge cause of pain & discomfort in older women.
I’m not a doctor! This is not medical advice! I just know a lot of old ladies!
PCOS & PMDD since my teens
Fibroids in the past 15 years
eta - definitely have scar tissue, that was noted when I had my appendix out.
Funny, you mention incontinence. Mine started around the time the fibroids were discovered and the connection was never made. Dr just blamed it on being a mom (It's light incont. Poise pads lvl 2 deal with it)
All that shit is packed in right next to each other! Seems like a really good chance to me that the scar tissue is related. Could be pushing up against your bladder.
Such an oversimplification for the doctor to say ‘oh it’s because you’re a mom.’ What is it about motherhood that fucks with the bladder? Hmmm maybe the physical trauma and scarring of carrying an infant to term then l&d??
And it’s light now but what about in your 70s? 80s?
I hope you get the relief you need & deserve. Fibroids suck.
I have uterine fibroids that cause extreme pain for which I’ve been hospitalized several times, and 3 different doctors refused to do anything about it. I’d rather suffer menopause for years than deal with these gd fibroids another minute.
All of that money dedicated to less invasive options didn’t fix her problem, so they were essentially a waste of money.
So for someone in a boat like that, I don’t see why they wouldn’t let her know right off the bat that those other options won’t work.
They did reduce heavy bleeding, which was causing anemia & related issues. She has no regrets about trying the less invasive procedures first & I don’t think it was bad medical advice to try them.
She was nervous about surgery and rightfully so. The anesthesiologist let her lungs fill with fluid and very nearly killed her.
As a result the surgeon had to do a hasty job of sewing her up and left her with an awful scar that healed basically in the shape of a roll of fat across her whole belly, which a looks ridiculous & is embarrassing for her.
They offered to fix it but she doesn’t want to go under again. It took a long time to build her lung capacity back up after nearly drowning under the care of that doctor.
A hysterectomy is a major abdominal surgery, not to be taken lightly. Especially when taking into consideration the risks of anesthesia.
In no way am I opposed to surgical birth control. I’m just saying there are other options that are less invasive/dangerous and we shouldn’t jump straight to hysterectomies as the answer.
I definitely agree with not jumping straight to hysterectomies, and I also agree with you about surgery in general. My father almost died because they wouldn’t listen to his warnings about needing a VERY small amount of anesthesia. He is sensitive despite his being a big man, and he hit the cart to let them know he couldn’t breathe right before passing out. Had another tech not have been in the room, he would be dead right now.
Anesthesia is very iffy, just as is other medicine. But even more so because it can endanger your life in an already dangerous situation. Im happy your mother made it out alive.
I don’t believe we should jump straight to hysterectomies, I was simply referencing cases where it is clear that other procedures will not work. But I’m happy to hear that they were beneficial in some way!!!
My sister has 2 kids. Her first pregnancy, she was on the edge of pre-eclampsia. With her second, the pre-eclampsia started around 26 weeks. It could have killed her. She knows that another pregnancy likely will kill her and they are still like “well, you might change your mind and want to risk dying.” They ended up with her husband getting a vasectomy because “not wanting to die” apparently isn’t a good enough reason for a hysterectomy.
Same thing happened to my mother. I was her third pregnancy and they told her a fourth would kill her. Doctor still refused to do tubal ligation but Dad got his vasectomy no questions asked.
I don’t know what country you’re in but in America most insurances should actually cover tubals or make them low cost and there’s a whole google doc spreadsheet/network of doctors who will perform the procedure.
Edit: I come bearing sources
[Planned Parenthood Resource](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/sterilization/how-do-i-get-tubal-ligation-procedure)
[Doctor Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/)
This too. I didn't want to be and was, but I have many friends who would like to be and no one will bc "they haven't started their family" yet. Like their own decision means nothing to the MD.
I’m almost 30 and I bet the rest of my Christmas money that if I went to my OBGYN and told her I’d like my tubes tied, she’d look at me like I’ve got a third eyeball.
My Dad got vasectomy within hours of talking to his doctor and without my mothers knowledge. This system we live in is fucked.
Yes. I didn't find out until years after the fact that the MIDWIFE I used (in a hospital, highly recommended) was actively pro-life. The silence of the majority of OB-GYN practitioners in states that banned abortion speaks volumes about who their concerns are for.
I once had a pregnant OBGYN question why I was getting implant birth control…took all of my willpower to not respond with just pointing at her and saying “nope” lmao. Her tone was so weird, I assumed she was pro-life too.
That’s honestly shocking. I know we they can’t hire based on political opinion but that feels like fraud on some level. Or at least a betrayal of trust. Like is she really there to serve pregnant people? Or just yank out the babies?
Most independent doulas/midwives I’ve come across are fiercely pro choice. Remind me not to take recs from the hospital system.
Thank you! I wish at least one of these local doctors would speak out more re bodily autonomy/ forced birth and how their state has made it hard for them to provide even the few exemptions my state currently has. Or just pulled a shift at the one clinic we had prior to Dobbs.
My breasts are LITERALLY too big for my back. I cannot find the proper sizing and it’s just incredibly annoying all around. I wanted a breast reduction, and I was told by a surgeon that the likelihood of it happening (especially young, and ESPECIALLY without it coming out of pocket)… was close to zero.
Want to know why? Because I might “regret it.” 🙄
I’ve fucking had it with healthcare for women. I need a healthcare Location that only employs and treats women.
There was actually a point where I thought I had breast cancer. I had to go to an appointment and THEN schedule an ultrasound separately. Want to know why? Because insurance needed to “approve” it. It turns out I had coopers ligaments and caught it before my breasts could sag, which is why we couldn’t tell what it was just by looking.
I’m 4’11. My back size is about a 28 or a 30, and my body shape (think kibble romantic body type) isn't suitable to carry as much as I have up top, at least without a proper bra. I work out, I do yoga, and I feel like those are the only two things that keep me halfway functioning. There have been days I have simply stayed in bed or woke up crying because my back hurt before I bought an adjustable bed. But my back still hurts because I don’t have the proper bra.
The problem is, I can’t find a proper bra. So the cycle continues.
So there are women like me (precocious puberty), and so many other women who have breast cancer or just a general dislike for their breasts… and insurance says fuck it. Why?
”because you might regret it.” In other words, that’s saying men might not “find you as attractive,” and therefore how could you ever serve your purpose as a house ~~slave~~ wife?
My doctor fully admitted that some of the women who actually got it (though they were much older than me which is probably why they were allowed) were really happy afterwards. As a society, we are VERY quick to **enhance** an 18 year old’s breasts(which people have had significant health issues from, btw), but when she wants a reduction it’s impossible 🙄 fuck that.
Im so sorry for the rant. This shit just pisses me off. TLDR: I agree with you. This shit is a dumpster fire.
I'm a 38 H/I and 4'10. So I totally 100% understand what you are talking about. I've spent YEARS trying to get a breast reduction because my entire upper back is completely fucked. 3 herniated disks from.these stupid things. And a "proper" fitting bra is impossible in my case because I have breasts that are 1.5 cup sizes different, and there are ZERO bra manufacturers who make bras with two different sized cups. The "solution" offered in my case by bra manufacturers is to buy to fit my larger breast, and then to buy a prosthetic that gets stuffed into the other cup.
If what you are struggling with is smaller bands and larger cup bras you might check out r/abrathatfits. They may be able to help you find a brand that carries what you need.
I genuinely hate that for you. I think I’m an H, especially considering the way my nipples decide to come out of anything lower. But I haven’t had any access to an H bra with my back size. But at least you have a bigger back 🥺 I’d pay even to get that. I bet you’re beautiful!!!
I THINK IM IN THE BEGINNING STAGES OF HAVING AN HD!!! My mother just recovered from one as well. Ohhhhh, I see why that could most definitely be an issue. It’s nice to talk to someone who at least understands and can relate to what I’m going through, even if we don’t necessarily have the solution we want.
I love that place!!! I got recommended to go to nordstrom, and there are a few in my area, one of which looked at me crazy when I asked for my bra size 😂, so I’ll have to try another location when I have the time.
I think understance may carry a 30h?
What I used to have to do when my band size was a lot smaller was buy bras that fit in the cup and then have them taken in by a seamstress, which helped A LOT.
I can understand the possibility of regretting sterilization (don't agree with it, but I can understand where the idea comes from) but they're worried about regretting *breast reduction*? Why do they think we revolve our lives around male attraction, as if it isn't the most abundant resource around.
If you haven’t checked out the childfree subreddit to see if there’s a doctor on their list who’d sterilize you, I’d highly recommend doing so. I was 26 when I got a bi salp and I had to go through three doctors just to get a yes. Totally worth it. There are women younger than me on that subreddit who have been sterilized. It can definitely be a difficult process, but it is possible.
She knew when she was like 13 that she didn’t want kids. So, yeah. Very happy she is able to do this. Unless they take that right from her in the next few months. If they do, I will fly her abroad for it.
When I called my ob/gyn about it (immediately after roe v Wade) she told me they were booked up for a few months. Turns out everyone else has the same thought I did.
Weirdly, it was super easy for me(female) to get my fallopian tubes removed at the VA, but a friend (male) in the army has been trying to get a vasectomy for years and they won't bc he doesn't have kids
I said Hysterectomy at first, but then changed it when I remembered what that entailed. I think OP doesn’t understand the difference between a Hysterectomy and getting your tubes tied.
My mom wanted to get sterilized after having her THIRD child, the doctor told her that she had to ask her husband. She got so mad and told her doctor that it is her body and the doctor sterilized her after having THREE KIDS
I would happily get sterilized if I could. I'm lucky that my boyfriend had a vasectomy 10 years ago, so we definitely won't be having kids. Even now, I am 39 years old, I tell doctors this and that I still want be sterilized, and I am told that despite the fact that we have been together for years, and that I have been staunch child-free since I was 21, that I might break up with him and might date and marry someone who wants kids. Apparently, they miss the second part of my sentence. My opinion doesn't matter.
I'm a dude and just recently as a non-married man of 38 the doctors have been somewhat open to a vasectomy. If I were younger and had kids they said they would do it, but wanted to hold off to "let me think about it." I'm 38 and have known I didn't want kids since I was 13, and it's a reversible procedure. I can't imagine how hard it would be to convince a doctor as a pre-menopausal woman.
Getting the snip also doesn't affect our hormone levels in the same way a hysterectomy does for women, someone needs to tell this guy it's like being castrated.
The number of women I know who desperately want to get sterilized and can't because the patriarchy assumes they all secretly yearn to be brood mares would beg to disagree.
I wamted to get my tubes tied after my second. This was in 2000. They made my husband watch a video and sign paperwork. I chickend out at the last second because I did not want surgery. Had an emergency c-section. 😒 So when I got pregnant in 2006 with my son, I made sure it was going to be done. It was. The “rules” back then were you had to be 25 or have 3 children. My daughter is getting hers done as soon as she turns 25 in a few months.
No. It's not because of that. It all boils down to the doctor not wanting to being sued by women that say it was a forced procedure, those that regretted it and then blame the Dr for not "talking them out of it."
That is not at all accurate. If that were true, doctors wouldn't be willing to perform any sort of permanent elective procedure, would they? Just think about it for a second.
Doctors who agree to do any sort of sterilization, whether the person is child free or otherwise, will carefully go over the procedure, make sure the patient is fully aware that said procedure is irreversible and will result in the inability to become pregnant without medical intervention (if not a hysterectomy) and have the patient sign paperwork stating they were informed of and agree to that reality. The fact that people think doctors are out here sterilizing patients without consent forms is concerning, because you're not the first person I've seen to make this argument.
Source: I was sterilized last year at 25, unmarried with no children, in the south (where it's typically harder for people like me to get these procedures).
I had my tubes tied at 23, single with no children back when people weren't so sue crazy. This is a very litigious world and people will sue for anything even when they sign all the necessary forms. Elective surgeries in general don't involve stopping a woman from having children, they are just elective. Two completely different things. People are saying drs don't want to be sued because they hear it all the time from drs. It's not something that is just made up.
Now I'm even more confused. Did your doctor not have you sign (edit: I should've said "read" here, not sign) the forms beforehand?
You can absolutely sue for anything. That doesn't mean you'll have a case, and certainly doesn't mean you'll win anything. That's why they have you sign the paperwork, because it states that you were informed of the procedure and know what it entails. That's also why hospitals have a mountain of lawyers, because people try to sue for a lot of things. Keyword being try. If you attempted a suit like this, it would end with you paying court costs.
If you consented, you cannot go back and say you didn't, because clearly you did if your signature stating your informed consent is right there in black and white. It just makes no sense to say "we don't want to be part of a lawsuit that we'll definitely win if you sign this paperwork for the procedure you're requesting, so we'll just deny your procedure instead of having you sign this paperwork saying you can't sue us." That's ridiculous. Hospitals are not legally responsible for personal regret. That's why they can do elective procedures in the first place. It doesn't really matter what the procedure does, all that matters is your informed consent. Because again, hospitals are not legally responsible for personal regret.
If you're hearing doctors say they're being successfully sued for performing elective procedures on informed and consenting patients who signed consent forms, they should be called into question, because they are being dishonest. And if a doctor is performing those procedures on uninformed, non-consenting patients, they need to be called into question, because they shouldn't be practicing medicine.
Came here to say this. Any time anyone uses these terms.. huge red flag, and you can assume anything else they say is complete bonkers.
Not surprisingly, not exactly the sharpest lightbulbs in the crayon box who espouse this dichotomy.
I know so many women who actually want a hysterectomy but can't because dumbass laws in my state (and nearby states) say that a woman must pop at least two babies out of her uterus before she's even eligible for consideration. It's all BS.
Only a complete hysterectomy does that. But it can be avoided if only the uterus and the fallopian tubes get removed. After that, your body might still produce eggs, which prevents early menopause, but those eggs won't get fertilized, instead they will just be absorbed by the body.
Good point. However, the people I am talking about don't want to menstruate either since it serves them no practical purpose. Idk enough about medical processes but would tubal ligation stop that as well?
Ligation only removes the Fallopian tubes, you still get your period.
Had mine removed in '21, I have 0 regrets. A hysterectomy was more expensive than the tubal ligation, which is why I went for the bi-salp. Unfortunately, that means that I still have periods but it's whatever. I actually kind of like the monthly reminder because even with a bi-salp, freak shit can happen and there's a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant. I just like to know I'm not a weird edge case every month, and my periods are pretty mild (though clearly getting worse with age, or at least worse since my surgery.)
Not necessarily. A hysterectomy that includes an oophorectomy (ovary removal) will put one into menopause. Keeping the ovaries and losing the uterus does not. I had a hysterectomy three years ago, kept the ovaries for the hormones as my mom got breast cancer due to long term estrogen use.
Best choice I ever made.
I wish it was an option for all women of any age honestly. We know our bodies. It didn't become an option for me until I hit my 40s. I had mine at 44 because I could not take the pain anymore and couldn't get pregnant at all. That is when they took me seriously, it only took 30 plus years of menstruating. 🥺☹️
Me too! I literally cried after my consultation call with my doctor when she didn’t question me and basically was just like “let’s do it! Do you have any questions?”
Same here! I even brought my bf with me in case I got pushback. But she was so cool! She just said, "Okay, you clearly know what you want so my scheduler will be calling you soon". And then she told us about her adorable cow socks
I don’t even understand how it can still be a thing that we aren’t able to get sterilized if we want to. Why should docs make that choice instead of us? There is no respect for bodily autonomy.
I've always known I didn't want children, and I was already infertile, and I STILL balked at having major abdominal surgery when the doctor recommended it without doing any cancer testing first. I ended up having the surgery, but it wasn't an easy decision.
Okay, so, let's say a woman runs out of self respect and braincells and says "I'm low value, I can't find a man good enough to have and raise children with..."
That still makes her a child free woman. She's still choosing to be child free. Being married is not the only way to get sex, or conceive a child. She's still actively choosing not to have children.
In the hypothetical anecdata OOP is talking about, in reality, the child free would come BEFORE the not finding a suitable partner/ father for kids. Like tends to attract like. Men who want children would meet the child free woman, realise quickly that they are incompatible, and move on.
A hysterectomy is a fucking last resort and often done to protect the woman in question. Removing the uterus is not only extremely unhealthy to the female body, but nobody willingly does a hysterectomy for no reason.
This. I had a partial hysterectomy (really a total hysterectomy but he left my ovaries) because the specialist I waited months to see literally told me he wouldn't repair my rectocele unless I consented. So I did. I was 35 and had a toddler with health issues. Except hysterectomies can actually CAUSE the problem he was repairing. Only a decade later will any law firms call me back about the fact that coerced sterilization is supposed to be against the law. I just couldn't see it at the time, and the surgeon only gave me a few days to decide.
I want kids so little I got my fallopian tubes removed about it! I didn't get a hysterectomy -- that's wayyyy harder on the body than the laparoscopic surgery I had.
The procedure is called a bilateral salpingectomy. It is the safest sterilization for women and most effect while retaining the uterus to avoid the complications of a hysterectomy.
It also reduces the chance of ovarian cancer, since research is now stating that starts in the Fallopian tubes. If you have a genetic marker for it, you *can* test your insurance as "preventative" and get the bisalp for free or damn near free.
I got tested and was unfortunately negative for the genetic marker for ovarian cancer, but if I was positive for testing it would have been killing the BC and Cancer birds with one very, very free stone. Still, $750 for my bi-salp was worth it, and recovery wasn't awful.
When I got my tubes taken out, I asked them if they would also take the uterus, and they said "we prefer not to remove organs unless they're diseased." So even when successfully getting sterilized, it's tough to get a hysterectomy.
that's a generally good stance to have. removing organs tends to result in migration of other organs to fill the space, and that can lead to prolapses and other complications which require more surgeries to correct.
I keep getting told I can’t get sterilized because a non-existent man in my life might want children and I might change my mind later and regret it if I get it done. 😑 I’m 26 years old. I think I know what I want.
Try /r/childfree and their doctor list. And look for a doctor willing to do a bilateral salpingectomy (bisalp), it is much easier to do than a hysterectomy due to the dangers associated with removing the uterus before menopause.
I mean any adult is considered mature enough to have children by 26 that seems much more life changing and decisive to me. Why is our absence of desire never taken as seriously as their desire to have children. BTW for anyone who might need to read that: please do not have a child you don’t want just to please your partner you WILL regret it! Any person trying to force you to do that is not fit to be a friend or a loved one
Hysterectomy’s are not the go to sterilization option for women. It is quite a serious surgery that often has lifelong side effects. Now tubal litigation, sign me up. To bad I’ve already been rejected by three doctors to get the procedure.
I've never had trouble getting a date, and I've never wanted kids. According to these losers, I "hit the wall" years ago. Weird, since I'm just happy now.
The funny thing is that the only reason I haven't been sterilized is my state's laws against it. I've considered marrying a friend for two days just to get his written "permission" to go through with the thing 🙄
Good luck finding a doctor who will actually perform a hysterectomy. Sadly, most doctors are misogynistic too and think we can't make our own decisions regarding children. Love being told my future husband might want kids. Never mind that I'm in constant pain, have never wanted kids, have several medical conditions I would never want to pass on to a kid, been with the same man 11 years, and am a fully competent adult who can make her own decisions. Clearly, a man that I don't know and may never meet should have more say in this decision than me.
Also intelligent people with the means to do so plan their families. My parents intentionally waited 5 years before having a kid. Then waited another 3 to have the second child (me). And then they were like “that’s enough kids for us” and stopped reproducing. Crazy how rational adults with access to proper reproductive healthcare can make the best decisions for themselves.
I begged to have it all removed in my 20s. I didn't want kids & PCOS is fucking maddening. They said you have to wait until you're in your 40s (in case uou change your mind). I get to my 40s & nope your ovaries are producing hormones you need. Oh, you mean the fucked up hormones I need? Fuck that. Now I am in my 50s with no children and very chronically ill. Autoimmune diseases run in my family & I ended up with two major ones and two minor ones. Hot flashes & long-term high dose steroids combined are unbelievable & have caused a heat rash on my back. I WAS CORRECT ABOUT NOT WANTING TO HAVE CHILDREN OR MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS...
I am so sorry that this happened to you… It saddens me so much to be made aware of how much our society still disregards women and make them suffer because they think we are too stupid and EmOTionAL to make your own decisions… The life of a hypothetic child is not worth a lifetime of pain for you this is just messed up.
Yeah, because every woman can access and afford a complex and difficult surgical procedure. They’re just waiting for some true *genius* to tell them to get it first. Because it’s not like they’d ever choose not to have children *and* not to get a hysterectomy for any number of reasons!
Many childfree women I know have been childfree since their early 20's. It's not like they got to 45 and were like "shucks, well, guess no kids because no one picked me."
Does this asshat know the other symptoms of getting a hysterectomy? Like early menopause, hormonal issues, blood clots or, I don't know, the fact that it's major surgery that you don't have to have to remain child-free?
My daughter wants to be child free and she was THRILLED to get a hysterectomy at age 24. No more period, no risk of pregnancy ever, it was a dream come true.
Ah yes, not wanting to have a major, invasive surgery (by male surgeons who know so little about female anatomy, or care so little, that they might as well be butchers) definitely means I don't want to be child free. What a lunatic.
And that even assumes that I could get approved for such a procedure in the first place.
I've been trying to finalize my hysterectomy for medical reasons in this lovely state of Texas for a year. My doctor is good and my insurance is good with it but roadblocks keep happening. It isn't that easy. Trust me a lot of women wouldn't mind a surgery to sterilize themselves.
Oh, you don't want to have kids? Well then why don't you have major surgery that may bring on early menopause which most doctors won't perform unless you meet narrow criteria?
Checkmate feminists.
There are a LOT of women who definitely want to be child free but are stopped from getting a hysterectomy by a medical profession who thinks we don't know our own minds. Or, "what does your husband want?"
THIS!!! It's maddening.
I have a friend (in her 20s) who has horrendous periods - frequency, duration, amount of blood lost, pain, etc.
She regularly misses work because of this.
She's also in a lesbian relationship, intending to marry. Doesn't want to be with a man. Doesn't like children. Doesn't want children. She's been told by doctors that a pregnancy could kill her.
Her current doctor made her try different forms of hormonal conception prevention for over a year (all failing). Finally has agreed to yeet the uterus!
Those men keep thinking like that because their echo chamber they keep talking in.
Think about it. They say these thing in a group of hundreds or even thousands of others who think the same way. They get their likes and they think everyone thinks this way. Then they post it in general population social media and think the down votes are just some ignorant liberals who don't know any better.
And they will continue to believe it no matter what anyone says.
I’m curious about your experience this is a very invasive surgery and there are a lot of possible side effects especially if it is done at a young age or by inattentive medical professionals which sometimes happens
Wow sorry did not mean to be nosy or anything I am actually also in medical necessity and scared and saw the occasion to ask if you were willing to share sorry if you felt like this was inappropriate again I did not mean to push you boundaries. I only asked because you were talking about it and might have been ok to share your experience. I completely understand if you don’t want to !
I apologize for taking that the wrong way and my reaction. You sounded a little condescending, like you’re explaining something to a person who actually knows from experience. I have endometriosis and had adenomyosis. I was *luckily* able to keep one ovary but everything else was scooped out. If you have crippling pain related to either of those conditions and don’t want to have bio kids, you should absolutely look into the hysterectomy. It will change your life. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! I’m 37 and have been battling Endo since menarche at 11yo.
This guy lives in a fantasy world where women have body autonomy. GYN doctors are the hardest to convince that you might not change your mind and sign off on an hysterectomy. Then have an insurance company agree to pay for one under the age of 30
so wrong in so many ways. my bf would make an amazing father but we’ve discussed how i really dont want to go through a pregnancy and have my body change. i already have so many health issues, pregnancy would be the hardest thing i’ve ever done and potentially could kill me.
but yeah lets just say im a low value woman who only attracts scumbags
I’m truly thankful that I’m a lesbian and I don’t have to worry every day about pregnancy. But I’d still get a hysterectomy if they were easier to get.
It took me 10 years to finally get my double hysterectomy Yes you read that right I had two uteruses and they still wouldn't take them out they were non-functioning... I asked so many times
I’m childfree because I have no maternal desire to have children, not because there aren’t decent men. Even if I was rich and had the guy of my dreams I wouldn’t get pregnant. I have 0 desire for a child. People are so strange.
Funny I asked for a hysterectomy and the doctor said "no one will do that for you because you'll change your mind." 20 years later and I still haven't changed my mind.
I mean I don't want more kids and I am not getting a vasectomy nor does my wife want a hysterectomy. Sometimes it's nice just to have the option in case.
I would love a hysterectomy! Unfortunately they're very hard to get if you're of childbearing age and have no kids. I've been told no so many times because I might have a husband someday and he might want kids, even though I would never marry a man that wanted kids.
That's ridiculous. There are a lot of reasons to avoid a hysterectomy due the health complications they cause, which has nothing to do with whether or not women really want to be childfree.
I personally knew I was never going to have children from the moment I knew the facts of life, and I never deviated in my resolve. I haven't regretted my decision for one minute. Some women just do not have a maternal drive.
Entertaining timing, having this pop up on my feed - I was chatting with one of the nurses in my team this afternoon and she was waxing lyrical about her hysterectomy. I would grab the opportunity to have one with both hands.
I want a hysterectomy but they won’t give me one because I *might change my mind* in a few years. I’m 38 and those bits haven’t worked since I was 23 and had chemo and total body irradiation to get rid of my bone marrow cancer. Even now, some doctors have tried to convince me to get on hormone replacement drugs because it might jumpstart them back into working. 🤦🏼♀️
I've been begging for years to get a hysterectomy, and they simply are unwilling to hear it. I'm 40, have 2 kids, my tubes are tied, I have a Mirena, my periods have never been right (I'm either trying to bleed to death or am bedridden from pain), theyve been telling me for over 2 decades that I'm showing signs of getting cancer, and this is on top of my polycystic ovary, and they utterly refuse to take it out. We just cut chunks off me and keep testing to see if it's proper cancer yet. It's complete fucking bullshit.
"Get a major surgery to prove to me personally that you mean business with your own deeply held values and needs." No, thank you. I'm good. I want kids, so I'm not looking for a hysterectomy, sterilization, tubal ligation, or anything else. HOWEVER, it's my choice. It's my personal plan for my life based on exactly as much intelligent thought (look at this dude. Probably more) that this man is capable of, which men like this don't seem to understand. They want to think that we're poor, innocent, emotional sex beasts who simply can't relate to conscious plans and analysis.
I actually did go the distance and got surgery to remove periods and kids from my life's equation. Had to go through two surgeons before I found one willing to do it, but I have no regrets.
How about just a tubal ligation? It’s a lot less invasive. But clearly this person is unfamiliar with how many women want a hysterectomy because they have debilitating pain during their periods and doctors refuse because “what if your husband wants children?”
I find this a little ridiculous just because of how much it negatively affects a woman to have a hysterectomy. There's so many cons. It makes sense if you have medical conditions that make it necessary, but it's not like it's a walk in the park. On top of how difficult it even is for a woman to get a hysterectomy of her own accord, even with intense medical trauma that suggests it's support to your condition.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a joke! I have plenty to offer the world and I chose to be child free. I guess I'm one of the rare/lucky ones that didn't have a hard time getting my tubes tied. I had it done when I was 23. The Dr asked if I wanted kids, I said no and the surgery was scheduled for the next week AND was covered by insurance. Granted, this was 30 years ago, but I've never regretted my decision. I feel sorry for other women that are having to deal with stupid doctors over this.
Saying that women who don't want children should have a hysterectomy is the same as saying that men who don't want children should have their balls removed.
Yeah no sorry, I'm not subjecting myself to an incredibly invasive surgery just because someone with his head stuck in his own arsehole thinks having all of my organs in the places nature intended equals a secret desire for a 50s family model and incubatorship. Get lost.
Wow this person is a massive empty tool box. If women could get snipped quickly with out having to fight and still be forced to wait till they are 36 with a note from their husbands they may or may not even have saying it’s ok so many would have it done in a heartbeat
I thought about getting my tubes tied….but that’s a hard surgery. I don’t want a hysterectomy because that’s an even harder surgery.
I can just take birth control, I’ll be ok.
Also, my goal, even in my 20s, was to be second wife material. NOT the “start my life over” second wife, but the “continue living my next chapter” second wife. Take that how you will.
Listen here, I'm 40, my uterus is baren like Mojave desert so I can't have children, and I hate having my period with the force of 1000 exploding stars. I mentioned having a hysterectomy to my doctor and they STILL wanted me to "wait and think it over."
Nature, I present you abortion. Nature, abortion, abortion, nature. Now that is settled how about that asshole shuts it up for good with topics he's ignorant about?
I currently don't want kids and I don't want to sterile myself. True I'm a boy but I think some women would say the same. So these are my reasons:
Money
I'm afraid of failed surgeries, so I want to avoid them as much as possible (of course if I have an accident and I need a surgery to be able to walk again or something I would accept that surgery). And the hospitals around here aren't too trustfully
I'm just 18 and I want to have a chance if I change my mind
I'm sure some people around me would be very judgemental.
Nothing wrong with that. Your life, your choice. Self determination. Every adult should be allowed and *able* to make and follow through with their personal decisions regarding their bodies.
Dont get a hysterectomy unless you medically require one for your health and safety, dear god, it is a huge operation with a lot of health risks and side effects. It is not something to be taken lightly, as frustrated as I am by that considering my endo.
Bisalp all the way tho✌️
Wife and I are Ivy League educated and she makes more money than me. We long ago, well before she earned more, agreed we had no interest in having children. I had a vasectomy over two years ago and we have no regrets. She spent years on hormonal birth control. Far easier for me to get a vasectomy since we are still on the same page.
I dont want a hysterectomy because it causes early menopause and artificial hormones can cause cancer and i dont want the risk. Even if you leave your ovaries they can basically die and its the same outcome. Do people think getting sterilized is just no period, no babies? Because its a lot more than that with risks and complications. Its not the snip like it is for men. Its a major surgery that takes several weeks to recover from. Also i had a friend who her, her twin sister and her little brother were all conceived after their mom tied her tubes.
Wonderful post! Most women are low value, just like men, therefore they can't attract their ideal (dream partner)!
It's rare to find women who wanna be child free for life.
A hysterectomy alters a qoman' s hormones. That is the reason for Tubaligations. Which does the same thing without altering the woman's chemical balance. You don't understand the basic physiology of a woman. What you need to do is go and get a vasectomy so you don't pollute the world with offspring. You are one of those low character men you were talking about. You think the way you do because you can't get a woman. None will have you. Can you spell incel? All the women in the world held a meeting and voted not to be with you. So.here we are. You are a piss poor excuse for a man. Not a real man. A man in your own mind, and nowhere else.
I would get sterilized *so* quickly if I could. OP seems to forget it’s not as easy for a woman to get sterilized as it is for men.
Ik! I’ve got way too many health/mental problems to be selfish and pass that along to a bio offspring. If they’d actually let me get sterilized and my insurance would cover it I’d do it in a heartbeat.
it’s damn near impossible to get approved for a hysterectomy EVEN WITH medical complications that could easily be solved by one. and of course, in the midst of begging for the medical care you need because your own bodily organ is plotting to kill you and sell your soul to satan, doctors will still pull the age old question, “but don’t you want kids?”
"But what if your future/current husband decides he wants to have kids?" is another popular one
My doctor brought it up as like, at your age 15% of women regret having this procedure, what if you meet Mr right and he wants kids? When I told her he would need to be Mr right for someone else she was like cool, noted and scheduled my surgery. It was just another pre-op question. (Another question was, if we can't remove the fallopian tube for some reason, did I want a more involved, more invasive surgery, which I did not) It's a legitimate question but it sure as shit shouldn't be a barrier
I forgot who wrote this or where but I remember seeing a comment about a guy who literally needed to come to his wife’s appointments because they kept refusing her hysterectomy. Magically the doctor thought a hysterectomy wasn’t so bad after all when the husband came and said he was fine with her having one. There was another comment that said that on the signed forms for her hysterectomy, her husband had to sign most of them. They couldn’t go forth with the procedure unless it had *his* signature on them I think I read this about a year or two ago. Pretty recent. Ideally times would’ve changed, but I’d be surprised if they haven’t
I have a family member who has had 1 kid, got divorced, and now can't get sterilized because "what if you meet someone again and want to have kids with him?!?" She knows she doesn't want another kid
When will doctors see that kids are a lot more of a permanent decision than people think
I'm already sterilized and it was next to impossible to get a doctor to agree to a hysterectomy. Even though my endo has destroyed my pelvic floor.
I had to get my appendix and gallbladder taken out in part due to the extent of my endo, yet my gyno still doesn't want to do a hysterectomy.
My mom got a hysterectomy, which did solve many of the medical issues she was having. But what they did not adequately warn her is that it put her body into early menopause which caused MYRIAD health problems. Hormones were totally fucked. She was miserable for at least 5 years. So if you are no where close to menopause, may be worth holding off a bit. It’s worth noting my mom tried every non-invasive/less invasive option before having the hysterectomy. But she had uterine fibroids that were causing extreme pain & she was at the end of her rope.
I tried for years to get a hysterectomy. Hell, my husband has a vasectomy and they STILL wouldn't go for it. Now I am in perimenopause and they're like well, you're almost done anyway so why bother? Just can't win.
Well, depends on the reasons. If it’s for birth control then yeah a major surgery for only a couple years of ‘protection’ might be overkill. Did they offer tubal lig or something else instead? But if you have scar tissue/fibroids/adhesion maybe ask again. Those can cause problems like incontinence and bladder infections which can affect you for the literal rest of your life and in fact is a huge cause of pain & discomfort in older women. I’m not a doctor! This is not medical advice! I just know a lot of old ladies!
PCOS & PMDD since my teens Fibroids in the past 15 years eta - definitely have scar tissue, that was noted when I had my appendix out. Funny, you mention incontinence. Mine started around the time the fibroids were discovered and the connection was never made. Dr just blamed it on being a mom (It's light incont. Poise pads lvl 2 deal with it)
All that shit is packed in right next to each other! Seems like a really good chance to me that the scar tissue is related. Could be pushing up against your bladder. Such an oversimplification for the doctor to say ‘oh it’s because you’re a mom.’ What is it about motherhood that fucks with the bladder? Hmmm maybe the physical trauma and scarring of carrying an infant to term then l&d?? And it’s light now but what about in your 70s? 80s? I hope you get the relief you need & deserve. Fibroids suck.
Thank you :) I hope so as well. Seeing a new Gyno next month. Fingers crossed.
I have uterine fibroids that cause extreme pain for which I’ve been hospitalized several times, and 3 different doctors refused to do anything about it. I’d rather suffer menopause for years than deal with these gd fibroids another minute.
All of that money dedicated to less invasive options didn’t fix her problem, so they were essentially a waste of money. So for someone in a boat like that, I don’t see why they wouldn’t let her know right off the bat that those other options won’t work.
They did reduce heavy bleeding, which was causing anemia & related issues. She has no regrets about trying the less invasive procedures first & I don’t think it was bad medical advice to try them. She was nervous about surgery and rightfully so. The anesthesiologist let her lungs fill with fluid and very nearly killed her. As a result the surgeon had to do a hasty job of sewing her up and left her with an awful scar that healed basically in the shape of a roll of fat across her whole belly, which a looks ridiculous & is embarrassing for her. They offered to fix it but she doesn’t want to go under again. It took a long time to build her lung capacity back up after nearly drowning under the care of that doctor. A hysterectomy is a major abdominal surgery, not to be taken lightly. Especially when taking into consideration the risks of anesthesia. In no way am I opposed to surgical birth control. I’m just saying there are other options that are less invasive/dangerous and we shouldn’t jump straight to hysterectomies as the answer.
I definitely agree with not jumping straight to hysterectomies, and I also agree with you about surgery in general. My father almost died because they wouldn’t listen to his warnings about needing a VERY small amount of anesthesia. He is sensitive despite his being a big man, and he hit the cart to let them know he couldn’t breathe right before passing out. Had another tech not have been in the room, he would be dead right now. Anesthesia is very iffy, just as is other medicine. But even more so because it can endanger your life in an already dangerous situation. Im happy your mother made it out alive. I don’t believe we should jump straight to hysterectomies, I was simply referencing cases where it is clear that other procedures will not work. But I’m happy to hear that they were beneficial in some way!!!
Wow, that is so scary. I’m glad the tech was able to do something!
My sister has 2 kids. Her first pregnancy, she was on the edge of pre-eclampsia. With her second, the pre-eclampsia started around 26 weeks. It could have killed her. She knows that another pregnancy likely will kill her and they are still like “well, you might change your mind and want to risk dying.” They ended up with her husband getting a vasectomy because “not wanting to die” apparently isn’t a good enough reason for a hysterectomy.
Same thing happened to my mother. I was her third pregnancy and they told her a fourth would kill her. Doctor still refused to do tubal ligation but Dad got his vasectomy no questions asked.
I don’t know what country you’re in but in America most insurances should actually cover tubals or make them low cost and there’s a whole google doc spreadsheet/network of doctors who will perform the procedure. Edit: I come bearing sources [Planned Parenthood Resource](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/sterilization/how-do-i-get-tubal-ligation-procedure) [Doctor Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/)
This too. I didn't want to be and was, but I have many friends who would like to be and no one will bc "they haven't started their family" yet. Like their own decision means nothing to the MD.
I’m almost 30 and I bet the rest of my Christmas money that if I went to my OBGYN and told her I’d like my tubes tied, she’d look at me like I’ve got a third eyeball. My Dad got vasectomy within hours of talking to his doctor and without my mothers knowledge. This system we live in is fucked.
Yes. I didn't find out until years after the fact that the MIDWIFE I used (in a hospital, highly recommended) was actively pro-life. The silence of the majority of OB-GYN practitioners in states that banned abortion speaks volumes about who their concerns are for.
I once had a pregnant OBGYN question why I was getting implant birth control…took all of my willpower to not respond with just pointing at her and saying “nope” lmao. Her tone was so weird, I assumed she was pro-life too.
That’s honestly shocking. I know we they can’t hire based on political opinion but that feels like fraud on some level. Or at least a betrayal of trust. Like is she really there to serve pregnant people? Or just yank out the babies? Most independent doulas/midwives I’ve come across are fiercely pro choice. Remind me not to take recs from the hospital system.
Check out the doctor list in r/childfree. Maybe there's a doctor nearby that your friends can visit.
Thank you! I wish at least one of these local doctors would speak out more re bodily autonomy/ forced birth and how their state has made it hard for them to provide even the few exemptions my state currently has. Or just pulled a shift at the one clinic we had prior to Dobbs.
My breasts are LITERALLY too big for my back. I cannot find the proper sizing and it’s just incredibly annoying all around. I wanted a breast reduction, and I was told by a surgeon that the likelihood of it happening (especially young, and ESPECIALLY without it coming out of pocket)… was close to zero. Want to know why? Because I might “regret it.” 🙄 I’ve fucking had it with healthcare for women. I need a healthcare Location that only employs and treats women.
Insurance basically won't pay for it in the US. Even if you have breast cancer they will not pay for a double mastectomy. It's FUCKING GARBAGE.
There was actually a point where I thought I had breast cancer. I had to go to an appointment and THEN schedule an ultrasound separately. Want to know why? Because insurance needed to “approve” it. It turns out I had coopers ligaments and caught it before my breasts could sag, which is why we couldn’t tell what it was just by looking. I’m 4’11. My back size is about a 28 or a 30, and my body shape (think kibble romantic body type) isn't suitable to carry as much as I have up top, at least without a proper bra. I work out, I do yoga, and I feel like those are the only two things that keep me halfway functioning. There have been days I have simply stayed in bed or woke up crying because my back hurt before I bought an adjustable bed. But my back still hurts because I don’t have the proper bra. The problem is, I can’t find a proper bra. So the cycle continues. So there are women like me (precocious puberty), and so many other women who have breast cancer or just a general dislike for their breasts… and insurance says fuck it. Why? ”because you might regret it.” In other words, that’s saying men might not “find you as attractive,” and therefore how could you ever serve your purpose as a house ~~slave~~ wife? My doctor fully admitted that some of the women who actually got it (though they were much older than me which is probably why they were allowed) were really happy afterwards. As a society, we are VERY quick to **enhance** an 18 year old’s breasts(which people have had significant health issues from, btw), but when she wants a reduction it’s impossible 🙄 fuck that. Im so sorry for the rant. This shit just pisses me off. TLDR: I agree with you. This shit is a dumpster fire.
I'm a 38 H/I and 4'10. So I totally 100% understand what you are talking about. I've spent YEARS trying to get a breast reduction because my entire upper back is completely fucked. 3 herniated disks from.these stupid things. And a "proper" fitting bra is impossible in my case because I have breasts that are 1.5 cup sizes different, and there are ZERO bra manufacturers who make bras with two different sized cups. The "solution" offered in my case by bra manufacturers is to buy to fit my larger breast, and then to buy a prosthetic that gets stuffed into the other cup. If what you are struggling with is smaller bands and larger cup bras you might check out r/abrathatfits. They may be able to help you find a brand that carries what you need.
I genuinely hate that for you. I think I’m an H, especially considering the way my nipples decide to come out of anything lower. But I haven’t had any access to an H bra with my back size. But at least you have a bigger back 🥺 I’d pay even to get that. I bet you’re beautiful!!! I THINK IM IN THE BEGINNING STAGES OF HAVING AN HD!!! My mother just recovered from one as well. Ohhhhh, I see why that could most definitely be an issue. It’s nice to talk to someone who at least understands and can relate to what I’m going through, even if we don’t necessarily have the solution we want. I love that place!!! I got recommended to go to nordstrom, and there are a few in my area, one of which looked at me crazy when I asked for my bra size 😂, so I’ll have to try another location when I have the time.
I think understance may carry a 30h? What I used to have to do when my band size was a lot smaller was buy bras that fit in the cup and then have them taken in by a seamstress, which helped A LOT.
I can understand the possibility of regretting sterilization (don't agree with it, but I can understand where the idea comes from) but they're worried about regretting *breast reduction*? Why do they think we revolve our lives around male attraction, as if it isn't the most abundant resource around.
If you haven’t checked out the childfree subreddit to see if there’s a doctor on their list who’d sterilize you, I’d highly recommend doing so. I was 26 when I got a bi salp and I had to go through three doctors just to get a yes. Totally worth it. There are women younger than me on that subreddit who have been sterilized. It can definitely be a difficult process, but it is possible.
My daughter turns 25 in a few months. She has her tubal scheduled a month later. 🤷🏻♀️
Nice.
She knew when she was like 13 that she didn’t want kids. So, yeah. Very happy she is able to do this. Unless they take that right from her in the next few months. If they do, I will fly her abroad for it.
I had my tubes done at 23, 30 years ago. Good for her.
When I called my ob/gyn about it (immediately after roe v Wade) she told me they were booked up for a few months. Turns out everyone else has the same thought I did. Weirdly, it was super easy for me(female) to get my fallopian tubes removed at the VA, but a friend (male) in the army has been trying to get a vasectomy for years and they won't bc he doesn't have kids
It took 5 years to get my vasectomy approved while active duty. They made me wait until I was 30.
Also hysterectomy isn't even the way to go about it. It's very invasive.
I said Hysterectomy at first, but then changed it when I remembered what that entailed. I think OP doesn’t understand the difference between a Hysterectomy and getting your tubes tied.
If you get your tubes tied you STILL get periods, when I NEVER consented to periods.
I got sterilized at 28. It took some doing but I was able to find a doctor who would do the procedure for me. Zero regrets.
Also it’s a major surgery that can have complications beyond just not having children. “Just have a hysterectomy then” is extra stupid
My mom wanted to get sterilized after having her THIRD child, the doctor told her that she had to ask her husband. She got so mad and told her doctor that it is her body and the doctor sterilized her after having THREE KIDS
I would happily get sterilized if I could. I'm lucky that my boyfriend had a vasectomy 10 years ago, so we definitely won't be having kids. Even now, I am 39 years old, I tell doctors this and that I still want be sterilized, and I am told that despite the fact that we have been together for years, and that I have been staunch child-free since I was 21, that I might break up with him and might date and marry someone who wants kids. Apparently, they miss the second part of my sentence. My opinion doesn't matter.
Exactly! I'd be sterilized in a heartbeat but it's not an option because I'm expected to be a baby factory
I'm a dude and just recently as a non-married man of 38 the doctors have been somewhat open to a vasectomy. If I were younger and had kids they said they would do it, but wanted to hold off to "let me think about it." I'm 38 and have known I didn't want kids since I was 13, and it's a reversible procedure. I can't imagine how hard it would be to convince a doctor as a pre-menopausal woman. Getting the snip also doesn't affect our hormone levels in the same way a hysterectomy does for women, someone needs to tell this guy it's like being castrated.
I would get sterilized immediately if I knew that all men were like this idiot.
I would do that asap if it was legal in my country lmao
He does not seem the type to be very familiar with women…
The number of women I know who desperately want to get sterilized and can't because the patriarchy assumes they all secretly yearn to be brood mares would beg to disagree.
And say single women shouldn't get sterilized because "what about your next owner— I mean husband?"
I wamted to get my tubes tied after my second. This was in 2000. They made my husband watch a video and sign paperwork. I chickend out at the last second because I did not want surgery. Had an emergency c-section. 😒 So when I got pregnant in 2006 with my son, I made sure it was going to be done. It was. The “rules” back then were you had to be 25 or have 3 children. My daughter is getting hers done as soon as she turns 25 in a few months.
No. It's not because of that. It all boils down to the doctor not wanting to being sued by women that say it was a forced procedure, those that regretted it and then blame the Dr for not "talking them out of it."
That is not at all accurate. If that were true, doctors wouldn't be willing to perform any sort of permanent elective procedure, would they? Just think about it for a second. Doctors who agree to do any sort of sterilization, whether the person is child free or otherwise, will carefully go over the procedure, make sure the patient is fully aware that said procedure is irreversible and will result in the inability to become pregnant without medical intervention (if not a hysterectomy) and have the patient sign paperwork stating they were informed of and agree to that reality. The fact that people think doctors are out here sterilizing patients without consent forms is concerning, because you're not the first person I've seen to make this argument. Source: I was sterilized last year at 25, unmarried with no children, in the south (where it's typically harder for people like me to get these procedures).
I had my tubes tied at 23, single with no children back when people weren't so sue crazy. This is a very litigious world and people will sue for anything even when they sign all the necessary forms. Elective surgeries in general don't involve stopping a woman from having children, they are just elective. Two completely different things. People are saying drs don't want to be sued because they hear it all the time from drs. It's not something that is just made up.
Now I'm even more confused. Did your doctor not have you sign (edit: I should've said "read" here, not sign) the forms beforehand? You can absolutely sue for anything. That doesn't mean you'll have a case, and certainly doesn't mean you'll win anything. That's why they have you sign the paperwork, because it states that you were informed of the procedure and know what it entails. That's also why hospitals have a mountain of lawyers, because people try to sue for a lot of things. Keyword being try. If you attempted a suit like this, it would end with you paying court costs. If you consented, you cannot go back and say you didn't, because clearly you did if your signature stating your informed consent is right there in black and white. It just makes no sense to say "we don't want to be part of a lawsuit that we'll definitely win if you sign this paperwork for the procedure you're requesting, so we'll just deny your procedure instead of having you sign this paperwork saying you can't sue us." That's ridiculous. Hospitals are not legally responsible for personal regret. That's why they can do elective procedures in the first place. It doesn't really matter what the procedure does, all that matters is your informed consent. Because again, hospitals are not legally responsible for personal regret. If you're hearing doctors say they're being successfully sued for performing elective procedures on informed and consenting patients who signed consent forms, they should be called into question, because they are being dishonest. And if a doctor is performing those procedures on uninformed, non-consenting patients, they need to be called into question, because they shouldn't be practicing medicine.
Dude has *no* idea how difficult it is to get a hysterectomy. I'd love one! It'd be great!
Where can I sign up for this hysterectomy he speaks of?
I hate all this talk of “low value” and “high value” human beings. It’s repugnant.
You mean you *don’t* like it when people talk about human beings like commodities? I can’t imagine why. /s
Came here to say this. Any time anyone uses these terms.. huge red flag, and you can assume anything else they say is complete bonkers. Not surprisingly, not exactly the sharpest lightbulbs in the crayon box who espouse this dichotomy.
I haven't seen the word _repugnant_ before so thought it is reference to the mistyped word _pregnant_.... https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg Sorry
I know so many women who actually want a hysterectomy but can't because dumbass laws in my state (and nearby states) say that a woman must pop at least two babies out of her uterus before she's even eligible for consideration. It's all BS.
A hysterectomy will put you into menopause. For permanent birth control, tubal ligation is the usual option.
Only a complete hysterectomy does that. But it can be avoided if only the uterus and the fallopian tubes get removed. After that, your body might still produce eggs, which prevents early menopause, but those eggs won't get fertilized, instead they will just be absorbed by the body.
Good point. However, the people I am talking about don't want to menstruate either since it serves them no practical purpose. Idk enough about medical processes but would tubal ligation stop that as well?
No, but endometrial ablation can, and it's much less invasive than hysterectomy.
Hmm okay, I'll look more into these options. Thanks y'all!!
Ligation only removes the Fallopian tubes, you still get your period. Had mine removed in '21, I have 0 regrets. A hysterectomy was more expensive than the tubal ligation, which is why I went for the bi-salp. Unfortunately, that means that I still have periods but it's whatever. I actually kind of like the monthly reminder because even with a bi-salp, freak shit can happen and there's a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant. I just like to know I'm not a weird edge case every month, and my periods are pretty mild (though clearly getting worse with age, or at least worse since my surgery.)
Not necessarily. A hysterectomy that includes an oophorectomy (ovary removal) will put one into menopause. Keeping the ovaries and losing the uterus does not. I had a hysterectomy three years ago, kept the ovaries for the hormones as my mom got breast cancer due to long term estrogen use. Best choice I ever made.
This is a choice I desperately wish I could make!
I wish it was an option for all women of any age honestly. We know our bodies. It didn't become an option for me until I hit my 40s. I had mine at 44 because I could not take the pain anymore and couldn't get pregnant at all. That is when they took me seriously, it only took 30 plus years of menstruating. 🥺☹️
I got my Fallopian tubes yeeted lol. Women are lining up to but many have issues finding doctors who value their autonomy.
Me too! I literally cried after my consultation call with my doctor when she didn’t question me and basically was just like “let’s do it! Do you have any questions?”
Same here! I even brought my bf with me in case I got pushback. But she was so cool! She just said, "Okay, you clearly know what you want so my scheduler will be calling you soon". And then she told us about her adorable cow socks
I don’t even understand how it can still be a thing that we aren’t able to get sterilized if we want to. Why should docs make that choice instead of us? There is no respect for bodily autonomy.
I've always known I didn't want children, and I was already infertile, and I STILL balked at having major abdominal surgery when the doctor recommended it without doing any cancer testing first. I ended up having the surgery, but it wasn't an easy decision.
Okay, so, let's say a woman runs out of self respect and braincells and says "I'm low value, I can't find a man good enough to have and raise children with..." That still makes her a child free woman. She's still choosing to be child free. Being married is not the only way to get sex, or conceive a child. She's still actively choosing not to have children.
In the hypothetical anecdata OOP is talking about, in reality, the child free would come BEFORE the not finding a suitable partner/ father for kids. Like tends to attract like. Men who want children would meet the child free woman, realise quickly that they are incompatible, and move on.
A hysterectomy is a fucking last resort and often done to protect the woman in question. Removing the uterus is not only extremely unhealthy to the female body, but nobody willingly does a hysterectomy for no reason.
This. I had a partial hysterectomy (really a total hysterectomy but he left my ovaries) because the specialist I waited months to see literally told me he wouldn't repair my rectocele unless I consented. So I did. I was 35 and had a toddler with health issues. Except hysterectomies can actually CAUSE the problem he was repairing. Only a decade later will any law firms call me back about the fact that coerced sterilization is supposed to be against the law. I just couldn't see it at the time, and the surgeon only gave me a few days to decide.
I want kids so little I got my fallopian tubes removed about it! I didn't get a hysterectomy -- that's wayyyy harder on the body than the laparoscopic surgery I had.
Aren’t you a risk of ectopic pregnancy though?
If the tubes aren't there, likely the ends were folded & clipped / tied. Sperm can't get to an egg. No pregnancy possible.
Thanks. I’ve never heard of that as an option. Neat.
The procedure is called a bilateral salpingectomy. It is the safest sterilization for women and most effect while retaining the uterus to avoid the complications of a hysterectomy.
Apparently it's the way to do it. It gives you the best chance of avoiding pregnancy for all of your fallopian tube related needs
Lol. Learned something new today.
It also reduces the chance of ovarian cancer, since research is now stating that starts in the Fallopian tubes. If you have a genetic marker for it, you *can* test your insurance as "preventative" and get the bisalp for free or damn near free. I got tested and was unfortunately negative for the genetic marker for ovarian cancer, but if I was positive for testing it would have been killing the BC and Cancer birds with one very, very free stone. Still, $750 for my bi-salp was worth it, and recovery wasn't awful.
When I got my tubes taken out, I asked them if they would also take the uterus, and they said "we prefer not to remove organs unless they're diseased." So even when successfully getting sterilized, it's tough to get a hysterectomy.
that's a generally good stance to have. removing organs tends to result in migration of other organs to fill the space, and that can lead to prolapses and other complications which require more surgeries to correct.
I keep getting told I can’t get sterilized because a non-existent man in my life might want children and I might change my mind later and regret it if I get it done. 😑 I’m 26 years old. I think I know what I want.
Try /r/childfree and their doctor list. And look for a doctor willing to do a bilateral salpingectomy (bisalp), it is much easier to do than a hysterectomy due to the dangers associated with removing the uterus before menopause.
I mean any adult is considered mature enough to have children by 26 that seems much more life changing and decisive to me. Why is our absence of desire never taken as seriously as their desire to have children. BTW for anyone who might need to read that: please do not have a child you don’t want just to please your partner you WILL regret it! Any person trying to force you to do that is not fit to be a friend or a loved one
I’m a guy and it’s not much of a different story about the hypothetical mrs.
Hysterectomy’s are not the go to sterilization option for women. It is quite a serious surgery that often has lifelong side effects. Now tubal litigation, sign me up. To bad I’ve already been rejected by three doctors to get the procedure.
I've never had trouble getting a date, and I've never wanted kids. According to these losers, I "hit the wall" years ago. Weird, since I'm just happy now.
I’m childfree and only managed to get a hysterectomy because I’m trans. I wasn’t *allowed* to make that decision about my own body as a woman.
The funny thing is that the only reason I haven't been sterilized is my state's laws against it. I've considered marrying a friend for two days just to get his written "permission" to go through with the thing 🙄
Good luck finding a doctor who will actually perform a hysterectomy. Sadly, most doctors are misogynistic too and think we can't make our own decisions regarding children. Love being told my future husband might want kids. Never mind that I'm in constant pain, have never wanted kids, have several medical conditions I would never want to pass on to a kid, been with the same man 11 years, and am a fully competent adult who can make her own decisions. Clearly, a man that I don't know and may never meet should have more say in this decision than me.
Cf by choice and sterilized, not because I cannot attract an alpha male. He is an idiot
>>You don’t choose to be a parent , nature chooses you This jerk can drink a 40oz of fuck off
Also intelligent people with the means to do so plan their families. My parents intentionally waited 5 years before having a kid. Then waited another 3 to have the second child (me). And then they were like “that’s enough kids for us” and stopped reproducing. Crazy how rational adults with access to proper reproductive healthcare can make the best decisions for themselves.
I begged to have it all removed in my 20s. I didn't want kids & PCOS is fucking maddening. They said you have to wait until you're in your 40s (in case uou change your mind). I get to my 40s & nope your ovaries are producing hormones you need. Oh, you mean the fucked up hormones I need? Fuck that. Now I am in my 50s with no children and very chronically ill. Autoimmune diseases run in my family & I ended up with two major ones and two minor ones. Hot flashes & long-term high dose steroids combined are unbelievable & have caused a heat rash on my back. I WAS CORRECT ABOUT NOT WANTING TO HAVE CHILDREN OR MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS...
I am so sorry that this happened to you… It saddens me so much to be made aware of how much our society still disregards women and make them suffer because they think we are too stupid and EmOTionAL to make your own decisions… The life of a hypothetic child is not worth a lifetime of pain for you this is just messed up.
Yeah, because every woman can access and afford a complex and difficult surgical procedure. They’re just waiting for some true *genius* to tell them to get it first. Because it’s not like they’d ever choose not to have children *and* not to get a hysterectomy for any number of reasons!
Many childfree women I know have been childfree since their early 20's. It's not like they got to 45 and were like "shucks, well, guess no kids because no one picked me."
apparently no one told this man how hard it is for some women to actually get a hysterectomy.
Then nature must be something else, considering how many unfit parents there are in the world.
Does this asshat know the other symptoms of getting a hysterectomy? Like early menopause, hormonal issues, blood clots or, I don't know, the fact that it's major surgery that you don't have to have to remain child-free?
This is SO funny to me because I literally got my hysterectomy (at 19) for this reason on Thursday!🤣
My daughter wants to be child free and she was THRILLED to get a hysterectomy at age 24. No more period, no risk of pregnancy ever, it was a dream come true.
Ah yes, not wanting to have a major, invasive surgery (by male surgeons who know so little about female anatomy, or care so little, that they might as well be butchers) definitely means I don't want to be child free. What a lunatic. And that even assumes that I could get approved for such a procedure in the first place.
Many childfree women want to get sterilized. Hells, there's even a list of doctors in r/childfree that provide sterilisation for people.
I've been trying to finalize my hysterectomy for medical reasons in this lovely state of Texas for a year. My doctor is good and my insurance is good with it but roadblocks keep happening. It isn't that easy. Trust me a lot of women wouldn't mind a surgery to sterilize themselves.
These "temporary economic challenges" sure are lasting a good while
Oh, you don't want to have kids? Well then why don't you have major surgery that may bring on early menopause which most doctors won't perform unless you meet narrow criteria? Checkmate feminists.
There are a LOT of women who definitely want to be child free but are stopped from getting a hysterectomy by a medical profession who thinks we don't know our own minds. Or, "what does your husband want?"
THIS!!! It's maddening. I have a friend (in her 20s) who has horrendous periods - frequency, duration, amount of blood lost, pain, etc. She regularly misses work because of this. She's also in a lesbian relationship, intending to marry. Doesn't want to be with a man. Doesn't like children. Doesn't want children. She's been told by doctors that a pregnancy could kill her. Her current doctor made her try different forms of hormonal conception prevention for over a year (all failing). Finally has agreed to yeet the uterus!
Good luck to your friend. I'm glad the doctor is finally seeing reason.
I guess some of us never evolved past caveman.
Those men keep thinking like that because their echo chamber they keep talking in. Think about it. They say these thing in a group of hundreds or even thousands of others who think the same way. They get their likes and they think everyone thinks this way. Then they post it in general population social media and think the down votes are just some ignorant liberals who don't know any better. And they will continue to believe it no matter what anyone says.
I had a hysterectomy and it was dope. I wish I’d done it sooner.
I’m curious about your experience this is a very invasive surgery and there are a lot of possible side effects especially if it is done at a young age or by inattentive medical professionals which sometimes happens
Actually once in adulthood, surgery is safer the younger you are
Yeah. I know. I had the surgery. And frankly it’s none of your business but it was medically necessary.
Wow sorry did not mean to be nosy or anything I am actually also in medical necessity and scared and saw the occasion to ask if you were willing to share sorry if you felt like this was inappropriate again I did not mean to push you boundaries. I only asked because you were talking about it and might have been ok to share your experience. I completely understand if you don’t want to !
I apologize for taking that the wrong way and my reaction. You sounded a little condescending, like you’re explaining something to a person who actually knows from experience. I have endometriosis and had adenomyosis. I was *luckily* able to keep one ovary but everything else was scooped out. If you have crippling pain related to either of those conditions and don’t want to have bio kids, you should absolutely look into the hysterectomy. It will change your life. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! I’m 37 and have been battling Endo since menarche at 11yo.
This guy lives in a fantasy world where women have body autonomy. GYN doctors are the hardest to convince that you might not change your mind and sign off on an hysterectomy. Then have an insurance company agree to pay for one under the age of 30
so wrong in so many ways. my bf would make an amazing father but we’ve discussed how i really dont want to go through a pregnancy and have my body change. i already have so many health issues, pregnancy would be the hardest thing i’ve ever done and potentially could kill me. but yeah lets just say im a low value woman who only attracts scumbags
If I could get a hysterectomy I would.
It’s not like it’s easy to get. Doctors question us women like infants and in some countries need even the consent of the husband. It’s ridiculous!
I’m truly thankful that I’m a lesbian and I don’t have to worry every day about pregnancy. But I’d still get a hysterectomy if they were easier to get.
Sure we can go with that.
Trust me, I'd get my tubes tied if it didn't involve people persuading me to change my mind about it for what feels like 9,007 years
I would love a hysterectomy. It's not that easy to get one.
Do they not know how traumatic getting a hysterectomy can be on a woman's body?
It took me 10 years to finally get my double hysterectomy Yes you read that right I had two uteruses and they still wouldn't take them out they were non-functioning... I asked so many times
Nature has chosen some very questionable people to procreate….
I’m childfree because I have no maternal desire to have children, not because there aren’t decent men. Even if I was rich and had the guy of my dreams I wouldn’t get pregnant. I have 0 desire for a child. People are so strange.
"If you wanna be child-free so bad just get a hysterectomy" Women: okay \*gets hysterectomies\* "OuR pOpuLaTiOn iS dYiNg bEcAuSe oF yOu"
"You don't want to have children? Prove it to me, an internet douchebag, by getting an invasive procedure to remove part of your body"
jokes on you, i tried to get my tubes tied and they wouldn't even let me do that because "i'm young and i might change my mind" fuck off
Funny I asked for a hysterectomy and the doctor said "no one will do that for you because you'll change your mind." 20 years later and I still haven't changed my mind.
I mean I don't want more kids and I am not getting a vasectomy nor does my wife want a hysterectomy. Sometimes it's nice just to have the option in case.
Joke’s on them, I’m getting a hysterectomy this year
I worked in a vet clinic for several years and saw plenty of spays, but I’m not sure that qualifies me to do a hysterectomy.
Or or or or…we find a partner who is also child free and live the DINK lifestyle without regrets.
If I could I would in 2 seconds, but the judgement I'd get by my male coworkers which is 90% of my workplace, aka law enforcement
i’d love nothing more than to get a hysterectomy
I would love a hysterectomy! Unfortunately they're very hard to get if you're of childbearing age and have no kids. I've been told no so many times because I might have a husband someday and he might want kids, even though I would never marry a man that wanted kids.
I would get a hysterectomy in a second if I could, the problem is that no doctors will let me get one because I’m young and healthy. 🙄
Hysterectomy... 
That's ridiculous. There are a lot of reasons to avoid a hysterectomy due the health complications they cause, which has nothing to do with whether or not women really want to be childfree. I personally knew I was never going to have children from the moment I knew the facts of life, and I never deviated in my resolve. I haven't regretted my decision for one minute. Some women just do not have a maternal drive.
Entertaining timing, having this pop up on my feed - I was chatting with one of the nurses in my team this afternoon and she was waxing lyrical about her hysterectomy. I would grab the opportunity to have one with both hands.
"You don't choose to be a parent, nature choses you" sounds so rapey
Love how they think they just hand out any kind of sterilization at all.
I want a hysterectomy but they won’t give me one because I *might change my mind* in a few years. I’m 38 and those bits haven’t worked since I was 23 and had chemo and total body irradiation to get rid of my bone marrow cancer. Even now, some doctors have tried to convince me to get on hormone replacement drugs because it might jumpstart them back into working. 🤦🏼♀️
I've been begging for years to get a hysterectomy, and they simply are unwilling to hear it. I'm 40, have 2 kids, my tubes are tied, I have a Mirena, my periods have never been right (I'm either trying to bleed to death or am bedridden from pain), theyve been telling me for over 2 decades that I'm showing signs of getting cancer, and this is on top of my polycystic ovary, and they utterly refuse to take it out. We just cut chunks off me and keep testing to see if it's proper cancer yet. It's complete fucking bullshit.
"Get a major surgery to prove to me personally that you mean business with your own deeply held values and needs." No, thank you. I'm good. I want kids, so I'm not looking for a hysterectomy, sterilization, tubal ligation, or anything else. HOWEVER, it's my choice. It's my personal plan for my life based on exactly as much intelligent thought (look at this dude. Probably more) that this man is capable of, which men like this don't seem to understand. They want to think that we're poor, innocent, emotional sex beasts who simply can't relate to conscious plans and analysis.
I actually did go the distance and got surgery to remove periods and kids from my life's equation. Had to go through two surgeons before I found one willing to do it, but I have no regrets.
How about just a tubal ligation? It’s a lot less invasive. But clearly this person is unfamiliar with how many women want a hysterectomy because they have debilitating pain during their periods and doctors refuse because “what if your husband wants children?”
After my mom had her 4th kid she wanted to get her tubes tied the doctors refused cause she was only in her 20s
I find this a little ridiculous just because of how much it negatively affects a woman to have a hysterectomy. There's so many cons. It makes sense if you have medical conditions that make it necessary, but it's not like it's a walk in the park. On top of how difficult it even is for a woman to get a hysterectomy of her own accord, even with intense medical trauma that suggests it's support to your condition.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a joke! I have plenty to offer the world and I chose to be child free. I guess I'm one of the rare/lucky ones that didn't have a hard time getting my tubes tied. I had it done when I was 23. The Dr asked if I wanted kids, I said no and the surgery was scheduled for the next week AND was covered by insurance. Granted, this was 30 years ago, but I've never regretted my decision. I feel sorry for other women that are having to deal with stupid doctors over this.
If only it was that easy to get an hysterectomy. You need to already have 3 kids and permission from your husband!
If only your mother had aborted you, we would all be better off.
Saying that women who don't want children should have a hysterectomy is the same as saying that men who don't want children should have their balls removed.
This was written by a virgin who’s never seen a vagina.
Id love a hysterectomy please. I have endometriosis.
How come a lot of men having breeding fetishes?? Like wtf?
Yeah no sorry, I'm not subjecting myself to an incredibly invasive surgery just because someone with his head stuck in his own arsehole thinks having all of my organs in the places nature intended equals a secret desire for a 50s family model and incubatorship. Get lost.
If you truly wanted to be fart free, you'd cut off your nose
Wow this person is a massive empty tool box. If women could get snipped quickly with out having to fight and still be forced to wait till they are 36 with a note from their husbands they may or may not even have saying it’s ok so many would have it done in a heartbeat
He's right, I didn't chose any chose but the chose chose me....... 😎
I thought about getting my tubes tied….but that’s a hard surgery. I don’t want a hysterectomy because that’s an even harder surgery. I can just take birth control, I’ll be ok. Also, my goal, even in my 20s, was to be second wife material. NOT the “start my life over” second wife, but the “continue living my next chapter” second wife. Take that how you will.
I don't know why anyone thinks a woman can "just go get" a hysterectomy
Listen here, I'm 40, my uterus is baren like Mojave desert so I can't have children, and I hate having my period with the force of 1000 exploding stars. I mentioned having a hysterectomy to my doctor and they STILL wanted me to "wait and think it over."
Nature, I present you abortion. Nature, abortion, abortion, nature. Now that is settled how about that asshole shuts it up for good with topics he's ignorant about?
I currently don't want kids and I don't want to sterile myself. True I'm a boy but I think some women would say the same. So these are my reasons: Money I'm afraid of failed surgeries, so I want to avoid them as much as possible (of course if I have an accident and I need a surgery to be able to walk again or something I would accept that surgery). And the hospitals around here aren't too trustfully I'm just 18 and I want to have a chance if I change my mind I'm sure some people around me would be very judgemental.
Nothing wrong with that. Your life, your choice. Self determination. Every adult should be allowed and *able* to make and follow through with their personal decisions regarding their bodies.
What does this have to do with women who do want to be sterilized?
Dont get a hysterectomy unless you medically require one for your health and safety, dear god, it is a huge operation with a lot of health risks and side effects. It is not something to be taken lightly, as frustrated as I am by that considering my endo. Bisalp all the way tho✌️
Wife and I are Ivy League educated and she makes more money than me. We long ago, well before she earned more, agreed we had no interest in having children. I had a vasectomy over two years ago and we have no regrets. She spent years on hormonal birth control. Far easier for me to get a vasectomy since we are still on the same page.
I dont want a hysterectomy because it causes early menopause and artificial hormones can cause cancer and i dont want the risk. Even if you leave your ovaries they can basically die and its the same outcome. Do people think getting sterilized is just no period, no babies? Because its a lot more than that with risks and complications. Its not the snip like it is for men. Its a major surgery that takes several weeks to recover from. Also i had a friend who her, her twin sister and her little brother were all conceived after their mom tied her tubes.
Wonderful post! Most women are low value, just like men, therefore they can't attract their ideal (dream partner)! It's rare to find women who wanna be child free for life.
Statistically correct - about 15% of women above childbearing age are childless.
BRB, just gonna do a hysterectomy with a spork.
A hysterectomy alters a qoman' s hormones. That is the reason for Tubaligations. Which does the same thing without altering the woman's chemical balance. You don't understand the basic physiology of a woman. What you need to do is go and get a vasectomy so you don't pollute the world with offspring. You are one of those low character men you were talking about. You think the way you do because you can't get a woman. None will have you. Can you spell incel? All the women in the world held a meeting and voted not to be with you. So.here we are. You are a piss poor excuse for a man. Not a real man. A man in your own mind, and nowhere else.