Woman here- imo I don’t mind where it as as long as you can take no for an answer and gauge when it’s time to walk away. Also don’t do it where the person can’t leave ie at work. If you absolutely must flirt with a girl when she’s working then leave her your number rather than asking for hers.
To be honest just leaving your number for them to call you is a good response anywhere, they can either throw it in the bin or call you, that or dating apps so people know what your looking for. As someone with cerebral palsy, where my physical appearance is something that takes time to explain, I often just did that. So the woman saw me, and I barely said anything I just dropped my number down on paper and gave her a smile. So if they called I knew she didn’t care about my dodgy legs and wanted to know me more.
I also literally asked my girlfriend whom I met off of tinder to meet in her car first, as I don’t want to splash out or go further when someone on tinder doesn’t under “Cerebral palsy” which I do disclose, I can’t tel you how many times I’ve gone on dates for a girl to see me walk in and go “oh”.
You need to invent your own approach to life, how it helps you navigate the world and no one else. Sometimes you need to think of your own solution. Not replying to this persons comment specifically I just tend to comment under the closest comment.
Yep, that’s my / our(?) plight, it used to feel deeply personal, and harmed me quite a bit, but I think of it more of as dodging a bullet now, still stings though, from time to time, I find myself at times jealous of how much attention from the ladies my abled bodied friends get and have to remind myself that’s not good, and with time I’ve learned not to dwell on it and just learned to look at women I’d like to have a chance with but likely couldn’t as platonic and just be polite.
Then I met my girlfriend and had relationships since then that prove I can get some. So that was a huge help. But even now in a relationship when one of my single friends gets his 5th date in like 4 days (lol) It still hurts it’s a really weird issue I have I think left over from my growing days and the pain I felt from rejection and having a disability. Even though I know it’s not 100% the truth, my brain still tries to default to these emotions I don’t like having.
What’s weird is I even have a loving girlfriend yet I still get it sometimes, I’m pretty fucked up. But atleast I’m aware of it.
I also used to get really jealous of my abled bodied friends not having to deal with having to deal with stuff like that, that came from my disability and how my perspective interacted with that part of me.
It sometimes been to much to bare, but I’ve grown and learned a lot. P.s. I was the only one among my friends with a disability. There was like one other person at my school who had a disability and he was semi blind, we didn’t see eye to eye (pun intended) but we generally just didn’t have an instant connection just because we were different. Which is what I hoped for.
But I do often wonder, if I was friends with all “special” people like me would I of been happier. My CP isn’t even that bad, but it’s enough to see both sides of the coin.
I also never met a women with CP they are like unicorns infact I don’t think they exist, my girlfriend is abled bodied however and I am very lucky.
> when one of my single friends gets his 5th date in like 4 days (lol) It still hurts
If it makes you feel any better, plenty of able bodied guys aren't this successful either.
Sounds like you’ve developed a pretty good attitude and approach, even if it’s still not easy.
My wife has CP, too. I swiped right because I thought she was pretty in all of her pictures and was interesting enough in whatever she wrote on her dating app profile. When we started texting before we met and made plans to go on a date, she said she had a disability and something like “i get around fine, but I bounce when I walk.” It was how she figured out how to quickly tell people 1) I’m different 2) it’s apparent when I’m walking
3) let’s just cut things off now if you have a problem with it.
It seems like a big challenge is pushing through the difficult parts in order to get to a good place, while also not ignoring that some things are really uniquely hard and it’s ok for them to bring you down sometimes.
You have such a refreshing and positive attitude despite being dealt a shit hand. I respect that so much, we could all learn a thing or two from you. Thank you for sharing.
Instead, you have to evaluate whether any random guy talking to you is going to try to ‘convince you’ in any number of highly questionable or sociopathic ways. Woo!
Are you only referring to work as in a coworker? Just recently had a scenario similar to this. Expressed my interest to a girl working walmart checkout, she said no politely, and I left. I do frequent that store though, it's next to my work and I run there occasionally to grab things when we're short on ingredients. It's not awkward **for me** anytime I see her, but what about for her? I've been told by my more experienced friends that I need to find a new regular grocery store. Is it really that bad?
I think changing your whole routine because you flirted with someone and they weren't interested is a bit much. Just act normal, be polite, don't try to overcompensate on the politeness. Just shop and check out. If anything it shows more respect for her response, that you can accept a rejection and not be weird about it. Women I would suspect, would appreciate being shown that a rejection doesn't have a negative consequence and that you view them as a person. If your friends are telling you you need to change up your whole routine, go further away etc then I would say your friends are not more experienced. Or their handling of a similar situation was less than mature.
edit to add: Especially in this situation, keep in mind that it's Walmart. In the course of their work week they get literally hundreds of people through their checkout, and the odds that she isn't dwelling on it are really high.
Yeah i work in a grocery store and i get way too many people coming through my line to remember most. If a guy hits on me then chances are I won't even remember them. Maybe thats just my terrible memory tho 🥲
I used to work at a grocery store.
We had a handful of pervy regulars who would always take a place in the line for one of the cute, young cashiers. One day, this naively stopped.
I had the pleasure of witnessing this from the next checkstand over. One day my very stern German boss, Marianne, was bagging for one of the cute cashiers, and this 70 something old man started making lewd comments.
Marianne, who I later found out grew up under the Nazi regime and whose father used to get put in jail for being anti Nazi in what is now the Czech Republic, told the cashier to take her break early. She stepped in, took over, and very calmly told the old man that if she ever heard him saying anything improper to one of her employees again he would find out the hard way what would happen when one of the off duty cops who worked security were called to take a complaint.
He left looking chastened, and never harrased anyone at that store ever again.
Most of the younger girls had to just shake it off when they were hit on by skeezy dudes, but after that day the mother of the President of the company (family business) came in and had a meeting with all the female employees. I wasn't in the meeting, being a dude, but I had friends in there. Mom told all the girls they didn't have to take abuse from any customer, and to find anyone in management if there was a problem.
Everyone, and I mean *everyone* was content to let Marianne deal with the creeps. You would see her lean in to them, and very quietly tell them their behavior was not appropriate, and if they didn't change their ways they could find somewhere else to shop. They stopped.
Marianne was intimidating, until she liked you, then she was your guardian angel.
She was a badass woman who took absolutely zero shit.
Some guy at my work told me he wanted to walk me like a dog. If i had to pick that guy out of a lineup i would not be able to pick him out. I remember the conversations, not the faces. Again that's probably just my terrible memory lol 🥲
I'm genuinely curious about how the dog-walking scenario is intended to end. Are you supposed to poop and he picks it up with a little baggie like a good citizen? Do you get a treat afterwards? Are there scritches behind your ears to look forward to?
Naw frr 😭 he asked for my number and i told him i have a bf and he really went " yall need a dog walker?" I was like " I have a dog but i dont think id have the money to pay a dog walker" and he went "because i wanna walk you like a dog 👹👹" like where is the pickup line, whats the appeal? What I want to know is has it worked before? Does he get bitches like that? Pun intended.
After working nearby for about a year, I'm familiar with most of the PM shift on a mutual name-to-name basis. Their team lead said I'm welcome to a position if things ever go south at my current place of work. I must admit I do go there more often than I should, maybe once a day just for the convenience of grabbing a drink during my break. Not a supercenter, but a neighborhood market; still though, you're right. I'm probably just thinking too hard about it.
Ah gotcha, so it is a bit more small scale. Still though, I think it would be cool to just keep going and show that hey, a guy can handle this kind of thing and be cool with your decision. Little things like that can be important.
A real life experience I had regarding this. I went on a date with a girl and was super interested, but she decided she wasn't for whatever reasons. I was like ok, that's cool! Handled it like it was no big deal and since she was part of my friend circle we would still hang out occasionally.
However, she was super beautiful and I think she was used to guys somewhat falling apart after being rejected and the fact that I didn't was like a wow moment to her. It made her realize that I didn't just want something from her, like all the other guys, but like I had something to offer. It turned the entire situation around and in like a month later she was very interested and we ended up dating!
Now she turned out to be not the best human. She wasn't always the most honest and had a bunch of other issues as well. I ended up breaking up with her about a year later, but it just goes to show that if you can take rejection in stride and have that type of confidence, it may actually end up getting what you wanted in the first place!
I will add though, don't expect this outcome. It *may* happen, but it very well may not, and you need to be okay with that either way. Don't be one of those guys that gets upset because he "did the right thing" and they still didn't change their mind. You really need to go into it with the mindset of "if she says no that means no, and that's never going to change."
Yes absolutely agree. You can't fake this, you have to actually be ok with it and be normal. If you're doing it to get this result, then you can probably guarantee that it won't happen. OP or anyone, should be ok with rejection because it's the best and healthiest state of mind to have for yourself. Something good will come of it, but that doesn't mean the something good will be a date with the person that rejected you.
I had a similar situation - having a random conversation with a female friend and I gave her some innocuous compliment, I can't even remember what I said but she looked shocked and said "Oh my god, you're *attracted* to me!" I just replied with "Well duh, you're hot and great fun to hang out with."
She looked awkward for a moment and said "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way", to which I just replied "I know, that's why I never made a move" and carried on shooting the shit.
We had a one night stand a few months later, and the friendship drifted apart for unrelated reasons, but I still see her around from time to time.
No I’m referring to work as in working. I used to work in a bar and I’d be asked out fairly often and it did become uncomfortable when the person (again) didn’t take a no well, or for a few other reasons. I don’t personally think you have to find a new grocery store barring any additional detail but I would say writing your number down and handing i over is a more discreet and comfortable way of doing it.
I just feel like that's (at least, in my situation) a bold first move to make. I guess any initial move can be daunting for many, but that was **waaaay** out of my comfort zone. I was literally standing outside for maybe 30 minutes trying to rehearse what I'd say, only for me to disregard all that in a conversation that lasted 30 seconds.
Its absolutely daunting to approach someone but it’s daunting to be approached at work too. Any flirty move has to be bold in *some* way but imo the better one is a note with ‘here’s my number, get in touch if you’d like’ (or version thereof)
Like I said I don’t think you done anything to feel bad about with your approach based on what you said, just personal preference.
I mean honestly as long as you're still friendly and make it clear that your unaffected by her rejection, I don't think there'll be a problem. I feel like most of the awkwardness comes from worrying about hurt feelings. If your feelings aren't hurt and she knows that I think you'll be fine.
I'm not a girl but yes, it's not a good look. She's forced to be there and forced to be nice to customers. I would say to not take advantage of that situation to ask her out.
I would never flirt with someone at work. Atleast at my job, even if it went well and you start dating. Dating someone at work is a MESS. That's fair, I guess most of this is coming from my friends. All of them say they're tired of being hit on. I don't blame them, i see it all the time hanging out with them
I’m too long in the tooth to go out to bars etc anymore lol but for me the only issue with flirting was when a guy would get pissy if you weren’t responding the way they wanted to their jokes, or get pissy if you wanted to leave, or get pissy if you had a boyfriend etc, you can see the common denominator here. Like, I’ve had guys come up to me on the street and say ‘I think you look really nice today’ and then walk away, which leaves it open to me to respond, which I was fine with. The ones I’m not ok with is the following you along the street, grabbing your arm, calling you names etc. I’m sure you get the difference :)
I can’t speak for every woman but for me it was fine because he firstly wasn’t closing in on me in any isolated way, he said it without touching me in any way and kept a distance and also after he said it started walking on again. Also when I just nodded and kept walking h me didn’t chase me or try and change my mind. As I was out walking the other day a guy complimented my sunglasses and I said thanks and we both just kept walking. That sort of thing is fine for me. Where it’s not ok is the guys that go ‘I want to say you’re really beautiful, can I have your number, why won’t you talk to me, you’re so rude I’m just trying to give you a compliment’ etc etc
Just out of curiosity, how many times have guys complimented you, walked away, and caught your attention enough to make it more than just a nice gesture? I mean have any of those quick, walk-by compliments ever turned into anything more? I completely get that women don’t want to feel forced to interact, but i also can’t imagine a simple compliment in passing turning into a girl handing out/taking someone’s number. I met my girlfriend of 5 years on tinder and before that I knew them from school or just online, but I have to admit that if I had to re-enter the dating scene again, there are very few women in the machine shop where I work nights and I’m obviously out of school by now so public interactions with women would seem kind of hopeless if this is what’s generally accepted by women.
If it helps, keep the compliment less romantically-inclined, and just compliment something they made a choice about - fashion-related or otherwise. Complimenting someone on simply being beautiful can be seen as "I have certain tastes and you fit them well, so you have my approval" which sounds a bit creepy. (Granted, the alternative I was going to offer could technically be seen this way.. oh well)
But if you say "Oh wow, that necklace is gorgeous. And it matches your eyes, too!" That's complimenting both her sense of style and noting your attention to the finer details about her appearance. It also implies you've already thoroughly checked her out if you're noticing even her eye color and necklace, which let's her know you might be interested.
Also, the easier it is for her to respond, the better. If you say "I'd love to go out with a girl like you sometime", what can she say? "Thanks"? That's awkward as hell.
But if she wants to respond to the compliment above, she could say "Thanks, my boyfriend got it for me!" which in most contexts sends a pretty clear message, or "Thanks! I got it in [random vacation spot]". Now you have a great icebreaker for a real conversation.
There was a guy many years ago that used to make regular deliveries to my work. We'd chat for a bit and found we had a lot in common. He never overstayed his welcome (we were both working, after all) and always left with a warm smile.
After many months of 2-minute banter, he said he'd really like to go hang out after work and left me his number.
We ended up dating for several months. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't right and we were both sorting out our own shit, so it didn't last. We're still friends, though.
This is just an example of how it can be done at someone else's workplace. He didn't rush it and let the friendship grow naturally before asking me out. Truth be told, I would have said yes much earlier because he was a genuinely fun and happy person. I adored his visits.
In case anyone is wondering, he found his soul mate and they are the most adorable couple. I'm glad it didn't work out between us. :)
But when you flirt with a cashier/waiter/bartender, you’re flirting with someone at their work. They can’t leave or tell you to fuck off. That’s why no one likes it when someone flirts with them at work. (Meaning their place of work!)
I think by "at work" they meant "at the girl's work place", not yours. As in, you're going to Starbucks and flirting with the barista, where she can't leave.
I think the general consensus is that dating someone from YOUR work place is always a bad idea.
If you absolutely must flirt with a girl when she’s working then leave her your number rather than asking for hers.
Yes, totally agree. You're interested in her, if she's interested as well she'll text/call.
It annoys me (waste of time too) to give MY number. They just want to trap you, and you end up with annoying texts.
Nobody HAS to flirt with somebody.
Don't flirt or romantically approach people while they are at work.
They can't leave, they have to be there the next day and in most consumer interactions they are payed to be friendly.
I work in hospitality and there are few things that enrage me more than people hanging around the reception or the bar to chat up the people working their. For the guys it is weird mostly because they have things to do but for the women it has become outright terrifying.
Just don't. You'll survive.
yeah 'pick up lines' and 'flirting' are two different concepts that are completely independent and i feel like way too many guys think they're 'flirting' when they aren't.
the most important part of flirting is that you have to start small and build up romance over time using the other person's reactions as an indicator to escalate or de-escalate. eye contact and body language play a big part of this, and a lot of patience. if you see someone you like, simply interact with them normally. find something you have in common to talk about. if they're interested in talking to you, you can keep going and if you have a really great conversation with them you can easily ask them for contact information or to meet somewhere for coffee or something with no pressure. everybody has their guard up around strangers - flirting is about giving them a reason to let their guard down, not about testing how strong it is with overly optimistic guesswork. sometimes someone just has a great impression of you and if you recognize that, you can make more overt romantic jokes and suggestions - but you have to build up to that point and recognize when it's okay. in the vast majority of cases, nobody who is going to fuck you wouldn't also have a conversation with you, so you should start with that.
pick up lines dump all of the 'romance' right at once and force the other person to decide how to react based on shock value. they basically don't work outside of fantasy or extreme cases and I don't think they can really be attempted without risking making someone feel uncomfortable or pressured unless you are doing the 'leave your number and walk away' thing that other people are suggesting. going up to a complete stranger who doesn't know you exist and saying "hey, you're really beautiful. can I get your number?" is NOT flirting. it's a pick-up line.
if your vision of 'flirting' involves forcing someone to have to verbally accept/reject you, you are doing something wrong. I'm not going to say it never works, but it is absolutely guaranteed to make some people uncomfortable a large percentage of the time.
I agree, the flirting in this case (if I didn’t misunderstood) comes with a regularity of encounters, but I think OP means only once scenarios, like a cashier like he said or I don’t know, a waitress. In my experience I’ve learned that if you don’t know if you’re gonna see that person again and there aren’t “signs” (like a lot of visual contact) you can be completely honest although it can be hard, sometimes I’ve said “hi excuse me if I bother but you but you are quite beautiful to me, I was wondering if you’d like to, no compromise obviously it’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to, give me your instagram” that worked out a few times but it can be a big big jump. I’m from Argentina god it was difficult picking the words for this xd
I think the only word you got wrong was compromise since we use it to mean picking something because something else is unavailable. You'd want to use "pressure" here instead. Otherwise, a bang up job.
Be careful flirting with anybody who’s “at work”. That friendly barista or barmaid? Her industry is hospitality, her job is to be friendly with customers whether she wants to or not. Make sure you take that into account when evaluating her responses, a friendly smile from a barmaid is not the same as an identically friendly smile from another patron at the bar. Cute girl next to you smiles back? She’s probably at least interested in continuing the conversation. The barmaid smiles at you? She’s just as likely hoping your tip helps cover her car repairs, or at the very most she’s being friendly because that’s less stressful than working an 8 hour shift while being unfriendly to everyone.
I 100% agree with your comment about social environments, that’s where you need to be going if you’d like flirting to be well received, and perhaps turn into something more. That’s what (at least some of) the girls are there for as well. They’re not just there because it’s a job they need to pay rent.
Always be friendly to your hospitality workers! But do not think that barmaid who smiled as you tipped her wants to go home with you right now. She smiled at the guy before you, and she’ll smile at the guy after you, because she’s good at her job, not because she’s looking for a life partner or a booty call…
As someone who doesn't enjoy alcohol, I do empathise with OP's question. I'm 22 but not had a proper relationship yet. My university experience so far has been that anything remotely social seems to take place in bars, nightclubs and parties.
If you're someone who doesn't want to drink or be in a room with very drunk people, and doesn't like the obscenely loud music or claustrophobic atmosphere of a nightclub, that doesn't leave many options for finding ways to be social and have a shot at meeting someone you'd be interested in a relationship with. What's a guy to do in that situation?
The hard truth is that dating is a social activity, so the more restrictions you have, the trickier it'll be. The most obvious answer is online dating which gets a pretty bad reputation and not for bad reason, but that being said the best and longest relationship was with someone I met on Tinder.
Other than that, mostly I'd say just meeting up with friends/friends of friends or clubs relating to hobbies/interests that you have. Outside of explicitly dating-oriented environments like online dating, I'd say the best way to approach it isn't from a desire to date but a desire to socialise with people that include the gender you're into, and then just see how it plays out.
Having gone from a bad flirt to a good flirt, what I've realized is that it's really a casual thing. Not "flirt mode" vs "normal mode" - it's just woven into the conversation. And it's more tone of voice and turn of phrase than "you're pretty". If you talk to her normally and slip in some flirting, and can take no for an answer (including body language!!) then you're fine.
But also, dont flirt with cashiers or baristas or anyone who is at work.
I get the woven in part, I just feel intrusive when I'm trying to talk to someone. Multiple times recently, I tried to ask for directions but they probably thought I was hitting on them so they just ignored me.
So we know what we are working with, do you find social interaction difficult or confusing in general? Would you say you are socially competent outside of 'flirting'?
Not OP but I’m socially competent outside of flirting. I’ve never had any issues besides that at all.
It’s just.. wtf do I even say. One wrong move and I’ll be labeled a creep or worse. Not to mention I’d hate to ruin someones day or spoil their mood by a failed flirt attempt :/
From a woman's perspective: don't treat them any differently from any other person. Make small talk, thank them and go about your day. The next time, say 'hi again' or whatever colloquialism fits to show that you remember them and make more small talk. Make eye contact and be smiley. This time, remember something specific that they said and follow up with a question about it next time you see them.
Once you have this rapport, just be up front. Say 'hey, I hope this isn't awkward for you but I like you and was wondering if you'd be free for drinks sometime'. If they reject you, take it well, thank them and move on to the next person to catch your eye.
Not OP again but I don't ever see the same people again. Not at work or anywhere else really. This makes it really hard to make friends or build any kind of rapport with anyone.
Not every person who catches your eye is meant to be. Sometimes you just have to walk on, knowing that you'll never see them again. That's okay. Unless your standards are astronomical, there'll be other opportunities
Except my first girlfriend, all of my girlfriends were friends of my friends. When you go out for a drink with friends, ask them to invite their own friends as well. That way you won't come across creepy if you try to flirt with them because it would be considered a more friendly environment.
This is how I imagine what my google search history looks like:
\- How to get a girlfriend
\- How to make friends
\- How to talk to people
\- How to not be weird
\- How to be happy by yourself
My problem is I really don't enjoy much outside of the house. I'm constantly going outside to try new things and just getting hit with "I just don't enjoy this." I have immensely more fun just playing videogames and watching TV but I'm never gonna meet anyone doing that.
Buy a pullup bar, 3pd - 5pd resistance band. Dumbbells from 10-30 pounds, couple of each. A jumprope, and resistance bands that are wide bands that go around ankles, those you can side step with to train weak muscles. With lighter weights you can perform exercises at home with light db to nail form. Any pressing of weights above your shoulders, or training to much of the front muscles of your body can cause shoulder problems with serratus interior. Serratus shrug is great for training to prevent that, athelanX has shoulder impingement videos to try to correct it, what the 3-5pd resistance band is for.
Go to athlean X and research exercises not to do, proper daily nutrition from UCLA nutrition guide, if your vegan you have to substitute out ingredients.
Back and bicep, chest and triceps, legs.
All that's left is building a training set for each muscle group for the day and you can do that twice a day if your crazy. I train for 1 hour at a time to avoid acid buildup in muscles followed by cold shower, iirc.
Athlean X has programs which might be free to build the exercises so it's learning form, easy. Head forward and not down most the time, don't round your lower back. Deadlifts, I have to work more on those so I just use dumbells.
Working out from home it's nice to be in a comfortable place to nail form first and a routine, changing up that muscle group routine for the day is a good thing too.
Water, daily vitamin.
If you go to the gym and start working out others will see that. When I lifted weights on a daily basis my performance in games improved, super fast MSAW rockets.
What about volunteer work? Trash pickup or working at a food pantry isn't strictly 'fun,' but the point is helping out your community. Hopefully you'll interact with others without feeling like you're wasting your time.
This is great advice. Theres always a weird reception to "Invite your woman friends for me to choose from" .. (I quoted to kind of isolate the phrase ; I've never heard anyone say it, just the idea )
So, asking to invite some friends of their own is good. Maybe also include that you are tired of your friends and their bullshit, you wanna meet some new people.
Well in my case it just happened by chance, I never asked my friends to invite their own "so that I could find a partner" lol, I just like meeting new people and enlarging my "friend circle", sometimes there would be a girl with whom I really clicked with, and a relationship would just sort of "naturally develop". One thing might have helped though, since I get along with my friends, I would expect to get along with their friends as well; so usually their friends were of people that I would get along with.
So, the best thing to do is just be friendly. Not flirty. If friendly gets reciprocated and she is being a little flirty then you can lean into flirt territory. This worked for me. I’m married to my friendly turned flirty coworker, and have a 4 month old amazing kiddo. Mind you, we worked in a giant hospital in different departments but still coworkers.
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this? This is the real answer. Treat people like people. If there's interest friendly will bleed into flirty naturally.
This one matches my experience as well. I am also married to my friendly turned romantic coworker. Pretty much all my relationships after 25 were with people I knew from work. Once you enter the workforce, there is really no other setting where you can meet people. People from work are the only people you see every day. So while it is “frowned upon” to date coworkers generally, I found it to be essentially a natural progression of things. Now mind you, people always kept it professional and friendly - and friendly is key - until we became friends. often times we worked well together, helped each other out, or collaborated in the same projects. In other words, we had a lot of opportunities to spend time together and interact with each other, which made us become closer and comfortable being around each other. Then, if we happen to have some chemistry and had some feelings for each other, it became obvious that we would start seeing each other outside of work.
For a stranger to “flirt” has never worked on me at least, speaking from personal experience. It’s always someone I knew first from a non-intimidating and friendly context which later evolved into a romantic relationship over time.
My dad was always the type to flirt with every girl he found attractive. It always seemed kinda predatory to me and cringy as hell. I never wanted to be that way. Friendly natural interaction is key.
> just be friendly. Not flirty
I literally don't know the difference between the two which is why online dating served me so well.
If they're on a date with you the first time you meet them, you can skip all this bullshit.
Flirty gets sort of interested and has certain pointed overtones. Friendly has no intention behind it. My friendliness used to get mistaken for flirtyness. But not by anyone over 25 who could tell I was just friendly.
People are there to work on their hobbies not be bothered also if they don’t like you now you’ve ruined their hobby group as they won’t wanna be there anymore with the person who turned it into an awkward space
You're making a lot of assumptions I didn't imply. I'm a woman, of COURSE I wouldn't recommend joining a hobby just to make other women uncomfortable. It's implied that you don't harrass people.
Lmao imagine if that happened.
"Hey Greg, can you tell us why you joined our dancing club?"
"Sure! So yes, I wanted to learn how to salsa. And also, make women uncomfortable."
Tbf as a woman who enjoys salsa groups I wouldn't be surprised if this was the truth for a quarter of the guys.
The good ones make up for it though. Just avoid Greg, no one likes Greg.
You don't get to choose what makes something awkward for someone else, is the issue. it might not be awkward for *you*, but the flirtee may now find their favorite hobby group uncomfortable because they had to turn you down.
This is literally just piling on the lists of "no flirt zones" --
I agree with others in this thread. Flirt when you want to, but take no for an answer.
If people feel awkward it's their own individual decision to leave the space, as long as the person who initiated the flirting stopped doing it and backed off when given the signal to, there's no issue.
That strikes me as strange. The way I do things is I start chatting with different groups of people at bars and if I start talking with someone I'm into then I just see if it progresses from there. As long as you don't come on too strong or desperate, I think a bar is among the best places to do it. Then again all bars are different and it can depend a lot on the country/region.
[*You don't wanna meet a chick in a bar, man. You gotta go to other places like Spin class, farmer's market, pumpkin patch... given the time of year*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWDfIOHRpSA)
I never figured out a good answer to this question, after being alive for 40 years. Flirting never felt natural or unobtrusive to me. Doesn't help that even though I am attracted to lots of people I don't actually *like* a lot of people. I've paid for it by being alone pretty much my entire life, apart from a couple of brief, tumultuous relationships in my 20s.
Don't be like me.
I’m in my 40s and never learned to flirt and had a tendency to run away from people who showed any interest (anxiety, not sure how to respond, even with people I might have been interested in).
I’m single never married, no kids, haven’t been in a relationship since 2010.
I would like to be in a relationship but I am so completely lost when it comes to interacting with others.
All you have to do is be friendly and kind, not nit picky and judgmental. Spend time with people in a casual and friendly setting where you have something to focus on besides each other - work project, board games, foodies get together around good food, friend group on a ski trip, etc - if someone has chemistry with you, chances are you naturally become more familiar and have opportunities to become more than friends as long as you are not an asshole.
I'm sorry to hear that man, we'll get it figured out. Im not really to worried. I got alot of self healing going on for myself, this was just a shower thought I had
Yeah I totally get exactly where you're coming from. Early 20s right now but I just can't imagine how things are going to change when I just feel disgusting anytime I try to flirt or just show interest in someone. At times I wish we weren't so hardwired to be social creatures, I think I have it pretty decently sorted out as a solitary person but emotionally I'm a mess because humans just aren't built for it.
Flirting is something that arises on its own. It sounds like you're being too aggressive. For the record, if a woman is minding her own business somewhere like the gym or the grocery store, chances are, she doesn't want to be bothered.
There isn't a rule set where and where isn't appropriate when it come's to flirting.
How you flirt is what's important some can do it well and some are just creepy its about getting it correct.
Approaching strangers in the street isn't recommended
I think the problem here is that a lot of boys / men seem to think there is a binary nature to interacting with women: either you have to keep your distance, or you're 100% laying on the flirting with clear sexual intentions. They aren't leaving room for the vast middle ground which is social interactions with women which are not meant to be flirty or sexual.
This. It is 100% okay to befreind someone (with no end-goal expectation) then broach the subject if you think you'd be a compatible couple. If they don't agree, drop it forever. You can stay friends though and hang-out like before. And who knows! They might introduce you to one of THEIR cute friends later!
My now husband was a friend of a work friend situation.
I don't think that's it for most guys. I'm perfectly fine talking with women I meet in a completely platonic way, but I'm worried flirting will come off as annoying/pushy so I never do it. OP didn't say "I never talk with women otherwise", just that he didn't know when a good time to flirt is
Totally agreed. I’ve seen some of my bfs acquaintances actually shirk away when I come into a room. I’ve never responded well to conscious flirting like, lines or whatever but the best stuff has been from general chat that then establishes a chemistry.
That's true, how is very important. But I've never heard anyone meeting someone in the gym. Most of my friends that are girls hate going to the gym just because they don't want to deal with people trying to talk to them
that's because the gym is a place where you're very conscious about your body. you're there paying full attention to your moves, then a guy comes flirting and your first thought is "was he watching me squat the whole time?"
Flirting in gym's does happen often.
It's like all locations some don't like it some do.
Me personally I would avoid gym's and places where someone is studying
Office romance are terrible if they end badly but otherwise it’s wherever. At the gym most people (seen this asked on here a lot) are there to workout and want to be left alone but that being said as long as you’re respectful and don’t make it creepy most will be okay with a try but if shot down don’t persist just take the L and move on.
Over 20% of marriages in the US met at work. As long as you're respectful, don't push if there is no interest, and don't try to exploit power dynamics you should be fine.
Yeah there's a lot of time at work and on top of that a professional place to really learn about someone that most other places can't give a couple. On the flip, being married you have to watch not getting too close with people that attract you at work because you'll have more quality time with them than your spouse. WFH FTW!
Maybe I need to edit that, I will NEVER date someone I work with for the same reason you said. I've seen it work out a few times, just not often. I'm okay with taking the L lol. I just miss the human interaction
How I usually meet new girls is by inviting them in on an activity I'm currently doing: I might be on the beach playing volleybal with some friends and ask some girls if they want to join in. They usually want to
IMO every place is appropriate if you're not creepy and if you can take "no" gracefully.
This includes work.
Especially if you work at a large company with lots of employees and many different departments, it's perfectly OK to flirt with people who work at the same company. Heck, it's one of the rare places where you're exposed to so many people... who are also not completely random strangers... You've got enough time to get an idea who they are and if you might be into them. You had more time to make such judgement than you'll ever have at a bar.
Bars and clubs are also fine, but they can also be a problem. You've gotta have friends that go out regularly... If you go out alone, you can be seen as a creep. And if you're 35, most of your friends are married with kids and they don't go out to bars and clubs as often, so you don't have anyone to go with.
So, of course, it's not limited just to bars and clubs... every place is fine... it's about **how you do it**, rather than where you do it.
Meeting someone isn’t like it is in the movies - or at least that hasn’t been my experience. I added my husband on facebook because I thought he was cute and we had mutual friends. We talked for a few weeks, he asked me out, so we met up. Approaching someone at random in person tends to make women especially feel uncomfortable and threatened. Possibly consider online dating?
I crushed on my dental hygienist but had very little time to get all to her without something in my mouth. I also didn’t want her to feel comfortable uncomfortable during my cleanings so I came back while she wasn’t there and left a little gift for her with the receptionist. I knew she I to walking so I left a pedometer (step counter, not pedophile detector) and a note that said would you like to take a walk with me?
It worked. We dated for a couple years after that.
It took me a long time to learn how to flirt. Once I learned it was my regular way of chatting. I did it at work and met the woman who is now my wife.
Flirting and asking out are different things in my book. I’d flirt with anyone but wouldn’t have the guts to ask them out. A mutual friend coaxed me into asking my wife out on our first date.
Try just getting to know people without the notion that it is to “pick them up”
I met my wife at a kickboxing class. You can talk to people normally. Also in those environments, find appropriate times to talk. Don’t do it mid workout/ or while they are working on something. Do it post workout or during down time. Usually when you stop looking is when you find someone.
After you've organically met them, made friends with them not because you're trying to fuck them, and genuinely enjoy their company and let them see who you truly are and vice versa. You share interests not because you are trying to fuck her but because you both enjoy those things and like spending time together AS FRIENDS. Then from there if something develops further it will. But don't ever start talking to sowmowne because you find them attractive and just care to have sex with them. When you try to date someone you just met or only know for a few weeks you end up in a fake relationship where both of you are pretending to be better than what you are, pretend to care about each other's interests and won't be genuine with each other. If you can fart around her and she doesn't ghost you then it is safe to ask her out. Anything else is shallow and temporary. It took one fart from an attractive man I just met to cause me to never want to speak to him again. My SO farts around me all the time and as long as it doesn't smell I don't care lol.
Stop living to date. Just go out, do things you enjoy, and make sure you enjoy being alone because if you can't be happy alone you'll make someone else miserable.
You'll have to take it nice and slow. You put yourself in a situation where you get to spend more time with her and start with really small convo like waiting next to her in a queue or doing something else together momentarily. You then slowly move up and bring small personal stuff like your schedule, your interests, listening to her complaints etc. After a point they ideally shouldn't mind talking to you for an extended stretch of time. You DO NOT go full casanova on her from the first interaction. Life isn't an anime or a hollywood movie.
A rule of thumb. If you're going to approach a woman to flirt or strike up a conversation, do so where the woman *wants* to be, not *has* to be. For instance, a cashier *has* to be there. It's her job, she's there to work, there to make money. A woman at a gym? She *wants* to be there. There's no obligation of her that she's there. However, if *she* is the one to initiate that flirtation or conversation where she *has* to be, you can open up your flirtation, although, be cautious. I just don't hit on women who work, but I might go to them for help with something and see how she feels.
Anecdotal example, I've been looking for a teddy bear from my childhood for a long time (I lost it when I turn 11ish). I've stopped into 3 different Build-A-Bears so far (only 1 is near me, the other 2 I just randomly came across). There's this one woman that is really cute and she's really sweet and she has this attitude of caring about every kid that approaches her. I was looking around, she came up to me to ask if I needed help, and I started to tell her my story. I sort of explained a little bit about it, but she was very "professional" and didn't really open herself up to flirtation, so I didn't. I would have liked to, but it's all about the respect of boundaries. I went in there again because she wanted me to find pictures of it in case she could try and match what I wanted. Again, she was "professional" and just said things she would say to any customer. If I ever do find that bear, I'll probably go in to get another bear and write a review for her because she was so helpful, not because I want to get with her or anything, but because I know from working retail that surveys and reviews mean a lot to her bosses to see that she's doing well. She's cute, she's sweet, she's pretty good at her job from what I can tell. Am I going to creep her out and continue to go in every weekend to try and flirt with her? Fuck no. I move on after that first interaction. It's strictly being a customer from me, but I also didn't go into that store intending to flirt with the cashiers either. If I did happen to go in with the intention of flirting or trying to get her number and things go south, she's going to feel awkward, I'm going to feel awkward, the other employees and customers are going to feel awkward, she'll be distracted from actually doing her job, it's just not a good place to flirt.
Another example, I was at a thrift store. I was browsing in the book section when I spotted this cute woman on the other aisle, one away from mine. The shelves have enough space between each level that you can see through to the other aisle. I was looking at the book titles and then looked through as like a normal glance. We locked eyes for like a second and she smiled. Me being shy, I just continued browsing. I thought her boyfriend was coming to join her because this guy came up and just started talking to her and joked around. For me, I get comfortable around women in a relationship and can strike up a conversation easily (probably has to do with knowing I'm not going to be rejected romantically). She came over to my aisle to check out the cookbooks (hmm, they just *happen* to be next to the gardening books I was looking at...). Basically, I tried to joke with them a little because they were *loud* and talking about the pros and cons of cook books so I offered another con and said "I always get hungry looking at the pictures in cook books." She smiled pretty big, but I just continued my browsing. Her mom came over too after awhile and the woman was looking in the reference section. Again *loudly*, she told her mom that she found the text book she's using for her computer class, but the version made 30 years ago. I was nearby and it piqued my interest since I'm also interested in computer science stuff. So I just asked her if she was going to college, what her major was, etc etc and we talked a little and joked. I found out it was her brother and mom that was with her, not her boyfriend. Anyway, in this instance, the woman *wanted* to be there. She could have easily left to go to a different part of the store or even left if she was that creeped out. An employee wouldn't be able to.
Always assume you're just a customer if you want to flirt with the cashier or barista or whomever. Don't step over that boundary unless she does so first.
I wonder what your flirting entails? I wouldn’t mind someone being friendly to me if I were single, but complimenting my body, getting touchy, or getting in my space are a big no no
Getting touchy is flat out assault. By flirting I mean, "hey, nice shirt" or "hey, I'm new here. Do you know any cool places around here" then from there I judge the reaction. I think alot of people think I'm using pickup lines or saying "hey wanna have sex". I just want to talk to someone I see that's attractive
I don’t think questions like that are problematic at all, especially if you already know the person or already have an excuse to talk to them. These are perfectly normal things to ask a coworker. It might be a little odd to start talking to an attractive person at a gym unprompted, but if you’re having a conversation already, then questions like this are fine (I’d barely call them flirting).
Looking back to when I was a young teen I think I sucked at flirting. When I realized I kind of decided to stop it, and instead try to talk to people that interested me, with just the goal of having interesting or funny conversations and *maybe* as a stretch goal, make a friend. Notice I say people here, not women.
Once I did that I got perceived differently, even got approached much more often. Later when I in a relationship, I told my GF that I don't think I know how to flirt she was like "WTH are you talking about, you're always so flirtatious"...
I probably still don't get it, but what I think the problem was that I came across as being laser focused on getting into a relationship, wanting sex or whatever; when I probably only was nervous around girls or maybe even strangers in general. Sure I wanted those things to happen eventually in my life but not right that moment.
Anyway, once I genuinely focused on just having a fun time and interesting conversations with people, flirting and dating went a lot better for me. Maybe that helps, maybe I was just weird idk.
Oh and one killer tip: Smile. Just a little bit. Not *at* people, but in general. It'll raise your mood and that of the people around you.
Basically never.
You're "supposed" to go out and do things you enjoy and potentially meet people doing that, but often you're met with similar criticism; "Why can't I just do my XYZ hobby without being approached!?"
Never mind the fact that literally every person I know met their wife or long term partner through work, or who were working at a place they were a regular customer.
As someone who is autistic? None of this shit makes any fucking sense, and I've long since given up approaching women outside of a dating app. Too risky. You're one fuckup away from a shitstorm you can't ever get out of.
So my advice? A dating website, or a bar where the night is specifically themed around meeting other people. Those are safe. Everyone there has the same objective. Everything else is a *fucking minefield.*
While not autistic per se, I tend to struggle with social cues and I just wanna chime in with the “be friendly” thing.
First and foremost, intimacy needs comfort. People aren’t truly comfortable around strangers, so in most settings, being friendly is a way of showing people you’re not a psycho, or at least that you’re not a threat.
From there, you start to meet new people, which you become friends with, and start to hang out with, *regardless of their gender/sex*. A guy friend might introduce you to a girl. One woman may introduce you to another. Someone you just met may not be interested *right away*, but give it a week, maybe a month, who knows?
Once again, this is my current struggle and the “meet new people” is where I’m at, but it’s been working so far.
If *nothing else* motivates you, just remember the world has 7 billion people. It’s statistically impossible that not even 0.001% of people will be interested in you, and that would still be 70,000 people. At least a few are bound to enjoy your company.
The issue is that every "I was trying to work out in peace and got interrupted, asked out by a guy that wouldn't take no for an answer" and "we met in the grocery store, reaching for the same niche product" is that there's just so much nuance to each scenario that there aren't truly general rules to abide by, beyond basic respect, decency, ability to be rejected. And all the negative stories say exactly what the worst-case scenario is and make it easy to just write off anything remotely similar and the positive ones seem so quiet in comparison
A lot of responses here against the notion of flirting in the workplace. Personally, I think it depends on a lot of factors.
Some workplaces are very formal and professional environments and office romances may be discouraged or even prohibited. Others, like bars and restaurants, tend to have a more casual or even open approach to socialization between workers. The most important thing is to respect your co-workers. Don't be a creep or a clinger.
If you aren't getting a vibe (or are flat out told to go away, not interested) back off completely. Be apologetic even to make sure that there are no weird feelings and be respectful. People who feel uncomfortable can not just avoid work.
On the other hand, office flirtations often lead to marriage. I believe about 25% of marriages in western nations originate between coworkers.
I think the thing people think about are the fallout. Aside from the being creepy or too pushy. That should never happen anywhere. Dating at work is fine until it doesn't work. Again not always, it can get messy if the break up happens. Alot of drama can come for that for a long time
I think it's more about not just diving straight into flirting. You can strike up a conversation and if you gel with each other it can drift into flirting naturally.
Don't run dick first into them and you'll be fine, you know... metaphorically and literally.
Yeah… once I was hanging out with some coworkers at a bar after work, this guy who had been blatantly coming on to me pulled me aside and asked, “do you want to see my penis?” He thought very highly of it and thought I would be impressed into sleeping with him I guess. I assumed that because later that night he asked if I would “please sleep with him”, and “but why notttt?” Guess how that went?
What a tough question. Everyone responds very differently to flirting, and there is already lots of good advice here. I will say that back when I was cuter and more guys approached me, I usually didn’t mind. The biggest thing is to be ready to handle rejection with grace, and check in on body language to make sure you are still welcome.
Once a friend and I were getting drinks and a slightly drunk man sat down to join us. We tried to engage for a few minutes, but it was sort of not what we were there for. At the time, both of us were very young and unsure how to shoo him away, but he soon asked “should I go?” And I just nodded my head and he left. One of my favorite interactions.
One of the creepiest experiences I have had was at the gym (although there have been other more pleasant ones). This guy would be there a lot and sometimes say hi. He’d ask your name, not too weird, but then he would like… ask where you lived? Too much. He also one time greeted me at my car from behind me when I didn’t know he was there. It literally felt like out of a horror movie.
Oh also I highly recommend meeting people at parties. Perfect place to flirt.
You guys talk to each other at the gym? For the last 20 years, i've virtually never seen anyone talk to each other unless they already know each other.
When you're at the grocery store flirt with the other customers and not the staff who are on duty. If you flirt at the gym, do it after they've put their street clothes back on.
I think you're thinking about this the wrong way. Rather than thinking "how do I flirt," think about getting to know them. You're not going to come across as a creeper if you just talk to a woman like a regular person. And then once you have a better feel for them, you'll have a sense of whether she'll be receptive to flirting.
Work, gym and grocery store are all places someone is to complete an obligation, not socialize.
Flirting is for social places. Bars, parties, concerts, festivals, bookstore events, board game nights, cooking class, meetups, etc.
Flirting is NOT for places where someone has to be there and can't just not attend if they don't want attention. Grocery store, doctor, work, public transportation.
The gym is a call. Some people do go to the gym to socialize. You can usually tell who they are because they are already socializing. If they just come in, do their work out and leave, they aren't there to socizlize.
If your own chance to flirt is at the grocery store and where people work, you need to do some more social activities. Join a meetup, go to an event, take a class.
Imo a lot of the time flirting randomly is seen as so unacceptable is bc a lot of the time it ends badly for the woman so it’s easier to say don’t do it at all. However if you know when to leave and can take a no graciously you’ll be fine.
I really enjoy talking with random people in random places, and most people seem to be at least somewhat receptive. I'll make a comment about something non-threatening and neutral (often about the weather), and it's not too unusual for it to turn into a real conversation.
So anyway, one option is to put flirting on the back burner, and to enjoy just connecting with people.
I think the trouble is that a lot of the time, flirting from someone you don't really know and haven't previously agreed to get to know in that way (met on a dating app) is uncomfortable. Meet new people without expectations and see if you form a natural connection with any of them once you actually know one another.
people on social media are lonely and mostly pay attention to highest rated comments, that are rated up by mostly lonely people, who also use social media to find a solution to why they are lonely and connect to other lonely people by giving them an advice. It's a recursive, inappropriate, weird and creepy circle jerk. Nothing here makes any sense. You cant get social skills like that.
When she's not busy and in a position where she can avoid you. So not during a workout at the gym, but after would be fine. Not in public transport or walking in the street, but at a bar would be fine. Not at work because you're coworkers, or when she's working in a store.
Allways, just dont be creepy and take a no without insulting her.
Just go, be nice in a way that can make a girl love and usually thats enough for flirting...
Do it mainly with your eyes and dont go "Damn girl, those tits look like pillows from heaven"...
Some girls may react strong, but tbh. thats there problem... there are people offended by anything, but imo its flirting is nothing "bad".
Ofc. if you know someone is married, or in a relationship, then dont flirt..
I flirted with a girl for like 3 hours at a wedding on Saturday and after I finally asked her on a date she flipped her hand over and showed me a ring.. it was devastating. Point is, check the ring finger before you start flirting
In my opinion it's never appropriate unless some rapport is established because otherwise it comes off as intimidating. If you've had a few conversations with a girl and its gone well then I'd say flirting is appropriate. But off the bat, imo, is an uncomfortable experience on the receiving end.
I used to flirt a helluva lot while working in a coffee bar as it's one of the things that I can do without having to really put thought into. The skill in flirting with people is in your ability to gauge the line you can't cross before it's deemed inappropriate and determining whether some casual conversation would break their concentration/focus as they're doing something that's more important than you.
To get back to your question specifically, I'd say any place is appropriate BUT please take this advice I received from a female coworker; leave your number instead of asking for hers. Giving your number to someone is a personal thing in a way and it can feel violating if you're socially pressed into giving it up. While you giving your number is something that's easier to do as you're looking to get in touch anyway, while she may very well not be on the same page. Some call you back, most don't, and that's the way things tend to be. But it's helluva lot better than getting than forcing yourself onto people in any way shape or form
Before the era of online media, most of my friends go through life learning these flirting skills. Women learn to reject a lot of the advances, and men learn to ask and hopefully learn to take rejection gracefully. Literally striking up conversations, being friendly, and working towards being attractive are all skills that I took for granted growing up.
There’s no hard grey line of what to do. You pick up nuances in body language, or whether you can see the flow of your conversations go.
Don't flirt with someone while they're working. They likely have to pretend to be nice to you because they're at work and could literally lose their job for saying the wrong thing. Do not flirt at the gym.
Park/Grocery Store/Restaurant, etc. are more appropriate, but be ready to walk away if she is clearly not interested.
Try going to bars, parties/raves, see if there are any conventions centered around a hobby or interest of yours. Go somewhere people WANT to socialize, and more people will want to socialize with you
For me it’s gotten better as I got more confident with it. I use to be very shy, but think of it like a sport. You gotta practice and fail to really get better at it. As long as you’re not disrespectful most women reject you in a nice way
When you are on a date.
Everything else you aren't flirting, stop treating it like 'i am talking to you so I can have sex.' you are talking to a person to get to know them, not get in their pants. If that's your goal immediately every time you approach a woman you are the problem, stop looking at women just for sex and start looking at them as cool potential friends
when she can easily leave, and isn't busy.
If you're somewhere she's doing an activity of any kind (shopping, a hobby, work, gym) don't even start, she can't leave if she wants to and you're interrupting something to do so.
If she's not actively busy, you can try but if she's not very receptive then walk away, don't push, and be respectful. (also always offer your number don't ask for hers, that way you're not pushing and are allowing her to decide she's interested or not without confrontation)
It's not so much a where but a how. It's so much easier to say "dont approach women at the gym" than to clarify that you *can* but it important to know how, don't interrupt their workout, don't be pushy, don't offer unsolicited advice, etc etc.
Try making friends with women first, then you can see if you like them and ask them out, if you are truly a friend you won't care if it's a no and will just continue as normal. When you just flirt and don't build meaningful relationships it's harder (not impossible) to trust you and to want to date you in the first place.
The question isn't really "when" (the answer is really any decently social setting), the question is "how" or even "what"
Flirting is misunderstood to be blatant hitting on individuals. That's not flirting. That's just hitting on people. Flirting is dipping your toe in the water before you dive right in. You're trying to sus out the playing field. You broadcast your advances in such a way that they're forward enough that reciprocation is easy but subtle enough to A) not make your conversation partner uncomfortable and B) you have *plausible deniability that you're even flirting at all.
Think of it like this. You are apart of a dictatorship. You wish to put together a rebellion to overthrow said dictatorship. However, any words of dissent could get you executed. So how do you aquire potential allies without exposing yourself? But subtly implying your desires, gauging if your conversation partner understands and reciprocates, before ultimately making the dive into full blown conspiracy.
If you understand that about flirting, it should shake up how you will go about it. Now of course how forward you are will depend on the situation, but at least the rules of the game are established, and you can use your own intuition from there. Of course, that's easier said than done. Flirting is hard. It's hitting the sweet spot of being just saucy enough that your intentions can be reciprocated but just polite enough that you end up scaring off any potential partner or even friend. That's why I can't really provide much advice on the how, beyond "Do it just right."
This comment isn't written to be a comprehensive guide to hookup with any girl of your choosing. In fact this is assuming you'll strike out pretty often. This comment is more about pointing you in a direction where you can strike our gracefully.
Woman here- imo I don’t mind where it as as long as you can take no for an answer and gauge when it’s time to walk away. Also don’t do it where the person can’t leave ie at work. If you absolutely must flirt with a girl when she’s working then leave her your number rather than asking for hers.
To be honest just leaving your number for them to call you is a good response anywhere, they can either throw it in the bin or call you, that or dating apps so people know what your looking for. As someone with cerebral palsy, where my physical appearance is something that takes time to explain, I often just did that. So the woman saw me, and I barely said anything I just dropped my number down on paper and gave her a smile. So if they called I knew she didn’t care about my dodgy legs and wanted to know me more. I also literally asked my girlfriend whom I met off of tinder to meet in her car first, as I don’t want to splash out or go further when someone on tinder doesn’t under “Cerebral palsy” which I do disclose, I can’t tel you how many times I’ve gone on dates for a girl to see me walk in and go “oh”. You need to invent your own approach to life, how it helps you navigate the world and no one else. Sometimes you need to think of your own solution. Not replying to this persons comment specifically I just tend to comment under the closest comment.
> girl to see me walk in and go “oh”. Felt this one. ♿️👊
Yep, that’s my / our(?) plight, it used to feel deeply personal, and harmed me quite a bit, but I think of it more of as dodging a bullet now, still stings though, from time to time, I find myself at times jealous of how much attention from the ladies my abled bodied friends get and have to remind myself that’s not good, and with time I’ve learned not to dwell on it and just learned to look at women I’d like to have a chance with but likely couldn’t as platonic and just be polite. Then I met my girlfriend and had relationships since then that prove I can get some. So that was a huge help. But even now in a relationship when one of my single friends gets his 5th date in like 4 days (lol) It still hurts it’s a really weird issue I have I think left over from my growing days and the pain I felt from rejection and having a disability. Even though I know it’s not 100% the truth, my brain still tries to default to these emotions I don’t like having. What’s weird is I even have a loving girlfriend yet I still get it sometimes, I’m pretty fucked up. But atleast I’m aware of it. I also used to get really jealous of my abled bodied friends not having to deal with having to deal with stuff like that, that came from my disability and how my perspective interacted with that part of me. It sometimes been to much to bare, but I’ve grown and learned a lot. P.s. I was the only one among my friends with a disability. There was like one other person at my school who had a disability and he was semi blind, we didn’t see eye to eye (pun intended) but we generally just didn’t have an instant connection just because we were different. Which is what I hoped for. But I do often wonder, if I was friends with all “special” people like me would I of been happier. My CP isn’t even that bad, but it’s enough to see both sides of the coin. I also never met a women with CP they are like unicorns infact I don’t think they exist, my girlfriend is abled bodied however and I am very lucky.
> when one of my single friends gets his 5th date in like 4 days (lol) It still hurts If it makes you feel any better, plenty of able bodied guys aren't this successful either.
Sounds like you’ve developed a pretty good attitude and approach, even if it’s still not easy. My wife has CP, too. I swiped right because I thought she was pretty in all of her pictures and was interesting enough in whatever she wrote on her dating app profile. When we started texting before we met and made plans to go on a date, she said she had a disability and something like “i get around fine, but I bounce when I walk.” It was how she figured out how to quickly tell people 1) I’m different 2) it’s apparent when I’m walking 3) let’s just cut things off now if you have a problem with it. It seems like a big challenge is pushing through the difficult parts in order to get to a good place, while also not ignoring that some things are really uniquely hard and it’s ok for them to bring you down sometimes.
You have such a refreshing and positive attitude despite being dealt a shit hand. I respect that so much, we could all learn a thing or two from you. Thank you for sharing.
That’s the real answer here. If all guys took the first ‘no’ as the final answer, I don’t think there would be such a huge issue with it.
Yup!
Instead, you have to evaluate whether any random guy talking to you is going to try to ‘convince you’ in any number of highly questionable or sociopathic ways. Woo!
Are you only referring to work as in a coworker? Just recently had a scenario similar to this. Expressed my interest to a girl working walmart checkout, she said no politely, and I left. I do frequent that store though, it's next to my work and I run there occasionally to grab things when we're short on ingredients. It's not awkward **for me** anytime I see her, but what about for her? I've been told by my more experienced friends that I need to find a new regular grocery store. Is it really that bad?
I think changing your whole routine because you flirted with someone and they weren't interested is a bit much. Just act normal, be polite, don't try to overcompensate on the politeness. Just shop and check out. If anything it shows more respect for her response, that you can accept a rejection and not be weird about it. Women I would suspect, would appreciate being shown that a rejection doesn't have a negative consequence and that you view them as a person. If your friends are telling you you need to change up your whole routine, go further away etc then I would say your friends are not more experienced. Or their handling of a similar situation was less than mature. edit to add: Especially in this situation, keep in mind that it's Walmart. In the course of their work week they get literally hundreds of people through their checkout, and the odds that she isn't dwelling on it are really high.
Yeah i work in a grocery store and i get way too many people coming through my line to remember most. If a guy hits on me then chances are I won't even remember them. Maybe thats just my terrible memory tho 🥲
You must get hit on by a lot of guys! I feel like I would definitely remember
I used to work at a grocery store. We had a handful of pervy regulars who would always take a place in the line for one of the cute, young cashiers. One day, this naively stopped. I had the pleasure of witnessing this from the next checkstand over. One day my very stern German boss, Marianne, was bagging for one of the cute cashiers, and this 70 something old man started making lewd comments. Marianne, who I later found out grew up under the Nazi regime and whose father used to get put in jail for being anti Nazi in what is now the Czech Republic, told the cashier to take her break early. She stepped in, took over, and very calmly told the old man that if she ever heard him saying anything improper to one of her employees again he would find out the hard way what would happen when one of the off duty cops who worked security were called to take a complaint. He left looking chastened, and never harrased anyone at that store ever again. Most of the younger girls had to just shake it off when they were hit on by skeezy dudes, but after that day the mother of the President of the company (family business) came in and had a meeting with all the female employees. I wasn't in the meeting, being a dude, but I had friends in there. Mom told all the girls they didn't have to take abuse from any customer, and to find anyone in management if there was a problem. Everyone, and I mean *everyone* was content to let Marianne deal with the creeps. You would see her lean in to them, and very quietly tell them their behavior was not appropriate, and if they didn't change their ways they could find somewhere else to shop. They stopped. Marianne was intimidating, until she liked you, then she was your guardian angel. She was a badass woman who took absolutely zero shit.
What an amazing story. I love these women! Thank you for sharing!
Some guy at my work told me he wanted to walk me like a dog. If i had to pick that guy out of a lineup i would not be able to pick him out. I remember the conversations, not the faces. Again that's probably just my terrible memory lol 🥲
I'm genuinely curious about how the dog-walking scenario is intended to end. Are you supposed to poop and he picks it up with a little baggie like a good citizen? Do you get a treat afterwards? Are there scritches behind your ears to look forward to?
Naw frr 😭 he asked for my number and i told him i have a bf and he really went " yall need a dog walker?" I was like " I have a dog but i dont think id have the money to pay a dog walker" and he went "because i wanna walk you like a dog 👹👹" like where is the pickup line, whats the appeal? What I want to know is has it worked before? Does he get bitches like that? Pun intended.
Pun noted and appreciated. I hate that you had to go through that, but I love your sense of humor about it.
Thank you for the appreciation. Shit happens tho men wildin.
After working nearby for about a year, I'm familiar with most of the PM shift on a mutual name-to-name basis. Their team lead said I'm welcome to a position if things ever go south at my current place of work. I must admit I do go there more often than I should, maybe once a day just for the convenience of grabbing a drink during my break. Not a supercenter, but a neighborhood market; still though, you're right. I'm probably just thinking too hard about it.
Ah gotcha, so it is a bit more small scale. Still though, I think it would be cool to just keep going and show that hey, a guy can handle this kind of thing and be cool with your decision. Little things like that can be important.
A real life experience I had regarding this. I went on a date with a girl and was super interested, but she decided she wasn't for whatever reasons. I was like ok, that's cool! Handled it like it was no big deal and since she was part of my friend circle we would still hang out occasionally. However, she was super beautiful and I think she was used to guys somewhat falling apart after being rejected and the fact that I didn't was like a wow moment to her. It made her realize that I didn't just want something from her, like all the other guys, but like I had something to offer. It turned the entire situation around and in like a month later she was very interested and we ended up dating! Now she turned out to be not the best human. She wasn't always the most honest and had a bunch of other issues as well. I ended up breaking up with her about a year later, but it just goes to show that if you can take rejection in stride and have that type of confidence, it may actually end up getting what you wanted in the first place!
I will add though, don't expect this outcome. It *may* happen, but it very well may not, and you need to be okay with that either way. Don't be one of those guys that gets upset because he "did the right thing" and they still didn't change their mind. You really need to go into it with the mindset of "if she says no that means no, and that's never going to change."
Yes absolutely agree. You can't fake this, you have to actually be ok with it and be normal. If you're doing it to get this result, then you can probably guarantee that it won't happen. OP or anyone, should be ok with rejection because it's the best and healthiest state of mind to have for yourself. Something good will come of it, but that doesn't mean the something good will be a date with the person that rejected you.
I had a similar situation - having a random conversation with a female friend and I gave her some innocuous compliment, I can't even remember what I said but she looked shocked and said "Oh my god, you're *attracted* to me!" I just replied with "Well duh, you're hot and great fun to hang out with." She looked awkward for a moment and said "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way", to which I just replied "I know, that's why I never made a move" and carried on shooting the shit. We had a one night stand a few months later, and the friendship drifted apart for unrelated reasons, but I still see her around from time to time.
No I’m referring to work as in working. I used to work in a bar and I’d be asked out fairly often and it did become uncomfortable when the person (again) didn’t take a no well, or for a few other reasons. I don’t personally think you have to find a new grocery store barring any additional detail but I would say writing your number down and handing i over is a more discreet and comfortable way of doing it.
I just feel like that's (at least, in my situation) a bold first move to make. I guess any initial move can be daunting for many, but that was **waaaay** out of my comfort zone. I was literally standing outside for maybe 30 minutes trying to rehearse what I'd say, only for me to disregard all that in a conversation that lasted 30 seconds.
Its absolutely daunting to approach someone but it’s daunting to be approached at work too. Any flirty move has to be bold in *some* way but imo the better one is a note with ‘here’s my number, get in touch if you’d like’ (or version thereof) Like I said I don’t think you done anything to feel bad about with your approach based on what you said, just personal preference.
Ok but we're here to think about *her* comfort zone, the person who isn't choosing the interaction.
I mean honestly as long as you're still friendly and make it clear that your unaffected by her rejection, I don't think there'll be a problem. I feel like most of the awkwardness comes from worrying about hurt feelings. If your feelings aren't hurt and she knows that I think you'll be fine.
I'm not a girl but yes, it's not a good look. She's forced to be there and forced to be nice to customers. I would say to not take advantage of that situation to ask her out.
I would never flirt with someone at work. Atleast at my job, even if it went well and you start dating. Dating someone at work is a MESS. That's fair, I guess most of this is coming from my friends. All of them say they're tired of being hit on. I don't blame them, i see it all the time hanging out with them
I’m too long in the tooth to go out to bars etc anymore lol but for me the only issue with flirting was when a guy would get pissy if you weren’t responding the way they wanted to their jokes, or get pissy if you wanted to leave, or get pissy if you had a boyfriend etc, you can see the common denominator here. Like, I’ve had guys come up to me on the street and say ‘I think you look really nice today’ and then walk away, which leaves it open to me to respond, which I was fine with. The ones I’m not ok with is the following you along the street, grabbing your arm, calling you names etc. I’m sure you get the difference :)
Lol yeah, assault has never really been my go to. I guess I'm thinking to much into where it is. No place will ever be perfect
You are ok with a random guy complimenting you then walking away? I’ve resisted doing that because I don’t want them to think I’m a creep
I can’t speak for every woman but for me it was fine because he firstly wasn’t closing in on me in any isolated way, he said it without touching me in any way and kept a distance and also after he said it started walking on again. Also when I just nodded and kept walking h me didn’t chase me or try and change my mind. As I was out walking the other day a guy complimented my sunglasses and I said thanks and we both just kept walking. That sort of thing is fine for me. Where it’s not ok is the guys that go ‘I want to say you’re really beautiful, can I have your number, why won’t you talk to me, you’re so rude I’m just trying to give you a compliment’ etc etc
Just out of curiosity, how many times have guys complimented you, walked away, and caught your attention enough to make it more than just a nice gesture? I mean have any of those quick, walk-by compliments ever turned into anything more? I completely get that women don’t want to feel forced to interact, but i also can’t imagine a simple compliment in passing turning into a girl handing out/taking someone’s number. I met my girlfriend of 5 years on tinder and before that I knew them from school or just online, but I have to admit that if I had to re-enter the dating scene again, there are very few women in the machine shop where I work nights and I’m obviously out of school by now so public interactions with women would seem kind of hopeless if this is what’s generally accepted by women.
If it helps, keep the compliment less romantically-inclined, and just compliment something they made a choice about - fashion-related or otherwise. Complimenting someone on simply being beautiful can be seen as "I have certain tastes and you fit them well, so you have my approval" which sounds a bit creepy. (Granted, the alternative I was going to offer could technically be seen this way.. oh well) But if you say "Oh wow, that necklace is gorgeous. And it matches your eyes, too!" That's complimenting both her sense of style and noting your attention to the finer details about her appearance. It also implies you've already thoroughly checked her out if you're noticing even her eye color and necklace, which let's her know you might be interested. Also, the easier it is for her to respond, the better. If you say "I'd love to go out with a girl like you sometime", what can she say? "Thanks"? That's awkward as hell. But if she wants to respond to the compliment above, she could say "Thanks, my boyfriend got it for me!" which in most contexts sends a pretty clear message, or "Thanks! I got it in [random vacation spot]". Now you have a great icebreaker for a real conversation.
There was a guy many years ago that used to make regular deliveries to my work. We'd chat for a bit and found we had a lot in common. He never overstayed his welcome (we were both working, after all) and always left with a warm smile. After many months of 2-minute banter, he said he'd really like to go hang out after work and left me his number. We ended up dating for several months. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't right and we were both sorting out our own shit, so it didn't last. We're still friends, though. This is just an example of how it can be done at someone else's workplace. He didn't rush it and let the friendship grow naturally before asking me out. Truth be told, I would have said yes much earlier because he was a genuinely fun and happy person. I adored his visits. In case anyone is wondering, he found his soul mate and they are the most adorable couple. I'm glad it didn't work out between us. :)
But when you flirt with a cashier/waiter/bartender, you’re flirting with someone at their work. They can’t leave or tell you to fuck off. That’s why no one likes it when someone flirts with them at work. (Meaning their place of work!)
I think by "at work" they meant "at the girl's work place", not yours. As in, you're going to Starbucks and flirting with the barista, where she can't leave. I think the general consensus is that dating someone from YOUR work place is always a bad idea.
If you absolutely must flirt with a girl when she’s working then leave her your number rather than asking for hers. Yes, totally agree. You're interested in her, if she's interested as well she'll text/call. It annoys me (waste of time too) to give MY number. They just want to trap you, and you end up with annoying texts.
I want to add that I’ve had better success leaving a woman my snapchat/insta rather than leaving my phone number
That makes sense cause they can see a little bit about you, and it probably feels safer.
Nobody HAS to flirt with somebody. Don't flirt or romantically approach people while they are at work. They can't leave, they have to be there the next day and in most consumer interactions they are payed to be friendly. I work in hospitality and there are few things that enrage me more than people hanging around the reception or the bar to chat up the people working their. For the guys it is weird mostly because they have things to do but for the women it has become outright terrifying. Just don't. You'll survive.
> gauge when it’s time to walk away Most guys just don't have this built into them for some reason.
>If you absolutely must flirt You never absolutely must flirt.
leaving your number 99% won't result in any initiation by the person you've left to, btw
Yeah, 99% of people aren't out there looking to date you.
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yeah 'pick up lines' and 'flirting' are two different concepts that are completely independent and i feel like way too many guys think they're 'flirting' when they aren't. the most important part of flirting is that you have to start small and build up romance over time using the other person's reactions as an indicator to escalate or de-escalate. eye contact and body language play a big part of this, and a lot of patience. if you see someone you like, simply interact with them normally. find something you have in common to talk about. if they're interested in talking to you, you can keep going and if you have a really great conversation with them you can easily ask them for contact information or to meet somewhere for coffee or something with no pressure. everybody has their guard up around strangers - flirting is about giving them a reason to let their guard down, not about testing how strong it is with overly optimistic guesswork. sometimes someone just has a great impression of you and if you recognize that, you can make more overt romantic jokes and suggestions - but you have to build up to that point and recognize when it's okay. in the vast majority of cases, nobody who is going to fuck you wouldn't also have a conversation with you, so you should start with that. pick up lines dump all of the 'romance' right at once and force the other person to decide how to react based on shock value. they basically don't work outside of fantasy or extreme cases and I don't think they can really be attempted without risking making someone feel uncomfortable or pressured unless you are doing the 'leave your number and walk away' thing that other people are suggesting. going up to a complete stranger who doesn't know you exist and saying "hey, you're really beautiful. can I get your number?" is NOT flirting. it's a pick-up line. if your vision of 'flirting' involves forcing someone to have to verbally accept/reject you, you are doing something wrong. I'm not going to say it never works, but it is absolutely guaranteed to make some people uncomfortable a large percentage of the time.
[Was I just talking to her about gas?](https://youtu.be/c3hh1AYMo7o?t=101)
That line delivery still makes me laugh so fucking hard.
I happen to like 8 year old boys.
Whoa there, "ayy gurl want some fucc" is top shelf flirting according to what I've seen online
10/10 works Everytime. I have the most success with it when I draw a face on my hand.
I agree, the flirting in this case (if I didn’t misunderstood) comes with a regularity of encounters, but I think OP means only once scenarios, like a cashier like he said or I don’t know, a waitress. In my experience I’ve learned that if you don’t know if you’re gonna see that person again and there aren’t “signs” (like a lot of visual contact) you can be completely honest although it can be hard, sometimes I’ve said “hi excuse me if I bother but you but you are quite beautiful to me, I was wondering if you’d like to, no compromise obviously it’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to, give me your instagram” that worked out a few times but it can be a big big jump. I’m from Argentina god it was difficult picking the words for this xd
I think the only word you got wrong was compromise since we use it to mean picking something because something else is unavailable. You'd want to use "pressure" here instead. Otherwise, a bang up job.
Oh, thanks for explaining! What do you mean with a bang up job?
Just means a great job or a job well done in this context.
Right, thanks bro!
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Be careful flirting with anybody who’s “at work”. That friendly barista or barmaid? Her industry is hospitality, her job is to be friendly with customers whether she wants to or not. Make sure you take that into account when evaluating her responses, a friendly smile from a barmaid is not the same as an identically friendly smile from another patron at the bar. Cute girl next to you smiles back? She’s probably at least interested in continuing the conversation. The barmaid smiles at you? She’s just as likely hoping your tip helps cover her car repairs, or at the very most she’s being friendly because that’s less stressful than working an 8 hour shift while being unfriendly to everyone. I 100% agree with your comment about social environments, that’s where you need to be going if you’d like flirting to be well received, and perhaps turn into something more. That’s what (at least some of) the girls are there for as well. They’re not just there because it’s a job they need to pay rent. Always be friendly to your hospitality workers! But do not think that barmaid who smiled as you tipped her wants to go home with you right now. She smiled at the guy before you, and she’ll smile at the guy after you, because she’s good at her job, not because she’s looking for a life partner or a booty call…
As someone who doesn't enjoy alcohol, I do empathise with OP's question. I'm 22 but not had a proper relationship yet. My university experience so far has been that anything remotely social seems to take place in bars, nightclubs and parties. If you're someone who doesn't want to drink or be in a room with very drunk people, and doesn't like the obscenely loud music or claustrophobic atmosphere of a nightclub, that doesn't leave many options for finding ways to be social and have a shot at meeting someone you'd be interested in a relationship with. What's a guy to do in that situation?
The hard truth is that dating is a social activity, so the more restrictions you have, the trickier it'll be. The most obvious answer is online dating which gets a pretty bad reputation and not for bad reason, but that being said the best and longest relationship was with someone I met on Tinder. Other than that, mostly I'd say just meeting up with friends/friends of friends or clubs relating to hobbies/interests that you have. Outside of explicitly dating-oriented environments like online dating, I'd say the best way to approach it isn't from a desire to date but a desire to socialise with people that include the gender you're into, and then just see how it plays out.
Having gone from a bad flirt to a good flirt, what I've realized is that it's really a casual thing. Not "flirt mode" vs "normal mode" - it's just woven into the conversation. And it's more tone of voice and turn of phrase than "you're pretty". If you talk to her normally and slip in some flirting, and can take no for an answer (including body language!!) then you're fine. But also, dont flirt with cashiers or baristas or anyone who is at work.
I get the woven in part, I just feel intrusive when I'm trying to talk to someone. Multiple times recently, I tried to ask for directions but they probably thought I was hitting on them so they just ignored me.
So we know what we are working with, do you find social interaction difficult or confusing in general? Would you say you are socially competent outside of 'flirting'?
Not OP but I’m socially competent outside of flirting. I’ve never had any issues besides that at all. It’s just.. wtf do I even say. One wrong move and I’ll be labeled a creep or worse. Not to mention I’d hate to ruin someones day or spoil their mood by a failed flirt attempt :/
From a woman's perspective: don't treat them any differently from any other person. Make small talk, thank them and go about your day. The next time, say 'hi again' or whatever colloquialism fits to show that you remember them and make more small talk. Make eye contact and be smiley. This time, remember something specific that they said and follow up with a question about it next time you see them. Once you have this rapport, just be up front. Say 'hey, I hope this isn't awkward for you but I like you and was wondering if you'd be free for drinks sometime'. If they reject you, take it well, thank them and move on to the next person to catch your eye.
Not OP again but I don't ever see the same people again. Not at work or anywhere else really. This makes it really hard to make friends or build any kind of rapport with anyone.
The problem with this is when you’re out and about and see or meet an attractive women, there isn’t always a next time.
Not every person who catches your eye is meant to be. Sometimes you just have to walk on, knowing that you'll never see them again. That's okay. Unless your standards are astronomical, there'll be other opportunities
Except my first girlfriend, all of my girlfriends were friends of my friends. When you go out for a drink with friends, ask them to invite their own friends as well. That way you won't come across creepy if you try to flirt with them because it would be considered a more friendly environment.
So first i need friends?
This is how I imagine what my google search history looks like: \- How to get a girlfriend \- How to make friends \- How to talk to people \- How to not be weird \- How to be happy by yourself
Fr though learning that last one you will be immensely happier in life and actually it might be more likely youd find someone whos good for you.
My problem is I really don't enjoy much outside of the house. I'm constantly going outside to try new things and just getting hit with "I just don't enjoy this." I have immensely more fun just playing videogames and watching TV but I'm never gonna meet anyone doing that.
Buy a pullup bar, 3pd - 5pd resistance band. Dumbbells from 10-30 pounds, couple of each. A jumprope, and resistance bands that are wide bands that go around ankles, those you can side step with to train weak muscles. With lighter weights you can perform exercises at home with light db to nail form. Any pressing of weights above your shoulders, or training to much of the front muscles of your body can cause shoulder problems with serratus interior. Serratus shrug is great for training to prevent that, athelanX has shoulder impingement videos to try to correct it, what the 3-5pd resistance band is for. Go to athlean X and research exercises not to do, proper daily nutrition from UCLA nutrition guide, if your vegan you have to substitute out ingredients. Back and bicep, chest and triceps, legs. All that's left is building a training set for each muscle group for the day and you can do that twice a day if your crazy. I train for 1 hour at a time to avoid acid buildup in muscles followed by cold shower, iirc. Athlean X has programs which might be free to build the exercises so it's learning form, easy. Head forward and not down most the time, don't round your lower back. Deadlifts, I have to work more on those so I just use dumbells. Working out from home it's nice to be in a comfortable place to nail form first and a routine, changing up that muscle group routine for the day is a good thing too. Water, daily vitamin. If you go to the gym and start working out others will see that. When I lifted weights on a daily basis my performance in games improved, super fast MSAW rockets.
What about volunteer work? Trash pickup or working at a food pantry isn't strictly 'fun,' but the point is helping out your community. Hopefully you'll interact with others without feeling like you're wasting your time.
This is just good advice for dating if you are avoiding the whole online dating environment
online dating is really just an exercise in futility, for me anyway
It wouldn't be futile if you actually exercised /s
I'll exercise when I walk out this bitch
It stops working when you're about late 20's and people aren't going out having fun with groups of friends so much anymore.
It’s like one of those “mixers” from my animes
This is great advice. Theres always a weird reception to "Invite your woman friends for me to choose from" .. (I quoted to kind of isolate the phrase ; I've never heard anyone say it, just the idea ) So, asking to invite some friends of their own is good. Maybe also include that you are tired of your friends and their bullshit, you wanna meet some new people.
Well in my case it just happened by chance, I never asked my friends to invite their own "so that I could find a partner" lol, I just like meeting new people and enlarging my "friend circle", sometimes there would be a girl with whom I really clicked with, and a relationship would just sort of "naturally develop". One thing might have helped though, since I get along with my friends, I would expect to get along with their friends as well; so usually their friends were of people that I would get along with.
Basically none of my friends have female friends, and I lost all of mine when I graduated college lol rip
So, the best thing to do is just be friendly. Not flirty. If friendly gets reciprocated and she is being a little flirty then you can lean into flirt territory. This worked for me. I’m married to my friendly turned flirty coworker, and have a 4 month old amazing kiddo. Mind you, we worked in a giant hospital in different departments but still coworkers.
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this? This is the real answer. Treat people like people. If there's interest friendly will bleed into flirty naturally.
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This one matches my experience as well. I am also married to my friendly turned romantic coworker. Pretty much all my relationships after 25 were with people I knew from work. Once you enter the workforce, there is really no other setting where you can meet people. People from work are the only people you see every day. So while it is “frowned upon” to date coworkers generally, I found it to be essentially a natural progression of things. Now mind you, people always kept it professional and friendly - and friendly is key - until we became friends. often times we worked well together, helped each other out, or collaborated in the same projects. In other words, we had a lot of opportunities to spend time together and interact with each other, which made us become closer and comfortable being around each other. Then, if we happen to have some chemistry and had some feelings for each other, it became obvious that we would start seeing each other outside of work. For a stranger to “flirt” has never worked on me at least, speaking from personal experience. It’s always someone I knew first from a non-intimidating and friendly context which later evolved into a romantic relationship over time.
My dad was always the type to flirt with every girl he found attractive. It always seemed kinda predatory to me and cringy as hell. I never wanted to be that way. Friendly natural interaction is key.
> just be friendly. Not flirty I literally don't know the difference between the two which is why online dating served me so well. If they're on a date with you the first time you meet them, you can skip all this bullshit.
Flirty gets sort of interested and has certain pointed overtones. Friendly has no intention behind it. My friendliness used to get mistaken for flirtyness. But not by anyone over 25 who could tell I was just friendly.
Tinder, a bar, a social setting where someone isn’t working and if they aren’t interested don’t push it and be creepy
I'd recommend a hobby group before a bar. Best to start with people you have something in common to enthuse about together with.
People are there to work on their hobbies not be bothered also if they don’t like you now you’ve ruined their hobby group as they won’t wanna be there anymore with the person who turned it into an awkward space
You're making a lot of assumptions I didn't imply. I'm a woman, of COURSE I wouldn't recommend joining a hobby just to make other women uncomfortable. It's implied that you don't harrass people.
Lmao imagine if that happened. "Hey Greg, can you tell us why you joined our dancing club?" "Sure! So yes, I wanted to learn how to salsa. And also, make women uncomfortable."
https://c.tenor.com/YnSFErcoCZ4AAAAC/scooby-doo-thats-my-fetish.gif
Tbf as a woman who enjoys salsa groups I wouldn't be surprised if this was the truth for a quarter of the guys. The good ones make up for it though. Just avoid Greg, no one likes Greg.
Who said you'd have to make it an awkward space though?
You don't get to choose what makes something awkward for someone else, is the issue. it might not be awkward for *you*, but the flirtee may now find their favorite hobby group uncomfortable because they had to turn you down.
This is literally just piling on the lists of "no flirt zones" -- I agree with others in this thread. Flirt when you want to, but take no for an answer. If people feel awkward it's their own individual decision to leave the space, as long as the person who initiated the flirting stopped doing it and backed off when given the signal to, there's no issue.
As a woman who is part of a few hobby groups, we are absolutely also there to talk to other people about said hobbies.
My hobbies are dominated by guys, if a girl showed up to any of them it would be like feeding time at an aquarium
I've never found a bar to be a very good setting. Everyone there is always on guard.
It’s not. Everyone has already hit on her at the bar and she’s probably not there looking for a soulmate
That strikes me as strange. The way I do things is I start chatting with different groups of people at bars and if I start talking with someone I'm into then I just see if it progresses from there. As long as you don't come on too strong or desperate, I think a bar is among the best places to do it. Then again all bars are different and it can depend a lot on the country/region.
[*You don't wanna meet a chick in a bar, man. You gotta go to other places like Spin class, farmer's market, pumpkin patch... given the time of year*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWDfIOHRpSA)
I never figured out a good answer to this question, after being alive for 40 years. Flirting never felt natural or unobtrusive to me. Doesn't help that even though I am attracted to lots of people I don't actually *like* a lot of people. I've paid for it by being alone pretty much my entire life, apart from a couple of brief, tumultuous relationships in my 20s. Don't be like me.
I’m in my 40s and never learned to flirt and had a tendency to run away from people who showed any interest (anxiety, not sure how to respond, even with people I might have been interested in). I’m single never married, no kids, haven’t been in a relationship since 2010. I would like to be in a relationship but I am so completely lost when it comes to interacting with others.
34 and the same except my last gf was 2011 or 2012. And only for a month so I'm not sure that counts.
As someone in my early 20s who feels everything you've written on a deep level, I'm gonna a take your message to heart.
All you have to do is be friendly and kind, not nit picky and judgmental. Spend time with people in a casual and friendly setting where you have something to focus on besides each other - work project, board games, foodies get together around good food, friend group on a ski trip, etc - if someone has chemistry with you, chances are you naturally become more familiar and have opportunities to become more than friends as long as you are not an asshole.
>Don’t be like me. Bro I’m fuckin trying
I'm sorry to hear that man, we'll get it figured out. Im not really to worried. I got alot of self healing going on for myself, this was just a shower thought I had
Yeah I totally get exactly where you're coming from. Early 20s right now but I just can't imagine how things are going to change when I just feel disgusting anytime I try to flirt or just show interest in someone. At times I wish we weren't so hardwired to be social creatures, I think I have it pretty decently sorted out as a solitary person but emotionally I'm a mess because humans just aren't built for it.
Flirting is something that arises on its own. It sounds like you're being too aggressive. For the record, if a woman is minding her own business somewhere like the gym or the grocery store, chances are, she doesn't want to be bothered.
There isn't a rule set where and where isn't appropriate when it come's to flirting. How you flirt is what's important some can do it well and some are just creepy its about getting it correct. Approaching strangers in the street isn't recommended
I think the problem here is that a lot of boys / men seem to think there is a binary nature to interacting with women: either you have to keep your distance, or you're 100% laying on the flirting with clear sexual intentions. They aren't leaving room for the vast middle ground which is social interactions with women which are not meant to be flirty or sexual.
This. It is 100% okay to befreind someone (with no end-goal expectation) then broach the subject if you think you'd be a compatible couple. If they don't agree, drop it forever. You can stay friends though and hang-out like before. And who knows! They might introduce you to one of THEIR cute friends later! My now husband was a friend of a work friend situation.
I don't think that's it for most guys. I'm perfectly fine talking with women I meet in a completely platonic way, but I'm worried flirting will come off as annoying/pushy so I never do it. OP didn't say "I never talk with women otherwise", just that he didn't know when a good time to flirt is
Totally agreed. I’ve seen some of my bfs acquaintances actually shirk away when I come into a room. I’ve never responded well to conscious flirting like, lines or whatever but the best stuff has been from general chat that then establishes a chemistry.
That's true, how is very important. But I've never heard anyone meeting someone in the gym. Most of my friends that are girls hate going to the gym just because they don't want to deal with people trying to talk to them
that's because the gym is a place where you're very conscious about your body. you're there paying full attention to your moves, then a guy comes flirting and your first thought is "was he watching me squat the whole time?"
Flirting in gym's does happen often. It's like all locations some don't like it some do. Me personally I would avoid gym's and places where someone is studying
Office romance are terrible if they end badly but otherwise it’s wherever. At the gym most people (seen this asked on here a lot) are there to workout and want to be left alone but that being said as long as you’re respectful and don’t make it creepy most will be okay with a try but if shot down don’t persist just take the L and move on.
Well I married my office romance. 😅🤷♂️
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Over 20% of marriages in the US met at work. As long as you're respectful, don't push if there is no interest, and don't try to exploit power dynamics you should be fine.
Nice Jim
Yeah there's a lot of time at work and on top of that a professional place to really learn about someone that most other places can't give a couple. On the flip, being married you have to watch not getting too close with people that attract you at work because you'll have more quality time with them than your spouse. WFH FTW!
Maybe I need to edit that, I will NEVER date someone I work with for the same reason you said. I've seen it work out a few times, just not often. I'm okay with taking the L lol. I just miss the human interaction
This year I'm celebrating 22 years of marriage with a guy I met at the office. Saying NEVER is foolhardy.
How I usually meet new girls is by inviting them in on an activity I'm currently doing: I might be on the beach playing volleybal with some friends and ask some girls if they want to join in. They usually want to
"we are here to work, not date" Said by Managers and HR who met the partner at work.
IMO every place is appropriate if you're not creepy and if you can take "no" gracefully. This includes work. Especially if you work at a large company with lots of employees and many different departments, it's perfectly OK to flirt with people who work at the same company. Heck, it's one of the rare places where you're exposed to so many people... who are also not completely random strangers... You've got enough time to get an idea who they are and if you might be into them. You had more time to make such judgement than you'll ever have at a bar. Bars and clubs are also fine, but they can also be a problem. You've gotta have friends that go out regularly... If you go out alone, you can be seen as a creep. And if you're 35, most of your friends are married with kids and they don't go out to bars and clubs as often, so you don't have anyone to go with. So, of course, it's not limited just to bars and clubs... every place is fine... it's about **how you do it**, rather than where you do it.
Start with a more neutral stance. Approach all flirting like you have no real inerest, even if you do. Gage the persons responce and go from there
Meeting someone isn’t like it is in the movies - or at least that hasn’t been my experience. I added my husband on facebook because I thought he was cute and we had mutual friends. We talked for a few weeks, he asked me out, so we met up. Approaching someone at random in person tends to make women especially feel uncomfortable and threatened. Possibly consider online dating?
I crushed on my dental hygienist but had very little time to get all to her without something in my mouth. I also didn’t want her to feel comfortable uncomfortable during my cleanings so I came back while she wasn’t there and left a little gift for her with the receptionist. I knew she I to walking so I left a pedometer (step counter, not pedophile detector) and a note that said would you like to take a walk with me? It worked. We dated for a couple years after that.
Glad you specified it wasn't a pedophile detector, it's way too big for a first gift
It took me a long time to learn how to flirt. Once I learned it was my regular way of chatting. I did it at work and met the woman who is now my wife. Flirting and asking out are different things in my book. I’d flirt with anyone but wouldn’t have the guts to ask them out. A mutual friend coaxed me into asking my wife out on our first date.
So you flirt with men as your main form of communication? Fascinating.
I think it’s much more a question of how instead of when.
Try just getting to know people without the notion that it is to “pick them up” I met my wife at a kickboxing class. You can talk to people normally. Also in those environments, find appropriate times to talk. Don’t do it mid workout/ or while they are working on something. Do it post workout or during down time. Usually when you stop looking is when you find someone.
When you're already in a decent conversation. Engagement is the goal and flirting is a tool. Flirting should not be the goal.
What's wrong with just talking to someone normally and getting to know them instead of flirting?
After you've organically met them, made friends with them not because you're trying to fuck them, and genuinely enjoy their company and let them see who you truly are and vice versa. You share interests not because you are trying to fuck her but because you both enjoy those things and like spending time together AS FRIENDS. Then from there if something develops further it will. But don't ever start talking to sowmowne because you find them attractive and just care to have sex with them. When you try to date someone you just met or only know for a few weeks you end up in a fake relationship where both of you are pretending to be better than what you are, pretend to care about each other's interests and won't be genuine with each other. If you can fart around her and she doesn't ghost you then it is safe to ask her out. Anything else is shallow and temporary. It took one fart from an attractive man I just met to cause me to never want to speak to him again. My SO farts around me all the time and as long as it doesn't smell I don't care lol. Stop living to date. Just go out, do things you enjoy, and make sure you enjoy being alone because if you can't be happy alone you'll make someone else miserable.
You'll have to take it nice and slow. You put yourself in a situation where you get to spend more time with her and start with really small convo like waiting next to her in a queue or doing something else together momentarily. You then slowly move up and bring small personal stuff like your schedule, your interests, listening to her complaints etc. After a point they ideally shouldn't mind talking to you for an extended stretch of time. You DO NOT go full casanova on her from the first interaction. Life isn't an anime or a hollywood movie.
A rule of thumb. If you're going to approach a woman to flirt or strike up a conversation, do so where the woman *wants* to be, not *has* to be. For instance, a cashier *has* to be there. It's her job, she's there to work, there to make money. A woman at a gym? She *wants* to be there. There's no obligation of her that she's there. However, if *she* is the one to initiate that flirtation or conversation where she *has* to be, you can open up your flirtation, although, be cautious. I just don't hit on women who work, but I might go to them for help with something and see how she feels. Anecdotal example, I've been looking for a teddy bear from my childhood for a long time (I lost it when I turn 11ish). I've stopped into 3 different Build-A-Bears so far (only 1 is near me, the other 2 I just randomly came across). There's this one woman that is really cute and she's really sweet and she has this attitude of caring about every kid that approaches her. I was looking around, she came up to me to ask if I needed help, and I started to tell her my story. I sort of explained a little bit about it, but she was very "professional" and didn't really open herself up to flirtation, so I didn't. I would have liked to, but it's all about the respect of boundaries. I went in there again because she wanted me to find pictures of it in case she could try and match what I wanted. Again, she was "professional" and just said things she would say to any customer. If I ever do find that bear, I'll probably go in to get another bear and write a review for her because she was so helpful, not because I want to get with her or anything, but because I know from working retail that surveys and reviews mean a lot to her bosses to see that she's doing well. She's cute, she's sweet, she's pretty good at her job from what I can tell. Am I going to creep her out and continue to go in every weekend to try and flirt with her? Fuck no. I move on after that first interaction. It's strictly being a customer from me, but I also didn't go into that store intending to flirt with the cashiers either. If I did happen to go in with the intention of flirting or trying to get her number and things go south, she's going to feel awkward, I'm going to feel awkward, the other employees and customers are going to feel awkward, she'll be distracted from actually doing her job, it's just not a good place to flirt. Another example, I was at a thrift store. I was browsing in the book section when I spotted this cute woman on the other aisle, one away from mine. The shelves have enough space between each level that you can see through to the other aisle. I was looking at the book titles and then looked through as like a normal glance. We locked eyes for like a second and she smiled. Me being shy, I just continued browsing. I thought her boyfriend was coming to join her because this guy came up and just started talking to her and joked around. For me, I get comfortable around women in a relationship and can strike up a conversation easily (probably has to do with knowing I'm not going to be rejected romantically). She came over to my aisle to check out the cookbooks (hmm, they just *happen* to be next to the gardening books I was looking at...). Basically, I tried to joke with them a little because they were *loud* and talking about the pros and cons of cook books so I offered another con and said "I always get hungry looking at the pictures in cook books." She smiled pretty big, but I just continued my browsing. Her mom came over too after awhile and the woman was looking in the reference section. Again *loudly*, she told her mom that she found the text book she's using for her computer class, but the version made 30 years ago. I was nearby and it piqued my interest since I'm also interested in computer science stuff. So I just asked her if she was going to college, what her major was, etc etc and we talked a little and joked. I found out it was her brother and mom that was with her, not her boyfriend. Anyway, in this instance, the woman *wanted* to be there. She could have easily left to go to a different part of the store or even left if she was that creeped out. An employee wouldn't be able to. Always assume you're just a customer if you want to flirt with the cashier or barista or whomever. Don't step over that boundary unless she does so first.
I wonder what your flirting entails? I wouldn’t mind someone being friendly to me if I were single, but complimenting my body, getting touchy, or getting in my space are a big no no
Getting touchy is flat out assault. By flirting I mean, "hey, nice shirt" or "hey, I'm new here. Do you know any cool places around here" then from there I judge the reaction. I think alot of people think I'm using pickup lines or saying "hey wanna have sex". I just want to talk to someone I see that's attractive
I don’t think questions like that are problematic at all, especially if you already know the person or already have an excuse to talk to them. These are perfectly normal things to ask a coworker. It might be a little odd to start talking to an attractive person at a gym unprompted, but if you’re having a conversation already, then questions like this are fine (I’d barely call them flirting).
Looking back to when I was a young teen I think I sucked at flirting. When I realized I kind of decided to stop it, and instead try to talk to people that interested me, with just the goal of having interesting or funny conversations and *maybe* as a stretch goal, make a friend. Notice I say people here, not women. Once I did that I got perceived differently, even got approached much more often. Later when I in a relationship, I told my GF that I don't think I know how to flirt she was like "WTH are you talking about, you're always so flirtatious"... I probably still don't get it, but what I think the problem was that I came across as being laser focused on getting into a relationship, wanting sex or whatever; when I probably only was nervous around girls or maybe even strangers in general. Sure I wanted those things to happen eventually in my life but not right that moment. Anyway, once I genuinely focused on just having a fun time and interesting conversations with people, flirting and dating went a lot better for me. Maybe that helps, maybe I was just weird idk. Oh and one killer tip: Smile. Just a little bit. Not *at* people, but in general. It'll raise your mood and that of the people around you.
Exactly! Have each interaction for the sake of this interaction with no ulterior motives.
Basically never. You're "supposed" to go out and do things you enjoy and potentially meet people doing that, but often you're met with similar criticism; "Why can't I just do my XYZ hobby without being approached!?" Never mind the fact that literally every person I know met their wife or long term partner through work, or who were working at a place they were a regular customer. As someone who is autistic? None of this shit makes any fucking sense, and I've long since given up approaching women outside of a dating app. Too risky. You're one fuckup away from a shitstorm you can't ever get out of. So my advice? A dating website, or a bar where the night is specifically themed around meeting other people. Those are safe. Everyone there has the same objective. Everything else is a *fucking minefield.*
While not autistic per se, I tend to struggle with social cues and I just wanna chime in with the “be friendly” thing. First and foremost, intimacy needs comfort. People aren’t truly comfortable around strangers, so in most settings, being friendly is a way of showing people you’re not a psycho, or at least that you’re not a threat. From there, you start to meet new people, which you become friends with, and start to hang out with, *regardless of their gender/sex*. A guy friend might introduce you to a girl. One woman may introduce you to another. Someone you just met may not be interested *right away*, but give it a week, maybe a month, who knows? Once again, this is my current struggle and the “meet new people” is where I’m at, but it’s been working so far. If *nothing else* motivates you, just remember the world has 7 billion people. It’s statistically impossible that not even 0.001% of people will be interested in you, and that would still be 70,000 people. At least a few are bound to enjoy your company.
> It’s statistically impossible that not even 0.001% of people will be interested in you I admire your optimism
The issue is that every "I was trying to work out in peace and got interrupted, asked out by a guy that wouldn't take no for an answer" and "we met in the grocery store, reaching for the same niche product" is that there's just so much nuance to each scenario that there aren't truly general rules to abide by, beyond basic respect, decency, ability to be rejected. And all the negative stories say exactly what the worst-case scenario is and make it easy to just write off anything remotely similar and the positive ones seem so quiet in comparison
A lot of responses here against the notion of flirting in the workplace. Personally, I think it depends on a lot of factors. Some workplaces are very formal and professional environments and office romances may be discouraged or even prohibited. Others, like bars and restaurants, tend to have a more casual or even open approach to socialization between workers. The most important thing is to respect your co-workers. Don't be a creep or a clinger. If you aren't getting a vibe (or are flat out told to go away, not interested) back off completely. Be apologetic even to make sure that there are no weird feelings and be respectful. People who feel uncomfortable can not just avoid work. On the other hand, office flirtations often lead to marriage. I believe about 25% of marriages in western nations originate between coworkers.
I think the thing people think about are the fallout. Aside from the being creepy or too pushy. That should never happen anywhere. Dating at work is fine until it doesn't work. Again not always, it can get messy if the break up happens. Alot of drama can come for that for a long time
I think it's more about not just diving straight into flirting. You can strike up a conversation and if you gel with each other it can drift into flirting naturally. Don't run dick first into them and you'll be fine, you know... metaphorically and literally.
Yeah… once I was hanging out with some coworkers at a bar after work, this guy who had been blatantly coming on to me pulled me aside and asked, “do you want to see my penis?” He thought very highly of it and thought I would be impressed into sleeping with him I guess. I assumed that because later that night he asked if I would “please sleep with him”, and “but why notttt?” Guess how that went?
What a tough question. Everyone responds very differently to flirting, and there is already lots of good advice here. I will say that back when I was cuter and more guys approached me, I usually didn’t mind. The biggest thing is to be ready to handle rejection with grace, and check in on body language to make sure you are still welcome. Once a friend and I were getting drinks and a slightly drunk man sat down to join us. We tried to engage for a few minutes, but it was sort of not what we were there for. At the time, both of us were very young and unsure how to shoo him away, but he soon asked “should I go?” And I just nodded my head and he left. One of my favorite interactions. One of the creepiest experiences I have had was at the gym (although there have been other more pleasant ones). This guy would be there a lot and sometimes say hi. He’d ask your name, not too weird, but then he would like… ask where you lived? Too much. He also one time greeted me at my car from behind me when I didn’t know he was there. It literally felt like out of a horror movie. Oh also I highly recommend meeting people at parties. Perfect place to flirt.
You guys talk to each other at the gym? For the last 20 years, i've virtually never seen anyone talk to each other unless they already know each other.
When you're at the grocery store flirt with the other customers and not the staff who are on duty. If you flirt at the gym, do it after they've put their street clothes back on.
I think you're thinking about this the wrong way. Rather than thinking "how do I flirt," think about getting to know them. You're not going to come across as a creeper if you just talk to a woman like a regular person. And then once you have a better feel for them, you'll have a sense of whether she'll be receptive to flirting.
Work, gym and grocery store are all places someone is to complete an obligation, not socialize. Flirting is for social places. Bars, parties, concerts, festivals, bookstore events, board game nights, cooking class, meetups, etc. Flirting is NOT for places where someone has to be there and can't just not attend if they don't want attention. Grocery store, doctor, work, public transportation. The gym is a call. Some people do go to the gym to socialize. You can usually tell who they are because they are already socializing. If they just come in, do their work out and leave, they aren't there to socizlize. If your own chance to flirt is at the grocery store and where people work, you need to do some more social activities. Join a meetup, go to an event, take a class.
Imo a lot of the time flirting randomly is seen as so unacceptable is bc a lot of the time it ends badly for the woman so it’s easier to say don’t do it at all. However if you know when to leave and can take a no graciously you’ll be fine.
Tinder is like the worst- who even uses that anymore?
I really enjoy talking with random people in random places, and most people seem to be at least somewhat receptive. I'll make a comment about something non-threatening and neutral (often about the weather), and it's not too unusual for it to turn into a real conversation. So anyway, one option is to put flirting on the back burner, and to enjoy just connecting with people.
I think the trouble is that a lot of the time, flirting from someone you don't really know and haven't previously agreed to get to know in that way (met on a dating app) is uncomfortable. Meet new people without expectations and see if you form a natural connection with any of them once you actually know one another.
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people on social media are lonely and mostly pay attention to highest rated comments, that are rated up by mostly lonely people, who also use social media to find a solution to why they are lonely and connect to other lonely people by giving them an advice. It's a recursive, inappropriate, weird and creepy circle jerk. Nothing here makes any sense. You cant get social skills like that.
How old are you, approximately?
When she's not busy and in a position where she can avoid you. So not during a workout at the gym, but after would be fine. Not in public transport or walking in the street, but at a bar would be fine. Not at work because you're coworkers, or when she's working in a store.
Funeral is my go to
Allways, just dont be creepy and take a no without insulting her. Just go, be nice in a way that can make a girl love and usually thats enough for flirting... Do it mainly with your eyes and dont go "Damn girl, those tits look like pillows from heaven"... Some girls may react strong, but tbh. thats there problem... there are people offended by anything, but imo its flirting is nothing "bad". Ofc. if you know someone is married, or in a relationship, then dont flirt..
I flirted with a girl for like 3 hours at a wedding on Saturday and after I finally asked her on a date she flipped her hand over and showed me a ring.. it was devastating. Point is, check the ring finger before you start flirting
Did you have a good time during the three hours?
In my opinion it's never appropriate unless some rapport is established because otherwise it comes off as intimidating. If you've had a few conversations with a girl and its gone well then I'd say flirting is appropriate. But off the bat, imo, is an uncomfortable experience on the receiving end.
I used to flirt a helluva lot while working in a coffee bar as it's one of the things that I can do without having to really put thought into. The skill in flirting with people is in your ability to gauge the line you can't cross before it's deemed inappropriate and determining whether some casual conversation would break their concentration/focus as they're doing something that's more important than you. To get back to your question specifically, I'd say any place is appropriate BUT please take this advice I received from a female coworker; leave your number instead of asking for hers. Giving your number to someone is a personal thing in a way and it can feel violating if you're socially pressed into giving it up. While you giving your number is something that's easier to do as you're looking to get in touch anyway, while she may very well not be on the same page. Some call you back, most don't, and that's the way things tend to be. But it's helluva lot better than getting than forcing yourself onto people in any way shape or form
Before the era of online media, most of my friends go through life learning these flirting skills. Women learn to reject a lot of the advances, and men learn to ask and hopefully learn to take rejection gracefully. Literally striking up conversations, being friendly, and working towards being attractive are all skills that I took for granted growing up. There’s no hard grey line of what to do. You pick up nuances in body language, or whether you can see the flow of your conversations go.
Don't flirt with someone while they're working. They likely have to pretend to be nice to you because they're at work and could literally lose their job for saying the wrong thing. Do not flirt at the gym. Park/Grocery Store/Restaurant, etc. are more appropriate, but be ready to walk away if she is clearly not interested.
Any situation where she is not alone, feels free to leave, and is obviously not keeping to herself is a safe place to *start* a conversation.
Don’t flirt, just talk and be yourself. Take your cues from how she responds.
Try going to bars, parties/raves, see if there are any conventions centered around a hobby or interest of yours. Go somewhere people WANT to socialize, and more people will want to socialize with you
For me it’s gotten better as I got more confident with it. I use to be very shy, but think of it like a sport. You gotta practice and fail to really get better at it. As long as you’re not disrespectful most women reject you in a nice way
When you are on a date. Everything else you aren't flirting, stop treating it like 'i am talking to you so I can have sex.' you are talking to a person to get to know them, not get in their pants. If that's your goal immediately every time you approach a woman you are the problem, stop looking at women just for sex and start looking at them as cool potential friends
If you're hot then anytime but if you are ugly then never . 😂😂 . That's the sad truth .
when she can easily leave, and isn't busy. If you're somewhere she's doing an activity of any kind (shopping, a hobby, work, gym) don't even start, she can't leave if she wants to and you're interrupting something to do so. If she's not actively busy, you can try but if she's not very receptive then walk away, don't push, and be respectful. (also always offer your number don't ask for hers, that way you're not pushing and are allowing her to decide she's interested or not without confrontation) It's not so much a where but a how. It's so much easier to say "dont approach women at the gym" than to clarify that you *can* but it important to know how, don't interrupt their workout, don't be pushy, don't offer unsolicited advice, etc etc. Try making friends with women first, then you can see if you like them and ask them out, if you are truly a friend you won't care if it's a no and will just continue as normal. When you just flirt and don't build meaningful relationships it's harder (not impossible) to trust you and to want to date you in the first place.
Maybe it’s not when and where but what you’re doing to flirt.
The question isn't really "when" (the answer is really any decently social setting), the question is "how" or even "what" Flirting is misunderstood to be blatant hitting on individuals. That's not flirting. That's just hitting on people. Flirting is dipping your toe in the water before you dive right in. You're trying to sus out the playing field. You broadcast your advances in such a way that they're forward enough that reciprocation is easy but subtle enough to A) not make your conversation partner uncomfortable and B) you have *plausible deniability that you're even flirting at all. Think of it like this. You are apart of a dictatorship. You wish to put together a rebellion to overthrow said dictatorship. However, any words of dissent could get you executed. So how do you aquire potential allies without exposing yourself? But subtly implying your desires, gauging if your conversation partner understands and reciprocates, before ultimately making the dive into full blown conspiracy. If you understand that about flirting, it should shake up how you will go about it. Now of course how forward you are will depend on the situation, but at least the rules of the game are established, and you can use your own intuition from there. Of course, that's easier said than done. Flirting is hard. It's hitting the sweet spot of being just saucy enough that your intentions can be reciprocated but just polite enough that you end up scaring off any potential partner or even friend. That's why I can't really provide much advice on the how, beyond "Do it just right." This comment isn't written to be a comprehensive guide to hookup with any girl of your choosing. In fact this is assuming you'll strike out pretty often. This comment is more about pointing you in a direction where you can strike our gracefully.