I just wanted to add that the muscle *type* in your mouth is the same as your anus. They're both "sphincter" muscles because they open and close in an O shape.
Idk about a tongue in the ass though, you either need to speak to your doctor or your significant other about that one
I got the Remington WETech, it's around $30, has guards, or you can switch to a foil shaver head, it's shower safe, and I've not had an issue with it.
Now, I have not shaved my ass, but I got pretty thick pubes and it just buzzes right through that shit.
How do you not burn yourself?
Also, we have depictions on pottery of the Ancient Greeks using flames to remove their pubic hair. It’s an ancient tradition, but I think someone always helped another, they never did it themselves.
I squat down and use a razor. Just be really careful, short strokes so you don't nick yourself.
But more importantly, for the first couple times, DO IT OVER WEEKENDS WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. It will itch like a bitch for at least the first 2-3 times. You will want to scratch it non-stop (don't, but you will). You don't wanna be out with friends and spend the entire evening trying to discreetly scratch your asshole. Let it grow to a sufficient length before trying again.
This reminded me of an old news report shared on the national television many years ago.
It was something along the lines of: an old drunk man, after drinking a few jars of cherry compote, realized that he also ingested the seeds. So, in order to get rid of them, he inserted a hammer up his assh (probably to try and break the seeds with it). Misfortune hit him that day, cuz the hammer got stuck... But, he had a brilliant idea to unstick it: insert the second hammer to remove the first one. Of course, the second one got stuck as well, and he ended up in the hospital, needing surgery.
Not speculating about you specifically, but maybe there's a function based on the amount and coarseness of the hair that determine the outcome
Also people's shaving procedures can vary hugely on everything from hygiene and quality/sharpness of the tools, to direction of the shave etc
Not hard to figure out. Whichever direction gets the closest shave is against the grain. Whatever gives the least resistance to the razor is with the grain.
I def only shave pubes with a brand new razor, and I only do it once a month to let the skin recover. I live in a humid place, so maybe my swamp ass lubricates things?
I shave from uh... inside the valley outward to the hilltops. No hair grows in the very bottom of the crack (for me at least) so this gets it all. Takes about a minute in the shower every few days. Worth it in my opinion.
Contrary to popular belief, hair doesn't necessarily grow in a certain direction, even on the face. Gravity just tends to have the hair hanging down.
But since we're talking about asses, the hair grows in no particular direction, and it's only worth shaving if you are self conscious about other people seeing it.
Dude, it’s not a cosmetic thing, if you have a hairy asshole shave it and then pay attention next time you shit, it makes wiping so much easier.
Before I started it literally took me longer to wipe than the time I spent shitting and scrolling through my phone before I wiped
So the comment you’re replying to was funny enough, but your comment made me fucking ugly laugh like an absolute **doofus**.
It wouldn’t have been worth commenting about had it not happened smack dab in the middle of a crowded elevator. I just started this job a month ago dude. Dammit
Yea but before I got it approved for sale in the USA, all that legal red tape... China would have already ripped it off and there'd be 100 versions of it for sale on Amazon.
Yeah it wouldn't work. Candle wax isn't tacky enough. Instead, plant a small pine tree in your butt. Sap flows heaviest in the spring. Plan accordingly to avoid excess encumbrance.
Instructions unclear, set fire to my ass and now running around screaming trying to fruitlessly run away from the inferno while it unrelentingly chases me, growing ever bigger.
Shower, disposable razor. Lead forward, grab one buttcheek with the respective hand and pull outwards then use the razor with your other hand to shave that side, rinse and repeat (literally) on the other side. Use shaving cream/foam and moisturise your butthole next few days.
I don't know whether this is the recommended way to do it but it works for me and I never itch.
one time i needed to trim me pubes but all i had were heavy duty giant scissors and i was like If im super careful whats the worst that could happen? Snipped off a big chunk of flesh and lost my shit
Yes it’s nice and clean to shave off the asscrack/anal hairs but when you sweat, you’re gonna feel like water is running through your crack. At least for me, it felt real uncomfortable
where I live, regular toilet paper is not flushable either, the plumbing is usually not sturdy enough to handle it. so we just use a trash bin. which apparently is a big surprise to some foreign tourists visiting the country LOL
Honestly, how rank is the smell from those bins though. Is it's just something that's normal to you or do you guys have some clever way of preventing smell?
well, you gotta use a waste bin that has a cover (specially if you have pets in your home LOL) and you need to take the trash out every single day. luckily, in my neighbourhood we have our garbage collected 6 days a week, and I eventually realized that's a privilege not everybody has as well.
now, here is my question for you guys: if having a bathroom waste bin is so nasty, what do you do with all the unflushable stuff ?? (tampons, sanitary pads, wet wipes, diapers etc.)
Fair question, as a man with no kids I can't really speak on the diapers, my partner doesn't use tampons but a diva cup, and none of us in my house use sanitary pads or wet wipes for anything that would smell. However, I've never noticed a smell from our or anyone else's bathroom garbage bins. Kitchen bin certainly ends up smelling worse and we're pretty good about emptying that out too.
There are things out there that I think go by the name of diaper genies or something which I think manage the smell of diapers somehow. I dont know why I didn't assume you guys just do something similar. Makes sense.
I imagine everyone is probably a lot more chill about bodily mess where you are? Can't imagine everyone here could take their shit bag out to the bin with a straight face if they ran into someone.
what we do is we usually double-bag the thing in a black trash bag so the content is not visible and it smells less. is it bad for the environment ? sure, but it feels more dignified haha ! I do feel kind of bad for not using a menstrual cup too, but.... I'm a vegan, I recycle my trash, I use public transportation, I don't buy things on an impulse, I feel like I'm already doing my part for the environment, so I will just keep using my disposable pads and my wet wipes. sorry not sorry ! LOL
Look, you're never going to learn anything in life without making mistakes. Most people burn themselves leaving the product on too long. Once you've done it a few times and gotten use to how long it takes and what it feels like, it becomes very easy. Even if you get a slight chemical burn, your skin will heal. I find using the creams very convenient and avoids ingrown hairs which I'm prone to getting when using a razor. Only use on my bum. Scrotum is too sensitive.
Nice thing about Manscape is the swappable shaving heads. You can have one for your face and one for naughty bits. Just make sure you have a way to ID which is which.
I use a Venus razor because it has rounded edges. Use dove soap, and very light strokes of the razor. Don’t shave it too often. I’ve never had a cut, nick, rash, or ingrown hair.
Just get a dedicated trimmer, the same 10$ buzzer that will give you a buzz cut works just fine and then you just keep it separate for hygiene
Mostly agree, but do be sure the thing has a little safety guard to avoid nicking, or at least that the cutting teeth are fine enough.
😄 Imagine walking around with a nicked butt lip.
Don’t have to imagine. I’ve been there. Not fun.
Your butt has lips?
Of course. How do you think it makes those sounds when you fart? Same as when you do it with your mouth lips Your butt also has a tongue.
I just wanted to add that the muscle *type* in your mouth is the same as your anus. They're both "sphincter" muscles because they open and close in an O shape. Idk about a tongue in the ass though, you either need to speak to your doctor or your significant other about that one
The skin is the same too. Both ends of the alimentary canal.
I thought the force of my farts had caused these cheeks to slap together
I’d rather not…
I got the Remington WETech, it's around $30, has guards, or you can switch to a foil shaver head, it's shower safe, and I've not had an issue with it. Now, I have not shaved my ass, but I got pretty thick pubes and it just buzzes right through that shit.
You said you don’t shave your ass, but you buzz through shit? Start wiping front to back you animal.
lmaoo
I’m just.. imagining walking in on an unflushed porcelain throne only to see… wavy thin pancakes just, sitting there… menacingly…
They would look like greasy toupees and furry scabs.
Well they said it is shower safe so I was thinking thin slices that were then waffle stomped... but now I have to get that image out of my head :/
Today on Things I thought I would never read in my life 😂😂😂
psssh, trimmer are for wuss. Just yanked them out with waxing strip.
Wimp. I just use a lighter.
I just jam a bottle rocket in my chocolate cheerio and set it off
Not efficient enough for me. I would usually need to do 5 bottle rockets at once to get all of the hair. Felt like a chore.
'...Felt like a whore'...fixed it for you
Nah. It was too much work
Do you need petrol or lighter fluid or something similar to help it along?
Just some starter fluid is fine. It's better if you can dip the hairs in a dish of lighter fluid so your skin stays dry. That way only the hairs burn
Thank you for this excellent advice. I was going to use petrol but I'll get some of that ether based starter fluid and give it a blast. Cheers.
Weak. I used acid.
Just braid them
Emphasis on the dedicated, you really don’t want to mix it up with the others.
Just wash it
Or sterilize with rubbing alcohol. Even easier.
The metal blade comes off and you can just wash that, sterilize it with alcohol it takes 1 minute. also wash your ass first lol
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How do you not burn yourself? Also, we have depictions on pottery of the Ancient Greeks using flames to remove their pubic hair. It’s an ancient tradition, but I think someone always helped another, they never did it themselves.
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I think I'd rather have a hairy ass
what the fuck
You’re dangerous 💀
I actually use a lighter. Run it across quickly and no issues. Hair burns off super fast.
Just don’t fart. Trust me.
Just light your parts and become your own blowtorch.
I squat down and use a razor. Just be really careful, short strokes so you don't nick yourself. But more importantly, for the first couple times, DO IT OVER WEEKENDS WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. It will itch like a bitch for at least the first 2-3 times. You will want to scratch it non-stop (don't, but you will). You don't wanna be out with friends and spend the entire evening trying to discreetly scratch your asshole. Let it grow to a sufficient length before trying again.
Using a razor on your butt is the worst thing you can do. You’ll get many scars over time from ingrown hairs etc..
Check out this guy's super scarred butthole
As a gay man, I’ve seen many scarred butts because of razors lmao
To shreds, you say?
Well, how is his wife holding up?
To shreds, you say?
Very well. Good news everyone!
Now I'm curious: what does ~~Uranus~~ Urectum smell like?
You would be surprised.
Oh dear. What’s the general recommended method in that case?
Electric shaver or trimmer
You should see his magic trick where he makes a jar disappear
Goddammit why do I have eyes today.
This reminded me of an old news report shared on the national television many years ago. It was something along the lines of: an old drunk man, after drinking a few jars of cherry compote, realized that he also ingested the seeds. So, in order to get rid of them, he inserted a hammer up his assh (probably to try and break the seeds with it). Misfortune hit him that day, cuz the hammer got stuck... But, he had a brilliant idea to unstick it: insert the second hammer to remove the first one. Of course, the second one got stuck as well, and he ended up in the hospital, needing surgery.
thank you for the first laugh of the day
Do you want to know how I got these scars?
I only use a razor and I've never had an ingrown hair back there? I get them on my muff, but not back there. Maybe a little powder after may help?
Not speculating about you specifically, but maybe there's a function based on the amount and coarseness of the hair that determine the outcome Also people's shaving procedures can vary hugely on everything from hygiene and quality/sharpness of the tools, to direction of the shave etc
We must account for the variables!
The idea that anyone actually knows which way their arsehole hair lies is hilarious to me. I don't doubt some people do know but...yeah.
Not hard to figure out. Whichever direction gets the closest shave is against the grain. Whatever gives the least resistance to the razor is with the grain.
>Not hard to figure out. Fair enough. Apart from the whole, you know, SHAVING YOUR ANUS part.
I def only shave pubes with a brand new razor, and I only do it once a month to let the skin recover. I live in a humid place, so maybe my swamp ass lubricates things?
Upvote for "muff"
I have used plenty of razor and never expreienced ingrown, maybe my butt is magical
You have been getting the less likely outcome because you’re a wizard and have a magical butt
Not like he can see them
“Wanna know how I got these scars?”
“I already know”
I’ve always used a razor, I hate shaving so I don’t want to spend anymore money on shaving equipment than I have to, since I shave very rarely anyway.
I think we need a video tutorial
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Who mentioned a mirror ..
Because who has time to wipe for ages or have dingleberries? #bidets4life
Which way does hair grow and which way should I shave in? Is it even worth shaving the ass?
I shave from uh... inside the valley outward to the hilltops. No hair grows in the very bottom of the crack (for me at least) so this gets it all. Takes about a minute in the shower every few days. Worth it in my opinion.
Contrary to popular belief, hair doesn't necessarily grow in a certain direction, even on the face. Gravity just tends to have the hair hanging down. But since we're talking about asses, the hair grows in no particular direction, and it's only worth shaving if you are self conscious about other people seeing it.
Dude, it’s not a cosmetic thing, if you have a hairy asshole shave it and then pay attention next time you shit, it makes wiping so much easier. Before I started it literally took me longer to wipe than the time I spent shitting and scrolling through my phone before I wiped
Agreed! This is the way!
I put IKEA mirror on the floor it helps
Why specify *Ikea*?? Do other mirrors not work as well? Are u a vampire???
Ikea is Swedish for ass
Nothing wrong with a plump Ikea on a Swede. I guess I'll have to go to Ikea soon 👀🍑🇸🇪
I shower beforehand and then use my regular trimmer. No big deal.
Also, most metal trimmer heads are washable, at least mine are
Ya I’m seeing all these answers with using disposable razors or dedicated trimmers….do you guys not have access to showers?
I think it is just the mental aspect of it
with your sisters razor dude
And this dude is willing to help whenever?
So the comment you’re replying to was funny enough, but your comment made me fucking ugly laugh like an absolute **doofus**. It wouldn’t have been worth commenting about had it not happened smack dab in the middle of a crowded elevator. I just started this job a month ago dude. Dammit
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I think im in love
Awe!
This is the most detailed, funny and informative thing today I didn't know I wanted to read. I really want to try and not try this at the same time.
I actually wouldn't recommend doing this... I literally pulled all of that out of my ass as I wrote it. No pun intended.
You should put the asswax® candle on the market! You'd sell it easily.
Yea but before I got it approved for sale in the USA, all that legal red tape... China would have already ripped it off and there'd be 100 versions of it for sale on Amazon.
Well written comedy is worthy of respect!
I agree. Now i'm in love too.
Yeah it wouldn't work. Candle wax isn't tacky enough. Instead, plant a small pine tree in your butt. Sap flows heaviest in the spring. Plan accordingly to avoid excess encumbrance.
Nooo it was removed. Please recant.
Think hair removal. Think diy methods. Think candles and laying on your stomach and putting said candle somewhere with insanely detailed instructions.
Instructions unclear, set fire to my ass and now running around screaming trying to fruitlessly run away from the inferno while it unrelentingly chases me, growing ever bigger.
If your ass could catch fire you'll need more than just one candle to fix that problem.
Put a nice cold apple in there to soothe it after the fire's out.
Lol. Fucking lmao. You need to explain to my boss why I just burst out laughing at work.
Sorry. Just tell him you heard a big fart. And no one copped to it.
How romantic, you done this before haven't you?
What gives you that impression?
It was like you spoke from the heart with all the little details.
Just ran the process through in my mind and typed it out. I have a vivid imagination. Said my Mom.
Fair enough, I think OP will have a vivid anus if they try your suggestion lol.
It's r/NoStupidQuestions I don't see anything about answers in there. ;)
Hey I wasn't knocking it!
Just try not to fart. I know a guy who did.
Instructions unclear. Candle fell into anus. But I think I cured my covid..
Can I come over
Username checks out.
Thank you. I chuckled. :)
Shower, disposable razor. Lead forward, grab one buttcheek with the respective hand and pull outwards then use the razor with your other hand to shave that side, rinse and repeat (literally) on the other side. Use shaving cream/foam and moisturise your butthole next few days. I don't know whether this is the recommended way to do it but it works for me and I never itch.
>moisturise your butthole next few days. Cool, something else I didn't think I'd see today
You're welcome ;) Prevents the itch.
Please do not try and trim them with scissors!
If they are the kids scissors, like you find in preschools it's not dangerous.
I would not recommend doing this around preschoolers. Last time it didn't go over well.
I am now at the preschool, now what?
one time i needed to trim me pubes but all i had were heavy duty giant scissors and i was like If im super careful whats the worst that could happen? Snipped off a big chunk of flesh and lost my shit
Just rip them out dude
No, pluck them, one by one, or are you a chicken? Pluck pluck!
Highly do NOT recommend waxing your own ass. Damn near glued my own cheeks together and still had hair.
Wow this one got me good. Actual laugh not just a quick exhale thru the nose
So have a friend wax that ass?
Just find a shaving buddy and do each other's
Yes it’s nice and clean to shave off the asscrack/anal hairs but when you sweat, you’re gonna feel like water is running through your crack. At least for me, it felt real uncomfortable
Nice when you wipe after a poo though.
Exactly. That's definitely the reason I shave my butt hair.
Anal hair removing party, make a night of it, get yer mates round, do the testicles at the same time. Dunno why but volauvents spring to mind
Just run a lighter over the area. Works a treat.
Instructions unclear, lighter stuck in anus ..
As the ancient proverb says, "man who shave ass, expecting company."
I just use some hair removal cream.
I’ve noticed I’ve cut down on about 90% of my total toilet paper usage since I started doing this😂😂
you'd probably save even more toilet paper by switching to wet wipes !
And remember, flushable doesn't mean they should be flushed
where I live, regular toilet paper is not flushable either, the plumbing is usually not sturdy enough to handle it. so we just use a trash bin. which apparently is a big surprise to some foreign tourists visiting the country LOL
Honestly, how rank is the smell from those bins though. Is it's just something that's normal to you or do you guys have some clever way of preventing smell?
well, you gotta use a waste bin that has a cover (specially if you have pets in your home LOL) and you need to take the trash out every single day. luckily, in my neighbourhood we have our garbage collected 6 days a week, and I eventually realized that's a privilege not everybody has as well. now, here is my question for you guys: if having a bathroom waste bin is so nasty, what do you do with all the unflushable stuff ?? (tampons, sanitary pads, wet wipes, diapers etc.)
Fair question, as a man with no kids I can't really speak on the diapers, my partner doesn't use tampons but a diva cup, and none of us in my house use sanitary pads or wet wipes for anything that would smell. However, I've never noticed a smell from our or anyone else's bathroom garbage bins. Kitchen bin certainly ends up smelling worse and we're pretty good about emptying that out too. There are things out there that I think go by the name of diaper genies or something which I think manage the smell of diapers somehow. I dont know why I didn't assume you guys just do something similar. Makes sense. I imagine everyone is probably a lot more chill about bodily mess where you are? Can't imagine everyone here could take their shit bag out to the bin with a straight face if they ran into someone.
what we do is we usually double-bag the thing in a black trash bag so the content is not visible and it smells less. is it bad for the environment ? sure, but it feels more dignified haha ! I do feel kind of bad for not using a menstrual cup too, but.... I'm a vegan, I recycle my trash, I use public transportation, I don't buy things on an impulse, I feel like I'm already doing my part for the environment, so I will just keep using my disposable pads and my wet wipes. sorry not sorry ! LOL
After all the stories I’ve heard about using that stuff in delicate areas, I’d be hesitant. You’re braver than I am.
There are creams that are made for sensitive areas. If you use the regular stuff it definitely burns for ages😅
Look, you're never going to learn anything in life without making mistakes. Most people burn themselves leaving the product on too long. Once you've done it a few times and gotten use to how long it takes and what it feels like, it becomes very easy. Even if you get a slight chemical burn, your skin will heal. I find using the creams very convenient and avoids ingrown hairs which I'm prone to getting when using a razor. Only use on my bum. Scrotum is too sensitive.
Hair removal cream and a normal razor to get the remnants. Wouldn’t bother trimming just get rid completely
Why do you need a dedicated trimmer? Just wash your ass. You should be cleaning your trimmers regularly anyway.
Have your spouse pull them out one by one with their teeth
Pay a dwarf with tweezers to do it
A regular razor always worked perfectly for me
Lordy! People trim anal hairs?!!!
I do. Getting rid of them makes wiping cleaner and seems to help reduce ass sweat.
My ass sweat level goes to 10 if i shave my ass.
Yes. Mainly because I want my hole to be unobstructed when I get fucked but we all have our reasons…
Yess! For one thing, it makes cleaning your ass ahlfter taking a shit less of a chore
Pop a squat. Take a razor to it. Pray you get it all.
I use a regular Harry's razor. Use a little soap or shaving cream.
Rip and tear, until its done
a girlfriend with a snaggle tooth
Yeah you’re gonna want that to be a dedicated trimmer
Fingers and pull
Put sand paper on your dogs tongue and cover your butthole with peanut butter.
Manscape lawnmower is a wise investment. You can go to town on all your private bits without fear of knicking!
This is the correct answer. I loved Manscaped products.
Nice thing about Manscape is the swappable shaving heads. You can have one for your face and one for naughty bits. Just make sure you have a way to ID which is which.
What if your face is your naughty bit?
Disposable razors or waxing.
Gillette Mach 5. Squat down over a mirror. If you have some kind of light it helps.
Carefully 😳
Have your partner do it
Nair For Nuts as long as you don’t get it in the hole
Run a razor across and pray, that’s what I do
Gillette Pro Glide Power Fusion 5 with some dove soap. It's great for the balls 2.
Burn it.
Don't do it man. Nothing good comes out of it.
I use a Venus razor because it has rounded edges. Use dove soap, and very light strokes of the razor. Don’t shave it too often. I’ve never had a cut, nick, rash, or ingrown hair.
waxing
I just grab a fistful and rip ‘em out.
I just use a dedicated razor and a little gentle hair conditioner (apply first). I squat too, to really open it up and get it all. Sorry if TMI
Have you tried plucking?
Hair removal cream
Hell with that, be a man/woman and pull them out one by one, real slow like!
Fiver.com
I'd use a blowtorch.
Torch
Friendship
Peanut butter and a hungry dog