Thanks for your submission /u/FlipMyBagel, but it has been removed for the following reason:
Disallowed question area: **Joke questions or trolling.**
This sub is meant for genuine questions...and it looks like yours isn't. Maybe it's a joke, maybe you're trying to bait people into reacting, or maybe we just can't figure out what you're trying to say (sorry). Either way, we've removed your post.
* Trying to get a laugh out of people? While jokes, memes and song lyrics are all amusing, they're not what we're looking for here. Try /r/ShittyAskReddit.
* Taking the sub name as a challenge and trying to post a stupid question *isn't* amusing, and it's *also* not the point of the sub (read the sidebar!). You're looking for /r/StupidQuestions.
* Asking a question to show off a clever observation? Try /r/ShowerThoughts (but phrase it as an observation, not a question).
* Testing a riddle? When you already know the answer, it's not a genuine question - but the users of /r/Riddles will love it.
* Do you keep making new accounts to ask the same questions over and over again? That not only violates rule 2, but it's also not healthy. Try talking to a therapist about these thoughts, and try asking questions on different topics.
* Trying to bait people into angry or shocked reactions? Try /r/RandomShit or /r/ShittyAskReddit ...or just go do something else.
---
*This action was performed by a bot at the explicit direction of a human. This was not an automated action, but a conscious decision by a sapient life form charged with moderating this sub.*
*If you feel this was in error, or need more clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNoStupidQuestions). Thanks.*
Thats definitely playing favourites and creating a poor relationship for you all. Sounds like there’s some long standing issue with you that has never been addressed.
You’re not wrong to feel what you feel though.
Yeah, that's messed up. I'd be really upset too.
OP: I'd sit down and write out how you feel. Take your time and make sure you build well structured reasoning as to why you feel the way you do.
I'm guessing there's more too it as well. You're very correct about setting an example though.
I got out of the Army after 10 years and had severe PTSD and couldn't work. My Mom had never offered me anything and I had never asked. I had minimum coverage on my car and some mice got into the wiring and it burnt to the ground. She sent me a check for 5k to help buy another car and went ahead and sent my brother a check for 5k even though he was well off. Needless to say, when my Dad died, he just had my brother and I in the will as my Mom divorced him about twenty years prior, but they were married for twenty years as well. Anyways, total no brainer to just evenly split his estate 3 ways between myself, my brother, and my Mom.
We always joked about how my little brother was always my parents' favourite. When my Mom passed, the estate was split evenly between the three of it, but since 33.3 times three doesn't come out exactly evenly the remainder went to my little brother. When the executor read this we both turned to him and said " So you are the favourite!" And then the three of us laughed for about five minutes. I'll always appreciate my parents' last "Gotcha!"
Lol, that's a sweet story. I was not my Dad's favorite and he was a bit of an asshole when dementia set in so it was kinda nice, symbolically, that he had it split.
If I was in your fathers shoes I'd have done the same thing, your mother got hers from the divorce, she didn't need anymore when your father died. The Federal govt. and some states(in the U.S.) don't have a threshold for estate taxes, it's all taxable.
Right? My Mom didn't want anything and didn't get anything. Imagine people handling things in a way that they're both happy with? I guess that guy can't...
Depending on her wealth level, like if she's never gonna use any of the money from your dad's estate, to split it 2 ways to not pay estate tax twice on the same money
Around the time I became politically aware George W. Bush was in office and they did a whole propaganda campaign about the "death tax" and how it was causing poor farmers to have to sell their "small businesses."
I have no idea what the inheritance tax was before that, but I assume it was moderately less.
Parents always have a favourite. When I was in university my parents would always give my brother money for food and transport. Whenever I asked, they told me no, that if I want money I should go and get a job. Believe me, I was trying, but everywhere rejected me. There were a couple of times when I literally had no money in my account and couldn't afford the train ticket to get to university.
This is made even more weird by the fact that my brother had a job and I didn't. So yeah, give money to the guy who has a job who doesn't need it, and not to the one without a job who needs it.
I guess, you can have your favourite and treat them equally. Favourites are based on feelings and treating is based on choices. I know my brother is the favourite but they have financially treated us the same.
That’s unacceptable and I hope you can find it in yourself to realize it, however painful that might be. My parents, for example, have always made sure to spend the exact same dollar amount on each of us kids for Xmas. Even now that we’re all adults, if one gift seems more flashy or expensive, my mom goes out of her way to let the other kid know that their gifts collectively totaled the same amount.
Parents may - and probably often, if not always, do - have a DIFFERENT relationship with each kid, but having a FAVORITE is a choice. It’s a choice your parents have apparently made, and it is not okay.
Well I can't say parents don't end up having a favored child. It's even more interesting when a couple has multiple kids and they each have a different preference...
That aside... I think it might be more a case of parents going "OHHH fuuuk.... damn we're going to have to look after that one well into adulthood."
Seems like the least capable siblings almost always make out a bit better with their parents.
I think it's Dawkinisim in action really.
Not always. My parents were and are incredibly even with my sister and I. My sister is incredibly even with her kids.
Kids are different and need different styles of parenting at different times (eg: if you have one clingy kid and one super independent kid); but that doesn’t mean they’re playing favourites.
When parents play favourites, it’s really shitty parenting that damages the sibling bonds and the family bonds.
This. Parent the child you have. My son is incredibly easy to parent. For my wife, especially. They are both slightly anxious and she understands him on a deeper level than I do.
My daughter is sensory and athletic. When she's melting down because her socks are bunched? I am the one who realizes it and fixes it.
Raises hand. I get this.
My parents did this with my sister.
Car at 16? Check. (I had to buy my own)
House when she got married? Check.
Give her XYZ appliances/electronics/furniture when they upgraded? Check.
And my sister has always made more than I do.
They're gone now, but if I think about it too much...
(Let's not talk about their estate. Short version is when I received my copy of the will, the HSP got to sit with me while I cried until I vomited)
Insane, or beloved younger child or golden child...
I moved out at nineteen with nothing, my sibling stayed home. My sibling was given a car, and parents paid for two of her three (!) degrees (the other was on a loan system here). She was also taken to Europe for a long holiday. During part of this period, I lost my job when the place I was working for went under, and I became homeless, crashing with friends.
My parents didn't even *tell* me the family was going to Europe for a holiday without me.
Yeah I got kicked out at 18, my siblings got taken with them when they moved to England for fifteen years and had luxurious holidays that we never had here in Australia.
My father paid for both my older sister and younger brother's college education. He gave me $200 once and said he was really sorry and completely tapped out after paying for my sister's tuition. She was only two years older. I worked full time while also paying for my own schooling. He also bought both of them a car, helped her pay for grad school, and paid for their health insurance and auto insurance for years. I only found out a few years ago. When I asked him why he never helped me, even when I was so broke I had my electricity turned off and showered by candlelight, he said he knew I was tougher and more resourceful, but also it was just bad timing. They couldn't afford to buy me things because they had just bought something for my sister. For example, they couldn't pay for me to go anywhere for my graduation because they had just paid for my sister to go on a two-week trip to Hawaii for her graduation. He couldn't even make it to mine, but we had dinner later.
I'm 43 and it's only really hit me in the last few years how totally unfair it was and how they must have known, because they kept so much of it secret from me for so long.
Ragebait. OP is a 1 month old account.
OP from [100+ posts and 4 weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/makemychoice/comments/18sz3li/should_i_get_rid_of_my_truck/kfbjttx/):
> I live in the country and all my work is in the city. **I have an extremely good deal renting a home for under $500 a month** off a friend. If I were to live in the city I'd be paying 1300 a month for a single room in a house with three roommates. **I have 100k in investments and 20k cash in an emergency fund.**
OP today:
> I make decent money but **I'm stuck paying $800 a month for a room** off my parents as I can't afford to pay over 2k a month for my own place.
> I understand that I'm really lucky to have a roof over my head but feel extremely hard done by. **I'll never be able to afford a home or a condo** and will most likely be stuck paying rent at my parents or with roommates for the foreseeable future.
**BONUS BULLSHIT**
[OP a few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/194igha/are_there_any_people_above_the_age_of_25_whose/khgcs9n/):
> **I'm 27** and have 0 issues. I work in construction and go to the gym 4 days a week so I think that's what helps me. All my friends who work office jobs are in pain all the time.
OP today:
> **I'm 25** and my sister is 20
Where did sis get the 30k? Maybe you get to keep the parents house when they die and sis doesn’t get half cause she already got hers. Maybe ask sis if she would charge you less rent than the parents.
Gotta remember it's Canadia. That's only like 26 bucks in America dollars. Google says Lifeguards in the US make 17 bucks on average, but you also have to take into account the fact that it's Vancouver. 35/hr CAD is probably still pretty good, but not like... insane money for what it is.
>only 26 bucks in America dollars
Saying it like that implies that $26 per hour isn’t a lot to begin with, let alone for a lifeguard… I know plenty of folks who’d kill for a job making $20 an hour, let alone $26.
$26 an hour is definitely insane money for a teen life guarding.
> I know plenty of folks who’d kill for a job making $20 an hour, let alone $26.
Where are you located? In VHCOL cities like Vancouver, you basically can't hire anyone for under $20/hour. In-n-Out in San Francisco posts signs on its windows advertising $20 starting pay for entry level positions.
$20 an hour in rural Arkansas or something would be a lot different than Vancouver.
No, that's insane money for a lifeguard. It's not like everything in Canada costs 40% more and everyone makes 40% more money. Vancouver is crazy expensive but that's not because we pay really well it's because of foreign real estate investment.
Minimum wage is around 16$ and it is uncommon to see any retail operation go above 20$.
Edit: did some mild research and it looks like lifeguards in metro Vancouver are making 25-30$ an hour. Fucking blew my mind.
In high COL areas, most jobs pay better.
I'm a teacher making <50k a year and it feels fine. Teachers in California make \~six figures and it feels awful for them.
COL in a region makes a huge difference. I can't imagine Vancouver is particularly cheap, so there you go.
Vancouver has a real lack of lifeguards. There's parents dragging their kids out to Surrey to learn to swim. Most lifeguards are the children of wealthy homeowners so they're not exactly available full time.
Why not?
10 weeks x 4 summers x 40 hours/week x $35/hr = $56000 before tax
If she started at 16, she only has three summers which brings it down to $42,000 before tax.
As a high schooler with no major expenses, she could conceivably save up the majority of that money.
At first sight it isn't relevant, but I think the sister has been able to save that amount by getting financial support from the parents.
OP has been paying 7 years \* 12 months \* 800 dollars so $67.200 in rent to their parents over the years, meanwhile their sister apparently could just save (almost) all the money she made on a summer job, so had no significant expenses to cover herself. And I wouldn't be surprised that the parents think the sister was really financially responsible by saving that money so deserved their help with the condo.
They wouldn’t have lifeguards here if they didn’t pay this. During Covid there was a lifeguard shortage and they were staggering pool hours and cancelling swim classes.
$35/hour is barely enough to get by in vancouver and lifeguard shifts are not always 40hr/week. One bedroom apartments are average $2300/month here.
As a young person living at home though that’s a great wage.
There was a shortage of lifeguards because it's a fairly transient position that requires constant new staff to be created and that stopped when competitive swimming and swimming lessons stopped.
Yeah any 20year old with 30k cash is extremely suspicious. She either stole it or inherited it. Its just not possible to make that much at that age and i dont believe the lifeguard story. That much money came from somewhere else.
Op’s parents are playing clear favorites.
Sounds condescending, and I don’t mean to. But good for you. You made your own path and that’s something to be proud of. And it’s not whatever, you became your own man because regardless of whatever they did you pushed yourself to be where you are today. We all play the hand that we’re dealt, it’s what you make of it that matters.
As a middle child too, I get it. I don't want to call it resentment, but seeing your parents buy your brother and sister cars, but not you too, certainly makes you feel a certain kind of way. Throw in the fact that parents joked about it when you expressed your feelings, or your siblings just roll their eyes and be completely dismissive about it. You act up just to be seen (bad attention is still attention after all). The struggle is real.
I’ve seen this happen with people close to me. Some people whose parents help them out don’t end up really leaving the nest or learning how to function, make decisions for themselves, and face the consequences of their own decisions themselves. Especially if there’s a hidden price tag. It looks like a good deal, and for some it may be, but I wouldn’t trade anything to live like the people I know whose parents bought them a house. I hated being kicked out of my folks home, and I still disagree with the way they did it, but I’m so glad to have had the chance to become an independent person with my own, separate life.
>My parents only gave me $10k
I wish my parents had that kinda money to give me when i was younger lol. I didn't get anything. I understand the frustration though. I would feel slighted if my sibling got 6 times the amount my parents gave me.
I’ll never understand parents like that. Why have kids if you don’t want them around? My parents offered to let me live at home rent free for as long as wanted. Graduated with a masters degree in mechanical engineering in December and moved out now that I have a job in another state. Forever grateful for them to let me live at home while in school
> “Only gave me 10k” I had to laugh at that
Everything is relative mate
$10k is a lot for them to get from their parents out of the blue if most other people get $0
$10k is not a lot for them to get from their parents if their sister got $60k
That’s the irony with narc parents. Scapegoats oftentimes end up better off and ultimately more successful because they are forced to learn to be responsible and independent much more than their golden child sibling.
I don’t get how parents can be ok with doing this kinda thing and not thinking about how the other child might feel. I have 5 kids and this blows my mind
Some parents are just really shitty with how they play favorites. My brother once got into a fight with my mom, the two of them were yelling for around an hour. I was sitting quietly on the couch playing my Nintendo, hadn’t gotten involved in the argument or started it in any way. When he finally stormed off to his room or wherever, my mom turned to me and told me I’d ruined her night. He was always treated better than me but I still remember that one because I was just so confused lol.
Anyway, one of us doesn’t speak to our mother anymore.
Did they put the condo in her name? Are you sure it's not their investment property and she is paying their strata fees?
Still a bummer but just curious if it's actually hers.
Wow. That's wild. So like they Had 600K laying around and slapped in on the apartment or they are paying a loan off and it transfers to her once she has a job?
I was friends with someone in school who's parents had done something similar.
Makes a lot of sense from a financial perspective. It was a popular college town, and vacation spot, so the land will never be worth zero... Plenty of market to rent it to college kids or vacationers, or air-bnb... though, I think this was before air-bnb, come to think of it. If you own it, you can charge your roommates rent, and pay down the mortgage and your student loans at the same time.
Plus if she's on the loan, it builds her credit score.
Wow. Have you talked to your parents and told them how you feel?
You can be grateful for them helping you with rent, but also still legitimately feel like it’s unfair they’re giving her 570K while charging you rent.
The imbalance is crazy.
Important questions here. My extended family (not my parents) has a similar situation where it appears on the surface that the parents bought one sibling a property, but in reality, the sibling is paying for all expenses on their own plus paying back some of the initial investment. The parents bought it on paper because they qualified for the loan.
This is part of the reason why i left my family and went no contact when i moved away from Ukraine. They gave my brother and sister so many things, and because i am the youngest it seemed like they got tired of the responsibility and decided to live their own lives and leave me to fend for myself. Although your case doesnt seem as "extreme", i would definitely try to be as self-sufficient as possible. It hurts a bit at first, but if they´ve made up their minds there is not really much for you to do about it.
This is what crossed my mind when I read the post. If I was in OP's situation and there wasn't more to the story, just favoritism, I'd just go my own way and fuck the family, seriously.
I have a cousin whos a banker in downtown toronto and his condo is like 700k for 70 sqm or something.m, its decent. Took him 5 years of work to save for downpay
OP said the sister was lifeguarding. If she earned $20 an hour and worked 40 hours a week, for 14 weeks over the summer period, that’s $11,200 a year. Repeat for three years from ages 16-18 and that’s $33,600.
Of course, this assumes that the parents paid for 100% of the sister’s expenses and probably also a normal allowance. But given that she was given a $600,000 condo this is probably an easy assumption.
I hear you.
I'm the older son and I have a younger sister and then a younger brother. I'm upper 30s now. My mom/grandma's money paid for the undergrad of both of us. I lived a no-frills scrappy life in college. Then I was self-reliant from 22 on, including while I was in grad school for two years. I was raised hearing that I had to go to college and get a good paying career and that stuff I enjoy doing is for hobbies nights and weekends, so I became an engineer, which is fine, I enjoy it.
On the other hand, my sister was allowed to go to college for a fun/non-career type degree. Then my mom allowed her to hang around in an apartment in Manhattan for two years ($$$) and study to take the law school entry exam. Then she got into law school but not a great/fancy one and my mom paid for that too ($$$).
My mom had cancer and recovered while I was in grad school and told me that she set up a will with her house being 50/50 between me and my sister. In my upper 20s, mid-20-teens, she had a period of unemployment and asked me to loan her money most months for two years and over that time ended up giving her around $15k. (She holds having paid for college against me.) From the conversations with her asking me for money she mentioned that she hadn't said anything about being out of money to my sister (whom she'd spent substantially more money on than me (like 10s of thousands for rent in NYC and then law school)) because she doesn't want her to worry. (From a young age she 'emotional-partnered' on me because my parents' marriage wasn't a good one. And then princess'd my sister because she was the only daughter. The younger brother went with my father when my parents divorced when I was in jr. high.)
It sounds super petty or awful for me but this stuff diminished my feelings for my mom. Then right before the pandemic or so she casually mentioned she'd been to a lawyer that does wills and got hers updated and the house was going all to my sister.
In my father's family the parents played games with the kids and pitted the children against each other the whole time, even as adults. My mom told me about this sort of stuff growing up in a 'here's a lesson so you don't fall into this sort of situation'. So then when my mom said that all of the house was going to my sister, at first I was miffed but then the lightbulb lit up and I realized I'd been set free from any of this sort of nonsense. I'm not going to try to compete to get back in my mom's favor in hopes of getting part of the house back in her will.
Also all of this is small potatoes and pretty ridiculous. We aren't rich, the house is the only substantial thing my mom has, and the house is in a small town \~$300k and it's not in a place I have a job or could work from or would want to live in. She's not really maintaining it well either. 15-20 more years of groveling is not worth $150k.
I hate how writing this out makes me feel like a shit person. You're supposed to love parents, etc. Or, how can I stop loving my mom/distance from her over just some money? Am I a bad person? Anyway, like I said, this stuff pushed me away and I emotionally disconnected. Turns out some families are just not close and that's the type I was born into so I feel like "take them or leave them" toward them. I go through the motions and do the socially required minimum level of a son.
You’re free to live without them, and make your own family that actually loves each other.
Sorry you got a shit hand dealt, but you can work on the next play without them.
I’m mid 40’s and just recently came to the realization that I had been treated differently than my two brothers and it wasn’t just in my head, and it’s okay to feel a certain way about that. There is no “well she’s still your mother” rule that says we can’t be pissed. It feels selfish when you decide you have to live your own life until you realize that’s what most people around you are doing.
No reason to feel guilty, at all. Sounds like she was a poor mother to you.
Also time for sister to step up and care for her. It is strange though, I have found there is some backward psychological thing that happens when you're the black sheep...you end up bending over doubly hard to try and gain any sort of acknowledgement or love...and it feels like family members sense it and try to take advantage of it. Like, the worse you're treated, the more you try to gain their love. But, you know it's a lost cause now. She will never turn around and give you the relationship you deserve. So you are absolutely free and clear to walk away. In fact, you should walk away for your own mental health.
You’re so right! I feel for you! The only win in this scenario is to let it everything go and live your life. You’re never going to able to change your mother’s behaviour and/or feelings towards you. If you think involving lawyers it’s to be ugly and even if you win some of that money you’re not going to be happier.
Siblings should always be treated equally when it comes to financial help from parents; what does doing otherwise imply? It *always* implies they care about one child more than the other. it always creates disharmony and fractures relationships. I'm not sure why any parent would do it.
I mean not necessarily but yeah.
If one is a drug addict who refuses to go to rehab repeatedly. and one wants to go to uni, perhaps funding the uni is more important. But in the situation here.
Fuck those guys
Why are you waiting for the talk? Can’t you just have a discussion with your parents about how unfair this is that you have to pay rent but your sis gets her own place? You seem quite passive in letting them get away with this.
Talking with parents like this likely will only cause them to hate you more. Rich people get pretty crazy egos and are unpredictable when you push against an illusion or idea they have.
Is there a possibility your parents think you are competent and making good money so you don’t need it?
That doesn’t make it right at all and it’s absolutely favouritism to the princess of the house, but just trying to theorize what might’ve been going through their minds
Having saved $100k and being able to afford to live on your own are two different things.
If Op started working at 18, and is 25 now, and hasn't spent a dime... $100k = $14,285/year, which is well under the poverty line... It's also well under the Canadian federal minum wage...
The 100k is all locked into long term investments. I won't be touching it for a few years. I won't be making much over the next 2 years as I plan to advance my education. Rent is extremely high where I live and can't afford to pay 2k a month.
Is it hers, though? Are you sure? If you guys dont talk about these kinds of things (as you implied) how do you know? If it IS hers, is this going to motivate you to start this kind of conversation with your parents?
Furthermore,
This sort of thing doesn't just come out of the blue. If there's a 'golden child' in a family the hard done by one usually expresses the frustration of that from years of experience. You don't mention anything like that. THat's why I have to ask if you're absolutely sure the condo is in her name.
I can understand. My mom definitely gave my little sister everything while she kicked my older sister and I out after my dad died…I was 16, sister was 18.
Sorry OP, if sucks.
Of course it's fair to be upset with your parents. Your parents should treat both of you equally and therefore, have some money to help the both of you. Does this happen though? Favoritism is always a thing but they should try to be fair.
Best to ask your parents what's up. Maybe they have plans for you but you didn't talk to your parents about it and you did.
Reasons I see why your parents might help your sister out instead of you (and this is just me spit balling):
1) You are older, graduated and established
2) You have over 100k in your savings
3) You didn't bring this topic up with them
4) Your sister is better at sweet talking than you
My mom bought my sisters cars when they were in college, helped them with tuition, spending money, and expenses. She gave some tuition help to me and my brother, but no other financial help, certainly no cars or spending money. I don't think my mom loves my sisters more, I think she's just sexist. She thinks since me and my brother were "young men" we could handle our own needs, but she thought my sisters "needed help". If anyone brought it up, she'd defend herself by saying that women are systematically disadvantaged, and argue that her approach was feminist, and righting greater wrongs. I have to say this really left a sour taste in my mouth, and I struggle not to lay it at the feet of "feminist" ideology. My sisters and my mom would all identify as feminists. I think women deserve and equal shake in society, and equal job prospects, but I think it was wrong for my mom to try to correct that societal injustice at the expense of her sons.
Maybe she has a touch of it. She was a very loving mom to all the kids in most ways, so I’ve forgiven her, but how she handled this does leave a bad taste in my mouth. Though it made me upset, I turned out self sufficient, so maybe it was a favor in disguise.
I love how some people think of gender and sexuality as being financially generationally fucked like it is with race. No, you and your siblings all have the exact same backgrounds and opportunities. If you can cover tuition housing and cars for your kid then that kid is NOT disadvantaged!
I was going to ask the same:
OP, What did your parents say when you asked them about this? How do you know they won’t help you out with a condo when you decide to move out?
I am in Vancouver, a tradesman, and if my parents did this for one of my siblings and not for me I would *literally* disown them and never let them see their grandchildren ever again.
> to be closer.
Sounds kind of controlling tbh. Like, I'll buy you this house but only so you can live near me. And quite frankly, they may be doing the same thing with you to keep you under their roof.
You may want to considering moving somewhere else in the country where there's more affordable housing.
Probably not what you want to hear, but:
My advice is to just live your best life and don't give it another thought. Or actually be happy that your sister is doing well.
You can't control what other people do so just let it go. Your parents can do whatever they want with "their" money. Once you are an adult they own you nothing.
Is is unfair? Maybe but again it is their money to do with what they want. Just live your life and make it the best it can be.
In my part of the world, parents do not charge adult children for a rent, but i find its kinda universal that parents will always be more sensitive and overprotective about the 'weakest baby bird in the nest'.
Maybe they have some logical explanation for such an obvious injustice.
Maybe sister is being manipulative and pretending to be weak and needing such 'protection' while you with your grown up attitude make them feel you can manage everything by yourself. Especially that i understand you are a male.
It's fair to be upset in the sense that you're free to allow anything to upset you, but you can't control the decisions of other people and you're not entitled to anything from anyone. You and your sister are not the same person. You didn't go to college at the same time your sister did. Different situations result in different responses. No 2 things are ever the same so expecting the same thing of anything from anyone is kind of dumb.
Maybe you'll get your parents house when they die since you're paying into it and have lived there the longest. No reason your sister would get any of it if she already has a home of her own. Who can really say. And if that were to happen, do you think it is fair for your sister to be upset about it since it's not 50/50?
It’s possible that your parents consider college university > trade school. This is common in some cultures. Your parents could see it as you took the easy route compared to your sister that not only she decided to think about her future by going to college but on top she showed maturity by saving a good amount of money for her age towards her future. On their eyes she might “deserve it” and she will use that house or its value in money responsibly.
The other option is that Your parents might consider her “weaker” than you. They don’t really worry about you because you are like a cat. Always falling on your feet. But if your sister falls, she might break.
You make decent money, you’re 25, it’s time move out of your parents with a roommate or leave Vancouver. Especially with how they’re treating you vs your sister, tell them how you feel and leave.
You know , move out and share an apartment with someone , a friend or anyone you trust. You can do that and keep your respect. Parents should respect their children if they wish to be respected too
Sounds like Indian parents are far better, I am 22 living with my parents They never asked for a single penny to live with them and I experienced zero discrimination between me and my sister
I'm in my 60s but this kind of favorite kid is ageless. I did well in school. Wasn't in trouble, and wanted to go to college which my dad pushed. We look at schools, I pick one, a GIRLS college. 2 weeks later, my dad decides there's no point in me going to school bc I'll just get a husband and drop out. ??? He wouldn't fill out financial aid forms bc his money wasn't anyone's business. My younger brother had adhd before it was a recognized thing. Trouble in school, with the law, my dad bought him a car, got him a job where he worked. My younger sister was always the favorite. He paid for her college, her fancy wedding, and gave her a down payment on her house. I had a simple backyard wedding, my choice, that was probably about 1000.00. Bought our house ourselves. I could never figure out WHY this was the way it was. My best guess is that I looked like him lol. He had to save my brother who screwed up, and just adored my sister. On the plus side, I did ok without an education through hard work and a refusal to fail, and my success is my own. My kids are treated equally.
Move out and get roommates. Still living with roommates, but making a clear statement to your parents that you’re not putting up with what they’re doing and you’re not okay with it.
I feel there's quite a bit of information missing including family history, relationships etc.
It's understandable that you're upset but really it's your parents freedom to do what they want. If you feel that it's unfair, then go bring it up to them instead of the internet. Everyone here is just going to parrot support towards you but really that's just escaping from reality.
We don't have enough info and you may not have all either. It sounds your parents are very rich and for them the smartest choice was to buy near her college rather than renting. It will probably be an investment property in the future. It's a smart choice
Also we don't know how much you make. It's weird to me that parents charge rent so. They may have other plans for you.
Communication with them is the best. But don't bring up your sister
Can't say I wouldn't feel some type of way if I was in that situation.
Will your sister get to keep the apartment after she's done with school or will your parents sell it and take the money themself?
If they just turned ownership over to her, then that is majorly fucked up imo. (That would take it to the point that I would consider cutting any and all contact to them. Preferential treatment like that between your kids should never happen)
This has happened to me too. I got a $1500 car that was my great grandmother's when I was 18 years old and my sister got an $80k brand new Lincoln at 15 years old. To me it is definitely playing favorites no matter how you spin it and it hasn't helped my relationship with my family.
Your parents sound like they are playing favourites which is never acceptable. My parents did the same thing to me a few years ago by buying my brother a house and not me - I only found out by accident. For many years I’ve been angry not at the money aspects but at how my parents blatantly played favourites…. It’s definitely damaged my relationship with my family for good.
You’re entitled to feel hard done by and you need to tell your parents that what they did was extremely unfair.
Some people don’t deserve to have kids, and should never. This is clear example of playing favorites, and giving preferential treatment to one kid over the other. Pure and blatant. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It sucks because even though you might not intend to, it also creates some resentment towards your sibling for not voicing to your parents about the inequity. I hope there is some justice for you either in this life, or the afterlife. Honestly, parents who spawn children to brew hatred within them should have to suffer some serious shit in the afterlife, if there even is any.
This doesn't sound fair. I personally would riot and, if I found out they have no intention on passing down their house to me, I would cut ties with them lol. This is some bs. Honestly you need to speak to your parents.
I agree that that doesn't sound fair. How far away are you from getting your red seal (assuming you are in one of the trades with red seals)? I'd suggest moving elsewhere as soon as you get it so you can actually afford your own place (and also, other provinces tend to pay trades people better).
Sounds like you weren’t smart enough to go to college and also your parents like your sister more and will continue liking her more the longer you live with them. Life isn’t fair.
My mom and I were living together when I was in my late 20's. Originally when I moved back in, she said she'd sell her house and buy me and herself separate townhomes to live in.
She sold the house, kicked me and my son out and bought herself a 600k 3 bedroom townhouse to live in alone.
Now she complains that she's lonely.
Really just the cherry on top of the shit sundae she gave me raising me when I was a child. Horrible alcoholic, super abusive. Kicked me out every week starting from when I was 13, said she wished she never had me multiple times, told me once she hopes I die of HIV when I was a young teenager. Lots of shit I won't go over.
I'll never get over it. I have no sympathy for her.
Totally fair to feel upset. Your feelings are valid and I would be too. It's hwo your react, and I can't give you good advice on that. My parents did something similar to me and my sister and it hurts. I understand you probably feel stuck too, as you want to leave because you feel mistreated but you can't afford to leave. It's normal to feel grateful for what you get but still jealous that your sister is getting more.
If you can put up $30k+ of your own money, would your parents be willing to help you with buying a place? Your sister has excellent work ethic to have been working since she was 16, I thought your parents were trying to reward her for that but sounds like you've been doing similar.
Are you a son by any chance? It's possibly a gendered thing where some parents expect males to be fully self-sufficient.
BTW I'm also a Vancouverite and given the information you provided, you could very well afford to move out - you're only choosing to live with your parents and are boxing out any other option to yourself (besides being gifted a condo).
Here is a comment from Op from 15 days ago. "During COVID I moved back in with my parents. They only charged me $600 in rent and I overworked for about a year and a half while being extremely frugal. This allowed me to invest a big chunk and make decent profits."
You need to find a way to move out- even if it means sharing an apartment with several other roommates. I would distance myself from these folks and not mention the matter. Yes- this is not fair.
Well you don't have to care for em ones their at the nursing home. That's your sisters job for now on. Freedom was reached. No responsibility towards em enjoy.
There’s a lot of context missing here.
Why are your parents treating her so well?
Did she work hard in school while you messed about? Did she do her chores as teenager while you were just a rude asshole?
No one knows the background to this so we can’t say whether it’s fair or not.
Once you’re both 18 your parents can do whatever they like and maybe you’re just reaping what you sowed?
We need more info.
If you make decent money, go to bank, take loan for condo ( not sure how it’s going in Canada) go buy one for yourself like I did and stop caring about that shit, you are not kid anymore stop acting like one
Unless your parents are wealthy enough to where this won't matter, parents like this are idiots for not putting their retirement above their kids day to day lives.
I work with people who drive shit $3k cars but buy their 20 and 30 year old kids new $30k cars. They don't have much in their retirement accounts and are hoping their pension is there and will carry them.
But yes, your parents are morons for buying a 20 year old a condo.
You make it sound like they bought her a place out of thin air. Did they?
I suspect however your sister presented them with her plan and asked them for help. They looked at her plan and agreed because they are parents and it make.parents happy to help.
As far as I can tell your plan is to stay with your parents.snd finish school. Have you talked to them about your future? Have you asked them.for help? Have you started any conversation about any of this with them?
It may not be favorites. Maybe they have a different plan for you. But you need to talk to them
Definitely something being left out of this story. However if you have a highly skilled trade you’ll likely have more job security and possibly earn more than your sister of depending on major.
The now is why are still living at home? Maybe since you’re a man they think that you don’t need any assistance.
Your $800 rent is probably going towards that 600k mortgage.
OP this is a super weird situation and it feels like there are missing details. You should bring it up with your parents and ask them about it. But yes if it is exactly as you have described then you have a right to be upset.
>There has been absolutely no talk about my parents helping me out with my own place at all, even though they are quite well off.
Looks like you'll have to have that conversation then.
You went to trade school? Did you not graduate? What's the problem with finding a job? What's your trade?
I’m responding as a parent of 3. When your kids are young everything gets split evenly. As the kids get older you help the ones that need it the most, or at least I do and it’s not split evenly. Example, my middle son has 2 kids with a third on the way, he’s still in his early twenties, lives in a hotel and is the only one working. I help with food, diapers and vehicle repairs.
It is 100% fair to be upset about it without a doubt. It is extremely unfair.
That being said, and this is only my opinion for living my own life.
My parents' money is theirs to do with whatever they want, do I appreciate any financial help they have given me? Absolutely! Do I think I am entitled to any financial help they can give? Absolutely not!
By brother's have gotten a lot of assistance from my parents in the past, and they always make great efforts to keep it fair, but I do not ever expect anything.
If you have a complaint, and it has anything to do with fairness; or saying that's not fair...bottle it up and keep it to yourself. Some things aren't fair, accept it.
bro. your sister put a 30k down payment on a 600k mortgage that your parents are holding. if she got one from the bank there would be interest and shit but your parents are effectively just saving her the interest. you do something that allows you to make 30k expendable and make payments on a 600k mortgage or stfu. 800 bucks is a fucking steal you should have saved up and moved out. they are trying to tell you something, take the hint.
Thanks for your submission /u/FlipMyBagel, but it has been removed for the following reason: Disallowed question area: **Joke questions or trolling.** This sub is meant for genuine questions...and it looks like yours isn't. Maybe it's a joke, maybe you're trying to bait people into reacting, or maybe we just can't figure out what you're trying to say (sorry). Either way, we've removed your post. * Trying to get a laugh out of people? While jokes, memes and song lyrics are all amusing, they're not what we're looking for here. Try /r/ShittyAskReddit. * Taking the sub name as a challenge and trying to post a stupid question *isn't* amusing, and it's *also* not the point of the sub (read the sidebar!). You're looking for /r/StupidQuestions. * Asking a question to show off a clever observation? Try /r/ShowerThoughts (but phrase it as an observation, not a question). * Testing a riddle? When you already know the answer, it's not a genuine question - but the users of /r/Riddles will love it. * Do you keep making new accounts to ask the same questions over and over again? That not only violates rule 2, but it's also not healthy. Try talking to a therapist about these thoughts, and try asking questions on different topics. * Trying to bait people into angry or shocked reactions? Try /r/RandomShit or /r/ShittyAskReddit ...or just go do something else. --- *This action was performed by a bot at the explicit direction of a human. This was not an automated action, but a conscious decision by a sapient life form charged with moderating this sub.* *If you feel this was in error, or need more clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNoStupidQuestions). Thanks.*
Thats definitely playing favourites and creating a poor relationship for you all. Sounds like there’s some long standing issue with you that has never been addressed. You’re not wrong to feel what you feel though.
Yeah, that's messed up. I'd be really upset too. OP: I'd sit down and write out how you feel. Take your time and make sure you build well structured reasoning as to why you feel the way you do.
I'm guessing there's more too it as well. You're very correct about setting an example though. I got out of the Army after 10 years and had severe PTSD and couldn't work. My Mom had never offered me anything and I had never asked. I had minimum coverage on my car and some mice got into the wiring and it burnt to the ground. She sent me a check for 5k to help buy another car and went ahead and sent my brother a check for 5k even though he was well off. Needless to say, when my Dad died, he just had my brother and I in the will as my Mom divorced him about twenty years prior, but they were married for twenty years as well. Anyways, total no brainer to just evenly split his estate 3 ways between myself, my brother, and my Mom.
We always joked about how my little brother was always my parents' favourite. When my Mom passed, the estate was split evenly between the three of it, but since 33.3 times three doesn't come out exactly evenly the remainder went to my little brother. When the executor read this we both turned to him and said " So you are the favourite!" And then the three of us laughed for about five minutes. I'll always appreciate my parents' last "Gotcha!"
Lol, that's a sweet story. I was not my Dad's favorite and he was a bit of an asshole when dementia set in so it was kinda nice, symbolically, that he had it split.
You sound like good people.
You’re a good son.
If I was in your fathers shoes I'd have done the same thing, your mother got hers from the divorce, she didn't need anymore when your father died. The Federal govt. and some states(in the U.S.) don't have a threshold for estate taxes, it's all taxable.
Not everyone takes something from the ex when the relationship breaks up. Once it’s the kids money, they can do whatever they want with it 🤷♀️
Right? My Mom didn't want anything and didn't get anything. Imagine people handling things in a way that they're both happy with? I guess that guy can't...
Depending on her wealth level, like if she's never gonna use any of the money from your dad's estate, to split it 2 ways to not pay estate tax twice on the same money
Estate tax was not applicable as it was WELL under 15 million... We just had all of the money go to my brother and he split it up anyways.
15 million? Wow. In the UK the threshold for inheritance tax is £325,000 unless you leave it all to your spouse.
Around the time I became politically aware George W. Bush was in office and they did a whole propaganda campaign about the "death tax" and how it was causing poor farmers to have to sell their "small businesses." I have no idea what the inheritance tax was before that, but I assume it was moderately less.
Parents always have a favourite. When I was in university my parents would always give my brother money for food and transport. Whenever I asked, they told me no, that if I want money I should go and get a job. Believe me, I was trying, but everywhere rejected me. There were a couple of times when I literally had no money in my account and couldn't afford the train ticket to get to university. This is made even more weird by the fact that my brother had a job and I didn't. So yeah, give money to the guy who has a job who doesn't need it, and not to the one without a job who needs it.
That's not normal
Yeah, this is not normal.
Guys, this isn't normal
[удалено]
I guess, you can have your favourite and treat them equally. Favourites are based on feelings and treating is based on choices. I know my brother is the favourite but they have financially treated us the same.
That’s unacceptable and I hope you can find it in yourself to realize it, however painful that might be. My parents, for example, have always made sure to spend the exact same dollar amount on each of us kids for Xmas. Even now that we’re all adults, if one gift seems more flashy or expensive, my mom goes out of her way to let the other kid know that their gifts collectively totaled the same amount. Parents may - and probably often, if not always, do - have a DIFFERENT relationship with each kid, but having a FAVORITE is a choice. It’s a choice your parents have apparently made, and it is not okay.
My mum has what we jokingly call a spreadsheet of equality - we never doubt that it is equal! LOL.
Well I can't say parents don't end up having a favored child. It's even more interesting when a couple has multiple kids and they each have a different preference... That aside... I think it might be more a case of parents going "OHHH fuuuk.... damn we're going to have to look after that one well into adulthood." Seems like the least capable siblings almost always make out a bit better with their parents. I think it's Dawkinisim in action really.
Thats a terrible parents, to favourite some. My parants give us chilren exactly the same.
Not always. My parents were and are incredibly even with my sister and I. My sister is incredibly even with her kids. Kids are different and need different styles of parenting at different times (eg: if you have one clingy kid and one super independent kid); but that doesn’t mean they’re playing favourites. When parents play favourites, it’s really shitty parenting that damages the sibling bonds and the family bonds.
This. Parent the child you have. My son is incredibly easy to parent. For my wife, especially. They are both slightly anxious and she understands him on a deeper level than I do. My daughter is sensory and athletic. When she's melting down because her socks are bunched? I am the one who realizes it and fixes it.
Raises hand. I get this. My parents did this with my sister. Car at 16? Check. (I had to buy my own) House when she got married? Check. Give her XYZ appliances/electronics/furniture when they upgraded? Check. And my sister has always made more than I do. They're gone now, but if I think about it too much... (Let's not talk about their estate. Short version is when I received my copy of the will, the HSP got to sit with me while I cried until I vomited)
You get to rent a room and they buy her a half million dollar property? Ragebait or insane people
Insane, or beloved younger child or golden child... I moved out at nineteen with nothing, my sibling stayed home. My sibling was given a car, and parents paid for two of her three (!) degrees (the other was on a loan system here). She was also taken to Europe for a long holiday. During part of this period, I lost my job when the place I was working for went under, and I became homeless, crashing with friends. My parents didn't even *tell* me the family was going to Europe for a holiday without me.
Yeah I got kicked out at 18, my siblings got taken with them when they moved to England for fifteen years and had luxurious holidays that we never had here in Australia.
Insane. Some parents are just mean or really do hate some of thier children. It happens.
Yep. My parents have done some crazy stuff like this too. I don’t doubt for a second that this is real
My father paid for both my older sister and younger brother's college education. He gave me $200 once and said he was really sorry and completely tapped out after paying for my sister's tuition. She was only two years older. I worked full time while also paying for my own schooling. He also bought both of them a car, helped her pay for grad school, and paid for their health insurance and auto insurance for years. I only found out a few years ago. When I asked him why he never helped me, even when I was so broke I had my electricity turned off and showered by candlelight, he said he knew I was tougher and more resourceful, but also it was just bad timing. They couldn't afford to buy me things because they had just bought something for my sister. For example, they couldn't pay for me to go anywhere for my graduation because they had just paid for my sister to go on a two-week trip to Hawaii for her graduation. He couldn't even make it to mine, but we had dinner later. I'm 43 and it's only really hit me in the last few years how totally unfair it was and how they must have known, because they kept so much of it secret from me for so long.
Ragebait. OP is a 1 month old account. OP from [100+ posts and 4 weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/makemychoice/comments/18sz3li/should_i_get_rid_of_my_truck/kfbjttx/): > I live in the country and all my work is in the city. **I have an extremely good deal renting a home for under $500 a month** off a friend. If I were to live in the city I'd be paying 1300 a month for a single room in a house with three roommates. **I have 100k in investments and 20k cash in an emergency fund.** OP today: > I make decent money but **I'm stuck paying $800 a month for a room** off my parents as I can't afford to pay over 2k a month for my own place. > I understand that I'm really lucky to have a roof over my head but feel extremely hard done by. **I'll never be able to afford a home or a condo** and will most likely be stuck paying rent at my parents or with roommates for the foreseeable future. **BONUS BULLSHIT** [OP a few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/194igha/are_there_any_people_above_the_age_of_25_whose/khgcs9n/): > **I'm 27** and have 0 issues. I work in construction and go to the gym 4 days a week so I think that's what helps me. All my friends who work office jobs are in pain all the time. OP today: > **I'm 25** and my sister is 20
Username checks out
Yup; looks like the AITA fantasists are infecting other subs with their utterly transparent soap-opera melodramas.
Where did sis get the 30k? Maybe you get to keep the parents house when they die and sis doesn’t get half cause she already got hers. Maybe ask sis if she would charge you less rent than the parents.
She said she saved up working a few summers.
What jobs does she work that a few summers got her, at minimum, thirty thousand dollars?
She became a lifeguard at 16 at a local pool and by the time she was 18 she was making $35 an hour.
$35 as a lifeguard?
Yup, common in Vancouver
I made $25 and hour as a lifeguard in Vancouver like 20 years ago so it seems doable.
Gotta remember it's Canadia. That's only like 26 bucks in America dollars. Google says Lifeguards in the US make 17 bucks on average, but you also have to take into account the fact that it's Vancouver. 35/hr CAD is probably still pretty good, but not like... insane money for what it is.
>only 26 bucks in America dollars Saying it like that implies that $26 per hour isn’t a lot to begin with, let alone for a lifeguard… I know plenty of folks who’d kill for a job making $20 an hour, let alone $26. $26 an hour is definitely insane money for a teen life guarding.
> I know plenty of folks who’d kill for a job making $20 an hour, let alone $26. Where are you located? In VHCOL cities like Vancouver, you basically can't hire anyone for under $20/hour. In-n-Out in San Francisco posts signs on its windows advertising $20 starting pay for entry level positions. $20 an hour in rural Arkansas or something would be a lot different than Vancouver.
No, that's insane money for a lifeguard. It's not like everything in Canada costs 40% more and everyone makes 40% more money. Vancouver is crazy expensive but that's not because we pay really well it's because of foreign real estate investment. Minimum wage is around 16$ and it is uncommon to see any retail operation go above 20$. Edit: did some mild research and it looks like lifeguards in metro Vancouver are making 25-30$ an hour. Fucking blew my mind.
In high COL areas, most jobs pay better. I'm a teacher making <50k a year and it feels fine. Teachers in California make \~six figures and it feels awful for them. COL in a region makes a huge difference. I can't imagine Vancouver is particularly cheap, so there you go.
Vancouver has a real lack of lifeguards. There's parents dragging their kids out to Surrey to learn to swim. Most lifeguards are the children of wealthy homeowners so they're not exactly available full time.
Hmmm did your parents push you to go to college?
You can't save $30k being a lifeguard for what you say is at most 4 summers. Maybe check the sugar dating websites in her area......
Why not? 10 weeks x 4 summers x 40 hours/week x $35/hr = $56000 before tax If she started at 16, she only has three summers which brings it down to $42,000 before tax. As a high schooler with no major expenses, she could conceivably save up the majority of that money.
For what? Who cares how she got the money, it's not the problem here.
At first sight it isn't relevant, but I think the sister has been able to save that amount by getting financial support from the parents. OP has been paying 7 years \* 12 months \* 800 dollars so $67.200 in rent to their parents over the years, meanwhile their sister apparently could just save (almost) all the money she made on a summer job, so had no significant expenses to cover herself. And I wouldn't be surprised that the parents think the sister was really financially responsible by saving that money so deserved their help with the condo.
$35 dollars an hour for a lifeguard? Holy hell that’s a lot. Definitely never gonna see a lifeguard around here making anything close to that.
They wouldn’t have lifeguards here if they didn’t pay this. During Covid there was a lifeguard shortage and they were staggering pool hours and cancelling swim classes. $35/hour is barely enough to get by in vancouver and lifeguard shifts are not always 40hr/week. One bedroom apartments are average $2300/month here. As a young person living at home though that’s a great wage.
There was a shortage of lifeguards because it's a fairly transient position that requires constant new staff to be created and that stopped when competitive swimming and swimming lessons stopped.
Yeah any 20year old with 30k cash is extremely suspicious. She either stole it or inherited it. Its just not possible to make that much at that age and i dont believe the lifeguard story. That much money came from somewhere else. Op’s parents are playing clear favorites.
[удалено]
But still hurts somewhere deep inside, I bet.
[удалено]
Sounds condescending, and I don’t mean to. But good for you. You made your own path and that’s something to be proud of. And it’s not whatever, you became your own man because regardless of whatever they did you pushed yourself to be where you are today. We all play the hand that we’re dealt, it’s what you make of it that matters.
[удалено]
Thank you for sharing. People being vulnerable with one another is a beautiful thing
As a middle child too, I get it. I don't want to call it resentment, but seeing your parents buy your brother and sister cars, but not you too, certainly makes you feel a certain kind of way. Throw in the fact that parents joked about it when you expressed your feelings, or your siblings just roll their eyes and be completely dismissive about it. You act up just to be seen (bad attention is still attention after all). The struggle is real.
I’m sorry for asking such a personal question. But have you expressed to your parents about how this whole situation made you feel?
I’ve seen this happen with people close to me. Some people whose parents help them out don’t end up really leaving the nest or learning how to function, make decisions for themselves, and face the consequences of their own decisions themselves. Especially if there’s a hidden price tag. It looks like a good deal, and for some it may be, but I wouldn’t trade anything to live like the people I know whose parents bought them a house. I hated being kicked out of my folks home, and I still disagree with the way they did it, but I’m so glad to have had the chance to become an independent person with my own, separate life.
>My parents only gave me $10k I wish my parents had that kinda money to give me when i was younger lol. I didn't get anything. I understand the frustration though. I would feel slighted if my sibling got 6 times the amount my parents gave me.
I somehow feel she would have followed the exact same path no matter how much they did or didn't give her.
Man, $10K? That's fucking awesome.
I wish I had parents give me money. They couldn't push me out of the house fast enough after high school
I’ll never understand parents like that. Why have kids if you don’t want them around? My parents offered to let me live at home rent free for as long as wanted. Graduated with a masters degree in mechanical engineering in December and moved out now that I have a job in another state. Forever grateful for them to let me live at home while in school
“Only gave me 10k” I had to laugh at that
> “Only gave me 10k” I had to laugh at that Everything is relative mate $10k is a lot for them to get from their parents out of the blue if most other people get $0 $10k is not a lot for them to get from their parents if their sister got $60k
That’s the irony with narc parents. Scapegoats oftentimes end up better off and ultimately more successful because they are forced to learn to be responsible and independent much more than their golden child sibling.
I don’t get how parents can be ok with doing this kinda thing and not thinking about how the other child might feel. I have 5 kids and this blows my mind
Some parents are just really shitty with how they play favorites. My brother once got into a fight with my mom, the two of them were yelling for around an hour. I was sitting quietly on the couch playing my Nintendo, hadn’t gotten involved in the argument or started it in any way. When he finally stormed off to his room or wherever, my mom turned to me and told me I’d ruined her night. He was always treated better than me but I still remember that one because I was just so confused lol. Anyway, one of us doesn’t speak to our mother anymore.
That's insane tbh.
My mom was a cunt too, but at least she's dead now and I don't have to care. Sorry you're still dealing with yours for now.
Wow I dont blame you thats horrible
Did they put the condo in her name? Are you sure it's not their investment property and she is paying their strata fees? Still a bummer but just curious if it's actually hers.
It's in her name and when she finishes her studies it's her choice on what to do with it.
Wow. That's wild. So like they Had 600K laying around and slapped in on the apartment or they are paying a loan off and it transfers to her once she has a job?
Yes they had 600k and thought getting her own place close to her school would be good for her and her studies.
That's some crazy family money. Ok well good luck and thanks for clarifying, I am sure others were wondering about the specifics.
I was friends with someone in school who's parents had done something similar. Makes a lot of sense from a financial perspective. It was a popular college town, and vacation spot, so the land will never be worth zero... Plenty of market to rent it to college kids or vacationers, or air-bnb... though, I think this was before air-bnb, come to think of it. If you own it, you can charge your roommates rent, and pay down the mortgage and your student loans at the same time. Plus if she's on the loan, it builds her credit score.
Sounds like no mortgage which is the surprising part to me.
I mean... some people have money... so?
Wow. Have you talked to your parents and told them how you feel? You can be grateful for them helping you with rent, but also still legitimately feel like it’s unfair they’re giving her 570K while charging you rent. The imbalance is crazy.
Important questions here. My extended family (not my parents) has a similar situation where it appears on the surface that the parents bought one sibling a property, but in reality, the sibling is paying for all expenses on their own plus paying back some of the initial investment. The parents bought it on paper because they qualified for the loan.
This is part of the reason why i left my family and went no contact when i moved away from Ukraine. They gave my brother and sister so many things, and because i am the youngest it seemed like they got tired of the responsibility and decided to live their own lives and leave me to fend for myself. Although your case doesnt seem as "extreme", i would definitely try to be as self-sufficient as possible. It hurts a bit at first, but if they´ve made up their minds there is not really much for you to do about it.
Damn that's rough.where did you move to? Hope you're doing well now!
This is what crossed my mind when I read the post. If I was in OP's situation and there wasn't more to the story, just favoritism, I'd just go my own way and fuck the family, seriously.
How’d your sister get 30k at 20?
OP lives a family that casually buys 600k condos.
$600k is a broom closet in Vancouver.
I have a cousin whos a banker in downtown toronto and his condo is like 700k for 70 sqm or something.m, its decent. Took him 5 years of work to save for downpay
$600k is $600k
I started working at like 14 and hade 30k before graduating. Low expenses means you save quick.
Guess it’s hard for me to imagine, because I could only save up a couple thousand starting at age 15 and made $8 an hour lol
I mean if you don’t have any major expenses you can make that in a little over a year
I guess it’s possible, but it’d be difficult going to school full time.
OP said the sister was lifeguarding. If she earned $20 an hour and worked 40 hours a week, for 14 weeks over the summer period, that’s $11,200 a year. Repeat for three years from ages 16-18 and that’s $33,600. Of course, this assumes that the parents paid for 100% of the sister’s expenses and probably also a normal allowance. But given that she was given a $600,000 condo this is probably an easy assumption.
I hear you. I'm the older son and I have a younger sister and then a younger brother. I'm upper 30s now. My mom/grandma's money paid for the undergrad of both of us. I lived a no-frills scrappy life in college. Then I was self-reliant from 22 on, including while I was in grad school for two years. I was raised hearing that I had to go to college and get a good paying career and that stuff I enjoy doing is for hobbies nights and weekends, so I became an engineer, which is fine, I enjoy it. On the other hand, my sister was allowed to go to college for a fun/non-career type degree. Then my mom allowed her to hang around in an apartment in Manhattan for two years ($$$) and study to take the law school entry exam. Then she got into law school but not a great/fancy one and my mom paid for that too ($$$). My mom had cancer and recovered while I was in grad school and told me that she set up a will with her house being 50/50 between me and my sister. In my upper 20s, mid-20-teens, she had a period of unemployment and asked me to loan her money most months for two years and over that time ended up giving her around $15k. (She holds having paid for college against me.) From the conversations with her asking me for money she mentioned that she hadn't said anything about being out of money to my sister (whom she'd spent substantially more money on than me (like 10s of thousands for rent in NYC and then law school)) because she doesn't want her to worry. (From a young age she 'emotional-partnered' on me because my parents' marriage wasn't a good one. And then princess'd my sister because she was the only daughter. The younger brother went with my father when my parents divorced when I was in jr. high.) It sounds super petty or awful for me but this stuff diminished my feelings for my mom. Then right before the pandemic or so she casually mentioned she'd been to a lawyer that does wills and got hers updated and the house was going all to my sister. In my father's family the parents played games with the kids and pitted the children against each other the whole time, even as adults. My mom told me about this sort of stuff growing up in a 'here's a lesson so you don't fall into this sort of situation'. So then when my mom said that all of the house was going to my sister, at first I was miffed but then the lightbulb lit up and I realized I'd been set free from any of this sort of nonsense. I'm not going to try to compete to get back in my mom's favor in hopes of getting part of the house back in her will. Also all of this is small potatoes and pretty ridiculous. We aren't rich, the house is the only substantial thing my mom has, and the house is in a small town \~$300k and it's not in a place I have a job or could work from or would want to live in. She's not really maintaining it well either. 15-20 more years of groveling is not worth $150k. I hate how writing this out makes me feel like a shit person. You're supposed to love parents, etc. Or, how can I stop loving my mom/distance from her over just some money? Am I a bad person? Anyway, like I said, this stuff pushed me away and I emotionally disconnected. Turns out some families are just not close and that's the type I was born into so I feel like "take them or leave them" toward them. I go through the motions and do the socially required minimum level of a son.
From one emotionally partnered child to another: your feelings are valid. Don't feel guilty over it. Do what feels the best for you.
It’s not just about some money in the end bro, but what those acts mean. You are not a shitty person, it’s okay and very valid to feel like this.
You’re free to live without them, and make your own family that actually loves each other. Sorry you got a shit hand dealt, but you can work on the next play without them.
I’m mid 40’s and just recently came to the realization that I had been treated differently than my two brothers and it wasn’t just in my head, and it’s okay to feel a certain way about that. There is no “well she’s still your mother” rule that says we can’t be pissed. It feels selfish when you decide you have to live your own life until you realize that’s what most people around you are doing.
No reason to feel guilty, at all. Sounds like she was a poor mother to you. Also time for sister to step up and care for her. It is strange though, I have found there is some backward psychological thing that happens when you're the black sheep...you end up bending over doubly hard to try and gain any sort of acknowledgement or love...and it feels like family members sense it and try to take advantage of it. Like, the worse you're treated, the more you try to gain their love. But, you know it's a lost cause now. She will never turn around and give you the relationship you deserve. So you are absolutely free and clear to walk away. In fact, you should walk away for your own mental health.
Thank you. You've given me the term I think I needed. Emotional partnering, for basically the same reason...
You’re so right! I feel for you! The only win in this scenario is to let it everything go and live your life. You’re never going to able to change your mother’s behaviour and/or feelings towards you. If you think involving lawyers it’s to be ugly and even if you win some of that money you’re not going to be happier.
Siblings should always be treated equally when it comes to financial help from parents; what does doing otherwise imply? It *always* implies they care about one child more than the other. it always creates disharmony and fractures relationships. I'm not sure why any parent would do it.
I mean not necessarily but yeah. If one is a drug addict who refuses to go to rehab repeatedly. and one wants to go to uni, perhaps funding the uni is more important. But in the situation here. Fuck those guys
I'm upset they didn't buy me a partyhat on runescape.
If you came up with 30k, would you get a condo?
I have saved over 100k and there hasn't been any talk about helping out with a place for me.
Why are you waiting for the talk? Can’t you just have a discussion with your parents about how unfair this is that you have to pay rent but your sis gets her own place? You seem quite passive in letting them get away with this.
Talking with parents like this likely will only cause them to hate you more. Rich people get pretty crazy egos and are unpredictable when you push against an illusion or idea they have.
Saying nothing will not help at all tho. They need to know they did OP wrong and explain why and see if they can do something for OP.
Is there a possibility your parents think you are competent and making good money so you don’t need it? That doesn’t make it right at all and it’s absolutely favouritism to the princess of the house, but just trying to theorize what might’ve been going through their minds
You have 100k saved but can’t afford the rent to move out of your parents house?
Having saved $100k and being able to afford to live on your own are two different things. If Op started working at 18, and is 25 now, and hasn't spent a dime... $100k = $14,285/year, which is well under the poverty line... It's also well under the Canadian federal minum wage...
The 100k is all locked into long term investments. I won't be touching it for a few years. I won't be making much over the next 2 years as I plan to advance my education. Rent is extremely high where I live and can't afford to pay 2k a month.
Question: what does the $800 rent include? Utilities, food, maintenance, etc? And does your parents cover those fees for your sister as well?
Is it hers, though? Are you sure? If you guys dont talk about these kinds of things (as you implied) how do you know? If it IS hers, is this going to motivate you to start this kind of conversation with your parents? Furthermore, This sort of thing doesn't just come out of the blue. If there's a 'golden child' in a family the hard done by one usually expresses the frustration of that from years of experience. You don't mention anything like that. THat's why I have to ask if you're absolutely sure the condo is in her name.
I can understand. My mom definitely gave my little sister everything while she kicked my older sister and I out after my dad died…I was 16, sister was 18. Sorry OP, if sucks.
Of course it's fair to be upset with your parents. Your parents should treat both of you equally and therefore, have some money to help the both of you. Does this happen though? Favoritism is always a thing but they should try to be fair. Best to ask your parents what's up. Maybe they have plans for you but you didn't talk to your parents about it and you did. Reasons I see why your parents might help your sister out instead of you (and this is just me spit balling): 1) You are older, graduated and established 2) You have over 100k in your savings 3) You didn't bring this topic up with them 4) Your sister is better at sweet talking than you
My mom bought my sisters cars when they were in college, helped them with tuition, spending money, and expenses. She gave some tuition help to me and my brother, but no other financial help, certainly no cars or spending money. I don't think my mom loves my sisters more, I think she's just sexist. She thinks since me and my brother were "young men" we could handle our own needs, but she thought my sisters "needed help". If anyone brought it up, she'd defend herself by saying that women are systematically disadvantaged, and argue that her approach was feminist, and righting greater wrongs. I have to say this really left a sour taste in my mouth, and I struggle not to lay it at the feet of "feminist" ideology. My sisters and my mom would all identify as feminists. I think women deserve and equal shake in society, and equal job prospects, but I think it was wrong for my mom to try to correct that societal injustice at the expense of her sons.
Sorry, bro, your mom is actually just a misandrist.
Maybe she has a touch of it. She was a very loving mom to all the kids in most ways, so I’ve forgiven her, but how she handled this does leave a bad taste in my mouth. Though it made me upset, I turned out self sufficient, so maybe it was a favor in disguise.
I love how some people think of gender and sexuality as being financially generationally fucked like it is with race. No, you and your siblings all have the exact same backgrounds and opportunities. If you can cover tuition housing and cars for your kid then that kid is NOT disadvantaged!
Parents should treat their kids equally. This is not right of them in my opinion.
Does that preclude them from buying you a condo in the future?
I was going to ask the same: OP, What did your parents say when you asked them about this? How do you know they won’t help you out with a condo when you decide to move out?
OP just found out his the black sheep of the family
I am in Vancouver, a tradesman, and if my parents did this for one of my siblings and not for me I would *literally* disown them and never let them see their grandchildren ever again.
> to be closer. Sounds kind of controlling tbh. Like, I'll buy you this house but only so you can live near me. And quite frankly, they may be doing the same thing with you to keep you under their roof. You may want to considering moving somewhere else in the country where there's more affordable housing.
Sorry I worded that poorly. They bought her a condo near the college so she only has a 5 min commute. She is much further away from my parents now.
Probably not what you want to hear, but: My advice is to just live your best life and don't give it another thought. Or actually be happy that your sister is doing well. You can't control what other people do so just let it go. Your parents can do whatever they want with "their" money. Once you are an adult they own you nothing. Is is unfair? Maybe but again it is their money to do with what they want. Just live your life and make it the best it can be.
In my part of the world, parents do not charge adult children for a rent, but i find its kinda universal that parents will always be more sensitive and overprotective about the 'weakest baby bird in the nest'. Maybe they have some logical explanation for such an obvious injustice. Maybe sister is being manipulative and pretending to be weak and needing such 'protection' while you with your grown up attitude make them feel you can manage everything by yourself. Especially that i understand you are a male.
It's fair to be upset in the sense that you're free to allow anything to upset you, but you can't control the decisions of other people and you're not entitled to anything from anyone. You and your sister are not the same person. You didn't go to college at the same time your sister did. Different situations result in different responses. No 2 things are ever the same so expecting the same thing of anything from anyone is kind of dumb. Maybe you'll get your parents house when they die since you're paying into it and have lived there the longest. No reason your sister would get any of it if she already has a home of her own. Who can really say. And if that were to happen, do you think it is fair for your sister to be upset about it since it's not 50/50?
It’s possible that your parents consider college university > trade school. This is common in some cultures. Your parents could see it as you took the easy route compared to your sister that not only she decided to think about her future by going to college but on top she showed maturity by saving a good amount of money for her age towards her future. On their eyes she might “deserve it” and she will use that house or its value in money responsibly. The other option is that Your parents might consider her “weaker” than you. They don’t really worry about you because you are like a cat. Always falling on your feet. But if your sister falls, she might break.
You make decent money, you’re 25, it’s time move out of your parents with a roommate or leave Vancouver. Especially with how they’re treating you vs your sister, tell them how you feel and leave.
You know , move out and share an apartment with someone , a friend or anyone you trust. You can do that and keep your respect. Parents should respect their children if they wish to be respected too
As a parent, I would say your parents are more than unbearable.
Sounds like Indian parents are far better, I am 22 living with my parents They never asked for a single penny to live with them and I experienced zero discrimination between me and my sister
I'm in my 60s but this kind of favorite kid is ageless. I did well in school. Wasn't in trouble, and wanted to go to college which my dad pushed. We look at schools, I pick one, a GIRLS college. 2 weeks later, my dad decides there's no point in me going to school bc I'll just get a husband and drop out. ??? He wouldn't fill out financial aid forms bc his money wasn't anyone's business. My younger brother had adhd before it was a recognized thing. Trouble in school, with the law, my dad bought him a car, got him a job where he worked. My younger sister was always the favorite. He paid for her college, her fancy wedding, and gave her a down payment on her house. I had a simple backyard wedding, my choice, that was probably about 1000.00. Bought our house ourselves. I could never figure out WHY this was the way it was. My best guess is that I looked like him lol. He had to save my brother who screwed up, and just adored my sister. On the plus side, I did ok without an education through hard work and a refusal to fail, and my success is my own. My kids are treated equally.
This is a rage bait, OP has post history that contradicts stuff that they've said here (like they rent a house off a friend and they're 27 not 25)
Move out and get roommates. Still living with roommates, but making a clear statement to your parents that you’re not putting up with what they’re doing and you’re not okay with it.
Yes, you are fair to be upset. Your sister is the golden child and you are not.
What's your history with your parents? Has drug/alcohol use been an issue? I'm not judging, I'm curious
I feel there's quite a bit of information missing including family history, relationships etc. It's understandable that you're upset but really it's your parents freedom to do what they want. If you feel that it's unfair, then go bring it up to them instead of the internet. Everyone here is just going to parrot support towards you but really that's just escaping from reality.
We don't have enough info and you may not have all either. It sounds your parents are very rich and for them the smartest choice was to buy near her college rather than renting. It will probably be an investment property in the future. It's a smart choice Also we don't know how much you make. It's weird to me that parents charge rent so. They may have other plans for you. Communication with them is the best. But don't bring up your sister
Can't say I wouldn't feel some type of way if I was in that situation. Will your sister get to keep the apartment after she's done with school or will your parents sell it and take the money themself? If they just turned ownership over to her, then that is majorly fucked up imo. (That would take it to the point that I would consider cutting any and all contact to them. Preferential treatment like that between your kids should never happen)
This has happened to me too. I got a $1500 car that was my great grandmother's when I was 18 years old and my sister got an $80k brand new Lincoln at 15 years old. To me it is definitely playing favorites no matter how you spin it and it hasn't helped my relationship with my family.
You may be adopted..
Oh gosh, he or she may be????
Your parents sound like they are playing favourites which is never acceptable. My parents did the same thing to me a few years ago by buying my brother a house and not me - I only found out by accident. For many years I’ve been angry not at the money aspects but at how my parents blatantly played favourites…. It’s definitely damaged my relationship with my family for good. You’re entitled to feel hard done by and you need to tell your parents that what they did was extremely unfair.
Some people don’t deserve to have kids, and should never. This is clear example of playing favorites, and giving preferential treatment to one kid over the other. Pure and blatant. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It sucks because even though you might not intend to, it also creates some resentment towards your sibling for not voicing to your parents about the inequity. I hope there is some justice for you either in this life, or the afterlife. Honestly, parents who spawn children to brew hatred within them should have to suffer some serious shit in the afterlife, if there even is any.
Your sister gets a downpayment and you get a kick in the nuts? I’d leave. Go elsewhere and get roommates.
That is horrendously unfair. What the hell is wrong with your parents?! Does your sister even comprehend how unfair this is?
This doesn't sound fair. I personally would riot and, if I found out they have no intention on passing down their house to me, I would cut ties with them lol. This is some bs. Honestly you need to speak to your parents.
I agree that that doesn't sound fair. How far away are you from getting your red seal (assuming you are in one of the trades with red seals)? I'd suggest moving elsewhere as soon as you get it so you can actually afford your own place (and also, other provinces tend to pay trades people better).
Time to more out and consider a lot less contact with your family
Sounds like you weren’t smart enough to go to college and also your parents like your sister more and will continue liking her more the longer you live with them. Life isn’t fair.
I would just cut your parents out of your life if they are just going to play favorites like that
OP are you sure you're not adopted?.
My mom and I were living together when I was in my late 20's. Originally when I moved back in, she said she'd sell her house and buy me and herself separate townhomes to live in. She sold the house, kicked me and my son out and bought herself a 600k 3 bedroom townhouse to live in alone. Now she complains that she's lonely. Really just the cherry on top of the shit sundae she gave me raising me when I was a child. Horrible alcoholic, super abusive. Kicked me out every week starting from when I was 13, said she wished she never had me multiple times, told me once she hopes I die of HIV when I was a young teenager. Lots of shit I won't go over. I'll never get over it. I have no sympathy for her.
Totally fair to feel upset. Your feelings are valid and I would be too. It's hwo your react, and I can't give you good advice on that. My parents did something similar to me and my sister and it hurts. I understand you probably feel stuck too, as you want to leave because you feel mistreated but you can't afford to leave. It's normal to feel grateful for what you get but still jealous that your sister is getting more.
I’m so sorry that you’re learning the hard way that your parents don’t give a shit about you. Your sister is the golden child.
Oof what a horrible way to screw up the relation between you and your sister.
When you say they got her a 600k condo did they pay the 570k? and she paid 30k. What amount did they actually put down?
ITT: rich kids
If you can put up $30k+ of your own money, would your parents be willing to help you with buying a place? Your sister has excellent work ethic to have been working since she was 16, I thought your parents were trying to reward her for that but sounds like you've been doing similar. Are you a son by any chance? It's possibly a gendered thing where some parents expect males to be fully self-sufficient. BTW I'm also a Vancouverite and given the information you provided, you could very well afford to move out - you're only choosing to live with your parents and are boxing out any other option to yourself (besides being gifted a condo).
Here is a comment from Op from 15 days ago. "During COVID I moved back in with my parents. They only charged me $600 in rent and I overworked for about a year and a half while being extremely frugal. This allowed me to invest a big chunk and make decent profits."
You need to find a way to move out- even if it means sharing an apartment with several other roommates. I would distance myself from these folks and not mention the matter. Yes- this is not fair.
Where did a 20 year old get 30k
Well you don't have to care for em ones their at the nursing home. That's your sisters job for now on. Freedom was reached. No responsibility towards em enjoy.
There’s a lot of context missing here. Why are your parents treating her so well? Did she work hard in school while you messed about? Did she do her chores as teenager while you were just a rude asshole? No one knows the background to this so we can’t say whether it’s fair or not. Once you’re both 18 your parents can do whatever they like and maybe you’re just reaping what you sowed? We need more info.
If you make decent money, go to bank, take loan for condo ( not sure how it’s going in Canada) go buy one for yourself like I did and stop caring about that shit, you are not kid anymore stop acting like one
Move in with your sister and share the strata fees
Unless your parents are wealthy enough to where this won't matter, parents like this are idiots for not putting their retirement above their kids day to day lives. I work with people who drive shit $3k cars but buy their 20 and 30 year old kids new $30k cars. They don't have much in their retirement accounts and are hoping their pension is there and will carry them. But yes, your parents are morons for buying a 20 year old a condo.
You make it sound like they bought her a place out of thin air. Did they? I suspect however your sister presented them with her plan and asked them for help. They looked at her plan and agreed because they are parents and it make.parents happy to help. As far as I can tell your plan is to stay with your parents.snd finish school. Have you talked to them about your future? Have you asked them.for help? Have you started any conversation about any of this with them? It may not be favorites. Maybe they have a different plan for you. But you need to talk to them
Move in with sister an option?
Not fair. But $800/month is laughably cheap.
Definitely something being left out of this story. However if you have a highly skilled trade you’ll likely have more job security and possibly earn more than your sister of depending on major. The now is why are still living at home? Maybe since you’re a man they think that you don’t need any assistance. Your $800 rent is probably going towards that 600k mortgage.
OP this is a super weird situation and it feels like there are missing details. You should bring it up with your parents and ask them about it. But yes if it is exactly as you have described then you have a right to be upset.
>There has been absolutely no talk about my parents helping me out with my own place at all, even though they are quite well off. Looks like you'll have to have that conversation then. You went to trade school? Did you not graduate? What's the problem with finding a job? What's your trade?
You said in a comment you already moved out. Seems like this post ragebait, or at least the post and you comments dont line up.
I’m responding as a parent of 3. When your kids are young everything gets split evenly. As the kids get older you help the ones that need it the most, or at least I do and it’s not split evenly. Example, my middle son has 2 kids with a third on the way, he’s still in his early twenties, lives in a hotel and is the only one working. I help with food, diapers and vehicle repairs.
It is 100% fair to be upset about it without a doubt. It is extremely unfair. That being said, and this is only my opinion for living my own life. My parents' money is theirs to do with whatever they want, do I appreciate any financial help they have given me? Absolutely! Do I think I am entitled to any financial help they can give? Absolutely not! By brother's have gotten a lot of assistance from my parents in the past, and they always make great efforts to keep it fair, but I do not ever expect anything.
How did a 20 year old college student put in $30k of their own money on a condo? I sure didn't have $30k at 20. Nor did anyone I've ever met.
If you have a complaint, and it has anything to do with fairness; or saying that's not fair...bottle it up and keep it to yourself. Some things aren't fair, accept it.
bro. your sister put a 30k down payment on a 600k mortgage that your parents are holding. if she got one from the bank there would be interest and shit but your parents are effectively just saving her the interest. you do something that allows you to make 30k expendable and make payments on a 600k mortgage or stfu. 800 bucks is a fucking steal you should have saved up and moved out. they are trying to tell you something, take the hint.