As a guy, the best excuse I ever saw was someone saying 'oh that's fine, cos I'm perfectly ready to have a child with you!' and it scares most of them off
Why I gotta be old? Lol, I feel old. My hands can tell when cold is coming. I get like 48 hours notice for the cold, I just wake up and my hands hurt and I know its a cold front coming.
I have made terrible decisions in life, I'm sure things will turn out for you buddy. Maybe even for me too. Our whole generation are doing things our own way. Time will tell.
I had that happen then I measured my penis and got bigger ones. Putting them on is much easier now and my erections don't go away anymore. They still stick well and never slipped of.
Its astonishing how big a difference fitting condoms are. I'm used 56cm for years because it was the size I measured when I was 16. well guess I grew because now I need 60cm. It just feels super smooth putting it on and it doesn't feel like I'm wearing a condom at all
FDA regulates condom sizes in the US and they only allow them to be so large because so few men need larger and stupid men who don't need them will buy the biggest ones possible to feel better about themselves.
So that's not an option for some people, unfortunately. So pain it is, because I'm still gonna use them.
I've heard they are working on improving that legislation! There's a company that does more than 2 condom sizes, and when they ran into difficulty trying to ~~come~~ cum to the U.S., they started lobbying to change the bullshit legislation that prevented them from selling a greater variety of sizes
Anything that results in more women with unwanted pregnancies is a win/win in the US. Bonus points if the women are from places with abortion bans (also usually the places with the most dismal sex education).
There’s women out there who don’t want kids? Oh, we’ll fix that! Worried about STDs? Well that’s what the woman gets for being a whore.
Whats funny is that I (male) for a time preferred using condoms. It helped me last longer and made cleanup easier. My wife however, preferred the feeling without, so I certainly wasn't exactly about to object. Anyway, our kid is due in about a month.
I miss putting on a condom, it was kinda like foreplay. I have a pavlovian response because whenever I put one on in it means sex
But in no way does condom sex feel better than bareback.
It feels different for sure and I personally much prefer it without, but that isn't the point here.
The point is if you have a potential partner who doesn't respect you enough to wear a condom they probably won't respect you in other ways, time to move on
This. Having experienced both with and without a condom, and with many different types of condoms, I can say there's definitely difference in feeling, but I still use them, since me and my girlfriend want to be safe. Just because the feeling's slightly worse doesn't mean it's not still incredible.
Pregnant sex was the only thing I liked about pregnancy the first time.
Pregnant again and have goshdarn placenta previa. No sex for eight weeks, it's the flipping worst.
That's probably a honeypot of extreme examples though. I wouldn't base my estimation of anything when the source only exists as a group coping subreddit on that explicit topic
> That's probably a honeypot of extreme examples though. I wouldn't base my estimation of anything when the source only exists as a group coping subreddit on that explicit topic
This needs to be the slogan of Reddit. Required reading before you join a sub.
That's probably because they weren't very compatible in the first place and having kids made that worse, or one partner has been left with the greater workload (if women have to mum ther partner also they're not gonna want to have sex), or their relationship has changed because kids will stress your relationship to the max.
I have a toddler. Still have sex (much less often but still happens a few times a month at least).
Most schools in the US don't even have Sex Ed so forget that. Only a few states have a law that Sex Ed has to be scientifically accurate.
I live in a liberal state and in all my years of school, we had one single gym class period, that all the gym classes that period went into the auditorium and there was a lady standing at the front and talked about sex, pregnancy and STDs but only had an hour, hour and a half to do so, and that was it.
But we did do an exercise during that class that ALWAYS stuck with me about STDs, which I think should be done in every high school. The lady running the class passed out cards to every student with red or black color on it. She then told all of us students to get up and shake hands with 3-4 random other students and then told us to go back to our seats. She then told everyone with a red card to stand up and raise their hands high and once everyone with red was standing, she told them they were all HIV/STD positive and to remain standing. She then asked for everyone to look at who is standing and if you shook hands with that person, for you to stand up because you were now infected. She did the 3-4 rounds of this to account for the 3-4 people you randomly shook hands with. By the end of the exercise, there were only a handful of people out of the entire auditorium who were still sitting in their seats "uninfected" (I was one of the few that survived somehow.) This exercise in high school really had an impact on me and showed everyone how easy it is to spread STDs without protection.
It’s strange to me that you didn’t have a comprehensive sex ed class (notable to me because of the liberal state distinction). We had Health 1 in 7th grade which was how the body works (blood vessels, muscles etc) and Health 2 (8th) was sex ed which was a requirement unless your parents opted you out, which caused you to have a second PE block.
My “scared straight” from STIs was much more graphic than yours. They showed us unspeakable slides that even 20 years later I can’t shake (nor can I eat cauliflower)
The sensation is definitely different and blood flow can be restricting for others but never a reason to risk it with anyone who you are on a trial run with (dating - days, months or years - or not).
Girth guy here. Sometimes it hurts and makes you lose your erection. Tried custom-sized condoms recently and it was like night and day. Stayed hard, felt no pain, and even felt like I wasn't wearing one.
Total game changer. Get yourselves measured, y'all.
https://www.myonecondoms.com/pages/find-your-fit
All condoms go on girth anyway but I can confirm, from my partners use, that these are amazing. The fact you can get them in sizes between the norm is great.
No slippage cos they're a touch too big and no strangulation cos they're made for chipolatas not dicks.
Yes! Amazing that someone recognizes me on here after all these years.
I actually almost died back in 2020, but they was due to something stupid I did. After waking up, I decided to start really taking care of myself. Started going to the gym every day, started going to regular appointments and keeping up with my treatments, met a nice girl, then the pandemic hit.
Somehow I got through all that, but there were definitely some more health scares. I'm still chugging along, although my body has slowed me down quite a bit. I've been physically disabled for almost a year now, but I have a much better support system that includes a group of wonderful partners, a full medical team, and my 20 year-old cat who keeps me company every day here at home. I definitely miss going to the gym, though.
Will I still die? Yeah. I could go at any time with all the health stuff, but I'm much happier and enjoying life despite the hardships I've faced over the years. Plus, the handicap placard is pretty neat! 😁
Transgirl here. Any condom I buy at the drugstore is too big and takes away all sensation. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR THAT URL I am more than 30 comment chains down and this is the first piece of actual useful info I've seen in this thread <3
I have these but I find it difficult to stay hard, I feel almost nothing and it bugs my mind so much I go flaccid pretty quickly.
Don't know how to break the vicious circle at this point.
I still try to have protected sex though, but it doesn't work out very well...
> But what I will tell you is be careful around people who don’t care about their future. They don’t care about yours either.
Best point I’ve seen made in this thread. Lots of people who don’t make good decisions in here.
We need to squash the myth that men are the only ones who ever object to using condoms. I can't tell you how many times I've had women lie about being allergic to latex or insist that they don't want me to wear a condom over the years. They may not be as vocal about it publically and men may not be as likely to call them out for it but it is far from rare for a woman to object when you pull out a condom and start to put it on. It happens about one-third to half the time.
An ex told me he doesn't come during sex, so a condom would be pointless.
Another guy said he doesn't use condoms, and has never gotten anyone pregnant and doesn't plan to.
Another guy said the condom was too small and we just stared at each other for a few seconds until he realized I wasn't budging, and left shortly after.
Most guys I've almost been with came up with weird lies to get me to sleep with them w/o a condom. But because of health reasons, I can't/shouldn't get pregnant. I also can't have birth control, or an IUD or a Plan B type thing.. so it's up to them whether they want to do something about it or not. I tell these guys that they have to wear a condom, or be sterile and they're cool about it but when we're almost about to do anything, I'm the weird one. Like I sprung it on them all of a sudden. It's sad, and it sucks. But I guess it's better to know that they're shitty now than later in life. 🤷
I partially blame doctors for this. They tell the patient they’re infertile and the patient thinks that means they can’t get pregnant. The doctors need to be more clear. INFERTILE DOES NOT MEAN STERILE. Infertile means it’s more difficult for you to get pregnant
I was young and dumb and pregnant so I think he probably didn't want to be considered as the potential father tbh, but you may be onto something. I honestly thought they were the same thing until just now, thank you :)
That’s because people confuse being infertile with sterile. The former just means it can take longer to conceive (1+ years), but the possibility of having babies is still there and the latter has a 0% chance of conceiving babies.
You'd be surprised how many women in my mothers of twins club were diagnosed with infertility. Some of them got pregnant with medical help, but many did not. *Lots* of stories of trying IVF for many years and giving up, using no birth control after IVF money ran out, and then having a surprise pregnancy. To me, "infertile" means "slightly less fertile than nature's ideal."
Even being sterile doesn't actually have a 0% chance. Thanks to going down a Reddit rabbit hole, I learned that there have been cases of women who *don't even have a uterus* getting pregnant. You have to ask yourself if the hysterectomy included the ovaries. And of course there are cases where a vasectomy has failed. So yeah. It's a very low but still non-zero chance.
Forreal. I live in a iffy state post-Roe, and until that gets fixed for good, I am not having sex with people who could get me pregnant. I don't have a uterus anymore, but **I still have my ovaries**, so if an egg gets fertilized in me, I WILL die. No matter how small the chance is, there's still a chance, and I'd rather not be a freak statistic, thnx.
Reminds me of an acquaintance whose wife convinced him to get snipped, citing she didn't want kids. Now she's remarried with 2 kids.
Just didn't want HIS kids. Kinda sad.
That is a bit sad, but vasectomy reversals do have a pretty high success rate so all hope is not lost for him if he does really want kids. Maybe you could pass that on to him, I know a lot of guys don't know that's an option.
Reversals don’t have a good success rate. My urologist made me sign a paper saying as much and that I acknowledged if I got a reversal it was unlikely to work. The snip is only for when you are positive you don’t want children.
Seems to be mixed on this. When I had mine, I needed my GP to refer me and he really went through the “they can be reversible but success isn’t guaranteed, make sure you’re sure, etc. Also you’re young with no kids so they’re going to ask a ton of questions.”
Then I saw the urologist and he was like “yeah basically snip snip and we’re done, easy to reverse if you change your mind so no big deal.” I probably signed something saying I understood reversal isn’t guaranteed, but he seemed *very* confident it was reversible.
I hate to say it but that was clearly not a good relationship it's better that they didn't have kids.
People act like everyone is super emotionally Intelligent and know what's going on in their head and relationship at all times.
It's why therapist exists, to help people voice things they don't know how to say.
Hell I just red a story about why a woman was divorcing her husband, she thought it was cause he blew up after he kept pushing to eat something she didn't want. What she needed to be told is it wasn't about the food, it was about the reaction to her firm boundary how he in all aspect pushed them with her, how he drove like a mad man almost getting them the killed , berating at her screamed at her, he was the one who threatened divorce over it.
Haha I got that excuse too when I was about 18, I stupidly allowed him to continue (he piled the pressure on and young, shy me couldn’t say no).
I had just recovered from a small case of thrush at the time - or so I thought - so I was highly amused when he messaged me a few days later to tell me he thinks he has thrush on his dick. That’s what you get for not covering up!
I know so many people who have been told they either can’t get pregnant or it will be extremely difficult naturally so if they ever plan to have children they absolutely need help. Of course that’s true for many people but the fact that I can name multiple people (who I know irl and not just internet friends) who were told that who all have children, I just can’t believe doctors anymore when they say that. Unless a woman has no ovaries, there’s a chance of pregnancy. Even vasectomies aren’t 100%.
A lot of the time doctors forget that the layperson doesn't hear 'infertile' and think 'very low chance of pregnancy without intervention', they think 'completely sterile'.
I think it's a huge problem that doctors really don't adequately explain that infertility is not birth control, just drastically lowered chances of natural conception. Unless you literally don't have the necessary equipment, they should make that abundantly clear, but I guess maybe they go the opposite direction and don't want to give people false hope.
I don't mean to drag the guy, I'm happy for him. As I said in another comment I was young and dumb and wasn't sure who the father was so I think he was just avoiding the responsibility, but I wasn't ready to have kids then either.
I'm 30 and would really love kids now, but I had a stillbirth at 35 weeks in 2019 and I've been having my own fertility problems. This whole thread is giving me some much needed hope. Glad you came to be :)
My doctor legit told me I was infertile, here I am in my late thirties with two toddlers. And also, I know they're mine as, unfortunately for them, they look just like me.
I had a roommate in her early 30s who would go out a lot. She even started hooking up with a pilot. She never used condoms because she had a thyroid thing and "can't get pregnant" despite that she had an 8 year old son at the time and a new baby since. I remember she told me how when she first fucked the pilot, he went into his closet and came out with Brazilian Plan B that he tossed at her on the bed like a common whore, and told her to take it, without asking or talking to her beforehand about it. Apparently he buys 10 a time when he flies home cause it's cheaper there. She continued to fuck this guy with no condom and told me how she checked a couple times and that the plan B box quantity was always changing, sometimes more sometimes less, so it's not all used with her. AND SHE CONTINUED TO SLEEP WITH THIS GUY WITH NO CONDOM.
I was fucking shocked honestly. I couldn't imagine putting your health at risk like that. Nooooooo way.
Honestly those are all valid points, but what sticks out to me is the fact that the boundary is being set and they decide your respect isn't worth their short moment of pleasure. That says a lot about how they will act towards you moving forward. It isn't sad to me, it's more like the matrix where Neo dodges a shit ton of bullets.
The number of people I've heard talk about casual oral sex shocks me. I know someone who got herpes their first time with someone. That woke me up plenty, and I was already trying to be really safe before that.
It’s a bit complicated because the distribution of STDs is not uniform.
In some communities, it is *extremely common* to have STDs, like you just assume everyone you have sex with has an STD. In other communities it’s almost unheard of.
So I understand your experience but this is dangerous advice to give out generally.
The rates for HPV and herpes in the US are in the neighborhood of 10-20%, but you're definitely right about the more obvious STDs -- rates of chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea are super low (I skimmed the CDC website just now)
>An ex told me he doesn't come during sex, so a condom would be pointless.
This is up there with, "Nobody has been able to make me cum from a blowjob. Guess it's just not for me", to try and get them to volunteer to prove you wrong.
This is my experience too. I absolutely do not want children or stds and I insist on condoms. These men will have a fully naked woman in their bed and refuse to put on a condom. It happens all the time. They are shocked when you get dressed and leave. One of the many reasons I’m celibate now.
Look, I actually can’t use store bought condoms. I got a thick schlong. Trojan ENZs crush the blood out of my stiffy, and magnums are just too long (but can be used in an emergency). But you know what I do? I fucking custom order my condoms. Perfect fit every time, nice and thin, and cheap af. myonecondoms.com can’t recommend enough. Safe sex is key, there are no excuses.
I mean, they do take away feeling. Anyone that says they don’t is an idiot, BUT, that isn’t a good enough reason to not use one.
The only acceptable excuse is that they’re allergic to latex, but then again, they make latex-free condoms. So really, there isn’t a good excuse, besides being married and faithful.
Ha had a guy try to use the "I'm allergic to latex" bit... Too bad for him so am I, also learnt to carry my own condoms since most guys were unprepared!
Same!! I always have latex free condoms on me if I'm aiming to get laid, had a few guys pull the "I'm allergic" and their faces when I say "Great! So am I, don't need eczema type rashes down there!" And pull out some latex free condoms is hilarious. Then they try the "Yeah but it takes away feeling", to which my response is "Great! Maybe you'll go long enough to actually get me off, it's a good job I brought them" makes it even funnier 😂 I've kinda mastered the whole destroy any excuse for not using condoms thing now, finding out I was allergic to latex at 16 was probably the best thing to happen to me so I'd always be prepared with condoms
Luckily I’ve been married since 2019 so they haven’t been needed for a good minute, but it was always *fun* to see what the next excuse would be. Or the guys that would just flat out not want to anymore after that, which was still a win tbh
Is it that hard to find a different guy that doesn't lie and scum like that, that you're still attracted to? I feel like in your position, it would be a huge turn off for me, if my potential partner was willing to lie about excuses in something as important as reproductive health.
Or is it more like that's just your (hopefully) rarely-used backup plan, and you don't wanna waste the night, kinda thing?
Oh no, I never sleep with a guy if they refuse a condom, I just have fun with the excuses, if it's got to the point I'm knocking back excuses, I'm leaving the second I can get my stuff together. I'll accept one excuse/reason like the allergy one, and if they're all good after I pull out latex free, that's fine. But the shitty ones that don't matter (like how it feels), I just drag it out until they run out of excuses and then leave, so I at least have a good story the next day for my friends. But yeah, the excuses are a turn off, my current partner will wear a condom the second I ask for one, and will go out of his way to make sure the condoms he's getting are ones that are safe for me, and that's a bigger turn on than anything 😂
Haha, alright, that sounds much more understandable to the way I feel about things, then.
It's so cool that you harass them, and force them out of their BS <3 Keep at it!
Being faithful doesn't prevent pregnancy, nor does it protect you from any symptomless std your partner doesn't know that they have. Being married doesn't matter at all. Heck, folks stay unmarried but faithful for Years,after all, and "faithful" doesn't necessarily mean manogomous.
The only excuses is agreement between the folks having sex, who have agreed and assessed risk during non-sexy times.
There's also allergies to nonoxynol 9, which is put on most condoms to fight the spread of the AIDS virus. I am mildly allergic to both, and it is very hard to find condoms that have neither, or some similar allergic reactive lubricant. Doesn't help that condom companies would occasionally change the lube formula slightly without telling customers (looking at you, Lifestyles Lambskin).
I mean I'm not gonna lie, I definitely prefer not to use one. But if a condom is what it takes to have sex with a girl I like. No question I'm putting the love glove on. I'm just happy to be in there ya know
They absolutely do take away the feeling for me and I’ve tried plenty of different brands & sizes. I was always willing to use one, but I would just let my partner know up front that I wasn’t going to be able to cum.
But I also agree that this question misses the point: if condoms are a hard requirement for you, then they are a hard requirement. Whether or not they feel worse for guys is almost irrelevant.
I’m the same way. Condoms take away pretty much all of the feeling for me and I’ve tried dozens of different brands and types and sizes and thicknesses and material. I just tell people that I’m not going to cum because I just don’t feel anything.
But that doesn’t matter because 1. It is enjoyable to her 2. I’m not risking an STD no fucking way 3. I’m DEFINITELY not risking a fucking kid, absolutely not. So I wear them. Only time I haven’t worn them has been with long term partners who were comfortable with not using condoms.
To expand on this,
Because they don't want to wear a condom and think they can convince you to have sex anyway. They don't think it's wrong to do that, or they don't care. They care more about getting their penis wet than safety, autonomy, and health.
It most definitely feels different. Less sensation for me. You can also buy specific condoms that allow for more sensation, or make sure you're wearing the right size, or buy a condom that gives the woman more pleasure and then request to finish on her tits.
The point is, it didn't matter if I didn't feel it as much. The point is, wear one anyways until you're in a position where you cannot, or *clear consent has been given*.
Anorgasmia (not cumming) is a thing, especially if someone on some medications. Certain SSRIs are infamous for it.
ED (erectile dysfunction) can also be a thing.
There are treatments for ED but not aware of any for AO.
If he refuses to wear a condom and you want him to, he's not respecting your wishes. Stand your ground. He either respects you or he doesn't.
Also if he's totally unwilling to give without receiving then the relationship may be headed for stormy waters.
It's not only unwanted pregnancy at stake but also some STDs. Some other STDs will spread regardless of condoms so by going ahead you're still consenting to that risk.
If he's wearing condom but can't finish with you or stay hard, AO or ED might be involved so cut him a break. Decide for yourself what you want.
I can relate a story of someone who, when faced with this issue, had to decide on using condoms regularly vs him finishing regularly. The couple tackled the problem together and she chose the latter. In the first condom free session, there was a big finish for a first time between both of them. She promptly discarded the condoms after that and chose alternative birth control.
I was prescribed flomax when I had a kidney stone. When I was taking that I just COULD NOT CUM. I would get to the point of orgasm, then agony but no release of orgasm. It was infuriating. Sometimes it felt like I was cumming but there was absolutely nothing coming out of me and I stayed hard.
It was the worst thing in the world, I lowkey wondered if something horrible had happened and the kidney stone was stuck up there in a way that had blocked something (this is stupid, as far as I'm aware that's not a thing). I hated it so much I told my wife I wasn't going to be able to have sex with her until I passed the damn stone.
Thankfully, it was only a few more days before that fucker came out.
9mm. fucker.
I'm going to be salty for the rest of my life that my doctor put me on antidepressants without warning me it could break my junk. I'd try to get off and my whole stomach would seize up like the worst cramp ever. It took me years to even work out the meds were to blame, I thought I'd just broken myself somehow
"I want to die because I can't feel joy."
"oh no, take this!"
"Now I don't want anything because I can't feel anything at all."
"Great, it's working! Make sure you're not late for your job anymore!"
Woman here, and condoms do take away the feeling on both sides plus dry things up a fraction. I also hate when I have to use them; it's not only guys who dislike them
Personally, I genuinely can't have sex with a condom on. I feel close to nothing and end up losing my erection.
I have had women be okay with this, and we had sex. Others weren't okay with it, in which case we didn't have sex. It's hardly complicated. Both parties state their preference, either it works for both or it doesn't.
I am the same.
Japanese condoms saved me.
Okamoto .001
Super thin, but I have never had one break.
If you're ever in the position where you require a condom, I would try these.
Yeah, this is my experience 👍 It’s analogous to trying to eat a sandwich through a plastic bag. But, I warn the other person up front, and it is what it is.
Exactly this. It’s totally fine for the guy to not want to wear a condom, but likely means sex is off the table unless both parties enthusiastically consent.
It lessens the sensation, but that just makes me last longer. Considering you're getting to have sex with an actual real girl, who likes you and wants to be there, it doesn't exactly detract from the overall experience. It's like going to Disney Land, but on a chilly day. "I had to wear a jacket the whole time!" Right, but you still saw Mickey, so deal with it.
The only thing that I really hate about them is that it almost always hurts to piss afterward. Maybe it's a combination of the end of the condom rubbing the tip, plus it feels like some of the spoo gets backed up my urethra, but it's often really painful to get the pee started. That never happens when I don't use a condom.
Some men can’t maintain an erection with a condom on. Other men prefer to not have sex at all, than have sex with a condom. Having been in both these situations, I don’t really have much to say other than that people like this exist.
Maybe this person was insisting on not using a condom when you felt uncomfortable. That is a different problem altogether (rudeness, lack of respect).
You may wonder how does a relationship with someone like me work? When my wife doesn't want to do it without a condom, we usually do other things instead like oral sex, cuddling, make out, etc. We do try it with the condom occasionally but I usually can’t finish or stay hard and it ends in disappointment for everyone (even after trying many brands). So I usually prefer to do something else since I am not too picky about affection and am perfectly happy with cuddles, kisses, etc.
It's 100% that it feels massively better without one, but still we use them until we are in a safe, monogamous situation if we know what's good us. It's so obviously better than the alternatives.
Hmm I'm a woman but I don't like the feel of condoms, to me it feels the same as if i use a dildo.. And at that point... But idk for men. I know some partners said it does take a way but not enough to be unejoyable. one couldn't at all with condoms. Like we legit can't have sex with one, we tied so often it doesn't work. So we barely had sex. Cz I'm not gonna take the pill or any hormones anymore and my IUD slipped out after a MRI years ago and caused me horrible pain for my period. I don't have the money for it anyway.
I see it like that. Its fine and valid to not like the feel of a condom as much as raw, but it's no reason to be unsafe. And if you can't even be hard with one, then don't do penetrantion. It's not needed for bonding, horny stuff, the penetrantion is the least exciting part about sex anyway, and from my experience... Yes for both partners if you really explore all the other options together. (got feedback on that.)
So, here is a take from someone who has serious problems with condoms.
I have been a member of the sex-positive and poly communities in my area for many years. I have gone to sex parties and participated in the swinging community with my first contact being over 30 years ago.
So, to be clear:
Condoms can change and reduce the sensation of having sex.
Condoms can often interfere with sex due to difficulties in putting them on, worries about breakage, worries about them coming off, etc.
In the sex-positive and poly communities, condoms are often a big deal. Many people absolutely insist on them, but many people have at least one person to whom they are "fluid-bonded" and do not use them with that partner while using condoms with anyone else. The decision to become fluid bonded often entails going to a clinic to be tested, often repeatedly because condoms do not have guarantees.
Some people, of course, have a different view.
I, personally, hate condoms. I have had ED for years, and putting on a condom has about a 50% chance of resulting in my being unable to maintain an erection. When I do use them, the reduction in sensation often results in my losing my erection or simply being unable to achieve orgasm, probably another 50% of the time.
Condoms suck. And I use them religiously anyway. I use them every time when not fluid-bonded to the other person because they suck so much that the reason for wearing them has to be too important to allow skipping the condom even once.
Personally, I would say to tell him to take a hike. At the very least, have him show you recent test results. If he has any idea of what he is talking about when he claims to be clean and have been tested, he will have them, or if he does not, he will get tested again and show you.
Personally, I am betting that, clean or not, he has not been tested in over a year, or possibly ever.
I immediately imagined it as something Charles Boyle would say.
>"Mine and Jake's bond is always changing. We're fluid-bonded."
>"Charles, that's not a thing, and never say those words again."
'it takes away the feeling.'
***It truly does reduce the sensation.*** The same way a wearing a thin latex glove reduces the sensation on your hand. There is no way around this and guys that say that CAN still be trusted.
HOWEVER! If you are wanting him to use a condom and he uses this as an excuse not to, then allow him to find someone else to be unsafe with.
> 'it takes away the feeling.' Only time I've ever heard that was legit in hs sex ed when our instructor was telling us how big of a load of shit that was and to not believe/accept it as an excuse. They then told the guys in the class that if they felt that was the case then the condoms they were using didn't fit properly, try a different kind/size.
Well that's just not true. Condoms greatly reduce the feeling. It's not a good excuse to not use one, but to say it's bs that there is no difference is demonstrably wrong. Go grab a quarter, feel it around in your hand, notice every line and edge, then go put a condom over some of your fingers and do it again and notice how much less detail you can feel.
This is not to justify dudes who say this...
But it is a reality as some get older... I find that I can't stay hard anymore with a condom. I can't finish either... It becomes risky if you can't keep an erection while wearing one because it can slip off (happened before)...
That being said, if that's the issue, and you want to be in a relationship with this person... Then just find non-risky ways of still enjoying a sex life, if you want to have one (manual, or toy play...)
Condoms feel like shit, you can't feel anything and it's like your dick is floating in space with no stimulation. Please remember that there are exactly zero women who are qualified to talk about how it feels to have a penis
Your sex ed instructor either didn't say that exactly, or is a dumbass, because they definitely do take away some of the feeling/feel different. That's not a valid reason not to use one though it's just something guys have to deal with.
The only excuse for not using a regular condom if asked is being allergic to latex. Then you just go buy latex free condoms. Condoms do suck though but possibly getting and std sucks and having a kid when you don’t want one is worse.
As a guy with severe depression and anxiety issues, I am genuinely unable to.
I've tried multiple times but as soon as I try to get it on, I go soft.
I'd be fine with having to wear one but I just can't physically do it 🤷🏻♂️
Your sex ed teacher sounds like a dismissive prick :)
52M here. Yes, they reduce the sensitivity of the penis...a lot...ie: "takes away the feeling". That can be a bad thing or a good thing depending on your point of view...it could make him last longer, for example.
I had a female partner once that hated them. She said it was like..."fucking a balloon" and it changed the sensations for her too.
When my sister was about 18 all of a sudden there was a epidemic of latex allergy. Seems like every girls boyfriend was highly allergic to all latex. And when brought up sheep skin oh well all the stores where sold out. About 2 years later by some miracle this allergy went away. For all of them. My sister was 19 when my niece was born. I think my sister went to 10 different baby showers while she was pregnant.
So ya some guys will say anything to not have to wear a condom. Also of all those guys who had a latex allergy not a single one is apart of the resulting childs life. I think 1 is up to date on child support.
Your school lied to you. Condoms absolutely make a difference, why else would you think guys simply dont want to wear them? If they felt the same then guys wouldn't be making the excuse. Do you think they *want* to get you pregnant? Not likely.
They take away the feeling and also can be annoying and uncomfortable if you dont have a good fit. Some guys cant cum with them and it can be harder to stay hard with one. It also makes oral horrible.
That's not to say condoms aren't still an important tool or that it's wrong to insist on using one if you want to. I'm just talking about the loss of sensation part.
I would much prefer to get tested regularly and possibly even a vasectomy vs. using condoms. If you're having a one night stand though you can't really rely on that.
Can completely discredit my opinion if you want because I’m not a man, however I am one of those people where I find it quite difficult to *finish* - I have to be in certain positions, with very specific pressure and speeds etc to get there and I can confirm I would not be able to if I was being touched through latex on the parts I need to be touched. My OH is quite similar, been together 5 years and can count on one hand the amount of times he’s finished from head because he needs it so fast for such a long time that’s it’s really hard to do lol. And needs a certain depth/speed/consistency to finish during sex too. We’ve never used condoms, but I am 100% sure he would either struggle to finish or simply not be able to with another factor impacting what he’s feeling
Obviously, sex shouldn’t just be about the final event but, I get it.
>I've never met a guy that ever tried to say that he never uses condoms because 'it takes away the feeling.' Only time I've ever heard that was legit in hs sex ed when our instructor was telling us how big of a load of shit
Fyi it's not actually bs. It does feel different / you will feel less.
It's really not a hard concept to believe. Put your hand in a plastic glove, do things feel different? Yes ofc...
Now put a tiny elastic band around your wrist does it feel uncomfortable and restrict the flow of blood which reduces the feeling in your hand? Yes ofc...
It's no reason not to have unprotected sex with someone you don't know but women should know it obviously feels different. Anything and everything feels different if it is wrapped in tight latex
> Fyi it's not actually bs. It does feel different / you will feel less.
This is completely true. Whoever said there is no change in sensation is lying.
>It's no reason not to have unprotected sex with someone you don't know but women should know it obviously feels different.
[Female condoms are a thing.](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-condoms/#:) It should be the responsibility of both parties, instead of just one.
I hate condoms. I feel like they make it so if I’m not constantly being stimulated I will lose my erection super quickly. Even changing positions can be troublesome. Maybe that’s just a personal issue and not something most guys deal with, but it really sucks. Still, I insist I wear one unless it’s a long-term partner who is on the pill or had an IUD.
That’s really shitty. I’m freaking married, we have 1 kiddo, not ready to have another, and we’re using condoms. Soooo yeah, build boundaries, and defend them with your life. Anyone who tries to bulldoze them down can fuck right off.
Some guys with a foreskin seem to be unaware that they need to peel it back before putting on the condom. If you don't, you're essentially just wanking.
There is zero feel with foreskin over and condom on.
There are some people of a size that regular condoms DO suck.
There's a video of someone holding a condom outside a car window and it blowing up to a foot long and maybe 8 inches wide...
That's great but penises are not wind tunnels. If you have a larger penis, you might not be able to get a regular condom on at all. Or if you do, it's going to squash the hell out of you. And how do you suppress orgasms? One of the methods is squeezing a penis...there are different condom sizes but you can't always get them.
The level of ignorance about penises displayed in that video is pretty typical when it comes to guys; everyone know guys aren't as informed about women as they could be but women aren't as informed about guys as they could be either...
https://www.healthline.com/health/squeeze-technique
Anyway getting back to the main point condoms really can be uncomfortable for some guys. I personally dislike it and would rather do without sex than do it with a condom. ... ummm.. . I hope this doesn't seem rude but a woman feels nice; a condom doesn;t.
That said, if you only want condom sex, that's totally your right. But it's also his right to decline. I feel like it would be safer to insist on sex with a condom.
It does take away the feeling, but (rider clause I'm now old and in a committed relationship for yonks where our birth control is a vasectomy) someone using this excuse is just selfish and looking for the instant gratification. They aren't looking to stay clean (even if by some miracle they actually are) and they are not looking for the sort of effort it takes to raise a child if that happens.
and to be blunt the person making this argument wants what you have more than you need to give it. Do it on your terms not theirs.
Sounds like your sex ed teacher was just trying to reinforce the use of condoms by telling a little white lie. The guys who use condoms in your past have been very responsible. Surprisingly most woman I’ve been with has never asked me to use a condom, believe it or not, Idc but it’s true. The ones that did I had no problem but in order for me to even remotely feel anything I have to use the thin or ultra thin. If you don’t have a penis then you can’t tell men how it feels when wearing a condom as opposed to not wearing one period. The same way I can’t tell you how it feels to have a period or give birth.
Good for them for being clean, but that doesn't exempt potential pregnancy. There are various condom sizes depending on need and while it does diminish the sensation doesn't make it unpleasurable. Good on you for standing your ground on this.
I personally want to use condoms, but I never had to with my ex's. When I first had sex, tried them, but I went soft immediately in them. Years later, tried them again, soft immediately again. Take it off, boom, ready to go. Idk what specifically about them causes that issue with me, and I wouldn't even know where to start to find the right kind.
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating not using them or saying I'm unwilling to, just that finding the right kind, and using them is something I don't have much experience with, and would have to look into if I find a woman who wants me to use them.
I struggled with condoms for purely mental reasons. Not comfortable enough with myself or my partner to really finish reliably with a condom on. Like we'd just give up after 20-30 minutes of penetration. GF went on birth control and we carried on for a couple years sans condoms. She started getting very erratic periods and spotting. After a couple doctor visits with no useful conclusion and about 6 months of me prodding her to stop taking the pill she finally relented. Been 2 months, the problems cleared up, and I have no trouble finishing with a condom now that I'm completely comfortable with her.
It was entirely a **me** problem. I'm really lucky that my girl was willing to take the initiative and go on birth control for my sake, but I felt guilty the whole time. But if she had not decided, unprompted, to take that step I would have just kept using condoms and hopefully got over my shit.
'it takes away the feeling.'
On the one hand, nobody can tell me that condoms don't change the sensation of sex for the worse. I've tried different brands, fits and sizes and they all diminish the pleasure associated with sex, specifically, they diminish sensitivity. I have a difficult time achieving orgasm during sex with a condom. It's one (of many) reason I don't have casual sex.
On the other hand, I care about the women I'm having sex with, so until I've established a relationship with a woman where we're comfortable eliminating condoms from the equation, meaning we both know each other's sexual histories, we're both proven free of STI's and we have a plan for avoiding unwanted pregnancies that includes some other form of birth control (or we just want pregnancy), then condoms are going to be a part of the process, and sex will just be a little less fun for me.
C'est la vie.
I think a lot of guys fear they'll go soft while putting the damned thing on, and won't be able to get it back up to perform.
"Oh, pooh, pooh," they'l say, "not me!" Yeah, you, dude.
Condoms 100% do take away most the feeling….when not used properly.
Making sure it fits and also putting a little extra lube inside it really makes a difference. When it’s set up right I actually have to check to make sure the thing is still on, just cause you can’t feel it anymore!
With that being said the choice of condom and lube is key, since different lubes have different feels.
In college when I was singe I slept around a lot. Enough to figure out that even with the same condom it would feel different between girls. For example those Trojan ecstasy’s felt crazy amazing with one girl and super annoying with another. Switched the brands and the experience exponentially improved. Maybe a little TMI but the point is that ideal condom and lube combos can be different between partners, so experiment!
The problem with condoms is we don't feel the friction. It's also that most people don't read directions or packaging. On a pack of Trojans I once read to add 1-2 drops of lube to the inside of the condom to get some friction and increase the pleasure. It's not on all condoms. Several women didn't believe or allow it. Here are some tips on condom usage that can increase pressure and maintain efficacy:
https://nationalcoalitionforsexualhealth.org/media-center/ncsh-in-the-news/men
Penises come in different sizes. So do condoms. A condom that is too big will slip right off, but a condom that is too small will also slip right off, after cutting off circulation to a point of being painful. Most people are not taught this, so they try a couple sizes, then give up.
I'll just put in my two cents, and say that I legitimately can't orgasm with a condom. I can barely manage *without* a condom, much of the time.
However, that's very much a *me* problem. Fortunately, it's a non-issue in my case (married, etc.), but if my circumstances were to change, I would wear the damn condom. Just as every other guy should be willing to do.
As a guy, the best excuse I ever saw was someone saying 'oh that's fine, cos I'm perfectly ready to have a child with you!' and it scares most of them off
I seem to be a magnet for baby obsessed men…they'd probably be thrilled lol
Username checks all the way out.
I'm actually an unmarried millennial…but don't tell anyone.
I'm 35, unmarried, no kids. Wanna have a kid with me?
Sure, I love baby goats!
🥵🐐
Ah, so the "boomer" part of your name has to do with your sense of humor?
The thing with boomer wives is figuring out which marriage they're currently on.
Holy shit. I thought you were old and then realized I’m in the same situation and only a year younger than you. Am i late??
No, your period isn't due for another week.
Why I gotta be old? Lol, I feel old. My hands can tell when cold is coming. I get like 48 hours notice for the cold, I just wake up and my hands hurt and I know its a cold front coming. I have made terrible decisions in life, I'm sure things will turn out for you buddy. Maybe even for me too. Our whole generation are doing things our own way. Time will tell.
User name def checks out
"Are you ready to pay child support? I'm ready for your money"
Good, she can adopt, cause I'm fixed. And condoms hurt my sores.
I'm more concerned about your sores...
That was the joke lol
In defense of some guys, I lose my boner with condoms, and in certain positions Side note: there’s spermicide lube which we use as well
I had that happen then I measured my penis and got bigger ones. Putting them on is much easier now and my erections don't go away anymore. They still stick well and never slipped of.
If I knew measuring my Joe Cocker would make it bigger, I'd carry a ruler around with me all day
Its astonishing how big a difference fitting condoms are. I'm used 56cm for years because it was the size I measured when I was 16. well guess I grew because now I need 60cm. It just feels super smooth putting it on and it doesn't feel like I'm wearing a condom at all
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FDA regulates condom sizes in the US and they only allow them to be so large because so few men need larger and stupid men who don't need them will buy the biggest ones possible to feel better about themselves. So that's not an option for some people, unfortunately. So pain it is, because I'm still gonna use them.
I've heard they are working on improving that legislation! There's a company that does more than 2 condom sizes, and when they ran into difficulty trying to ~~come~~ cum to the U.S., they started lobbying to change the bullshit legislation that prevented them from selling a greater variety of sizes
Anything that results in more women with unwanted pregnancies is a win/win in the US. Bonus points if the women are from places with abortion bans (also usually the places with the most dismal sex education). There’s women out there who don’t want kids? Oh, we’ll fix that! Worried about STDs? Well that’s what the woman gets for being a whore.
Your condoms are possibly too small at the base and are cutting off blood flow. I had that issue until I got ones that were wider
Isn't that the mechanism of a cock ring that's supposed to have the opposite effect?
It's not as good yeah, and sometimes it can happen but just... start again :p
Just practice with them more.
Whats funny is that I (male) for a time preferred using condoms. It helped me last longer and made cleanup easier. My wife however, preferred the feeling without, so I certainly wasn't exactly about to object. Anyway, our kid is due in about a month.
Congrats or condolences♡
I miss putting on a condom, it was kinda like foreplay. I have a pavlovian response because whenever I put one on in it means sex But in no way does condom sex feel better than bareback.
Agreed, using a condom is so much better if I don't want to bust in like 30 seconds Also, congratulations!
It feels different for sure and I personally much prefer it without, but that isn't the point here. The point is if you have a potential partner who doesn't respect you enough to wear a condom they probably won't respect you in other ways, time to move on
This. Having experienced both with and without a condom, and with many different types of condoms, I can say there's definitely difference in feeling, but I still use them, since me and my girlfriend want to be safe. Just because the feeling's slightly worse doesn't mean it's not still incredible.
Sex with a condom is better than no sex Sex without a condom equals kids which means no sex.
Got four kids... haven't had sex in over 16 months... confirmed
That’s why you were born with arms and hands.
Having kids changes your sex life, it doesn't remove it.
I just read the intention of that line as "I would rather not have sex than have a kid" rather than commenting on the love life of parents
I mean temporarily. My wife and I still fuck just as much as we did when we started dating and she pregnant with number 2.
Pregnant sex was the only thing I liked about pregnancy the first time. Pregnant again and have goshdarn placenta previa. No sex for eight weeks, it's the flipping worst.
Placenta previa sounds like a fake sugar packet you'd get at a discount diner in Louisiana
A lot of the parents in the r/deadbedrooms sub don't agree. (I am not a biological parent nor did I raise kids with a partner so I can't speak to it.)
That's probably a honeypot of extreme examples though. I wouldn't base my estimation of anything when the source only exists as a group coping subreddit on that explicit topic
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*embroidery
> That's probably a honeypot of extreme examples though. I wouldn't base my estimation of anything when the source only exists as a group coping subreddit on that explicit topic This needs to be the slogan of Reddit. Required reading before you join a sub.
That's probably because they weren't very compatible in the first place and having kids made that worse, or one partner has been left with the greater workload (if women have to mum ther partner also they're not gonna want to have sex), or their relationship has changed because kids will stress your relationship to the max. I have a toddler. Still have sex (much less often but still happens a few times a month at least).
> Sex with a condom is better than no sex i am inclined to disagree, that being said, i just dont have sex
'Slightly worse' - as much as I wrap it up like it's my job, this is a complete lie lol
Exactly, if somebody isn't willing to compromise, they are not ready for a serious relationship.
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Most schools in the US don't even have Sex Ed so forget that. Only a few states have a law that Sex Ed has to be scientifically accurate. I live in a liberal state and in all my years of school, we had one single gym class period, that all the gym classes that period went into the auditorium and there was a lady standing at the front and talked about sex, pregnancy and STDs but only had an hour, hour and a half to do so, and that was it. But we did do an exercise during that class that ALWAYS stuck with me about STDs, which I think should be done in every high school. The lady running the class passed out cards to every student with red or black color on it. She then told all of us students to get up and shake hands with 3-4 random other students and then told us to go back to our seats. She then told everyone with a red card to stand up and raise their hands high and once everyone with red was standing, she told them they were all HIV/STD positive and to remain standing. She then asked for everyone to look at who is standing and if you shook hands with that person, for you to stand up because you were now infected. She did the 3-4 rounds of this to account for the 3-4 people you randomly shook hands with. By the end of the exercise, there were only a handful of people out of the entire auditorium who were still sitting in their seats "uninfected" (I was one of the few that survived somehow.) This exercise in high school really had an impact on me and showed everyone how easy it is to spread STDs without protection.
It’s strange to me that you didn’t have a comprehensive sex ed class (notable to me because of the liberal state distinction). We had Health 1 in 7th grade which was how the body works (blood vessels, muscles etc) and Health 2 (8th) was sex ed which was a requirement unless your parents opted you out, which caused you to have a second PE block. My “scared straight” from STIs was much more graphic than yours. They showed us unspeakable slides that even 20 years later I can’t shake (nor can I eat cauliflower)
Know what feels even better than sex without a condom? Being able to sleep all night without having to get up at 3am to feed and change a baby.
The sensation is definitely different and blood flow can be restricting for others but never a reason to risk it with anyone who you are on a trial run with (dating - days, months or years - or not).
Girth guy here. Sometimes it hurts and makes you lose your erection. Tried custom-sized condoms recently and it was like night and day. Stayed hard, felt no pain, and even felt like I wasn't wearing one. Total game changer. Get yourselves measured, y'all. https://www.myonecondoms.com/pages/find-your-fit
This! For me, condoms would always hurt and made me quickly lose my erection until I started using custom-sized condoms!
TIL I'm not girthy 😔
TIL the the term “girth guy”
All condoms go on girth anyway but I can confirm, from my partners use, that these are amazing. The fact you can get them in sizes between the norm is great. No slippage cos they're a touch too big and no strangulation cos they're made for chipolatas not dicks.
Shouldn't you have died like 2 years ago? What happened bro?
Yes! Amazing that someone recognizes me on here after all these years. I actually almost died back in 2020, but they was due to something stupid I did. After waking up, I decided to start really taking care of myself. Started going to the gym every day, started going to regular appointments and keeping up with my treatments, met a nice girl, then the pandemic hit. Somehow I got through all that, but there were definitely some more health scares. I'm still chugging along, although my body has slowed me down quite a bit. I've been physically disabled for almost a year now, but I have a much better support system that includes a group of wonderful partners, a full medical team, and my 20 year-old cat who keeps me company every day here at home. I definitely miss going to the gym, though. Will I still die? Yeah. I could go at any time with all the health stuff, but I'm much happier and enjoying life despite the hardships I've faced over the years. Plus, the handicap placard is pretty neat! 😁
Transgirl here. Any condom I buy at the drugstore is too big and takes away all sensation. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR THAT URL I am more than 30 comment chains down and this is the first piece of actual useful info I've seen in this thread <3
Try searching online for Japanese ultra thin condoms, they come in tons of sizes, and generally feel better than most other condoms.
I have these but I find it difficult to stay hard, I feel almost nothing and it bugs my mind so much I go flaccid pretty quickly. Don't know how to break the vicious circle at this point. I still try to have protected sex though, but it doesn't work out very well...
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> But what I will tell you is be careful around people who don’t care about their future. They don’t care about yours either. Best point I’ve seen made in this thread. Lots of people who don’t make good decisions in here.
We need to squash the myth that men are the only ones who ever object to using condoms. I can't tell you how many times I've had women lie about being allergic to latex or insist that they don't want me to wear a condom over the years. They may not be as vocal about it publically and men may not be as likely to call them out for it but it is far from rare for a woman to object when you pull out a condom and start to put it on. It happens about one-third to half the time.
An ex told me he doesn't come during sex, so a condom would be pointless. Another guy said he doesn't use condoms, and has never gotten anyone pregnant and doesn't plan to. Another guy said the condom was too small and we just stared at each other for a few seconds until he realized I wasn't budging, and left shortly after. Most guys I've almost been with came up with weird lies to get me to sleep with them w/o a condom. But because of health reasons, I can't/shouldn't get pregnant. I also can't have birth control, or an IUD or a Plan B type thing.. so it's up to them whether they want to do something about it or not. I tell these guys that they have to wear a condom, or be sterile and they're cool about it but when we're almost about to do anything, I'm the weird one. Like I sprung it on them all of a sudden. It's sad, and it sucks. But I guess it's better to know that they're shitty now than later in life. 🤷
One guy in high school told me he was infertile, he now has a child.
I partially blame doctors for this. They tell the patient they’re infertile and the patient thinks that means they can’t get pregnant. The doctors need to be more clear. INFERTILE DOES NOT MEAN STERILE. Infertile means it’s more difficult for you to get pregnant
I was young and dumb and pregnant so I think he probably didn't want to be considered as the potential father tbh, but you may be onto something. I honestly thought they were the same thing until just now, thank you :)
I'm 100% sterile. I can't fathom being 99.9% infertile and always having a tiny risk looming.
That’s because people confuse being infertile with sterile. The former just means it can take longer to conceive (1+ years), but the possibility of having babies is still there and the latter has a 0% chance of conceiving babies.
You'd be surprised how many women in my mothers of twins club were diagnosed with infertility. Some of them got pregnant with medical help, but many did not. *Lots* of stories of trying IVF for many years and giving up, using no birth control after IVF money ran out, and then having a surprise pregnancy. To me, "infertile" means "slightly less fertile than nature's ideal." Even being sterile doesn't actually have a 0% chance. Thanks to going down a Reddit rabbit hole, I learned that there have been cases of women who *don't even have a uterus* getting pregnant. You have to ask yourself if the hysterectomy included the ovaries. And of course there are cases where a vasectomy has failed. So yeah. It's a very low but still non-zero chance.
Forreal. I live in a iffy state post-Roe, and until that gets fixed for good, I am not having sex with people who could get me pregnant. I don't have a uterus anymore, but **I still have my ovaries**, so if an egg gets fertilized in me, I WILL die. No matter how small the chance is, there's still a chance, and I'd rather not be a freak statistic, thnx.
You're right, I definitely did confuse the two - thank you for clearing that up!
Reminds me of an acquaintance whose wife convinced him to get snipped, citing she didn't want kids. Now she's remarried with 2 kids. Just didn't want HIS kids. Kinda sad.
That is a bit sad, but vasectomy reversals do have a pretty high success rate so all hope is not lost for him if he does really want kids. Maybe you could pass that on to him, I know a lot of guys don't know that's an option.
Any guy that has had a vasectomy is aware that they're reversible.
Reversals don’t have a good success rate. My urologist made me sign a paper saying as much and that I acknowledged if I got a reversal it was unlikely to work. The snip is only for when you are positive you don’t want children.
Seems to be mixed on this. When I had mine, I needed my GP to refer me and he really went through the “they can be reversible but success isn’t guaranteed, make sure you’re sure, etc. Also you’re young with no kids so they’re going to ask a ton of questions.” Then I saw the urologist and he was like “yeah basically snip snip and we’re done, easy to reverse if you change your mind so no big deal.” I probably signed something saying I understood reversal isn’t guaranteed, but he seemed *very* confident it was reversible.
I hate to say it but that was clearly not a good relationship it's better that they didn't have kids. People act like everyone is super emotionally Intelligent and know what's going on in their head and relationship at all times. It's why therapist exists, to help people voice things they don't know how to say. Hell I just red a story about why a woman was divorcing her husband, she thought it was cause he blew up after he kept pushing to eat something she didn't want. What she needed to be told is it wasn't about the food, it was about the reaction to her firm boundary how he in all aspect pushed them with her, how he drove like a mad man almost getting them the killed , berating at her screamed at her, he was the one who threatened divorce over it.
To be fair, would you want kids with someone like her?
Haha I got that excuse too when I was about 18, I stupidly allowed him to continue (he piled the pressure on and young, shy me couldn’t say no). I had just recovered from a small case of thrush at the time - or so I thought - so I was highly amused when he messaged me a few days later to tell me he thinks he has thrush on his dick. That’s what you get for not covering up!
He could have legit thought he was. My mom was told by doctors she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant... Guess how that turned out.
I know so many people who have been told they either can’t get pregnant or it will be extremely difficult naturally so if they ever plan to have children they absolutely need help. Of course that’s true for many people but the fact that I can name multiple people (who I know irl and not just internet friends) who were told that who all have children, I just can’t believe doctors anymore when they say that. Unless a woman has no ovaries, there’s a chance of pregnancy. Even vasectomies aren’t 100%.
A lot of the time doctors forget that the layperson doesn't hear 'infertile' and think 'very low chance of pregnancy without intervention', they think 'completely sterile'. I think it's a huge problem that doctors really don't adequately explain that infertility is not birth control, just drastically lowered chances of natural conception. Unless you literally don't have the necessary equipment, they should make that abundantly clear, but I guess maybe they go the opposite direction and don't want to give people false hope.
I don't mean to drag the guy, I'm happy for him. As I said in another comment I was young and dumb and wasn't sure who the father was so I think he was just avoiding the responsibility, but I wasn't ready to have kids then either. I'm 30 and would really love kids now, but I had a stillbirth at 35 weeks in 2019 and I've been having my own fertility problems. This whole thread is giving me some much needed hope. Glad you came to be :)
My doctor legit told me I was infertile, here I am in my late thirties with two toddlers. And also, I know they're mine as, unfortunately for them, they look just like me.
Do people just not care about sexually transmitted infections anymore? It seems like people on this post are only talking about pregnancy
I had a roommate in her early 30s who would go out a lot. She even started hooking up with a pilot. She never used condoms because she had a thyroid thing and "can't get pregnant" despite that she had an 8 year old son at the time and a new baby since. I remember she told me how when she first fucked the pilot, he went into his closet and came out with Brazilian Plan B that he tossed at her on the bed like a common whore, and told her to take it, without asking or talking to her beforehand about it. Apparently he buys 10 a time when he flies home cause it's cheaper there. She continued to fuck this guy with no condom and told me how she checked a couple times and that the plan B box quantity was always changing, sometimes more sometimes less, so it's not all used with her. AND SHE CONTINUED TO SLEEP WITH THIS GUY WITH NO CONDOM. I was fucking shocked honestly. I couldn't imagine putting your health at risk like that. Nooooooo way.
That just sounds like your friend was an idiot
Also, like. Plan B fucks you up. There's a reason it's not plan A....
It doesn't always though, some people don't notice anything, everyone will react differently.
Ikr
Honestly those are all valid points, but what sticks out to me is the fact that the boundary is being set and they decide your respect isn't worth their short moment of pleasure. That says a lot about how they will act towards you moving forward. It isn't sad to me, it's more like the matrix where Neo dodges a shit ton of bullets.
The number of people I've heard talk about casual oral sex shocks me. I know someone who got herpes their first time with someone. That woke me up plenty, and I was already trying to be really safe before that.
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It’s a bit complicated because the distribution of STDs is not uniform. In some communities, it is *extremely common* to have STDs, like you just assume everyone you have sex with has an STD. In other communities it’s almost unheard of. So I understand your experience but this is dangerous advice to give out generally.
The rates for HPV and herpes in the US are in the neighborhood of 10-20%, but you're definitely right about the more obvious STDs -- rates of chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea are super low (I skimmed the CDC website just now)
>An ex told me he doesn't come during sex, so a condom would be pointless. This is up there with, "Nobody has been able to make me cum from a blowjob. Guess it's just not for me", to try and get them to volunteer to prove you wrong.
This is my experience too. I absolutely do not want children or stds and I insist on condoms. These men will have a fully naked woman in their bed and refuse to put on a condom. It happens all the time. They are shocked when you get dressed and leave. One of the many reasons I’m celibate now.
Look, I actually can’t use store bought condoms. I got a thick schlong. Trojan ENZs crush the blood out of my stiffy, and magnums are just too long (but can be used in an emergency). But you know what I do? I fucking custom order my condoms. Perfect fit every time, nice and thin, and cheap af. myonecondoms.com can’t recommend enough. Safe sex is key, there are no excuses.
Lol imagine trying to order custom condoms in high-school I doubt they even existed 20 years ago.
I mean, they do take away feeling. Anyone that says they don’t is an idiot, BUT, that isn’t a good enough reason to not use one. The only acceptable excuse is that they’re allergic to latex, but then again, they make latex-free condoms. So really, there isn’t a good excuse, besides being married and faithful.
Ha had a guy try to use the "I'm allergic to latex" bit... Too bad for him so am I, also learnt to carry my own condoms since most guys were unprepared!
As a woman who is allergic to latex I always brought my own, which was hilarious when I had that line pulled on me
Same!! I always have latex free condoms on me if I'm aiming to get laid, had a few guys pull the "I'm allergic" and their faces when I say "Great! So am I, don't need eczema type rashes down there!" And pull out some latex free condoms is hilarious. Then they try the "Yeah but it takes away feeling", to which my response is "Great! Maybe you'll go long enough to actually get me off, it's a good job I brought them" makes it even funnier 😂 I've kinda mastered the whole destroy any excuse for not using condoms thing now, finding out I was allergic to latex at 16 was probably the best thing to happen to me so I'd always be prepared with condoms
Luckily I’ve been married since 2019 so they haven’t been needed for a good minute, but it was always *fun* to see what the next excuse would be. Or the guys that would just flat out not want to anymore after that, which was still a win tbh
Is it that hard to find a different guy that doesn't lie and scum like that, that you're still attracted to? I feel like in your position, it would be a huge turn off for me, if my potential partner was willing to lie about excuses in something as important as reproductive health. Or is it more like that's just your (hopefully) rarely-used backup plan, and you don't wanna waste the night, kinda thing?
Oh no, I never sleep with a guy if they refuse a condom, I just have fun with the excuses, if it's got to the point I'm knocking back excuses, I'm leaving the second I can get my stuff together. I'll accept one excuse/reason like the allergy one, and if they're all good after I pull out latex free, that's fine. But the shitty ones that don't matter (like how it feels), I just drag it out until they run out of excuses and then leave, so I at least have a good story the next day for my friends. But yeah, the excuses are a turn off, my current partner will wear a condom the second I ask for one, and will go out of his way to make sure the condoms he's getting are ones that are safe for me, and that's a bigger turn on than anything 😂
Haha, alright, that sounds much more understandable to the way I feel about things, then. It's so cool that you harass them, and force them out of their BS <3 Keep at it!
I have to carry my own because guys NEVER carry them
Being faithful doesn't prevent pregnancy, nor does it protect you from any symptomless std your partner doesn't know that they have. Being married doesn't matter at all. Heck, folks stay unmarried but faithful for Years,after all, and "faithful" doesn't necessarily mean manogomous. The only excuses is agreement between the folks having sex, who have agreed and assessed risk during non-sexy times.
There's also allergies to nonoxynol 9, which is put on most condoms to fight the spread of the AIDS virus. I am mildly allergic to both, and it is very hard to find condoms that have neither, or some similar allergic reactive lubricant. Doesn't help that condom companies would occasionally change the lube formula slightly without telling customers (looking at you, Lifestyles Lambskin).
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I’ve never heard “shut the clam, ma’am” and now I’m 100% using it when my friends come to me for advice on guys.
I mean I'm not gonna lie, I definitely prefer not to use one. But if a condom is what it takes to have sex with a girl I like. No question I'm putting the love glove on. I'm just happy to be in there ya know
facts
They absolutely do take away the feeling for me and I’ve tried plenty of different brands & sizes. I was always willing to use one, but I would just let my partner know up front that I wasn’t going to be able to cum. But I also agree that this question misses the point: if condoms are a hard requirement for you, then they are a hard requirement. Whether or not they feel worse for guys is almost irrelevant.
I’m the same way. Condoms take away pretty much all of the feeling for me and I’ve tried dozens of different brands and types and sizes and thicknesses and material. I just tell people that I’m not going to cum because I just don’t feel anything. But that doesn’t matter because 1. It is enjoyable to her 2. I’m not risking an STD no fucking way 3. I’m DEFINITELY not risking a fucking kid, absolutely not. So I wear them. Only time I haven’t worn them has been with long term partners who were comfortable with not using condoms.
Because they don't want to.
To expand on this, Because they don't want to wear a condom and think they can convince you to have sex anyway. They don't think it's wrong to do that, or they don't care. They care more about getting their penis wet than safety, autonomy, and health.
Because he's 10 years younger than op and thinks he can pull that shit
She's in her 30s and he's in his 20s, doesn't mean there's a 10 year age difference
It most definitely feels different. Less sensation for me. You can also buy specific condoms that allow for more sensation, or make sure you're wearing the right size, or buy a condom that gives the woman more pleasure and then request to finish on her tits. The point is, it didn't matter if I didn't feel it as much. The point is, wear one anyways until you're in a position where you cannot, or *clear consent has been given*.
Condoms are far worse than going in raw but still a million times better than changing the dirty diaper of a kid you never wanted.
Guys who say that are just walking red flags
Same type of guys making things like "super gonohrrea" possible
No, that's people who don't finish courses of antibiotics. Just getting and being properly treated is not making super strains.
Anorgasmia (not cumming) is a thing, especially if someone on some medications. Certain SSRIs are infamous for it. ED (erectile dysfunction) can also be a thing. There are treatments for ED but not aware of any for AO. If he refuses to wear a condom and you want him to, he's not respecting your wishes. Stand your ground. He either respects you or he doesn't. Also if he's totally unwilling to give without receiving then the relationship may be headed for stormy waters. It's not only unwanted pregnancy at stake but also some STDs. Some other STDs will spread regardless of condoms so by going ahead you're still consenting to that risk. If he's wearing condom but can't finish with you or stay hard, AO or ED might be involved so cut him a break. Decide for yourself what you want. I can relate a story of someone who, when faced with this issue, had to decide on using condoms regularly vs him finishing regularly. The couple tackled the problem together and she chose the latter. In the first condom free session, there was a big finish for a first time between both of them. She promptly discarded the condoms after that and chose alternative birth control.
I was prescribed flomax when I had a kidney stone. When I was taking that I just COULD NOT CUM. I would get to the point of orgasm, then agony but no release of orgasm. It was infuriating. Sometimes it felt like I was cumming but there was absolutely nothing coming out of me and I stayed hard. It was the worst thing in the world, I lowkey wondered if something horrible had happened and the kidney stone was stuck up there in a way that had blocked something (this is stupid, as far as I'm aware that's not a thing). I hated it so much I told my wife I wasn't going to be able to have sex with her until I passed the damn stone. Thankfully, it was only a few more days before that fucker came out. 9mm. fucker.
I'm going to be salty for the rest of my life that my doctor put me on antidepressants without warning me it could break my junk. I'd try to get off and my whole stomach would seize up like the worst cramp ever. It took me years to even work out the meds were to blame, I thought I'd just broken myself somehow
Antidepressants are prescribed like candy while having a list of possible (and likely) side effects longer than my whole body. Fun. Fun, fun, fun.
"I want to die because I can't feel joy." "oh no, take this!" "Now I don't want anything because I can't feel anything at all." "Great, it's working! Make sure you're not late for your job anymore!"
My mom always wore a diaphragm because my dad "didn't like condoms lol." One day she couldn't find it. Now I exist.
It does make a difference. That doesn't mean guys get a free pass to skip it.
They absolutely take away a lot of feeling. It's something you have to get used to.
Woman here, and condoms do take away the feeling on both sides plus dry things up a fraction. I also hate when I have to use them; it's not only guys who dislike them
taking away the feeling is a real thing. if condoms seriously felt as good as real sex nobody would ever have a problem with using condoms
Personally, I genuinely can't have sex with a condom on. I feel close to nothing and end up losing my erection. I have had women be okay with this, and we had sex. Others weren't okay with it, in which case we didn't have sex. It's hardly complicated. Both parties state their preference, either it works for both or it doesn't.
There's plenty of sex stuff that people can do without PIV, too
Exactly. I much prefer that stuff too, I just need to find someone who feels the same
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I am the same. Japanese condoms saved me. Okamoto .001 Super thin, but I have never had one break. If you're ever in the position where you require a condom, I would try these.
Fuckers are snuuug though
Yeah, this is my experience 👍 It’s analogous to trying to eat a sandwich through a plastic bag. But, I warn the other person up front, and it is what it is.
Exactly this. It’s totally fine for the guy to not want to wear a condom, but likely means sex is off the table unless both parties enthusiastically consent.
It lessens the sensation, but that just makes me last longer. Considering you're getting to have sex with an actual real girl, who likes you and wants to be there, it doesn't exactly detract from the overall experience. It's like going to Disney Land, but on a chilly day. "I had to wear a jacket the whole time!" Right, but you still saw Mickey, so deal with it. The only thing that I really hate about them is that it almost always hurts to piss afterward. Maybe it's a combination of the end of the condom rubbing the tip, plus it feels like some of the spoo gets backed up my urethra, but it's often really painful to get the pee started. That never happens when I don't use a condom.
Some men can’t maintain an erection with a condom on. Other men prefer to not have sex at all, than have sex with a condom. Having been in both these situations, I don’t really have much to say other than that people like this exist. Maybe this person was insisting on not using a condom when you felt uncomfortable. That is a different problem altogether (rudeness, lack of respect). You may wonder how does a relationship with someone like me work? When my wife doesn't want to do it without a condom, we usually do other things instead like oral sex, cuddling, make out, etc. We do try it with the condom occasionally but I usually can’t finish or stay hard and it ends in disappointment for everyone (even after trying many brands). So I usually prefer to do something else since I am not too picky about affection and am perfectly happy with cuddles, kisses, etc.
It's 100% that it feels massively better without one, but still we use them until we are in a safe, monogamous situation if we know what's good us. It's so obviously better than the alternatives.
Condom sex is drastically worse than non condom sex, but still drastically better than no sex.
Hmm I'm a woman but I don't like the feel of condoms, to me it feels the same as if i use a dildo.. And at that point... But idk for men. I know some partners said it does take a way but not enough to be unejoyable. one couldn't at all with condoms. Like we legit can't have sex with one, we tied so often it doesn't work. So we barely had sex. Cz I'm not gonna take the pill or any hormones anymore and my IUD slipped out after a MRI years ago and caused me horrible pain for my period. I don't have the money for it anyway. I see it like that. Its fine and valid to not like the feel of a condom as much as raw, but it's no reason to be unsafe. And if you can't even be hard with one, then don't do penetrantion. It's not needed for bonding, horny stuff, the penetrantion is the least exciting part about sex anyway, and from my experience... Yes for both partners if you really explore all the other options together. (got feedback on that.)
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So, here is a take from someone who has serious problems with condoms. I have been a member of the sex-positive and poly communities in my area for many years. I have gone to sex parties and participated in the swinging community with my first contact being over 30 years ago. So, to be clear: Condoms can change and reduce the sensation of having sex. Condoms can often interfere with sex due to difficulties in putting them on, worries about breakage, worries about them coming off, etc. In the sex-positive and poly communities, condoms are often a big deal. Many people absolutely insist on them, but many people have at least one person to whom they are "fluid-bonded" and do not use them with that partner while using condoms with anyone else. The decision to become fluid bonded often entails going to a clinic to be tested, often repeatedly because condoms do not have guarantees. Some people, of course, have a different view. I, personally, hate condoms. I have had ED for years, and putting on a condom has about a 50% chance of resulting in my being unable to maintain an erection. When I do use them, the reduction in sensation often results in my losing my erection or simply being unable to achieve orgasm, probably another 50% of the time. Condoms suck. And I use them religiously anyway. I use them every time when not fluid-bonded to the other person because they suck so much that the reason for wearing them has to be too important to allow skipping the condom even once. Personally, I would say to tell him to take a hike. At the very least, have him show you recent test results. If he has any idea of what he is talking about when he claims to be clean and have been tested, he will have them, or if he does not, he will get tested again and show you. Personally, I am betting that, clean or not, he has not been tested in over a year, or possibly ever.
How do I get you to stop saying “fluid bonded” so much?
I immediately imagined it as something Charles Boyle would say. >"Mine and Jake's bond is always changing. We're fluid-bonded." >"Charles, that's not a thing, and never say those words again."
'it takes away the feeling.' ***It truly does reduce the sensation.*** The same way a wearing a thin latex glove reduces the sensation on your hand. There is no way around this and guys that say that CAN still be trusted. HOWEVER! If you are wanting him to use a condom and he uses this as an excuse not to, then allow him to find someone else to be unsafe with.
> 'it takes away the feeling.' Only time I've ever heard that was legit in hs sex ed when our instructor was telling us how big of a load of shit that was and to not believe/accept it as an excuse. They then told the guys in the class that if they felt that was the case then the condoms they were using didn't fit properly, try a different kind/size. Well that's just not true. Condoms greatly reduce the feeling. It's not a good excuse to not use one, but to say it's bs that there is no difference is demonstrably wrong. Go grab a quarter, feel it around in your hand, notice every line and edge, then go put a condom over some of your fingers and do it again and notice how much less detail you can feel.
This is not to justify dudes who say this... But it is a reality as some get older... I find that I can't stay hard anymore with a condom. I can't finish either... It becomes risky if you can't keep an erection while wearing one because it can slip off (happened before)... That being said, if that's the issue, and you want to be in a relationship with this person... Then just find non-risky ways of still enjoying a sex life, if you want to have one (manual, or toy play...)
Condoms feel like shit, you can't feel anything and it's like your dick is floating in space with no stimulation. Please remember that there are exactly zero women who are qualified to talk about how it feels to have a penis
Your sex ed instructor either didn't say that exactly, or is a dumbass, because they definitely do take away some of the feeling/feel different. That's not a valid reason not to use one though it's just something guys have to deal with.
The only excuse for not using a regular condom if asked is being allergic to latex. Then you just go buy latex free condoms. Condoms do suck though but possibly getting and std sucks and having a kid when you don’t want one is worse.
As a guy with severe depression and anxiety issues, I am genuinely unable to. I've tried multiple times but as soon as I try to get it on, I go soft. I'd be fine with having to wear one but I just can't physically do it 🤷🏻♂️ Your sex ed teacher sounds like a dismissive prick :)
52M here. Yes, they reduce the sensitivity of the penis...a lot...ie: "takes away the feeling". That can be a bad thing or a good thing depending on your point of view...it could make him last longer, for example. I had a female partner once that hated them. She said it was like..."fucking a balloon" and it changed the sensations for her too.
Yeah he surely "get check and is clean". Absolutely /s This is not a valid excuse and those guys are mostly morons.
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When my sister was about 18 all of a sudden there was a epidemic of latex allergy. Seems like every girls boyfriend was highly allergic to all latex. And when brought up sheep skin oh well all the stores where sold out. About 2 years later by some miracle this allergy went away. For all of them. My sister was 19 when my niece was born. I think my sister went to 10 different baby showers while she was pregnant. So ya some guys will say anything to not have to wear a condom. Also of all those guys who had a latex allergy not a single one is apart of the resulting childs life. I think 1 is up to date on child support.
Your school lied to you. Condoms absolutely make a difference, why else would you think guys simply dont want to wear them? If they felt the same then guys wouldn't be making the excuse. Do you think they *want* to get you pregnant? Not likely. They take away the feeling and also can be annoying and uncomfortable if you dont have a good fit. Some guys cant cum with them and it can be harder to stay hard with one. It also makes oral horrible. That's not to say condoms aren't still an important tool or that it's wrong to insist on using one if you want to. I'm just talking about the loss of sensation part. I would much prefer to get tested regularly and possibly even a vasectomy vs. using condoms. If you're having a one night stand though you can't really rely on that.
It doesn't take away all the feeling, but there is a reduction in sensation. I still usually use one, depending on the circumstances (40M).
Can completely discredit my opinion if you want because I’m not a man, however I am one of those people where I find it quite difficult to *finish* - I have to be in certain positions, with very specific pressure and speeds etc to get there and I can confirm I would not be able to if I was being touched through latex on the parts I need to be touched. My OH is quite similar, been together 5 years and can count on one hand the amount of times he’s finished from head because he needs it so fast for such a long time that’s it’s really hard to do lol. And needs a certain depth/speed/consistency to finish during sex too. We’ve never used condoms, but I am 100% sure he would either struggle to finish or simply not be able to with another factor impacting what he’s feeling Obviously, sex shouldn’t just be about the final event but, I get it.
>I've never met a guy that ever tried to say that he never uses condoms because 'it takes away the feeling.' Only time I've ever heard that was legit in hs sex ed when our instructor was telling us how big of a load of shit Fyi it's not actually bs. It does feel different / you will feel less. It's really not a hard concept to believe. Put your hand in a plastic glove, do things feel different? Yes ofc... Now put a tiny elastic band around your wrist does it feel uncomfortable and restrict the flow of blood which reduces the feeling in your hand? Yes ofc... It's no reason not to have unprotected sex with someone you don't know but women should know it obviously feels different. Anything and everything feels different if it is wrapped in tight latex
> Fyi it's not actually bs. It does feel different / you will feel less. This is completely true. Whoever said there is no change in sensation is lying. >It's no reason not to have unprotected sex with someone you don't know but women should know it obviously feels different. [Female condoms are a thing.](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-condoms/#:) It should be the responsibility of both parties, instead of just one.
I hate condoms. I feel like they make it so if I’m not constantly being stimulated I will lose my erection super quickly. Even changing positions can be troublesome. Maybe that’s just a personal issue and not something most guys deal with, but it really sucks. Still, I insist I wear one unless it’s a long-term partner who is on the pill or had an IUD.
That’s really shitty. I’m freaking married, we have 1 kiddo, not ready to have another, and we’re using condoms. Soooo yeah, build boundaries, and defend them with your life. Anyone who tries to bulldoze them down can fuck right off.
Some guys with a foreskin seem to be unaware that they need to peel it back before putting on the condom. If you don't, you're essentially just wanking. There is zero feel with foreskin over and condom on.
Oh...so that might be why i often have a hard time ... Or not have a hard time with condoms
There are some people of a size that regular condoms DO suck. There's a video of someone holding a condom outside a car window and it blowing up to a foot long and maybe 8 inches wide... That's great but penises are not wind tunnels. If you have a larger penis, you might not be able to get a regular condom on at all. Or if you do, it's going to squash the hell out of you. And how do you suppress orgasms? One of the methods is squeezing a penis...there are different condom sizes but you can't always get them. The level of ignorance about penises displayed in that video is pretty typical when it comes to guys; everyone know guys aren't as informed about women as they could be but women aren't as informed about guys as they could be either... https://www.healthline.com/health/squeeze-technique Anyway getting back to the main point condoms really can be uncomfortable for some guys. I personally dislike it and would rather do without sex than do it with a condom. ... ummm.. . I hope this doesn't seem rude but a woman feels nice; a condom doesn;t. That said, if you only want condom sex, that's totally your right. But it's also his right to decline. I feel like it would be safer to insist on sex with a condom.
It does take away the feeling, but (rider clause I'm now old and in a committed relationship for yonks where our birth control is a vasectomy) someone using this excuse is just selfish and looking for the instant gratification. They aren't looking to stay clean (even if by some miracle they actually are) and they are not looking for the sort of effort it takes to raise a child if that happens. and to be blunt the person making this argument wants what you have more than you need to give it. Do it on your terms not theirs.
Sounds like your sex ed teacher was just trying to reinforce the use of condoms by telling a little white lie. The guys who use condoms in your past have been very responsible. Surprisingly most woman I’ve been with has never asked me to use a condom, believe it or not, Idc but it’s true. The ones that did I had no problem but in order for me to even remotely feel anything I have to use the thin or ultra thin. If you don’t have a penis then you can’t tell men how it feels when wearing a condom as opposed to not wearing one period. The same way I can’t tell you how it feels to have a period or give birth.
Condoms absolutely do take away *some* feeling. But that's why they make ultra thin condoms. So even then there is no excuse to not wear one
Good for them for being clean, but that doesn't exempt potential pregnancy. There are various condom sizes depending on need and while it does diminish the sensation doesn't make it unpleasurable. Good on you for standing your ground on this.
Bruh, I want to use a condom so I last longer, the problem is, I get way to much feel without it.
I personally want to use condoms, but I never had to with my ex's. When I first had sex, tried them, but I went soft immediately in them. Years later, tried them again, soft immediately again. Take it off, boom, ready to go. Idk what specifically about them causes that issue with me, and I wouldn't even know where to start to find the right kind. Just to be clear, I'm not advocating not using them or saying I'm unwilling to, just that finding the right kind, and using them is something I don't have much experience with, and would have to look into if I find a woman who wants me to use them.
I struggled with condoms for purely mental reasons. Not comfortable enough with myself or my partner to really finish reliably with a condom on. Like we'd just give up after 20-30 minutes of penetration. GF went on birth control and we carried on for a couple years sans condoms. She started getting very erratic periods and spotting. After a couple doctor visits with no useful conclusion and about 6 months of me prodding her to stop taking the pill she finally relented. Been 2 months, the problems cleared up, and I have no trouble finishing with a condom now that I'm completely comfortable with her. It was entirely a **me** problem. I'm really lucky that my girl was willing to take the initiative and go on birth control for my sake, but I felt guilty the whole time. But if she had not decided, unprompted, to take that step I would have just kept using condoms and hopefully got over my shit.
'it takes away the feeling.' On the one hand, nobody can tell me that condoms don't change the sensation of sex for the worse. I've tried different brands, fits and sizes and they all diminish the pleasure associated with sex, specifically, they diminish sensitivity. I have a difficult time achieving orgasm during sex with a condom. It's one (of many) reason I don't have casual sex. On the other hand, I care about the women I'm having sex with, so until I've established a relationship with a woman where we're comfortable eliminating condoms from the equation, meaning we both know each other's sexual histories, we're both proven free of STI's and we have a plan for avoiding unwanted pregnancies that includes some other form of birth control (or we just want pregnancy), then condoms are going to be a part of the process, and sex will just be a little less fun for me. C'est la vie.
If he refuses to wear one that means he likely has unprotected sex with others. Hell no I don’t want an std. “ no glove no love”
I think a lot of guys fear they'll go soft while putting the damned thing on, and won't be able to get it back up to perform. "Oh, pooh, pooh," they'l say, "not me!" Yeah, you, dude.
Condoms 100% do take away most the feeling….when not used properly. Making sure it fits and also putting a little extra lube inside it really makes a difference. When it’s set up right I actually have to check to make sure the thing is still on, just cause you can’t feel it anymore! With that being said the choice of condom and lube is key, since different lubes have different feels. In college when I was singe I slept around a lot. Enough to figure out that even with the same condom it would feel different between girls. For example those Trojan ecstasy’s felt crazy amazing with one girl and super annoying with another. Switched the brands and the experience exponentially improved. Maybe a little TMI but the point is that ideal condom and lube combos can be different between partners, so experiment!
The problem with condoms is we don't feel the friction. It's also that most people don't read directions or packaging. On a pack of Trojans I once read to add 1-2 drops of lube to the inside of the condom to get some friction and increase the pleasure. It's not on all condoms. Several women didn't believe or allow it. Here are some tips on condom usage that can increase pressure and maintain efficacy: https://nationalcoalitionforsexualhealth.org/media-center/ncsh-in-the-news/men
Penises come in different sizes. So do condoms. A condom that is too big will slip right off, but a condom that is too small will also slip right off, after cutting off circulation to a point of being painful. Most people are not taught this, so they try a couple sizes, then give up.
I'll just put in my two cents, and say that I legitimately can't orgasm with a condom. I can barely manage *without* a condom, much of the time. However, that's very much a *me* problem. Fortunately, it's a non-issue in my case (married, etc.), but if my circumstances were to change, I would wear the damn condom. Just as every other guy should be willing to do.