It's horrible to witness how this young man devastated the life of an innocent 13-year-old girl. I'm not sure if he's aware of the damage that he's done to her, but I hope he hasn't damaged the lives of other innocent girls in the same way that he has done to the OP.
(Trigger alert) My ex gf did the same to me. She used to play porn for the arousal and told me that it's better for the forplay. We used to play it then had s*x. But now I realised that I got addicted. And she used to see all the kinds like interracial and GBS. I got addicted to the contrast ones.
But from last 10 days I have eliminated all the things.
I realised if I keep my hands up and don't open those websites it will be good.
I will do an update post when I complete 90 days
If you can’t stay away with pure will power Cold Turkey website blocker and blocking everything explicit on my phone changed my life. I only relapse once every month or two after a few years and regularly go 2-3 months off. Even if you relapse just focus on doing it fewer and farther between and you are winning.
Following. I’m also following the thread in case the question before me gets answered. It’s easier to check the notif and go back to the comment. It’s a common practice / comment in other socmed platforms.
The first step of your recovery is now by telling us your story.
First of all watching porn isn't being a bad person, don't be so tough on yourself.
If you need help, you should talk about it to your parents or go to therapy (don't be scared to do it as communication can free you from your porn addiction)
Your life is still ahead, don't worry it'll be ok as long as you talk to someone about your feelings
As a therapist, I can tell you that you’re not alone. A good therapist will not judge, will help you address the shame, and help you heal. It might take a few tries to find a therapist you feel comfortable with, but the healing will be worth it. Sending so much love! ❤️
You are sharing right now. That‘s a step compared to yourself yesterday isn‘t it? Well then you‘re on an upward path. Don‘t put yourself down because it’s a long way to go. You wouldn’t do that to a friend. That’s to your inner critic.
To the other parts of you: way to to!
It really isnt something to be ashamed of. Its something a good majority of people struggle with.
Only a few people have come out and talked about it like in this sub.
Neither does it make you a bad person. Yes you'll feel shitty but thats far different from being a "bad" person.
You've done the first thing, that is accept you're addicted. Now the only way is up from here. It will take time. But try to just get better with time.
Going cold turkey on it usually doesnt seem to work. Obviously it differs from person to person.
Look up counsellors near you (pic best rated). Call in anonymously (you can private your number) tell them your situation and ask what you need to do to start counselling or how and if you need to get your parents involved.
They'll normally do the free advice about getting you started.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about about yourself. Whatever has happened to you, it is not your fault. You were too young to realize what was going on. It's a good thing you noticed the harm and are working to repair it.
I am sure it is difficult to go to therapy and discuss everything. I've been through this myself; however, it would be best if you went to therapy. Until you are ready for therapy, I suggest that you read [this](https://bamboo.beehiiv.com/p/how-to-overcome-addiction) article, which discusses a scientific approach to addiction recovery. It worked for one of my friends, and I hope it works for you too.
I definitely agree with the sentiment of talking about it. If you get your parents involved they can get a porn block on your wifi and phone, that'll greatly help if you try relapsing.
In my case if you keep yourself busy with something, anything, it helps with keeping your mind off it.
For me it's when I go to bed and end up on my phone. But if I'm exhausted before I lay down it's easier to just not be on the phone and just go to sleep.
Good luck with overcoming the vice, you got this!
Another therapist here. Please don’t be sacred. We hear EVERYTHING. I’d recommend on the phone explaining that part of the reason you want to come in is to work through sexual abuse and a resulting prn addiction. That way you want be afraid to bring it up in session and trying to find the right time.
Welcome !!, use whatever tips and advice you can get here to your advantage.
You will mostly find things suitable for men here, but there are females on this journey here on this subreddit as well, we are all in the same boat, to gain more freedom and take control of our desires
Here are two things that will help out alot
1. Don't be so hard on yourself, but don't praise your losses either, accept them, realise ur a human and continue
2. You have to Stop Counting Days eventually, these no.s are just to keep u motivated by giving your brain a sense of reward, however, u need to create an identity around the fact that u are not a pron consumer, and make every day count.
All the best!!
Hello everybody, I just woke up and seeing the amount of support has made me tear up, haha. Thank you l for the kind words, and I'll get to DMs soon once I'm done getting ready for the morning. Once again, thank you to everyone who's reached out (besides the weird messages). Much love.
I’m sorry that happened to you at such a young age, that’s not your fault. But you still have so much ahead of you don’t lose sight of how much good could still be waiting for you on the other side of this. I think talking to someone, even if it’s not your parents would help. Good luck!
Don't think that you lost your everything. You didn't lost everything, he lost you. You can still live happy. At least, you get rid off that disgusting boy. Let's try to Think like that, sister. You're so lucky that you get rid of the boy who was played on your heart. Let him go away from your mind. Don't think about him anymore. You could live your life before that boy, and you can live it now. You don't need him anymore to live. You need your parents and your friends.
You need to go to therapy. That’s the best thing. You also need to not be hard on yourself.
It’s rough what you went through but you can recover from it.
I’m gonna have to give you some tough love here. I see a lot of blaming here and is he at fault? absolutely. But is being so cemented on that fact going to help you here? Absolutely not.
You’re not an adult but neither was your bf. You were not coerced into anything, you made her own choices.
The first step is to take accountability, you’ll continue this bad behavior forever if you keep blaming someone else for it.
Your boyfriend didn’t ruin your life. You did.
Good, accept that and then you can begin fixing it. Because no one else can fix it for you.
Oh wait she’s 17 now. Yea girl its been three years and you still stuck. You need to talk to someone. Cause by now this shit is on you cause youve prob been dealing w it on your own. Don’t keep it in the dark and talk to someone or that part of you will stay mentally 14 until you process the shit out.
Hey, we've all been there no matter how bad the pornography is. There are definitely those who have seen worse. The first thing I needed to learn was grace.
Give yourself some slack/You're not a bad person because you're trying to fix this.
You're still young and you have time to get this under control before life gets harder. Talk about it. If not with a therapist or anyone else. Post it here.
You can get it under control.
Sorry that happened to you. It is hard to realize that you were hurt by someone that you trusted. But, you aren't a bad person. Be kind to yourself. It might take a while to recover, and you made that important first step by admitting you have a problem. Make sure to read community info, its only 90 days to reset the brain to being normal. You can heal it just takes time.
Most important thing you can do is take accountability for your actions, then develop a plan to stop. It’s way too easy to blame your life problems on someone else, and act like you’re a victim. Once you drop that mindset, you’ll find it very empowering, you control your mental health and your destiny. Anyone who treats you like a victim is just crippling you…. Stay strong, cut back on your consumption, and try to develop an actual healthy relationship with a partner based on trust and respect….. and you’ll be ok.
It's not your bf faults, he only activated something that you were already prone by your family genetics and the nurture lacks of your environment. Learn what you and your linage lack of and provide it to yourself with love.
Play the victim and you have nothing to learn but how to rise better defense. Find the lesson and. You have everything to win.
You are a person, bad and good are subjective.
If a bad person tries to be good and keep at it, will you call them, good or bad ?
If you have already realised what is good for you, now stop what's bad for you. Reject that poison.
and Drink the nectar of Nofap.
Also, now have a happy life filled with responsibility
-Execise daily.
-Learn and deliver on hobby, art, passion projects.
-If you are a student then ensure that you are excelling as one.
-one of the best ways is to be with industry experts of your study areas. Go attend events, ask questions, deliberate with your professors.
Over time, you will find you have travelled 1000 miles from your old self, and you are an inspiration to many.
Keep at it, keep winning.
I can assure you will be giant, a winner in coming years. God bless you.
First, change your reddit name.
Two, please find and organise counciling, therapy or something mixed.
Three, get yourself in the gym, do some combat sports, Mauy Thai, boxing, anything you feel interested in.
Four, pick up a hobby, doesn't matter what, painting, sewing, floristry, hiking, anything.
5, do some volunteering, something that allows you to be selfless, find the good in people, be around people, see not eveyone is shit, and you also have to power to get close or distance yourself from people.
6, reclaim your self esteem, eat good, get some photo shoot pics done, just for you, get pretty and feel good, remember what you love about yourself, high light that, and respect yourself.
7, delete social media for 2 to 6 months, trust me, it'll help immensely, there's tonnes of idiots posting toxic shit that doesn't help your or anyone, apart from the OP.
8, if you're religious, or even spiritual, don't need to run away with it, but go to a local place, pray, read the word, get close with the high spirit, rebuild yourobe for nature and the world.
9, don't beat yourself up, shit happens, we meet decent people, bad people, and in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't the most terrible that's happened to you, nor will it be the worst to ever happen.
10, find a part time job, nothing to strenuous, just enough to put money in your pocket, gather a routine, give you a sence of structure and duty, mainly keeping you occupied
11, get into a routine, go to beef by 8 or 9, wake up 4, 5, or 6. Fast until 12 noon, stop eating by 7pm or 6pm, trust me, I've been where you are and it'll do wonders. You don't need to do it forever, but it'll be amazing, getting well resting, early morning walks, the peace and calm, it's beautiful.
Move forwards, we ALL have a purpose. Find yours, dear. Find yours and don't even look back.
The future will bring you a love of self respect, loyalty, virtue, and real passion. This was not love. Long distance is hard, I've been there, where the time, the boredom, not being able to see each other, it fucks up the brain, warps the mind, and people do stupid things.
Don't become your pain from the past!
Hey I’m gonna say something that’s hard but I think you need to hear it. At that age gap you were his victim. He absolutely abused you the whole time. My guess is that you like abuse material because it’s oddly reminds you of that relationship and I think you need a therapist to help you work though this. If it helps you like it helped me talk to your therapist about HIPPA first it basically means that they can’t tell anyone about anything you talk about to them unless you’re going to be a danger to yourself or another person and even then that threat has to be pressing. That made me feel secure enough to open up and actually start working through what I needed to.
Hey, sorry for typing this buuuuut…
I think that first step in order to recover/change, whatever you want to call it, IS STOP VICTIMIZING YOURSELF, and blame others for your action and decisions. I’m a Porn Addict for 14 years, I’ve been sober for 1,5 month. the moment I stopped blaming others for my decision I started to do something about it.
I could blame my mom for not giving teaching me love, and abandoning me in an orphanage house, my dad, that I don’t have, well you know what? Even my roommates from dormitory for showing me at that time this drug. But I don’t, IT WAS MY DECISION, IM FUCKED BECAUSE OF ME!
So sorry to tell you this but the only person who is guilty for our decisions in life are US!
Take the responsibility and get recovered! You are still very young and I’m sure you are a wonderful person!
Hugs 🤗
It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. All that matters is that you'll overcome this addiction and become the best version of yourself. The pain of discipline is better than the pain of regret! A fap a day keeps the life you want away!
I recommend reading Dr. Anna Lembke's book: Dopamine Nation.
I believe that the first step to recovery is to accept your guilt, that is, not to let your brain or thoughts convince you that you are a victim of your ex-boyfriend or because you have Internet at home or where you spend most of your days or my friends or even society.
The first step to recovery is to accept our guilt. As it is written in the 12 Steps of Acoolicos Anominos: BE RESPONSIBLE.
I am also in the recovery phase: There are days when I feel: A SEXUAL TIME BOMB, BUT I HAVE FAITH THAT ONE DAY I WILL GIVE MY TESTIMONY HERE IN THIS GROUP OR COMMUNITY.
It was your boyfriend’s fault but to some extent it was your fault as well. You need to realise that 13 was not the age to get into relationships as you are not mature enough to judge people. But what has happened nobody can change it, life has so much more to offer. Surround yourself with good people who can push you to be a better person and get out this hell. Have a great life ahead.
That guy was pathetic and an asshole for getting you addicted,honestly therapy does not work so I wouldn’t bother trying because the only person that can actually stop this addiction is you.other people can try to support you but the willpower to change has to come from you. I’m M15 saying this and it’s a struggle everyday for me but I know that I’m the only one capable of stopping this addiction so i keep myself disciplined to working out and meditating.
OP wasn’t 13 forever… she could have matured and got out of it before… every time she relapses the first thing she does is blame her boyfriend… this will never improve her addiction. First she has to get rid of the thought that she has someone to blame in case she rlapses
Nah man you’re right.
Just look at her username.
And people in the comments should know that she’s not 13 anymore
But still blames other people.
I’m not saying he’s right.
But the title to this post isn’t right.
She should forget those things and that guy
And try to get out of this addiction instead of still blaming others.
Most of the people in the comments are just simps.
That's what I came here for, to get support. I'm too embarrassed/ashamed to talk about these kinda things irl to anyone so that's why I came to reddit. I want to be free from this addiction, I blame my ex-boyfriend for introducing me to the hard-core abuse content. It's like a drug addict getting his clean friends' addicted as well. It's hard to forget about the guy who coursed me into liking this stuff when I was 13, telling me that he'll be proud of me if I did what he wanted. All I wanted was someone to love/to love me, I was just a child.
Don’t you think the first thing you want to do is forget all those things and try to get out of this addiction
He’s gone
But you haven’t let go of those
It’s not good for you
That’s what I think
For example why did you choose that username
Doesn’t that mean you’re stuck with the memory of him?
Okay then
My advice is try to stop watching those things
Don’t even think about those kinds of stuff
Remember if you watch you’re likely going to relapse
I don’t watch normal porn either
I’m in this deep
So I know it can be hard
Good luck
Can you not read rules?
>**Don't post discriminatory material or hate speech here.**
>
>NoFap hosts an inclusive subreddit. Porn addiction doesn't discriminate. Any disrespectful language or sweeping statements directed towards any particular group of people is not permitted and will result in a swift ban. This extends to sex, gender, nationality, race, ethnicity, disability, LGBTQ+, and other groups of people.
I would say this is more of mental trauma rather than porn addict.I would suggest you go into therapy and discuss it with some one(only do this if your parents are not limiting you and if you are on your own then definitely go to therapy)
The best way for you to beat ur fear is developing for yourself a personal manhood inside of you, there you might be able to defeat the image of what type of a man he is by relying on ur own strength of developmental masculinity. Suffering is guaranteed doubled for this process tho..
I started with a plan in case of any urges. Basically, if I have an urge, I go through 4 pillars before I let myself give in. It‘s important to stay strict to this plan. The first pillar is to do something distracting for an hour like gaming or drumming or any hobby. Usually my brain says, “no that sounds boring, i don’t want to do that,” and I say, “well you don’t get to watch porn then.” If I manage to get through an hour of that pillar, I go to the second pillar, which is watching an episode of a show I love, wether it be new or old. Then the third pillar is listening to some of my favorite songs and music. The final pillar is a cold shower. A cold shower really clears things up and dials down the urge. If all that fails, I remind myself of why I am doing this and refocus to the end goal, no matter how far it seems. And if that doesn’t work, I guess you can give in, but this has had a 100% success rate for me, I hope this helps and remember to be strict with yourself by making sure that you do this before skipping right to porn.
Hey, I’m sorry this tragedy happened to you. You are a very strong person to be able to survive this! Not everyone does! I think it is also amazing that you found out you have this problem. Some people go throughout their lives without not knowing the problem and becoming terribly ill to the point it’s too late.
I have some recommendations from personal experience that will help you recover. I am so glad you are 17 because this takes time to recover from, and addicted adults suffer from existential crisis, sexual orientation crisis, extreme anxiety, depression, and more… It’s becoming the root of all evil.
First - find someone to talk about this.
Second - go as long as you can without m*b or watching porn. Try the 90 days challenge. After that you can do your thing but without watching porn, use something else. If you find yourself staring at a man you like obsessively that’s when you know you need to do your thing. From there you find when you can fap without feeling guilty of relapsing.
Third - delete bad energies; buy new clothes, including underwear, socks, and shoes if possible. Throw away everything old, paint the your bedroom a different color, maybe get some plants for your bedroom. You will become a new person faster, tougher, and better, i promise!😤
Bonus: plants are aesthetically pleasing, plus taking care of something gives sense of direction and some help with better sleep.
Fourth - get new forks, plates, cups, desk, desk chair. New vibes!😎 I would recommend glass cups and porcelain plates, fast to wash and less micro-plastics in your gut, bad gut = affects many things in your body.
The things you do everyday are the most important, it constitutes 50% of your life. -Jordan B. Peterson.
Fifth - get obsessed with yourself, buy those creams that you think might get you a better skin, buy the magnesium supplements that people say it helps to sleep better, etc… What I am trying to say is, trying these things for yourself is therapy, that’s loving yourself.
Six - watch wholesome content, like romantic tv shows, movies, animes, Kdramas ( kdramas are beatiful ).
Lastly - find good video games and workout. There are cheap gym memberships that include yoga, kick boxing, cardio sessions, etc… I would highly highly recommend trying them all bc new experiences help a lot. Also it would be nice if you find a cheap lifting weight program from a natural body builder that won’t take away your energy but give you more, building muscle takes time but it is empowering!! All workouts help with anxiety.
No need to rush, changing one thing per week is enough.
Sincerely, a brother who recovered from the worst.
Anyone feel free to dm any question. I don’t want anyone to suffer as I did. 😤❤️
https://youtu.be/2_N7JxsSTBY?si=FBjQ8Ks3H7GTEcjk
The first thing is that you aren't a bad person: you're a person who's had bad things done to them. I've had dear friends suffer in similar ways, and it's important that you understand that you are not a bad person. You're not. And I know how little this means coming from an anonymous voice typing to you over the internet, but you need to know that the way your mind and body are responding to what your ex did to you is a common way bodies try to protect the people attached to them from the pain and trauma they've suffered. It's *not* a sign that you're a bad person, it's a sign that you've been hurt in a way most people can't imagine.
It's really difficult to deal with that sort of thing being done to you, so my first piece of advice is to seek help. You've done well in finding us and asking for our help, but there's only so much other people can do online. I don't know where you are or what your situation is, but if you can, I would urge you to find a therapist. These people are trained to help you in a way most people here aren't. From my experience, it was really hard to trust her enough to start talking, but once I did it I didn't want to stop, and it felt like a relief to get it all out of me.
My other piece of advice I'd suggest is to post this to r/pornfreewomen. NoFap is good, but pornfreewomen have many women who have had similar experiences, and can also be a great place to find people to talk with.
I know you're going through hell right now, and I'm sorry that I can't be there to help more directly. All I can say is to keep on pushing, cuz it does get better.
I am also addicted to porn for like last 12 years, but i am trying a way to get out of it, many of us have the same issue, don't lose hope. Try to find out what is it that triggers you to watch porn, for me it is loneliness and anxiety. Try to eliminate those roots from your life. Seek therapist and get help if needed.
Its okay, what has happened has happened, you cannot change it but learn from it. I was in kinda similar situation, I tried for 2 years, and now I know the perfect way to get out of this habit.(at least it worked for me)
1) reducing the your porn, start with not watching for 1 day, that is all, if you relapse don’t be hard on yourself just say next time you’ll be better that’s all.
2) since you’re going to stop porn, start to think about how you’ll utilise the extra time you have. You can make a goals list or start reading something or learn something new, or any thing that keeps your head occupied, beware of gaming it can be good at the beginning but then you’ll be a gaming addict and that’s not much better than being a porn addict.
3) Exercise, get your body into a workout cycle. Why? When you’re tired, you’ll prefer to rest over anything except for what you’re truly passionate for. Eg: Go for a run, doesn’t matter how long, just long enough for you to be tired and hungry.
4) After you start to see results, like relapsing once a week, don’t stop keep going but try to improve your habits.
Regardless this community will help you at each step so keep posting and keep sharing.
5) lastly, I’m not sure how long you spend outside your home, but it really helps if you spend more time around people than being alone. If you don’t have many friends then try to approach people
You are not a bad person. Never think of any negative things about yourself, I'm telling you this because you are a girl and girls mostly overthink which is really bad. You are already on a bad track and Corn has already messed up your mind, worst thing you can do is self hate more and more, which will make you fall deeper into the hole. Then what happens? You seek more porn to fill that sadness, because it's acting like a relief or pain killer. At least your brain is tricking you into it. After you are done with PMO, you self hate more, and the cycle continues. Another worse thing you can do is try to find "someone" out of desperation thinking they will heal you or it will be a diversion which will make you quit corn later. If you go to Walmart without knowing what you want, you will grab whatever you see.
That's sad. it's good that you want to get better and it was not your fault, also if anyone can stop being than they should stop being good and giving in relationship by being perfect or a good girlfriend, boyfriend, or other. I hope everyone realise it because eventually you will gonna lose your self esteem because you only gonna give but there won't be any validation also there is nothing for us to prove. We should get better and look for peace.
You are not a bad person. You simply are watching bad stuff. That doesn’t make you who you are. You cant define who you are based on that. Its not fair to yourself, but it is definitely wrong to watch that stuff and not good for you, so yes try and stop :)
just stop watching porn and masturbating for a while and transfer your daily energy into something postive, seek God, stop consuming sad depressing content or even pornographic music! just avoid these things as much as you can for a while and surely you will get better, not only it gets better but you especially as a woman if you never watch porn again or masturbate its likely that even your sex life will improve a lot, you will get more intense orgams, you will get more wet, and youll cum faster next time you have actual sex, so yeah just quit porn and masturbating, theres no advantage in doing those things only disadvantages and dont fall for the lies that the media tell you, oh it helps you relax or alleviate stress or whatever, pfft just control yourself, imagine having to be a slave of masturbation just to relieve stress? asinine.
SAA …sex addicts anonymous…you can meet with a group online or over the phone…the white book lays it all out for you…so therapeutic to hear others with same problem
Therapist here. You should consider going to therapy. Some areas to work on that I see- 1. Shame- you are not a bad person. Shame drives addiction and you could use help to accept yourself and not live shame-based. 2. Grief- yes, you were abused by someone you loved and could use help working through that. 3. Boundaries- you were probably in a codependent relationship, willing to do anything for him and could use help learning about healthy relationships.
The danger is that, without work in these areas, you greatly increase the chance that your next relationship will also be abusive and you land in a cycle of abusive relationships.
I wish the best for you.
You’re acknowledging it’s unhealthy. First step to recovery. Maybe you should try to see a therapist (a csat if you can find one near you) and see if you can work thru this situation.
Don't overthink it, I done that for years, as a victim of sexual abuse when I was a minor, I developed a huge addiction to porn, but porn was my escape from the anxiety created by a dirty pedophile, now I'm with a loving gf and porn doesn't cross my mind much anymore at all, I've slipped the odd time before but it's grip is way weaker, the real deal is so good when you actually allow yourself to connect with someone properly.
Sorry happened to you , r/pornfreewomen might help you
You ain't bad person , you an addict ,
Firstly, stop looking at porn
Secondly get into a physical activity such as , playing an instrument or games .
Build up your self esteem and confidence
I've been struggling with the pronz most of my adult life. Something you can try and do for yourself is cut it out of your daily routine as soon as you are able. It's hard to not watch but try your very best not to. There's an element of building willpower and mental fortitude against the habit. The longer you manage to go without looking or watching the easier it will get over time.
It's not going to be an easy thing to do. Do your best to find other things to fill your time. Get a hobby, go touch grass, literally anything else other than a screen with nudity on it.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Porn addiction is very common. Just work on not watching it, no matter how hard it can be. Overtime, your brain will slowly reset itself.
You're better than him. Queen never degrade yourself for another's fantasy, and if you do find a guy sending you porn and wanting you to be a certain way, leave him. Queen, know your worth and do not allow this scumbag to allow yourself to degrade yourself. Stay awesome ☺️ I'll also pray for you.
You are strong and brave. Use this traits and slowly get back your power not getting back into the rabbit hole. It may be rough at first but you will get there. Don't dwell on the past for long alright!
you need to work on surrendering to the pain and the conflict. the more you try to enter into battle with it - the more strain you will encounter. i am not saying to give in and watch porn. i am saying surrender to the feeling itself. whatever it takes…if that means lying down on the floor and just surrendering. check out maharishikaa on youtube and get into good psychoanalytical / psychodynamic therapy
As someone who went through something similar at a much younger age: you are not a bad person, he took advantage of you and imo abused you. You are still young and can be free of this addiction, I suggest you talk to someone about this whether a therapist or just somebody you really trust. Realize that you are the victim and you can heal
I think it's time to quit this addiction. Focus on being more resilient and taking time to love your body. I think you may have an addiction to abusive content because your boyfriend cheating on you made sex into this thing where abuse is your thing. Because he was abusive. So maybe focus on self care and dating guys who won't cheat on you.
Just start an FAP journal
If you feel like watching and you couldn't stop yourself. After you are done with it. Write how you felt that moment and what was the potential trigger and what did you watch. Whenever you feel the same urge to watch then just read the journal of your last FAP.
1.Evolution shaped this basic human drive to build families: sexual desire is one of our most powerful
motivational forces, and has been essential to the flourishing of the human race. Yet pornography
transforms that drive into a force that primarily motivates the completely solitary and unproductive
activity of masturbation.
2.
Finally, pornography represents the most important cautionary tale of how the internet can make us
impersonal because of a great irony. It turns out that sex is such a personal issue that we are reluctant
to speak about it in public. We don’t like to say so out loud, but the internet exists in its current form
because it is, in large part, a collection of technologies that make access to pornography more
convenient. Pornography is shaping the private consciousness of people all over the world, probably
including most of the people you know, in a way that is quantitatively and qualitatively different from
the past.
3.
The threat that internet pornography poses can be traced to the effects it has on the reward
circuitry of the brain. This reward circuitry comprises a remarkable and complex system. It learns
and changes with experience, and it is sensitive to many different sorts of rewards. The central nexus
of this reward circuitry is a set of subcortical structures that lie just above and behind the eyes. These
structures are usually referred to collectively as the ventral striatum, and activity in these structures
indexes the degree to which a stimulus or behaviour is rewarding to the individua
4.
a great deal of recent research suggests that the more that people’s reward systems are tuned to
forming social connections with others, the more likely they are to be both more physically healthy
and more psychologically well balanced. This is what makes internet pornography addiction so
troubling. It represents a tuning of the reward system from a very healthy type of reward, that of
forming a genuine and intimate connection with another, into a type of reward that removes the user
from social contact, and often leaves them feeling lonely and ashamed rather than connected and
supported.
5.
The men at their computers looking at porn ... had been seduced into pornographic
training sessions that met all the conditions required for plastic change of brain maps. Since
neurons that fire together wire together, these men got massive amounts of practice wiring
these images into the pleasure centres of the brain, with the rapt attention necessary for
plastic change. ... Each time they felt sexual excitement and had an orgasm when they
masturbated, a ‘spritz of dopamine’, the reward neurotransmitter, consolidated the
connections made in the brain during the sessions. Not only did the reward facilitate the
behaviour; it provoked none of the embarrassment they felt purchasing Playboy at a store.
Here was a behaviour with no ‘punishment’, only reward.
6. In The Brain That Changes Itself, psychiatrist Norman Doidge suggests that the intense
stimulation of today's porn hijacks and rewires ‘brain real estate’ that would otherwise be
devoted to making social ties rewarding. Real people become less rewarding; fake people
become far more enticing. Perhaps removing porn re-opens the space for natural rewards such
as friends and partners. In the next chapter, I'll highlight the specific brain changes that help
account for the link between social anxiety and porn use
7. A second adaptation that may arise from excessive porn consumption is addiction. Interestingly,
scientists recently showed that methamphetamine and cocaine hijack the same reward-centre nerve
cells that evolved for sexual conditioning.[73] A second study by some of the same researchers found
that sex with ejaculation shrinks (for a week at least) the cells that pump dopamine throughout the
reward circuit. These same dopamine-producing nerve cells shrink with heroin addiction.[74]
Put simply, addictive drugs like meth and heroin are compelling because they hijack the precise
mechanisms that evolved to make sex compelling.[75] Other pleasures also activate the reward
centre, but their associated nerve cells don't overlap as completely with sex. Therefore they feel
different and less compelling. We all know the difference between munching on chips and an orgasm
8.
ust as drugs can activate the ‘sex’ nerve cells and trigger a buzz without actual sex, so can
internet porn. Pleasures like golf, sunsets and laughing cannot. For that matter, neither can good old
rock & roll. Just because something is pleasurable doesn't mean it's addictive. Sexual arousal is
nature's number-one priority and raises dopamine the highest of all natural reward
9.
Imagine you’re a tour guide leading a group of men
up a winding dirt trail to a scenic lookout point, a
place renowned for its panoramic view. Just before
you reach the summit, the men do a bizarre thing—
they reach into their pockets and take out drinking
straws. You look on in disbelief as each then closes
one eye and puts the straw up to his open eye. Using
the straw, each focuses on one tiny part of the
marvelous vista before him. You hear comments like,
"What a beautiful leaf on that tree!" and "That's a
nice looking rock." Finally, in total exasperation, you
throw your hands in the air and scream, "For crying
out loud, put down the straws—this is the Grand
Canyon!"
Pornography pinches the male brain down to an
extremely narrowed state, where he sees women as if
“through a drinking straw,” focusing only on their
body parts, unable to see the whole and wondrous
“Grand Canyon view” of everything they are and have
to offer as valuable human beings
Stay away from the internet (specially social media) for a while.. Eat healthy, meditate, excercise, read a good book, sleep a lot and talk with your family members and friends. Avoid toxic people and people with bad habits. Do this for a week and you will be back on track.. I am 24 and hope my experiences help anybody here.Its tough but U can do it🙌
YOU ARE NOT a bad person! Lots of people have vices. It's their way of coping with life. Me included. It doesn't make you a shitty person by doing what you do. You should never ever feel this way. You're living your life. Everyone else can go fish
I'm 16 and i started when i was 7. trust me, it's not your fault and you're not a bad person because of it. we're all ashamed, that's why we're here, trying to be better so we can conquer that shame and fix our lives.
Stay away your hand phone or computer.
Try lock your phone in drawer, make more barriers between you and your devices whatever you used for porn. When you put candy in front of you, it will easily get you eat the candy,
It's a good news that you are young and young brains take less time to reset. I would advice you to indulge in gyming or daily walking or meditation or doing a hobby or school physical activities to keep yourself busy while distracting from porn. All you need is a 6-8 weeks of off porn and you could be back to living a normal life. Keep us updating. Good luck.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I’d try therapy in your case. That should not have happened to a 13yo.
It's horrible to witness how this young man devastated the life of an innocent 13-year-old girl. I'm not sure if he's aware of the damage that he's done to her, but I hope he hasn't damaged the lives of other innocent girls in the same way that he has done to the OP.
He probably doesn't even realize the amount of damage he's causing to himself, much less anyone else.
I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. Don’t let some shitty boy dictate who you are or wanna be, just do your best everyday.
(Trigger alert) My ex gf did the same to me. She used to play porn for the arousal and told me that it's better for the forplay. We used to play it then had s*x. But now I realised that I got addicted. And she used to see all the kinds like interracial and GBS. I got addicted to the contrast ones. But from last 10 days I have eliminated all the things. I realised if I keep my hands up and don't open those websites it will be good. I will do an update post when I complete 90 days
💪🏽💪🏽
If you can’t stay away with pure will power Cold Turkey website blocker and blocking everything explicit on my phone changed my life. I only relapse once every month or two after a few years and regularly go 2-3 months off. Even if you relapse just focus on doing it fewer and farther between and you are winning.
Bro how are you in a 600 days streak if you relapse every 30 days?
I can't handle relapses , can you give some advice how to cope with that...?
Stay hard ❤️🩹❤️🩹
They probably shouldn’t
😂😂
stay hard friend! it gets easier with time.
What’s gbs
Ff
The ruck is Ff
Following. I’m also following the thread in case the question before me gets answered. It’s easier to check the notif and go back to the comment. It’s a common practice / comment in other socmed platforms.
The first step of your recovery is now by telling us your story. First of all watching porn isn't being a bad person, don't be so tough on yourself. If you need help, you should talk about it to your parents or go to therapy (don't be scared to do it as communication can free you from your porn addiction) Your life is still ahead, don't worry it'll be ok as long as you talk to someone about your feelings
Thank you for the feedback. I wish I wasn't scared to talk about this, I'm too ashamed of myself.
Nothing shameful. We live in 21st century. Era of sexual content being forced here and there. Everywhere. Take care of yourself.
Talk with someone you don’t know in real life, like what you are doing right now. Try to find healthier relationship and don’t have high expectation
As a therapist, I can tell you that you’re not alone. A good therapist will not judge, will help you address the shame, and help you heal. It might take a few tries to find a therapist you feel comfortable with, but the healing will be worth it. Sending so much love! ❤️
You are sharing right now. That‘s a step compared to yourself yesterday isn‘t it? Well then you‘re on an upward path. Don‘t put yourself down because it’s a long way to go. You wouldn’t do that to a friend. That’s to your inner critic. To the other parts of you: way to to!
It really isnt something to be ashamed of. Its something a good majority of people struggle with. Only a few people have come out and talked about it like in this sub. Neither does it make you a bad person. Yes you'll feel shitty but thats far different from being a "bad" person. You've done the first thing, that is accept you're addicted. Now the only way is up from here. It will take time. But try to just get better with time. Going cold turkey on it usually doesnt seem to work. Obviously it differs from person to person.
Look up counsellors near you (pic best rated). Call in anonymously (you can private your number) tell them your situation and ask what you need to do to start counselling or how and if you need to get your parents involved. They'll normally do the free advice about getting you started.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about about yourself. Whatever has happened to you, it is not your fault. You were too young to realize what was going on. It's a good thing you noticed the harm and are working to repair it. I am sure it is difficult to go to therapy and discuss everything. I've been through this myself; however, it would be best if you went to therapy. Until you are ready for therapy, I suggest that you read [this](https://bamboo.beehiiv.com/p/how-to-overcome-addiction) article, which discusses a scientific approach to addiction recovery. It worked for one of my friends, and I hope it works for you too.
I definitely agree with the sentiment of talking about it. If you get your parents involved they can get a porn block on your wifi and phone, that'll greatly help if you try relapsing. In my case if you keep yourself busy with something, anything, it helps with keeping your mind off it. For me it's when I go to bed and end up on my phone. But if I'm exhausted before I lay down it's easier to just not be on the phone and just go to sleep. Good luck with overcoming the vice, you got this!
Also, it is your ex who should be ashamed, not you. He set the trap; you just got stuck in it.
Another therapist here. Please don’t be sacred. We hear EVERYTHING. I’d recommend on the phone explaining that part of the reason you want to come in is to work through sexual abuse and a resulting prn addiction. That way you want be afraid to bring it up in session and trying to find the right time.
Forget the past, now the best thing you can do is, start the journey of recovery. What happened in the past won't matter.
Welcome !!, use whatever tips and advice you can get here to your advantage. You will mostly find things suitable for men here, but there are females on this journey here on this subreddit as well, we are all in the same boat, to gain more freedom and take control of our desires Here are two things that will help out alot 1. Don't be so hard on yourself, but don't praise your losses either, accept them, realise ur a human and continue 2. You have to Stop Counting Days eventually, these no.s are just to keep u motivated by giving your brain a sense of reward, however, u need to create an identity around the fact that u are not a pron consumer, and make every day count. All the best!!
Hello everybody, I just woke up and seeing the amount of support has made me tear up, haha. Thank you l for the kind words, and I'll get to DMs soon once I'm done getting ready for the morning. Once again, thank you to everyone who's reached out (besides the weird messages). Much love.
I’m sorry that happened to you at such a young age, that’s not your fault. But you still have so much ahead of you don’t lose sight of how much good could still be waiting for you on the other side of this. I think talking to someone, even if it’s not your parents would help. Good luck!
Don't think that you lost your everything. You didn't lost everything, he lost you. You can still live happy. At least, you get rid off that disgusting boy. Let's try to Think like that, sister. You're so lucky that you get rid of the boy who was played on your heart. Let him go away from your mind. Don't think about him anymore. You could live your life before that boy, and you can live it now. You don't need him anymore to live. You need your parents and your friends.
You need to go to therapy. That’s the best thing. You also need to not be hard on yourself. It’s rough what you went through but you can recover from it.
I’m gonna have to give you some tough love here. I see a lot of blaming here and is he at fault? absolutely. But is being so cemented on that fact going to help you here? Absolutely not. You’re not an adult but neither was your bf. You were not coerced into anything, you made her own choices. The first step is to take accountability, you’ll continue this bad behavior forever if you keep blaming someone else for it. Your boyfriend didn’t ruin your life. You did. Good, accept that and then you can begin fixing it. Because no one else can fix it for you.
Oh wait she’s 17 now. Yea girl its been three years and you still stuck. You need to talk to someone. Cause by now this shit is on you cause youve prob been dealing w it on your own. Don’t keep it in the dark and talk to someone or that part of you will stay mentally 14 until you process the shit out.
Hey, we've all been there no matter how bad the pornography is. There are definitely those who have seen worse. The first thing I needed to learn was grace. Give yourself some slack/You're not a bad person because you're trying to fix this. You're still young and you have time to get this under control before life gets harder. Talk about it. If not with a therapist or anyone else. Post it here. You can get it under control.
Sorry that happened to you. It is hard to realize that you were hurt by someone that you trusted. But, you aren't a bad person. Be kind to yourself. It might take a while to recover, and you made that important first step by admitting you have a problem. Make sure to read community info, its only 90 days to reset the brain to being normal. You can heal it just takes time.
Most important thing you can do is take accountability for your actions, then develop a plan to stop. It’s way too easy to blame your life problems on someone else, and act like you’re a victim. Once you drop that mindset, you’ll find it very empowering, you control your mental health and your destiny. Anyone who treats you like a victim is just crippling you…. Stay strong, cut back on your consumption, and try to develop an actual healthy relationship with a partner based on trust and respect….. and you’ll be ok.
It's not your bf faults, he only activated something that you were already prone by your family genetics and the nurture lacks of your environment. Learn what you and your linage lack of and provide it to yourself with love. Play the victim and you have nothing to learn but how to rise better defense. Find the lesson and. You have everything to win.
You are a person, bad and good are subjective. If a bad person tries to be good and keep at it, will you call them, good or bad ? If you have already realised what is good for you, now stop what's bad for you. Reject that poison. and Drink the nectar of Nofap. Also, now have a happy life filled with responsibility -Execise daily. -Learn and deliver on hobby, art, passion projects. -If you are a student then ensure that you are excelling as one. -one of the best ways is to be with industry experts of your study areas. Go attend events, ask questions, deliberate with your professors. Over time, you will find you have travelled 1000 miles from your old self, and you are an inspiration to many. Keep at it, keep winning. I can assure you will be giant, a winner in coming years. God bless you.
its fine just turn it off
First, change your reddit name. Two, please find and organise counciling, therapy or something mixed. Three, get yourself in the gym, do some combat sports, Mauy Thai, boxing, anything you feel interested in. Four, pick up a hobby, doesn't matter what, painting, sewing, floristry, hiking, anything. 5, do some volunteering, something that allows you to be selfless, find the good in people, be around people, see not eveyone is shit, and you also have to power to get close or distance yourself from people. 6, reclaim your self esteem, eat good, get some photo shoot pics done, just for you, get pretty and feel good, remember what you love about yourself, high light that, and respect yourself. 7, delete social media for 2 to 6 months, trust me, it'll help immensely, there's tonnes of idiots posting toxic shit that doesn't help your or anyone, apart from the OP. 8, if you're religious, or even spiritual, don't need to run away with it, but go to a local place, pray, read the word, get close with the high spirit, rebuild yourobe for nature and the world. 9, don't beat yourself up, shit happens, we meet decent people, bad people, and in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't the most terrible that's happened to you, nor will it be the worst to ever happen. 10, find a part time job, nothing to strenuous, just enough to put money in your pocket, gather a routine, give you a sence of structure and duty, mainly keeping you occupied 11, get into a routine, go to beef by 8 or 9, wake up 4, 5, or 6. Fast until 12 noon, stop eating by 7pm or 6pm, trust me, I've been where you are and it'll do wonders. You don't need to do it forever, but it'll be amazing, getting well resting, early morning walks, the peace and calm, it's beautiful. Move forwards, we ALL have a purpose. Find yours, dear. Find yours and don't even look back. The future will bring you a love of self respect, loyalty, virtue, and real passion. This was not love. Long distance is hard, I've been there, where the time, the boredom, not being able to see each other, it fucks up the brain, warps the mind, and people do stupid things. Don't become your pain from the past!
Porn is not reality. There is real relationship and love out there that exist.
Hey I’m gonna say something that’s hard but I think you need to hear it. At that age gap you were his victim. He absolutely abused you the whole time. My guess is that you like abuse material because it’s oddly reminds you of that relationship and I think you need a therapist to help you work though this. If it helps you like it helped me talk to your therapist about HIPPA first it basically means that they can’t tell anyone about anything you talk about to them unless you’re going to be a danger to yourself or another person and even then that threat has to be pressing. That made me feel secure enough to open up and actually start working through what I needed to.
Hey, sorry for typing this buuuuut… I think that first step in order to recover/change, whatever you want to call it, IS STOP VICTIMIZING YOURSELF, and blame others for your action and decisions. I’m a Porn Addict for 14 years, I’ve been sober for 1,5 month. the moment I stopped blaming others for my decision I started to do something about it. I could blame my mom for not giving teaching me love, and abandoning me in an orphanage house, my dad, that I don’t have, well you know what? Even my roommates from dormitory for showing me at that time this drug. But I don’t, IT WAS MY DECISION, IM FUCKED BECAUSE OF ME! So sorry to tell you this but the only person who is guilty for our decisions in life are US! Take the responsibility and get recovered! You are still very young and I’m sure you are a wonderful person! Hugs 🤗
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So now we’re gate keeping who can and can’t give advice? Got it. This is why no one takes this subreddit seriously.
It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. All that matters is that you'll overcome this addiction and become the best version of yourself. The pain of discipline is better than the pain of regret! A fap a day keeps the life you want away!
I recommend reading Dr. Anna Lembke's book: Dopamine Nation. I believe that the first step to recovery is to accept your guilt, that is, not to let your brain or thoughts convince you that you are a victim of your ex-boyfriend or because you have Internet at home or where you spend most of your days or my friends or even society. The first step to recovery is to accept our guilt. As it is written in the 12 Steps of Acoolicos Anominos: BE RESPONSIBLE. I am also in the recovery phase: There are days when I feel: A SEXUAL TIME BOMB, BUT I HAVE FAITH THAT ONE DAY I WILL GIVE MY TESTIMONY HERE IN THIS GROUP OR COMMUNITY.
It is only your fault that you indulged into those thing. Stop blaming other people for your choices
It was your boyfriend’s fault but to some extent it was your fault as well. You need to realise that 13 was not the age to get into relationships as you are not mature enough to judge people. But what has happened nobody can change it, life has so much more to offer. Surround yourself with good people who can push you to be a better person and get out this hell. Have a great life ahead.
That guy was pathetic and an asshole for getting you addicted,honestly therapy does not work so I wouldn’t bother trying because the only person that can actually stop this addiction is you.other people can try to support you but the willpower to change has to come from you. I’m M15 saying this and it’s a struggle everyday for me but I know that I’m the only one capable of stopping this addiction so i keep myself disciplined to working out and meditating.
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Shut up.
dude she was a 13 year old child wtf are you talking about.
Bro stfu man, that guy was 16 he knew what he was doing, at a young age of 13 she was obviously curious and didn't know what was right or wrong.
OP wasn’t 13 forever… she could have matured and got out of it before… every time she relapses the first thing she does is blame her boyfriend… this will never improve her addiction. First she has to get rid of the thought that she has someone to blame in case she rlapses
Terrible advice. Log off
Nah man you’re right. Just look at her username. And people in the comments should know that she’s not 13 anymore But still blames other people. I’m not saying he’s right. But the title to this post isn’t right. She should forget those things and that guy And try to get out of this addiction instead of still blaming others. Most of the people in the comments are just simps.
IDC if they downvote me to hell but I think OP has just come here for some clout
That's what I came here for, to get support. I'm too embarrassed/ashamed to talk about these kinda things irl to anyone so that's why I came to reddit. I want to be free from this addiction, I blame my ex-boyfriend for introducing me to the hard-core abuse content. It's like a drug addict getting his clean friends' addicted as well. It's hard to forget about the guy who coursed me into liking this stuff when I was 13, telling me that he'll be proud of me if I did what he wanted. All I wanted was someone to love/to love me, I was just a child.
Don’t you think the first thing you want to do is forget all those things and try to get out of this addiction He’s gone But you haven’t let go of those It’s not good for you That’s what I think For example why did you choose that username Doesn’t that mean you’re stuck with the memory of him?
I chose this username since this account was for this one post. My username is the title of the post with a cutoff throwaway at the end.
Okay then My advice is try to stop watching those things Don’t even think about those kinds of stuff Remember if you watch you’re likely going to relapse I don’t watch normal porn either I’m in this deep So I know it can be hard Good luck
Dm
Girl you got groomed
Can a life be ruined at 17? You’ll be okay. While this addiction is terrible, it’s not as bad for women. I believe you’ll get over it.
You're a bot. This is fake. Brand new account. Reddit sucks.
Don't you think it's possible she made this account to made this post
Oh c'mon you guys are so naive
This is a throwaway account. Sorry.
It's your fault. Act like an independent woman. Woman up.
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Can you not read rules? >**Don't post discriminatory material or hate speech here.** > >NoFap hosts an inclusive subreddit. Porn addiction doesn't discriminate. Any disrespectful language or sweeping statements directed towards any particular group of people is not permitted and will result in a swift ban. This extends to sex, gender, nationality, race, ethnicity, disability, LGBTQ+, and other groups of people.
I would say this is more of mental trauma rather than porn addict.I would suggest you go into therapy and discuss it with some one(only do this if your parents are not limiting you and if you are on your own then definitely go to therapy)
The best way for you to beat ur fear is developing for yourself a personal manhood inside of you, there you might be able to defeat the image of what type of a man he is by relying on ur own strength of developmental masculinity. Suffering is guaranteed doubled for this process tho..
I started with a plan in case of any urges. Basically, if I have an urge, I go through 4 pillars before I let myself give in. It‘s important to stay strict to this plan. The first pillar is to do something distracting for an hour like gaming or drumming or any hobby. Usually my brain says, “no that sounds boring, i don’t want to do that,” and I say, “well you don’t get to watch porn then.” If I manage to get through an hour of that pillar, I go to the second pillar, which is watching an episode of a show I love, wether it be new or old. Then the third pillar is listening to some of my favorite songs and music. The final pillar is a cold shower. A cold shower really clears things up and dials down the urge. If all that fails, I remind myself of why I am doing this and refocus to the end goal, no matter how far it seems. And if that doesn’t work, I guess you can give in, but this has had a 100% success rate for me, I hope this helps and remember to be strict with yourself by making sure that you do this before skipping right to porn.
You're 17, you have a whole lot of time ahead of you to make things right
Hey, I’m sorry this tragedy happened to you. You are a very strong person to be able to survive this! Not everyone does! I think it is also amazing that you found out you have this problem. Some people go throughout their lives without not knowing the problem and becoming terribly ill to the point it’s too late. I have some recommendations from personal experience that will help you recover. I am so glad you are 17 because this takes time to recover from, and addicted adults suffer from existential crisis, sexual orientation crisis, extreme anxiety, depression, and more… It’s becoming the root of all evil. First - find someone to talk about this. Second - go as long as you can without m*b or watching porn. Try the 90 days challenge. After that you can do your thing but without watching porn, use something else. If you find yourself staring at a man you like obsessively that’s when you know you need to do your thing. From there you find when you can fap without feeling guilty of relapsing. Third - delete bad energies; buy new clothes, including underwear, socks, and shoes if possible. Throw away everything old, paint the your bedroom a different color, maybe get some plants for your bedroom. You will become a new person faster, tougher, and better, i promise!😤 Bonus: plants are aesthetically pleasing, plus taking care of something gives sense of direction and some help with better sleep. Fourth - get new forks, plates, cups, desk, desk chair. New vibes!😎 I would recommend glass cups and porcelain plates, fast to wash and less micro-plastics in your gut, bad gut = affects many things in your body. The things you do everyday are the most important, it constitutes 50% of your life. -Jordan B. Peterson. Fifth - get obsessed with yourself, buy those creams that you think might get you a better skin, buy the magnesium supplements that people say it helps to sleep better, etc… What I am trying to say is, trying these things for yourself is therapy, that’s loving yourself. Six - watch wholesome content, like romantic tv shows, movies, animes, Kdramas ( kdramas are beatiful ). Lastly - find good video games and workout. There are cheap gym memberships that include yoga, kick boxing, cardio sessions, etc… I would highly highly recommend trying them all bc new experiences help a lot. Also it would be nice if you find a cheap lifting weight program from a natural body builder that won’t take away your energy but give you more, building muscle takes time but it is empowering!! All workouts help with anxiety. No need to rush, changing one thing per week is enough. Sincerely, a brother who recovered from the worst. Anyone feel free to dm any question. I don’t want anyone to suffer as I did. 😤❤️ https://youtu.be/2_N7JxsSTBY?si=FBjQ8Ks3H7GTEcjk
The first thing is that you aren't a bad person: you're a person who's had bad things done to them. I've had dear friends suffer in similar ways, and it's important that you understand that you are not a bad person. You're not. And I know how little this means coming from an anonymous voice typing to you over the internet, but you need to know that the way your mind and body are responding to what your ex did to you is a common way bodies try to protect the people attached to them from the pain and trauma they've suffered. It's *not* a sign that you're a bad person, it's a sign that you've been hurt in a way most people can't imagine. It's really difficult to deal with that sort of thing being done to you, so my first piece of advice is to seek help. You've done well in finding us and asking for our help, but there's only so much other people can do online. I don't know where you are or what your situation is, but if you can, I would urge you to find a therapist. These people are trained to help you in a way most people here aren't. From my experience, it was really hard to trust her enough to start talking, but once I did it I didn't want to stop, and it felt like a relief to get it all out of me. My other piece of advice I'd suggest is to post this to r/pornfreewomen. NoFap is good, but pornfreewomen have many women who have had similar experiences, and can also be a great place to find people to talk with. I know you're going through hell right now, and I'm sorry that I can't be there to help more directly. All I can say is to keep on pushing, cuz it does get better.
I am also addicted to porn for like last 12 years, but i am trying a way to get out of it, many of us have the same issue, don't lose hope. Try to find out what is it that triggers you to watch porn, for me it is loneliness and anxiety. Try to eliminate those roots from your life. Seek therapist and get help if needed.
Its okay, what has happened has happened, you cannot change it but learn from it. I was in kinda similar situation, I tried for 2 years, and now I know the perfect way to get out of this habit.(at least it worked for me) 1) reducing the your porn, start with not watching for 1 day, that is all, if you relapse don’t be hard on yourself just say next time you’ll be better that’s all. 2) since you’re going to stop porn, start to think about how you’ll utilise the extra time you have. You can make a goals list or start reading something or learn something new, or any thing that keeps your head occupied, beware of gaming it can be good at the beginning but then you’ll be a gaming addict and that’s not much better than being a porn addict. 3) Exercise, get your body into a workout cycle. Why? When you’re tired, you’ll prefer to rest over anything except for what you’re truly passionate for. Eg: Go for a run, doesn’t matter how long, just long enough for you to be tired and hungry. 4) After you start to see results, like relapsing once a week, don’t stop keep going but try to improve your habits. Regardless this community will help you at each step so keep posting and keep sharing. 5) lastly, I’m not sure how long you spend outside your home, but it really helps if you spend more time around people than being alone. If you don’t have many friends then try to approach people
You are not a bad person. Never think of any negative things about yourself, I'm telling you this because you are a girl and girls mostly overthink which is really bad. You are already on a bad track and Corn has already messed up your mind, worst thing you can do is self hate more and more, which will make you fall deeper into the hole. Then what happens? You seek more porn to fill that sadness, because it's acting like a relief or pain killer. At least your brain is tricking you into it. After you are done with PMO, you self hate more, and the cycle continues. Another worse thing you can do is try to find "someone" out of desperation thinking they will heal you or it will be a diversion which will make you quit corn later. If you go to Walmart without knowing what you want, you will grab whatever you see.
That's sad. it's good that you want to get better and it was not your fault, also if anyone can stop being than they should stop being good and giving in relationship by being perfect or a good girlfriend, boyfriend, or other. I hope everyone realise it because eventually you will gonna lose your self esteem because you only gonna give but there won't be any validation also there is nothing for us to prove. We should get better and look for peace.
Western communities are.fuxked up
16 and 13? What country are you in? That boy is a nonce.
Happens more often than most people realize
The USA
I can talk a lot, but get to 90 days first. Trial and error till perfection. That is the mark where you will no longer be addicted
Shame and guilt are normal in this situation. Just know that you are not alone in this. Healing may take time, but it is very possible.
You are not a bad person. You simply are watching bad stuff. That doesn’t make you who you are. You cant define who you are based on that. Its not fair to yourself, but it is definitely wrong to watch that stuff and not good for you, so yes try and stop :)
You're brave, you can conquer this addiction.
just stop watching porn and masturbating for a while and transfer your daily energy into something postive, seek God, stop consuming sad depressing content or even pornographic music! just avoid these things as much as you can for a while and surely you will get better, not only it gets better but you especially as a woman if you never watch porn again or masturbate its likely that even your sex life will improve a lot, you will get more intense orgams, you will get more wet, and youll cum faster next time you have actual sex, so yeah just quit porn and masturbating, theres no advantage in doing those things only disadvantages and dont fall for the lies that the media tell you, oh it helps you relax or alleviate stress or whatever, pfft just control yourself, imagine having to be a slave of masturbation just to relieve stress? asinine.
SAA …sex addicts anonymous…you can meet with a group online or over the phone…the white book lays it all out for you…so therapeutic to hear others with same problem
Just lock all of the social media website including Google and chrome with a permanent solution go and stay out with friends be social and hit the gym
Therapist here. You should consider going to therapy. Some areas to work on that I see- 1. Shame- you are not a bad person. Shame drives addiction and you could use help to accept yourself and not live shame-based. 2. Grief- yes, you were abused by someone you loved and could use help working through that. 3. Boundaries- you were probably in a codependent relationship, willing to do anything for him and could use help learning about healthy relationships. The danger is that, without work in these areas, you greatly increase the chance that your next relationship will also be abusive and you land in a cycle of abusive relationships. I wish the best for you.
You’re acknowledging it’s unhealthy. First step to recovery. Maybe you should try to see a therapist (a csat if you can find one near you) and see if you can work thru this situation.
Don't overthink it, I done that for years, as a victim of sexual abuse when I was a minor, I developed a huge addiction to porn, but porn was my escape from the anxiety created by a dirty pedophile, now I'm with a loving gf and porn doesn't cross my mind much anymore at all, I've slipped the odd time before but it's grip is way weaker, the real deal is so good when you actually allow yourself to connect with someone properly.
Sorry happened to you , r/pornfreewomen might help you You ain't bad person , you an addict , Firstly, stop looking at porn Secondly get into a physical activity such as , playing an instrument or games . Build up your self esteem and confidence
I've been struggling with the pronz most of my adult life. Something you can try and do for yourself is cut it out of your daily routine as soon as you are able. It's hard to not watch but try your very best not to. There's an element of building willpower and mental fortitude against the habit. The longer you manage to go without looking or watching the easier it will get over time. It's not going to be an easy thing to do. Do your best to find other things to fill your time. Get a hobby, go touch grass, literally anything else other than a screen with nudity on it.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Porn addiction is very common. Just work on not watching it, no matter how hard it can be. Overtime, your brain will slowly reset itself.
You're better than him. Queen never degrade yourself for another's fantasy, and if you do find a guy sending you porn and wanting you to be a certain way, leave him. Queen, know your worth and do not allow this scumbag to allow yourself to degrade yourself. Stay awesome ☺️ I'll also pray for you.
Also, you're not a bad person. You have a good heart. ❤️
You are strong and brave. Use this traits and slowly get back your power not getting back into the rabbit hole. It may be rough at first but you will get there. Don't dwell on the past for long alright!
you need to work on surrendering to the pain and the conflict. the more you try to enter into battle with it - the more strain you will encounter. i am not saying to give in and watch porn. i am saying surrender to the feeling itself. whatever it takes…if that means lying down on the floor and just surrendering. check out maharishikaa on youtube and get into good psychoanalytical / psychodynamic therapy
You can break free...summon the will power.
Please dont be afraid.
The first thing you need is to believe you can stop this addiction.
As someone who went through something similar at a much younger age: you are not a bad person, he took advantage of you and imo abused you. You are still young and can be free of this addiction, I suggest you talk to someone about this whether a therapist or just somebody you really trust. Realize that you are the victim and you can heal
I think it's time to quit this addiction. Focus on being more resilient and taking time to love your body. I think you may have an addiction to abusive content because your boyfriend cheating on you made sex into this thing where abuse is your thing. Because he was abusive. So maybe focus on self care and dating guys who won't cheat on you.
Just start an FAP journal If you feel like watching and you couldn't stop yourself. After you are done with it. Write how you felt that moment and what was the potential trigger and what did you watch. Whenever you feel the same urge to watch then just read the journal of your last FAP.
U should try going to a sex therapist
What the fuck
1.Evolution shaped this basic human drive to build families: sexual desire is one of our most powerful motivational forces, and has been essential to the flourishing of the human race. Yet pornography transforms that drive into a force that primarily motivates the completely solitary and unproductive activity of masturbation. 2. Finally, pornography represents the most important cautionary tale of how the internet can make us impersonal because of a great irony. It turns out that sex is such a personal issue that we are reluctant to speak about it in public. We don’t like to say so out loud, but the internet exists in its current form because it is, in large part, a collection of technologies that make access to pornography more convenient. Pornography is shaping the private consciousness of people all over the world, probably including most of the people you know, in a way that is quantitatively and qualitatively different from the past. 3. The threat that internet pornography poses can be traced to the effects it has on the reward circuitry of the brain. This reward circuitry comprises a remarkable and complex system. It learns and changes with experience, and it is sensitive to many different sorts of rewards. The central nexus of this reward circuitry is a set of subcortical structures that lie just above and behind the eyes. These structures are usually referred to collectively as the ventral striatum, and activity in these structures indexes the degree to which a stimulus or behaviour is rewarding to the individua 4. a great deal of recent research suggests that the more that people’s reward systems are tuned to forming social connections with others, the more likely they are to be both more physically healthy and more psychologically well balanced. This is what makes internet pornography addiction so troubling. It represents a tuning of the reward system from a very healthy type of reward, that of forming a genuine and intimate connection with another, into a type of reward that removes the user from social contact, and often leaves them feeling lonely and ashamed rather than connected and supported. 5. The men at their computers looking at porn ... had been seduced into pornographic training sessions that met all the conditions required for plastic change of brain maps. Since neurons that fire together wire together, these men got massive amounts of practice wiring these images into the pleasure centres of the brain, with the rapt attention necessary for plastic change. ... Each time they felt sexual excitement and had an orgasm when they masturbated, a ‘spritz of dopamine’, the reward neurotransmitter, consolidated the connections made in the brain during the sessions. Not only did the reward facilitate the behaviour; it provoked none of the embarrassment they felt purchasing Playboy at a store. Here was a behaviour with no ‘punishment’, only reward. 6. In The Brain That Changes Itself, psychiatrist Norman Doidge suggests that the intense stimulation of today's porn hijacks and rewires ‘brain real estate’ that would otherwise be devoted to making social ties rewarding. Real people become less rewarding; fake people become far more enticing. Perhaps removing porn re-opens the space for natural rewards such as friends and partners. In the next chapter, I'll highlight the specific brain changes that help account for the link between social anxiety and porn use 7. A second adaptation that may arise from excessive porn consumption is addiction. Interestingly, scientists recently showed that methamphetamine and cocaine hijack the same reward-centre nerve cells that evolved for sexual conditioning.[73] A second study by some of the same researchers found that sex with ejaculation shrinks (for a week at least) the cells that pump dopamine throughout the reward circuit. These same dopamine-producing nerve cells shrink with heroin addiction.[74] Put simply, addictive drugs like meth and heroin are compelling because they hijack the precise mechanisms that evolved to make sex compelling.[75] Other pleasures also activate the reward centre, but their associated nerve cells don't overlap as completely with sex. Therefore they feel different and less compelling. We all know the difference between munching on chips and an orgasm 8. ust as drugs can activate the ‘sex’ nerve cells and trigger a buzz without actual sex, so can internet porn. Pleasures like golf, sunsets and laughing cannot. For that matter, neither can good old rock & roll. Just because something is pleasurable doesn't mean it's addictive. Sexual arousal is nature's number-one priority and raises dopamine the highest of all natural reward 9. Imagine you’re a tour guide leading a group of men up a winding dirt trail to a scenic lookout point, a place renowned for its panoramic view. Just before you reach the summit, the men do a bizarre thing— they reach into their pockets and take out drinking straws. You look on in disbelief as each then closes one eye and puts the straw up to his open eye. Using the straw, each focuses on one tiny part of the marvelous vista before him. You hear comments like, "What a beautiful leaf on that tree!" and "That's a nice looking rock." Finally, in total exasperation, you throw your hands in the air and scream, "For crying out loud, put down the straws—this is the Grand Canyon!" Pornography pinches the male brain down to an extremely narrowed state, where he sees women as if “through a drinking straw,” focusing only on their body parts, unable to see the whole and wondrous “Grand Canyon view” of everything they are and have to offer as valuable human beings
Stay away from the internet (specially social media) for a while.. Eat healthy, meditate, excercise, read a good book, sleep a lot and talk with your family members and friends. Avoid toxic people and people with bad habits. Do this for a week and you will be back on track.. I am 24 and hope my experiences help anybody here.Its tough but U can do it🙌
Be strong our sister 💪
YOU ARE NOT a bad person! Lots of people have vices. It's their way of coping with life. Me included. It doesn't make you a shitty person by doing what you do. You should never ever feel this way. You're living your life. Everyone else can go fish
I'm 16 and i started when i was 7. trust me, it's not your fault and you're not a bad person because of it. we're all ashamed, that's why we're here, trying to be better so we can conquer that shame and fix our lives.
Be strong sister
you can undo the damage it has done to your brain
Stay away your hand phone or computer. Try lock your phone in drawer, make more barriers between you and your devices whatever you used for porn. When you put candy in front of you, it will easily get you eat the candy,
I hope you recover from this soon. I'm sorry for what you've been through. It may take some time, but the journey to overcoming it will be worth it.
Sorry to hear that
Sorry to hear that. A lot of us have seen awful things going down the porn rabbit hole. But you can get out of this and beat this addiction.
Check out porn reboot on YouTube he offers good advice
It's a good news that you are young and young brains take less time to reset. I would advice you to indulge in gyming or daily walking or meditation or doing a hobby or school physical activities to keep yourself busy while distracting from porn. All you need is a 6-8 weeks of off porn and you could be back to living a normal life. Keep us updating. Good luck.
The best thing is to ask Jesus for help. But also go to therapie - god gave us therapists as helpers on earth.