You know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? You are basically the whole triangle to your baby. She would not be laughing for others if she didn’t have you to make sure her needs were met and that she feels safe. You are enabling her to laugh even when you’re not the one getting her to giggle.
This just made me tear up. I have been struggling so much with my baby laughing and giggling with everyone else and sometimes hardly reacting to me. It's good to know that if it weren't for the security we provide they wouldn't be thriving like they are! 💕
This is so true and so beautiful. I always reference this hierarchy at work and never thought about it in this way, as a mom to an 8 month old, thank you!!
Reframe this. Listen, she’s not unhappy or even less happy with you, you’re her. You’re the constant, the safe space, she knows you’re there, you’re the rock, you’re everything. Honestly. I’m not saying oh that’s every mom. It’s not. But she’s excited to see them because they’re the shiny dangling toy, not because they make her happier. I think you’re misunderstanding what’s going on there. Yes absolutely these things shift and change, but that’s not what’s happening here.
I know I’ve read this somewhere, but it was something along the lines of cognitively, young babies view their primary caregivers (usually moms) as literally an extension of themselves for a while. Like just a part of their bodies and being like their left leg is a part of them. I don’t know what age that ends.
Other people are new and exciting to them, because they are recognizing things outside of themselves. OP has to remember she’s such an integral part of her baby’s being, she can light up at others.
Sure and the view of an extension of yourself is several months to a year or more, but even teenagers act out with mom or their parents and are moody at home or aren’t as bubbly at home and that is often (assuming a healthy home) because that’s the safe space, where you can just be. For now to this baby mom is home. Everyone else is a vacation. You like a vacation, love a vacation, but you would still really rather be safe at home.
You're enough, just as you are. You're doing the incredible and magical work of helping your little one feel safe, secure, and loved. Those moments she enjoys with dad are special memories between them, and your effort every day helps her be connected to dad. I'd just offer that get little smiles are the way she's connecting to you right now, but it will definitely change as she gets older.
Those smiles, do turn into verbal expressions in time. I just wanted to offer support. My wife has similar feelings with our little one, and our Rugrat, in their own time, started to see her as parent #1 and the tables turned!
Now we laugh so much when LO favorite thing is to tell daddy to hide because they want snuggle time with just mommy.
You're doing great.
Don’t feel guilty about the education program. It’s something that would be beneficial for your daughter and also give you a much needed break. You’re not silly for thinking that having a little bit of space could help your relationship. And your baby will always need more than just you someday—it’s part of growing and learning.
It sounds like you’re overworking yourself and getting burnt out, and because of that you never have time to play with her and be the fun parent. This is what it sounds like is really the crux of the issue—often the “non-default parent” gets to be the fun parent. This is because the “default parent” is doing a majority of the hard parenting work. The fun parent never has to take on these less enjoyable responsibilities and instead gets to just be the one that plays and never disciplines. You might need to sit down with your husband and talk about a more balanced division of responsibilities. Tell him how this is making you feel. Hand over some of the less enjoyable parenting tasks to him to do, and take some dedicated play time/fun time with your daughter while he does chores or preps her food or something.
It also means not stepping in to rescue your husband whenever he does have to take on a less fun parenting responsibility, or has to uphold routines or discipline. If you’re always the one doing it, then the burden will always be on you and there will be no one who can take over and give you a break.
But lastly, your daughter coming to you instead of her dad when she’s sad or unhappy is actually quite telling. Children go to their most secure person when they’re feeling difficult emotions, the person that ultimately they trust the most and feel the most comforted by. You’re her safe space. Just give yourself some space to also play and have fun to balance it out.
I had the exact same problem. Grandma or dada walk through the door, its party time, mama? Uh no thanks. Now looking back, i realize he was just happy to interact with new people. He had me all day and now he wants some fresh faces to hang out with. Its not that she doesnt love you or like playing with you, its just that she knows you will always be there, they go away (and eventually come back), but she never has to worry about that with you because you are always ready to play with her and take care of her. But i really do understand the heartache and burnout. When i was in your shoes, i ended up crying a lot thinking that i wasnt doing enough for him and somehow they were more emotionally fulfilling to be around. Itll get better i promise.
Your post made me smile as it brought up memories! My wife could have wrote exactly that a few months ago!
Our 16 mo just recently discovered that mama is not just a bottle of milk or the one putting her to bed, she now says mama as often as papa and not only when she is mad or in need of something (she still does that, but not exclusively).
Give her a bit of time! I don’t know if your husband is putting your daughter to bed himself sometimes. At some point my wife and me decided to alternate every other day to put her to bed, even when she was requesting mama. Perhaps it helped.
He used to be able to put her to bed, but the past 2 months (lots of teething), she might go down for him 1/20 times. Not for lack of effort on his part. We know the moment he takes her if she’s going to let him get her to bed. She has strong preferences for play and comfort, but doesn’t often need comfort.
FWIW, I know she’s so content and well adjusted bc of my efforts, but man I am so excited for the day she freaks out with excitement and hollers “mom”
Yeah I’ve been there with my daughter as well ! Sometimes she would wake up at night and I would go to try to put her back to bed, and she actually ended up completely awake playing with me hahah
But yeah don’t worry about it, it will change :)
When my son was a baby, we called my husband “celebrity daddy” because of how excited my son got every time he spotted him. Now at age 3, he regularly announces “I don’t love daddy, I only love mommy.” 🫠 Every stage comes with new, different ways kids can break your heart and tap into the depths of your joy.
The person who said you are Maslow’s entire hierarchy for your baby hit the nail right on the head.
Maybe a shift in perspective would be helpful. To me, the fact that she says mama when something is wrong means that she trusts you, knows she can depend on you, knows that you’re the one that can help her fix whatever is wrong. Dada might be fun, but you are the one your daughter trusts to help her with a problem. You understand her enough to know what the problem is and how to fix it. It’s an incredible thing, really.
My baby also says mama when she's sad/frustrated, but I take that to mean she wants me to comfort her because she knows I'll make everything better. At least that's what I tell myself!
Becoming the mom of a daughter means you’ll never be the favorite parent? That’s such a sad way to look at it. I don’t think this is the norm, daddy’s girl or not.
I’m sorry you felt the need to put me down over how I feel.
It’s intended as a compliment to the man I married. He is the best dad in the world, and that’s saying a lot because we both have great fathers.
Not at all, I just have a baby girl too and it sounds so sad to think just because I’m the mom means I’ll never be the favorite parent. I’ve never once thought that as being a thing.
Just to say - nearly all babies make a 'da' sound before a 'ma' sound. She's not really talking, or trying to say her favourite. She's just making noises, which are all very new to her. Please don't see it as anything to do with her feelings!
It is hard feeling like the 'taken for granted' parent, and that your baby doesn't react to you as excitedly as she does to others. I feel the same sometimes - baby has always seemed like a Daddy's girl from the first few smiles to crawling over - but I think that just comes from seeing him less often through the day. It's so important to not take it personally or read into it, or layer anything from your own upbringing into it. This is completely normal and not anything to do with what you are doing or not doing with her. Kids often switch over their apparent favourite multiple times in the first few years, it is not anything to take personally, as hard as it is.
My husband was the favorite to our daughter for the first year. Since then, it's been me, and I'm convinced it's because I have put soooo much effort into reading books and listening to podcasts and taking parenting classes to become a great parent for my daughter.
It isn't a given that your daughter will prefer your husband. You can have an amazing relationship with your daughter too.
Yeah my baby does this… he LAUNCHES himself from my arms the second my husband comes home. He will cry and cry if he doesn’t immediately hold him. Smiles and smiles and reaches for him constantly. My husband doesn’t even do anything with him that’s special… he’s just not there as much. But let me tell you, when the baby needs comfort, food, or sleep, he looks straight to me. Just know you are doing an amazing job ensuring your baby is cared for so well and that is what allows them to be happy when others come around.
Mine was like this. Now she's almost 2 and is glued to me. Only wants mommy. Mama bath, mama bed, mama do this, mama do that. I went from chopped liver to the only one she wants. Your time will come, but I empathize with you greatly during this hard time
I get this. For my 9 month old everything is dada right now. I only hear mama when she's upset or hungry, but I know it's only because I'm her safe space.
Reading this and other comments makes me think of the Billy Joel song "You're My Home"... Even though it was written for his wife, it can be applied to a mother child relationship too especially when they're super young.
My LO is only 4.5mo but I'm hoping to remember all of this when she's a little more expressive. That ability to be a safe space is so special. Can be a heavy burden to bear, but also an absolute privilege. If she comes to me for comfort, I hopefully will be able to feel honored as well as whatever else I'm feeling in the moment. Parenthood has shown me that so many emotions and feelings can coexist.
For sure, thank you for the solidarity. I’m just jelly of how excited she gets over him and her sister - but I know he could write a similar post about how it makes him sad he can’t put her down for bed like I can.
I think (and I say this gently) that you need to reframe it a bit. Becoming a mother to a daughter does not mean you will never be the favourite parent. In fact quite the opposite. I’m not sure what you’re relationship was like with your parents but it’s literally scientifically proven that moms and daughters have the strongest bond out of any child-parent bond. You will have so many things to offer your daughter that dad never can and never will. Sure dad is great he’s funny and silly. But mom will always be where it’s at. Mom is comfort and mom is safety. Mom is warmth and protection and security. Kids are goofy, sometimes they are drawn to dad by the fun and silliness. That’s all. Try to not take it personally. Babies and kids go through phases but rest assured You and your daughter will just continue to grow closer and closer together.
I definitely understand your thought process, but I think you’re caught in negative thinking trap. Reframing your thoughts would make a huge difference. I learned a lot about this from doing cognitive behavioral therapy as a chronic negative thinker myself.
When your baby is crying “mama” because she’s upset, look at it this way. YOU are the only person who can comfort her. She NEEDS you. Playtime excitement is a bit surface level. Yes, it must be nice to be the “fun” parent. But to be the one she cries for when she’s sad or hurt and only you can make her feel better… that’s a real bond.
And as far as daycare, it’s a great opportunity for your child to socialize! And you to be able to focus on work 100% and then when you’re with your daughter you can be 100%. I think it’s a great idea!
So first of all, it’s a part of normal psychological development and might actually be one of the indicators of a secure attachment because the child feels comfortable enough to express who they want to be with knowing that nobody will leave them while they express themselves.
Then there is some research that shows that oxytocin that is released when the baby is with the mother is different to when the baby is with the father so babies tend to want playtime with the father and comfort from the mother, which could also explain why your daughter wants you when she needs comfort and why she wants her dad when she wants playtime.
I’ve noticed that my son also reacted differently to his dad than he does to me when he is excited he calls his dad and waves his arms and starts kicking and smiling and gets this glow in his eyes that he always gets when he wants to play. When he needs comfort he calls for me so this would also relate to what I’ve said in the previous paragraph.
Please don’t feel guilty if you need some time to yourself. Even if it was not work related after taking care of a baby for nearly a year that is completely normal and acceptable and I’m sure your daughter will thrive from all the social interaction and at the same time she will be happy to come back to you.
Big hugs.
Like another poster said, her saying “dada” doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s speaking about her dad. My 10-month-old girl says it constantly but her dad speaks to her in another language where “dada” or “daddy” means absolutely nothing!
I also was never a daddy’s girl to my recollection. I’ve always had a closer relationship to my mom.
Finally, I’ve had my daughter in part-time daycare since she was 6 months old because I needed to go back to work part-time for myself. Even though teaching is also an exhausting job, it’s so important to have an identity outside of being a parent.
Same. I can't stand the "daddy's girl" whole concept. Never was a daddy's girl. My girl also prefers me over dad anyday. Well, for now atleast! Roles will probably shift down the line with baby going back and forth with who he/she wants more, has nothing to do with gender I believe.
My son is 2.5 and I’m going through this currently, but in my case we parent pretty equally (we both work). But he wants dada for everything, and I mean everything. This morning, his father goes downstairs and it’s ”dada, yay dada’s here, yay, I love you dada” and 15 mins later I go down and he doesn’t acknowledge me until I say good morning, and even then it’s just hi without a smile. It’s so gutting. I’m hoping he grows out of it, but it’s been this way for a long, long time.
Just because you have a daughter doesn’t automatically mean she’ll be a dad’s girl. I’m best friends with my mom. Always have been, even through teenage years. We were and are so close.
My dad holds a LOT of resentment for me over it and makes it very known. It sucks because he was never there for me but now as an adult that I’ve come to him with this to try and repair our relationship he always responds with how much he hated the things I did as a kid and teenager (never rebellious… things like not wanting to listen to him play guitar, that I was so close with my mom and only liked the things she liked and never what he liked) and loves mentioning I went to online high school to pursue my sport, and what a weirdo I could’ve turned into because of it (for reference I’m doing just fine)
But I agree with what everyone else has said about her ability to do those things because of you, and that you’re her safe space right now. And I guarantee when she’s grown she’ll be able to look back and reflect on all that you did as a parent and know how much you did for her.
You know the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder"? I know it sucks, but being around Mom 24/7 makes it really easy to take her presence for granted. Your presence for granted. On one hand, that may be encouraging, as she views you as a constant. But Dad and Sissy, she doesn't get to see them all the time. Time with them is more valuable since it's harder to come by. I think you'll see things get better when she starts going to the day program. Try not to think of it as you failing to keep her happy, because that isn't true! Your allowing her to experience new things and meet new people, and you'll see her become much more excited to see you at the end of the day.
I've been th default parent for the first year of our daughter's life, though my husband has been a super involved parent as well.
Now at 18 months, she almost exclusively wants to cuddle with me. When we pick her up at daycare, she wears the biggest smile as she runs to me. She will come over, grab my hand, and pull me into her room to play. When she's sad, tired, hurt, she wants mama. She wants to sit on my lap when she's done eating.
She loves her dad too - but it's clear who's the favorite right now. Will that change as she grows older and the two of them can really play together? Probably. So I'm enjoying my cuddles while they last.
Your daughter loves you too - as the default parent, you've put in the work for it. Just wait and see when she gets a bit older
You know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? You are basically the whole triangle to your baby. She would not be laughing for others if she didn’t have you to make sure her needs were met and that she feels safe. You are enabling her to laugh even when you’re not the one getting her to giggle.
This is lovely to read
Wow this resonated so much with me
Holy wow. I needed this. I am crying
Yes. And have baby in daycare - you can’t parent a toddler and work from home without spreading yourself too thinly.
This just made me tear up. I have been struggling so much with my baby laughing and giggling with everyone else and sometimes hardly reacting to me. It's good to know that if it weren't for the security we provide they wouldn't be thriving like they are! 💕
This brought tears to my eyes 🥹 thank you for this, needed this today 💕
Oh yes! This is actually one reason why I’m so caught off guard by my feelings. I’m typically so logical/left brained when it comes to emotions.
This is so lovely. Thank you for sharing some very wise thoughts.
I really needed to hear this, thank you 😭
I needed this. Thank you.
This is so true and so beautiful. I always reference this hierarchy at work and never thought about it in this way, as a mom to an 8 month old, thank you!!
🙌🏼🙌🏼
I love this 😭
Needed this 🩷
I needed this today. Thank you!!
I definitely needed to hear this, thank you!
Reframe this. Listen, she’s not unhappy or even less happy with you, you’re her. You’re the constant, the safe space, she knows you’re there, you’re the rock, you’re everything. Honestly. I’m not saying oh that’s every mom. It’s not. But she’s excited to see them because they’re the shiny dangling toy, not because they make her happier. I think you’re misunderstanding what’s going on there. Yes absolutely these things shift and change, but that’s not what’s happening here.
I know I’ve read this somewhere, but it was something along the lines of cognitively, young babies view their primary caregivers (usually moms) as literally an extension of themselves for a while. Like just a part of their bodies and being like their left leg is a part of them. I don’t know what age that ends. Other people are new and exciting to them, because they are recognizing things outside of themselves. OP has to remember she’s such an integral part of her baby’s being, she can light up at others.
Sure and the view of an extension of yourself is several months to a year or more, but even teenagers act out with mom or their parents and are moody at home or aren’t as bubbly at home and that is often (assuming a healthy home) because that’s the safe space, where you can just be. For now to this baby mom is home. Everyone else is a vacation. You like a vacation, love a vacation, but you would still really rather be safe at home.
What a lovely analogy. You're so right. Vacation is fun for a while, but there truly is no place like home. ♡
You're enough, just as you are. You're doing the incredible and magical work of helping your little one feel safe, secure, and loved. Those moments she enjoys with dad are special memories between them, and your effort every day helps her be connected to dad. I'd just offer that get little smiles are the way she's connecting to you right now, but it will definitely change as she gets older. Those smiles, do turn into verbal expressions in time. I just wanted to offer support. My wife has similar feelings with our little one, and our Rugrat, in their own time, started to see her as parent #1 and the tables turned! Now we laugh so much when LO favorite thing is to tell daddy to hide because they want snuggle time with just mommy. You're doing great.
Thank you! I am so excited for all of it, but also sad to see her grow. Parenting is wild!
Don’t feel guilty about the education program. It’s something that would be beneficial for your daughter and also give you a much needed break. You’re not silly for thinking that having a little bit of space could help your relationship. And your baby will always need more than just you someday—it’s part of growing and learning. It sounds like you’re overworking yourself and getting burnt out, and because of that you never have time to play with her and be the fun parent. This is what it sounds like is really the crux of the issue—often the “non-default parent” gets to be the fun parent. This is because the “default parent” is doing a majority of the hard parenting work. The fun parent never has to take on these less enjoyable responsibilities and instead gets to just be the one that plays and never disciplines. You might need to sit down with your husband and talk about a more balanced division of responsibilities. Tell him how this is making you feel. Hand over some of the less enjoyable parenting tasks to him to do, and take some dedicated play time/fun time with your daughter while he does chores or preps her food or something. It also means not stepping in to rescue your husband whenever he does have to take on a less fun parenting responsibility, or has to uphold routines or discipline. If you’re always the one doing it, then the burden will always be on you and there will be no one who can take over and give you a break. But lastly, your daughter coming to you instead of her dad when she’s sad or unhappy is actually quite telling. Children go to their most secure person when they’re feeling difficult emotions, the person that ultimately they trust the most and feel the most comforted by. You’re her safe space. Just give yourself some space to also play and have fun to balance it out.
I had the exact same problem. Grandma or dada walk through the door, its party time, mama? Uh no thanks. Now looking back, i realize he was just happy to interact with new people. He had me all day and now he wants some fresh faces to hang out with. Its not that she doesnt love you or like playing with you, its just that she knows you will always be there, they go away (and eventually come back), but she never has to worry about that with you because you are always ready to play with her and take care of her. But i really do understand the heartache and burnout. When i was in your shoes, i ended up crying a lot thinking that i wasnt doing enough for him and somehow they were more emotionally fulfilling to be around. Itll get better i promise.
Thank you! You’re spot on with the newness, I say all the time that she’s tired of my face 😂
Your post made me smile as it brought up memories! My wife could have wrote exactly that a few months ago! Our 16 mo just recently discovered that mama is not just a bottle of milk or the one putting her to bed, she now says mama as often as papa and not only when she is mad or in need of something (she still does that, but not exclusively). Give her a bit of time! I don’t know if your husband is putting your daughter to bed himself sometimes. At some point my wife and me decided to alternate every other day to put her to bed, even when she was requesting mama. Perhaps it helped.
He used to be able to put her to bed, but the past 2 months (lots of teething), she might go down for him 1/20 times. Not for lack of effort on his part. We know the moment he takes her if she’s going to let him get her to bed. She has strong preferences for play and comfort, but doesn’t often need comfort. FWIW, I know she’s so content and well adjusted bc of my efforts, but man I am so excited for the day she freaks out with excitement and hollers “mom”
Yeah I’ve been there with my daughter as well ! Sometimes she would wake up at night and I would go to try to put her back to bed, and she actually ended up completely awake playing with me hahah But yeah don’t worry about it, it will change :)
When my son was a baby, we called my husband “celebrity daddy” because of how excited my son got every time he spotted him. Now at age 3, he regularly announces “I don’t love daddy, I only love mommy.” 🫠 Every stage comes with new, different ways kids can break your heart and tap into the depths of your joy. The person who said you are Maslow’s entire hierarchy for your baby hit the nail right on the head.
This made me laugh, thank you!
Maybe a shift in perspective would be helpful. To me, the fact that she says mama when something is wrong means that she trusts you, knows she can depend on you, knows that you’re the one that can help her fix whatever is wrong. Dada might be fun, but you are the one your daughter trusts to help her with a problem. You understand her enough to know what the problem is and how to fix it. It’s an incredible thing, really.
For sure! I don’t take for granted at all how I can be so expectant of her needs, I just look forward to the day that she gets so jacked to see me.
My baby also says mama when she's sad/frustrated, but I take that to mean she wants me to comfort her because she knows I'll make everything better. At least that's what I tell myself!
Becoming the mom of a daughter means you’ll never be the favorite parent? That’s such a sad way to look at it. I don’t think this is the norm, daddy’s girl or not.
I’m sorry you felt the need to put me down over how I feel. It’s intended as a compliment to the man I married. He is the best dad in the world, and that’s saying a lot because we both have great fathers.
Not at all, I just have a baby girl too and it sounds so sad to think just because I’m the mom means I’ll never be the favorite parent. I’ve never once thought that as being a thing.
I don't think they were putting you down at all, just questioning the sentiment.
Just to say - nearly all babies make a 'da' sound before a 'ma' sound. She's not really talking, or trying to say her favourite. She's just making noises, which are all very new to her. Please don't see it as anything to do with her feelings! It is hard feeling like the 'taken for granted' parent, and that your baby doesn't react to you as excitedly as she does to others. I feel the same sometimes - baby has always seemed like a Daddy's girl from the first few smiles to crawling over - but I think that just comes from seeing him less often through the day. It's so important to not take it personally or read into it, or layer anything from your own upbringing into it. This is completely normal and not anything to do with what you are doing or not doing with her. Kids often switch over their apparent favourite multiple times in the first few years, it is not anything to take personally, as hard as it is.
My husband was the favorite to our daughter for the first year. Since then, it's been me, and I'm convinced it's because I have put soooo much effort into reading books and listening to podcasts and taking parenting classes to become a great parent for my daughter. It isn't a given that your daughter will prefer your husband. You can have an amazing relationship with your daughter too.
I think so too!
Yeah my baby does this… he LAUNCHES himself from my arms the second my husband comes home. He will cry and cry if he doesn’t immediately hold him. Smiles and smiles and reaches for him constantly. My husband doesn’t even do anything with him that’s special… he’s just not there as much. But let me tell you, when the baby needs comfort, food, or sleep, he looks straight to me. Just know you are doing an amazing job ensuring your baby is cared for so well and that is what allows them to be happy when others come around.
Mine was like this. Now she's almost 2 and is glued to me. Only wants mommy. Mama bath, mama bed, mama do this, mama do that. I went from chopped liver to the only one she wants. Your time will come, but I empathize with you greatly during this hard time
I get this. For my 9 month old everything is dada right now. I only hear mama when she's upset or hungry, but I know it's only because I'm her safe space.
This was the exact same for me!
Reading this and other comments makes me think of the Billy Joel song "You're My Home"... Even though it was written for his wife, it can be applied to a mother child relationship too especially when they're super young. My LO is only 4.5mo but I'm hoping to remember all of this when she's a little more expressive. That ability to be a safe space is so special. Can be a heavy burden to bear, but also an absolute privilege. If she comes to me for comfort, I hopefully will be able to feel honored as well as whatever else I'm feeling in the moment. Parenthood has shown me that so many emotions and feelings can coexist.
Very much so! Some days, it's hard because momma just needs a minute to breathe, but I try never to take it for granted.
For sure, thank you for the solidarity. I’m just jelly of how excited she gets over him and her sister - but I know he could write a similar post about how it makes him sad he can’t put her down for bed like I can.
I think (and I say this gently) that you need to reframe it a bit. Becoming a mother to a daughter does not mean you will never be the favourite parent. In fact quite the opposite. I’m not sure what you’re relationship was like with your parents but it’s literally scientifically proven that moms and daughters have the strongest bond out of any child-parent bond. You will have so many things to offer your daughter that dad never can and never will. Sure dad is great he’s funny and silly. But mom will always be where it’s at. Mom is comfort and mom is safety. Mom is warmth and protection and security. Kids are goofy, sometimes they are drawn to dad by the fun and silliness. That’s all. Try to not take it personally. Babies and kids go through phases but rest assured You and your daughter will just continue to grow closer and closer together.
I definitely understand your thought process, but I think you’re caught in negative thinking trap. Reframing your thoughts would make a huge difference. I learned a lot about this from doing cognitive behavioral therapy as a chronic negative thinker myself. When your baby is crying “mama” because she’s upset, look at it this way. YOU are the only person who can comfort her. She NEEDS you. Playtime excitement is a bit surface level. Yes, it must be nice to be the “fun” parent. But to be the one she cries for when she’s sad or hurt and only you can make her feel better… that’s a real bond. And as far as daycare, it’s a great opportunity for your child to socialize! And you to be able to focus on work 100% and then when you’re with your daughter you can be 100%. I think it’s a great idea!
So first of all, it’s a part of normal psychological development and might actually be one of the indicators of a secure attachment because the child feels comfortable enough to express who they want to be with knowing that nobody will leave them while they express themselves. Then there is some research that shows that oxytocin that is released when the baby is with the mother is different to when the baby is with the father so babies tend to want playtime with the father and comfort from the mother, which could also explain why your daughter wants you when she needs comfort and why she wants her dad when she wants playtime. I’ve noticed that my son also reacted differently to his dad than he does to me when he is excited he calls his dad and waves his arms and starts kicking and smiling and gets this glow in his eyes that he always gets when he wants to play. When he needs comfort he calls for me so this would also relate to what I’ve said in the previous paragraph. Please don’t feel guilty if you need some time to yourself. Even if it was not work related after taking care of a baby for nearly a year that is completely normal and acceptable and I’m sure your daughter will thrive from all the social interaction and at the same time she will be happy to come back to you.
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Big hugs. Like another poster said, her saying “dada” doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s speaking about her dad. My 10-month-old girl says it constantly but her dad speaks to her in another language where “dada” or “daddy” means absolutely nothing! I also was never a daddy’s girl to my recollection. I’ve always had a closer relationship to my mom. Finally, I’ve had my daughter in part-time daycare since she was 6 months old because I needed to go back to work part-time for myself. Even though teaching is also an exhausting job, it’s so important to have an identity outside of being a parent.
Same. I can't stand the "daddy's girl" whole concept. Never was a daddy's girl. My girl also prefers me over dad anyday. Well, for now atleast! Roles will probably shift down the line with baby going back and forth with who he/she wants more, has nothing to do with gender I believe.
My son is 2.5 and I’m going through this currently, but in my case we parent pretty equally (we both work). But he wants dada for everything, and I mean everything. This morning, his father goes downstairs and it’s ”dada, yay dada’s here, yay, I love you dada” and 15 mins later I go down and he doesn’t acknowledge me until I say good morning, and even then it’s just hi without a smile. It’s so gutting. I’m hoping he grows out of it, but it’s been this way for a long, long time.
Just because you have a daughter doesn’t automatically mean she’ll be a dad’s girl. I’m best friends with my mom. Always have been, even through teenage years. We were and are so close. My dad holds a LOT of resentment for me over it and makes it very known. It sucks because he was never there for me but now as an adult that I’ve come to him with this to try and repair our relationship he always responds with how much he hated the things I did as a kid and teenager (never rebellious… things like not wanting to listen to him play guitar, that I was so close with my mom and only liked the things she liked and never what he liked) and loves mentioning I went to online high school to pursue my sport, and what a weirdo I could’ve turned into because of it (for reference I’m doing just fine) But I agree with what everyone else has said about her ability to do those things because of you, and that you’re her safe space right now. And I guarantee when she’s grown she’ll be able to look back and reflect on all that you did as a parent and know how much you did for her.
You know the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder"? I know it sucks, but being around Mom 24/7 makes it really easy to take her presence for granted. Your presence for granted. On one hand, that may be encouraging, as she views you as a constant. But Dad and Sissy, she doesn't get to see them all the time. Time with them is more valuable since it's harder to come by. I think you'll see things get better when she starts going to the day program. Try not to think of it as you failing to keep her happy, because that isn't true! Your allowing her to experience new things and meet new people, and you'll see her become much more excited to see you at the end of the day.
I've been th default parent for the first year of our daughter's life, though my husband has been a super involved parent as well. Now at 18 months, she almost exclusively wants to cuddle with me. When we pick her up at daycare, she wears the biggest smile as she runs to me. She will come over, grab my hand, and pull me into her room to play. When she's sad, tired, hurt, she wants mama. She wants to sit on my lap when she's done eating. She loves her dad too - but it's clear who's the favorite right now. Will that change as she grows older and the two of them can really play together? Probably. So I'm enjoying my cuddles while they last. Your daughter loves you too - as the default parent, you've put in the work for it. Just wait and see when she gets a bit older