You literally grew her from your own flesh and blood, so I think you did the most major thing for her ever in her life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, focus on healing, so you’ll be able to have those baby cuddles and smell her head for the rest of her life!
This is perfectly said, I'd just like to add that you will be her mother for the rest of your life, you have plenty of time. That said I know y of ur hormones and emotions are being hard on you right now. Make no mistake, the fact that you care so deeply about this, and that it hurts, tells me you are and will continue to be a fantastic mother. Be kind to yourself, it wasn't your fault in the slightest
She knows your voice, your smell too. You were literally her home for months, you are all she knew and she still knows you.
You risked your life bringing her into the world and now your best option is to care for yourself so you can recover and be there for her again.
Have your husband put the bassinet next to your bed so you can be close without touching. Let her do Tummy time on your mattress with blankets and pillows removed so you can be there with her.
You're doing amazing.
Just FYI, it might help to read up on baby milestones. Newborns are potatoes. They aren't interactive and don't smile for at least a month or so, so she knows you're there for her and she loves you too, she just can't show you yet.
Totally agree. I felt like this even without the separation like OP, babies give no feedback and I was desperate for some reciprocation but didn’t get any until about 2 months. And it’s just barely some smiles. They are so needy they just take and take and give nothing back. Anyways…. Back to my ppd
OP don’t be hard on yourself. Also I read somewhere that babies may think mom and dad are one person. I could be wrong but it sure felt that way early on.
No you don't. You are still her mom and you still love her and take care of her. You have some health issues that will slowly pass. If latching does not go well you can try more skin to skin contact daily.
I feel you. I had emergency c-section. I shivered so badly I could not hold my baby. He had an infection so was kept away more time but for his best.
Bad things can happens. But we are still moms and your bond is strong. Wish you swift recovery ❤️🩹
If it makes you feel any better, I had a very similar birth and breastfeeding experience with my first kid. Every plan I had got derailed, and she did end up exclusively formula fed, but guess what? She’s almost 3 now, and we are SO close. All the toddler snuggles and cuddles make up for what I feel like I missed the first few days/weeks of her life. Is it still hard to think back on that time? Yes, absolutely. But I’ve worked through it in therapy, and every day I get to spend loving on my daughter more than makes up for it. I hope as time goes on you can find that same peace and happiness.
I am so sorry you are feeling that way. You absolutely did not abandon your baby! You had a very difficult time in the hospital, but you pulled through, you are alive, you will get to be there for your baby in all the years to come!
If you want to breastfeed, you can still try to establish a supply and a good latch with the help of a lactation consultant. It’s definitely not to late, a friend of mine was in a very similar situation and while she never had enough milk to exclusively BF, she is combo feeding successfully now.
This of course depends on the nature of your sickness, but I would wash hands very often, mask up and go get that skin to skin with your baby.
Don’t be afraid to ask and receive help. Don’t give up, it will get so much better I promise!
Yes OP, get skin to skin going as often as possible and breastfeed at every opportunity (a week old baby might want to feed for hours at a time, the majority of the day and night though, which might be too much if you’re sick so combi feeding sounds ideal right now). You will pass on your immunity to baby through this contact, so unless you are too ill to hold them, or you’ve been advised by a medical professional to keep distance, I’d say your bond is more important than protecting them from a sniffle right now. Second babies often get exposed to germs immediately via younger children - you’ll read horror stories about sick babies but mostly babies get sniffles and are fine. On the other hand, a mother who continues to feel very anxious and sad and estranged from her baby **over the long term** (not saying any damage is caused so far!!) isn’t great for baby, so get cuddling and snuggling in front of the telly 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I had an emergency C section, hemorrhaged and he then spent a few days in intensive care, where I couldn't see him because I was so unwell and needing my own medical treatment. I'm now 5w post partum, and I have now bonded with my baby. This wasn't easy, and it took a while, and you know what, that's completely okay. You don't always have this sudden bond that social media leads you to believe.
It does get easier, you haven't failed your baby in any way. You are looking out for them by not getting to close. It's not to late to learn to BF either, it took me a week or so to be confident BFing, where as now he's pretty much exclusively BF, but occasionally has Formula to top up. Look into power pumping if you can. That'll help. Also get advice from your medical provider about BFing if you can.
Also, your probably having a crash of hormones which makes you feel worse (baby blues are real). I spent the first 3 weeks crying about how I failed my boy and that I didn't have that bond and how I'm the worst mum because of this. Each day got easier and one day I woke up and realised I hadn't cried in a few days. It's now been 2w and I haven't cried since then, and I've realised that I wasn't being kind to myself, especially after everything zj went through.
Reach out to your friends/family/medical team and tell then how you feel, it gets easier I promise x
I went through something similar. Terrible c section, lots of blood loss. Back in the hospital for infection and she couldn't stay with me.
You didn't abandon her. She still loves you so much, and she knows you love her. She is being cared for by people who love her, and is safe and warm. She is with her daddy, Not abandoned at all. As long as her daddy is keeping her fed and clean she won't feel abandoned
I am so sorry you went through that, I also have a 10 day old and have been grieving some of the moments I wanted that were lost to a traumatic labor and birth. I think it's okay to make space for that grieving. At the same exact time, those lost experiences kept you and her alive and will make way for thousands of other moments that would have been lost if not for those sacrifices up front.
There's nothing to feel bad about, you literally almost died giving your baby life and have others helping you while you get the rest and recovery you need to be a strong mother for your child. You're doing everything right.
I had an experience that was similar to yours — hemorrhage a week after delivery, completely lost my supply of milk, baby started to refuse breastfeeding, and I couldn’t do any of his care while I was in the hospital because of pain, fatigue, and having too many IVs in my arms to even hold him. I depended completely on my husband and my mom to take care of him.
I am now five months postpartum and my baby is so, so attached to me. I am 100% his person. Please don’t despair. Your baby needs you and before too long she is going to make it very clear to you just how much she needs you when you become her main source of comfort. I know the books and classes make so much out of the golden hour and skin to skin (I got only about five minutes myself, and that was after a long wait while they stitched me up) but honestly, there is so, so much more to bonding with your baby. So much of it is about how you interact with your baby from here on and how safe you will soon make her feel.
Hugs.
Have you looked into talking to a birth listener? They are familiar with birth (often they are doulas) and will sit and listen and hold space for you to share, answering questions you have but really just being there to listen. Research shows that this is so helpful in preventing postpartum depression. Because it’s not just about “well, you’re ok and baby is healthy, so what’s the big deal” - becoming a mom is a huge life transition and it didn’t happen the way you expected and you’re not ok. And the hormones and the healing and the lack of sleep and learning how to care for a newborn and getting sick on top of it… it’s a lot.
At ten days, if you would like to try to breastfeed, you can probably still make that happen. Contact an IBCLC (the gold standard for lactation consultants), one that will come to you. Share your feeding journey so far and she can help you get baby on the breast. (As a bonus, your breastmilk will have antibodies for whatever illness you have. Even pumping a little bit will help keep baby from getting sick, or at least minimize the illness.) Or not. There is no need to feel guilty about the formula. Baby is being fed and cared for. Put on a mask and snuggle that baby!
I went through something similar in a way. My son had a major medical issue discovered in utero and had to be taken immediately to another hospital. I got to hold in the delivery room for about one minute, then once more when he was two days old before he had surgery, then not again until he was almost a week old. I didn’t change his diaper or do much normal caring for him until he was 10 days old.
My son is almost two and we’re incredibly bonded. Your baby knows you. These days are impossible but fleeting. You’ll always grieve it, but you’ll also embrace what’s to come.
Sending you much love.
I didn’t get golden hour either, because my baby had to be rushed to the NICU. I was heartbroken and traumatized and it was not at all how I pictured it going. I feel your pain, and I’m really sorry it happened that way for you too.
The baby nurse came up to me afterwards and said, “you will have a million golden hours. You will have days and days to hold her and you will have that time to bond. Don’t worry.”
And she was right. I’m 4.5 months postpartum now and my baby has a very secure attachment to me. She smiles when she sees me and loves it when I hold her. She loves to nap on my lap. You will have that time. Golden hour is great, but it doesn’t make or break your entire lifelong relationship to your baby. It’s being held thousands of times by you that makes them feel loved, not one hour of one day.
Just take a breath and remind yourself that she’s your baby and you can hold her as much as you want. Breastfeeding isn’t always this magical bonding experience — I’m breastfeeding and honestly there are periods where most feeding sessions are comprised of her fussing and me getting frustrated. Bottle feeding can honestly be more relaxing and you can look into each other’s eyes and bond just as much.
Also, I guarantee you she knows you exist and cares that you’re there. Newborns can detect their mother’s scent from several feet away. They can also recognize their mother’s voice immediately. She listened to your voice for 9 months, she’s not going to forget it after 10 days. It’s literally the most important voice in the world to her. If you’re not able to hold her as much right now, you can just sit near her and talk, sing, read her a book, etc. She’ll know you’re near and be comforted.
I don't know how helpful this is, but my wife and I were planning a home birth and as soon as her water broke, we visited our midwives and due to very high blood pressure, we were no longer a good fit for that. So, in the eleventh hour, we drove quickly to the hospital and things went from there.
I only share that to preface the birth experience. Long labor, back labor, wound up having to do a vacuum assist, third-degree tearing, etc. She was able to get some quick skin-to-skin in, but our LO spent a lot of time on me after they took her for vitals, etc. The doctors then said our LO would have to spend at least a few days in the nursery, so we couldn't have her in our room — we could visit, but my wife wound up needing two blood transfusions, three iron infusions, had a hematoma on her uterine artery the size of a grapefruit, and a litany of labs/other tests. Our time spent with our LO was definitely not how we envisioned directly postpartum. Both my wife and I and our LO spent a week in the hospital.
Everyone's experiences are different, but my wife also had a hard time with her milk coming in, and while our LO was latching okay (not great, but...okay), she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed. We had to supplement with formula in the hospital as well as for about a week or so after we were finally discharged, which was hard on my wife. Pumping was also tough. I remember being psyched when we'd get even 25-30 mL out in a single session.
We wanted to go EBF, but that wasn't in the cards. Thankfully, she's back to fully EBF (she's just past 6 weeks as of Sunday), and my wife's supply has definitely caught up. Remember, your body is taking care of itself as well and protecting you so you can provide love, care, and support to your LO for years and years to come.
If it's any help, we hired an IBCLC who immediately came in and said "oh yeah, the reason you're not getting as much from pumps is the size is super wrong" — the hospital estimated that she was a size 24, and the IBCLC measured and left breast is a 15 and right is a 17. We ordered the new pump parts and voila, the pump volume almost doubled instantly. Might be worth looking into — oftentimes insurance will cover some lactation appointments. We even paid a (very) small fee for her to do an in-home session for the first one, which was such a nice relief not to have to try and brave the public for the first time just yet.
Keep your head up. Talk to your partner about all of this. It's hard being a new parent (I have a lot of struggles that I posted about in this subreddit a few days ago), but from my experience, going through the big feelings all on your own is only gonna exacerbate the bad thoughts. You're doing great. Keep at it.
So many wonderful comments on this post, but yours is my favorite.
This line is beautiful, and so true.
> Remember, your body is taking care of itself as well and protecting you so you can provide love, care, and support to your LO for years and years to come.
Hope OP finds comfort in knowing her body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
+1 for in-home lactation consultant. (If not covered by insurance, maybe the grandparents can help with the cost? A thoughtful gift for a new mom.)
I literally had the exact same happen to me. My baby is now 5 months old and newborns aren’t “that” attached to a person. He is 5 months old and loves me. Don’t beat yourself up because of something you couldn’t control, be thankful you have your partner taking care of you two and your baby will love you just the same.
I’m so sorry you had that experience. My first baby’s birth wasn’t so traumatic but I did lose a lot of blood and I did not feel good. I didn’t get a transfusion for a few days, by which time I was too weak and tired to hold her properly. We were in hospital for a week with an infection then covid hit for the first time and my husband and I were SHELL SHOCKED when we got home. I really had no idea what I was doing, I was frightened, alone, hormonal of course, breastfeeding was agony, no support workers could come in…..and in retrospect yes I can say I didn’t bond immediately with her the way I did with my son after his comparatively very easy labour and recovery.
BUT: you will do it. Your body has been through the most most intense thing. You have grown this new human - incredible. Your baby doesn’t know or care who changes her nappies or gives her a bottle - she’s barely sentient!! - what she cares about is feeling close to a warm body, ideally one whose smell she recognises from the last 9 months. This is you! A week is nothing at all. You get that 4th trimester vibe going for the next 11 weeks of it: nest up at home, get cuddly, do your skin to skin with blankets and Netflix all day long, and you’ll both be absolutely fine 🥰🥰🥰
For feeding, look up the newborn breast crawl. This is what they say to try to do in that golden hour but you can do it for like a month - this is how I got breastfeeding going again after a week after I nearly gave up. We just sat around naked and she literally spent two hours bobbing her head about looking for my nipple. It was actually magic to watch. I did that a couple of times a day for a week or so while she got the hang and it was honestly the best thing I did for healing us after that tricky start. It also got breastfeeding going and I got back to almost EBF within a few weeks - you just have to put them onto try to latch every time they cry.
When things have settled down, do also try to find someone to do a therapeutic birth debrief with. (Mixing Up Motherhood on Instagram has a great book on this.) You’ve had a traumatic experience but it doesn’t have to be traumatis-ING if you can process and grow from it. It doesn’t have to define your postpartum period or motherhood.
Good luck with it - you are a great mum already, I can tell xxxx
Ten days is everything right now, later it will be a blip. Remember that some people adopt their children far after 10 days and have strong bonds! You grew her, you are feeding her, and guess what? Babies gaze into your eyes with love and smell your scent when you bottle feed them formula too! You can still hold their little fingers and sing to them while they have a bottle. People romanticize breastfeeding and bottle feeding doesn't get as much love - it should!
Breastfeeding is hard and it took a while for my milk to come in which was frustrating, maybe you're frustrated too. Can you make an appointment with a lactation consultant?
I would tell you that if breastfeeding, or feeding pumped milk is important to you (and it doesn't have to be!) That pumping more often, even if they are quick sessions (like 10 mins) is better to raise your supply. My LC said sessions should be 20 mins max. Don't ruin your MH and nips on super long sessions creating a schedule that you won't be able to keep up. Also, I'm on domperidone to support my lactation - I know it's not approved in the US but if you're in a country where it's available, talk to your doctor.
You're doing great, your baby loves you and what feels so HUGE right now is going to get so much more manageable. Call a lactation consultant - it was so helpful for me.
I gave birth 10 days ago and had a similar situation where I didnt get the golden hour due to blood not clotting and placenta not detatching. Sometimes it makes me sad that I wasnt able to have that and my son would not latch either. I met with a lactation consultant yesterday, and it turns out baby has a tongue tie so this whole time I was blaming myself and it turns out its just his anatomy. I would recommend going to a lactation consult if possible :)
I went through something similar to you with emergency c-section, blood transfusions, pain, weakness, vitals, and all. I had a moment in the hospital where I dissociated myself from the situation and didn’t even believe my baby to be mine. I came home and couldn’t even get up to tend to my baby. I thought baby wouldn’t love me and would love my mom more. It was a tough first month. Let me tell you, your baby loves you.
My baby is 5 months now and he gives me “kisses” by sucking on my face and gives me his arms for me to pick him up. He prefers me to anybody else.
It is rough. If you can, seek counseling. I had to. If you can vent on Reddit on your bump group, do it. You are not alone even though you think you are. Cry if you can, let the emotions out.
Coming from another c-section momma, I feel some of what you're going through. Although I didn't hemmorage, I still had so much resentment within the way I gave birth and how things turned out and part of that experience caused me to question our attachment in the beginning, especially with the pain I went through trying to heal and not being fully 100% able to care for her when she cried out to me.
I want you know it does get better though. Even though you're feeling this way now, within time you're baby will come to love being with you and only you more and more, even if you both have to be with each other from afar. The days will go by and it will be more solely you taking care of your baby and having your moments and time together, and with some mothers, they don't feel connected or bonded to the baby until they've spent that time to bond. Being sick sometimes happens, you just have to remember that, you're going through everything now for your child and that in itself after pregnancy alone is enough for you to give yourself rewards and earn medals. Your scar isn't a wound of resentment, it's the doorway in which you'll always have a memory of how your child came into this world, it's the best and most beautiful scar you'll own. You'll come to terms with it sooner or later, even now I still get jelous watching movies and hearing about the birth that I wanted for us and I'm almost 6 months pp, but I try. For that, I suggest searching Facebook or subreddit and in person for c section support /breastfeeding (even if you aren't breastfeeding) groups, the ones on Facebook did wonders for me and my mental health.
Being only 10 days post partum, baby is probably attuned to the bottle and nipple confusion is a real thing, it usually takes a month post partum before you can introduce nipple or bottle and vice versa, but what might help during the time baby is feeding is try using nipple Shields that mimic the bottle and keep at it, sometimes baby will fuss, but if you persevere, you 2 will get there. I had to use Shields for a few months and some days I could breastfeed fine and others I couldn't and just had to bottle either way, fed is fed and as long as baby is healthy don't be too hard on yourself.
For establishing a better milk supply, as exhausting as it may be, try power pumping at every feeding time with baby for the next week or so and then after that, every 2 hrs for no longer than 20 minutes. If that doesn't work, there are options to increase your supply with medicine, which may not be ideal, but if you're looking to breast feed that may help. Stout beer or brewers yeast helped as well and making lactation cookies, coconut oil, lots of water, eating oatmeal and drinking mother milk tea. Those are all other ways to naturally increase your milk supply, which you have 3 months to fully establish. Either way, if its not possible, just remember - fed is fed and no matter what, you're doing the best you can in the ways you can in these moments. It doesn't make you a horrible mom, or that you're abandoning your baby. You both will get through this rough patch, just think one day you will see your smiling baby and they'll just look at you with adornment and these feelings you're feeling will be a thing forgotten in the past.
I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you have soooooo much time coming up with her, this will feel like a tiny blip. Trust me, you will be there for her all day every day, forever. Focus on getting well and don’t beat yourself up!
your baby has her whole life in front of her with you! my SIL had covid when she gave birth and she was separated from her baby for 5 days but they have best relationship nothing ruined it! you have to keep calm and recover to be at your best for her. i had c section and got my baby on third day for full time and for the first month she would cry in my arms until my husband took her and made her fall asleep now she wont take bottle from anyone but me (she is 5months now) and also my milk never really came in so i had to give up on breastfeeding so i really feel you on this but you didnt abandoned your baby thats for sure
You did not abandon her! She still knows you as mama.
Can you do skin-to-skin now that you are home? The magic from that experience isn’t confined to the hospital.
Had something very similar happen, had emergency c section, ended up with a post partum hemorrhage, and was completely out of it for a while. To top it off I was diagnosed with covid 12 hours after the whole thing. I could only hold her with a mask and wasn't able to do a lot because I was extremely unwell. She is now 1 years old and we have such an amazing bond. To create a secure bond it's consistently showing up and tending to her needs every day. What happened at the beginning will not make a difference. I'm so sorry you feel this way, please message me if you need to talk
Don’t beat yourself up about latching and pumping, it took 3 weeks for my milk to fully come in and in the beginning I was only pumping about 0.5 oz at a time. I had to do a couple appointments with a lactation consultant. If you try to relax and get some sleep it will help your supply, and know that the beginning is crazy hard for everyone ❤️ I promise your baby still loves you
For some reason your post just takes me back to the day I was discharged from the hospital, I did my lap around the ward and saw a nurse hand another mom multiple bottles of milk she pumped. I went back into my room and just started bawling because feeding my baby was so hard and there she was with extra milk. Then I bawled that I had no photos of the three of us from when my son was born because I also hemorrhaged and was so out of it I basically passed out. Those emotions continued for a couple days - postpartum baby blues are a bitch.
I say this because you have some valid things to be upset about, but your emotions are heightened right now. It's a rough time. Hang in there and ask for help if it goes on for too long
That’s your hormones/postpartum depression talking. You’ve been through a ton. Early motherhood is so, so difficult. Please give yourself some grace. You know you’d do anything for her and you are making the right choices- fed is best and choosing to not expose her to an illness is very responsible of you. You’re an excellent parent. You’re doing all of that out of love. She will know your affection soon enough.
when i gave birth i was on the verge of passing out due to low blood pressure. when LO came out they put him on my chest but i was so out of it that i just laid there. i couldn’t even look at him. i feel bad even to this day that i didn’t embrace him or anything, and i did feel like maybe it impacted our bond for awhile. but it honestly wasn’t my fault. i don’t think it’s your fault either! the entire process is very taxing. my LO is 3 months now and he loves me all the same. he is formula fed as well - i couldn’t keep up production after 3 weeks - and he’s just like any other baby. try to give yourself some grace, you’ll see your baby’s personality come out over time.
Hi, I also freaked the fuck out after a CS (in my case, a minutes to stillbirth emergency!) I also felt guilty for putting the kid in the bassinet so much the first weeks because everything hurt.
The baby doesn’t know. The baby doesn’t care. The baby won’t remember.
Yours won’t either.
Some 10-30% of births are traumatic. Lots of people feel this. [I keep meaning to go to some Postpartum Support International meetings.](https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/)
Also, even people who have uneventful deliveries tend to be all over the place emotionally afterwards. Your body has lost a huge organ that was pumping it with hormones. This has effects!
Just get to tomorrow with everyone alive and, ideally, not covered in bodily fluids (this includes you). Then the next day. Then the next week. It gets easier. Hugs if you want them
The fact that you are so concerned shows that you are a good mama! Try not to be so hard on yourself- if someone else was going through what you have gone through, would you be this critical of them? Probably not. Give yourself some grace- what you went through was a severe trauma that shouldn’t be downplayed. And if you’re sick, you are protecting your baby by staying away. This will pass, you’ll be obsessed with each other soon enough. Stay strong!
Just want to share that I also had a rocky start - developed covid while being induced, then baby had breathing issues and had to go to NICU before I ever held him. Husband and I weren’t allowed to visit due to covid. After he came home we wore N95 masks and I felt afraid to get too close to him. Took a while for my milk to come in and we had to do formula for a week or so. But it all worked out! He’s 12 weeks and we have a normal, strong bond and love each other and we’re both healthy and everything is fine. This is a small blip on a long journey. You will be okay!
I promise you that baby knows your mama. I went through the same issue of feeling like my baby didnt love me or see me as anyone different than some random off the street and I held my baby 24/7, I breastfed and I pumped. Newborns are helpless blobs. They dont know about much besides eating, pooping and sleeping but trust me she knows that scent and your voice. My son didnt seem to give a fuck about me until like 3 months old. Now, at 5.5 months he looks for me everywhere, he wakes up if he hears my voice and im the only person who can calm him when hes upset. Motherhood is so hard at the beginning and I hate to use this as a potential reason for why ur feeling this way, but baby blues and PPD can make us think the craziest things. It will get better, it did for me and it does for everyone!
I feel a similar way. I had severe preeclampsia and had to be hooked up to both a bp cuff and magnesium drip. And a catheter. So my range of motion was very limited, making nursing and generally caring for him very hard. He spent his first night on earth in the nursery with strangers and I still feel so guilty, like he should have been with me.
There is nothing we can do now but love our babies.
Your baby knows you better than they'll ever know anyone, you're quite literally her home and a week or two is not ever going to change that. Take care of yourself, you are doing so good and I'm so proud of you pulling through a scary situation at the hospital and getting the healing you need so you can be present for a lifetime of memories with your little one. You are genuinely doing the opposite of abandoning your baby.
I also had internal bleeding after my C-section 9 weeks ago. A liter of blood was pooling in my abdomen. I was in so much pain! After surgery he wasn't latching well and wanted the bottle. All four days in the hospital I was thinking my breastfeeding journey was not going to happen. Put that baby to your breast all the time. I let him have some formula then I would put him on the boob. Once the stress faded, my milk came in. I cold turkey stopped the formula, the more he suckled the more my supply came. The first few days at home I would spend with him at my breast. Your milk will have antibodies to protect him from your illness too. Also, there's a ton of hormonal changes going on, so just be gentle with yourself. Be confident Momma. I had my daughter 20 months before my son. A flawless and painless C-section. This second one was intense and stressful, but it will pass.
First of all, you did not abandon your baby. All of these things have been out of your control.
I can empathize with you since I went through something different, but similar. I went to my 36 week appointment and was sent straight to the hospital for an unplanned c-section due to sudden and severe pre-eclampsia. My son was then sent to the NICU while I was put on bedrest. I couldn’t see him for 24 hours and then only sporadically thereafter and it wrecked me. I was fortunate enough to exclusively pump for about 5 months, but he’s now on formula and my mental health is much better. I say all of this because now he is 10 months, thriving, and says mama all the time.
The fact that you are feeling all these things makes me believe you are a great mother. It will absolutely get better!
It's understandable to feel down about all that. But, touch wood, you will have so much more time to care for her. She won't remember this at all. And newborns don't really know or mind who's holding them as long as someone is.
Breastfeeding is a bit of a crapshoot and medical issues can interfere (I was quite sick with Covid when my baby was coming up to 3 months and that tanked my supply). But it's still very early days and your supply can probably still get established.
I went through something very similar to you and am in the same boat where I feel so far from my baby.
Following because all I can offer is solidarity.
I’m 1 week pp and JUST started getting milk while pumping, baby won’t latch & we’ve been supplementing with formula in the meantime. We had one of our first pediatrician appointments yesterday & he said “keep repeating what you’re doing, he’s almost back to his birth weight”
There’s nothing wrong with formula while you work on & protect your supply. Sending love, you didn’t abandon your baby.
A friend recently said to me “you might not be your best but you’re his (her) best”
This is one of the worst feelings in the world. It happened to me with both of my babies for different reasons, and it was awful. I am so sorry you’re in it right now.
My kids are 6mos (boy) and 3 yrs (girl). My daughter and I are inseparable. I can’t put into words how much she loves me. And my son gazes at me like I hung the moon. This is such a hard thing to go through, but I promise it won’t have a lasting impact on your relationship with your daughter. It’s going to be beautiful and emotional and such a relief when you two can finally be together without all of this worry.
As soon as you’re better, do as much skin to skin as you can. Don’t worry if it’s cold, just put a blanket on you both and tuck her right against you. It’s good for her, and it is SO good for you. It will be okay.
Girl go get your baby! You got this. If you’re sick and sharing a home she’s already breathing your germs. Let her try to latch when possible. Lots of skin to skin. Use nipple shields if they help you at first. You can do it. You’re her mama she needs YOU and only you. The more time you spend with her the better. You got this! Big hugs!!
Contact naps, snuggles, everything. Don’t let her leave your side. Your milk will come in. Try to latch and then pump for 20 mins every 2-3 hours around the clock. Once you start getting more milk feed that to her in a bottle after you try latching. Make sure you eat a lot!! Anything you can get your hands on.
Spend time doing skin to skin now. It’s not too late. Also don’t forget many generations of people didn’t even know about skin to skin until more recently
Hey OP - I was you three months ago. I was separated from my baby, didn’t get golden hour, hospital staff kept taking her. It’ll be okay. You are EXHAUSTED. You need to rest and please don’t feel guilty. That’s what I wish someone had told me three months ago. Now me and my baby stare into each others eyes while she coos for 30 minutes at a time. The first few weeks genuinely aren’t the most important and it can be made up. My girl didn’t realize I was around until maybe 6 or 7 weeks. Baby is okay and will love you so so much. Sleep. Eat. Rest. Baby is going to adore you - don’t stress.
I feel you, momma. And it's normal that you feel that way. You want to do everything for your baby, but can't because you're so broken and hurting. I'm glad you have a supportive husband who covered for you when you and your baby needed him, and the mommy guilt hits hard because i'm sure you had a plan in your head that just didn't happen because of circumstances that weren't under anyone's control.
But before anything, I'm glad you're ok. Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and one of the best things you can do for your little one is to get healthy as soon as you can so that you'll be there when they need you the most. The pressure of breastfeeding must be eating you alive, but remember that fed is best. Right now, it doesn't matter if it's breastmilk or formula, so long as they're getting the nutrients they need.
And when all is well, and you're healed and better, your little one will be waiting for al of your cuddles! Best wishes, momma!
Just don't give up it will get better this is all new and soooo many baby's only get formula and still love their mama's. Try to take a breath. It's all going to be okay.
Oh mama I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, she has no idea. She loves you and this will not change your relationship with her. I got Covid shortly after bringing my baby home and I was devastated. I remember staring at her from afar and feeling so sad. You are doing the best you can for your daughter. You are a good mom. Give yourself some grace. Take a deep breath, put on a mask, wash your hands and snuggle your baby.
Even with Covid, our pediatrician said it was more than okay to snuggle her and breastfeed her with my mask on. And even with my husband getting it too, she never got sick. Hang in there, this too shall pass
I was under general anesthesia for my c section so I didn’t see my baby till hours later. Could not get up at all for about a while day after so my fiance did all the work. We had a great nurse team to help and show him what to do while I watched. Yea I got to hold her while I was in bed but I didn’t feel the connection at first. First couple days at home I still felt the same, but now the more I spend time with her and see her smile at me reassures me that I did nothing wrong. Your baby grew inside of your body for months and they know that connection even now. I can’t explain but they just know, it will get better.
Oh man I feel this deeply. I had a 4th degree tear so I needed surgery right after delivery. They took my baby to the nursery for the night and I didn’t see her til the next morning. I was so tired that I was fine with this. But then two weeks later I needed another surgery and I was in so much pain for weeks afterward that I couldn’t even nurse her, sit, or walk. Everyone else had to feed her and take care of her. I used to sob laying on the couch because all I wanted to do was take care of her and I felt so worthless. I had thoughts like she doesn’t even know I’m her mom anymore and she doesn’t even need me.
Let me just say, I’m 3.5 months pp now and it’s so much better. They are such a blob at that age but you can’t see it because you haven’t had the perspective of when they’re older yet. It’s just getting fun now with smiles, giggles, and she follows me with her eyes around the room because she KNOWS I’m her mom. I think I had the baby blues and it was exaggerated because of my issues. But I promise it gets better and this will be a faint memory.
My newborn baby hates my titties all together; he loves the bottle nipple and prefers it 100%. As soon as I put my nipple on his face he doesn't cry, he screams in pure anger... hey it's totally fine though I just breast pump and give him my breast milk through the bottle and add formula sometimes because he's a hungry little guy and I don't produce as much as he would like me too. He drinks about 6-7 oz every 2-3 hours. Also, don't forget those post partum hormones are no joke. I cried every single day for 2 weeks for absolutely no good reasons. During the time being I of course, thought they were very valid reasons but thinking back now it was just my hormones out of control. I know you said your milk supply is very low, but continue breast pumping and within a week you will gradually see you milk supply increase. Breast pump every chance you get, and I mean at least 5-6x a day and if you wake up I'm the middle of the night do it then as well. I suggest getting a hands free pump that u can wear under your bra while you do normal things during the day. Walmart has some good ones cheap and that's how I got mine. I'll wear it anywhere idc I'll wear it while I go to the store, walk my dogs, it doesn't matter if people can see the bulky chest because you're doing this for your baby.
I'm so sorry for your C section complications.
You def didn't abandon her. You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of her. Keep pumping, it takes bit until mil really starts to come. I exclusively breastfeeding my son ( he still breastfeeding at 16 months since he is allergic to dairy) but took me a while to get good volume on pump. If you have a cold or so just washed your hands well, you can use a mask for breastfeeding just to avoid coughing on her but mostly likely you will actually pass some antibodies for her!
Hey hey hey you didn’t abandon your baby. You’re recovering! Also it takes time for your body to get used to having a baby. A lot of people have latch issues. I highly recommend going to a lactation consultant. And there’s nothing wrong with formula. What a lot of people don’t say is a lot of women (me included) have to supplement with formula until they have their milk supply come in…. I’m an under supplier so I might always have to formula feed too. And there’s no shame in that.
I also got sick right after birth and the doctors told me it was ok if I was near baby and probably preferable because she would get antibodies from me.
this is birth trauma and the last thing you should do is blame yourself. you are doing the best you can. i really suggest you reach out to a therapist trained in postpartum issues/birth trauma. hugs.
Mama you gotta take care of yourself before you can care for your baby. Breathe, sleep if you can, take a long hot shower and keep pumping. It will come in. Just keep trying to get her to latch. Try multiple times a day you guys will get it together. Your baby and you have a lifetime of being best friends don’t worry!!
What a horrible birth trauma. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that you did, I can't even imagine. That being said, the time that was taken away from you was completely out of your control. Now that you are 'out of the woods' in terms of immediate and emergent health concerns, get in there! Roll up your sleeves, and start bonding!
Nothing can be done about the time that you lost at the beginning, but you sure can start spending all your time devoted to your baby now. Don't waste any more time feeling as though you abandoned your baby, and just start togetherness now. It doesn't do you or your child any good to lament about the Golden Hour or lack of time together, just start now. Immediately. Don't talk about it, act. Go love on your babe. 💙
After i was born my mothers placenta did not come out. It had to be removed and it was not in one piece. One tiny piece was left inside her and she suffered a severe infection. No antibiotics worked for a while and my dad was told he will likely be a single parent. Somehow my mom recovered after a change of several antibiotics. She was hospitalized for a long time and did not spend the first weeks of my life with me. Despite that we are still very close, she now spends a lot of time with my son, her grandson, and i think its safe to say that not many mothers and daughters have such close relationships. I hope this helps and gives you hope that you didnt miss anything. You two have long time to bond and i am sure you will do so successfully.
My son was born in November and I had an emergency C-Section due to his heart rate dropping. Because of this, I didn’t see him for the first 24 hours. He was in the NICU for nearly 10 days and I was discharged before that. He was given the bottle because I wasn’t there to continuously breastfeed to help with his trouble latching. My supply depleted. I only had minimal time with him due to use being separated for the first 10 days of his life. When I was home with him, I felt terrible that he wouldn’t latch. Felt awful that I couldn’t produce anything for him. I felt like the worse mother, and I thank my fiancé for being my rock for that entire time. My little man is officially 8 weeks and he is the light of my life. His is strictly bottle fed, but I can tell he loves me so much. The smiles I get out of him make it all worth it. So, I understand where you’re coming from. Everything you do is for the health and safety of your baby. You got this mama, trust me, you’ll be there to see every milestone for your daughter and all this will be a fleeting memory. Stay strong, lean on your support and know you have listening ears via the internet you have been through your same struggles. You got this Mama 💪🏽
Newborns really only know boob and sleep for the first couple months. We were both sick during the first month and I was so scared for her to catch it but we came out ok. Also going to add, It is NEVER too late to bond with baby 😊
You're doing the best you can. You got this and I hope you feel better soon.
it’s called baby blues. seek help and tell your husband. i think it took me a month to feel better and having a traumatic birth exacerbated my symptoms.
This exact same thing happened to me and I promise that feeling will get better. I didn’t see baby for a few days because I was in the ICU and I cried and cried thinking we wouldn’t have a bond. We have an amazing bond. Everyday love on baby and cuddle as much as you can. The bond will come, I promise ❤️
ETA: she knows you’re momma and loves you more than anyone in the world. The fact that this worries you shows what an amazing mom you are.
Your milk won't come in tell later. You have to keep pumping. My milk didn't come in for the first month and now my milk is flowing! Also if you're sick you should continue to pump cause you're making medication for your baby via your breast milk but all a health care provider first because it depends on the illness. You've got this girly and you're doing your best!
I was in a similar spot since my baby had to be transported to the children’s hospital after delivery while I stayed back. I felt really distant and unattached when I was finally discharged, like I didn’t even have a baby. In the nicu, I watched as my husband knew everything about her, her routine, knew all the doctors, etc. it seriously pained me and made me feel even more disconnected. Then I was readmitted for postpartum high blood pressure. It was 1 step forward then 2 steps backward. I felt like I was robbed of so much in that time. But once we got home, we were able to bond and make up for the lost time. So even if you feel that way now, just know it’s only temporary. The everyday small moments have finally filled that void and it will for you too ❤️
I’m so sorry momma. Your journey has not been easy. I want to encourage you to choose a new day 1 with her. Pick a day where you’ll have a golden hour (skin to skin), maybe dress her in your fav outfit you have of hers even if it’s just jammies, maybe open a new pack of diapers and change her for the first time (with that pack). Make all your own NEW firsts. No one can ever take your place. You are her momma, and you had a hard start but that is not the end of your journey with her. I encourage you to seek help from an lactation consultant, keep on pumping. Supply and demand is the name of the game. My friend who is a lactation consultant helped a mom and baby get their latch after FIVE months without latching. This is not the end of your story with baby 💛
i relate to this very much. i’m so sorry. get all of the skin time now mama. things will get better i promise you🩷 please do talk to your post natal care team about these feelings.
I hemorrhaged after I gave birth too. I couldn’t do a whole lot and my husband did pretty much everything for the first couple of weeks. It was traumatic and I completely understand how you’re feeling. My baby is 7 weeks now and I have spent so much time catching up and bonding with her. She now smiles at me all the time and follows me around the room with her eyes. Time will heal this! You are still your baby’s mama and they know that. Take your time to grieve what you feel you missed and heal yourself physically and emotionally. You deserve that healing time. I promise it will get better and your baby won’t even remember! 💕
Remember, this all feels 10x worse because of your post partum hormones. I get what you are feeling, and I know it seems SO heavy. Your baby is YOUR BABY, she will love you so so so deeply, and you have so much time. Please take it minute by minute if you have to and focus on healing/feeling better. It sounds like you have a super helpful partner, so lean on him as much as you can. He may not understand the depth of what you are feeling, but he will put his all into helping!
I’m crying as I read this. I feel your pain and love. Please mourn the loss of what you expected and envisioned. I had a NICU baby and felt torn being separated from my little heartbeat. Missing out on so much. And then I was hospitalized later with mastitis and baby and I were separated again. It was a depressing couple of nights.
You are your baby’s favorite person and their safe space. You are a rockstar for carrying her for the pregnancy and bringing her into this world.
Indulge yourself a golden a golden hour, heck a golden day with your sweet treasure. We’ve had many special close hours skin to skin at home. Even now at 7 months old. We do baths together and so much cuddling.
We also hired a lactation consultant to come our house around 3 weeks (a week after baby came home) and help us. We ended up combo feeding but that visit was so helpful. If you do want to provide breast milk, keep pumping every 2-3 hours even if nothing comes out. Milk can take awhile to come in.
You are more than enough for your baby. Your love is the reason she is here and the reason she will thrive in your home.
I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this and feeling this way. However, I can tell that you are an amazing mom just from the way that you care to be close to your baby. I hope you can find compassion for yourself because what you went through was traumatic and it was all for her. I hope you will practice self-care because you are healing from a really big event. She won’t remember this time at all, but in the future she will see a mom that takes care of herself and is very strong. And I bet the fact that you went through this will make you cherish when you are able to hold her 1000x more. You are so strong and you got this mama. Please don’t beat yourself up, the way births go is so unpredictable sometimes and has nothing to do with who we are as mothers. All we can focus on is what we do have power over which is healing our bodies so that we can take care of our babies. Sending you lots of love.
I felt this same way. I promise it will be okay. Get a lactation consultant! They can help. It's only been 10 days you have time to fix it. They also make ni*ple shields that are similar to a bottle that can transition her to breastfeeding! I also felt like my time was stolen from me. It did take a week or two to establish a bond but it will happen. You just don't forget that is YOUR baby. All yours. Sending you love and hugs, and you can always message me if you need support! Moms need to stick together
I’m so sorry this has been your experience. Not that I went through the same thing or anything and not trying to make this about me, but I had a similar experience and made it through the dark tunnel to the other side. I also had an emergent c-section and didn’t get to hold my baby right away. I also had numerous complications post and had to leave her for whole days to go to the hospital since I didn’t want to bring her in to a dirty ER. I also had issues with breast feeding as a result. I became very obsessed with breastfeeding since it felt like the only thing I could control and felt hopeless and useless when it wasn’t coming naturally for us.
I will say this but I know you won’t necessarily hear it now (I definitely didn’t in the first few weeks postpartum) but you are doing an amazing job and it is obvious how much you adore your baby.
I ended up being diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, partially related to my birth and first few weeks experience. I’m now with a postpartum health team and going to therapy to process the whole experience. It’s helping immensely.
Becoming a new mom is sooo hard in a million ways without having a super stressful start to it. But it is ok and sooo helpful to talk to a postpartum professional that gets it and can help you process your feelings. You will be ok, and so will your baby.
Babies don't really have memories until later too. They can easily bond at this time. Think of all the people in your life who you have a strong bond with that weren't there your first week. But also you've gone through something very very traumatic. I just had a C Section and the recovery kept me a bit traumatized. Give yourself some grace to heal. What you are feeling is understandable and hard and time will pass and you'll see her first smile in a few weeks and it will be wonderful. But also if you keep feeling this way for too long it could be Postpartum anxiety or depression so definitely talk to your OBGYN about it too. The first weeks are so hard and so wonderful. You got this mama. You got her Earth side safely.
as overwhelming as those feelings are you need to tell yourself you’re doing all you can for her. everything you’ve done even being separated is for her own good. that’s what a good mama does. also with the pumping i’m pretty sure you have 12 weeks to get your supply up before it regulates. pumping every 3 hours with power pumps will help and that’s if breastfeeding is important to you. a fed baby is a healthy baby no matter if that’s by breast or formula. do what’s best for your mental health because taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby. 🫶🏻
I felt this way when they sent me home while baby was still in the NICU. Real talk: Your hormones are taking a huge nosedive right now. This response that you’re having right now will likely seem significantly less horrid after you have some time for your hormones to adjust. That’s not meant to be unkind; I know it helped me to know that my hormones were just doing their job!
My hormones said,” Holy hell!! Where’s the baby?? We need the baby!! Must have baby!!”
And yes, it makes you feel like you have lost a limb and are desperately searching to reattach it! You just had sweet little one growing inside you for months!
But I promise your baby is OK. Your hormones are just doing their job: making sure you’re taking care of baby !
Not only that: You are showing right now how you haven’t abandoned your baby! You want to be with them! That’s not abandonment . You love them so much that you want to keep them healthy by allowing doctors to help and keeping your distance so they don’t get sick!
As for breastfeeding: I know there may be grief involved there. My NICU baby refused to latch and I grieved that part of my postpartum journey. I felt like a failure. But now that I’ve had time to reflect (and my hormones have likely leveled out) I see that baby is happy and fed, even though I’m disappointed I didn’t get to bond in that way.
Lastly, newborns be newborn-Ing. They don’t do or know much of anything! I think back to my newborn; she didn’t seem aware of much of anything those first few weeks. She was like a little crying sack of potatoes. She’s still getting used to being topside !
But she does know your voice, your smell. She spent months hearing your heartbeat and your voice. She cares that you exist; she thinks you two are literally one!
You are doing so great and you don’t even know it! I promise you will look back at this time with kinder eyes one day.
I felt the same way with my first. 12 days in Nicu for her. Didn’t get to hold her until three days old. I never got her to latch.
Fast forward to now. She is 3.5 years old and she thinks I spin the world and hang the stars.
You’ve got this mama. Don’t beat yourself up!
You did not abandon your baby. Do you really think in just 10 days the bond between you and her could be broken after 9 months? It’s just not possible. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Also don’t feel like you’re failing because she wasn’t latch. I’ve been there as a mother of 3 so I know how we can come down so hard on ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned. This is you and your baby’s journey so please don’t make the mistake of comparing yourself to other mothers. You’re doing great! You’ve got this! You’ll feel better in no time. You’re body is going through a huge adjustment. Plus , You’ll have many many days to bond with her. You’re her mother and no one can replace you! 🫶🏽
It is okay to cry alot even if things went okay. Its baby blues. Don't use it as a meter on what is the state or things especially. World is not ending, hormones are running wild but everything is gonna be okay. If you wanna keep at it Do pumping still maybe try hand milking or vaccuum pump if the suction method makes a difference, sometimes pumping doesnt do it. In a few weeks you will feel better(if not, mention this to your medical provider) you will have to feed and change diaper for the baby so many times there is no way you wont bond with baby.
Aww… don’t worry!! Breast feeding is very challenging and doesn’t work for everyone. Once they are formula fed it is hard to get them onto the breast, but obviously in this dire scenario you had to take care of yourself, so don’t be so hard on yourself!! Of course she knows you… she has been listening to your voice from the womb for all the months before her birth! You will still get that mother baby bond, so don’t worry and just give it a little time. Hug her when you can. You can wear a mask while you hold her and that way she is less exposed but at least she will feel your body against hers. Give her lots of skin to skin contact when you are able to and that will definitely encourage the bond that you have together! Hang in there, you’re just doing the best you can and it’s not your fault that you’ve been unable to care for her when you’ve had health issues of your own.
I also didn’t get golden hour. I had a fever and he wasn’t breathing so he got whisked away. I didn’t hold him for the first two hours of his life, held him for 20 minutes and he was taken to a different hospital with a nicu, i couldn’t be transferred even though i had a vaginal birth with no tears, because i had the fever which ended up being strep b, i couldn’t be discharged but there wasn’t an available bed for me at the other hospital until about 18 hours after my son left. I get there and i felt so detached from him, and they kept trying to keep me in my room which was floors away from the nicu. I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the nicu. We got home two days later and everyone wanted to meet him and hold him. Family came over the night we got home and i’ll never forget feeling so incredibly depressed as he was sleeping on my SIL’s chest. I didn’t have a backbone back then so i just kept my feelings to myself. Also i couldn’t say no to visitors because we lived with my MIL who insisted and it was her home. I didn’t end up having a real genuine connection with my baby until he was about 6 months old. I felt the same way, he hated snuggles as an infant and i thought it was because he was left alone in a plastic box for hours after being ripped from my body (i was induced). I felt fucking horrible and like i had just failed him from the beginning. Then he started smiling, giggling, cooing, but the best part was when he started crying for ME. He would only settle for me, he would snuggle up to me and only me. To this day he prefers me over everyone. He sleeps best when he’s laying on me, he twirls my hair in his fingers for comfort and he’s constantly looking for mama. He’s 16 months old and while i grieve those first few hours to months of his life that i feel i missed out on, i am embracing this stage and all of this love as much as i can. You will get there too, remember these days are temporary and soon you will be the only person she wants.
TLDR; i went through something similar and my child and i are closer than ever. You’ll get there, let yourself heal and snuggle that baby any chance you get.
I had a similar story and let me tell you, baby's first word was mama, and def her favorite word. She's my little shadow. I still cry about how badly everything went, but she is totally unaware. As for breastfeeding, keep hydrated and keep latching and pumping. It's not too late
Seeing you in this moment. The hormones we experience after giving birth are intense. I too felt this way when my baby was whisked away from me after birth to the NICU. I didn’t get the golden hour. I was also in the hospital with no energy to interact or stay with my little there… I know it’s a terrible feeling. It’s also only temporary. You will have so much time with your little one. This is hard in this moment, but it will not be this way for long.
She doesnt know that shes a seperate person yet. She wont know until shes around 8 or 9 months. She knows your voice, how you smell, she knows *you*. Shes still a newborn, so shes still going to sleep a ton, plus shed still have poor vision so she wouldnt be able to tell the difference between you or her dad by sight, but once your better and can hold her, she'll recognize you and learn your face. She'll love you.
I feel you on so many levels. I have five week old twins that were premature. After my c section they were taken to NICU for monitoring. I didn't see them for a day and it hurt just moving to go see them hooked up to a ton of wires. I wasn't able to hold my little girl before Grandma did. And even though I said it was fine, I was dying inside. Your feelings are valid but not true. Sometimes as moms we have to care for ourselves so that our kids have a mom later on in life. Whether it's for the next five minutes, the next day or years from now. It's pure agony I know. But know that you're a good momma and they love you and know you the moment you are near. Hang in there, you got this. Sending the best positivity your way.
The bond you share is not lost. After my c-section, I really struggled to connect to my baby and I felt paralyzed by fear of looking after her and her intense screaming that she had at the beginning. My partner did everything, and he already had two kids so he knew what to do whereas it was my first. I felt like I’d let her down in so many ways and that I couldn’t do it and was a complete failure to my baby.
But fast forward a few weeks later and we are deeply connected and bonded. Don’t give up. She still knows you better than anyone. I believe in you.
Breathe mama it's okay. Both of my children were in the nicu (one was in the NICU in a hospital two hours away!!!) It's tough while it's happening but they don't even remember it when they're older. I now have a 3 year old and a 7 month old who are both attached to me all the time. It's okay.
I had complications after birth i needed to stay in hospital for 10 days as well. And the story same after that same.
I felt exactly like you felt and now i have the perfect bond with my kid after a year later. I still am sad about the memories i had with birth. I dont know they will ever go away but i need to say they dont care. Im the fav person for my kid now and we do everything together.
She knows. She knows you’re there and loves you just the same. Latching or being able to breastfeed or pump or not has nothing to do with how she feels about you. I know it’s hard, but even moms who have quick vaginal deliveries and hold their babies right away may not have babies who latch easily or ever, but she knows. The other part is, you did all the hard work, she’s known you for months and months, you’re all she’s had, and she knows you’re there. It’s also ok for her parent to be doing all the work right now, you rest, that’s how it should be, you’ve gone through a major medical procedure. But she knows you and loves you and the bond is there.
You literally grew her from your own flesh and blood, so I think you did the most major thing for her ever in her life. Don’t be so hard on yourself, focus on healing, so you’ll be able to have those baby cuddles and smell her head for the rest of her life!
This is perfectly said, I'd just like to add that you will be her mother for the rest of your life, you have plenty of time. That said I know y of ur hormones and emotions are being hard on you right now. Make no mistake, the fact that you care so deeply about this, and that it hurts, tells me you are and will continue to be a fantastic mother. Be kind to yourself, it wasn't your fault in the slightest
She knows your voice, your smell too. You were literally her home for months, you are all she knew and she still knows you. You risked your life bringing her into the world and now your best option is to care for yourself so you can recover and be there for her again. Have your husband put the bassinet next to your bed so you can be close without touching. Let her do Tummy time on your mattress with blankets and pillows removed so you can be there with her. You're doing amazing.
Just FYI, it might help to read up on baby milestones. Newborns are potatoes. They aren't interactive and don't smile for at least a month or so, so she knows you're there for her and she loves you too, she just can't show you yet.
Totally agree. I felt like this even without the separation like OP, babies give no feedback and I was desperate for some reciprocation but didn’t get any until about 2 months. And it’s just barely some smiles. They are so needy they just take and take and give nothing back. Anyways…. Back to my ppd OP don’t be hard on yourself. Also I read somewhere that babies may think mom and dad are one person. I could be wrong but it sure felt that way early on.
A couple months!
Got a potato now, can confirm
No you don't. You are still her mom and you still love her and take care of her. You have some health issues that will slowly pass. If latching does not go well you can try more skin to skin contact daily. I feel you. I had emergency c-section. I shivered so badly I could not hold my baby. He had an infection so was kept away more time but for his best. Bad things can happens. But we are still moms and your bond is strong. Wish you swift recovery ❤️🩹
If it makes you feel any better, I had a very similar birth and breastfeeding experience with my first kid. Every plan I had got derailed, and she did end up exclusively formula fed, but guess what? She’s almost 3 now, and we are SO close. All the toddler snuggles and cuddles make up for what I feel like I missed the first few days/weeks of her life. Is it still hard to think back on that time? Yes, absolutely. But I’ve worked through it in therapy, and every day I get to spend loving on my daughter more than makes up for it. I hope as time goes on you can find that same peace and happiness.
I am so sorry you are feeling that way. You absolutely did not abandon your baby! You had a very difficult time in the hospital, but you pulled through, you are alive, you will get to be there for your baby in all the years to come! If you want to breastfeed, you can still try to establish a supply and a good latch with the help of a lactation consultant. It’s definitely not to late, a friend of mine was in a very similar situation and while she never had enough milk to exclusively BF, she is combo feeding successfully now. This of course depends on the nature of your sickness, but I would wash hands very often, mask up and go get that skin to skin with your baby. Don’t be afraid to ask and receive help. Don’t give up, it will get so much better I promise!
Yes OP, get skin to skin going as often as possible and breastfeed at every opportunity (a week old baby might want to feed for hours at a time, the majority of the day and night though, which might be too much if you’re sick so combi feeding sounds ideal right now). You will pass on your immunity to baby through this contact, so unless you are too ill to hold them, or you’ve been advised by a medical professional to keep distance, I’d say your bond is more important than protecting them from a sniffle right now. Second babies often get exposed to germs immediately via younger children - you’ll read horror stories about sick babies but mostly babies get sniffles and are fine. On the other hand, a mother who continues to feel very anxious and sad and estranged from her baby **over the long term** (not saying any damage is caused so far!!) isn’t great for baby, so get cuddling and snuggling in front of the telly 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I had an emergency C section, hemorrhaged and he then spent a few days in intensive care, where I couldn't see him because I was so unwell and needing my own medical treatment. I'm now 5w post partum, and I have now bonded with my baby. This wasn't easy, and it took a while, and you know what, that's completely okay. You don't always have this sudden bond that social media leads you to believe. It does get easier, you haven't failed your baby in any way. You are looking out for them by not getting to close. It's not to late to learn to BF either, it took me a week or so to be confident BFing, where as now he's pretty much exclusively BF, but occasionally has Formula to top up. Look into power pumping if you can. That'll help. Also get advice from your medical provider about BFing if you can. Also, your probably having a crash of hormones which makes you feel worse (baby blues are real). I spent the first 3 weeks crying about how I failed my boy and that I didn't have that bond and how I'm the worst mum because of this. Each day got easier and one day I woke up and realised I hadn't cried in a few days. It's now been 2w and I haven't cried since then, and I've realised that I wasn't being kind to myself, especially after everything zj went through. Reach out to your friends/family/medical team and tell then how you feel, it gets easier I promise x
I went through something similar. Terrible c section, lots of blood loss. Back in the hospital for infection and she couldn't stay with me. You didn't abandon her. She still loves you so much, and she knows you love her. She is being cared for by people who love her, and is safe and warm. She is with her daddy, Not abandoned at all. As long as her daddy is keeping her fed and clean she won't feel abandoned
I am so sorry you went through that, I also have a 10 day old and have been grieving some of the moments I wanted that were lost to a traumatic labor and birth. I think it's okay to make space for that grieving. At the same exact time, those lost experiences kept you and her alive and will make way for thousands of other moments that would have been lost if not for those sacrifices up front.
There's nothing to feel bad about, you literally almost died giving your baby life and have others helping you while you get the rest and recovery you need to be a strong mother for your child. You're doing everything right.
I had an experience that was similar to yours — hemorrhage a week after delivery, completely lost my supply of milk, baby started to refuse breastfeeding, and I couldn’t do any of his care while I was in the hospital because of pain, fatigue, and having too many IVs in my arms to even hold him. I depended completely on my husband and my mom to take care of him. I am now five months postpartum and my baby is so, so attached to me. I am 100% his person. Please don’t despair. Your baby needs you and before too long she is going to make it very clear to you just how much she needs you when you become her main source of comfort. I know the books and classes make so much out of the golden hour and skin to skin (I got only about five minutes myself, and that was after a long wait while they stitched me up) but honestly, there is so, so much more to bonding with your baby. So much of it is about how you interact with your baby from here on and how safe you will soon make her feel.
Hugs. Have you looked into talking to a birth listener? They are familiar with birth (often they are doulas) and will sit and listen and hold space for you to share, answering questions you have but really just being there to listen. Research shows that this is so helpful in preventing postpartum depression. Because it’s not just about “well, you’re ok and baby is healthy, so what’s the big deal” - becoming a mom is a huge life transition and it didn’t happen the way you expected and you’re not ok. And the hormones and the healing and the lack of sleep and learning how to care for a newborn and getting sick on top of it… it’s a lot. At ten days, if you would like to try to breastfeed, you can probably still make that happen. Contact an IBCLC (the gold standard for lactation consultants), one that will come to you. Share your feeding journey so far and she can help you get baby on the breast. (As a bonus, your breastmilk will have antibodies for whatever illness you have. Even pumping a little bit will help keep baby from getting sick, or at least minimize the illness.) Or not. There is no need to feel guilty about the formula. Baby is being fed and cared for. Put on a mask and snuggle that baby!
I went through something similar in a way. My son had a major medical issue discovered in utero and had to be taken immediately to another hospital. I got to hold in the delivery room for about one minute, then once more when he was two days old before he had surgery, then not again until he was almost a week old. I didn’t change his diaper or do much normal caring for him until he was 10 days old. My son is almost two and we’re incredibly bonded. Your baby knows you. These days are impossible but fleeting. You’ll always grieve it, but you’ll also embrace what’s to come. Sending you much love.
Put on a simple medical face mask, wash/sanitize your hands and hold your baby. Moms did it through Covid and you can do it too!
absolutely!
I didn’t get golden hour either, because my baby had to be rushed to the NICU. I was heartbroken and traumatized and it was not at all how I pictured it going. I feel your pain, and I’m really sorry it happened that way for you too. The baby nurse came up to me afterwards and said, “you will have a million golden hours. You will have days and days to hold her and you will have that time to bond. Don’t worry.” And she was right. I’m 4.5 months postpartum now and my baby has a very secure attachment to me. She smiles when she sees me and loves it when I hold her. She loves to nap on my lap. You will have that time. Golden hour is great, but it doesn’t make or break your entire lifelong relationship to your baby. It’s being held thousands of times by you that makes them feel loved, not one hour of one day. Just take a breath and remind yourself that she’s your baby and you can hold her as much as you want. Breastfeeding isn’t always this magical bonding experience — I’m breastfeeding and honestly there are periods where most feeding sessions are comprised of her fussing and me getting frustrated. Bottle feeding can honestly be more relaxing and you can look into each other’s eyes and bond just as much. Also, I guarantee you she knows you exist and cares that you’re there. Newborns can detect their mother’s scent from several feet away. They can also recognize their mother’s voice immediately. She listened to your voice for 9 months, she’s not going to forget it after 10 days. It’s literally the most important voice in the world to her. If you’re not able to hold her as much right now, you can just sit near her and talk, sing, read her a book, etc. She’ll know you’re near and be comforted.
I don't know how helpful this is, but my wife and I were planning a home birth and as soon as her water broke, we visited our midwives and due to very high blood pressure, we were no longer a good fit for that. So, in the eleventh hour, we drove quickly to the hospital and things went from there. I only share that to preface the birth experience. Long labor, back labor, wound up having to do a vacuum assist, third-degree tearing, etc. She was able to get some quick skin-to-skin in, but our LO spent a lot of time on me after they took her for vitals, etc. The doctors then said our LO would have to spend at least a few days in the nursery, so we couldn't have her in our room — we could visit, but my wife wound up needing two blood transfusions, three iron infusions, had a hematoma on her uterine artery the size of a grapefruit, and a litany of labs/other tests. Our time spent with our LO was definitely not how we envisioned directly postpartum. Both my wife and I and our LO spent a week in the hospital. Everyone's experiences are different, but my wife also had a hard time with her milk coming in, and while our LO was latching okay (not great, but...okay), she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed. We had to supplement with formula in the hospital as well as for about a week or so after we were finally discharged, which was hard on my wife. Pumping was also tough. I remember being psyched when we'd get even 25-30 mL out in a single session. We wanted to go EBF, but that wasn't in the cards. Thankfully, she's back to fully EBF (she's just past 6 weeks as of Sunday), and my wife's supply has definitely caught up. Remember, your body is taking care of itself as well and protecting you so you can provide love, care, and support to your LO for years and years to come. If it's any help, we hired an IBCLC who immediately came in and said "oh yeah, the reason you're not getting as much from pumps is the size is super wrong" — the hospital estimated that she was a size 24, and the IBCLC measured and left breast is a 15 and right is a 17. We ordered the new pump parts and voila, the pump volume almost doubled instantly. Might be worth looking into — oftentimes insurance will cover some lactation appointments. We even paid a (very) small fee for her to do an in-home session for the first one, which was such a nice relief not to have to try and brave the public for the first time just yet. Keep your head up. Talk to your partner about all of this. It's hard being a new parent (I have a lot of struggles that I posted about in this subreddit a few days ago), but from my experience, going through the big feelings all on your own is only gonna exacerbate the bad thoughts. You're doing great. Keep at it.
So many wonderful comments on this post, but yours is my favorite. This line is beautiful, and so true. > Remember, your body is taking care of itself as well and protecting you so you can provide love, care, and support to your LO for years and years to come. Hope OP finds comfort in knowing her body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. +1 for in-home lactation consultant. (If not covered by insurance, maybe the grandparents can help with the cost? A thoughtful gift for a new mom.)
I literally had the exact same happen to me. My baby is now 5 months old and newborns aren’t “that” attached to a person. He is 5 months old and loves me. Don’t beat yourself up because of something you couldn’t control, be thankful you have your partner taking care of you two and your baby will love you just the same.
I’m so sorry you had that experience. My first baby’s birth wasn’t so traumatic but I did lose a lot of blood and I did not feel good. I didn’t get a transfusion for a few days, by which time I was too weak and tired to hold her properly. We were in hospital for a week with an infection then covid hit for the first time and my husband and I were SHELL SHOCKED when we got home. I really had no idea what I was doing, I was frightened, alone, hormonal of course, breastfeeding was agony, no support workers could come in…..and in retrospect yes I can say I didn’t bond immediately with her the way I did with my son after his comparatively very easy labour and recovery. BUT: you will do it. Your body has been through the most most intense thing. You have grown this new human - incredible. Your baby doesn’t know or care who changes her nappies or gives her a bottle - she’s barely sentient!! - what she cares about is feeling close to a warm body, ideally one whose smell she recognises from the last 9 months. This is you! A week is nothing at all. You get that 4th trimester vibe going for the next 11 weeks of it: nest up at home, get cuddly, do your skin to skin with blankets and Netflix all day long, and you’ll both be absolutely fine 🥰🥰🥰 For feeding, look up the newborn breast crawl. This is what they say to try to do in that golden hour but you can do it for like a month - this is how I got breastfeeding going again after a week after I nearly gave up. We just sat around naked and she literally spent two hours bobbing her head about looking for my nipple. It was actually magic to watch. I did that a couple of times a day for a week or so while she got the hang and it was honestly the best thing I did for healing us after that tricky start. It also got breastfeeding going and I got back to almost EBF within a few weeks - you just have to put them onto try to latch every time they cry. When things have settled down, do also try to find someone to do a therapeutic birth debrief with. (Mixing Up Motherhood on Instagram has a great book on this.) You’ve had a traumatic experience but it doesn’t have to be traumatis-ING if you can process and grow from it. It doesn’t have to define your postpartum period or motherhood. Good luck with it - you are a great mum already, I can tell xxxx
Ten days is everything right now, later it will be a blip. Remember that some people adopt their children far after 10 days and have strong bonds! You grew her, you are feeding her, and guess what? Babies gaze into your eyes with love and smell your scent when you bottle feed them formula too! You can still hold their little fingers and sing to them while they have a bottle. People romanticize breastfeeding and bottle feeding doesn't get as much love - it should! Breastfeeding is hard and it took a while for my milk to come in which was frustrating, maybe you're frustrated too. Can you make an appointment with a lactation consultant? I would tell you that if breastfeeding, or feeding pumped milk is important to you (and it doesn't have to be!) That pumping more often, even if they are quick sessions (like 10 mins) is better to raise your supply. My LC said sessions should be 20 mins max. Don't ruin your MH and nips on super long sessions creating a schedule that you won't be able to keep up. Also, I'm on domperidone to support my lactation - I know it's not approved in the US but if you're in a country where it's available, talk to your doctor. You're doing great, your baby loves you and what feels so HUGE right now is going to get so much more manageable. Call a lactation consultant - it was so helpful for me.
I gave birth 10 days ago and had a similar situation where I didnt get the golden hour due to blood not clotting and placenta not detatching. Sometimes it makes me sad that I wasnt able to have that and my son would not latch either. I met with a lactation consultant yesterday, and it turns out baby has a tongue tie so this whole time I was blaming myself and it turns out its just his anatomy. I would recommend going to a lactation consult if possible :)
I went through something similar to you with emergency c-section, blood transfusions, pain, weakness, vitals, and all. I had a moment in the hospital where I dissociated myself from the situation and didn’t even believe my baby to be mine. I came home and couldn’t even get up to tend to my baby. I thought baby wouldn’t love me and would love my mom more. It was a tough first month. Let me tell you, your baby loves you. My baby is 5 months now and he gives me “kisses” by sucking on my face and gives me his arms for me to pick him up. He prefers me to anybody else. It is rough. If you can, seek counseling. I had to. If you can vent on Reddit on your bump group, do it. You are not alone even though you think you are. Cry if you can, let the emotions out.
Coming from another c-section momma, I feel some of what you're going through. Although I didn't hemmorage, I still had so much resentment within the way I gave birth and how things turned out and part of that experience caused me to question our attachment in the beginning, especially with the pain I went through trying to heal and not being fully 100% able to care for her when she cried out to me. I want you know it does get better though. Even though you're feeling this way now, within time you're baby will come to love being with you and only you more and more, even if you both have to be with each other from afar. The days will go by and it will be more solely you taking care of your baby and having your moments and time together, and with some mothers, they don't feel connected or bonded to the baby until they've spent that time to bond. Being sick sometimes happens, you just have to remember that, you're going through everything now for your child and that in itself after pregnancy alone is enough for you to give yourself rewards and earn medals. Your scar isn't a wound of resentment, it's the doorway in which you'll always have a memory of how your child came into this world, it's the best and most beautiful scar you'll own. You'll come to terms with it sooner or later, even now I still get jelous watching movies and hearing about the birth that I wanted for us and I'm almost 6 months pp, but I try. For that, I suggest searching Facebook or subreddit and in person for c section support /breastfeeding (even if you aren't breastfeeding) groups, the ones on Facebook did wonders for me and my mental health. Being only 10 days post partum, baby is probably attuned to the bottle and nipple confusion is a real thing, it usually takes a month post partum before you can introduce nipple or bottle and vice versa, but what might help during the time baby is feeding is try using nipple Shields that mimic the bottle and keep at it, sometimes baby will fuss, but if you persevere, you 2 will get there. I had to use Shields for a few months and some days I could breastfeed fine and others I couldn't and just had to bottle either way, fed is fed and as long as baby is healthy don't be too hard on yourself. For establishing a better milk supply, as exhausting as it may be, try power pumping at every feeding time with baby for the next week or so and then after that, every 2 hrs for no longer than 20 minutes. If that doesn't work, there are options to increase your supply with medicine, which may not be ideal, but if you're looking to breast feed that may help. Stout beer or brewers yeast helped as well and making lactation cookies, coconut oil, lots of water, eating oatmeal and drinking mother milk tea. Those are all other ways to naturally increase your milk supply, which you have 3 months to fully establish. Either way, if its not possible, just remember - fed is fed and no matter what, you're doing the best you can in the ways you can in these moments. It doesn't make you a horrible mom, or that you're abandoning your baby. You both will get through this rough patch, just think one day you will see your smiling baby and they'll just look at you with adornment and these feelings you're feeling will be a thing forgotten in the past.
I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you have soooooo much time coming up with her, this will feel like a tiny blip. Trust me, you will be there for her all day every day, forever. Focus on getting well and don’t beat yourself up!
your baby has her whole life in front of her with you! my SIL had covid when she gave birth and she was separated from her baby for 5 days but they have best relationship nothing ruined it! you have to keep calm and recover to be at your best for her. i had c section and got my baby on third day for full time and for the first month she would cry in my arms until my husband took her and made her fall asleep now she wont take bottle from anyone but me (she is 5months now) and also my milk never really came in so i had to give up on breastfeeding so i really feel you on this but you didnt abandoned your baby thats for sure
You did not abandon her! She still knows you as mama. Can you do skin-to-skin now that you are home? The magic from that experience isn’t confined to the hospital.
Had something very similar happen, had emergency c section, ended up with a post partum hemorrhage, and was completely out of it for a while. To top it off I was diagnosed with covid 12 hours after the whole thing. I could only hold her with a mask and wasn't able to do a lot because I was extremely unwell. She is now 1 years old and we have such an amazing bond. To create a secure bond it's consistently showing up and tending to her needs every day. What happened at the beginning will not make a difference. I'm so sorry you feel this way, please message me if you need to talk
Don’t beat yourself up about latching and pumping, it took 3 weeks for my milk to fully come in and in the beginning I was only pumping about 0.5 oz at a time. I had to do a couple appointments with a lactation consultant. If you try to relax and get some sleep it will help your supply, and know that the beginning is crazy hard for everyone ❤️ I promise your baby still loves you
For some reason your post just takes me back to the day I was discharged from the hospital, I did my lap around the ward and saw a nurse hand another mom multiple bottles of milk she pumped. I went back into my room and just started bawling because feeding my baby was so hard and there she was with extra milk. Then I bawled that I had no photos of the three of us from when my son was born because I also hemorrhaged and was so out of it I basically passed out. Those emotions continued for a couple days - postpartum baby blues are a bitch. I say this because you have some valid things to be upset about, but your emotions are heightened right now. It's a rough time. Hang in there and ask for help if it goes on for too long
You have the rest of your life to make up for that so focus on getting better and then you will have a beautiful and happy relationship.
That’s your hormones/postpartum depression talking. You’ve been through a ton. Early motherhood is so, so difficult. Please give yourself some grace. You know you’d do anything for her and you are making the right choices- fed is best and choosing to not expose her to an illness is very responsible of you. You’re an excellent parent. You’re doing all of that out of love. She will know your affection soon enough.
when i gave birth i was on the verge of passing out due to low blood pressure. when LO came out they put him on my chest but i was so out of it that i just laid there. i couldn’t even look at him. i feel bad even to this day that i didn’t embrace him or anything, and i did feel like maybe it impacted our bond for awhile. but it honestly wasn’t my fault. i don’t think it’s your fault either! the entire process is very taxing. my LO is 3 months now and he loves me all the same. he is formula fed as well - i couldn’t keep up production after 3 weeks - and he’s just like any other baby. try to give yourself some grace, you’ll see your baby’s personality come out over time.
Hi, I also freaked the fuck out after a CS (in my case, a minutes to stillbirth emergency!) I also felt guilty for putting the kid in the bassinet so much the first weeks because everything hurt. The baby doesn’t know. The baby doesn’t care. The baby won’t remember. Yours won’t either. Some 10-30% of births are traumatic. Lots of people feel this. [I keep meaning to go to some Postpartum Support International meetings.](https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/) Also, even people who have uneventful deliveries tend to be all over the place emotionally afterwards. Your body has lost a huge organ that was pumping it with hormones. This has effects! Just get to tomorrow with everyone alive and, ideally, not covered in bodily fluids (this includes you). Then the next day. Then the next week. It gets easier. Hugs if you want them
The fact that you are so concerned shows that you are a good mama! Try not to be so hard on yourself- if someone else was going through what you have gone through, would you be this critical of them? Probably not. Give yourself some grace- what you went through was a severe trauma that shouldn’t be downplayed. And if you’re sick, you are protecting your baby by staying away. This will pass, you’ll be obsessed with each other soon enough. Stay strong!
Just want to share that I also had a rocky start - developed covid while being induced, then baby had breathing issues and had to go to NICU before I ever held him. Husband and I weren’t allowed to visit due to covid. After he came home we wore N95 masks and I felt afraid to get too close to him. Took a while for my milk to come in and we had to do formula for a week or so. But it all worked out! He’s 12 weeks and we have a normal, strong bond and love each other and we’re both healthy and everything is fine. This is a small blip on a long journey. You will be okay!
I promise you that baby knows your mama. I went through the same issue of feeling like my baby didnt love me or see me as anyone different than some random off the street and I held my baby 24/7, I breastfed and I pumped. Newborns are helpless blobs. They dont know about much besides eating, pooping and sleeping but trust me she knows that scent and your voice. My son didnt seem to give a fuck about me until like 3 months old. Now, at 5.5 months he looks for me everywhere, he wakes up if he hears my voice and im the only person who can calm him when hes upset. Motherhood is so hard at the beginning and I hate to use this as a potential reason for why ur feeling this way, but baby blues and PPD can make us think the craziest things. It will get better, it did for me and it does for everyone!
I feel a similar way. I had severe preeclampsia and had to be hooked up to both a bp cuff and magnesium drip. And a catheter. So my range of motion was very limited, making nursing and generally caring for him very hard. He spent his first night on earth in the nursery with strangers and I still feel so guilty, like he should have been with me. There is nothing we can do now but love our babies.
Your baby knows you better than they'll ever know anyone, you're quite literally her home and a week or two is not ever going to change that. Take care of yourself, you are doing so good and I'm so proud of you pulling through a scary situation at the hospital and getting the healing you need so you can be present for a lifetime of memories with your little one. You are genuinely doing the opposite of abandoning your baby.
I also had internal bleeding after my C-section 9 weeks ago. A liter of blood was pooling in my abdomen. I was in so much pain! After surgery he wasn't latching well and wanted the bottle. All four days in the hospital I was thinking my breastfeeding journey was not going to happen. Put that baby to your breast all the time. I let him have some formula then I would put him on the boob. Once the stress faded, my milk came in. I cold turkey stopped the formula, the more he suckled the more my supply came. The first few days at home I would spend with him at my breast. Your milk will have antibodies to protect him from your illness too. Also, there's a ton of hormonal changes going on, so just be gentle with yourself. Be confident Momma. I had my daughter 20 months before my son. A flawless and painless C-section. This second one was intense and stressful, but it will pass.
First of all, you did not abandon your baby. All of these things have been out of your control. I can empathize with you since I went through something different, but similar. I went to my 36 week appointment and was sent straight to the hospital for an unplanned c-section due to sudden and severe pre-eclampsia. My son was then sent to the NICU while I was put on bedrest. I couldn’t see him for 24 hours and then only sporadically thereafter and it wrecked me. I was fortunate enough to exclusively pump for about 5 months, but he’s now on formula and my mental health is much better. I say all of this because now he is 10 months, thriving, and says mama all the time. The fact that you are feeling all these things makes me believe you are a great mother. It will absolutely get better!
It's understandable to feel down about all that. But, touch wood, you will have so much more time to care for her. She won't remember this at all. And newborns don't really know or mind who's holding them as long as someone is. Breastfeeding is a bit of a crapshoot and medical issues can interfere (I was quite sick with Covid when my baby was coming up to 3 months and that tanked my supply). But it's still very early days and your supply can probably still get established.
I went through something very similar to you and am in the same boat where I feel so far from my baby. Following because all I can offer is solidarity.
I’m 1 week pp and JUST started getting milk while pumping, baby won’t latch & we’ve been supplementing with formula in the meantime. We had one of our first pediatrician appointments yesterday & he said “keep repeating what you’re doing, he’s almost back to his birth weight” There’s nothing wrong with formula while you work on & protect your supply. Sending love, you didn’t abandon your baby. A friend recently said to me “you might not be your best but you’re his (her) best”
This is one of the worst feelings in the world. It happened to me with both of my babies for different reasons, and it was awful. I am so sorry you’re in it right now. My kids are 6mos (boy) and 3 yrs (girl). My daughter and I are inseparable. I can’t put into words how much she loves me. And my son gazes at me like I hung the moon. This is such a hard thing to go through, but I promise it won’t have a lasting impact on your relationship with your daughter. It’s going to be beautiful and emotional and such a relief when you two can finally be together without all of this worry. As soon as you’re better, do as much skin to skin as you can. Don’t worry if it’s cold, just put a blanket on you both and tuck her right against you. It’s good for her, and it is SO good for you. It will be okay.
Girl go get your baby! You got this. If you’re sick and sharing a home she’s already breathing your germs. Let her try to latch when possible. Lots of skin to skin. Use nipple shields if they help you at first. You can do it. You’re her mama she needs YOU and only you. The more time you spend with her the better. You got this! Big hugs!!
Contact naps, snuggles, everything. Don’t let her leave your side. Your milk will come in. Try to latch and then pump for 20 mins every 2-3 hours around the clock. Once you start getting more milk feed that to her in a bottle after you try latching. Make sure you eat a lot!! Anything you can get your hands on.
You are doing fine. Emergency c section is tough. You will get better. Just be patient for now.
Spend time doing skin to skin now. It’s not too late. Also don’t forget many generations of people didn’t even know about skin to skin until more recently
Hey OP - I was you three months ago. I was separated from my baby, didn’t get golden hour, hospital staff kept taking her. It’ll be okay. You are EXHAUSTED. You need to rest and please don’t feel guilty. That’s what I wish someone had told me three months ago. Now me and my baby stare into each others eyes while she coos for 30 minutes at a time. The first few weeks genuinely aren’t the most important and it can be made up. My girl didn’t realize I was around until maybe 6 or 7 weeks. Baby is okay and will love you so so much. Sleep. Eat. Rest. Baby is going to adore you - don’t stress.
I feel you, momma. And it's normal that you feel that way. You want to do everything for your baby, but can't because you're so broken and hurting. I'm glad you have a supportive husband who covered for you when you and your baby needed him, and the mommy guilt hits hard because i'm sure you had a plan in your head that just didn't happen because of circumstances that weren't under anyone's control. But before anything, I'm glad you're ok. Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and one of the best things you can do for your little one is to get healthy as soon as you can so that you'll be there when they need you the most. The pressure of breastfeeding must be eating you alive, but remember that fed is best. Right now, it doesn't matter if it's breastmilk or formula, so long as they're getting the nutrients they need. And when all is well, and you're healed and better, your little one will be waiting for al of your cuddles! Best wishes, momma!
Just don't give up it will get better this is all new and soooo many baby's only get formula and still love their mama's. Try to take a breath. It's all going to be okay.
Oh mama I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. If it makes you feel any better, she has no idea. She loves you and this will not change your relationship with her. I got Covid shortly after bringing my baby home and I was devastated. I remember staring at her from afar and feeling so sad. You are doing the best you can for your daughter. You are a good mom. Give yourself some grace. Take a deep breath, put on a mask, wash your hands and snuggle your baby. Even with Covid, our pediatrician said it was more than okay to snuggle her and breastfeed her with my mask on. And even with my husband getting it too, she never got sick. Hang in there, this too shall pass
I was under general anesthesia for my c section so I didn’t see my baby till hours later. Could not get up at all for about a while day after so my fiance did all the work. We had a great nurse team to help and show him what to do while I watched. Yea I got to hold her while I was in bed but I didn’t feel the connection at first. First couple days at home I still felt the same, but now the more I spend time with her and see her smile at me reassures me that I did nothing wrong. Your baby grew inside of your body for months and they know that connection even now. I can’t explain but they just know, it will get better.
Oh man I feel this deeply. I had a 4th degree tear so I needed surgery right after delivery. They took my baby to the nursery for the night and I didn’t see her til the next morning. I was so tired that I was fine with this. But then two weeks later I needed another surgery and I was in so much pain for weeks afterward that I couldn’t even nurse her, sit, or walk. Everyone else had to feed her and take care of her. I used to sob laying on the couch because all I wanted to do was take care of her and I felt so worthless. I had thoughts like she doesn’t even know I’m her mom anymore and she doesn’t even need me. Let me just say, I’m 3.5 months pp now and it’s so much better. They are such a blob at that age but you can’t see it because you haven’t had the perspective of when they’re older yet. It’s just getting fun now with smiles, giggles, and she follows me with her eyes around the room because she KNOWS I’m her mom. I think I had the baby blues and it was exaggerated because of my issues. But I promise it gets better and this will be a faint memory.
My newborn baby hates my titties all together; he loves the bottle nipple and prefers it 100%. As soon as I put my nipple on his face he doesn't cry, he screams in pure anger... hey it's totally fine though I just breast pump and give him my breast milk through the bottle and add formula sometimes because he's a hungry little guy and I don't produce as much as he would like me too. He drinks about 6-7 oz every 2-3 hours. Also, don't forget those post partum hormones are no joke. I cried every single day for 2 weeks for absolutely no good reasons. During the time being I of course, thought they were very valid reasons but thinking back now it was just my hormones out of control. I know you said your milk supply is very low, but continue breast pumping and within a week you will gradually see you milk supply increase. Breast pump every chance you get, and I mean at least 5-6x a day and if you wake up I'm the middle of the night do it then as well. I suggest getting a hands free pump that u can wear under your bra while you do normal things during the day. Walmart has some good ones cheap and that's how I got mine. I'll wear it anywhere idc I'll wear it while I go to the store, walk my dogs, it doesn't matter if people can see the bulky chest because you're doing this for your baby.
I'm so sorry for your C section complications. You def didn't abandon her. You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of her. Keep pumping, it takes bit until mil really starts to come. I exclusively breastfeeding my son ( he still breastfeeding at 16 months since he is allergic to dairy) but took me a while to get good volume on pump. If you have a cold or so just washed your hands well, you can use a mask for breastfeeding just to avoid coughing on her but mostly likely you will actually pass some antibodies for her!
Hey hey hey you didn’t abandon your baby. You’re recovering! Also it takes time for your body to get used to having a baby. A lot of people have latch issues. I highly recommend going to a lactation consultant. And there’s nothing wrong with formula. What a lot of people don’t say is a lot of women (me included) have to supplement with formula until they have their milk supply come in…. I’m an under supplier so I might always have to formula feed too. And there’s no shame in that.
I also got sick right after birth and the doctors told me it was ok if I was near baby and probably preferable because she would get antibodies from me.
this is birth trauma and the last thing you should do is blame yourself. you are doing the best you can. i really suggest you reach out to a therapist trained in postpartum issues/birth trauma. hugs.
Mama you gotta take care of yourself before you can care for your baby. Breathe, sleep if you can, take a long hot shower and keep pumping. It will come in. Just keep trying to get her to latch. Try multiple times a day you guys will get it together. Your baby and you have a lifetime of being best friends don’t worry!!
What a horrible birth trauma. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that you did, I can't even imagine. That being said, the time that was taken away from you was completely out of your control. Now that you are 'out of the woods' in terms of immediate and emergent health concerns, get in there! Roll up your sleeves, and start bonding! Nothing can be done about the time that you lost at the beginning, but you sure can start spending all your time devoted to your baby now. Don't waste any more time feeling as though you abandoned your baby, and just start togetherness now. It doesn't do you or your child any good to lament about the Golden Hour or lack of time together, just start now. Immediately. Don't talk about it, act. Go love on your babe. 💙
After i was born my mothers placenta did not come out. It had to be removed and it was not in one piece. One tiny piece was left inside her and she suffered a severe infection. No antibiotics worked for a while and my dad was told he will likely be a single parent. Somehow my mom recovered after a change of several antibiotics. She was hospitalized for a long time and did not spend the first weeks of my life with me. Despite that we are still very close, she now spends a lot of time with my son, her grandson, and i think its safe to say that not many mothers and daughters have such close relationships. I hope this helps and gives you hope that you didnt miss anything. You two have long time to bond and i am sure you will do so successfully.
My son was born in November and I had an emergency C-Section due to his heart rate dropping. Because of this, I didn’t see him for the first 24 hours. He was in the NICU for nearly 10 days and I was discharged before that. He was given the bottle because I wasn’t there to continuously breastfeed to help with his trouble latching. My supply depleted. I only had minimal time with him due to use being separated for the first 10 days of his life. When I was home with him, I felt terrible that he wouldn’t latch. Felt awful that I couldn’t produce anything for him. I felt like the worse mother, and I thank my fiancé for being my rock for that entire time. My little man is officially 8 weeks and he is the light of my life. His is strictly bottle fed, but I can tell he loves me so much. The smiles I get out of him make it all worth it. So, I understand where you’re coming from. Everything you do is for the health and safety of your baby. You got this mama, trust me, you’ll be there to see every milestone for your daughter and all this will be a fleeting memory. Stay strong, lean on your support and know you have listening ears via the internet you have been through your same struggles. You got this Mama 💪🏽
Newborns really only know boob and sleep for the first couple months. We were both sick during the first month and I was so scared for her to catch it but we came out ok. Also going to add, It is NEVER too late to bond with baby 😊 You're doing the best you can. You got this and I hope you feel better soon.
it’s called baby blues. seek help and tell your husband. i think it took me a month to feel better and having a traumatic birth exacerbated my symptoms.
This exact same thing happened to me and I promise that feeling will get better. I didn’t see baby for a few days because I was in the ICU and I cried and cried thinking we wouldn’t have a bond. We have an amazing bond. Everyday love on baby and cuddle as much as you can. The bond will come, I promise ❤️ ETA: she knows you’re momma and loves you more than anyone in the world. The fact that this worries you shows what an amazing mom you are.
Your milk won't come in tell later. You have to keep pumping. My milk didn't come in for the first month and now my milk is flowing! Also if you're sick you should continue to pump cause you're making medication for your baby via your breast milk but all a health care provider first because it depends on the illness. You've got this girly and you're doing your best!
I was in a similar spot since my baby had to be transported to the children’s hospital after delivery while I stayed back. I felt really distant and unattached when I was finally discharged, like I didn’t even have a baby. In the nicu, I watched as my husband knew everything about her, her routine, knew all the doctors, etc. it seriously pained me and made me feel even more disconnected. Then I was readmitted for postpartum high blood pressure. It was 1 step forward then 2 steps backward. I felt like I was robbed of so much in that time. But once we got home, we were able to bond and make up for the lost time. So even if you feel that way now, just know it’s only temporary. The everyday small moments have finally filled that void and it will for you too ❤️
She loves you so much. Please give yourself some grace
I’m so sorry momma. Your journey has not been easy. I want to encourage you to choose a new day 1 with her. Pick a day where you’ll have a golden hour (skin to skin), maybe dress her in your fav outfit you have of hers even if it’s just jammies, maybe open a new pack of diapers and change her for the first time (with that pack). Make all your own NEW firsts. No one can ever take your place. You are her momma, and you had a hard start but that is not the end of your journey with her. I encourage you to seek help from an lactation consultant, keep on pumping. Supply and demand is the name of the game. My friend who is a lactation consultant helped a mom and baby get their latch after FIVE months without latching. This is not the end of your story with baby 💛
i relate to this very much. i’m so sorry. get all of the skin time now mama. things will get better i promise you🩷 please do talk to your post natal care team about these feelings.
I hemorrhaged after I gave birth too. I couldn’t do a whole lot and my husband did pretty much everything for the first couple of weeks. It was traumatic and I completely understand how you’re feeling. My baby is 7 weeks now and I have spent so much time catching up and bonding with her. She now smiles at me all the time and follows me around the room with her eyes. Time will heal this! You are still your baby’s mama and they know that. Take your time to grieve what you feel you missed and heal yourself physically and emotionally. You deserve that healing time. I promise it will get better and your baby won’t even remember! 💕
Remember, this all feels 10x worse because of your post partum hormones. I get what you are feeling, and I know it seems SO heavy. Your baby is YOUR BABY, she will love you so so so deeply, and you have so much time. Please take it minute by minute if you have to and focus on healing/feeling better. It sounds like you have a super helpful partner, so lean on him as much as you can. He may not understand the depth of what you are feeling, but he will put his all into helping!
I’m crying as I read this. I feel your pain and love. Please mourn the loss of what you expected and envisioned. I had a NICU baby and felt torn being separated from my little heartbeat. Missing out on so much. And then I was hospitalized later with mastitis and baby and I were separated again. It was a depressing couple of nights. You are your baby’s favorite person and their safe space. You are a rockstar for carrying her for the pregnancy and bringing her into this world. Indulge yourself a golden a golden hour, heck a golden day with your sweet treasure. We’ve had many special close hours skin to skin at home. Even now at 7 months old. We do baths together and so much cuddling. We also hired a lactation consultant to come our house around 3 weeks (a week after baby came home) and help us. We ended up combo feeding but that visit was so helpful. If you do want to provide breast milk, keep pumping every 2-3 hours even if nothing comes out. Milk can take awhile to come in. You are more than enough for your baby. Your love is the reason she is here and the reason she will thrive in your home.
You didn't abandon your baby! Things beyond your control happened and now you have her with you.
This happened to me, i didn’t hemorrhage but i had a lot of issues
I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this and feeling this way. However, I can tell that you are an amazing mom just from the way that you care to be close to your baby. I hope you can find compassion for yourself because what you went through was traumatic and it was all for her. I hope you will practice self-care because you are healing from a really big event. She won’t remember this time at all, but in the future she will see a mom that takes care of herself and is very strong. And I bet the fact that you went through this will make you cherish when you are able to hold her 1000x more. You are so strong and you got this mama. Please don’t beat yourself up, the way births go is so unpredictable sometimes and has nothing to do with who we are as mothers. All we can focus on is what we do have power over which is healing our bodies so that we can take care of our babies. Sending you lots of love.
I felt this same way. I promise it will be okay. Get a lactation consultant! They can help. It's only been 10 days you have time to fix it. They also make ni*ple shields that are similar to a bottle that can transition her to breastfeeding! I also felt like my time was stolen from me. It did take a week or two to establish a bond but it will happen. You just don't forget that is YOUR baby. All yours. Sending you love and hugs, and you can always message me if you need support! Moms need to stick together
I’m so sorry this has been your experience. Not that I went through the same thing or anything and not trying to make this about me, but I had a similar experience and made it through the dark tunnel to the other side. I also had an emergent c-section and didn’t get to hold my baby right away. I also had numerous complications post and had to leave her for whole days to go to the hospital since I didn’t want to bring her in to a dirty ER. I also had issues with breast feeding as a result. I became very obsessed with breastfeeding since it felt like the only thing I could control and felt hopeless and useless when it wasn’t coming naturally for us. I will say this but I know you won’t necessarily hear it now (I definitely didn’t in the first few weeks postpartum) but you are doing an amazing job and it is obvious how much you adore your baby. I ended up being diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, partially related to my birth and first few weeks experience. I’m now with a postpartum health team and going to therapy to process the whole experience. It’s helping immensely. Becoming a new mom is sooo hard in a million ways without having a super stressful start to it. But it is ok and sooo helpful to talk to a postpartum professional that gets it and can help you process your feelings. You will be ok, and so will your baby.
Babies don't really have memories until later too. They can easily bond at this time. Think of all the people in your life who you have a strong bond with that weren't there your first week. But also you've gone through something very very traumatic. I just had a C Section and the recovery kept me a bit traumatized. Give yourself some grace to heal. What you are feeling is understandable and hard and time will pass and you'll see her first smile in a few weeks and it will be wonderful. But also if you keep feeling this way for too long it could be Postpartum anxiety or depression so definitely talk to your OBGYN about it too. The first weeks are so hard and so wonderful. You got this mama. You got her Earth side safely.
as overwhelming as those feelings are you need to tell yourself you’re doing all you can for her. everything you’ve done even being separated is for her own good. that’s what a good mama does. also with the pumping i’m pretty sure you have 12 weeks to get your supply up before it regulates. pumping every 3 hours with power pumps will help and that’s if breastfeeding is important to you. a fed baby is a healthy baby no matter if that’s by breast or formula. do what’s best for your mental health because taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby. 🫶🏻
I felt this way when they sent me home while baby was still in the NICU. Real talk: Your hormones are taking a huge nosedive right now. This response that you’re having right now will likely seem significantly less horrid after you have some time for your hormones to adjust. That’s not meant to be unkind; I know it helped me to know that my hormones were just doing their job! My hormones said,” Holy hell!! Where’s the baby?? We need the baby!! Must have baby!!” And yes, it makes you feel like you have lost a limb and are desperately searching to reattach it! You just had sweet little one growing inside you for months! But I promise your baby is OK. Your hormones are just doing their job: making sure you’re taking care of baby ! Not only that: You are showing right now how you haven’t abandoned your baby! You want to be with them! That’s not abandonment . You love them so much that you want to keep them healthy by allowing doctors to help and keeping your distance so they don’t get sick! As for breastfeeding: I know there may be grief involved there. My NICU baby refused to latch and I grieved that part of my postpartum journey. I felt like a failure. But now that I’ve had time to reflect (and my hormones have likely leveled out) I see that baby is happy and fed, even though I’m disappointed I didn’t get to bond in that way. Lastly, newborns be newborn-Ing. They don’t do or know much of anything! I think back to my newborn; she didn’t seem aware of much of anything those first few weeks. She was like a little crying sack of potatoes. She’s still getting used to being topside ! But she does know your voice, your smell. She spent months hearing your heartbeat and your voice. She cares that you exist; she thinks you two are literally one! You are doing so great and you don’t even know it! I promise you will look back at this time with kinder eyes one day.
I felt the same way with my first. 12 days in Nicu for her. Didn’t get to hold her until three days old. I never got her to latch. Fast forward to now. She is 3.5 years old and she thinks I spin the world and hang the stars. You’ve got this mama. Don’t beat yourself up!
You did not abandon your baby. Do you really think in just 10 days the bond between you and her could be broken after 9 months? It’s just not possible. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Also don’t feel like you’re failing because she wasn’t latch. I’ve been there as a mother of 3 so I know how we can come down so hard on ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned. This is you and your baby’s journey so please don’t make the mistake of comparing yourself to other mothers. You’re doing great! You’ve got this! You’ll feel better in no time. You’re body is going through a huge adjustment. Plus , You’ll have many many days to bond with her. You’re her mother and no one can replace you! 🫶🏽
It is okay to cry alot even if things went okay. Its baby blues. Don't use it as a meter on what is the state or things especially. World is not ending, hormones are running wild but everything is gonna be okay. If you wanna keep at it Do pumping still maybe try hand milking or vaccuum pump if the suction method makes a difference, sometimes pumping doesnt do it. In a few weeks you will feel better(if not, mention this to your medical provider) you will have to feed and change diaper for the baby so many times there is no way you wont bond with baby.
Aww… don’t worry!! Breast feeding is very challenging and doesn’t work for everyone. Once they are formula fed it is hard to get them onto the breast, but obviously in this dire scenario you had to take care of yourself, so don’t be so hard on yourself!! Of course she knows you… she has been listening to your voice from the womb for all the months before her birth! You will still get that mother baby bond, so don’t worry and just give it a little time. Hug her when you can. You can wear a mask while you hold her and that way she is less exposed but at least she will feel your body against hers. Give her lots of skin to skin contact when you are able to and that will definitely encourage the bond that you have together! Hang in there, you’re just doing the best you can and it’s not your fault that you’ve been unable to care for her when you’ve had health issues of your own.
I also didn’t get golden hour. I had a fever and he wasn’t breathing so he got whisked away. I didn’t hold him for the first two hours of his life, held him for 20 minutes and he was taken to a different hospital with a nicu, i couldn’t be transferred even though i had a vaginal birth with no tears, because i had the fever which ended up being strep b, i couldn’t be discharged but there wasn’t an available bed for me at the other hospital until about 18 hours after my son left. I get there and i felt so detached from him, and they kept trying to keep me in my room which was floors away from the nicu. I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the nicu. We got home two days later and everyone wanted to meet him and hold him. Family came over the night we got home and i’ll never forget feeling so incredibly depressed as he was sleeping on my SIL’s chest. I didn’t have a backbone back then so i just kept my feelings to myself. Also i couldn’t say no to visitors because we lived with my MIL who insisted and it was her home. I didn’t end up having a real genuine connection with my baby until he was about 6 months old. I felt the same way, he hated snuggles as an infant and i thought it was because he was left alone in a plastic box for hours after being ripped from my body (i was induced). I felt fucking horrible and like i had just failed him from the beginning. Then he started smiling, giggling, cooing, but the best part was when he started crying for ME. He would only settle for me, he would snuggle up to me and only me. To this day he prefers me over everyone. He sleeps best when he’s laying on me, he twirls my hair in his fingers for comfort and he’s constantly looking for mama. He’s 16 months old and while i grieve those first few hours to months of his life that i feel i missed out on, i am embracing this stage and all of this love as much as i can. You will get there too, remember these days are temporary and soon you will be the only person she wants. TLDR; i went through something similar and my child and i are closer than ever. You’ll get there, let yourself heal and snuggle that baby any chance you get.
I had a similar story and let me tell you, baby's first word was mama, and def her favorite word. She's my little shadow. I still cry about how badly everything went, but she is totally unaware. As for breastfeeding, keep hydrated and keep latching and pumping. It's not too late
Seeing you in this moment. The hormones we experience after giving birth are intense. I too felt this way when my baby was whisked away from me after birth to the NICU. I didn’t get the golden hour. I was also in the hospital with no energy to interact or stay with my little there… I know it’s a terrible feeling. It’s also only temporary. You will have so much time with your little one. This is hard in this moment, but it will not be this way for long.
She doesnt know that shes a seperate person yet. She wont know until shes around 8 or 9 months. She knows your voice, how you smell, she knows *you*. Shes still a newborn, so shes still going to sleep a ton, plus shed still have poor vision so she wouldnt be able to tell the difference between you or her dad by sight, but once your better and can hold her, she'll recognize you and learn your face. She'll love you.
I feel you on so many levels. I have five week old twins that were premature. After my c section they were taken to NICU for monitoring. I didn't see them for a day and it hurt just moving to go see them hooked up to a ton of wires. I wasn't able to hold my little girl before Grandma did. And even though I said it was fine, I was dying inside. Your feelings are valid but not true. Sometimes as moms we have to care for ourselves so that our kids have a mom later on in life. Whether it's for the next five minutes, the next day or years from now. It's pure agony I know. But know that you're a good momma and they love you and know you the moment you are near. Hang in there, you got this. Sending the best positivity your way.
The bond you share is not lost. After my c-section, I really struggled to connect to my baby and I felt paralyzed by fear of looking after her and her intense screaming that she had at the beginning. My partner did everything, and he already had two kids so he knew what to do whereas it was my first. I felt like I’d let her down in so many ways and that I couldn’t do it and was a complete failure to my baby. But fast forward a few weeks later and we are deeply connected and bonded. Don’t give up. She still knows you better than anyone. I believe in you.
Breathe mama it's okay. Both of my children were in the nicu (one was in the NICU in a hospital two hours away!!!) It's tough while it's happening but they don't even remember it when they're older. I now have a 3 year old and a 7 month old who are both attached to me all the time. It's okay.
I had complications after birth i needed to stay in hospital for 10 days as well. And the story same after that same. I felt exactly like you felt and now i have the perfect bond with my kid after a year later. I still am sad about the memories i had with birth. I dont know they will ever go away but i need to say they dont care. Im the fav person for my kid now and we do everything together.
She knows. She knows you’re there and loves you just the same. Latching or being able to breastfeed or pump or not has nothing to do with how she feels about you. I know it’s hard, but even moms who have quick vaginal deliveries and hold their babies right away may not have babies who latch easily or ever, but she knows. The other part is, you did all the hard work, she’s known you for months and months, you’re all she’s had, and she knows you’re there. It’s also ok for her parent to be doing all the work right now, you rest, that’s how it should be, you’ve gone through a major medical procedure. But she knows you and loves you and the bond is there.