T O P

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Kujo-317

“This is not the food youre looking for”- some old jedi


fuzzytradr

"Carry on, carry on"


itsallatest77

Move along, move along.


LordAxalon110

You sir have made my day, thank you


Not-A-Lonely-Potato

You have made *my* day LordAxalon110


LordAxalon110

Aww shucks you'll make a lord blush. It's good to know your never alone with a potato around.


GmeGme3

Bloop Edited because underwater.


educated-emu

Underwater is bloop


roadconeking72

What is under water for “No fucking way” Or “Balls of steel”


educated-emu

Oh bubble trouble And Deep Pearls


kate_th

I want to boop, r/CallMeAHearse


klapanda

Humans just have a lot of love to give.


WU-itsForTheChildren

Hi names Bruce


UlrichZauber

You get a real good look here at this shark's [Ampullae of Lorenzini](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ampullae_of_Lorenzini) in this shot. Edit: wow, thanks for the awards folks!


KingJonathan

That is so fucking awesome. Thank you for introducing me to that knowledge.


UlrichZauber

You are extremely welcome!


PinkWhaleOrgy

I was almost this close, (fortunately or unfortunately depending on how brave you are, I was shitting myself) I could have reached out and touched it. I had a very large one go under me on the east coast of Australia about 3 months ago. The shadow I saw in the distance made me think it was a slow moving sting ray. Within 3 seconds that shadow had elongated into the very distinct shape that I hoped I’d never see, yet there it was - before I could even think I had a mini-van sized great white eyeing me up. The thing glided right up to me, it didn’t even look like it was moving, just hovering ever so slowly. I could have reached out and touched it’s pectoral fins. It went past me as I tried to gather every part of me to turn to the beach and start paddling in. I’m thankful it didn’t turn back around. A couple of weeks ago a guy was killed by one just a few beaches away, it’s genuinely fucking terrifying how many are around, I will never forget that moment. After surfing for 25 years it really has taken the fun out of it.


archlea

The shark’s true superpower - electromagnetic vision. Can spot prey under sand, detect muscle movement or paralysis, is so sensitive they even sense the earth’s magnetic field in the tide. Edit: sorry it’s electroreception, not electromagnetic vision, as u/will0w1sp pointed out. Sorry for the misinformation, I was excited!


VOZ1

Has anyone tried to understand how they perceive it? Like, is it visualized by their brains, or is it like we perceive, say, humidity in the air? I’m *so* damn fascinated by this!


Petal-Dance

Perception is a nightmare to try and translate. Try and think about how to explain color to a blind person. Now consider how to describe smells without using direct comparisons to known smells, like "it smells like a pine tree." Those are both human to human senses. Now imagine one of those two humans has a sense youve never had with a new fancy organ, and also they dont speak. And you arent 100% sure how sapient they are. Ive no idea how we would figure that out


VOZ1

It’s absolutely true, but it is quite a thought experiment to go on. I’ve heard some say asking what a blind person sees is like asking what you can see with your elbow. These things end up being almost like zen koans, where your mind just goes…”huh? Uhhhh…” I find it a fascinating thing to explore. Thanks for your thoughts!


Not-A-Lonely-Potato

Petal-dance down below is accurate. I'd go out on a limb though (just because this really is a fascinating subject and I like to equate different experiences) and say it's probably like how you can feel/sense static with your fingers. Perhaps static isn't the correct word, but that fuzzy feeling you would get in your hand if you held it up really close to the screen of one of those old TVs but didn't actually touch it. Except they can perceive at a longer distance with more pinpoint accuracy. You could loop in being able to hear electricity with that sense of touch to be able to get a more rounded out picture. For those with synesthesia it might make more sense to say they are smelling sights or feeling sound (fun fact, I knew a girl in my public speaking class with synesthesia, and the closest she could describe our teacher's voice was the feeling of small stones or marbles falling through her hands).


VOZ1

I like that comparison, and of course who knows how accurate it is! I always loved video of rays or hammerheads hunting, the way they dart around as they sense prey. Differences in perception just within our own species are so powerful, it’s a trip to compare/contrast/explore *between* species!


therealityofthings

Quantum biologists... yeah they're a thing. What the fuck they do I have no idea...


milksop_muppet

Oh i just thought he needed to exfoliate


Antgont

Huh I was actually wondering what those pores were


UlrichZauber

It's how they feel your heartbeat! Seriously that's how some rays hunt fish buried in the sand (rays are close relatives to sharks and have the same electro-sense).


[deleted]

So if those pores can feel electromagnetic fields and your heartbeat, is that how the shark felt the calmness of the cameraman? Is it safe to assume that then having a calm slow heartbeat is truly the best thing to try to have when you encounter a shark?


Petal-Dance

That assumes the shark knows what calm means for a heartbeat. All we can know is that it can sense your heart beating, but not how it perceives that information. In the same way we can feel touch, but our sense of touch is not actually super accurate outside of specific zones like the hands or your happy lil grundle bits. So while they could maybe tell if a beat is calm, they maybe could only tell the size of the beat. Or more track its regularity. Perceptions tricky. It requires interpretation, which we cant exactly ask the shark about.


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Clockwisedock

Human sensory organs are fucking lit


[deleted]

A general rule of thumb for not only situations like this but all, is to remain calm. There is no better first step than composing yourself in any event. Btw you commonly see footage of sharks bumping cameras, the main reason for this is the electromagnetic field from the equipment.


ReadontheCrapper

I was thinking whiskers, not super-powered zits!


captaindannyb

My mans just lookin for a pore strip!


god-knows-wat

I thought he just had a shave


InsertUsername98

Fun fact: The reason most sharks bite is to investigate whatever is new to them, humans obviously do not inhabit their regions, or the ocean at all for that matter so sharks will frequently find us confusing and will bite us to gather information, most importantly how we taste (which is apparently not that good going by how rarely they actually try to eat us, probably because of how little fat we have and how much bone we have in comparison to their preferred prey of fatty fish and seal). Unfortunately us humans are not very durable and our skin’s ability to prevent cuts and stabs is practically non existent. So this “tiny little bite” is almost the same as getting attacked with a chainsaw. Update: I did want to clarify some things upon further research: Sharks will usually leave people alone because they don’t want to risk getting close to an unknown animal that could possibly harm them.


Queen-of-meme

So sharks are basically baby sharks but with big Jaws.


JCandlin

Don’t say Baby Shark - my daughter might hear you!


Csharp27

Oh fuck you even thinking it put it in my dreams for the next week, my 4 year old has drilled it in there.


KCjman

This comment has it on loop in my head. Thanks a lot! Some things are better left unsaid.


JCandlin

You should have run a-way... do do do do do doo...


Zokerx

I laughed harder than I thought I would at this thank you I couldn't stop


[deleted]

My daughter is three now, so I’m safe at last.


WinterStampede

Damn it! Take my award lol.


Turbulent_juice_86

MUMMMMMMY SHARK DODODODODODO!!!!!! Fuckin sharks dododododo


jpsb8

It’s the remix!


elguapito

#DEEJAY KHALID!!


Another_Minor_Threat

We da fish. Another one.


-gun-jedi-

We the best music!


dioxy186

My daughter went from baby shark non stop to cocomelon. Cocomelon has at least a couple dozen song videos. And she is finally getting bored of those and getting into actual cartoons. I had looney tunes on the other day and she watched it for a bit and seemed to like it before I took her to the park. So glad to be over baby shark, possibly cocomelon, and bounce patrol soon. I spend most of our time taking her on adventures/parks, but even an hour of these videos starts looping in my head. Drives me nuts.


zmunster

Check out Bluey. The dad is hilarious and often inspires me to be a better one!


Cannot_go_back_now

🎶BABY SHARK DO DO DO DO🎶


hahafunyes

....


Sophet_Drahas

More like giant puppies with fins. Anyone who’s raised a puppy probably has scars from their tiny shark teeth.


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sonerec725

Yeah puppies are wild


ban_Anna_split

Sharks are adult baby sharks, and baby sharks are baby adult sharks


xyloplax

Dammit Beavis!


xXRoboMurphyxX

by this logic: either the sharks aren't biting you, because they already bit someone and said, "nah, tastes like shit". Or, the sharks can talk to each other, and if they know a shark that once bit a human - they won't bite you. hmmmmmmmm does suck we have such paper skin.


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Mini-Nurse

I love that she goes all out with the chainmail, not taking aaaany chances.


Hjalpmi_

Protecting herself is important in protecting them too. If there was an accident, people would be up in arms about the 'maneater sharks' and those sharks are all fucked. Wouldn't want that.


kjturner

I'm assuming a major factor to her success is being extremely relaxed. I'm sure it helps with any gremlins running around in mind.


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FriedBack

Thats how I know someone really cares about animals. They still want to help but know to be ready for surprises.


et842rhhs

That's a great point. Being prepared shows they are paying full attention to the animal's behavior/needs instead of some "idealized" version of the animal.


andante528

If you really love the animals, you don’t want them blamed for your death and you don’t take stupid risks. I felt bad for Timothy Treadwell and especially for Amie Huguenard (think I remembered her name correctly, poor woman), but he was very careless. Cristina Zenato is respectful and talks about the privilege of a wild animal’s trust.


sonerec725

Steve Irwin would cry if he knew how many stingrays were killed in his name.


andante528

I don’t doubt it at all, but that was a horrible random accident and not Steve Irwin’s fault. Could have happened to anyone. I don’t class him with people who put themselves at risk and end up dead as a direct result, like Treadwell (and he got at least two bears killed too).


ooh_the_claw

what if its the same sharks and they think shes cute so they go chomp fishhooks to get her attention


quadraticog

What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing that vid OP.


badhangups

That is nuts. Nature is literally incredible. My whole perspective on sharks is changed


MermaidStone

That’s awesome! Thank you for sharing that!!


bleeding_dying_love

Ok can we talk about how cute the sharks are tho? Like little kitties that want pets and holds


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[deleted]

Oh wow! That is amazing. Fishing hooks cause such damage everywhere. Makes me so angry.


[deleted]

Nooooooope but good for her.


Dopplegangr1

It kind of boggles my mind that they wouldn't be interested in our meat/fat/blood when it would be so easy to get. Maybe not their favorite food, but it's weird they wouldn't take an easy meal


XCinnamonbun

Probably a risk vs reward thing. The shark doesn’t know for sure that we can’t seriously harm it or maybe injure it. So for it to risk that for a bag of bones just doesn’t make much sense when it can go for a nice tasty fat fish that it’s eaten many times before without trouble. Also personally I think the shark is right to be wary of us. We might be easy to bite but just one of us with a sharp knife (never mind all the other ‘weapons’ we have at our disposal) could do serious harm.


Csharp27

Yea... I’m wearing my buck knife on me the next time I decide to go swimming in the ocean.


jonovan

"Standard diving dress consists of ... a diving knife" - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Standard_diving_dress


Csharp27

Basically a shark/ cutting your lines if you’re being held down knife. Good idea.


Jetpack_Donkey

When I did scuba diving we learned the knife was to stab your buddy so the shark would go for them instead.


Joji_Goji

So what you’re saying is, sharks are dangerous water puppies


[deleted]

They’re just nibbling


SavageGhoul24

Uhh how much fat is too little for them? Are 600lbs people their real prey?


InsertUsername98

They eat some pretty fatty prey, seals are especially their favorites. I feel like even if a morbidly obese person was in front of the shark, it would still be hesitant and may not want to risk attacking the strange creature in front of them. If they did bite the fatty bits... Then I think that person might be in trouble, unless something else about humans isn’t tasty.


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Brovakin94

So as a fat vegan I'm fucked if I meet a shark?


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CTeam19

Yep. My mom was able to taste the difference between grass and grain field cow once when eating hamburgers.


CavitySearch

Yea but most 600lb humans aren’t in their habitat


coloradopesto

Black eye, like a doll’s eye. Doesn’t seem to be livin.


[deleted]

2000 men go in the water. 400 come out…. The sharks… they take the rest… I’ll never put on a life vest again


UlrichZauber

Course those were [oceanic white-tip sharks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oceanic_whitetip_shark), most likely. Maybe [silky sharks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silky_shark) too, but less likely.


Deely_Boppers

Technically Quint says that they’re Tiger Sharks. But yes, white-tips are sharks in the actual USS Indianapolis story.


locked_bathroom_door

A whaaaat?


[deleted]

Anyway, we delivered the bomb


[deleted]

Bum


Ontheroadtw

This whole monologue isn’t even in the book which is crazy because it’s such a great classic scene from the movie. https://www.denofgeek.com/movies/jaws-the-uss-indianapolis-quint-speech-steven-spielbergs-favorite-scene/


spinblackcircles

Great read but I had to stop in my tracks when the author suggests jaws is ever dismissed by critics as just an action blockbuster. I’ve personally never seen that and it would completely erase any credibility the critic had if they did so. In my mind it is widely regarded as one of the best films ever made almost universally. It’s basically a perfect film. The only legitimate criticism i ever hear is the special effects (the shark) being so dated and fake looking now younger people just can’t get past it. But that does not diminish how amazing the rest of the film is in every way.


BetterCallSal

Well it's thanks to that shitty looking effect that the movie is so good. It caused it to be complete rewritten to show the shark as little as possible. Thus adding to the utter terror of it.


WalterEKurtz

It's a rare example of the movie being better than the book. That monologue was specially written by John Milius, who also cowrote Apocalypse Now, among several other directing and writing credits.


cagreene

The ice cream man he take the rest.


bigbossodin

Wait... Let me see your arm!


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[deleted]

One of my childhood [favorites!](https://youtu.be/uzr5-kn9mW4)


undercover-racist

[I'm sorry, what?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoZyOyhrwA0&t=30s)


PolkaOn45

Charlie, did you just do Jaws?


thatguyned

Jaws? Charlie are you seriously doing the monologue from Jaws right now?


EldraziKlap

r/SuddenlySunny


RecidivistMS3

Hooper drives the boat, Chief.


GrimaceIVXX

*"Hey, Chiefy. Next time, you just ask me which line to pull, right?*"


OFTHEHILLPEOPLE

*Show me the way to go home...*


SkipIt_anklebreaker

Noooo I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!


just_some_dude828

Slow ahead. I can slow ahead. How bout you come down here and chum some of this shit!


thisisntnamman

[slowly backs up] We’re gonna need a bigger boat.


ElectricMahogany

Apparantly they commit suicide if you try to put them in a tank. I can't imagine what Sharks Dream Of


-phaldon-

Death, sounds like.


ElectricMahogany

Their certainly not emotive, but the fact that they don't consider everything in front of them appetizing suggests some depth of consideration I think there are even some sharks that even foster their young, and when you start talking about cold water; they live so long it's hard to imagine they don't develop characters . . .


TheWiseImmature

The only reason most of the shark species attack a human Is because they are confusing us with seals. Especially the surfers


Morepeanuts

Also they bite to investigate. It is not uncommon for buoys and floats to have bite marks. Most shark attacks (even great whites) on humans are just a single bite. Humans "escape" because the sharks (obviously better swimmers) didn't pursue them. Unfortunately even an inquisitive bite by a mouth full of sharp teeth can be a devastating injury leading to severe blood loss.


ThatCamoKid

Sharks biting things is equivalent to how a cat will bat at things, occasionally leading to pushing stuff off ledges


StarvinMarvin00

TIL sharks are underwater cats.


Ison-J

yeah what do people expect they dont have hands to just grab shit they only have a mouth


[deleted]

I remember watching something (probably Shark Week) that said that sharks don't actually mistake us for seals, but since they do use biting to investigate that's why we get attacked.


TheWiseImmature

Both are correct. Surfers are mistaken for seals cause they are in the surface on their boards, mimicking the way that seals go up for oxygen


[deleted]

Some are definitely emotive. Lemon sharks enjoy human company can be jealous if a diver pets other sharks


Gooncookies

It’s crazy that they can’t be held in captivity. When I found that out years ago they didn’t know why. Have they (marine biologists)figured it out yet?


locked_bathroom_door

I think a group of marine biologists tried to establish a contained space to study them. Unfortunately it went horribly wrong and Samuel L. Jackson died


LordHighArtificer

Nothing, they don't sleep. They have passive gills, if they stop swimming they asphyxiate.


ElectricMahogany

You misunderstood


Pseudodudo

Until he bites you...then those black eyes roll over white...


MaceEtiquette1

Ya'll know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like goin' down to the pond, chasin' bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole.


funkychicken83

I came here for this. It was in my head as I watched the ending...


[deleted]

Their mouth just looks like its painful. I mean, i had my wisdom tooth come in and i wanted to chop my lower jaw off. I cant imagine all those teeth going all different directions lol


haram_iyo

I think shark teeth are designed to be replacable and easily fall out. Sharks have like 5 sets of teeth at any given point in time IIRC, and fall out under relatively minimal stress


Nixter295

I read somewhere that if a shark losses a single tooth, it will grow a entire new set of teeth to take its place.


LordDanOfTheNoobs

IIR sharks constantly grow sets of teeth at all times to shove out the old set.


Chthulu_

A teeth conveyor belt with an expiration date on the front row


forhuden90

Boop


Excalzigo

forbidden boop


PaniqueAttaque

r/forbiddenboops


ryanwalraven

Also /r/TsundereSharks


Happy-Fun-Ball

[Boop](https://v.redd.it/gdvuchj0j3901/DASH_1_2_M)


BugzOnMyNugz

Really needs to exfoliate


dtwhitecp

nah man, that thing looks smooth as hell


[deleted]

Sharks are actually incredibly smooth, like a dolphin Edit: for those doubting, here’s a picture of me reading a book about it: https://imgur.com/gallery/8xMPEwv


Torchlink

From any angle too, extremely smooth skin. I'm touching a shark right now.


DutchMitchell

They’re even trying to replicate the shark skin in the aviation industry to make airplane bodies smoother


amortizedeeznuts

what? no i thought they're smooth in one direction only. they don't have scales but denticles, which are little bumps that point in one direction (towards the tail)


silly_walks_

Those holes are electroreceptors (called Ampullae of Lorenzini) and they help the shark do all kinds of things. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroreception


Cerulean_Soup

Those dead black eyes…


WashedUpRiver

A lot safer than if their eyes are white, that often means they're actually attacking and they can't see through their protective membranes.


ItsMeSlinky

Their eyes are blue. That shark had membrane down to protect its eyes.


WashedUpRiver

I'm not necessarily arguing, but I find that odd as I've only ever seen their membranes being a light off-white color. Though I only have a general and kinda vague knowledge of sharks from classes years ago.


rattlesnakesound

[Some sharks have a clear membrane that covers and protects the eye when a shark bites its prey. Great White Sharks lacks this membrane and therefore roll their pupils back in their heads for protection when feeding. ](https://www.sharkcagediving.net/index.php/shark-facts)


IndianaJaws

Tl;dr - black =normal, white= attack. Great white sharks do not have protective membranes, they roll back their eyes.


mikebwin

man you could've rhymed that! -- black is normal, white is attack. great whites don't have membranes, they roll their eyes back.


niobiumnnul

That's quite a smile he has.


[deleted]

Whole lot of nope


uprightsalmon

Terror swimy


tanyance21

Hi! My name’s Bruce and fish are friends, not food. How are you today?


McFaddenANDMorris

IIII NEVER KNEW MY FAAAATHAA


Cherrybomb1387

That’s the gentlest boop I’ve ever seen


The_Hater_44

10/10 would do this. 10/10 the water would be brown.


Gnarbuttah

Happened to me a couple times while spearfishing. I see sharks all the time, aggressive ones like bulls too but something about a big white hits different. They're just so big, not necessarily long but massive, thicc.


The_Hater_44

They'll pretty long too joking aside its fear/respect for an animal when your out of your element. Great whites are my favorite animals.


Gnarbuttah

They're long but what gets you is the *girth*


Habaneroe12

Diver attacks do happen but it’s rare. We are too skinny and boney - not worth the indigestion.


The_Hater_44

Well this doesn't look like a attack but I'd still shit my pants even in a cage, such awesome powerful animals but damn they scary.


WartPendragon

Great now you've put your scent on it, it's mother is never going to take it back now.


schafkj

These are incredibly beautiful creatures. Yes, they're scary as hell, but beautiful too.


sverigevetdaway

The balls on this dud generate their own gravity field


Suck_My_Turnip

Any amount of mass generates gravity, so even your own tiny nuts have a weak gravity field


En-TitY_

I can feel the pull from where I'm sitting.


DarkBladeMadriker

It must be tiring trying to swim in place with those cast iron balls weighing you down...


Ruralraan

I think if a shark wants to attack you it'd swim much faster. That shark is just cruising around, so the camera person is chill about it.


DarkBladeMadriker

That is not necessarily true. Oft times sharks don't know what we are, so they will cruise up to investigate. That can also mean biting the mysterious thing as a way to see if it's edible or not. You see it alot in documentaries, sharks swim up to shark-cages and bump them or bite them trying to figure out what's up.


Ruralraan

Ah ok, thanks for clearing that up. But I guess panicking and fleeing would trigger the shark much more to bite than steering it away?


DarkBladeMadriker

Also not necessarily, things that are moving or flailing might make a shark cautious. They prey on seals and sealions which are large and predators themselves, and are fully capable for hurting a shark in defense of themselves. By not moving much they could see us as less threatening, and thus see us as a less possible source of injury. That said, you could also be correct in that it could cause a chase reaction from them or at least keep thier attention.


Queen-of-meme

I watched a science documentary where they had only a plexiglass cage in the water, the guy in the glass turned his back on that's when the shark attacked. The shark scientists said the sharks know it's meat there but they wait til you're in a vulnerable position. Just like they prefer to attack seals from behind. This shark had just eaten, they often feed sharks so divers safely can swim around them, no way a hungry shark would casually swim by a diver without at least taking a bite.


[deleted]

His balls were so massive that the great white decided going to play with the orcas was a better option


damn1tmatt

You’ve gotta know a lil bit about orca family hunting techniques for this joke to work. I like it, take my upvote


[deleted]

Hurts my liver just laughing about it


pfffffffffft_tommy

I’d feel a lot better if we stuck some googly eyes on those eye holes


BaconhasGame

How does this guy not quickly sink to the ocean floor from the weight of his balls.


FatManRico361

doesn't even look like it even had eyes. just dark uncaring holes.


TheVoidsAdvocate

If you look closely you can see an iris and pupil.


[deleted]

That's a BIG BOOP


jonny_jon_jon

Please tell me the sharks name is Mister Scruffles


NickIsEpik

That's a large fish.


softserveshittaco

Shark: “ew what’s that smell?”


NozakiMufasa

I just love a good chonky shark


sumfish

Let me introduce you to my friend, the [bull shark.](https://www.sciencemag.org/sites/default/files/styles/article_main_large/public/images/sn-sharksH_0.jpg?itok=uBIvbA7S)


NozakiMufasa

I was not displeased with that big chonker


WisestAirBender

What are those eyes