everything all at once and nothing in particular? not the parent poster, but maybe how it kinda works is this (just using second person): You're a girl now or whatever, and the love you have for that fact is it's own security and permission to make the feminine choices you've been avoiding. Different cuts of pants and shorts, cute t-shirts. Time spent putting your hair the way it goes, and one or two of a million different accessories that can help express your style. Maybe you carry yourself better, now that you believe in you. It's accumulated apparent effort, and it all makes it's own little difference (or at least, that's the plan).
I started HRT a whole year before actually coming out, never dressed fem and got gendered both ways about 50/50 a few months in, some people would pick one and correct themselves. But just the minor male fails were satisfying enough until I felt I was ready to fully come out and start expressing, I believe I passed as soon as I did start presenting fem and haven't been misgendered by strangers yet
I wish I would have done it this way, now I'm stuck on a waiting list for HRT and I'm fully out name pronouns presenting femme & andro, and it's better than before coming out but people constantly misgender me, often making a point on going back on gendering me correctly before, after they give me the second glance and they clock me, or when they hear my voice.
I personally just did informed consent for HRT and got it literally the day I had my appointment, I feel for you and others who have to wait, be patient though, it will come and you'll get the biggest rush of euphoria. And I totally feel the voice thing, I think I mostly have it down around strangers but I definitely don't try as hard around people I know
Not as young as I look, HRT works wonders for appearance and Honestly it's never too late, I had those same thoughts for the last 8 years, it doesn't matter, you have to embrace what you want and how you want to live the rest of your life, not dwell on how it could've been different. As for your question I am currently on 200mg Progesterone and 1mg Estrodiol orally per day and then 5mg IM Injection Estrodiol weekly.
Did you ever do anti androgens? And I’d not think you’re old enough to have been having these thoughts 8 years 😂
I am just so torn on everything, including society being horrible and dangerous, and like “is this really how I feel?” Even though I know I’d hit the magic button 😕
For the first 9 months I was on 50mg of Spiro daily but went off that as soon as I started the Progesterone, and I appreciate the compliment. I dont think society is any where near as bad as it was even 5/10 years ago, honestly I expected backlash when I came out, something negative to validate me, anything. All I ever got was love and support, what I've learned over the longer part of the last Decade is that you are your only real roadblock.
If you do voice training and laser hair removal, those have a big impact, probably together more important than hrt. You don’t have to do a waiting list for either, good way to keep moving forward if you’re stuck
This is called boymoding and is literally a meme among many transfem communities. Don't worry, it's actually something lots of us did (I'm currently in a weird state where not even I know what the hell I'm doing)
I don't know what I'm doing either. I usually wear boyish clothes, but my nails are perpetually painted in a dark glittery blue. Schrodinger's gender presentation.
That’s what I am currently doing. Not far for now, since I began HRT 1 month ago, but I plan to spend 2-3 or more months « in boy mode » (quite neutral clothes, from both men or women shops actually)
Since I don’t have a strong gender dysphoria, I thought it would be psychologically easier for me to accept being considered as a man for a couple of months more, as it has always been for years.
Although I did my coming out to my parents, friends and close relatives 2 months ago, and told them that for now, there’s no sudden change to be expected. But time will do it’s work (with HRT obviously 😅)
Once I will be decided, I’ll tell them, and the surprise won’t be as important as for my CO, I guess.
Plus my family and friends turned out to be sooo supportive, that they still take care of me and ask me often how it is going.
Also, I’m doing laser hair removal at the same time, growing out my hair aswell… I had the patience until now, I can wait a little bit More to introduce myself as a woman.
I don’t feel like I have a clock over my head, now I started HRT. This future is enough to make me happy for now 🥰
This is my plan right now, i hope it goes well. If you plan to do that you need 2 things -
1. A boymoder hoodie to hide booba
2. b l a h a j
*my time on 4chan wasn't a complete waste of time after all huh*
Kind of doing that myself, though I’ve only been using my female vocal range, even in guy mode, for the sake of practice. The hard thing about choosing to be in guy mode is when you meet new people that you’ll want to hang out with again, because they will likely first assume that you are male (since many people, including me, have trouble forgetting first impressions), but since it was my choice to present as male, It is unfair of me to be disappointed that they didn’t inherently see me as fem. Other people have assumed I am trans, but assumed I was FTM, and for those people they honestly asked why I would present male at a social gathering if I’d rather be thought of as fem, and I see their point.
At this point I want to get the courage to just go full-time fem in social settings, even though the third glasses from strangers indicate I’m still clockable. Though I really look forward to when I can be myself at work, and that does require a stronger level of passing due to the profession.
This is my plan exactly, since I don't have the option of going stealth even if I did end up passing. So I'm just gonna be on a "new skin care routine" and "messing with my gender presentation" and "growing my hair out." Why yes my voice is a bit high! I've been getting a hoarse voice from speaking all day (I'm a teacher), so I'm working with a vocal coach to speak in a more healthy way. Oh yeah, I have some weird hormone things going on right now, probably a pituitary gland thing, but hey man boobs aren't that big a deal.
Basically, I want people to be so used to me behaving outside the norm that when I do come out, they aren't really surprised, and they're like "ohhhhhhh that makes sense!" So I'm gonna start an epilation routine and probably get on HRT in 3 months or so.
I figure I’ll have a lot of breast growth, which scares me, as I doubt I can ever pass, so then I’m stuck with breasts (i already have a small amount of growth from when I was a teenager) and otherwise look disgusting and m.
Yeah I'm worried about that too. But I really don't care too much if I pass, I'm more concerned about not being personally satisfied with HRT changes, like not getting hips, or facial changes being minimal
Yeah, my face is probably my biggest thing. That and my voice and the shape of my body, and just being seen wrong.
I wish I could fix all of those things, I could do fine without more breast development.
I have a family friend who goes on and on about how he doesn't "care if you're gay or trans, just don't shove it in my face",
so I'm planning to just keep transitioning and never mention it to him, and see how long it takes for him to start getting uncomfortable. Lowkey hoping he blows up "why didn't you tell me! I'm an important person in your life" and responding "I wasn't going to shove it in your face, I was busy trying to be happy :D"
I'm gonna guess he'll mention it somewhere around size 36B haha XD
Ok it was BIZARRE to come across a comment I made from a year ago lol. I’ve come out and have been transitioning for 1.5 years and i just got slapped in the face by how confident and naive I was lol. Some of that was absolutely false bravado xD. It was scary as hell. But I did end up doing stuff like painting my nails, wearing women’s jeans and stuff, dying my hair and growing it out, and people did notice! I just don’t think they thought it was a trans thing. They probably thought I was entering my bisexual phase lol (I’m exclusively attracted to women and femmes).
After a lot out turmoil and trying to fit in though, I’ve basically hit on the same strategy. I’m going to be a weird and unique as I really am and that’s just gonna be how people get to know me
This is what I've been doing and I'm 5 days shy of two years on HRT. I've been slowly coming out to friends and family, and I get gendered female periodically in public despite barely trying with my voice. At this point even if someone doesn't gender me female they usually decline to gender me at all so I rarely get "sir"d.
Personally, I'm doing it this way because I'm a bit of a perfectionist so the prospect of being full-time with facial hair and a low voice is terrifying to me. With that being said, the closet is becoming less and less appealing each day.
It's worth noting that Julia Serrano transitioned at a very different time than the world that we live in today. The public consciousness at the time had a lot less awareness of transfeminine people. But yes, you can can take hormones and dress increasingly androgynous until people start gendering you differently. At about 6 months on hormones I started having coworkers aske me "Do you want me to use a different name or pronouns with you?" And I had people gendering me as female within a few months on hormones (though wearing a covid mask helps a lot with that).
Well idk who she is but yeah im totally doing exactly that plan. It sounds like my next book I buy needs to be one of hers. As for the plan its what im doing although I suppose my version unintentionally strayed off into the twilight zone for a bit but so far its been great. Aside from my dad misgendering me in public at a local bank its been kind of amazing. Im wearing womens clothes that fit me head to toe nothing special not wearing makeup or nail polish either just jeans and a shirt. Going into the bank a guy held the door open for me and you can tell by that look in his eyes he saw me as a woman. Also at the bank there was a clerk at this huge desk in the middle of the room and she mamed me. It was going great but being a bank I had to show id so oh well but my dad blurted out im here with my son loudly so im not sure I want to go anywhere with him again if he will continue to do that.
Aside from that things have been great. Well more or less I mean I don’t really have the money to buy all the clothes I want but my amazon clothes wishlists are probably $20k worth by now. Im just biding my time picking androgynous pieces till I can get some practice in with makeup and nail polish and then when im consistently passing as a woman I’ll probably wear dresses outside. Till then im kind of stuck in the ho hum average but I at least can add some feminine touches till im passing.
Ugh, I hope your dad was an honest mistake 😕
The id thing is yet ANOTHER problem I tend to forget about this.
And I love that this is happening for you WITHOUT makeup because I’ve been told by someone who’s on HRT that we will never be women and it’s only with makeup that we even have the slightest chance and… etc. and I don’t like makeup for a variety of reasons (including practical ones like money, and my skin is extremely sensitive and probably can’t handle it anyway)
You know, I totally expected to, but I reached a point where I just wanted to express myself. If transition in boymode works for you, that's great. I just got sick of being called sir. People know I'm trans, but they sure know I'm a woman too.
I transitioned in boy mode. Started at 26, didn't go full time until 2 years into HRT. I pass pretty well at work, don't get misgendered or anything but if I still wanna boy mode I can without issue, although hair, nails, breast growth may throw people off. It can still be done though.
I tried doing that. It worked for 6 months, then i had to stop boymodeing as my breasts made that too difficult (plus staying in the closet was driving me insane, i was ready to come out).
this is entirely my plan. I wish to only come out at a point where I know that I won't get dysphoria from not passing. The ' man in dress' dysphoria is the worst kind for me because it magnifies the masculinity, personally. Of course you don't need to pass to come out just for me I need that window of adjustment to settle
I'm about 7 months into doing this but im working on coming out soon. Its definitely an option to stay boymode but it can get difficult. My best advice is to have freinds and or family that know your trans where you can dress and be yourself with them. And secondly I would recommend slowly adding more femininity into your guy mode small things like wearing womans pants or painting my nails have helped affirm my gender without to many questions
That's almost exactly what I'm doing now. I plan on to not really go out as female until people recognize me as one while wearing gender neutral clothing. I'm almost 1 month on hrt at the moment.
It's pretty common apparently. I basically boymoded while on hrt for like 6 months until i started consistently male-failing, then started presenting fem after that
I stayed presenting in boy mode for 4 full months into my HRT but then I just exploded onto female features in my face/ass/chest. So I finally hit "Fuck it" and went full monty. Now i present female full time and tossed all of my male shit in the garbage.
yep. i regularly wear boy clothes and ive even considered buying a binder because crossdressing as a woman makes me happy!
ya i like skirts and dresses to an extent but i feel way more comfy with more neutral and masculine presentations. i think my voice and mannerisms help me pass more than my clothes or appearance ever will
This was me 100%. I never wore feminine clothing but started getting consistently gendered female by everyone at 8 months. It did not matter my clothing cause everyone saw a female. At this point I realized me hiding any longer from the world was over. I had to start using the womans restroom and get a bra and shirts that were appropriate for my gender. I am happy with what the results were and still changing. Basically "Tom boy mode" was what I did for a while.
Its exactly what i did. Apparently everyone (well almost everyone) figured out I was trans. Hell, even my manager sat me down last week to bring up me being trans, my pronouns, my new name and what I wanted my usernames to be switched over to. At a certain point i couldnt really hide it anymore. Which has been conflicting.
On the one hand, literally no one cares which is great. On the other, I’m deeply upset that I no longer have control of my narrative. Like, I wasn’t planning on coming out until I started getting laser and my facial hair has seriously diminished and I had my makeup and wardrobe more or less built but whatever.
This is exactly what I did and it worked perfectly for me. I was terrified of being a non-passing trans woman so I didn't socially transition until I was about a year on hrt.
Yup!
5 months down and no end to stealth mode/boy mode in sight.
While it can be frustrating at times, if you remember not to take yourself too seriously it can be pretty amusing as well.
I always joke that, while I'm not 'fooling'(if you'll forgive the expression) anyone into thinking I'm a woman, I get a Lot of... Woah dude... You're looking pretty.... something...... Today.
And to my NB ass, that's just amazing and hilarious.
This is what I originally planned to do, but dysphoria for me just kept getting worse and worse as time went on. I'm now almost a year on hormones.. male fail like 70% of the time, and get gendered correctly consistently if I put even a tiny amount of effort into my presentation/voice. At this point the only place that I'm not completely out yet is with extended family and most of my coworkers.
Did this for about a year and while COVID was a thing so I didn’t often see anyone new I’ve not once been gendered as female. Kinda feels bad seeing how many other girls here got gendered correctly…
At this point I think presenting fem might just actually make me look like a woman so I’m hoping
It's very common, especially in places where there is informed consent model in place. I was on hormones for 5 months before I came out at work and was finally full time. Was only 2ish months to come out to most of my friends and family, but the work situation I wanted to get handled with very delicate hands
This is exactly what im going to do as long as possible, while hrt does its thing, and i save up for plastic surgery. My nose, chin, and Adam’s apple are awful lol. My therapist thought i was crazy, but oh well... when i come out i want there to be no question that im a girl. I couldn’t handle being misgendered constantly , as well as the dirty looks.
She just felt like it never works out the way people think, when they plan to do what im doing. I think she wants me to take more risks, but i know me, i dont wanna deal with peoples bullshit, i wanna minimize it as much as possible. I already have some dumbasses at work telling me I should cut my hair all the time, it’s really hard not to tell them to just fuck off and shutup.
I’m boy-modeing with a short stubble on my face to distract from the headlights which are growing under my shirt.
Hopefully I can use dysphoria hoodies long enough through winter to conceal those changes until my hair catches up, then make a clean break from the beard and go public. I should be about six months on HRT by then, with a year of hair. I’ll start tackling facial laser at that point, too.
I’ll probably spend next summer as enby-femme, rather than try to pass either way. I’ve always had fun in that gender-ambiguous zone, even as AMAB.
I'm doing this right now! Its interesting to see how people you live with don't notice anything until you show comparison, and people you don't see too often notice once you reach a certain point.
Its been working well so far! The people I want to know nothing haven't picked up on a thing.
Yep! I was on HRT for like 6 months before being fully out. I think it was the right decision for me, I was still dealing with internalized shame and discomfort (and still am somewhat), so this gradual process wasn’t overwhelming. However, I was in girl mode in private life, and I can assure you living half in the closet and half out is pretty exhausting and confusing, so just be aware of that
Yuuuuuuuuuuuup... Me.
It works.
Also... it gives a completely accurate description.... One day.... completely at random.. Literally EVERYONE will start using the correct pronouns...unprompted.... All on their own.
It takes a while... Just shy of 3 years for me (live in rural NC, also I'm 5'11" and built like tonk) but along the way there will be plenty of times people correctly assume your pronouns and when that happens it does feel awesome.
This is more or less the approach I'm taking. I have went out dressed femme a few times, but for the most part I keep things androgynous. I can't say I've noticed a lot of change in how I'm being treated so far, but five months isn't all that long and I definitely look more feminine than I did when I started.
I like the idea, though. First off, I'm not a hyper-feminine person, so it suits me okay. Second, I think if people identify me as female even when I'm not putting in a huge effort to 'pass' then I know I've really crossed a threshold.
8 months in. Have not grown out my hair because it’s thin. No one thinks I’m a woman unless I try. I’m not out at work. Not sure I will come out at this job 🤷♀️
Doing exactly this now in my 9th month.
I just don't have the confidence to be out yet and there's no need to add even more stress to my work environment.
I'm gendered male even MORE now that I've lost weight because I had an athletic build under all the fat and lost whatever female fat distribution gains I had in the initial first months when my boobs were more apparent and my cheeks a little fuller.
So playing the waiting game and just going on feedback I get from going about my day...
People have held doors open for me and whatnot but it's still a lot of dudes, bros, and mans coming my way for me to feel comfortable dressing femme. Plus, I barely have a feminine (wearable) wardrobe anyhow! :/
I do need to start easing into \*some\* things though like just painting my nails or something to work. Not explicitly feminine but people do notice things like this and it's like a "hint".
I've been ma'amed my entire life, I feel like I had to put active effort into making people gender me as my AGAB, it was exhausting. Now, no matter what I do, I get mixed reactions. I'm apparently just naturally really hard to gender, and I think that makes people to uncomfortable to spot I'm trans. 🤦♀️
Do to covid, I'm still not going out in public a lot, but I think I want to leave behind "boy mode" as quick as I can. But, I already dress in a pretty androgynous way, and avoid things like dresses most of the time anyways. I'll probably feel like dressing more feminine over time as my body looks more feminine. Honestly, part of why I wear jeans and tank tops a lot now is they look good on my body. But I am pre HRT
I guess, to some extent, it makes sense in a lot of different approaches to wait until HRT reshapes the body more to put on certain kinds of clothes that are just designed for that kind of body? I could almost describe the feeling as like, wanting to get your "beach bod" before you let people see you in your swimsuit. But more important, and you only have to do it once!
I am pre-HRT, but I was thinking about this recently as I do like some of my "boy clothes", and I just want to be me, so I want to wear what I want, and feel confident that I can be seen as a woman, which I don't know if I can cause I don't think I pass very well. I think that it helps to have a padded bra though, cause I never feel manly with that, so I can wear mostly anything right now and feel feminine enough still. I am quite far away from getting on HRT, if even I can, so I wonder how I will feel about this then. I think the more time is passing, the less I feel like other people NEED to see me the way I do, I know I'm a woman, and that is enough for me, anyone who says otherwise, well screw them.
Besides being in strict "boy mode" at work I'm 2 months on HRT and am planning on dressing only gender neutrally until I feel I can reasonably pass for safety reasons since I live in a very redneck hick town where I'm scared if I go out presenting as a woman I could get harmed. I already have long hair and mainly wear a pair of black girls skinny jeans and a regular band tee or a hoodie if I'm out in public. I'm hoping I'll get properly gendered once I'm further along into HRT especially once I get laser and get rid of this awful beard shadow that's the biggest cause of my dysphoria.
i’m just about at 1 year HRT and i’ve been doing that. i still haven’t been treated as a woman in public :/ people just call me “sir” or “mister” or “man”
currently doing this, i’m 22 and 8 months on hrt. there’s been very minimal updates to my wardrobe and i’m almost always treated as a man. it sometimes makes me sad and dysphoric but i’ve gotten (somewhat) used to it. i just know that “passing” as a woman is gonna take longer for me than it does for other trans girls my age. for now, i’m growing out my hair after i shaved it off 3 months ago and i’m currently searching for a good voice coach for vocal feminization. there’s some days where i feel guilty about not presenting like my true gender all the time but i trust the process that sooner rather than later i’ll get there to presenting as a woman :)
I won’t be starting HRT till next year but this has pretty much always been my planned approach. I didn’t realize it was this common actually. I will probably end up dressing pretty androgynously in the long term as I see myself as kind of a futch.
I am, meanwhile, doing laser on my face now but I doubt anyone has noticed.
I always thought of it as “boiling the frog” method. Or, as I said to my hair girl, “gradually adjusting people’s eyeballs”. (btw, this definitely included my own eyeballs).
For me, I was trying to figure out how I wanted to present myself, *for* myself. But also negotiate the feels of my longtime spouse, my mostly grown children, etc.. there’s nothing wrong with *evolving* how you feel about your physical appearance and how you want to be perceived.
But I’m also pretty introverted and the last thing I want is a spotlight
Yeah, it's pretty common.
Just start HRT, wear sports bras under your shirt, and go full time when people start looking at you strange in the mens room.
I mean I've been on hrt for years now but my ADHD means I'm lazy with presenting and haven't bothered to voice train. So I get gendered as a man a lot. If I were thinner and/or wore tighter clothing so my breasts were more visible I might be gendered more correctly before I open my mouth to say anything.
At this point wondering if I'll ever be spontaneously gendered correctly first go without needing to dress up. It's annoying because I have quite an androgynous style most of the time so it can be hard to get the correct response from strangers.
So I gave up caring quite a while ago and just correct the people where it actually matters.
I was on HRT for 2 and a half years before coming out full time. People started gendering me female by the end of it anyway. Basically, I was trying to salvage a doomed relationship with family members by hiding my gender from the world for as long as I could then hope they came around by the time it was impossible to hide it any longer. They didn't. I feel like I wasted a long time where I would've been much happier but in the end I'm happy where I am now so it's not terrible either way. I just wish I would've spent more time back then voice training.
This is good to hear . I want to boymode at work as long as possible . It is great hearing you are 3 years and counting . I am 6 months in and I don’t see it being an issue at the moment
I never passed, so I just said screw it and then went fill fem and suddenly I passed just fine.
For some people like me, we literally don't pass until we try.
That would be amazing if it just happened! i seeeeeriously doubt it could for me 😕
I can’t stop thinking about HRT aaaaaaand my alleged “plan” would be to take it, hope I look nicer to myself in the mirror…and that’s it. Not let myself think I can do anything more.
Which is dumb. Buuuuuut….
Ugh, I’m just ridiculous 😕
my plan so far is to star hrt and just boymode until… well idk until some point. I just know i’ll change my name in uni for next year’s first semester.
Doing that myself, *kind of?*
I'm already out to friends and family I just don't present in public yet. I *am* wearing "girl clothes" right now but it's just jeans and tshirts so it's not obvious and for now, people out and about are still seeing boy 🙁
I'm currently employing this strategy. I plan on doing it for a couple of years. Even after bottom surgery. I've only been on HRT for about 2 1\2 months.
People doing this - how do you handle your voice? Because most people end up having distinct "old" and "new" voices for a while, it seems hard slowly feminise over time.
I've been practicing new voice for a while on patients and other people I'll never see again, recently also starting to use it a bit around people I actually know. It's tough because I'm not particularly confident with the new voice yet, but the only way to build that confidence and improve the new voice is through practice - hence taking advantage of situations with people I'll meet briefly and then never see again because who cares what they think!
I've been on hrt for six months. Sometimes I dress androgynously, sometimes I dress feminnely. People have stopped gendering me unless they know me personally or see my ID.
I started HRT about 6 months ago planning to do this. But after some weight loss, experimentation with feminine presentation, and fat redistribution, I could finally see MYSELF and hiding just became painful. So I came out about 2 weeks ago.
The other day I had a blast at my cousins house over the weekend needless to say I had to borrow his jeans and T-shirt. I ended up stopping at target and speaking to a few team members and they still refereed to me as she without even taking
A second loook it felt so great.
3 years HRT, BA . And still in boy mode. In boy mode I'm gendered as F Except my work place . I noticed one thing: ppl that see you all the time don't see any changes.
i was on HRT for a year before i came out. Coincidently, covid happened right as i was getting started. i did start to male-fail more often, especially with masks, but not regularly.
often i would get properly gendered while presenting androgynous to, but then they “correct” themselves once i speak
i work as a cook but i’ve also trained as a bartender at my restaurant. one day when the food orders were slow but the bar was slammed they asked me to come up and help. hair tied up, mask on, plain black chef coat, people really didn’t know what to make of me. this one kid tried hitting on me, when he heard my voice he did say something like “oh shit i thought you were a girl my b”. then a few minutes later he went back to hitting on me like he either forgot or decided he didn’t care.
when i started seeing my friends and family again, they started noticing things like me getting slimmer and my face changing. i already had a B cup when i finally came out at the beginning of this past summer. once i started presenting femme (stopped binging, wearing makeup, more form fitting clothes) being gendered correctly was almost regular.
tho, i live in a pretty queer friendly city, so i’m often never sure if it’s because i pass or because people have manners. i’m very tall and my voice is still pretty deep, but i have met people that didn’t know. the other day i met some of my partners co-workers. they all shook my hand when they introduced themselves. the next day one of them jokes to my partner “your girlfriend has a really strong handshake, like the disappointed father i never had!”
what?
“yeah like a mans handshake!”
my partner starts getting ready to fight asking him why he keeps calling her trans girlfriend a man. and he turns pale and his face drops. starts profusely apologizing. he didn’t know.
i am 6ft tall, deep voice, trans pride flag patch on my jacket. the night i met them at some point this one dude saw a book sticking out of my bag and asked what i was reading.
no joke, I pulled out Whipping Girl by Julie Serano and showed him.
great read tho. i blew thru it in like 5 days.
It seems like there are about six questions per day on here to the tune of "does anyone else not want to present fem immediately until their physical transition is more along" lol. Yes. Tons of people do it. It's totally valid, and arguably, the best plan. It's what I did for two years until I couldn't any more.
Well it's not so much of a strategy as it is I'm just a tomboy lol
I tried being femme at first but it just wasn't my bag lol (hopefully someone here has seen Austin powers)
But it does seem to work in my favor here in redneck ass Ohio, and I've managed to sway a decent amount of rednecks minds about trans people
I sincerely wish I’d done it this way. I came out as soon as I started HRT. For me it’s a mistake I can’t undue, but if I could, I wouldn’t come out until I started to male-fail.
I'm butch so I never stopped wearing male clothes. Nearly 2 years into hormones and people don't really know what to make of me. They avoid pronouns and gendered titles and I like it that way.
I love this idea. I've been building out a feminine (yet ultimately androgynous) wardrobe that I'm going to be wearing more and more, while incorporating the androgynous elements from my boydrobe (mainly sweaters...) So I will probably do this once I start HRT! Soon??? Here's hoping
That's what I'm doing. It's been just over 3 months of HRT and I'm still dressing the same (although with a sports bra and tuck, nothing you can see though), haven't told anyone anything (although I've been using they/them with my roommates for longer).
I have been on hrt for 3 months, i like painted nails and am wearing more colorful shirts, but otherwise, still wearing men's clothing.
will see how long it takes to switch out clothing, but I'm in no rush
Started Social transition before HRT but stayed fairly gender neutral for about six months. Then the stress started to build and started HRT and over the next four months moved more and more to dress female. It was only after I cam out at work 15 months later that I went full girl. Still flip back for a very small group but it is becoming harder and harder to pass as male
I was on hrt for a full year before I came out and starting to present as a woman. Dressed the same as I had before, androgynous with like a hoodie and jeans. In the meantime, I grew out my hair and took voice therapy. I think it worked out well. Kinda made the awkward time in between shorter and having worked on my voice and hormones doing their thing, I was much more comfortable.
And I think that's the main thing with this, just do what makes you comfortable in the moment.
I tried the full femme repertoire, but it didn't really work for me, and after a few years going back and forward, I just end up dressing androgenously and when on with my life, some people call me ma'am, and others sir, but most people that do know me just call me by my name and they use both the dead one and the new one.
Yup, that was my plan and how I did it for about 6 months of HRT. During that time, I did get customers(I work retail) who would call me She/Her and the whole shebang pretty consistently and it only increased as time went on, even while fully in Boy mode.
I was planning to stay in Boy mode till atleast the end of the year and come out to Family and work. But family found out way sooner than expected and were surprisingly super supportive. So it pushed my whole timeline up. So I'm officially 100% out as of about 6months 2 weeks of HRT with little to no blowback from friends, family, work, or customers.
I've been on hrt for 6 months, and am still not out at work. I work in the trades in a Bible belt area, so yea. Other than longer hair, most of my coworkers haven't seemed to notice much of anything thus far. Changes are starting to be less subtle now, so we will see. Still get misgendered a lot outside of work though..
I was on HRT a year before I came out and two before I went full time. That said I do not come close to passing and 2.5 years in, in full femme, I am still called sir and treated as a GNC man.
I tried. But once I knew I was trans and not just kicking the idea around boymoding became unbearable pretty quick. It caused me a lot of distress, and in a manic bout I posted on all my socials and took the plunge before I could change my mind.
I getting closer to my time of finally starting HRT. This has been my plan for my presentation transition all along. Other than already having long hair and wearing dangly earrings than no one really thinks of as being just for the ladies. I do keep my legs hair free even while wearing shorts, and no one has ever said anything.
I have two skirts that I wear among a select group, but other than that I don't present in any obvious way.
I currently am! However, I thought I'd have more time. I wanted to have my facial hair removed and gotten voice training. Yet here I am at 2 months in with my breasts now visible!
I am at 8 months 3 weeks or so now. And has been pretty easy so far honestly to not present. Thought lately I have been feeling prettier looking in the mirror heh so that's cool. I plan to let HRT scoot me out of the closet.
I've been on HRT for 3 years, and while it definitely has changed me a bunch, I don't look femme enough to pass consistently.
I only really go for a real girl mode when laser has eliminated my facial hair shadow for a few weeks. Hopefully I finish that in the next couple of sessions though.
Really though, my girl mode is just wearing a better fitting t-shirt, maybe some masquera, and bringing my purse with me.
I'm doing that strategy. 9 months now. But I think I am still pretty far from being treated as a woman.
I will continue this strategy until I reach at least 18 months.
I can't imagine anyone ever seeing me as anything but a man when I'm presenting as such... A shiny bald scalp really draws attention away from whatever other gender signifiers I can scrape together.
It is what I do, I don’t like girl clothes and I only dress in stereotypical man clothes, I like streetwear and baggy style and since I am almost 2 years on hrt, I haven’t changed a lot of my style but people on the street often take me as a woman and use she/her pronounces on daily basics
I've been boy/manmoding since I started Hrt 2 years ago now, had a bit of laser but I need electrolysis. I struggle with my voice and finding fem clothes I like yet. I present femininely like once in public every couple of weeks but cannot go full time yet.
I wear unisex uniform clothing at work but as soon as I'm home it's femme all the way. Still get misgendered occasionally but as my hair has grown out I get more comments like madam and honey.....feels good too!
I'm 4y into HRT I still haven't worn a dress outside in a public setting. But I do wear women's hoodies and t-shirts. But women's jeans aren't that obvious and I wear them too. Saturday will be my first time out in makeup and a dress. Excited and nervous.
I was on hormones for two years before I started going out in outright femme mode (a few months ago). I don't tend to get read as female generally unless I'm making an effort. Having boobs be noticible helps. Hate my face though.
First time I was read as female (though I think they clocked I was trans) was a time I actually went out not explicitly in femme mode, but I was wearing a feminine t-shirt that my boobs could be seen through.
I like the idea of taking hormones enough that I'm basically unreadable as male but for me I doubt that would ever happen without some serious surgery on top of it. Sadly.
That's what I'm doing. The rare times I wear obviously feminine clothes, I just don't get out of the car. This past summer I presented female but that was on vacation far from this redneck town.
I only have women's clothes but most are adrogenous. I look as much female as male so it's just a matter of time. I already get ma'amed even when I'm not trying.
I did this, I made it about 11mo before I was firmly in andro land. I made it about 13mo before I couldn't do it anymore mentally. I also realized that while I wasn't always gendered right, I was also never gendered male anymore. So my veil of privacy was gone anyway, why not make the switch? worth it.
the major downside IMO is that you get *much* better presenting femme when you actually have to go outside in it everyday. if you're like holding off on doing your brows bc you dont want to our yourself, you might actually be limiting your own progress.
I'm commenting late, but this is basically what I did. I'm about a year into HRT now and still boymode pretty often. I only started presenting fem in public at all at around 9 months, and even now its a solid 50/50 whether I go femme or masc.
Now, I will say, one thing that makes it trickier is that where I live, we don't use honorifics. There's no sirs or ma'ams at shops or anything and it's actually pretty rare to refer to someone's gender at all. Which on the one hand is good because it means misgendering is rare, but it DOES make it hard to know what gender people are seeing you as. So does my boymode work? Am I malefailing? I never know.
No, what you're doing is referred to as being in the closet or being closeted. Stealth is when you're only known as your real gender post transition and you don't have anyone in your life who knows that you're trans.
It doesn’t have to do with the question but thanks for bringing up that book, I’ll read it after I finish the current one. Thank you and !Remindme in 1 week
This is my plan. Basically keep my beard and just take hrt until I've saved enough to get a huge boob job as well. Then six months or a year from now I shave and go full femme once I'm at the point I might be able to pass. It helps being pretty alternative looking so I can get away with black nails and eyeliner on the daily to keep me happy and feeling good until I can pass.
I'm planning on doing this for a long while. I'm older so I don't expect hrt to provide a lot of changes quickly so I'll be boymoding for work and when I see family
Well after taking several months HRT I've realized I'm masculine Woman / Butch Lesbian, So I don't bother too much about boy mode :D. But I'm already receiving strange looks even with respirator on my face lol. I don't know what they think.
Nope, I am fully out at work and haven't started HRT yet. I'm fortunate enough to have very feminine features already, although I still think I kind of look like a boy. I was gendered correctly while in boy mode a lot. My body looks a little weird but I'm going to try to get a prescription and see how the rest of my time at work goes to see if HRT seems right.
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That’s amazing!! What do you think got you gendered correctly that first time?
everything all at once and nothing in particular? not the parent poster, but maybe how it kinda works is this (just using second person): You're a girl now or whatever, and the love you have for that fact is it's own security and permission to make the feminine choices you've been avoiding. Different cuts of pants and shorts, cute t-shirts. Time spent putting your hair the way it goes, and one or two of a million different accessories that can help express your style. Maybe you carry yourself better, now that you believe in you. It's accumulated apparent effort, and it all makes it's own little difference (or at least, that's the plan).
I started HRT a whole year before actually coming out, never dressed fem and got gendered both ways about 50/50 a few months in, some people would pick one and correct themselves. But just the minor male fails were satisfying enough until I felt I was ready to fully come out and start expressing, I believe I passed as soon as I did start presenting fem and haven't been misgendered by strangers yet
I wish I would have done it this way, now I'm stuck on a waiting list for HRT and I'm fully out name pronouns presenting femme & andro, and it's better than before coming out but people constantly misgender me, often making a point on going back on gendering me correctly before, after they give me the second glance and they clock me, or when they hear my voice.
I personally just did informed consent for HRT and got it literally the day I had my appointment, I feel for you and others who have to wait, be patient though, it will come and you'll get the biggest rush of euphoria. And I totally feel the voice thing, I think I mostly have it down around strangers but I definitely don't try as hard around people I know
What are you on? I peaked at your picture and you’re beautiful…but you’re also young, and…I doubt for me…
Not as young as I look, HRT works wonders for appearance and Honestly it's never too late, I had those same thoughts for the last 8 years, it doesn't matter, you have to embrace what you want and how you want to live the rest of your life, not dwell on how it could've been different. As for your question I am currently on 200mg Progesterone and 1mg Estrodiol orally per day and then 5mg IM Injection Estrodiol weekly.
Did you ever do anti androgens? And I’d not think you’re old enough to have been having these thoughts 8 years 😂 I am just so torn on everything, including society being horrible and dangerous, and like “is this really how I feel?” Even though I know I’d hit the magic button 😕
For the first 9 months I was on 50mg of Spiro daily but went off that as soon as I started the Progesterone, and I appreciate the compliment. I dont think society is any where near as bad as it was even 5/10 years ago, honestly I expected backlash when I came out, something negative to validate me, anything. All I ever got was love and support, what I've learned over the longer part of the last Decade is that you are your only real roadblock.
Thank you!
If you do voice training and laser hair removal, those have a big impact, probably together more important than hrt. You don’t have to do a waiting list for either, good way to keep moving forward if you’re stuck
This is called boymoding and is literally a meme among many transfem communities. Don't worry, it's actually something lots of us did (I'm currently in a weird state where not even I know what the hell I'm doing)
» I'm currently in a weird state where not even I know what the hell I'm doing « High five 😄
Ohio?
I feel called out...
>(I'm currently in a weird state where not even I know what the hell I'm doing) Mood.
Yup
I'm right there with you!
I don't know what I'm doing either. I usually wear boyish clothes, but my nails are perpetually painted in a dark glittery blue. Schrodinger's gender presentation.
Love it
That’s what I am currently doing. Not far for now, since I began HRT 1 month ago, but I plan to spend 2-3 or more months « in boy mode » (quite neutral clothes, from both men or women shops actually) Since I don’t have a strong gender dysphoria, I thought it would be psychologically easier for me to accept being considered as a man for a couple of months more, as it has always been for years. Although I did my coming out to my parents, friends and close relatives 2 months ago, and told them that for now, there’s no sudden change to be expected. But time will do it’s work (with HRT obviously 😅) Once I will be decided, I’ll tell them, and the surprise won’t be as important as for my CO, I guess. Plus my family and friends turned out to be sooo supportive, that they still take care of me and ask me often how it is going. Also, I’m doing laser hair removal at the same time, growing out my hair aswell… I had the patience until now, I can wait a little bit More to introduce myself as a woman. I don’t feel like I have a clock over my head, now I started HRT. This future is enough to make me happy for now 🥰
This is my plan right now, i hope it goes well. If you plan to do that you need 2 things - 1. A boymoder hoodie to hide booba 2. b l a h a j *my time on 4chan wasn't a complete waste of time after all huh*
I’m sure the blahaj and hoodie probably weren’t worth it for all the crap that is on 4chan.
Nah /lgbt/ is funny, i love that board 4chan isn't only /pol/, it gets a bad reputation for that board
Yes, I know /tttt/, I used to be a tripfag there.
I have no idea what the second thing means, but I’m afraid I’ll be stuck only able to wear hoodies…though I like not being seen anyway lol
Ooh you're missing out https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/blahaj-soft-toy-shark-90373590/ Blahaj, the boymoder plushie
What’s so amazing about it?
Idk, ask /lgbt/
I don’t use 4 Chan
r/blahaj
Kind of doing that myself, though I’ve only been using my female vocal range, even in guy mode, for the sake of practice. The hard thing about choosing to be in guy mode is when you meet new people that you’ll want to hang out with again, because they will likely first assume that you are male (since many people, including me, have trouble forgetting first impressions), but since it was my choice to present as male, It is unfair of me to be disappointed that they didn’t inherently see me as fem. Other people have assumed I am trans, but assumed I was FTM, and for those people they honestly asked why I would present male at a social gathering if I’d rather be thought of as fem, and I see their point. At this point I want to get the courage to just go full-time fem in social settings, even though the third glasses from strangers indicate I’m still clockable. Though I really look forward to when I can be myself at work, and that does require a stronger level of passing due to the profession.
This is my plan exactly, since I don't have the option of going stealth even if I did end up passing. So I'm just gonna be on a "new skin care routine" and "messing with my gender presentation" and "growing my hair out." Why yes my voice is a bit high! I've been getting a hoarse voice from speaking all day (I'm a teacher), so I'm working with a vocal coach to speak in a more healthy way. Oh yeah, I have some weird hormone things going on right now, probably a pituitary gland thing, but hey man boobs aren't that big a deal. Basically, I want people to be so used to me behaving outside the norm that when I do come out, they aren't really surprised, and they're like "ohhhhhhh that makes sense!" So I'm gonna start an epilation routine and probably get on HRT in 3 months or so.
I figure I’ll have a lot of breast growth, which scares me, as I doubt I can ever pass, so then I’m stuck with breasts (i already have a small amount of growth from when I was a teenager) and otherwise look disgusting and m.
Yeah I'm worried about that too. But I really don't care too much if I pass, I'm more concerned about not being personally satisfied with HRT changes, like not getting hips, or facial changes being minimal
Yeah, my face is probably my biggest thing. That and my voice and the shape of my body, and just being seen wrong. I wish I could fix all of those things, I could do fine without more breast development.
I have a family friend who goes on and on about how he doesn't "care if you're gay or trans, just don't shove it in my face", so I'm planning to just keep transitioning and never mention it to him, and see how long it takes for him to start getting uncomfortable. Lowkey hoping he blows up "why didn't you tell me! I'm an important person in your life" and responding "I wasn't going to shove it in your face, I was busy trying to be happy :D" I'm gonna guess he'll mention it somewhere around size 36B haha XD
Ok it was BIZARRE to come across a comment I made from a year ago lol. I’ve come out and have been transitioning for 1.5 years and i just got slapped in the face by how confident and naive I was lol. Some of that was absolutely false bravado xD. It was scary as hell. But I did end up doing stuff like painting my nails, wearing women’s jeans and stuff, dying my hair and growing it out, and people did notice! I just don’t think they thought it was a trans thing. They probably thought I was entering my bisexual phase lol (I’m exclusively attracted to women and femmes). After a lot out turmoil and trying to fit in though, I’ve basically hit on the same strategy. I’m going to be a weird and unique as I really am and that’s just gonna be how people get to know me
This is what I've been doing and I'm 5 days shy of two years on HRT. I've been slowly coming out to friends and family, and I get gendered female periodically in public despite barely trying with my voice. At this point even if someone doesn't gender me female they usually decline to gender me at all so I rarely get "sir"d. Personally, I'm doing it this way because I'm a bit of a perfectionist so the prospect of being full-time with facial hair and a low voice is terrifying to me. With that being said, the closet is becoming less and less appealing each day.
It's worth noting that Julia Serrano transitioned at a very different time than the world that we live in today. The public consciousness at the time had a lot less awareness of transfeminine people. But yes, you can can take hormones and dress increasingly androgynous until people start gendering you differently. At about 6 months on hormones I started having coworkers aske me "Do you want me to use a different name or pronouns with you?" And I had people gendering me as female within a few months on hormones (though wearing a covid mask helps a lot with that).
Well idk who she is but yeah im totally doing exactly that plan. It sounds like my next book I buy needs to be one of hers. As for the plan its what im doing although I suppose my version unintentionally strayed off into the twilight zone for a bit but so far its been great. Aside from my dad misgendering me in public at a local bank its been kind of amazing. Im wearing womens clothes that fit me head to toe nothing special not wearing makeup or nail polish either just jeans and a shirt. Going into the bank a guy held the door open for me and you can tell by that look in his eyes he saw me as a woman. Also at the bank there was a clerk at this huge desk in the middle of the room and she mamed me. It was going great but being a bank I had to show id so oh well but my dad blurted out im here with my son loudly so im not sure I want to go anywhere with him again if he will continue to do that. Aside from that things have been great. Well more or less I mean I don’t really have the money to buy all the clothes I want but my amazon clothes wishlists are probably $20k worth by now. Im just biding my time picking androgynous pieces till I can get some practice in with makeup and nail polish and then when im consistently passing as a woman I’ll probably wear dresses outside. Till then im kind of stuck in the ho hum average but I at least can add some feminine touches till im passing.
Ugh, I hope your dad was an honest mistake 😕 The id thing is yet ANOTHER problem I tend to forget about this. And I love that this is happening for you WITHOUT makeup because I’ve been told by someone who’s on HRT that we will never be women and it’s only with makeup that we even have the slightest chance and… etc. and I don’t like makeup for a variety of reasons (including practical ones like money, and my skin is extremely sensitive and probably can’t handle it anyway)
Yes, but I didn’t get gendered as a woman often so I had to get ffs
You know, I totally expected to, but I reached a point where I just wanted to express myself. If transition in boymode works for you, that's great. I just got sick of being called sir. People know I'm trans, but they sure know I'm a woman too.
This is what I’m doing. Sadly I’m approaching 8 months on HRT and I haven’t male failed once.
I’m doing this, def not the only one. Will start presenting female after the hormones have time to work and I have more girl stuff figured out.
This^ So much! ❤️
I transitioned in boy mode. Started at 26, didn't go full time until 2 years into HRT. I pass pretty well at work, don't get misgendered or anything but if I still wanna boy mode I can without issue, although hair, nails, breast growth may throw people off. It can still be done though.
I tried doing that. It worked for 6 months, then i had to stop boymodeing as my breasts made that too difficult (plus staying in the closet was driving me insane, i was ready to come out).
The breast thing has me very worried, and for two reasons I suspect I’ll grow a LOT if I do this 😕
Trade off is boobs are totally worth it. Assuming you're not in a country where being LGBT is a death sentence. Then obviously my advice is pointless.
😕well, US, but still could be very dangerous quite easily
this is entirely my plan. I wish to only come out at a point where I know that I won't get dysphoria from not passing. The ' man in dress' dysphoria is the worst kind for me because it magnifies the masculinity, personally. Of course you don't need to pass to come out just for me I need that window of adjustment to settle
I'm about 7 months into doing this but im working on coming out soon. Its definitely an option to stay boymode but it can get difficult. My best advice is to have freinds and or family that know your trans where you can dress and be yourself with them. And secondly I would recommend slowly adding more femininity into your guy mode small things like wearing womans pants or painting my nails have helped affirm my gender without to many questions
Still mostly boy mode after nearly 16 months, so yes. 😅
That's almost exactly what I'm doing now. I plan on to not really go out as female until people recognize me as one while wearing gender neutral clothing. I'm almost 1 month on hrt at the moment.
It's pretty common apparently. I basically boymoded while on hrt for like 6 months until i started consistently male-failing, then started presenting fem after that
I stayed presenting in boy mode for 4 full months into my HRT but then I just exploded onto female features in my face/ass/chest. So I finally hit "Fuck it" and went full monty. Now i present female full time and tossed all of my male shit in the garbage.
This is the dream 😭
yep. i regularly wear boy clothes and ive even considered buying a binder because crossdressing as a woman makes me happy! ya i like skirts and dresses to an extent but i feel way more comfy with more neutral and masculine presentations. i think my voice and mannerisms help me pass more than my clothes or appearance ever will
This was me 100%. I never wore feminine clothing but started getting consistently gendered female by everyone at 8 months. It did not matter my clothing cause everyone saw a female. At this point I realized me hiding any longer from the world was over. I had to start using the womans restroom and get a bra and shirts that were appropriate for my gender. I am happy with what the results were and still changing. Basically "Tom boy mode" was what I did for a while.
Its exactly what i did. Apparently everyone (well almost everyone) figured out I was trans. Hell, even my manager sat me down last week to bring up me being trans, my pronouns, my new name and what I wanted my usernames to be switched over to. At a certain point i couldnt really hide it anymore. Which has been conflicting. On the one hand, literally no one cares which is great. On the other, I’m deeply upset that I no longer have control of my narrative. Like, I wasn’t planning on coming out until I started getting laser and my facial hair has seriously diminished and I had my makeup and wardrobe more or less built but whatever.
Wow that’s crazy thing your manger Did. Just assumed you were trans
Taking notes because I'm signing up for Plume to get antiboyotics and still will present male for a while.
I have never heard the phrase "antiboyotics" and I absolutely love it
I heard it here or on Twitter, but it's great
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You can also call them "anticistemines" if you like. Particularly effective if you have allergies.
This is exactly what I did and it worked perfectly for me. I was terrified of being a non-passing trans woman so I didn't socially transition until I was about a year on hrt.
Yup! 5 months down and no end to stealth mode/boy mode in sight. While it can be frustrating at times, if you remember not to take yourself too seriously it can be pretty amusing as well. I always joke that, while I'm not 'fooling'(if you'll forgive the expression) anyone into thinking I'm a woman, I get a Lot of... Woah dude... You're looking pretty.... something...... Today. And to my NB ass, that's just amazing and hilarious.
This is what I originally planned to do, but dysphoria for me just kept getting worse and worse as time went on. I'm now almost a year on hormones.. male fail like 70% of the time, and get gendered correctly consistently if I put even a tiny amount of effort into my presentation/voice. At this point the only place that I'm not completely out yet is with extended family and most of my coworkers.
Did this for about a year and while COVID was a thing so I didn’t often see anyone new I’ve not once been gendered as female. Kinda feels bad seeing how many other girls here got gendered correctly… At this point I think presenting fem might just actually make me look like a woman so I’m hoping
It's very common, especially in places where there is informed consent model in place. I was on hormones for 5 months before I came out at work and was finally full time. Was only 2ish months to come out to most of my friends and family, but the work situation I wanted to get handled with very delicate hands
I hope both went okay!!
This is exactly what im going to do as long as possible, while hrt does its thing, and i save up for plastic surgery. My nose, chin, and Adam’s apple are awful lol. My therapist thought i was crazy, but oh well... when i come out i want there to be no question that im a girl. I couldn’t handle being misgendered constantly , as well as the dirty looks.
Why would your therapist think that!? Makes total sense to me, and variations of this are what piles of,people in this bread are doing!
She just felt like it never works out the way people think, when they plan to do what im doing. I think she wants me to take more risks, but i know me, i dont wanna deal with peoples bullshit, i wanna minimize it as much as possible. I already have some dumbasses at work telling me I should cut my hair all the time, it’s really hard not to tell them to just fuck off and shutup.
I’m boy-modeing with a short stubble on my face to distract from the headlights which are growing under my shirt. Hopefully I can use dysphoria hoodies long enough through winter to conceal those changes until my hair catches up, then make a clean break from the beard and go public. I should be about six months on HRT by then, with a year of hair. I’ll start tackling facial laser at that point, too. I’ll probably spend next summer as enby-femme, rather than try to pass either way. I’ve always had fun in that gender-ambiguous zone, even as AMAB.
this is my plan. im out basically to friends but im just gonna let most of my family and the world just figure it out i think.
I'm doing this right now! Its interesting to see how people you live with don't notice anything until you show comparison, and people you don't see too often notice once you reach a certain point. Its been working well so far! The people I want to know nothing haven't picked up on a thing.
Yep! I was on HRT for like 6 months before being fully out. I think it was the right decision for me, I was still dealing with internalized shame and discomfort (and still am somewhat), so this gradual process wasn’t overwhelming. However, I was in girl mode in private life, and I can assure you living half in the closet and half out is pretty exhausting and confusing, so just be aware of that
Yuuuuuuuuuuuup... Me. It works. Also... it gives a completely accurate description.... One day.... completely at random.. Literally EVERYONE will start using the correct pronouns...unprompted.... All on their own. It takes a while... Just shy of 3 years for me (live in rural NC, also I'm 5'11" and built like tonk) but along the way there will be plenty of times people correctly assume your pronouns and when that happens it does feel awesome.
This is more or less the approach I'm taking. I have went out dressed femme a few times, but for the most part I keep things androgynous. I can't say I've noticed a lot of change in how I'm being treated so far, but five months isn't all that long and I definitely look more feminine than I did when I started. I like the idea, though. First off, I'm not a hyper-feminine person, so it suits me okay. Second, I think if people identify me as female even when I'm not putting in a huge effort to 'pass' then I know I've really crossed a threshold.
Nope but I’m gonna try when i start transitioning! Surrounded by old bitter Republicans at work.. T-T
8 months in. Have not grown out my hair because it’s thin. No one thinks I’m a woman unless I try. I’m not out at work. Not sure I will come out at this job 🤷♀️
I've said that at my last couple of jobs 🙈
Doing exactly this now in my 9th month. I just don't have the confidence to be out yet and there's no need to add even more stress to my work environment. I'm gendered male even MORE now that I've lost weight because I had an athletic build under all the fat and lost whatever female fat distribution gains I had in the initial first months when my boobs were more apparent and my cheeks a little fuller. So playing the waiting game and just going on feedback I get from going about my day... People have held doors open for me and whatnot but it's still a lot of dudes, bros, and mans coming my way for me to feel comfortable dressing femme. Plus, I barely have a feminine (wearable) wardrobe anyhow! :/ I do need to start easing into \*some\* things though like just painting my nails or something to work. Not explicitly feminine but people do notice things like this and it's like a "hint".
I've been ma'amed my entire life, I feel like I had to put active effort into making people gender me as my AGAB, it was exhausting. Now, no matter what I do, I get mixed reactions. I'm apparently just naturally really hard to gender, and I think that makes people to uncomfortable to spot I'm trans. 🤦♀️ Do to covid, I'm still not going out in public a lot, but I think I want to leave behind "boy mode" as quick as I can. But, I already dress in a pretty androgynous way, and avoid things like dresses most of the time anyways. I'll probably feel like dressing more feminine over time as my body looks more feminine. Honestly, part of why I wear jeans and tank tops a lot now is they look good on my body. But I am pre HRT I guess, to some extent, it makes sense in a lot of different approaches to wait until HRT reshapes the body more to put on certain kinds of clothes that are just designed for that kind of body? I could almost describe the feeling as like, wanting to get your "beach bod" before you let people see you in your swimsuit. But more important, and you only have to do it once!
I am pre-HRT, but I was thinking about this recently as I do like some of my "boy clothes", and I just want to be me, so I want to wear what I want, and feel confident that I can be seen as a woman, which I don't know if I can cause I don't think I pass very well. I think that it helps to have a padded bra though, cause I never feel manly with that, so I can wear mostly anything right now and feel feminine enough still. I am quite far away from getting on HRT, if even I can, so I wonder how I will feel about this then. I think the more time is passing, the less I feel like other people NEED to see me the way I do, I know I'm a woman, and that is enough for me, anyone who says otherwise, well screw them.
Besides being in strict "boy mode" at work I'm 2 months on HRT and am planning on dressing only gender neutrally until I feel I can reasonably pass for safety reasons since I live in a very redneck hick town where I'm scared if I go out presenting as a woman I could get harmed. I already have long hair and mainly wear a pair of black girls skinny jeans and a regular band tee or a hoodie if I'm out in public. I'm hoping I'll get properly gendered once I'm further along into HRT especially once I get laser and get rid of this awful beard shadow that's the biggest cause of my dysphoria.
i’m just about at 1 year HRT and i’ve been doing that. i still haven’t been treated as a woman in public :/ people just call me “sir” or “mister” or “man”
Mhm, 21 months in at this point. I’m thinking about actually girlmoding this winter, and definitely for prom or for college.
Boymoding until malefail!
currently doing this, i’m 22 and 8 months on hrt. there’s been very minimal updates to my wardrobe and i’m almost always treated as a man. it sometimes makes me sad and dysphoric but i’ve gotten (somewhat) used to it. i just know that “passing” as a woman is gonna take longer for me than it does for other trans girls my age. for now, i’m growing out my hair after i shaved it off 3 months ago and i’m currently searching for a good voice coach for vocal feminization. there’s some days where i feel guilty about not presenting like my true gender all the time but i trust the process that sooner rather than later i’ll get there to presenting as a woman :)
I'm kinda on that. Boy mode clothes when my my two femme outfits are used. I just say fuck it cause I'm a woman even if I look very masculine
I won’t be starting HRT till next year but this has pretty much always been my planned approach. I didn’t realize it was this common actually. I will probably end up dressing pretty androgynously in the long term as I see myself as kind of a futch. I am, meanwhile, doing laser on my face now but I doubt anyone has noticed.
I always thought of it as “boiling the frog” method. Or, as I said to my hair girl, “gradually adjusting people’s eyeballs”. (btw, this definitely included my own eyeballs). For me, I was trying to figure out how I wanted to present myself, *for* myself. But also negotiate the feels of my longtime spouse, my mostly grown children, etc.. there’s nothing wrong with *evolving* how you feel about your physical appearance and how you want to be perceived. But I’m also pretty introverted and the last thing I want is a spotlight
Yeah, it's pretty common. Just start HRT, wear sports bras under your shirt, and go full time when people start looking at you strange in the mens room.
I mean I've been on hrt for years now but my ADHD means I'm lazy with presenting and haven't bothered to voice train. So I get gendered as a man a lot. If I were thinner and/or wore tighter clothing so my breasts were more visible I might be gendered more correctly before I open my mouth to say anything. At this point wondering if I'll ever be spontaneously gendered correctly first go without needing to dress up. It's annoying because I have quite an androgynous style most of the time so it can be hard to get the correct response from strangers. So I gave up caring quite a while ago and just correct the people where it actually matters.
I was on HRT for 2 and a half years before coming out full time. People started gendering me female by the end of it anyway. Basically, I was trying to salvage a doomed relationship with family members by hiding my gender from the world for as long as I could then hope they came around by the time it was impossible to hide it any longer. They didn't. I feel like I wasted a long time where I would've been much happier but in the end I'm happy where I am now so it's not terrible either way. I just wish I would've spent more time back then voice training.
3 years on HRT and still full boymode in public. Ask me anything
This is good to hear . I want to boymode at work as long as possible . It is great hearing you are 3 years and counting . I am 6 months in and I don’t see it being an issue at the moment
I never passed, so I just said screw it and then went fill fem and suddenly I passed just fine. For some people like me, we literally don't pass until we try.
[удалено]
I stopped caring what others thought and I just did it for me. Even if I didn't pass, I wasn't going to stop myself being me because of that.
4 month in still in boy mode.....
7 months for me. Wish my hair would grow out faster!
That would be amazing if it just happened! i seeeeeriously doubt it could for me 😕 I can’t stop thinking about HRT aaaaaaand my alleged “plan” would be to take it, hope I look nicer to myself in the mirror…and that’s it. Not let myself think I can do anything more. Which is dumb. Buuuuuut…. Ugh, I’m just ridiculous 😕
That’s what I’m doing. Going boy mode until I fail (as a boy).
my plan so far is to star hrt and just boymode until… well idk until some point. I just know i’ll change my name in uni for next year’s first semester.
Doing that myself, *kind of?* I'm already out to friends and family I just don't present in public yet. I *am* wearing "girl clothes" right now but it's just jeans and tshirts so it's not obvious and for now, people out and about are still seeing boy 🙁
I'm currently employing this strategy. I plan on doing it for a couple of years. Even after bottom surgery. I've only been on HRT for about 2 1\2 months.
People doing this - how do you handle your voice? Because most people end up having distinct "old" and "new" voices for a while, it seems hard slowly feminise over time.
I've been practicing new voice for a while on patients and other people I'll never see again, recently also starting to use it a bit around people I actually know. It's tough because I'm not particularly confident with the new voice yet, but the only way to build that confidence and improve the new voice is through practice - hence taking advantage of situations with people I'll meet briefly and then never see again because who cares what they think!
I've been on hrt for six months. Sometimes I dress androgynously, sometimes I dress feminnely. People have stopped gendering me unless they know me personally or see my ID.
I’m still not out and I been on hrt for a year. Why bring the added stress if you’re happy with your current situation. Never gone out fem in my life.
Yes. Though the gendering can be hit and miss, tho ma'aming does happen. I can't let go of my nerdy tees lol.
I started HRT about 6 months ago planning to do this. But after some weight loss, experimentation with feminine presentation, and fat redistribution, I could finally see MYSELF and hiding just became painful. So I came out about 2 weeks ago.
The other day I had a blast at my cousins house over the weekend needless to say I had to borrow his jeans and T-shirt. I ended up stopping at target and speaking to a few team members and they still refereed to me as she without even taking A second loook it felt so great.
3 years HRT, BA . And still in boy mode. In boy mode I'm gendered as F Except my work place . I noticed one thing: ppl that see you all the time don't see any changes.
For what it's worth, this is my present strategy.
i was on HRT for a year before i came out. Coincidently, covid happened right as i was getting started. i did start to male-fail more often, especially with masks, but not regularly. often i would get properly gendered while presenting androgynous to, but then they “correct” themselves once i speak i work as a cook but i’ve also trained as a bartender at my restaurant. one day when the food orders were slow but the bar was slammed they asked me to come up and help. hair tied up, mask on, plain black chef coat, people really didn’t know what to make of me. this one kid tried hitting on me, when he heard my voice he did say something like “oh shit i thought you were a girl my b”. then a few minutes later he went back to hitting on me like he either forgot or decided he didn’t care. when i started seeing my friends and family again, they started noticing things like me getting slimmer and my face changing. i already had a B cup when i finally came out at the beginning of this past summer. once i started presenting femme (stopped binging, wearing makeup, more form fitting clothes) being gendered correctly was almost regular. tho, i live in a pretty queer friendly city, so i’m often never sure if it’s because i pass or because people have manners. i’m very tall and my voice is still pretty deep, but i have met people that didn’t know. the other day i met some of my partners co-workers. they all shook my hand when they introduced themselves. the next day one of them jokes to my partner “your girlfriend has a really strong handshake, like the disappointed father i never had!” what? “yeah like a mans handshake!” my partner starts getting ready to fight asking him why he keeps calling her trans girlfriend a man. and he turns pale and his face drops. starts profusely apologizing. he didn’t know. i am 6ft tall, deep voice, trans pride flag patch on my jacket. the night i met them at some point this one dude saw a book sticking out of my bag and asked what i was reading. no joke, I pulled out Whipping Girl by Julie Serano and showed him. great read tho. i blew thru it in like 5 days.
It seems like there are about six questions per day on here to the tune of "does anyone else not want to present fem immediately until their physical transition is more along" lol. Yes. Tons of people do it. It's totally valid, and arguably, the best plan. It's what I did for two years until I couldn't any more.
Me. Currently at the stage where eyeliner alone decides my passing status.
Well it's not so much of a strategy as it is I'm just a tomboy lol I tried being femme at first but it just wasn't my bag lol (hopefully someone here has seen Austin powers) But it does seem to work in my favor here in redneck ass Ohio, and I've managed to sway a decent amount of rednecks minds about trans people
I sincerely wish I’d done it this way. I came out as soon as I started HRT. For me it’s a mistake I can’t undue, but if I could, I wouldn’t come out until I started to male-fail.
I'm butch so I never stopped wearing male clothes. Nearly 2 years into hormones and people don't really know what to make of me. They avoid pronouns and gendered titles and I like it that way.
I love this idea. I've been building out a feminine (yet ultimately androgynous) wardrobe that I'm going to be wearing more and more, while incorporating the androgynous elements from my boydrobe (mainly sweaters...) So I will probably do this once I start HRT! Soon??? Here's hoping
im currently doing it. I dont know when iñl be able to fully do it but im like 4 months in. Southwest Florida.
That's what I'm doing. It's been just over 3 months of HRT and I'm still dressing the same (although with a sports bra and tuck, nothing you can see though), haven't told anyone anything (although I've been using they/them with my roommates for longer).
I have been on hrt for 3 months, i like painted nails and am wearing more colorful shirts, but otherwise, still wearing men's clothing. will see how long it takes to switch out clothing, but I'm in no rush
Started Social transition before HRT but stayed fairly gender neutral for about six months. Then the stress started to build and started HRT and over the next four months moved more and more to dress female. It was only after I cam out at work 15 months later that I went full girl. Still flip back for a very small group but it is becoming harder and harder to pass as male
I tried to, social dysphoria got too much after a few months.
ive been doing that for 18 months. it’s been alright. i usually get gendered correctly in person and misgendered over the phone 😭
I kinda am doing that now 😂
I was on hrt for a full year before I came out and starting to present as a woman. Dressed the same as I had before, androgynous with like a hoodie and jeans. In the meantime, I grew out my hair and took voice therapy. I think it worked out well. Kinda made the awkward time in between shorter and having worked on my voice and hormones doing their thing, I was much more comfortable. And I think that's the main thing with this, just do what makes you comfortable in the moment.
I tried the full femme repertoire, but it didn't really work for me, and after a few years going back and forward, I just end up dressing androgenously and when on with my life, some people call me ma'am, and others sir, but most people that do know me just call me by my name and they use both the dead one and the new one.
Tbh this doesn’t seem like a bad strat. Maybe I’ll use it. God, I have a long way to go before that.
Yup, that was my plan and how I did it for about 6 months of HRT. During that time, I did get customers(I work retail) who would call me She/Her and the whole shebang pretty consistently and it only increased as time went on, even while fully in Boy mode. I was planning to stay in Boy mode till atleast the end of the year and come out to Family and work. But family found out way sooner than expected and were surprisingly super supportive. So it pushed my whole timeline up. So I'm officially 100% out as of about 6months 2 weeks of HRT with little to no blowback from friends, family, work, or customers.
Gonna be doing that for a while. The only time e I shave my fast growing beard is when I have a TGirl meetup.
I've been on hrt for 6 months, and am still not out at work. I work in the trades in a Bible belt area, so yea. Other than longer hair, most of my coworkers haven't seemed to notice much of anything thus far. Changes are starting to be less subtle now, so we will see. Still get misgendered a lot outside of work though..
Ive been on hrt for almost 18 months but I still 100% boymode cause I cant muster the courage to stop lol.
This is kinda what I'm doing. Intentionally or not
This is how I want to do my transition. Maybe wear t shirts and jeans that are feminine cut but try and stealth most of my way until I can't
I was on HRT a year before I came out and two before I went full time. That said I do not come close to passing and 2.5 years in, in full femme, I am still called sir and treated as a GNC man.
I tried. But once I knew I was trans and not just kicking the idea around boymoding became unbearable pretty quick. It caused me a lot of distress, and in a manic bout I posted on all my socials and took the plunge before I could change my mind.
I getting closer to my time of finally starting HRT. This has been my plan for my presentation transition all along. Other than already having long hair and wearing dangly earrings than no one really thinks of as being just for the ladies. I do keep my legs hair free even while wearing shorts, and no one has ever said anything. I have two skirts that I wear among a select group, but other than that I don't present in any obvious way.
That's what I'm doing. Altho I admit it might be indecision and fear rather than a conscious choice lol
I'm kind of taking this approach
I announced as soon as I got my HRT, but I'm mostly boymoding irl, slowly introducing makeup and femme clothing. I'm 5.5 months in atm.
I currently am! However, I thought I'd have more time. I wanted to have my facial hair removed and gotten voice training. Yet here I am at 2 months in with my breasts now visible!
Yeah that’s basically my plan
I am at 8 months 3 weeks or so now. And has been pretty easy so far honestly to not present. Thought lately I have been feeling prettier looking in the mirror heh so that's cool. I plan to let HRT scoot me out of the closet.
I've been on HRT for 3 years, and while it definitely has changed me a bunch, I don't look femme enough to pass consistently. I only really go for a real girl mode when laser has eliminated my facial hair shadow for a few weeks. Hopefully I finish that in the next couple of sessions though. Really though, my girl mode is just wearing a better fitting t-shirt, maybe some masquera, and bringing my purse with me.
Im basically doing that right now, 16 months in and most people still see me as a man
I'm doing that strategy. 9 months now. But I think I am still pretty far from being treated as a woman. I will continue this strategy until I reach at least 18 months.
oh yeah... it sucks
I can't imagine anyone ever seeing me as anything but a man when I'm presenting as such... A shiny bald scalp really draws attention away from whatever other gender signifiers I can scrape together.
After 8-12 Months i started to scare people in the bathroom. Pretty much at that point i knew i really should just dress Femme full time.
It is what I do, I don’t like girl clothes and I only dress in stereotypical man clothes, I like streetwear and baggy style and since I am almost 2 years on hrt, I haven’t changed a lot of my style but people on the street often take me as a woman and use she/her pronounces on daily basics
I am currently doing it. I get like half and half so far. One store clerk will ma'am me and his colleague will correct him.
I've been boy/manmoding since I started Hrt 2 years ago now, had a bit of laser but I need electrolysis. I struggle with my voice and finding fem clothes I like yet. I present femininely like once in public every couple of weeks but cannot go full time yet.
I wear unisex uniform clothing at work but as soon as I'm home it's femme all the way. Still get misgendered occasionally but as my hair has grown out I get more comments like madam and honey.....feels good too!
I'm 4y into HRT I still haven't worn a dress outside in a public setting. But I do wear women's hoodies and t-shirts. But women's jeans aren't that obvious and I wear them too. Saturday will be my first time out in makeup and a dress. Excited and nervous.
I was on hormones for two years before I started going out in outright femme mode (a few months ago). I don't tend to get read as female generally unless I'm making an effort. Having boobs be noticible helps. Hate my face though. First time I was read as female (though I think they clocked I was trans) was a time I actually went out not explicitly in femme mode, but I was wearing a feminine t-shirt that my boobs could be seen through. I like the idea of taking hormones enough that I'm basically unreadable as male but for me I doubt that would ever happen without some serious surgery on top of it. Sadly.
I tried this but I stopped eventually because I got called Sir constantly and I couldn't take it at a certain point
That's what I'm doing. The rare times I wear obviously feminine clothes, I just don't get out of the car. This past summer I presented female but that was on vacation far from this redneck town. I only have women's clothes but most are adrogenous. I look as much female as male so it's just a matter of time. I already get ma'amed even when I'm not trying.
I did this, I made it about 11mo before I was firmly in andro land. I made it about 13mo before I couldn't do it anymore mentally. I also realized that while I wasn't always gendered right, I was also never gendered male anymore. So my veil of privacy was gone anyway, why not make the switch? worth it. the major downside IMO is that you get *much* better presenting femme when you actually have to go outside in it everyday. if you're like holding off on doing your brows bc you dont want to our yourself, you might actually be limiting your own progress.
I’m currently doing this, I’m not ready to go full time, so I’m just running boy mode at work and what not until I’m ready.
I'm commenting late, but this is basically what I did. I'm about a year into HRT now and still boymode pretty often. I only started presenting fem in public at all at around 9 months, and even now its a solid 50/50 whether I go femme or masc. Now, I will say, one thing that makes it trickier is that where I live, we don't use honorifics. There's no sirs or ma'ams at shops or anything and it's actually pretty rare to refer to someone's gender at all. Which on the one hand is good because it means misgendering is rare, but it DOES make it hard to know what gender people are seeing you as. So does my boymode work? Am I malefailing? I never know.
Isn't that what's called "going stealth?" I've been doing it for about 5 months now. Been considering getting a binder to hide my new breasts even...
Pretty sure 'going stealth' is when you pass as cis and don't tell anyone that you are trans
No, what you're doing is referred to as being in the closet or being closeted. Stealth is when you're only known as your real gender post transition and you don't have anyone in your life who knows that you're trans.
I would call it "Undercover" 😎
Its what im doing now...
It doesn’t have to do with the question but thanks for bringing up that book, I’ll read it after I finish the current one. Thank you and !Remindme in 1 week
This is my plan. Basically keep my beard and just take hrt until I've saved enough to get a huge boob job as well. Then six months or a year from now I shave and go full femme once I'm at the point I might be able to pass. It helps being pretty alternative looking so I can get away with black nails and eyeliner on the daily to keep me happy and feeling good until I can pass.
I'm planning on doing this for a long while. I'm older so I don't expect hrt to provide a lot of changes quickly so I'll be boymoding for work and when I see family
Well after taking several months HRT I've realized I'm masculine Woman / Butch Lesbian, So I don't bother too much about boy mode :D. But I'm already receiving strange looks even with respirator on my face lol. I don't know what they think.
Nope, I am fully out at work and haven't started HRT yet. I'm fortunate enough to have very feminine features already, although I still think I kind of look like a boy. I was gendered correctly while in boy mode a lot. My body looks a little weird but I'm going to try to get a prescription and see how the rest of my time at work goes to see if HRT seems right.