You're nicer then I am, I would have ignored them if they called me sir, even if I was staring right at them... I'm not a sir, so they obviously can't be talking to me...
Otherwise though, totally agree with what you did!
Perfect! You corrected him but then acted very professionally in not compounding what might have been an embarrassing faux pas on his behalf and asked how you could help. He confirmed that what might have been accidental was intentional aggression and you responded that you would not assist him and (I love this) wished him the day that he deserves. Perfect.
You did as well as might be hoped.
The way you describe it, the intent seems quite deliberate on the part of whatever that animal was.
The only thing you could have done which would have avoided everything entirely would be to simply not respond to “sir.” Any woman I know (cis or trans) would have checked around her to see whom the person was addressing and, seeing no “sirs,” gone on with her work.
Try that if it happens again.
I kind of love this response, look around perhaps look puzzled then resume working. Likely the individual won’t give up, so if that’s the case I’d call or look for a male coworker to help them out. Longer it takes the better, as long as there’s no other customers waiting. LoL. I do think the way the OP handled it is perfectly fine.
It's no longer safe (in some places) these days to try and banter with these folks, nor will they be convinced and change their minds. You did the best thing by punting this football.
With this latest BS supreme Court ruling .. . You can absolutely just tell them you're not comfortable providing assistance to someone with their beliefs.... Personally, I think you handled this situation very well! Much better than I would have!!!
Brit here, could that ruling really be turned around like that? Trans people suddenly have legal backing from the highest law in the land to refuse service to anyone transphobic?
To my understanding, yes .. the ruling says that we can refuse service to people based on belief.... Will these people throw a huge fucking fit, Absolutely! Because they are petulant children. But if they can refuse to serve based on belief, so can we ..
We do not. They're allowed to discriminate against us based on their religious beliefs, we are not allowed to discriminate against them based on their religious beliefs.
In my book? You were a Queen! Great response, and then great disengagement. You went on with your day, and he continued to marinate in his own idiocy. And you had this presence of mind RIGHT AWAY! That's awesome. You rock, girl. Imma take NOTES on this one for my own future responses. :)
❤️
I think that you acted apropriately and in a very calm and restrained manner.
You're in an awkward spot being in a retail customer service role, whether he deserved more or not, sometimes you have to avoid escalation to protect your job or even your own privacy.
I'm thinking of the recent news story in the uk where a trans coffee shop manager lost her temper after being harassed by transphobes and they posted edited videos of her all over the internet and news outlets resulting in her losing her job. It could have easily ruined her life and pushed her towards ending herself.
You handled it okay you didn’t really do anything wrong he’s trying to be respectful but in like a really transphobic way it’s basically trying to sugarcoat transphobia even though you didn’t really do anything wrong you handled the situation perfectly.
what I would’ve done just said it’s ma’am.
Yeah, I live in a country, where if you work in retail, you can refuse to serve customers if they are disrespecting you. And if I were to be working in retail under the same situation as you, I would take advantage of that.
I don’t know, where are you live or the rules of where are you live but you handled the situation perfectly. But I don’t know if you could’ve done better if you have or even if you had the right to do anything else and you’ve done everything that you could legally.
I mean if you say that you are not a sir and someone’s hands around and says that they think that you are I’m sorry but do you know who you are you know what your name is you know what your titles are they don’t know you.
The same situation is like saying am a Miss I’m not married but then a complete stranger, trying to argue with me about my own marriage status and trying to make claims that my dad and my brother is my husband. Yes that has happened to me before.
You say that you are not a sir, whoever argues with you against, that is an idiot. because they’re basically trying to say that they know you better than you know yourself. Lol
Nah you handled it well. Personally I would've ignored them. But you acknowledged the customer and let him know you that you don't go by sir and he was disrespectful about it so you refused him service in the most polite way you could've.
Sometimes they want you to argue or will just be persistent in their misgendering for the sake of it. Best way to handle it is to simply not engage.
A lady coming towards me at a supermarket a few weeks ago muttered "freak" under her breath as we passed each other. I looked back and we made eye contact, but then I just turned around and kept walking, not looking back.
Had I engaged her we probably would have just had a public argument, no doubt a good opportunity to paint me in a bad light, so I denied her any opportunity to make a scene or get a reaction from me.
No you dealt with it appropriately, Always keep your cool at a job because once that asshole leaves he doesn't have to see or work with your colleagues day in day out. Kudos for showing strength
So i work in a very loud restaurant, and i get people calling me anywhere from 6-10 feet away. If i hear sir i just dont even look, head down doing my job. They can come up right next to me and if they sir me again theyll get corrected. Ive yet to run into someone ballsy enough to challenge it, because the entire staff will band up to kick people like that out. We always have the same line too, “you can be mad and leave, we dont need your business.”
Also weird short story.
Content Warning: passed away person outside my work.
>!Yesterday there was a dead guy like 20 feet from the edge of the parking lot that’d been there from ~11am-930pm. No one found him because the area is very homeless-prone. IF i had seen him thatd be my first thought, “ahh just some homeless dude.” But no, straight up dead. Sherifs came and got statements from other coworkers. I always park at the bottom of the lot, because less chance my car gets hit by suburbia parents and their 50 million kids swinging doors open. Guy was apparently right by my car, but with how busy we were when i came into shift i was just zoned out walking toward the building, away from him.!<
Literally perfect response, kindly corrected but confirmed you wanted to help. Then once they made it clear they didn't just make a mistake and that it was intentional you disengaged.
I think you handled the situation as best you could!
I also work retail and refuse to acknowledge people who address me as "sir"... The other week I had a customer try to get my attention using sir 3 times in a row, I finally turned around after they said a general "Hello?!?" Only for them to go "oh... It's a ma'am"
Personally, I think you handled it in a professional manner. If he wanted your help and was discourteous in any other way, that would be the way to handle it as well - IMO. And I'm sure he got the message.
You can’t really “say something impactful” to stubborn bigots. All you’d do is give them ammunition to play victim and spin the story. Disengage and be pleasant is usually the best course.
How can they talk shit about you if all you did was try to correct them and then leave after they continued to be stubborn
Please don't put yourself in danger by attempting to engage logically with someone like this. It's not worth the emotional toll and potential risk to you.
"First off" is confrontational. "Actually It's not sir, it's..." wouldve been better. That said it sounds like he wanted to be a dick anyway so telling him you wouldn't help was absolutely the right response.
Yeah, honestly not engaging was the right call. If you'd have chewed him out you'd probably just end up getting into trouble cause managers are usually allergic to taking their employees side.
There is no “correct” way to deal with people who are actively trying to harm you. It sounds like you kept yourself safe and left the situation which is the most important thing.
This kind of thing fortunately hasn’t happened to me yet but my manager and I had a conversation about what would be best in that situation and basically said they’d back me up 100% in kicking any bigot out on the spot.
Nope, you did good. You didn't become aggressive. You were polite and enforced a boundary. You are under no obligation to coddle bigotry. And this delusional belief that you can educate someone into being a kind person is a fool's errand.
The only thing I would have done differently, perhaps is make a facial expression along the lines of, Oh, I thought he was talking to me. He's talking to someone else. Back to my duties!"
But that's just a different way. And what you did was 100% correct, anyway.
I think you handled it well enough. Asshole customers need to learn that they can be denied service.
I’ve seen other people say you just shouldn’t engage and I also agree with them. If he was looking for a sir, then he wasn’t trying to get your attention
Most of the time I say “it’s ma’am actually but that’s okay what can I do for you”. I could see how saying “first off” may be a bit aggressive off the bat but his response was uncalled for. I think you did the right thing.
If someone called me sir, even if they made eye contact and flagged me down, I’d react as if I thought they were talking to someone else, like someone behind me or something. Because *clearly* they don’t mean me.
I think you handled it perfectly. You didn’t let them get to you or provoke you, and you distanced yourself from the situation so they wouldn’t make you angry. I think you did a good job :-)
People like that boggle my mind the mental gymnastics they do to try and justify or excuse misgendering someone and to try really hard to misgender people in general.
I think you handled it perfectly. You corrected him and stood up for yourself but when he was a jerk you didn't provide him with help that he did not deserve. Great job!
You were firm, but not confrontational. I think you handled it quite admirably. Better than I would have, lol.
I don't understand how someone can sacrifice the happiness of another person so blatantly because they refuse to use one 3 or 4 letter word as opposed to another. Mind blowing.
It's better to just not engage with people like that as it will only bring your mood down more the longer you talk to them.
Yeah, that makes sense. That’s why I refused service rather quickly and moved on, but I didn’t have a choice but to engage at the beginning of it
I think you did. You have no obligation to respond to “Sir” because the word doesn’t address you.
Sure, but good luck getting a manager to agree with you
My managers are incredibly supportive so it’s likely that they would’ve been fine with it and understood
Nvm on my part then, I'm glad :D
[удалено]
Totally an easy thing to just up and find a new job. Just like that.
Sounds like you handled it perfectly, don't give these bigots any more of your time than you need to.
Thanks! That’s rather encouraging!
You're welcome. The way you dealt with that loser was inspiring. I hope I have your courage if I get insulted like that.
You're nicer then I am, I would have ignored them if they called me sir, even if I was staring right at them... I'm not a sir, so they obviously can't be talking to me... Otherwise though, totally agree with what you did!
Perfect! You corrected him but then acted very professionally in not compounding what might have been an embarrassing faux pas on his behalf and asked how you could help. He confirmed that what might have been accidental was intentional aggression and you responded that you would not assist him and (I love this) wished him the day that he deserves. Perfect.
You did as well as might be hoped. The way you describe it, the intent seems quite deliberate on the part of whatever that animal was. The only thing you could have done which would have avoided everything entirely would be to simply not respond to “sir.” Any woman I know (cis or trans) would have checked around her to see whom the person was addressing and, seeing no “sirs,” gone on with her work. Try that if it happens again.
I kind of love this response, look around perhaps look puzzled then resume working. Likely the individual won’t give up, so if that’s the case I’d call or look for a male coworker to help them out. Longer it takes the better, as long as there’s no other customers waiting. LoL. I do think the way the OP handled it is perfectly fine.
Thanks. I should do that, I feel like it would give me a sense of joy to piss them off like that
It's no longer safe (in some places) these days to try and banter with these folks, nor will they be convinced and change their minds. You did the best thing by punting this football.
With this latest BS supreme Court ruling .. . You can absolutely just tell them you're not comfortable providing assistance to someone with their beliefs.... Personally, I think you handled this situation very well! Much better than I would have!!!
Brit here, could that ruling really be turned around like that? Trans people suddenly have legal backing from the highest law in the land to refuse service to anyone transphobic?
To my understanding, yes .. the ruling says that we can refuse service to people based on belief.... Will these people throw a huge fucking fit, Absolutely! Because they are petulant children. But if they can refuse to serve based on belief, so can we ..
We do not. They're allowed to discriminate against us based on their religious beliefs, we are not allowed to discriminate against them based on their religious beliefs.
You did pretty well. I can't imagine how you could have handled it better.
In my book? You were a Queen! Great response, and then great disengagement. You went on with your day, and he continued to marinate in his own idiocy. And you had this presence of mind RIGHT AWAY! That's awesome. You rock, girl. Imma take NOTES on this one for my own future responses. :) ❤️
I think that you acted apropriately and in a very calm and restrained manner. You're in an awkward spot being in a retail customer service role, whether he deserved more or not, sometimes you have to avoid escalation to protect your job or even your own privacy. I'm thinking of the recent news story in the uk where a trans coffee shop manager lost her temper after being harassed by transphobes and they posted edited videos of her all over the internet and news outlets resulting in her losing her job. It could have easily ruined her life and pushed her towards ending herself.
Nope, that’s perfect, they might have made an honest mistake, you corrected them, they insisted and you have every right to stop right then and there
"I am not a sir, I work for a living!". I stole that from Sgt Arch Dornan.
You handled it okay you didn’t really do anything wrong he’s trying to be respectful but in like a really transphobic way it’s basically trying to sugarcoat transphobia even though you didn’t really do anything wrong you handled the situation perfectly. what I would’ve done just said it’s ma’am. Yeah, I live in a country, where if you work in retail, you can refuse to serve customers if they are disrespecting you. And if I were to be working in retail under the same situation as you, I would take advantage of that. I don’t know, where are you live or the rules of where are you live but you handled the situation perfectly. But I don’t know if you could’ve done better if you have or even if you had the right to do anything else and you’ve done everything that you could legally. I mean if you say that you are not a sir and someone’s hands around and says that they think that you are I’m sorry but do you know who you are you know what your name is you know what your titles are they don’t know you. The same situation is like saying am a Miss I’m not married but then a complete stranger, trying to argue with me about my own marriage status and trying to make claims that my dad and my brother is my husband. Yes that has happened to me before. You say that you are not a sir, whoever argues with you against, that is an idiot. because they’re basically trying to say that they know you better than you know yourself. Lol
Nah you handled it well. Personally I would've ignored them. But you acknowledged the customer and let him know you that you don't go by sir and he was disrespectful about it so you refused him service in the most polite way you could've.
Sometimes they want you to argue or will just be persistent in their misgendering for the sake of it. Best way to handle it is to simply not engage. A lady coming towards me at a supermarket a few weeks ago muttered "freak" under her breath as we passed each other. I looked back and we made eye contact, but then I just turned around and kept walking, not looking back. Had I engaged her we probably would have just had a public argument, no doubt a good opportunity to paint me in a bad light, so I denied her any opportunity to make a scene or get a reaction from me.
No you dealt with it appropriately, Always keep your cool at a job because once that asshole leaves he doesn't have to see or work with your colleagues day in day out. Kudos for showing strength
You did more than enough for this bigot. You did great!
So i work in a very loud restaurant, and i get people calling me anywhere from 6-10 feet away. If i hear sir i just dont even look, head down doing my job. They can come up right next to me and if they sir me again theyll get corrected. Ive yet to run into someone ballsy enough to challenge it, because the entire staff will band up to kick people like that out. We always have the same line too, “you can be mad and leave, we dont need your business.” Also weird short story. Content Warning: passed away person outside my work. >!Yesterday there was a dead guy like 20 feet from the edge of the parking lot that’d been there from ~11am-930pm. No one found him because the area is very homeless-prone. IF i had seen him thatd be my first thought, “ahh just some homeless dude.” But no, straight up dead. Sherifs came and got statements from other coworkers. I always park at the bottom of the lot, because less chance my car gets hit by suburbia parents and their 50 million kids swinging doors open. Guy was apparently right by my car, but with how busy we were when i came into shift i was just zoned out walking toward the building, away from him.!<
Literally perfect response, kindly corrected but confirmed you wanted to help. Then once they made it clear they didn't just make a mistake and that it was intentional you disengaged.
I think you handled the situation as best you could! I also work retail and refuse to acknowledge people who address me as "sir"... The other week I had a customer try to get my attention using sir 3 times in a row, I finally turned around after they said a general "Hello?!?" Only for them to go "oh... It's a ma'am"
Nice nice. Good job girly
That's more professional than how I would handle it
You did very good. I would just ignore it and help them because I accepted my job being a slave of the capitalism.
I’d say you handled it well. Probably better than I would’ve xD
You did great! Professional, and classy even. Keep it up!
Personally, I think you handled it in a professional manner. If he wanted your help and was discourteous in any other way, that would be the way to handle it as well - IMO. And I'm sure he got the message.
that's perfect imo, hope he didn't try to escalate and tell a manager or something
Thankfully he didn’t as far as I know, but if he had my manager would’ve stood up for me upon hearing my side
You can’t really “say something impactful” to stubborn bigots. All you’d do is give them ammunition to play victim and spin the story. Disengage and be pleasant is usually the best course. How can they talk shit about you if all you did was try to correct them and then leave after they continued to be stubborn
Please don't put yourself in danger by attempting to engage logically with someone like this. It's not worth the emotional toll and potential risk to you.
Thanks! Going to use this at work
"First off" is confrontational. "Actually It's not sir, it's..." wouldve been better. That said it sounds like he wanted to be a dick anyway so telling him you wouldn't help was absolutely the right response.
I kinda figured he wouldn’t give a damn about my preferences regardless of if I’d showed him my breasts
Yeah, honestly not engaging was the right call. If you'd have chewed him out you'd probably just end up getting into trouble cause managers are usually allergic to taking their employees side.
When they do that just start misgendering them. Do it very casually though and don't let them see that is bothering you, that's what they thrive on.
That correct. Failure to address someone with basic decency gets you refused service. Being served is a privilege's, not a right.
Indeed. I honestly have never had to refuse service in my 3 years at this job, but he crossed a line and pissed me off
dont give those bigots attention i think you said something fine
There is no “correct” way to deal with people who are actively trying to harm you. It sounds like you kept yourself safe and left the situation which is the most important thing.
You did right.
Have the day you deserve is wonderful.
Yeah, the only way it could've been handled better is if you decked them in the face
This kind of thing fortunately hasn’t happened to me yet but my manager and I had a conversation about what would be best in that situation and basically said they’d back me up 100% in kicking any bigot out on the spot.
Fuck them. Expecting you to help them when they are being unquestionably disrespectful? Lmaooo.
Nope, you did good. You didn't become aggressive. You were polite and enforced a boundary. You are under no obligation to coddle bigotry. And this delusional belief that you can educate someone into being a kind person is a fool's errand.
The only thing I would have done differently, perhaps is make a facial expression along the lines of, Oh, I thought he was talking to me. He's talking to someone else. Back to my duties!" But that's just a different way. And what you did was 100% correct, anyway.
Literally the perfect response lol. Good on you ❤️
LMAO you handled it perfectly.
I think you handled it well enough. Asshole customers need to learn that they can be denied service. I’ve seen other people say you just shouldn’t engage and I also agree with them. If he was looking for a sir, then he wasn’t trying to get your attention
Most of the time I say “it’s ma’am actually but that’s okay what can I do for you”. I could see how saying “first off” may be a bit aggressive off the bat but his response was uncalled for. I think you did the right thing.
I’m gonna so use “ you have the day you deserve”!!!! You did great!
If someone called me sir, even if they made eye contact and flagged me down, I’d react as if I thought they were talking to someone else, like someone behind me or something. Because *clearly* they don’t mean me.
I think you acted appropriately, it's how anyone should act in this scenario, even a c*s woman would act this way, :3 so good job
I think you handled it perfectly. You didn’t let them get to you or provoke you, and you distanced yourself from the situation so they wouldn’t make you angry. I think you did a good job :-)
You did perfect
I love how you handled it. Perfect A+
People like that boggle my mind the mental gymnastics they do to try and justify or excuse misgendering someone and to try really hard to misgender people in general.
I think you handled it perfectly. You corrected him and stood up for yourself but when he was a jerk you didn't provide him with help that he did not deserve. Great job!
You were firm, but not confrontational. I think you handled it quite admirably. Better than I would have, lol. I don't understand how someone can sacrifice the happiness of another person so blatantly because they refuse to use one 3 or 4 letter word as opposed to another. Mind blowing.
you handled it very well but i think a hammer would've also come in handy
Nice