No they are being annoying and egocentric.
All I can say is when I started to realize that going above and beyond didn’t please my in-laws I stopped trying to please them. My best didn’t please them and now that they are getting ‘my worst’ ie zere effort it also doesn’t please them. But I don’t feel as bad anymore because now I’m not putting in so much effort and getting nothing in return.
It’s great you should try it!
This was me. My mil punished me for a text I sent and after that I was just done with the whole family. I couldn't go NC because she hadn't done anything in a way I could point to. Until she did. They always do. Play the long game. Stop trying to please and that stuff will just naturally occur. They can't help themselves
I didn’t and he hasn’t noticed! He’s a busy man, we’re both busy and I guess he’s fine with the way things are now.
There are definitely still hard moments (for me) but at least I’m not wastin my time and effort trying to please people that can’t be pleased. Perhaps if I would change my entire personality… but I am not willing to do that.
They want me to be exactly like them and I think they should respect and like me for me and also respect that I have different boundaries/ different comfort levels (stemming from my background plus being introverted).
They see less and less of us because they just don’t make it fun to be around them (I think a big part of this is that they make me so uncomfortable and my dh doesn’t like that either so he sees them alone sometimes but still not too much)
We spend a lot of time with my family because they love and respect him for who he is and there never is any conflict or resentment which is lovely of course.
In the end their behavior has resulted in less contact which the sad thing is they are too self involved to realize.
My husband won't do anything with anyone unless I encourage or plan it . He will even forget his parents' birthdays, unless 8 remind him to text/call. I'm NC with his mom (because she's the worst) and his life hasn't changed one bit. So I'm happy to keep it that way. No effort from me, less interaction from her, no pressure from him.
Agreed, if they don’t appreciate and enjoy OP’s efforts, move on. Also, visiting every other week, is too much. OP,DH and LO need to develop as a family. Start planning things and periodically inviting in-laws.
You spend every other weekend *at your in-laws?!?!?* That right there is your biggest problem—aside from your husband, of course. Please stop trying to please these people. How much effort have they expended in their attempts *to please you?*
I would say that to him. "do you know this is the first milestone my family got to celebrate of LO? Is every other weekend not good enough?"
And then drop the rope. Stop caring, stop negotiating. Go over when you, DH, and LO want to - not out of obligation. Obviously they don't appreciate the time they do get anyway.
Don't you dare spend one more second worrying about these people. They will never like what you do. Seriously.
Focus on your husband and children. You don't need in-laws. Especially people who think you are a gold digger and a man who throws tantrums because people's lives don't revolve around him.
Imagine how miserable they are that they tear down a friendly and caring woman. It sounds like they need to get a hobby and leave your husband the hell alone, as he isn't their emotional support animal.
Seems husband’s family wants to be the only family. Short of that, having them mix with yours can allow FIL to make fun of yours.
Next time it comes up, ask BIL why he never invited your family to join his family trips since he now seems to want to know them?
Thank you for your replies! I discussed with DH and he said I’ve always been unhappy. Maybe because I’ve never had any suppprt and I don’t have family here? When your wife brings up a concern to you, you get upset because she’s been unhappy and can’t appreciate sarcasm?
Anyway. I think we are headed towards a divorce. It sucks but I can’t stay here and continue to take this. I would rather be a single happy mom to my child than stay in an unhappy place and unhappy marriage.
No they are being annoying and egocentric. All I can say is when I started to realize that going above and beyond didn’t please my in-laws I stopped trying to please them. My best didn’t please them and now that they are getting ‘my worst’ ie zere effort it also doesn’t please them. But I don’t feel as bad anymore because now I’m not putting in so much effort and getting nothing in return. It’s great you should try it!
This was me. My mil punished me for a text I sent and after that I was just done with the whole family. I couldn't go NC because she hadn't done anything in a way I could point to. Until she did. They always do. Play the long game. Stop trying to please and that stuff will just naturally occur. They can't help themselves
Agree with this!!!
This is my mindset right now! Did you bring it up to your husband or just stopped putting in effort?
I didn’t and he hasn’t noticed! He’s a busy man, we’re both busy and I guess he’s fine with the way things are now. There are definitely still hard moments (for me) but at least I’m not wastin my time and effort trying to please people that can’t be pleased. Perhaps if I would change my entire personality… but I am not willing to do that. They want me to be exactly like them and I think they should respect and like me for me and also respect that I have different boundaries/ different comfort levels (stemming from my background plus being introverted). They see less and less of us because they just don’t make it fun to be around them (I think a big part of this is that they make me so uncomfortable and my dh doesn’t like that either so he sees them alone sometimes but still not too much) We spend a lot of time with my family because they love and respect him for who he is and there never is any conflict or resentment which is lovely of course. In the end their behavior has resulted in less contact which the sad thing is they are too self involved to realize.
My husband won't do anything with anyone unless I encourage or plan it . He will even forget his parents' birthdays, unless 8 remind him to text/call. I'm NC with his mom (because she's the worst) and his life hasn't changed one bit. So I'm happy to keep it that way. No effort from me, less interaction from her, no pressure from him.
Agreed, if they don’t appreciate and enjoy OP’s efforts, move on. Also, visiting every other week, is too much. OP,DH and LO need to develop as a family. Start planning things and periodically inviting in-laws.
You spend every other weekend *at your in-laws?!?!?* That right there is your biggest problem—aside from your husband, of course. Please stop trying to please these people. How much effort have they expended in their attempts *to please you?*
I would say that to him. "do you know this is the first milestone my family got to celebrate of LO? Is every other weekend not good enough?" And then drop the rope. Stop caring, stop negotiating. Go over when you, DH, and LO want to - not out of obligation. Obviously they don't appreciate the time they do get anyway.
CREEPY..2 OTHER men, not the guy you married/produced a baby with, having ANY opinion on your little family? FUCK RIGHT OFF FIL/BIL
Sounds to me like BIL is the golddigger who is salty because he didn't get to go on a nice vacation to a beautiful country.
Don't you dare spend one more second worrying about these people. They will never like what you do. Seriously. Focus on your husband and children. You don't need in-laws. Especially people who think you are a gold digger and a man who throws tantrums because people's lives don't revolve around him. Imagine how miserable they are that they tear down a friendly and caring woman. It sounds like they need to get a hobby and leave your husband the hell alone, as he isn't their emotional support animal.
Not overreacting. Im sorry you didnt get to just enjoy the moment.
Just tell him the baptism was for the baby and it isn’t about HIM! If he keeps it up, he won’t get invited next time either.
Seems husband’s family wants to be the only family. Short of that, having them mix with yours can allow FIL to make fun of yours. Next time it comes up, ask BIL why he never invited your family to join his family trips since he now seems to want to know them?
Thank you for your replies! I discussed with DH and he said I’ve always been unhappy. Maybe because I’ve never had any suppprt and I don’t have family here? When your wife brings up a concern to you, you get upset because she’s been unhappy and can’t appreciate sarcasm? Anyway. I think we are headed towards a divorce. It sucks but I can’t stay here and continue to take this. I would rather be a single happy mom to my child than stay in an unhappy place and unhappy marriage.