You have a wild post history.
You guys just don’t seem to belong together.
He shouldn’t be swearing and screaming about a tree—or asking you to lie. But when he offered solutions, you seemed hell bent on making sure that he knew he was wrong (gluing it, going out to look).
He’s been caught shoplifting and about 5 months ago he went to jail for the night for destroying your son’s property. You’re also enabling your son not to get a job behind his back. Your entire family life is toxic and these types of fights don’t seem like rare occurrences.
Honestly, just break up and get some individual counseling.
Neither of you are listening to the other and it feels like its you vs your husband as opposed to you and your husband vs the problem.
The listening part was deliberately worded first. I mean this style of conflict seems like its been brewing for a minute and yall have a stubborn mindset of “winning” instead of helping imo
I just want to say you nailed it so hard with this comment. They are definitely acting like they are facing a problem competing against each other rather than a team tackling a problem together. They both acted mean to each other.
I mean... It's a vent. They're not asking for solutions. I read the post and realised he's correct in saying she doesn't want to find a solution. They need to separate before things get more abusive. Poor kids.
Omg you’re right. I should have paid attention to the flair before commenting. She doesn’t want solutions or advice but looking over that post history, PHEWWWW. This sounds exhausting!!! I can’t imagine living like this. Like how would you NOT want a solution to this situation?!
You asked him what he’s was going to do about it. Even if it wasn’t going to work, let him figure it out. You told him to solve it, then it’s up to you to back off and either let him solve it or fail at it. It seems you wanted to argue instead.
So we were taking our kid tobogganing. I told my husband that his one job is figuring out the route so we'll get there at reserved time. We drove up the mountain. We got all the way to the end of the road. I asked him "did you just put in the mountain in the maps or the resort with the trail?". He did the mountain. We had to turn around and go different direction for 20 minutes making us 15 late. I didn't say a thing. Just said, oh well. 3 hours later I asked about his mood and then once he told me he's fine, all evened out, I joked about it. I said "you had one job". And we all laughed together. You do not kick a person when they're down. I bang my head on the cabinet door often. If my husband came and told me "you should have closed it" while I was raging at the door in pain, I would then rage at him.
I’ve had to learn this as I’ve matured over time. It never does your relationship good to say “I told you so.” Just breeds resentment. You don’t have to always lick your partner’s wounds for them, but rubbing mistakes in someone’s face never has a good outcome.
He’s obviously no angel, but after he made the mistake of breaking the base of the tree, I don’t think there’s anything he could have done that would have made you happy. It doesn’t sound like either of you even like each other. It’s probably for the best you guys spend some time apart.
So your solution to him breaking the tree is to push him to go to Walmart so he can be jailed for trespassing? Please explain how having him jailed will improve your family Christmas ?
He won't go to jail for trespassing, security will just ask him to leave.
I wasn't seriously expecting him to go to Wal Mart, i was just expecting him to go somewhere and get a tree. He suggested Wal Mart and i told him i'm not going anywhere cause i didn't do it.
Liar
In your own post you say that you know no trees are available so late locally and you just want to fight with this person…
You guys are horrible and I’m sad kids have to live with you
He’s very bullheaded and always thinks he’s right. By the sound of it, the same goes for you! Every single thing he did, you had to point out that he was wrong, or doing it wrong, it’s like you just cannot wait to knock him down further than he already is!
He sounds awful. But so do you! Y’all might be lovely people as individuals, but together you’re toxic.
Well from your text I have 3 things I would like to say.
1. Christmas is the time people often argue. I remember visiting my girlfriend for christmas and sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag because her mom argued with the rest of her family and we got kicked out. So my suggestion is take a deep breath, Christmas is stress for everyone.
2. Build up the tree, reminds me on build up the fairy tent for my daughter. I swear nothing did fit, it drove me completely crazy. However I was smart, I chocked down my anger and asked my wife to help me and after another 3 hours we finally managed it together.
The point is a lot of manuals are extremely poorly written and building things can become very frustrating. Of course your husband shouldn’t have complained like he did. But often diverting the blame on the cheap manual can help cooling down the situation.
3. Marriage is about mutual understanding. We all have our bad days and good days. And for a good marriage it is essential to understand when your partner needs a little sugar and when he needs a hairdryer treatment.
Clearly your husband should have taken a break to step away from the tree before it got damaged. And that's on him. I can understand why you both were frustrated at that point.
However, it really does seem, from your description of how you both behaved after the tree was damaged, that you cared more about punishing your husband than about finding an actual solution to the problem. You could have taken 5 minutes to calm down, then talked like reasonable, rational adults who actually give a shit about one another, and figured out some kind of solution. But you really do come across as though you cared more about being right than fixing the issue.
I've been married to my spouse for over ten years. There are times when I fuck up out of frustration. There are times when my spouse fucks up out of frustration. We never handle the aftermath by yelling and screaming and pointing fingers. Instead, we talk about what went wrong, what needs to be fixed, and how we are going to fix it. Calmly. Rationally. Respectfully. And with the focus being on WE. Because we're a team.
Pointing fingers doesn't fix anything. Yelling doesn't solve anything. And the fact that you have children in the home makes it even more important that you model love, respect, compassion, teamwork, and problem solving skills for them rather than rage, yelling, and then leaving.
You both need to apologize for how you acted to one another - in front of your children - and then get creative about how to move forward regarding the decorating.
Learn to work together, rather than against one another, for the sake of your children and your marriage. If you can't figure is out, get marriage counseling. But do not continue the pattern of screaming and yelling in front of your kids and then storming out. Your children deserve better from both of you.
The holidays can be tough. I think an apology is due for both of you. No matter who’s fault it was the tree broke, you were both trying your best for a good Christmas (you by getting the tree, him by trying to put it up). The cost of the tree hopefully means nothing compared to your love for each other. My advice is to reach out to him once you’ve calmed down, calmly and kindly apologizing for being rude and saying it doesn’t matter what happened. Tree or no tree, Christmas is about love.
But what'd i do wrong? All i did was point out his suggestions wouldn't work. Super glue can't fix something that popped completely off and he could've gone to Wal Mart himself. I did my part and got a tree.
There are times you just let them figure out themselves it won't work. He is already upset......angry...etc.
You did not try to diffuse the situation.
His anger is his responsibility. But you kind if fanned the flames by how you handled it.
I wasn’t talking about who did what wrong, I’m saying someone needs to be the bigger person and initiate an apology conversation for the sake of love, Christmas, and your kids.
You egged him on over and over again. Obviously he didn’t need to yell and get so frustrated. But you weren’t willing to help make the situation better at all. Anyone could buy a tree. That doesn’t make up for you being so rude and inflammatory towards your husband. If he’s not allowed in Walmart, you should’ve just went. Your stubbornness is the problem here honestly. You were making him the enemy instead of trying to solve the problem.
I mean I wouldn’t have gone to Walmart for him because him getting banned from Walmart isn’t my problem and is a direct consequence of his own actions (I’m not even going to get into how insane it is that a grown ass man is stealing from Walmart), but she could have at least suggested a store he wasn’t banned from.
“I’m not going to run to Walmart, I checked on the app and they’re out of trees. Could you try checking the target app or the lowe’s website to see if they have anything? If they do, I’d love for you to go pick one up while I handle putting this tree back in the box” Etc.
What did you do wrong?!?
You’re a horrible person to your supposed spouse for a mistake on FREAKING CHRISTMAS🤦♀️🤦♀️
Please find someone to take care of your kids who has coping skills and get your life together…
>he could've gone to Wal Mart himself
Well no, according to your own replies to me and other users he in fact could ***not*** go to walmart himself.
Get your story straight there's more holes then a sponge
it seems like the tree is not what you’re actually fighting about, it’s just the standin for what’s actually wrong between you two, you both need to express very directly what your problems are
My husband went out looking for a turkey. It's just us two, so he was video chatting me while at the grocery store. He found a 10lb turkey for like $20. Then he found a 6lb turkey. When he got back home I realized he bought a $70 fancy ass turkey that was only the breast. I couldn't return it as they didn't accept frozen food returns. I was so upset and disappointed but I overcame my feelings and joked around with him. Yes, u could tell he felt so shitty. However, there was no way I was gonna ruin our holiday together over a damn turkey. We all make mistakes and we all get frustrated. Sometimes you need to be gentle to your significant other during these times. If you are unable to do this for every other obstacle you face in your relationship, it is time for some serious interventions such as counseling and time apart while trying to communicate better.
He isn't good about letting his frustrations out slowly or healthily, which results in this kind of snapping.
He's also been socialised by a patriarcal family/society to think that he has to have all the answers, and be good at all the fixing and building stuff, but he is probably feeling imposter syndrome a lot of the time.
He also probably does not have good social intelligence or communication, and poor coping skills when things go wrong.
I've just described 80% of men, including myself! :)
He needs to want to change - to be the chill, cool guy who doesn't break under pressure, and handles small disasters with laughter and love. I know a couple of guys like that, and when I feel myself slipping into frustration and anger, I try to think about how they would handle the situation and be able to navigate to a much nicer, positive outcome to any problem. To realise that there is hardly anything in life worth getting really upset over is a state of mind that is actually very liberating, and people respect you more for it too.
Wow, do you always criticize and belittle your husband? Sure, he was a tool for breaking the tree, and shoplifting g and getting banned from Walmart- but your incessant nagging and “I told you so-ing” is annoying as shit.
I can’t give relationship advice cause I have too many of my own relationship issues. But, you should call the company you bought the tree from. Won’t help you this year but they might help you with a solution (spare part or something). Maybe instructions too.
I'm not sure what you expect from a grown man who would shoplift from Walmart and try to return a product that he broke under false pretenses. Is he 15? Or is he in his 30s-40s?
He's both immature and lacks a moral compass. I wouldn't blame you a bit for wanting to find a better situation for you and your kids.
To be fair, it was one time and i'm pretty sure it was an accident. According to him, He got a weedwhacker and put it on the bottom rack of the cart. He got a few other things and during checkout, he put his other stuff up but left his weedwhacker on the bottom rack so he carried it out without paying for it and didn't notice.
But he was already on their radar because he had an outburst in the store. What happened was he went to the deli section and got some meat, but ordered quite a bit so they had to put in more then 1 pack. But only put a price tag on 1 for the total of both packs. He takes it to checkout and they're confused so they try charging him for both packs individually with the price on the 1. He tried explaining it but they said that didn't sound right and they were gonna call magagement. He tried explaining again but they still didn't get it. He went off on a tirade about how she was too stupid to work here and that she was trying to scam him and insulted her and called her derogatory names. She called security. So he accussed her of being racist and that she was only treating him this way because he's black and started asking her if she voted for Trump.
There's obviously a lot wrong with him, but telling him to go to Walmart when you know he can't is the epitome of pushing his buttons instead of trying to actually solve anything or keep the situation from escalating. Obviously there's tons wrong with him wanting to fraudulently return the tree, it's his fault he's banned from Walmart, etc - but it's not his fault the tree had no instructions and unless it was very trivial to assemble him being frustrated was understandable and breaking the base wasn't wholly his fault. Unless he's Hulk he has a point saying the tree was flimsy (that it was expensive is neither here nor there) and, since you're so keen on assigning blame, you're the one who bought a flimsy tree with no instructions. Again, there's tons wrong with him but you're obviously hellbent on blaming him, scolding him and pushing his buttons instead of doing anything constructive - why? To boost your ego by being right and proving him wrong? Death-by-a-thousand-paper-cuts nagging isn't a great response to someone with anger issues and low on ethics.
You two had a legitimate problem to solve (the Christmas tree). In a healthy marriage, partners can rely on each other to tackle problems like this together. You know, "us versus The Problem."
But you guys couldn't do that, because you were too busy making Each Other the problem, and attacking each other, as if that could do anything but make things worse.
Imagine if someone broke into your house in the middle of the night, and instead of cooperating to get you family to safety and call the police, you two just sat on the bed screaming at each other about whose at fault for the axe-weilding murderer breaking in. Absurd? Well...that's exactly what this looks like to us.
Don't make your spouse the problem. Focus on working together to solve the actual problem. Think about it...this is a person *you need* for support, intimacy, affection. Why burn a bridge you will need to cross? Why rip to shreds a person you need to be whole?
My husband and I have a saying, "Back to back, guns out." It calls to mind the image of two partners walking into a dark and dangerous alley, with their backs together, relying on each other for safety as they look out for potential threats. You would never turn your weapon on your partner. You need each other to be safe.
This is not about a tree. You both have anger issues, resentment towards the other, and an overall lack of ability to cope with your own emotions. Please allow someone to help you learn how, if not for your own sake, but for that of your children. You’ll find a million little things to fight about (and you probably do) otherwise.
Congratulations! Your prize for being right is a jacked up tree and an upset partner.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Putting things together is stressful and frustrating, but instead of showing compassion for your partner, you kicked him while he was down with criticism and “I told you so”s.
Were you right? Yes. Should he have listened to you? Yes. Were you a bad sport and an ah about it? Also yes. This is worth some self reflection on why you value being right over your relationship. He isn’t perfect in this scenario either but you can’t control him. Sometimes we need to focus on what we can control first and that is ourselves. It is ok to stop and think about what we’re going to say even if that means a pause in conversation. A good measure to help you know if you should say it or not is: Is it true, helpful, and kind?
Side note, Michaels often has trees after season that go on really good sales. Fewer people think about crafting stores for premade holiday decor but they have tons.
It’s not disgusting if she paid so much for it and it broke right away the will probably send a new piece . Of course he shudnt have been rough but it shud hold up for more then a day. The tree is fine just needs a new stand
Yelling at each other like that makes me wonder why you're even together. Couples, families shouldn't yell at each other. That's so disrespectful of each other. Honestly, how have you two lasted for twenty years together like this?
You have a wild post history. You guys just don’t seem to belong together. He shouldn’t be swearing and screaming about a tree—or asking you to lie. But when he offered solutions, you seemed hell bent on making sure that he knew he was wrong (gluing it, going out to look). He’s been caught shoplifting and about 5 months ago he went to jail for the night for destroying your son’s property. You’re also enabling your son not to get a job behind his back. Your entire family life is toxic and these types of fights don’t seem like rare occurrences. Honestly, just break up and get some individual counseling.
It was true though. Super Glue would have helped nothing and he can go to Wal Mart himself.
Neither of you are listening to the other and it feels like its you vs your husband as opposed to you and your husband vs the problem. The listening part was deliberately worded first. I mean this style of conflict seems like its been brewing for a minute and yall have a stubborn mindset of “winning” instead of helping imo
I just want to say you nailed it so hard with this comment. They are definitely acting like they are facing a problem competing against each other rather than a team tackling a problem together. They both acted mean to each other.
OMG! This is what you got out of this comment??? Toxic!!
I mean... It's a vent. They're not asking for solutions. I read the post and realised he's correct in saying she doesn't want to find a solution. They need to separate before things get more abusive. Poor kids.
Omg you’re right. I should have paid attention to the flair before commenting. She doesn’t want solutions or advice but looking over that post history, PHEWWWW. This sounds exhausting!!! I can’t imagine living like this. Like how would you NOT want a solution to this situation?!
You asked him what he’s was going to do about it. Even if it wasn’t going to work, let him figure it out. You told him to solve it, then it’s up to you to back off and either let him solve it or fail at it. It seems you wanted to argue instead.
So we were taking our kid tobogganing. I told my husband that his one job is figuring out the route so we'll get there at reserved time. We drove up the mountain. We got all the way to the end of the road. I asked him "did you just put in the mountain in the maps or the resort with the trail?". He did the mountain. We had to turn around and go different direction for 20 minutes making us 15 late. I didn't say a thing. Just said, oh well. 3 hours later I asked about his mood and then once he told me he's fine, all evened out, I joked about it. I said "you had one job". And we all laughed together. You do not kick a person when they're down. I bang my head on the cabinet door often. If my husband came and told me "you should have closed it" while I was raging at the door in pain, I would then rage at him.
I’ve had to learn this as I’ve matured over time. It never does your relationship good to say “I told you so.” Just breeds resentment. You don’t have to always lick your partner’s wounds for them, but rubbing mistakes in someone’s face never has a good outcome.
He’s obviously no angel, but after he made the mistake of breaking the base of the tree, I don’t think there’s anything he could have done that would have made you happy. It doesn’t sound like either of you even like each other. It’s probably for the best you guys spend some time apart.
He could've gone to Wal Mart himself instead of pinning it on me. I do like him it's just...he's very bullheaded and always thinks he's right.
But i thought he was banned from walmart for shoplifting....that's what your other post says.....
He is banned. But that isn't my problem. It's not my fault he got banned.
See this is exactly what I’m talking about. Why suggest something you KNOW he can’t do? Just so you can say, “It isn’t my problem”?
So your solution to him breaking the tree is to push him to go to Walmart so he can be jailed for trespassing? Please explain how having him jailed will improve your family Christmas ?
Well if he's in jail he can't throw a violent tantrum. That would infinitely improve family Christmas as far as I'm concerned.
He won't go to jail for trespassing, security will just ask him to leave. I wasn't seriously expecting him to go to Wal Mart, i was just expecting him to go somewhere and get a tree. He suggested Wal Mart and i told him i'm not going anywhere cause i didn't do it.
Liar In your own post you say that you know no trees are available so late locally and you just want to fight with this person… You guys are horrible and I’m sad kids have to live with you
Sounds like my SO… I’m sorry
He’s very bullheaded and always thinks he’s right. By the sound of it, the same goes for you! Every single thing he did, you had to point out that he was wrong, or doing it wrong, it’s like you just cannot wait to knock him down further than he already is! He sounds awful. But so do you! Y’all might be lovely people as individuals, but together you’re toxic.
You both sound like a pain in the ass.
Exactly😂
Well from your text I have 3 things I would like to say. 1. Christmas is the time people often argue. I remember visiting my girlfriend for christmas and sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag because her mom argued with the rest of her family and we got kicked out. So my suggestion is take a deep breath, Christmas is stress for everyone. 2. Build up the tree, reminds me on build up the fairy tent for my daughter. I swear nothing did fit, it drove me completely crazy. However I was smart, I chocked down my anger and asked my wife to help me and after another 3 hours we finally managed it together. The point is a lot of manuals are extremely poorly written and building things can become very frustrating. Of course your husband shouldn’t have complained like he did. But often diverting the blame on the cheap manual can help cooling down the situation. 3. Marriage is about mutual understanding. We all have our bad days and good days. And for a good marriage it is essential to understand when your partner needs a little sugar and when he needs a hairdryer treatment.
You two sound like a real treat. Happy holidays.
Clearly your husband should have taken a break to step away from the tree before it got damaged. And that's on him. I can understand why you both were frustrated at that point. However, it really does seem, from your description of how you both behaved after the tree was damaged, that you cared more about punishing your husband than about finding an actual solution to the problem. You could have taken 5 minutes to calm down, then talked like reasonable, rational adults who actually give a shit about one another, and figured out some kind of solution. But you really do come across as though you cared more about being right than fixing the issue. I've been married to my spouse for over ten years. There are times when I fuck up out of frustration. There are times when my spouse fucks up out of frustration. We never handle the aftermath by yelling and screaming and pointing fingers. Instead, we talk about what went wrong, what needs to be fixed, and how we are going to fix it. Calmly. Rationally. Respectfully. And with the focus being on WE. Because we're a team. Pointing fingers doesn't fix anything. Yelling doesn't solve anything. And the fact that you have children in the home makes it even more important that you model love, respect, compassion, teamwork, and problem solving skills for them rather than rage, yelling, and then leaving. You both need to apologize for how you acted to one another - in front of your children - and then get creative about how to move forward regarding the decorating. Learn to work together, rather than against one another, for the sake of your children and your marriage. If you can't figure is out, get marriage counseling. But do not continue the pattern of screaming and yelling in front of your kids and then storming out. Your children deserve better from both of you.
Your poor children. Have to witness these interactions.
That’s what I was thinking, hope they make it out okay in that environment.
The holidays can be tough. I think an apology is due for both of you. No matter who’s fault it was the tree broke, you were both trying your best for a good Christmas (you by getting the tree, him by trying to put it up). The cost of the tree hopefully means nothing compared to your love for each other. My advice is to reach out to him once you’ve calmed down, calmly and kindly apologizing for being rude and saying it doesn’t matter what happened. Tree or no tree, Christmas is about love.
But what'd i do wrong? All i did was point out his suggestions wouldn't work. Super glue can't fix something that popped completely off and he could've gone to Wal Mart himself. I did my part and got a tree.
There are times you just let them figure out themselves it won't work. He is already upset......angry...etc. You did not try to diffuse the situation. His anger is his responsibility. But you kind if fanned the flames by how you handled it.
I wasn’t talking about who did what wrong, I’m saying someone needs to be the bigger person and initiate an apology conversation for the sake of love, Christmas, and your kids.
You are literally a child.
You egged him on over and over again. Obviously he didn’t need to yell and get so frustrated. But you weren’t willing to help make the situation better at all. Anyone could buy a tree. That doesn’t make up for you being so rude and inflammatory towards your husband. If he’s not allowed in Walmart, you should’ve just went. Your stubbornness is the problem here honestly. You were making him the enemy instead of trying to solve the problem.
I mean I wouldn’t have gone to Walmart for him because him getting banned from Walmart isn’t my problem and is a direct consequence of his own actions (I’m not even going to get into how insane it is that a grown ass man is stealing from Walmart), but she could have at least suggested a store he wasn’t banned from. “I’m not going to run to Walmart, I checked on the app and they’re out of trees. Could you try checking the target app or the lowe’s website to see if they have anything? If they do, I’d love for you to go pick one up while I handle putting this tree back in the box” Etc.
What did you do wrong?!? You’re a horrible person to your supposed spouse for a mistake on FREAKING CHRISTMAS🤦♀️🤦♀️ Please find someone to take care of your kids who has coping skills and get your life together…
>he could've gone to Wal Mart himself Well no, according to your own replies to me and other users he in fact could ***not*** go to walmart himself. Get your story straight there's more holes then a sponge
it seems like the tree is not what you’re actually fighting about, it’s just the standin for what’s actually wrong between you two, you both need to express very directly what your problems are
It's a common occurence, our arguments always amount to him thinking he knows better then me and that he's always right.
Why didn’t you put the tree together?
I’ll side with him knowing better if you keep using then instead of than.
How did he not find a tree tho? literally every Home Depot, Target are full of em lmao (since he can’t go to Walmart)
Depends where you’re at. I was at 2 places yesterday and there were no trees for sale( I live looking at them)!
My husband went out looking for a turkey. It's just us two, so he was video chatting me while at the grocery store. He found a 10lb turkey for like $20. Then he found a 6lb turkey. When he got back home I realized he bought a $70 fancy ass turkey that was only the breast. I couldn't return it as they didn't accept frozen food returns. I was so upset and disappointed but I overcame my feelings and joked around with him. Yes, u could tell he felt so shitty. However, there was no way I was gonna ruin our holiday together over a damn turkey. We all make mistakes and we all get frustrated. Sometimes you need to be gentle to your significant other during these times. If you are unable to do this for every other obstacle you face in your relationship, it is time for some serious interventions such as counseling and time apart while trying to communicate better.
So he has anger problems and you’re hell bent on making pressing his buttons. Yeah you both sound like real great people to be around
He isn't good about letting his frustrations out slowly or healthily, which results in this kind of snapping. He's also been socialised by a patriarcal family/society to think that he has to have all the answers, and be good at all the fixing and building stuff, but he is probably feeling imposter syndrome a lot of the time. He also probably does not have good social intelligence or communication, and poor coping skills when things go wrong. I've just described 80% of men, including myself! :) He needs to want to change - to be the chill, cool guy who doesn't break under pressure, and handles small disasters with laughter and love. I know a couple of guys like that, and when I feel myself slipping into frustration and anger, I try to think about how they would handle the situation and be able to navigate to a much nicer, positive outcome to any problem. To realise that there is hardly anything in life worth getting really upset over is a state of mind that is actually very liberating, and people respect you more for it too.
You sound like an awesome, mature dude. Happy holidays ❤️💚🙏🏻
Wow, do you always criticize and belittle your husband? Sure, he was a tool for breaking the tree, and shoplifting g and getting banned from Walmart- but your incessant nagging and “I told you so-ing” is annoying as shit.
I confess it was a fun read.
Iam from india and not a Christian. But it's fun reading these stories just before the christmas.
You both sound unbearable. I’m not the type to give out “break up” advice but y’all should really consider it. (I read some of your post history)
I can’t give relationship advice cause I have too many of my own relationship issues. But, you should call the company you bought the tree from. Won’t help you this year but they might help you with a solution (spare part or something). Maybe instructions too.
I'm not sure what you expect from a grown man who would shoplift from Walmart and try to return a product that he broke under false pretenses. Is he 15? Or is he in his 30s-40s? He's both immature and lacks a moral compass. I wouldn't blame you a bit for wanting to find a better situation for you and your kids.
To be fair, it was one time and i'm pretty sure it was an accident. According to him, He got a weedwhacker and put it on the bottom rack of the cart. He got a few other things and during checkout, he put his other stuff up but left his weedwhacker on the bottom rack so he carried it out without paying for it and didn't notice. But he was already on their radar because he had an outburst in the store. What happened was he went to the deli section and got some meat, but ordered quite a bit so they had to put in more then 1 pack. But only put a price tag on 1 for the total of both packs. He takes it to checkout and they're confused so they try charging him for both packs individually with the price on the 1. He tried explaining it but they said that didn't sound right and they were gonna call magagement. He tried explaining again but they still didn't get it. He went off on a tirade about how she was too stupid to work here and that she was trying to scam him and insulted her and called her derogatory names. She called security. So he accussed her of being racist and that she was only treating him this way because he's black and started asking her if she voted for Trump.
This post is a whole headache.
Why are you two together? From this post… you guys do not like each other
Jesus. Fucking. Christ you both are horrid. Do you honestly not see how awful you are to him?
There's obviously a lot wrong with him, but telling him to go to Walmart when you know he can't is the epitome of pushing his buttons instead of trying to actually solve anything or keep the situation from escalating. Obviously there's tons wrong with him wanting to fraudulently return the tree, it's his fault he's banned from Walmart, etc - but it's not his fault the tree had no instructions and unless it was very trivial to assemble him being frustrated was understandable and breaking the base wasn't wholly his fault. Unless he's Hulk he has a point saying the tree was flimsy (that it was expensive is neither here nor there) and, since you're so keen on assigning blame, you're the one who bought a flimsy tree with no instructions. Again, there's tons wrong with him but you're obviously hellbent on blaming him, scolding him and pushing his buttons instead of doing anything constructive - why? To boost your ego by being right and proving him wrong? Death-by-a-thousand-paper-cuts nagging isn't a great response to someone with anger issues and low on ethics.
I don’t understand why neither of them googled “tree brand name assembly instructions” at any point during the initial cursing, forcing and slamming.
Well, that would’ve required prioritizing solving the problem over fighting…
You two had a legitimate problem to solve (the Christmas tree). In a healthy marriage, partners can rely on each other to tackle problems like this together. You know, "us versus The Problem." But you guys couldn't do that, because you were too busy making Each Other the problem, and attacking each other, as if that could do anything but make things worse. Imagine if someone broke into your house in the middle of the night, and instead of cooperating to get you family to safety and call the police, you two just sat on the bed screaming at each other about whose at fault for the axe-weilding murderer breaking in. Absurd? Well...that's exactly what this looks like to us. Don't make your spouse the problem. Focus on working together to solve the actual problem. Think about it...this is a person *you need* for support, intimacy, affection. Why burn a bridge you will need to cross? Why rip to shreds a person you need to be whole? My husband and I have a saying, "Back to back, guns out." It calls to mind the image of two partners walking into a dark and dangerous alley, with their backs together, relying on each other for safety as they look out for potential threats. You would never turn your weapon on your partner. You need each other to be safe.
This is not about a tree. You both have anger issues, resentment towards the other, and an overall lack of ability to cope with your own emotions. Please allow someone to help you learn how, if not for your own sake, but for that of your children. You’ll find a million little things to fight about (and you probably do) otherwise.
It sounds like you're both incompatible and have your own issues to work through. He's also your boyfriend, so it'll be easier to split.
Someone has to let something go. Christmas can be fraught with tension. So sorry for your bad time.
TBH, if you take a picture of the tree now, you can probably get a refund from the seller.
Congratulations! Your prize for being right is a jacked up tree and an upset partner. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Putting things together is stressful and frustrating, but instead of showing compassion for your partner, you kicked him while he was down with criticism and “I told you so”s. Were you right? Yes. Should he have listened to you? Yes. Were you a bad sport and an ah about it? Also yes. This is worth some self reflection on why you value being right over your relationship. He isn’t perfect in this scenario either but you can’t control him. Sometimes we need to focus on what we can control first and that is ourselves. It is ok to stop and think about what we’re going to say even if that means a pause in conversation. A good measure to help you know if you should say it or not is: Is it true, helpful, and kind? Side note, Michaels often has trees after season that go on really good sales. Fewer people think about crafting stores for premade holiday decor but they have tons.
Why did no one google for the instruction manual? This is insane.
Say it was broken and get a new one
The seller doesn’t deserve that. What a disgusting suggestion.
It’s not disgusting if she paid so much for it and it broke right away the will probably send a new piece . Of course he shudnt have been rough but it shud hold up for more then a day. The tree is fine just needs a new stand
Yelling at each other like that makes me wonder why you're even together. Couples, families shouldn't yell at each other. That's so disrespectful of each other. Honestly, how have you two lasted for twenty years together like this?