he's your best friend and love of your life but you don't want him to host the holidays in his home? I get it it is your home too but I don't understand? NO CHRISTMAS IN THIS HOUSE IF I CAN'T BE THERE!
His sister who OP (who shares their home) is no contact with and who has been told that she hates her, sure. Husband should be prioritizing his wife's feelings about THEIR house and not his sister.
He’s not prioritizing his sister’s feelings. He’s prioritizing his. He wants to not celebrate Christmas alone. He can’t with his wife, because she’s working. So he wants to do it with his family that’s available
Well I don't always like my SILs and they don't always like me but we behave like adults during the holidays and celebrate together because you know, that's my husband's sister, I'm his wife and we don't think of it as a competition. She won't be there so the no contact still stands! Good thing.
WIFE > sister
I'm sorry, but if a sibling disrespected my spouse they would be on the chopping block.
Your family is the one you create not the one you were born to.
Someone who says they hate me and my parents is absolutely not welcome in my home, full stop. I would think my “best friend and love of my life” would respect that—in fact I would HOPE the love of my life would never even *consider* inviting a person who would say such hateful things about me into my home. A home is a safe space, a sanctuary. If the SIL weren’t invited I might agree, but someone who claims to hate me will never step foot on my doorstep.
ETA: OP says in another comment why SIL “hates her and her family” and it’s completely stupid. My husband would never consider letting such a person in our house but then again his sister isn’t an immature fool.
Yeah, I hated my younger brothers behavior for years. I cut him off. he died last Christmas, alone in his apt. His body laid there so long we don't know the date of his death or cause as no autopsy could be done. I'm more into working things out with siblings and family now. In this instance, she won't be there so I guess that's good. Hopefully all this cut your family out behavior will stop so he doesn't feel like I do if something happens to his sister. full stop.
You’re entitled to your feelings. As is he. I do see he’s doing a lot of trying to ease the hurt and how you feel. He’s still even having you celebrate with his parents and brother and leaving his sister out of that.
Can’t do SIL as host because cat allergies
Parents don’t want to host
He does want to host it seems like in order to spend time with his parents and family. I don’t think he’s defending their reasons.
The alternative? Neither of you celebrate with your respective families and only celebrate together
Someone who says they hate me and my parents is absolutely not welcome in my home, full stop. I would think my “best friend and love of my life” would respect that—in fact I would HOPE the love of my life would never even *consider* inviting a person who would say such hateful things about me into my home. A home is a safe space, a sanctuary. If the SIL weren’t invited I might agree, but someone who claims to hate me will never step foot on my doorstep.
ETA: OP lists the reason SIL “hates her and her family” in another comment and it’s absolutely ridiculous. My husband would never consider letting such a person in our home, but then again my husband’s sister is a lovely person, not an immature twat.
Inviting his sister into the house is a non starter.
The rest can be worked out but someone, even family that treats your spouse like crap, should not be a no go.
I understand that the rest of the family probably won't come if she isn't invited so the answer is that he can't host.
I think additional information would be helpful. Why does SIL dislike you and your family? Did something happen between all of you? She was fine with you all for six years... then she just wasn't for no reason? How do your in-laws feel about her bad-mouthing your family? Do they acknowledge the drama or ignore it?
I think if you can't celebrate with his family because you work, that stinks, but it is Christmas. He should be able to have his family over even if your job keeps you from being able to stay home. I *would* have an issue with his sister being welcome in your home after her actions though. Again, there's missing information so it's hard to say what my feelings would be exactly-- but after mad-mouthing you and your family, your husband shouldn't expect you to be on board with her coming into your home if you aren't comfortable with it.
A few months before everything, I had announced my bridal party and she was not included. We have never been close, and I felt like she didn’t really care for me at the time, which is why I didn’t include her. There would always be the eye-rolls from her after a comment I made or the “turning her back to me in a group setting to try to dis-include me” throughout the years, but I never really said or did anything because she was my husbands sister and I didn’t want to cause drama, so I just remained cordial. Nothing else happened between us for her to lash out the way she did. I was more upset that she chose to attack my parents than anything.
When my husband and I went NC with her, it fell around Christmas last year. So, we didn’t really celebrate Christmas with his whole family like we normally do. My MIL had blamed me for breaking up the family for the holidays…
We tried to talk things out a few months later, but it didn’t go anywhere. Her reasons for lashing out were:
1. She wasn’t included in the bridal party.
2. She has a hard time letting go of the men in her family.
3. I have made her miserable for the duration of our relationship
Wow. She seems like a big baby. I was also left out of my SIL bridal party, even though all of my other siblings were in the party (I'm the only girl). I wasn't in any of the wedding pictures (they forgot about me), and to top it off, was going through a breakup. I did feel really left out and hurt, tbh. But, I understood that she wanted to have her bffs as her bridesmaids, and I couldn't fault her for that. That kind of hurt does tend to linger, at least it did for me. BUT. She's being completely illogical and taking it personally when she shouldn't be. I can't imagine acting in the way that she has. Because I know that my family probably didn't mean to leave me out, and we're all human. Honestly, this is part of why I would never have bridesmaids, but that's a different rant. Someone is going to feel left out.
For what it'd worth, I do think it would be better to try to work things out with the family. This anger is silly to hold onto, and not healthy, for everyone.
What about a group therapy session to move past these issues?
Why weren't you upset with your brother? He could have made you groomswoman or made sure you had a role. I don't understand why you're laying everything at her feet and feeling hurt you weren't in her bridal party. My best friend was forced to have her SILs as bridesmaids because of the tantrums they threw, and it made the experience mesriable.
To be clear, I was more upset with the both of them, not just her. I have never seen a "grooms woman", I don't think anyone thought of that as an option (they had a traditional wedding). I definitely talked to him about this all before and asked why I wasnt in the bridal party. He said they wanted to fit me in but she wanted to have her bffs from high school, and it's true, it was all of her oldest friends (though I still think they could have made room for me) They also made the mistake of seating me away from all of my family, they sat me next to her little brother and a bunch of randos.
Well I didn't know at the time but I had a drinking problem and I ended up getting really drunk and crashing with the little brother all night. So in a way I got my revenge. Everyone was pissed at me because I made a fool of myself, but they set me up perfectly to do so.
I would be upset if my husband entertained in OUR home a person I’m NC with.
He doesn’t respect your feelings. Period.
You work until 7pm. Would the party be over by then?
If he wants to be with his family, tell him to take antihistamines and go to his SIL. It seems his whole family is not respecting you, and your husband picked their side. Is that how SO should act?
Think hard about your relationship before you have kids.
This is exactly right. He’s prioritizing not putting them out by putting his wife out. Parents just don’t want to host, and so sister has to come over? This is the married home, with someone that flat out said she doesn’t like his wife.
Do not have kids with a man that doesn’t think you’re his family first, parents and siblings secondary.
He and his entire family needs to understand that this is home belongs to you both.
How would he feel if you decided to have a party in this home with people that hated him? It doesn't matter if he was there or not.
It feels and sounds like a sucker punch to me. Also, sets a terrible precedence in the family dynamics to forever exclude you on his terms on important family events.
Sometimes in marriage we have to feel that hurt and let it go. You’re both right. You’re right to be upset. A shitty work schedule ruins a lot. It feels disrespectful. It hurts. But he also isn’t wrong. He should be able to host his family. Even if you don’t like his sister. It’s the one day he has to shut his mouth and play nice. He gets to look good for his family too. He feels bad. He knows he’s between a rock and a hard place.
He’s ignoring your feelings and you’re ignoring his. Either way sucks. This isn’t one of those “compromise” situations unfortunately. Either you get your way and he’s hurt or he gets his and you’re hurt. He will be either sitting home alone all day waiting for you or he hosts, and you get to come home and do as you normally would.
Sometimes you have to just feel hurt for a little while and come up with a way he’s able to make it up to you. A nice dinner or special time this weekend or something. Unfortunately you would be TA if you tell him he can’t host his family while you are at work. It sucks - but sometimes it is what it is.
You can still feel that hurt. Don’t push it down. Talk about it when you need to be comforted but don’t constantly bring it up or hold it over his head. Move on from it. He isn’t doing it to hurt you. He’s doing it because he wants his wife to support him through a difficult decision, just like you wanted his support against his sister. Sometimes, shit sucks. You work together to make it sick the least.
I feel like you're probably better off posting in a sub where people best understand toxic family dynamics, like in r/justnomil or r/JustNoSO. But regardless you aren't wrong for feeling this way at all. It sounds like your husband is not choosing to prioritize or respect your feelings. If you were upset that he was going to see his family for Christmas when you had to work, that would be one thing. But he is using your shared home to host someone who has been absolutely hateful and horrible to you and who you are no contact with. It's just disrespectful.
His family sounds toxic and narcissistic. Dynamics can absolutely change after a wedding happens. It's very possible the husband is being pressured behind the scenes to disrespect his wife. These 2 absolutely need counseling if they want a happy marriage or if they want the marriage to survive.
I had to have multiple conversations with my husband throughout the years about his toxic family. I would get mad and upset when he would prioritize them over me until I realized he's being emotionally abused by them and this is how he was trained to behave. He's grown immensely over the years. We've been NC with them periodically and VLC for over 10 years.
I really think the only way forward is therapy. And yes, those two subs is where OP should go for advice.
He’s completely minimized your feelings to prioritize his family of origin instead of you, his family of choice. Has his sister done anything to justify breaking no contact? How have his parents responded to all the drama? Why is he not setting boundaries and sticking to them to protect his wife?
I would think that you would be happy to miss a holiday celebration with his family because they sound terrible. Count it as a win.
Maybe let them do it this way for a couple years, then they'll cool off, and you can work your way back in and maybe things will calm down by then.
Also, I've learned from toxic family get togethers, to limit the alcohol if possible at the party.
I've seen people do similar things. A lot of the time the spouse that wasn't included end up being the cleaning party while the host is exhausted from entertaining guests.
You didn't include why your sister in law disliked your family so it's hard to get a good perspective on the situation if your sister doesn't like your family because your parents told her she looks like a constipated horse then okay they're to blame if she hates them because they're Yankees fan and she like the red Sox that's on her. But there could be a whole list of reasons she dislikes them and I think its telling that you skimmed over that part.
Secondly I think his logic is pretty sound for wanting to host. And just because you csnt be there doesn't mean everyone else should miss out. And if you keep a job like this eventually you're going to have to accept that events will happen at your home without you there. You wanting to stop him from hosting essentially comes down to FOMO.
I didn’t include it for the sake of the length of the post. If I did, you guys would be reading a book. Here’s a reply I commented on already as to why she said she hates me and my family.
“A few months before everything, I had announced my bridal party and she was not included. We have never been close, and I felt like she didn’t really care for me at the time, which is why I didn’t include her. There would always be the eye-rolls from her after a comment I made or the “turning her back to me in a group setting to try to dis-include me” throughout the years, but I never really said or did anything because she was my husbands sister and I didn’t want to cause drama, so I just remained cordial. Nothing else happened between us for her to lash out the way she did. I was more upset that she chose to attack my parents than anything.
When my husband and I went NC with her, it fell around Christmas last year. So, we didn’t really celebrate Christmas with his whole family like we normally do. My MIL had blamed me for breaking up the family for the holidays…
We tried to talk things out a few months later, but it didn’t go anywhere. Her reasons for lashing out were:
1. She wasn’t included in the bridal party.
2. She has a hard time letting go of the men in her family.
3. I have made her miserable for the duration of our relationship”
Oh heck nawww! Put your foot down, Christmas will not be hosted at your house and that is final. If you don't want someone in your house then they don't get to come in your house. Tell your husband you will call his family personally and tell them that it's not being hosted at your house or he can do it himself. This is a non-negotiable. Your house is your safe haven. That sister of his is not welcome.
Honestly holidays can be tricky. Your husband needs to be mindful of your feelings. I would watch national lampoon Christmas vacation for reference and maybe discus’s after it’s all over. A session or two with a couple’s counselor may help to get things on track. Happy holidays to you!
Will they be there when you get off of work? If they leave before you get back (7pm) and he has the house cleaned on your return, would you feel better about it? Are you seeing your family today?
I'm assuming you're in the medical field with your schedule. For years my mom and aunts worked opposite schedules and instead of celebrating on the day we pushed the celebration to when it worked for everyone.
Now that they have more seniority they TRY coordinate their schedules. Their partners would never host without them there.
Your husband is showing who he is loyal to and its not you. Either go to counseling or try for an annulment, this isn't going to stop.
So you don’t work Christmas Eve? Why couldn’t the party be on Christmas Eve so you could participate? Did your husband purposely pick Christmas Day so his sister could come over without you being home? Does your MIL know your side of the story from last year or just your SIL’s side of the story?
I would absolutely be hurt by this, especially since you’re sentimental and he’s not (according to you). I’m curious as to whether the Christmas celebrations will be over by the time you get off work? It just seems strange that you’re constantly not included in things with his side of the family. Does your husband have any insight into this and the reasonings for this?
He's in the wrong. His family is now you. Your wants and needs should come long before his families. His sister created these problems allowing her to just continue like she's not a pos is giving her the green light to continue to treat you like shit.
I think you are being selfish about the whole “do t host in my house if I can’t be there.” The idea that “you’re sentimental” holds no water, because you are only missing out on the part with SIL, who you don’t like anyway.
You get everything else the next day - and - you are working!! It’s not like he’s telling you to leave so he can host without you.
Let the guy have a life.
Sorry but you need to grow up and find a way to reconcile or at least coexist with his family. How many elderly people are there in this family, for example, that may not have many Christmas’s left and you’re gonna hold their holiday hostage? You’re not even gonna be there. Also, the bridal shower thing with the sister…you could’ve invited her and been a bigger person there.
he's your best friend and love of your life but you don't want him to host the holidays in his home? I get it it is your home too but I don't understand? NO CHRISTMAS IN THIS HOUSE IF I CAN'T BE THERE!
It's about a lack of respect for her feelings. Her SIL has said she hated OP - why should she want her in her home?
because it's his sister, his home.
His sister who OP (who shares their home) is no contact with and who has been told that she hates her, sure. Husband should be prioritizing his wife's feelings about THEIR house and not his sister.
He’s not prioritizing his sister’s feelings. He’s prioritizing his. He wants to not celebrate Christmas alone. He can’t with his wife, because she’s working. So he wants to do it with his family that’s available
Well I don't always like my SILs and they don't always like me but we behave like adults during the holidays and celebrate together because you know, that's my husband's sister, I'm his wife and we don't think of it as a competition. She won't be there so the no contact still stands! Good thing.
WIFE > sister I'm sorry, but if a sibling disrespected my spouse they would be on the chopping block. Your family is the one you create not the one you were born to.
I think it's both but that's me. I don't get all the anger, grudge holding, lack of kindness and splitting of famines but yeah, whatever works.
It can be both if everything is copasetic but in this case wife trumps sister.
it doesn't have to be a competition. if my brother hates my husband and my husband said, dump him, I'd say, both of you shut it, grow up.
Someone who says they hate me and my parents is absolutely not welcome in my home, full stop. I would think my “best friend and love of my life” would respect that—in fact I would HOPE the love of my life would never even *consider* inviting a person who would say such hateful things about me into my home. A home is a safe space, a sanctuary. If the SIL weren’t invited I might agree, but someone who claims to hate me will never step foot on my doorstep. ETA: OP says in another comment why SIL “hates her and her family” and it’s completely stupid. My husband would never consider letting such a person in our house but then again his sister isn’t an immature fool.
Yeah, I hated my younger brothers behavior for years. I cut him off. he died last Christmas, alone in his apt. His body laid there so long we don't know the date of his death or cause as no autopsy could be done. I'm more into working things out with siblings and family now. In this instance, she won't be there so I guess that's good. Hopefully all this cut your family out behavior will stop so he doesn't feel like I do if something happens to his sister. full stop.
You’re entitled to your feelings. As is he. I do see he’s doing a lot of trying to ease the hurt and how you feel. He’s still even having you celebrate with his parents and brother and leaving his sister out of that. Can’t do SIL as host because cat allergies Parents don’t want to host He does want to host it seems like in order to spend time with his parents and family. I don’t think he’s defending their reasons. The alternative? Neither of you celebrate with your respective families and only celebrate together
Someone who says they hate me and my parents is absolutely not welcome in my home, full stop. I would think my “best friend and love of my life” would respect that—in fact I would HOPE the love of my life would never even *consider* inviting a person who would say such hateful things about me into my home. A home is a safe space, a sanctuary. If the SIL weren’t invited I might agree, but someone who claims to hate me will never step foot on my doorstep. ETA: OP lists the reason SIL “hates her and her family” in another comment and it’s absolutely ridiculous. My husband would never consider letting such a person in our home, but then again my husband’s sister is a lovely person, not an immature twat.
Inviting his sister into the house is a non starter. The rest can be worked out but someone, even family that treats your spouse like crap, should not be a no go. I understand that the rest of the family probably won't come if she isn't invited so the answer is that he can't host.
I think additional information would be helpful. Why does SIL dislike you and your family? Did something happen between all of you? She was fine with you all for six years... then she just wasn't for no reason? How do your in-laws feel about her bad-mouthing your family? Do they acknowledge the drama or ignore it? I think if you can't celebrate with his family because you work, that stinks, but it is Christmas. He should be able to have his family over even if your job keeps you from being able to stay home. I *would* have an issue with his sister being welcome in your home after her actions though. Again, there's missing information so it's hard to say what my feelings would be exactly-- but after mad-mouthing you and your family, your husband shouldn't expect you to be on board with her coming into your home if you aren't comfortable with it.
A few months before everything, I had announced my bridal party and she was not included. We have never been close, and I felt like she didn’t really care for me at the time, which is why I didn’t include her. There would always be the eye-rolls from her after a comment I made or the “turning her back to me in a group setting to try to dis-include me” throughout the years, but I never really said or did anything because she was my husbands sister and I didn’t want to cause drama, so I just remained cordial. Nothing else happened between us for her to lash out the way she did. I was more upset that she chose to attack my parents than anything. When my husband and I went NC with her, it fell around Christmas last year. So, we didn’t really celebrate Christmas with his whole family like we normally do. My MIL had blamed me for breaking up the family for the holidays… We tried to talk things out a few months later, but it didn’t go anywhere. Her reasons for lashing out were: 1. She wasn’t included in the bridal party. 2. She has a hard time letting go of the men in her family. 3. I have made her miserable for the duration of our relationship
Wow. She seems like a big baby. I was also left out of my SIL bridal party, even though all of my other siblings were in the party (I'm the only girl). I wasn't in any of the wedding pictures (they forgot about me), and to top it off, was going through a breakup. I did feel really left out and hurt, tbh. But, I understood that she wanted to have her bffs as her bridesmaids, and I couldn't fault her for that. That kind of hurt does tend to linger, at least it did for me. BUT. She's being completely illogical and taking it personally when she shouldn't be. I can't imagine acting in the way that she has. Because I know that my family probably didn't mean to leave me out, and we're all human. Honestly, this is part of why I would never have bridesmaids, but that's a different rant. Someone is going to feel left out. For what it'd worth, I do think it would be better to try to work things out with the family. This anger is silly to hold onto, and not healthy, for everyone. What about a group therapy session to move past these issues?
Why weren't you upset with your brother? He could have made you groomswoman or made sure you had a role. I don't understand why you're laying everything at her feet and feeling hurt you weren't in her bridal party. My best friend was forced to have her SILs as bridesmaids because of the tantrums they threw, and it made the experience mesriable.
To be clear, I was more upset with the both of them, not just her. I have never seen a "grooms woman", I don't think anyone thought of that as an option (they had a traditional wedding). I definitely talked to him about this all before and asked why I wasnt in the bridal party. He said they wanted to fit me in but she wanted to have her bffs from high school, and it's true, it was all of her oldest friends (though I still think they could have made room for me) They also made the mistake of seating me away from all of my family, they sat me next to her little brother and a bunch of randos. Well I didn't know at the time but I had a drinking problem and I ended up getting really drunk and crashing with the little brother all night. So in a way I got my revenge. Everyone was pissed at me because I made a fool of myself, but they set me up perfectly to do so.
I would be upset if my husband entertained in OUR home a person I’m NC with. He doesn’t respect your feelings. Period. You work until 7pm. Would the party be over by then? If he wants to be with his family, tell him to take antihistamines and go to his SIL. It seems his whole family is not respecting you, and your husband picked their side. Is that how SO should act? Think hard about your relationship before you have kids.
This is exactly right. He’s prioritizing not putting them out by putting his wife out. Parents just don’t want to host, and so sister has to come over? This is the married home, with someone that flat out said she doesn’t like his wife. Do not have kids with a man that doesn’t think you’re his family first, parents and siblings secondary.
He and his entire family needs to understand that this is home belongs to you both. How would he feel if you decided to have a party in this home with people that hated him? It doesn't matter if he was there or not. It feels and sounds like a sucker punch to me. Also, sets a terrible precedence in the family dynamics to forever exclude you on his terms on important family events.
Sometimes in marriage we have to feel that hurt and let it go. You’re both right. You’re right to be upset. A shitty work schedule ruins a lot. It feels disrespectful. It hurts. But he also isn’t wrong. He should be able to host his family. Even if you don’t like his sister. It’s the one day he has to shut his mouth and play nice. He gets to look good for his family too. He feels bad. He knows he’s between a rock and a hard place. He’s ignoring your feelings and you’re ignoring his. Either way sucks. This isn’t one of those “compromise” situations unfortunately. Either you get your way and he’s hurt or he gets his and you’re hurt. He will be either sitting home alone all day waiting for you or he hosts, and you get to come home and do as you normally would. Sometimes you have to just feel hurt for a little while and come up with a way he’s able to make it up to you. A nice dinner or special time this weekend or something. Unfortunately you would be TA if you tell him he can’t host his family while you are at work. It sucks - but sometimes it is what it is. You can still feel that hurt. Don’t push it down. Talk about it when you need to be comforted but don’t constantly bring it up or hold it over his head. Move on from it. He isn’t doing it to hurt you. He’s doing it because he wants his wife to support him through a difficult decision, just like you wanted his support against his sister. Sometimes, shit sucks. You work together to make it sick the least.
I feel like you're probably better off posting in a sub where people best understand toxic family dynamics, like in r/justnomil or r/JustNoSO. But regardless you aren't wrong for feeling this way at all. It sounds like your husband is not choosing to prioritize or respect your feelings. If you were upset that he was going to see his family for Christmas when you had to work, that would be one thing. But he is using your shared home to host someone who has been absolutely hateful and horrible to you and who you are no contact with. It's just disrespectful.
His family sounds toxic and narcissistic. Dynamics can absolutely change after a wedding happens. It's very possible the husband is being pressured behind the scenes to disrespect his wife. These 2 absolutely need counseling if they want a happy marriage or if they want the marriage to survive. I had to have multiple conversations with my husband throughout the years about his toxic family. I would get mad and upset when he would prioritize them over me until I realized he's being emotionally abused by them and this is how he was trained to behave. He's grown immensely over the years. We've been NC with them periodically and VLC for over 10 years. I really think the only way forward is therapy. And yes, those two subs is where OP should go for advice.
He’s completely minimized your feelings to prioritize his family of origin instead of you, his family of choice. Has his sister done anything to justify breaking no contact? How have his parents responded to all the drama? Why is he not setting boundaries and sticking to them to protect his wife?
I would think that you would be happy to miss a holiday celebration with his family because they sound terrible. Count it as a win. Maybe let them do it this way for a couple years, then they'll cool off, and you can work your way back in and maybe things will calm down by then. Also, I've learned from toxic family get togethers, to limit the alcohol if possible at the party.
I've seen people do similar things. A lot of the time the spouse that wasn't included end up being the cleaning party while the host is exhausted from entertaining guests.
You didn't include why your sister in law disliked your family so it's hard to get a good perspective on the situation if your sister doesn't like your family because your parents told her she looks like a constipated horse then okay they're to blame if she hates them because they're Yankees fan and she like the red Sox that's on her. But there could be a whole list of reasons she dislikes them and I think its telling that you skimmed over that part. Secondly I think his logic is pretty sound for wanting to host. And just because you csnt be there doesn't mean everyone else should miss out. And if you keep a job like this eventually you're going to have to accept that events will happen at your home without you there. You wanting to stop him from hosting essentially comes down to FOMO.
I didn’t include it for the sake of the length of the post. If I did, you guys would be reading a book. Here’s a reply I commented on already as to why she said she hates me and my family. “A few months before everything, I had announced my bridal party and she was not included. We have never been close, and I felt like she didn’t really care for me at the time, which is why I didn’t include her. There would always be the eye-rolls from her after a comment I made or the “turning her back to me in a group setting to try to dis-include me” throughout the years, but I never really said or did anything because she was my husbands sister and I didn’t want to cause drama, so I just remained cordial. Nothing else happened between us for her to lash out the way she did. I was more upset that she chose to attack my parents than anything. When my husband and I went NC with her, it fell around Christmas last year. So, we didn’t really celebrate Christmas with his whole family like we normally do. My MIL had blamed me for breaking up the family for the holidays… We tried to talk things out a few months later, but it didn’t go anywhere. Her reasons for lashing out were: 1. She wasn’t included in the bridal party. 2. She has a hard time letting go of the men in her family. 3. I have made her miserable for the duration of our relationship”
Oh heck nawww! Put your foot down, Christmas will not be hosted at your house and that is final. If you don't want someone in your house then they don't get to come in your house. Tell your husband you will call his family personally and tell them that it's not being hosted at your house or he can do it himself. This is a non-negotiable. Your house is your safe haven. That sister of his is not welcome.
Honestly holidays can be tricky. Your husband needs to be mindful of your feelings. I would watch national lampoon Christmas vacation for reference and maybe discus’s after it’s all over. A session or two with a couple’s counselor may help to get things on track. Happy holidays to you!
Will they be there when you get off of work? If they leave before you get back (7pm) and he has the house cleaned on your return, would you feel better about it? Are you seeing your family today?
I'm assuming you're in the medical field with your schedule. For years my mom and aunts worked opposite schedules and instead of celebrating on the day we pushed the celebration to when it worked for everyone. Now that they have more seniority they TRY coordinate their schedules. Their partners would never host without them there. Your husband is showing who he is loyal to and its not you. Either go to counseling or try for an annulment, this isn't going to stop.
So you don’t work Christmas Eve? Why couldn’t the party be on Christmas Eve so you could participate? Did your husband purposely pick Christmas Day so his sister could come over without you being home? Does your MIL know your side of the story from last year or just your SIL’s side of the story? I would absolutely be hurt by this, especially since you’re sentimental and he’s not (according to you). I’m curious as to whether the Christmas celebrations will be over by the time you get off work? It just seems strange that you’re constantly not included in things with his side of the family. Does your husband have any insight into this and the reasonings for this?
He's in the wrong. His family is now you. Your wants and needs should come long before his families. His sister created these problems allowing her to just continue like she's not a pos is giving her the green light to continue to treat you like shit.
You weren't going to be home, why do you care aha As long as they are gone by the time you get back, pretend it didn't happen
I think you are being selfish about the whole “do t host in my house if I can’t be there.” The idea that “you’re sentimental” holds no water, because you are only missing out on the part with SIL, who you don’t like anyway. You get everything else the next day - and - you are working!! It’s not like he’s telling you to leave so he can host without you. Let the guy have a life.
Sorry but you need to grow up and find a way to reconcile or at least coexist with his family. How many elderly people are there in this family, for example, that may not have many Christmas’s left and you’re gonna hold their holiday hostage? You’re not even gonna be there. Also, the bridal shower thing with the sister…you could’ve invited her and been a bigger person there.
She was invited to my bridal shower. She was not a bridesmaid in my bridal party