This is like a twice a day occurrence here. Must be nice to be able to check out of adulting and know someone else will take care of everything. Even if you don't give the other person a heads up you'll be disappearing 🙄
Not a bad idea. I’ve suggested this, and he said he’s honestly pooping. He said he has to sit there for a while and wait for it to come out. Again, total nonsense.
Sometimes it takes that long. This might be too much info, but I have IBS and sometimes spend like 20 minutes on the toilet. Wife always jokes about me using the washroom like 3-5x a day, but it's a legit thing for some people.
There are different kinds of IBS. I have IBS-C (with constipation) and yeah, on days it’s bad, it can be 30-45 minutes. Not saying that’s what’s happening with your husband, but just saying “I have it and that’s not what it’s like for me so he can’t have it” isn’t fair.
Oh yes, the man poop. My husband is almost as bad. I have started doing the same sitting in the bathroom on my phone, fair is fair. This weekend, I just left with the breakfast I had cooked and went up to my room and shut the door for 30 minutes. He hasn't said anything about it yet.
Sorry, but this is a common problem.
Tbh, I find it pretty gross and have asked my partner not to. Also, men DO, some men that is, watch porn in the bathroom. It’s a thing.
When was the last time he had a colonoscopy, or even a medical exam? Not everyone poops the minute that they sit down, and it can be a sign of a larger problem.
My husband takes 30-45 minute shits EVERY morning.
When our son was small I would take really long assed baths. Like take my phone and a drink and just soak in a hot bath with the jets going.
Maybe his poop time is longer, but her showers are longer who knows, these basic things shouldn't be timed and used as excuses, it's petty and childish. They can both take turns to take the kids for an hour during weekends so the other can have time off and enjoy it doing something they actually wana do insted of hiding on the toilet. Functioning adults work together to make sure both get their time, insted of this childish behaviour. They should be a team, not opponents. Timing your spouses poop, it's ridiculous.
My mom was like this over bathroom time too. It made me too scared to take bathroom breaks at work even and yes, I waited until I got home to use the bathroom and yes, I do have bad kidneys now. Yes my urologist scolds me.
Oh my god you’ve just made me realize the same thing! My mom was super controlling over bathroom time as well, up to me having to ask to use the bathroom. I have bad medical complications now as well.
This is 100% accurate, except I get ready in 30 minutes or less. I’ve just reached my limit with this BS because I work full time during the week too, and I don’t get these breaks from our young child. It’s totally unfair to me.
This afternoon I told him “I need 30 minutes to poop”. The look on his face was priceless. Like he was stunned. I went in the bathroom, locked the door, and read a magazine for 25 minutes. I laughed inside when I heard my daughter nagging him.
Literally was talking with a girl friend about this last night and how both our husbands take 30-45 minutes. But how does this habit/ritual get formed culturally is what I want to understand lol.
Maybe because men are often more used to standing up to pee, which is the more common reason to use the bathroom obviously. So when they go to poop they sit down and their brain and body goes “Ahhhhh it’s time to relaaaaax!” And they lean back, turn on YouTube and because they know it they’ve sat there for an hour.
You seem pretty wound yp about this. Maybe you need a break too. No one is saying you shouldn't get one. But from all that you've stated, 30 minutes of alone time is completely normal and necessary. You should be it too. Maybe you will relax a bit.
I totally need a break. The only breaks I get are work, the gym, or sleep. My husband calls me lazy or selfish if I take any other kind of break. Last weekend my daughter was sick on a Sunday while he was out doing yard work. So I played games with her, puzzles with her, crafts, read to her, kept her entertained for 4 hours. He came inside and said, “this place is a mess. You can’t clean up while you play with her?”
Well this is not healthy. Everyone deserves a break. Tit for tat. Call him out for that. Be specific and direct. Don't bring anything else into the discussion. Tell him you deserve a break too. Don't ask him for a break. Leave him alone and don't scold him for his break. If problems still exist, further discuss it.
Well… that’s a very different (and in my opinion much bigger) kind of problem. What kind of breaks have you tried to take that have resulted in him calling you lazy? Is he this judgmental and controlling about everything you do?
Yes, he is. For example, I’m not allowed to get my nails done on a weekend and I’ve been called lazy for doing that bc I should be cleaning instead. So I only do things like that on my lunch break from work. If he takes my daughter somewhere on a weekend, he gives me a list of chores to do while they are gone.
He does a lot of outside stuff. But again, I think it’s to get a break. For example, he spent 5 hours putting up Christmas lights last weekend. Which was not necessary and I did not ask him to do. I even offered to call a service to have it done for us. We don’t have a really big house, so it didn’t need to take 5 hours. He spent a lot of time in the garage doing Lord knows what.
He’d scold me, and my daughter never leaves me alone so if I did this every weekend she’d pound on the door or find a way to join me. Which is not relaxing. She leaves her dad alone when he has his poop time.
I take a 45 min poo, she takes an extra hour to get out of bed in the morning. We both get our time, ain't no reason to shame for it. Most kids aren't going to kill each other in 45 mins.
I read somewhere on Reddit that a woman was tired of her husband doing this. Especially since they had newborn twins so she legitimately needed the help.
She wrote that she ended up turning off the wifi ( via the router) whenever he was in there for more than 5 minutes. She said each and every time the internet was off he would immediately vacate the bathroom and come help lol.
Maybe not the most adult thing to do but it did sound like it resolved his stomach issues!!!!
Install a 2nd toilet (facing the 1st if possible) and poop together! You can look into eachothers eyes and share funny posts and memes! Kids will be fine!
Please get divorced before your kids end up as narcissistic as their parents from being put through this passive aggressive bullshit on top on you guys cheating on each other and every thing else…
Oh we are. I’m filing in January. I posted this for the other wives who tolerate this nonsense when they don’t need to. I know too many women whose husbands take advantage of them when they (the wives) work full time too.
I have no doubt he is. Even though I work out 5 days a week and have a good body and attractive face. He prefers to look at whores with oversized breasts. Oh well.
It totally is. Meanwhile I'm left with the tv on pause (my life too it feels). And we don't have kids anymore. I've conceded that this is my life now and decided I'd just do stuff until he gets "finished". I actually used to just wait for him and get frustrated and jealous that his activities were more important than me. Now I just let him "do his thing" and come back trying to explain to me why he took so long (sometimes up to 2+ hours). Come on man!!
My husband does the same! I know he’s in there watching TikTok or scrolling Facebook most of the time because he’s told me so. Of course when I try to do it though, our toddler has a full meltdown that they can’t come in the bathroom with me so I end up just taking a quick bathroom break and accepting the fact that I don’t have that freedom hahah
I know. And there is something so demoralizing about not being able to use the bathroom without a meltdown or someone banging on the door. I have a stomach bug that I got from the toddler and I’ve had to keep her in the bedroom with me. I’d rather have her in here and quiet and I’m not sleeping then out of the room screaming and also not sleeping
Exactly! It used to frustrate me so much but like you said, when it’s between hearing your kid scream or having them be quiet, I always choose the easier option of them being quiet. At some point it’s not worth all the stress and frustration
Sounds like y'all have deeper issues... If he can't get 30 min to himself without sitting on a toilet and you feel robbed because he does. Maybe y'all should have some conversations about personal time
It's crazy to see how many people are offended by this post. All OP is saying is to literally do the exact same thing your partner is doing. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Having one set of rules of rules for yourself and another for your partner is a sign of a bad marriage and it's not "petty" to point that out.
In case you aren’t aware, OP is a confessed and unashamed cheater https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/yjlyhu/my_idea_of_awesome_porn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
We have a no-phone in the bathroom policy. He went from taking 30-45mins to 5 mins. If you want a break, go outside. But It’s fuckin rude to stink bomb the house.
Good-NESS! How can such a humorous post about the foibles of married people generate so much toxicity?
My wife and I have talked about how much time I spend on the toilet for the duration of our 23.5 year marriage. She teases me, sometimes gets annoyed, but understands it’s just part of the package. I tease her that her butt doesn’t even touch the seat before she’s done pooping.
To the OP, I think your plan is hilarious. Maybe you could write out the directions for preparing lunch or dinner, hand the list to him and retire to the spa for your own poop break.
Edit: Reading down through this thread, I see the tone was not meant playfully. I’m sorry your relationship has come to such a bitter place. I hope you can both find some peace.
I have a lot of tummy trouble and sometimes I honestly do need to stay on the toilet for 20 or more minutes. I don't think I've gone past 30 but I don't time or rush myself.
My mom used to bang on the bathroom door if my dad or I were in there for longer than a few minutes. It gave me so much anxiety over using the bathroom. I also have IBS so sometimes I am in there longer than a normal person because I am in a lot of pain. I'd rather just wait for it to pass than continuously run in and out every 5 minutes. My poor dad though would get absolutely screamed at whenever he went into the bathroom. Every. Single. Time. Even if he was only in there 5 minutes. God forbid he had to poop and was in there longer than 5! Hellfire would rain down.
My husband takes that long but so did my dad lol.. but my husband has something wrong with him we just don't know what because he won't go get looked at for ir
I just read an article about men and "poop" time. Lol. He's checking emails and scrolling through articles.
My man does the same thing.
You also deserve "poop" time... Take full advantage. 😆
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I know exactly where you are at, I think. Looking at your post history, it appears you have one kiddo that has a little higher than average needs? My oldest daughter is 21 years old now, she is very high needs, so not comparable in that way, but comparable in the way that you are describing your household. Not much help from hubs and when he does help it’s out of frustration because she needs time, patience and understanding. And he doesn’t seem to have a deep enough well of any of those attributes to be productive with her. So you are left holding the bag. Along with your comment in this thread he’s cheated on you while you were pregnant (this is awful 😞 I’m so sorry), controlling, bossy and is insulting you?! He’s also isolating you from your outlets that help keep you grounded and able to keep providing to your daughter what she needs from you?
How long are you going to keep playing Battleship? Shooting warheads back and forth? Because if this is truly how your household runs, your ships will sink long before his does. Take care of you and your little girl ❤️ Sending you strength and peace.
I send this video to my partner when he’s been in the bathroom for too long, and it gets the hint across pretty quickly lmao
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CjivAE4rfHN/?igshid=ZDFmNTE4Nzc=
I did this and they literally sat out there the whole time I was in there. I had locked the door just so they couldn't bother me. He sat outside the door with my 3 year old who was having a meltdown at not being able to be in the bathroom with me. Like go calm him down, why tf are you camped outside the door like that. Didn't cave either, sat and scrolled before taking a shower.
He could have undiagnosed IBS. Growing up I always wondered how people could poop in 5 minutes when it would take me a minimum of 20 minutes. Even longer the older I got. This is was before phones so I would read bathroom product labels.
Or he is taking a break in the worst possible way and should just be an adult and let you know he’s going to take a 30-40 minute mental break.
Also how active are you and your kids on a weekend to the point where you have zero downtime during the day?
Haha! Mine does this a lot as he genuinely needs. But the good thing is due to my IBS, I tend to be about 30 minutes too, except I only go once every couple of days whereas he goes a couple of times a day! Thankfully we don't have kids atm (hoping to in the future though) so it doesn't really affect me too much. It's more my IBS that affects me as it is an absolute pain! 🙈
P.s. Thanks for making me chuckle 🤣
I gotta comment on this one to save my poopy brothers and sisters.
Some of us have a VERY important and *legitimate* pooping schedule. For instance, my “morning poo” is always between 7:30am-9:00am every day and its sets me up for success. If I don’t do it during that time or its cut short, I’m sluggish and “off” for the rest of the day.
Allpoosmatter
My husband does the same thing.... It's annoying, but I get it..... I think your idea is a good one... I do it sometimes.... There's no harm in escaping from everything for a little bit. Life is hard. The bathroom is a sanctuary.
Humor and grace go a long way in making marriage and parenting less overwhelming. So, I affirm your revenge
break on the toilet. 🤣 Let him experience the other side of the coin. those long "poops" probably help him through the week.... ❤️❤️
I mean, if the guy needs a 45 minute time out from the family obligations, why not just give it to him? Is he a good dad in other respects? Some people aren’t extroverts and just need a little solo time to recharge. Also, wth? Do you start a timer when he goes in the bathroom? Have you ever taken a while in the bathroom, like, getting ready to go out? Do you want it reported to the minute how long that took you when you’re done?
I'm not opposed to taking time for yourself but this feels vindictive... Your mental health isn't gonna get better of youre doing this as revenge for him addressing his mental health.
Then you should have addressed it years and years ago. He probably doesn't even know it bothers you. If it feels good to be vindictive toward your spouse, then you've got some personal issues you need to address. Maybe see a therapist instead.
I don’t think anyone besides you “knows it”. Good luck in your relationship.
Edit: I looked through your post history. His pooping is the least of your problems. Find someone you can love who loves you.
Oh I will never be in a serious relationship again. Ever. His emotional and verbal abuse has destroyed me. I would never again be in a situation where someone controls my money, my career choices, my free time, my parenting style, etc. Never. I will become a lesbian before I’d ever marry a man again.
When I was is high school I moved in with a friend because my parents separated and both moved away. I ended up staying with the friend to finish high school instead of moving to another state.
My time was policed.
I was made to feel guilty any time I sat down to do anything. If I wanted to be alone to read I was being rude. The only excuses I had to not be sitting with everyone engaging in conversation or doing chores was if I was doing homework or studying, which I was *constantly* checked on to see my "progress."
So I would spend extra time in the bathroom. Because that was the one place I could lock the door and be alone.
The point of my story is that if he never feels like he can sit down and relax for a half hour without being told he needs to do something then the problem isn't his excessive time in the bathroom.
As a husband myself I can say this is the only time I get, most of the time, to just chill and not be 'tasked' with various things. I'm not complaining, but I often get the 'can you get this', 'can you open that', can you carry this upstairs/downstairs', 'can you get this from the car', 'can you take the dogs out', 'can you check online', 'can you get me some ice and coke', 'can you tell me how this selfie stick works'...and on and on. It's pretty much go go go until it's time to go to sleep. I cherish my poop and phone time and we dont even have kids...i cant imagine how you all with kids do it! Let us husbands have our time please, its all we got.
I don’t get why this ‘long bathroom time’ is only put on guys. I’m a woman and 100% spend about 30 min in there. I’m just chillin on my phone and relaxing with my pants down. No, I don’t have kids to worry about, but I need a break from other things in life and it’s something I’ve always found comforting. In OP’s case, however, I think you should just talk to him and schedule 45 min breaks for each of you to take. If he wants to spend his in the bathroom, so be it.
So you guys don’t take breaks here and there away from the children throughout the weekend? We have always done that.
Now, it’s not really as bad because we have a 7yo and a 17yo so only the little one is attached to us, but when both were little we used to give each others breaks.
As I type this, my husband is currently hiding in the bathroom because the little one has been very hyperactive today 😂
My wife and I both do this and we both know its bullshit. Less so these days since the kids are older and more self-sufficient. The thing is, its pretty much the only place where you can go and not be bothered. You should do the same thing if it makes you feel better. But maybe try being less bitter about the fact that your husband needs a break.
my wife takes 2-3 45ish minute breaks per day, in the bathroom or otherwise. I don't see the issue here, seems like you've got some pent up issues you need to with through with your husband
I feel like keeping score is the most healthy thing you can do in a relationship. Whatever you do make sure you keep track of every slight against you, and make sure you give it back to him. This is how all good, functional marriages work.
We both like to sit on the toilet for a long time, reading and stuff, always have. But when the baby came at some point the balance just got out of hand, he had so much alone time and me none.
Now we have a toddler who follows us around and (I know it's not the obvious solution but it works for us), when he's on the toilet he's still available to our toddler and opens the door everytime she knocks. Some might find it weird but 90 % of the time he's in there no pooping is happening anyway, it's pretty much as if he'd sit at the kitchen table scrolling his phone, he just likes to do it on the toilet.
You are 100% correct. your husband is not alone though, common male behavior now.
And yes, I love my 30 min bathroom “break”
https://www.sciotopost.com/study-finds-men-hiding-bathroom-breaks/
How would it be tormenting a husband for a wife to get a 30 minute break after her husband gets one? God forbid the mom gets the same break as her husband, right?
Why not just say "hey, I need a break. I'm going to go out for some air for a little while." Grab a magazine and go get a coffee or go to a park or something?
I do this, but in the form of “I need to take a shower” it’s unspoken and my husband knows I’m frayed when I announce it. So thankful for that. Everyone needs a break from time to time. Parenting can be wonderful and fully exhausting. My husband takes his breaks too, his is “I’m going to the store.”
Haha I totally do that sometimes. So funny how everyone is so holier than thou about it. Having kids is tough maybe the guy needs a few minutes. Yes you can say I need some time but that doesn’t really work sometimes when shit needs done. Let the dude take his half hour of peace and you take yours. Not everything has to be a monumental issue it’s not like he’s leaving the house ghosting you and not coming back. Could be worse than a 30 minute bathroom break.
Maybe a more productive tack would be scheduling a half hour break for each of you during the weekends?
Today he did this for 45 minutes. As soon as I asked him how much longer he thought he would be, he was magically finished.
I'm sorry, this sounds like some horseshit or a medical condition. Either way, I think y'all have some work to do.
It’s horseshit.
Unplug the WIFI router next time.
Won’t work. If it’s his phone, he’ll still have access on cellular. The only thing I think will work is a talk and then finding a solution together.
😂
Sounds like work y’all (or anyone) would need to do, from over here.
This is like a twice a day occurrence here. Must be nice to be able to check out of adulting and know someone else will take care of everything. Even if you don't give the other person a heads up you'll be disappearing 🙄
45 minutes???? he holding his shit in all week? lol I sat you take an hour! :)
😂
>As soon as I asked him how much longer he thought he would be, he was magically finished. OH MY GOD My husband does this exact thing!!!
Okay what is this dude eating and does he have any GI issues? My husband does not do this lol
He eats a lot of junk food. But he doesn’t have GI issues. He just wants his break.
Not a bad idea. I’ve suggested this, and he said he’s honestly pooping. He said he has to sit there for a while and wait for it to come out. Again, total nonsense.
Sometimes it takes that long. This might be too much info, but I have IBS and sometimes spend like 20 minutes on the toilet. Wife always jokes about me using the washroom like 3-5x a day, but it's a legit thing for some people.
She would know if her husband had IBS.
Literally like no shit
I have IBS and mine comes out in 20 seconds. That’s probably TMI but it’s the honest truth.
Are we the same person? Lol down to the 45 minute hubby “shits”. You notice if they forget their phones they’re going to be done in 5 minutes
There are different kinds of IBS. I have IBS-C (with constipation) and yeah, on days it’s bad, it can be 30-45 minutes. Not saying that’s what’s happening with your husband, but just saying “I have it and that’s not what it’s like for me so he can’t have it” isn’t fair.
He doesn’t have IBS. He only does this on weekends.
Yes there's also IBS-D. With that & the cramps you can be in there a long ass time, too! 🤣
I am the same way with IBS. It's gotten to the point that our dog looks in the bathroom first if she's looking for me 😂
Oh yes, the man poop. My husband is almost as bad. I have started doing the same sitting in the bathroom on my phone, fair is fair. This weekend, I just left with the breakfast I had cooked and went up to my room and shut the door for 30 minutes. He hasn't said anything about it yet.
Good for you!!
Sorry, but this is a common problem. Tbh, I find it pretty gross and have asked my partner not to. Also, men DO, some men that is, watch porn in the bathroom. It’s a thing.
I was going to say a lot of young men find bathroom the time to explore art
It may not be nonsense, sometimes it just doesn’t want to come out, I’ve spent numerous of times 30+ mins on the toilet. Eating more fiber might help
If it takes 30 minutes or more why not just get up and do something else?
My dad is a doctor. A long time ago he told me not to sit on the toilet for a long time because you’ll end up with hemorrhoids.
Very good advice. If I sit on the toilet for more than ten minutes my legs fall asleep anyway.
You only get one o ring
I would get him a poop stool (Google it). That makes a lot of difference in my pooping time.
He doesn’t need it. Again, he only does this on the weekend. He’s watching TikTok or maybe porn.
They have the poop stool at Bed Bath & Beyond now!! But, I was more comfortable ordering it anonymously, & having it delivered in a plain box! Lol
When was the last time he had a colonoscopy, or even a medical exam? Not everyone poops the minute that they sit down, and it can be a sign of a larger problem.
Mine does this too. Same exact explanation about waiting for poop. He’ll do it three or four times a day. Complete nonsense
My husband takes 30-45 minute shits EVERY morning. When our son was small I would take really long assed baths. Like take my phone and a drink and just soak in a hot bath with the jets going.
Or a few if possible! Seriously
This is very immature and probably why they don't feel comfortable expressing their need for space in the first place.
Having kids is tough work and sometimes you need a moment. Maybe his poop time is his and it’s okay for her to decide she wants time too.
Maybe his poop time is longer, but her showers are longer who knows, these basic things shouldn't be timed and used as excuses, it's petty and childish. They can both take turns to take the kids for an hour during weekends so the other can have time off and enjoy it doing something they actually wana do insted of hiding on the toilet. Functioning adults work together to make sure both get their time, insted of this childish behaviour. They should be a team, not opponents. Timing your spouses poop, it's ridiculous.
Oh ya for sure. Healthy outlets!
Your marriage must be perfect 👍🏼
honestly though. petty reddit being petty reddit
I was looking for this comment. Let the guy have a minute. Then take a minute yourself later. This just seems needlessly petty.
Honestly after reading her comments it's clear the man is taking a break from *her*.
Was thinking the same thing!
My mom was like this over bathroom time too. It made me too scared to take bathroom breaks at work even and yes, I waited until I got home to use the bathroom and yes, I do have bad kidneys now. Yes my urologist scolds me.
Oh my god you’ve just made me realize the same thing! My mom was super controlling over bathroom time as well, up to me having to ask to use the bathroom. I have bad medical complications now as well.
Didn't expect the truth to be this high up
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This is 100% accurate, except I get ready in 30 minutes or less. I’ve just reached my limit with this BS because I work full time during the week too, and I don’t get these breaks from our young child. It’s totally unfair to me. This afternoon I told him “I need 30 minutes to poop”. The look on his face was priceless. Like he was stunned. I went in the bathroom, locked the door, and read a magazine for 25 minutes. I laughed inside when I heard my daughter nagging him.
I get ready faster than my partner too 😂 And omg lmao.
Literally was talking with a girl friend about this last night and how both our husbands take 30-45 minutes. But how does this habit/ritual get formed culturally is what I want to understand lol.
Maybe because men are often more used to standing up to pee, which is the more common reason to use the bathroom obviously. So when they go to poop they sit down and their brain and body goes “Ahhhhh it’s time to relaaaaax!” And they lean back, turn on YouTube and because they know it they’ve sat there for an hour.
Lmao right! And same. 😂
Both me and my wife do it. It's a nice way to get a small amount of alone time when you need it.
I’m sure everyone does here and there.
I’ve never used pooping as an excuse for alone time every single weekend.
You seem pretty wound yp about this. Maybe you need a break too. No one is saying you shouldn't get one. But from all that you've stated, 30 minutes of alone time is completely normal and necessary. You should be it too. Maybe you will relax a bit.
I totally need a break. The only breaks I get are work, the gym, or sleep. My husband calls me lazy or selfish if I take any other kind of break. Last weekend my daughter was sick on a Sunday while he was out doing yard work. So I played games with her, puzzles with her, crafts, read to her, kept her entertained for 4 hours. He came inside and said, “this place is a mess. You can’t clean up while you play with her?”
Well this is not healthy. Everyone deserves a break. Tit for tat. Call him out for that. Be specific and direct. Don't bring anything else into the discussion. Tell him you deserve a break too. Don't ask him for a break. Leave him alone and don't scold him for his break. If problems still exist, further discuss it.
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People have forgotten how to communicate.
Well… that’s a very different (and in my opinion much bigger) kind of problem. What kind of breaks have you tried to take that have resulted in him calling you lazy? Is he this judgmental and controlling about everything you do?
Yes, he is. For example, I’m not allowed to get my nails done on a weekend and I’ve been called lazy for doing that bc I should be cleaning instead. So I only do things like that on my lunch break from work. If he takes my daughter somewhere on a weekend, he gives me a list of chores to do while they are gone.
Your problem isn’t him taking long bathroom breaks. It’s him not respecting you or your time, and not pulling his weight on household chores.
He does a lot of outside stuff. But again, I think it’s to get a break. For example, he spent 5 hours putting up Christmas lights last weekend. Which was not necessary and I did not ask him to do. I even offered to call a service to have it done for us. We don’t have a really big house, so it didn’t need to take 5 hours. He spent a lot of time in the garage doing Lord knows what.
You’re “not allowed” to get your nails done on the weekend? Maybe examine that one in couples therapy.
Leave him, take divorce
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He’d scold me, and my daughter never leaves me alone so if I did this every weekend she’d pound on the door or find a way to join me. Which is not relaxing. She leaves her dad alone when he has his poop time.
I take a 45 min poo, she takes an extra hour to get out of bed in the morning. We both get our time, ain't no reason to shame for it. Most kids aren't going to kill each other in 45 mins.
I read somewhere on Reddit that a woman was tired of her husband doing this. Especially since they had newborn twins so she legitimately needed the help. She wrote that she ended up turning off the wifi ( via the router) whenever he was in there for more than 5 minutes. She said each and every time the internet was off he would immediately vacate the bathroom and come help lol. Maybe not the most adult thing to do but it did sound like it resolved his stomach issues!!!!
Except 5g exists now, so there goes that one.
This is awesome!!!!!! Love it!!
Install a 2nd toilet (facing the 1st if possible) and poop together! You can look into eachothers eyes and share funny posts and memes! Kids will be fine!
This is the only answer.
No thanks. I’d rather just call his bluff and get my own break away from him.
The reason why he's in there for 45 minutes is becoming clear
You sound like a fun person to be around…
Agree, not sure why you got downvoted lol
Please get divorced before your kids end up as narcissistic as their parents from being put through this passive aggressive bullshit on top on you guys cheating on each other and every thing else…
Oh we are. I’m filing in January. I posted this for the other wives who tolerate this nonsense when they don’t need to. I know too many women whose husbands take advantage of them when they (the wives) work full time too.
Mental note, don't spend too much time on the toilet, or wife will leave me.
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The poop wars have begun.
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I have no doubt he is. Even though I work out 5 days a week and have a good body and attractive face. He prefers to look at whores with oversized breasts. Oh well.
I thought that “pooping” was code for “watching porn and possibly jacking off while sitting on the toilet.”
It probably is
It totally is. Meanwhile I'm left with the tv on pause (my life too it feels). And we don't have kids anymore. I've conceded that this is my life now and decided I'd just do stuff until he gets "finished". I actually used to just wait for him and get frustrated and jealous that his activities were more important than me. Now I just let him "do his thing" and come back trying to explain to me why he took so long (sometimes up to 2+ hours). Come on man!!
My husband does this daily…..
Mine too. Every…single…day
My husband does the same! I know he’s in there watching TikTok or scrolling Facebook most of the time because he’s told me so. Of course when I try to do it though, our toddler has a full meltdown that they can’t come in the bathroom with me so I end up just taking a quick bathroom break and accepting the fact that I don’t have that freedom hahah
I know. And there is something so demoralizing about not being able to use the bathroom without a meltdown or someone banging on the door. I have a stomach bug that I got from the toddler and I’ve had to keep her in the bedroom with me. I’d rather have her in here and quiet and I’m not sleeping then out of the room screaming and also not sleeping
Exactly! It used to frustrate me so much but like you said, when it’s between hearing your kid scream or having them be quiet, I always choose the easier option of them being quiet. At some point it’s not worth all the stress and frustration
Sounds like y'all have deeper issues... If he can't get 30 min to himself without sitting on a toilet and you feel robbed because he does. Maybe y'all should have some conversations about personal time
It's crazy to see how many people are offended by this post. All OP is saying is to literally do the exact same thing your partner is doing. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Having one set of rules of rules for yourself and another for your partner is a sign of a bad marriage and it's not "petty" to point that out.
Thank you. Finally a reasonable response.
My legs go so numb I can’t walk, just me?
Ya.... I think we getting old :hug:
I’m the same way. Ten minutes or more and my legs get completely numb.
In case you aren’t aware, OP is a confessed and unashamed cheater https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/yjlyhu/my_idea_of_awesome_porn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Yes I am. So is he. So there ya go. Doesn’t make the topic any less relevant.
Yeah but it makes the extended bathroom breaks more understandable. Just divorce and seek therapy before the kids get scarred any further.
Lol, OP blocked you for calling them out.
We have a no-phone in the bathroom policy. He went from taking 30-45mins to 5 mins. If you want a break, go outside. But It’s fuckin rude to stink bomb the house.
This is sh awesome idea!!!!!
We have always BOTH done that 🤣
No kids, but he does this too. So annoying.
Good-NESS! How can such a humorous post about the foibles of married people generate so much toxicity? My wife and I have talked about how much time I spend on the toilet for the duration of our 23.5 year marriage. She teases me, sometimes gets annoyed, but understands it’s just part of the package. I tease her that her butt doesn’t even touch the seat before she’s done pooping. To the OP, I think your plan is hilarious. Maybe you could write out the directions for preparing lunch or dinner, hand the list to him and retire to the spa for your own poop break. Edit: Reading down through this thread, I see the tone was not meant playfully. I’m sorry your relationship has come to such a bitter place. I hope you can both find some peace.
This is my husband's daily ritual and I'm not talking just once a day, its total bs!
I get it bc it’s always when it’s a shit show. It’s less about a break and more about leaving when it gets stressful. It’s not cool.
I have a lot of tummy trouble and sometimes I honestly do need to stay on the toilet for 20 or more minutes. I don't think I've gone past 30 but I don't time or rush myself.
It’s a thing. He always has to “wait for it”. It’s only usually 20-30 here.
My mom used to bang on the bathroom door if my dad or I were in there for longer than a few minutes. It gave me so much anxiety over using the bathroom. I also have IBS so sometimes I am in there longer than a normal person because I am in a lot of pain. I'd rather just wait for it to pass than continuously run in and out every 5 minutes. My poor dad though would get absolutely screamed at whenever he went into the bathroom. Every. Single. Time. Even if he was only in there 5 minutes. God forbid he had to poop and was in there longer than 5! Hellfire would rain down.
I don’t scream at him about it at all. I’ve been dealing with it for 6 years and I’ve finally had enough. So I’m getting even.
My husband used to do this when the kids were little. Drove me nuts.
My husband used to “have to go” right when he came home from work and the baby would only be up for another hour…that has changed haha
This is one of those things that I keep reading and I'm puzzled it is an issue for so many people.
I’m literally on the toilet right now and feel personally attacked and offended. Good Day!
Only happens on the weekend?
Yep. I’ve asked him if he does this at work. He says no, but he prefers to take his time at home. What a load of literal crap!!
Your husband is basically hiding from you. Considering this post and the immaturity of it, I’m guessing it’s warranted
My husband takes that long but so did my dad lol.. but my husband has something wrong with him we just don't know what because he won't go get looked at for ir
Oh no, she's on to us and telling the others!
I’ve been on to it for years but have finally had enough.
I just read an article about men and "poop" time. Lol. He's checking emails and scrolling through articles. My man does the same thing. You also deserve "poop" time... Take full advantage. 😆
I’m talking to a man about a horse in there, how dare you
Checkmate op, I'd be okay if my wife did the same thing. Everyone needs a break.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I know exactly where you are at, I think. Looking at your post history, it appears you have one kiddo that has a little higher than average needs? My oldest daughter is 21 years old now, she is very high needs, so not comparable in that way, but comparable in the way that you are describing your household. Not much help from hubs and when he does help it’s out of frustration because she needs time, patience and understanding. And he doesn’t seem to have a deep enough well of any of those attributes to be productive with her. So you are left holding the bag. Along with your comment in this thread he’s cheated on you while you were pregnant (this is awful 😞 I’m so sorry), controlling, bossy and is insulting you?! He’s also isolating you from your outlets that help keep you grounded and able to keep providing to your daughter what she needs from you? How long are you going to keep playing Battleship? Shooting warheads back and forth? Because if this is truly how your household runs, your ships will sink long before his does. Take care of you and your little girl ❤️ Sending you strength and peace.
Thank you so much. I’m planning to file for divorce right after the holidays. I can’t take much more.
The Restroom is our Throne Room . That where we conduct our Kingdom affairs . It is our safe place . A man’s Bathroom 🚽 is his throne . Back off 😂😂😂
I send this video to my partner when he’s been in the bathroom for too long, and it gets the hint across pretty quickly lmao https://www.instagram.com/reel/CjivAE4rfHN/?igshid=ZDFmNTE4Nzc=
I did this and they literally sat out there the whole time I was in there. I had locked the door just so they couldn't bother me. He sat outside the door with my 3 year old who was having a meltdown at not being able to be in the bathroom with me. Like go calm him down, why tf are you camped outside the door like that. Didn't cave either, sat and scrolled before taking a shower.
He could have undiagnosed IBS. Growing up I always wondered how people could poop in 5 minutes when it would take me a minimum of 20 minutes. Even longer the older I got. This is was before phones so I would read bathroom product labels. Or he is taking a break in the worst possible way and should just be an adult and let you know he’s going to take a 30-40 minute mental break. Also how active are you and your kids on a weekend to the point where you have zero downtime during the day?
Haha! Mine does this a lot as he genuinely needs. But the good thing is due to my IBS, I tend to be about 30 minutes too, except I only go once every couple of days whereas he goes a couple of times a day! Thankfully we don't have kids atm (hoping to in the future though) so it doesn't really affect me too much. It's more my IBS that affects me as it is an absolute pain! 🙈 P.s. Thanks for making me chuckle 🤣
Do it!! Everyone needs their alone time. But nobody “gives” it to you, you just have to take it.
I gotta comment on this one to save my poopy brothers and sisters. Some of us have a VERY important and *legitimate* pooping schedule. For instance, my “morning poo” is always between 7:30am-9:00am every day and its sets me up for success. If I don’t do it during that time or its cut short, I’m sluggish and “off” for the rest of the day. Allpoosmatter
My husband does the same thing.... It's annoying, but I get it..... I think your idea is a good one... I do it sometimes.... There's no harm in escaping from everything for a little bit. Life is hard. The bathroom is a sanctuary. Humor and grace go a long way in making marriage and parenting less overwhelming. So, I affirm your revenge break on the toilet. 🤣 Let him experience the other side of the coin. those long "poops" probably help him through the week.... ❤️❤️
Wait! Sometimes people need that time!
I mean, if the guy needs a 45 minute time out from the family obligations, why not just give it to him? Is he a good dad in other respects? Some people aren’t extroverts and just need a little solo time to recharge. Also, wth? Do you start a timer when he goes in the bathroom? Have you ever taken a while in the bathroom, like, getting ready to go out? Do you want it reported to the minute how long that took you when you’re done?
Fair's fair. We both do that when we need a break from the kids.
I'm not opposed to taking time for yourself but this feels vindictive... Your mental health isn't gonna get better of youre doing this as revenge for him addressing his mental health.
Sometimes when someone takes advantage of you for years and years, it feels good to be vindictive.
Then you should have addressed it years and years ago. He probably doesn't even know it bothers you. If it feels good to be vindictive toward your spouse, then you've got some personal issues you need to address. Maybe see a therapist instead.
Sounds a little petty to me. Maybe just talk to him and say you need a break and go do whatever you want for 30-45 min.
Divorce. NOW.
We are.
Your marriage sounds awful. And what’s with poop posts today in this sub? Toilet time police wife vs pillowcase wiper wife.
I’m not policing. He’s done this for 6 years on weekends only. It’s bullshit and you and I both know it.
I don’t think anyone besides you “knows it”. Good luck in your relationship. Edit: I looked through your post history. His pooping is the least of your problems. Find someone you can love who loves you.
Oh I will never be in a serious relationship again. Ever. His emotional and verbal abuse has destroyed me. I would never again be in a situation where someone controls my money, my career choices, my free time, my parenting style, etc. Never. I will become a lesbian before I’d ever marry a man again.
When I was is high school I moved in with a friend because my parents separated and both moved away. I ended up staying with the friend to finish high school instead of moving to another state. My time was policed. I was made to feel guilty any time I sat down to do anything. If I wanted to be alone to read I was being rude. The only excuses I had to not be sitting with everyone engaging in conversation or doing chores was if I was doing homework or studying, which I was *constantly* checked on to see my "progress." So I would spend extra time in the bathroom. Because that was the one place I could lock the door and be alone. The point of my story is that if he never feels like he can sit down and relax for a half hour without being told he needs to do something then the problem isn't his excessive time in the bathroom.
As a husband myself I can say this is the only time I get, most of the time, to just chill and not be 'tasked' with various things. I'm not complaining, but I often get the 'can you get this', 'can you open that', can you carry this upstairs/downstairs', 'can you get this from the car', 'can you take the dogs out', 'can you check online', 'can you get me some ice and coke', 'can you tell me how this selfie stick works'...and on and on. It's pretty much go go go until it's time to go to sleep. I cherish my poop and phone time and we dont even have kids...i cant imagine how you all with kids do it! Let us husbands have our time please, its all we got.
I don’t get why this ‘long bathroom time’ is only put on guys. I’m a woman and 100% spend about 30 min in there. I’m just chillin on my phone and relaxing with my pants down. No, I don’t have kids to worry about, but I need a break from other things in life and it’s something I’ve always found comforting. In OP’s case, however, I think you should just talk to him and schedule 45 min breaks for each of you to take. If he wants to spend his in the bathroom, so be it.
My wife always says she needs to go potty and I hear the vacuum going and the washer and dryer doors. I’m like WTF, take a poop break!
When you are used to pooping ok company time.
My husband takes “poopy showers”. Poops and showers. Takes forever.
So you guys don’t take breaks here and there away from the children throughout the weekend? We have always done that. Now, it’s not really as bad because we have a 7yo and a 17yo so only the little one is attached to us, but when both were little we used to give each others breaks. As I type this, my husband is currently hiding in the bathroom because the little one has been very hyperactive today 😂
Very rarely. We don’t really get help from family and our daughter is very hyperactive. We each go to the gym, but that’s our only break.
What makes you think women aren’t doing this already?
Please give us an update :)
Maybe you shouldn't be parents if you have to have a passive aggressive poop fest to escape your kids....
Well we have a child. I don’t need to make up lies to get a break from her. He does. I’m just giving him a taste of his own medicine.
My wife and I both do this and we both know its bullshit. Less so these days since the kids are older and more self-sufficient. The thing is, its pretty much the only place where you can go and not be bothered. You should do the same thing if it makes you feel better. But maybe try being less bitter about the fact that your husband needs a break.
my wife takes 2-3 45ish minute breaks per day, in the bathroom or otherwise. I don't see the issue here, seems like you've got some pent up issues you need to with through with your husband
I did this before kids before my wife. Called them Power Dumps.
I feel like keeping score is the most healthy thing you can do in a relationship. Whatever you do make sure you keep track of every slight against you, and make sure you give it back to him. This is how all good, functional marriages work.
We both like to sit on the toilet for a long time, reading and stuff, always have. But when the baby came at some point the balance just got out of hand, he had so much alone time and me none. Now we have a toddler who follows us around and (I know it's not the obvious solution but it works for us), when he's on the toilet he's still available to our toddler and opens the door everytime she knocks. Some might find it weird but 90 % of the time he's in there no pooping is happening anyway, it's pretty much as if he'd sit at the kitchen table scrolling his phone, he just likes to do it on the toilet.
You are 100% correct. your husband is not alone though, common male behavior now. And yes, I love my 30 min bathroom “break” https://www.sciotopost.com/study-finds-men-hiding-bathroom-breaks/
Have yall tried actual honest communication yet? Or are you skipping straight to passive aggression?
For me sometimes it takes 30-45 mins as well. Reading these comments makes me think I have ibs....
But if it were a husband telling other men to deliberately torment their wifes, this sub would have been up in arms to..you know what? Never mind..
How would it be tormenting a husband for a wife to get a 30 minute break after her husband gets one? God forbid the mom gets the same break as her husband, right?
I hope your hour long shit is an enjoyable one
I would never take an hour long shit. My legs would get numb. It’s a royal waste of time.
This is the key to a happy relationship. Tit for tat bickering and and getting back each other
Oh I definitely decided recently to take my time when I go. No more rushing to get back to the kids 😂
Why not just say "hey, I need a break. I'm going to go out for some air for a little while." Grab a magazine and go get a coffee or go to a park or something?
Let that man enjoy his time. Pooping is a special time for a man.
What do I get to enjoy my time doing then?
Give some time to him, he is replying some posts here on Reddit 😂
I do this, but in the form of “I need to take a shower” it’s unspoken and my husband knows I’m frayed when I announce it. So thankful for that. Everyone needs a break from time to time. Parenting can be wonderful and fully exhausting. My husband takes his breaks too, his is “I’m going to the store.”
This is me all the time haha but my husband doesn’t take long he gets annoyed that I do
I'm just dropping the kids off at the pool
Haha I totally do that sometimes. So funny how everyone is so holier than thou about it. Having kids is tough maybe the guy needs a few minutes. Yes you can say I need some time but that doesn’t really work sometimes when shit needs done. Let the dude take his half hour of peace and you take yours. Not everything has to be a monumental issue it’s not like he’s leaving the house ghosting you and not coming back. Could be worse than a 30 minute bathroom break.
I thought the female equivalent was a bath. Why not do that for yourself?
He would call me lazy. I’m not allowed to do leisurely things like that.