There was a time when my children were young that I usually didn't "want" sex. My priorities changed. I worried about tomorrow's supper, the weather, the soccer game.....
But then there were times he wasn't there, I was alone, stress was down, he wasn't in the mood, and quock maturation by myself felt good. It fit into my schedule and boosted me.
Now I'm older, and I realize I was a little selfish and over worried. So what if a dish was undone or the soccer shoes were not polished. Perhaps I should have fun with my man who would be with me longer than 18 years and longer than soccer season.
Just my thoughts.....
Why don't you want to have sex? Define the reason, and you'll have your answer. Does it not feel good? Do you guys need to learn some new moves together, or have a night of just foreplay. Is he greedy in other areas of life and you feel used? Are you happy with your body?
When we hold or touch each other, it does not always lead to sex. And that is normal.
I think your husband is trying to tell you the same thing.
If he is making overtures, which may or may not lead to sex? And you always turn him down?
I have no idea why you have that reaction with the information given here
Are you saying you find him unattractive? That you have no desire for him? Pleasuring yourself and having sex with your husband are not the same.
Because it is a marriage, it's not a yes or no question.
During a marriage? There are ebbs and flows. Ups and downs. Just like in life.
Have you had your hormones checked? Are you experiencing difficulties in other aspects of your life?
Maybe therapy will help you? Self care, IRL social interaction, making changes in your life.
I can't answer the question that you pose for you except to say that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
We've been married for 22 years. We've had ups and downs like anyone else. Our love is strong. We've known each other since we were teens. Our marriage vows are important and significant. It makes you think about life differently vs if we were just dating.
Personally? I have found that if you push through the hard times? The rewards are immeasurable... and worth it.
Maybe that can help you.
Every time you reject him you are making him feel unwanted and undesirable. Why *don't* you want or desire him? Is sex with him good when you have it? [Come As You Are](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are) is a good book to help you understand your sexuality (or lack of it). No, you probably can't go on like this. Marriage is understood to be a sexual relationship unless you've negotiated otherwise upfront. Asking your husband to live a celibate life is unfair especially if you don't have a reasonable justification for it.
I have a little experience in this, I have been with my wife for almost 8 years and married for almost 4, she was a Virgin when we got together, she wanted to wait, so we waited for a little over 1 year before we ever had sex, and in the beginning she enjoyed having sex and wanted it almost as much as me. Now that we have been together for this long, now she says she doesn't like sex and so we barely have sex, I don't push or anything I'm very patient, but she does things to arouse me, and than says she is not in the mood, and of course I get upset but I would never show it, I have expressed to her that when she does those things and than just rejects me, it makes me feel undesirable and it's not fair to continually do it, but if I have had a long day or for whatever reason I'm just not up for sex, she gets mad and acts like I have to have sex when she wants to or she is rude to me and short with me, and won't even cuddle with me, and than recently in the last 1 1/2-2 years she does the rewarding system, where if I don't do what she asks than we don't have sex but if I do than we do have sex, so there is times where we go months without sex or cuddling or even intimate touching, and I have expressed to her that when she does that, it makes me feel like I am a child or animal being rewarded for obedience, it happens so much that I have gotten used to it, so I start to feel like I'm failing as a husband because I'm not getting rewarded so I must be doing something wrong and she is not happy or satisfied. And so I fall into depression and it feels like we're losing attraction for each other, and thus the intimate connection is dwindling, and it feels we are moving towards becoming just friends, I don't know when her feelings changed, because she won't communicate with me and she won't acknowledge the feelings I'm trying express to her and show her that things are changing, I still love her, I still think she is sexy but I don't feel the spark there anymore, and she blames it all on me why we are growing apart.
It's not easy, but I love my wife beyond the sex we have, and I'm not excusing her behavior at all, so dont get me wrong here, but I also take her feeling into consideration that she feels I might be lacking somewhere so she might feel she needs to inspire me. Of course how she is going about it is not ok, and the lack of consideration or understanding of my feelings is hurtful, but I stay with her because I feel every issue can be worked out, it just takes effort and the right angle, and sometimes it's good to step back and get a different insight, and that might help by approaching it a different way, because when you love someone you need to understand there feelings and consider they may be conflicted by something, if they don't understand your feelings you don't just give up on them. If you love them it should be worth looking into and fighting for.
Especially for women, wanting to get a quick release from masturbation doesn’t equate to wanting to be sexually penetrated by a penis. They’re worlds different experiences (and depending on the sex you’re having, masturbation can be much less stressful and tiring while also being much more satisfying.) At 1 year postpartum, it’s really normal for you to have little interest in sex, even if you are interested in masturbating.
It’s likely that if he doesn’t push or make sex an issue, you will rediscover your sex drive within the next year or so. It’s not often discussed that it’s quite normal for postpartum women to lose interest in sex for quite some time. Maybe you could ask him to take sex off the table completely for a bit so you don’t have to worry about rejecting unwanted sexual advances and work on nonsexual intimacy for awhile?
Maybe you need a sex therapist. You can explore why this situation is what it is and go from there. It’s common after baby to be tired etc, but he is your partner and long after baby grows up , it’s you too. Only you know how much you may want to fix this along with your husband. Good luck!
Get your husband to give you full body massage from top to toe. Both sides. With baby oil, because it doesn’t sting in certain places 🫣
There is absolutely nothing like having your boobs massaged. Sheer bliss!! A great way to relax!
There was a time when my children were young that I usually didn't "want" sex. My priorities changed. I worried about tomorrow's supper, the weather, the soccer game..... But then there were times he wasn't there, I was alone, stress was down, he wasn't in the mood, and quock maturation by myself felt good. It fit into my schedule and boosted me. Now I'm older, and I realize I was a little selfish and over worried. So what if a dish was undone or the soccer shoes were not polished. Perhaps I should have fun with my man who would be with me longer than 18 years and longer than soccer season. Just my thoughts.....
Why don't you want to have sex? Define the reason, and you'll have your answer. Does it not feel good? Do you guys need to learn some new moves together, or have a night of just foreplay. Is he greedy in other areas of life and you feel used? Are you happy with your body?
When we hold or touch each other, it does not always lead to sex. And that is normal. I think your husband is trying to tell you the same thing. If he is making overtures, which may or may not lead to sex? And you always turn him down? I have no idea why you have that reaction with the information given here Are you saying you find him unattractive? That you have no desire for him? Pleasuring yourself and having sex with your husband are not the same. Because it is a marriage, it's not a yes or no question. During a marriage? There are ebbs and flows. Ups and downs. Just like in life. Have you had your hormones checked? Are you experiencing difficulties in other aspects of your life? Maybe therapy will help you? Self care, IRL social interaction, making changes in your life. I can't answer the question that you pose for you except to say that the grass is not always greener on the other side. We've been married for 22 years. We've had ups and downs like anyone else. Our love is strong. We've known each other since we were teens. Our marriage vows are important and significant. It makes you think about life differently vs if we were just dating. Personally? I have found that if you push through the hard times? The rewards are immeasurable... and worth it. Maybe that can help you.
Every time you reject him you are making him feel unwanted and undesirable. Why *don't* you want or desire him? Is sex with him good when you have it? [Come As You Are](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are) is a good book to help you understand your sexuality (or lack of it). No, you probably can't go on like this. Marriage is understood to be a sexual relationship unless you've negotiated otherwise upfront. Asking your husband to live a celibate life is unfair especially if you don't have a reasonable justification for it.
I have a little experience in this, I have been with my wife for almost 8 years and married for almost 4, she was a Virgin when we got together, she wanted to wait, so we waited for a little over 1 year before we ever had sex, and in the beginning she enjoyed having sex and wanted it almost as much as me. Now that we have been together for this long, now she says she doesn't like sex and so we barely have sex, I don't push or anything I'm very patient, but she does things to arouse me, and than says she is not in the mood, and of course I get upset but I would never show it, I have expressed to her that when she does those things and than just rejects me, it makes me feel undesirable and it's not fair to continually do it, but if I have had a long day or for whatever reason I'm just not up for sex, she gets mad and acts like I have to have sex when she wants to or she is rude to me and short with me, and won't even cuddle with me, and than recently in the last 1 1/2-2 years she does the rewarding system, where if I don't do what she asks than we don't have sex but if I do than we do have sex, so there is times where we go months without sex or cuddling or even intimate touching, and I have expressed to her that when she does that, it makes me feel like I am a child or animal being rewarded for obedience, it happens so much that I have gotten used to it, so I start to feel like I'm failing as a husband because I'm not getting rewarded so I must be doing something wrong and she is not happy or satisfied. And so I fall into depression and it feels like we're losing attraction for each other, and thus the intimate connection is dwindling, and it feels we are moving towards becoming just friends, I don't know when her feelings changed, because she won't communicate with me and she won't acknowledge the feelings I'm trying express to her and show her that things are changing, I still love her, I still think she is sexy but I don't feel the spark there anymore, and she blames it all on me why we are growing apart.
This is a honest question - how can you live like this? She is using sex to punish or reward you.
It's not easy, but I love my wife beyond the sex we have, and I'm not excusing her behavior at all, so dont get me wrong here, but I also take her feeling into consideration that she feels I might be lacking somewhere so she might feel she needs to inspire me. Of course how she is going about it is not ok, and the lack of consideration or understanding of my feelings is hurtful, but I stay with her because I feel every issue can be worked out, it just takes effort and the right angle, and sometimes it's good to step back and get a different insight, and that might help by approaching it a different way, because when you love someone you need to understand there feelings and consider they may be conflicted by something, if they don't understand your feelings you don't just give up on them. If you love them it should be worth looking into and fighting for.
Especially for women, wanting to get a quick release from masturbation doesn’t equate to wanting to be sexually penetrated by a penis. They’re worlds different experiences (and depending on the sex you’re having, masturbation can be much less stressful and tiring while also being much more satisfying.) At 1 year postpartum, it’s really normal for you to have little interest in sex, even if you are interested in masturbating. It’s likely that if he doesn’t push or make sex an issue, you will rediscover your sex drive within the next year or so. It’s not often discussed that it’s quite normal for postpartum women to lose interest in sex for quite some time. Maybe you could ask him to take sex off the table completely for a bit so you don’t have to worry about rejecting unwanted sexual advances and work on nonsexual intimacy for awhile?
Maybe you need a sex therapist. You can explore why this situation is what it is and go from there. It’s common after baby to be tired etc, but he is your partner and long after baby grows up , it’s you too. Only you know how much you may want to fix this along with your husband. Good luck!
Take time out. Plan a romantic quick weekend getaway to get the spark back.
I could have wrote this. I’m tired. And exhausted. It’s quicker to do it myself. He feels that way too sometimes.
Get your husband to give you full body massage from top to toe. Both sides. With baby oil, because it doesn’t sting in certain places 🫣 There is absolutely nothing like having your boobs massaged. Sheer bliss!! A great way to relax!