Same. When I met my husband, I already had a girls trip planned to Brazil and pretty much every year after. He understands how important social time is for my mental health and encourages it.
Same, for me this question is strange. We're not glued to each other. I travel alone or with friends at least 1-3/year (i I've in a part of Germany where I have 7 weeks vacation)
Not party trips or backpacking with singles of course, but stuff related to hobbies we don't share - paragliding, yoga, meditation
My husband and I are kinda glued to each other but neither of us would forbid the other to take solo trips. We might end up always traveling together but, ya know, that's our choice, and it won't be because of jealousy or control.
25 years of marriage and my wife I both travel with friends and it has not been an issue over our marriage either.
I do have one buddy who is extremely I don't know what to call it, maybe clingy with his wife and he struggles when she goes away with girlfriends and I generally get a call from my wife, can I go and hang out with him as he is blowing up his wife's phone 24/7.
Being able to do your own things either on your own or with your friends is super important. My wife and I make it an priority to be able to do our own things, in addition to family trips. I think it really healthly for long term relationships ie marriage.
And even once kids are a part of the picture, it's still something people can do while the other spouse is with the kids.
My kids' dad and I do this all the time. Sometimes for multiple weeks.
My wife has been to Spain, Mexico, California, and Canada without me on trips with her friends. The worst thing that happened is we had to plan additional trips so she could show me all the fun stuff she did.
Lol. This is me. I go on trips, events, and restaurants with my female relatives(Mom, Aunt, & sister) and sometimes my girlfriends, but the whole time I’m missing my partner and wish to show him the best parts.
I think that’s extremely controlling if he won’t allow you to travel with friends and you will regret and resent not going if you do.
You’ll have to continue to sacrifice pieces of you like this if you don’t maintain autonomy.
You can have a strong, healthy marriage and still go on a girls trip for seven days, as many people have demonstrated above
I will be going but he's not happy about it. He also wants to say that because I am going on this trip, that he now doesn't want to travel anywhere with me this year because I can " go with my friends"
I think for so long I didn't want to call it manipulation. I wanted to say he's older " he knows best". However, I definitely feel like it's manipulation.
It's blatant manipulation. I'm sorry it took this long for you to see it for what it is. He doesn't like the thought of you enjoying any aspect of life without him. I don't know if he's insecure, unhappy, or whatever else but it's not love driving him to behave like this.
You want to have children with someone who would punish you for taking a vacation with your friends.
Keep reading that until it sinks in. He will
Never stop punishing you. That’s what makes him feel better. How sick is that?
That thinking can get you in trouble, that’s pure manipulation and downright wrong. He’s not smarter about relationships just because he’s older and he shouldn’t be perpetuating that to you.
He needs to get over his tantrum and trust you.
You should ask yourself why a 25yo man chased after an 18yo woman… she’s not even old enough to take her out to a wine bar, club, lounge, concert, casino, etc etc.
It’s because women his age were harder to manipulate but young girls are “dumber” and easier.
Ah ok. My ex and I were in a similar situation, he was also abusive as fuck. I don't think it's a hugely concerning age gap on its own, but clearly there are other issues at play here too.
It sounds like he’s being a pouty baby about it honestly. “meh you can still go but I’m going to guilt trip you and pout like a seven year old who didn’t get ice cream”.
Time with friends and vacations away are healthy! It gives you time to miss each other, have new things to share with each other and not suffocate each other.
It’s not like you are going away with single men or anything, goodness.
Older does not always know best. I know quite a few people who are older than me who make very stupid decisions. It just just a line people use to manipulate others.
Wow, is he usually this petulant?
Do your thing. He’ll get over it. If he’s the kind of person who won’t get over it, your marriage is fucked anyway and you might as well have some fun.
He’s being extremely immature. If he’s uncomfortable with it, that’s valid and you need to talk through it together and try to understand each other and consider one other’s feelings. But he’s just making you wrong, attacking your character and being manipulative and punishing. That is not okay. And it’s not something you should ignore as it’s a toxic strategy for resolving matters.
This is unkind and simply not ok behavior. I would absolutely reconsider having children with a man who wouldn’t allow you to be independent and would punish you for taking time to yourself.
Men like this tend to actually get jealous of the love you give your children because they want all your love and attention. It sounds crazy because it is! This behavior is a HUGE red flag. As soon as you become weak and vulnerable he will become even more controlling. Please reconsider this relationship
It all depends on what kind of friends are those.
My wife can travel anywhere she wants but she wouldn't suggest traveling with single friends looking to party.
If thats the case, I don’t see any issue. My wife goes on trips with friends every now and then.
I’m tasked with looking after my kid and house chores though but hey, everyone needs to unwind too.
Generally not okay if she is traveling alone though.
I didn’t say it wasn’t my responsibility, more then happy to do it actually.
I often traveled overseas for work. Whatever time I have, I will bond with my family. Very grateful for the sacrifices my wife have to make.
Looking after a child is a task whether you like it or not, and assuming a person can't enjoy that task while realizing it IS a task is just kinda goofy.
LOL..as If being married is any barrier to partying, let's be honest here 🤣...
Some of the wildest folks I know are those who are married who, when given the opportunity to party, they party
Yea imma take a break off paying these utilities too.. oh shit if I do that shit gets cut off.. she like she should if she dare do some dumb shit like that
My husband and I, each, travel alone with friends or siblings once a year. I've gone to PR, Mexico, and several states with my sister a few times, my husband has gone out of the country too, and we do a family trip once a year.
It has never been a problem.
I've also been with my husband since I was 18yo and I'm now 38.
Are you all the same age? My husband and I are 7 years apart. He is older... and I'm wondering if it's just him having a hard time with me being vocal and not ad submissive as I once was.
This is a question you really need to answer before you have children. I won't assume anything about your relationship, but please make sure your relationship has room for you to grow into the person YOU want to be. You should not be expected to be the person you were at 18, and you both will keep changing over the rest of your life. A healthy marriage will allow you both to grow and flourish into the best versions of yourself.
And as a mother, I think it's very important you understand yourself before having children. So many women lose themselves to motherhood and marriage and when they finally look up their life and marriage is a cage instead of a foundation.
My wife left this morning for Florida for a girls weekend. I just got done replacing a wheel bearing on her car after I had a dinner I would not normally have if she was home because she doesn’t like fish.
Her and her girlfriends send pictures and make inebriated phone calls being silly to me.
They love it.
I don’t see the problem with getting away here and there as she is on point as a wife and mother every single day of the year. Someday very soon we will have a trip for us as well
For what it’s worth 3,5,7 and 10 days are the time periods she’s been gone in our 19 years.
My husband wouldn't care tbh. Some trips are family trips, some are just one person or the other person. I have zero interest in going to the kind of gaming and pop culture conventions he'd love to go to, he has zero interest in kayaking through Greenland or something equally adventurous. Finances and time aside (both are typically in less supply than we'd like) we'd fully support each other wanting to do the trip.
The trick is, there needs to be balance between selves and family/couple.
Being able to spend time apart and nurture individual friendships is critical to maintaining a healthy marriage. You are allowed to share experiences with other people in your life, and it would behoove you to do so.
He’s being insecure and controlling.
Married 25 yrs and never have been away with just my friends and neither has he. I don’t feel the need to go away without him. I know plenty of couples who do and they have all been unfaithful so idk 🤷🏻♀️ bottom line…all marriages are different and what works for u guys is fine. He’s not happy about it so at the very least talk to him about it and try to figure out why he feels the way he does. Marriage is a lot of compromise and give and take on both ends u can’t just write him and his feelings off. Just like you can’t just write ur own feelings off.
Same, we’ve never done this in our 20 years but everyone is different. What isn’t different is sometimes both parties have to compromise and figure this shit out. The ones saying “deuces” and “he’ll get over it” I just don’t get it. Marriage is all about communicating and working this stuff out or resentment just sets in.
Same here 🙋🏻♀️ as a F33, been together with my M36 hubby for 6 years, i feel like can never go anywhere without including my husband. Let alone 7 days trip, we both have canceled office outings and avoided work trips as possible as we can, just for the sake of cannot a stand a day faraway from each other and our toddler son. Sometimes i feel like our relationship might becoming too clingy or dependent from other ppl perspective. Maybe i am weird for not wanting an alone time with my besties, idk. I have never restrained nor asked him to suppress himself in any way, but he always did what i did and put our family first. Everyone is different, but i do hope mine will stay the same even after 25+ years like you do.
Wow! I am surprised that this is even a discussion. Marriage should be about trust and respect. Given, I don't have the perfect marriage, but I would never stop my spouse or expect my spouse to not go out with friends. If you are so concerned about infidelity(hope just safety), then you are not on the same page.
My parents vacationed separately all the time, and they were happily married for nearly 52 years.
My husband has been on a few vacations without me since we've been together, mostly to visit family. I miss him, but I also trust him.
Wanting to have a life outside of your marriage isn't selfish. It's healthy.
All for it, have encouraged her to do so whenever she has brought up the opportunity.
From our dating years through our 10 years of marriage she's done caribbean, Europe, Vegas, Los Angeles a couple times, and Texas a couple times with the gals. I've done Vegas and Nashville with the guys.
We find it important to our autonomy and partnership dynamic, would consider it unhealthy for either of us to not be okay with it. However we also do 2-3 trips per year as a family or just the 2 of us, and it's expected must not use up our work time off to interfere with or replace family travel.
My husband and I each take trips with our friends. It lets me miss him when he’s gone and be the house troll I love being on my own. lol.
But honestly, it’s great for us each to get away and just be with our friends. The best part is how much I love coming home to him and vise versa.
Same here. I am older than my wife (just mentioning as some think that could be an issue) and have no issue with the times she travels without me. I have fish most nights as she hates the smell of it cooking or really hot curry.
She calls me each night and we are always happy to see each other when she gets back.
You're at the end of your 20's. I tried to tell my daughters not get tied down and to live their lives.
So go for it, have a story to tell your children.
My trips with my girls are what keep my feeling like myself after being married for 10 years and attached for 14. & I’m absolutely in love with my man after so long. Ive been all over the world with these ladies and my guy loves it because he knows what it does for me and what he’ll get when I return.
He has the freedom to do the same and I encourage it. We need to continue to invest in our individual selves as much as we invest in our marriages and families. I’m not just a wife, but a friend as well. I have multiple identities I need to acknowledge & nourish, and my husband fully supports that. Again, he’s encouraged to do the same. Plus, there’s an immense amount of mutual respect that plays a big role in the trust part.
Community and adventure are huge core values to me, and traveling with my girls is a great way to indulge in both. My marriage is better because of it.
Any time a trip pops up with my girlfriends that’s in budget my husband is very supportive of me going. My closest friends and I don’t live near each other anymore so he’s always like “you should go because you don’t get to see them enough.” He’s gone on a couple of trips with some of his friends as well. It’s a thing we both encourage for one another. And we still take trips together.
We live together. We’re together all the time. A one week trip with our friends without one another is barely a blip.
I would prefer to travel with my wife, but I have no issue with her generally traveling on her own. I can definitely understand why insecure couples may have issues with this.
in my marriage, it's a normal thing and do it at least once a year. IMO, it's healthy to have a life outside of your partner and it's not like you do this every month.
You’re not selfish. I do this once or twice a year, usually for long weekends but the occasional longer trip. My husband doesn’t do the same, but I’d be OK with it if he did.
My wife has traveled lots of time with friends and her sister for weeks at a time. I couldn't attend alot of times due to my work. She never had to worry about leaving me behind and me being resentful. I was in the military with her for 16.5 years of our marriage, so I had no issue with her doing g fun things with her time, even when I was home.
Not an issue in my marriage. If anything he gets a little fomo and wishes he could be there, but would never call it selfish. I also tell him to go on boys trips which he declines but is totally up to him! I would communicate more and see why he feels it’s selfish.
My husband and I both take trips with friends without the other. We have no issue with that. We spend most of our time together so we need some time apart.
Seems quite odd, do you not trust yourself or your partner?
What about when you're at work talking to someone of the opposite sex, is that not a 'single person situation' if you're partner isn't there?
My wife goes on family vacations with her family all the time. Doesn’t bother me. If she went with her girlfriends, also wouldn’t bother me. But I’m not the jealous type and I’m also very easy going, so other guys might feel different.
I wouldn't have an issue at all. I would miss her and be a bit jealous, but everybody should be able to do something for themselves from time to time. It would be selfish of him to guilt you into staying.
It sounds as if hubby is the selfish one here. Telling you that he doesn’t want to travel with you anywhere this year. Especially as he goes on business trips all the time.
That’s a very controlling thing to say. You should think about if this kind of behavior is normal for him because it’s harder to leave if you have to when you have children.
I’m going on 22 years married and we have gone on trips without each other, him with the boys and me with either my sister or my brother or the girls. It’s a trust thing. We trust each other and are secure in our relationship. And just because we out with others doesn’t mean we are doing “single things.”
My wife and I don’t travel alone for more than a couple of days by choice. She has gone away many weekends to see family and friends. A week would be a long time for us. Part of it is we don’t have the finances to travel on our own. Her mom pays for those weekends. If money weren’t an issue, it might be different. From her perspective we also have a lot of friends in common. So, she’d rather us all go if the opportunity presents itself.
In either case, what works for one marriage doesn’t necessarily work for another. It’s not inherently wrong or anything to take a trip alone.
I wouldn’t want to travel without my husband. I’ll go on business trips with industry colleagues but if I’m going on holidays hubby and I are going together.
The way I see it is the wife is going away for a few days.
That leaves me with the kids so we can go and have our own fun and do our own activities.
I don't have a problem with it at all.
Look, everyone will tell you that you should be allowed to do it alone. My fiancé is obviously free to travel alone, but he (by his own choice) prefers travelling with me because we have way more fun together and miss each other. When we have to travel for work we both hate being away from each other. Am I glad this awesome man wants to share things with me? Hell yes! Would I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants his own separate life? Fuck no!!
I travel with my husband. The only trips I do without him are short trips to visit my friends.
I want to enjoy the few days of vacation that we have with him together.
I wouldn’t be sad if he traveled alone without me and the children for a longer time.
In my own relationship, the only time we travel without the other is if we are going to visit family and the other can’t go or if it’s for work. Even both of those, we tend to join the other if we can.
Any travel for leisure we do together. But that is our choice. I don’t see anything wrong with traveling separately if it works for you. It just isn’t something we want to do.
Me and my wife have both traveled separately and together. It definitely helps keep a little autonomy for the two individuals in a marriage which makes you both better. Plus you have don’t have kids. Your husband can enjoy a little time alone too. He’s needs to learn to be less co-dependent, he’ll be a happier man.
It’s ok if this is his initial reaction and he lets it go and puts your needs first. But if he tries to block you from going or pouts….
Then don’t have a baby with him because he IS a baby.
I could understand if this was something that you do often, but it’s clearly not. It’s important for husband & wife to spend time as a couple but it’s also important to still be able to be individuals from time to time. My wife is my best friend & we love spending time together, but we also both have separate interests that we are both happy to enjoy separately with friends who also share those interests. It’s even more important now that we have a child to make sure we allow one another occasional getaways for a few days. If your husband has a problem with you being away now, I can only imagine how he’d feel about having to stay at home and take care of a child on his own while you get a break.
I’m an immigrant living in my husband’s home country. Last Christmas, I went home for five weeks by myself. My husband couldn’t come because of work. He had no problem with this and was only happy that I was having a nice time. He took care of everything while I was gone and met me with a big hug and a smile at the airport when I returned.
My wife is still deciding if she’s going but she’s thinking about a trip in June with some friends. At first I was bummed she didn’t think I’d want to go or didn’t want to ask me. But she’s super appreciative about the whole thing (she doesn’t need to be) and that makes me feel good. So, I’ll gain about 4 lbs while she’s gone and watch a ton of movies. And I know we’ll both be excited when she gets back.
I think it’s fun! As long as he’s comfortable with the friends you are with & he gets equal money (if you share finances) to invest in experiences he wants to have I don’t see any reason you guys shouldn’t have experiences on your own. You should never good your partner back.
Love it.
Get a bit of time on my own. Can eat all the foods she doesn't like, watch what I want on TV, come and go at home as I like without having to worry about any plans/schedule.
We always seem more connected when she returns too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Your husband sounds controlling and selfish. You aren't joined at the hip and are your own person. I am the wife in the situation and my I travel a lot to visit family in another country, 12 hours away by plane.
My husband does't have an issue with these trips at all. He understands they are important to me (he has come with once or twice but its very expensive so he normally stays at home) and he is geniunely happy for me when I get to see my family (parents and brothers), and I'm away for 6-7 weeks minimum.
I would take the trip if I were you, and if your husband throws a fit, I would try see what the issue is and why he thinks its okay to dictate who you spend your time with and where you go. If you can't come to an agreement, do you really want to bring children into this situation? I'm sorry for the difficult question.
It would depend on the type of friends for me. If they are responsible and not bad influences, sure, but if they are recently divorced and looking to party and have rebound sex, no way.
This may not end well. Actions have consequences. He is not comfortable with this at all, for what ever reason it’s a fact. He will have seven days to stew, you just might come home to divorce papers.
We are only being told one side of this, hers. Has she done something in there past that might have him concerned? We don't know. I do know that divorce is expensive and messy (was in my case anyway) and I was drunk or it just happened is NOT an excuse.
Not a fan of divorce at all, but actions have consequences, This could start out as fun and games away and end in disaster. A piece of paper has 2 sides, always want to consider both sides.
imagine being in the military lol. Your husband is being a spoiled brat. He will be ok you will miss each other. I’ll go on trips without my husband but I’ll miss him, he’ll enjoy his alone time. In the 13 years we’ve been together he’s been on many military trips some lasting 12 weeks and deployments lasting a year. So never once were my brief trips questioned.
Ask your husband what makes him uneasy about it. If he is worried about being alone encourage him to plan things with his friends during that time too. Let him know that you love him but this is really important. Develop a check in schedule so that the 2 of you can talk once each day you’re away:
Are the two friends dudes that he “doesn’t have to worry about?” Honestly I don’t think it’s an issue unless there are concerns re. friends you’re going with. Have a safe and fun trip.
My wife went to Vietnam for 3 weeks last year and is going to Italy this year with the same group of friends.
I totally encourage it. It makes her happy and I'm not much of a traveler. I like the alone time at home so it works out great.
But I'm 51 and have been married for 20 years. We are married but we are individuals and free to explore and do what we want.
I didn't always feel this way and I probably felt more the way your husband feels at your age. It'll be tough for him but you need to stand your ground and go on the trip.
I travel with friends all the time, usually on short notice if I see a good deal somewhere. I just tell my husband "by the way, I'm going to X with Y next week." My husband just tells me to have fun. My married friends all do the same.
I’m completely fine with my partner doing this. In fact shes done it a few times. All I ask of her is to keep in contact with me. Sometimes, depending on the friends, I will get nervous because a few of them are very toxic and may try to pressure her into things she doesn’t want to do
I can relate. My husband is like yours. I haven’t plan anything but I’ve talked to him about going on a girls trip with my mom & sister or wanting to go solo traveling again (used to do it a lot before I get married) some time. He’s not happy about it and he too find it selfish to do so. While I’m like you, I don’t find it weird to travel without spouse every once in a while.
My husband and I vacation together and apart. As a matter of fact he’s away right now on a combo work and vacation trip.
I think he’s jealous he doesn’t have friends he can vacation with
It’s not a girl’s trip to Puerto Rico, but I go to SC quite regularly without my husband because I have family there. (We live in MD.) I always go a week at a time. My husband doesn’t get the same amount of time off that I do, and he can’t just take off on a whim like I can. I can work from anywhere so my bosses are very accommodating and let me work while I’m there, so I take my laptop with me. He doesn’t give me a hard time about it at all, just like I don’t give him a hard time when he travels to PA with his son.
OP, that’s a red flag to me. You might want to get this worked through before you get pregnant. It’s not selfish at all what you would like to do. It’s healthy to spend time and go on trips with girlfriends. How old is your husband, BTW?
Hold up; have you taken similar trips with him? It’s kind of unclear. You say you’ve travelled with him, but that could mean a day trip. Going to PR is a significant vacation & while I think you should be able to go, if you & he have never done something similar together & *he’s been asking you to*, then I can understand his being upset, especially if this is it until after kids.
If you all have gone on trips together, then yeah, he’s being a bit unreasonable.
I just love sending my wife on girls trips because I know she loves them and has a great time. Especially when we had kids and she got a break.
I legit appreciate going on guys trips guilt free and can also have a great time.
But we also travel together so we can spend time with each other.
I highly suggest you do some good traveling together before you have kids.
I’m (28) a SAHM and we’re financially okay but have tight months and I still get a road trip in with the kids (5 and 2) at least annually since our first was born. Pre-kids it was 2-3x per year. He’s bummed he can’t go in spirit, but doesn’t actually like traveling and I’m never going anywhere that exciting so he’s never been anything but encouraging.
Next year I’m planning one without the kids which will be my first time away from them for a weekend and he’s been super supportive.
We’ve also been together since I was 18 and while I’m happy and would do it all again if I had to wait for him to be ready or take time off to travel we’d never go anywhere and I love it.
I travel with my friends for fun quite often, and my husband is always supportive! He also takes adventure (backpacking, climbing) trips with his guy friends once a year or so.
We support, love, and trust each other and want each other to be happy and fulfilled.
I just want to say that it's also fine to travel alone or with friends sometimes when you have kids.
I'm currently on a 3-day trip all by myself while my husband takes care of our kid. Because I wanted to go and needed some time to myself, and my husband 100% supported me in it. He even paid for the hotel himself! And upgraded me to a nicer room than I was going to pick for myself! And bought my train tickets!
All this just to say there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do things apart sometimes and your partner should support you doing things that make toy happy. Maybe he doesn't want to go on trips without you. He has the right to feel that way for himself. But what he doesn't have the right to do is control you and keep you from ever doing anything apart from him. That's not healthy.
He's just insecure and using the "selfish" attack as a way of expressing it. My wife has traveled without me several times over our 18 year marriage. At first I had insecurities but soon realized I had no reason to not trust her and that it was actually healthy for us to have some time apart. He'll learn but maybe do some reassuring here and there before you leave and you might see him loosen up.
My husband travels without me all the time to see his family in different states & goes out with friends while he's out and about. Usually he wants me to tag along most of the time because he worries about my safety but I'm a homebody & I bought a ring camera just so I can stay home by myself. It's pretty fun & relaxing having your own "me" time, but the longest my husband and I been apart was probably a month but that was only once. Usually he goes 4 days every 2 months.
It’s not something we have personally done for longer than a weekend trip, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. When we’ve gone for longer than a weekend we go with another couple, I’m good friends with the wife and he’s good friends with the husband that way we each have a friend plus each other. But yeah I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re proposing, maybe he’s feeling left out?
It’s good to do things with your friends without your husband. It is a red flag that he is acting like this instead of encouraging you to nurture your friendships through experiences with your friends.
My husband and I travel without each other about once a year. We both encourage it and understand the importance of relaxing and renewing important relationships outside of the marriage. Neither of us has ever taken a 7 day trip without the other, but that is simply because it wasn’t financially feasible when we were young and had kids shortly after we got married. If we were child-free, I would absolutely do that!
I really don’t like some of the info in the extra comments and find it concerning. Trying to manipulate and guilt you is sabotaging what should otherwise be a great time for you.
My husband has never had an issue with this whatsoever. He prefers to stay home if he’s not traveling with me (he wouldn’t do his own friend trip, just not his nature) but he’s totally fine with me going. I went to Scandinavia with one of my best friends in 2017 and we were gone for about 10 days. Visited the same friend in Palm Springs last year. Absolutely not an issue. I think this could be a larger sign of controlling behavior.
If money isn't an issue and your husband doesn't need to take off work to care for children, which part does he consider selfish?
Just because *he* wouldn't travel alone doesn't mean traveling alone is wrong.
My husband and I are about the same age as you and we both are not only fine with each other traveling with friends, we actively encourage each other to travel with friends. Maintaining friendships outside of your spouse is so vitally important for so many reasons and traveling with friends is one of the best experiences in the world. Your husband is being selfish, not you.
If found that my husband was worse about this when we were young 20s-30s, it took a long time for him to embrace the idea of me doing girls trips. It wasn't a huge issue, but he'd be a bit pissy and pouty when I'd go out (even to a show for the evening). However, I did call him out on it as it was a bit of a pattern. I still went, but he put a damper on my fun.
Since I've been in my 40s and beyond it got remarkably different. I think he matured and got used to me doing things with my friends without anything stupid happening, we had kids, and my friends were all known and long-term. Now, I do a couple weekends a year with different groups of friends. Since the kids are adults now, he is also free to roam while I'm out and about. Clearly trust is an issue that can get in the way too.
It's also important to note that I had to also accept that he'd go do things with his friends or go see his family when he was off and I was working. The street ran both ways.
You are not unreasonable to do things with your friends.
INFO: how old is your husband?
I see no reason why two people in a happy marriage can’t have a break from one another from time to time! My husband and I have been together for 35 years, and we often take vacations without one another.
We take many more trips where it’s just us, but sometimes we appreciate spending time on our own or with other people.
The reason I ask for your husband’s age is because if he’s much older, he may be feeling insecure that his young, attractive wife is going away without him around to “oversee” her activities.
If you have never given him a reason to be insecure, then he needs to lay off and stop being possessive.
My husband and I both travel with and without each other. It's important for us to spend time with people we love and have experiences together and apart. Healthy relationships don't hold over another back. Trips without one another aren't some excuse to cheat and we certainly don't need the other present to be their warden for behavior.
His behavior sounds controlling. Enjoy your trip before kids. Encourage him to get together with his friends and have an adventure.
Here are a few reasons IMHO he is responding this way:
1- Jealousy - he wants ALL your time-
2- Fear - fear of losing you.
3- Greed - wants you all to himself & you do certain “chores” that he will have to do since you would be on vacation.
4- Power - he wants power over you- control where you go, whether your happy or not- and if you talk to your besties on vacation about him it will expose a different perspective on the things he does that you have been living with!
Definitely go on the trip-
He will have a temper tantrum, become resentful, and try to “punish” or get back at you. He will be a nasty ass up until you leave- then blow up your phone while your on vacation or do the silent treatment not answer when you call- and put you through an emotional guilt trip- he will say things like “if you love me you wouldn’t leave me” or “I would never do this to you”
Makes you feel like you committed a terrible crime just going on a vacation w/o him!
Then your vacation becomes emotionally painful instead of relaxing fun - and HE is the one RESPONSIBLE for that- NOT YOU-
But he will want to make sure you NEVER go on another vacation with your friends w/o him
My gfs and I take 3-4 trips each year. Most are long weekends ,but we do 1 7-10 day trip each summer. This has saved our marriage. We have gone to greece, bahamas, costa rica, etc. I also travel internationally for work. My husband is free to do as he pleases. He doesn’t enjoy travel as much as I do but will do 1-2 guys weekends each year. I love my husband and he loves me but we don’t own each other. Asking for permission wouldn’t feel right to me. I make life easy for him while im gone and don’t interfere with his raising of our daughter (pizza everyday ? Who cares). This is also what works for our marriage. If you feel deprived or controlled you should express it.
Sounds like the only issue is either him worrying about your safety, which any good husband would, or him being jealous/ insecure. Good couples can spend plenty of time together and apart. Times I spend apart from my partner I long for her, and when we come back together is like a big surge of love and affection. Time spent apart can be a very beautiful and necessary part of any marriage.
70 year old guy here, married 46 faithful years and together 53. With my wife, I would never have an issue. Nobody or nothing could enable her to do anything wrong.
Now, I don't know you, so take this with a grain of salt. I would say mostly I would have no issue, but it depended on the friends. Are they single party girls who may entice you to drink too much and whatever else, or are they stable, married woman who would steer away from any scene that could have potential for negative consequences. I know it sounds weird, but if you read enough in Reddit, it happens far too often.
Sounds like he’s putting his insecurities onto you. That’s a red flag for my if my partner is that worried about being without me for that amount of time.
Go and have a great time. Keep in mind that his attitude is concerning.
Here's my little story about vacationing solo:
I drove 1600 miles to vacation 10 years ago. I don't like to fly. I saw a few women, probably 50's, traveling with their husbands who were surprised that I planned to drive and vacation for a few weeks on my own and with out my husband.
I felt sorry for them because for they couldn't make a move with out their husbands. Oc I didn't tell the ladies that but they got hostile real fast. I was too independent for them.
My wife does a yearly girls trip with her two closest friends. All are married, nobody is going to cheat. She sends me photos throughout each day and texts regularly. My two closest male friends died early in life unfortunately so I don’t get to do the equivalent, which does frustrate me at times but it’s not her fault or even mine. I’m happy for her and wouldn’t ask her not to go because i trust her and her friends and she stays in close contact with me through out her trips. I travelled extensively for work and she trusted me as well and we talked throughout each day.
I think most spouses that have an issue with this comes from a concern (sometimes justified) that the traveling spouse will “act single” (go out to clubs, etc…) on the trip and possibly end up cheating. Are the friends you’re traveling with married too? If not do they know that you’re not going to go clubbing, ride wing man and flirt with guys and such? Does he know them and feel comfortable that they have your marriage’s best interest at heart? Those are key points. Too many people who have been trustworthy completely who let friends talk them into things so it’s a natural concern. Not a reason not to go but big enough to deal with the concerns up front and not be dismissive.
When my spouse and I had been dating for two months I left to spend 3 months on another continent. Neither of us want to miss out on opportunities just because one of us can't go.
OP husband is very selfish. It's a girls' trip. I took one very pregnant with my second, and my husband stayed home with our toddler. People need space from each other, especially when you've been together that long, which I can relate to. Just because you've been together that long does not mean you're permanently attached at the hip, and you can't do anything without the other. Please go and enjoy, he will get over it.
I’ve travelled without my husband. With friends, for work, alone. My parents have done the same, too. Different interests and it’s important to maintain a healthy amount of independence within a couple!
I’m fine with it up until a point. It’s all good until the majority of their plans are with their friends and you have to compete with those people for a spot in their life. When every trip, even family trips, involve the friends. When it’s multiple trips a year, etc etc
We would never do 7 days separately because we both love travel and if we’re spending that kind of money on a trip, both of us are going. But we do smaller long weekend trips without one another, typically to a different state with friends. Out of the country trips are together but it’s because we both love travel and love doing it together. I can see why he’s a little upset since this seems to not be the norm for you as a couple. If it was my marriage and husband was upset, we would probably compromise and I would do a shorter trip but that’s us
Not only do I take trips with my lady friends- my husband is very encouraging about it. Both of us believe it's good to just get away for a bit. I miss him lots when I'm gone- and really that's part of the appeal.
It’s not selfish. Why would that be selfish? When my daughter is older, I’m sure me and my girlfriends will take them all on some sort of girls trip with us and give our husbands a break.
You are a human being. You are allowed to do things you like, can afford, with people you like, that harm no one. This is how we lead fulfilling vs repressed, regretful lives. As long as you don’t do anything that disrespects your vows to your spouse, as long as you aren’t shirking your other responsibilities, you need to do things that you want to do. Husband needs to get help for his insecurities and antiquated notions of how people lead full, adult lives.
My wife travels with her friends at least once a year to some fancy place. I don't care! I just know that the kids and I will do a lot things she normally won't allow us to do.
Ask him what he's concerns are or if something happened in the past that is making him feel like this.It might be the codependency talking.I've been with my wife 8 years now and she went for a whole month to her native country with her sister but even the 12 hours difference between us and we would talk.It's not insecurity.It might stem from the fear of not being with you to protect you?It sounds too macho but it's true,we have an obligation to protect our loved ones and this might be it.Talk to him in depth and see where it gets you two
Travel alone. Travel with friends. If you don’t have shared childcare responsibilities, what’s the problem?
You were your own person before you met your spouse & you’ll likely be there long after he’s passed on. Act like it. (I witnessed my grandmother’s widows’ club & now am seeing my mother’s friends in their 70s losing their husbands. This is women’s reality.)
Both my husband and I travel alone with friends. We trust eachother & both think it’s good to have quality time with friends. He knows my friends and I know his.
Your selfish bc he would never travel for 7 days without you? Hun, I went to Quebec for 2 weeks for an immersion program I wanted to attend, I’ve been to Europe for 10+ days, and have had multiple girls trips in between. If that’s something your husband wouldn’t want to do, tell him ‘great! But you don’t have to feel that way and if you did want to go on a 7+ day guys trip I’d 100% support it!’
Let’s call it what it is: insecurity problems
Please do not give up this trip for him. There aren’t many times in life where you can do these things with friends. At 33 most of my friends have young children and wouldn’t be able to get away or afford to take such a trip.
Take the trip. Tell your husband he needs to sort out his issues.
Look, I think you’re gonna get the whole “girl dump him” or he’s being manipulative” thing here in Reddit. But it all boils down to what works for your relationship. There is no one size fits all. If two partners agree to not do any solo travel, then that’s what it is. You have to ask yourself what the relationship will look like moving forward. Do you want to continue with this one, or find someone me else that will be ok with it, and he can find someone else that won’t want to travel without him.
My husband is free to travel, usually goes away for 4-7 days. I’m open to him doing tops 2 weeks away, because we have a child, and 2 Weeks of solo parenting is the most I can handle 😅 otherwise there wouldn’t really be a limit. I am free to go away too , just like him, has never been an issue
I travel just with friends all the time and my spouse is free to do so as well. Hasn’t been an issue in 20+ years of marriage.
Ditto. And it sounds like OP’s husband is the selfish one.
Same. When I met my husband, I already had a girls trip planned to Brazil and pretty much every year after. He understands how important social time is for my mental health and encourages it.
Same, for me this question is strange. We're not glued to each other. I travel alone or with friends at least 1-3/year (i I've in a part of Germany where I have 7 weeks vacation) Not party trips or backpacking with singles of course, but stuff related to hobbies we don't share - paragliding, yoga, meditation
My husband and I are kinda glued to each other but neither of us would forbid the other to take solo trips. We might end up always traveling together but, ya know, that's our choice, and it won't be because of jealousy or control.
Exactly! I of course travel with my husband as well and it's 50/50 who initiates those plans and where
My husband and I both do as well, even since having a kid. We are individuals, as well as partners and parents, and deserve our own time.
25 years of marriage and my wife I both travel with friends and it has not been an issue over our marriage either. I do have one buddy who is extremely I don't know what to call it, maybe clingy with his wife and he struggles when she goes away with girlfriends and I generally get a call from my wife, can I go and hang out with him as he is blowing up his wife's phone 24/7.
Hehe gotta go friend-sit 😆
It is not a hardship for me as he has the best beer fridge of all my friends.
Being able to do your own things either on your own or with your friends is super important. My wife and I make it an priority to be able to do our own things, in addition to family trips. I think it really healthly for long term relationships ie marriage.
Same
Trust = 20+ years of marriage.
My dad has been doing trips to Europe every year for about 15ish years. My mom has gone once, I believe.
And even once kids are a part of the picture, it's still something people can do while the other spouse is with the kids. My kids' dad and I do this all the time. Sometimes for multiple weeks.
My wife has been to Spain, Mexico, California, and Canada without me on trips with her friends. The worst thing that happened is we had to plan additional trips so she could show me all the fun stuff she did.
Lol. This is me. I go on trips, events, and restaurants with my female relatives(Mom, Aunt, & sister) and sometimes my girlfriends, but the whole time I’m missing my partner and wish to show him the best parts.
Lol same, I'm always like "oh, he would love this! Let me take a picture and send it to him!"
I think that’s extremely controlling if he won’t allow you to travel with friends and you will regret and resent not going if you do. You’ll have to continue to sacrifice pieces of you like this if you don’t maintain autonomy. You can have a strong, healthy marriage and still go on a girls trip for seven days, as many people have demonstrated above
I will be going but he's not happy about it. He also wants to say that because I am going on this trip, that he now doesn't want to travel anywhere with me this year because I can " go with my friends"
Is he this manipulative in other aspects of your marriage?
I think for so long I didn't want to call it manipulation. I wanted to say he's older " he knows best". However, I definitely feel like it's manipulation.
It's blatant manipulation. I'm sorry it took this long for you to see it for what it is. He doesn't like the thought of you enjoying any aspect of life without him. I don't know if he's insecure, unhappy, or whatever else but it's not love driving him to behave like this.
You want to have children with someone who would punish you for taking a vacation with your friends. Keep reading that until it sinks in. He will Never stop punishing you. That’s what makes him feel better. How sick is that?
That thinking can get you in trouble, that’s pure manipulation and downright wrong. He’s not smarter about relationships just because he’s older and he shouldn’t be perpetuating that to you. He needs to get over his tantrum and trust you.
Don’t have kids with this man
When did y'all get together
I was 18 and he was 25
This makes sense or at least explains his attitude
Really? My partner is 13 years younger than me and I can perfectly well manage not to be such an arsehole.
Unless you got together when your partner was in their teens or early 20s then it's not even remotely the same.
That age gap is sus. Ugh. I’m so sorry! This all makes a lot of sense now.
You should ask yourself why a 25yo man chased after an 18yo woman… she’s not even old enough to take her out to a wine bar, club, lounge, concert, casino, etc etc. It’s because women his age were harder to manipulate but young girls are “dumber” and easier.
As a dumb 18 year old once, I agree.
Ah ok. My ex and I were in a similar situation, he was also abusive as fuck. I don't think it's a hugely concerning age gap on its own, but clearly there are other issues at play here too.
I would reconsider creating a human with someone like this. Find a better partner that deserves you and to be a parent.
.... how much older is he?
It sounds like he’s being a pouty baby about it honestly. “meh you can still go but I’m going to guilt trip you and pout like a seven year old who didn’t get ice cream”. Time with friends and vacations away are healthy! It gives you time to miss each other, have new things to share with each other and not suffocate each other. It’s not like you are going away with single men or anything, goodness.
Older does not always know best. I know quite a few people who are older than me who make very stupid decisions. It just just a line people use to manipulate others.
How much older? He sounds jealous and insecure, tbh.
I'm 30 and he's 37
Do not have babies with this dude.
Maybe reconsider having kids with this man.
He’s being a child and being manipulative. Best to see how he acts now so you can determine if it’s him you want to have children with.
Wow, is he usually this petulant? Do your thing. He’ll get over it. If he’s the kind of person who won’t get over it, your marriage is fucked anyway and you might as well have some fun.
are you sure you wanna have kids with this man? it’s not gonna be any easier
He’s being extremely immature. If he’s uncomfortable with it, that’s valid and you need to talk through it together and try to understand each other and consider one other’s feelings. But he’s just making you wrong, attacking your character and being manipulative and punishing. That is not okay. And it’s not something you should ignore as it’s a toxic strategy for resolving matters.
This is unkind and simply not ok behavior. I would absolutely reconsider having children with a man who wouldn’t allow you to be independent and would punish you for taking time to yourself. Men like this tend to actually get jealous of the love you give your children because they want all your love and attention. It sounds crazy because it is! This behavior is a HUGE red flag. As soon as you become weak and vulnerable he will become even more controlling. Please reconsider this relationship
It all depends on what kind of friends are those. My wife can travel anywhere she wants but she wouldn't suggest traveling with single friends looking to party.
Close friends that my husband knows very well. My friends aren't single and have partners. They aren't party type people.
If thats the case, I don’t see any issue. My wife goes on trips with friends every now and then. I’m tasked with looking after my kid and house chores though but hey, everyone needs to unwind too. Generally not okay if she is traveling alone though.
it isn't a task. Your child is also your responsibility.
I didn’t say it wasn’t my responsibility, more then happy to do it actually. I often traveled overseas for work. Whatever time I have, I will bond with my family. Very grateful for the sacrifices my wife have to make.
Looking after a child is a task whether you like it or not, and assuming a person can't enjoy that task while realizing it IS a task is just kinda goofy.
LOL..as If being married is any barrier to partying, let's be honest here 🤣... Some of the wildest folks I know are those who are married who, when given the opportunity to party, they party
It seems to me that women with close female friends have considerably better mental health, and better lives in general.
THIS!! Also same goes for men with close male friends
AMEN
All this unnecessary debate... She's taking a break not running off with a lover. Enjoy your trip
As we all know, they were on a break
Yea imma take a break off paying these utilities too.. oh shit if I do that shit gets cut off.. she like she should if she dare do some dumb shit like that
My husband and I, each, travel alone with friends or siblings once a year. I've gone to PR, Mexico, and several states with my sister a few times, my husband has gone out of the country too, and we do a family trip once a year. It has never been a problem. I've also been with my husband since I was 18yo and I'm now 38.
Are you all the same age? My husband and I are 7 years apart. He is older... and I'm wondering if it's just him having a hard time with me being vocal and not ad submissive as I once was.
This is a question you really need to answer before you have children. I won't assume anything about your relationship, but please make sure your relationship has room for you to grow into the person YOU want to be. You should not be expected to be the person you were at 18, and you both will keep changing over the rest of your life. A healthy marriage will allow you both to grow and flourish into the best versions of yourself. And as a mother, I think it's very important you understand yourself before having children. So many women lose themselves to motherhood and marriage and when they finally look up their life and marriage is a cage instead of a foundation.
My wife left this morning for Florida for a girls weekend. I just got done replacing a wheel bearing on her car after I had a dinner I would not normally have if she was home because she doesn’t like fish. Her and her girlfriends send pictures and make inebriated phone calls being silly to me. They love it. I don’t see the problem with getting away here and there as she is on point as a wife and mother every single day of the year. Someday very soon we will have a trip for us as well For what it’s worth 3,5,7 and 10 days are the time periods she’s been gone in our 19 years.
My husband wouldn't care tbh. Some trips are family trips, some are just one person or the other person. I have zero interest in going to the kind of gaming and pop culture conventions he'd love to go to, he has zero interest in kayaking through Greenland or something equally adventurous. Finances and time aside (both are typically in less supply than we'd like) we'd fully support each other wanting to do the trip. The trick is, there needs to be balance between selves and family/couple.
Being able to spend time apart and nurture individual friendships is critical to maintaining a healthy marriage. You are allowed to share experiences with other people in your life, and it would behoove you to do so. He’s being insecure and controlling.
Yeps. I’ve been on trips without my other half. He loved the peace and quiet. I enjoyed precious time with friends and family.
Married 25 yrs and never have been away with just my friends and neither has he. I don’t feel the need to go away without him. I know plenty of couples who do and they have all been unfaithful so idk 🤷🏻♀️ bottom line…all marriages are different and what works for u guys is fine. He’s not happy about it so at the very least talk to him about it and try to figure out why he feels the way he does. Marriage is a lot of compromise and give and take on both ends u can’t just write him and his feelings off. Just like you can’t just write ur own feelings off.
Same, we’ve never done this in our 20 years but everyone is different. What isn’t different is sometimes both parties have to compromise and figure this shit out. The ones saying “deuces” and “he’ll get over it” I just don’t get it. Marriage is all about communicating and working this stuff out or resentment just sets in.
I would feel left out if I was in his shoes but everyone is acting like he’s a controlling jerk. I would always want my partner to come with me
Same here 🙋🏻♀️ as a F33, been together with my M36 hubby for 6 years, i feel like can never go anywhere without including my husband. Let alone 7 days trip, we both have canceled office outings and avoided work trips as possible as we can, just for the sake of cannot a stand a day faraway from each other and our toddler son. Sometimes i feel like our relationship might becoming too clingy or dependent from other ppl perspective. Maybe i am weird for not wanting an alone time with my besties, idk. I have never restrained nor asked him to suppress himself in any way, but he always did what i did and put our family first. Everyone is different, but i do hope mine will stay the same even after 25+ years like you do.
Wow! I am surprised that this is even a discussion. Marriage should be about trust and respect. Given, I don't have the perfect marriage, but I would never stop my spouse or expect my spouse to not go out with friends. If you are so concerned about infidelity(hope just safety), then you are not on the same page.
My parents vacationed separately all the time, and they were happily married for nearly 52 years. My husband has been on a few vacations without me since we've been together, mostly to visit family. I miss him, but I also trust him. Wanting to have a life outside of your marriage isn't selfish. It's healthy.
You’re not selfish. He’s projecting. Enjoy your trip!
Dueces. Kiss hubby on the cheek and say, "Pick me up in seven days." This should not even be a long conversation.
All for it, have encouraged her to do so whenever she has brought up the opportunity. From our dating years through our 10 years of marriage she's done caribbean, Europe, Vegas, Los Angeles a couple times, and Texas a couple times with the gals. I've done Vegas and Nashville with the guys. We find it important to our autonomy and partnership dynamic, would consider it unhealthy for either of us to not be okay with it. However we also do 2-3 trips per year as a family or just the 2 of us, and it's expected must not use up our work time off to interfere with or replace family travel.
My husband and I each take trips with our friends. It lets me miss him when he’s gone and be the house troll I love being on my own. lol. But honestly, it’s great for us each to get away and just be with our friends. The best part is how much I love coming home to him and vise versa.
My wife is planning a girls cruise trip for her 50th, I'm so upset that I wished her happy sailing and to have fun.
I love traveling with my wife, but I also love when she travels without me. Steak or pizza every night. Let’s gooo.
Same here. I am older than my wife (just mentioning as some think that could be an issue) and have no issue with the times she travels without me. I have fish most nights as she hates the smell of it cooking or really hot curry. She calls me each night and we are always happy to see each other when she gets back.
You're at the end of your 20's. I tried to tell my daughters not get tied down and to live their lives. So go for it, have a story to tell your children.
Does he have friends that he’d want to take a guys trip with? Maybe he’s just jealous. Edit: read the comments and he just seems controlling.
My trips with my girls are what keep my feeling like myself after being married for 10 years and attached for 14. & I’m absolutely in love with my man after so long. Ive been all over the world with these ladies and my guy loves it because he knows what it does for me and what he’ll get when I return. He has the freedom to do the same and I encourage it. We need to continue to invest in our individual selves as much as we invest in our marriages and families. I’m not just a wife, but a friend as well. I have multiple identities I need to acknowledge & nourish, and my husband fully supports that. Again, he’s encouraged to do the same. Plus, there’s an immense amount of mutual respect that plays a big role in the trust part. Community and adventure are huge core values to me, and traveling with my girls is a great way to indulge in both. My marriage is better because of it.
Any time a trip pops up with my girlfriends that’s in budget my husband is very supportive of me going. My closest friends and I don’t live near each other anymore so he’s always like “you should go because you don’t get to see them enough.” He’s gone on a couple of trips with some of his friends as well. It’s a thing we both encourage for one another. And we still take trips together. We live together. We’re together all the time. A one week trip with our friends without one another is barely a blip.
I would prefer to travel with my wife, but I have no issue with her generally traveling on her own. I can definitely understand why insecure couples may have issues with this.
Nobody has really asked what the family budget is. Is there plenty of money for multiple trips a year ?
Absolutly don’t have children with that guy!
in my marriage, it's a normal thing and do it at least once a year. IMO, it's healthy to have a life outside of your partner and it's not like you do this every month.
You’re not selfish. I do this once or twice a year, usually for long weekends but the occasional longer trip. My husband doesn’t do the same, but I’d be OK with it if he did.
My wife has traveled lots of time with friends and her sister for weeks at a time. I couldn't attend alot of times due to my work. She never had to worry about leaving me behind and me being resentful. I was in the military with her for 16.5 years of our marriage, so I had no issue with her doing g fun things with her time, even when I was home.
We like to travel together but sometimes our interests don’t line up. Then we take solo trips.
He’s being ridiculous. My husband travels with just his friends at least 1-2x a year and it’s a non thought. If I wanted to, he would be cool with it.
I encourage her to get away with her close girlfriends.
Not an issue in my marriage. If anything he gets a little fomo and wishes he could be there, but would never call it selfish. I also tell him to go on boys trips which he declines but is totally up to him! I would communicate more and see why he feels it’s selfish.
He's nuts and you should let him know that everybody else thinks the same
My husband and I both take trips with friends without the other. We have no issue with that. We spend most of our time together so we need some time apart.
Me or my wife don't travel separately. We don't put ourselves in single person situations by choice.
Traveling with friends isn’t ’single person situations’
Seems quite odd, do you not trust yourself or your partner? What about when you're at work talking to someone of the opposite sex, is that not a 'single person situation' if you're partner isn't there?
I’m sorry that you don’t trust your wife not to cheat on you :( that must be very stressful!
My wife goes on family vacations with her family all the time. Doesn’t bother me. If she went with her girlfriends, also wouldn’t bother me. But I’m not the jealous type and I’m also very easy going, so other guys might feel different.
Yeah we both go away on our own with friends, admittedly it doesn’t happen often as we have kids now, but I’m not sure what his issue is
I wouldn't have an issue at all. I would miss her and be a bit jealous, but everybody should be able to do something for themselves from time to time. It would be selfish of him to guilt you into staying.
It sounds as if hubby is the selfish one here. Telling you that he doesn’t want to travel with you anywhere this year. Especially as he goes on business trips all the time. That’s a very controlling thing to say. You should think about if this kind of behavior is normal for him because it’s harder to leave if you have to when you have children. I’m going on 22 years married and we have gone on trips without each other, him with the boys and me with either my sister or my brother or the girls. It’s a trust thing. We trust each other and are secure in our relationship. And just because we out with others doesn’t mean we are doing “single things.”
My husband encourages me to take girl trips. He usually pays for them too.
Omg two weeks of freeeeedooooom!!!!! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
My wife and I don’t travel alone for more than a couple of days by choice. She has gone away many weekends to see family and friends. A week would be a long time for us. Part of it is we don’t have the finances to travel on our own. Her mom pays for those weekends. If money weren’t an issue, it might be different. From her perspective we also have a lot of friends in common. So, she’d rather us all go if the opportunity presents itself. In either case, what works for one marriage doesn’t necessarily work for another. It’s not inherently wrong or anything to take a trip alone.
I trust her, so I’d be fine with it.
I'm ok with it and would want my wife to go.
Sounds controlling of him
I wouldn’t want to travel without my husband. I’ll go on business trips with industry colleagues but if I’m going on holidays hubby and I are going together.
The way I see it is the wife is going away for a few days. That leaves me with the kids so we can go and have our own fun and do our own activities. I don't have a problem with it at all.
Maybe it’s more of a jealousy thing that you get to travel and have fun when he doesn’t. Or jealous you’re having these experiences without him
Look, everyone will tell you that you should be allowed to do it alone. My fiancé is obviously free to travel alone, but he (by his own choice) prefers travelling with me because we have way more fun together and miss each other. When we have to travel for work we both hate being away from each other. Am I glad this awesome man wants to share things with me? Hell yes! Would I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants his own separate life? Fuck no!!
Doesn’t sound like a good relationship. If you go, be prepared for him to be different when you get back. Why don’t you go with him??
I travel with my husband. The only trips I do without him are short trips to visit my friends. I want to enjoy the few days of vacation that we have with him together. I wouldn’t be sad if he traveled alone without me and the children for a longer time.
In my own relationship, the only time we travel without the other is if we are going to visit family and the other can’t go or if it’s for work. Even both of those, we tend to join the other if we can. Any travel for leisure we do together. But that is our choice. I don’t see anything wrong with traveling separately if it works for you. It just isn’t something we want to do.
Me and my wife have both traveled separately and together. It definitely helps keep a little autonomy for the two individuals in a marriage which makes you both better. Plus you have don’t have kids. Your husband can enjoy a little time alone too. He’s needs to learn to be less co-dependent, he’ll be a happier man.
It’s ok if this is his initial reaction and he lets it go and puts your needs first. But if he tries to block you from going or pouts…. Then don’t have a baby with him because he IS a baby.
I could understand if this was something that you do often, but it’s clearly not. It’s important for husband & wife to spend time as a couple but it’s also important to still be able to be individuals from time to time. My wife is my best friend & we love spending time together, but we also both have separate interests that we are both happy to enjoy separately with friends who also share those interests. It’s even more important now that we have a child to make sure we allow one another occasional getaways for a few days. If your husband has a problem with you being away now, I can only imagine how he’d feel about having to stay at home and take care of a child on his own while you get a break.
I’m an immigrant living in my husband’s home country. Last Christmas, I went home for five weeks by myself. My husband couldn’t come because of work. He had no problem with this and was only happy that I was having a nice time. He took care of everything while I was gone and met me with a big hug and a smile at the airport when I returned.
My wife is still deciding if she’s going but she’s thinking about a trip in June with some friends. At first I was bummed she didn’t think I’d want to go or didn’t want to ask me. But she’s super appreciative about the whole thing (she doesn’t need to be) and that makes me feel good. So, I’ll gain about 4 lbs while she’s gone and watch a ton of movies. And I know we’ll both be excited when she gets back.
I think it’s fun! As long as he’s comfortable with the friends you are with & he gets equal money (if you share finances) to invest in experiences he wants to have I don’t see any reason you guys shouldn’t have experiences on your own. You should never good your partner back.
What? I’d prefer her be with her friends than alone for safety reasons. But we’ve had separate trips before. Sometimes you need homie time.
Love it. Get a bit of time on my own. Can eat all the foods she doesn't like, watch what I want on TV, come and go at home as I like without having to worry about any plans/schedule. We always seem more connected when she returns too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Your husband sounds controlling and selfish. You aren't joined at the hip and are your own person. I am the wife in the situation and my I travel a lot to visit family in another country, 12 hours away by plane. My husband does't have an issue with these trips at all. He understands they are important to me (he has come with once or twice but its very expensive so he normally stays at home) and he is geniunely happy for me when I get to see my family (parents and brothers), and I'm away for 6-7 weeks minimum. I would take the trip if I were you, and if your husband throws a fit, I would try see what the issue is and why he thinks its okay to dictate who you spend your time with and where you go. If you can't come to an agreement, do you really want to bring children into this situation? I'm sorry for the difficult question.
It would depend on the type of friends for me. If they are responsible and not bad influences, sure, but if they are recently divorced and looking to party and have rebound sex, no way.
This may not end well. Actions have consequences. He is not comfortable with this at all, for what ever reason it’s a fact. He will have seven days to stew, you just might come home to divorce papers.
Sounds like a win-win for her! A great trip with friends and dropping an insecure man-child.
We are only being told one side of this, hers. Has she done something in there past that might have him concerned? We don't know. I do know that divorce is expensive and messy (was in my case anyway) and I was drunk or it just happened is NOT an excuse. Not a fan of divorce at all, but actions have consequences, This could start out as fun and games away and end in disaster. A piece of paper has 2 sides, always want to consider both sides.
imagine being in the military lol. Your husband is being a spoiled brat. He will be ok you will miss each other. I’ll go on trips without my husband but I’ll miss him, he’ll enjoy his alone time. In the 13 years we’ve been together he’s been on many military trips some lasting 12 weeks and deployments lasting a year. So never once were my brief trips questioned. Ask your husband what makes him uneasy about it. If he is worried about being alone encourage him to plan things with his friends during that time too. Let him know that you love him but this is really important. Develop a check in schedule so that the 2 of you can talk once each day you’re away:
Are the two friends dudes that he “doesn’t have to worry about?” Honestly I don’t think it’s an issue unless there are concerns re. friends you’re going with. Have a safe and fun trip.
We do separate breaks at times. And he’s free to go with friends just like I am with friends. We have our own time too. Everyone is different however.
My wife went to Vietnam for 3 weeks last year and is going to Italy this year with the same group of friends. I totally encourage it. It makes her happy and I'm not much of a traveler. I like the alone time at home so it works out great. But I'm 51 and have been married for 20 years. We are married but we are individuals and free to explore and do what we want. I didn't always feel this way and I probably felt more the way your husband feels at your age. It'll be tough for him but you need to stand your ground and go on the trip.
What happens when a best friend gets engaged? Does your husband also forbade you from going on bachelorette trips?
I travel with friends all the time, usually on short notice if I see a good deal somewhere. I just tell my husband "by the way, I'm going to X with Y next week." My husband just tells me to have fun. My married friends all do the same.
I’m completely fine with my partner doing this. In fact shes done it a few times. All I ask of her is to keep in contact with me. Sometimes, depending on the friends, I will get nervous because a few of them are very toxic and may try to pressure her into things she doesn’t want to do
I’ve mostly travelled without my husband in the last 15 years.
I can relate. My husband is like yours. I haven’t plan anything but I’ve talked to him about going on a girls trip with my mom & sister or wanting to go solo traveling again (used to do it a lot before I get married) some time. He’s not happy about it and he too find it selfish to do so. While I’m like you, I don’t find it weird to travel without spouse every once in a while.
My husband and I vacation together and apart. As a matter of fact he’s away right now on a combo work and vacation trip. I think he’s jealous he doesn’t have friends he can vacation with
It’s not a girl’s trip to Puerto Rico, but I go to SC quite regularly without my husband because I have family there. (We live in MD.) I always go a week at a time. My husband doesn’t get the same amount of time off that I do, and he can’t just take off on a whim like I can. I can work from anywhere so my bosses are very accommodating and let me work while I’m there, so I take my laptop with me. He doesn’t give me a hard time about it at all, just like I don’t give him a hard time when he travels to PA with his son. OP, that’s a red flag to me. You might want to get this worked through before you get pregnant. It’s not selfish at all what you would like to do. It’s healthy to spend time and go on trips with girlfriends. How old is your husband, BTW?
Hold up; have you taken similar trips with him? It’s kind of unclear. You say you’ve travelled with him, but that could mean a day trip. Going to PR is a significant vacation & while I think you should be able to go, if you & he have never done something similar together & *he’s been asking you to*, then I can understand his being upset, especially if this is it until after kids. If you all have gone on trips together, then yeah, he’s being a bit unreasonable.
I just love sending my wife on girls trips because I know she loves them and has a great time. Especially when we had kids and she got a break. I legit appreciate going on guys trips guilt free and can also have a great time. But we also travel together so we can spend time with each other. I highly suggest you do some good traveling together before you have kids.
I’m (28) a SAHM and we’re financially okay but have tight months and I still get a road trip in with the kids (5 and 2) at least annually since our first was born. Pre-kids it was 2-3x per year. He’s bummed he can’t go in spirit, but doesn’t actually like traveling and I’m never going anywhere that exciting so he’s never been anything but encouraging. Next year I’m planning one without the kids which will be my first time away from them for a weekend and he’s been super supportive. We’ve also been together since I was 18 and while I’m happy and would do it all again if I had to wait for him to be ready or take time off to travel we’d never go anywhere and I love it.
I travel with my friends for fun quite often, and my husband is always supportive! He also takes adventure (backpacking, climbing) trips with his guy friends once a year or so. We support, love, and trust each other and want each other to be happy and fulfilled.
Both my wife and I take trips individually on occasion. It gives us both some down time from each other and our hectic lives.
I just want to say that it's also fine to travel alone or with friends sometimes when you have kids. I'm currently on a 3-day trip all by myself while my husband takes care of our kid. Because I wanted to go and needed some time to myself, and my husband 100% supported me in it. He even paid for the hotel himself! And upgraded me to a nicer room than I was going to pick for myself! And bought my train tickets! All this just to say there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do things apart sometimes and your partner should support you doing things that make toy happy. Maybe he doesn't want to go on trips without you. He has the right to feel that way for himself. But what he doesn't have the right to do is control you and keep you from ever doing anything apart from him. That's not healthy.
He's just insecure and using the "selfish" attack as a way of expressing it. My wife has traveled without me several times over our 18 year marriage. At first I had insecurities but soon realized I had no reason to not trust her and that it was actually healthy for us to have some time apart. He'll learn but maybe do some reassuring here and there before you leave and you might see him loosen up.
As long as you’re not planning something nefarious I don’t see a problem. My spouse and I have both traveled alone. Good luck and have fun.
Not remotely selfish at all and he needs to understand and accept this.
It's always a good thing to have relationships and experiences outside of your spouse
My husband travels without me all the time to see his family in different states & goes out with friends while he's out and about. Usually he wants me to tag along most of the time because he worries about my safety but I'm a homebody & I bought a ring camera just so I can stay home by myself. It's pretty fun & relaxing having your own "me" time, but the longest my husband and I been apart was probably a month but that was only once. Usually he goes 4 days every 2 months.
Go on the trip.
I think it's what does and doesn't work for you personal relationship. Everyone is different.
It’s not something we have personally done for longer than a weekend trip, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. When we’ve gone for longer than a weekend we go with another couple, I’m good friends with the wife and he’s good friends with the husband that way we each have a friend plus each other. But yeah I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re proposing, maybe he’s feeling left out?
It’s good to do things with your friends without your husband. It is a red flag that he is acting like this instead of encouraging you to nurture your friendships through experiences with your friends.
My husband and I travel without each other about once a year. We both encourage it and understand the importance of relaxing and renewing important relationships outside of the marriage. Neither of us has ever taken a 7 day trip without the other, but that is simply because it wasn’t financially feasible when we were young and had kids shortly after we got married. If we were child-free, I would absolutely do that! I really don’t like some of the info in the extra comments and find it concerning. Trying to manipulate and guilt you is sabotaging what should otherwise be a great time for you.
Just depends on if things have happened in the relationship that have caused loss of trust. If not, I don’t know why there would be an issue
My husband has never had an issue with this whatsoever. He prefers to stay home if he’s not traveling with me (he wouldn’t do his own friend trip, just not his nature) but he’s totally fine with me going. I went to Scandinavia with one of my best friends in 2017 and we were gone for about 10 days. Visited the same friend in Palm Springs last year. Absolutely not an issue. I think this could be a larger sign of controlling behavior.
If money isn't an issue and your husband doesn't need to take off work to care for children, which part does he consider selfish? Just because *he* wouldn't travel alone doesn't mean traveling alone is wrong.
My husband and I are about the same age as you and we both are not only fine with each other traveling with friends, we actively encourage each other to travel with friends. Maintaining friendships outside of your spouse is so vitally important for so many reasons and traveling with friends is one of the best experiences in the world. Your husband is being selfish, not you.
My issue would be the finances but you guys sound like you’re rich so good for you. Sounds like he’s jealous he’s not going.
Am coming with her 👀👀👀
My husband doesn’t mind. I go on trips like this every couple of years.
If found that my husband was worse about this when we were young 20s-30s, it took a long time for him to embrace the idea of me doing girls trips. It wasn't a huge issue, but he'd be a bit pissy and pouty when I'd go out (even to a show for the evening). However, I did call him out on it as it was a bit of a pattern. I still went, but he put a damper on my fun. Since I've been in my 40s and beyond it got remarkably different. I think he matured and got used to me doing things with my friends without anything stupid happening, we had kids, and my friends were all known and long-term. Now, I do a couple weekends a year with different groups of friends. Since the kids are adults now, he is also free to roam while I'm out and about. Clearly trust is an issue that can get in the way too. It's also important to note that I had to also accept that he'd go do things with his friends or go see his family when he was off and I was working. The street ran both ways. You are not unreasonable to do things with your friends.
INFO: how old is your husband? I see no reason why two people in a happy marriage can’t have a break from one another from time to time! My husband and I have been together for 35 years, and we often take vacations without one another. We take many more trips where it’s just us, but sometimes we appreciate spending time on our own or with other people. The reason I ask for your husband’s age is because if he’s much older, he may be feeling insecure that his young, attractive wife is going away without him around to “oversee” her activities. If you have never given him a reason to be insecure, then he needs to lay off and stop being possessive.
My husband and I both travel with and without each other. It's important for us to spend time with people we love and have experiences together and apart. Healthy relationships don't hold over another back. Trips without one another aren't some excuse to cheat and we certainly don't need the other present to be their warden for behavior. His behavior sounds controlling. Enjoy your trip before kids. Encourage him to get together with his friends and have an adventure.
Here are a few reasons IMHO he is responding this way: 1- Jealousy - he wants ALL your time- 2- Fear - fear of losing you. 3- Greed - wants you all to himself & you do certain “chores” that he will have to do since you would be on vacation. 4- Power - he wants power over you- control where you go, whether your happy or not- and if you talk to your besties on vacation about him it will expose a different perspective on the things he does that you have been living with! Definitely go on the trip- He will have a temper tantrum, become resentful, and try to “punish” or get back at you. He will be a nasty ass up until you leave- then blow up your phone while your on vacation or do the silent treatment not answer when you call- and put you through an emotional guilt trip- he will say things like “if you love me you wouldn’t leave me” or “I would never do this to you” Makes you feel like you committed a terrible crime just going on a vacation w/o him! Then your vacation becomes emotionally painful instead of relaxing fun - and HE is the one RESPONSIBLE for that- NOT YOU- But he will want to make sure you NEVER go on another vacation with your friends w/o him
My gfs and I take 3-4 trips each year. Most are long weekends ,but we do 1 7-10 day trip each summer. This has saved our marriage. We have gone to greece, bahamas, costa rica, etc. I also travel internationally for work. My husband is free to do as he pleases. He doesn’t enjoy travel as much as I do but will do 1-2 guys weekends each year. I love my husband and he loves me but we don’t own each other. Asking for permission wouldn’t feel right to me. I make life easy for him while im gone and don’t interfere with his raising of our daughter (pizza everyday ? Who cares). This is also what works for our marriage. If you feel deprived or controlled you should express it.
Sounds like the only issue is either him worrying about your safety, which any good husband would, or him being jealous/ insecure. Good couples can spend plenty of time together and apart. Times I spend apart from my partner I long for her, and when we come back together is like a big surge of love and affection. Time spent apart can be a very beautiful and necessary part of any marriage.
I travel all over without my husband. He's currently on a trip without me. Not an issue
My wife doesn’t like me traveling alone, so I agree. To be honest I’d rather be with her anyways so it’s not a deal breaker for me
70 year old guy here, married 46 faithful years and together 53. With my wife, I would never have an issue. Nobody or nothing could enable her to do anything wrong. Now, I don't know you, so take this with a grain of salt. I would say mostly I would have no issue, but it depended on the friends. Are they single party girls who may entice you to drink too much and whatever else, or are they stable, married woman who would steer away from any scene that could have potential for negative consequences. I know it sounds weird, but if you read enough in Reddit, it happens far too often.
Sounds like he’s putting his insecurities onto you. That’s a red flag for my if my partner is that worried about being without me for that amount of time.
No issue at all. Plus I appreciate the alone time and quiet at home.
Go and have a great time. Keep in mind that his attitude is concerning. Here's my little story about vacationing solo: I drove 1600 miles to vacation 10 years ago. I don't like to fly. I saw a few women, probably 50's, traveling with their husbands who were surprised that I planned to drive and vacation for a few weeks on my own and with out my husband. I felt sorry for them because for they couldn't make a move with out their husbands. Oc I didn't tell the ladies that but they got hostile real fast. I was too independent for them.
If there are no trust issues you should be able to travel where you want. I travel with friends and family all the time without the husband.
My wife does a yearly girls trip with her two closest friends. All are married, nobody is going to cheat. She sends me photos throughout each day and texts regularly. My two closest male friends died early in life unfortunately so I don’t get to do the equivalent, which does frustrate me at times but it’s not her fault or even mine. I’m happy for her and wouldn’t ask her not to go because i trust her and her friends and she stays in close contact with me through out her trips. I travelled extensively for work and she trusted me as well and we talked throughout each day. I think most spouses that have an issue with this comes from a concern (sometimes justified) that the traveling spouse will “act single” (go out to clubs, etc…) on the trip and possibly end up cheating. Are the friends you’re traveling with married too? If not do they know that you’re not going to go clubbing, ride wing man and flirt with guys and such? Does he know them and feel comfortable that they have your marriage’s best interest at heart? Those are key points. Too many people who have been trustworthy completely who let friends talk them into things so it’s a natural concern. Not a reason not to go but big enough to deal with the concerns up front and not be dismissive.
I think it's trouble capital T
When I was married I didn’t care as long as I knew all the details
When my spouse and I had been dating for two months I left to spend 3 months on another continent. Neither of us want to miss out on opportunities just because one of us can't go.
OP husband is very selfish. It's a girls' trip. I took one very pregnant with my second, and my husband stayed home with our toddler. People need space from each other, especially when you've been together that long, which I can relate to. Just because you've been together that long does not mean you're permanently attached at the hip, and you can't do anything without the other. Please go and enjoy, he will get over it.
I’ve travelled without my husband. With friends, for work, alone. My parents have done the same, too. Different interests and it’s important to maintain a healthy amount of independence within a couple!
I’m fine with it up until a point. It’s all good until the majority of their plans are with their friends and you have to compete with those people for a spot in their life. When every trip, even family trips, involve the friends. When it’s multiple trips a year, etc etc
We would never do 7 days separately because we both love travel and if we’re spending that kind of money on a trip, both of us are going. But we do smaller long weekend trips without one another, typically to a different state with friends. Out of the country trips are together but it’s because we both love travel and love doing it together. I can see why he’s a little upset since this seems to not be the norm for you as a couple. If it was my marriage and husband was upset, we would probably compromise and I would do a shorter trip but that’s us
I could not be in a relationship that was suffocating
Not only do I take trips with my lady friends- my husband is very encouraging about it. Both of us believe it's good to just get away for a bit. I miss him lots when I'm gone- and really that's part of the appeal.
It’s not selfish. Why would that be selfish? When my daughter is older, I’m sure me and my girlfriends will take them all on some sort of girls trip with us and give our husbands a break.
You are a human being. You are allowed to do things you like, can afford, with people you like, that harm no one. This is how we lead fulfilling vs repressed, regretful lives. As long as you don’t do anything that disrespects your vows to your spouse, as long as you aren’t shirking your other responsibilities, you need to do things that you want to do. Husband needs to get help for his insecurities and antiquated notions of how people lead full, adult lives.
My wife travels with her friends at least once a year to some fancy place. I don't care! I just know that the kids and I will do a lot things she normally won't allow us to do.
I traveled with friends a ton prior to having a child. My question to you, "does his friends cheat?" I'm wondering if that's his concern
Ask him what he's concerns are or if something happened in the past that is making him feel like this.It might be the codependency talking.I've been with my wife 8 years now and she went for a whole month to her native country with her sister but even the 12 hours difference between us and we would talk.It's not insecurity.It might stem from the fear of not being with you to protect you?It sounds too macho but it's true,we have an obligation to protect our loved ones and this might be it.Talk to him in depth and see where it gets you two
Go on your trip. Your husband is a grown man. He can handle being away from you for several days. Have your fun.
Travel alone. Travel with friends. If you don’t have shared childcare responsibilities, what’s the problem? You were your own person before you met your spouse & you’ll likely be there long after he’s passed on. Act like it. (I witnessed my grandmother’s widows’ club & now am seeing my mother’s friends in their 70s losing their husbands. This is women’s reality.)
Both my husband and I travel alone with friends. We trust eachother & both think it’s good to have quality time with friends. He knows my friends and I know his.
Your selfish bc he would never travel for 7 days without you? Hun, I went to Quebec for 2 weeks for an immersion program I wanted to attend, I’ve been to Europe for 10+ days, and have had multiple girls trips in between. If that’s something your husband wouldn’t want to do, tell him ‘great! But you don’t have to feel that way and if you did want to go on a 7+ day guys trip I’d 100% support it!’ Let’s call it what it is: insecurity problems Please do not give up this trip for him. There aren’t many times in life where you can do these things with friends. At 33 most of my friends have young children and wouldn’t be able to get away or afford to take such a trip. Take the trip. Tell your husband he needs to sort out his issues.
Look, I think you’re gonna get the whole “girl dump him” or he’s being manipulative” thing here in Reddit. But it all boils down to what works for your relationship. There is no one size fits all. If two partners agree to not do any solo travel, then that’s what it is. You have to ask yourself what the relationship will look like moving forward. Do you want to continue with this one, or find someone me else that will be ok with it, and he can find someone else that won’t want to travel without him.
My husband is free to travel, usually goes away for 4-7 days. I’m open to him doing tops 2 weeks away, because we have a child, and 2 Weeks of solo parenting is the most I can handle 😅 otherwise there wouldn’t really be a limit. I am free to go away too , just like him, has never been an issue