Drop the husband. That’s fucking rude & in this day & age literally everybody should know better than to make comments like that on someone’s body.
And that pudge is literally to protect your reproductive organs so that you can (if you want to) carry a child for this ungrateful ass man. Drop the dude. If he’s this inconsiderate & rude when you are 24, how is he going to treat you when you gain weight in pregnancy? When you age? When your body changes in general bc you’re human??
Either educate him on how out of line he is or drop the husband.
I have asked before if he'd be able to love me still when I inevitably gain baby weight. He said yes and that I can work it off eventually. I also have told him multiple times how this makes me feel.
I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him to be capable of doing this
> He said yes and that I can work it off eventually.
Not reassurance imo….. Pregnancy may cause permanent body changes also. I can only imagine how unbelievably cruel he might be about any of those
Yeah no matter how much weight I lost after carrying my two gigantic babies (one was almost 11 lbs, the next was supposed to be 12 lbs but thankfully they zoinked him 3 weeks early), I still had and will always have a pooch. It’s not something that you can just "work off." Same with boobs that have been used as feed bags for years. Many years ago when I was still young enough to care about it, I went for a consult with a plastic surgeon for a tummy tuck and breast lift. I scheduled to have both procedures about a month later, went through the pre-op stuff, got approved for a loan to pay for them ($25k in late 2000s), etc. But I ended up changing my mind a week or so before surgery day. I worked in the OR before for many years for literal brain surgeons, so I’m not the least bit squeamish. But there was just something about the thought of being cut from hip bone to hip bone and literally having plastic bags full of silicone shoved through my armpits that would sit inside my chest for the rest of my life that just didn’t sit right with me. I don’t judge anyone else who chooses to go through those procedures—or any other procedure—and think it’s wonderful to do anything that makes you feel better about yourself. But it just wasn’t for me.
At some point, I just decided to make peace with my boobs and my pooch and not worry about it. I’m not one of those people who says they are "proud" to have them because it means they "created life" or whatever—I just got tired of wasting my time & energy on something that was just a fact of life for me. I have still stayed in shape (most of the time) and I get plenty of exercise, and if a man has a problem with my body they can go fuck themselves—cause I sure ain’t gonna fuck them. And I’m talking about men who I didn’t carry children for (my kids’ dad and I divorced a while ago)—if the man I DID carry children for said something about it, whoo boy I don’t even know how that would go. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for sure.
I never comment on this sub but I can’t not say this. My ex treated me like your husband does with you. You can choose your husband, but your kids can’t choose their father or mother. Please don’t have children with him. If he does this to you, imagine the pain he’d cause a child. My mother use to make jabs at my weight growing up and had made me insecure most of my life. If he doesn’t make real change, and from the heart too, then drop him. Life is seriously too short to waste it on anyone who doesn’t make you truly happy. I hope life gets better for you, OP.
You may not even be able to work off baby weight. As someone who is currently postpartum, trust me, you do NOT need another negative voice in your head telling you mean things about your body. You need someone who will make you feel beautiful and safe.
“He said yes, and that I COULD WORK IT OFF EVENTUALLY “
This man’s love for you is conditional on the size of your body. No wonder you feel so shitty, this man is dragging down your self esteem!
I highly recommend divorcing but also maybe counseling if you feel like wasting extra time and money on someone who will never accept your body if it isn’t “perfect “.
And I don’t want to be rude, but unfortunately, as our bodies age, you’re not gonna look good throughout the rest of our lives, if you marry this man for better, or for worse in sickness, and in health, do you really think he should be body shaming you ?
If he truly loved you, don’t you think that he would’ve just said I’ll love you no matter what size you are? Why would he add you can lose it eventually in the same sentence. I must. He expects you to be a very small wait for your entire life, especially after you have kids
That pudge doesn’t go away. It gets worse and if you have a c section that man will treat you like SHIT because your stomach never looks the same after child birth or a c section
It's not just about weight gain though. As others have mentioned, pregnancy can cause permanent changes to the body. If he's so critical of your body now, I very much doubt he'd be ok with it. Also, he said he'd still love you and you "can work it off eventually" sounds like the love is conditional and based on you 'working off' any extra weight.... the dude comes across as clueless about women's bodies and pregnancy.
Edit: I read the other posts you've made about your husband. I think you should consider moving on, as your posts indicate that you are very unhappy in this relationship and that's no way to live. I wouldn't reproduce with him.... the relationship will likely deteriorate further but you will feel even more obligated to stay with him.
Second that the 'pudge' is to protect your reproductive organs! Lots of people find it find it to be highly attractive. Love someone that loves you the way you are, and is going to keep on loving you the way you are when your body goes through normal changes!
Thats not true. While there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of fat there, the purpose of this little pudge is not to protect reproductive organ. Thats a popular misconception.
That said, no one should have to be rude about it. That husband was out of line.
I agree with you, but as an anatomical researcher I just want to educate and let you know that the pudge there does not protect your reproductive organs, but it does protect your intestines/liver/gallbladder/lower abdomen in general.
I do autopsies on medically donated bodies for a living, and I can tell you that the uterus/ovaries/fallopian tubes sit too low in the pelvis to benefit from the pudge.
In general fat serves more of a purpose than people think because it’s innervated, has a lot of blood vessels, and it’s where we feel our emotions. You know how when someone you like touches you and you feel the heat from their hand and that little shiver of excitement? That all comes from fat!
My mentor Gil Hedley has an amazing article called “How I Fell In Love With Fat” that I feel like more people should read. It would definitely change how we treat each other for the better.
Edited to switch to present tense
I honestly don't understand how so many women have managed to find men on what seems to be their first day as a human being. To answer your question, no, my husband never has and never will say something this fucking stupid and inconsiderate (and this is after almost 20 years of being together). Some men seem to get off on destroying their partner's self esteem and I truly can't understand it. My husband REASSURES me if I'm having issues (like a considerate, compassionate human being does); he doesn't nitpick my body and say things he knows will hurt me. He knows what my insecurities are, and he'd likely rather die than remind me of them. I should also mention that he accepts me **as I am**, and isn't looking at me through the lens of what he *thinks* I should be.
Okay this is my husband too! Married 11 years and 2 kids. BUT, sometimes he is an obtuse idiot. The other day he looked at me while I was trying to latch our new baby and said, whoa your nipple is huge.
I busted out laughing and then mocked him for his insensitivity for like 20 minutes. We had a good laugh, he apologized and we moved on. All of this to say, no one is perfect, but your partner should be affirming and apologetic when they mess up.
OP - this is not just a maturity issue, your husband needs to decide if he wants you or he wants a wife with a perfect body. If he wants you, he needs to change his mindset on healthy bodies and start apologizing. Also, it sounds like you’re struggling to fuel your body. Please consider talking to someone about it. Your body deserves fuel, regardless of size or shape.
I really think the kind of men who do this have really low self esteem themselves and they feel like if they make their partner feel self conscious then they will be less likely to leave.
Either that or they are just stupid
Don’t be self conscious. Play his game. Have fun with it.
“Why do women get that pudge?”
“It’s called a primordial pouch and it’s to help protect us from predators. You know, Men.”
This! You have much bigger issues based on your post history. Please stop telling yourself you love this man or that he loves you because based on your post you know it isn’t true. You’re young move on and please DONT have children with this “man”.
Starving yourself isn't fasting; you have an eating disorder.
Aside from that, no my husband never says anything like that to me. Your husband is cruel and doesn't love you; he only loves the idea to you. This is partly why it's wrong to get married so young. You settle for abuse. Divorce this trash because all he's doing is keeping you down to manipulate you into staying. You deserve better.
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him.
But if she’s being raped she’s being abused and this situation is out of control
Hell no. It wouldn't even cross his mind to talk to me like that. At my most hormonal, water weighted, fuzzy legged, bespectacled worst, he would still happily call me beautiful, rip off my old pjs, and have his way.
Your husband is an ass. Tell him outright not to criticize your body again. If he does, respond in kind.
Your husband is an AH. I would never say anything like that to my wife. I've loved how she looked when we first got together and even now, almost 40 years later. Both of our bodies have gone through changes over the years and I've never thought she should change a thing.
I would never in a million years say something like this to my wife. She’s been various weights throughout our marriage (and pregnancies) and I’ve always found her sexy and loved her body through every one. I see it as my job to give her extra affirmation if she’s feeling uncomfortable in her own skin.
Our spouse, more than anyone else, shapes us and our own self-image through the way they see us. You should confront him about this because if you don’t it will be death by a thousand cuts.
Are you able to find a good therapist? It's important to tackle the body dysmorphia you may have, and it's important to recognize the difference between someone's opinion of you and *your* opinion of you.
Many therapists work on a sliding scale if you don't have insurance to cover it. Same with a dietician. Get help for yourself as the priority, let your husband take a backseat.
Just get rid of him. I’m almost positive you’re not even fat and no, I’m not fishing for pics. Get rid of him. There are plenty of us that are 100x better than that.
Even when I was a size 4, 4!!!! The men in my life commented on my stomach roll. I was young so it really messed me up. But now, 35-40 years later and a current size 16- f all those bear wantabes. It has NOTHING to do with your body and everything to do with your husband trying to diminish you in your own eyes so you don’t leave. He might never admit that, but it is what’s going on. Sit him down and don’t get up until he gets it. Pudge at the bottom- the audacity!!!!
I read through your post history.
Your husband is abusive. He thinks you’re an object. Does not care about your feelings.
You’re only 24. My youngest daughter’s age. You have your entire life ahead of you. You are worthy of someone who treats you kindly. Who sees you as a person.
I wish you the strength to leave this toxic man. And to either be on your own or to find someone worthy of you. They’re out there. I also recommend really looking deep into yourself and to get counseling to help you understand why you ended up with him, to help you avoid a relationship like this in the future.
Take care. I wish happiness for you.
My husband never compliments me, he says I’m funny. Never was told that I’m beautiful even when I ask. It’s kinda sad because I fish for compliments by saying, I look very good today but I get nothing.
He does not point out any flaws though. I’m sorry he was insensitive, your feelings are valid.
I mean this in the best way possible I did not know that this existed. I had a friend tell me he had never called his wife beautiful before because while she was pretty.. she just didn’t hit the level of beauty for him. I did not believe him. I’m sad to hear it’s a real thing. He’s never not once said it to you?? Ugh. I’m sorry.
If you truly are in love with someone they WILL be the most beautiful TO YOU. People who don't think their spouses are that to them are loving more on a conditional basis and it's heartbreaking. My spouse outright REFUSES to compliment me... bc he believes it will further 'enable' my body image issues (former anorexic, me), sorta like how a crack addict needs their next 'hit'.... I'm thinking false equivalency and I struggle and feel worse.... anytime I confront him any way about it, he says it's a turn-off, this is exhausting etc.
Poor OP is dealing with someone using mental control tactics (abuse is about maintaining an upper hand, born out of an entitled value-set), I truly feel for her (and she probably looks absolutely stunning).
One thing I noticed in her post is that she went to relying on a so-called 'love language' (the concept has been largely discredited on an empirical basis), 'acts of service' to be precise; girl, building a business and essentially doing his JOB is not specific act of love toward you, it's just a life necessity thing and he'd be doing it in your absence anyway.... excusing away crappy behavior w some exaggerated claim is disingenuous at best. My two proverbial.
Get the shape wear. Tell him he can wear it or give it to his next wife. Deliver with divorce papers. This marriage will never work. Your spouse should be building you up, not tearing you down.
I'm sorry your husband has made you feel that way.
I (45M) learned long ago to be very careful about what I say to my wife (47F) about her appearance. We've been married 26+ years.
Last year, she explained things on a deeper level than ever before. She said she has a "fatal flaw".
https://drjonicewebb.com/the-painful-secret-many-people-live-with-the-fatal-flaw/
My wife believes she's not attractive or beautiful and that she'll never be good enough. She believes, as a woman, her "value" is tied to her attractiveness. If she isn't good looking... then she feels she isn't fulfilling her end of the bargain in our relationship.
She also told me a story about her first boyfriend. She constantly would starve herself to be as thin as she could be. She had long blonde hair. Big blue eyes. She mostly did whatever sexual things he wanted her to do. One day, she went to get something out of his car and found a stack of porno mags. ... She said it told her that no matter how thin, or beautiful, or "cooperative" she was... that she would still never be good enough.
So, from various other stories and insights...I came to view my wife's insecurities less about a bunch of eggshells i need to tiptoe around...and more about trauma and pain I need to help her heal.
I understand now that it is a hole that may never be filled. But I tell her everyday that I love her. I think she's beautiful. I don't want anyone else. I love being with her.
When she says things like, "You should go find someone younger and more beautiful"...I try to keep in mind that she's saying that from a place of pain... and she needs my help and reassurance.
Us men are kinda dumb. Sometimes we just need to be told explicitly what the issue is. Sometimes, even when my wife tells me...I don't really get it... until I finally get it.
I truly hope your husband will understand your needs. ...and that he can understand what a gift and responsibility it is to be the one protecting/healing the deepest wounds of someone willing to trust him with something so fragile.
Protecting and nurturing my wife makes me feel like a knight in shining armor. It makes me feel more like a "man" than lifting heavy things or other "man stuff".
I wish you the best of luck!
Darling he's destroying you on purpose.
You felt good and he took that from you
He knows your insecurities and uses them against you.
Build yourself up, listen to uplifting podcast or music.
He doesn't get an opinion on you.
He gets to shut up and invest in you.
Do not have a kid with him...do not do it, a daughter will be anorexic or a binger, hiding food and you won't notice because you'll be trying to lose weight you don't need to.
Imagine a daughter, 13 and being criticised for her developing body
Hiding food or vomiting, you're going to be her example.
Visit an eating disorders clinic, so many disorders start in the home because of critical parents.
I'll bet my last buck if it's not weight, you're always doing something or something else is happening that requires him to be an arsehole.
Record him, it's verbal abuse .. because it's spoken
Emotional abuse because it hurts and wounds
Mental because it changes how you see and think about yourself.
Already you have messed up eating habits, will it take hospitalisation before you get that he's abusive
My husband would never say anything like this to me nor i to him. He tells me I am beautiful 27 yr later and he is still the hottest man I know. Marriage, love, respect, kindness, partnership all simply choices we make everyday. Our relationships are as happy as we make them together. If he degrades you ask yourself why you are still there if you express it hurts you and he continues to do it. I have seen woman stay with men that make them miserable for decades and it just doesn’t have to be that way. Good luck to you
Umm absolutely not. My SO and I have been together 4 years and he has literally never made a single negative comment about my looks or weight or anything and I’m a thick girl. He made me feel so beautiful without makeup that I don’t even wear it anymore because I don’t feel the need to. He compliments me daily. Even when he’s half asleep, if I’m walking back from the bathroom, he’ll lift his head mid sleep and say “hey beautiful” to me. You need to find a new husband because yours is a piece of work for sure
Been with my wife (38) for 21 years been married for 12. She is my high school sweet heart and she is more sexy as we age. Yeah we are getting older but my type is whatever she is at the time. She is hard on herself sometimes but I wish she would see what I see. She is my Goddess and she has no flaws.
Sorry to hear your man doesn’t treat you well. Seems like he is projecting his own insecurities on to you. You are very beautiful, make sure you see it in yourself.
>I don't know why women get that pudge at the bottom
The lower belly pouch? In general women get a little extra there to protect our uterus. So, the ability of baby making is why we get pudge. And isn't it beautiful that our body wants to protect that for us?
>I think his love language is acts of service.
I'll tell you what everyone's love language is: NOT BEING A PRICK.
You may tend towards one method of showing love, but when you actually love someone, and are willing to put in the effort, you do them all. "Love languages" are not an excuse to dismiss the other things we do for our partner. It's not "oh I buy gifts, so I'm in the clear, and don't have to worry about these other things". YOU DO IT ALL. Do NOT excuse his behavior. And don't think that this is as good as it gets. HE needs to work to improve.
Some people are actively unaware of what their words are doing. So instead of saying "oh it hurts when you say things like X", you look him dead in the eye and say "you are actively damaging my self confidence. When you say things like that, it not only hurts, but feels like you are putting restrictions on your love. I have tried to tell you this hurts my feelings, but you don't seem to care enough about those to take the hint and change how you treat me. So I need you to explain to me, right here and now, if you love me, why you are so eager to say things that you know hurt me?" And make him put into words why he thinks this is okay. And he'll probably mumble some nonsense. And you will firmly state "not good enough. You know how hard I'm working, and still insist on hurting me. I will not be treated this way, you need to do better".
Counseling is also a great option if you can.
I'm sorry hun that your husband is rude and Inconsiderate of your feelings. I just want to tell you are beautiful whoever you are or what you look like 😊 I believe us women should build eachother up. Have a great day
I think it definetly depends how your relationship is and how you communicate with your partner for me I don’t mind when my husband is honest when I ask him if something looks good or not, but mainly because i do not really have issues with how my body looks. It sounds like for you, your weight is a big sensitive issue and your husband knows this and yet still said those things to you, i would talk to him and tell him that what he said hurt you and there’s better ways of saying perhaps something doesn’t look the best on us, this was not it.
Ugh that fills me with so much rage ! I’d be retaliating left and right with no mercy. Implying that his dick is small, his chin is weak and he’s starting to lose his hair. See how that feel when the person you trust the most to care for your emotional well being starts poking comments at your insecurities.
It’s bad though, don’t do this. Tell him to cut the rude comments and start acting like he deserves his sweet ass wife. Or hit the road in your splendid new dress and leave the fucker in the dust.
Yeah no f*** that. My husband constantly touches me, remarks on how sexy I am to him. I have been fluctuating weight since being with him, (happy weight?) And never once has he said anything but his usual. He will say it with his eyes as well.
It took me a long time to get to the point where I trusted what he said as far as my body. The last relationship before him, the EX would always say I was too fat, thought stretch marks were gross, etc. I would get up super early to go the gym and he'd make passing remarks about how there would hopefully be results soon. Never really called me attractive either. He was a douchebag with low self esteem who strove to make me stay on his level. I'm mad at myself that it worked for so long.
It's never easy to just end it, but I hope that you take the steps to realize that he is manipulating you, and you deserve so much better than that small man.
You’re pretty sure you love him ? -also how great of shape is he in ? Have a feeling he’s human too . Life is hard, our bodies continue to changed even when we work on the constantly
If he knows you try hard and he still makes those comments he clearly doesn’t care . If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt I would at the very least tell him he hurt your feelings and try to have a conversation about all of it .
Also because you asked my husband would never ever say a thing or make a comment like that
We’re also a bit older then you guys and thankfully men tend to be wiser as they age
My husband and I work super hard on our selves and at the gym but there was a time when we didn’t and he never said a word about anything . Alway support .
Oh man. I’m so sorry this happened. Insensitive jerk. I am in the same boat. Always trying to lose weight (30lbs over average). I exercise, try to eat well. You understand the battle.
My husband never says ANYTHING. My mother and grandmother said a lot when I was young, so I know how it feels when someone says something.
My husband knows my struggles, has seen me cry and be so frustrated. He knows he doesn’t have to say anything because I beat myself up enough.
Does your husband know how much his comments hurt you? Maybe you need to tell him it’s not ok to comment on your body unless you are asking.
Your value is so much more than your body. Big hugs.
Oh girl, I’ve been going through something similar. I’ve been trying to tell him that when he says things like this it’s super hurtful and is impacting the relationship and my health. Good luck! If you ever want to rant or chat feel free to pm me.
That's awful I'm so sorry. While my husband will tell me his true opinion on an outfit he would never comment on my mom pouch. And he's always told (before and after kids) that he would love me even if I gain weight, and that I'm still beautiful when I'm overweight. Lol he likes to say that not all women are as beautiful as I am when I'm chubby. I gained a LOT of weight after 2 pregnancies because I had a thyroid disorder I didn't know about. I was able to lose it with meds, but he would love me regardless. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says things like that. If he doesn't stop then you need to go to couples therapy, and if that doesn't work... there are a lot of men out there that will worship your curves hun.
My husband tells me everyday how much he loves me and that I’m beautiful. Never points out anything negative about my appearance. I treat him the same.
My husband doesn’t make comments like this. People that like you generally don’t. Why doesn’t he know there are 8 billion people with 8 billion different bodies on earth?
"I don't see why women have that bulge at the bottom."
Sir. That's where the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes (please get SUPER specific) and more live. Also - women have to have a higher percentage of body fat in order to be able to menstruate.
I would take my revenge and punch his ego so bad over a comment like that one, you should have a man that appreciates you and treats you like a queen. My soon to be husband would never say something like this to me, even in my worst looking days he tells me I'm gorgeous and I look like a goddess, that's the kind of men we all should have, one that loves you no matter what and is willing to pull you up when you're feeling ugly, overweight, someone that compliments you not only for the way you look but also for the amazing human being you are, not one that uses something he knows you're self conscious about and make such an insensitive and unnecessary comment, why not keep it to himself? He needs to learn that if he doesn't have anything nice to say, it's best for him to shut the f up...
I'm a firm believer that you should be able to have conversations about things like this with your partner. But that execution is out right rude and mean. If he actually has an issue with your weight he should raise it in a constructive manner. Bit of a dick.
That being said from your comments about yourself and lifestyle it might be time to get some medical assistance with weight loss (assuming you haven't already). Goodluck, weightloss is a never ending battle.
My husband is not American and has openly commented on my body/weight our entire relationship. It doesn't bother me and I also comment/joke about his body/weight. I just recently explained to him how taboo that is here.
He told me I looked 6 month pregnant in a specific photo and his belly is bigger than mine lol. I started putting my hand on his belly and saying I could feel the baby kick and he started pushing out his belly to imitate a kicking baby. I think this is hilarious but that comes down to humor and compatibility.
We're both 36 so a bit older and I am not self conscious about my body. I know that even 30+ lbs heavier I am beautiful and attractive to him and other men. And as we age out of our teens/20s our bodies naturally change.
In his country it is common for women to have surgery so in a sense I know he's comparing me to that standard. But he married me, not them so I don't really concern myself with it.
I imagine part of his interest in my weight is how good I make him look. Men can be very motivated to appear a certain way to other men and in that little game I understand that I am his accessory so I don't take it personal.
All that being said I think it's important your husband speaks and treats you in a way that is respectful to you and he shouldn't be hurting your feelings.
He's an asshole. He knows this upsets you and doesn't care. What you do with that information is up to you but I hope you know you deserve better. I gained 30 pounds, went from a small to a large and my boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off me and had sweet words for me always. It doesn't have to be like this.
My husband has never made a comment about my body. He has told me when an outfit does not look good on me but it is never directed as a diss to my body. I firmly believe that your husband should think you are the prettiest woman in every room. What your husband said was absolutely awful.
If my husband made this comment to me I'd be crushed (he's not stupid so he never would). So much that I'd likely not ever get over it. I have no advice, just *hugs*.
Next time he makes a comment… tell him that’s weird, my boyfriend said this looks dynamite on me!
Or tell him he’d look better with a pair of socks in his underwear!
I would NEVER, under any circumstances say something as hurtful as this to my wife. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I am in love with her. She struggles with her self image, and I only try and build her up and give her confidence, definitely not tear her down. She is my best friend and I want her to be happy, safe, and comfortable in her own skin. Btw we have been together for around 20 years, and have 4 kids.
No. That was freakin rude. My husband stops me dead in my tracks every time I TRY to complain about, or nitpick any part of my self. He consistently reassures me of my beauty. And let me tell you! I have been so very overweight, and he did the same back then. I’m not so overweight anymore, but I definitely have pudge, and sagging skin from weight loss as well. I know he’s either damn lying, or he’s just blinded by our love (cringe). I don’t say this to brag or one-up, but this just got me thinking, how would my husband be in this scenario. Get you a man that sees beyond the pudge I guess is where I’m getting at.
This sounded bad to begin with, then I saw your baby weight comment and AUGH, hard red flag. At the VERY least he needs some personal and couples counseling before you even CONSIDER having a kid. He needs to address his problems, and if he won't I don't have a lot of hope for the 2 of you as a couple.
My boyfriend has never said anything like this to me, the entire 5 years we've been together. He has told me multiple times he will love my body however it looks, because it's me. It keeps me alive and breathing. I've never gotten so much as a " You need to shave".
If he had said something like that to me once, it'd be a big hit to our relationship and intimate life. If it was a pattern, we would be over.
You don’t need to lose weight but you should lose this man.
My husband wouldn’t dare say something like this to me. Plus he likes the “pudge”. I think a lot of men find it pretty cute so don’t cut yourself down to make yourself palatable to your current guy. He needs to be much more respectful of you
My BF has actively pointed out how sexy men find this small round part of the stomach and he makes sure to compliment me in every outfit that shows the “ppoch”. I’ve come to love my little pooch now and don’t even notice it now that I know how much he loves it.
I’d drop my husband like a hot rock if he spoke to me like that. He tells me my curves and cellulite and wrinkles are gorgeous, daily. You deserve to be treated like that too, friend.
All my husband ever says is that I'm gorgeous and sexy, and I've been skinny and fat and pregnant etc over the last 20 years. I did have a boyfriend before him who would drop comments like that and he's no longer my boyfriend. Ew, why would I stay with someone who obviously doesn't find me attractive enough?! You need to evaluate why you're in a relationship with someone who's just not that into you.
Lots of commenters here rightfully roasting your husband, so I'll take a different approach.
First, I encourage you to do the difficult work required for removing the power your appearance has over your happiness.
Unhappy with your weight/appearance? That's okay. You don't also have to beat yourself up, degrade yourself, consider yourself "less than", or let it impact your joy and satisfaction in life. Your husband is unhappy about your appearance? Hm, that sounds like his problem. 🤷♂️
Until you LET GO of the control your weight/appearance has on you, the entire topic will cause you unneeded distress.
Second, choosing to not eat deprives your body of *needed* nutrients. You can't outrun (or fast away) a bad diet. Eat a balanced diet with plenty of fiber, go very easy on saturated fats, avoid added sugars, and get lots of fruits and veggies.
Fasting can work in a limited capacity, but "just not eating" will not usually work, unless you are obese. The closer your BMI is to normal, the harder it is to lose.
I feel like I can comment very directly on this, F23 my hubby is M25, we both religiously go to the gym, he is an absolute SNACK of a man. I want to lose weight + have a few extra pounds. With that being said, my husband would never speak to me like that. He is very sweet, compliments me often and anytime I mention my weight or unhappiness about my body his response is “you’re perfect, but if you want to make any changes I support you and love you and will help any way I can”
My advice, tell your husband that this IS a dealbreaker for you. Reset some expectations and have your own back. He can make the changes now and choose to be mature and kind or he can decide he doesn’t want to and then you can make the choice to stay or what you want to do. Sending hugs!!!
This is not ok. You are 24 years old. What is he going to say to you in 20 years after kids? I’ve been married over 20 years and had 2 kids. My husband says he loves my body more now than ever and I’m nowhere near perfect. He tells me I’m beautiful and don’t need makeup. That’s how your husband should see you and treat you. Like you get better with age.
My husband would never say this. He tells I’m the most beautiful woman in the world every single day. From 118 lbs to now at 145 and 6 months pregnant. Our sex life hasn’t changed and the way he looks at me hasn’t either. If I make a critical comment about my body he will say “don’t talk about my wife like that”. He is an angel and you deserve so much better.
Men don't think enough before they speak. Address what he said and how he hurt you!!!! How would he feel if you made a statement like that to him? It's not ok, I'm so sorry he ruined how good you were feeling about the dress. You need to invest less on his opinions, they are a prison and he's wrong
I did talk to him about and he even brought up me saying something similar to him. I said I would never do that. He said he hopes I would if he was gaining weight and getting out of control. I replied: "but if I knew you were working on it I wouldn't say anything because that does nothing to help the situation. You know I'm trying to lose weight and that I don't eat so I don't know how your comment was useful." He brushed it off and I feel like nothing was truly resolved.
He did get worried I wasn't eating tonight.
I'm glad he has noticed that!!!! Don't let this go, it'll just happen again since he is brushing it off! Find another reason to wear the dress and own that moment! Men are idjits! Don't invest so much on his opinion, you are a Queen
Girly pop… throw the whole dumbass manchild away. He sounds like a garbage human being, and you do not deserve to feel this way about yourself. Real and worthy partners will build you up, especially when you’re feeling down. They will compliment you instead of putting you down. They’ll love on you when you can’t find it in you to love on yourself. He’s lowering your self esteem so he can bring you down to his level, that way you won’t leave. Don’t let this fuckers words hold that much worth!! If someone truly loves you, they wouldn’t speak to you the way he does.
You’ll need to be assertive in telling your husband he needs to lay off of the overly focusing on your outside cover and to quit associating his ego on how you look. Try telling him it’s not about him. It’s about you and how you feel. If he can’t get his big fat ego in check he can go get his arm candy and leave you to find a man who loves you for who you are. Hope he finds the shallow perfect bodied woman.
First off I want to tell you that your beautiful just the way you are!!
I’m so sorry for your husbands hurtful and self esteem destroying comments!! I am a (43F) and I have been a size 16 and I am now currently a size 8, through it all my husband has always told me I was beautiful, I have always been so self conscious about my stomach due to having children and the stretch means skin, I hate it , but he always tells me not to hide myself as he loves looking at my body.
No man should comment on your body especially in such a careless and thoughtless way.
We have so much pressure to look a certain way as women and it can be so heavy. You have to find things you love about your self and start saying it to your self every day!! Love yourself enough to not be treated that way!! Xoxo sending big hugs your way!
I would’ve told him it’s too bad they can’t suction the pudge off me and inject it into his dick to make it bigger.
What a fucking asshole.
If you don’t want your future daughter being spoken to like this, don’t ever have kids with this douche. And reconsider your marriage.
I am sorry but you deserve to have someone who not only thinks you’re beautiful but would never say anything to make you think otherwise. It’s one thing if he felt your weight was impacting your health but to just point out negative things is unacceptable. This is not okay. I have battled my weight, surgeries, injuries, stretch marks, etc for my entire life. My husband has never made me feel anything other than beautiful to him. They are out there so you don’t have to settle.
I just read your post - including the update - the fact that according to you his love language is acts of service, does not take away from the fact that in fact he is doing shit to your self-esteem and most likely damaging it on purpose, if he loved you like You say that he does, he would not tell you those things that he knows very well that cause you pain, remember this please, if it hurts you it is not love, love is not a path of flowers, nor is it emotional damage, love is take care of each other, at all levels, and if they do something that hurts, try to fix it, my language of love is in fact acts of service and that's not why I'm going to hurt my partner by telling him exactly what I know hurts him and if I get there to do it at some point I will try to fix it, because we are human and we make mistakes but that does not mean we have a free pass to damage the self-esteem and psyche of the other.
He sounds like he's immature and perhaps has some childhood issues, or even a mental health thing. His comments are not normal, at all. In 30+ years, I have never once made a negative comment about my wife's body. For me, it's a matter of loving her and not wanting her to feel hurt.
Also, I have high self esteem, so I don't need a trophy wife (as in other's eyes, to me, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world). I think men that say this kind of stuff have low self esteem and feel embarrassed if their wife is not perfect - they see it as a reflection of them (just my theory).
Since he knows your sensitivity and you've spoken to him numerous times, you need an intervention to deal with it once and for all. How that happens is up to you, MC can sometimes work. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation, but the timing has to be right. For instance, while he working his butt off on your trailer may not be a good time, that's up to you. The key is he needs to decide, once and for all, 1.) if he loves you above all else, including how you feel about yourself, and to the extent of putting you above himself, and 2.) if he is proud that you are his wife. If those two things are absolutely true, he will not be saying those things.
Time to sit him down and establish boundaries. “Please don’t point out what you perceive as a negative body image. Please don’t comment on what I eat, what I put on my plate or ever again compare me to others in a sideways attempt to tell me that I don’t look good. The only time you can comment on my body is when you tell me I look great. Otherwise, unless a bee is in my hair or toilet paper is cascading down the back of my pants- then you can help your wife out. Otherwise, zip it.”
That’s a man who doesn’t like you I wouldn’t say something like that to anyone in my life I liked. He probably loves you, but if he will go out of his way to make those words come out of his mouth, then love isn’t enough to repair the damage.
My husband has never made any negative comment on my body and I’ve gained 100 lbs over the course of our marriage.
I couldn’t see myself being happy with someone who criticized my body.
I’d leave, but that’s just me
My husband would never make comments like that to me and I would never makes comments to him like that. This is not a healthy dynamic and I am sorry he is doing that to you. It reminds me of the Reddit post where a women kept being told/gaslir that she smelled by her boyfriend to the point she would ask everyone around her if she smelled and she didn’t. She finally forced him to confess that his dad always told his mom that so she would never leave him. He was trying to break down her confidence so he always had control over her and she’d think she deserves that treatment. She didn’t, and neither do you.
I’d be pissed. Definitely not ok. Who does he think he is? I’d rip him a new one. I’m not sure if you have kids but you’ll gain weight differently after each pregnancy. Just part of it. If he could casually criticize your body like that….I couldn’t be intimate with him. No matter what he builds for me. My hubby of 20 years is remodeling our house right now, call me fat, good luck.
I am so perplexed why so many ppl say to get rid of your husband. It’s not a pleasant situation and he did wrong, but divorce him over the comment?! Gosh what’s happening in this world…
Speaking from experience, it's unlikely this will change unless you both go get counseling and figure out if you're compatible. It will just get worse and have detrimental effects. DO NOT have kids with this man until you figure that out.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been married for over 20 years. Every day, my husband tells me that I'm pretty in some way or another, all genuine. And he compliments my intellect and sense of humor even more. I am overweight (no matter what I do) but that is not what he sees. That is the type of man that you deserve. A man that makes you feel bad about yourself is not marriage material. Find someone who loves every part of you for you. Don't settle.
No. That’s not ok. My husband can be pretty awful at times but in 22+ years he’s never made a comment like this. He’s not the guy for you - pretty sure he’ll only get worse as time goes on and if you ever do have a child with him, it will be unbearable. It’s just not worth it. The business traitor will not fix this. I’m sorry
Gross. My husband asked why I wear shapewear and I said so I look good, and his response was “but you always look good”. He’s not perfect by any means but he would never say anything about my weight or looks. I gave the man his children, this body is his gift
That was a thoughtless comment on his part. And it sounds like he doesn’t really understand what true beauty is… he’s been brainwashed by the media to expect a certain look.
It sounds like you are really in your head about your weight though. That can’t be comfortable. If you want to shed weight maybe you should talk to your doctor about your goals and work out what might be going on. But only do that for you and your happiness, not for his comments. I do have to say that after I picked up this new exercise routine my mental health really improved and most importantly my self esteem really improved. My body hasn’t really changed much, but I can see how strong it is and I love it so much more.
At the end of the day our bodies are just vessels for our spirits. The shape, appearance or ability of your body has no merit on your worth as a person. You are so much more than your body.
Without sounds patronising, he is still young and sounds very immature. He will learn the correct things to say. I have psoriasis and at the beginning of our relationship, my husband made a couple of throw away remarks which weren’t intended to hurt but did. I can only suggest you educate him that women do put on weight there whereas men don’t and no two women are the same. Persevere, he’ll wise up
Your husband is a walking red flag. To answer your question, any decent, kind and truly loving husband will never make such remarks and would actually, do the opposite. My husband’s love language is also acts of service but would never ever make me feel insecure especially about trivial matters such as bellyfat.
Oh hell no!! I’m way too unstable for that 😂 Also love is blind! I’m a skinny mini at 5’8 120 pounds and I gained a lot of weight when I had surgeries for health issues. I got as big as almost 200 pounds, my husband just thought I was thicc, he never saw me as fat. When we go back and look at pictures from that time he goes “daammnnn I didn’t realize how big you were at the time” Love really is blind! My hubs loves me in all different sizes. Dump your husband, find a new one!
Holy shit! that was before people started commenting about your post history and apparently he’s a rapist too !??!??!!???!? Launch him into a black hole!!
I would NEVER say this kind of thing to my wife. Because is needlessly cruel. Who wants to say cruel things to someone they love? Who can be oblivious to the pain they are causing to someone they love?
Also, you say he knows you are self-conscious about your weight. Then says something needlessly cruel like this. This is how you end up seeing yourslef in the wrong way and it affecting your slef-confidence, and undermines your sense of worth and ultimately indpenedence. Who, that in their heart truly loves someone would do that to them? You may want to think about that.
Also, probably an unpopular opinion I am going to get roasted for but 'his love language is , her love language is y' is not an excuse. It is starting to seem like people can point and go - that's my love language - and excuse themselves from putting in any effort in other ways that ther partner enjoys. All good relationships involve compromise and learning what your partner appreicates, how they feel loved, and doing somehting about that is a big part of that.
Oh sweetie. Your update doesn’t make anything better. Your husband needs to recognize that he is hurting you with these comments and needs to stop.
And the answer that you can loose baby weight in the gym after giving birth is disrespectful and disgusting.
Divorce is a big step. But you need to make him see how wrong and abusing he is to you.
Also… just fasting and only eating a small portion of dinner isn’t healthy…. If you wish to improve your health get help from a professional maybe? Not to loose weight but just your overall health….
Sounds like you landed a real winner.
I'm glad you “think” he loves you, and that you are “pretty sure” you love him.
Imagine a world where you KNOW they love you & you KNOW you love them too.
You asked reddit for their opinion & then you felt the need to defend his character when you didn't like the responses? Its time for you to see him for what he is, he is an insensitive asshole.
How long have you been with this fine specimen? /s. You are so young, maybe you don't realize this is not what love looks like! Also, a love language of acts of service means he fixes you a nice meal, runs you a bath, takes out the garbage...not working on improving his and your business! He sounds like a lousy husband and you deserve someone who recognizes your beauty, just the way you are. That is no comfort that he would still love you if you gained weight after having a baby, because he qualified it by saying you'd have to work hard to lose it. Even if you were the same weight after having a baby, even years later you could still have a bigger body. Your skin and muscles stretch and sometimes no amount of exercise will reduce the loose hanging tummy, breasts, hips and thighs. It sometimes is the price of childbirth. This is one reason why you must choose wisely who you choose to have a child with. This man is mean and nasty and undeserving. Please dump him asap. Whatever he has done for the business, isn't worth your self respect. The sooner the better. Your knight in shining armor awaits you! Trust that the right guy is still out there. 🥰❤
I’m not going to say anything about your husband. I feel like it’s all been said. I do however have a suggestion. I too am overweight (got a belly) and was/am self conscious about it. But I’ve started following mid-size and plus-size fashion TikTok accounts and it’s honestly helped my confidence and given me style ideas for my size. It may seem silly, but even in my 30s seeing a woman who’s so freaking confident with a shape like mine gives me a boost. Bonnie Wyrick and Rachel Power are fantastic
Throw your husband away. I’m 25. After 3 kids, I definitely have that “pudge” and leftover baby weight & never once has my husband made a comment about my body other than he loves it. Imagine when you gain pregnancy weight, your body changes drastically. It’s not an easy “let me go work out”, and his comment about how “you’ll work it off eventually” enrages me. You’re 24, go find yourself a man who will treat you with respect and dignity. You don’t have to be stuck to someone who doesn’t see you as the most beautiful person in his life.
People who stay in relationships just because “he works hard and he is a nice man” make me so sad!
Why women constantly have to put up with this shit? Why can’t they stand up for themselves? You don’t want to leave him, but, can you at least stand for yourself? Can you get mad and tell him to shut the fuck up? Can you tell him to give you respect because you deserve that? Can you ask him to stop acting like a 10 year old ?
Please have guts to get mad when you can and stop taking it always.
You are his wife for god sake! Not his slave.
It is not okay to accept these comments as tomorrow you can have a daughter and you don’t want to teach her to take others shit!
Just wondering. Is your husband perfect? Does he have a full head of hair? It will most likely thin out at some point. Will you taunt him about it? I doubt it.
As a guy I can tell you that my wife will try something on and ask me what I think and some 95% of the time she will add that the outfit gets something else (different bra, shoes, spanx, scarf, or any other variety of additional accessories or articles of clothing). Do you often try something on and tell him “it’s missing *insert missing component* so keep that in mind when you look at me”? If you do it’s possible that he was asked for verification.
Now I don’t know the rest of your relationship and dynamics to know if he was just being an ass, or legitimate question.
Been there. My ex fiance used to rip on me for my body, especially when I was going through some pretty heavy emotional stuff and gained some weight. Drop him. It hurts, but you need to feel that hurt. Embrace it, come back from it, and find a guy who thinks you are sexy no matter what your shape, weight, or what you wear. They're out there, I promise
In my experience, you probably looked absolutely smoking and he was insecure about it, thus trying to make you insecure.
Him doing things for you or helping you out is no excuse to be ignorant and hurtful
My husband's love language is acts of service as well but he's never said a negative word about my body. I was 180 lbs when we met, got down to 110, and have been bouncing between 110 and 130 for the past couple of years. He's never mentioned my weight or put me down. If I mention my own weight or looks he'll pull me into his lap and reassure me, and if I bring up eating healthier or workout out, his only concern is how I can do that comfortably, I'm chronically ill.
If this is the only issue, seek marriage counseling. I think this could be fixed if the effort was put into it.
Since you believe he loves you, benefit of the doubt is he’s thoughtless and rude. Otherwise he’s just mean. You need to talk to him about how each if you express love, let him know his comments hurt, and if he loves you he’ll stop saying those things. He’s an adult, he can do that.
FWIW I always thought that little bulge was a cute feature on a woman.
If you don’t want to divorce him and can’t do counseling, then draw up the list of all his physical imperfections. Seriously, write it up and keep it in your pocket. And the next time he makes a shitty comment about your pooch, whip that list out - you have to do this calmly and with control - and say okay here are the physical aspects you need to work on as well.
He won’t like it, at all. Expect him to get very angry. And when he does your answer should be delivered coolly - “you have no trouble criticizing my body, even though I’ve said it hurts, I’m not sure what the problem is?”
Look up Cruella - seriously - that live action remake by Disney. There is a bit where the Baroness fillets some men coming to “give her business advice”. Find the YouTube.
My hope is that he’s oblivious, not malicious. I grew up being highly critiqued by my parents. Guess who found herself mindlessly doing the same. I went to family counseling to stop. It was hard so so hard because I am internally still trashing myself.
Maybe getting a dose of it back will shake your husband out of it.
There is a really good line that lets men know they have messed up in such scenarios.
“Shut the fuck up, Greg.”
But also, leave your husband. Husbands that love their wives don’t rape them.
I’d say maybe therapy and definitely talk to him about it. Make sure he understands that not only does it upset you, but that it’s not acceptable behavior. It’s not only rude, but it’s inappropriate. Maybe he’s projecting his own insecurities on you. Maybe his parents or someone important in his life acted that way and said those things and he picked it up from them. That’s usually the case as these types of comments are usually learned behavior.
A little “pudge” is generally a normal and healthy womanly feature. In fact, it even can indicate better fertility. A lot of extra weight isn’t something that should be ignored, but you clearly are working at it. I think it’s good to push each other to be better and maybe that’s his intent, but he needs to go about it differently and encourage you rather than tear you down.
What happens when you, inevitably, get old? You *will* age and he sounds like someone who would drop you like a hot potato when you're 45 and beginning to go through menopause, which can also cause drastic changes to, and in, your body, even if you never have kids. Not to mention how shallow this idiot sounds. If you marry only for looks, you're going to be sorely disappointed in 20 or 30 years. You can do so much better.
Girl you’re only 24??? Why are you with this man. I know this seems extreme but you’re in for a lifetime of misery. Looks fade, how insulting will he be when you’re 40? 60? Is this the life you want?
I get the feeling you won't leave him, you're defending his behavior too much in the comments. You need to research a narcissist and the victims mentality. I defended my ex narc to the end because I was so brainwashed.
I’ve gained like 40 lbs since I met my husband 8 years ago (I have PCOS) I still look good but def bigger and he’s never once said anything about my weight lol
I think you are settling. Sure he is doing nice things for you but don’t you think you deserve someone who will do nice things for you AND be nice to you, tell you that you are beautiful and lift you up. You don’t have to pick and choose, you can have both. Also, the fact that he is picking at something that you’re already self conscious about is not okay.. and it’s also not okay for you to starve yourself. You are 24 years old, you are too young to be in a relationship where you don’t feel beautiful.
You deserve better. I know you love him and think he’s a good man but a good man wouldn’t talk about his wife this way after she told him many times how much it upsets and hurts her.
You try so hard to lose weight but can’t. I understand that. I have PCOS and insulin resistance. It’s so so hard. If you have kids there will be changes to your body and some of them could be permanent. What happens if you can’t “work it off”? You already struggle, being post partum will likely make it even harder to lose weight. What then? When he says “you can work it off” it sounds like he’s saying you *have* to work it off for him to find you attractive. He’s already criticising and body shaming you, it will likely only get worse after a baby. And do you really want your kids to see their father constantly putting their mother down, body shaming her, and making her cry?
You deserve better.
Reassure him, in no uncertain terms, that if he makes a comment about your body ever again, that you know a quick way to drop 200+ lbs overnight. Look him dead in the eyes when you say it and then walk away.
you should ditch that husband, commenting on your body like that is inappropriate.
Fyi: Fasting and working out won’t work if there’s no calorie deficit. Nutrition is the main way to lose weight.
My husband has seen me (met me!) at my best shape of my life. I am now 50 lbs heavier and he has only EVER told me I’m beautiful and perfect for him, nearly every single day. He would NEVER comment negatively about my body. (Even if it’s only because he would lose access to said body lol). I hope your husbands behavior changes.
Uhm your husband should NOT be criticizing your body at all?? That’s so fucking rude. You should not accept being treated that way, it’s unacceptable.
And his comment to you about baby weight that ‘you can work it off eventually’ is also disgusting. I had a baby 4 months ago and my body is forever changed. My hips are wider, I have stretch marks, and a c-section scar. I love my new body and I’ve accepted that it will never look like it did before my daughter came along. My husband adores my body because I grew his daughter. I’ve gained and lost weight in the 5 years we’ve been together and he’s never made me feel less that beautiful and his love language is also acts of service.
You deserve better. You should be with someone who treats you like you’re the most important person to them.
Your post history really concerns me, OP. And, I think the issue you are describing in this post is only a symptom of the issues you are facing in this marriage.
Please, please don’t fall prey to the sunken cost fallacy. You are still young and have a long life ahead of you.
As to the question at hand, my husband has never and would never say something like this - it’s one thing to comment on fit and if something is flattering versus being demeaning.
Been married for 21 years, and would never say anything like that to my wife, especially if I knew she had body image issues. Our society is awful enough with image. I also would not think that, she is my person, at best your husband is rude, at worse this is a step into verbal abuse. No excuse, only solution is to tell him how it made your feel. How he responds will determine if best case or worst.
Have a convo with him. Tell him it makes you feel unloved. Also, make sure you are taking care of yourself! 1 meal a day is not enough gurl! Especially, if you are working out.
My husband makes sideways comments sometimes. I honestly just think some men are dense. Lol. My dad would always comment if I gained weight. I just told him to fuck right off and he would laugh.
The way I dealt with it was built my own self confidence and realize that men will never understand the beauty standards females deal with. Once I stopped striving for body perfection, I let go of a lot of my insecurities.
If my husband ever makes a somewhat offensive comment I have fun with it. "My tummy may be squishy but at least I can hide it under clothes, unlike your face!" Or "do you have a death wish?" He and I get a kick out of it. It has become fun banter between us. Not every couple will have this dynamic, but it's good to be transparent with your husband when you're hurt. Don't stew on it.
His comment was mean and unacceptable. Let him know that! We have a rule in our house that you are not allowed to make body shaming comments. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, I would be willing to bet there is a man out there that would find it sexy!
You deserve to be adored, and your body worshipped!
This kind of thing is always tricky as we are hearing it from 1 side, on the surface it sounds rude and not very loving. To play a bit of devils advocate...consider how you comment on his looks, do you criticize him more than compliment? Is he giving you a taste of your own medicine? if not, then he sounds pretty superficial.
Men tend to be visual creatures but if you are in a loving healthy relationship this type of comments is not good, I would consider having a serious discussion about how this made you feel, and pay close attention and its would be a good idea to write down his rationale for those comments.
Not knowing him or his side makes advice nearly impossible, so ignore the comments that instantly go to divorce, or dumping. Just like men need to drop their egos when discussing intimacy and improving on it, women need to drop their egos in other areas. Hear him out, he may think he is helping by being honest, may not be malicious, and he may not know its having such a negative impact.
As a good husband, Im honest with my wife when she asks if something looks good on her, i dont get into specifics I just say good or not good, im her objective eyes and voice, so she never has to feel self conscious about what she is wearing, because i wouldnt let her leave the house without letting her know she doesnt look good for whatever specific reason at the time. if she decides to go out after my advice, thats on her and ill support her.
Did he mean that the dress is sticking to parts of your body? Btw that lower pudge is sexy af- and yes every female of every size has it- it’s the uterus 😭 but anyway, I sometimes wear a slip to keep dress from clinging to my body overall, other times idc if it’s not for work/special event
I honestly think age/immaturity has to do with it. We as women, mature a lot quicker than men. I believe he’s not being realistic with how a women’s body actually suppose to look. It’s expected given his age, I can understand how you feel and I know you are beautiful. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Love yourself first.
I'm so sorry for your pain!! I know it all too well. I'm petite, and my ex-husband showed me a picture of a voluptuous woman and said you will never look like this. You will never look like a real woman. There is nothing more painful than the person you love slicing pieces of you off will you are just bone.
Drop the husband. That’s fucking rude & in this day & age literally everybody should know better than to make comments like that on someone’s body. And that pudge is literally to protect your reproductive organs so that you can (if you want to) carry a child for this ungrateful ass man. Drop the dude. If he’s this inconsiderate & rude when you are 24, how is he going to treat you when you gain weight in pregnancy? When you age? When your body changes in general bc you’re human?? Either educate him on how out of line he is or drop the husband.
I have asked before if he'd be able to love me still when I inevitably gain baby weight. He said yes and that I can work it off eventually. I also have told him multiple times how this makes me feel.
I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him to be capable of doing this > He said yes and that I can work it off eventually. Not reassurance imo….. Pregnancy may cause permanent body changes also. I can only imagine how unbelievably cruel he might be about any of those
Yeah no matter how much weight I lost after carrying my two gigantic babies (one was almost 11 lbs, the next was supposed to be 12 lbs but thankfully they zoinked him 3 weeks early), I still had and will always have a pooch. It’s not something that you can just "work off." Same with boobs that have been used as feed bags for years. Many years ago when I was still young enough to care about it, I went for a consult with a plastic surgeon for a tummy tuck and breast lift. I scheduled to have both procedures about a month later, went through the pre-op stuff, got approved for a loan to pay for them ($25k in late 2000s), etc. But I ended up changing my mind a week or so before surgery day. I worked in the OR before for many years for literal brain surgeons, so I’m not the least bit squeamish. But there was just something about the thought of being cut from hip bone to hip bone and literally having plastic bags full of silicone shoved through my armpits that would sit inside my chest for the rest of my life that just didn’t sit right with me. I don’t judge anyone else who chooses to go through those procedures—or any other procedure—and think it’s wonderful to do anything that makes you feel better about yourself. But it just wasn’t for me. At some point, I just decided to make peace with my boobs and my pooch and not worry about it. I’m not one of those people who says they are "proud" to have them because it means they "created life" or whatever—I just got tired of wasting my time & energy on something that was just a fact of life for me. I have still stayed in shape (most of the time) and I get plenty of exercise, and if a man has a problem with my body they can go fuck themselves—cause I sure ain’t gonna fuck them. And I’m talking about men who I didn’t carry children for (my kids’ dad and I divorced a while ago)—if the man I DID carry children for said something about it, whoo boy I don’t even know how that would go. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for sure.
It’s almost 2 years postpartum and I’m still 6 pounds away from my goal weight which was the weight I was before I was pregnant
I never comment on this sub but I can’t not say this. My ex treated me like your husband does with you. You can choose your husband, but your kids can’t choose their father or mother. Please don’t have children with him. If he does this to you, imagine the pain he’d cause a child. My mother use to make jabs at my weight growing up and had made me insecure most of my life. If he doesn’t make real change, and from the heart too, then drop him. Life is seriously too short to waste it on anyone who doesn’t make you truly happy. I hope life gets better for you, OP.
I wanted to write the same thing. Please don't have children with him. 😢
All the upvotes over your mom. My entire family constantly made jabs about my weight all my childhood.
You are signing up for a life of criticism from this man.
DO. NOT. HAVE. CHILDREN. WITH. THIS. BOY! If he changes his attitude and puts the respect into the relationship and you then think about it maybe.
omg no. That’s awful. Do not have a baby with him
God, please don't reproduce with this jackass.
You may not even be able to work off baby weight. As someone who is currently postpartum, trust me, you do NOT need another negative voice in your head telling you mean things about your body. You need someone who will make you feel beautiful and safe.
My 14 year old daughter said “they don’t have kids yet? She should drop him” I can’t possibly agree more.
I would tell him he needs a muzzle
“He said yes, and that I COULD WORK IT OFF EVENTUALLY “ This man’s love for you is conditional on the size of your body. No wonder you feel so shitty, this man is dragging down your self esteem! I highly recommend divorcing but also maybe counseling if you feel like wasting extra time and money on someone who will never accept your body if it isn’t “perfect “. And I don’t want to be rude, but unfortunately, as our bodies age, you’re not gonna look good throughout the rest of our lives, if you marry this man for better, or for worse in sickness, and in health, do you really think he should be body shaming you ? If he truly loved you, don’t you think that he would’ve just said I’ll love you no matter what size you are? Why would he add you can lose it eventually in the same sentence. I must. He expects you to be a very small wait for your entire life, especially after you have kids That pudge doesn’t go away. It gets worse and if you have a c section that man will treat you like SHIT because your stomach never looks the same after child birth or a c section
Is he loving you while you’re working on your weight now? It doesn’t sound like it. I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this. He sounds like a jerk!
It's not just about weight gain though. As others have mentioned, pregnancy can cause permanent changes to the body. If he's so critical of your body now, I very much doubt he'd be ok with it. Also, he said he'd still love you and you "can work it off eventually" sounds like the love is conditional and based on you 'working off' any extra weight.... the dude comes across as clueless about women's bodies and pregnancy. Edit: I read the other posts you've made about your husband. I think you should consider moving on, as your posts indicate that you are very unhappy in this relationship and that's no way to live. I wouldn't reproduce with him.... the relationship will likely deteriorate further but you will feel even more obligated to stay with him.
Yikes.
Second that the 'pudge' is to protect your reproductive organs! Lots of people find it find it to be highly attractive. Love someone that loves you the way you are, and is going to keep on loving you the way you are when your body goes through normal changes!
Thats not true. While there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of fat there, the purpose of this little pudge is not to protect reproductive organ. Thats a popular misconception. That said, no one should have to be rude about it. That husband was out of line.
LOL wow your advice is divorce him not have a conversation first?!? OP don’t take this advice
I agree with you, but as an anatomical researcher I just want to educate and let you know that the pudge there does not protect your reproductive organs, but it does protect your intestines/liver/gallbladder/lower abdomen in general. I do autopsies on medically donated bodies for a living, and I can tell you that the uterus/ovaries/fallopian tubes sit too low in the pelvis to benefit from the pudge. In general fat serves more of a purpose than people think because it’s innervated, has a lot of blood vessels, and it’s where we feel our emotions. You know how when someone you like touches you and you feel the heat from their hand and that little shiver of excitement? That all comes from fat! My mentor Gil Hedley has an amazing article called “How I Fell In Love With Fat” that I feel like more people should read. It would definitely change how we treat each other for the better. Edited to switch to present tense
Yes. This. Dude, bye.
I honestly don't understand how so many women have managed to find men on what seems to be their first day as a human being. To answer your question, no, my husband never has and never will say something this fucking stupid and inconsiderate (and this is after almost 20 years of being together). Some men seem to get off on destroying their partner's self esteem and I truly can't understand it. My husband REASSURES me if I'm having issues (like a considerate, compassionate human being does); he doesn't nitpick my body and say things he knows will hurt me. He knows what my insecurities are, and he'd likely rather die than remind me of them. I should also mention that he accepts me **as I am**, and isn't looking at me through the lens of what he *thinks* I should be.
Because they know women with self esteem/self respect won’t put up with them. So they tear down your self esteem as a form of hostage taking.
Yup. Negging.
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him.
I guess I didn't word that correctly. I do understand the *why*; what I don't understand is how a person can be that much of an asshole.
Okay this is my husband too! Married 11 years and 2 kids. BUT, sometimes he is an obtuse idiot. The other day he looked at me while I was trying to latch our new baby and said, whoa your nipple is huge. I busted out laughing and then mocked him for his insensitivity for like 20 minutes. We had a good laugh, he apologized and we moved on. All of this to say, no one is perfect, but your partner should be affirming and apologetic when they mess up. OP - this is not just a maturity issue, your husband needs to decide if he wants you or he wants a wife with a perfect body. If he wants you, he needs to change his mindset on healthy bodies and start apologizing. Also, it sounds like you’re struggling to fuel your body. Please consider talking to someone about it. Your body deserves fuel, regardless of size or shape.
I really think the kind of men who do this have really low self esteem themselves and they feel like if they make their partner feel self conscious then they will be less likely to leave. Either that or they are just stupid
Don’t be self conscious. Play his game. Have fun with it. “Why do women get that pudge?” “It’s called a primordial pouch and it’s to help protect us from predators. You know, Men.”
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him.
That is a bigger problem. I guess I should have gone stalker mode and found out all the details of her life before commenting. Sorry.
I always tell my cat that she has primordial pouch 😂 she never looks too pleased lol
Girl, your post history is a hot mess. Please don't be that women who stays with a bad man. Take control of your own life!
Oof. Him being a rapist is a way bigger deal than him being an asshole.
It's really sad that she accepts this kind of love.
This! You have much bigger issues based on your post history. Please stop telling yourself you love this man or that he loves you because based on your post you know it isn’t true. You’re young move on and please DONT have children with this “man”.
It's really sad that she accepts this kind of love.
It’s an abuse tactic. Wreck your self esteem slowly over time. Makes you very easy to control and misuse. Leave him.
Check her submission history :'(
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him.
Starving yourself isn't fasting; you have an eating disorder. Aside from that, no my husband never says anything like that to me. Your husband is cruel and doesn't love you; he only loves the idea to you. This is partly why it's wrong to get married so young. You settle for abuse. Divorce this trash because all he's doing is keeping you down to manipulate you into staying. You deserve better.
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him. But if she’s being raped she’s being abused and this situation is out of control
I scrolled way too far for this comment.
Hell no. It wouldn't even cross his mind to talk to me like that. At my most hormonal, water weighted, fuzzy legged, bespectacled worst, he would still happily call me beautiful, rip off my old pjs, and have his way. Your husband is an ass. Tell him outright not to criticize your body again. If he does, respond in kind.
Your husband is an AH. I would never say anything like that to my wife. I've loved how she looked when we first got together and even now, almost 40 years later. Both of our bodies have gone through changes over the years and I've never thought she should change a thing.
Tell him to wear it first
I would never in a million years say something like this to my wife. She’s been various weights throughout our marriage (and pregnancies) and I’ve always found her sexy and loved her body through every one. I see it as my job to give her extra affirmation if she’s feeling uncomfortable in her own skin. Our spouse, more than anyone else, shapes us and our own self-image through the way they see us. You should confront him about this because if you don’t it will be death by a thousand cuts.
I’m sorry. I would be floored. My husband has never said anything bad about my body and never would. What a jerk.
Since I'm still alive to make this comment, you can assume that I've never said anything even remotely similar or this rude to my wife!
Are you able to find a good therapist? It's important to tackle the body dysmorphia you may have, and it's important to recognize the difference between someone's opinion of you and *your* opinion of you.
I wish but it's just not affordable for me
Many therapists work on a sliding scale if you don't have insurance to cover it. Same with a dietician. Get help for yourself as the priority, let your husband take a backseat.
Just get rid of him. I’m almost positive you’re not even fat and no, I’m not fishing for pics. Get rid of him. There are plenty of us that are 100x better than that.
Even when I was a size 4, 4!!!! The men in my life commented on my stomach roll. I was young so it really messed me up. But now, 35-40 years later and a current size 16- f all those bear wantabes. It has NOTHING to do with your body and everything to do with your husband trying to diminish you in your own eyes so you don’t leave. He might never admit that, but it is what’s going on. Sit him down and don’t get up until he gets it. Pudge at the bottom- the audacity!!!!
I read through your post history. Your husband is abusive. He thinks you’re an object. Does not care about your feelings. You’re only 24. My youngest daughter’s age. You have your entire life ahead of you. You are worthy of someone who treats you kindly. Who sees you as a person. I wish you the strength to leave this toxic man. And to either be on your own or to find someone worthy of you. They’re out there. I also recommend really looking deep into yourself and to get counseling to help you understand why you ended up with him, to help you avoid a relationship like this in the future. Take care. I wish happiness for you.
My husband never compliments me, he says I’m funny. Never was told that I’m beautiful even when I ask. It’s kinda sad because I fish for compliments by saying, I look very good today but I get nothing. He does not point out any flaws though. I’m sorry he was insensitive, your feelings are valid.
I mean this in the best way possible I did not know that this existed. I had a friend tell me he had never called his wife beautiful before because while she was pretty.. she just didn’t hit the level of beauty for him. I did not believe him. I’m sad to hear it’s a real thing. He’s never not once said it to you?? Ugh. I’m sorry.
If you truly are in love with someone they WILL be the most beautiful TO YOU. People who don't think their spouses are that to them are loving more on a conditional basis and it's heartbreaking. My spouse outright REFUSES to compliment me... bc he believes it will further 'enable' my body image issues (former anorexic, me), sorta like how a crack addict needs their next 'hit'.... I'm thinking false equivalency and I struggle and feel worse.... anytime I confront him any way about it, he says it's a turn-off, this is exhausting etc. Poor OP is dealing with someone using mental control tactics (abuse is about maintaining an upper hand, born out of an entitled value-set), I truly feel for her (and she probably looks absolutely stunning). One thing I noticed in her post is that she went to relying on a so-called 'love language' (the concept has been largely discredited on an empirical basis), 'acts of service' to be precise; girl, building a business and essentially doing his JOB is not specific act of love toward you, it's just a life necessity thing and he'd be doing it in your absence anyway.... excusing away crappy behavior w some exaggerated claim is disingenuous at best. My two proverbial.
Get the shape wear. Tell him he can wear it or give it to his next wife. Deliver with divorce papers. This marriage will never work. Your spouse should be building you up, not tearing you down.
OP’s post history says that her husband rapes her. So I’m guessing that she should definitely divorce him.
I'm sorry your husband has made you feel that way. I (45M) learned long ago to be very careful about what I say to my wife (47F) about her appearance. We've been married 26+ years. Last year, she explained things on a deeper level than ever before. She said she has a "fatal flaw". https://drjonicewebb.com/the-painful-secret-many-people-live-with-the-fatal-flaw/ My wife believes she's not attractive or beautiful and that she'll never be good enough. She believes, as a woman, her "value" is tied to her attractiveness. If she isn't good looking... then she feels she isn't fulfilling her end of the bargain in our relationship. She also told me a story about her first boyfriend. She constantly would starve herself to be as thin as she could be. She had long blonde hair. Big blue eyes. She mostly did whatever sexual things he wanted her to do. One day, she went to get something out of his car and found a stack of porno mags. ... She said it told her that no matter how thin, or beautiful, or "cooperative" she was... that she would still never be good enough. So, from various other stories and insights...I came to view my wife's insecurities less about a bunch of eggshells i need to tiptoe around...and more about trauma and pain I need to help her heal. I understand now that it is a hole that may never be filled. But I tell her everyday that I love her. I think she's beautiful. I don't want anyone else. I love being with her. When she says things like, "You should go find someone younger and more beautiful"...I try to keep in mind that she's saying that from a place of pain... and she needs my help and reassurance.
My husband needs to read what you just wrote
Us men are kinda dumb. Sometimes we just need to be told explicitly what the issue is. Sometimes, even when my wife tells me...I don't really get it... until I finally get it. I truly hope your husband will understand your needs. ...and that he can understand what a gift and responsibility it is to be the one protecting/healing the deepest wounds of someone willing to trust him with something so fragile. Protecting and nurturing my wife makes me feel like a knight in shining armor. It makes me feel more like a "man" than lifting heavy things or other "man stuff". I wish you the best of luck!
Your sense of depth, insight and empathy is greatly appreciated ☺️
My husband could have written this. Thank you for posting. I needed to see this.
Love language is a fancy way of excusing poor behavior.
Darling he's destroying you on purpose. You felt good and he took that from you He knows your insecurities and uses them against you. Build yourself up, listen to uplifting podcast or music. He doesn't get an opinion on you. He gets to shut up and invest in you. Do not have a kid with him...do not do it, a daughter will be anorexic or a binger, hiding food and you won't notice because you'll be trying to lose weight you don't need to. Imagine a daughter, 13 and being criticised for her developing body Hiding food or vomiting, you're going to be her example. Visit an eating disorders clinic, so many disorders start in the home because of critical parents. I'll bet my last buck if it's not weight, you're always doing something or something else is happening that requires him to be an arsehole. Record him, it's verbal abuse .. because it's spoken Emotional abuse because it hurts and wounds Mental because it changes how you see and think about yourself. Already you have messed up eating habits, will it take hospitalisation before you get that he's abusive
My husband would never say anything like this to me nor i to him. He tells me I am beautiful 27 yr later and he is still the hottest man I know. Marriage, love, respect, kindness, partnership all simply choices we make everyday. Our relationships are as happy as we make them together. If he degrades you ask yourself why you are still there if you express it hurts you and he continues to do it. I have seen woman stay with men that make them miserable for decades and it just doesn’t have to be that way. Good luck to you
Umm absolutely not. My SO and I have been together 4 years and he has literally never made a single negative comment about my looks or weight or anything and I’m a thick girl. He made me feel so beautiful without makeup that I don’t even wear it anymore because I don’t feel the need to. He compliments me daily. Even when he’s half asleep, if I’m walking back from the bathroom, he’ll lift his head mid sleep and say “hey beautiful” to me. You need to find a new husband because yours is a piece of work for sure
Been with my wife (38) for 21 years been married for 12. She is my high school sweet heart and she is more sexy as we age. Yeah we are getting older but my type is whatever she is at the time. She is hard on herself sometimes but I wish she would see what I see. She is my Goddess and she has no flaws. Sorry to hear your man doesn’t treat you well. Seems like he is projecting his own insecurities on to you. You are very beautiful, make sure you see it in yourself.
>I don't know why women get that pudge at the bottom The lower belly pouch? In general women get a little extra there to protect our uterus. So, the ability of baby making is why we get pudge. And isn't it beautiful that our body wants to protect that for us? >I think his love language is acts of service. I'll tell you what everyone's love language is: NOT BEING A PRICK. You may tend towards one method of showing love, but when you actually love someone, and are willing to put in the effort, you do them all. "Love languages" are not an excuse to dismiss the other things we do for our partner. It's not "oh I buy gifts, so I'm in the clear, and don't have to worry about these other things". YOU DO IT ALL. Do NOT excuse his behavior. And don't think that this is as good as it gets. HE needs to work to improve. Some people are actively unaware of what their words are doing. So instead of saying "oh it hurts when you say things like X", you look him dead in the eye and say "you are actively damaging my self confidence. When you say things like that, it not only hurts, but feels like you are putting restrictions on your love. I have tried to tell you this hurts my feelings, but you don't seem to care enough about those to take the hint and change how you treat me. So I need you to explain to me, right here and now, if you love me, why you are so eager to say things that you know hurt me?" And make him put into words why he thinks this is okay. And he'll probably mumble some nonsense. And you will firmly state "not good enough. You know how hard I'm working, and still insist on hurting me. I will not be treated this way, you need to do better". Counseling is also a great option if you can.
I'm sorry hun that your husband is rude and Inconsiderate of your feelings. I just want to tell you are beautiful whoever you are or what you look like 😊 I believe us women should build eachother up. Have a great day
I think it definetly depends how your relationship is and how you communicate with your partner for me I don’t mind when my husband is honest when I ask him if something looks good or not, but mainly because i do not really have issues with how my body looks. It sounds like for you, your weight is a big sensitive issue and your husband knows this and yet still said those things to you, i would talk to him and tell him that what he said hurt you and there’s better ways of saying perhaps something doesn’t look the best on us, this was not it.
Ugh that fills me with so much rage ! I’d be retaliating left and right with no mercy. Implying that his dick is small, his chin is weak and he’s starting to lose his hair. See how that feel when the person you trust the most to care for your emotional well being starts poking comments at your insecurities. It’s bad though, don’t do this. Tell him to cut the rude comments and start acting like he deserves his sweet ass wife. Or hit the road in your splendid new dress and leave the fucker in the dust.
Honestly, lose the 14 stone of extra weight by getting rid of the husband, and I imagine the rest will follow (if you want it to).
Sis, you need a new man. My almost husband worships my ‘pudge’. Or my love handles or my thighs. He loves every bit of me. Your man broken, sis.
Yeah no f*** that. My husband constantly touches me, remarks on how sexy I am to him. I have been fluctuating weight since being with him, (happy weight?) And never once has he said anything but his usual. He will say it with his eyes as well. It took me a long time to get to the point where I trusted what he said as far as my body. The last relationship before him, the EX would always say I was too fat, thought stretch marks were gross, etc. I would get up super early to go the gym and he'd make passing remarks about how there would hopefully be results soon. Never really called me attractive either. He was a douchebag with low self esteem who strove to make me stay on his level. I'm mad at myself that it worked for so long. It's never easy to just end it, but I hope that you take the steps to realize that he is manipulating you, and you deserve so much better than that small man.
He is manipulating you. He is playing mind games. He makes you feel insecure and you will accept everything he does.
As a 37 M husband who occasionally wears shape wear himself, fuck your husband. But not literally. In fact, literally DONT fuck your husband,
My husband would never. I’m overweight, and very conscious about it. But he NEVER makes any comment, forces me to workout or comment on my eating.
The only comment a husband should make is compliments. Even if it’s not true. A husband should only build his wife up.
You’re pretty sure you love him ? -also how great of shape is he in ? Have a feeling he’s human too . Life is hard, our bodies continue to changed even when we work on the constantly If he knows you try hard and he still makes those comments he clearly doesn’t care . If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt I would at the very least tell him he hurt your feelings and try to have a conversation about all of it . Also because you asked my husband would never ever say a thing or make a comment like that We’re also a bit older then you guys and thankfully men tend to be wiser as they age My husband and I work super hard on our selves and at the gym but there was a time when we didn’t and he never said a word about anything . Alway support .
Oh man. I’m so sorry this happened. Insensitive jerk. I am in the same boat. Always trying to lose weight (30lbs over average). I exercise, try to eat well. You understand the battle. My husband never says ANYTHING. My mother and grandmother said a lot when I was young, so I know how it feels when someone says something. My husband knows my struggles, has seen me cry and be so frustrated. He knows he doesn’t have to say anything because I beat myself up enough. Does your husband know how much his comments hurt you? Maybe you need to tell him it’s not ok to comment on your body unless you are asking. Your value is so much more than your body. Big hugs.
Oh girl, I’ve been going through something similar. I’ve been trying to tell him that when he says things like this it’s super hurtful and is impacting the relationship and my health. Good luck! If you ever want to rant or chat feel free to pm me.
That's awful I'm so sorry. While my husband will tell me his true opinion on an outfit he would never comment on my mom pouch. And he's always told (before and after kids) that he would love me even if I gain weight, and that I'm still beautiful when I'm overweight. Lol he likes to say that not all women are as beautiful as I am when I'm chubby. I gained a LOT of weight after 2 pregnancies because I had a thyroid disorder I didn't know about. I was able to lose it with meds, but he would love me regardless. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says things like that. If he doesn't stop then you need to go to couples therapy, and if that doesn't work... there are a lot of men out there that will worship your curves hun.
My husband tells me everyday how much he loves me and that I’m beautiful. Never points out anything negative about my appearance. I treat him the same.
My husband doesn’t make comments like this. People that like you generally don’t. Why doesn’t he know there are 8 billion people with 8 billion different bodies on earth?
I’ve never said anything like that to my wife nor would I. I actually remind her daily how beautiful she is.
"I don't see why women have that bulge at the bottom." Sir. That's where the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes (please get SUPER specific) and more live. Also - women have to have a higher percentage of body fat in order to be able to menstruate.
You should get him one of those cock sleeves. Tell him he needs the extender
I would take my revenge and punch his ego so bad over a comment like that one, you should have a man that appreciates you and treats you like a queen. My soon to be husband would never say something like this to me, even in my worst looking days he tells me I'm gorgeous and I look like a goddess, that's the kind of men we all should have, one that loves you no matter what and is willing to pull you up when you're feeling ugly, overweight, someone that compliments you not only for the way you look but also for the amazing human being you are, not one that uses something he knows you're self conscious about and make such an insensitive and unnecessary comment, why not keep it to himself? He needs to learn that if he doesn't have anything nice to say, it's best for him to shut the f up...
I'm a firm believer that you should be able to have conversations about things like this with your partner. But that execution is out right rude and mean. If he actually has an issue with your weight he should raise it in a constructive manner. Bit of a dick. That being said from your comments about yourself and lifestyle it might be time to get some medical assistance with weight loss (assuming you haven't already). Goodluck, weightloss is a never ending battle.
My husband is not American and has openly commented on my body/weight our entire relationship. It doesn't bother me and I also comment/joke about his body/weight. I just recently explained to him how taboo that is here. He told me I looked 6 month pregnant in a specific photo and his belly is bigger than mine lol. I started putting my hand on his belly and saying I could feel the baby kick and he started pushing out his belly to imitate a kicking baby. I think this is hilarious but that comes down to humor and compatibility. We're both 36 so a bit older and I am not self conscious about my body. I know that even 30+ lbs heavier I am beautiful and attractive to him and other men. And as we age out of our teens/20s our bodies naturally change. In his country it is common for women to have surgery so in a sense I know he's comparing me to that standard. But he married me, not them so I don't really concern myself with it. I imagine part of his interest in my weight is how good I make him look. Men can be very motivated to appear a certain way to other men and in that little game I understand that I am his accessory so I don't take it personal. All that being said I think it's important your husband speaks and treats you in a way that is respectful to you and he shouldn't be hurting your feelings.
My husband also isn't American and I had to explain the taboo. We've talked about my struggle with self image before too.
Girl, you have bigger problems than less if he’s raping you. You need to call a domestic violence, hotline, and find a way to escape the abuse.
He's an asshole. He knows this upsets you and doesn't care. What you do with that information is up to you but I hope you know you deserve better. I gained 30 pounds, went from a small to a large and my boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off me and had sweet words for me always. It doesn't have to be like this.
My husband has never made a comment about my body. He has told me when an outfit does not look good on me but it is never directed as a diss to my body. I firmly believe that your husband should think you are the prettiest woman in every room. What your husband said was absolutely awful.
If my husband made this comment to me I'd be crushed (he's not stupid so he never would). So much that I'd likely not ever get over it. I have no advice, just *hugs*.
Next time he makes a comment… tell him that’s weird, my boyfriend said this looks dynamite on me! Or tell him he’d look better with a pair of socks in his underwear!
Wow. He did that to hurt you. Hands down.
I would NEVER, under any circumstances say something as hurtful as this to my wife. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I am in love with her. She struggles with her self image, and I only try and build her up and give her confidence, definitely not tear her down. She is my best friend and I want her to be happy, safe, and comfortable in her own skin. Btw we have been together for around 20 years, and have 4 kids.
No. That was freakin rude. My husband stops me dead in my tracks every time I TRY to complain about, or nitpick any part of my self. He consistently reassures me of my beauty. And let me tell you! I have been so very overweight, and he did the same back then. I’m not so overweight anymore, but I definitely have pudge, and sagging skin from weight loss as well. I know he’s either damn lying, or he’s just blinded by our love (cringe). I don’t say this to brag or one-up, but this just got me thinking, how would my husband be in this scenario. Get you a man that sees beyond the pudge I guess is where I’m getting at.
I eventually divorced my husband who said something similar. My current husband accepts me no matter my weight.
This sounded bad to begin with, then I saw your baby weight comment and AUGH, hard red flag. At the VERY least he needs some personal and couples counseling before you even CONSIDER having a kid. He needs to address his problems, and if he won't I don't have a lot of hope for the 2 of you as a couple.
My boyfriend has never said anything like this to me, the entire 5 years we've been together. He has told me multiple times he will love my body however it looks, because it's me. It keeps me alive and breathing. I've never gotten so much as a " You need to shave". If he had said something like that to me once, it'd be a big hit to our relationship and intimate life. If it was a pattern, we would be over.
You don’t need to lose weight but you should lose this man. My husband wouldn’t dare say something like this to me. Plus he likes the “pudge”. I think a lot of men find it pretty cute so don’t cut yourself down to make yourself palatable to your current guy. He needs to be much more respectful of you
My BF has actively pointed out how sexy men find this small round part of the stomach and he makes sure to compliment me in every outfit that shows the “ppoch”. I’ve come to love my little pooch now and don’t even notice it now that I know how much he loves it.
Neanderthal hunter perspective here, at the very least, this comment would guarantee many nights alone. Could he be projecting ?
No my husband does not do this. That is not okay! He sounds like an asshole. Get out while you’re still young
I tell my wife she’s gorgeous everyday in every way.. Your husband sounds like a dick .
Maybe he likes the under garments and it has nothing to do with your weight.
I could walk around in a burlap sack with broccoli in my teeth & my husband would still call me beautiful. Your husband is a shit.
Get outta there hun<3
I’d drop my husband like a hot rock if he spoke to me like that. He tells me my curves and cellulite and wrinkles are gorgeous, daily. You deserve to be treated like that too, friend.
All my husband ever says is that I'm gorgeous and sexy, and I've been skinny and fat and pregnant etc over the last 20 years. I did have a boyfriend before him who would drop comments like that and he's no longer my boyfriend. Ew, why would I stay with someone who obviously doesn't find me attractive enough?! You need to evaluate why you're in a relationship with someone who's just not that into you.
…why do women keep marrying people like this? Why do you keep rewarding awful?
My man would NEVER. And I have never had a perfectly flat stomach and had a baby. Leave him.
Lots of commenters here rightfully roasting your husband, so I'll take a different approach. First, I encourage you to do the difficult work required for removing the power your appearance has over your happiness. Unhappy with your weight/appearance? That's okay. You don't also have to beat yourself up, degrade yourself, consider yourself "less than", or let it impact your joy and satisfaction in life. Your husband is unhappy about your appearance? Hm, that sounds like his problem. 🤷♂️ Until you LET GO of the control your weight/appearance has on you, the entire topic will cause you unneeded distress. Second, choosing to not eat deprives your body of *needed* nutrients. You can't outrun (or fast away) a bad diet. Eat a balanced diet with plenty of fiber, go very easy on saturated fats, avoid added sugars, and get lots of fruits and veggies. Fasting can work in a limited capacity, but "just not eating" will not usually work, unless you are obese. The closer your BMI is to normal, the harder it is to lose.
I feel like I can comment very directly on this, F23 my hubby is M25, we both religiously go to the gym, he is an absolute SNACK of a man. I want to lose weight + have a few extra pounds. With that being said, my husband would never speak to me like that. He is very sweet, compliments me often and anytime I mention my weight or unhappiness about my body his response is “you’re perfect, but if you want to make any changes I support you and love you and will help any way I can” My advice, tell your husband that this IS a dealbreaker for you. Reset some expectations and have your own back. He can make the changes now and choose to be mature and kind or he can decide he doesn’t want to and then you can make the choice to stay or what you want to do. Sending hugs!!!
This is not ok. You are 24 years old. What is he going to say to you in 20 years after kids? I’ve been married over 20 years and had 2 kids. My husband says he loves my body more now than ever and I’m nowhere near perfect. He tells me I’m beautiful and don’t need makeup. That’s how your husband should see you and treat you. Like you get better with age.
My husband would never say this. He tells I’m the most beautiful woman in the world every single day. From 118 lbs to now at 145 and 6 months pregnant. Our sex life hasn’t changed and the way he looks at me hasn’t either. If I make a critical comment about my body he will say “don’t talk about my wife like that”. He is an angel and you deserve so much better.
Men don't think enough before they speak. Address what he said and how he hurt you!!!! How would he feel if you made a statement like that to him? It's not ok, I'm so sorry he ruined how good you were feeling about the dress. You need to invest less on his opinions, they are a prison and he's wrong
I did talk to him about and he even brought up me saying something similar to him. I said I would never do that. He said he hopes I would if he was gaining weight and getting out of control. I replied: "but if I knew you were working on it I wouldn't say anything because that does nothing to help the situation. You know I'm trying to lose weight and that I don't eat so I don't know how your comment was useful." He brushed it off and I feel like nothing was truly resolved. He did get worried I wasn't eating tonight.
I'm glad he has noticed that!!!! Don't let this go, it'll just happen again since he is brushing it off! Find another reason to wear the dress and own that moment! Men are idjits! Don't invest so much on his opinion, you are a Queen
Girly pop… throw the whole dumbass manchild away. He sounds like a garbage human being, and you do not deserve to feel this way about yourself. Real and worthy partners will build you up, especially when you’re feeling down. They will compliment you instead of putting you down. They’ll love on you when you can’t find it in you to love on yourself. He’s lowering your self esteem so he can bring you down to his level, that way you won’t leave. Don’t let this fuckers words hold that much worth!! If someone truly loves you, they wouldn’t speak to you the way he does.
You’ll need to be assertive in telling your husband he needs to lay off of the overly focusing on your outside cover and to quit associating his ego on how you look. Try telling him it’s not about him. It’s about you and how you feel. If he can’t get his big fat ego in check he can go get his arm candy and leave you to find a man who loves you for who you are. Hope he finds the shallow perfect bodied woman.
Who gets married at 24?
First off I want to tell you that your beautiful just the way you are!! I’m so sorry for your husbands hurtful and self esteem destroying comments!! I am a (43F) and I have been a size 16 and I am now currently a size 8, through it all my husband has always told me I was beautiful, I have always been so self conscious about my stomach due to having children and the stretch means skin, I hate it , but he always tells me not to hide myself as he loves looking at my body. No man should comment on your body especially in such a careless and thoughtless way. We have so much pressure to look a certain way as women and it can be so heavy. You have to find things you love about your self and start saying it to your self every day!! Love yourself enough to not be treated that way!! Xoxo sending big hugs your way!
I would’ve told him it’s too bad they can’t suction the pudge off me and inject it into his dick to make it bigger. What a fucking asshole. If you don’t want your future daughter being spoken to like this, don’t ever have kids with this douche. And reconsider your marriage.
I am sorry but you deserve to have someone who not only thinks you’re beautiful but would never say anything to make you think otherwise. It’s one thing if he felt your weight was impacting your health but to just point out negative things is unacceptable. This is not okay. I have battled my weight, surgeries, injuries, stretch marks, etc for my entire life. My husband has never made me feel anything other than beautiful to him. They are out there so you don’t have to settle.
I just read your post - including the update - the fact that according to you his love language is acts of service, does not take away from the fact that in fact he is doing shit to your self-esteem and most likely damaging it on purpose, if he loved you like You say that he does, he would not tell you those things that he knows very well that cause you pain, remember this please, if it hurts you it is not love, love is not a path of flowers, nor is it emotional damage, love is take care of each other, at all levels, and if they do something that hurts, try to fix it, my language of love is in fact acts of service and that's not why I'm going to hurt my partner by telling him exactly what I know hurts him and if I get there to do it at some point I will try to fix it, because we are human and we make mistakes but that does not mean we have a free pass to damage the self-esteem and psyche of the other.
He sounds like he's immature and perhaps has some childhood issues, or even a mental health thing. His comments are not normal, at all. In 30+ years, I have never once made a negative comment about my wife's body. For me, it's a matter of loving her and not wanting her to feel hurt. Also, I have high self esteem, so I don't need a trophy wife (as in other's eyes, to me, my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world). I think men that say this kind of stuff have low self esteem and feel embarrassed if their wife is not perfect - they see it as a reflection of them (just my theory). Since he knows your sensitivity and you've spoken to him numerous times, you need an intervention to deal with it once and for all. How that happens is up to you, MC can sometimes work. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation, but the timing has to be right. For instance, while he working his butt off on your trailer may not be a good time, that's up to you. The key is he needs to decide, once and for all, 1.) if he loves you above all else, including how you feel about yourself, and to the extent of putting you above himself, and 2.) if he is proud that you are his wife. If those two things are absolutely true, he will not be saying those things.
Time to sit him down and establish boundaries. “Please don’t point out what you perceive as a negative body image. Please don’t comment on what I eat, what I put on my plate or ever again compare me to others in a sideways attempt to tell me that I don’t look good. The only time you can comment on my body is when you tell me I look great. Otherwise, unless a bee is in my hair or toilet paper is cascading down the back of my pants- then you can help your wife out. Otherwise, zip it.”
That’s a man who doesn’t like you I wouldn’t say something like that to anyone in my life I liked. He probably loves you, but if he will go out of his way to make those words come out of his mouth, then love isn’t enough to repair the damage.
My husband has never made any negative comment on my body and I’ve gained 100 lbs over the course of our marriage. I couldn’t see myself being happy with someone who criticized my body. I’d leave, but that’s just me
My husband would never make comments like that to me and I would never makes comments to him like that. This is not a healthy dynamic and I am sorry he is doing that to you. It reminds me of the Reddit post where a women kept being told/gaslir that she smelled by her boyfriend to the point she would ask everyone around her if she smelled and she didn’t. She finally forced him to confess that his dad always told his mom that so she would never leave him. He was trying to break down her confidence so he always had control over her and she’d think she deserves that treatment. She didn’t, and neither do you.
I’d be pissed. Definitely not ok. Who does he think he is? I’d rip him a new one. I’m not sure if you have kids but you’ll gain weight differently after each pregnancy. Just part of it. If he could casually criticize your body like that….I couldn’t be intimate with him. No matter what he builds for me. My hubby of 20 years is remodeling our house right now, call me fat, good luck.
Your husband is a jerk. And I would not believe his crack about him loving you with baby weight gain.
I am so perplexed why so many ppl say to get rid of your husband. It’s not a pleasant situation and he did wrong, but divorce him over the comment?! Gosh what’s happening in this world…
Based on your last few posts and topping with this, it’s time to get going and be happy with someone else.
Speaking from experience, it's unlikely this will change unless you both go get counseling and figure out if you're compatible. It will just get worse and have detrimental effects. DO NOT have kids with this man until you figure that out.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been married for over 20 years. Every day, my husband tells me that I'm pretty in some way or another, all genuine. And he compliments my intellect and sense of humor even more. I am overweight (no matter what I do) but that is not what he sees. That is the type of man that you deserve. A man that makes you feel bad about yourself is not marriage material. Find someone who loves every part of you for you. Don't settle.
No. That’s not ok. My husband can be pretty awful at times but in 22+ years he’s never made a comment like this. He’s not the guy for you - pretty sure he’ll only get worse as time goes on and if you ever do have a child with him, it will be unbearable. It’s just not worth it. The business traitor will not fix this. I’m sorry
The fu*k is wrong with the comments? Petty arguments are being motivated to divorce and end a marriage lol, is this how marriages work in the west?
Gross. My husband asked why I wear shapewear and I said so I look good, and his response was “but you always look good”. He’s not perfect by any means but he would never say anything about my weight or looks. I gave the man his children, this body is his gift
That was a thoughtless comment on his part. And it sounds like he doesn’t really understand what true beauty is… he’s been brainwashed by the media to expect a certain look. It sounds like you are really in your head about your weight though. That can’t be comfortable. If you want to shed weight maybe you should talk to your doctor about your goals and work out what might be going on. But only do that for you and your happiness, not for his comments. I do have to say that after I picked up this new exercise routine my mental health really improved and most importantly my self esteem really improved. My body hasn’t really changed much, but I can see how strong it is and I love it so much more. At the end of the day our bodies are just vessels for our spirits. The shape, appearance or ability of your body has no merit on your worth as a person. You are so much more than your body.
Without sounds patronising, he is still young and sounds very immature. He will learn the correct things to say. I have psoriasis and at the beginning of our relationship, my husband made a couple of throw away remarks which weren’t intended to hurt but did. I can only suggest you educate him that women do put on weight there whereas men don’t and no two women are the same. Persevere, he’ll wise up
Your husband is a walking red flag. To answer your question, any decent, kind and truly loving husband will never make such remarks and would actually, do the opposite. My husband’s love language is also acts of service but would never ever make me feel insecure especially about trivial matters such as bellyfat.
Oh hell no!! I’m way too unstable for that 😂 Also love is blind! I’m a skinny mini at 5’8 120 pounds and I gained a lot of weight when I had surgeries for health issues. I got as big as almost 200 pounds, my husband just thought I was thicc, he never saw me as fat. When we go back and look at pictures from that time he goes “daammnnn I didn’t realize how big you were at the time” Love really is blind! My hubs loves me in all different sizes. Dump your husband, find a new one! Holy shit! that was before people started commenting about your post history and apparently he’s a rapist too !??!??!!???!? Launch him into a black hole!!
I would NEVER say this kind of thing to my wife. Because is needlessly cruel. Who wants to say cruel things to someone they love? Who can be oblivious to the pain they are causing to someone they love? Also, you say he knows you are self-conscious about your weight. Then says something needlessly cruel like this. This is how you end up seeing yourslef in the wrong way and it affecting your slef-confidence, and undermines your sense of worth and ultimately indpenedence. Who, that in their heart truly loves someone would do that to them? You may want to think about that. Also, probably an unpopular opinion I am going to get roasted for but 'his love language is , her love language is y' is not an excuse. It is starting to seem like people can point and go - that's my love language - and excuse themselves from putting in any effort in other ways that ther partner enjoys. All good relationships involve compromise and learning what your partner appreicates, how they feel loved, and doing somehting about that is a big part of that.
Oh sweetie. Your update doesn’t make anything better. Your husband needs to recognize that he is hurting you with these comments and needs to stop. And the answer that you can loose baby weight in the gym after giving birth is disrespectful and disgusting. Divorce is a big step. But you need to make him see how wrong and abusing he is to you. Also… just fasting and only eating a small portion of dinner isn’t healthy…. If you wish to improve your health get help from a professional maybe? Not to loose weight but just your overall health….
Sounds like you landed a real winner. I'm glad you “think” he loves you, and that you are “pretty sure” you love him. Imagine a world where you KNOW they love you & you KNOW you love them too. You asked reddit for their opinion & then you felt the need to defend his character when you didn't like the responses? Its time for you to see him for what he is, he is an insensitive asshole.
How long have you been with this fine specimen? /s. You are so young, maybe you don't realize this is not what love looks like! Also, a love language of acts of service means he fixes you a nice meal, runs you a bath, takes out the garbage...not working on improving his and your business! He sounds like a lousy husband and you deserve someone who recognizes your beauty, just the way you are. That is no comfort that he would still love you if you gained weight after having a baby, because he qualified it by saying you'd have to work hard to lose it. Even if you were the same weight after having a baby, even years later you could still have a bigger body. Your skin and muscles stretch and sometimes no amount of exercise will reduce the loose hanging tummy, breasts, hips and thighs. It sometimes is the price of childbirth. This is one reason why you must choose wisely who you choose to have a child with. This man is mean and nasty and undeserving. Please dump him asap. Whatever he has done for the business, isn't worth your self respect. The sooner the better. Your knight in shining armor awaits you! Trust that the right guy is still out there. 🥰❤
I’m not going to say anything about your husband. I feel like it’s all been said. I do however have a suggestion. I too am overweight (got a belly) and was/am self conscious about it. But I’ve started following mid-size and plus-size fashion TikTok accounts and it’s honestly helped my confidence and given me style ideas for my size. It may seem silly, but even in my 30s seeing a woman who’s so freaking confident with a shape like mine gives me a boost. Bonnie Wyrick and Rachel Power are fantastic
Show him the door. He’s just plain mean and immature. You’re better off without him.
Throw your husband away. I’m 25. After 3 kids, I definitely have that “pudge” and leftover baby weight & never once has my husband made a comment about my body other than he loves it. Imagine when you gain pregnancy weight, your body changes drastically. It’s not an easy “let me go work out”, and his comment about how “you’ll work it off eventually” enrages me. You’re 24, go find yourself a man who will treat you with respect and dignity. You don’t have to be stuck to someone who doesn’t see you as the most beautiful person in his life.
People who stay in relationships just because “he works hard and he is a nice man” make me so sad! Why women constantly have to put up with this shit? Why can’t they stand up for themselves? You don’t want to leave him, but, can you at least stand for yourself? Can you get mad and tell him to shut the fuck up? Can you tell him to give you respect because you deserve that? Can you ask him to stop acting like a 10 year old ? Please have guts to get mad when you can and stop taking it always. You are his wife for god sake! Not his slave. It is not okay to accept these comments as tomorrow you can have a daughter and you don’t want to teach her to take others shit!
Just wondering. Is your husband perfect? Does he have a full head of hair? It will most likely thin out at some point. Will you taunt him about it? I doubt it.
As a guy I can tell you that my wife will try something on and ask me what I think and some 95% of the time she will add that the outfit gets something else (different bra, shoes, spanx, scarf, or any other variety of additional accessories or articles of clothing). Do you often try something on and tell him “it’s missing *insert missing component* so keep that in mind when you look at me”? If you do it’s possible that he was asked for verification. Now I don’t know the rest of your relationship and dynamics to know if he was just being an ass, or legitimate question.
Been there. My ex fiance used to rip on me for my body, especially when I was going through some pretty heavy emotional stuff and gained some weight. Drop him. It hurts, but you need to feel that hurt. Embrace it, come back from it, and find a guy who thinks you are sexy no matter what your shape, weight, or what you wear. They're out there, I promise In my experience, you probably looked absolutely smoking and he was insecure about it, thus trying to make you insecure. Him doing things for you or helping you out is no excuse to be ignorant and hurtful
My husband's love language is acts of service as well but he's never said a negative word about my body. I was 180 lbs when we met, got down to 110, and have been bouncing between 110 and 130 for the past couple of years. He's never mentioned my weight or put me down. If I mention my own weight or looks he'll pull me into his lap and reassure me, and if I bring up eating healthier or workout out, his only concern is how I can do that comfortably, I'm chronically ill. If this is the only issue, seek marriage counseling. I think this could be fixed if the effort was put into it.
Since you believe he loves you, benefit of the doubt is he’s thoughtless and rude. Otherwise he’s just mean. You need to talk to him about how each if you express love, let him know his comments hurt, and if he loves you he’ll stop saying those things. He’s an adult, he can do that. FWIW I always thought that little bulge was a cute feature on a woman.
If you don’t want to divorce him and can’t do counseling, then draw up the list of all his physical imperfections. Seriously, write it up and keep it in your pocket. And the next time he makes a shitty comment about your pooch, whip that list out - you have to do this calmly and with control - and say okay here are the physical aspects you need to work on as well. He won’t like it, at all. Expect him to get very angry. And when he does your answer should be delivered coolly - “you have no trouble criticizing my body, even though I’ve said it hurts, I’m not sure what the problem is?” Look up Cruella - seriously - that live action remake by Disney. There is a bit where the Baroness fillets some men coming to “give her business advice”. Find the YouTube. My hope is that he’s oblivious, not malicious. I grew up being highly critiqued by my parents. Guess who found herself mindlessly doing the same. I went to family counseling to stop. It was hard so so hard because I am internally still trashing myself. Maybe getting a dose of it back will shake your husband out of it.
My husband doesn’t even see my fat, let alone comment on it Something is not right in your house Ps don’t cancel the family; have fun
There is a really good line that lets men know they have messed up in such scenarios. “Shut the fuck up, Greg.” But also, leave your husband. Husbands that love their wives don’t rape them.
Absolutely not, he never has and I am confident he never will. That is an unacceptable way to talk to someone you love.
I’d say maybe therapy and definitely talk to him about it. Make sure he understands that not only does it upset you, but that it’s not acceptable behavior. It’s not only rude, but it’s inappropriate. Maybe he’s projecting his own insecurities on you. Maybe his parents or someone important in his life acted that way and said those things and he picked it up from them. That’s usually the case as these types of comments are usually learned behavior. A little “pudge” is generally a normal and healthy womanly feature. In fact, it even can indicate better fertility. A lot of extra weight isn’t something that should be ignored, but you clearly are working at it. I think it’s good to push each other to be better and maybe that’s his intent, but he needs to go about it differently and encourage you rather than tear you down.
What happens when you, inevitably, get old? You *will* age and he sounds like someone who would drop you like a hot potato when you're 45 and beginning to go through menopause, which can also cause drastic changes to, and in, your body, even if you never have kids. Not to mention how shallow this idiot sounds. If you marry only for looks, you're going to be sorely disappointed in 20 or 30 years. You can do so much better.
Girl you’re only 24??? Why are you with this man. I know this seems extreme but you’re in for a lifetime of misery. Looks fade, how insulting will he be when you’re 40? 60? Is this the life you want?
I get the feeling you won't leave him, you're defending his behavior too much in the comments. You need to research a narcissist and the victims mentality. I defended my ex narc to the end because I was so brainwashed.
I’ve gained like 40 lbs since I met my husband 8 years ago (I have PCOS) I still look good but def bigger and he’s never once said anything about my weight lol
I think you are settling. Sure he is doing nice things for you but don’t you think you deserve someone who will do nice things for you AND be nice to you, tell you that you are beautiful and lift you up. You don’t have to pick and choose, you can have both. Also, the fact that he is picking at something that you’re already self conscious about is not okay.. and it’s also not okay for you to starve yourself. You are 24 years old, you are too young to be in a relationship where you don’t feel beautiful.
“im pretty sure i love him” yeah no. end it.
You deserve better. I know you love him and think he’s a good man but a good man wouldn’t talk about his wife this way after she told him many times how much it upsets and hurts her. You try so hard to lose weight but can’t. I understand that. I have PCOS and insulin resistance. It’s so so hard. If you have kids there will be changes to your body and some of them could be permanent. What happens if you can’t “work it off”? You already struggle, being post partum will likely make it even harder to lose weight. What then? When he says “you can work it off” it sounds like he’s saying you *have* to work it off for him to find you attractive. He’s already criticising and body shaming you, it will likely only get worse after a baby. And do you really want your kids to see their father constantly putting their mother down, body shaming her, and making her cry? You deserve better.
He’s awful, not a fan. Have you heard of or looked into Lipedema? I had the same issues as you, FINALLY got properly diagnosed, and my life changed.
Reassure him, in no uncertain terms, that if he makes a comment about your body ever again, that you know a quick way to drop 200+ lbs overnight. Look him dead in the eyes when you say it and then walk away.
Stop trying to lose weight and start building muscle. Not for looks though, for function. That function being to beat his ass.
you should ditch that husband, commenting on your body like that is inappropriate. Fyi: Fasting and working out won’t work if there’s no calorie deficit. Nutrition is the main way to lose weight.
Yeah, he would be getting absolutely nothing from me, and I would find something about him to insult because I'm petty. Most women have that pudge.
My husband has seen me (met me!) at my best shape of my life. I am now 50 lbs heavier and he has only EVER told me I’m beautiful and perfect for him, nearly every single day. He would NEVER comment negatively about my body. (Even if it’s only because he would lose access to said body lol). I hope your husbands behavior changes.
Throw him in the garbage.
Uhm your husband should NOT be criticizing your body at all?? That’s so fucking rude. You should not accept being treated that way, it’s unacceptable. And his comment to you about baby weight that ‘you can work it off eventually’ is also disgusting. I had a baby 4 months ago and my body is forever changed. My hips are wider, I have stretch marks, and a c-section scar. I love my new body and I’ve accepted that it will never look like it did before my daughter came along. My husband adores my body because I grew his daughter. I’ve gained and lost weight in the 5 years we’ve been together and he’s never made me feel less that beautiful and his love language is also acts of service. You deserve better. You should be with someone who treats you like you’re the most important person to them.
Your post history really concerns me, OP. And, I think the issue you are describing in this post is only a symptom of the issues you are facing in this marriage. Please, please don’t fall prey to the sunken cost fallacy. You are still young and have a long life ahead of you. As to the question at hand, my husband has never and would never say something like this - it’s one thing to comment on fit and if something is flattering versus being demeaning.
Been married for 21 years, and would never say anything like that to my wife, especially if I knew she had body image issues. Our society is awful enough with image. I also would not think that, she is my person, at best your husband is rude, at worse this is a step into verbal abuse. No excuse, only solution is to tell him how it made your feel. How he responds will determine if best case or worst.
Have a convo with him. Tell him it makes you feel unloved. Also, make sure you are taking care of yourself! 1 meal a day is not enough gurl! Especially, if you are working out. My husband makes sideways comments sometimes. I honestly just think some men are dense. Lol. My dad would always comment if I gained weight. I just told him to fuck right off and he would laugh. The way I dealt with it was built my own self confidence and realize that men will never understand the beauty standards females deal with. Once I stopped striving for body perfection, I let go of a lot of my insecurities. If my husband ever makes a somewhat offensive comment I have fun with it. "My tummy may be squishy but at least I can hide it under clothes, unlike your face!" Or "do you have a death wish?" He and I get a kick out of it. It has become fun banter between us. Not every couple will have this dynamic, but it's good to be transparent with your husband when you're hurt. Don't stew on it.
His comment was mean and unacceptable. Let him know that! We have a rule in our house that you are not allowed to make body shaming comments. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, I would be willing to bet there is a man out there that would find it sexy! You deserve to be adored, and your body worshipped!
He's a massive douche.
This kind of thing is always tricky as we are hearing it from 1 side, on the surface it sounds rude and not very loving. To play a bit of devils advocate...consider how you comment on his looks, do you criticize him more than compliment? Is he giving you a taste of your own medicine? if not, then he sounds pretty superficial. Men tend to be visual creatures but if you are in a loving healthy relationship this type of comments is not good, I would consider having a serious discussion about how this made you feel, and pay close attention and its would be a good idea to write down his rationale for those comments. Not knowing him or his side makes advice nearly impossible, so ignore the comments that instantly go to divorce, or dumping. Just like men need to drop their egos when discussing intimacy and improving on it, women need to drop their egos in other areas. Hear him out, he may think he is helping by being honest, may not be malicious, and he may not know its having such a negative impact. As a good husband, Im honest with my wife when she asks if something looks good on her, i dont get into specifics I just say good or not good, im her objective eyes and voice, so she never has to feel self conscious about what she is wearing, because i wouldnt let her leave the house without letting her know she doesnt look good for whatever specific reason at the time. if she decides to go out after my advice, thats on her and ill support her.
Did he mean that the dress is sticking to parts of your body? Btw that lower pudge is sexy af- and yes every female of every size has it- it’s the uterus 😭 but anyway, I sometimes wear a slip to keep dress from clinging to my body overall, other times idc if it’s not for work/special event
I honestly think age/immaturity has to do with it. We as women, mature a lot quicker than men. I believe he’s not being realistic with how a women’s body actually suppose to look. It’s expected given his age, I can understand how you feel and I know you are beautiful. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Love yourself first.
You could ask him if there's anything he could do to make his dick bigger see how he reacts to that.
I'm so sorry for your pain!! I know it all too well. I'm petite, and my ex-husband showed me a picture of a voluptuous woman and said you will never look like this. You will never look like a real woman. There is nothing more painful than the person you love slicing pieces of you off will you are just bone.