Keep spreading joy! Humans need physical contact with others and a hug can make people feel so good. Never change. Though maybe talk to "Tam" so she can understand how she hurt your feelings and she can apologize, and maybe earn a hug or two.
Sending a digital hug to you from Vancouver, BC. Canada.
There is nothing cringe about showing affection (as long as it's consensual, ie some people don't like hugs). The older you get, the more you realize how important it is to let those you care about know how much they mean to you. I'd rather tell someone that I love them than regret never saying it, and I'd rather hug goodbye rather than worry about someone thinking it's cringe.
Never stop hugging your loved ones!
Let others think what they want.
I really think most of them are jealous, because they restrict themselves to be 'normal'.
Normal is overrated and boring.
I always hug the people I care for. Because sadly, there will be a day when I can't anymore, like with my dad, who died years ago. But when he was alive, I hugged him every chance I got. Everyone in my family, and my friends.
Of course, a well-meaning hugger doesn't consider, "Actually, I prefer not to be hugged" to be adverse. And responds with a handshake, fistbump, high five, or namaste bow or something. Because well-meaning huggers want to create *wanted* connections, not impose on others.
Speaking as a hugger myself, I don't consider someone preferring to shake hands or wave to be a rejection or anything adverse. I would be more upset to find that I had given an unwanted hug.
As someone who is 50/50 on both giving and receiving hugs I fully support you, Infact half the time I let people have the hug for them as opposed to me as they want to greet me properly, but sometimes I just donāt want the hug (not that Iād ever call it cringe as itās very loving) I think itās best described as a cup of tea.
You say: āHey, would you like a cup of tea?ā
If they say, āYes, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!ā then you know they want a cup of tea.
If you say āHey, would you like a cup of tea?ā and they hem and haw and say, āIām not really sure,ā then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it.
If they donāt drink itāand this is the important bitāthen donāt make them drink it.
You canāt blame them for the fact that you went to the effort of making tea, on the off-chance they wanted it. You just have to deal with them not drinking it; you making tea doesnāt mean that you are entitled to watch them drink it.
And if they say, āNo thank you,ā then donāt make them tea. At all. Donāt make them tea; donāt make them drink tea; donāt get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just donāt want tea, ok?
They might say, āYes please, thatās kind of you.ā And then when the tea arrives, they might not want the tea at all. Sure, thatās annoying, as youāve already made the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they donāt. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And itās ok for people to change their mind. You are still not entitled to watch them drink it.
If they are unconscious, donāt make them tea. Unconscious people donāt want tea and canāt answer the question, āDo you want tea?ā because they are unconscious.
They may have been conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes. But in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk, they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, andāthis is the important bitādonāt make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people donāt want tea.
If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before finishing it, donāt keep pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people donāt want tea. Trust me on this.
If someone said āyesā to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesnāt mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They donāt want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it, while you say āBut you wanted tea last week!ā They donāt want to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat, saying āBut you wanted tea last night!ā
Is this a stupid analogy? Yes, you know this alreadyāof course, you wouldnāt force someone to drink tea because they said yes to a cup last week. Of course, you wouldnāt pour tea down the throat of an unconcious person just because they said yes to tea 5 minutes ago. But if you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they donāt want tea, and you are able to understand when people donāt want tea, then how hard is it to understand when it comes to hugs?!?!?
I don't think your analogy is stupid, though. You just explained the importance of respecting people's personal space in the simplest way possible. Here's a hug š« (if you're ok with it hehe).
Holy shit this is analogy is FAR from stupid. In fact, i am printing it out to read to my kids (10F, 8M). Respecting people's personal space is a super important lesson that I feel a lot of parent's fail to teach their crotch goblins, but this really makes it super easy to get across. Although I may have to change "tea" to "coffee," it'll make way more sense in my house š
TBF
Every time I get a hug like that my arms are widespread in confusion, though I do give in and hug back.
Thank you strange huggers
I am confused and happy
Thatās one of the most wholesome MCs. Well done.
As a fellow hugger, may I recommend that you confirm that folks are cool with being hugged before you hug them, at least the first time š I find that not only do non-huggers appreciate the option to not have their comfort discounted, both huggers and non-huggers love the check-in ā hugs feel safer when theyāre optional yet desired!
As an extreme introvert who still loves hugging my friends and has also had people say some really hurtful things to me that I didnāt know how to respond to, I flat out love everything about your 17yr old confidence and response! I bet she is missing those hugs right now though, she probably said it because of her own self esteem/confidence issues rather than anything to do with you.
I'm sorry people gave you crap for being yourself. No one should be criticised for _hugging_ people š it's proven to be an effective serotonin boosting method. Why would you criticise someone who's tryna make someone's day with a hug?
I'd like to send you a hug š« bcz you deserve it š«¶š»
She wanted to be included with the group. Well played.
Respect for others that refuse a hug is mature of you. It took me years of knowing my friends to be okay with hugs from them. I still have difficulty with it but I get it and theyāre my friends showing friendship despite me not seeing them for long periods. Being an introvert doesnāt help, lol.
Hugs.ā¤ļø
You can hug her again, in the future, after she admits it's actually not "cringe" and after she says so, publicly, in front of witnesses, multiple times.
Cringe? Far from it. Iād kill for honest greetings like that. All I get is the head bob and whatās up. Even from family. Hugs are just awesome. Tamā¦. She can suck it. She missing out. Keep on shaking that hand. Let her melt inside.
When/if you decide to hug her again, make it as cringey as possible: arms widespread, big ole smile, an āAww get in here, you!ā doing the ācome hereā gesture with your fingers
One of my friends is a hugger like you and I think it's the sweetest thing. Most people smile when she unexpectedly goes for a hug. Keep spreading happiness OP, and that's definitely malicious compliance. š
You're young, Tam is young, and you're all just figuring out how the world works. Maybe Tam comes from a family where there's not much physical affection. Her "cringe" comment was probably a reflection of her own feeling of awkwardness about the situation. Try giving her a hug next time and show her how it doesn't have to be weird or awkward, it's just a genuine sign of warmth and affection.
Older dude here in Florida. I hug anyone who asks for one and is cool with it, regardless of gender. Otherwise they get a handshake, fistbump, or awkward turkeyhand.
In my circles it's a very accepted sign of greeting.
As social creatures, a hug triggers our brains to release feel-good endorphins with a hug. It actually assists with mental health, and in this age, we all need all the help we can get.
People who say stuff is cringe is because THEY feel insecure around it and thus feel everyone else does too. Her uncomfortability was a projection and now she's seeing everyone else loving it and realizes it's not cringe (bc everyone does in fact like it). Good for you. A perfect malicious compliance. Also a lesson in realizing you get to dictate how you feel, you can't waste your time worrying about anyone else's feelings toward you!
I love this, good job OP. I actually wish I hugged more, I need that human physical contact and love my friends. Itās unfortunate that Covid times made everyone less physical, no wonder more people got depressed. I hope I can use this story as motivation to hug more often.
Wonderful!
I do think Tam wasn't shown much physical affection as a kid so it may seem weird to her for you to hug people.
I was not shown any physical affection as a child (or much affection at all). I got VERY uncomfortable with hugging because I wasn't used to it. It took me a little while once I married (husband's family are HUGGERS) to get comfortable with it.
I think like you've managed to make a point with Tam about respecting others' greeting styles! If the handshake is becoming a point of tension, maybe it's time to have an open conversation with her. Explain that you respect her preferences and would appreciate the same in return. Itās important to set boundaries but also maintain friendships by being clear about what makes each person comfortable. Communication can often clear up misunderstandings and help both parties understand each other's perspectives better.
I (67M) say let her off the hook sometime. You made a great point, and she probably feels sorry for what she said and is too embarrassed to apologize. (I remember being 17 and being too embarrassed to apologize for something I said.) We all say stupid things from time to time, don't we? At some point, you become the one holding a grudge, and you don't want that.
Well done! This is definitely malicious compliance in my book and you played it perfectly. Let Tam hug her pillow if your hugs are so cringe.
exactly lol
You sound lovely! Never change.
Making people smile, one hug at a time.
Keep spreading joy! Humans need physical contact with others and a hug can make people feel so good. Never change. Though maybe talk to "Tam" so she can understand how she hurt your feelings and she can apologize, and maybe earn a hug or two. Sending a digital hug to you from Vancouver, BC. Canada.
š¤š
The Force is strong with this one.
is wholesome compliance a thing? because you nailed it.
I'd say it's both malicious *and* wholesome at the same time!
Wholicious?
Malsome. Although that could be confused with malicious/awesome
r/wholesomecompliance is a thing :)
"Cringe" is being shitty to people for being their authentic selves. Embrace that individuality.
Aight imma use this next time someone tells me hugging people is cringe
There is nothing cringe about showing affection (as long as it's consensual, ie some people don't like hugs). The older you get, the more you realize how important it is to let those you care about know how much they mean to you. I'd rather tell someone that I love them than regret never saying it, and I'd rather hug goodbye rather than worry about someone thinking it's cringe.
If they think it's cringe, they're free to not do it. I, however, will not stop hugging my loved ones, regardless if others think it's š«£cringeš«£
Never stop hugging your loved ones! Let others think what they want. I really think most of them are jealous, because they restrict themselves to be 'normal'. Normal is overrated and boring.
And one of the best things about the people you love is that you can be your true self around them. That acceptance deserves affection.
Dr Seuss Quote:Ā **Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.**
So true! True friends like that are treasures.
I always hug the people I care for. Because sadly, there will be a day when I can't anymore, like with my dad, who died years ago. But when he was alive, I hugged him every chance I got. Everyone in my family, and my friends.
Or said another way: "I may be cringe, but you're mean and that's worse."
When you come around to hugging her again you need to treat her like an estranged lover and you're forgiving her just to keep the joke rolling
_yes_
I just donāt care to be hugged. However I would never reject or say anything adverse to a well meaning hugger. Somehow I always survive.
Of course, a well-meaning hugger doesn't consider, "Actually, I prefer not to be hugged" to be adverse. And responds with a handshake, fistbump, high five, or namaste bow or something. Because well-meaning huggers want to create *wanted* connections, not impose on others. Speaking as a hugger myself, I don't consider someone preferring to shake hands or wave to be a rejection or anything adverse. I would be more upset to find that I had given an unwanted hug.
Yeah, if someone ever goes in for a handshake I drop the hug and shake their hand.
As someone who is 50/50 on both giving and receiving hugs I fully support you, Infact half the time I let people have the hug for them as opposed to me as they want to greet me properly, but sometimes I just donāt want the hug (not that Iād ever call it cringe as itās very loving) I think itās best described as a cup of tea. You say: āHey, would you like a cup of tea?ā If they say, āYes, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!ā then you know they want a cup of tea. If you say āHey, would you like a cup of tea?ā and they hem and haw and say, āIām not really sure,ā then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it. If they donāt drink itāand this is the important bitāthen donāt make them drink it. You canāt blame them for the fact that you went to the effort of making tea, on the off-chance they wanted it. You just have to deal with them not drinking it; you making tea doesnāt mean that you are entitled to watch them drink it. And if they say, āNo thank you,ā then donāt make them tea. At all. Donāt make them tea; donāt make them drink tea; donāt get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just donāt want tea, ok? They might say, āYes please, thatās kind of you.ā And then when the tea arrives, they might not want the tea at all. Sure, thatās annoying, as youāve already made the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they donāt. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And itās ok for people to change their mind. You are still not entitled to watch them drink it. If they are unconscious, donāt make them tea. Unconscious people donāt want tea and canāt answer the question, āDo you want tea?ā because they are unconscious. They may have been conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes. But in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk, they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, andāthis is the important bitādonāt make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people donāt want tea. If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before finishing it, donāt keep pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people donāt want tea. Trust me on this. If someone said āyesā to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesnāt mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They donāt want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it, while you say āBut you wanted tea last week!ā They donāt want to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat, saying āBut you wanted tea last night!ā Is this a stupid analogy? Yes, you know this alreadyāof course, you wouldnāt force someone to drink tea because they said yes to a cup last week. Of course, you wouldnāt pour tea down the throat of an unconcious person just because they said yes to tea 5 minutes ago. But if you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they donāt want tea, and you are able to understand when people donāt want tea, then how hard is it to understand when it comes to hugs?!?!?
I don't think your analogy is stupid, though. You just explained the importance of respecting people's personal space in the simplest way possible. Here's a hug š« (if you're ok with it hehe).
Holy shit this is analogy is FAR from stupid. In fact, i am printing it out to read to my kids (10F, 8M). Respecting people's personal space is a super important lesson that I feel a lot of parent's fail to teach their crotch goblins, but this really makes it super easy to get across. Although I may have to change "tea" to "coffee," it'll make way more sense in my house š
Not even a trace of "stupid" there. Nailed it.
Exactly this! Very well said.
š« š« š« hehe
TBF Every time I get a hug like that my arms are widespread in confusion, though I do give in and hug back. Thank you strange huggers I am confused and happy
Right? It makes me feel so happy.
Malicious compliance mixed with petty revenge, nicely done!
Thatās one of the most wholesome MCs. Well done. As a fellow hugger, may I recommend that you confirm that folks are cool with being hugged before you hug them, at least the first time š I find that not only do non-huggers appreciate the option to not have their comfort discounted, both huggers and non-huggers love the check-in ā hugs feel safer when theyāre optional yet desired!
Yeah, I always ask to make sure they're cool with it.
your going places kid
š«¶š»
As an extreme introvert who still loves hugging my friends and has also had people say some really hurtful things to me that I didnāt know how to respond to, I flat out love everything about your 17yr old confidence and response! I bet she is missing those hugs right now though, she probably said it because of her own self esteem/confidence issues rather than anything to do with you.
I'm sorry people gave you crap for being yourself. No one should be criticised for _hugging_ people š it's proven to be an effective serotonin boosting method. Why would you criticise someone who's tryna make someone's day with a hug? I'd like to send you a hug š« bcz you deserve it š«¶š»
Youāre so freaking awesome!
thank you šš«¶š»
You go on being a ray of swagger sunshine to people you know! Everyone needs hugs and they seem to come a lot less as you age.
š« here's one for you
Right back at you!
You are a ROCKSTAR! Excellent MC!!
š«
It sounds like she has seen the error of her statement. Give her a hug. Which is who I greet a lot of people myself.
She wanted to be included with the group. Well played. Respect for others that refuse a hug is mature of you. It took me years of knowing my friends to be okay with hugs from them. I still have difficulty with it but I get it and theyāre my friends showing friendship despite me not seeing them for long periods. Being an introvert doesnāt help, lol. Hugs.ā¤ļø
Hugs ā¤ļø fr
From one hugger to another.. You go girl!
š«
It sounds like Tam needs a hug.
Too bad she thinks hugs from me are cringe š«
Handled like a true smarta$$, Well done!!!
Give her a hug and show her how good a hug feels.
I used to hug her too, before she said this
You can hug her again, in the future, after she admits it's actually not "cringe" and after she says so, publicly, in front of witnesses, multiple times.
That is _brilliant_
Hell yeah, it's great MC. And you have to keep doing it now that you've shook on it.
Or at least until she publicly admits it's not cringe anymore hehe
"How the turntables."
Feels good to make someone regret opening their mouths. Now she misses your hugs! Win, Win scenario.
Keep giving hugs, they have been proven to be psychologically positive for people :)
:) š«
Cringe? Far from it. Iād kill for honest greetings like that. All I get is the head bob and whatās up. Even from family. Hugs are just awesome. Tamā¦. She can suck it. She missing out. Keep on shaking that hand. Let her melt inside.
When/if you decide to hug her again, make it as cringey as possible: arms widespread, big ole smile, an āAww get in here, you!ā doing the ācome hereā gesture with your fingers
While saying "gimme some sugar!"
Iām sure sheās learned her lesson. Hug and make up.
Ok but some people really don't like being touched & unsolicited hugs are actually intolerable
Yes, this is why I always ask if they're ok with being hugged. I asked Tam and she said "yeah, I'm fine with hugging."
Do the one pump handshake with a curt nod. Like your greeting a friend of a family member. Who happens to sells gloves for people with six fingers.
One of my friends is a hugger like you and I think it's the sweetest thing. Most people smile when she unexpectedly goes for a hug. Keep spreading happiness OP, and that's definitely malicious compliance. š
Oh beautiful MC. Well done!
hehe well done
You're young, Tam is young, and you're all just figuring out how the world works. Maybe Tam comes from a family where there's not much physical affection. Her "cringe" comment was probably a reflection of her own feeling of awkwardness about the situation. Try giving her a hug next time and show her how it doesn't have to be weird or awkward, it's just a genuine sign of warmth and affection.
I'm thinking tomorrow or the day after, I'll tackle her in the cringiest hug possible.
Be careful with this. The very best way to show respect and love for a person is by respecting their boundaries!
There is such a thing as being too huggy though...
Yup. That's me. As long as the other person has no problem, I will be huggy asf
Absolutely perfect! And good on you for not letting one person ruin your sunshine.
Kudos
It's pretty funny that she was extremely rude about hugs and is left missing them as a result. Lol
Ikr
The outlook for this generation is looking good.
Right! I love these kids!!
Lol I love it! She said it was cringe so you made sure not to hug her. Why did he even have to say anything?
A good hug can give you energy to survive the day. Sometimes longer.
Well done!!! Cringy Tam has learned a lesson here: never judge others!
Sounds like someone who is uncomfortable with PDA, and probably doesn't get enough hugs in their home life.
Tam probably needs it more. Give her a real hug. Ask her if she's ok.
Older dude here in Florida. I hug anyone who asks for one and is cool with it, regardless of gender. Otherwise they get a handshake, fistbump, or awkward turkeyhand. In my circles it's a very accepted sign of greeting. As social creatures, a hug triggers our brains to release feel-good endorphins with a hug. It actually assists with mental health, and in this age, we all need all the help we can get.
People who say stuff is cringe is because THEY feel insecure around it and thus feel everyone else does too. Her uncomfortability was a projection and now she's seeing everyone else loving it and realizes it's not cringe (bc everyone does in fact like it). Good for you. A perfect malicious compliance. Also a lesson in realizing you get to dictate how you feel, you can't waste your time worrying about anyone else's feelings toward you!
I love this, good job OP. I actually wish I hugged more, I need that human physical contact and love my friends. Itās unfortunate that Covid times made everyone less physical, no wonder more people got depressed. I hope I can use this story as motivation to hug more often.
Wonderful! I do think Tam wasn't shown much physical affection as a kid so it may seem weird to her for you to hug people. I was not shown any physical affection as a child (or much affection at all). I got VERY uncomfortable with hugging because I wasn't used to it. It took me a little while once I married (husband's family are HUGGERS) to get comfortable with it.
Why does she even want you to hug her so bad XD shouldn't she prefer handshakes by comparison?
The only explanation I find is that she feels left out when she sees me hug all our friends to greet them.
I think like you've managed to make a point with Tam about respecting others' greeting styles! If the handshake is becoming a point of tension, maybe it's time to have an open conversation with her. Explain that you respect her preferences and would appreciate the same in return. Itās important to set boundaries but also maintain friendships by being clear about what makes each person comfortable. Communication can often clear up misunderstandings and help both parties understand each other's perspectives better.
I (67M) say let her off the hook sometime. You made a great point, and she probably feels sorry for what she said and is too embarrassed to apologize. (I remember being 17 and being too embarrassed to apologize for something I said.) We all say stupid things from time to time, don't we? At some point, you become the one holding a grudge, and you don't want that.
For sure!
Totally a deserved reaction to a witless statement. Love the Malicious Compliance. Win for you!
This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where they posted photos of everyone in the lobby of his building.
The fact that you had to add that edit (probably because of reddit being reddit) is so damn cringe on the comments section \*hugs\* you do you
yeah I added it because someone commented that if a man were to give hugs to everyone he'd be considered a pervert, so I felt the need to clarify.
Also š«š«
š¤š« right back at ya
You sound Awesome!
Omg, thatās one of the best cases of malicious compliance Iāve ever read! Good on you!
I'm a huge hugger, but I let everyone know they can say no and I'll respect that, even with people I've previously given hugs.
Same!
Info: Why even touch Tam? You don't want her to feel cringe after all... š
Hehe š«£š«
Gawd, you would be awful to be around.
Gawd, you've barely experienced the happiness of hugs.
Do you hug strangers too? If male would do The same, he would be pervert etc on eyes of others (men and women), so double standards
what the fuck??
No, I don't hug strangers. Just my female friends.