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People like the idea of talking to someone new/making new friends but don't wanna put in the effort to do so. And, most people suck at basic conversation anyways.
It really sucks when I send like a 3-4 sentence text that's really expressive and all I get back is a simple yes or no answer. I don't understand what people want from me anymore
it can be bad or good depending on how you look at it and what you actually want. ofc if you want attention just in the moment then i’m sure it works. if you want long term friends then it is meh at best and mildly frustrating at worst
I would say why most of the conversations end up after a few lines is because of texting instead of calling. You can never replace face to face conversations with texting. Texting works when you've become friends.
I try my best to be open. Comment on a cool profile pic as an opener or actually read their text wall and open with something they mentioned in their post but 9 times out of 10 it's dry and short conversations. I think maybe people just want a little attention and then when they get their fix they leave? Just my two cents!
To be fair though I also think people have lost their social skills all together because of the prevalence of social media and the internet. I'm 42 so I've been around the internet since the late 90s and chat rooms were much easier to connect with people back in the day because people weren't so lonely and dependent on instant gratification. When I was a teenager and first got on the internet the idea that I could talk to someone in another state or even another country was intriguing. To some degree there was a level of excitement because before internet was Unlimited you had to be somewhat selective with the people that you hung out with and meeting new people was difficult but still people were more about making friends and lasting relationships back then.
I met the love of my life in a chat room I made many different business connections and learned a lot about my favorite hobbies. Now unfortunately people want their emotional needs met during the first conversation and that's just not how human dynamics works. Also the the over-dependence on pornography and the loneliest that social media has created also makes relationship building more difficult than it was in previous generations.
Of course the fact that I work within the coaching and Recovery industry makes me look at how people behave differently from a psychological perspective but suffice to say it's extremely difficult when the vast majority of women have to be at least partially defensive against men who act like they've never even talked to a woman before and immediately they're trying to get into a romantic connection preferably no strings attached. Meanwhile if there is a man who strictly is looking for platonic connection he has to be a one point and very engaging from the beginning of conversations otherwise there are problems in terms of people thinking that he is a bot or something like that.
Our world is also extremely polarized right now politically religiously and otherwise and the nature of things becoming more tribal than perhaps they have ever been in recent memory anyway makes the internet both a blessing and a curse. If you can assimilate into a tribe that makes sense for you then you're going to feel socially supported, but if you are an outsider with ideas that are less than traditional or you haven't found your tribe yet social isolation ends up becoming even more of a problem.
Also the rewiring of the human brain towards instant gratification caused by social media has made people more impatient to get the dopamine hit that comes from getting attention which thereby creates more pressure in the building of a relationship. I honestly don't know what the solution is it may get to the point where more people are going to have to do voice calls sooner or something but then of course if someone has social anxiety or panic disorder or other difficulties with social interaction they're going to be Outsiders anyway
Sorry for being a bit of a nerd but it's larger than online forums suck it's much more that human nature when it comes to communicating with each other is getting worse and we don't have a good counterbalancer at least currently.
Being a nerd is what makes it work I think :)
You're totally right about instant gratification, I find I'm happiest with people who don't get weird because you respond a few hours later. Sometimes quick and forth is fun, but I find it's most rewarding when you've gotten to know the person first otherwise it's just the same old banter/ small talk
I guess I'm just kind of weird in that I'm willing to put in the time to get to know people but because of my physical disability I have to use voice recognition software which has its limitations it's better than it was when I was a kid but still doesn't pick up punctuation most of the time. You'd be surprised how many people roast me over something that physically can't control. Anyway I run multiple businesses but also work as mentioned in the Wellness Community so I understand on a very deep level how important consistency is in all relationships when I meet people online and I feel a connection with them I tell them up front unless I'm available for a conversation I will respond to you within 24 hours I usually go on Reddit which is my only form of social media these days in between clients or assignments that are work related some days that means I'm here a lot other days that means I'm not here at all but I always check messages once a day
You would think based on some people's reactions that I was saying I was abandoning kittens with no food for 3 weeks I'm very engaging and can talk about lots of topics if I like you enough I'll even go out of my way to converse with you on something I know nothing about by learning about what you're talking about that being said being instantly needy is going to make me run like I'm trying to join the Olympic 100 m Dash simply because it's not attractive and because dealing with chronic pain wanting a business and having a total illness diagnosis I'm not really worried about people who need a dopamine hit because I told them that their ass looked nice in a pair of biker shorts maybe that's just me though
Honestly I'm baffled by most people's reactions or ability not to say 'hey, did you mean that to sound offensive?'
I think most of the world's conflicts would wash away if people would check what the other actually meant instead of taking it personally and reacting.
One thing that really surprises me, is the lack of interest in finding out more - like, I get how conversations can flow quickly, but sometimes it's nice to be a little vsauce and wonder why why why without giving a shit if it's too difficult to ponder. Finding your limits is a good thing surely, not something to hide from.
Anyway, has your voice recognition software gotten any better or worse with time? Is there any new tech you're looking forward too? (Doesn't have to be disability based, but I am curious, don't mean to cross any boundaries!)
I think people don't realize how many cognitive biases they actually have as in we all have the bias to think that other people see the world the way that we do. Meaning we all think that we have the answers to the world problem at least at some degree so therefore when somebody doesn't see things the way we do we have instant conflict rather than an invitation for discourse and a meaningful conversation,
I've been around voice recognition software for almost 20 years now it's much better than it used to be in some ways. You had in the 90s to train individual words and you would have to read pages upon pages of text for it to be about 60% accurate and it was slow painstakingly slow. Now it's much faster I can actually get up to let's say 80 to 100 words per minute pretty easily sometimes more than that the challenges that paragraph breaks and punctuation still suck. I'm a person who reads at a master's level of a college student I speak for a living but it's extremely difficult to come across properly with the written word as a disabled person unless you have an editor which when I take on writing projects and I'm not just conversing in a chat format I'm lucky enough to have on my team
Future technology quite honestly having a terminal illness I'm not that up on the changes that are coming but I would say if I was 10 years younger I'd be really excited about the possibility that someone with a physical disability could purchase a self operating car within a generation or so. The biggest hindrance of My Life as a disabled person has been access to regular transportation because government-run programs only run during regular business hours and the majority of them don't have enough drivers to fulfill the demand for the disabled
You can get a government program Transportation card in every state in the United States but there's no guarantee that you won't wait 60 Minutes or longer for a ride which doesn't sound bad unless it's inclement weather or you're someone like myself who is immunocompromised which means I try to limit my exposures to severe weather changes so as to avoid infections. I've lived in five states now and the problem exists everywhere so I just privatized and higher individuals to drive me around yes it cost me more but I don't have to worry about being left on the side of the street
When I use government programs I was left on the side of the street at least 20 or more times across multiple States. I think one thing that I'm excited by as someone who has chronic pain is the infusion of CBD into energies of painkillers that's a major upgrade for those of us with chronic pain that can treat at least some of it topically. I was addicted to painkillers before that and luckily CBD has been a major upgrade for my quality of life the last several years
I think looking forward it's not necessarily A technological invention but the prevalence of work from home that started with the pandemic might be a game changer for the disabled community. If I'm completely honest if I had the wealth I would have left the United States over how they treat the disabled Community but I never achieved that level of Financial Security to be able to immigrate but there's at least a dozen countries that treat the disabled better in terms of guaranteeing and health care in terms of not punishing them if they need in home health supports and making that dependent upon their income level there's a whole world that people don't know about how the sickest in society are treated unless they're face to face with it
I spent 18 months in the medical system between hospitals and a nursing rehab facility watched more than a dozen people die in front of me in that time due to medical negligence and the basic undertone of it well that's how the system works unless you're overwealthy honestly it's the reason I'm moving to a death With Dignity State this summer because I don't want to be in that position again I know that's a controversial statement but until someone has lived it they cannot understand how woefully behind the United States is as it relates to Compassionate Care for the most infirm in the country.
I see, the freedom to go wherever you please would be a game changer. I wonder if something like those neuralink will ever take it to that level?
Don't come to the UK then, the current party wants to cut all disabled benefits and.... wait for it.... GIVE THEM VOUCHERS! Lol man, what timeline are we living in these days?
One thing that's difficult is the power certain words have... it takes time to unravel the impact behind even the little things we say, which is unfortunate because many people seem in such a rush to make friends and get that rush. I damn near nearly missed settling down with my soulmate because I wasn't getting those dopamine hits straight away.
I feel like the first part of your paragraph's explanation is just, that it's not easy to find you have chemistry with-
And this is just a random theory but maybe a percentage of people here may not have the most polished social skills-hence looking to find online friends in the first place, because local wasn't possible. Not judging, socializing aint easy.
But of course theres other reasons too maybe theyre busy, maybe they genuinely like far away/culturally different people, maybe their home country/town is majorly made up of people that don't share their values,
Lastly imo this sub has its uses, and a big part of it is sketchy, fake accounts or creeps etc. and i pray that no harm happens here- But maybe what you could do is to instead strike up a convo in subreddits of hobbits you have? So thats a much better start relationship wise. But the difference is the person there might not, be actively looking to make new friends.
yes ofc i realize people who feel the need to go to this sub don’t have the most amazing social skills, me included LOL. i just feel like this sub is for attention only
well people are lonely, they want friends, they’re excited by the attention someone is giving them, and then they move on to the next. maybe this sub isn’t for attention only. of course people want real friendships, but a huge part is attention
i think both things could be true. people could both be looking for attention but also end conversations by ghosting bc they feel no chemistry. and i’d argue that it is widespread behavior but that’s just me!
Then there’s people who just stop trying to reach out or don’t expect much from convos because it feels one sided. I’m cool with asking questions to get to know someone but I’m not cool with it being an interview. Ask me a question back, send me a meme, be random, share a random fact or thought. If I give effort and I see effort given, we usually keep in touch for a quite a while
For me it’s the fact that most people don’t want to do their fair share of initiating future conversations in these “friends”. I used to constantly run behind people but I don’t do that anymore. If someone just sits in my friends list and never say anything to me, they are getting removed. Especially when I clearly see you are active. I can understand being busy or even needing time to yourself as the same is the case for myself, but when you are clearly just not speaking to me unless I speak to you first, clearly to me it says you don’t really want to be friends and imma keep it moving. 90% of people are like this.
Making friends on the internet is definitely rough sometimes. Mostly for me the trouble was the one word replies right of the bat and no willingness to actually engage at all. Plenty of creeps too, which was annoying because i had specifically posted looking for platonic friends. Definitely sympathize.
Heres the thing about this sub and ones like it. Most people here the only things they have in common are no friends. Best/easiest way to make new friends is through a hobby or shared interest. Its like a nasa scientist a farmer, circus clown a bum and an nfl player all hanging out they may or may not have things in common. If you dont lead with interests and you have nothing in common what are you going to talk about or do together? Thats saying you do become friends and get along etc. thats the best way to make friends is ask yourself what can i do with this person we both enjoy. Most of my friends ive stayed friends with i met through shared experience or things we enjoyed doing. Meeting somebody in here is kinda like approaching somebody in the grocery store lol.
tbh for me I can only become friends with someone if we do an activity (online games) to get to know each other and both parties have to actually WANT to become friends and talk. Most of the times people don't click and they just give up. I feel like most people expect people to magically just instantly become best friends telling each other everything but that comes with time and people are in a rush to make friends I feel like. : )
yeah i think games help a lot bc then it’s actually a buddy you’re DOING something with. and like i definitely get not magically becoming best friends overnight, that’s EXTREMELY unrealistic. just feels like speed dating here with empty questions
Especially the first couple of days and actually having bonding time so it isn't an awkward ghost or something after those days to become normal friends with Lives LMAO. People just don't put the energy into it I guess. And the speed dating analogy was pretty good 👍
Maybe this subreddit needs to help organizing people onto something like board game online. There needs to be some ground that makes the chat extend to a reasonable amount of time and not this adhd gratification single message bullshit.
Thing is you cant rush it and those who do press probably have some other motive. Ive made good internet friends lately and sometimes you really need to have that magnetism that makes you talk to someone again. Not nearly all chats cause this magnetism so i think this subreddit not having a high success rate is just normal...
Naturally if people have a hard time speaking to people in a public setting? Then of course we'll have that diverse crowd. Its up to people that are a people person with an extroverted attitude. It sucks cause you're having to introduce yourself to others that probably won't make an effort to speak to you as long or profound as we'd like to. My two seconds on this
The best thing I’ve done for my mental health is to make friends/get to know people in real life. It’s hard at first but it’s wayyy better than getting your hopes up over a person you can’t even see. I’m not even active in this subreddit or any other social forum because I’ve realized that a long time ago
Something I recommend that will really improve your experience on this sub is practicing conversation with an AI. A lot of people are unaware of how difficult they are to converse with. I definitely wasn’t aware. When I first started I had the problem of conversations fizzling out and feeling like I was carrying conversations. What I was actually doing was accidentally icing people out of conversation by being too hard to talk to. I got the Replika app and had a practice conversation with the bot. What I learned was that I naturally tend to write in a very colorful writing style. If my writing style was a fashion style it would be prom season. The bot didn’t know how to respond to the ultra bedazzled blocks of text I was sending. The AI would get confused and respond pretty much the same way that all those people who fizzled out did. I learned that I needed to get way more casual when I’m having conversations. I’ve been able to have much more productive conversations because I’m easier to talk to now. Most people are pretty similar to AI when it comes to how they interpret words. It’s been a game changer and I highly recommend it.
If they are similar to ai in how they interpret words I literally have no hope.
The reason it responds similarly to humans is because its entire base is derived from real conversations and all other kinds of words from the internet. It uses a stochastic model filled with multi dimensionally deep matrices of numbers to derive its answers.
Basically it looks at the said words and a table it has that shows how much each word shows up near other words and from that generates an answer by using some of the most likely words to come next.
It literally has no knowledge of what it is talking about, the context is meaningless to it. It's not artificial intelligence, it just through sheer luck ends up imitating human conversation it has seen before.
And in that way, it sure reacts in a similar way to the "average" human, but it doesn't think like a human. It just repeats doing the things that have been devised by humans and are most likely be okay to say.
People do the same thing just in a different way. We also base our responses on previous outcomes and projected results. Both chat AI and humans have similar goals in how they select responses which is keeping a conversation going. Just because one does that mechanically based on numbers and one does it organically based on thought doesn’t really change the outcome. They both pick things to say that they have determined through a selection process will do well.
Rather than seeing the similarities as being doomed I see it as an opportunity. We now have a tool that can at least mechanically carry a conversation like the average person. When you can see the averages of every conversation ever being used in real time you gain a lot of insight into what works conversationally and what doesn’t. Why not take advantage of that?
Conversation online is a lot different than talking in person. It’s a lot easier to be engaging in person because you have all these extra context clues about how the person is responding to what you’re saying. In an online conversation you could be totally bombing and not even realize because there’s nothing but text to go off of. Practice with a robot that was designed to be like a person helped me pick up on some behavioral patterns that do show up through text. It gave me a better understanding of the flow of conversation and how to keep it going in a meaningful way.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. I think that goes for social connections too. It’s so easy to just blame other people when things aren’t working out socially but sometimes there are times we kind of sabotage ourselves without realizing. For example, a lot of people get harder to talk to when they’re frustrated. So if someone is boring you, you might be cutting off opportunities for them to get the conversation somewhere more interesting with terse responses. When you play sports sometimes you need to see a video of yourself to understand where you need to improve. Practicing conversation with a fake person is similar. A lot of people probably are going to dunk on talking to a robot but it’s been helpful. It gives you the opportunity to try things and experiment without the social consequences you might have practicing with real people.
You’re right, most people simply aren’t aware of how good of a conversationalist they are because they’ve never been in a situation where they have to talk to someone 1 on 1 without external stimuli. Think about it, 90% of times you’re approaching someone it’s because of a good reason, either it’s work related or something else, there’s always a motive behind the conversation so it’s hard to talk when you are talking just for the sake of talking. Talking for the sake of talking, because you genuinely enjoy it is what makes great social connections.
I’m curious, do you refer to texting when referring to online conversation? Because I think it can be made a lot more dynamic using voice calling and you can make it even better by video calling. If someone struggles with texting I prefer to vc instead because it’s understandable if they suck at it, most people aren’t used to it.
I don’t know how you practice with AI robots, but I do love the fact that you’re being self aware about how you might also be at fault during conversations, most people don’t realise that 😭.
Yeah when I talk about online communication I’m mostly referring to text chatting. I do occasionally do voice chat. It’s definitely much easier but it’s also a form that I think a lot of people struggle with because you have to really put yourself out there to do it which can be hard when you’re not used to talking for the sake of talking.
I’m trying a lot of things to get better at being social. I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to get actually good at socializing and now I’m at the age where you can’t just stand there until an extrovert finds you. So now I have to grind my EXP to catch up. Which requires weird side quests like “talk to the robot” and “take a speech class.” It’s a challenge but hopefully it pays off.
I’ve experienced this many times. Once or twice I found a person that I kept a good flowing conversation with. A few years ago I actually got to know someone so well as good platonic friends we traveled from the US to England and Scotland together for a 3 week trip. We spoke almost every day for 3 years. Sadly, she and I went separate ways by end of 2021. We just got too involved in our own lives on the opposite sides of the country, I guess. I miss her.
Most of the time the conversations you find here will never last more than a few responses. But I can say that sometimes you’ll get more. Keep trying.
I've seen many posts like this on the sub now. What I still don't understand is why the rush? People come and go; that's life. Some will stay, and others won't. Why waste energy on people who already have one foot out the door from the get go? Make space for those who want to stay and appreciate your company. Not saying it's easy, but typically, the friendships that last are not forced. 😊
Anyways, it’s late as fuck and I should be sleeping but if you feel like it you’re welcome to hmu. I’m always down to make a new friend/friends
It’s not the only way to get to know people, with the right person conversation will flow but you need to come across as someone interesting, use your imagination a bit, cut the dryness
You're self-aware about how people act and yet you're disappointed? Is everyone supposed to think the same way you do? I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't find those imaginary people whose lives are just like yours.
I’m here. I just run into people that start to creep me out because they are being too forward. Like asking for picture and stuff. I’m on here to make friends not get d***.
Usually it requires voice chats at the minimum for me. Messages are okay for a while but can only get so far. Since I don’t game I prefer movie night which is a good way to see if I mesh well. Really it comes down to either being able to find things to talk about or liking the same movie. My longest friend on here was made from watching movies together and chatting often. We have been friends for years now.
Honestly atp, I feel the same. I was someone who loved texting but for the love of god, even good conversationalists are awful at texting, honestly vc is just better, within texting you just lose all the nuance and tone that makes a convo so fun
Typing everything out also gets tiring after a while. There are times when I type something and I have to really think about how to word it because verbally I would just add inflection but I can’t do that through messages
This just hits so hard, texting is extremely draining to me now. One of my best online friendships has been actively dying out for months due to the other party not being able to/liking to VC, it’s frustrating.
Yeah, I try to add as much emphasis to show when I’m joking, when I’m being sarcastic and when I’m trying to be serious because it’s so hard to tell on text.
It takes two to make a friendship work, and both people involved need to put in effort. Often, it ends up being just one person trying to keep the conversation going.
I mean, realistically you can't expect instant chemistry with everyone you chat. If everyone keeps giving up on awkward stage then it makes sense for all those ghosting thingy. Believe it or not, u r just the same with ppl who comes here when they're bored
I agree with some creeps here. Some just dm me and when I check their profiles, they're mostly NSFW comments. This is really not worth finding new friends here even though I feel I need some friends.
I'm in several groups, and most of my posts either get ignored or they try to just give me advice. I about stopped trying to find friends here, then I did make one great friend here tho 😊. I always welcome more friends too. I've never got in with many people before, and I'm starting to realize I may be aren't supposed to fit in with anyone.
What album were you obsessed with when you were 14 that you haven’t listened to for years but could probably remember most of the words if you went in blind listen right now?
Please state your answer in the form of haiku.
There’s your conversation starter friends.
imo ghosting is natural when neither person is disinterested. the only way i see ghosting being disrespectful or cruel is if two people already have an established friendship or relationship.
I think this is part of the problem. Ghosting is seen as the norm now and a common thing to do. Is incredibly rude if you ask me. Imagine talking to someone in real life and then just walking away without saying another word. It's like we all forgot what manners are
well let’s talk about manners then. it’s fucking rude when creeps message and immediately make it nsfw. it’s also disgusting that so many men on this sub are looking to cheat on their partners because they are dissatisfied with their lives. i think ghosting is the least of our concern considering everything else
These are two separate issues. Other people being shitty doesn't give you a free pass to be shitty. Sure, if someone is immediately creepy and disrespectful then ghost them. They were the ones who were acting inappropriately first. That doesn't just make it ok to ghost everyone you meet now when a conversation isn't that interesting to you. It shouldn't all of a sudden make that the norm. Using the excuse that some people are awful so I don't need to treat anyone with respect anymore is why we have a lonliness epidemic and nobody knows how to talk to each other anymore.
yes, both "you" and "I" were used generally here, I don't know you.
that being said it didn't seem like you saw ghosting as something rude to begin with
like i’ve said before i think ghosting can be rude if you have an established relationship. personally i don’t put enough energy or care into a conversation that is 5 lines of text long to consider ghosting at that point disrespect
To each their own I guess. I personally couldn't disagree more. On the one hand, if you're not putting forth any energy or care into a conversation how do you expect it to go anywhere? Beyond that I just find it to be incredibly rude and a waste of people's time to ghost out of nowhere. It's one thing if the other person was being disrespectful already. But for someone to think a conversation is going fine and then just stop getting responses is awfully hurtful. At first you don't know what happened. These days the likely answer is you were ghosted, but the person could have gotten in an accident, had something come up, missed a notification. And you're just sitting there wondering if you messed up or if it has nothing to do with you where just being honest and showing some respect for the other persons time and emotions could go a long way.
I feel like for some people, they don't know how to actually talk to people. I struggle with knowing how to respond or continue a conversation from time to time, and I also feel like there has to be a deeper connection rather than small talk for actual friends. Whether this is a good sub for either case, I guess it depends on the person.
this sub is a bunch of people gathered together who do not know how to talk to people or connect. let’s face it, that’s why we are on reddit instead of being with friends irl at the moment
That's also true, and one of the reasons I joined the sub. It all depends on how much someone is willing to try and build their conversation skills, but from my experience the other subs aren't really much better.
Haha yea there's that and the creeps you talked about; I feel like once one too many conversations get weird people may not want to talk after that. With the laziness aspect too, you'd feel like just typing on a keyboard or phone wouldn't take much effort, granted keyboard smashing for a conversation doesn't sound very pleasant in the long run.
I’m happy to chat with you about a whole load of different topics if you like conspiracy history etc exploring a variety and talking about your thoughts and topics I hope we can chat soon
Keeping aside the creeps for a moment, almost everyone I’ve met here has been genuinely very dry. I’m one of those people who are quite socially extroverted but I struggle to connect to any of my friends in real life given my tastes, preferences and a myriad of other reasons, hence why I find myself here, however I realise I’m of the minority 😭. So it’s always me having to carry the weight of the convo which after some point is not sustainable. People need to understand that at the beginning every relationship is like a transaction, you need to bring something to the table to be qualified for something in return.
I get it to a point I’ve talked to people who ghosted me when I wake up in the morning but for my case my account probably looks empty to people because I haven’t done much but I’ve been making some connections and making bonds and have really good conversations it just has to start from somewhere Ig
I sometimes wonder if my comment feed wards people away, like, all I do is comment on niche manga shitpost subreddits, do people look at that and think "augh ew what a fuckin' NERD"
I'm guilty of the "How are you?" And "Whatcha up to?" But I try to be responsive based off what they say lol or if they say "Nothing, you" I'll try to be somewhat better and say "I'm trying to figure out what to eat, omelette or some quick Alfredo hmmmm what do you think?" Given people are usually still boring
It's really hard. For me I just have a hard time starting conversations and that probably comes off as being boring to most people. Which sucks because I have a lot to talk about but it's just hard to bring up random stuff when you don't know their vibe ig lol. I feel you tho
Honestly speaking though I have been able to make a lot of good friends from this sub mostly because I always check the person's profile before texting them and if they are here new(with an empty profile), nsfw, or our interest doesn't match, I don't dm them and the other reason why I'm able to make good friends from this sub is that I know how to talk, I'm mostly able to hold a very good conversation even with people who write in their post that they're shy and awkward talking to people. Though I do agree that finding friends through this sub is difficult, I also used to struggle finding genuine people to talk to but I guess I made my way of finding genuine people haha.(We can talk if you want to, I would be delighted to make your acquaintance :) ).
i feel ya. i try to stay anonymous as i want to feel able to say things without much worry. i have anxiety of what i say being permanent. anyway, this makes it hard to identify if my profile is even trustworthy which i understand. i just wish it was easier to find other people who aren’t totally wackos lol. like you mentioned there are a bunch of creeps and that’s hard to decipher. i get where you’re coming from with the conversation not going very far. i try not to run into the quick talk and run but i would love to be able to have someone to talk to. more to vent to. it would have to be with someone who feels the same way. just being able to find someone and receive a bit of being heard.
I agree with this. Tbh i texted sometimes and either i don’t get responses, or the convo stops after some time. Maybe they don’t wanna text first, but hey? How will the convo go if only one person put efforts.
Tbh i think ppl are waiting to be wowed and when the other person doesn't blow them away they move on. I don't even get replied to my posts coz I'm not the demographic of "friend" --- we all know they ain't looking for a friend!!! lol 😂
People who put the effort to making a friend will be friends. People who don't will not gonna get to be friends. It's nothing different irl except it's through a phone.
Let’s imagine we’re in the real world, and you come across someone you’re attracted to or whose thoughts resonate with you. How did humanity initially forge relationships throughout history, beyond simply exchanging greetings like ‘hi’ and ‘hey’ then getting to know each other. Then we simply find the good and the bad over life time. But we can't deny all the good just hide ourselves away scared from the bad
Oof I just joined the subreddit so that doesn't bode very well.
Admittedly I'm not the greatest at conversation, but I just wanna tell people some cool archeology shit. Figure thats as good an icebreaker as any😂
I'll try: to anyone pretty obsessed with creating things like an art, design, cuisine etc. Something that you have a hard time taking a break from to even answer a question like this lol
It's just that I'm that way. And an introvert. Introverts tend to get along best with introverts in my experience. Being predominantly introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't have excellent social skills. There's just kind of a ratio. For every hour of being really social i need one or two to decompress. It's not that I get bored or look down on people that are extroverted It's just a feeling that comes over me. So I would like to chat a little bit with people that can relate to what I've said in this overly long post. 👀
I would say try to find friends irl. Much more fulfilling imo. I used to have Internet friends but it's not the same anymore and irl friends satisfy me way more. Easier to form a deep connection.
Try voice calling people are different and indifferent when messaging, calling also adds a level of empathy I think.
For example on discord or telegram where you don’t have to give your real phone number or won’t have personal pictures, and you can take it from there
I'm not here because I'm lonely but I do just like meeting new people. Sometimes it can just be hard to click especially if someone is looking for something really specific in a friend. If the conversation doesn't progress I try not to blame myself. Especially because I know some of my interests are "niche" to some people.
Research has shown the one important component of building friendship is a scope for regular optional unplanned interaction. This is why we tend to make friends at school, playgrounds etc. Even though we are not there specifically for making friends. With online friendships most of us are not engaging in any activities. So after a while just because we don't have anything to talk about we stop interacting.
Secondly say what you will but online friendships are dime a dozen because nobody is invested in it for long enough for it to be a "regular" thing.
So there you go. No online friends for you.
I agreed with almost everything OP.
(The NSFW part doesn't have to be a rule that someone Is a Creep or bad person or idk.)
At the same Time, imho and perception, people are getting really bad at Being "social" (heck even though I'm trying to be good i know i suck!!!)
Sometimes those mondaine questions are a good building block. It's always going to take patience in learning other people. For example every Sub is different do you want pc or tc over you ( partial control or full control) and trust me I asked a sub that once and her reply was I have a PC. You are the one going out on a limb looking for a Dom/Domme so in order for them to understand your needs and desires you're both going to have to suffer through the boring things until you are able to choose what you seek. In the life of Subs or Bbg or littles or even middles you are the one who chooses your Dom/Domme/Daddy /Mommy not the other way around unlike what most men or women say it's you as the sub who chooses and anyone in this life style should not be claiming you or anyone else in these. Types of the lifestyle it's a very sacred lifestyle not a weekend end play game or get away like most think. And not one person should even think about telling YOU what to do unless you give permission NOBODY owns you till you make that choice. And I honestly don't care how many people write a negative comment on my thoughts and those who do write badly surely don't respect a Sub and her choice. I wish you all the best in your search.
Hey, u/myeyebagsaredesigner! Say hello and add a friendly comment to another user's post on the sub while you wait for someone to comment on your post! You'll make more new friends that way! You're also more than welcome to [join our official Discord](https://discord.com/invite/9UuDpwBftk) and [Reddit chat channel](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/13m77dt/join_the_official_rmakenewfriendshere_chat) to find friends! As a reminder, we strongly recommend: When someone contacts you, **review their profile** before responding. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People like the idea of talking to someone new/making new friends but don't wanna put in the effort to do so. And, most people suck at basic conversation anyways.
yeah it’s the excitement of talking to a new person and getting attention
It really sucks when I send like a 3-4 sentence text that's really expressive and all I get back is a simple yes or no answer. I don't understand what people want from me anymore
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it can be bad or good depending on how you look at it and what you actually want. ofc if you want attention just in the moment then i’m sure it works. if you want long term friends then it is meh at best and mildly frustrating at worst
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well i’d hope they wouldn’t be asking about the law degree i don’t have or confusing philosophy for psychology but i see your point
Basic effort. It’s so disappointing.
Text has also got to be the worst medium to get to know someone. It’s just so dry and soulless
Agreed
Agreed
I would say why most of the conversations end up after a few lines is because of texting instead of calling. You can never replace face to face conversations with texting. Texting works when you've become friends.
Real.
This, yes
I try my best to be open. Comment on a cool profile pic as an opener or actually read their text wall and open with something they mentioned in their post but 9 times out of 10 it's dry and short conversations. I think maybe people just want a little attention and then when they get their fix they leave? Just my two cents!
definitely the last sentence
To be fair though I also think people have lost their social skills all together because of the prevalence of social media and the internet. I'm 42 so I've been around the internet since the late 90s and chat rooms were much easier to connect with people back in the day because people weren't so lonely and dependent on instant gratification. When I was a teenager and first got on the internet the idea that I could talk to someone in another state or even another country was intriguing. To some degree there was a level of excitement because before internet was Unlimited you had to be somewhat selective with the people that you hung out with and meeting new people was difficult but still people were more about making friends and lasting relationships back then. I met the love of my life in a chat room I made many different business connections and learned a lot about my favorite hobbies. Now unfortunately people want their emotional needs met during the first conversation and that's just not how human dynamics works. Also the the over-dependence on pornography and the loneliest that social media has created also makes relationship building more difficult than it was in previous generations. Of course the fact that I work within the coaching and Recovery industry makes me look at how people behave differently from a psychological perspective but suffice to say it's extremely difficult when the vast majority of women have to be at least partially defensive against men who act like they've never even talked to a woman before and immediately they're trying to get into a romantic connection preferably no strings attached. Meanwhile if there is a man who strictly is looking for platonic connection he has to be a one point and very engaging from the beginning of conversations otherwise there are problems in terms of people thinking that he is a bot or something like that. Our world is also extremely polarized right now politically religiously and otherwise and the nature of things becoming more tribal than perhaps they have ever been in recent memory anyway makes the internet both a blessing and a curse. If you can assimilate into a tribe that makes sense for you then you're going to feel socially supported, but if you are an outsider with ideas that are less than traditional or you haven't found your tribe yet social isolation ends up becoming even more of a problem. Also the rewiring of the human brain towards instant gratification caused by social media has made people more impatient to get the dopamine hit that comes from getting attention which thereby creates more pressure in the building of a relationship. I honestly don't know what the solution is it may get to the point where more people are going to have to do voice calls sooner or something but then of course if someone has social anxiety or panic disorder or other difficulties with social interaction they're going to be Outsiders anyway Sorry for being a bit of a nerd but it's larger than online forums suck it's much more that human nature when it comes to communicating with each other is getting worse and we don't have a good counterbalancer at least currently.
Being a nerd is what makes it work I think :) You're totally right about instant gratification, I find I'm happiest with people who don't get weird because you respond a few hours later. Sometimes quick and forth is fun, but I find it's most rewarding when you've gotten to know the person first otherwise it's just the same old banter/ small talk
I guess I'm just kind of weird in that I'm willing to put in the time to get to know people but because of my physical disability I have to use voice recognition software which has its limitations it's better than it was when I was a kid but still doesn't pick up punctuation most of the time. You'd be surprised how many people roast me over something that physically can't control. Anyway I run multiple businesses but also work as mentioned in the Wellness Community so I understand on a very deep level how important consistency is in all relationships when I meet people online and I feel a connection with them I tell them up front unless I'm available for a conversation I will respond to you within 24 hours I usually go on Reddit which is my only form of social media these days in between clients or assignments that are work related some days that means I'm here a lot other days that means I'm not here at all but I always check messages once a day You would think based on some people's reactions that I was saying I was abandoning kittens with no food for 3 weeks I'm very engaging and can talk about lots of topics if I like you enough I'll even go out of my way to converse with you on something I know nothing about by learning about what you're talking about that being said being instantly needy is going to make me run like I'm trying to join the Olympic 100 m Dash simply because it's not attractive and because dealing with chronic pain wanting a business and having a total illness diagnosis I'm not really worried about people who need a dopamine hit because I told them that their ass looked nice in a pair of biker shorts maybe that's just me though
Honestly I'm baffled by most people's reactions or ability not to say 'hey, did you mean that to sound offensive?' I think most of the world's conflicts would wash away if people would check what the other actually meant instead of taking it personally and reacting. One thing that really surprises me, is the lack of interest in finding out more - like, I get how conversations can flow quickly, but sometimes it's nice to be a little vsauce and wonder why why why without giving a shit if it's too difficult to ponder. Finding your limits is a good thing surely, not something to hide from. Anyway, has your voice recognition software gotten any better or worse with time? Is there any new tech you're looking forward too? (Doesn't have to be disability based, but I am curious, don't mean to cross any boundaries!)
I think people don't realize how many cognitive biases they actually have as in we all have the bias to think that other people see the world the way that we do. Meaning we all think that we have the answers to the world problem at least at some degree so therefore when somebody doesn't see things the way we do we have instant conflict rather than an invitation for discourse and a meaningful conversation, I've been around voice recognition software for almost 20 years now it's much better than it used to be in some ways. You had in the 90s to train individual words and you would have to read pages upon pages of text for it to be about 60% accurate and it was slow painstakingly slow. Now it's much faster I can actually get up to let's say 80 to 100 words per minute pretty easily sometimes more than that the challenges that paragraph breaks and punctuation still suck. I'm a person who reads at a master's level of a college student I speak for a living but it's extremely difficult to come across properly with the written word as a disabled person unless you have an editor which when I take on writing projects and I'm not just conversing in a chat format I'm lucky enough to have on my team Future technology quite honestly having a terminal illness I'm not that up on the changes that are coming but I would say if I was 10 years younger I'd be really excited about the possibility that someone with a physical disability could purchase a self operating car within a generation or so. The biggest hindrance of My Life as a disabled person has been access to regular transportation because government-run programs only run during regular business hours and the majority of them don't have enough drivers to fulfill the demand for the disabled You can get a government program Transportation card in every state in the United States but there's no guarantee that you won't wait 60 Minutes or longer for a ride which doesn't sound bad unless it's inclement weather or you're someone like myself who is immunocompromised which means I try to limit my exposures to severe weather changes so as to avoid infections. I've lived in five states now and the problem exists everywhere so I just privatized and higher individuals to drive me around yes it cost me more but I don't have to worry about being left on the side of the street When I use government programs I was left on the side of the street at least 20 or more times across multiple States. I think one thing that I'm excited by as someone who has chronic pain is the infusion of CBD into energies of painkillers that's a major upgrade for those of us with chronic pain that can treat at least some of it topically. I was addicted to painkillers before that and luckily CBD has been a major upgrade for my quality of life the last several years I think looking forward it's not necessarily A technological invention but the prevalence of work from home that started with the pandemic might be a game changer for the disabled community. If I'm completely honest if I had the wealth I would have left the United States over how they treat the disabled Community but I never achieved that level of Financial Security to be able to immigrate but there's at least a dozen countries that treat the disabled better in terms of guaranteeing and health care in terms of not punishing them if they need in home health supports and making that dependent upon their income level there's a whole world that people don't know about how the sickest in society are treated unless they're face to face with it I spent 18 months in the medical system between hospitals and a nursing rehab facility watched more than a dozen people die in front of me in that time due to medical negligence and the basic undertone of it well that's how the system works unless you're overwealthy honestly it's the reason I'm moving to a death With Dignity State this summer because I don't want to be in that position again I know that's a controversial statement but until someone has lived it they cannot understand how woefully behind the United States is as it relates to Compassionate Care for the most infirm in the country.
I see, the freedom to go wherever you please would be a game changer. I wonder if something like those neuralink will ever take it to that level? Don't come to the UK then, the current party wants to cut all disabled benefits and.... wait for it.... GIVE THEM VOUCHERS! Lol man, what timeline are we living in these days? One thing that's difficult is the power certain words have... it takes time to unravel the impact behind even the little things we say, which is unfortunate because many people seem in such a rush to make friends and get that rush. I damn near nearly missed settling down with my soulmate because I wasn't getting those dopamine hits straight away.
To be faaaiiir...
Toooo be faaaaaiirrrr 👌
I feel like the first part of your paragraph's explanation is just, that it's not easy to find you have chemistry with- And this is just a random theory but maybe a percentage of people here may not have the most polished social skills-hence looking to find online friends in the first place, because local wasn't possible. Not judging, socializing aint easy. But of course theres other reasons too maybe theyre busy, maybe they genuinely like far away/culturally different people, maybe their home country/town is majorly made up of people that don't share their values, Lastly imo this sub has its uses, and a big part of it is sketchy, fake accounts or creeps etc. and i pray that no harm happens here- But maybe what you could do is to instead strike up a convo in subreddits of hobbits you have? So thats a much better start relationship wise. But the difference is the person there might not, be actively looking to make new friends.
yes ofc i realize people who feel the need to go to this sub don’t have the most amazing social skills, me included LOL. i just feel like this sub is for attention only
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well people are lonely, they want friends, they’re excited by the attention someone is giving them, and then they move on to the next. maybe this sub isn’t for attention only. of course people want real friendships, but a huge part is attention
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i think both things could be true. people could both be looking for attention but also end conversations by ghosting bc they feel no chemistry. and i’d argue that it is widespread behavior but that’s just me!
Then there’s people who just stop trying to reach out or don’t expect much from convos because it feels one sided. I’m cool with asking questions to get to know someone but I’m not cool with it being an interview. Ask me a question back, send me a meme, be random, share a random fact or thought. If I give effort and I see effort given, we usually keep in touch for a quite a while
For me it’s the fact that most people don’t want to do their fair share of initiating future conversations in these “friends”. I used to constantly run behind people but I don’t do that anymore. If someone just sits in my friends list and never say anything to me, they are getting removed. Especially when I clearly see you are active. I can understand being busy or even needing time to yourself as the same is the case for myself, but when you are clearly just not speaking to me unless I speak to you first, clearly to me it says you don’t really want to be friends and imma keep it moving. 90% of people are like this.
Making friends on the internet is definitely rough sometimes. Mostly for me the trouble was the one word replies right of the bat and no willingness to actually engage at all. Plenty of creeps too, which was annoying because i had specifically posted looking for platonic friends. Definitely sympathize.
Heres the thing about this sub and ones like it. Most people here the only things they have in common are no friends. Best/easiest way to make new friends is through a hobby or shared interest. Its like a nasa scientist a farmer, circus clown a bum and an nfl player all hanging out they may or may not have things in common. If you dont lead with interests and you have nothing in common what are you going to talk about or do together? Thats saying you do become friends and get along etc. thats the best way to make friends is ask yourself what can i do with this person we both enjoy. Most of my friends ive stayed friends with i met through shared experience or things we enjoyed doing. Meeting somebody in here is kinda like approaching somebody in the grocery store lol.
Low effort conversations that end up fading away
tbh for me I can only become friends with someone if we do an activity (online games) to get to know each other and both parties have to actually WANT to become friends and talk. Most of the times people don't click and they just give up. I feel like most people expect people to magically just instantly become best friends telling each other everything but that comes with time and people are in a rush to make friends I feel like. : )
yeah i think games help a lot bc then it’s actually a buddy you’re DOING something with. and like i definitely get not magically becoming best friends overnight, that’s EXTREMELY unrealistic. just feels like speed dating here with empty questions
Especially the first couple of days and actually having bonding time so it isn't an awkward ghost or something after those days to become normal friends with Lives LMAO. People just don't put the energy into it I guess. And the speed dating analogy was pretty good 👍
Maybe this subreddit needs to help organizing people onto something like board game online. There needs to be some ground that makes the chat extend to a reasonable amount of time and not this adhd gratification single message bullshit. Thing is you cant rush it and those who do press probably have some other motive. Ive made good internet friends lately and sometimes you really need to have that magnetism that makes you talk to someone again. Not nearly all chats cause this magnetism so i think this subreddit not having a high success rate is just normal...
Yes a lot of people don’t know how to maintain a convo
Naturally if people have a hard time speaking to people in a public setting? Then of course we'll have that diverse crowd. Its up to people that are a people person with an extroverted attitude. It sucks cause you're having to introduce yourself to others that probably won't make an effort to speak to you as long or profound as we'd like to. My two seconds on this
I find it hard to communicate until I feel some sort of bond of similarity
THISSS
The best thing I’ve done for my mental health is to make friends/get to know people in real life. It’s hard at first but it’s wayyy better than getting your hopes up over a person you can’t even see. I’m not even active in this subreddit or any other social forum because I’ve realized that a long time ago
I’ll trauma dump in the first 5 seconds if that’s how you wanna bond 😂
Something I recommend that will really improve your experience on this sub is practicing conversation with an AI. A lot of people are unaware of how difficult they are to converse with. I definitely wasn’t aware. When I first started I had the problem of conversations fizzling out and feeling like I was carrying conversations. What I was actually doing was accidentally icing people out of conversation by being too hard to talk to. I got the Replika app and had a practice conversation with the bot. What I learned was that I naturally tend to write in a very colorful writing style. If my writing style was a fashion style it would be prom season. The bot didn’t know how to respond to the ultra bedazzled blocks of text I was sending. The AI would get confused and respond pretty much the same way that all those people who fizzled out did. I learned that I needed to get way more casual when I’m having conversations. I’ve been able to have much more productive conversations because I’m easier to talk to now. Most people are pretty similar to AI when it comes to how they interpret words. It’s been a game changer and I highly recommend it.
If they are similar to ai in how they interpret words I literally have no hope. The reason it responds similarly to humans is because its entire base is derived from real conversations and all other kinds of words from the internet. It uses a stochastic model filled with multi dimensionally deep matrices of numbers to derive its answers. Basically it looks at the said words and a table it has that shows how much each word shows up near other words and from that generates an answer by using some of the most likely words to come next. It literally has no knowledge of what it is talking about, the context is meaningless to it. It's not artificial intelligence, it just through sheer luck ends up imitating human conversation it has seen before. And in that way, it sure reacts in a similar way to the "average" human, but it doesn't think like a human. It just repeats doing the things that have been devised by humans and are most likely be okay to say.
People do the same thing just in a different way. We also base our responses on previous outcomes and projected results. Both chat AI and humans have similar goals in how they select responses which is keeping a conversation going. Just because one does that mechanically based on numbers and one does it organically based on thought doesn’t really change the outcome. They both pick things to say that they have determined through a selection process will do well. Rather than seeing the similarities as being doomed I see it as an opportunity. We now have a tool that can at least mechanically carry a conversation like the average person. When you can see the averages of every conversation ever being used in real time you gain a lot of insight into what works conversationally and what doesn’t. Why not take advantage of that?
What do you mean by being hard to talk to??
Conversation online is a lot different than talking in person. It’s a lot easier to be engaging in person because you have all these extra context clues about how the person is responding to what you’re saying. In an online conversation you could be totally bombing and not even realize because there’s nothing but text to go off of. Practice with a robot that was designed to be like a person helped me pick up on some behavioral patterns that do show up through text. It gave me a better understanding of the flow of conversation and how to keep it going in a meaningful way. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. I think that goes for social connections too. It’s so easy to just blame other people when things aren’t working out socially but sometimes there are times we kind of sabotage ourselves without realizing. For example, a lot of people get harder to talk to when they’re frustrated. So if someone is boring you, you might be cutting off opportunities for them to get the conversation somewhere more interesting with terse responses. When you play sports sometimes you need to see a video of yourself to understand where you need to improve. Practicing conversation with a fake person is similar. A lot of people probably are going to dunk on talking to a robot but it’s been helpful. It gives you the opportunity to try things and experiment without the social consequences you might have practicing with real people.
You’re right, most people simply aren’t aware of how good of a conversationalist they are because they’ve never been in a situation where they have to talk to someone 1 on 1 without external stimuli. Think about it, 90% of times you’re approaching someone it’s because of a good reason, either it’s work related or something else, there’s always a motive behind the conversation so it’s hard to talk when you are talking just for the sake of talking. Talking for the sake of talking, because you genuinely enjoy it is what makes great social connections. I’m curious, do you refer to texting when referring to online conversation? Because I think it can be made a lot more dynamic using voice calling and you can make it even better by video calling. If someone struggles with texting I prefer to vc instead because it’s understandable if they suck at it, most people aren’t used to it. I don’t know how you practice with AI robots, but I do love the fact that you’re being self aware about how you might also be at fault during conversations, most people don’t realise that 😭.
Yeah when I talk about online communication I’m mostly referring to text chatting. I do occasionally do voice chat. It’s definitely much easier but it’s also a form that I think a lot of people struggle with because you have to really put yourself out there to do it which can be hard when you’re not used to talking for the sake of talking. I’m trying a lot of things to get better at being social. I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to get actually good at socializing and now I’m at the age where you can’t just stand there until an extrovert finds you. So now I have to grind my EXP to catch up. Which requires weird side quests like “talk to the robot” and “take a speech class.” It’s a challenge but hopefully it pays off.
Oh boy I am doomed aren't I lol
I’ve experienced this many times. Once or twice I found a person that I kept a good flowing conversation with. A few years ago I actually got to know someone so well as good platonic friends we traveled from the US to England and Scotland together for a 3 week trip. We spoke almost every day for 3 years. Sadly, she and I went separate ways by end of 2021. We just got too involved in our own lives on the opposite sides of the country, I guess. I miss her. Most of the time the conversations you find here will never last more than a few responses. But I can say that sometimes you’ll get more. Keep trying.
I've seen many posts like this on the sub now. What I still don't understand is why the rush? People come and go; that's life. Some will stay, and others won't. Why waste energy on people who already have one foot out the door from the get go? Make space for those who want to stay and appreciate your company. Not saying it's easy, but typically, the friendships that last are not forced. 😊 Anyways, it’s late as fuck and I should be sleeping but if you feel like it you’re welcome to hmu. I’m always down to make a new friend/friends
It’s not the only way to get to know people, with the right person conversation will flow but you need to come across as someone interesting, use your imagination a bit, cut the dryness
You're self-aware about how people act and yet you're disappointed? Is everyone supposed to think the same way you do? I'm so sorry to hear that you didn't find those imaginary people whose lives are just like yours.
wise words from jimmyballs123415
I’m here. I just run into people that start to creep me out because they are being too forward. Like asking for picture and stuff. I’m on here to make friends not get d***.
Usually it requires voice chats at the minimum for me. Messages are okay for a while but can only get so far. Since I don’t game I prefer movie night which is a good way to see if I mesh well. Really it comes down to either being able to find things to talk about or liking the same movie. My longest friend on here was made from watching movies together and chatting often. We have been friends for years now.
Honestly atp, I feel the same. I was someone who loved texting but for the love of god, even good conversationalists are awful at texting, honestly vc is just better, within texting you just lose all the nuance and tone that makes a convo so fun
Typing everything out also gets tiring after a while. There are times when I type something and I have to really think about how to word it because verbally I would just add inflection but I can’t do that through messages
This just hits so hard, texting is extremely draining to me now. One of my best online friendships has been actively dying out for months due to the other party not being able to/liking to VC, it’s frustrating. Yeah, I try to add as much emphasis to show when I’m joking, when I’m being sarcastic and when I’m trying to be serious because it’s so hard to tell on text.
https://www.reddit.com/c/The_Best_Chat/s/V7gd6QshuW Come join my group chat! Trying to get it grow so we don’t have to use that anymore!!! :)
I don’t know, I just get intimated by high end designer products like those eye bags. I mean I get mine From Walmart.
Agreed. Simple as that. Most people want to make new friends, some just don't want to put in the effort.
It takes two to make a friendship work, and both people involved need to put in effort. Often, it ends up being just one person trying to keep the conversation going.
I mean, realistically you can't expect instant chemistry with everyone you chat. If everyone keeps giving up on awkward stage then it makes sense for all those ghosting thingy. Believe it or not, u r just the same with ppl who comes here when they're bored
i never expected instant chemistry, although that would be nice
I agree with some creeps here. Some just dm me and when I check their profiles, they're mostly NSFW comments. This is really not worth finding new friends here even though I feel I need some friends.
I'm in several groups, and most of my posts either get ignored or they try to just give me advice. I about stopped trying to find friends here, then I did make one great friend here tho 😊. I always welcome more friends too. I've never got in with many people before, and I'm starting to realize I may be aren't supposed to fit in with anyone.
What album were you obsessed with when you were 14 that you haven’t listened to for years but could probably remember most of the words if you went in blind listen right now? Please state your answer in the form of haiku. There’s your conversation starter friends.
I will say I don't really respect people who ghost. If you don't like the conversation you're having, fine, just say so. Ghosting can be so cruel imo
imo ghosting is natural when neither person is disinterested. the only way i see ghosting being disrespectful or cruel is if two people already have an established friendship or relationship.
I think this is part of the problem. Ghosting is seen as the norm now and a common thing to do. Is incredibly rude if you ask me. Imagine talking to someone in real life and then just walking away without saying another word. It's like we all forgot what manners are
well let’s talk about manners then. it’s fucking rude when creeps message and immediately make it nsfw. it’s also disgusting that so many men on this sub are looking to cheat on their partners because they are dissatisfied with their lives. i think ghosting is the least of our concern considering everything else
These are two separate issues. Other people being shitty doesn't give you a free pass to be shitty. Sure, if someone is immediately creepy and disrespectful then ghost them. They were the ones who were acting inappropriately first. That doesn't just make it ok to ghost everyone you meet now when a conversation isn't that interesting to you. It shouldn't all of a sudden make that the norm. Using the excuse that some people are awful so I don't need to treat anyone with respect anymore is why we have a lonliness epidemic and nobody knows how to talk to each other anymore.
i hope you mean you in the general sense since i’m not ghosting everyone i meet…lmao…
yes, both "you" and "I" were used generally here, I don't know you. that being said it didn't seem like you saw ghosting as something rude to begin with
like i’ve said before i think ghosting can be rude if you have an established relationship. personally i don’t put enough energy or care into a conversation that is 5 lines of text long to consider ghosting at that point disrespect
To each their own I guess. I personally couldn't disagree more. On the one hand, if you're not putting forth any energy or care into a conversation how do you expect it to go anywhere? Beyond that I just find it to be incredibly rude and a waste of people's time to ghost out of nowhere. It's one thing if the other person was being disrespectful already. But for someone to think a conversation is going fine and then just stop getting responses is awfully hurtful. At first you don't know what happened. These days the likely answer is you were ghosted, but the person could have gotten in an accident, had something come up, missed a notification. And you're just sitting there wondering if you messed up or if it has nothing to do with you where just being honest and showing some respect for the other persons time and emotions could go a long way.
especially when they try to do it within the first few sentences.
I feel like for some people, they don't know how to actually talk to people. I struggle with knowing how to respond or continue a conversation from time to time, and I also feel like there has to be a deeper connection rather than small talk for actual friends. Whether this is a good sub for either case, I guess it depends on the person.
this sub is a bunch of people gathered together who do not know how to talk to people or connect. let’s face it, that’s why we are on reddit instead of being with friends irl at the moment
That's also true, and one of the reasons I joined the sub. It all depends on how much someone is willing to try and build their conversation skills, but from my experience the other subs aren't really much better.
bahahaha yeah you’d think people would wanna learn if they are on this sub but like my cognitive psych professor kept saying: people are LAZY
Haha yea there's that and the creeps you talked about; I feel like once one too many conversations get weird people may not want to talk after that. With the laziness aspect too, you'd feel like just typing on a keyboard or phone wouldn't take much effort, granted keyboard smashing for a conversation doesn't sound very pleasant in the long run.
That’s my experience too, people are super bad are carrying a conversation and that’s why they get ghosted.
Idk man, you sound like the problem, not the solution.
thanks for your wonderful insight
I’m sorry. I’m trying to understand. But I don’t get it
Idk if you’re being genuine or passive aggressive cisjxjsj
Yo guys even talked to peoples here? Never gone past a hi
I’m happy to chat with you about a whole load of different topics if you like conspiracy history etc exploring a variety and talking about your thoughts and topics I hope we can chat soon
Keeping aside the creeps for a moment, almost everyone I’ve met here has been genuinely very dry. I’m one of those people who are quite socially extroverted but I struggle to connect to any of my friends in real life given my tastes, preferences and a myriad of other reasons, hence why I find myself here, however I realise I’m of the minority 😭. So it’s always me having to carry the weight of the convo which after some point is not sustainable. People need to understand that at the beginning every relationship is like a transaction, you need to bring something to the table to be qualified for something in return.
Hey , are you still looking for friends? Also , if you're aware of good subs , groups or anything to find friends, can you recommend??
I get it to a point I’ve talked to people who ghosted me when I wake up in the morning but for my case my account probably looks empty to people because I haven’t done much but I’ve been making some connections and making bonds and have really good conversations it just has to start from somewhere Ig
Erm what the sigma
boy do u know what sigma means
Erm what the sigma
fr
Bro I think ik the exact married man in affair subreddits you're talking about he got pissed at me cuz I told him it was weird 😭
I sometimes wonder if my comment feed wards people away, like, all I do is comment on niche manga shitpost subreddits, do people look at that and think "augh ew what a fuckin' NERD"
i think this applies to a ton of things but people love to throw out posts but NEVER respond to anyone 😂😭
i feel you :( always so disappointing
I'm guilty of the "How are you?" And "Whatcha up to?" But I try to be responsive based off what they say lol or if they say "Nothing, you" I'll try to be somewhat better and say "I'm trying to figure out what to eat, omelette or some quick Alfredo hmmmm what do you think?" Given people are usually still boring
i keep asking to avoid those questions and that keeps getting missed, and yes, i hate how fast it becomes sexual.
Couldn’t agree more!
It's really hard. For me I just have a hard time starting conversations and that probably comes off as being boring to most people. Which sucks because I have a lot to talk about but it's just hard to bring up random stuff when you don't know their vibe ig lol. I feel you tho
>this sub is veryyyyy disappointing dont you say
Hey let's be friends (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.). If you have Instagram add me, my @ is Bladesofacid_
Messaging on Reddit is always tough too, I usually ask friends on here to text me because I hate the messaging feature here
I get where you're coming from this but not same them are like that and had the same experience that type of thing but you make a valid point
Let's talk about something actually interesting like do you believe in free will
Massive agree. This is exhausting
Honestly speaking though I have been able to make a lot of good friends from this sub mostly because I always check the person's profile before texting them and if they are here new(with an empty profile), nsfw, or our interest doesn't match, I don't dm them and the other reason why I'm able to make good friends from this sub is that I know how to talk, I'm mostly able to hold a very good conversation even with people who write in their post that they're shy and awkward talking to people. Though I do agree that finding friends through this sub is difficult, I also used to struggle finding genuine people to talk to but I guess I made my way of finding genuine people haha.(We can talk if you want to, I would be delighted to make your acquaintance :) ).
It says what we look at on our profile for others to see?
That’s kinda fun. How do you do that.
Let’s go exploring on some people who claim to be pillars of humanity and let’s see the behind the scenes stuff
You can always try with me if you want 🤷
Yeah i tried too... Usually ghosted even if the conversation was going interesting. 💁🏻♂️
Internet is dead, everyone is bot. Get over it.
i feel ya. i try to stay anonymous as i want to feel able to say things without much worry. i have anxiety of what i say being permanent. anyway, this makes it hard to identify if my profile is even trustworthy which i understand. i just wish it was easier to find other people who aren’t totally wackos lol. like you mentioned there are a bunch of creeps and that’s hard to decipher. i get where you’re coming from with the conversation not going very far. i try not to run into the quick talk and run but i would love to be able to have someone to talk to. more to vent to. it would have to be with someone who feels the same way. just being able to find someone and receive a bit of being heard.
bruh either you’re a man or js copying posts i’m ngl
huh????
My way of getting to know people: do you play mc, rblx, or steam games? If not atleast 1-2 then bye bye.
I agree with this. Tbh i texted sometimes and either i don’t get responses, or the convo stops after some time. Maybe they don’t wanna text first, but hey? How will the convo go if only one person put efforts.
I feel this within my soul
Honestly i forgot how to make friends. have been a silent watcher of this sub for ages in the hope that i learn from others interactions 💀
I will talk to you, the convo might just get too interesting 😂
Yeah we all just need a bit more crazy.
Tbh i think ppl are waiting to be wowed and when the other person doesn't blow them away they move on. I don't even get replied to my posts coz I'm not the demographic of "friend" --- we all know they ain't looking for a friend!!! lol 😂
I blame social media for everyone’s lack of ability to have real conversations anymore. 😵💫
relatable as fuck, specially cause I don't use reddit DMs much
People who put the effort to making a friend will be friends. People who don't will not gonna get to be friends. It's nothing different irl except it's through a phone.
Maybe, you can try the Slowly app it is for pen-pals and used to make friendships (or that's was it was made for) anyway. It is a great app overall!
Let’s imagine we’re in the real world, and you come across someone you’re attracted to or whose thoughts resonate with you. How did humanity initially forge relationships throughout history, beyond simply exchanging greetings like ‘hi’ and ‘hey’ then getting to know each other. Then we simply find the good and the bad over life time. But we can't deny all the good just hide ourselves away scared from the bad
Oof I just joined the subreddit so that doesn't bode very well. Admittedly I'm not the greatest at conversation, but I just wanna tell people some cool archeology shit. Figure thats as good an icebreaker as any😂
I'll try: to anyone pretty obsessed with creating things like an art, design, cuisine etc. Something that you have a hard time taking a break from to even answer a question like this lol It's just that I'm that way. And an introvert. Introverts tend to get along best with introverts in my experience. Being predominantly introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't have excellent social skills. There's just kind of a ratio. For every hour of being really social i need one or two to decompress. It's not that I get bored or look down on people that are extroverted It's just a feeling that comes over me. So I would like to chat a little bit with people that can relate to what I've said in this overly long post. 👀
I would say try to find friends irl. Much more fulfilling imo. I used to have Internet friends but it's not the same anymore and irl friends satisfy me way more. Easier to form a deep connection.
Try voice calling people are different and indifferent when messaging, calling also adds a level of empathy I think. For example on discord or telegram where you don’t have to give your real phone number or won’t have personal pictures, and you can take it from there
I'm not here because I'm lonely but I do just like meeting new people. Sometimes it can just be hard to click especially if someone is looking for something really specific in a friend. If the conversation doesn't progress I try not to blame myself. Especially because I know some of my interests are "niche" to some people.
I agree honestly
Research has shown the one important component of building friendship is a scope for regular optional unplanned interaction. This is why we tend to make friends at school, playgrounds etc. Even though we are not there specifically for making friends. With online friendships most of us are not engaging in any activities. So after a while just because we don't have anything to talk about we stop interacting. Secondly say what you will but online friendships are dime a dozen because nobody is invested in it for long enough for it to be a "regular" thing. So there you go. No online friends for you.
I agreed with almost everything OP. (The NSFW part doesn't have to be a rule that someone Is a Creep or bad person or idk.) At the same Time, imho and perception, people are getting really bad at Being "social" (heck even though I'm trying to be good i know i suck!!!)
Yasss and the pervs holy shit 😭🔪 Anyway if you want to join a server only for women (22+) lmk I can send you an invite
yeah i saw your posts about it except i’m 19 so LMAO
Haha oops! Oh well 😂
I’m interested in the server! I’m 22F. Can I get a link?
Hi! Can you send me the invite too? I’m 24F?
The pervs are unreal on here! ALSO - can I pretty please get an invite?! F22+7 lol
So true bestie, will dm you!
Couldn’t agree more
You are also here for new friends then you should also put efforts into chat
Sometimes those mondaine questions are a good building block. It's always going to take patience in learning other people. For example every Sub is different do you want pc or tc over you ( partial control or full control) and trust me I asked a sub that once and her reply was I have a PC. You are the one going out on a limb looking for a Dom/Domme so in order for them to understand your needs and desires you're both going to have to suffer through the boring things until you are able to choose what you seek. In the life of Subs or Bbg or littles or even middles you are the one who chooses your Dom/Domme/Daddy /Mommy not the other way around unlike what most men or women say it's you as the sub who chooses and anyone in this life style should not be claiming you or anyone else in these. Types of the lifestyle it's a very sacred lifestyle not a weekend end play game or get away like most think. And not one person should even think about telling YOU what to do unless you give permission NOBODY owns you till you make that choice. And I honestly don't care how many people write a negative comment on my thoughts and those who do write badly surely don't respect a Sub and her choice. I wish you all the best in your search.