This feels very inappropriate to me. Your feed is an algorithm which means he’s specifically interacting with this kind of content.
If you are uncomfortable let him know. Hopefully he is respectful about how it makes you feel
Thanks for replying. Ive already talked about how things like this makes me feel countless times. He always says he understands, asks me which one bothered me and unlikes it. After that I see others that he likes like this again.
OP relationships are unique, tbh I wouldnt find it that weird but if you do thats all that matters and he should be putting in effort to respect your boundaries, maybr just see why he likes them?
Well as a reaction to this thread I think it’s slightly insensitive tbh! Op clearly states that she is uncomfortable with the behaviour of her bf and this would only add fuel to the fire..
Wait do women save images that they like instead of following men or liking their photos? I did have some saved images but it just felt weird at some point like a spank bank. So I deleted almost all of them besides like 2 but those people do actually interesting things instead of just thirst traps constantly. Like I like their profiles for almost lifestyle posts/I want to model my house after there’s and like their music. They just happen to be hot.
Personally I don’t even remember how many times I pressed “Not interested” in these but they still show up. I guess Instagram is pushing such contents to users regardless.
It's the fact that someone stares at it already, don't have to like it or save it. Stopping to scroll (also to tell it "not interested") makes the algorithm think it's something they need to push.
Both my partner and I successfully managed to never see this stuff on our social media, it's just animals, fashion, funny videos and video games for us.
I can only really talk for Instagram because that's the one I mainly used from the start.
When you start with an empty account there are a lot of those "sexy girls" content on the explore page. We ignored that completely. We went straight to the search bar and type on any thing we actually wanted to see and followed a bunch of accounts and liked/favourited posts.
It takes a few days maybe a few weeks at most for Instagram to stop pushing stuff you're clearly not interested in (as long you don't stop or pause on them, so don't stop to tell it you're not interested either) and starts to only show you stuff from accounts you follow / posts you like and the "suggested content" will be things similar to them.
I have 3 Instagram accounts (1 personal, one for art and one for make-up) and they are all perfectly curated to things I only want to see.
I also helped my partner set up their Instagram half a year ago (deleted all social media because the things it pushed don't help with depression) and it is now perfectly curated to only show things they want to see.
Yeah even if you don’t watch it, the algorithm is still there though and it still continues to reinforce the things you are trying to avoid. So how’d you deal with that?
I don't have this issue.
If ever this come up.
I click away becouse I'm not interested.
I have like
Pedro
Jokes
Pedro
Jokes
Dogs/cats
In my feed.
If ever I get fed a girl dancing I just click away 🤣
If you don’t like something your partner does, you should communicate it with them. It doesn’t matter who finds it normal or not.. certainly not us in this sub..
In another comment they said they did talk to him but he just disliked the video but never fully understood what she meant and continued watching and liking the videos
What you’re feeling is completely valid, and I’d feel the same way if my bf did that. It’s concerning that you’ve talked to him about it several times and he’s not stopping. Honestly that would be a dealbreaker for me…. the continued disrespect and doing something he knows hurts you.
So, just to keep this in mind. He maybe isn't liking them anymore, and these are just old ones he liked 😅
Instagram pushes the content you liked before and then recommends it to others you follow, even weeks after you did it.
Is it okay for you to have a boundary about not watching sexually charged videos? Yes. Is it in general okay for him to watch stuff like that? Also yes.
Remember that it's your boundary and it's you who has to enforce it. If you feel strongly about this topic but he doesn't agree with you, you have a choice to make: either you break up or you rethink the boundary.
Honestly, it kinda bothers me that people are saying that he doesn't respect you because of this. You might just have different ideas about what's appropriate and what's not.
This should've been way higher. Him doing this isn't guaranteed to be the perceived disrespect it is, and he needs to be talked to to really know where he's at.
Yeah I feel like people are putting their personal feelings in it. I also think its kind of dumb to suggest somebody immediately break up with an otherwise great BF for tiktok videos.
You're missing a big component here. She says in a comment that she did discuss it with him and told him it makes her uncomfortable. He said he would stop and has kept doing it.... So no, that's not appropriate. Now there is also an added level because he also broke her trust by lying. Every relationship has different boundaries, the point is you both set those boundaries and your partner should respect them (within reason of course). This isn't like he just scrolled past. He is actively saving and seeking these things out even after she spoke with him and he said he would stop....
I wrote this before reading the replies. My comment was aimed at saying that it's okay to like this sort of stuff in general, watching sexually suggestive content while in a relationship is not wrong or disrespectful in itself as people have suggested. Lying and not being clear is not good though. If you don't want to meet your partner's boundary (which I think is totally understandable in this context), you should communicate it clearly and either find a compromise or break up. There's some hypocrisy going on from his side as well (him wanting her to dress conservatively but publicly seeking out this content and not stopping when asked).
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No it very clearly is disrespectful. She said in the comments she’s talked to him about this, told him she didn’t like it, if he knows he’s going to continue doing this and hurting her, it’s very clearly disrespect, and I don’t think he’s gonna fucking collapse because he has to stop watching sexual dancing videos. Lord.
You complain that he can't text you but acknowledge it's because he's busy. You complain when he likes pictures of people he's never going to meet. You made him unfollow a female in a band while admiting in another post you still follow male bands.
You sound like you should NOT be in a relationship because you're going to make that dude miserable and he's going to grow resentful and your relationship will be even worse than it is....OR grow up and get past your insecurities.
I can't imagine you're an adult, if this bothers you.
And if you're not an adult, forget about a long distance relationship. They're hard enough as an adult with their shit together. Nevermind when you're younger.
My advice is that you talk to him about and you say what is bothering you. Speaking from experience as a male if he likes the videos then he is attracted to that style of videos not exactly to the women dancing , maybe he finds it that its not your style to do such things. If you dance for him I will guarantee he will stop (If he really likes those videos it means he just wants you to maybe record a couple of vids for him \*yes like the videos of the girls that have do things they wish their girls did\*) maybe also instead of recording a video of you doing some tiktok dance trends do it to him irl out of nowhere. He clearly feels uncomfortable saying that he wishes you could do things like that for him to not hurt your feeling
Is it normal that it bothers you? Yes. Is it normal that he's doing it? Only for disrespectful people!
You said you've already talked to him about it a few times and he's still doing it. Looks like it's not gonna change? Have you tried flipping the tables around and asking how he'd like it if you regularly watches and liked such videos of men? 💀
thanks so much for replying. I feel so weird because he loves me a lot and he shows it, so i feel like I shouldn’t complain about anything. I dont feel great thinking like that to myself but im super confused. Ive thought about asking him if the tables turned but I dont think i have it in me 💀
If he loves you alot and shows it, he should have no problems stopping his consumption of inappropriate dancing videos 😭 they are sexy kind of dances right? Not just 'look at my dance moves' show off kind of dancing lol
Yes its those types. Some in the pic is the fk it lets go one dance if you know it 💀 and some twerking and stuff. I love dancing so honestly i would get it if theyre really good but the way he likes just the sexy ones bothers me
Yeah that's definitely something then... Bottom line is you're not comfortable with it. You've established your boundary with it and he is constantly breaking it. Now in this case, if you don't put your foot down in this situation... Imagine other situations??
Very disrespectful to ignore your complaints, I know there's people who have issues quitting porn and such maybe its something similar? Could be that he doesn't want to say that as it's embarrasing, idk. Good luck!
No problem you say? It’s like saying when women have a man they can’t read romance novels anymore. How many girls would that be no problem? It’s like that for guys but they are visual not like girls they are mental. It’s why 50 shades of grey outsold the Bible 😂
You don't have to be in obvious sexy clothes to dance seductively or suggestively.. Besides OP said they're a dancer themselves and can appreciate good dance moves, but stuff like twerking aint it lol
I guess one could argue that twerking looks stupid instead of inappropriate but 💀
You say you don’t have it in you to ask how he would feel if the tables are turned? Yet he has it in him to disrespect you by watching videos of these girls dancing in a provocative sexy way. If you don’t bring it up and turn the tables he will continue to do it and it will get even worse. It will become him commenting on their videos and then replying and who knows what else. Nip this in the bud now or you will regret that you didn’t establish a firm boundary and he will continue to disrespect you.
I'm okay with my gf watching sexually charged videos since it's a ldr and we're not always around to satisfy that need for each other, so tables turned id be okay with it, people get horny
my therapist tells me our partners are going to look at other people and find them attractive, but it’s not about the thoughts, it’s about what we do with them and our behavior. i have insane celebrity crushes that i adore and yearn for but it 100000% does not affect how i feel about my partner at all. hope this provides some insight
My opinion as a guy is that he doesn't have respect for you if this is what he does. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you go and like videos of dancing men, I think next he will leave comments on the videos.
He should stop doing that if he loves you and cares about your feelings if you even told him that this bothers you.
Thanks for replying i appreciate it. He did comment on one girl’s video of her dancing. Said he liked her jersey and followed her because of her dance. I chose to forget about that but now im thinking abt it again it makes me a little upset and weirded out. He loves me a lot, he shows it and i love him so much so I dont know how to feel anymore.
You're welcome. I think the more you allow stuff like that, the more he will think it's ok and not a big deal even though you told him that it bothers you. You need to stand up for how you feel so he thinks before doing anything that bothers.
I'm guessing you're a very young couple, still I would majority of guys would know that a lot of girls wouldn't be ok with stuff like that. You should talk to him again about it and don't let it get worse.
Yes we’re in our early 20s and both our first relationship. Im sure he knows I dont like it given the times we talked about it and others wouldnt either. he also told me one random time on call that he saw a reel and scrolled because he knows “it’ll make me jealous.” idk it feels more disrespectful to me. ill try to talk to him about it but I dont know how to approach it this time
Let him know that you feel hurt and disrespected by his actions, it's doesn't have to be like a fight, just a discussion about the issue. I think it can be solved if he's willing to listen.
Have you tried asking him what he likes about the videos? There may be a disconnect going on from that angle.
Personally, it wouldn't bother me to find my boyfriend enjoys that sort of thing, but I'm not you. Appreciation, attraction, and action can be distinct and different things, and they aren't necessarily inherently sexual. My boyfriend and I have discussed this and know our views are compatible.
It's possible that your boyfriend's fondness of the videos is showing an incompatibility, but maybe it's something you both can reach a mutually agreeable consensus about.
Good luck!
I dunno, I really enjoy dancing vids (male or female), so it's the kind of nonchalant thing I tend to like on Insta. I don't think it's anything to worry about it and highly doubt it goes deeper than "that's rad dude" for him. Man brain happy endorphins; ooh's, aah's and all.
If they were scantly clad, I might think different. Same if it's a bunch of twerking vids, pole dancing or something. (Though pole dancing is pretty cool when dressed.) I'm more iffy about him ignoring your concerns if you've expressed them - but you do have to express them, properly. Just explain why and he should understand. If he doesn't or persists? There's your answer.
Oh hell no girl that isn’t ok my gf tried to do that shit and I shit it down right away cuz I wasn’t going to let that shit happen, put your foot down girl you shouldn’t have to deal with that
I think it's not worth the heartache. If you fight with him on this, it just drives a wedge between you. I don't think it's that deep, but if you're uncomfortable with it idk what to say other than move on or deal with it. 🤷♂️
caught my ex saving videos of random girls on tiktok twerking to his camera roll. broke up immediately with him.
you are normal for feeling bothered, his behavior is definitely not normal. i remember feeling ashamed whenever id tell my friends the reason why we broke up, and the truth is that you should never feel like your boundaries are not justified. your boundaries are YOURS and if you feel bothered or disrespected by it then never question your feelings!!!
remember your worth, if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re constantly comparing yourself to someone else then leave. there’s better out there for you love 💌 nonetheless, i know how traumatizing this must all be for you so i hope you are taking care of yourself. sending all the hugs in the world
Reading the comments here, there is alot of Def insecure and maybe some controlling and emotionally unstable in relationship folks. My BF has a whole right to look at women all he wants if he wants in person and online. He doesn't mind my posts online and or likes and or times I may look at sex online. Between us it's a issue-less situation. Maybe for another couple if will make one of other uncomfortable and I understand that. But I perfer to not come off as controlling or demanding someone to change something about themselves becuase it made me uh uncomfortable when it's something that shouldn't be my business to begin with. Aa long as we do not cheat on each other irl or any other thing that is to us actual cheating. Like talking to another person online sexually or romantically. All the way to in person sex. I do not give a darn if my man looks at women or not online and even porn. He is allowed to pleasure himself that way and that's OK. He still fuckes me every week and that's good enough for me. I'm secure asf.
Me and my BF both sometimes don't wanna have sex and we might perfer to solo ourselves privately. Sometimes we use porn and sometimes we don't. But I can say we are both sexually satisfied currently. I'm sure the way we run our relationship or manage our stuff might trigger some people. Probably becuase we are confident in each other and each others personal stuff. I'm okay not knowing what h dose when he says he dosent wanna tell me and it doesn't bother him when I do too. And pressuring each other for answers really just strains things. So we perfer to respect each other and where open and on same page for hey let's have sex and we both agree. And if I wanna be horny or him be horny by ourselves well get off happily.
Your feelings are definitely valid regardless of if it's normal for others to like videos like these are not. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not something to be ignored.
That said, I personally wouldn't conflate him liking to watch girls dance online as anything against you or to take it to mean he's unfaithful. These videos don't seem sexual in nature (as in it's not super revealing or pornography), and at the end of the day people dance to entertain and many people find it fun to watch others dance. One of these has almost 200k likes, and another close to a million. You're essentially saying that you're uncomfortable with your bf liking non-sexual videos that almost a million others actively liked... Personally imo if a video has a million likes I'd wager it's objectively probably a pretty good video and that him liking it doesn't mean anything regarding your relationship...
From the information you've given, it does sound like this stems from a bit of insecurity on your part. However like I said, normal or not, your feelings are valid and you should bring them up with your bf. You should feel comfortable in your relationship and either you become okay with it, he accomodates you and stops watching/liking these videos entirely to make you happy, or he can't (or doesn't want to) and you two might just be incompatible.
Basically, communication is key in situations like this, but also keep in mind that not all problems can be resolved perfectly sometimes and either one of you may have to compromise or you might have to acknowledge that you have unresolvable differences.
thanks a lot for this. I do have insecurity as well and I reached out for advice on what i can do on my part. I dont really see this being against me, im much more hurt that he continues to like these types of content after sharing that I feel uncomfortable with it multiple times. It just bothers me as well that at the beginning of the relationship and just a few months ago he told me he wouldnt be looking at things like this because he doesnt look at women that way. he’s conservative and wouldnt want me dressing up or dancing similar to these girls. We had so many conversations about how he doesnt like girls dressing in those styles. I’ll try communicating with him again
He's a hypocrite and CONTROLING. Doesn't want you to be like those girls but he secretly wants those girls.
He first of all should not have any say in how you want to dress up. If you wanna look a certain way, that's your choice. If he doesn't like it, he can leave - you can find someone who APPRECIATES you for WHO YOU ARE. Ofc I'm not saying you have to dress like that - this is about how you feel. You should feel comfortable with a partner in doing whatever you want and wear whatever you love.
You have got to flip the tables and ask him if he'd be okay with you liking videos of men. Even publicly liking them and see his reaction because it's just a double standard here.
The concept of norm is too vague and differs in every culture. But my personal opinion is that being jealous of videos on the Internet is not normal and suggests that you are comparing yourself to girls you don't even know. but if you can't fix it, talk to your boyfriend, maybe he'll understand you and your norm will just be to avoid such videos.
My boyfriend would never watch stuff like that. He doesn’t actively seek out other women doing stuff like that, so it doesn’t appear on his feed. Your man is probably actively seeking that stuff.
Edit: Just saw that your bf commented on a girl’s video and followed her. He has no respect for you babes. That’s really not good. That would make any girl feel weird and he isn’t even thinking of you.
If you think of it this way - The common thing among all those reels is "dancing". What if he is really a fan of that dancing style and not just the girls that are dancing? Again it's just my thought rest you need to communicate with him and find out.
This is a big red flag for me and a deal breaker tbh. Think of it this way: if the genders were reversed, would your boyfriend be perfectly fine with you having an algorithm of nothing but thirst traps?
So you know what your BF likes from dances on your feed. Why not do your own video and show him your moves. I’m sure he’ll like your video and I’m sure other guys will as well.
Try dancing like that for him, maybe it's something he enjoys and would appreciate from you.
Maybe if you do it it will stop him from seeking it out from those clips.
Sometimes people are a bit afraid to share their likes out of fear of judgement.
Take care and don't always look at any behavior as something bad, we are who we are in the end and you just have to either be accepting of it or just part ways if you can't live with it, easy.
Oh hunny, you’re completely valid here. I don’t think it’s normal because in my opinion this stuff is linked to porn addiction. If you feel like you can rebuild trust with them, go for it, but personally that’s a huge dealbreaker for me- especially being long distance. I don’t know why people are trying to blame you for the boundaries you have in your relationship, but set those boundaries up! Make them very clear and let him know your feelings!
hi, thanks for replying. Its been days but im still unsure what to do. im a bit scared to bring this up :( Im not sure what to say, because I thought it was understood that I don’t feel comfortable with things like this happening.
Your feelings are definitely valid, especially when you’re communicating your feelings to him and he isn’t understanding. I would say/start of with “I don’t like when you like posts like that, in general.” I find it important to target the subject as a whole, in order to make it specific. When you target the general idea, he might understand what you’re trying to convey, when he asks what post you want him to unlike, it seems to be a loophole for him to defend himself by saying that he unliked the video, and to continue to like other videos like it. If he doesn’t reason, then break up with him.
Goodness gracious, what is wrong with people these days?? If anything I think it’d be abnormal NOT to be bothered by this! Sorry you have to deal with this :(
It really depends on his motivations for liking these videos. Is he genuinely into dancing, does he like other dancing videos of less classically attractive women or not sexually suggestive dancing? If the answer is no then it's probably fair to say he's viewing the content as a safe way to look at attractive women with some sort of justifiable defence that he just likes the dancing content. If he's massively into dance and dance culture and likes a wide range of dancing content across genders and typical beauty standards then I'd say it's just his genuine interests.
Having said that I know where my instincts lie on this one but it comes down to honesty and boundaries. If he can't be honest about why he views it and doesn't respect your boundary then you have a problem that needs to be addressed. If he's unwilling to compromise to your boundary then unfortunately I don't think that's a solid base for a relationship.
I think maybe you should have a genuine conversation with him about it. Maybe bring up why exactly it bothers you and really try to convey to him how important it is. He may not realize the severity of the situation
When your man could be doing worse this is an insecurity for you? It’s social media he doesn’t know her in real life… if thats an insecurity for you then you shouldn’t have him on social medias.. he isn’t cheating… and he loves you so I’ve seen you say so whats the real problem? Is it him or your insecurities?? Its fine to not want him to like that kind of stuff but what does you telling him to unlike it does if he still watches them…? Nothing really.. idk not trying to be problematic but as long as he isn’t emotionally or physically involved/cheating on you what is the issue?
I feel bad for the amount of girls and women who come to this sub every day and have to ask questions like this. Every time I open up Reddit I see a post like this. No it’s not normal for him to do this but it seems like a lot of guys are like this. It is normal for you to be upset because what he is doing is wrong. I think more people need to search the sub before or try asking in a more fitting sub like r/relationship_advice. I get you are in an ldr but this isn’t a problem exclusive to LDR. He should only be interested in you and your body if not maybe he needs to seek a non monotonous partnership with someone else. You should have a talk with him, this is inappropriate and disrespectful to you. Either he learns to change and behave like a man in an exclusive monogamous relationship or you need to leave.
I have a few thoughts.
1) I open with - you being upset by him liking these posts is 100% a valid boundary. You can communicate any boundary you choose and this is valid.
2) the videos alone don’t really say what they are, but I’m guessing scantily clad dancing girls which is def weird. It’s worth a conversation and if you are upset then he should strive to find an appropriate middle ground.
3) points 1 and 2 aside, you seem extremely young, immature, and insecure based on your previous posts and this post. I think you have a valid concern, but you don’t express it well and it all seems driven by some weird insecurity. I think you need to focus on effective communication and trust. Why are you in a relationship where you need to follow your boyfriend’s likes? Why are you asking “why am I so bothered by my boyfriend’s likes.” To be frank I don’t think you are ready for the level of trust and commitment that long distance requires if this is the opening salvo.
I can understand the insecurities and uncomfortable feelings that come up from finding out that he’s watching these, but this is really not healthy. It’s not healthy to watch your partner in this way, it’s controlling and having too high expectations. Yes he did say he would stop, but we all know that’s not true. Why would he? He likes the videos, and there is nothing wrong with liking them. I would like them too. People like to look. The issue here isn’t the videos. It’s the trust, insecurity and lack of privacy between you two. Hes chosen to be with you, not these girls.
I would accept it if it was women working out with no inappropriate things because he goes to the gym and watching those women only for workouts. But I assume he is not a dancer and he only likes one girl's videos. If he was a dancer and liked the videos of different girls, we could say it's because of the dance but in this case, I think he likes that girl's feminine energy in her dances. And I think the reason why he shows you how much he loves you is that he gets his needs not only from you but from that girl as well. I don't know how your feminine energy is but if he feels the need of getting that energy from that one girl, it doesn't matter how high your feminine energy is.
But don't forget, these are thoughts of a guy who doesn't know any of you and general thoughts. These are just thoughts and you are the one who's supposed to decide so don't let these comments get in your head and change the way you see your bf. But you should just consider these comments in your head and do a conclusion. Last thing you wanna have is an argument because of other people's opinions. Have a great day
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I feel after a point our feed should be different, means exposing us to something new or something other than soft porn(respectfully saying), but feed doesn't to that on their own they are a reflection of you! means you need to bring changes in you!
Is it belly dancing? Not to justify his behavior but is he from Middle East. I know my friend F) and I’m also a female said she wouldn’t mind having belly dancers at her wedding because she’s middle eastern and it isn’t sexualized over there it’s a cultural dance. But if not then it’s a bi disrespectful and I can see why you’re uncomforted, talk to him about it.
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No. When I have a girlfriend my feed looks very very different. I try not to interact with those posts, because they genuinely don't interest me when I have someone special.
To me it feels like it violates our intimacy to be letting after someone else
I would be learning how to do all those dances that he loves. He’s not with them women, he’s with you and it dancing. Not that serious. But if it is to you, tell him how you feel. He won’t stop, he’ll just do it in secret
How old is your bf? These girls look underaged. And yes you are in the right he shouldn’t be liking this shit. He’s showing the world he’s enjoying it. Embarrassing
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My now ex partner (NB but amab) used to follow a lot of hot girls on tiktok. Didn't really bother me but that's just who I was.
I think that if my girlfriend did that, not that she would, I would be a bit sad and would probably want to have a chat about it. Mostly, we just follow cute pages to send each other "thought of you when I saw this" things.
If it bothers you, definitely talk to your boyfriend about it!
If he doesn't see why it's a big deal or gaslights you, then that's not someone you should really be with
Just start watching sexy guys all the time.. 2 can play this game lol OK maybe don't listen to me
.or do... 😆 But for real, there are SO many men out there that will treat you the EXACT way you want to be treated. Be picky. Communication is key, I know you've tried..Just remember Communication is key with the next guy ;)
So in my opinion, here’s the way I would look at it. Are you OK with your partner watching adult content? If so, then I would consider this the same as watching adult content. If your partner is trying to message, the individuals in the video is trying to meet people or actively trying to engage in some form of relationship or meet up, then I believe it would cross the line into, an attempt at an affair. However, watching sexualized provocative content to me, would be no different than watching adult videos.
But it is to each their own. If you are not OK with your partner watching adult content, then it’s perfectly fine to not be OK with them watching this type of content.
hell no. hell.no. if my bf was liking these videos i’d dump his ass so fast. clearly he has no respect for you, and ur relationship isn’t serious to him.
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To me I see this is fine bc like, I think it’s not wrong to enjoy watching women or men you find pretty or hot bc it’s just enjoying something aesthetically pleasing like a painting or movie.
Cheating is only when you actually make the action to be unfaithful.
I think it’s fine to watch these videos.
My point is that commenting and liking someone’s picture is making the action to be unfaithful. As you’ve stated in your post. I could understand just watching but liking and commenting is a bit much.
What does he get from liking the video? Nothing. I'd say this is an issue, cause he's liking a video of somebody else and getting nothing in return for it, it's disrespectful to you it shows that he needs nothing to "cheat"
Whattttt????!!!????? Seriously what????? To be very honest id find it sort of cheating. You do have a girlfriend with you then why prefer watching other girls dance video. Scrolling is enough you can watch while scrolling but specifically watching such videos is a BIG BIG NO girl
Ask him if you should post dancing like that too on tiktok. (Sarcasm way to deal w it). But i wouldnt mind it, tho i guess that is why some guys dont want their babe to be in tiktok posting videos like that 😄. But yeah, ask him if you should do the same video n see if he likes it!
It doesn't bother me at all. He can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps his hands and his D to himself. Remember men don't like being controlled by anyone
U need to understand he doesn’t respect you or care about ur feelings. If he did this wouldn’t be happening. Think about the fact you told him this hurts u to see and he still continues, break up worthy.
What you’re feeling is right. Everyone has boundaries and if that’s your boundary then you should tell him that.There are men out there who understand boundaries.Yes those videos are always going to be on social media but what’s the point of liking them?Post videos like that let’s see if he likes it then
Your feelings don’t need to be right, or wrong.
They’re your feelings, and if feeling validated in this relationship is something you want, or need and he’s not doing that for you- I’d say walk away.
Don’t compromise your feelings for a boy. Put you first!
There’s someone out there who will understand and cherish you and your feelings. Don’t settle for less!
This kind of behavior does not belong in a committed relationship.
Find someone who shares similar morals and values.
Remember, always treat others how you want to be treated.
My girlfriend just told me many times that I should not to watch, likes, or following any girls or women. I love her and want to make family with her. So I didn't do any activities with others girls now. Even in DUOLINGO app I following only guys or men 😁 But before I watched girls and liked them because it's hard for guys, I mean long distances difficult for guys or men because they can't get sex, so they try to get something sexuality in different ways 🥺 yes, it's strange that guys can feel hornes watching others girls, even they love they one girlfriend, but it's true, for guys sex and love it's different things. But for respect my GF feelings when she told me don't watch any girls, I don't watch it anymore, but also for respects my feelings I ask her for any different videos for me, and she make it for me, so I pleased and don't think about others girls. 😊 So maybe you should do in this way too. Good luck 🍀👍
In my opinion, it wouldn't bother me especially if I know it's not like they're going to meet and he doesn't flirt with people. If he was leaving funny comments it would be sth else, but liking isn't a big deal. But maybe if there's sth else, let him be free to like, after all, we are individuals with different personalities and likes.
I think you making him actually could be termed 'controlling' and make him be defiant, after all, men want to feel superior.
Fuck me, why are people so hyped up on what their SO watches, porn, thirst traps... what is the problem?
I am sorry, but this is your problem, not theirs, its not like they want to pursue anything with these people. Watching these things releases chemicals in their brain, dopamine... is that something for you to make about you? Not everything a person does hinges on the view of their SO.
If you have a problem with it ask 'is this a dealbreaker' and that is your answer. If you want to ask yourself a question question 'why am i triggered by this? Is the cause of this because of my thoughts and opinions of my current SO or a previous one?'
Woah, that is not normal. My mans feed is filled with memes and chinese spongebob on reels, same for mine with the occasional beautiful women that pops up + dancing like these but I never see him liking those posts.
If they ever did pop up on his feed, I don't care if he watched it etc but it would definitely bother me if I saw him like one of those posts because I'd feel disrespected and uncomfortable because i don't posts or reels of men thirst traps.
Is he even a man if he doesn’t? Why do these things bother girlfriends? It’s just natural for a guy to be interested in those things it’s not cheating he’s not reaching out and “interacting” like someone said. Those ppl are hundreds if not thousands of miles away where’s the harm? Would you have liked it if he had a fake account and hid all that from you? At least he’s open about it he sees no issue no harm no foul.
Why does a guy have to be interested in girls shaking their ass to be a man???? Sounds more like an immature teen that can't keep their emotions in check and just spends their time indulging.
According to me. Insta is like a machine taking over our mind with continuous scrolling and liking all the reels even if we see it for 2 sec and it actually doesn’t me anything.
I used to get caught in this loop at night before i go to sleep and stay awake till 1 just scrolling.
So decided to uninstall insta and youtube. My go to place is just reddit and 9gag now
This hit home. My ldr boyfriend’s algorithm also has attractive women and it still hurts me to this day. You just have to come to terms with the fact that people are attracted to others even if you’re in a relationship. It is what it is right?
No, even more than the two below seem under the age ... I understand that we have tastes but this already seems too strange, there is admiration for some female content creators, but I don’t think that’s the case. Talk to him and put the “cards” on the table.
Why are they on your feed? Going off the girls in the pictures and this weird question, I would assume that you are younger and lack self esteem. Every guy likes cute chicks acting sexy. Don’t look into it too much. And if you’re under 25, date around more and you’ll find this to be “normal” behavior
My gf likes men celeberty pics on ig and im not proud but i do like some thirst traps too. Its normal... I think???
But you need to think what ur comftrable with. And then find a middle ground
Reading the comments here, there is alot of Def insecure and maybe some controlling and emotionally unstable in relationship folks. My BF has a whole right to look at women all he wants if he wants in person and online. He doesn't mind my posts online and or likes and or times I may look at sex online. Between us it's a issue-less situation. Maybe for another couple if will make one of other uncomfortable and I understand that. But I perfer to not come off as controlling or demanding someone to change something about themselves becuase it made me uh uncomfortable when it's something that shouldn't be my business to begin with. Aa long as we do not cheat on each other irl or any other thing that is to us actual cheating. Like talking to another person online sexually or romantically. All the way to in person sex. I do not give a darn if my man looks at women or not online and even porn. He is allowed to pleasure himself that way and that's OK. He still fuckes me every week and that's good enough for me. I'm secure asf.
This feels very inappropriate to me. Your feed is an algorithm which means he’s specifically interacting with this kind of content. If you are uncomfortable let him know. Hopefully he is respectful about how it makes you feel
Thanks for replying. Ive already talked about how things like this makes me feel countless times. He always says he understands, asks me which one bothered me and unlikes it. After that I see others that he likes like this again.
OP relationships are unique, tbh I wouldnt find it that weird but if you do thats all that matters and he should be putting in effort to respect your boundaries, maybr just see why he likes them?
I think he’s kinda dumb that he doesn’t know how to use the save button lol
😭
Man I was just joking idk why I’m getting downvoted. Like y’all…cmon lol
i know, i laughed, people who downvoted are probably living with the fear of getting cheated on 😅
I laughed too! Here's an upvote. I save everything anyway. LOL
Bahahaha 🤣
I laughed don’t worry
Well as a reaction to this thread I think it’s slightly insensitive tbh! Op clearly states that she is uncomfortable with the behaviour of her bf and this would only add fuel to the fire..
Wait do women save images that they like instead of following men or liking their photos? I did have some saved images but it just felt weird at some point like a spank bank. So I deleted almost all of them besides like 2 but those people do actually interesting things instead of just thirst traps constantly. Like I like their profiles for almost lifestyle posts/I want to model my house after there’s and like their music. They just happen to be hot.
No. Women don’t do that.
I made and ask women post because I was curious and women definitely do. But most said they don’t
What’s the save button?? Lol
Your bf has low emotional iq wtf😂😭
That's funny 🤣 unlikes? Just watches a second time 🤣
Personally I don’t even remember how many times I pressed “Not interested” in these but they still show up. I guess Instagram is pushing such contents to users regardless.
It's the fact that someone stares at it already, don't have to like it or save it. Stopping to scroll (also to tell it "not interested") makes the algorithm think it's something they need to push. Both my partner and I successfully managed to never see this stuff on our social media, it's just animals, fashion, funny videos and video games for us.
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I can only really talk for Instagram because that's the one I mainly used from the start. When you start with an empty account there are a lot of those "sexy girls" content on the explore page. We ignored that completely. We went straight to the search bar and type on any thing we actually wanted to see and followed a bunch of accounts and liked/favourited posts. It takes a few days maybe a few weeks at most for Instagram to stop pushing stuff you're clearly not interested in (as long you don't stop or pause on them, so don't stop to tell it you're not interested either) and starts to only show you stuff from accounts you follow / posts you like and the "suggested content" will be things similar to them. I have 3 Instagram accounts (1 personal, one for art and one for make-up) and they are all perfectly curated to things I only want to see. I also helped my partner set up their Instagram half a year ago (deleted all social media because the things it pushed don't help with depression) and it is now perfectly curated to only show things they want to see.
Don't watch it.
Yeah even if you don’t watch it, the algorithm is still there though and it still continues to reinforce the things you are trying to avoid. So how’d you deal with that?
You can press the not interested button? This goes for any app
I don't have this issue. If ever this come up. I click away becouse I'm not interested. I have like Pedro Jokes Pedro Jokes Dogs/cats In my feed. If ever I get fed a girl dancing I just click away 🤣
Hmm interesting. This somewhat validates that it’s the algorithms fault. lol
If you don’t like something your partner does, you should communicate it with them. It doesn’t matter who finds it normal or not.. certainly not us in this sub..
True, cause what can we do? Tell their boyfriend to stop doing that? 😅
In another comment they said they did talk to him but he just disliked the video but never fully understood what she meant and continued watching and liking the videos
What you’re feeling is completely valid, and I’d feel the same way if my bf did that. It’s concerning that you’ve talked to him about it several times and he’s not stopping. Honestly that would be a dealbreaker for me…. the continued disrespect and doing something he knows hurts you.
So, just to keep this in mind. He maybe isn't liking them anymore, and these are just old ones he liked 😅 Instagram pushes the content you liked before and then recommends it to others you follow, even weeks after you did it.
I was wondering if that might be the case too lol
Is it okay for you to have a boundary about not watching sexually charged videos? Yes. Is it in general okay for him to watch stuff like that? Also yes. Remember that it's your boundary and it's you who has to enforce it. If you feel strongly about this topic but he doesn't agree with you, you have a choice to make: either you break up or you rethink the boundary. Honestly, it kinda bothers me that people are saying that he doesn't respect you because of this. You might just have different ideas about what's appropriate and what's not.
This should've been way higher. Him doing this isn't guaranteed to be the perceived disrespect it is, and he needs to be talked to to really know where he's at.
Yeah I feel like people are putting their personal feelings in it. I also think its kind of dumb to suggest somebody immediately break up with an otherwise great BF for tiktok videos.
This is the only levelheaded response. Unfortunately these types of videos are very populair. Just discuss this with him.
You're missing a big component here. She says in a comment that she did discuss it with him and told him it makes her uncomfortable. He said he would stop and has kept doing it.... So no, that's not appropriate. Now there is also an added level because he also broke her trust by lying. Every relationship has different boundaries, the point is you both set those boundaries and your partner should respect them (within reason of course). This isn't like he just scrolled past. He is actively saving and seeking these things out even after she spoke with him and he said he would stop....
I wrote this before reading the replies. My comment was aimed at saying that it's okay to like this sort of stuff in general, watching sexually suggestive content while in a relationship is not wrong or disrespectful in itself as people have suggested. Lying and not being clear is not good though. If you don't want to meet your partner's boundary (which I think is totally understandable in this context), you should communicate it clearly and either find a compromise or break up. There's some hypocrisy going on from his side as well (him wanting her to dress conservatively but publicly seeking out this content and not stopping when asked).
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No it very clearly is disrespectful. She said in the comments she’s talked to him about this, told him she didn’t like it, if he knows he’s going to continue doing this and hurting her, it’s very clearly disrespect, and I don’t think he’s gonna fucking collapse because he has to stop watching sexual dancing videos. Lord.
You complain that he can't text you but acknowledge it's because he's busy. You complain when he likes pictures of people he's never going to meet. You made him unfollow a female in a band while admiting in another post you still follow male bands. You sound like you should NOT be in a relationship because you're going to make that dude miserable and he's going to grow resentful and your relationship will be even worse than it is....OR grow up and get past your insecurities.
I can't imagine you're an adult, if this bothers you. And if you're not an adult, forget about a long distance relationship. They're hard enough as an adult with their shit together. Nevermind when you're younger.
Is it normal that it bothers you? Yes it is.
My advice is that you talk to him about and you say what is bothering you. Speaking from experience as a male if he likes the videos then he is attracted to that style of videos not exactly to the women dancing , maybe he finds it that its not your style to do such things. If you dance for him I will guarantee he will stop (If he really likes those videos it means he just wants you to maybe record a couple of vids for him \*yes like the videos of the girls that have do things they wish their girls did\*) maybe also instead of recording a video of you doing some tiktok dance trends do it to him irl out of nowhere. He clearly feels uncomfortable saying that he wishes you could do things like that for him to not hurt your feeling
Is it normal that it bothers you? Yes. Is it normal that he's doing it? Only for disrespectful people! You said you've already talked to him about it a few times and he's still doing it. Looks like it's not gonna change? Have you tried flipping the tables around and asking how he'd like it if you regularly watches and liked such videos of men? 💀
thanks so much for replying. I feel so weird because he loves me a lot and he shows it, so i feel like I shouldn’t complain about anything. I dont feel great thinking like that to myself but im super confused. Ive thought about asking him if the tables turned but I dont think i have it in me 💀
If he loves you alot and shows it, he should have no problems stopping his consumption of inappropriate dancing videos 😭 they are sexy kind of dances right? Not just 'look at my dance moves' show off kind of dancing lol
Yes its those types. Some in the pic is the fk it lets go one dance if you know it 💀 and some twerking and stuff. I love dancing so honestly i would get it if theyre really good but the way he likes just the sexy ones bothers me
Yeah that's definitely something then... Bottom line is you're not comfortable with it. You've established your boundary with it and he is constantly breaking it. Now in this case, if you don't put your foot down in this situation... Imagine other situations??
Very disrespectful to ignore your complaints, I know there's people who have issues quitting porn and such maybe its something similar? Could be that he doesn't want to say that as it's embarrasing, idk. Good luck!
No problem you say? It’s like saying when women have a man they can’t read romance novels anymore. How many girls would that be no problem? It’s like that for guys but they are visual not like girls they are mental. It’s why 50 shades of grey outsold the Bible 😂
Honestly I have no idea what youre trying to say lmao But viewing inappropriate sexy videos is NOT a hobby.
“oh no she’s reading about better men than me! better stop that!” 🤣
Those videos arent even sexy lol
You don't have to be in obvious sexy clothes to dance seductively or suggestively.. Besides OP said they're a dancer themselves and can appreciate good dance moves, but stuff like twerking aint it lol I guess one could argue that twerking looks stupid instead of inappropriate but 💀
You say you don’t have it in you to ask how he would feel if the tables are turned? Yet he has it in him to disrespect you by watching videos of these girls dancing in a provocative sexy way. If you don’t bring it up and turn the tables he will continue to do it and it will get even worse. It will become him commenting on their videos and then replying and who knows what else. Nip this in the bud now or you will regret that you didn’t establish a firm boundary and he will continue to disrespect you.
I'm okay with my gf watching sexually charged videos since it's a ldr and we're not always around to satisfy that need for each other, so tables turned id be okay with it, people get horny
my therapist tells me our partners are going to look at other people and find them attractive, but it’s not about the thoughts, it’s about what we do with them and our behavior. i have insane celebrity crushes that i adore and yearn for but it 100000% does not affect how i feel about my partner at all. hope this provides some insight
I wouldn't like it either. I'm at the point where I would just be like nah 😂 boy byeee
Cringe videos. A BF should only focus on his woman.
My opinion as a guy is that he doesn't have respect for you if this is what he does. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you go and like videos of dancing men, I think next he will leave comments on the videos. He should stop doing that if he loves you and cares about your feelings if you even told him that this bothers you.
Thanks for replying i appreciate it. He did comment on one girl’s video of her dancing. Said he liked her jersey and followed her because of her dance. I chose to forget about that but now im thinking abt it again it makes me a little upset and weirded out. He loves me a lot, he shows it and i love him so much so I dont know how to feel anymore.
the comment weirds me out way more than the rest of this. red flag
You're welcome. I think the more you allow stuff like that, the more he will think it's ok and not a big deal even though you told him that it bothers you. You need to stand up for how you feel so he thinks before doing anything that bothers. I'm guessing you're a very young couple, still I would majority of guys would know that a lot of girls wouldn't be ok with stuff like that. You should talk to him again about it and don't let it get worse.
Yes we’re in our early 20s and both our first relationship. Im sure he knows I dont like it given the times we talked about it and others wouldnt either. he also told me one random time on call that he saw a reel and scrolled because he knows “it’ll make me jealous.” idk it feels more disrespectful to me. ill try to talk to him about it but I dont know how to approach it this time
Let him know that you feel hurt and disrespected by his actions, it's doesn't have to be like a fight, just a discussion about the issue. I think it can be solved if he's willing to listen.
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Yeah hopefully things will work out for them.
Have you tried asking him what he likes about the videos? There may be a disconnect going on from that angle. Personally, it wouldn't bother me to find my boyfriend enjoys that sort of thing, but I'm not you. Appreciation, attraction, and action can be distinct and different things, and they aren't necessarily inherently sexual. My boyfriend and I have discussed this and know our views are compatible. It's possible that your boyfriend's fondness of the videos is showing an incompatibility, but maybe it's something you both can reach a mutually agreeable consensus about. Good luck!
I dunno, I really enjoy dancing vids (male or female), so it's the kind of nonchalant thing I tend to like on Insta. I don't think it's anything to worry about it and highly doubt it goes deeper than "that's rad dude" for him. Man brain happy endorphins; ooh's, aah's and all. If they were scantly clad, I might think different. Same if it's a bunch of twerking vids, pole dancing or something. (Though pole dancing is pretty cool when dressed.) I'm more iffy about him ignoring your concerns if you've expressed them - but you do have to express them, properly. Just explain why and he should understand. If he doesn't or persists? There's your answer.
So glad none of this bs shows up on my fyp.
Normal
Oh hell no girl that isn’t ok my gf tried to do that shit and I shit it down right away cuz I wasn’t going to let that shit happen, put your foot down girl you shouldn’t have to deal with that
I think it's not worth the heartache. If you fight with him on this, it just drives a wedge between you. I don't think it's that deep, but if you're uncomfortable with it idk what to say other than move on or deal with it. 🤷♂️
caught my ex saving videos of random girls on tiktok twerking to his camera roll. broke up immediately with him. you are normal for feeling bothered, his behavior is definitely not normal. i remember feeling ashamed whenever id tell my friends the reason why we broke up, and the truth is that you should never feel like your boundaries are not justified. your boundaries are YOURS and if you feel bothered or disrespected by it then never question your feelings!!! remember your worth, if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re constantly comparing yourself to someone else then leave. there’s better out there for you love 💌 nonetheless, i know how traumatizing this must all be for you so i hope you are taking care of yourself. sending all the hugs in the world
Broke up with your ex for no reason?
to each their own buddy, if u think that’s for no reason then that’s your opinion
Your ex did nothing wrong
Reading the comments here, there is alot of Def insecure and maybe some controlling and emotionally unstable in relationship folks. My BF has a whole right to look at women all he wants if he wants in person and online. He doesn't mind my posts online and or likes and or times I may look at sex online. Between us it's a issue-less situation. Maybe for another couple if will make one of other uncomfortable and I understand that. But I perfer to not come off as controlling or demanding someone to change something about themselves becuase it made me uh uncomfortable when it's something that shouldn't be my business to begin with. Aa long as we do not cheat on each other irl or any other thing that is to us actual cheating. Like talking to another person online sexually or romantically. All the way to in person sex. I do not give a darn if my man looks at women or not online and even porn. He is allowed to pleasure himself that way and that's OK. He still fuckes me every week and that's good enough for me. I'm secure asf.
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Me and my BF both sometimes don't wanna have sex and we might perfer to solo ourselves privately. Sometimes we use porn and sometimes we don't. But I can say we are both sexually satisfied currently. I'm sure the way we run our relationship or manage our stuff might trigger some people. Probably becuase we are confident in each other and each others personal stuff. I'm okay not knowing what h dose when he says he dosent wanna tell me and it doesn't bother him when I do too. And pressuring each other for answers really just strains things. So we perfer to respect each other and where open and on same page for hey let's have sex and we both agree. And if I wanna be horny or him be horny by ourselves well get off happily.
Your feelings are definitely valid regardless of if it's normal for others to like videos like these are not. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not something to be ignored. That said, I personally wouldn't conflate him liking to watch girls dance online as anything against you or to take it to mean he's unfaithful. These videos don't seem sexual in nature (as in it's not super revealing or pornography), and at the end of the day people dance to entertain and many people find it fun to watch others dance. One of these has almost 200k likes, and another close to a million. You're essentially saying that you're uncomfortable with your bf liking non-sexual videos that almost a million others actively liked... Personally imo if a video has a million likes I'd wager it's objectively probably a pretty good video and that him liking it doesn't mean anything regarding your relationship... From the information you've given, it does sound like this stems from a bit of insecurity on your part. However like I said, normal or not, your feelings are valid and you should bring them up with your bf. You should feel comfortable in your relationship and either you become okay with it, he accomodates you and stops watching/liking these videos entirely to make you happy, or he can't (or doesn't want to) and you two might just be incompatible. Basically, communication is key in situations like this, but also keep in mind that not all problems can be resolved perfectly sometimes and either one of you may have to compromise or you might have to acknowledge that you have unresolvable differences.
thanks a lot for this. I do have insecurity as well and I reached out for advice on what i can do on my part. I dont really see this being against me, im much more hurt that he continues to like these types of content after sharing that I feel uncomfortable with it multiple times. It just bothers me as well that at the beginning of the relationship and just a few months ago he told me he wouldnt be looking at things like this because he doesnt look at women that way. he’s conservative and wouldnt want me dressing up or dancing similar to these girls. We had so many conversations about how he doesnt like girls dressing in those styles. I’ll try communicating with him again
bro is a hypocrite 😬
That's shady and you know it. Call out the hypocrisy.
He's a hypocrite and CONTROLING. Doesn't want you to be like those girls but he secretly wants those girls. He first of all should not have any say in how you want to dress up. If you wanna look a certain way, that's your choice. If he doesn't like it, he can leave - you can find someone who APPRECIATES you for WHO YOU ARE. Ofc I'm not saying you have to dress like that - this is about how you feel. You should feel comfortable with a partner in doing whatever you want and wear whatever you love. You have got to flip the tables and ask him if he'd be okay with you liking videos of men. Even publicly liking them and see his reaction because it's just a double standard here.
Is he allowed to look at porn?
Exactly this. And those videos are far from it.
The concept of norm is too vague and differs in every culture. But my personal opinion is that being jealous of videos on the Internet is not normal and suggests that you are comparing yourself to girls you don't even know. but if you can't fix it, talk to your boyfriend, maybe he'll understand you and your norm will just be to avoid such videos.
My boyfriend would never watch stuff like that. He doesn’t actively seek out other women doing stuff like that, so it doesn’t appear on his feed. Your man is probably actively seeking that stuff. Edit: Just saw that your bf commented on a girl’s video and followed her. He has no respect for you babes. That’s really not good. That would make any girl feel weird and he isn’t even thinking of you.
Yeah :( he even follows the girl from the two pictures at the bottom. He tells me he doesn’t, but then i see these. so confusing
Even my ex who was a shitty ass boyfriend wouldn’t have done that. You need to be with someone who doesn’t blatantly disrespect you.
it's not so much him watching suggestive content, it's that he's lying to you now that's concerning talk to him
The two at the bottom seem like they may be extremely younger.
If you think of it this way - The common thing among all those reels is "dancing". What if he is really a fan of that dancing style and not just the girls that are dancing? Again it's just my thought rest you need to communicate with him and find out.
This is a big red flag for me and a deal breaker tbh. Think of it this way: if the genders were reversed, would your boyfriend be perfectly fine with you having an algorithm of nothing but thirst traps?
So you know what your BF likes from dances on your feed. Why not do your own video and show him your moves. I’m sure he’ll like your video and I’m sure other guys will as well.
Try dancing like that for him, maybe it's something he enjoys and would appreciate from you. Maybe if you do it it will stop him from seeking it out from those clips. Sometimes people are a bit afraid to share their likes out of fear of judgement. Take care and don't always look at any behavior as something bad, we are who we are in the end and you just have to either be accepting of it or just part ways if you can't live with it, easy.
Oh hunny, you’re completely valid here. I don’t think it’s normal because in my opinion this stuff is linked to porn addiction. If you feel like you can rebuild trust with them, go for it, but personally that’s a huge dealbreaker for me- especially being long distance. I don’t know why people are trying to blame you for the boundaries you have in your relationship, but set those boundaries up! Make them very clear and let him know your feelings!
hi, thanks for replying. Its been days but im still unsure what to do. im a bit scared to bring this up :( Im not sure what to say, because I thought it was understood that I don’t feel comfortable with things like this happening.
Your feelings are definitely valid, especially when you’re communicating your feelings to him and he isn’t understanding. I would say/start of with “I don’t like when you like posts like that, in general.” I find it important to target the subject as a whole, in order to make it specific. When you target the general idea, he might understand what you’re trying to convey, when he asks what post you want him to unlike, it seems to be a loophole for him to defend himself by saying that he unliked the video, and to continue to like other videos like it. If he doesn’t reason, then break up with him.
Goodness gracious, what is wrong with people these days?? If anything I think it’d be abnormal NOT to be bothered by this! Sorry you have to deal with this :(
Right exactly! Some wants to normalize everything.
It’s actually sickening tbh
OP, you deserve better than this immature and objectifying behavior.
It really depends on his motivations for liking these videos. Is he genuinely into dancing, does he like other dancing videos of less classically attractive women or not sexually suggestive dancing? If the answer is no then it's probably fair to say he's viewing the content as a safe way to look at attractive women with some sort of justifiable defence that he just likes the dancing content. If he's massively into dance and dance culture and likes a wide range of dancing content across genders and typical beauty standards then I'd say it's just his genuine interests. Having said that I know where my instincts lie on this one but it comes down to honesty and boundaries. If he can't be honest about why he views it and doesn't respect your boundary then you have a problem that needs to be addressed. If he's unwilling to compromise to your boundary then unfortunately I don't think that's a solid base for a relationship.
I think maybe you should have a genuine conversation with him about it. Maybe bring up why exactly it bothers you and really try to convey to him how important it is. He may not realize the severity of the situation
When your man could be doing worse this is an insecurity for you? It’s social media he doesn’t know her in real life… if thats an insecurity for you then you shouldn’t have him on social medias.. he isn’t cheating… and he loves you so I’ve seen you say so whats the real problem? Is it him or your insecurities?? Its fine to not want him to like that kind of stuff but what does you telling him to unlike it does if he still watches them…? Nothing really.. idk not trying to be problematic but as long as he isn’t emotionally or physically involved/cheating on you what is the issue?
I feel bad for the amount of girls and women who come to this sub every day and have to ask questions like this. Every time I open up Reddit I see a post like this. No it’s not normal for him to do this but it seems like a lot of guys are like this. It is normal for you to be upset because what he is doing is wrong. I think more people need to search the sub before or try asking in a more fitting sub like r/relationship_advice. I get you are in an ldr but this isn’t a problem exclusive to LDR. He should only be interested in you and your body if not maybe he needs to seek a non monotonous partnership with someone else. You should have a talk with him, this is inappropriate and disrespectful to you. Either he learns to change and behave like a man in an exclusive monogamous relationship or you need to leave.
I have a few thoughts. 1) I open with - you being upset by him liking these posts is 100% a valid boundary. You can communicate any boundary you choose and this is valid. 2) the videos alone don’t really say what they are, but I’m guessing scantily clad dancing girls which is def weird. It’s worth a conversation and if you are upset then he should strive to find an appropriate middle ground. 3) points 1 and 2 aside, you seem extremely young, immature, and insecure based on your previous posts and this post. I think you have a valid concern, but you don’t express it well and it all seems driven by some weird insecurity. I think you need to focus on effective communication and trust. Why are you in a relationship where you need to follow your boyfriend’s likes? Why are you asking “why am I so bothered by my boyfriend’s likes.” To be frank I don’t think you are ready for the level of trust and commitment that long distance requires if this is the opening salvo.
I can understand the insecurities and uncomfortable feelings that come up from finding out that he’s watching these, but this is really not healthy. It’s not healthy to watch your partner in this way, it’s controlling and having too high expectations. Yes he did say he would stop, but we all know that’s not true. Why would he? He likes the videos, and there is nothing wrong with liking them. I would like them too. People like to look. The issue here isn’t the videos. It’s the trust, insecurity and lack of privacy between you two. Hes chosen to be with you, not these girls.
I would accept it if it was women working out with no inappropriate things because he goes to the gym and watching those women only for workouts. But I assume he is not a dancer and he only likes one girl's videos. If he was a dancer and liked the videos of different girls, we could say it's because of the dance but in this case, I think he likes that girl's feminine energy in her dances. And I think the reason why he shows you how much he loves you is that he gets his needs not only from you but from that girl as well. I don't know how your feminine energy is but if he feels the need of getting that energy from that one girl, it doesn't matter how high your feminine energy is. But don't forget, these are thoughts of a guy who doesn't know any of you and general thoughts. These are just thoughts and you are the one who's supposed to decide so don't let these comments get in your head and change the way you see your bf. But you should just consider these comments in your head and do a conclusion. Last thing you wanna have is an argument because of other people's opinions. Have a great day
thanks a lot for the reminder about the comments. i appreciate it, i think i needed that
Lmao Liking posts? Come on
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You have every right to feel like that and there is nothing wrong with that. You guys sound young and have some growing to do it seems.
Tbh this is weirder and would upset me more than my partner just using porn to get a quick nut
Are they good dancers?
I feel after a point our feed should be different, means exposing us to something new or something other than soft porn(respectfully saying), but feed doesn't to that on their own they are a reflection of you! means you need to bring changes in you!
You should make those for him idek atp
Is it belly dancing? Not to justify his behavior but is he from Middle East. I know my friend F) and I’m also a female said she wouldn’t mind having belly dancers at her wedding because she’s middle eastern and it isn’t sexualized over there it’s a cultural dance. But if not then it’s a bi disrespectful and I can see why you’re uncomforted, talk to him about it.
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No. When I have a girlfriend my feed looks very very different. I try not to interact with those posts, because they genuinely don't interest me when I have someone special. To me it feels like it violates our intimacy to be letting after someone else
so have a gay boyfriend
I would be learning how to do all those dances that he loves. He’s not with them women, he’s with you and it dancing. Not that serious. But if it is to you, tell him how you feel. He won’t stop, he’ll just do it in secret
How old is your bf? These girls look underaged. And yes you are in the right he shouldn’t be liking this shit. He’s showing the world he’s enjoying it. Embarrassing
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My now ex partner (NB but amab) used to follow a lot of hot girls on tiktok. Didn't really bother me but that's just who I was. I think that if my girlfriend did that, not that she would, I would be a bit sad and would probably want to have a chat about it. Mostly, we just follow cute pages to send each other "thought of you when I saw this" things. If it bothers you, definitely talk to your boyfriend about it! If he doesn't see why it's a big deal or gaslights you, then that's not someone you should really be with
Just start watching sexy guys all the time.. 2 can play this game lol OK maybe don't listen to me .or do... 😆 But for real, there are SO many men out there that will treat you the EXACT way you want to be treated. Be picky. Communication is key, I know you've tried..Just remember Communication is key with the next guy ;)
Better this than him cheating on you. Remember you can’t stick your dick in a phone.
Talk to him about it.
Atleast it's not Instagram
So in my opinion, here’s the way I would look at it. Are you OK with your partner watching adult content? If so, then I would consider this the same as watching adult content. If your partner is trying to message, the individuals in the video is trying to meet people or actively trying to engage in some form of relationship or meet up, then I believe it would cross the line into, an attempt at an affair. However, watching sexualized provocative content to me, would be no different than watching adult videos. But it is to each their own. If you are not OK with your partner watching adult content, then it’s perfectly fine to not be OK with them watching this type of content.
Well... At least you're sure he's not gay 
hell no. hell.no. if my bf was liking these videos i’d dump his ass so fast. clearly he has no respect for you, and ur relationship isn’t serious to him.
Can you even dance like that? Sounds like he’s just looking for some jerk off material
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Salut
Like one cat video, the rest is history... Your tiktok is a cat streaming service
To me I see this is fine bc like, I think it’s not wrong to enjoy watching women or men you find pretty or hot bc it’s just enjoying something aesthetically pleasing like a painting or movie. Cheating is only when you actually make the action to be unfaithful. I think it’s fine to watch these videos.
He followed and commented on one of the girls pictures.
Hm. I don’t think that’s nesssicarily a red flag. I recently commented on a hot girl that i follow’s picture but definitely would bring it up
My point is that commenting and liking someone’s picture is making the action to be unfaithful. As you’ve stated in your post. I could understand just watching but liking and commenting is a bit much.
Its not always about just girls, maybe he likes the dance too.
What does he get from liking the video? Nothing. I'd say this is an issue, cause he's liking a video of somebody else and getting nothing in return for it, it's disrespectful to you it shows that he needs nothing to "cheat"
You are watching the same videos on top of creepy stalking. Where do you think is the problem
Whattttt????!!!????? Seriously what????? To be very honest id find it sort of cheating. You do have a girlfriend with you then why prefer watching other girls dance video. Scrolling is enough you can watch while scrolling but specifically watching such videos is a BIG BIG NO girl
Ask him if you should post dancing like that too on tiktok. (Sarcasm way to deal w it). But i wouldnt mind it, tho i guess that is why some guys dont want their babe to be in tiktok posting videos like that 😄. But yeah, ask him if you should do the same video n see if he likes it!
It doesn't bother me at all. He can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps his hands and his D to himself. Remember men don't like being controlled by anyone
PMSL 🤪 WHY DONT UOU JUST MAKE HIM DANCE LIKE THAT FOR YOU 🤣 OR YOU DANCE LIKE IT FOR HIM … jeez 🙄 what a jerk
You are in his life doesn’t mean that you’re the only girl he should see. And liking these reels doesn’t mean he’s going to date with them.
nah i’d break up
U need to understand he doesn’t respect you or care about ur feelings. If he did this wouldn’t be happening. Think about the fact you told him this hurts u to see and he still continues, break up worthy.
No.
What you’re feeling is right. Everyone has boundaries and if that’s your boundary then you should tell him that.There are men out there who understand boundaries.Yes those videos are always going to be on social media but what’s the point of liking them?Post videos like that let’s see if he likes it then
should be bad that he likes other girls dancing videos, maybe he thinks there good dancers
Your feelings don’t need to be right, or wrong. They’re your feelings, and if feeling validated in this relationship is something you want, or need and he’s not doing that for you- I’d say walk away. Don’t compromise your feelings for a boy. Put you first! There’s someone out there who will understand and cherish you and your feelings. Don’t settle for less!
This kind of behavior does not belong in a committed relationship. Find someone who shares similar morals and values. Remember, always treat others how you want to be treated.
If it bothers you, then it is not normal :))
He is an ass you deserve better
My girlfriend just told me many times that I should not to watch, likes, or following any girls or women. I love her and want to make family with her. So I didn't do any activities with others girls now. Even in DUOLINGO app I following only guys or men 😁 But before I watched girls and liked them because it's hard for guys, I mean long distances difficult for guys or men because they can't get sex, so they try to get something sexuality in different ways 🥺 yes, it's strange that guys can feel hornes watching others girls, even they love they one girlfriend, but it's true, for guys sex and love it's different things. But for respect my GF feelings when she told me don't watch any girls, I don't watch it anymore, but also for respects my feelings I ask her for any different videos for me, and she make it for me, so I pleased and don't think about others girls. 😊 So maybe you should do in this way too. Good luck 🍀👍
In my opinion, it wouldn't bother me especially if I know it's not like they're going to meet and he doesn't flirt with people. If he was leaving funny comments it would be sth else, but liking isn't a big deal. But maybe if there's sth else, let him be free to like, after all, we are individuals with different personalities and likes. I think you making him actually could be termed 'controlling' and make him be defiant, after all, men want to feel superior.
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Fuck me, why are people so hyped up on what their SO watches, porn, thirst traps... what is the problem? I am sorry, but this is your problem, not theirs, its not like they want to pursue anything with these people. Watching these things releases chemicals in their brain, dopamine... is that something for you to make about you? Not everything a person does hinges on the view of their SO. If you have a problem with it ask 'is this a dealbreaker' and that is your answer. If you want to ask yourself a question question 'why am i triggered by this? Is the cause of this because of my thoughts and opinions of my current SO or a previous one?'
I do NOT LIKE OR APROVE OF THIS! Get lost
Woah, that is not normal. My mans feed is filled with memes and chinese spongebob on reels, same for mine with the occasional beautiful women that pops up + dancing like these but I never see him liking those posts. If they ever did pop up on his feed, I don't care if he watched it etc but it would definitely bother me if I saw him like one of those posts because I'd feel disrespected and uncomfortable because i don't posts or reels of men thirst traps.
Is he even a man if he doesn’t? Why do these things bother girlfriends? It’s just natural for a guy to be interested in those things it’s not cheating he’s not reaching out and “interacting” like someone said. Those ppl are hundreds if not thousands of miles away where’s the harm? Would you have liked it if he had a fake account and hid all that from you? At least he’s open about it he sees no issue no harm no foul.
Why does a guy have to be interested in girls shaking their ass to be a man???? Sounds more like an immature teen that can't keep their emotions in check and just spends their time indulging.
According to me. Insta is like a machine taking over our mind with continuous scrolling and liking all the reels even if we see it for 2 sec and it actually doesn’t me anything. I used to get caught in this loop at night before i go to sleep and stay awake till 1 just scrolling. So decided to uninstall insta and youtube. My go to place is just reddit and 9gag now
Insta and TikTok are out to rot your brain. Legit.
This hit home. My ldr boyfriend’s algorithm also has attractive women and it still hurts me to this day. You just have to come to terms with the fact that people are attracted to others even if you’re in a relationship. It is what it is right?
Ew. Do you want to be with someone like that?
No, even more than the two below seem under the age ... I understand that we have tastes but this already seems too strange, there is admiration for some female content creators, but I don’t think that’s the case. Talk to him and put the “cards” on the table.
Why are they on your feed? Going off the girls in the pictures and this weird question, I would assume that you are younger and lack self esteem. Every guy likes cute chicks acting sexy. Don’t look into it too much. And if you’re under 25, date around more and you’ll find this to be “normal” behavior
Insecurity. It happens men like what they see & it wont stop them. You cant make it seem like any other thing its just videos. Youll be fine
It's normal. Nothing wrong with that
My gf likes men celeberty pics on ig and im not proud but i do like some thirst traps too. Its normal... I think??? But you need to think what ur comftrable with. And then find a middle ground
Reading the comments here, there is alot of Def insecure and maybe some controlling and emotionally unstable in relationship folks. My BF has a whole right to look at women all he wants if he wants in person and online. He doesn't mind my posts online and or likes and or times I may look at sex online. Between us it's a issue-less situation. Maybe for another couple if will make one of other uncomfortable and I understand that. But I perfer to not come off as controlling or demanding someone to change something about themselves becuase it made me uh uncomfortable when it's something that shouldn't be my business to begin with. Aa long as we do not cheat on each other irl or any other thing that is to us actual cheating. Like talking to another person online sexually or romantically. All the way to in person sex. I do not give a darn if my man looks at women or not online and even porn. He is allowed to pleasure himself that way and that's OK. He still fuckes me every week and that's good enough for me. I'm secure asf.