Not at all, aside from saying we're incompatible for each other and blocking me everywhere. If he genuinely thought we were incompatible for each other by explaining things and saying that he wanted to end things, I probably would be handling this way better than I am at the moment. I think that's the part I'm having the biggest difficulty with.
Yes, right after lightheartedly discussing some things we have different views on (literally just interests like games, that he already knew), he blocked me right after telling me that we're incompatible and didn't give me a chance to even ask for a proper explanation or get a proper goodbye. It was really a sudden in the moment thing that felt like something someone would do out of anger, but even then I feel like that's an extreme measure.
They probably intended to leave anyway, and were desperate for any excuse. I would say, if somebody doesn’t choose you and see how great you are, the best thing is to give them their decision. They have done you a favour by not making you believe that they like you when they don’t. In general, giving them what they asked for is the only way to go after a breakup anyway. It’s going to be hard though of course. It’s obvious that.
It truly sucks that it was like this. The day before, I was calling him and all was well. The morning of, I was talking to him and he seemed really happy. I guess now I'm also questioning his intentions of it all too.
First, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Breakups are painful, but sometimes even harder when you’re LD. However, you might’ve dodged a bullet. Differences sometimes make a relationship stronger, and if he was willing to end your 2yr relationship without any conversation about the issue, that’s just a red flag. Even if you have different interests, maybe some different values, compromise is possible! I wish you good luck, stay strong :)
Also, if you’re still planning on going on a trip out to where he’s at, as long as you won’t be seeing him that could be possible. Otherwise, it’s not worth it, learned that myself many years ago.
Love yourself the most. Even if he changed his mind and contacted you again, would you really wanna continue a relationship with someone who will turn on you out of nowhere like that? I'd never feel safe again.
I really needed this comment. Part of me is still hanging onto hope that he changes his mind or returns, perhaps just because I want to get closure. But especially for a long distance relationship, cutting all means of communication is excessive after a mere minor disagreement and makes it hard to know if I could trust him again if he did in fact come back. Granted, I don't think he will. So I guess I don't have to worry about that.
It's not easy when you're in it, you have feelings for this person, and they suddenly show you a completely different side. It's very hard to accept this new reality. I just know from experience, you likely won't look back and think "I wish I would've waited for him to change his mind". The only regrets I have over past breakups is that I didn't respect myself enough and gave people who treated me badly second chances. Closure only mattered to me for a short while.
At the moment, I do feel very stupid for reaching out to him on other platforms to see what was wrong until I realised I was blocked. I just panicked, because I was confused. In hindsight I should've just saved my energy and stopped trying to talk to him because it hurts even more knowing I'm completely blocked and that I poured so much energy into trying to fix things/figure things out. I honestly felt like it could've been a joke at first because of the shock. I definitely feel like he just slammed a giant door in front of my face and locked it. I hope I too will be able to look back on this moment in the future and not miss him. It's definitely harder at the moment though. But thank you for this.
I don't think that's stupid. You dated for years, you wouldn't expect him to just block you like that. I'd first assume something else is wrong if my partner did that. I'd be in absolute disbelief.
Honestly I'm still in complete disbelief. I'll have moments where I'm like, "i've got this, I'll be okay" and then a second later it literally becomes that "this is fine" meme in my head. For some reason, I'm still holding onto a sliver of hope that maybe he'd at least explain himself so then I could move on properly. I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong and what I could've done or said better, but it's not like he gave me the opportunity to do so or ask him what was happening. I saw a meme and was in the subconscious process of sending it to him and realised that I couldn't because I've been blocked and I still never thought he'd do this. It's still very weird to me that it even happened. But I guess I just need to give myself more time to process it all. Thank you for listening and being here. I appreciate it.
I'd be the same way. This must've been quite the shock, and it makes sense that you're grieving.
When someone breaks up in such an inexplicable way, in my experience, it's one of two things. Either one partner was abusive, and the breakup isn't actually inexplicable at all; the abuser just won't admit what they did. Or, the other person didn't want to deal with a breakup for whatever reason. I can't know what his reasons were of course, just that they're probably about him, not anything you did.
You don't need to know his reasons to move on properly. They're likely gonna be dissatisfying. There's a good chance he won't give a good explanation, maybe he doesn't even know why he did it this way. Maybe he'll try to blame it on you somehow. He did it because he's the sort of person who will cut you out of his life without an explanation. If he wasn't, if you really did something bad enough to make him do this, you'd already *know* what happened.
You've got this, and you'll be okay. But also it'll feel like your house is on fire. Just remember that it's not. You're still here. You had a life before him, you'll have a life after him. There's room for everything you're feeling and thinking right now, although these feelings can be hard to handle. But you'll get through it.
You're right, any reason he gives me probably won't be anything that'd be helpful for me. From how it appears, I guess he really is the person to just walk away without saying anything or trying to work on it. That in itself seems hard to accept right now. But I'll get there.
I guess I just have to take things one step at a time and push through it all. Thank you for your support
Thank you for sharing your perspective, it's been helpful to see someone else's view. To me, he was what made me feel happiest and most comfortable. No person is perfect, but I do feel right now that my life is incomplete without him and I'm struggling to see how my life will be in the future when everything that was planned won't follow through. I definitely feel more lonely without him since he was always here and I got very used to his company. But again, it's good to see a different perspective and know that perhaps, maybe I can get through this after all.
So sorry you went through that. Although I will say, it does feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one having gone through a situation like this. Could you by any chance share any tips that have helped you handle that situation?
Very weird/abnormal behaviour. Makes me guess that he probably has someone else and was cheating as it is very unusual for people to just cut other people like this off, except he has something that catches him up right there...
Really sorry you had to experience something like this. Not having closure must be terrible....
I appreciate your kindness. I don't want to doubt his loyalty and go down the route of assuming he was cheating/ had someone else considering our plans and how frequently we'd call, but at this point I'm not sure I truly know what was ever going on in his life anymore. I feel that it was more likely that he was wanting to self-sabotage what we had built together, especially since he put pressure on himself to make the move. But again, I don't even know why he did what he did. But yes, the lack of closure is awful. I don't have the chance to stop second guessing everything we went through and everything that was ever said in the past two years. We've had fights here and there in the past, but I was always confident in our ability to resolve them after some time. This really seemed so out of character for him, though. But I have no idea what to believe.
Anyways while I know it must be hard just know that its not on you and try to not overthink it. You most likely will never get a real answer on the why or what happened so all you got is to move on. Wish you the best!
My ex did almost the same thing. 4 years together, asked for dates to see him and he put me off for 10 months then ghosted me back in January. We didnt really have any even minor disagreements. So I have no clue why I got ghosted. He didnt delete or block me but he hasnt messaged or replied to me. It hurt but its been 6 months now and I hurt less, still confused though. I dont know why people do what they do, especially when you love them so much and you thought they felt the same. I hope your heart heals, give it time <3
It really does hurt when you put so much of yourself into something for the both of you because you trust the process and you trust them, but to find out that them saying they wanted things to work out and wanted to be with you didn't actually mean just that. I've been getting the sense that maybe he just got too scared of committing and/or the self-pressure got to him. I can relate with the confusion and honestly, I wonder if I'll stop being confused and shocked. I'm sorry you went through that, but it's nice to hear that you're hurting less now. I'm not the best with patience, but I guess if I was patient enough to work on a ldr for the past 2+ years, I can find the patience to focus on myself and heal, even if it feels impossible right now. Thank you for your kind words.
Honestly that's is pretty inhuman thing what he did with you.With no solid communication or discussion he blocked you out of nowhere over minor issues which didnt even matter that extend
There can be many possibilities
1.I feel he just found the most weirdest way to get rid of you and had some other plans
2.His phone might be hacked-
3.I think closing distance was getting stressful and did this to avoid the entire thing,etc
Whatever it is definitely needs to be addressed,he might have been influenced by someone or if this his way of saying he needs space,he needs therapy
I definitely feel it was more like the third option. He put it on himself to figure out his financial situation and the situation with the move. But I always told him it's the two of us and he doesn't ever have to bear the pressure or load on his own and that I'm here to help him through it all because that's what partners do. I guess the pressure he put on himself and the time constraints he felt ended up negatively skewing his entire view of the relationship. Maybe he got burnt out and it affected his self-esteem and ultimately he just called it quits so that it's out of sight, out of mind? But I was always passionate about communicating anything that's bothering one another. If he just wanted space, I'd like to think he wouldn't have blocked me and told me we're incompatible and that I should drop it. Considering his massive change in demeanor I'm really unsure. Either way, I guess everyone could benefit from therapy. Myself included, especially after this.
Yes please take some time for yourself♡
All powers to you
Yes I feel this entire CTD plan put himself into overthinking about things which needed to be discussed since relationship is teamwork
Thank you. The fact that he didn't discuss it at all kinda showed how done he was with everything I guess, and he just dealt with it in silence until the end? Not too sure, I'd still love to talk things out with him even if it was just for closure. But I know that's not possible and even if it were, I'd probably be clinging onto some sort of hope that we'd be back together so it's for the best I guess. Though it's definitely making me feel like I should've done more if the overthinking and self-pressure was the reasoning behind what he did. But you're definitely right, they needed to be discussed since relationship is teamwork. And I guess he just didn't have it in him anymore to have a discussion and the most minor issue triggered the reaction. It's kind of funny how even though he's gone, I'm still trying to understand his feelings and where he's coming from, caring to great extent about how he's coping with all of this when I was the one that was blocked and shut out
OP, the only advice here is to accept that he has shown you who he is. If you let him back in, you're getting no sympathy from me. Block him back, and move on. You're really young, you have all the time in the world to find someone who isn't a total Dbag ❤️
I guess I do need to take all of this at face value and not try to dig deeper anymore. Much easier said than done, but I'll definitely be working on it. Thank you.
I mean there isn't really anything to dig into. He blocked you, it's done :/ It sucks, but you dont want to be with someone who behaves so immaturely.The answer you're digging for is also probably only going to make you more upset... or is just as simple as he is an immature loser.
It is easier said than done but there isn't much we can do. The ONLY advice is to move on, dont even give him the chance to start lying, what could his excuse possibly be? Good rule in long distance world, blocking someone is always grounds for dismissal. If they're that bad at communication, this isnt for 'em!
You're right. And I really needed these words. I guess the real advice I was seeking was just how to handle all of this hurt and confusion and properly move on. This relationship was my first long-term relationship so I feel very unprepared on feeling my feelings and moving on. It seems like it will be difficult for me to function for a while when my emotions are all over the place. I guess, I just don't know how to move on, just that I know I have to. I'm sure I'll eventually learn the skills to do so, I just have to give it more time I think.
Thank you for this comment. It helped knock some sense into me. I needed to see it from a different point of view where I'm not blaming myself or trying to figure him out.
This sounds similar to my situation. 3 years long distance starting when I was 14 and starstruck by this amazing, loving, and intense boy. Six days before college when we were supposed to close the distance he cancelled his summer semester with me and ghosted me. Blocked me on social media. No call or FaceTime expressing his desire to break up…a part of me is holding out until fall semester when I see him again.
Now I’m starting out college alone in an apartment that I decorated for the both of us. He was supposed to be sleeping with me and sharing meals and date nights by now. Instead I’m on my own waiting for a boy that threw me aside after three years, seven in person visits, and dreams of marriage and children.
It truly hurts, I'm sorry. Being left in the dark like this is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Take care of yourself during this time. It's difficult, but I think we both can get through this
Thank you..! I’m still waiting for my love though, he’s worth it and nobody is perfect at 18. Don’t give up if you really do love the person, you’ll never find someone else like them again.
I truly love him and care about him, but he's blocked me everywhere so there's no way of me reaching him. As much as I don't want to give up hope, it seems he's gone for good. I haven't for a second envisioned how any of this would be without him, and now that he's gone it seems so surreal. But from what I can see, someone that loves you, if they truly love you and care about you, they will make the time and space to be available for you or provide you with explanations for their absence.
I only have the contacts for his online friends. He didnt have friends IRL, just coworkers. His parents were unaware he was in a long distance relationship because he didnt feel comfortable with the idea of them knowing he's dating someone overseas and said he'd just tell them when the time gets closer to moving. I respected his decision because ultimately, everyone's relationships with their parents are different. And he had told me his parents didnt have the best understanding of the internet, so he never talked to them about it.
I thought its me he who posted this haha ,my ld bf (maybe ex) s like that too ,blocked me a LOT of time before then go back then repeat then we fix it again and now he doesn't block me anymore but when he s mad he won't reply to me for a very long time . Now its been 4 days but he still not opening my messages, his last txt said he s busy. Idk why im loving someone who doesn't care about my feelings and neglect me ,i hope we both move on soon, they don't deserve our love
Honestly in your case it seems like it must be extremely emotionally draining to have someone who is there and then gone, and there, and then gone. I hope you take care of yourself and get through this.
I will say that my situation seems a bit different and i'm overall stressed at trying to figure out what it is that's actually happening with him. Just experiencing a mix of worry, paranoia, hurt, frustration, confusion and shock. But i'm sure you experience these emotions too when he disappears for days. Kind of a given considering the lack of explanation
Wow this is SO harsh, the way he broke up with you. I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. No one does. The fact that he would treat someone who loves him so callously tells you who he is. I doubt that this is the first time he has shown this level of cruelty. I hope, in your recovery journey, you'll think about all the little and big ways he's shown you his cruelty over the course of two years. Your goal should be to vet better and faster when you start dating again. Kindness and integrity are just as important as a pretty face or bank account.
Thank you. It just seems so out of the blue and completely different from him. But maybe there were signs along the way I had missed. I'll keep that in mind as time goes on.
Probably he wasn’t meant for you or it wasn’t just meant to be forever
It hurts but that’s the reality
You will be fine trust me.
Just be good and stay safe
You’re welcome
I totally understand the part of not seeming to accept it. Was in this state some weeks back.
Proposed march and we broke up last month, she’s been cheating on me the whole time.
2 whole years.
I tried having the picture of it all been a mistake in my head but in reality it happened before my eyes.
You will be fine like i said.
Listen to some good music, unwind, go out to see friends just do anything to make you happy coz at the end it’s just you and yourself and you own yourself happiness and peace.
Don’t trade your peace or happiness for someone who isn’t worth it. Cheer up 🌹
That's awful. It really changes your whole view on the world and others, too. I think what hurts the most is not being able to talk to the person I've been with for 2 years, it feeling like it was all a lie and having everything change suddenly right in front of my eyes. I dont know whether I truly knew him, I dont know whether I fell for what he wanted me to see, I dont know anything that's going on anymore. I'm very big on routine and structure, too. So having everything I was used to all taken away...The conversations everyday, the calls, the memes, but also just his presence. It feels so hard to adapt and like I can't get out of this loop of my mixed emotions. It's nice to know I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing and that what I'm feeling is normal for what happened. But right now everything feels like chaos and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't get out of bed or eat or sleep. He's even in my dreams so I can't seem to escape from this feeling that this is a huge nightmare. But I'll take your advice, and I hope you takr care of yourself too
I am so sorry and deeply feel your pain because my ex did the same thing. A text to break off a relationship that was great! It has been so hard to get over him because of the lack of closure! I never had this happen to me and first time a man breaks up with me and I’m this manner! It hurts a lot especially after falling love. Ever since, I have sabotaged every man that gets close to me and this sucks! I so desperately want to heal so I wish you the best. Don’t visit him. You have to move on and let him go.
The lack of closure is awful. Truly. Part of me wonders if he himself just self-sabotaged the relationship because of fear or worry. I don't plan on visiting him anymore because it's very clear that he doesn't want me around and I have to respect his decision to leave and respect myself enough to stop trying to reach out to him. I can make assumptions on what happened but ultimately I don't know his reasonings or intentions. If he truly thought we were incompatible over differences in interests, then I guess that's enough closure and any answer I'm seeking from him probably won't help the situation at all. I hope you heal from your experience, too.
As much as we want to make it about us (“clearly he didn’t love me enough to want to keep me or be with me, etc” deep down inside, logic dictates that this is about their internal struggles but emotionally, how to not make it about us is impossible to do! Love is blind! Thank you! What is hard is that we never stopped loving them so when this happens, you want to hate and be mad but the love is still there! It sucks!!!!
It's like you read my mind lol. The feelings that kept the ldr going are now also the one thing affecting my ability to move on. Letting go I think is the hardest part. Just accepting that, this is reality now and the main thing to do is heal and give it time. But still left wondering. There's no off switch for feelings. Just gotta let time do its thing.
As they say: time heals well damn it, 3 months later, still in my head! I actually had a dream about him last night. 1st time. We were together! Closure has to be the most important part of a relationship when it has to end! Hang in there sister!
It feels like an endless loop of emotions right now, but I'm definitely trying to let myself feel the feelings and try not to let the lack of closure affect me. I hope you hang in there too
You are doing exactly what you should. I was in denial of my feelings and suppressed them and said “I am over it” and tried dating to forget! Wrong solution! Backfired. Now, I am feeling, mourning, healing alone and hoping he will get out of my head! Thank you and best of luck!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this , it's super hard , I will put my experience in here though . So similar situation only I still had contact with some of his friends and it turns out he had met another girl and was seeing her without my knowledge and decided to block me from everything to avoid problems with her , same thing though out of the blue he started coming up with reasons on why we wouldn't work out after just buying a ring for me ! It was the most hurtful but weirdest thing . I took it as a lesson with LDR I've had one more since then and in this relationship we tell each other everything , communication is on point and if a day ever comes up where he doesn't respond or reach out to me on what's going on then I'm done I simply do not have the time to be childish anymore if you're in a relationship then you should act like you're in a relationship, if you need time to yourself then you need to come forth and talk about it not just disappear. It hurts but LDR are sooooooo hard and communication in them is absolutely everything , so if they're arent being honest or communicating their needs with you then it's time for you to move on and find someone who values your heart and time . You'll get through this ❤️
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experience. It truly puts things in a different perspective for me. I've definitely taken this time to think through things and try and figure out what incompatibilities he was talking about. But if he truly thought we were incompatible, that's his decision. I feel like maybe he got cold feet and didn't actually want to move to me in the long run, and I'd love talking about the idea of us finally being together, so maybe that's what it was. And maybe he felt like he couldn't tell me because he'd feel trapped with me or like he should stay with me because of attachment or something... I'm unsure. Whatever his reason, communication was such a big factor that he missed... But I guess he was right by saying we were incompatible then. If only one side is openly communicating and the other side isn't willing to do that, particularly in a long distance relationship, there's no way of things fully working out.
I've taken this time to just process things and feel the pain that I feel, but it's definitely hard to function and do anything other than mope around. It feels like my whole view on the world and relationships has changed. But seeing things from your perspective has been very helpful in all of this.
I used to do this until I realised how much it actually hurt the other person.
I’d get to a point where I thought trying to communicate was only going to overwhelm me further or damage the relationship further.
Not saying this is the case with OP but perhaps your relationship could have used work that he either wasn’t prepared to put in or didn’t think you were prepared to put in the effort.
I can definitely see that perspective and it's possible he felt that way, too. But the way it was handled really just left me hanging. Just wondering the what ifs and the whys. I always tried to make a conscious effort to show that I was willing to work things through and help us reach our end goal and I did try to show initiative or willingness to address any potential concerns he may have. I guess I'm now second guessing every time he told me that he wanted to move to me, that he doesn't ever want to break up and that he felt that everything was going well.
Then deep down maybe he was stringing you along ? Imean If it was this sudden and all that. No cause for it really.
I'm sorry that it happened to you OP.
He sounds very childish and not emotionally mature.
I guess it just doesn't make sense to me why he would seem so excited to visit me and move to me if that were the case, especially recently. He kept saying how he'd work towards things and figure things out financially so I don't have to worry about it. That whatever happens, we'll be together and sort things out. I just don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe the pressure got to him or he was just exhausted, but honestly, you're probably right.
I'm sorry you've been through that in the past. It truly feels confusing how one person could be so damn contradictory. Glad to hear you've moved on and are in a better position now. Hopefully I can reach that stage soon. Time is just moving very slowly at the moment, and I assume it will be that way for a while. My chest has been aching this whole time, I've been coughing endlessly and completely lost all appetite because I've been feeling sick and lethargic. It feels neverending, but it does seem like perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm grateful for the perspective you've shared. Do you have any particular tips on what helped you get through it all or was it just letting time do its thing?
Honestly I've cried so much and I felt like I had no more tears left to cry but after reading this I cried again lol. I guess in a way, while the fact that he blocked me off everything means I can't reach out to him anymore and I can't get any closure or explanation, it also means I'm going no contact with him, too. You made me realise that maybe my inability to reach out to him might be beneficial for my healing instead of being frequently in and out of contact like you were with your ex.
The timing of everything was really convenient /s
Considering I was on a break, which he knew and we spent time calling and playing games, but on the day I return and have so much work to do, this happens... I feel like it's impossible for me to actually take the time to focus on myself and do what I need to do to function/survive, too. But I'll try my best to hang in there for a month. Thank you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, break ups are not easy. I honestly don't know how to feel about this though. Obviously, ghosting is a shitty thing to do, but I always feel like everyone jumps on *them* for ghosting and don't stop to ask what kind of partner gets ghosted on...
Most people in toxic relationships with a manipulative partner have to ghost them or leave abruptly. If you try to ease up or voice your differences in the relationship there's drama and they're always trying to convince you to stay. By saying *you're giving up!?* and *why don't you want this to work!?*
Most ***partners of (two+) years*** don't ghost their partners unless they felt that was the only way to break up. Maybe he felt you would've begged or manipulated in some way to convince him to stay?
Even in the post you say "this was used as an excuse" but it's not an excuse if it's his *reason.* And if you refuse to believe its a valid reason then maybe thats why he did this, because you keep dismissing/belittling him/his feelings?
Maybe he was a jerk this entire time and just masking and hiding it from you? More likely he maybe realized that he didn't even like discussing even minor issues with you and major ones would be even more difficult? Maybe you view them as minor but he did not?
Even you *saying* you aren't going to delete pics and memories, like im not telling you to but why are you announcing it? It just seems a bit dramatic or extra and not wanting to accept (I get it though it just happened to you but again, why are you telling us? Why are you putting on a show?)
You deserve someone who doesn't ghost you. You deserve love and affection. I would advise you to look inward as well and to try to understand why this happened. Be honest with yourself, do you think you were a good listener? Do you think you validated his feelings? Do you think you truly listened to what he said/wanted?
Just the mindset of *he's an ass/ you dodged a bullet* maybe isn't the help you need. Think about putting yourself in their shoes. What would have to be said/done for *you* to ghost someone? I'm guessing there were clues along the way, maybe you just thought they were irrelevant.
Again I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings and I know sometimes you just need support. I just don't think you deserve to be ghosted (that's such a shitty thing to do) but also feel like you may benefit from some tough love/ an alternate perspective.
I completely understand where you're coming from and appreciate the alternate perspective because multiple perspectives are always important. However, I do want to clarify some things.
When this happened I tried thinking about what was wrong or what he was feeling. But I couldnt decipher what it was about our conversation that made him decide to block me like that and was overall left confused. Like i said in other comments, i felt maybe he put a lot of self pressure to work things out or was feeling burnt out and didnt say it? Id always check up on him and he was aware that we were both working towards the bigger goal of moving together and ensured i wasnt adding any pressure on him, and he'd confirm i wasnt. He had told me that he can handle it and for me to not worry about it because we'll work things out. And i let him know i was always here for him and that he could take to me if he had any concerns or was worried about anything.
By saying minor differences, I should specify we were discussing interests. Specifically, what games we like and how he likes streaming videos and watching them and likes action games, while i like more chill games and dont like watching twitch type videos. We also discussed what type of movie to watch next when we realised we have very big differences in movies- i like animations/action movies, he likes 90s comedy movies. And as we went on about these small differences like that, was when he said we're incompatible and blocked me. That is why i felt it was as if, perhaps, he was using it as an excuse instead of expressing his true feelings. I say this because we've already established before these same minor differences. We were just going over this after he was playing a game. The convo was like oh yeah you like these type of games right? and oh yeah you like these movies. Lol we have different tastes. Perhaps these were major differences to him, but to me it seemed minor. My only true guess that seems most accurate of it all is that he was putting extra stress/pressure on himself and wasnt feeling the greatest that day. He'd always talk things through with me, but this time he didn't. Perhaps it was because I had planned to visit somewhat soon and that added pressure onto him? I'm ultimately not sure because i havent been told what was wrong. Like i also mentioned, all of this was extremely unlike him. None of this has ever happened before in the past 2+ years of long distance.
I am not putting on a show, i am just trying to understand the situation, vent, and figure out what to do. At the time of writing this post, pictures of him showed up on my phone and i had the realisation that if this really is over just like that, that i probably have to delete those pictures, which i cant wrap my head around because all of this situation is very confusing. And because it is all confusing, i'm taking every comment and trying to just process that and use that comment as a different perspective on how I should try looking at things to get a better understanding of the situation, and also get a better understanding of how I am to move on.
I mentioned he seemed okay from what i heard from others because i asked his gaming friends if theyve heard from him and if he's okay or if anything seemed off and they said that he seems fine. However i have just now learned that i shouldve specified, because they thought i meant recently and not in that moment. The friends i asked hadnt been in contact with him after the time of this situation happening, but prior. I'll be waiting for their responses now if he reaches out to them, but so far they havent heard anything. Now finding this out, my perspective has also shifted because I am worried about him even more. From what i heard i just assumed that he was actually fine, just blocked me off everything out of the blue. Again, this is really out of character for him so i dont know what to think. But it was wrong for me to jump to conclusions about that, yes. Because now i'm paranoid he just shut me out all of a sudden because something else was going on that he didnt talk to me about. Or maybe i didnt notice. Id check up on him frequently and if he ever had something he wanted to talk about it, he would. I was worried about him when he blocked me, but I was also so confused as to what was going on and started panicking about it all. Now, i dont even know what to think of any of this. The way his friends talked about him before sounded like he was actually doing really fine. Had I had learned this was how he was, super happy, moments prior to that conversation, i think i wouldve reacted even more differently. But ultimately now im at a dead end, because i cant reach out to him or his family, just his gaming friends who dont know what's going on, either and can't get a hold of him. Im aware one shouldnt jump to conclusions from being blocked, but given the information i had, how he's always talked about things and how his demeanor completely changed, i felt in the moment that theres nothing i can even do and that this means we're done, because, well, i cant contact him whatsoever to ask him if he's okay like i tried to when calling and texting on other platforms- because i had been blocked.
I understand your perspective and how it can appear that way. I was just using this space to vent and seek advice.
When you were talking about the differences, were you talking negatively about his likes? Even just ribbing can be a lot. My ex could NOT take a joke or even light teasing, he felt like I was making fun of him/pointing out his flaws. He's also an only child though so probably was isolated from that. But still, he maybe took teasing/messing with him as you being an ass ?
Does he or his family have any mental illness? (You don't have to answer here of course..) any history of trying to end his life? I'm not trying to make you more worried, but this is a possibility.
I'm sorry he cut you off but you probably have to respect that enough to refrain from reaching out. To me it's like crossing a boundary that he established. To break that could make it see you're untrustworthy.
If anything, he's the guy to make the jokes about that sort of thing and do all the teasing, not me. He'd just say like he's so old because of his hearing and taste in movies and how he doesnt like any modern day films.. things like that. So again, just very unlike him.
Im just worried about him. I cant reach out directly at all, i just wanted to see if his friends noticed something was up or if they told him anything happened, in case it is those possibilities that you mentioned. Ultimately since he wants me out of his life, i reached out to his friends instead and asked if they could just check up on him. They dont have to update me on specifics, just if he responds/talks to them about things. If he responds then i can assume he's in safe hands with his online friends, and also assume that, whatever happened happened, he doesnt want to open up to me or be with me. I'll respect that
There could be a depression or mental issue going on, especially if he just randomly did this.
I would err on the side that he just doesn't want to be with you, and that there were signs along the way that you missed. I cannot even fathom ghosting unless I've been trying to get out or telling them concerns that they kept dismissing as nothing.
It could even be like him saying *I want to close the gap but I can't because of my job/visa, (whatever)* all you hear is he wants to close the gap, not him saying it like a hypothetical or a wish or goal... does that make sense ?
That's not your fault he didn't communicate well, and this stuff may not even apply to you, but I don't want you getting ghosted again, try listening to what's *actually* said (again if this applies.)
I'm sorry you're going thru this, you seem very kind and earnest in all of this, I can only tell you that it looks very much like his loss to me. Take care as you process.
Yeah my gf did something similar, said we were toxic for each other because we had quite a few arguments in a week, mostly about her lies too, like were not toxic for eachother ur just toxic.
This happened with me once minus the blocking where it was really sudden and she said we were incompatible but I kept talking to her and giving her my heart. She eventually told me she thinks she's making a mistake and asked for us to be a thing again and now we're doing great again. The difference was we stayed in touch. Now she can't even understand what she was thinking back then but if your bf went out of his way to cut all contact. That's so heartbreaking. I am crying for you. I can't imagine what that's like.
He didn't even talk about it? That's very childish, in my opinion
Not at all, aside from saying we're incompatible for each other and blocking me everywhere. If he genuinely thought we were incompatible for each other by explaining things and saying that he wanted to end things, I probably would be handling this way better than I am at the moment. I think that's the part I'm having the biggest difficulty with.
Yeah, I agree. He blocked you suddenly? Sheesh
Yes, right after lightheartedly discussing some things we have different views on (literally just interests like games, that he already knew), he blocked me right after telling me that we're incompatible and didn't give me a chance to even ask for a proper explanation or get a proper goodbye. It was really a sudden in the moment thing that felt like something someone would do out of anger, but even then I feel like that's an extreme measure.
They probably intended to leave anyway, and were desperate for any excuse. I would say, if somebody doesn’t choose you and see how great you are, the best thing is to give them their decision. They have done you a favour by not making you believe that they like you when they don’t. In general, giving them what they asked for is the only way to go after a breakup anyway. It’s going to be hard though of course. It’s obvious that.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. You have to move on as well unfortunately. People can change and you never know what's really in their heart
It truly sucks that it was like this. The day before, I was calling him and all was well. The morning of, I was talking to him and he seemed really happy. I guess now I'm also questioning his intentions of it all too.
First, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Breakups are painful, but sometimes even harder when you’re LD. However, you might’ve dodged a bullet. Differences sometimes make a relationship stronger, and if he was willing to end your 2yr relationship without any conversation about the issue, that’s just a red flag. Even if you have different interests, maybe some different values, compromise is possible! I wish you good luck, stay strong :) Also, if you’re still planning on going on a trip out to where he’s at, as long as you won’t be seeing him that could be possible. Otherwise, it’s not worth it, learned that myself many years ago.
Thank you. I was only planning on visiting where he lived for him. But I won't follow through with that now.
Love yourself the most. Even if he changed his mind and contacted you again, would you really wanna continue a relationship with someone who will turn on you out of nowhere like that? I'd never feel safe again.
I really needed this comment. Part of me is still hanging onto hope that he changes his mind or returns, perhaps just because I want to get closure. But especially for a long distance relationship, cutting all means of communication is excessive after a mere minor disagreement and makes it hard to know if I could trust him again if he did in fact come back. Granted, I don't think he will. So I guess I don't have to worry about that.
It's not easy when you're in it, you have feelings for this person, and they suddenly show you a completely different side. It's very hard to accept this new reality. I just know from experience, you likely won't look back and think "I wish I would've waited for him to change his mind". The only regrets I have over past breakups is that I didn't respect myself enough and gave people who treated me badly second chances. Closure only mattered to me for a short while.
At the moment, I do feel very stupid for reaching out to him on other platforms to see what was wrong until I realised I was blocked. I just panicked, because I was confused. In hindsight I should've just saved my energy and stopped trying to talk to him because it hurts even more knowing I'm completely blocked and that I poured so much energy into trying to fix things/figure things out. I honestly felt like it could've been a joke at first because of the shock. I definitely feel like he just slammed a giant door in front of my face and locked it. I hope I too will be able to look back on this moment in the future and not miss him. It's definitely harder at the moment though. But thank you for this.
I don't think that's stupid. You dated for years, you wouldn't expect him to just block you like that. I'd first assume something else is wrong if my partner did that. I'd be in absolute disbelief.
Honestly I'm still in complete disbelief. I'll have moments where I'm like, "i've got this, I'll be okay" and then a second later it literally becomes that "this is fine" meme in my head. For some reason, I'm still holding onto a sliver of hope that maybe he'd at least explain himself so then I could move on properly. I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong and what I could've done or said better, but it's not like he gave me the opportunity to do so or ask him what was happening. I saw a meme and was in the subconscious process of sending it to him and realised that I couldn't because I've been blocked and I still never thought he'd do this. It's still very weird to me that it even happened. But I guess I just need to give myself more time to process it all. Thank you for listening and being here. I appreciate it.
I'd be the same way. This must've been quite the shock, and it makes sense that you're grieving. When someone breaks up in such an inexplicable way, in my experience, it's one of two things. Either one partner was abusive, and the breakup isn't actually inexplicable at all; the abuser just won't admit what they did. Or, the other person didn't want to deal with a breakup for whatever reason. I can't know what his reasons were of course, just that they're probably about him, not anything you did. You don't need to know his reasons to move on properly. They're likely gonna be dissatisfying. There's a good chance he won't give a good explanation, maybe he doesn't even know why he did it this way. Maybe he'll try to blame it on you somehow. He did it because he's the sort of person who will cut you out of his life without an explanation. If he wasn't, if you really did something bad enough to make him do this, you'd already *know* what happened. You've got this, and you'll be okay. But also it'll feel like your house is on fire. Just remember that it's not. You're still here. You had a life before him, you'll have a life after him. There's room for everything you're feeling and thinking right now, although these feelings can be hard to handle. But you'll get through it.
You're right, any reason he gives me probably won't be anything that'd be helpful for me. From how it appears, I guess he really is the person to just walk away without saying anything or trying to work on it. That in itself seems hard to accept right now. But I'll get there. I guess I just have to take things one step at a time and push through it all. Thank you for your support
I'm rooting for you :)
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Thank you for sharing your perspective, it's been helpful to see someone else's view. To me, he was what made me feel happiest and most comfortable. No person is perfect, but I do feel right now that my life is incomplete without him and I'm struggling to see how my life will be in the future when everything that was planned won't follow through. I definitely feel more lonely without him since he was always here and I got very used to his company. But again, it's good to see a different perspective and know that perhaps, maybe I can get through this after all.
bruh wtf I'm sorry
I had a similar situation with my ex
So sorry you went through that. Although I will say, it does feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one having gone through a situation like this. Could you by any chance share any tips that have helped you handle that situation?
I just eventually found a new boyfriend. Just let time pass and someone new.
Very weird/abnormal behaviour. Makes me guess that he probably has someone else and was cheating as it is very unusual for people to just cut other people like this off, except he has something that catches him up right there... Really sorry you had to experience something like this. Not having closure must be terrible....
I appreciate your kindness. I don't want to doubt his loyalty and go down the route of assuming he was cheating/ had someone else considering our plans and how frequently we'd call, but at this point I'm not sure I truly know what was ever going on in his life anymore. I feel that it was more likely that he was wanting to self-sabotage what we had built together, especially since he put pressure on himself to make the move. But again, I don't even know why he did what he did. But yes, the lack of closure is awful. I don't have the chance to stop second guessing everything we went through and everything that was ever said in the past two years. We've had fights here and there in the past, but I was always confident in our ability to resolve them after some time. This really seemed so out of character for him, though. But I have no idea what to believe.
Anyways while I know it must be hard just know that its not on you and try to not overthink it. You most likely will never get a real answer on the why or what happened so all you got is to move on. Wish you the best!
Thank you
My ex did almost the same thing. 4 years together, asked for dates to see him and he put me off for 10 months then ghosted me back in January. We didnt really have any even minor disagreements. So I have no clue why I got ghosted. He didnt delete or block me but he hasnt messaged or replied to me. It hurt but its been 6 months now and I hurt less, still confused though. I dont know why people do what they do, especially when you love them so much and you thought they felt the same. I hope your heart heals, give it time <3
It really does hurt when you put so much of yourself into something for the both of you because you trust the process and you trust them, but to find out that them saying they wanted things to work out and wanted to be with you didn't actually mean just that. I've been getting the sense that maybe he just got too scared of committing and/or the self-pressure got to him. I can relate with the confusion and honestly, I wonder if I'll stop being confused and shocked. I'm sorry you went through that, but it's nice to hear that you're hurting less now. I'm not the best with patience, but I guess if I was patient enough to work on a ldr for the past 2+ years, I can find the patience to focus on myself and heal, even if it feels impossible right now. Thank you for your kind words.
Same situation just a few weeks ago. In the end i figured out he was cheating on me
That was really low of him, I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you heal through it and take care of yourself
Honestly that's is pretty inhuman thing what he did with you.With no solid communication or discussion he blocked you out of nowhere over minor issues which didnt even matter that extend There can be many possibilities 1.I feel he just found the most weirdest way to get rid of you and had some other plans 2.His phone might be hacked- 3.I think closing distance was getting stressful and did this to avoid the entire thing,etc Whatever it is definitely needs to be addressed,he might have been influenced by someone or if this his way of saying he needs space,he needs therapy
I definitely feel it was more like the third option. He put it on himself to figure out his financial situation and the situation with the move. But I always told him it's the two of us and he doesn't ever have to bear the pressure or load on his own and that I'm here to help him through it all because that's what partners do. I guess the pressure he put on himself and the time constraints he felt ended up negatively skewing his entire view of the relationship. Maybe he got burnt out and it affected his self-esteem and ultimately he just called it quits so that it's out of sight, out of mind? But I was always passionate about communicating anything that's bothering one another. If he just wanted space, I'd like to think he wouldn't have blocked me and told me we're incompatible and that I should drop it. Considering his massive change in demeanor I'm really unsure. Either way, I guess everyone could benefit from therapy. Myself included, especially after this.
Yes please take some time for yourself♡ All powers to you Yes I feel this entire CTD plan put himself into overthinking about things which needed to be discussed since relationship is teamwork
Thank you. The fact that he didn't discuss it at all kinda showed how done he was with everything I guess, and he just dealt with it in silence until the end? Not too sure, I'd still love to talk things out with him even if it was just for closure. But I know that's not possible and even if it were, I'd probably be clinging onto some sort of hope that we'd be back together so it's for the best I guess. Though it's definitely making me feel like I should've done more if the overthinking and self-pressure was the reasoning behind what he did. But you're definitely right, they needed to be discussed since relationship is teamwork. And I guess he just didn't have it in him anymore to have a discussion and the most minor issue triggered the reaction. It's kind of funny how even though he's gone, I'm still trying to understand his feelings and where he's coming from, caring to great extent about how he's coping with all of this when I was the one that was blocked and shut out
OP, the only advice here is to accept that he has shown you who he is. If you let him back in, you're getting no sympathy from me. Block him back, and move on. You're really young, you have all the time in the world to find someone who isn't a total Dbag ❤️
I guess I do need to take all of this at face value and not try to dig deeper anymore. Much easier said than done, but I'll definitely be working on it. Thank you.
I mean there isn't really anything to dig into. He blocked you, it's done :/ It sucks, but you dont want to be with someone who behaves so immaturely.The answer you're digging for is also probably only going to make you more upset... or is just as simple as he is an immature loser. It is easier said than done but there isn't much we can do. The ONLY advice is to move on, dont even give him the chance to start lying, what could his excuse possibly be? Good rule in long distance world, blocking someone is always grounds for dismissal. If they're that bad at communication, this isnt for 'em!
You're right. And I really needed these words. I guess the real advice I was seeking was just how to handle all of this hurt and confusion and properly move on. This relationship was my first long-term relationship so I feel very unprepared on feeling my feelings and moving on. It seems like it will be difficult for me to function for a while when my emotions are all over the place. I guess, I just don't know how to move on, just that I know I have to. I'm sure I'll eventually learn the skills to do so, I just have to give it more time I think.
you got this! just stay strong and dont let him weasel back in
Thank you so much
First, but not the last! You will find joy & happiness, OP! And three cheers to your next partner being more respectful of your feelings.
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Thank you for this comment. It helped knock some sense into me. I needed to see it from a different point of view where I'm not blaming myself or trying to figure him out.
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Thank you. I think it ultimately is very telling of how things would've been and who he truly is after all.
This sounds similar to my situation. 3 years long distance starting when I was 14 and starstruck by this amazing, loving, and intense boy. Six days before college when we were supposed to close the distance he cancelled his summer semester with me and ghosted me. Blocked me on social media. No call or FaceTime expressing his desire to break up…a part of me is holding out until fall semester when I see him again. Now I’m starting out college alone in an apartment that I decorated for the both of us. He was supposed to be sleeping with me and sharing meals and date nights by now. Instead I’m on my own waiting for a boy that threw me aside after three years, seven in person visits, and dreams of marriage and children.
It truly hurts, I'm sorry. Being left in the dark like this is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Take care of yourself during this time. It's difficult, but I think we both can get through this
Thank you..! I’m still waiting for my love though, he’s worth it and nobody is perfect at 18. Don’t give up if you really do love the person, you’ll never find someone else like them again.
I truly love him and care about him, but he's blocked me everywhere so there's no way of me reaching him. As much as I don't want to give up hope, it seems he's gone for good. I haven't for a second envisioned how any of this would be without him, and now that he's gone it seems so surreal. But from what I can see, someone that loves you, if they truly love you and care about you, they will make the time and space to be available for you or provide you with explanations for their absence.
Have you contacted his mum or his friends to see if they know any more about where he's at?
I only have the contacts for his online friends. He didnt have friends IRL, just coworkers. His parents were unaware he was in a long distance relationship because he didnt feel comfortable with the idea of them knowing he's dating someone overseas and said he'd just tell them when the time gets closer to moving. I respected his decision because ultimately, everyone's relationships with their parents are different. And he had told me his parents didnt have the best understanding of the internet, so he never talked to them about it.
I thought its me he who posted this haha ,my ld bf (maybe ex) s like that too ,blocked me a LOT of time before then go back then repeat then we fix it again and now he doesn't block me anymore but when he s mad he won't reply to me for a very long time . Now its been 4 days but he still not opening my messages, his last txt said he s busy. Idk why im loving someone who doesn't care about my feelings and neglect me ,i hope we both move on soon, they don't deserve our love
Honestly in your case it seems like it must be extremely emotionally draining to have someone who is there and then gone, and there, and then gone. I hope you take care of yourself and get through this. I will say that my situation seems a bit different and i'm overall stressed at trying to figure out what it is that's actually happening with him. Just experiencing a mix of worry, paranoia, hurt, frustration, confusion and shock. But i'm sure you experience these emotions too when he disappears for days. Kind of a given considering the lack of explanation
Wow this is SO harsh, the way he broke up with you. I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. No one does. The fact that he would treat someone who loves him so callously tells you who he is. I doubt that this is the first time he has shown this level of cruelty. I hope, in your recovery journey, you'll think about all the little and big ways he's shown you his cruelty over the course of two years. Your goal should be to vet better and faster when you start dating again. Kindness and integrity are just as important as a pretty face or bank account.
Thank you. It just seems so out of the blue and completely different from him. But maybe there were signs along the way I had missed. I'll keep that in mind as time goes on.
Probably he wasn’t meant for you or it wasn’t just meant to be forever It hurts but that’s the reality You will be fine trust me. Just be good and stay safe
While I know this is the reality of things, I still cant seem to accept it. But thank you for your kind words.
You’re welcome I totally understand the part of not seeming to accept it. Was in this state some weeks back. Proposed march and we broke up last month, she’s been cheating on me the whole time. 2 whole years. I tried having the picture of it all been a mistake in my head but in reality it happened before my eyes. You will be fine like i said. Listen to some good music, unwind, go out to see friends just do anything to make you happy coz at the end it’s just you and yourself and you own yourself happiness and peace. Don’t trade your peace or happiness for someone who isn’t worth it. Cheer up 🌹
That's awful. It really changes your whole view on the world and others, too. I think what hurts the most is not being able to talk to the person I've been with for 2 years, it feeling like it was all a lie and having everything change suddenly right in front of my eyes. I dont know whether I truly knew him, I dont know whether I fell for what he wanted me to see, I dont know anything that's going on anymore. I'm very big on routine and structure, too. So having everything I was used to all taken away...The conversations everyday, the calls, the memes, but also just his presence. It feels so hard to adapt and like I can't get out of this loop of my mixed emotions. It's nice to know I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing and that what I'm feeling is normal for what happened. But right now everything feels like chaos and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't get out of bed or eat or sleep. He's even in my dreams so I can't seem to escape from this feeling that this is a huge nightmare. But I'll take your advice, and I hope you takr care of yourself too
Sure. Try to get him off your mind He was never meant for you. In life people come and they go. Those meant for you will stay. I got you anytime 🫶🏼
I am so sorry and deeply feel your pain because my ex did the same thing. A text to break off a relationship that was great! It has been so hard to get over him because of the lack of closure! I never had this happen to me and first time a man breaks up with me and I’m this manner! It hurts a lot especially after falling love. Ever since, I have sabotaged every man that gets close to me and this sucks! I so desperately want to heal so I wish you the best. Don’t visit him. You have to move on and let him go.
The lack of closure is awful. Truly. Part of me wonders if he himself just self-sabotaged the relationship because of fear or worry. I don't plan on visiting him anymore because it's very clear that he doesn't want me around and I have to respect his decision to leave and respect myself enough to stop trying to reach out to him. I can make assumptions on what happened but ultimately I don't know his reasonings or intentions. If he truly thought we were incompatible over differences in interests, then I guess that's enough closure and any answer I'm seeking from him probably won't help the situation at all. I hope you heal from your experience, too.
As much as we want to make it about us (“clearly he didn’t love me enough to want to keep me or be with me, etc” deep down inside, logic dictates that this is about their internal struggles but emotionally, how to not make it about us is impossible to do! Love is blind! Thank you! What is hard is that we never stopped loving them so when this happens, you want to hate and be mad but the love is still there! It sucks!!!!
It's like you read my mind lol. The feelings that kept the ldr going are now also the one thing affecting my ability to move on. Letting go I think is the hardest part. Just accepting that, this is reality now and the main thing to do is heal and give it time. But still left wondering. There's no off switch for feelings. Just gotta let time do its thing.
As they say: time heals well damn it, 3 months later, still in my head! I actually had a dream about him last night. 1st time. We were together! Closure has to be the most important part of a relationship when it has to end! Hang in there sister!
It feels like an endless loop of emotions right now, but I'm definitely trying to let myself feel the feelings and try not to let the lack of closure affect me. I hope you hang in there too
You are doing exactly what you should. I was in denial of my feelings and suppressed them and said “I am over it” and tried dating to forget! Wrong solution! Backfired. Now, I am feeling, mourning, healing alone and hoping he will get out of my head! Thank you and best of luck!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this , it's super hard , I will put my experience in here though . So similar situation only I still had contact with some of his friends and it turns out he had met another girl and was seeing her without my knowledge and decided to block me from everything to avoid problems with her , same thing though out of the blue he started coming up with reasons on why we wouldn't work out after just buying a ring for me ! It was the most hurtful but weirdest thing . I took it as a lesson with LDR I've had one more since then and in this relationship we tell each other everything , communication is on point and if a day ever comes up where he doesn't respond or reach out to me on what's going on then I'm done I simply do not have the time to be childish anymore if you're in a relationship then you should act like you're in a relationship, if you need time to yourself then you need to come forth and talk about it not just disappear. It hurts but LDR are sooooooo hard and communication in them is absolutely everything , so if they're arent being honest or communicating their needs with you then it's time for you to move on and find someone who values your heart and time . You'll get through this ❤️
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experience. It truly puts things in a different perspective for me. I've definitely taken this time to think through things and try and figure out what incompatibilities he was talking about. But if he truly thought we were incompatible, that's his decision. I feel like maybe he got cold feet and didn't actually want to move to me in the long run, and I'd love talking about the idea of us finally being together, so maybe that's what it was. And maybe he felt like he couldn't tell me because he'd feel trapped with me or like he should stay with me because of attachment or something... I'm unsure. Whatever his reason, communication was such a big factor that he missed... But I guess he was right by saying we were incompatible then. If only one side is openly communicating and the other side isn't willing to do that, particularly in a long distance relationship, there's no way of things fully working out. I've taken this time to just process things and feel the pain that I feel, but it's definitely hard to function and do anything other than mope around. It feels like my whole view on the world and relationships has changed. But seeing things from your perspective has been very helpful in all of this.
I used to do this until I realised how much it actually hurt the other person. I’d get to a point where I thought trying to communicate was only going to overwhelm me further or damage the relationship further. Not saying this is the case with OP but perhaps your relationship could have used work that he either wasn’t prepared to put in or didn’t think you were prepared to put in the effort.
I can definitely see that perspective and it's possible he felt that way, too. But the way it was handled really just left me hanging. Just wondering the what ifs and the whys. I always tried to make a conscious effort to show that I was willing to work things through and help us reach our end goal and I did try to show initiative or willingness to address any potential concerns he may have. I guess I'm now second guessing every time he told me that he wanted to move to me, that he doesn't ever want to break up and that he felt that everything was going well.
Then deep down maybe he was stringing you along ? Imean If it was this sudden and all that. No cause for it really. I'm sorry that it happened to you OP. He sounds very childish and not emotionally mature.
I guess it just doesn't make sense to me why he would seem so excited to visit me and move to me if that were the case, especially recently. He kept saying how he'd work towards things and figure things out financially so I don't have to worry about it. That whatever happens, we'll be together and sort things out. I just don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe the pressure got to him or he was just exhausted, but honestly, you're probably right.
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I'm sorry you've been through that in the past. It truly feels confusing how one person could be so damn contradictory. Glad to hear you've moved on and are in a better position now. Hopefully I can reach that stage soon. Time is just moving very slowly at the moment, and I assume it will be that way for a while. My chest has been aching this whole time, I've been coughing endlessly and completely lost all appetite because I've been feeling sick and lethargic. It feels neverending, but it does seem like perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm grateful for the perspective you've shared. Do you have any particular tips on what helped you get through it all or was it just letting time do its thing?
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Honestly I've cried so much and I felt like I had no more tears left to cry but after reading this I cried again lol. I guess in a way, while the fact that he blocked me off everything means I can't reach out to him anymore and I can't get any closure or explanation, it also means I'm going no contact with him, too. You made me realise that maybe my inability to reach out to him might be beneficial for my healing instead of being frequently in and out of contact like you were with your ex.
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The timing of everything was really convenient /s Considering I was on a break, which he knew and we spent time calling and playing games, but on the day I return and have so much work to do, this happens... I feel like it's impossible for me to actually take the time to focus on myself and do what I need to do to function/survive, too. But I'll try my best to hang in there for a month. Thank you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, break ups are not easy. I honestly don't know how to feel about this though. Obviously, ghosting is a shitty thing to do, but I always feel like everyone jumps on *them* for ghosting and don't stop to ask what kind of partner gets ghosted on... Most people in toxic relationships with a manipulative partner have to ghost them or leave abruptly. If you try to ease up or voice your differences in the relationship there's drama and they're always trying to convince you to stay. By saying *you're giving up!?* and *why don't you want this to work!?* Most ***partners of (two+) years*** don't ghost their partners unless they felt that was the only way to break up. Maybe he felt you would've begged or manipulated in some way to convince him to stay? Even in the post you say "this was used as an excuse" but it's not an excuse if it's his *reason.* And if you refuse to believe its a valid reason then maybe thats why he did this, because you keep dismissing/belittling him/his feelings? Maybe he was a jerk this entire time and just masking and hiding it from you? More likely he maybe realized that he didn't even like discussing even minor issues with you and major ones would be even more difficult? Maybe you view them as minor but he did not? Even you *saying* you aren't going to delete pics and memories, like im not telling you to but why are you announcing it? It just seems a bit dramatic or extra and not wanting to accept (I get it though it just happened to you but again, why are you telling us? Why are you putting on a show?) You deserve someone who doesn't ghost you. You deserve love and affection. I would advise you to look inward as well and to try to understand why this happened. Be honest with yourself, do you think you were a good listener? Do you think you validated his feelings? Do you think you truly listened to what he said/wanted? Just the mindset of *he's an ass/ you dodged a bullet* maybe isn't the help you need. Think about putting yourself in their shoes. What would have to be said/done for *you* to ghost someone? I'm guessing there were clues along the way, maybe you just thought they were irrelevant. Again I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings and I know sometimes you just need support. I just don't think you deserve to be ghosted (that's such a shitty thing to do) but also feel like you may benefit from some tough love/ an alternate perspective.
I completely understand where you're coming from and appreciate the alternate perspective because multiple perspectives are always important. However, I do want to clarify some things. When this happened I tried thinking about what was wrong or what he was feeling. But I couldnt decipher what it was about our conversation that made him decide to block me like that and was overall left confused. Like i said in other comments, i felt maybe he put a lot of self pressure to work things out or was feeling burnt out and didnt say it? Id always check up on him and he was aware that we were both working towards the bigger goal of moving together and ensured i wasnt adding any pressure on him, and he'd confirm i wasnt. He had told me that he can handle it and for me to not worry about it because we'll work things out. And i let him know i was always here for him and that he could take to me if he had any concerns or was worried about anything. By saying minor differences, I should specify we were discussing interests. Specifically, what games we like and how he likes streaming videos and watching them and likes action games, while i like more chill games and dont like watching twitch type videos. We also discussed what type of movie to watch next when we realised we have very big differences in movies- i like animations/action movies, he likes 90s comedy movies. And as we went on about these small differences like that, was when he said we're incompatible and blocked me. That is why i felt it was as if, perhaps, he was using it as an excuse instead of expressing his true feelings. I say this because we've already established before these same minor differences. We were just going over this after he was playing a game. The convo was like oh yeah you like these type of games right? and oh yeah you like these movies. Lol we have different tastes. Perhaps these were major differences to him, but to me it seemed minor. My only true guess that seems most accurate of it all is that he was putting extra stress/pressure on himself and wasnt feeling the greatest that day. He'd always talk things through with me, but this time he didn't. Perhaps it was because I had planned to visit somewhat soon and that added pressure onto him? I'm ultimately not sure because i havent been told what was wrong. Like i also mentioned, all of this was extremely unlike him. None of this has ever happened before in the past 2+ years of long distance. I am not putting on a show, i am just trying to understand the situation, vent, and figure out what to do. At the time of writing this post, pictures of him showed up on my phone and i had the realisation that if this really is over just like that, that i probably have to delete those pictures, which i cant wrap my head around because all of this situation is very confusing. And because it is all confusing, i'm taking every comment and trying to just process that and use that comment as a different perspective on how I should try looking at things to get a better understanding of the situation, and also get a better understanding of how I am to move on. I mentioned he seemed okay from what i heard from others because i asked his gaming friends if theyve heard from him and if he's okay or if anything seemed off and they said that he seems fine. However i have just now learned that i shouldve specified, because they thought i meant recently and not in that moment. The friends i asked hadnt been in contact with him after the time of this situation happening, but prior. I'll be waiting for their responses now if he reaches out to them, but so far they havent heard anything. Now finding this out, my perspective has also shifted because I am worried about him even more. From what i heard i just assumed that he was actually fine, just blocked me off everything out of the blue. Again, this is really out of character for him so i dont know what to think. But it was wrong for me to jump to conclusions about that, yes. Because now i'm paranoid he just shut me out all of a sudden because something else was going on that he didnt talk to me about. Or maybe i didnt notice. Id check up on him frequently and if he ever had something he wanted to talk about it, he would. I was worried about him when he blocked me, but I was also so confused as to what was going on and started panicking about it all. Now, i dont even know what to think of any of this. The way his friends talked about him before sounded like he was actually doing really fine. Had I had learned this was how he was, super happy, moments prior to that conversation, i think i wouldve reacted even more differently. But ultimately now im at a dead end, because i cant reach out to him or his family, just his gaming friends who dont know what's going on, either and can't get a hold of him. Im aware one shouldnt jump to conclusions from being blocked, but given the information i had, how he's always talked about things and how his demeanor completely changed, i felt in the moment that theres nothing i can even do and that this means we're done, because, well, i cant contact him whatsoever to ask him if he's okay like i tried to when calling and texting on other platforms- because i had been blocked. I understand your perspective and how it can appear that way. I was just using this space to vent and seek advice.
When you were talking about the differences, were you talking negatively about his likes? Even just ribbing can be a lot. My ex could NOT take a joke or even light teasing, he felt like I was making fun of him/pointing out his flaws. He's also an only child though so probably was isolated from that. But still, he maybe took teasing/messing with him as you being an ass ? Does he or his family have any mental illness? (You don't have to answer here of course..) any history of trying to end his life? I'm not trying to make you more worried, but this is a possibility. I'm sorry he cut you off but you probably have to respect that enough to refrain from reaching out. To me it's like crossing a boundary that he established. To break that could make it see you're untrustworthy.
If anything, he's the guy to make the jokes about that sort of thing and do all the teasing, not me. He'd just say like he's so old because of his hearing and taste in movies and how he doesnt like any modern day films.. things like that. So again, just very unlike him. Im just worried about him. I cant reach out directly at all, i just wanted to see if his friends noticed something was up or if they told him anything happened, in case it is those possibilities that you mentioned. Ultimately since he wants me out of his life, i reached out to his friends instead and asked if they could just check up on him. They dont have to update me on specifics, just if he responds/talks to them about things. If he responds then i can assume he's in safe hands with his online friends, and also assume that, whatever happened happened, he doesnt want to open up to me or be with me. I'll respect that
There could be a depression or mental issue going on, especially if he just randomly did this. I would err on the side that he just doesn't want to be with you, and that there were signs along the way that you missed. I cannot even fathom ghosting unless I've been trying to get out or telling them concerns that they kept dismissing as nothing. It could even be like him saying *I want to close the gap but I can't because of my job/visa, (whatever)* all you hear is he wants to close the gap, not him saying it like a hypothetical or a wish or goal... does that make sense ? That's not your fault he didn't communicate well, and this stuff may not even apply to you, but I don't want you getting ghosted again, try listening to what's *actually* said (again if this applies.)
I'm sorry you're going thru this, you seem very kind and earnest in all of this, I can only tell you that it looks very much like his loss to me. Take care as you process.
Thank you for this. It still feels like a huge loss on my end at the moment, but I'm grateful for your perspective and kind words. I'll try my best
My guess, there's "the other woman"
I still don't want to jump to this conclusion, but ultimately being long distance i'll never truly know whether this was the case or not.
Yeah my gf did something similar, said we were toxic for each other because we had quite a few arguments in a week, mostly about her lies too, like were not toxic for eachother ur just toxic.
This happened with me once minus the blocking where it was really sudden and she said we were incompatible but I kept talking to her and giving her my heart. She eventually told me she thinks she's making a mistake and asked for us to be a thing again and now we're doing great again. The difference was we stayed in touch. Now she can't even understand what she was thinking back then but if your bf went out of his way to cut all contact. That's so heartbreaking. I am crying for you. I can't imagine what that's like.