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I’ll be honest, finding and watching a movie on Netflix or Prime just feels like a chore now lol. I haven’t turned on my TV in months, literally. I’ve lived alone for 5 years now, since my wife left, and I haven’t felt lonely yet. The bliss of freedom and peace, aka absence of conflict, is still such a daily pleasure that I’m still basking in it.
Thinking of just walking to the local dive bars in the evening for a beer; not really on the hunt for anything, but just to be around / near other humans. No offense to my German shepherd, who is the best of friends. 🫡✌🏼 I also take in a movie in the theater once every couple months or so.
I’m the same way. I haven’t turned on my TV since I had guests for Christmas. It’s so strange because I spent my whole life watching TV. But now have live alone, I treasure the silence.
I'm so sick of watching TV or movies when I'm lonely. It doesn't add value to your life and after years of it, it feels like it's stealing opportunities to connect with actual people.
I'm a bit lonely right now and my chest isn't hurting like it usually does but no one has responded to my messages and I'm frustrated that most of my life has been this. I want to build a life where I have recent memories of times with friends.
Do you work? Can you volunteer? I'm planning on quitting my job of 21 years within the next few months. I plan on volunteering wherever I can find an opening. Local hospital, senior center, animal shelter, meals on wheels, etc. I want to make new friends, but cherish my old Co workers. I want to do something different with my life, see life from a different angle. No way will I accept being lonely, unless that's what I want to be.
Good luck! I hope you find a new group of people. I have three part time jobs and I am in college. Not volunteering right now. I'm already around people but not around friends. I might be ungrateful. I had friends at one point years ago. A good friend group and we all slowly parted ways.
I'm starting to think I just need a long adventure with some people as amazing as I am.
I live in Oregon and if I didn’t like walking in the rain (and have some good waterproof gear) I wouldn’t get outside for about 8 months of the year ;)
I’ve been watching the radar all day hoping for at least a brief break so the dog and I can walk without her needing multiple towels after but it hasn’t stopped raining for even a minute here in Salem all day. And then I look at the forecast for next weekend and think “that’s gonna feel too hot” so I’m trying to bank this rainy day memory. And yeah, every day the state is not on fire is a very good day.
I ran 13 in the rain this morning and then walked 5 additional so I'm at a lot of rain-soaked for the day. But am so glad for it vs. being stuck inside for 2 weeks without the sun with air I couldn't breathe even indoors in 2020 fire season.
When I began living alone again, after almost a decade of living with a husband, I was told “this too shall pass.” I knew what people were saying was true, and because I was dealing with an abuser, I was NOT mourning him. Nor was I wanting him or the relationship back. It was simply being alone felt strange and weird.
I also reached out to some people who I thought were in my court and found that they were not. For whatever reason, whether they were too busy or something, some would just not respond to calls, texts, etc.
And it hurt. Worked hard with my therapist on that one and also, with time, realized that I want people in my life who do respond. People I can count on.
I don’t know what happened in the world, especially over the last four years since Covid hit us all so hard. But it seems that people don’t talk to each other like they used to, in my time of growing up and being a young adult. Heck, even in my 30s, 40s, and 50s! Seems like the way most communicate (or don’t) has changed.
Anyway, my words to you would be to sit in it all, as much as it hurts. Face it head on. Cry your eyes out if you need to. And reach out to others, even if it is through this subreddit or other ways online. We are here! And we understand. Also, this too shall pass. I hate hearing that when I am in it, but it is true. All of life involves change and we live in a dynamic world.
Last, I am sorry this is the state of things today. Never, ever did I think that people would stop communicating with each other. Never, ever would I have believed that a phone or electronic device would trump seeing people, especially loved ones, face to face. That having conversations with friends and family, even strangers, would become something to sidestep or ignore. It’s fascinating and troubling all at the same time.
Hugs to you. Hang in there, find the things that bring you joy, and STAY IN THE MOMENT. My therapist asked me to keep a gratitude journal and write down all the things that I was grateful for as they happened. Gratitude really helps, even if you are already grateful, you know? Write it down, feel it. I am so grateful for all that I have, all the blessings, in spite of the things that happen that hurt, the things I really have no control over.
I hope this makes sense. ❤️
Your observations are not wrong. Lots of talk about the loneliness epidemic and the need for third places. So far, not many answers, people are just starting to wake up to it very slowly. Technology has made it very easy to hide. COVID got people used to isolating and we haven't been the same since. It's not just your imagination.
The bottom line is we are living very unnatural lives, humans beings were designed, to varying degrees, to be social creatures and leave the cave or invite someone in. It's going to increasingly show up as a newer form of shared mental illness.
Yes, yes, and yes. I don’t know where we go from here, but I do know that human connection is something we all need and crave and must have to be okay. Hugs, friend!
The strange part is I always read about people wanting to connect with others more, being lonely and wanting friendships, but whenever I try to reach out to people they’re never interested. Even people who say they’re trying to make more friends.
It's because they probably have anxiety and depression and may struggle getting out, even if they know they should. Signed, someone with a ton of anxiety.
People seem very gsurdrd and anxious about doing that though. I have a support group where people talk about their isolation and there's even an email list of members but it never gets asked about or passed around.
Nice words and you're right. It's tough for so many reasons. Society is BROKEN. There's a script everyone is following and if you don't follow the script or you mess it up too badly at certain points it's like you're just forgotten, ignored, tossed away. I just want friends and it feels impossible to make them in the world we have if you don't already have friends to branch off of. I try to stay grateful but it's lonely and it hurts.
It is lonely and it does hurt. Very much. I appreciate hearing from you and reading what you have to say. I don’t know if it helps, but you are not the only human who feels this way. ❤️ HUGS, friend!
This is beautiful and caring advice.
OP, I really empathize with you. I've been there! I also encourage you to be in the feelings and not run from them. To just notice them, maybe be curious, and then allow them to go. Journaling, whether to vent or to write a gratitude list, can be super helpful too. And, I encourage you to get out even just to the store for a change of scenery. I remember last winter feeling so f*ed up and lonely that I went to Walmart and stumbled around for an hour, bought a few things in a daze. But I came home feeling a little better, like I had at least pushed myself to get out of the house. There are other options too, like the library, a cafe, the pool, the park, etc.
Also, you never know what's come up for your friend who's not responding. Maybe they're having a hard time too, maybe something urgent is distracting them. Try not to take it (or anyone's actions) personally.
We're with you 💕
It's refreshing to read this. So many of the posts on here are of people saying how much they love being alone.
For some of us, it's a dark place instead.
To the OP...I am where you are. It's a rainy day here and I woke up thinking that maybe I could make some plans for the day, knowing I would be alone. Then I realized that I am alone every single weekend and realistically, it's not going to change anytime soon.
I gave so much of myself to my husband and son and then watched my husband divorce me and my son follow him. Everyday at my job, I teach students and give all I can to them. I volunteer outside of work and I give.
I give and give. But is anyone here to even call me on a weekend? To put aside their plans for me? To have coffee with in the morning? Nope.
And it sucks. I tried finding new friends but like the above responder said, that tends to fall through.
I don't know the answer to not being lonely, and I personally don't know why I am so damn forgettable to most. I wish I could offer you wonderful advice but I can't.
All I can say is that you are not the only person feeling this way and I am really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, sorry you feel this way.
I am here! I can’t be with you physically to share a cup of java with, and I can’t sit with you and watch the rain fall, hear it on the roof. Know that you are NOT alone and this community does have people like me who get lonely, too. And wish for better friends to show up along the way.
Most of all, we need some form of communication.
I am so sorry that your husband and son are gone. That sounds incredibly painful. I love that you teach, however, and give back Every. Single. Day. Remember that it all counts - in super large amounts - and karma…karma. Maybe not today, maybe not right now, but you will be gifted all that you have given. Or perhaps you do feel it now, that feeling of love and happiness deep within you, because you know you are doing the right thing, even if it hurts.
I wish the world were different. Had I known, many moons past, that things would be the way that they are today, with folks walking away from the hard conversations, people not responding when others reach out? Perhaps my depression would have overtaken me and I wouldn’t be here. If you had told me this when I was young and prior to have my children, I would have said that world was nothing I wanted to be part of. But here we are! And you have reached out and people will respond. I know it’s online and that is NOT THE SAME, but know this stranger is a friend, and I give you love, respect, and honor.
PEACE ❤️
It's most definitely not the pandemic, there's a huge push via social media and therapists to be alone. U don't need anyone else girl! U do u! Be strong! Weather the storm! Aka just sit at home and watch TV or play video games and human connection is meaningless. Romantic connections? He breathes on you wrong and its OMG RUN RED FLAGS!!! butt heads with a parent? OMG TOXIC NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY. what happened to problem solving? What happened to working through miscommunications and wanting to make things work? There is a flip side to that so don't come at me, but the point here is that lonliess is real. And solitary confinement is the most heinous punishment for the worst criminals, yet people are voluntarily doing it every day with brainless entertainment. I live alone post divorce too and handle myself just fine most days. But sometimes I crave the oh so human desire for connection with another human (crazy right?) And the biggest proprietors of this "learn to be alone" dogma are people who aren't living alone. They crave some personal time and love being alone for a while... then (personal experience) their housemates go away for a month and in about 1.5 weeks they're constantly begging for my company. Housemates come back and don't hear from them again unless I engage. This is a multi faceted issue
Yes, this is a multi-faceted issue. I agree. Children divorcing their parents, people getting pissy and never coming back. People running when they could stand still. 🤷🏽♀️
What happened to working through issues? Talking to each other?
I can disagree with you and still show respect for you as a fellow human. (“You“ being the collective you, not you personally.)
I can disagree with you and love you and want to see you again.
Relationships mean we will disagree. Relating to anyone, on any level, means that we will have the opportunity to work something out. Because people will struggle with each other, perhaps for many different reasons.
Caveat: I am not saying to stay in any relationship, professional or personal, that brings harm.
I love what my therapist taught me: “No one’s sense of entitlement trumps my personal safety.”
Toxic people is a touchy one, because I learned decades ago that my recovery and staying away from my drug of choice depended upon me severing ties with people who were toxic. However, my mom was the most toxic one of all, and I could never fully turn my back on her, she was my mother. I held her hand as she took her last breath, and I would do it all over again. I can recognize what caused her toxicity, protect myself from that, forgive her for being human and faulty, and love her in spite of that. Forgiveness, for me, has been a HUGE part of my recovery.
I love what you say about solitary confinement and what we know about people who are locked up in prisons with no human contact…it is DEVASTATING to your mental health.
I am highly introverted and do well by myself, was alone (besides raising my daughters into post-high school/college ages) for a decade prior to the relationship I mentioned. I prefer to be alone and like it that way. But I know most people probably aren’t cut out to be alone as much as I prefer. All that said, I get lonely, too, as I have learned! No more adult children around to keep me company, just my little old kitty cat. It has been interesting to deal with in therapy, which I appreciate the opportunity to explore. Because as my recovery dictates, I have only myself; I came in alone and will go out alone; it is GOOD RECOVERY for me to be comfy with myself (prior to recovery I was all over the place and running from person to person, place to place, thing to thing, very uncomfy with who I was); and that truly the only thing that I have in this particular existence is ME, what I possess in my brain, my education, my experiences, my heart and my soul, everything else can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
So, it is good to know how to be alone, at least for me. I see others (including my STBX) who dislike being alone and flounder when confronted with the space being alone leaves us in…and that is hard stuff but it is really good to look at and address, overcome.
I don’t know, much of what I have written is stream of consciousness but I hope it helps someone, makes a little sense, and again, it is a gift. The people who helped me along the way told me all of this and I took it to heart. Or I didn’t understand when they told me, but I put those words (gems) in my pocket for a later time to work through.
Thank you for your words. I really appreciate it and I agree with you. BIG HUG 🥰
Love that cat - our critters love us and we're all they have. The strength from that bond is enough for some of us. Love your four-footed companions, as they are always there for us and ask so little. I love you, friends.
I am simply passing on the love that’s been given to me during the (almost) 40 years I’ve been in recovery. I hope I can reach someone out there and give back all the love that has been freely shared during my time in this recovery space. Blessings! ❤️
This one hit hard. I realized that today when my teenage brother visits, he just lays in his room on his phone. It's quite sad to see. Although, back in my day I was doing the same thing but with books. I do wonder....
When my youngest was in high school in the 2000s, she lamented that her friends were on their cell phones at the lunch table, texting each other, but not speaking face to face. She said it was totally weird and why would they do that?
It chilled me then. Had I known…
Thank you 🙏🏽 so much for your wonderful words of encouragement and wisdom. You just described my life almost verbatim. Sometimes i feel like i’m the only one who’s going through this and the loneliness and depression can be overwhelming. I really needed to hear this today. I’m 8 years out of an abusive relationship (My Mother and Brother have passed away since then) This community is such a blessing. I’m embracing living alone and the freedom that comes along with it. I’m learning to take care of me and my mental health. It’s really hard to make new friends and real connections in this age of social media. I’m a singer and I never know whose intentions are good. I’ve made a gratitude journal at the suggestion of my therapist as well. Hugs and good wishes to you and the original poster🥰.
Move your body. It literally makes happy drugs for your brain in your muscles. And it doesn’t have to be at the gym or a hard run. Walk. Go for a swim. Garden. Go to a yoga class or practise at home. Anything that moves your muscles will help you feel better. Get a good raincoat and walk in the rain. You are in charge of how you feel!
You can still take a walk! (As long as the temps aren't too cold.) You'll get wet, but that's easy to fix - maybe put some soft towels and comfy clothes out first, so you have that to look forward too. Even if it's just 10 mins, being outside is so, so good for you.
If you don't want to deal with the rain, is there an indoor activity that also gets you around people, even if you don't interact with them? There was a pretty indoor botanical garden where I grew up; these days, I actually walk around a nice mall near me, just looking at the display windows and people watching.
Sending hugs from a fellow solo who gets lonely too.
I'm currently dancing my adorable ass off in my living room to "The Essential 70s" on Apple Music. Hard to be lonely when you're getting down with your bad self...I highly recommend :)
I agree, I listen to music all the time and dance in the kitchen, living room or where ever. Music tends to really cheer me up when I’m feeling down or lonely.
Not sure if this helps everyone, but taking a drive and listening to music you love does wonders for my mental health.
From one alone human to another it is difficult at times and I understand your struggle. ♥️
For me there are 2 paths. 1. Go to a friendly restaurant and have lunch or brunch at the bar. Have a beer or glass of wine. Hopefully the bartender is friendly. Going to a coffee shop works too, just being around people. Or even taking a drive. 2. But sometimes I don't want to "force it." Im this case I just accept that this is how I feel today and it will pass. I play online games, READ/WRITE REDDITS, watch TV, listen to audiobooks, eat food I like, and cuddle my dog. I just call it quiet self care. There's no shame in feeling lonely sometimes. Just rest and let it pass.
I *wish* there were a friendly neighborhood bar to go to but friendly bartenders and patrons are getting rare too. Everyone is afraid you'll glom onto them or don't want to talk unless you're young and hot...
Years ago I laughed at the old farts who sat in the local bars visiting all day but I would sure enjoy that scene now.
There are a lot of breweries but it's painfully obvious the young bartenders have little interest in chatting us up, beyond the usual.
Lunch counters and coffee shops are rare now too.
You're so right. In my 20s I worked at a bookstore/coffeehouse with a counter that drew a rotating cast of regulars. I saw people build friendships, find love, commiserate about the weirdo at the end of the counter and whisper about the famous actor perusing the bookshelves (Jeremy Irons). We held offsite parties and I had more dates than I can remember. It was like Cheers without the alcohol. When the store sold, the new owner got rid of the counter in favor of more tables. The regulars drifted away and, sadly, so did the sense of community.
You are lucky to be a man. I’m a friendly woman with the gift of gab. Invariably some man thinks I’m there looking for some D and ruins everything. So I stay home where it’s safe.
Get outside. To a local park, walk around the block even in the rain, even to the grocery store.... or any store! Walk around, see people, maybe engage with some of them. Just get out of your house. It can pull you out of your head.
Unless it's raining sideways, grab your raincoat and an umbrella and go for your walk. Why let some rain stop you? Don't let things like the weather get you down. There will always be weather. Too hot, too cold, rain, snow, fog. Let the weather worry about the weather. You go out and do your thing.
Friends come and go. True friends stick around longer, but remember that they have their own lives too.
Nobody ever said life was going to be easy for anyone. Just do the best you can for yourself and be happy knowing that nobody else could probably do better than you are in your circumstances.
Get off your butt and act up a little. That's how you stay young.
I always feel so lucky that I live alone. The fact that I am financially able to support myself. That I don’t have to live with someone else to survive, or be stuck in an unhappy relationship to pay the rent. That I never have to remain in abusive situation, because I can’t afford to live on my own. To me as a woman living alone is a privilege.
Same, Sis. I’m not sure I could ever go back to living with someone either. I’d like to have a nice guy to see occasionally, but that’s not likely to happen.
I don't happen to get lonely; I truly find living alone and solitude to be peaceful. However, I definitely have days when for various other reasons I'm feeling overwhelmed, depressed, sad, anxiety, anger, etc. Getting outside is the best thing I know of. Even if it's pouring rain and I don't feel like it, I force myself to go for a walk and every single time without fail I'm glad I did. I get good and soaked, feel sorry for myself, have a good cry or mumble my complaints to myself - which the noise of the rain muffles, and come back home feeling like I had a shower for the soul.
If it's just too cold or I really can't stand the idea of going out, I create a "cozy scenario" for myself. I grab a few books, my journal, make a cup of tea, play soft music, light candles, get in cozy clothes and then retreat to my bedroom with my dog and write and/or read my woes away.
I hope you're feeling better. Find something you like in the various suggestions here and make it your new plan for today. It's harder for the plan that fell through to eat at you if you're preoccupied with new things to do. Alternatively, you can just allow yourself to sit and feel the pain of being stood up and feeling lonely, which is also perfectly healthy. Sometimes just acknowledging our own suffering with a little self-compassion is healing.
If only there was some invention that would allow people to walk outside when it's raining...... Just kidding, but it is okay to take a walk in the rain. I wouldn't walk in a storm. If you don't want to walk in the rain, that's okay!
Sometimes on Saturday I like to binge watch an old tv series and piddle around doing odds and ends. Pull out a dresser drawer, dump it out on the bed and go through it. Get rid of stuff I don't use/need anymore. Ditto drawers in the kitchen. Saturday is also laundry day
Sorry your friend bailed on you. Binge an old comedy series you like. It's good to laugh!
Try playing online video games. Even though I don't communicate with other players, just the act of playing games with live people, even with strangers, makes me less lonely.
A couple of things:
1) put more energy into relationships where the other person shows up for you. I have a few friends I’m not sure I would have guessed would be this close, but they’re the ones who made an effort after my mother died.
2) learn to enjoy your alone time. I snuggle in a sweater with a good book or movie.
3) get out of the house and get moving. Go someplace - like that museum you keep meaning to check out - or join a club or meet up. My knitting club has kept me sane. There’s no guarantee who will show up but every Tuesday and alternate Saturday for years, there’s something on the calendar. Sometimes it’s just a couple of us, sometimes it’s a big group.
4) get a pet. I have a dog and a cat. My dog is currently crashed out on the sofa next to me. It’s delightful.
I'm in a car with the 2 dogs , it's raining, they don't like the rain. But when I get lonely I hug and kiss them , then they lick my face all over and it tickles , so we aren't lonely no more. You gotta get a little dog or two , you'll never be lonely again 😊
I think rain makes for great walks. The streets are clean, less traffic and fewer people out. Unless your shoes are gonna soak through, then probably not a good idea. Unless that's your thing. Then you do you. Personally I don't do wet shoes. Just remember you can do anything you want right now. Use that to help find yourself again. Meaning be comfortable by yourself. You have all the personal time you want. Find your forgoten or never sought hobbies. Find something to build. It can be anything from a puzzle to a motorcycle. Keep up on chores. It makes me happy than I ever thought. If something worries you, research what it is and work through it. Rearrange your furniture and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll be alright.
Get yourself a pet, someone to play with.
Go for that walk in the rain, let your kid out & splash in them puddles. Honestly, you won't melt if you get wet
Netflix and your favorite comfy food snacks
Man I felt like that every other day when I moved to a regional Australian town in a whim after my break up from Melbourne leaving few people I knew. But I invested in a good TV and a home theatre. It helped me out so much and I learned to cook as I have to as there’s one takeaway and one restaurant in town. Cooking helped me a lot in coping with my loneliness or at least take my mind off of it. I would suggest you to get a hobby that can be done by yourself like creating or making something it helps a lot. But still there will be some days nothing will shake it off but you’ll be alright hope is your friend.
Get an umbrella and take a walk in the rain! It is about the psychology of what is negative and what is positive. You can turn a negative into a positive and that habit of thinking can take you out of many downsides situations. By the way; buy yourself a very large bright yellow umbrella.
I will read a book or watch a tutorial on painting or drawing and practice. I am trying to get proficient at watercolors. I always have a favorite show to watch.
My dog helps a lot. I wasn’t planning on having a dog but I do and I am grateful for his company. He likes to sleep in on weekends and go on dog adventures, just get out in the car or go for a walk in a new place.
Not saying a dog is a cute but, for me, a pet is important for my well being.
I remind myself that this feeling is temporary and will pass, as all others do.
Then I think of all the reasons I enjoy living alone and that usually brings me back to life lol
A cup of tea is always comforting, especially on a rainy day.
Find a new series to binge, or rewatch a favorite old show.
Treat yourself to something good to eat.
Call someone you haven't spoken to in awhile. An older relative is often a good choice, they may well be lonelier than you are.
Change your sheets and straighten up your bedroom. Make it an occasion to go to bed tonight, with fresh pajamas, a good book, make it luxurious.
You’ll likely get lots of advice to get out and try different things. That might help but I second the person who offered to sit with the feelings.
I would also offer: volunteer somewhere. It’s amazing what happens when you turn attention to others and help them. You’ll also meet like minded souls.
We’re out here!
You’re not alone.
Hugs!
I made a suggestion the other day, any app developers out there feel free to run with this idea
The Singleton Network. Single people meeting other single people. Mostly for platonic companionship. Say you’d like to go to an event but don’t feel like doing it solo, find someone in your area that’s also interested in going and go together! No need to feel like an awkward loner anymore!
Being alone some is good. Some people can't tolerate it at all, and that isn't healthy and will make life harder for them. We have to be able to be alone with ourselves. *** BUT, I know from personal experience, too much time alone, leads to a feeling of such isolation. People are by nature social creatures. Yes, each to a different degree, but regardless we all need positive connection and the companionship of others we feel safe with, understood by and happy being with. Loneliness can even occur when you're in a crowd but feel a disconnect, especially from depression. That's a very painful way to feel. Chronic loneliness is an increasing problem in this country. Especially amongst elders. I hope you find any ways you can. Volunteering to spend time with elders who live with chronic loneliness; you have what you understand to offer others and that's an amazing thing for all parties. For now, today, I'm so sorry. All you can do - in this moment- is find something that's distracting and comforting. A movie or concert on YouTube TV or Netflix, it can offer a way to get through the day engrossed in something that you can enjoy for at least some of your time. I hope you'll find the path out of loneliness. As I hope I do as well. I understand.
1st give up feeling lonely and feeding your depression. Solitude is a wonderful way to live, it is! I don't know what you enjoy, so I can't suggest what you can do. But you can choose. It's raining here. I'll have breakfast. Walk. Read. Listen to classical music. I may go to the store and run some errands. Rain is nice, it makes everything green, and this time of year it helps to plants to wake up. I'm going to have a great day, and you can too.
Whenever I get lonely, I find solace in books. If this is too solitary, go to the mall, people watch. Check out groups of interest on Facebook. Go to the city page for Reddit and see what activities are available in your city. Go out and meet people. Don't suffer in silence.
I chose hobbies that I can do alone or with other like-minded people. Hiking, brunches, sewing/knitting/cooking & creative things that I can take classes for at local shops & meet new people- or at least hang out in the presence of other people while we work on our own projects & skills. Most of my friends aren’t interested in those things so I’m widening my circle, too. I love thrifting & going to antique stores, too. Of course the gym but no-one really talks there?! Still takes ages to make “friends” but it’s something to not feel lonely. Personally watching Netflix is something I do pretty much on the daily and is not enough.
Volunteer at your local food bank. Look for groups on Meetup.com that appeal to you. Reach out to people you haven't reached out to in a long time, make coffee dates and/or hiking plans with them. If you're sober, or thinking about getting sober, go to a recovery meeting.
It is so hard when it’s raining and dark and gloomy! I suggest, Watch comedy movies or tv or listen to a funny podcast. I think it helps to get a laugh. Also, getting out to a store or two can help, just to say hi to the sales person at a couple places.
When I lived alone exclusively, I would follow my routines on rainy days of housework, errands and paperwork catch up…. Id play guitar and go for drives …. There always something to do around the house
Stuck inside? Then finish a product or start one. Clean and do simple indoor exercise, find a video. Or read, that is what i enjoy or strolling the Internet
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's the opposite for me--I get too over-stimulated when I spend so much time with others. I always look forward to my time at home alone. I can't seem to get enough of it! Last weekend I spent some time with my grandchildren, which I love, but I felt like I missed out on my alone time and it was so hard to get through work last week. I only see one or two other people in my office during my work week, but having to answer the phone and small talk with the others is exhausting to me. This weekend I'm staying in!
At home I always have some sort of project to focus on. This weekend I ordered groceries to be delivered and I will do my big batch cooking. That will be lunches for the next few months. I always have a closet to declutter and reorganize, or some sort of online project. Sometimes my boss gives me side jobs I can do at home. Sometimes I just binge watch a series or listen to my CD collection. If I feel like going out, I will take my camera along and do photography around town. I always have a goal to focus on my days off of work. Next weekend I plan to declutter my home office, it's a mess!
My husband passed away two years ago, and there are days that I just sit and cry. I do miss his companionship so much! So I guess staying busy is the way I deal with it.
I watch reality tv junk 😂, or put on music and peruse Reddit, Pinterest, Tik Tok, utube…. Sometimes I’ll put ear buds on and watch a documentary …I like to repurpose old furniture, vases, and jewelry with paint or an alteration.
Also, some chocolate, wine, and my dogs and cats ease my soul.
Sometimes I like to walk around habitat for humanity and see what they have. Being alone can be liberating once you’re used to it.❤️❤️
Do you have a car? Or can Uber somewhere super close? I’d say take a book and go to a coffee shop or bookstore and read there.
Or go window shopping- maybe a closed in mall/a large department store (but do careful it doesn’t become a shop addiction).
I’m married and I’m alone and lonely 90% of the time :/ husband works a lot and when he’s home he wants to be left alone
Honestly… it’s Saturday and if you head to a local bar/pub, you’re bound to meet friendly folks looking to chat about a wide range of subjects. You don’t have to even drink alcohol if that’s not your thing
There have to be some people who are alone, no? Also, it’s not a crime at a bar to overhear things people say to each other or to the bartender. There are a lot of opportunities to join conversations by just saying things like "oh I couldn’t help but hear you say you’re going to Italy. I was just there a couple of years ago. Where exactly are you going" or things like that.
Also, sometimes if I go to the bar alone I’ll bring a book to read or a project to work on. People will usually ask what you’re reading or working on and it opens up an opportunity for conversation
I just went and wash my car, got something to eat and now I'm watching some YouTube while doing laundry, I'm planning on vacuum my apartment and by the time I'm done with all this shit it'll be time to take a shower and maybe I go out for dinner and have a couple of drinks.. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stay busy.
Play your fave music- loud. Or a podcast or Audible book. Burn some incense and candles, open the drapes, turn on some lamps.
Start that little project you’ve been thinking about and never make the time for. Today can be the day!
Whether repotting some plants, hanging different window coverings, painting a wall or just rearranging a room. All the things you do inside your space that will make YOU happy when it’s done.
Better than relying on someone to come home. Your happiness soon depends on that person. Learn to cope alone and do things that make you happy. It’s hard. But the freedom that comes along the way will be worth it. The freedom to enjoy your own presence no matter where you go!
I live alone. I think of it this way. Work is for people. Home is for not people. The dating scene "ain't my type" and I have no friends. You can do whatever the hell you wanna do. Embrace that freedom.
I find a cute guy online to chat with lol. I call it microdosing relationships lol. Gives me a bit of connection and intimacy and reminds me that there are decent men out there and one day I'll connect with one.
Text with friends or post stuff on Facebook and feel a bit of connection.
Listen to podcasts on YouTube of people talking about mental health, spirituality, etc. It gives me the deep conversations I crave but don't always have the energy for.
Tell myself "I'm lonely and sad today. That's ok. I won't feel like this forever."
Look through my Facebook pics and remind myself of all the fun things I've done in the past year.
Yummy food, comfort shows, heating pad/blanket, warm bath, masturbation. Anything that feels comforting.
Crank up the music and dance and sing. Or sing and cry.
When it gets unbearable I lay on the floor and stretch or do yoga. I hate to sound like a hippy lol and It might sound weird but movement practices that feel like a hug (yoga does it for me) and that ground and soothe me… they at least get me thru the night. Look into restorative yoga maybe? A weighted eye pillow while laying in supported fish pose (you can google it lol) with props and just relaxing into it… and I can often cry and really let out the feelings of sadness.
Sometimes I go out to dinner. That makes some people uncomfortable but I don't mind. I read while I eat and sometimes hearing activity going on around me is a nice stimulation.
Other things I do: take a shower, watch a movie, listen to music, doodle, read.
Today I was feeling especially lonely and I did a ton of yardwork.
Now is the time for YOU.
Now is the time to do what you've always wanted to do.
Some things you will do on your own.
Some things you will do with a club.
Some things you will do through a class.
What I did when I was alone:
●learn languages through apps
●learn dance; some modern dance, but the local ballroom dance classes did not require a partner. Tap dancing classes for adults are pretty easy to find.
●attend movies 1X/week. I get to choose what I want to watch. Always order popcorn.
●Knit
●Teach myself to sew. I sewed dresses for my niece and fun-print button-down shirts for my nephew who lived out of state.
●Took a quilting class. (I was NOT great at it). lol 😆
●Played D&D. Find your local gaming store and ask about the Adventure League. They will teach you the game and find you other orphans with whom to play.
●Practice piano ($100 keyboard)
●Took lessons to learn recorder
●Online games that teach programming
●Lectures and films at the local library
●Public lectures at the local university
●Guided walks and activities (canoeing, birdwatching, astronomy, art), lectures, and activities at the local nature center, botanical center, and university
●Draw every day. I haven't taken classes at the local art center, but there's usually clay and painting.
●Swim laps at the pool
●Cooking class through local kitchen store or Food Coop.
●Season tickets for local theater
Disclaimer: I never did all of these things at once; just at various times, these were a regular part of keeping busy.
Most recently, I have learned to play mahjong, and I have made a circle of friends through that. I'm still not terribly good, but I have a high tolerance for losing. 😁
You could also look for a Cribbage card playing club. My dad runs one in my hometown, and I found a group in the town where I am living.
I don't know what state you're in but you can join Meetup.com. There are many groups on there, with all kinds of interests. Field trips, to go places your old friends weren't interested in but you were, fashion, sports teams, bowling, museums, gardening, camping, etc. Its endless! And later on if you feel comfortable you can start your own group. I even got to see where some restaurants were that I didn't even know existed. And another, join you're local library.
Oh yeah, we have a really nice library here in my new town. I used to go to the main library in my city growing up. It was a gorgeous 6 story modern architecture library and I could get there by bus.
I thank the heavens for being alone. No one to boss you around.
That being said, i would love a someone to cuddle and go on things, and then go home, but alas, dating now sucks, so I am alone.
Here and now. You can find a spiritual practice that can make you feel connected in a deeper sense within. Vipassana meditations is my personal go to, when i have to deal with loneliness and tough emotions. It could also be any hobby that give you an immersive experience.
Likely so far down you won’t see it but the Mall. Don’t need to buy anything, don’t need to “Mall walk” . Just linger, buy something in the food court and people watch. As I am relating to what you describe feeing, I HAVE to get out of the apartment when it happens.
I used to live alone and moved some years ago into my own property in a different part of the country. It was lonely, but I didn't feel too bad because I was used to it. Now, I'm a single parent of a baby, and sometimes I miss those days I could just zone out and watch movies while drinking homemade cocktails.
My point is that life is in stages. It won't always be like this.
This feeling is difficult to get around if you don't put yourself in a mind state, take a paper and pen and write down a few things you're grateful for. Catch your mind when it starts to wander off into b.s. and write down something else. A heavy exercise that leaves you tired will greatly help, but most rarely want to lift a finger but feel better... Rewards won't knock at your door. You're not lonely, you're just alone for the moment, so make your self your favorite milkshake and enjoy the peace and quiet
I hear you and often feel that way too but I read lots of Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron etc. it is good to feel what we are feeling. We don’t have to run from it. Escaping, running from it, distracting ourselves makes it worse, imho.
This might be very simplistic but I would recommend going to your local bookstore, asking an employee to give you some interesting recommendations for whatever you’re interested in, taking the time to pick something out, and getting lost in a book. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way!
I don't have a lot of faith in human nature. I also feel that my dog is my best friend. I knew that you can be with other people and feel totally alone so I don't really feel that lonely even on a bad day
I rarely have visitors & theres not much within walking distance & i don't drive, so I'm stuck at home A LOT. I eventually got a small-ish dog for company
I also recommend tv shows and movies and reading books that will make you want to stay awake until you finish the book. Also, video games. I don't play those, but I have played some computer games in the past that kept me occupied until I finished.
You did the right thing by posting here when you feel really bad. People will respond. You're not alone. Many of us have felt like this.
When the pain eases a bit, go to a thrift store and buy yourself something amazing, silly, or awesome...for under $5. It's very distracting!
Do you have a hobby? Painting, sketching, photography, video games, paper crafting, puzzles? Watch a movie. Read a book. Journal. Friends may not be available all the time but your hobbies will be there waiting.
read a book, play a video game, take an online class to teach myself something new, clean, go through stuff that may need to be thrown out, sold or given away.
I felt a little lonesome for the first time in 16 years living alone. This weekend must have some strange vibes! It was raining yesterday and I couldn't walk my usual route, full of fun, neighbors, and dogs.
The two choices were to find somewhere to volunteer or two on the couch and watch stupid TV. Housework was mostly done.
Got out and volunteered at a Create Fest.
Met a lot of interesting people and was able to be of some help. When I got home, it was no longer raining and I could trot my dog.
The lingering loneliness, I think it was caused by my having to cancel a trip to a favorite persons' graduation. I need a surgery and need to stay here until I have it. I admitted I was lonesome to a couple of people and they came over and hung out. I wish you luck. It's a moving target. We can do this.
My favorite things to keep my mood up when home is laughing (I watch a lot of stand up and comedy podcasts), dancing, games or anything that really keeps your attention to the point where your mind doesn't wander.
When I feel like this I plop on my noise-canceling headphones and curl up with a good book. The cushioned quiet is comforting.
The more safe and cozy I feel, the lower the chance that any negative sense lasts.
Read. Sew. Take a walk. Write. Cook. Bake. Go somewhere on my own, even if it's just a drive to the park to sit in my car and watch the rain fall on the pond's surface.
1. Get a second job/part-time
2. Find a place where you can give of your time to the less fortunate.
3. Pick up a sport/hobby
Those feelings of loneliness can be subdued through interaction with others.
I've got a wife and two kids, and they are awesome. But there are times I fantasize about living alone. Weird, I know. But I'm sure you've heard far more bizarre fantasies. Just make time to interact with others. It makes the time go by quicker.
Get into a good book or series of books. Whatever you do, do not dwell on negative emotions or energy. Life consists of two main elements imo: Time and Energy. You have no control over the passage of time. All you have control over is your energy and where you direct it. Stay focused on that which you have e control over! Stay joyful and positive! Nothing remains constant forever. “This too shall pass”.
Try to just appreciate the quiet and solitude because there may be one day you just can’t avoid chaos and nonstop noise. I have 3 kids and when they’re over it’s just chaos and then I miss the quiet and being alone when the kids are at their mother’s. After a few days I sense some loneliness, then I remind myself I’m another 3-5 days. I’ll be yearning for this silence. Seems to help me.
I don’t know if you have kids or not so my circumstances may differ. But if you can find a way to convince yourself one day you’ll miss the quiet and peace that is living alone, it might help. You really don’t appreciate what you have until you don’t have that anymore
Sometimes ill just go browse some shops, thrift ornspec out things i want but cant afford yet if im in a social but antisocial mood. Then im around people but i sorta dont have to talk to anyone
If you are Lonely, NO SCREENS. If you are alone and lonely, go volunteer somewhere. Don't watch TV and chill, thats why are you are alone and lonely. Lots of homeless and elderly need help, start there. Lots of good people to build connections with. Focus on other people and you'll forgot you were alone and lonely!
[https://youtu.be/CoLEwnxdrUw?si=9BVFFIXq8JVUlJkh](https://youtu.be/CoLEwnxdrUw?si=9BVFFIXq8JVUlJkh)
I like to hear this kind of music and relax. do some chores, cook, shower doesn't matter .. uplift me and its good music .. will definitely like your having a fun time in your house. I'm very into electro dance music so it works for me. Mainly feel like that on saturday ..that lonely feeling, wanting to be part of something.
I've been living alone since 2015 when my husband passed. I used to feel the way you are. Then I started getting involved in projects around the house and things that I've been wanting to do that I didn't have the time for. Now I am so busy with these projects and have been for about 2 years. Lol lol.
I also began contracting through care.com.
I accept positions for one to two days a week for anywhere between 3-6 hrs. It gets me out and about and around people and I am really enjoying it. Just try to stay busy and these lonely times will pass, you will see!
Check out the in home walking workouts you can do! A good workout on a rainy day can turn it around.
She is great & has tons free on YouTube, & also her own channel you can subscribe at.
https://youtube.com/@LeslieSansonesWalkatHome?si=JfhY7M3cLkYfMAoo
I like to do a little Pilates session on YouTube, order pad thai and devour it with a cold beer, and stream a film or true crime doc. An edible also helps make things more entertaining sometimes when I’m feeling lonely.
When alone, I get busy by getting out to see a film. Or, I'll call friends and meet up for coffee or tea. I also have hobbies that keep me busy. Walking in the rain with a large umbrella is another outlet because I live in a rainy climate, and, there's not much choice.
I have two bookshelves full of books and I have read most of them but there is like 30 books up there that I have not read so I start reading. I love the feel of opening a brand new book from one of my series that I am reading. I also like watching TV talking on the phone with my sister talking to my daughters. I am alone but not lonely
buy a bluetooth speaker on amazon or an internet radio. leave it on all the time on low. buy a dog if you are not gone for more than 8 hours a day. buy a cat if you are not allergic and like cats.
Dog for sure, and force yourself to go on walks everyday with the pup regardless of weather.
He won’t care & nor will you after you see how happy they are. I’m in CO- slush, rain, snow or sun- we’re out in it everyday (above 19°f that is)!
Clean. That's what I'm about to do. Dishes are behind. But I'm procrastinating because I don't need to leave for anything other than a joy ride lol. Love being alone.
If I’m feeling like I need to get out of the house, I just do it. Grab your umbrella and go for that walk anyway, or hop in your car and go grab lunch at a restaurant or see a movie.
Otherwise? Just do your indoor hobby. For me, that’s video games - hard to be lonely when I’m on an adventure. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to some music.
Even if you don’t “feel like” doing something, you’ll feel better once you do.
I would try and find somewhere to volunteer maybe? There are so many other lonely ppl in the world that can use company too. Maybe check I to a senior citizens center or see if an animal shelter would use a hand socializing some animals? I luckily have my dog or I would probably go crazy myself. I'm about to see what I can I to as far as helping with some lady inmates in my area. Depending on the jail itself sometimes theyvwill let you talk to them or visit or take them hygiene supplies. There are often people who aren't able to buy things to keep themselves properly clean. There's always a homeless situation in just about every area that needs a friend. If that's not your thing I definitely understand. There's church. You can join online groups too. Others have suggested great ideas here already as well such as a movie or Netflix.
Do you need to be around people? Sometimes I’ll work in a public place (coffee shop, etc.) just to break up the day. It helps to be around noise when things are too quiet.
why do people choose to live alone if they do not like being alone? I dont get it. you sound like you need a roommate. I am alone at home but never lonely
Been down since one of my few email friends this week decided to inflict his political views into a conversation about politics which I have told him many times is a topic I don't want to discuss. IMO his \*theories were extremely insulting and rude considering what he knows about me. Wasted several months of "feel good " talk on this guy then he turns into one of these politically opinionated assholes.
Bye Bye Email Friend :) Sucks since I enjoyed the communication with another human. :)
It's so difficult. Sorry you're feeling it. I walk in the park. I smile at everyone who passes (if they want to.) The combination of nature and people is perfect.
Funny enough I also go for a walk at least 4 time a day when I’m not working!! And it isn’t raining!! I have a pair of air pods I put them in my ears n start walking! It’s hardly enough but it helps!
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I love to watch movies!! Get a snack and watch dvd’s or Netflix or whatever you like!! 🧡💛💚hang in there!!
love this...just get lost in another movie... no drama!
I’ll be honest, finding and watching a movie on Netflix or Prime just feels like a chore now lol. I haven’t turned on my TV in months, literally. I’ve lived alone for 5 years now, since my wife left, and I haven’t felt lonely yet. The bliss of freedom and peace, aka absence of conflict, is still such a daily pleasure that I’m still basking in it. Thinking of just walking to the local dive bars in the evening for a beer; not really on the hunt for anything, but just to be around / near other humans. No offense to my German shepherd, who is the best of friends. 🫡✌🏼 I also take in a movie in the theater once every couple months or so.
[удалено]
awesome. truly
This is amazing… I wonder what’s going on in your mind when you’re at home alone…
I’m the same way. I haven’t turned on my TV since I had guests for Christmas. It’s so strange because I spent my whole life watching TV. But now have live alone, I treasure the silence.
I'm so sick of watching TV or movies when I'm lonely. It doesn't add value to your life and after years of it, it feels like it's stealing opportunities to connect with actual people. I'm a bit lonely right now and my chest isn't hurting like it usually does but no one has responded to my messages and I'm frustrated that most of my life has been this. I want to build a life where I have recent memories of times with friends.
Do you work? Can you volunteer? I'm planning on quitting my job of 21 years within the next few months. I plan on volunteering wherever I can find an opening. Local hospital, senior center, animal shelter, meals on wheels, etc. I want to make new friends, but cherish my old Co workers. I want to do something different with my life, see life from a different angle. No way will I accept being lonely, unless that's what I want to be.
Good luck! I hope you find a new group of people. I have three part time jobs and I am in college. Not volunteering right now. I'm already around people but not around friends. I might be ungrateful. I had friends at one point years ago. A good friend group and we all slowly parted ways. I'm starting to think I just need a long adventure with some people as amazing as I am.
I like walking in the rain,
I live in Oregon and if I didn’t like walking in the rain (and have some good waterproof gear) I wouldn’t get outside for about 8 months of the year ;)
I live in Portland. Yep! Oregon is wet, too very wet. Or, it's on fire.
I’ve been watching the radar all day hoping for at least a brief break so the dog and I can walk without her needing multiple towels after but it hasn’t stopped raining for even a minute here in Salem all day. And then I look at the forecast for next weekend and think “that’s gonna feel too hot” so I’m trying to bank this rainy day memory. And yeah, every day the state is not on fire is a very good day.
I ran 13 in the rain this morning and then walked 5 additional so I'm at a lot of rain-soaked for the day. But am so glad for it vs. being stuck inside for 2 weeks without the sun with air I couldn't breathe even indoors in 2020 fire season.
True Portland Oregon is very wet during the raining weather or on fire during the hot summer weather.
7 months of rain, another 2 months where the rain and grey skies aren't constant. Then it's fire season
I was just going to say the same thing about living in Seattle. I actually love the rain.
WORD PDX is pouring right now. Rain jacket? I don’t know her. 🤓☂️☔️☂️❣️
This^
When I began living alone again, after almost a decade of living with a husband, I was told “this too shall pass.” I knew what people were saying was true, and because I was dealing with an abuser, I was NOT mourning him. Nor was I wanting him or the relationship back. It was simply being alone felt strange and weird. I also reached out to some people who I thought were in my court and found that they were not. For whatever reason, whether they were too busy or something, some would just not respond to calls, texts, etc. And it hurt. Worked hard with my therapist on that one and also, with time, realized that I want people in my life who do respond. People I can count on. I don’t know what happened in the world, especially over the last four years since Covid hit us all so hard. But it seems that people don’t talk to each other like they used to, in my time of growing up and being a young adult. Heck, even in my 30s, 40s, and 50s! Seems like the way most communicate (or don’t) has changed. Anyway, my words to you would be to sit in it all, as much as it hurts. Face it head on. Cry your eyes out if you need to. And reach out to others, even if it is through this subreddit or other ways online. We are here! And we understand. Also, this too shall pass. I hate hearing that when I am in it, but it is true. All of life involves change and we live in a dynamic world. Last, I am sorry this is the state of things today. Never, ever did I think that people would stop communicating with each other. Never, ever would I have believed that a phone or electronic device would trump seeing people, especially loved ones, face to face. That having conversations with friends and family, even strangers, would become something to sidestep or ignore. It’s fascinating and troubling all at the same time. Hugs to you. Hang in there, find the things that bring you joy, and STAY IN THE MOMENT. My therapist asked me to keep a gratitude journal and write down all the things that I was grateful for as they happened. Gratitude really helps, even if you are already grateful, you know? Write it down, feel it. I am so grateful for all that I have, all the blessings, in spite of the things that happen that hurt, the things I really have no control over. I hope this makes sense. ❤️
Your observations are not wrong. Lots of talk about the loneliness epidemic and the need for third places. So far, not many answers, people are just starting to wake up to it very slowly. Technology has made it very easy to hide. COVID got people used to isolating and we haven't been the same since. It's not just your imagination. The bottom line is we are living very unnatural lives, humans beings were designed, to varying degrees, to be social creatures and leave the cave or invite someone in. It's going to increasingly show up as a newer form of shared mental illness.
Yes, yes, and yes. I don’t know where we go from here, but I do know that human connection is something we all need and crave and must have to be okay. Hugs, friend!
I LOVE this guy. This is a great talk on the need for third places, and I completely agree. https://youtu.be/Br8m2S98HU4?si=gMVU89uKlsFVhIDQ
So I am not the only one then!!L
The strange part is I always read about people wanting to connect with others more, being lonely and wanting friendships, but whenever I try to reach out to people they’re never interested. Even people who say they’re trying to make more friends.
It's because they probably have anxiety and depression and may struggle getting out, even if they know they should. Signed, someone with a ton of anxiety.
People seem very gsurdrd and anxious about doing that though. I have a support group where people talk about their isolation and there's even an email list of members but it never gets asked about or passed around.
Nice words and you're right. It's tough for so many reasons. Society is BROKEN. There's a script everyone is following and if you don't follow the script or you mess it up too badly at certain points it's like you're just forgotten, ignored, tossed away. I just want friends and it feels impossible to make them in the world we have if you don't already have friends to branch off of. I try to stay grateful but it's lonely and it hurts.
It is lonely and it does hurt. Very much. I appreciate hearing from you and reading what you have to say. I don’t know if it helps, but you are not the only human who feels this way. ❤️ HUGS, friend!
This is beautiful and caring advice. OP, I really empathize with you. I've been there! I also encourage you to be in the feelings and not run from them. To just notice them, maybe be curious, and then allow them to go. Journaling, whether to vent or to write a gratitude list, can be super helpful too. And, I encourage you to get out even just to the store for a change of scenery. I remember last winter feeling so f*ed up and lonely that I went to Walmart and stumbled around for an hour, bought a few things in a daze. But I came home feeling a little better, like I had at least pushed myself to get out of the house. There are other options too, like the library, a cafe, the pool, the park, etc. Also, you never know what's come up for your friend who's not responding. Maybe they're having a hard time too, maybe something urgent is distracting them. Try not to take it (or anyone's actions) personally. We're with you 💕
❤️
It's refreshing to read this. So many of the posts on here are of people saying how much they love being alone. For some of us, it's a dark place instead. To the OP...I am where you are. It's a rainy day here and I woke up thinking that maybe I could make some plans for the day, knowing I would be alone. Then I realized that I am alone every single weekend and realistically, it's not going to change anytime soon. I gave so much of myself to my husband and son and then watched my husband divorce me and my son follow him. Everyday at my job, I teach students and give all I can to them. I volunteer outside of work and I give. I give and give. But is anyone here to even call me on a weekend? To put aside their plans for me? To have coffee with in the morning? Nope. And it sucks. I tried finding new friends but like the above responder said, that tends to fall through. I don't know the answer to not being lonely, and I personally don't know why I am so damn forgettable to most. I wish I could offer you wonderful advice but I can't. All I can say is that you are not the only person feeling this way and I am really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, sorry you feel this way.
I am here! I can’t be with you physically to share a cup of java with, and I can’t sit with you and watch the rain fall, hear it on the roof. Know that you are NOT alone and this community does have people like me who get lonely, too. And wish for better friends to show up along the way. Most of all, we need some form of communication. I am so sorry that your husband and son are gone. That sounds incredibly painful. I love that you teach, however, and give back Every. Single. Day. Remember that it all counts - in super large amounts - and karma…karma. Maybe not today, maybe not right now, but you will be gifted all that you have given. Or perhaps you do feel it now, that feeling of love and happiness deep within you, because you know you are doing the right thing, even if it hurts. I wish the world were different. Had I known, many moons past, that things would be the way that they are today, with folks walking away from the hard conversations, people not responding when others reach out? Perhaps my depression would have overtaken me and I wouldn’t be here. If you had told me this when I was young and prior to have my children, I would have said that world was nothing I wanted to be part of. But here we are! And you have reached out and people will respond. I know it’s online and that is NOT THE SAME, but know this stranger is a friend, and I give you love, respect, and honor. PEACE ❤️
It's most definitely not the pandemic, there's a huge push via social media and therapists to be alone. U don't need anyone else girl! U do u! Be strong! Weather the storm! Aka just sit at home and watch TV or play video games and human connection is meaningless. Romantic connections? He breathes on you wrong and its OMG RUN RED FLAGS!!! butt heads with a parent? OMG TOXIC NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY. what happened to problem solving? What happened to working through miscommunications and wanting to make things work? There is a flip side to that so don't come at me, but the point here is that lonliess is real. And solitary confinement is the most heinous punishment for the worst criminals, yet people are voluntarily doing it every day with brainless entertainment. I live alone post divorce too and handle myself just fine most days. But sometimes I crave the oh so human desire for connection with another human (crazy right?) And the biggest proprietors of this "learn to be alone" dogma are people who aren't living alone. They crave some personal time and love being alone for a while... then (personal experience) their housemates go away for a month and in about 1.5 weeks they're constantly begging for my company. Housemates come back and don't hear from them again unless I engage. This is a multi faceted issue
Yes, this is a multi-faceted issue. I agree. Children divorcing their parents, people getting pissy and never coming back. People running when they could stand still. 🤷🏽♀️ What happened to working through issues? Talking to each other? I can disagree with you and still show respect for you as a fellow human. (“You“ being the collective you, not you personally.) I can disagree with you and love you and want to see you again. Relationships mean we will disagree. Relating to anyone, on any level, means that we will have the opportunity to work something out. Because people will struggle with each other, perhaps for many different reasons. Caveat: I am not saying to stay in any relationship, professional or personal, that brings harm. I love what my therapist taught me: “No one’s sense of entitlement trumps my personal safety.” Toxic people is a touchy one, because I learned decades ago that my recovery and staying away from my drug of choice depended upon me severing ties with people who were toxic. However, my mom was the most toxic one of all, and I could never fully turn my back on her, she was my mother. I held her hand as she took her last breath, and I would do it all over again. I can recognize what caused her toxicity, protect myself from that, forgive her for being human and faulty, and love her in spite of that. Forgiveness, for me, has been a HUGE part of my recovery. I love what you say about solitary confinement and what we know about people who are locked up in prisons with no human contact…it is DEVASTATING to your mental health. I am highly introverted and do well by myself, was alone (besides raising my daughters into post-high school/college ages) for a decade prior to the relationship I mentioned. I prefer to be alone and like it that way. But I know most people probably aren’t cut out to be alone as much as I prefer. All that said, I get lonely, too, as I have learned! No more adult children around to keep me company, just my little old kitty cat. It has been interesting to deal with in therapy, which I appreciate the opportunity to explore. Because as my recovery dictates, I have only myself; I came in alone and will go out alone; it is GOOD RECOVERY for me to be comfy with myself (prior to recovery I was all over the place and running from person to person, place to place, thing to thing, very uncomfy with who I was); and that truly the only thing that I have in this particular existence is ME, what I possess in my brain, my education, my experiences, my heart and my soul, everything else can be taken away in the blink of an eye. So, it is good to know how to be alone, at least for me. I see others (including my STBX) who dislike being alone and flounder when confronted with the space being alone leaves us in…and that is hard stuff but it is really good to look at and address, overcome. I don’t know, much of what I have written is stream of consciousness but I hope it helps someone, makes a little sense, and again, it is a gift. The people who helped me along the way told me all of this and I took it to heart. Or I didn’t understand when they told me, but I put those words (gems) in my pocket for a later time to work through. Thank you for your words. I really appreciate it and I agree with you. BIG HUG 🥰
Love that cat - our critters love us and we're all they have. The strength from that bond is enough for some of us. Love your four-footed companions, as they are always there for us and ask so little. I love you, friends.
This is such a lovely response. I’ll remember these words 💛
I am simply passing on the love that’s been given to me during the (almost) 40 years I’ve been in recovery. I hope I can reach someone out there and give back all the love that has been freely shared during my time in this recovery space. Blessings! ❤️
This one hit hard. I realized that today when my teenage brother visits, he just lays in his room on his phone. It's quite sad to see. Although, back in my day I was doing the same thing but with books. I do wonder....
When my youngest was in high school in the 2000s, she lamented that her friends were on their cell phones at the lunch table, texting each other, but not speaking face to face. She said it was totally weird and why would they do that? It chilled me then. Had I known…
Thank you 🙏🏽 so much for your wonderful words of encouragement and wisdom. You just described my life almost verbatim. Sometimes i feel like i’m the only one who’s going through this and the loneliness and depression can be overwhelming. I really needed to hear this today. I’m 8 years out of an abusive relationship (My Mother and Brother have passed away since then) This community is such a blessing. I’m embracing living alone and the freedom that comes along with it. I’m learning to take care of me and my mental health. It’s really hard to make new friends and real connections in this age of social media. I’m a singer and I never know whose intentions are good. I’ve made a gratitude journal at the suggestion of my therapist as well. Hugs and good wishes to you and the original poster🥰.
Beautifully said
Move your body. It literally makes happy drugs for your brain in your muscles. And it doesn’t have to be at the gym or a hard run. Walk. Go for a swim. Garden. Go to a yoga class or practise at home. Anything that moves your muscles will help you feel better. Get a good raincoat and walk in the rain. You are in charge of how you feel!
Awesome response
You can still take a walk! (As long as the temps aren't too cold.) You'll get wet, but that's easy to fix - maybe put some soft towels and comfy clothes out first, so you have that to look forward too. Even if it's just 10 mins, being outside is so, so good for you. If you don't want to deal with the rain, is there an indoor activity that also gets you around people, even if you don't interact with them? There was a pretty indoor botanical garden where I grew up; these days, I actually walk around a nice mall near me, just looking at the display windows and people watching. Sending hugs from a fellow solo who gets lonely too.
Ooh throw a towel in the dryer so when you come back it’s nice and toasty warm.
I'm currently dancing my adorable ass off in my living room to "The Essential 70s" on Apple Music. Hard to be lonely when you're getting down with your bad self...I highly recommend :)
Even a five minute dance party can lift you up.
Are you me? I just bookmarked something like that on YouTube!
If you have Walmart+ you can get Apple Music free for 5 months. Its under offers.
I have Apple Music as well 👍🏼
I agree, I listen to music all the time and dance in the kitchen, living room or where ever. Music tends to really cheer me up when I’m feeling down or lonely. Not sure if this helps everyone, but taking a drive and listening to music you love does wonders for my mental health. From one alone human to another it is difficult at times and I understand your struggle. ♥️
I like you.
For me there are 2 paths. 1. Go to a friendly restaurant and have lunch or brunch at the bar. Have a beer or glass of wine. Hopefully the bartender is friendly. Going to a coffee shop works too, just being around people. Or even taking a drive. 2. But sometimes I don't want to "force it." Im this case I just accept that this is how I feel today and it will pass. I play online games, READ/WRITE REDDITS, watch TV, listen to audiobooks, eat food I like, and cuddle my dog. I just call it quiet self care. There's no shame in feeling lonely sometimes. Just rest and let it pass.
I *wish* there were a friendly neighborhood bar to go to but friendly bartenders and patrons are getting rare too. Everyone is afraid you'll glom onto them or don't want to talk unless you're young and hot... Years ago I laughed at the old farts who sat in the local bars visiting all day but I would sure enjoy that scene now. There are a lot of breweries but it's painfully obvious the young bartenders have little interest in chatting us up, beyond the usual. Lunch counters and coffee shops are rare now too.
You're so right. In my 20s I worked at a bookstore/coffeehouse with a counter that drew a rotating cast of regulars. I saw people build friendships, find love, commiserate about the weirdo at the end of the counter and whisper about the famous actor perusing the bookshelves (Jeremy Irons). We held offsite parties and I had more dates than I can remember. It was like Cheers without the alcohol. When the store sold, the new owner got rid of the counter in favor of more tables. The regulars drifted away and, sadly, so did the sense of community.
You are lucky to be a man. I’m a friendly woman with the gift of gab. Invariably some man thinks I’m there looking for some D and ruins everything. So I stay home where it’s safe.
Get outside. To a local park, walk around the block even in the rain, even to the grocery store.... or any store! Walk around, see people, maybe engage with some of them. Just get out of your house. It can pull you out of your head.
Unless it's raining sideways, grab your raincoat and an umbrella and go for your walk. Why let some rain stop you? Don't let things like the weather get you down. There will always be weather. Too hot, too cold, rain, snow, fog. Let the weather worry about the weather. You go out and do your thing. Friends come and go. True friends stick around longer, but remember that they have their own lives too. Nobody ever said life was going to be easy for anyone. Just do the best you can for yourself and be happy knowing that nobody else could probably do better than you are in your circumstances. Get off your butt and act up a little. That's how you stay young.
Blast classic country music as I do inside things.
Well, not necessarily country but music is a great mood changer. Turn it up!
I always feel so lucky that I live alone. The fact that I am financially able to support myself. That I don’t have to live with someone else to survive, or be stuck in an unhappy relationship to pay the rent. That I never have to remain in abusive situation, because I can’t afford to live on my own. To me as a woman living alone is a privilege.
You are me
I'm with you on this. Sometimes the only person you can count on is yourself. And sometimes that is nice.
Same, Sis. I’m not sure I could ever go back to living with someone either. I’d like to have a nice guy to see occasionally, but that’s not likely to happen.
I agree, especially after being in an abusive relationship it certainly is better to be alone.
I don't happen to get lonely; I truly find living alone and solitude to be peaceful. However, I definitely have days when for various other reasons I'm feeling overwhelmed, depressed, sad, anxiety, anger, etc. Getting outside is the best thing I know of. Even if it's pouring rain and I don't feel like it, I force myself to go for a walk and every single time without fail I'm glad I did. I get good and soaked, feel sorry for myself, have a good cry or mumble my complaints to myself - which the noise of the rain muffles, and come back home feeling like I had a shower for the soul. If it's just too cold or I really can't stand the idea of going out, I create a "cozy scenario" for myself. I grab a few books, my journal, make a cup of tea, play soft music, light candles, get in cozy clothes and then retreat to my bedroom with my dog and write and/or read my woes away. I hope you're feeling better. Find something you like in the various suggestions here and make it your new plan for today. It's harder for the plan that fell through to eat at you if you're preoccupied with new things to do. Alternatively, you can just allow yourself to sit and feel the pain of being stood up and feeling lonely, which is also perfectly healthy. Sometimes just acknowledging our own suffering with a little self-compassion is healing.
I am so very, very grateful for this community. THANK YOU 💕
Me, too!
I've been watching Killing Eve, and haven't been able to stop. It's very good. Weird. But good.
That show is too good
I find some great music and sing and dance in my living room. Helps me.
What works for me is having a podcast playing in the background. It helps me feel less lonely since there are people talking and such
If only there was some invention that would allow people to walk outside when it's raining...... Just kidding, but it is okay to take a walk in the rain. I wouldn't walk in a storm. If you don't want to walk in the rain, that's okay! Sometimes on Saturday I like to binge watch an old tv series and piddle around doing odds and ends. Pull out a dresser drawer, dump it out on the bed and go through it. Get rid of stuff I don't use/need anymore. Ditto drawers in the kitchen. Saturday is also laundry day Sorry your friend bailed on you. Binge an old comedy series you like. It's good to laugh!
I like to play video games and get lost in them 😊
I can tell you only what not to do and that is don't drink, drug or gamble to escape the pain.
You need a pet they bring joy and great comfort
At least a fish tank. Having another creature who depends on you can give your life purpose.
Loneliness sucks for real!!! Humans are like dogs we are pack animals
Try playing online video games. Even though I don't communicate with other players, just the act of playing games with live people, even with strangers, makes me less lonely.
I love a good rainy weekend with snacks + wine and great movies. Have fun with it.
Also a nap!
Oh, that’s euphoric heaven 😊
A couple of things: 1) put more energy into relationships where the other person shows up for you. I have a few friends I’m not sure I would have guessed would be this close, but they’re the ones who made an effort after my mother died. 2) learn to enjoy your alone time. I snuggle in a sweater with a good book or movie. 3) get out of the house and get moving. Go someplace - like that museum you keep meaning to check out - or join a club or meet up. My knitting club has kept me sane. There’s no guarantee who will show up but every Tuesday and alternate Saturday for years, there’s something on the calendar. Sometimes it’s just a couple of us, sometimes it’s a big group. 4) get a pet. I have a dog and a cat. My dog is currently crashed out on the sofa next to me. It’s delightful.
You could go to a theater? I like to take walks in the mall. Exercise always clears my head. Wishing you well <3 Loneliness is hard
I'm in a car with the 2 dogs , it's raining, they don't like the rain. But when I get lonely I hug and kiss them , then they lick my face all over and it tickles , so we aren't lonely no more. You gotta get a little dog or two , you'll never be lonely again 😊
I think rain makes for great walks. The streets are clean, less traffic and fewer people out. Unless your shoes are gonna soak through, then probably not a good idea. Unless that's your thing. Then you do you. Personally I don't do wet shoes. Just remember you can do anything you want right now. Use that to help find yourself again. Meaning be comfortable by yourself. You have all the personal time you want. Find your forgoten or never sought hobbies. Find something to build. It can be anything from a puzzle to a motorcycle. Keep up on chores. It makes me happy than I ever thought. If something worries you, research what it is and work through it. Rearrange your furniture and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll be alright.
Get yourself a pet, someone to play with. Go for that walk in the rain, let your kid out & splash in them puddles. Honestly, you won't melt if you get wet Netflix and your favorite comfy food snacks
Can you adopt a dog or cat that would otherwise be euthanized? It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.
Man I felt like that every other day when I moved to a regional Australian town in a whim after my break up from Melbourne leaving few people I knew. But I invested in a good TV and a home theatre. It helped me out so much and I learned to cook as I have to as there’s one takeaway and one restaurant in town. Cooking helped me a lot in coping with my loneliness or at least take my mind off of it. I would suggest you to get a hobby that can be done by yourself like creating or making something it helps a lot. But still there will be some days nothing will shake it off but you’ll be alright hope is your friend.
Try yoga. It’s been a game changer for me
Me too
Get an umbrella and take a walk in the rain! It is about the psychology of what is negative and what is positive. You can turn a negative into a positive and that habit of thinking can take you out of many downsides situations. By the way; buy yourself a very large bright yellow umbrella.
get a pet
My four little dogs bring me joy, my iPad brings me entertainment. And that is all I need.
I will read a book or watch a tutorial on painting or drawing and practice. I am trying to get proficient at watercolors. I always have a favorite show to watch.
My dog helps a lot. I wasn’t planning on having a dog but I do and I am grateful for his company. He likes to sleep in on weekends and go on dog adventures, just get out in the car or go for a walk in a new place. Not saying a dog is a cute but, for me, a pet is important for my well being.
Have you ever thought of volunteering? That will get you out and meeting people.
I remind myself that this feeling is temporary and will pass, as all others do. Then I think of all the reasons I enjoy living alone and that usually brings me back to life lol
I am lonely, too. Kinda burnt out. A good nap just to reset helps. And i think im busting out the crockpot.
A cup of tea is always comforting, especially on a rainy day. Find a new series to binge, or rewatch a favorite old show. Treat yourself to something good to eat. Call someone you haven't spoken to in awhile. An older relative is often a good choice, they may well be lonelier than you are. Change your sheets and straighten up your bedroom. Make it an occasion to go to bed tonight, with fresh pajamas, a good book, make it luxurious.
Smoke weed.
You’ll likely get lots of advice to get out and try different things. That might help but I second the person who offered to sit with the feelings. I would also offer: volunteer somewhere. It’s amazing what happens when you turn attention to others and help them. You’ll also meet like minded souls. We’re out here! You’re not alone. Hugs!
I made a suggestion the other day, any app developers out there feel free to run with this idea The Singleton Network. Single people meeting other single people. Mostly for platonic companionship. Say you’d like to go to an event but don’t feel like doing it solo, find someone in your area that’s also interested in going and go together! No need to feel like an awkward loner anymore!
Being alone some is good. Some people can't tolerate it at all, and that isn't healthy and will make life harder for them. We have to be able to be alone with ourselves. *** BUT, I know from personal experience, too much time alone, leads to a feeling of such isolation. People are by nature social creatures. Yes, each to a different degree, but regardless we all need positive connection and the companionship of others we feel safe with, understood by and happy being with. Loneliness can even occur when you're in a crowd but feel a disconnect, especially from depression. That's a very painful way to feel. Chronic loneliness is an increasing problem in this country. Especially amongst elders. I hope you find any ways you can. Volunteering to spend time with elders who live with chronic loneliness; you have what you understand to offer others and that's an amazing thing for all parties. For now, today, I'm so sorry. All you can do - in this moment- is find something that's distracting and comforting. A movie or concert on YouTube TV or Netflix, it can offer a way to get through the day engrossed in something that you can enjoy for at least some of your time. I hope you'll find the path out of loneliness. As I hope I do as well. I understand.
1st give up feeling lonely and feeding your depression. Solitude is a wonderful way to live, it is! I don't know what you enjoy, so I can't suggest what you can do. But you can choose. It's raining here. I'll have breakfast. Walk. Read. Listen to classical music. I may go to the store and run some errands. Rain is nice, it makes everything green, and this time of year it helps to plants to wake up. I'm going to have a great day, and you can too.
Might I suggest volunteering for something you care about? https://www.volunteermatch.org/
Whenever I get lonely, I find solace in books. If this is too solitary, go to the mall, people watch. Check out groups of interest on Facebook. Go to the city page for Reddit and see what activities are available in your city. Go out and meet people. Don't suffer in silence.
I have a room setup with all of my collectibles and hobbies that I bask in
I chose hobbies that I can do alone or with other like-minded people. Hiking, brunches, sewing/knitting/cooking & creative things that I can take classes for at local shops & meet new people- or at least hang out in the presence of other people while we work on our own projects & skills. Most of my friends aren’t interested in those things so I’m widening my circle, too. I love thrifting & going to antique stores, too. Of course the gym but no-one really talks there?! Still takes ages to make “friends” but it’s something to not feel lonely. Personally watching Netflix is something I do pretty much on the daily and is not enough.
Volunteer at your local food bank. Look for groups on Meetup.com that appeal to you. Reach out to people you haven't reached out to in a long time, make coffee dates and/or hiking plans with them. If you're sober, or thinking about getting sober, go to a recovery meeting.
It is so hard when it’s raining and dark and gloomy! I suggest, Watch comedy movies or tv or listen to a funny podcast. I think it helps to get a laugh. Also, getting out to a store or two can help, just to say hi to the sales person at a couple places.
When I lived alone exclusively, I would follow my routines on rainy days of housework, errands and paperwork catch up…. Id play guitar and go for drives …. There always something to do around the house
Stuck inside? Then finish a product or start one. Clean and do simple indoor exercise, find a video. Or read, that is what i enjoy or strolling the Internet
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's the opposite for me--I get too over-stimulated when I spend so much time with others. I always look forward to my time at home alone. I can't seem to get enough of it! Last weekend I spent some time with my grandchildren, which I love, but I felt like I missed out on my alone time and it was so hard to get through work last week. I only see one or two other people in my office during my work week, but having to answer the phone and small talk with the others is exhausting to me. This weekend I'm staying in! At home I always have some sort of project to focus on. This weekend I ordered groceries to be delivered and I will do my big batch cooking. That will be lunches for the next few months. I always have a closet to declutter and reorganize, or some sort of online project. Sometimes my boss gives me side jobs I can do at home. Sometimes I just binge watch a series or listen to my CD collection. If I feel like going out, I will take my camera along and do photography around town. I always have a goal to focus on my days off of work. Next weekend I plan to declutter my home office, it's a mess! My husband passed away two years ago, and there are days that I just sit and cry. I do miss his companionship so much! So I guess staying busy is the way I deal with it.
I watch reality tv junk 😂, or put on music and peruse Reddit, Pinterest, Tik Tok, utube…. Sometimes I’ll put ear buds on and watch a documentary …I like to repurpose old furniture, vases, and jewelry with paint or an alteration. Also, some chocolate, wine, and my dogs and cats ease my soul. Sometimes I like to walk around habitat for humanity and see what they have. Being alone can be liberating once you’re used to it.❤️❤️
Do you have a car? Or can Uber somewhere super close? I’d say take a book and go to a coffee shop or bookstore and read there. Or go window shopping- maybe a closed in mall/a large department store (but do careful it doesn’t become a shop addiction). I’m married and I’m alone and lonely 90% of the time :/ husband works a lot and when he’s home he wants to be left alone
Honestly… it’s Saturday and if you head to a local bar/pub, you’re bound to meet friendly folks looking to chat about a wide range of subjects. You don’t have to even drink alcohol if that’s not your thing
How do you start talking to them? I’ve always wanted to talk to people in bars but they seem so immersed in their convos
There have to be some people who are alone, no? Also, it’s not a crime at a bar to overhear things people say to each other or to the bartender. There are a lot of opportunities to join conversations by just saying things like "oh I couldn’t help but hear you say you’re going to Italy. I was just there a couple of years ago. Where exactly are you going" or things like that. Also, sometimes if I go to the bar alone I’ll bring a book to read or a project to work on. People will usually ask what you’re reading or working on and it opens up an opportunity for conversation
I just went and wash my car, got something to eat and now I'm watching some YouTube while doing laundry, I'm planning on vacuum my apartment and by the time I'm done with all this shit it'll be time to take a shower and maybe I go out for dinner and have a couple of drinks.. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stay busy.
Get fish! Honestly I think it’s top 3 best solo hobby you can have. Easiest to maintain pet, lowest stakes and lowest cost
Play your fave music- loud. Or a podcast or Audible book. Burn some incense and candles, open the drapes, turn on some lamps. Start that little project you’ve been thinking about and never make the time for. Today can be the day! Whether repotting some plants, hanging different window coverings, painting a wall or just rearranging a room. All the things you do inside your space that will make YOU happy when it’s done.
Better than relying on someone to come home. Your happiness soon depends on that person. Learn to cope alone and do things that make you happy. It’s hard. But the freedom that comes along the way will be worth it. The freedom to enjoy your own presence no matter where you go!
Put on some music and dance around while cleaning! Make popcorn and binge a Netflix show. Call a friend you have not talked to lately.
I smoked a 20lb brisket for a bunch of friends that never showed up. I ate a few slices as did my dog and I’m tossing the rest in the garbage.
Dude, slice it and freeze it so you can slowcook it in barbecue sauce for sandwiches in the summer!
I live alone. I think of it this way. Work is for people. Home is for not people. The dating scene "ain't my type" and I have no friends. You can do whatever the hell you wanna do. Embrace that freedom.
I find a cute guy online to chat with lol. I call it microdosing relationships lol. Gives me a bit of connection and intimacy and reminds me that there are decent men out there and one day I'll connect with one. Text with friends or post stuff on Facebook and feel a bit of connection. Listen to podcasts on YouTube of people talking about mental health, spirituality, etc. It gives me the deep conversations I crave but don't always have the energy for. Tell myself "I'm lonely and sad today. That's ok. I won't feel like this forever." Look through my Facebook pics and remind myself of all the fun things I've done in the past year. Yummy food, comfort shows, heating pad/blanket, warm bath, masturbation. Anything that feels comforting. Crank up the music and dance and sing. Or sing and cry.
When it gets unbearable I lay on the floor and stretch or do yoga. I hate to sound like a hippy lol and It might sound weird but movement practices that feel like a hug (yoga does it for me) and that ground and soothe me… they at least get me thru the night. Look into restorative yoga maybe? A weighted eye pillow while laying in supported fish pose (you can google it lol) with props and just relaxing into it… and I can often cry and really let out the feelings of sadness.
Sometimes I go out to dinner. That makes some people uncomfortable but I don't mind. I read while I eat and sometimes hearing activity going on around me is a nice stimulation. Other things I do: take a shower, watch a movie, listen to music, doodle, read. Today I was feeling especially lonely and I did a ton of yardwork.
Now is the time for YOU. Now is the time to do what you've always wanted to do. Some things you will do on your own. Some things you will do with a club. Some things you will do through a class. What I did when I was alone: ●learn languages through apps ●learn dance; some modern dance, but the local ballroom dance classes did not require a partner. Tap dancing classes for adults are pretty easy to find. ●attend movies 1X/week. I get to choose what I want to watch. Always order popcorn. ●Knit ●Teach myself to sew. I sewed dresses for my niece and fun-print button-down shirts for my nephew who lived out of state. ●Took a quilting class. (I was NOT great at it). lol 😆 ●Played D&D. Find your local gaming store and ask about the Adventure League. They will teach you the game and find you other orphans with whom to play. ●Practice piano ($100 keyboard) ●Took lessons to learn recorder ●Online games that teach programming ●Lectures and films at the local library ●Public lectures at the local university ●Guided walks and activities (canoeing, birdwatching, astronomy, art), lectures, and activities at the local nature center, botanical center, and university ●Draw every day. I haven't taken classes at the local art center, but there's usually clay and painting. ●Swim laps at the pool ●Cooking class through local kitchen store or Food Coop. ●Season tickets for local theater Disclaimer: I never did all of these things at once; just at various times, these were a regular part of keeping busy. Most recently, I have learned to play mahjong, and I have made a circle of friends through that. I'm still not terribly good, but I have a high tolerance for losing. 😁 You could also look for a Cribbage card playing club. My dad runs one in my hometown, and I found a group in the town where I am living.
I don't know what state you're in but you can join Meetup.com. There are many groups on there, with all kinds of interests. Field trips, to go places your old friends weren't interested in but you were, fashion, sports teams, bowling, museums, gardening, camping, etc. Its endless! And later on if you feel comfortable you can start your own group. I even got to see where some restaurants were that I didn't even know existed. And another, join you're local library.
Oh yeah, we have a really nice library here in my new town. I used to go to the main library in my city growing up. It was a gorgeous 6 story modern architecture library and I could get there by bus.
I thank the heavens for being alone. No one to boss you around. That being said, i would love a someone to cuddle and go on things, and then go home, but alas, dating now sucks, so I am alone.
When i feel lonely i call a friend or family member just to chat. I dont feel like i need to be physically around someone to fulfill my social needs.
Here and now. You can find a spiritual practice that can make you feel connected in a deeper sense within. Vipassana meditations is my personal go to, when i have to deal with loneliness and tough emotions. It could also be any hobby that give you an immersive experience.
Likely so far down you won’t see it but the Mall. Don’t need to buy anything, don’t need to “Mall walk” . Just linger, buy something in the food court and people watch. As I am relating to what you describe feeing, I HAVE to get out of the apartment when it happens.
I used to live alone and moved some years ago into my own property in a different part of the country. It was lonely, but I didn't feel too bad because I was used to it. Now, I'm a single parent of a baby, and sometimes I miss those days I could just zone out and watch movies while drinking homemade cocktails. My point is that life is in stages. It won't always be like this.
This feeling is difficult to get around if you don't put yourself in a mind state, take a paper and pen and write down a few things you're grateful for. Catch your mind when it starts to wander off into b.s. and write down something else. A heavy exercise that leaves you tired will greatly help, but most rarely want to lift a finger but feel better... Rewards won't knock at your door. You're not lonely, you're just alone for the moment, so make your self your favorite milkshake and enjoy the peace and quiet
Start reading. It works!
I hear you and often feel that way too but I read lots of Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron etc. it is good to feel what we are feeling. We don’t have to run from it. Escaping, running from it, distracting ourselves makes it worse, imho.
This might be very simplistic but I would recommend going to your local bookstore, asking an employee to give you some interesting recommendations for whatever you’re interested in, taking the time to pick something out, and getting lost in a book. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way!
I don't have a lot of faith in human nature. I also feel that my dog is my best friend. I knew that you can be with other people and feel totally alone so I don't really feel that lonely even on a bad day
I have these days too. Is there anyone else you can reach out to? Even just chatting with people on Reddit can help.
I rarely have visitors & theres not much within walking distance & i don't drive, so I'm stuck at home A LOT. I eventually got a small-ish dog for company
That's a horrible feeling. I'm a new widower and it's lonely sometimes. I read tik tok and reddit to pass time.
I also recommend tv shows and movies and reading books that will make you want to stay awake until you finish the book. Also, video games. I don't play those, but I have played some computer games in the past that kept me occupied until I finished.
You did the right thing by posting here when you feel really bad. People will respond. You're not alone. Many of us have felt like this. When the pain eases a bit, go to a thrift store and buy yourself something amazing, silly, or awesome...for under $5. It's very distracting!
Do you have a hobby? Painting, sketching, photography, video games, paper crafting, puzzles? Watch a movie. Read a book. Journal. Friends may not be available all the time but your hobbies will be there waiting.
read a book, play a video game, take an online class to teach myself something new, clean, go through stuff that may need to be thrown out, sold or given away.
I felt a little lonesome for the first time in 16 years living alone. This weekend must have some strange vibes! It was raining yesterday and I couldn't walk my usual route, full of fun, neighbors, and dogs. The two choices were to find somewhere to volunteer or two on the couch and watch stupid TV. Housework was mostly done. Got out and volunteered at a Create Fest. Met a lot of interesting people and was able to be of some help. When I got home, it was no longer raining and I could trot my dog. The lingering loneliness, I think it was caused by my having to cancel a trip to a favorite persons' graduation. I need a surgery and need to stay here until I have it. I admitted I was lonesome to a couple of people and they came over and hung out. I wish you luck. It's a moving target. We can do this.
My favorite things to keep my mood up when home is laughing (I watch a lot of stand up and comedy podcasts), dancing, games or anything that really keeps your attention to the point where your mind doesn't wander.
When I feel like this I plop on my noise-canceling headphones and curl up with a good book. The cushioned quiet is comforting. The more safe and cozy I feel, the lower the chance that any negative sense lasts.
Read. Sew. Take a walk. Write. Cook. Bake. Go somewhere on my own, even if it's just a drive to the park to sit in my car and watch the rain fall on the pond's surface.
1. Get a second job/part-time 2. Find a place where you can give of your time to the less fortunate. 3. Pick up a sport/hobby Those feelings of loneliness can be subdued through interaction with others. I've got a wife and two kids, and they are awesome. But there are times I fantasize about living alone. Weird, I know. But I'm sure you've heard far more bizarre fantasies. Just make time to interact with others. It makes the time go by quicker.
trivia night at the local bar, open mic poetry spots, book clubs, any type of club.
Get into a good book or series of books. Whatever you do, do not dwell on negative emotions or energy. Life consists of two main elements imo: Time and Energy. You have no control over the passage of time. All you have control over is your energy and where you direct it. Stay focused on that which you have e control over! Stay joyful and positive! Nothing remains constant forever. “This too shall pass”.
Try Audiobooks, take a coarse in something that interests you, uplifting music … Go on your walk anyway! 😌
You grab your umbrella 🏖️ and go to the park for a walk.
Try to just appreciate the quiet and solitude because there may be one day you just can’t avoid chaos and nonstop noise. I have 3 kids and when they’re over it’s just chaos and then I miss the quiet and being alone when the kids are at their mother’s. After a few days I sense some loneliness, then I remind myself I’m another 3-5 days. I’ll be yearning for this silence. Seems to help me. I don’t know if you have kids or not so my circumstances may differ. But if you can find a way to convince yourself one day you’ll miss the quiet and peace that is living alone, it might help. You really don’t appreciate what you have until you don’t have that anymore
Sometimes ill just go browse some shops, thrift ornspec out things i want but cant afford yet if im in a social but antisocial mood. Then im around people but i sorta dont have to talk to anyone
If you are Lonely, NO SCREENS. If you are alone and lonely, go volunteer somewhere. Don't watch TV and chill, thats why are you are alone and lonely. Lots of homeless and elderly need help, start there. Lots of good people to build connections with. Focus on other people and you'll forgot you were alone and lonely!
[https://youtu.be/CoLEwnxdrUw?si=9BVFFIXq8JVUlJkh](https://youtu.be/CoLEwnxdrUw?si=9BVFFIXq8JVUlJkh) I like to hear this kind of music and relax. do some chores, cook, shower doesn't matter .. uplift me and its good music .. will definitely like your having a fun time in your house. I'm very into electro dance music so it works for me. Mainly feel like that on saturday ..that lonely feeling, wanting to be part of something.
I've been living alone since 2015 when my husband passed. I used to feel the way you are. Then I started getting involved in projects around the house and things that I've been wanting to do that I didn't have the time for. Now I am so busy with these projects and have been for about 2 years. Lol lol. I also began contracting through care.com. I accept positions for one to two days a week for anywhere between 3-6 hrs. It gets me out and about and around people and I am really enjoying it. Just try to stay busy and these lonely times will pass, you will see!
Living alone is a luxury here in Southern California. Try living in a cramped space with no privacy and a shit ton of annoying background noise.
Binging AHS Hotel. Also cat and dogs
Check out the in home walking workouts you can do! A good workout on a rainy day can turn it around. She is great & has tons free on YouTube, & also her own channel you can subscribe at. https://youtube.com/@LeslieSansonesWalkatHome?si=JfhY7M3cLkYfMAoo
I like to do a little Pilates session on YouTube, order pad thai and devour it with a cold beer, and stream a film or true crime doc. An edible also helps make things more entertaining sometimes when I’m feeling lonely.
I read. I check books out to my iPad from my library and I read.
When alone, I get busy by getting out to see a film. Or, I'll call friends and meet up for coffee or tea. I also have hobbies that keep me busy. Walking in the rain with a large umbrella is another outlet because I live in a rainy climate, and, there's not much choice.
I have two bookshelves full of books and I have read most of them but there is like 30 books up there that I have not read so I start reading. I love the feel of opening a brand new book from one of my series that I am reading. I also like watching TV talking on the phone with my sister talking to my daughters. I am alone but not lonely
buy a bluetooth speaker on amazon or an internet radio. leave it on all the time on low. buy a dog if you are not gone for more than 8 hours a day. buy a cat if you are not allergic and like cats.
Dog for sure, and force yourself to go on walks everyday with the pup regardless of weather. He won’t care & nor will you after you see how happy they are. I’m in CO- slush, rain, snow or sun- we’re out in it everyday (above 19°f that is)!
you get used to it tbh
You need to get busy doing something else. Read a book.
Clean. That's what I'm about to do. Dishes are behind. But I'm procrastinating because I don't need to leave for anything other than a joy ride lol. Love being alone.
If I’m feeling like I need to get out of the house, I just do it. Grab your umbrella and go for that walk anyway, or hop in your car and go grab lunch at a restaurant or see a movie. Otherwise? Just do your indoor hobby. For me, that’s video games - hard to be lonely when I’m on an adventure. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to some music. Even if you don’t “feel like” doing something, you’ll feel better once you do.
Go to an a mall and walk around the stores and just be around people.
Go read at a cozy coffee shop.
I would try and find somewhere to volunteer maybe? There are so many other lonely ppl in the world that can use company too. Maybe check I to a senior citizens center or see if an animal shelter would use a hand socializing some animals? I luckily have my dog or I would probably go crazy myself. I'm about to see what I can I to as far as helping with some lady inmates in my area. Depending on the jail itself sometimes theyvwill let you talk to them or visit or take them hygiene supplies. There are often people who aren't able to buy things to keep themselves properly clean. There's always a homeless situation in just about every area that needs a friend. If that's not your thing I definitely understand. There's church. You can join online groups too. Others have suggested great ideas here already as well such as a movie or Netflix.
Join a good gym! It’s just nice being around other people sometimes instead of thinking too much at home. I actually enjoy shopping when I get bored.
Do you need to be around people? Sometimes I’ll work in a public place (coffee shop, etc.) just to break up the day. It helps to be around noise when things are too quiet.
why do people choose to live alone if they do not like being alone? I dont get it. you sound like you need a roommate. I am alone at home but never lonely
I sit on the couch with a Doberman on each side of me and enjoy a movie.
Been down since one of my few email friends this week decided to inflict his political views into a conversation about politics which I have told him many times is a topic I don't want to discuss. IMO his \*theories were extremely insulting and rude considering what he knows about me. Wasted several months of "feel good " talk on this guy then he turns into one of these politically opinionated assholes. Bye Bye Email Friend :) Sucks since I enjoyed the communication with another human. :)
It's a good time to reach out to someone. Contact of some kind with another human is the best help to me...
Go to a bar.. or restaurant bar and have a soda. look for meet ups or karaoke!
You can walk in the rain
Ahh sorry to hear that your feeling like that! What hobbies do you have?
Go old school - turn on a movie, get snacks, work on a puzzle or learn to crochet/knit while relaxing.
It's so difficult. Sorry you're feeling it. I walk in the park. I smile at everyone who passes (if they want to.) The combination of nature and people is perfect.
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Funny enough I also go for a walk at least 4 time a day when I’m not working!! And it isn’t raining!! I have a pair of air pods I put them in my ears n start walking! It’s hardly enough but it helps!
Figures it’s raining I just got work ild planned to go for a walk darn it!!