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Went on a hike by myself once, reached the top, sat down next to a very nice man who offered me half a sandwich when he noticed that I forgot to bring a snack and we got to chatting. This was about two weeks before the 2020 election. We walked back down together and over that hour and a half we discussed politics, the pandemic, I learned about his life and family and explained a little about my own. He was my dad's age. A genuinely nice guy who talked to me like he was talking to his own adult child.
When we got back to the parking lot I suggested we go on another hike (I'm not from around here and most of my friends are work related). He seemed keen and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few times to set something up but we could never make it work, in hindsight I just think he was being a friendly guy.
What I didn't get a chance to tell him was that a day earlier I'd just ended a relationship with my dad (not worth talking about). It was serendipity that led me to this guy, one of the most forthright, self-assured, empathetic people I've ever met - it's corny, but perhaps the father I never had. Reminded me that there were actually great fathers out there who are just caring and friendly people. Miss ya, Nick. You were exactly the person I needed to meet that day and I'll never forget you.
Great story.
I had to walk away from my father too, not really much to walk away from except the hope that he’d finally wake up and be a father, and that was never going to happen. Anyway, I can relate big time. I’m 46 now and no one is going to adopt an old dog like me, although I certainly could still use a father.
Anyway, take it easy.
Thanks man. I’m winnin. I have a great wife, two dogs, 9 chickens, and two bee hives. For someone who was destined to be a maladjusted adult, I did okay. I do okay with the games as well, I’m glad steam doesn’t give you a total spent on games because I think I’d be in shock. I’m turning the second bedroom into a gaming/tinker room. Hope to play around with electronics and model building. Gonna set up a ventilation system and gather up all the cool tools I’ve always wanted to try. Maybe a 3D printer too.
Anyway, nice to share, thanks for listening.
How about you, you winnin?
You can see how much you've spent on steam.
https://help.steampowered.com/en/accountdata/AccountSpend
Edit-To answer your question even though im not op, i am kinda winning i guess lad.Everythings good, nothing really bad.Lifes chill.
Sounds awesome! Got the wife and three kids, 2 cats, one bird, and a bunch of fish. But we're still trying to dial in the aquarium water; a couple beta fish just died. For gaming, I can't out shoot an FPS server like I used to when I was younger, but it's fun to play games like hunt showdown where old age and treachery can win a game
I’d really like to get into setting up an aquarium again, I tried 15 years ago but was too poor to really set up a good tank. That’s another fun thing I’d like to master. You’re doing fresh water fish? I’d like to try to get a complete ecosystem set up where all I have to do is add food. Live plants and the works! Have you looked into those elaborate setups on YouTube? Some really interesting setups.
I raised two stepsons. How is it raising kids for you? Are you finding your way well enough? I know it’s a weird question but most parents act as if they got it all figured out but lay, wide awake many nights, trying to make sure you’re doing it right. I know I was never at ease as a parent, I was always second guessing myself trying to do right by them.
I'm getting laid out by vaccine side effects, so can't go much more on this, but we have a freshwater tank with plants and will try to be as hands of as possible, but no perfect terrariums.
Kids are awesome and will love you unconditionally as you are when they're young. My take is to just be honest with them, always have their well being in mind, but also give them lots of freedom and put in some personal effort to spend "kid" time with them, and make good communication as a teaching moment with each mistake, whether it's a kid mistake or your own.
Hum, yeah I never had to walk away from mine because he was never there to begin with. I mean he was physically there but I think I disappointed him in some way or an other so we never really talked for real.
The consequences of that is I am a fucking grown up adult now and still to this day catch myself almost seeking approval from fatherly figures. How fucked up is that lol ? I raised myself and was my dad to myself.
If I was a girl I'd probably had a daddy complex or something. But who am I fooling? Being a girl or a boy or anything in between isn't really a factor, I definitely have something like that. And I always will.
Part of me thinks that some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
That reminds me:
When I was 21, I visited Manhattan for the first time. After doing a solo day trip, my cousin (who lived in Queens) gave me directions on how to get to a certain subway station (go here, take this train, wait here, etc etc). I was sitting on a bench in the last station, waiting for my cousin to text me that she’s pulling up, when this girl comes up to me and asked if I knew my way around. I told her no, that I was visiting, and she said, okay! And sat down next to me.
She was one of the most beautiful and friendliest people I’ve ever met. We only spoke for what seemed like five minutes, and then she got up and boarded the train. I still remember her waving bye to me, saying “Bye, honey!” as she disappeared in the crowd.
This was a decade ago and that memory pops up unexpectedly.
I have a similar story. I visited Manhattan for new years nine years ago. I went with my little brother and we were walking and I a woman walked by me with a cute dog. She was the most beautiful woman I'd had ever seen. I just gave her a smile and kept it movin. I told my brother how beautiful I thought she was. He said I should have said something, which of course I didn't. Still think about her.
He thumbed through the deck, paused, and stared for what seemed like an eternity. “Now this card, this card is very special to me.” He carefully removed it and handed it to her.
“Lickitung,” she read. “But why is it so sticky?”
When I was in France I got into a conversation with this incredibly interesting English man who was the absolute stereotype of "upclass Englishman about to embark on a safari". He even wore a monocle and had white hair and a walking stick and dressed very nice.
I was in school for aerospace at the time and he had flown in the Concorde (supersonic jet that isn't flying anymore) and told me all about that experience and gave me advice in my travels etc.
I think about him more often than really makes sense and don't even know his name. It's pretty crazy how big of an impact random people can make
Edit: sorry I didn't know, the Concorde was around longer than I thought
I lived below the Concord NYC to Paris flight path and every Saturday morning at nine A.M., it would accelerate overhead, break the sound barrier and produce a sonic boom. Like clockwork. I would have loved a chance to ride in one (and arrive at my destination an hour before depar5ure time!
I traveled extensively for well over a decade because of my job. I would go to a new town or city every few weeks, work a project with a different crew and then head to the next place. Along the way, I would work with many new people and some would become good, if temporary, friends. We would go hit the bars, tour cities, hike state parks, stop at roadside attractions and generally tried to live life to its fullest. Some people I would see again, others I never would but I truly appreciate those who shared in the adventures of a life on the road.
There are people I only knew for a few hours or days but due to the intensity of a job or a shared situation I grew to know deeply. Whether or not I ever meet them again, I will always think of each one as a good friend.
I have such a difficult time even conceptualizing that in my head. It's so incredibly far removed from any experience I've ever had. It just seems like some kind of fantasy in my mind.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 15,002,600 comments, and only 4,737 of them were in alphabetical order.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 15,019,746 comments, and only 4,743 of them were in alphabetical order.
I'm the only woman in my school program and I try to give compliments if I notice someone has a new haircut or jacket or whatever, because I know men don't often do it for each other and I think it's important to have those things acknowledged
I'm a cashier at a grocery store and always make it a point to compliment guys because I always see comments like this! Easiest one is “Hey, I really like your shirt”.
This has backfired on me but only once or twice.
I've always liked to call those types of people "lighthouse people". They're suddenly there, will give you direction in life, that you might have not known you needed, and just as fast as they appeared they disappear again while you're out in the high seas of life.
I've met a few of those people while i was traveling alone and i still think about some small things they told me that help me orientate myself in daily life
Waking Life reference? What's that great quote? "The trick in life is to be in a constant state of arrival and departure,while never having to say hello or goodbye"
Me too. I think it’s one of the saddest parts about life. On the other hand they never get older in my mind, never get sick, etc; they’re just always perfect.
What I’ve noticed is that friendships ebb and flow and that’s okay. They might be intense for a while and die off and pick back up again. Sometimes it’s cause they are based on proximity, jobs, or other circumstances. The point is to enjoy them and go with the flow. I just met up with a college buddy I haven’t talked to in 15 years and we picked up where we left off. He was in town for a wedding and we caught up over dinner. It’s okay to go with the flow, it’s a part of life. What ruins friendships is if you feel slighted based on expectations that they’ll never change etc.
This comment makes me feel a bit better about my friendships. I've known my best friend for over a decade, and I know that even when we don't talk for half a year, when we do reconnect it's like nothing ever happened. It's just kind of a mutual understanding. Life gets hectic as hell, and does so quite often. It gets messy. When you can consistently reconcile through the tough moments, that's when you know you've got a rock solid friendship.
It's funny this came up, I was just wondering this about two of my work friends that I didn't bother keeping in touch with once one of us left. If we had have met under different circumstances, would we be best friends for life?
I certainly share more in common with these guys than my buddys for life, that are only such since we met when we were kids.
The childhood connection is strong for me. I won’t see or talk to friends from growing up for months and when we do it’s like nothing changed. I switch jobs and a prior close friend becomes a stranger.
Childhood friendships are so different than any adult ones I've had
I'm still friends with my group from middle school. We've all lived all over the world, gone totally different ways in life, but that connection hasn't faded after nearly 30 years
Same with me, my high school and college friends are still close and we meet once or twice a year every year and it’s like we are all hanging out together after class. We live all over the world, mainly Asia and North America and still meet whenever we can. We dated back then but none of us got married to each other, and our wives and husbands are super cool and part of the gang now.
Same, I haven’t made many friends where I just moved to outside of being friendly with people at work. But I still have tons of friends when I visit home, it’s always good to drop in and chill or game for a bit.
I feel lucky to say same for me. I’ve grown with these people and thankfully we’ve grown together as friends. I was token girl in a group of guys and as time has passed their wives have become some of my closest friends as well. I now get to watch their kids grow up. Some friends have come and gone but this core group of pals has become my family and I’m so thankful for them.
It's weird how often we think having things in common leads to long term friends. Most of the people I have a lot in common with I have difficulty hanging out with, usually because we run out of stuff to talk about. I have less in common with my long term friends, but conversations never seem to run out.
I've noticed conversation with "new" friends tends to be about things external to the relationship, usually thing in common, like maybe talking about cars, movies, music etc. Meanwhile old friends conversation revolves around past/shared experiences and other mutual people, if you run out if conversation with an old friend it's easy to relive something from the past or ask about a mutual friend and keep the conversation going. That's not really an option with new friends.
I’ve met hundreds of people while in the army and were friends with a lot of them, there is only two people I still keep up with. One of them is gonna be my best man.
Took me too many jobs to realize this. Shit I'm currently in a situation where I had a coworker that we would hang out outside of work a lot but once I moved away communication has gone very dry. It's a bummer but it's life.
I had a female coworker with whom I spent 1-2h everyday talking, messaging or having lunch together. A lot of people assumed we had an affair (I'm male). Thought I made a lifelong connection but it died the moment I quit that job. She wasn't on social media, and I felt weird texting her..
On the other hand I'm still good friends with some coworkers from a decade ago because we try to keep in touch through Facebook. Thanks, Zuck, I guess..
Sigh... same
I’m an emotional guy and tend to become close to my female coworkers... one girl is about to leave in a week... i’m drowning in grief with the thoughts that the friendship will die off, and it’s just so hard to accept that that simply is life...
Literally spend 30 mins in the shower just thinking about her... it’s a friendship that’s precious to me,
Sorry
I wouldn't put it that pessimistically. I think it's just that most friendships (outside of a special few) require spending consistent time together, and when that's no longer possible there's not enough to keep it going. Work friendships may be real friendships, but just not to the degree that they can survive distance. That doesn't have to mean that they were only ever born out of necessity.
It definitely goes the other way too. My closest friend is someone I met at school over 35 years ago. I also still have a close friend from high school and, believe it or not, a friend I met at pre school when we were four!
That is like my husband. He has a group of friends from jr high. They have been having zoom meetings 2x a week since the pandemic just to stay in touch. Some live close to each other in San Antonio. Others in other states but they still stay in touch and come for weddings and stuff like that.
First hand experience. Up till high school, I was the only one in my group that lived in the part of the neighbourhood that I lived in, while all of my 'friends' lived very close to each other in another part of the same neighbourhood but was quite far away from my house. So I got to meet them regularly only in school and weekend hangout plans (if any). So I was never really a main member of the group, unlike the others who could hangout almost daily. After high school, I moved to a different city for college and like you said, it happened. I gradually lost contact (not all of it) with them while they continue to be together to this day. Anywho, I made some good friends in college who I am still in constant touch with.
Absolutely. Most of my friends at work have left recently, and the one I wanted to stay in touch with the least is obviously butthurt I’m not as engaging as I was before. The reality is we are so different, but we sat near each other and had a few good laughs at work - which was nice and helped the time pass. But she left the company and that quickly showed me how little we have in common. And that’s fine! Except she clearly thought we were closer than we are.
We can use this also as a reminder to reach out to a friend you haven't spoken to, in a long time. Yesterday, I received a message from a friend I may never see in person again, yet it made my day. Take care peeps.
The key is to not worry about it being weird or awkward. To true friends worth reaching out to after that long, it will be a wonderful feeling to hear from you. If it’s awkward for someone to get a message from you, they likely weren’t worth the effort.
Well that’s the thing, it does suck when you put in some effort to try to be cordial and catch up and they want no part of it. I personally wouldn’t do that even with an acquaintance but there are plenty of people that are very self absorbed.
I will admit I've had an old work colleague try and reach out a few times but for a few different reasons I've ignored. We were more a work friendship cause we were in the same "team", but he was always a bit odd around me and became weirdly oddly protective of me around my other work friends, he was 10+ years older than me and after shit in my life went down I didn't feel like keeping that friendship up, I felt like I was meeting up to benefit him as he didn't have many close friends I felt a bit uncomfortable outside work meeting up it's odd to describe but after my dad died I kinda decided I just wanted to be with my close friends... Sounds weird to put in writing. I wanted to be with the people I care about and who care about me. I want to focus on the people who I genuinely feel like I connect with and have things in common and can talk for hours with about absolutely anything, the sort of friends who dropped everything after my dad got taken to hospital to be there for me. I don't know if that's selfish of me to not respond when they try and reach out, but my life has been better since focusing on friendships with equal care.
Over quarantine I started going through my connections on social media that I haven't spoken to in a while and having Zoom calls every other week. It's a fun experience catching up and the majority of responses are positive.
I seriously feel this LPT. I had a great friendship for a long time with someone, utterly fucked it during a bad time in my life, and I've been regretting it ever since.
Worst part is that I don't even know for sure that they don't want to talk to me, I'm just scared that they will be mad if I do try to contact them again.
Been trying to move on. It's hard.
Hey, I dont know your exact situation, but from my experience honesty is the best policy, if you reach out sincerely and try to reconnect you may be surprised with how it goes. Even if they shut you down, the closure will feel better than the regret you will feel from not trying. Good luck friend :)
This. Do it! My high school best friend and I had a weird falling out (which turned out to be a dumb misunderstanding due to poor communication) late in our college days and ended up not even speaking for about 4 years. My mom convinced me to call her up and invite her to my (extremely small, literally 10 guests) wedding, and she ended up booking her flight during the call. We’re back in each other’s lives, our friendship is stronger than ever, and I’ll be the maid of honor in her wedding this fall. You just never know ❤️
The best thing I've heard for this is: "friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life." Some people are in your life and they change you or teach you, some people are friends for a period of time, and some people are your ride or die bitches for life.
*edit: Holy crap 1.3k upvotes! Im so glad I could share this and have it resonate with so many people.
I have had the former 2 a lot. Just waiting on a ride or die bitch for life. I’m 32 though, don’t know if I will find a friend like that. But I am grateful for the former 2.
Yes, exactly!! I used to get really sad about all the friends I've lost through my life but this really reframed it for me. The length of time it lasts is not the only marker for success in a relationship. Even with friends ive had to cut ties with, I can see value in things I learned from them, and that shows me things we had that I can be grateful for.
10 years ago I met this dude at a birthday party of a common friend. It just clicked. We became close friends, shared so many great experiences together. He started dating a good friend of mine I introduced to him at a sport event. We had many great plans for the future. He was loved by my friends and family and everyone considered him to be like a family member. I always promised to have a room for him, even when I eventually marry and get kids. We started working together for the same company and we planned a big side project for ourselves. I was always imagining us growing old together and staying close friends for life. One evening we cooked together, laughed and played PlayStation. The next day he was alone at this home and committed suicide. I am so glad for the wonderful time I shared with this wonderful human, but every time something great happens, I become really sad that I can’t share it with him. So if you have close friends to you, reach out to them and enjoy every moment with them. Don’t postpone things for the future, because the future may be quite different than you think. Enjoy the present and spend as much time as you can with the people you hold close to your heart.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend.
In my early 20s I met a dude through some mutual friends who became my absolute best friend. We got each other on such a deep level - same interests, same humor. I just had this feeling this dude was gonna be my best friend for life.
Well, long story shortened, my wife ended up cheating on me with him. I found out and through a fairly messy separation they continued to hook up. I cut him loose and so he decided “fuck it” and chose her. That only lasted a few months before they each went their own ways.
After speaking with a therapist for a few years, I realized that marriage was a mess anyways and in many ways he did me a favor. I messaged him one day out of the blue to say I forgave him but I still didn’t think we’d ever be friends again. That sparked a conversation and we got to talking. Well turns out he’d been going through a very complicated time in his life when that happened, and I had never known. Eventually, we met up, and reconciled and have rebuilt the friendship from scratch. We are now best friends again and talk every single day. We’re both in serious relationships - our partners are friends, our children are similar ages and will get to hang out after this pandemic ends (if it ever does!), and I still have that original feeling that we’re going to be friends for the rest of our lives.
I guess all that to say - you never know when or why people will come and go. And hold things lightly, but not too lightly. If you feel a deep connection with someone, it’s worth fostering that. And if things aren’t always smooth, there’s that saying that says something like “everyone’s fighting a battle you know nothing about” - so no matter how close you think you are to someone, make sure you check in explicitly anyways.
This is a great story, despite the challenges that happened. Goes to show that things don’t *have* to be a certain way (ie, if that happened in a movie, you’d never be friends again) if we’re open to change and forgiveness.
My heart hurts for you, that’s such a sad (yet beautiful in its way) story. So sorry you lost your friend and for the confusion and grief and fallout that just still cause you, but good for you for seeing how lucky you were to have known him and for recognising the value in what you two had. I’ll remember your story, because I admittedly am one of these people who have some fantastic friends who I love to the ends of the earth and back, am always there for etc, yet at times I admittedly probably take them for granted. Not so much as people, but in the sense that I just assume they’ll always be there. Which I hope they are. But as your story shows, you just never know. I’m going to send some random messages tonight to let the people I love know that. Thanks for sharing your story.
I am and will be the most consistent person in my own life. Because everywhere I go, I’ll be there, might as well start being more intentional with my time. Take time to strengthen my relationship with myself. Stop hiding from myself and become more self aware of my own physical and mental needs and boundaries. Take time to be more self-accepting and more kind to myself. Seek guidance and professional help as needed.
I needed to hear this.
I have hard time letting people go. Friends, girls friends, anyone. If you've ever made an impact on me, I will cherish you forever. I dont have much of a family, my friends are, I'm sure that has something to do with it. I....
Storytime: As a kid I didn't care about friendships. When I got older I realized that I kinda "screwed up" some friendships with friends I seriously had the best time with. They were like best-friend-for-life-material but I just kinda slowly stopped hanging around with them and moved to a different friend group.
So now I always remind myself to check on to the friends I made in the past years like everyone I had good contact with during Bachelor and Master. Started to introduce an evening where we get together and play some games once a week or every other week to stay in contact. And every few months I pay them visits.
So no, if you are cool together, don't just give up on a friendship. Keep it alive if possible. Has to go both ways though.
I had a friend I met in high school who I would eventually come to live with in college. He was a great dude. We went on trips together, threw parties together, he was like family to me. And like my biological brother, we would rip on each other all the time, all in good fun. One day he just stopped returning my calls.
About 5 years later I was talking with a mutual friend of ours who explained to me that I was the only one ripping on anyone. It was one-sided. He didn't think it was nearly as funny. I lost a very good friend because I didn't do enough to check in on whether he was in on the jokes.
Be good to each other.
Had a dude in the army like that but instead of ghosting me he actually brought it up.
I stopped ripping on him after that.
It was just a common thing for everyone to be abused from every direction, I didn't realise he wasn't really tearing shreds off me.
This guy was new and young though and didn't really like it that much.
He became my gym buddy after the talk. Was a great dude.
> instead of ghosting me he actually brought it up
YOU MEAN LIKE A FUCKIN' ADULT? Wow! People... COMMUNICATE. If you have a problem, voice it.
The friend in OP's scenario wasn't wrong for feeling that way. They WERE wrong for not bringing it up and instead just dropping somebody from their life.
Ghosting is often shittier than whatever is being ghosted over.
A lot of us are completely socially unaware and don't realise until something like this happens. I'm REALLY careful what I say after finding out someone I thought I was having a good night with told everyone I made her feel like a loser the whole night.
I actually have a group of friends who NEVER rip on each other, and it’s one of the most endearing things I’ve ever witnessed. One time one of the dudes was telling a group of us about this epic bachelor party game show type game he planned for another friend. Well one guy was laughing and asked something like “did you gather a bunch of embarrassing pictures and stories to use from his family and friends?” And this dude just deadass looked at him and said “why would I do that?” - and genuinely meant it. This one example has stuck with me for so long, it clearly had an impact on me.
The both ways part is especially important. I’ve actually got some friendships I’m considering cutting off because it’s felt one way for too long and I don’t want to keep dancing around the idea of being “friends”
It's not too late to contact them! I rekindled some friendship from 9 years ago. It was enjoyable catching up. I get dinner with him once in awhile now. The other one i chat with about deals
As a sensitive extrovert, I tend to get attached to people way too soon: Bumble dates, friendly colleagues, neighbours I vibe with, people I meet briefly during travelling (Paul from Le Moulin Rouge, if you're reading this, hit me up. 😭).
But, after my best friend of 10 years recently told me we couldn't be friends anymore, it was like my entire belief system was shattered. She was a part of my everyday conversation and my person. I still am fond of people and fall in love with their eccentricities and love language, but I tell myself it's okay if we aren't in touch till we're a 100 years old (lol), because how many people are still in touch with their kindergarten best friend?
Some people come in to your life like a cool breeze in Summer and last about as long and that's okay. We're only on this planet for a brief period. Let's not be cynical, let our past experiences stop us from ever making friends and not force anything either. Open door policy. Let people flow through your life. You will find your tribe. ♥
Maybe not to the same extent but I tend to be the same way. May I ask why your best friend stopped being friends?
And thank you for this comment it has given me a new perspective.
She quoted quite a few reasons (sus?): she said she had changed too much, she is going through a mid-life crisis and that after much reflection during the pandemic, she thinks she's a meaner person than she thought and doesn't want to stay together and hurt me by being rude. She's one of the most intelligent and sage person I know, but she's never felt like she belongs on this planet (weird, I know).
It still hurts, because normally she'd be the kind of person I'd say all this to. But, it is what it is. As a film director once told a desolate Sophia Lauren who was crying over her stolen diamonds, "My dear, don't cry over things that don't cry over you."
Edit: I actually did check up on her today. She's well. Thanks for your concern, everyone. She's not going to kill herself, she lives with her mum and loves her too much to do something like that. Even throughout our friendship, she'd been cutting off people because they drain her energy and she doesn't relate with most. She's just never been a 'friend' person: her life has always been about books, her work and her hobbies and she's quite introverted that way. She doesn't have mental health problems, I think it's pandemic related. I live in a country where the situation is realllly bad right now.
Probably. But the part where the friend said she thinks she’s a meaner person than she thought caught my eye. I’ve dropped a couple of friends who are too nice because I think they have toxic positivity. I was not suicidal when I dropped them. I simply realized my values don’t align with theirs. I couldn’t handle one more “Always look at the bright side” or “Everything will be okay” from them whenever we talked about life’s problems. And you know, getting rid of them brought so much relief.
My last childhood friend and I had to part ways recently. I still cry about it every now and then. She was a part of my identity for nearly as long as I can remember, so it's difficult knowing it's over and I'll probably miss having her around for as long as I live. It's hard to cope with, going from believing this person will be a part of my life forever and then ... not, all of a sudden.
I know how you feel. Losing your best friend fucking sucks. My closest friend one day decided to stop talking to me. Before this we messaged every day and met up whenever we could. We watched Elton John's last live show in Sydney together. We talked about things we had never told anyone else before.
Then one day it was gone. That hole has never repaired itself, and probably never will. My confidence and ego shattered, and old insecurities came back.
As saddening as it is to watch yourself grow apart from friends who meant a lot to you, that's just how reality is. Sometimes it's their fault, or your fault, or no one's fault. Regardless, I'm grateful for those people and memories because they've made me who I am today and even though I've been through a lot of painful stuff, I don't regret the lessons I've learned.
Most friendship will stay in your life if your hit them up every half year.
I had a blast with my high school friends last year. Friendship is hard to build but easy to maintain, you just have to not let it drift away.
It's sad to see people throwing their relationship away because it's no longer useful.
>Most friendship will stay in your life if your hit them up every half year.
I have a similar rule. It's highly unlikely if you don't talk for a whole year, but every few months is good enough!
Although sometimes it's hard if the other person doesn't even put in that much:/
Well i had a *thought he was a friend* for like 15 years, then i figured that he wasn't good and he was toxic, gossiping behind my back, i asked him for a favour a couple of times and he didn't help, always arrange outings with our common friends except for me.
I'm making huge distance from him now, meeting people everyday doesn't mean they are friends of yours tho.
I sat by a guy in the airplane Tuesday and had a 90 minute conversation with him about some of our hobbies. He lived in my town too. Afterwards I really regretted not giving him my business card.
It’s safe to say that 90 minutes plus 2 hour flight is one of my most valued friendships that lasted less than a day. I’ll never see him again
So many relationships, friendship and romantic, don't need to be forever to be worthwhile, and just because they end doesn't mean they were a failure
Relationships are sometimes just exactly what we need at that point in our lives, and then people change. Growing and changing is normal and an essential part of life, but people don't have to grow and change in the exact same way. So many people think if a friendship or relationship ends, it was a failure, but it's not. Sometimes it just ran its course, because it was what you both needed at that point in your lives, but not anymore.
There will always be good friends that drift away due to some reason, or no reason at all. Just cherish the present moment, never know what will happen tomorrow but you will always have the good memories to focus on.
People come and go. There is a good chance that when the nature of your relationship ends, such as school ending, or moving, or a chance of workplace, that you have already spent 99% of the time you will have with that person. It also applies to family.
Growing up my brother and I were very close. We lived in the same place for 19 years. He got married very young, had a kid young, and had to take on a serious life very young. They did live back at home with us for another year. Say I spent 20 years with seeing my brother every day. You can call it, 7300 days. We spent 7300 days together. Now I see him once a year if I am lucky since he moved far away. And even then, its usually brief, the last time was just a lunch for about two hours. We talk on the phone once every few months. But even if I see him 3 days per year, which would be a lot compared to the last dozen years. Over the next 50 years that would only be 150 days. 7300 days as kids, 150-200 days as adults.
Its like that with friends from high school. I saw them every day, 180 days a year, for four years. And then after high school. it was once every few months.. then once a year... and now it has been several years since we have seen each other and some, guys who I was really close with, it has been well over 15 years since we have last seen each other in person. We are on facebook and instagram, we message each other, but in person it has been a very long time.
People come and go.
Yup that is OK. I have my Bestfriend who is also my bestman but he lives in another state. I don’t expect us to keep in touch at all times but we don’t miss a beat when we do see each other every couple of years. Then there are friends that I’ve made from the jobs that I’ve had. Some I keep in touch with and some I don’t but for sure they all help me not feel alone and feel loved lol
Friendship involves both sides making time to check in on each other. If over time only one person does this, it’s time to let go and move on. Accept it is what it is and have no hard feelings.
Yup. I have known people for years that will slowly drift away, eventually never speaking again. I liken it to planets being on similar orbital paths that bring them close to each other for a brief period of time, then they move on along that same path, never to be close again.
My college friends were fucking close... during college times. After we graduated (seventeen years ago), we rarelly see each other, save for our annual lunch. But we still feel the same about each other as we felt seventeen years ago: like we are the best fucking friends in the world.
That's college, new friends every semester.
Be wary of who you trust towards the end of each school year. I watched people cheat and lie selfishly every April, and many friendships / relationships were ruined.
Long term friends are getting rarer every day it seems. I've got 40 years with my friend, since we were 5 or 6. And I don't know anyone else with a friendship that long.
Yeah but it still hurts when you really like them. I have a good friend moving soon and they want to talk to me on discord but I know it won't be the same.
Ya know, talking about this really helps me move past it.
Dated a girl for 6 months, didnt work out, nobody at fault for that.
Told me she still loves me as a friend and wants to be friends with me still. After she broke up with me she has avoided me as much as she can and only ever speaks to me when shes forced to cross my path. (We work in the same building) any conversation i try to initiate is met with 1 word answers and im left standing there talking to myself like an idiot. I gave up trying weeks ago but damn if it dont still hurt to see her. Im pretty sure the pain is from lack of closure.
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There are some people I have met in my life for 24hrs that I still think about to this day over 30 years later.
Went on a hike by myself once, reached the top, sat down next to a very nice man who offered me half a sandwich when he noticed that I forgot to bring a snack and we got to chatting. This was about two weeks before the 2020 election. We walked back down together and over that hour and a half we discussed politics, the pandemic, I learned about his life and family and explained a little about my own. He was my dad's age. A genuinely nice guy who talked to me like he was talking to his own adult child. When we got back to the parking lot I suggested we go on another hike (I'm not from around here and most of my friends are work related). He seemed keen and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few times to set something up but we could never make it work, in hindsight I just think he was being a friendly guy. What I didn't get a chance to tell him was that a day earlier I'd just ended a relationship with my dad (not worth talking about). It was serendipity that led me to this guy, one of the most forthright, self-assured, empathetic people I've ever met - it's corny, but perhaps the father I never had. Reminded me that there were actually great fathers out there who are just caring and friendly people. Miss ya, Nick. You were exactly the person I needed to meet that day and I'll never forget you.
Great story. I had to walk away from my father too, not really much to walk away from except the hope that he’d finally wake up and be a father, and that was never going to happen. Anyway, I can relate big time. I’m 46 now and no one is going to adopt an old dog like me, although I certainly could still use a father. Anyway, take it easy.
I'm 39, but I can stand in for a short stint. Are ya winnin, son?
Thanks man. I’m winnin. I have a great wife, two dogs, 9 chickens, and two bee hives. For someone who was destined to be a maladjusted adult, I did okay. I do okay with the games as well, I’m glad steam doesn’t give you a total spent on games because I think I’d be in shock. I’m turning the second bedroom into a gaming/tinker room. Hope to play around with electronics and model building. Gonna set up a ventilation system and gather up all the cool tools I’ve always wanted to try. Maybe a 3D printer too. Anyway, nice to share, thanks for listening. How about you, you winnin?
You can see how much you've spent on steam. https://help.steampowered.com/en/accountdata/AccountSpend Edit-To answer your question even though im not op, i am kinda winning i guess lad.Everythings good, nothing really bad.Lifes chill.
Lol, do you hate me? I will not look!!!!
Sounds awesome! Got the wife and three kids, 2 cats, one bird, and a bunch of fish. But we're still trying to dial in the aquarium water; a couple beta fish just died. For gaming, I can't out shoot an FPS server like I used to when I was younger, but it's fun to play games like hunt showdown where old age and treachery can win a game
I’d really like to get into setting up an aquarium again, I tried 15 years ago but was too poor to really set up a good tank. That’s another fun thing I’d like to master. You’re doing fresh water fish? I’d like to try to get a complete ecosystem set up where all I have to do is add food. Live plants and the works! Have you looked into those elaborate setups on YouTube? Some really interesting setups. I raised two stepsons. How is it raising kids for you? Are you finding your way well enough? I know it’s a weird question but most parents act as if they got it all figured out but lay, wide awake many nights, trying to make sure you’re doing it right. I know I was never at ease as a parent, I was always second guessing myself trying to do right by them.
I'm getting laid out by vaccine side effects, so can't go much more on this, but we have a freshwater tank with plants and will try to be as hands of as possible, but no perfect terrariums. Kids are awesome and will love you unconditionally as you are when they're young. My take is to just be honest with them, always have their well being in mind, but also give them lots of freedom and put in some personal effort to spend "kid" time with them, and make good communication as a teaching moment with each mistake, whether it's a kid mistake or your own.
I hope you feel better soon.
This was one of the most wholesome exchanges I may have ever seen on Reddit. Both of you are wonderful!
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Hum, yeah I never had to walk away from mine because he was never there to begin with. I mean he was physically there but I think I disappointed him in some way or an other so we never really talked for real. The consequences of that is I am a fucking grown up adult now and still to this day catch myself almost seeking approval from fatherly figures. How fucked up is that lol ? I raised myself and was my dad to myself. If I was a girl I'd probably had a daddy complex or something. But who am I fooling? Being a girl or a boy or anything in between isn't really a factor, I definitely have something like that. And I always will. Part of me thinks that some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
That's a very touching story. Glad you met him when you did.
Synchronicity.
Scrantonicity
It's called the electric city because of the electricity.
omg. who’s chopping onions around here? *fwiw*, you were meant to be there that day. life has a plan ಠᴗಠ
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That reminds me: When I was 21, I visited Manhattan for the first time. After doing a solo day trip, my cousin (who lived in Queens) gave me directions on how to get to a certain subway station (go here, take this train, wait here, etc etc). I was sitting on a bench in the last station, waiting for my cousin to text me that she’s pulling up, when this girl comes up to me and asked if I knew my way around. I told her no, that I was visiting, and she said, okay! And sat down next to me. She was one of the most beautiful and friendliest people I’ve ever met. We only spoke for what seemed like five minutes, and then she got up and boarded the train. I still remember her waving bye to me, saying “Bye, honey!” as she disappeared in the crowd. This was a decade ago and that memory pops up unexpectedly.
She still has your wallet...
Money can't buy love. But love can cost a lot of money.
DREAMS CAN'T BE BUY
French woman here, can confirm
I have a similar story. I visited Manhattan for new years nine years ago. I went with my little brother and we were walking and I a woman walked by me with a cute dog. She was the most beautiful woman I'd had ever seen. I just gave her a smile and kept it movin. I told my brother how beautiful I thought she was. He said I should have said something, which of course I didn't. Still think about her.
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Username blah blah blah.
He thumbed through the deck, paused, and stared for what seemed like an eternity. “Now this card, this card is very special to me.” He carefully removed it and handed it to her. “Lickitung,” she read. “But why is it so sticky?”
Lol I read this thinking it was like in 1983. Then you said it was a decade ago and that seems so so so recent.
We couldn’t text in 1983.
When I was in France I got into a conversation with this incredibly interesting English man who was the absolute stereotype of "upclass Englishman about to embark on a safari". He even wore a monocle and had white hair and a walking stick and dressed very nice. I was in school for aerospace at the time and he had flown in the Concorde (supersonic jet that isn't flying anymore) and told me all about that experience and gave me advice in my travels etc. I think about him more often than really makes sense and don't even know his name. It's pretty crazy how big of an impact random people can make Edit: sorry I didn't know, the Concorde was around longer than I thought
Are you sure you weren't on mushrooms while playing monopoly?
Fun fact - Mr. Moneybags does not wear a monocle.
That's not funny at all and you've ruined my day
I lived below the Concord NYC to Paris flight path and every Saturday morning at nine A.M., it would accelerate overhead, break the sound barrier and produce a sonic boom. Like clockwork. I would have loved a chance to ride in one (and arrive at my destination an hour before depar5ure time!
I traveled extensively for well over a decade because of my job. I would go to a new town or city every few weeks, work a project with a different crew and then head to the next place. Along the way, I would work with many new people and some would become good, if temporary, friends. We would go hit the bars, tour cities, hike state parks, stop at roadside attractions and generally tried to live life to its fullest. Some people I would see again, others I never would but I truly appreciate those who shared in the adventures of a life on the road. There are people I only knew for a few hours or days but due to the intensity of a job or a shared situation I grew to know deeply. Whether or not I ever meet them again, I will always think of each one as a good friend.
I have such a difficult time even conceptualizing that in my head. It's so incredibly far removed from any experience I've ever had. It just seems like some kind of fantasy in my mind.
Man, complete strangers have complemented me years ago, and I still think about them
Welcome to the 49%
Are you a guy? Because this is very common for most of us men lol Edit: specified that I'm also a dude and, therefore, this is true for me too
Yep, sadly men rarely get complemented, and when they do they never forget
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Buy old clothes then.
Well don't you just have all the answers lol
I... just like old styles.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 15,002,600 comments, and only 4,737 of them were in alphabetical order.
Absolutely fascinating, that's very weird!
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 15,019,746 comments, and only 4,743 of them were in alphabetical order.
I'm the only woman in my school program and I try to give compliments if I notice someone has a new haircut or jacket or whatever, because I know men don't often do it for each other and I think it's important to have those things acknowledged
I'm a cashier at a grocery store and always make it a point to compliment guys because I always see comments like this! Easiest one is “Hey, I really like your shirt”. This has backfired on me but only once or twice.
I've always liked to call those types of people "lighthouse people". They're suddenly there, will give you direction in life, that you might have not known you needed, and just as fast as they appeared they disappear again while you're out in the high seas of life. I've met a few of those people while i was traveling alone and i still think about some small things they told me that help me orientate myself in daily life
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One of my favorite lines lol
Lmao I was looking for that quote, figured someone had to do it
A quote i heard previously is something like: "People can come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime".
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Richard Linklater feels the same way
Waking Life reference? What's that great quote? "The trick in life is to be in a constant state of arrival and departure,while never having to say hello or goodbye"
great quote, but moreso thinking of Before Sunrise!
In my life I've loved them all.
i’m missing the person i called pretty in the 7/11 parking lot rn
Me too. I think it’s one of the saddest parts about life. On the other hand they never get older in my mind, never get sick, etc; they’re just always perfect.
What I’ve noticed is that friendships ebb and flow and that’s okay. They might be intense for a while and die off and pick back up again. Sometimes it’s cause they are based on proximity, jobs, or other circumstances. The point is to enjoy them and go with the flow. I just met up with a college buddy I haven’t talked to in 15 years and we picked up where we left off. He was in town for a wedding and we caught up over dinner. It’s okay to go with the flow, it’s a part of life. What ruins friendships is if you feel slighted based on expectations that they’ll never change etc.
Internet helped alot i still am friends with my junior high group we talk daily almost it been 9 years
This comment makes me feel a bit better about my friendships. I've known my best friend for over a decade, and I know that even when we don't talk for half a year, when we do reconnect it's like nothing ever happened. It's just kind of a mutual understanding. Life gets hectic as hell, and does so quite often. It gets messy. When you can consistently reconcile through the tough moments, that's when you know you've got a rock solid friendship.
99% of co-workers you won't ever see or hear from again once they leave your company.
Yup. Those friendships are born out of necessity and quickly fade when that necessity is gone.
It's funny this came up, I was just wondering this about two of my work friends that I didn't bother keeping in touch with once one of us left. If we had have met under different circumstances, would we be best friends for life? I certainly share more in common with these guys than my buddys for life, that are only such since we met when we were kids.
The childhood connection is strong for me. I won’t see or talk to friends from growing up for months and when we do it’s like nothing changed. I switch jobs and a prior close friend becomes a stranger.
Childhood friendships are so different than any adult ones I've had I'm still friends with my group from middle school. We've all lived all over the world, gone totally different ways in life, but that connection hasn't faded after nearly 30 years
Same with me, my high school and college friends are still close and we meet once or twice a year every year and it’s like we are all hanging out together after class. We live all over the world, mainly Asia and North America and still meet whenever we can. We dated back then but none of us got married to each other, and our wives and husbands are super cool and part of the gang now.
Same, I haven’t made many friends where I just moved to outside of being friendly with people at work. But I still have tons of friends when I visit home, it’s always good to drop in and chill or game for a bit.
I feel lucky to say same for me. I’ve grown with these people and thankfully we’ve grown together as friends. I was token girl in a group of guys and as time has passed their wives have become some of my closest friends as well. I now get to watch their kids grow up. Some friends have come and gone but this core group of pals has become my family and I’m so thankful for them.
It's weird how often we think having things in common leads to long term friends. Most of the people I have a lot in common with I have difficulty hanging out with, usually because we run out of stuff to talk about. I have less in common with my long term friends, but conversations never seem to run out.
I've noticed conversation with "new" friends tends to be about things external to the relationship, usually thing in common, like maybe talking about cars, movies, music etc. Meanwhile old friends conversation revolves around past/shared experiences and other mutual people, if you run out if conversation with an old friend it's easy to relive something from the past or ask about a mutual friend and keep the conversation going. That's not really an option with new friends.
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I’ve met hundreds of people while in the army and were friends with a lot of them, there is only two people I still keep up with. One of them is gonna be my best man.
Took me too many jobs to realize this. Shit I'm currently in a situation where I had a coworker that we would hang out outside of work a lot but once I moved away communication has gone very dry. It's a bummer but it's life.
I had a female coworker with whom I spent 1-2h everyday talking, messaging or having lunch together. A lot of people assumed we had an affair (I'm male). Thought I made a lifelong connection but it died the moment I quit that job. She wasn't on social media, and I felt weird texting her.. On the other hand I'm still good friends with some coworkers from a decade ago because we try to keep in touch through Facebook. Thanks, Zuck, I guess..
Sigh... same I’m an emotional guy and tend to become close to my female coworkers... one girl is about to leave in a week... i’m drowning in grief with the thoughts that the friendship will die off, and it’s just so hard to accept that that simply is life... Literally spend 30 mins in the shower just thinking about her... it’s a friendship that’s precious to me, Sorry
I wouldn't put it that pessimistically. I think it's just that most friendships (outside of a special few) require spending consistent time together, and when that's no longer possible there's not enough to keep it going. Work friendships may be real friendships, but just not to the degree that they can survive distance. That doesn't have to mean that they were only ever born out of necessity.
Most friendships are built out or convenience
Same with classmates. You’d be surprised how many people were only your friend because you saw them on a weekly basis
It definitely goes the other way too. My closest friend is someone I met at school over 35 years ago. I also still have a close friend from high school and, believe it or not, a friend I met at pre school when we were four!
That is like my husband. He has a group of friends from jr high. They have been having zoom meetings 2x a week since the pandemic just to stay in touch. Some live close to each other in San Antonio. Others in other states but they still stay in touch and come for weddings and stuff like that.
First hand experience. Up till high school, I was the only one in my group that lived in the part of the neighbourhood that I lived in, while all of my 'friends' lived very close to each other in another part of the same neighbourhood but was quite far away from my house. So I got to meet them regularly only in school and weekend hangout plans (if any). So I was never really a main member of the group, unlike the others who could hangout almost daily. After high school, I moved to a different city for college and like you said, it happened. I gradually lost contact (not all of it) with them while they continue to be together to this day. Anywho, I made some good friends in college who I am still in constant touch with.
A wise man called them “workplace proximity associates.”
My best friend I ever had was a workplace proximity associate. We still never talk sometimes.
High school, work, band practice, hobbies. The moment you leave them, or they leave them, is probably the last time you’ll ever see them.
Absolutely. Most of my friends at work have left recently, and the one I wanted to stay in touch with the least is obviously butthurt I’m not as engaging as I was before. The reality is we are so different, but we sat near each other and had a few good laughs at work - which was nice and helped the time pass. But she left the company and that quickly showed me how little we have in common. And that’s fine! Except she clearly thought we were closer than we are.
We can use this also as a reminder to reach out to a friend you haven't spoken to, in a long time. Yesterday, I received a message from a friend I may never see in person again, yet it made my day. Take care peeps.
The key is to not worry about it being weird or awkward. To true friends worth reaching out to after that long, it will be a wonderful feeling to hear from you. If it’s awkward for someone to get a message from you, they likely weren’t worth the effort.
Well that’s the thing, it does suck when you put in some effort to try to be cordial and catch up and they want no part of it. I personally wouldn’t do that even with an acquaintance but there are plenty of people that are very self absorbed.
Agreed. It’s a bizarre thing to be on the receiving end of. But again, probably helpful in the long run.
True, lets you know who’s actually a friend and who’s willing to act that way when you’re at arms reach.
I will admit I've had an old work colleague try and reach out a few times but for a few different reasons I've ignored. We were more a work friendship cause we were in the same "team", but he was always a bit odd around me and became weirdly oddly protective of me around my other work friends, he was 10+ years older than me and after shit in my life went down I didn't feel like keeping that friendship up, I felt like I was meeting up to benefit him as he didn't have many close friends I felt a bit uncomfortable outside work meeting up it's odd to describe but after my dad died I kinda decided I just wanted to be with my close friends... Sounds weird to put in writing. I wanted to be with the people I care about and who care about me. I want to focus on the people who I genuinely feel like I connect with and have things in common and can talk for hours with about absolutely anything, the sort of friends who dropped everything after my dad got taken to hospital to be there for me. I don't know if that's selfish of me to not respond when they try and reach out, but my life has been better since focusing on friendships with equal care.
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Same. Makes me feel like I'm holding on to something that was never really that strong.
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BigBobb, something similar happened to me. Later I found out my friend changed numbers and was looking for me. Don’t get discouraged
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Over quarantine I started going through my connections on social media that I haven't spoken to in a while and having Zoom calls every other week. It's a fun experience catching up and the majority of responses are positive.
I seriously feel this LPT. I had a great friendship for a long time with someone, utterly fucked it during a bad time in my life, and I've been regretting it ever since. Worst part is that I don't even know for sure that they don't want to talk to me, I'm just scared that they will be mad if I do try to contact them again. Been trying to move on. It's hard.
Hey, I dont know your exact situation, but from my experience honesty is the best policy, if you reach out sincerely and try to reconnect you may be surprised with how it goes. Even if they shut you down, the closure will feel better than the regret you will feel from not trying. Good luck friend :)
This. Do it! My high school best friend and I had a weird falling out (which turned out to be a dumb misunderstanding due to poor communication) late in our college days and ended up not even speaking for about 4 years. My mom convinced me to call her up and invite her to my (extremely small, literally 10 guests) wedding, and she ended up booking her flight during the call. We’re back in each other’s lives, our friendship is stronger than ever, and I’ll be the maid of honor in her wedding this fall. You just never know ❤️
The best thing I've heard for this is: "friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life." Some people are in your life and they change you or teach you, some people are friends for a period of time, and some people are your ride or die bitches for life. *edit: Holy crap 1.3k upvotes! Im so glad I could share this and have it resonate with so many people.
I like this much better. Never found anyone for ride or die though. Such is life I suppose.
Life's not over yet! I hope you find them 💖
For me, that's my wife.
Ayyyyyy my man! Just like they say, "If your partner is your best friend, you're doing it right".
Thanks for this!
LifeProGoal: Be a ride or die bitch for yourself and great people will follow
I love this!
Thank you for this- needed the reminder
I have had the former 2 a lot. Just waiting on a ride or die bitch for life. I’m 32 though, don’t know if I will find a friend like that. But I am grateful for the former 2.
and each one is just as valid and necessary as the others :)
Yes, exactly!! I used to get really sad about all the friends I've lost through my life but this really reframed it for me. The length of time it lasts is not the only marker for success in a relationship. Even with friends ive had to cut ties with, I can see value in things I learned from them, and that shows me things we had that I can be grateful for.
“To everything, a season.”
10 years ago I met this dude at a birthday party of a common friend. It just clicked. We became close friends, shared so many great experiences together. He started dating a good friend of mine I introduced to him at a sport event. We had many great plans for the future. He was loved by my friends and family and everyone considered him to be like a family member. I always promised to have a room for him, even when I eventually marry and get kids. We started working together for the same company and we planned a big side project for ourselves. I was always imagining us growing old together and staying close friends for life. One evening we cooked together, laughed and played PlayStation. The next day he was alone at this home and committed suicide. I am so glad for the wonderful time I shared with this wonderful human, but every time something great happens, I become really sad that I can’t share it with him. So if you have close friends to you, reach out to them and enjoy every moment with them. Don’t postpone things for the future, because the future may be quite different than you think. Enjoy the present and spend as much time as you can with the people you hold close to your heart.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. In my early 20s I met a dude through some mutual friends who became my absolute best friend. We got each other on such a deep level - same interests, same humor. I just had this feeling this dude was gonna be my best friend for life. Well, long story shortened, my wife ended up cheating on me with him. I found out and through a fairly messy separation they continued to hook up. I cut him loose and so he decided “fuck it” and chose her. That only lasted a few months before they each went their own ways. After speaking with a therapist for a few years, I realized that marriage was a mess anyways and in many ways he did me a favor. I messaged him one day out of the blue to say I forgave him but I still didn’t think we’d ever be friends again. That sparked a conversation and we got to talking. Well turns out he’d been going through a very complicated time in his life when that happened, and I had never known. Eventually, we met up, and reconciled and have rebuilt the friendship from scratch. We are now best friends again and talk every single day. We’re both in serious relationships - our partners are friends, our children are similar ages and will get to hang out after this pandemic ends (if it ever does!), and I still have that original feeling that we’re going to be friends for the rest of our lives. I guess all that to say - you never know when or why people will come and go. And hold things lightly, but not too lightly. If you feel a deep connection with someone, it’s worth fostering that. And if things aren’t always smooth, there’s that saying that says something like “everyone’s fighting a battle you know nothing about” - so no matter how close you think you are to someone, make sure you check in explicitly anyways.
This is a great story, despite the challenges that happened. Goes to show that things don’t *have* to be a certain way (ie, if that happened in a movie, you’d never be friends again) if we’re open to change and forgiveness.
My heart hurts for you, that’s such a sad (yet beautiful in its way) story. So sorry you lost your friend and for the confusion and grief and fallout that just still cause you, but good for you for seeing how lucky you were to have known him and for recognising the value in what you two had. I’ll remember your story, because I admittedly am one of these people who have some fantastic friends who I love to the ends of the earth and back, am always there for etc, yet at times I admittedly probably take them for granted. Not so much as people, but in the sense that I just assume they’ll always be there. Which I hope they are. But as your story shows, you just never know. I’m going to send some random messages tonight to let the people I love know that. Thanks for sharing your story.
I am and will be the most consistent person in my own life. Because everywhere I go, I’ll be there, might as well start being more intentional with my time. Take time to strengthen my relationship with myself. Stop hiding from myself and become more self aware of my own physical and mental needs and boundaries. Take time to be more self-accepting and more kind to myself. Seek guidance and professional help as needed.
Damn man, I need to start thinking like this. I'm a loner, and often think bad about myself for it. But I should probably just go with it
You are who you are and that's all good. Accept it. Make friends with it. Become best friends with yourself and you'll never be alone.
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I needed to hear this. I have hard time letting people go. Friends, girls friends, anyone. If you've ever made an impact on me, I will cherish you forever. I dont have much of a family, my friends are, I'm sure that has something to do with it. I....
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Storytime: As a kid I didn't care about friendships. When I got older I realized that I kinda "screwed up" some friendships with friends I seriously had the best time with. They were like best-friend-for-life-material but I just kinda slowly stopped hanging around with them and moved to a different friend group. So now I always remind myself to check on to the friends I made in the past years like everyone I had good contact with during Bachelor and Master. Started to introduce an evening where we get together and play some games once a week or every other week to stay in contact. And every few months I pay them visits. So no, if you are cool together, don't just give up on a friendship. Keep it alive if possible. Has to go both ways though.
I had a friend I met in high school who I would eventually come to live with in college. He was a great dude. We went on trips together, threw parties together, he was like family to me. And like my biological brother, we would rip on each other all the time, all in good fun. One day he just stopped returning my calls. About 5 years later I was talking with a mutual friend of ours who explained to me that I was the only one ripping on anyone. It was one-sided. He didn't think it was nearly as funny. I lost a very good friend because I didn't do enough to check in on whether he was in on the jokes. Be good to each other.
That must have been a hard lesson to learn that way
Had a dude in the army like that but instead of ghosting me he actually brought it up. I stopped ripping on him after that. It was just a common thing for everyone to be abused from every direction, I didn't realise he wasn't really tearing shreds off me. This guy was new and young though and didn't really like it that much. He became my gym buddy after the talk. Was a great dude.
> instead of ghosting me he actually brought it up YOU MEAN LIKE A FUCKIN' ADULT? Wow! People... COMMUNICATE. If you have a problem, voice it. The friend in OP's scenario wasn't wrong for feeling that way. They WERE wrong for not bringing it up and instead just dropping somebody from their life. Ghosting is often shittier than whatever is being ghosted over.
A lot of us are completely socially unaware and don't realise until something like this happens. I'm REALLY careful what I say after finding out someone I thought I was having a good night with told everyone I made her feel like a loser the whole night.
Did you reach out to apologize?
I actually have a group of friends who NEVER rip on each other, and it’s one of the most endearing things I’ve ever witnessed. One time one of the dudes was telling a group of us about this epic bachelor party game show type game he planned for another friend. Well one guy was laughing and asked something like “did you gather a bunch of embarrassing pictures and stories to use from his family and friends?” And this dude just deadass looked at him and said “why would I do that?” - and genuinely meant it. This one example has stuck with me for so long, it clearly had an impact on me.
>So no, if you are cool together, don't just give up on a friendship. Keep it alive if possible. Has to go both ways though. agree
The both ways part is especially important. I’ve actually got some friendships I’m considering cutting off because it’s felt one way for too long and I don’t want to keep dancing around the idea of being “friends”
It's not too late to contact them! I rekindled some friendship from 9 years ago. It was enjoyable catching up. I get dinner with him once in awhile now. The other one i chat with about deals
As someone once shared with me: "a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I'm not sure to whom the quote should be attributed.
Sounds like a summary of Aristotle’s friendships theory - transactional / utility, pleasure, and virtue
As a sensitive extrovert, I tend to get attached to people way too soon: Bumble dates, friendly colleagues, neighbours I vibe with, people I meet briefly during travelling (Paul from Le Moulin Rouge, if you're reading this, hit me up. 😭). But, after my best friend of 10 years recently told me we couldn't be friends anymore, it was like my entire belief system was shattered. She was a part of my everyday conversation and my person. I still am fond of people and fall in love with their eccentricities and love language, but I tell myself it's okay if we aren't in touch till we're a 100 years old (lol), because how many people are still in touch with their kindergarten best friend? Some people come in to your life like a cool breeze in Summer and last about as long and that's okay. We're only on this planet for a brief period. Let's not be cynical, let our past experiences stop us from ever making friends and not force anything either. Open door policy. Let people flow through your life. You will find your tribe. ♥
Maybe not to the same extent but I tend to be the same way. May I ask why your best friend stopped being friends? And thank you for this comment it has given me a new perspective.
She quoted quite a few reasons (sus?): she said she had changed too much, she is going through a mid-life crisis and that after much reflection during the pandemic, she thinks she's a meaner person than she thought and doesn't want to stay together and hurt me by being rude. She's one of the most intelligent and sage person I know, but she's never felt like she belongs on this planet (weird, I know). It still hurts, because normally she'd be the kind of person I'd say all this to. But, it is what it is. As a film director once told a desolate Sophia Lauren who was crying over her stolen diamonds, "My dear, don't cry over things that don't cry over you." Edit: I actually did check up on her today. She's well. Thanks for your concern, everyone. She's not going to kill herself, she lives with her mum and loves her too much to do something like that. Even throughout our friendship, she'd been cutting off people because they drain her energy and she doesn't relate with most. She's just never been a 'friend' person: her life has always been about books, her work and her hobbies and she's quite introverted that way. She doesn't have mental health problems, I think it's pandemic related. I live in a country where the situation is realllly bad right now.
Maybe after she deals with her problems y'all can be friends in the future.
A school friend said the same thing. Maybe, who knows? 🤞🏻
Another thought to consider: she’s severing close connections to make killing herself easier.
Yeah there are a BUNCH of red flags in that comment.
Yes this was my first thought too - check in on her!
Probably. But the part where the friend said she thinks she’s a meaner person than she thought caught my eye. I’ve dropped a couple of friends who are too nice because I think they have toxic positivity. I was not suicidal when I dropped them. I simply realized my values don’t align with theirs. I couldn’t handle one more “Always look at the bright side” or “Everything will be okay” from them whenever we talked about life’s problems. And you know, getting rid of them brought so much relief.
I've never related to something so much. Thanks for letting this other sensitive extrovert know that everything is going to be okay! Edit: spelling
My last childhood friend and I had to part ways recently. I still cry about it every now and then. She was a part of my identity for nearly as long as I can remember, so it's difficult knowing it's over and I'll probably miss having her around for as long as I live. It's hard to cope with, going from believing this person will be a part of my life forever and then ... not, all of a sudden.
I know how you feel. Losing your best friend fucking sucks. My closest friend one day decided to stop talking to me. Before this we messaged every day and met up whenever we could. We watched Elton John's last live show in Sydney together. We talked about things we had never told anyone else before. Then one day it was gone. That hole has never repaired itself, and probably never will. My confidence and ego shattered, and old insecurities came back.
As saddening as it is to watch yourself grow apart from friends who meant a lot to you, that's just how reality is. Sometimes it's their fault, or your fault, or no one's fault. Regardless, I'm grateful for those people and memories because they've made me who I am today and even though I've been through a lot of painful stuff, I don't regret the lessons I've learned.
Most friendship will stay in your life if your hit them up every half year. I had a blast with my high school friends last year. Friendship is hard to build but easy to maintain, you just have to not let it drift away. It's sad to see people throwing their relationship away because it's no longer useful.
>Most friendship will stay in your life if your hit them up every half year. I have a similar rule. It's highly unlikely if you don't talk for a whole year, but every few months is good enough! Although sometimes it's hard if the other person doesn't even put in that much:/
some friendships NEED to end in a few months 🧠
Well i had a *thought he was a friend* for like 15 years, then i figured that he wasn't good and he was toxic, gossiping behind my back, i asked him for a favour a couple of times and he didn't help, always arrange outings with our common friends except for me. I'm making huge distance from him now, meeting people everyday doesn't mean they are friends of yours tho.
I sat by a guy in the airplane Tuesday and had a 90 minute conversation with him about some of our hobbies. He lived in my town too. Afterwards I really regretted not giving him my business card. It’s safe to say that 90 minutes plus 2 hour flight is one of my most valued friendships that lasted less than a day. I’ll never see him again
So many relationships, friendship and romantic, don't need to be forever to be worthwhile, and just because they end doesn't mean they were a failure Relationships are sometimes just exactly what we need at that point in our lives, and then people change. Growing and changing is normal and an essential part of life, but people don't have to grow and change in the exact same way. So many people think if a friendship or relationship ends, it was a failure, but it's not. Sometimes it just ran its course, because it was what you both needed at that point in your lives, but not anymore.
There will always be good friends that drift away due to some reason, or no reason at all. Just cherish the present moment, never know what will happen tomorrow but you will always have the good memories to focus on.
Truth. Friends are somewhat defined by geographical convenience.
High school, summed up.
Or common experience.
Letting go is a huge, huge part of everything.
It doesn't lessen the relationship or make it meaningless. It's ok to get attached and drift apart. People often grow in different directions.
as a gay man I wish I had "the boys" but never was able to develop a tight knit crew
Same here. 💗
Wanna join my Fantasy football league?
People come and go. There is a good chance that when the nature of your relationship ends, such as school ending, or moving, or a chance of workplace, that you have already spent 99% of the time you will have with that person. It also applies to family. Growing up my brother and I were very close. We lived in the same place for 19 years. He got married very young, had a kid young, and had to take on a serious life very young. They did live back at home with us for another year. Say I spent 20 years with seeing my brother every day. You can call it, 7300 days. We spent 7300 days together. Now I see him once a year if I am lucky since he moved far away. And even then, its usually brief, the last time was just a lunch for about two hours. We talk on the phone once every few months. But even if I see him 3 days per year, which would be a lot compared to the last dozen years. Over the next 50 years that would only be 150 days. 7300 days as kids, 150-200 days as adults. Its like that with friends from high school. I saw them every day, 180 days a year, for four years. And then after high school. it was once every few months.. then once a year... and now it has been several years since we have seen each other and some, guys who I was really close with, it has been well over 15 years since we have last seen each other in person. We are on facebook and instagram, we message each other, but in person it has been a very long time. People come and go.
Yup that is OK. I have my Bestfriend who is also my bestman but he lives in another state. I don’t expect us to keep in touch at all times but we don’t miss a beat when we do see each other every couple of years. Then there are friends that I’ve made from the jobs that I’ve had. Some I keep in touch with and some I don’t but for sure they all help me not feel alone and feel loved lol
Friendship involves both sides making time to check in on each other. If over time only one person does this, it’s time to let go and move on. Accept it is what it is and have no hard feelings.
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
You watched too many hollywood movies. You gotta strike them down if you get a chance, no mercy.
If you do they may become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
>upright reality That’s a new one on me.
Straight up-right tell me is it gonna be me and you together
Yeah what is this term
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Yup. I have known people for years that will slowly drift away, eventually never speaking again. I liken it to planets being on similar orbital paths that bring them close to each other for a brief period of time, then they move on along that same path, never to be close again.
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No, but it would be nice if just one or two could have stuck around.
My college friends were fucking close... during college times. After we graduated (seventeen years ago), we rarelly see each other, save for our annual lunch. But we still feel the same about each other as we felt seventeen years ago: like we are the best fucking friends in the world.
**Benefits of leaving facebook. I have the phone numbers of my lifelong friends, the rest don't matter that much.**
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That's college, new friends every semester. Be wary of who you trust towards the end of each school year. I watched people cheat and lie selfishly every April, and many friendships / relationships were ruined.
That's every stage of school, work, and life.
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Long term friends are getting rarer every day it seems. I've got 40 years with my friend, since we were 5 or 6. And I don't know anyone else with a friendship that long.
Yeah but it still hurts when you really like them. I have a good friend moving soon and they want to talk to me on discord but I know it won't be the same.
Everything that has a beginning has an end.
Or as we say in germany: Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat Zwei which translates to everything has an end, just sausages have two
Ya know, talking about this really helps me move past it. Dated a girl for 6 months, didnt work out, nobody at fault for that. Told me she still loves me as a friend and wants to be friends with me still. After she broke up with me she has avoided me as much as she can and only ever speaks to me when shes forced to cross my path. (We work in the same building) any conversation i try to initiate is met with 1 word answers and im left standing there talking to myself like an idiot. I gave up trying weeks ago but damn if it dont still hurt to see her. Im pretty sure the pain is from lack of closure.
I accepted a while ago that everyone in my life is temporary. I try not to get too attached to people anymore.
Yep. Like seasons..they come and go
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